1 00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:07,340 realEstate. 2 00:00:09,259 --> 00:00:11,549 -August Ripley. -Rochelle Decker. 3 00:00:11,595 --> 00:00:13,355 -I get these things. 4 00:00:13,388 --> 00:00:15,138 I can’t hear them anymore, I can’t see them. 5 00:00:15,182 --> 00:00:16,772 -[hissing] -But I know them. 6 00:00:16,808 --> 00:00:18,598 -You know, I always liked you, Zooey. 7 00:00:18,644 --> 00:00:19,944 She’s one of us. 8 00:00:19,978 --> 00:00:22,648 -One of us. One of us. 9 00:00:22,689 --> 00:00:25,279 -I heard about the day you left the church. 10 00:00:25,317 --> 00:00:28,027 -The organization wasn’t meeting my needs. 11 00:00:28,070 --> 00:00:29,950 -[Susan] Dear Luke, please consider this 12 00:00:29,988 --> 00:00:31,778 my resignation from the Roman Agency. 13 00:00:31,823 --> 00:00:33,453 Effective immediately. 14 00:00:33,492 --> 00:00:35,042 Susan Ireland. 15 00:00:37,913 --> 00:00:39,463 [dramatic boom] 16 00:00:40,290 --> 00:00:41,830 [thunder booming] 17 00:00:41,875 --> 00:00:43,785 [leaves rustling] 18 00:00:43,835 --> 00:00:45,375 [eerie score] 19 00:00:47,923 --> 00:00:49,473 [blade rings] 20 00:00:50,175 --> 00:00:52,215 [slow nasal inhale, exhale] 21 00:00:53,011 --> 00:00:54,891 [low groaning] 22 00:00:57,933 --> 00:00:59,483 [groan] 23 00:01:03,355 --> 00:01:05,365 -Hasan! 24 00:01:09,361 --> 00:01:10,901 [heavy footsteps on porch] 25 00:01:10,946 --> 00:01:12,776 [grunt] 26 00:01:12,823 --> 00:01:14,323 [dramatic score] 27 00:01:19,204 --> 00:01:20,754 [blade rings] 28 00:01:23,083 --> 00:01:24,633 [paper crinkling] 29 00:01:25,919 --> 00:01:27,459 [thunder crackles] 30 00:01:28,672 --> 00:01:30,222 [knife thuds] 31 00:01:30,257 --> 00:01:32,427 -[evil chuckling] -[show theme plays] 32 00:01:33,385 --> 00:01:34,935 [footsteps receding] 33 00:01:41,184 --> 00:01:42,814 [man screaming] 34 00:01:42,853 --> 00:01:44,403 [gentle score] 35 00:01:44,896 --> 00:01:46,686 -[Luke] Mina, Tarik, 36 00:01:46,732 --> 00:01:49,612 I can’t give you a guaranteed sale date or price. 37 00:01:49,651 --> 00:01:53,401 Nobody can. The market is a living, breathing thing. 38 00:01:53,989 --> 00:01:56,119 -So, what was that number you gave us five minutes ago? 39 00:01:56,158 --> 00:01:58,368 -That is a listing price that I think will put us 40 00:01:58,410 --> 00:02:00,700 in a very positive position. I suspect we’ll get 41 00:02:00,746 --> 00:02:03,706 several offers above that, but, well, wait and see. 42 00:02:03,749 --> 00:02:05,289 So, 43 00:02:05,334 --> 00:02:07,794 is there anything else that I need to know? 44 00:02:08,795 --> 00:02:10,955 -Mmm. No. -Mmm. No. Nothing. No. 45 00:02:11,006 --> 00:02:12,506 -No, I-I-I don’t-- -Sounds great. 46 00:02:12,549 --> 00:02:14,469 -I don’t think so, no. 47 00:02:15,385 --> 00:02:17,545 -These older houses often have, uh, 48 00:02:17,596 --> 00:02:19,426 features and quirks that could impact 49 00:02:19,473 --> 00:02:22,143 the potential sales price and days on market. 50 00:02:22,684 --> 00:02:24,394 Now, if this is the case, 51 00:02:24,436 --> 00:02:26,146 we are very good at managing these things, 52 00:02:26,188 --> 00:02:28,358 but now is the time to tell us. 53 00:02:28,398 --> 00:02:30,858 -Did you tell him about the antichrist next door? 54 00:02:30,901 --> 00:02:33,031 -Daria. -He needs to know. 55 00:02:34,488 --> 00:02:36,158 -The Masseys. 56 00:02:36,198 --> 00:02:37,738 -Our neighbors from hell. 57 00:02:38,742 --> 00:02:40,742 -Unreasonable neighbors aren’t that-- 58 00:02:43,997 --> 00:02:45,537 ...unusual. 59 00:02:45,582 --> 00:02:47,042 -Unreasonable? 60 00:02:47,084 --> 00:02:49,094 They’ve been a problem since we moved in. 61 00:02:49,127 --> 00:02:50,627 -We’ve tried to be good neighbors. 62 00:02:50,671 --> 00:02:52,211 Ask anyone else on the block. 63 00:02:52,255 --> 00:02:54,965 -But with the Masseys? -If they find out we’re selling, 64 00:02:55,550 --> 00:02:57,090 they’ll try to sabotage us. 65 00:02:57,135 --> 00:03:00,255 -Badmouth us. Scare away the buyers. 66 00:03:00,305 --> 00:03:02,845 -Who wants to live next to murderous psychopaths? 67 00:03:02,891 --> 00:03:04,561 -We generally try and keep those bullet points 68 00:03:04,601 --> 00:03:06,351 out of the marketing materials. 69 00:03:07,062 --> 00:03:08,612 -What can we do? 70 00:03:08,647 --> 00:03:10,897 -Well, generally, I like to head off the problem 71 00:03:10,941 --> 00:03:13,031 by reaching out first; create goodwill. 72 00:03:13,068 --> 00:03:15,488 -Goodwill? Good luck. 73 00:03:15,529 --> 00:03:18,619 -You’d be surprised what a properly deployed muffin basket 74 00:03:18,657 --> 00:03:20,827 can achieve. Now, are you done with this? 75 00:03:29,793 --> 00:03:31,343 Nice landscaping. 76 00:03:31,378 --> 00:03:33,378 Least they keep the property up. 77 00:03:33,422 --> 00:03:35,842 -That’s what they always say about axe murderers: 78 00:03:36,591 --> 00:03:38,381 "Gee, what a surprise. 79 00:03:38,427 --> 00:03:41,177 They took such good care of their yard." 80 00:03:42,597 --> 00:03:44,137 -Hm. 81 00:03:55,444 --> 00:03:57,114 -Hey! 82 00:03:57,946 --> 00:03:59,486 -Nice greenery. 83 00:03:59,531 --> 00:04:01,071 -Aren’t they? 84 00:04:04,161 --> 00:04:05,701 [score fades out] 85 00:04:05,746 --> 00:04:08,156 -So, should be an easy one. A normie. 86 00:04:08,206 --> 00:04:10,786 -Hm. Just like Susan suggested. 87 00:04:10,834 --> 00:04:12,384 [Luke sighs] 88 00:04:13,628 --> 00:04:15,548 -We’ve always welcomed every client, 89 00:04:15,589 --> 00:04:17,919 regardless of their degree of metaphysical engagement, 90 00:04:17,966 --> 00:04:19,876 so the Hasans should be pretty simple. 91 00:04:19,926 --> 00:04:21,676 Open, show, closing. 92 00:04:21,720 --> 00:04:24,760 But their neighbors have got them really spooked. 93 00:04:24,806 --> 00:04:26,846 -Perhaps it’s just bad chemistry. 94 00:04:27,934 --> 00:04:31,024 -Maybe, but, Phil, when you do the HCP at the Hasan house-- 95 00:04:31,062 --> 00:04:33,192 -I’ll check the Massey place, too. 96 00:04:33,231 --> 00:04:35,281 -Maybe they’re just too alike? 97 00:04:35,317 --> 00:04:37,897 I mean, suburbia rots everyone’s brain sooner or later. 98 00:04:37,944 --> 00:04:39,614 -The Hasans have lived there for eight years. 99 00:04:39,654 --> 00:04:42,164 They never had problems with anyone else, or so they say. 100 00:04:42,199 --> 00:04:44,409 August, I want you in there sooner than later. 101 00:04:44,451 --> 00:04:46,741 Hasans don’t seem like the type to make this up, but-- 102 00:04:46,787 --> 00:04:50,157 -There was a fascinating study done on Norwegian rats 103 00:04:50,207 --> 00:04:51,747 -[phone buzzing] -...living in close proximity-- 104 00:04:52,667 --> 00:04:54,917 -Tarik? We were just talking about you. 105 00:04:54,961 --> 00:04:56,501 [dramatic score] 106 00:04:58,632 --> 00:05:00,432 What? 107 00:05:02,594 --> 00:05:04,354 -Okay... 108 00:05:04,387 --> 00:05:06,257 you’re gonna have to believe us now. 109 00:05:06,306 --> 00:05:08,426 -I can’t believe a normal person would-- 110 00:05:08,475 --> 00:05:10,895 -Go all Ozzy Osbourne and then drop it on our doorstep? 111 00:05:11,645 --> 00:05:13,815 I told you, these people are sick. 112 00:05:13,855 --> 00:05:15,395 -[Mina gasps] -[tense score] 113 00:05:15,440 --> 00:05:17,360 -I can’t take this anymore. 114 00:05:18,109 --> 00:05:20,149 -[gasps] -You don’t have to. 115 00:05:21,071 --> 00:05:23,031 -Tarik, this really isn’t the time 116 00:05:23,073 --> 00:05:24,913 to get into an altercation with these people. 117 00:05:28,286 --> 00:05:29,826 -[Tarik] Massey! 118 00:05:29,871 --> 00:05:31,411 [footsteps receding] 119 00:05:32,666 --> 00:05:34,496 Massey, you cowardly pile of puke! 120 00:05:34,543 --> 00:05:36,633 Come out and face me! Massey! 121 00:05:36,670 --> 00:05:38,920 And don’t just send out your freakishly tall wife 122 00:05:38,964 --> 00:05:41,384 to fight your battles! I want a piece of you! 123 00:05:41,424 --> 00:05:43,684 -Man, dial it down a little. -[door opens] 124 00:05:43,718 --> 00:05:45,548 -What’d you say about my wife? 125 00:05:45,595 --> 00:05:47,135 -I don’t think that he meant anything. 126 00:05:47,180 --> 00:05:49,270 -She’s tall! Freakishly tall! 127 00:05:49,307 --> 00:05:50,887 Abnormally tall! 128 00:05:50,934 --> 00:05:53,234 -You take that back. -Or what? 129 00:05:53,270 --> 00:05:55,150 You gonna unleash Slenderwoman on me? 130 00:05:55,188 --> 00:05:56,768 -I’m gonna do some unleashing, all right. 131 00:05:56,815 --> 00:05:58,945 -[dog barking] -What kind of a sicko 132 00:05:58,984 --> 00:06:01,444 rips the head off a bird and puts it on someone’s porch? 133 00:06:01,486 --> 00:06:02,856 -The kind of sicko who’s tired of getting 134 00:06:02,904 --> 00:06:04,454 a midnight suntan, that’s who! 135 00:06:04,489 --> 00:06:07,739 -My porch light, my rules! -Tariq, put down the rock. 136 00:06:07,784 --> 00:06:09,914 -My dog! Your ass! How about that? 137 00:06:09,953 --> 00:06:13,083 -Mr. Massey, put down the dog. -Whoa-ho-ho. 138 00:06:13,123 --> 00:06:16,503 And a shadow covers the land as the 50-foot woman attacks. 139 00:06:16,543 --> 00:06:18,593 -Eat a heaping bowl of shit, Hasan! 140 00:06:18,628 --> 00:06:20,798 -You bird dismemberer! 141 00:06:20,839 --> 00:06:23,089 -You’re insane! -You’re a sociopath! 142 00:06:23,133 --> 00:06:26,013 -You’re neighbors! -Come get your bird, Massey. 143 00:06:26,052 --> 00:06:28,552 -Okay. Go get ’em, Buttercup! 144 00:06:28,597 --> 00:06:30,137 -Go on! -No! 145 00:06:30,181 --> 00:06:31,721 [dog barking] 146 00:06:33,810 --> 00:06:35,350 -[Mina crying in fear] -[dog growling] 147 00:06:38,690 --> 00:06:40,900 [Massey and Renata laughing] 148 00:06:40,942 --> 00:06:42,692 -Hope he saved me a drumstick. 149 00:06:42,736 --> 00:06:44,276 -Hm. 150 00:06:44,321 --> 00:06:45,861 -[score fades out] -[birds chirping] 151 00:06:46,781 --> 00:06:49,201 -[Renata] The irony is I’m only five-nine. 152 00:06:49,242 --> 00:06:50,872 In heels. 153 00:06:50,911 --> 00:06:53,001 -You always had this kind of, um... 154 00:06:53,038 --> 00:06:55,038 tension between you? 155 00:06:55,081 --> 00:06:57,171 -Tension? They made our lives 156 00:06:57,208 --> 00:06:58,838 a living hell ever since we moved in. 157 00:06:58,877 --> 00:07:01,377 -Thought you were here first? -Oh! 158 00:07:01,421 --> 00:07:03,971 -Look. Look at the things they do. 159 00:07:10,805 --> 00:07:12,635 -It’s a little hard to make out. 160 00:07:12,682 --> 00:07:14,852 -Yeah, that’s because of their goddam porchlight. 161 00:07:14,893 --> 00:07:17,483 Thing’s gotta be like a 100 jillion lumens. 162 00:07:17,520 --> 00:07:19,400 It shines right into our bedroom all night. 163 00:07:19,439 --> 00:07:21,359 -Well, did you talk to them about it? 164 00:07:21,399 --> 00:07:24,569 -Yeah. They suggested something involving a place 165 00:07:24,611 --> 00:07:27,281 where the sun doesn’t shine. It was hurtful. 166 00:07:27,322 --> 00:07:28,952 -Yeah, that’s not even the worst of it. 167 00:07:28,990 --> 00:07:30,530 Here, look at this. 168 00:07:31,826 --> 00:07:33,366 -Does that say--? -Yeah! 169 00:07:33,411 --> 00:07:35,081 -The ’f word’. -Son of a bitch 170 00:07:35,121 --> 00:07:37,421 snuck onto our property at night and wrote it in huge letters 171 00:07:37,457 --> 00:07:39,457 with a fertilizer spreader on our front lawn. 172 00:07:39,501 --> 00:07:42,091 -We had to mow every few days to keep it from growing taller 173 00:07:42,128 --> 00:07:43,958 and corrupting young people. 174 00:07:44,005 --> 00:07:46,965 -Well, you did pin a note to their door with a knife. 175 00:07:47,008 --> 00:07:48,838 -[dramatic score] -Have you seen their hedges? 176 00:07:48,885 --> 00:07:50,715 They look like the lead singer from-- 177 00:07:50,762 --> 00:07:52,602 -What’s the name of that band? -The Melvins. 178 00:07:52,639 --> 00:07:55,099 -The Melvins! And they refuse to trim ’em! 179 00:07:55,141 --> 00:07:57,691 You know how something like that can affect property values! 180 00:07:59,270 --> 00:08:00,810 Okay. 181 00:08:01,439 --> 00:08:03,359 Look, you seem okay for a real estate guy. 182 00:08:03,400 --> 00:08:06,190 And if you sell the house, we’ll be glad to see them go. 183 00:08:06,236 --> 00:08:08,606 But... there’s no goddamn way 184 00:08:08,655 --> 00:08:10,415 that we are gonna help them do anything. 185 00:08:10,448 --> 00:08:12,068 -You mark my words: 186 00:08:12,117 --> 00:08:14,697 If we ever turn up dead and headless, bleeding out 187 00:08:14,744 --> 00:08:17,544 on the porch like that poor bird Buttercup got hold of, 188 00:08:17,580 --> 00:08:19,500 you’ll know the Hasans did it. 189 00:08:24,170 --> 00:08:25,710 -Well, 190 00:08:27,048 --> 00:08:28,838 meanwhile, enjoy the muffins. 191 00:08:32,679 --> 00:08:35,259 -[pensive score] -[August] Quitting? Already? 192 00:08:35,306 --> 00:08:37,226 Well, you’ve only been a real estate agent 193 00:08:37,267 --> 00:08:38,847 for a few days. 194 00:08:38,893 --> 00:08:41,813 You closed the Dunn-Herberts when no one else could. 195 00:08:41,855 --> 00:08:44,905 -Yeah. And then I went home and took a 45-minute shower 196 00:08:44,941 --> 00:08:47,651 to wash off the filmy residue of capitalism. 197 00:08:48,319 --> 00:08:49,859 -It’s called growing up. 198 00:08:49,904 --> 00:08:52,704 -No, this was called selling out. 199 00:08:52,741 --> 00:08:55,241 And I just don’t think that it’s right for me. 200 00:08:55,994 --> 00:08:58,084 But I also don’t want to let Luke down either. 201 00:08:58,121 --> 00:09:00,711 -It’s fine to wander when you’re young. 202 00:09:00,749 --> 00:09:02,289 Noble, even. 203 00:09:02,876 --> 00:09:04,916 But one must eventually choose a path 204 00:09:04,961 --> 00:09:06,501 and follow it to the end 205 00:09:07,088 --> 00:09:10,628 because old wanderers lack direction, purpose. 206 00:09:11,718 --> 00:09:14,598 -And they often pee outdoors. -[elevator arriving chime] 207 00:09:15,555 --> 00:09:17,095 -Ew. 208 00:09:17,140 --> 00:09:18,680 [score fades out] 209 00:09:20,810 --> 00:09:22,350 Hi. May I help you? 210 00:09:22,937 --> 00:09:24,767 -Oh, I’m-I’m looking for Phil Orley. 211 00:09:24,814 --> 00:09:27,074 -May I say who is here? -[scoffs] 212 00:09:27,108 --> 00:09:29,238 -[elevator arriving chime] -Philly can’t possibly be 213 00:09:29,277 --> 00:09:31,647 important enough to merit this level of screening. 214 00:09:31,696 --> 00:09:34,446 -[chuckle] Oh, Philly. 215 00:09:34,491 --> 00:09:36,951 -Hey, Philly. Que pasa? 216 00:09:36,993 --> 00:09:39,623 -Abby! [sighs] 217 00:09:39,662 --> 00:09:41,872 Wh-what are you doing here? Is everything okay? 218 00:09:42,499 --> 00:09:44,539 -Everything’s fine. I was just about to 219 00:09:44,584 --> 00:09:47,004 submit a blood sample to your secretary here. 220 00:09:47,045 --> 00:09:49,015 -[chuckle] It’s not too late. 221 00:09:49,047 --> 00:09:50,797 -This is Zooey, our newest agent. 222 00:09:50,840 --> 00:09:52,930 Zooey, my big sister, Abby. 223 00:09:54,719 --> 00:09:56,469 -Charmed. -Mm. 224 00:09:56,513 --> 00:09:58,063 -Okay, come on. 225 00:10:01,101 --> 00:10:03,891 So, Abs, not that this isn’t a treat, but what’s up? 226 00:10:03,937 --> 00:10:05,557 -I was in town and wondered 227 00:10:05,605 --> 00:10:07,225 if you and Anthony were free for dinner. 228 00:10:07,273 --> 00:10:08,823 -In town for what? 229 00:10:08,858 --> 00:10:11,188 -To take you and Anthony for dinner. 230 00:10:11,820 --> 00:10:13,490 I was taking care of some paperwork 231 00:10:13,530 --> 00:10:15,780 from mom and dad’s estate -- you’re welcome -- 232 00:10:15,824 --> 00:10:17,454 and thought what a great excuse to visit 233 00:10:17,492 --> 00:10:19,492 my third-favorite little brother. 234 00:10:19,536 --> 00:10:21,116 Play your cards right and that 235 00:10:21,162 --> 00:10:22,962 second-favorite slot might even open up. 236 00:10:22,997 --> 00:10:25,997 -Okay, well, I’ll have to check with Anthony. He’s really busy-- 237 00:10:26,042 --> 00:10:28,592 -How ’bout that place we all went to last Christmas? 238 00:10:29,170 --> 00:10:32,470 -Fremonts? -Fremonts. Tomorrow night? 7:00? 239 00:10:32,507 --> 00:10:35,547 -Abby, I’ve got a ton of work on my plate right now. I don’t-- 240 00:10:35,593 --> 00:10:37,303 -I know you’re so busy and important. 241 00:10:37,345 --> 00:10:38,885 Let’s make it 7:30. 242 00:10:40,181 --> 00:10:42,521 Give this a quick look. We’ll talk at dinner. 243 00:10:43,017 --> 00:10:45,807 -Bye. -[Phil sighs] 244 00:10:50,400 --> 00:10:53,110 [elevator call ding] [elevator doors open] 245 00:10:53,903 --> 00:10:55,993 -My big sister, ladies and gentlemen. 246 00:10:56,030 --> 00:10:58,570 -Yeah, I’m not sure I like her. -Oh, me neither. 247 00:10:58,616 --> 00:11:00,616 -Luke wanted you to call him, by the way. 248 00:11:01,536 --> 00:11:03,156 -Okay. 249 00:11:03,204 --> 00:11:04,754 -Philly. 250 00:11:05,290 --> 00:11:07,630 -I hate to say it, but the records look clean. 251 00:11:07,667 --> 00:11:10,207 Property line has stayed the same since it was farmland. 252 00:11:10,253 --> 00:11:11,803 -Well, how long have they been there? 253 00:11:12,422 --> 00:11:14,092 -That’s gonna take a deeper dive. 254 00:11:14,132 --> 00:11:17,012 Farm bureau records, folklore, anecdotals... 255 00:11:17,051 --> 00:11:18,891 -Well, these houses have been here a while. 256 00:11:18,928 --> 00:11:21,178 See if you can track down who lived here before. 257 00:11:21,222 --> 00:11:23,432 -I love a challenge. -Hm. 258 00:11:23,474 --> 00:11:25,274 -[pensive score] -[call disconnecting click] 259 00:11:25,310 --> 00:11:26,850 [birds chirping] 260 00:11:28,980 --> 00:11:30,690 [doorbell chimes] 261 00:11:31,441 --> 00:11:34,191 -Good news is it’s a great house at a reasonable price point. 262 00:11:34,235 --> 00:11:36,275 -[score fades out] -The buyers should be lined up. 263 00:11:37,405 --> 00:11:39,155 -I think we know the bad news already. 264 00:11:39,199 --> 00:11:40,739 They live next door. 265 00:11:40,783 --> 00:11:42,493 -Honestly, I have to tell you, 266 00:11:42,535 --> 00:11:44,115 I spoke with them and they were-- 267 00:11:44,162 --> 00:11:47,462 -Don’t say it! -Reasonable. Even nice. 268 00:11:47,498 --> 00:11:49,038 -You were here! 269 00:11:49,083 --> 00:11:51,213 Did you not see the decapitated bird? 270 00:11:51,252 --> 00:11:53,092 -They told me their dog did that. 271 00:11:53,129 --> 00:11:54,799 -And you believed them? 272 00:11:54,839 --> 00:11:56,379 -Honestly, I don’t know who to believe. 273 00:11:56,424 --> 00:11:58,634 You did some kind of extreme stuff to them, too. 274 00:11:59,510 --> 00:12:01,050 -He showed you the lawn. 275 00:12:01,721 --> 00:12:03,261 -You’re not exactly innocents here. 276 00:12:05,725 --> 00:12:07,555 -Then maybe we need to find new representation. 277 00:12:07,602 --> 00:12:09,812 -Mm-hm. -You’d fire us? 278 00:12:11,147 --> 00:12:12,937 Wow, that is wildly unprecedented 279 00:12:12,982 --> 00:12:15,442 and certainly your prerogative, but my solution 280 00:12:15,485 --> 00:12:17,705 would be to sell your house as quickly as possible 281 00:12:17,737 --> 00:12:19,447 for the most amount of money possible 282 00:12:19,489 --> 00:12:22,239 and put some space between you and the Masseys 283 00:12:22,283 --> 00:12:24,453 before you develop a nuclear program. 284 00:12:24,494 --> 00:12:26,044 [pensive score] 285 00:12:28,081 --> 00:12:30,711 -We have that block party coming up. 286 00:12:30,750 --> 00:12:32,380 A lot of people come to that. 287 00:12:32,418 --> 00:12:34,128 -Great! Everybody loves a block party. 288 00:12:34,170 --> 00:12:36,670 Gives people a real chance to get a feel for the neighborhood, 289 00:12:36,714 --> 00:12:40,014 see how well everybody gets along. 290 00:12:41,511 --> 00:12:43,431 -If it’ll get us out of here faster, 291 00:12:44,639 --> 00:12:46,179 we’ll fake it. 292 00:12:46,224 --> 00:12:47,774 -That is all I want to hear! 293 00:12:51,396 --> 00:12:54,356 Look, you don’t need to love them. 294 00:12:54,399 --> 00:12:56,109 Just don’t attack them for a while. 295 00:12:57,068 --> 00:12:58,608 -We’ll try. 296 00:12:59,404 --> 00:13:01,204 -And maybe turn off that porch light 297 00:13:01,239 --> 00:13:03,279 that burns like a thousand suns? 298 00:13:03,866 --> 00:13:05,406 -We’ll see. 299 00:13:06,119 --> 00:13:08,659 -There you go. Peace in our time. 300 00:13:11,916 --> 00:13:13,456 [score turns darker] 301 00:13:15,461 --> 00:13:17,341 Your greatest advantage is that you live 302 00:13:17,380 --> 00:13:18,920 in a highly desirable neighborhood 303 00:13:18,965 --> 00:13:20,885 and no other inventory is available here. 304 00:13:20,925 --> 00:13:22,795 -You get to set the market and-- -[hammering] 305 00:13:30,101 --> 00:13:31,641 -This means war. 306 00:13:33,938 --> 00:13:35,478 [score fades out] 307 00:13:39,736 --> 00:13:41,896 -[Phil] I really appreciate you coming in, Mr. Flynn. 308 00:13:41,946 --> 00:13:43,776 -Oh, my office is just around the corner. 309 00:13:43,823 --> 00:13:47,623 -Great. So, you used to live at 4 Sotherfield Lane, right? 310 00:13:47,660 --> 00:13:49,250 Next door to Rowan and Renata Massey? 311 00:13:49,287 --> 00:13:52,117 -Ohh... They were the worst. -[unsettling score] 312 00:13:52,165 --> 00:13:54,255 -How so? -Arguments. 313 00:13:54,292 --> 00:13:56,252 Noisy. Nasty. 314 00:13:56,294 --> 00:13:57,844 All the time -- endless. 315 00:13:57,879 --> 00:13:59,419 -About what? 316 00:14:00,923 --> 00:14:03,303 -You know, neighbor stuff. 317 00:14:04,552 --> 00:14:06,102 -Anything specific? 318 00:14:11,559 --> 00:14:13,519 -They killed my cat! 319 00:14:14,562 --> 00:14:16,112 -Excuse me? 320 00:14:16,147 --> 00:14:18,857 -They put out a bowl of antifreeze and poisoned my cat! 321 00:14:19,609 --> 00:14:21,359 -That’s dark. -Weird. 322 00:14:23,237 --> 00:14:24,907 I forgot it until just now. 323 00:14:29,786 --> 00:14:31,696 -Hey. -[British accent] Yeah? 324 00:14:32,372 --> 00:14:33,912 -You work for Rita. -[playful score] 325 00:14:33,956 --> 00:14:36,036 -I’m her assistant. 326 00:14:36,084 --> 00:14:37,884 -Hm. 327 00:14:39,295 --> 00:14:40,835 [door opening] 328 00:14:41,464 --> 00:14:43,304 [door closing] 329 00:14:46,844 --> 00:14:50,104 Hey! You never mentioned you were thinking about selling. 330 00:14:50,139 --> 00:14:52,019 -Oh, we been thinking about it for a while. 331 00:14:52,058 --> 00:14:53,558 You know, we got the nicer house 332 00:14:53,601 --> 00:14:56,061 and we’re empirically better people, 333 00:14:56,104 --> 00:14:58,564 so why let them set the market? 334 00:14:59,232 --> 00:15:01,942 -Luke! So nice to see you. 335 00:15:02,944 --> 00:15:04,864 I’m afraid this house is a... 336 00:15:04,904 --> 00:15:06,704 tiny bit out of your price range, 337 00:15:06,739 --> 00:15:09,699 but maybe we can help you find a nice haunted amusement park, 338 00:15:09,742 --> 00:15:11,292 or something. 339 00:15:12,995 --> 00:15:14,745 -Can I have a word? -Hm. 340 00:15:18,209 --> 00:15:20,089 -Look who’s over there. 341 00:15:20,128 --> 00:15:22,588 -Listen, Rita, there is something going on 342 00:15:22,630 --> 00:15:24,260 between these neighbors. 343 00:15:24,298 --> 00:15:26,048 -A little friction between neighbors? 344 00:15:26,092 --> 00:15:27,682 Happens all the time. 345 00:15:27,718 --> 00:15:29,638 -[Hasan] You piece of crap! -[edgy score] 346 00:15:29,679 --> 00:15:31,219 [unintelligible yelling] 347 00:15:31,264 --> 00:15:32,934 You had to horn in on our actions! 348 00:15:32,974 --> 00:15:35,064 -We have every right to expose it to the open market, 349 00:15:35,101 --> 00:15:37,941 -just the same as you! -Swear to God, you better not-- 350 00:15:37,979 --> 00:15:40,859 -That cow meant everything to us and you took her for your own! 351 00:15:40,898 --> 00:15:43,188 -The cow wandered onto our land! 352 00:15:43,234 --> 00:15:45,154 -You were trying to claim him! 353 00:15:45,194 --> 00:15:46,824 -...whole crop of sorghum! 354 00:15:46,863 --> 00:15:48,913 We will have nothing for the rest of the season. 355 00:15:48,948 --> 00:15:51,908 -Don’t dare tell me what to do! -I’ll bite them off your hand! 356 00:15:51,951 --> 00:15:54,871 -Tarik! -I’ve had enough of you, buddy! 357 00:15:54,912 --> 00:15:56,832 -Tarik! 358 00:15:58,374 --> 00:16:00,504 Remember what we talked about? 359 00:16:02,128 --> 00:16:04,168 Back in the house. 360 00:16:05,381 --> 00:16:07,551 -This isn’t over! Swear to God! -No, it’s not over, 361 00:16:07,592 --> 00:16:09,512 because you’re not lying in a pool of blood! 362 00:16:09,552 --> 00:16:12,012 -Hey! -Not yet! Not yet! 363 00:16:12,054 --> 00:16:13,604 -No, come on! 364 00:16:14,307 --> 00:16:16,347 -So, a little friction, you say? 365 00:16:17,143 --> 00:16:19,193 -Did you hear what they were screaming about? 366 00:16:19,228 --> 00:16:22,478 -Uh, I dunno. Something about a cow? 367 00:16:25,109 --> 00:16:26,649 [paper rustling] 368 00:16:26,694 --> 00:16:28,244 [score fades out] 369 00:16:30,740 --> 00:16:32,280 [elevator arriving chime] 370 00:16:34,702 --> 00:16:36,252 [slams paper onto desk] 371 00:16:36,996 --> 00:16:40,456 -Hey. I got your text. I’m working tonight so-- 372 00:16:40,500 --> 00:16:42,380 -You are not gonna believe this. 373 00:16:42,418 --> 00:16:44,998 -It’s Abigail. I might. 374 00:16:45,671 --> 00:16:48,551 -This is an affidavit of posthumous variation, 375 00:16:48,591 --> 00:16:50,801 which is a precursor to post-probate allocation, 376 00:16:50,843 --> 00:16:52,763 -which means-- -Whoa, whoa, whoa! 377 00:16:52,803 --> 00:16:54,353 Start at the beginning. 378 00:16:54,388 --> 00:16:56,348 [deep sigh] 379 00:16:56,390 --> 00:16:59,140 -My parents were super involved in our parish church, 380 00:16:59,185 --> 00:17:01,275 my whole life. You know this. 381 00:17:01,312 --> 00:17:03,692 So they always told us, "When we’re gone, 382 00:17:03,731 --> 00:17:06,071 everything’s split between you kids except for 383 00:17:06,108 --> 00:17:08,438 this one piece of land. That’s for the church." 384 00:17:08,486 --> 00:17:11,106 -Like, to build a church, or...? 385 00:17:11,155 --> 00:17:13,235 -Who cares? It’s a couple acres of dirt and weeds 386 00:17:13,282 --> 00:17:14,952 that I don’t think Jesus could find 387 00:17:14,992 --> 00:17:16,952 without the GPS coordinates. 388 00:17:16,994 --> 00:17:18,544 -And yet? -And yet, 389 00:17:18,579 --> 00:17:20,909 when my mom passed it never came up. 390 00:17:21,541 --> 00:17:23,461 I just assumed that it was specified in the will 391 00:17:23,501 --> 00:17:25,041 and then handed over. 392 00:17:26,295 --> 00:17:27,835 -[gentle score] -Apparently not. 393 00:17:28,422 --> 00:17:31,052 It’s gone to us kids with the rest of the estate. 394 00:17:31,759 --> 00:17:33,549 -So, it’s ours now? 395 00:17:33,594 --> 00:17:36,434 Our summer place to graze the ponies 396 00:17:36,472 --> 00:17:38,602 and let the corgis run free? 397 00:17:39,308 --> 00:17:43,598 -Abigail says that we should donate it to the church now. 398 00:17:43,646 --> 00:17:45,556 That’s what these forms are for. 399 00:17:46,315 --> 00:17:47,775 See, you know, 400 00:17:47,817 --> 00:17:49,397 that’s what kills me about Abigail! 401 00:17:49,902 --> 00:17:52,202 She doesn’t have the decency to forge my name 402 00:17:52,238 --> 00:17:54,238 and do this deal quietly. No! 403 00:17:54,282 --> 00:17:56,492 She has to ambush me and-and-and 404 00:17:56,534 --> 00:17:58,624 knowing perfectly well that, given enough time, 405 00:17:58,661 --> 00:18:01,751 not only am I going to say no, but hell, no. 406 00:18:01,789 --> 00:18:04,919 -Your relationship with your sister is... complicated. 407 00:18:04,959 --> 00:18:07,959 -She was always the favorite, the-the good one. 408 00:18:08,004 --> 00:18:11,174 It took a big gesture of me becoming a priest to pull ahead. 409 00:18:11,215 --> 00:18:13,425 -Sort of a Hail Mary. 410 00:18:17,888 --> 00:18:19,428 Do you want to keep the land? 411 00:18:19,473 --> 00:18:21,023 -No. I mean... 412 00:18:22,852 --> 00:18:24,392 What-what would we do with it? 413 00:18:25,229 --> 00:18:27,059 That’s not-that’s not the point! The... 414 00:18:27,106 --> 00:18:29,776 The point is... she’s asking me. 415 00:18:30,651 --> 00:18:32,191 Me! 416 00:18:32,236 --> 00:18:34,356 To give something that-- with a not-insignificant 417 00:18:34,405 --> 00:18:36,075 dollar value to the church. 418 00:18:36,616 --> 00:18:38,326 The same church that chose to model 419 00:18:38,367 --> 00:18:42,247 the tolerant ministry of Christ by tossing me out the narthex! 420 00:18:42,288 --> 00:18:45,288 I’m not good enough, but my inheritance is? No! No. 421 00:18:45,333 --> 00:18:48,173 -Okay, great, simple. 422 00:18:49,128 --> 00:18:50,998 -Simple? -Just tell Abby 423 00:18:51,047 --> 00:18:52,587 what you just told me. 424 00:18:54,675 --> 00:18:56,385 -Yes. 425 00:18:57,094 --> 00:18:59,014 No. 426 00:18:59,055 --> 00:19:00,895 -Hell, no. 427 00:19:02,600 --> 00:19:04,140 -Hell, no. 428 00:19:04,185 --> 00:19:05,735 [excited children’s voices] 429 00:19:11,150 --> 00:19:12,690 [indistinct conversations] 430 00:19:13,444 --> 00:19:15,204 [children shrieking excitedly and laughing] 431 00:19:19,283 --> 00:19:20,833 -Now that is marketing. 432 00:19:20,868 --> 00:19:23,078 -Oh, yeah. Kids at a grade-school rager 433 00:19:23,120 --> 00:19:25,000 are known for their brand loyalty. 434 00:19:26,707 --> 00:19:28,457 -I’m going to mingle. 435 00:19:30,670 --> 00:19:32,210 [score fades out] 436 00:19:33,255 --> 00:19:34,795 -Hey. 437 00:19:34,840 --> 00:19:36,340 I’m Alvin. 438 00:19:37,760 --> 00:19:39,850 I-I work for Rita Weiss. 439 00:19:39,887 --> 00:19:41,967 -Oh. Thoughts and prayers, Alvin. 440 00:19:42,014 --> 00:19:44,184 -[laughs] You’re with Roman, right? 441 00:19:44,225 --> 00:19:45,775 -Mm-hm. -What’s that like? 442 00:19:46,519 --> 00:19:48,439 -It’s okay. Most of the time. 443 00:19:48,479 --> 00:19:51,269 -I ask because I hear things. 444 00:19:51,899 --> 00:19:53,479 -What kind of things? 445 00:19:53,526 --> 00:19:55,066 -Like, 446 00:19:55,528 --> 00:19:58,028 you made a pact with the devil that so you could move people 447 00:19:58,072 --> 00:20:00,322 into different houses so that he could eat their souls. 448 00:20:00,366 --> 00:20:02,026 -[laughing] Oh... 449 00:20:02,076 --> 00:20:04,286 Yeah, yeah. I can confirm that. 450 00:20:05,830 --> 00:20:07,870 -Oh! [laughs] 451 00:20:08,582 --> 00:20:11,132 -You had me there. -Did I? 452 00:20:13,963 --> 00:20:16,423 -Well, I better get back. Gotta make sure 453 00:20:16,465 --> 00:20:18,585 nobody gets in there with, you know, sharp objects. 454 00:20:18,634 --> 00:20:21,094 We’ll lose the deposit. Yeah-ha. Yeah. 455 00:20:22,221 --> 00:20:25,181 -[children laughing excitedly] -Thank you for your service. 456 00:20:32,606 --> 00:20:34,316 -Wish you’d thought of it, right? 457 00:20:34,358 --> 00:20:38,238 -Yeah! The next pre-qualified toddlers to come by are yours. 458 00:20:38,946 --> 00:20:40,856 Listen, we talked to some of the people who lived 459 00:20:40,906 --> 00:20:43,236 in these houses before the Hasans and Masseys. 460 00:20:43,284 --> 00:20:44,914 [pensive score] 461 00:20:44,952 --> 00:20:46,622 -And? -Let’s just say 462 00:20:46,662 --> 00:20:48,372 there’s a history of violence. 463 00:20:48,414 --> 00:20:51,084 We need to close these places before they murder each other. 464 00:20:51,667 --> 00:20:53,207 [sigh] 465 00:20:54,128 --> 00:20:55,668 [tense score] 466 00:21:00,634 --> 00:21:02,184 -[Renata] This is a great idea. 467 00:21:04,138 --> 00:21:05,678 [unintelligible] 468 00:21:06,098 --> 00:21:07,638 -[Hasan] There you go. 469 00:21:11,228 --> 00:21:13,148 [dramatic boom, rumble] 470 00:21:16,859 --> 00:21:18,609 [knife hitting cutting board loudly] 471 00:21:19,820 --> 00:21:21,360 [unintelligible] 472 00:21:22,531 --> 00:21:24,071 -Hi. -Oh! 473 00:21:24,116 --> 00:21:25,656 -Here we go! -[pats stool] 474 00:21:27,661 --> 00:21:29,411 [sinister score] 475 00:21:47,765 --> 00:21:49,315 [dramatic boom] 476 00:21:53,604 --> 00:21:55,154 [thud] 477 00:21:59,193 --> 00:22:01,953 -[blade rings] -[woman exclaims] 478 00:22:02,822 --> 00:22:05,322 -[Renata] Oops. -Oh! 479 00:22:07,368 --> 00:22:09,238 -[foot thudding on leg] -Oh! 480 00:22:10,079 --> 00:22:11,619 [tense score] 481 00:22:11,664 --> 00:22:13,334 [grunting] 482 00:22:13,374 --> 00:22:15,544 -[Luke] Tariq! Rowan! -[yelling] 483 00:22:16,377 --> 00:22:18,667 -[laughing] -[grunts] 484 00:22:18,712 --> 00:22:20,262 -Ah! 485 00:22:21,131 --> 00:22:22,801 -[squelch] -Ahh! 486 00:22:22,842 --> 00:22:25,762 -[squelch] -[grunt] 487 00:22:26,428 --> 00:22:28,428 -[dramatic score] -No. 488 00:22:30,099 --> 00:22:31,849 -[dramatic boom] -Ahh! 489 00:22:33,394 --> 00:22:34,854 -[pop] -[air hissing] 490 00:22:34,895 --> 00:22:36,475 [exclamations] 491 00:22:36,522 --> 00:22:38,072 [both grunting] 492 00:22:43,821 --> 00:22:45,741 -Ah, ah! 493 00:22:46,490 --> 00:22:49,740 [grunting, groaning] 494 00:22:49,785 --> 00:22:51,325 [thud] 495 00:22:52,204 --> 00:22:54,714 -[grunts, groans] -Stay! 496 00:22:54,748 --> 00:22:56,628 -Hey, are you okay? -I am. 497 00:22:56,667 --> 00:22:58,207 But this is getting out of control. 498 00:22:59,086 --> 00:23:00,626 -Well, this is a mess. 499 00:23:00,671 --> 00:23:03,051 Where’s that useless assistant of mine? 500 00:23:04,800 --> 00:23:06,340 -Oh, no, no, no, no. 501 00:23:06,385 --> 00:23:07,925 [rubber castle crinkling] 502 00:23:08,679 --> 00:23:10,429 -[Zooey gasps] -[dramatic boom] 503 00:23:13,267 --> 00:23:14,807 Alvin bounced. 504 00:23:15,477 --> 00:23:17,017 [score fades out] 505 00:23:20,649 --> 00:23:22,279 [loud ambulance horn] 506 00:23:23,360 --> 00:23:24,900 -[siren wails] -[dramatic score] 507 00:23:28,032 --> 00:23:30,162 -Well, guess who’s picking up her own dry cleaning 508 00:23:30,200 --> 00:23:31,830 for the rest of the week. 509 00:23:31,869 --> 00:23:33,409 -He got knifed, Rita... 510 00:23:33,996 --> 00:23:35,536 and you don’t even care! 511 00:23:37,291 --> 00:23:38,831 -This has gone too far. 512 00:23:38,876 --> 00:23:41,336 -Oh, relax. Nobody’s pressing any charges. 513 00:23:41,378 --> 00:23:42,958 A stitch here, a tetanus shot there. 514 00:23:43,005 --> 00:23:44,765 -No, we are gonna get on top of this thing. 515 00:23:44,798 --> 00:23:46,468 I’m gonna do a deep dive into the Hasans 516 00:23:46,508 --> 00:23:49,678 and I need your go ahead to do the same at the Masseys. 517 00:23:49,720 --> 00:23:51,300 -Your people in my listing? 518 00:23:51,889 --> 00:23:53,519 -We’re never going to sell these places 519 00:23:53,557 --> 00:23:55,267 until we settle this. 520 00:23:55,309 --> 00:23:59,059 From a pure greed perspective, can’t see how you can refuse. 521 00:24:01,231 --> 00:24:02,771 -Well, when you put it that way. 522 00:24:07,571 --> 00:24:09,111 [score fades out] 523 00:24:09,156 --> 00:24:12,826 -No area in the home is particularly active? 524 00:24:12,868 --> 00:24:15,538 -I mean, it’s mostly around that side, 525 00:24:15,579 --> 00:24:17,159 closest to them. 526 00:24:17,206 --> 00:24:18,746 [tense score] 527 00:24:19,750 --> 00:24:22,630 -Any odd sounds at night? 528 00:24:23,253 --> 00:24:25,713 -No. Well, rats. 529 00:24:25,756 --> 00:24:27,666 [dramatic boom] 530 00:24:27,716 --> 00:24:30,046 -Rats? -The Masseys throw dinner scraps 531 00:24:30,094 --> 00:24:32,054 into our yard almost every night. 532 00:24:32,096 --> 00:24:35,136 That brought raccoons. And then the rats came. 533 00:24:36,183 --> 00:24:37,853 -That’s despicable. 534 00:24:37,893 --> 00:24:40,153 -It was his first gig as altar boy. 535 00:24:40,187 --> 00:24:41,897 -[Phil] Mm. -And the cassock was 536 00:24:41,939 --> 00:24:43,479 a little too long. 537 00:24:43,524 --> 00:24:45,574 -[chuckling] Oh. -Ethan tripped. 538 00:24:45,609 --> 00:24:47,189 -Mm. -Whoow! 539 00:24:47,236 --> 00:24:49,566 Body of Christ all over the place. 540 00:24:49,613 --> 00:24:51,203 He was devastated. 541 00:24:51,240 --> 00:24:53,200 He was so worried Jesus would be mad at him. 542 00:24:53,951 --> 00:24:55,541 -I know that feeling. 543 00:24:55,577 --> 00:24:57,827 -Oh, he reminds me so much of you at that age. 544 00:24:57,871 --> 00:24:59,371 So innocent. 545 00:25:01,583 --> 00:25:03,083 -[approving tone] Mm. 546 00:25:03,127 --> 00:25:05,417 Ruggedly handsome, just like his uncle. 547 00:25:05,462 --> 00:25:07,882 -Yeah. -[Phil chuckles] 548 00:25:07,923 --> 00:25:09,593 -He’s a good boy. -Yeah. 549 00:25:09,633 --> 00:25:11,223 -Obeys his parents. 550 00:25:12,636 --> 00:25:16,256 -And so we segue gracefully into the business of the day. 551 00:25:16,306 --> 00:25:19,056 -You knew mom wanted to give that land to the church. 552 00:25:19,101 --> 00:25:20,771 -How could I not? 553 00:25:20,811 --> 00:25:23,101 Every festive dinner over the last four years of her life 554 00:25:23,147 --> 00:25:27,277 included a dry run of mother’s post-mortem wish list. 555 00:25:27,317 --> 00:25:29,777 -And she wondered why the desserts weren’t moving. 556 00:25:29,820 --> 00:25:31,400 [chuckles] 557 00:25:32,156 --> 00:25:33,866 -But here’s the thing, Abs... 558 00:25:34,491 --> 00:25:36,081 back then it was... 559 00:25:36,744 --> 00:25:38,294 it was abstract. 560 00:25:38,328 --> 00:25:40,748 -And back then you were a priest. 561 00:25:41,498 --> 00:25:43,038 -Yeah. 562 00:25:43,500 --> 00:25:45,090 O-okay, sure, but-- 563 00:25:46,336 --> 00:25:48,956 Now? Now it’s real. 564 00:25:49,006 --> 00:25:52,716 -And now you’re a gay guy who sells real estate. 565 00:25:52,760 --> 00:25:55,470 -Yeah, and I feel pretty good about both, if it matters. 566 00:25:55,512 --> 00:25:58,392 -Yeah, it matters. Of course it matters a lot. 567 00:25:59,141 --> 00:26:00,641 But while your world has turned, 568 00:26:00,684 --> 00:26:03,314 like, a thousand times, Mom’s hasn’t. 569 00:26:03,353 --> 00:26:05,403 -Dying will do that to a person. 570 00:26:05,439 --> 00:26:07,229 -It’s a shitty two acres of nothing. 571 00:26:07,274 --> 00:26:08,784 Why do you even care? 572 00:26:09,818 --> 00:26:12,488 -I care because you made it personal. 573 00:26:12,529 --> 00:26:14,069 [tender score] 574 00:26:14,114 --> 00:26:16,454 Before it was something that just happened, like... 575 00:26:17,201 --> 00:26:19,791 February, or rickets, or the playoffs 576 00:26:19,828 --> 00:26:22,328 and all I could say was, "Well, that happened." 577 00:26:22,372 --> 00:26:24,832 But now you’re making me sign off on it. 578 00:26:24,875 --> 00:26:26,925 Endorse it. And it pisses me off! 579 00:26:26,960 --> 00:26:29,130 -Do you have any idea how much you hurt her... 580 00:26:29,171 --> 00:26:31,131 -Oh. -...when you left the church? 581 00:26:31,173 --> 00:26:33,433 Every time one of her friends asked about 582 00:26:34,009 --> 00:26:37,299 her son, the priest... she had to correct them. 583 00:26:37,346 --> 00:26:40,136 -Yeah. She didn’t have to. -Yes she did. Phil-- 584 00:26:40,724 --> 00:26:42,274 Come on! You knew mom. 585 00:26:43,060 --> 00:26:44,810 She did... 586 00:26:44,853 --> 00:26:46,403 and her heart broke. 587 00:26:47,314 --> 00:26:49,194 -Yeah. 588 00:26:49,233 --> 00:26:51,153 I know that feeling, too. 589 00:26:55,697 --> 00:26:57,487 [sighs] 590 00:26:58,700 --> 00:27:02,580 -Mm-hm, mm-hm, mm-hm, mm-hm, mm-hm. 591 00:27:04,206 --> 00:27:05,866 [chair drops] 592 00:27:05,916 --> 00:27:09,706 You know what? Let’s just try it back over by the shelves again. 593 00:27:09,753 --> 00:27:12,173 -You know, I find myself envying Alvin 594 00:27:12,214 --> 00:27:14,884 and his reliable morphine drip. 595 00:27:14,925 --> 00:27:17,225 -Ooh, you’re a smart one. 596 00:27:17,261 --> 00:27:18,851 -Yeah, I’m a genius. 597 00:27:18,887 --> 00:27:21,347 -Oh, no, no, no, no, no. 598 00:27:21,390 --> 00:27:24,520 You recognize the ultimate futility of it all. 599 00:27:25,018 --> 00:27:27,398 The trick is to identify what we can change 600 00:27:27,437 --> 00:27:31,227 and what we can’t. We can move a coffee table. 601 00:27:31,275 --> 00:27:32,905 We can’t force a lender 602 00:27:32,943 --> 00:27:36,783 to prequalify a buyer with insufficient income. 603 00:27:37,447 --> 00:27:39,027 Not legally, anyway. 604 00:27:39,074 --> 00:27:41,334 -Okay, you’re starting to scare me a little. 605 00:27:41,368 --> 00:27:42,868 -That’s real estate, kitten. 606 00:27:43,871 --> 00:27:45,871 Oh, Renata! Hi! 607 00:27:45,914 --> 00:27:49,004 -Hi. Are you Alvin’s replacement? 608 00:27:49,042 --> 00:27:52,712 -God, I hope not. -Uh, Zooey’s, um... 609 00:27:52,754 --> 00:27:57,014 a special consultant here to evaluate the property. 610 00:27:57,050 --> 00:27:59,010 -Yeah, I saw your R-rated lawn outside. 611 00:27:59,052 --> 00:28:01,762 -God, the Hasans make it so difficult. 612 00:28:01,805 --> 00:28:03,425 See here! 613 00:28:03,473 --> 00:28:05,023 [disquieting score] 614 00:28:06,935 --> 00:28:08,555 Double-glazed windows. 615 00:28:08,604 --> 00:28:11,774 The Hasans play their music from midnight to six AM. 616 00:28:11,815 --> 00:28:14,605 They even put subwoofers on the ground to shake the walls. 617 00:28:14,651 --> 00:28:17,531 -They’re evil people. -What kind of music? 618 00:28:17,571 --> 00:28:20,951 -Show tunes; ’80s TV themes; 619 00:28:20,991 --> 00:28:23,911 Hall. And. Oates. 620 00:28:23,952 --> 00:28:25,542 -Monsters. 621 00:28:25,579 --> 00:28:27,459 -Two o’clock in the morning and I need to be reminded 622 00:28:27,497 --> 00:28:29,417 that my kiss is on their list? 623 00:28:29,458 --> 00:28:30,998 -Why do we even have prisons? 624 00:28:34,338 --> 00:28:36,628 -Just sign it. -No. 625 00:28:36,673 --> 00:28:39,933 Just no. Emphatically no. 626 00:28:39,968 --> 00:28:41,758 -This land thing was their choice, 627 00:28:41,803 --> 00:28:43,303 not yours. 628 00:28:43,347 --> 00:28:45,807 You can leave your property to whoever you want! 629 00:28:45,849 --> 00:28:47,729 The Humane Society, Doctors Without Borders, 630 00:28:47,768 --> 00:28:49,478 the Broadway League Foundation. 631 00:28:49,519 --> 00:28:51,269 -Leave Anthony out of this, please. 632 00:28:52,356 --> 00:28:53,896 If they wanted it so badly, 633 00:28:53,941 --> 00:28:55,941 why did they forget to have it in the will? 634 00:28:55,984 --> 00:28:58,954 -This is what they wanted. Does that mean nothing to you? 635 00:28:58,987 --> 00:29:00,447 -Clearly it means more to you. 636 00:29:01,531 --> 00:29:03,071 Perfect Abby. 637 00:29:03,867 --> 00:29:05,737 Always does what makes mommy happy. 638 00:29:06,370 --> 00:29:08,000 Never rocks the boat. 639 00:29:08,038 --> 00:29:09,908 [tender score] 640 00:29:09,957 --> 00:29:11,917 -You broke their hearts. 641 00:29:11,959 --> 00:29:14,789 You left the priesthood. You married a-- 642 00:29:15,712 --> 00:29:18,012 A-a wonderful guy who I personally love 643 00:29:18,048 --> 00:29:20,468 and knows every lyric Stephen Sondheim ever wrote. 644 00:29:21,885 --> 00:29:23,465 And, still, you were their favorite. 645 00:29:26,223 --> 00:29:27,773 Mm-hm. 646 00:29:28,809 --> 00:29:30,309 You won. 647 00:29:31,353 --> 00:29:33,063 My third-favorite little brother. 648 00:29:34,564 --> 00:29:36,864 You went against everything they ever taught us, 649 00:29:36,900 --> 00:29:38,610 everything they ever dreamed... 650 00:29:39,987 --> 00:29:42,657 and, in the end, they loved you more, anyway. 651 00:29:45,075 --> 00:29:47,045 Yay for you, Philly. 652 00:29:47,077 --> 00:29:48,617 You won. 653 00:29:49,246 --> 00:29:50,956 [chair quietly scraping] 654 00:29:50,998 --> 00:29:52,498 You know what? 655 00:29:53,834 --> 00:29:55,844 Sign the papers, or don’t. 656 00:29:58,255 --> 00:30:00,135 You can let me know by mail. 657 00:30:01,425 --> 00:30:02,975 [footsteps recede] 658 00:30:12,519 --> 00:30:14,189 -You’re the boss, Luke, as always. 659 00:30:14,229 --> 00:30:17,069 But there is no sign of anything psychokinetic, 660 00:30:17,107 --> 00:30:18,687 only evil. 661 00:30:18,734 --> 00:30:20,244 -So, your instruments are telling you-- 662 00:30:20,277 --> 00:30:24,357 -My sense of common decency tells me the Masseys 663 00:30:24,406 --> 00:30:26,366 should be sealed in a bell jar and studied! 664 00:30:27,117 --> 00:30:28,697 -[edgy score] -Hey, Zooey, what did you-- 665 00:30:28,744 --> 00:30:30,584 -Those people are animals! 666 00:30:30,620 --> 00:30:32,160 -So, we agree. 667 00:30:32,205 --> 00:30:33,825 -I don’t think it’s enough for the Hasans 668 00:30:33,874 --> 00:30:35,884 to just be cast into the pit of hell. 669 00:30:35,917 --> 00:30:37,537 -The Hasans? 670 00:30:38,211 --> 00:30:40,591 -We should set them on fire first! 671 00:30:40,630 --> 00:30:43,420 -The Hasans? Innocent victims 672 00:30:43,467 --> 00:30:46,547 of the Masseys’ sick, raccoon-based perversions? 673 00:30:47,304 --> 00:30:49,684 -No one should be told at two o’clock in the morning 674 00:30:49,723 --> 00:30:52,893 that their kiss is on someone’s list. Without consent! 675 00:30:52,934 --> 00:30:54,444 -You’re insane. 676 00:30:54,478 --> 00:30:56,018 -Oh! You’re bald! 677 00:30:56,063 --> 00:30:58,773 -You wear unnecessary metal in your nose. 678 00:30:58,815 --> 00:31:00,685 -Okay. -Okay, before we say something-- 679 00:31:00,734 --> 00:31:03,244 -Oh, farmer boy! -Needy girl! 680 00:31:03,278 --> 00:31:05,108 -Needy? You’re slipping, August! 681 00:31:05,155 --> 00:31:07,705 Why only use two syllables when six will do? 682 00:31:07,741 --> 00:31:10,371 -You’re a quitter! You’ve only been a real estate agent 683 00:31:10,410 --> 00:31:12,080 for a few days and already you want out! 684 00:31:12,662 --> 00:31:14,372 Your father should have taught you better. 685 00:31:14,414 --> 00:31:16,084 Oh, wait, you never really had a-- 686 00:31:16,124 --> 00:31:17,674 -[sharp slap] -Oh! 687 00:31:19,336 --> 00:31:20,916 [dramatic score fades out] 688 00:31:23,882 --> 00:31:25,432 [gasps] 689 00:31:27,302 --> 00:31:30,052 -[tender score] -[Zooey gasps] 690 00:31:30,097 --> 00:31:32,927 -August, I am so sorry! 691 00:31:32,974 --> 00:31:34,814 -Zooey... 692 00:31:35,644 --> 00:31:39,234 You mean the world to me and I cannot believe-- 693 00:31:39,272 --> 00:31:40,822 -I’m so sorry! 694 00:31:41,400 --> 00:31:42,940 -Are you guys okay? 695 00:31:43,610 --> 00:31:45,280 How long were you inside those houses? 696 00:31:46,071 --> 00:31:47,781 -Less than three hours. -Four hours. 697 00:31:49,908 --> 00:31:53,038 -But it isn’t enough just to be inside the house. 698 00:31:53,995 --> 00:31:55,575 You need to confront someone 699 00:31:55,622 --> 00:31:58,372 who was recently inside the other house. 700 00:31:58,417 --> 00:32:00,497 That is when the fireworks start. 701 00:32:01,628 --> 00:32:03,798 -So, what? It-it’ll never end? 702 00:32:04,798 --> 00:32:08,298 -People write songs and sonnets about everlasting love. 703 00:32:09,094 --> 00:32:10,644 But for true staying power... 704 00:32:11,680 --> 00:32:14,180 hate takes the taco. 705 00:32:27,946 --> 00:32:29,486 [intriguing score] 706 00:32:34,411 --> 00:32:35,951 [swish] 707 00:32:36,997 --> 00:32:38,537 [swish] 708 00:32:47,007 --> 00:32:48,797 -[tablet thuds onto desk] -[papers rustling] 709 00:32:57,058 --> 00:32:58,598 -A cow. 710 00:32:59,853 --> 00:33:01,403 Damn cow. 711 00:33:02,898 --> 00:33:04,438 -I hope you’re right. 712 00:33:04,483 --> 00:33:07,073 Phil... make it fast. 713 00:33:07,110 --> 00:33:08,650 -I’m minutes away. 714 00:33:09,654 --> 00:33:11,204 [edgy score] 715 00:33:16,161 --> 00:33:17,701 [whoosh] 716 00:33:19,247 --> 00:33:20,787 [wind whistling] 717 00:33:21,541 --> 00:33:23,081 [dramatic score] 718 00:33:26,463 --> 00:33:28,013 [dramatic boom] 719 00:33:49,861 --> 00:33:51,401 -[Renata] It’s on, alright. 720 00:33:52,030 --> 00:33:54,240 -Bring it! Bring it on! -[unintelligible arguing] 721 00:33:54,282 --> 00:33:56,492 [engine revving, tires squealing] 722 00:33:56,535 --> 00:33:58,085 [angry arguing continues] 723 00:33:59,412 --> 00:34:01,872 -Don’t do this! Don’t do this! 724 00:34:02,415 --> 00:34:03,915 -Ambrose! Parker! 725 00:34:05,752 --> 00:34:08,632 It’s not their fault! It’s a curse -- a blood feud. 726 00:34:08,672 --> 00:34:11,132 -[all screaming] -[Phil] Listen! Listen! 727 00:34:11,841 --> 00:34:13,971 Back a 100 years ago, this was all farmland. 728 00:34:14,010 --> 00:34:15,930 -[whoosh] -[dramatic score] 729 00:34:15,971 --> 00:34:18,471 Property line in the exact same place. 730 00:34:18,515 --> 00:34:20,145 Parker had cows. 731 00:34:20,183 --> 00:34:22,103 Ambrose grew sorghum. Everybody got along. 732 00:34:22,727 --> 00:34:25,397 One day one of Parker’s cows got into Ambrose’s crops. 733 00:34:25,438 --> 00:34:27,068 Ambrose tied him up 734 00:34:27,107 --> 00:34:29,027 intending to return him by nightfall, 735 00:34:29,067 --> 00:34:30,857 but things got busy and he forgot. 736 00:34:31,444 --> 00:34:34,614 Well, Parker saw that Ambrose had one of his cows 737 00:34:34,656 --> 00:34:36,366 and got mad as hell. 738 00:34:36,408 --> 00:34:38,158 The two men came to blows but the families split ’em up 739 00:34:38,201 --> 00:34:40,331 and sent the sons out the next day to build a fence. 740 00:34:41,454 --> 00:34:43,124 These were hotheaded farm boys 741 00:34:43,164 --> 00:34:44,714 and they started fighting. 742 00:34:45,417 --> 00:34:47,247 First with words, then with knives. 743 00:34:47,294 --> 00:34:48,884 Shovels. Axes. 744 00:34:50,547 --> 00:34:52,087 [muffled audio] 745 00:34:52,924 --> 00:34:54,844 It turned into a slaughter. 746 00:35:01,474 --> 00:35:03,484 They say the blood ran into the postholes. 747 00:35:07,689 --> 00:35:09,229 From that day on... 748 00:35:09,274 --> 00:35:11,614 families on either side of that fence... 749 00:35:14,446 --> 00:35:15,986 hated each other. 750 00:35:16,031 --> 00:35:17,571 [tender score] 751 00:35:34,299 --> 00:35:35,839 [axe thudding] 752 00:35:38,803 --> 00:35:40,353 [thudding continues] 753 00:35:57,155 --> 00:35:59,065 -Ready? 754 00:35:59,783 --> 00:36:01,453 [grunts, groans] 755 00:36:03,536 --> 00:36:05,076 [fence thuds] 756 00:36:21,012 --> 00:36:22,562 [score fades out] 757 00:36:33,149 --> 00:36:35,109 -Yo. Philly. 758 00:36:38,571 --> 00:36:40,491 -What are you doing here? 759 00:36:40,532 --> 00:36:42,162 -The clock radio in my hotel room 760 00:36:42,200 --> 00:36:43,780 woke me up this morning 761 00:36:43,827 --> 00:36:45,907 and was playing a Judas Priest song. 762 00:36:46,496 --> 00:36:48,076 And I thought of you. 763 00:36:48,123 --> 00:36:49,583 -You know, I’m not sure 764 00:36:49,624 --> 00:36:51,254 how I’m supposed to feel about that, Abs. 765 00:36:52,752 --> 00:36:54,302 [sighs] 766 00:36:55,338 --> 00:36:56,878 -I realized 767 00:36:56,923 --> 00:36:59,093 how you must have felt about the church. 768 00:37:00,343 --> 00:37:02,643 Whatever you decide about the land thing, just... 769 00:37:03,680 --> 00:37:05,770 send me the paperwork and I’ll deal with it. 770 00:37:07,058 --> 00:37:08,598 Or not. 771 00:37:12,772 --> 00:37:14,692 Okay. That’s it. 772 00:37:14,733 --> 00:37:16,693 -Tell Ethan that... -[tender score] 773 00:37:17,402 --> 00:37:19,572 Jesus doesn’t mind when you spill his body, 774 00:37:19,612 --> 00:37:21,572 but if you spill his blood, 775 00:37:21,614 --> 00:37:23,164 mix three parts hydrogen peroxide 776 00:37:23,199 --> 00:37:25,949 to one part dish soap. It gets the stains right out. 777 00:37:29,205 --> 00:37:31,165 -Hm. 778 00:37:31,207 --> 00:37:32,787 You are a good uncle. 779 00:37:43,261 --> 00:37:44,801 Second favorite brother. 780 00:37:44,846 --> 00:37:46,386 [snorts] 781 00:37:47,140 --> 00:37:48,720 [elevator arriving chime doors opening] 782 00:37:49,476 --> 00:37:51,016 [laughing] 783 00:37:51,060 --> 00:37:52,600 [pleasant indistinct conversation] 784 00:37:55,732 --> 00:37:57,282 [engine turns off] 785 00:37:58,276 --> 00:37:59,816 -[car door closes] -Hey. 786 00:38:00,320 --> 00:38:02,660 -Luke! It’s perfect. 787 00:38:02,697 --> 00:38:04,867 Tarik was just saying now that the fence is gone, 788 00:38:04,908 --> 00:38:07,658 we can have full-sun hibiscus running all the way down. 789 00:38:07,702 --> 00:38:10,002 -I’m so glad to talk plants with someone. Mina’s hopeless. 790 00:38:10,038 --> 00:38:12,158 -[laughs] So’s Rowan. -[Tarik laughs] 791 00:38:15,877 --> 00:38:17,957 -What a tragic waste of time. 792 00:38:18,004 --> 00:38:20,724 The Masseys just told me they’re no longer selling. 793 00:38:20,757 --> 00:38:22,967 -Yeah, the Hasans feel the same way. 794 00:38:23,802 --> 00:38:27,142 -Poor Alvin. He nearly bounced into eternity and... 795 00:38:27,931 --> 00:38:29,811 -died in vain. -Hm. 796 00:38:30,558 --> 00:38:32,098 Just out of curiosity, 797 00:38:32,685 --> 00:38:34,515 what do you think happens when we die? 798 00:38:34,562 --> 00:38:36,232 -I have no idea. 799 00:38:37,273 --> 00:38:39,613 But it probably affects your credit scores. 800 00:38:45,365 --> 00:38:46,915 [light conversation, laughter] 801 00:38:55,416 --> 00:38:58,246 -No? Hell, no? 802 00:38:58,294 --> 00:38:59,844 -No. 803 00:38:59,879 --> 00:39:01,459 Hell, yes. 804 00:39:01,506 --> 00:39:03,666 I signed the damn papers over. 805 00:39:03,716 --> 00:39:07,636 Our ancestral land is going to be a vacation bible school, 806 00:39:08,555 --> 00:39:10,775 or a... popemobile parking lot, 807 00:39:11,349 --> 00:39:14,139 or a place where they train Jesuits to fight in the octagon. 808 00:39:15,144 --> 00:39:17,564 Better get a nice fruit basket from the Vatican. 809 00:39:18,523 --> 00:39:20,113 -Oh, honey. 810 00:39:20,149 --> 00:39:22,029 -Just wasn’t worth the fight, you know? 811 00:39:22,902 --> 00:39:24,572 -You’re a good person. 812 00:39:25,113 --> 00:39:27,113 -Mm. Not really. 813 00:39:27,657 --> 00:39:29,197 But thank you. 814 00:39:29,868 --> 00:39:31,828 Oh, any word from the adoption people? 815 00:39:33,288 --> 00:39:34,828 [tender score] 816 00:39:34,873 --> 00:39:36,583 You gotta know, 817 00:39:37,208 --> 00:39:39,918 as much as you want this baby-- and I do, too, we both do, 818 00:39:39,961 --> 00:39:41,501 don’t get me wrong-- 819 00:39:42,755 --> 00:39:46,965 please don’t feel like we need a baby to be a family. 820 00:39:47,594 --> 00:39:50,604 -Yeah, I know. I-it’s just-- 821 00:39:50,638 --> 00:39:52,178 -Hey... 822 00:39:52,223 --> 00:39:53,773 You and I... 823 00:39:54,601 --> 00:39:56,981 we’re a better family than most people will ever find. 824 00:40:00,773 --> 00:40:02,323 Come here. 825 00:40:07,780 --> 00:40:09,320 We can always get a dog. 826 00:40:12,410 --> 00:40:13,950 [score fades out] 827 00:40:15,163 --> 00:40:17,213 -Good night, Zooey. -Good night, Augie. 828 00:40:17,248 --> 00:40:18,788 -[footsteps receding] 829 00:40:20,919 --> 00:40:22,669 [elevator arriving chime, doors slide open] 830 00:40:24,797 --> 00:40:26,467 -Hey. 831 00:40:27,300 --> 00:40:29,930 What August said earlier: is it true? 832 00:40:29,969 --> 00:40:31,509 -Yes. 833 00:40:31,554 --> 00:40:33,514 The metal in my nose is unnecessary. 834 00:40:33,556 --> 00:40:35,516 -[gentle score] -The other thing. 835 00:40:35,558 --> 00:40:37,058 -About quitting? 836 00:40:37,101 --> 00:40:38,641 Not being an agent? 837 00:40:41,314 --> 00:40:42,944 [sighs] I... 838 00:40:44,567 --> 00:40:46,107 I hate your job. 839 00:40:46,778 --> 00:40:48,398 [scoffs] All of it! 840 00:40:48,947 --> 00:40:52,027 The arguments with stupid people who think they’re smart. 841 00:40:52,075 --> 00:40:53,955 Rita Weiss being my best friend... 842 00:40:53,993 --> 00:40:55,543 the whole thing. 843 00:40:55,578 --> 00:40:57,368 -But you’re good at it. 844 00:40:57,413 --> 00:40:59,623 -Yeah, well, I’m good at karaoke, too! 845 00:40:59,666 --> 00:41:01,376 Doesn’t mean I want to do it for a living. 846 00:41:02,418 --> 00:41:03,958 Look, I... 847 00:41:06,506 --> 00:41:08,916 I don’t know what my thing is. 848 00:41:08,967 --> 00:41:10,507 Maybe I’ll never find my thing, 849 00:41:11,219 --> 00:41:13,889 but I am absolutely sure that this thing 850 00:41:14,472 --> 00:41:16,022 is not my thing. 851 00:41:17,392 --> 00:41:18,932 I’m really sorry. 852 00:41:25,400 --> 00:41:28,070 -You haven’t heard from, uh... Susan? 853 00:41:29,445 --> 00:41:30,985 -No. 854 00:41:37,996 --> 00:41:39,536 [gentle sigh] 855 00:41:41,499 --> 00:41:43,039 [tender score] 856 00:41:45,878 --> 00:41:47,418 [phone line trilling] 857 00:41:47,839 --> 00:41:50,759 -Hi! You’ve reached Susan Ireland. 858 00:41:50,800 --> 00:41:52,640 I’m on a bit of a sabbatical right now, 859 00:41:52,677 --> 00:41:54,847 so if you need immediate assistance, 860 00:41:54,887 --> 00:41:58,217 press one. Otherwise, leave me a message 861 00:41:58,266 --> 00:42:00,176 and roll the dice! Drink the wine! 862 00:42:00,226 --> 00:42:01,766 Because life is a mystery 863 00:42:01,811 --> 00:42:04,401 and the sun is only a morning star! 864 00:42:04,439 --> 00:42:05,979 [hang up click] 865 00:42:12,363 --> 00:42:14,033 [laptop clicks shut] 866 00:42:17,869 --> 00:42:19,659 -Damn it, Susan. What do you want me to say? 867 00:42:20,955 --> 00:42:22,495 I’m sorry. 868 00:42:23,124 --> 00:42:24,754 I’m sorry that you made it so easy 869 00:42:24,792 --> 00:42:28,342 to laugh at your process, at your color-coded paperclips. 870 00:42:28,379 --> 00:42:31,629 I am sorry that you did it so effortlessly 871 00:42:32,258 --> 00:42:34,218 that I forgot how good you really are. 872 00:42:36,512 --> 00:42:39,142 I’m sorry that this place just doesn’t seem to run 873 00:42:40,516 --> 00:42:42,596 as good without you. 874 00:42:42,643 --> 00:42:44,983 And, most of all, I am sorry that I am saying it 875 00:42:45,021 --> 00:42:48,401 to this credenza instead of your face. 876 00:42:54,238 --> 00:42:55,778 [score fades out]