1 00:00:02,043 --> 00:00:04,923 Let's run through the finale one last time. Show opens tomorrow. 2 00:00:04,923 --> 00:00:09,843 Lord Ruthven is not of this Earth, for he is a vampire. 3 00:00:09,843 --> 00:00:14,003 Open the curtain, the sunlight will destroy him. 4 00:00:14,003 --> 00:00:16,243 Nooooo! 5 00:00:16,243 --> 00:00:18,803 LORD RUTHVEN HISSES 6 00:00:20,323 --> 00:00:26,603 You may destroy me, but I am not the only vampire to walk the Earth. 7 00:00:28,683 --> 00:00:31,603 For I have a son. 8 00:00:31,603 --> 00:00:32,923 CREAKING 9 00:00:32,923 --> 00:00:34,923 A son? 10 00:00:34,923 --> 00:00:36,323 THUNDERCRACK SOUND EFFECT 11 00:00:37,563 --> 00:00:40,243 Yes, a son! 12 00:00:40,243 --> 00:00:41,923 That's George's cue. 13 00:00:42,963 --> 00:00:44,963 A son, you say? 14 00:00:46,323 --> 00:00:48,723 What's the little prat doing? George! 15 00:00:48,723 --> 00:00:50,203 Open the trap door. 16 00:00:50,203 --> 00:00:52,203 That's your cue. 17 00:00:52,203 --> 00:00:54,683 Don't make me come down there. 18 00:00:54,683 --> 00:00:57,283 He better not do this on the night. My manager's coming. 19 00:00:57,283 --> 00:00:59,603 Right, that's it. 20 00:01:00,643 --> 00:01:01,683 George. 21 00:01:03,043 --> 00:01:04,843 George, where are you? 22 00:01:06,403 --> 00:01:07,963 What are you doing down there? 23 00:01:07,963 --> 00:01:09,083 GEORGE WHIMPERS 24 00:01:09,083 --> 00:01:12,243 This is the dress rehearsal. We open on Friday. 25 00:01:12,243 --> 00:01:14,603 Now is not the time to get stage fright! 26 00:01:14,603 --> 00:01:15,803 GEORGE WHIMPERS 27 00:01:15,803 --> 00:01:17,883 George. 28 00:01:17,883 --> 00:01:19,603 George, look at me! 29 00:01:21,923 --> 00:01:24,083 I s...saw it. 30 00:01:24,083 --> 00:01:26,243 Saw what exactly? 31 00:01:26,243 --> 00:01:28,523 The phantom! 32 00:01:28,523 --> 00:01:30,123 HE SCREAMS 33 00:01:52,723 --> 00:01:54,363 Read all about it. 34 00:01:54,363 --> 00:01:57,323 Please raise reward for the Dodger! 35 00:01:57,323 --> 00:02:01,523 Also, poisonous smog sends London coughing. 36 00:02:02,803 --> 00:02:04,243 Right, it's Tang's birthday. 37 00:02:04,243 --> 00:02:05,923 We need to nick her something classy. 38 00:02:05,923 --> 00:02:07,803 You distract him, I'll do the nicking. 39 00:02:07,803 --> 00:02:10,443 Good day, sir. I'd like to buy an instrument, please. 40 00:02:10,443 --> 00:02:13,083 Get out of here, you dirty dish. We don't serve you in here. 41 00:02:13,083 --> 00:02:15,123 Oh, please. How about that one? 42 00:02:15,123 --> 00:02:16,363 That? You can't afford it. 43 00:02:16,363 --> 00:02:19,803 Get out of here, you vermin. Get out of my sight. 44 00:02:19,803 --> 00:02:21,083 Let's go! 45 00:02:21,083 --> 00:02:22,443 Oi! Go! Oi! 46 00:02:22,443 --> 00:02:24,923 Police! They've got my accordion! 47 00:02:24,923 --> 00:02:26,363 ACCORDION CHIMES Stop! Come back! 48 00:02:26,363 --> 00:02:28,603 Go! Go! 49 00:02:28,603 --> 00:02:31,323 WHISTLE PEEPS Come back here! Get out the way! 50 00:02:39,563 --> 00:02:41,403 Minnie, quick! 51 00:02:41,403 --> 00:02:42,683 WHISTLES BLOW 52 00:02:52,283 --> 00:02:54,403 Madam, have you seen a boy with a top hat 53 00:02:54,403 --> 00:02:57,123 and a squeezy piano? A girl, too? 54 00:02:57,123 --> 00:03:00,403 Um, no-one matching that description. 55 00:03:00,403 --> 00:03:02,563 Do you mind if I have a quick look around? 56 00:03:02,563 --> 00:03:03,763 Be my guest. 57 00:03:03,763 --> 00:03:05,603 You look over there. Yeah, yeah. 58 00:03:11,643 --> 00:03:13,043 Read all about it. 59 00:03:13,043 --> 00:03:17,683 Police offer £20 for any information that leads to the capture 60 00:03:17,683 --> 00:03:19,123 of the Dodger. 61 00:03:21,963 --> 00:03:25,563 Happy birthday. Baked you a potato. 62 00:03:27,923 --> 00:03:29,763 Well, go on, then. 63 00:03:29,763 --> 00:03:31,483 WHEEZES, GASPS BREATHLESSLY 64 00:03:34,843 --> 00:03:38,243 I can't do it, I don't have enough puff. 65 00:03:38,243 --> 00:03:42,763 It's the fog. It's all over London. Playing havoc with her breathing. 66 00:03:46,803 --> 00:03:48,283 I'll blow your candles out for you. 67 00:03:48,283 --> 00:03:49,883 What's your birthday wish? 68 00:03:49,883 --> 00:03:52,723 I wish I was better. 69 00:03:52,723 --> 00:03:53,843 Selfish! 70 00:03:53,843 --> 00:03:55,643 Leave it out, she's ill. 71 00:03:55,643 --> 00:03:59,363 Well, she could have wished for something that'd benefit all of us. 72 00:03:59,363 --> 00:04:02,043 Like peace on Earth or beef hotpot. 73 00:04:02,043 --> 00:04:04,803 No! Don't blow the candles out. 74 00:04:04,803 --> 00:04:08,763 We need all the heat we can get. I'm down to me last match. 75 00:04:13,403 --> 00:04:15,003 COUGHING 76 00:04:17,083 --> 00:04:18,483 Oh, that's better. 77 00:04:18,483 --> 00:04:20,763 At least I can breathe now. 78 00:04:20,763 --> 00:04:22,683 What did you bring us here for? 79 00:04:22,683 --> 00:04:24,843 This is the most dangerous tavern in London. 80 00:04:24,843 --> 00:04:25,923 Exactly. 81 00:04:25,923 --> 00:04:30,563 So your wife and my husband won't know anybody in here, will they? 82 00:04:32,723 --> 00:04:34,083 Wench? 83 00:04:34,083 --> 00:04:35,963 Who are you calling wench? 84 00:04:35,963 --> 00:04:38,283 Wait your turn, I got a customer. 85 00:04:38,283 --> 00:04:40,043 Don't you know who I am? 86 00:04:40,043 --> 00:04:42,323 No, but I got a feeling you're about to tell me. 87 00:04:42,323 --> 00:04:45,163 I am Dame Eliza Vestris, 88 00:04:45,163 --> 00:04:46,883 actress and producer. 89 00:04:46,883 --> 00:04:51,203 20 years at the helm of the greatest profession in the world. 90 00:04:51,203 --> 00:04:52,483 Oh. GIGGLES 91 00:04:53,763 --> 00:04:57,083 I don't really like the theatre. It's all pretend, innit? 92 00:04:57,083 --> 00:04:58,883 Give me a good hanging any day. 93 00:04:58,883 --> 00:05:01,643 At least that way, I know the crying's real. 94 00:05:01,643 --> 00:05:03,283 Go that way! I'm going, I'm going. 95 00:05:05,523 --> 00:05:07,403 Behave yourself. All right? 96 00:05:14,243 --> 00:05:15,323 Police! 97 00:05:30,883 --> 00:05:33,963 I'm afraid I'll have to bring my wife to the opening night. 98 00:05:33,963 --> 00:05:35,563 She's been asking and asking. 99 00:05:35,563 --> 00:05:37,323 There won't be an opening night 100 00:05:37,323 --> 00:05:39,843 unless I can find a suitable boy for the play. 101 00:05:39,843 --> 00:05:41,563 I'd pay good money to get one. 102 00:05:41,563 --> 00:05:44,283 We've been through ten wet little boys already. 103 00:05:44,283 --> 00:05:45,643 There are no child actors left, 104 00:05:45,643 --> 00:05:49,843 all of them spooked by this phantom nonsense. 105 00:05:49,843 --> 00:05:52,963 Some of the actors believe in it, you know, darling. Yes. 106 00:05:52,963 --> 00:05:56,243 And they use it as an excuse every time they freeze on stage, 107 00:05:56,243 --> 00:05:58,723 don't get a laugh or a sandbag falls on their heads. 108 00:05:58,723 --> 00:06:01,003 "Oh, no, it's the Phantom." 109 00:06:01,003 --> 00:06:03,483 All I know is I have a full house 110 00:06:03,483 --> 00:06:07,163 and I don't have a child to deliver the final line. 111 00:06:07,163 --> 00:06:10,363 My reputation is at stake here. 112 00:06:10,363 --> 00:06:13,963 I want my autobiography to end with an ovation, 113 00:06:13,963 --> 00:06:15,723 not with a groan. 114 00:06:15,723 --> 00:06:19,123 All right. We've checked the place thoroughly. 115 00:06:19,123 --> 00:06:20,563 Seems like no-one's here. 116 00:06:20,563 --> 00:06:21,683 Oh, good. Oh, good. 117 00:06:22,963 --> 00:06:24,403 But we will be back. 118 00:06:27,083 --> 00:06:28,283 Be warned. 119 00:06:30,963 --> 00:06:32,003 Pigs. 120 00:06:41,243 --> 00:06:42,843 Someone's dropped some figs. 121 00:06:46,403 --> 00:06:48,483 It's safe, they're gone. 122 00:06:51,123 --> 00:06:54,523 You brought the law right under our noses, you rhombus! 123 00:06:54,523 --> 00:06:56,683 We could have been raided. 124 00:06:56,683 --> 00:06:57,883 I'm sorry. 125 00:06:57,883 --> 00:07:01,523 Whatever you nicked better be worth it. 126 00:07:01,523 --> 00:07:03,403 ACCORDION RESONATES 127 00:07:07,323 --> 00:07:08,923 Happy birthday, Tang! 128 00:07:08,923 --> 00:07:11,643 OFF-KEY REEDY NOTES 129 00:07:11,643 --> 00:07:13,123 THUDDING, ACCORDION CHIMES 130 00:07:16,043 --> 00:07:19,043 That is the best present that anybody has ever nicked for me. 131 00:07:19,043 --> 00:07:21,003 What is it? 132 00:07:21,003 --> 00:07:23,003 It's an arm piano. 133 00:07:23,003 --> 00:07:24,683 Oh! 134 00:07:26,003 --> 00:07:28,283 Is that it? Y...yeah. 135 00:07:28,283 --> 00:07:31,283 It's not an arm piano. It's an accordion. 136 00:07:31,283 --> 00:07:33,763 Right? Can you eat an accordion? 137 00:07:33,763 --> 00:07:37,083 Wear an accordion? Wash your hair with an accordion? 138 00:07:37,083 --> 00:07:38,363 No, but... Exactly. 139 00:07:38,363 --> 00:07:40,083 It's useless. Burn it. 140 00:07:40,083 --> 00:07:42,563 It'll keep our stove warm for another happy hour. 141 00:07:42,563 --> 00:07:45,203 After that, it's a long night of darkness and tears. 142 00:07:45,203 --> 00:07:47,563 No, don't do that. It's her birthday. 143 00:07:47,563 --> 00:07:49,003 It ain't her birthday. 144 00:07:49,003 --> 00:07:51,563 I made it up cos I thought she was going to cark it. 145 00:07:52,723 --> 00:07:54,203 What's that? 146 00:07:56,243 --> 00:08:01,003 Oh! I've scrubbed my back with loofahs that could outwit you two. 147 00:08:01,003 --> 00:08:02,723 The boy's too fast. 148 00:08:02,723 --> 00:08:05,363 He's not just a boy, 149 00:08:05,363 --> 00:08:07,603 he's evil and dangerous. 150 00:08:07,603 --> 00:08:10,323 First, he tries to assassinate the Queen. 151 00:08:10,323 --> 00:08:12,323 Then he robs my house, steals my mother. 152 00:08:12,323 --> 00:08:13,843 Now he sends me this. 153 00:08:15,003 --> 00:08:16,043 It's from him. 154 00:08:18,283 --> 00:08:19,843 I was wrong about him all along. 155 00:08:19,843 --> 00:08:23,283 I assumed, you see, he was an illiterate urchin, but he's not. 156 00:08:23,283 --> 00:08:24,883 That's what he wants us to believe. 157 00:08:24,883 --> 00:08:27,283 Yes. He can write. 158 00:08:27,283 --> 00:08:30,043 He's clever, see? And he knows where I live. 159 00:08:31,283 --> 00:08:32,763 How do you know it's not a fake, sir? 160 00:08:32,763 --> 00:08:34,603 There are Wanted posters all over London, 161 00:08:34,603 --> 00:08:36,163 stories about him in the newspapers. 162 00:08:36,163 --> 00:08:38,363 Because nobody knew that he was in my house 163 00:08:38,363 --> 00:08:40,283 apart from us and him. 164 00:08:41,483 --> 00:08:43,203 Explain that. 165 00:08:43,203 --> 00:08:44,403 Oh, no, don't. 166 00:08:45,683 --> 00:08:48,403 Dame Eliza Vestris, eh? I know her pockets well. 167 00:08:48,403 --> 00:08:50,363 She's already sold all the tickets, 168 00:08:50,363 --> 00:08:52,843 but they're missing a boy to act in the play. 169 00:08:52,843 --> 00:08:55,803 They've all been scared off by this phantom thing, you see. 170 00:08:55,803 --> 00:08:57,843 What's that got to do with you? 171 00:08:57,843 --> 00:09:00,483 I could play the part and earn some cash. 172 00:09:00,483 --> 00:09:01,803 You're not an actor, though. 173 00:09:01,803 --> 00:09:04,003 Course he is. You all are. 174 00:09:04,003 --> 00:09:07,203 Actors are just liars that get paid. Dodger's got a good idea. 175 00:09:07,203 --> 00:09:09,043 You could get a regular wage for the gaff 176 00:09:09,043 --> 00:09:10,763 and pay for a doctor for Tang. 177 00:09:10,763 --> 00:09:12,323 I found that in the bloke's bag. 178 00:09:12,323 --> 00:09:14,443 It's got all the words the actors have to say. 179 00:09:14,443 --> 00:09:17,763 I need to learn it so I can play the part. 180 00:09:17,763 --> 00:09:21,403 The Vampyre, a play in two acts written by James Planche, 181 00:09:21,403 --> 00:09:23,363 as performed by Dame Eliza Vestris... Oi. 182 00:09:23,363 --> 00:09:24,843 What? 183 00:09:24,843 --> 00:09:26,323 CHUCKLES How you doing that? 184 00:09:28,083 --> 00:09:30,483 How's she doing that? She can read? 185 00:09:30,483 --> 00:09:32,323 Yeah. Here y'are. 186 00:09:35,723 --> 00:09:37,603 What's that say? 187 00:09:37,603 --> 00:09:39,523 "You owe me the sum of two shillings..." 188 00:09:39,523 --> 00:09:42,403 Yeah, yeah, yeah. I knew it was a bad one. 189 00:09:42,403 --> 00:09:44,723 What about this one? 190 00:09:46,203 --> 00:09:48,763 "Fagin, if you don't pay me soon, I will cut off your..." 191 00:09:48,763 --> 00:09:50,763 Oh, all right, all right, we get the idea. 192 00:09:52,003 --> 00:09:54,243 That's why I don't go out much. 193 00:09:55,363 --> 00:09:58,003 Where'd you learn your ABCs? On the farm. 194 00:09:58,003 --> 00:09:59,403 Me master's son had lessons. 195 00:09:59,403 --> 00:10:01,963 I'd borrow his books and peep at them when he were asleep. 196 00:10:01,963 --> 00:10:04,243 So he gets the part - and then what? 197 00:10:04,243 --> 00:10:06,523 Doesn't sound like a great money maker to me. 198 00:10:06,523 --> 00:10:08,723 Oh, that's just stage one of my plan. 199 00:10:08,723 --> 00:10:10,123 There's a lot more. 200 00:10:10,123 --> 00:10:13,163 But, first, I'm going to need some parents. 201 00:10:28,003 --> 00:10:29,523 CREAKING 202 00:10:30,563 --> 00:10:32,123 Who goes there? 203 00:10:37,043 --> 00:10:40,083 I am armed. I will kill if occasion calls. 204 00:10:41,443 --> 00:10:43,563 Good morning. THEY CHUCKLE 205 00:10:43,563 --> 00:10:45,283 Ooh. Wotcha. 206 00:10:45,283 --> 00:10:47,723 If you're looking for an autograph, you'll have to wait 207 00:10:47,723 --> 00:10:51,883 at the stage door like the other unwashed crackpot fans. 208 00:10:51,883 --> 00:10:54,403 I'm...busy. 209 00:10:54,403 --> 00:10:58,083 We heard you were looking for a boy for your fancy pants vampire thing. 210 00:10:58,083 --> 00:11:00,003 Yeah, we got one. 211 00:11:00,003 --> 00:11:01,203 Our son. 212 00:11:01,203 --> 00:11:02,563 Ain't that right? Our son? 213 00:11:02,563 --> 00:11:03,843 Yeah, if you say so. 214 00:11:03,843 --> 00:11:05,843 I suppose I'll have to take her word for it. 215 00:11:05,843 --> 00:11:07,683 HE LAUGHS 216 00:11:07,683 --> 00:11:11,483 How did you know I was looking for a boy? 217 00:11:11,483 --> 00:11:13,723 Well, walls have ears 218 00:11:13,723 --> 00:11:17,283 and...and...and ceilings, and so do carpets 219 00:11:17,283 --> 00:11:18,883 and skirting boards, stairs... 220 00:11:18,883 --> 00:11:20,643 We heard you down the pub. 221 00:11:20,643 --> 00:11:24,043 Our nipper's a big talent. He can do it all. 222 00:11:24,043 --> 00:11:25,763 What can he do exactly? 223 00:11:26,763 --> 00:11:28,003 All of it. 224 00:11:29,083 --> 00:11:30,803 Well, I'm very particular! 225 00:11:30,803 --> 00:11:34,723 I don't just accept any old riff-raff off the street. 226 00:11:34,723 --> 00:11:36,443 Oh, yeah, but he's special. 227 00:11:36,443 --> 00:11:39,003 He has got the gift. 228 00:11:39,003 --> 00:11:40,803 What gift? 229 00:11:40,803 --> 00:11:42,603 THE gift. Yeah, you know, the gift. 230 00:11:42,603 --> 00:11:44,283 He's got it. 231 00:11:44,283 --> 00:11:46,363 Well, that's as may be. 232 00:11:46,363 --> 00:11:50,803 But my actors are carefully trained in the verse of Shakespeare. 233 00:11:50,803 --> 00:11:51,843 Who? 234 00:11:51,843 --> 00:11:53,923 Shakespeare. 235 00:11:53,923 --> 00:11:56,963 Shakespeare... I think... That bloke's been down the pub, ain't he? 236 00:11:56,963 --> 00:11:58,483 No, no, the Bard. 237 00:11:58,483 --> 00:12:00,603 I was barred once, but that was a misunderstanding. 238 00:12:00,603 --> 00:12:03,443 You deserved it. I did not. Giving it all that. Just bring him in! 239 00:12:04,683 --> 00:12:08,483 But I warn you, I'm extremely fussy. 240 00:12:08,483 --> 00:12:09,923 So you keep saying. 241 00:12:09,923 --> 00:12:12,083 Oi, get in here! 242 00:12:13,363 --> 00:12:14,843 You'll love him. 243 00:12:16,003 --> 00:12:19,603 Here he is. My son. 244 00:12:22,403 --> 00:12:23,723 Take your hat off. 245 00:12:25,363 --> 00:12:27,883 Uh, hello, Miss, uh... 246 00:12:27,883 --> 00:12:29,003 Nice to meet you. 247 00:12:29,003 --> 00:12:32,003 Are you scared of confined spaces, trap doors, 248 00:12:32,003 --> 00:12:34,043 fast-moving chutes or the dark? 249 00:12:35,403 --> 00:12:37,323 No. 250 00:12:37,323 --> 00:12:40,043 No. Good. Then you've got the job. 251 00:12:40,043 --> 00:12:42,963 Don't you want to see me do me acting stuff? 252 00:12:42,963 --> 00:12:44,003 No! 253 00:12:44,003 --> 00:12:47,043 The rehearsal room is that-a-way, it's tuppence a day. Chop chop. 254 00:12:47,043 --> 00:12:48,363 Let's go. 255 00:12:50,003 --> 00:12:51,843 That was easy. Piece of cake. 256 00:12:57,123 --> 00:12:59,043 Can't believe Dodger's got us doing this. 257 00:12:59,043 --> 00:13:00,803 Better be worth it. 258 00:13:00,803 --> 00:13:02,203 He's coming. He's coming. 259 00:13:02,203 --> 00:13:03,643 Right, let's go. 260 00:13:08,003 --> 00:13:09,443 What was on Dodger's list? 261 00:13:09,443 --> 00:13:11,403 Newspapers. Uh, horse hair. 262 00:13:11,403 --> 00:13:12,723 THEY WHISPER 263 00:13:12,723 --> 00:13:14,963 White paint, white paint! Where is it? 264 00:13:14,963 --> 00:13:16,483 They haven't got that. 265 00:13:16,483 --> 00:13:18,803 Brushes? Yep. Got it? 266 00:13:18,803 --> 00:13:21,523 Take that. THEY GRUNT 267 00:13:21,523 --> 00:13:22,563 Go, go. 268 00:13:32,723 --> 00:13:34,963 Where are your mum and dad? How should I know? 269 00:13:34,963 --> 00:13:36,803 There's more to that girl than you know. 270 00:13:36,803 --> 00:13:39,443 You were supposed to look after her, that's what you're paid for. 271 00:13:39,443 --> 00:13:42,843 If she hadn't upped and run off to London, I wouldn't be shovelling cowpat all day. 272 00:13:42,843 --> 00:13:45,163 Last I heard, she was heading for an orphanage. 273 00:13:45,163 --> 00:13:47,923 We all know your secret! 274 00:13:47,923 --> 00:13:50,963 I'm searching all the orphanages in London for missing girl - 275 00:13:50,963 --> 00:13:53,363 12 years old, about this big. Charlie, country girl. 276 00:13:53,363 --> 00:13:57,243 Have you taken anyone in? No, sorry, no. 277 00:14:07,283 --> 00:14:10,323 This is ridiculous. It's a complete waste of our time. 278 00:14:10,323 --> 00:14:12,723 I think we'll have to cancel the show. Yeah, you're right. 279 00:14:12,723 --> 00:14:15,363 It's not like you're going to find somebody off the street, is it? 280 00:14:15,363 --> 00:14:16,683 It's never going to happen. 281 00:14:16,683 --> 00:14:19,523 Ladies and gentlemen of the company... 282 00:14:20,883 --> 00:14:26,323 This boy has stepped in to play Lord Ruthven's son, the vampire. 283 00:14:26,323 --> 00:14:30,443 Well, it's good casting. He looks just like the living dead. 284 00:14:30,443 --> 00:14:32,603 Yes. Ugly little pug. 285 00:14:32,603 --> 00:14:35,803 Splendid make-up. I'm not wearing any. 286 00:14:37,403 --> 00:14:40,603 Right. We open tomorrow night. 287 00:14:40,603 --> 00:14:42,363 So let's pick up the last scene. 288 00:14:42,363 --> 00:14:44,163 Boy, with me. 289 00:14:44,163 --> 00:14:47,083 I wouldn't want to be down there in the dark for all that time. 290 00:14:47,083 --> 00:14:48,323 Not with the Phantom about. 291 00:14:50,283 --> 00:14:51,403 Boy?! 292 00:15:03,883 --> 00:15:05,123 Any better? 293 00:15:05,123 --> 00:15:09,723 Could go either way. She's wobbling on the precipice. 294 00:15:09,723 --> 00:15:12,523 RATTLING BREATHS 295 00:15:12,523 --> 00:15:14,443 What you doing? Shh. One second. 296 00:15:17,203 --> 00:15:19,163 Could be croup. Croup? 297 00:15:19,163 --> 00:15:21,963 Had a horse on the farm that had that same rattle in its chest. 298 00:15:21,963 --> 00:15:24,923 Oh, right. What did you do to cure it? 299 00:15:24,923 --> 00:15:26,043 We shot it. 300 00:15:27,363 --> 00:15:29,243 You what? We had to put it out of its misery. 301 00:15:29,243 --> 00:15:31,683 If anybody's going to be put out of their misery, it's you. 302 00:15:31,683 --> 00:15:34,083 Fancy saying a thing like that. 303 00:15:35,643 --> 00:15:38,243 You're not going to shoot me, are you? 304 00:15:38,243 --> 00:15:40,283 No, darling. We're not going to shoot you. 305 00:15:40,283 --> 00:15:42,043 We're going to shoot her. Oi! 306 00:15:42,043 --> 00:15:44,683 I'm going to speak to Minnie downstairs. 307 00:15:44,683 --> 00:15:48,603 She knows a few gangland quacks. Might sort her out. 308 00:15:48,603 --> 00:15:49,643 Shot! 309 00:15:53,683 --> 00:15:55,643 Oi, can I have a word? 310 00:15:56,643 --> 00:15:58,523 No, not up here, on the roof. 311 00:16:04,563 --> 00:16:08,363 What did you bring me up here for? Sit down, just sit down. 312 00:16:11,203 --> 00:16:12,443 Look at this. 313 00:16:12,443 --> 00:16:14,443 I've been waiting all day to show you this. 314 00:16:14,443 --> 00:16:16,523 They're plastered all over London. 315 00:16:16,523 --> 00:16:19,603 That's Dodger. He's wanted. Well, we've got to go and tell him. 316 00:16:19,603 --> 00:16:21,323 No, no, no. Don't you see? 317 00:16:21,323 --> 00:16:23,483 There's a 20 quid reward on his head. 318 00:16:23,483 --> 00:16:26,003 20 quid's a lot of money. 319 00:16:26,003 --> 00:16:28,563 Now, I can't go to the police, cos I'm on the run. 320 00:16:28,563 --> 00:16:31,723 Oh, here we go. You ain't mentioned that for, what, five minutes? 321 00:16:31,723 --> 00:16:33,603 But you could. 322 00:16:33,603 --> 00:16:35,403 We could split the money down the middle. 323 00:16:35,403 --> 00:16:37,803 No-one would ever know it was us. 324 00:16:38,803 --> 00:16:40,563 Half of 20, what's that? 325 00:16:43,403 --> 00:16:46,683 I d... I don't know, but it's a lot of money. 326 00:16:46,683 --> 00:16:49,123 Fagin says we never rat on our own. Never. 327 00:16:49,123 --> 00:16:51,403 Dodger's not one of our own, though, is he? 328 00:16:51,403 --> 00:16:53,403 He's a chancer. 329 00:16:53,403 --> 00:16:56,603 All he cares about is getting in Fagin's good books. 330 00:16:56,603 --> 00:16:57,923 Yeah, well, you dob him in - 331 00:16:57,923 --> 00:17:00,283 what if he tells the police all about us? We'll all go down. 332 00:17:00,283 --> 00:17:01,403 Exactly. 333 00:17:03,803 --> 00:17:05,163 So he's wanted, is he? 334 00:17:05,163 --> 00:17:06,763 He's only been in the game two minutes 335 00:17:06,763 --> 00:17:08,563 and he's got the police all wound up. 336 00:17:08,563 --> 00:17:11,483 Look, I just thought if we got the reward, it'd be money 337 00:17:11,483 --> 00:17:13,363 for Tang's doctor. Pull the other one. 338 00:17:13,363 --> 00:17:15,323 You've got competition. You don't like it. 339 00:17:15,323 --> 00:17:17,643 No, that's not it. I better watch you two. 340 00:17:17,643 --> 00:17:19,163 That ain't fair, I said not to do it. 341 00:17:19,163 --> 00:17:20,403 I'm not turning Dodger in, 342 00:17:20,403 --> 00:17:22,603 no matter how many quids they slap on his head. 343 00:17:22,603 --> 00:17:25,283 He'll keep you on your toes, and that's not a bad thing. 344 00:17:25,283 --> 00:17:29,323 Seeing as you like those posters so much, go and get the rest. 345 00:17:29,323 --> 00:17:32,003 What? I want you to go around town and pull down every picture 346 00:17:32,003 --> 00:17:35,523 those police wallies have pasted up. Dodger's mine, no-one else's. 347 00:17:35,523 --> 00:17:37,843 No, but... Every single one. 348 00:17:39,083 --> 00:17:41,523 Costume. Make-up. 349 00:17:41,523 --> 00:17:44,643 Now, this is ground-breaking. 350 00:17:45,843 --> 00:17:48,403 It is a trap door. 351 00:17:48,403 --> 00:17:51,443 You stand on this platform till the penultimate scene in Act II. 352 00:17:51,443 --> 00:17:54,923 When you hear Lord Ruthven say, "I have a son," that is your cue. 353 00:17:54,923 --> 00:17:59,763 You pull this lever, the trap door opens, then you rise to the stage. 354 00:17:59,763 --> 00:18:03,923 Mistime it and it's curtains, and I don't mean the velvet variety. 355 00:18:03,923 --> 00:18:06,083 The limelight will cut out and, when it comes back on, 356 00:18:06,083 --> 00:18:08,363 bam, you're on the stage and the audience will scream. 357 00:18:08,363 --> 00:18:12,963 Oh. Now, have you ever used smoke bombs before? 358 00:18:12,963 --> 00:18:15,843 No. Well, you throw them on the floor when you reach the stage 359 00:18:15,843 --> 00:18:18,403 as if you have a magic power. Pow, pow! 360 00:18:18,403 --> 00:18:19,683 And not too many. 361 00:18:19,683 --> 00:18:22,003 The last boy lost his hand during the technical run, 362 00:18:22,003 --> 00:18:25,683 and we found his digits scattered all over the orchestra pit. 363 00:18:25,683 --> 00:18:27,883 And don't think, just because you're a child, 364 00:18:27,883 --> 00:18:29,603 you'll get special treatment. 365 00:18:29,603 --> 00:18:31,763 Mess this up and I'll be using your skull 366 00:18:31,763 --> 00:18:35,963 in my next production of Hamlet. 367 00:18:35,963 --> 00:18:37,003 Catch. 368 00:18:42,283 --> 00:18:43,843 They say it lurks beneath the stage. 369 00:18:43,843 --> 00:18:48,563 Do you know, every actor who's ever seen it ends up in Bedlam. 370 00:18:48,563 --> 00:18:50,563 Do you remember Charles Keir? 371 00:18:50,563 --> 00:18:51,803 Wonderful actor. 372 00:18:51,803 --> 00:18:54,243 Well, apparently, he saw the Phantom whilst playing Hamlet 373 00:18:54,243 --> 00:18:56,883 on this very stage. CREAKING 374 00:18:56,883 --> 00:18:58,563 He's never acted since. 375 00:18:59,923 --> 00:19:03,203 Well, I hope I never see the Phantom. Ghastly. 376 00:19:16,923 --> 00:19:18,123 Sir? 377 00:19:19,883 --> 00:19:22,243 Sir? KNOCKING CONTINUES 378 00:19:25,683 --> 00:19:27,443 Sir? 379 00:19:27,443 --> 00:19:28,683 Sir? 380 00:19:30,803 --> 00:19:31,843 Sir? 381 00:19:34,043 --> 00:19:36,083 MUTTERS INCOMPREHENSIBLY 382 00:19:36,083 --> 00:19:40,563 What? How dare you barge in like that! Knock! 383 00:19:40,563 --> 00:19:43,803 Do you hear? Knock, man! Where's your respect, man? 384 00:19:43,803 --> 00:19:45,363 Tuck your shirt in. 385 00:19:45,363 --> 00:19:47,403 Straighten your hat. 386 00:19:47,403 --> 00:19:49,243 You look like a tramp. 387 00:19:49,243 --> 00:19:52,123 Sorry, sir, didn't mean to wake you. 388 00:19:52,123 --> 00:19:55,723 What? Didn't realise that you'd nodded off, sir. 389 00:19:55,723 --> 00:19:57,643 Nodded off? 390 00:19:57,643 --> 00:19:58,843 Nodded off?! 391 00:19:58,843 --> 00:20:03,643 Grannies nod off. Fat aunties nod off. 392 00:20:03,643 --> 00:20:06,483 Not knights of the realm. Not soldiers. 393 00:20:06,483 --> 00:20:07,963 God, what insolence! 394 00:20:09,363 --> 00:20:13,003 Crime doesn't sleep, and neither do I. 395 00:20:13,003 --> 00:20:16,243 I was merely... 396 00:20:16,243 --> 00:20:18,163 ..listening for woodworm. 397 00:20:20,483 --> 00:20:21,803 Yes, sir. Now, what do you want? 398 00:20:21,803 --> 00:20:24,123 Uh, post for you, sir. 399 00:20:27,963 --> 00:20:30,123 It might be another letter from Dodger. 400 00:20:30,123 --> 00:20:34,163 Yes, he's dipped his quill 401 00:20:34,163 --> 00:20:39,243 into his robber's ink and dashed off another evil epistle. 402 00:20:40,403 --> 00:20:41,683 Stand back. 403 00:20:41,683 --> 00:20:44,843 It might be a tiny little snake 404 00:20:44,843 --> 00:20:48,763 or a scorpion with a sting in its tail. 405 00:20:58,243 --> 00:21:00,923 Oh, it's theatre tickets, for tonight. 406 00:21:00,923 --> 00:21:03,163 The new vampire play. 407 00:21:03,163 --> 00:21:05,123 Hmm, hmm. 408 00:21:05,123 --> 00:21:06,803 No. Could I? 409 00:21:06,803 --> 00:21:08,083 No, no. You can't... 410 00:21:08,083 --> 00:21:09,403 Well, maybe. No, no. 411 00:21:10,843 --> 00:21:12,843 Oh, you... No, I... 412 00:21:13,963 --> 00:21:17,403 No, there's no way I can enjoy an evening of leisure 413 00:21:17,403 --> 00:21:22,403 when Dodger's out there marauding through honest pockets. 414 00:21:24,483 --> 00:21:25,803 Hmm. 415 00:21:27,643 --> 00:21:29,243 Here, you go. Take Duff. 416 00:21:29,243 --> 00:21:31,963 Heaven knows you could do with the education. 417 00:21:32,923 --> 00:21:34,803 Thanks, Sir. 418 00:21:34,803 --> 00:21:36,563 I've never been to the theatre before. 419 00:21:36,563 --> 00:21:39,403 What? Can't afford it, Sir. 420 00:21:39,403 --> 00:21:41,603 Oh. Why not? 421 00:21:42,603 --> 00:21:44,163 Not well-off, Sir. 422 00:21:44,163 --> 00:21:46,123 Got a lot mouths to feed, Sir. 423 00:21:46,123 --> 00:21:49,403 Oh. Well, you only look like you've got the one to me. 424 00:21:49,403 --> 00:21:50,643 Children. 425 00:21:50,643 --> 00:21:52,283 Children, Sir. Hmm. 426 00:21:52,283 --> 00:21:56,043 I've been blessed with ten of the specimens. 427 00:21:56,043 --> 00:21:57,243 How unfortunate. 428 00:22:00,563 --> 00:22:02,323 Well, thanks again, Sir. 429 00:22:07,643 --> 00:22:08,963 KNOCKING 430 00:22:08,963 --> 00:22:10,563 Enter. 431 00:22:16,603 --> 00:22:17,643 Wages? 432 00:22:23,203 --> 00:22:25,963 Eliza Vestris, My Life in Theatre. 433 00:22:27,083 --> 00:22:28,603 Is that your autobiography? 434 00:22:28,603 --> 00:22:29,843 No, it's God's. 435 00:22:31,083 --> 00:22:32,523 Of course it's mine. 436 00:22:33,563 --> 00:22:37,643 Ten years in the making and every publisher in London wants it. 437 00:22:37,643 --> 00:22:39,163 Am I in there? 438 00:22:39,163 --> 00:22:43,003 No, I've only written about the interesting people I've worked with. 439 00:22:43,003 --> 00:22:45,003 Thank you. 440 00:22:45,003 --> 00:22:47,723 Pick up your cues, Act II, Scene III. 441 00:23:06,083 --> 00:23:08,003 Um, Miss, 442 00:23:08,003 --> 00:23:10,203 I didn't get my wages. 443 00:23:10,203 --> 00:23:14,043 You'll get yours when you've proved you can do the job. 444 00:23:14,043 --> 00:23:18,243 But, Miss, if I don't get my wages, I can't buy dinner. 445 00:23:18,243 --> 00:23:21,243 Oh, welcome to the world of an actor. 446 00:23:21,243 --> 00:23:23,043 It's either feast or famine. 447 00:23:23,043 --> 00:23:27,163 And, in your case, today, it seems to be famine. 448 00:23:27,163 --> 00:23:28,203 Shoo. 449 00:23:30,603 --> 00:23:34,243 Excuse me. Hmm? I'm looking for the All Saints Orphanage. 450 00:23:34,243 --> 00:23:37,683 It's supposed to be near here. Yeah... I might know. 451 00:23:39,203 --> 00:23:41,923 Might not. Please. 452 00:23:41,923 --> 00:23:43,843 I'm tired. 453 00:23:43,843 --> 00:23:46,203 I've been searching every orphanage in London. 454 00:23:46,203 --> 00:23:48,283 This is the last one on the list. 455 00:23:48,283 --> 00:23:50,563 I'm looking for a missing girl. 456 00:23:52,163 --> 00:23:53,403 Money talks, love. 457 00:23:57,163 --> 00:23:59,003 There is no All Saints Orphanage. 458 00:23:59,003 --> 00:24:01,603 What do you mean there's no orphanage? What happened? 459 00:24:01,603 --> 00:24:03,563 Gas explosion. 460 00:24:03,563 --> 00:24:05,043 No-one survived. 461 00:24:06,083 --> 00:24:07,843 Terrible state of affairs. 462 00:24:08,843 --> 00:24:10,003 The poor girl. 463 00:24:14,443 --> 00:24:16,443 It's so boring being an actor. 464 00:24:16,443 --> 00:24:18,963 I had to sit around all day, just to do one line 465 00:24:18,963 --> 00:24:20,243 at the end of the show. 466 00:24:20,243 --> 00:24:22,883 I wouldn't mind being paid tuppence a day to do naff all. 467 00:24:22,883 --> 00:24:24,923 Speaking of which, cough up. 468 00:24:24,923 --> 00:24:26,723 TANG COUGHS Not you. 469 00:24:26,723 --> 00:24:30,043 Uh...she didn't pay me. 470 00:24:30,043 --> 00:24:32,003 See? I knew she was a wrong 'un. 471 00:24:32,003 --> 00:24:35,363 Exploiting children like that, it's terrible. 472 00:24:37,283 --> 00:24:40,123 Don't worry, she'll get what's coming to her tomorrow night. 473 00:24:40,123 --> 00:24:43,083 Right, I nicked some tickets for you. 474 00:24:45,483 --> 00:24:46,923 The Royal Box? 475 00:24:46,923 --> 00:24:48,523 Oh, don't we get proper seats? 476 00:24:48,523 --> 00:24:51,443 I ain't sitting on a box all night, I can do that at home. 477 00:24:51,443 --> 00:24:53,083 All right, it's the best I could get. 478 00:24:53,083 --> 00:24:54,203 DOOR THUDS 479 00:24:56,963 --> 00:24:58,963 Just the man. You got my message, then? 480 00:24:58,963 --> 00:25:00,683 Yeah. What's this all about? 481 00:25:00,683 --> 00:25:02,043 Make it snappy. 482 00:25:02,043 --> 00:25:06,043 Bullseye's got a cock fight in half an hour and he's odds on to win. 483 00:25:06,043 --> 00:25:09,243 Do you think he'll, uh, pass for poultry or...? 484 00:25:11,483 --> 00:25:13,603 It doesn't matter. The bloke that we're up against, 485 00:25:13,603 --> 00:25:15,123 his eyes are half-shot anyway. 486 00:25:16,923 --> 00:25:18,923 BULLSEYE BARKS Bullseye! 487 00:25:20,403 --> 00:25:22,163 Heel. 488 00:25:22,163 --> 00:25:23,603 Sit. 489 00:25:24,763 --> 00:25:26,603 Cluck. QUIET BARK 490 00:25:26,603 --> 00:25:28,483 Well, that'll do. 491 00:25:29,483 --> 00:25:31,843 Let's go through this one more time. 492 00:25:46,603 --> 00:25:47,843 This is it. Wow. 493 00:25:47,843 --> 00:25:49,163 This is all right. Oh, yeah. 494 00:26:02,483 --> 00:26:04,803 TOM LAUGHS 495 00:26:04,803 --> 00:26:07,763 Bit fancy for a box, innit? Yeah, it's plush in here. 496 00:26:07,763 --> 00:26:10,563 Ladies and gentlemen, this evening's performance of The Vampyre 497 00:26:10,563 --> 00:26:12,923 will begin in one minute. One minute. 498 00:26:12,923 --> 00:26:16,523 You know that they say that this, um, theatre's haunted? 499 00:26:16,523 --> 00:26:18,803 Oh, yeah? By a phantom. 500 00:26:18,803 --> 00:26:20,003 Yeah? Hm. 501 00:26:20,003 --> 00:26:21,963 I wonder if he'll turn up tonight? 502 00:26:21,963 --> 00:26:24,083 Not if he smells those eels. 503 00:26:25,363 --> 00:26:26,603 Here, what are these? 504 00:26:28,243 --> 00:26:30,723 Whatever they are, let's nick 'em. 505 00:26:32,323 --> 00:26:34,963 Do you believe in ghosts? No, don't be silly. 506 00:26:34,963 --> 00:26:36,203 No such thing. 507 00:26:37,323 --> 00:26:39,883 How would you arrest a ghost if there was such a thing? 508 00:26:39,883 --> 00:26:42,243 You can't, innit? Everything would go through the ghost. 509 00:26:42,243 --> 00:26:45,083 Cuffs goes right through its hands. 510 00:26:45,083 --> 00:26:46,683 I suppose it's like arresting gas. 511 00:26:48,043 --> 00:26:50,843 Put 'em in a bottle, can't you? Cork 'em in. 512 00:26:51,843 --> 00:26:54,403 A ghost can go through walls, but it can't go through cork. 513 00:26:54,403 --> 00:26:56,803 It's something about ancient wood. 514 00:26:56,803 --> 00:26:58,483 You want some? No. Ugh. 515 00:26:58,483 --> 00:26:59,643 No. 516 00:26:59,643 --> 00:27:02,043 APPLAUSE 517 00:27:02,043 --> 00:27:05,403 Oh, here we go. Oh. The curtain's going up. 518 00:27:10,603 --> 00:27:12,763 I had a word with the doctor. He can take a look at Tang, 519 00:27:12,763 --> 00:27:14,363 but it's going to set you back 20 quid. 520 00:27:14,363 --> 00:27:18,403 20 quid? Yeah, well, these criminal docs don't come cheap, you know? 521 00:27:18,403 --> 00:27:19,803 He is the best of the best. 522 00:27:19,803 --> 00:27:21,523 He's done Wild Mickey's appendix, 523 00:27:21,523 --> 00:27:23,683 Barry Mattock's bunions and Adam's apple. 524 00:27:23,683 --> 00:27:26,803 All right, you bring him tonight, cos she's going downhill fast. 525 00:27:26,803 --> 00:27:30,043 She's special to you, ain't she? All my kids are special to me. 526 00:27:30,043 --> 00:27:31,163 If they make money. 527 00:27:31,163 --> 00:27:33,603 Yeah, but you rescued her, didn't you, from that poppy den? 528 00:27:33,603 --> 00:27:36,003 I didn't rescue her. I bought her. 529 00:27:36,003 --> 00:27:38,323 And I don't like it when things I buy don't work. 530 00:27:38,323 --> 00:27:39,523 Bring him tonight, OK? 531 00:27:44,083 --> 00:27:48,963 I beseech you, do not become Lord Ruthven's bride. What? 532 00:27:48,963 --> 00:27:50,763 How long's this going on for? 533 00:27:50,763 --> 00:27:52,803 Yeah, I feel like I've been here days. Yeah. 534 00:27:52,803 --> 00:27:58,123 He seeks the heart-throbbing blood of the living, for he is 535 00:27:58,123 --> 00:27:59,683 a vampire. 536 00:27:59,683 --> 00:28:00,763 AUDIENCE GASPING 537 00:28:00,763 --> 00:28:02,763 Oh, man, this is a long play, innit? 538 00:28:02,763 --> 00:28:04,643 How do they learn all these lines? 539 00:28:04,643 --> 00:28:06,483 How do they know what to say? 540 00:28:06,483 --> 00:28:08,403 Memory. Oh, right, yeah. 541 00:28:17,403 --> 00:28:18,963 Where are you hiding? 542 00:28:38,963 --> 00:28:41,083 Am I going to be all right? 543 00:28:42,163 --> 00:28:46,403 Yeah. Fit as a fiddle, hunky dory, strong as an ox. 544 00:28:50,483 --> 00:28:51,523 Does it hurt? 545 00:28:53,283 --> 00:28:54,403 Does what hurt? 546 00:28:54,403 --> 00:28:56,443 When you die. 547 00:28:56,443 --> 00:28:59,563 What are you talking about dying for? And how should I know? 548 00:28:59,563 --> 00:29:01,523 I'm not the living dead, am I? 549 00:29:06,483 --> 00:29:10,163 I've heard it's all white. White lights, the whole shebang. 550 00:29:10,163 --> 00:29:14,563 Mind you, it's not like anybody's come back for breakfast, is it? 551 00:29:15,683 --> 00:29:17,163 Don't go. 552 00:29:22,243 --> 00:29:23,683 You need to go to sleep. 553 00:29:25,323 --> 00:29:26,523 Come on. 554 00:29:29,523 --> 00:29:30,803 That's it. 555 00:29:31,923 --> 00:29:33,043 Night, night. 556 00:29:37,723 --> 00:29:42,123 You cannot understand. You are so young, so young. 557 00:29:42,123 --> 00:29:44,963 The man you know as your lover 558 00:29:44,963 --> 00:29:46,963 is half man, 559 00:29:46,963 --> 00:29:48,003 half bat. 560 00:29:48,003 --> 00:29:49,403 CRASHING SOUNDS, AUDIENCE GASPS 561 00:29:49,403 --> 00:29:51,523 Oh! Oh, man, that was scary. 562 00:29:51,523 --> 00:29:53,483 Bat?! No! You missed a good bit. 563 00:29:53,483 --> 00:29:56,323 Yeah? What happened? That one there, 564 00:29:56,323 --> 00:29:57,803 he's a bat. I cannot! 565 00:29:57,803 --> 00:30:00,123 What, in real life? No, in the thing. Oh, right. 566 00:30:00,123 --> 00:30:02,403 Open the curtains. 567 00:30:02,403 --> 00:30:04,843 The sunlight will destroy him. 568 00:30:04,843 --> 00:30:08,963 I can't do it. I love him! 569 00:30:08,963 --> 00:30:12,123 If you won't, then I will. 570 00:30:12,123 --> 00:30:13,923 Noooo! 571 00:30:13,923 --> 00:30:15,683 HISSES 572 00:30:15,683 --> 00:30:17,443 CHOKES, COUGHS 573 00:30:18,723 --> 00:30:20,603 Die, you beast! 574 00:30:21,563 --> 00:30:23,363 I've got a bone. You've got a bone in there. 575 00:30:25,003 --> 00:30:27,563 You may destroy me, 576 00:30:27,563 --> 00:30:30,963 but I am not the only vampire 577 00:30:30,963 --> 00:30:32,763 to walk the Earth. 578 00:30:32,763 --> 00:30:34,483 GAGGING AND RETCHING 579 00:30:34,483 --> 00:30:37,323 For I have a son. 580 00:30:37,323 --> 00:30:39,083 DUFF COUGHING, AUDIENCE SHUSH HIM 581 00:30:39,083 --> 00:30:42,443 Shh! You see a man dying here? Shh! 582 00:30:42,443 --> 00:30:43,683 A son? 583 00:30:43,683 --> 00:30:45,363 THUNDERCRACK 584 00:30:45,363 --> 00:30:46,723 CREAKING 585 00:30:48,123 --> 00:30:50,723 OMINOUS CHORAL MUSIC 586 00:30:57,163 --> 00:30:59,843 It's real! The Phantom! 587 00:30:59,843 --> 00:31:03,163 Get out, get out! Run! RUN! 588 00:31:03,163 --> 00:31:05,323 HISSING, PEOPLE SCREAM 589 00:31:07,963 --> 00:31:09,083 WHISTLE CHIMES 590 00:31:09,083 --> 00:31:13,323 Everybody, vacate the premises in an orderly fashion! 591 00:31:13,323 --> 00:31:16,803 Ruuunnn! 592 00:31:18,563 --> 00:31:20,523 Wait! Wait! Come back! 593 00:31:21,483 --> 00:31:24,403 Who are you? Get off my...! 594 00:31:24,403 --> 00:31:26,643 Agh! 595 00:31:30,163 --> 00:31:33,083 SCREAMING 596 00:31:37,443 --> 00:31:38,963 Oh, it was horrible! 597 00:31:38,963 --> 00:31:41,603 Did you see the face? 598 00:31:41,603 --> 00:31:44,083 What about the boy? He's still in there with it. 599 00:31:44,083 --> 00:31:45,403 Who cares about him? 600 00:31:45,403 --> 00:31:47,203 What about my box office? 601 00:32:01,203 --> 00:32:02,403 Charley! 602 00:32:15,923 --> 00:32:18,563 All right, Bill, stop building your part up. 603 00:32:19,923 --> 00:32:22,243 I'm sweating my cobblers off in this thing. 604 00:32:22,243 --> 00:32:23,603 Come on. 605 00:32:26,203 --> 00:32:28,963 Right, we've got about five minutes before people get suspicious, 606 00:32:28,963 --> 00:32:30,323 there's no time to waste. 607 00:32:30,323 --> 00:32:33,643 Tom, Charley, you do the bar. Polly, the cloakroom. 608 00:32:33,643 --> 00:32:35,683 Me and Bill, we'll do the safe. 609 00:32:35,683 --> 00:32:37,203 Good luck. See you back at the den. 610 00:32:37,203 --> 00:32:39,323 Right. Right, we ain't got much time, 611 00:32:39,323 --> 00:32:41,603 so, you two, nick everything you can, right? 612 00:32:41,603 --> 00:32:43,643 Come on, Bill? Where's your takings? 613 00:32:43,643 --> 00:32:45,083 It's behind the painting. 614 00:32:45,083 --> 00:32:46,603 Let's go. 615 00:32:47,763 --> 00:32:48,963 Where's the key? 616 00:32:48,963 --> 00:32:50,443 It's in the top drawer. BILL GROWLS 617 00:32:53,643 --> 00:32:56,363 Um, maybe the second drawer. Dodger! 618 00:32:58,203 --> 00:33:00,003 It'll be here somewhere. 619 00:33:00,003 --> 00:33:02,603 Come on! Or here. We haven't got time for this! 620 00:33:02,603 --> 00:33:04,683 Maybe in here. 621 00:33:04,683 --> 00:33:05,803 Dodger! 622 00:33:07,883 --> 00:33:09,043 I'm sorry, Bill. 623 00:33:10,083 --> 00:33:11,483 She must have run off with it. 624 00:33:11,483 --> 00:33:13,443 I have not got time for this. 625 00:33:13,443 --> 00:33:14,523 Move. 626 00:33:22,163 --> 00:33:23,643 Come on, Bill, hurry up! 627 00:33:34,363 --> 00:33:36,763 Wait, hang on. How are we going to open it? 628 00:33:36,763 --> 00:33:39,483 We'll have to worry about that later. 629 00:33:39,483 --> 00:33:41,323 Oi, don't forget the mask, that's evidence. 630 00:33:49,323 --> 00:33:51,643 I've invested a fortune in this production. 631 00:33:51,643 --> 00:33:54,763 I can't have my takings go up in smoke. 632 00:33:54,763 --> 00:33:57,803 You've got to help me get this audience back inside. 633 00:33:57,803 --> 00:34:00,563 I cannot afford to give them a refund. 634 00:34:02,403 --> 00:34:03,523 What's that? 635 00:34:10,723 --> 00:34:12,883 This is the most dangerous tavern in London. 636 00:34:12,883 --> 00:34:15,403 I don't really like the theatre. It's all pretend, innit? 637 00:34:15,403 --> 00:34:16,643 Good morning. 638 00:34:16,643 --> 00:34:19,923 We heard you were looking for a boy for your fancy pants vampire thing. 639 00:34:19,923 --> 00:34:23,443 Our nipper's a big talent. He can do it all. Nice to meet you. 640 00:34:23,443 --> 00:34:28,083 The trap door opens and you rise to the stage. 641 00:34:28,083 --> 00:34:30,443 We've been had. 642 00:34:38,123 --> 00:34:39,763 My safe! 643 00:34:39,763 --> 00:34:41,363 You two! Look lively! 644 00:34:41,363 --> 00:34:43,203 Follow me! 645 00:34:43,203 --> 00:34:46,323 We have to catch them! This way! 646 00:34:50,523 --> 00:34:51,923 It's gone! 647 00:34:51,923 --> 00:34:53,643 SHE WAILS 648 00:34:53,643 --> 00:34:57,283 Was there anything valuable inside? Well, of course there was! 649 00:34:57,283 --> 00:34:59,003 Do I look like the kind of person 650 00:34:59,003 --> 00:35:01,323 who would lock up her toenail clippings? 651 00:35:01,323 --> 00:35:04,763 The contents of that safe are priceless. 652 00:35:04,763 --> 00:35:07,923 Block all the exits. Ring the alarum bell. 653 00:35:07,923 --> 00:35:11,603 Murder! Treason! 654 00:35:11,603 --> 00:35:14,123 All right. Duff, you search the front of the theatre, 655 00:35:14,123 --> 00:35:16,123 I'll search the back. 656 00:35:16,123 --> 00:35:17,883 Make haste! 657 00:35:19,283 --> 00:35:21,323 Oh, my safe... 658 00:35:21,323 --> 00:35:22,843 You were really good tonight. 659 00:35:22,843 --> 00:35:24,283 Oh, was I? Yeah. 660 00:35:24,283 --> 00:35:26,923 Get out! 661 00:35:26,923 --> 00:35:30,203 Boy, run! It's the police! Boy! 662 00:35:30,203 --> 00:35:31,683 WHISTLE BLOWS 663 00:35:31,683 --> 00:35:33,523 Let's go. Let's go. Let's go. 664 00:35:47,203 --> 00:35:49,243 She's here! She came in here! 665 00:35:49,243 --> 00:35:51,443 Blathers! I'm going round the back. 666 00:35:59,163 --> 00:36:00,843 Right, what'd you get? What'd you get? 667 00:36:00,843 --> 00:36:03,243 Snuff boxes, half a tub of jellied eels 668 00:36:03,243 --> 00:36:04,603 and a couple of neckerchiefs. 669 00:36:04,603 --> 00:36:06,563 I robbed the whole bar of crystal glasses. 670 00:36:06,563 --> 00:36:09,123 Oi, what you waiting for? Don't hang about - move! 671 00:36:09,123 --> 00:36:10,443 Come on! 672 00:36:10,443 --> 00:36:12,003 TOM GROWLS 673 00:36:12,003 --> 00:36:13,523 Where'd she go? 674 00:36:13,523 --> 00:36:15,923 She's a little thing, a little thing in a soldier's outfit, 675 00:36:15,923 --> 00:36:17,883 a little soldier... I'm stuck in the garden! 676 00:36:17,883 --> 00:36:19,763 What? I'm stuck in the garden! 677 00:36:19,763 --> 00:36:21,363 I can't get out! 678 00:36:23,963 --> 00:36:26,763 Duff, there! There she is! She's... 679 00:36:26,763 --> 00:36:28,043 BLOWS WHISTLE 680 00:36:28,043 --> 00:36:29,643 Duff, she's behind you! 681 00:36:33,523 --> 00:36:35,163 Duff, she's behind you! Look, there! 682 00:36:35,163 --> 00:36:37,443 Where? Come back! Where did she go? 683 00:36:37,443 --> 00:36:40,123 Come back! Where? 684 00:36:40,123 --> 00:36:44,003 Looks, look, she's crawling up there like a rat. 685 00:36:45,683 --> 00:36:47,083 What you doing?! 686 00:36:50,123 --> 00:36:51,763 There she is! Behind you, Duff! 687 00:36:56,203 --> 00:36:58,043 She's there, Duff! Grab her! 688 00:37:00,923 --> 00:37:02,803 Ha, ha, ha! Where do you think you're going? 689 00:37:02,803 --> 00:37:06,003 Here we are. Get off! Get off! 690 00:37:06,003 --> 00:37:08,043 You are under arrest. Get off! 691 00:37:08,043 --> 00:37:11,723 Come on. BLOWS WHISTLE 692 00:37:11,723 --> 00:37:14,163 BLOWS WEAKLY, GASPS 693 00:37:15,763 --> 00:37:17,243 THUDDING Oh. 694 00:37:23,763 --> 00:37:25,243 What's going on? 695 00:37:25,243 --> 00:37:28,603 Well, Dodger got the safe, but he couldn't get the key, could he? 696 00:37:32,603 --> 00:37:34,643 I haven't seen one of them locks before. 697 00:37:34,643 --> 00:37:36,603 It's one of them new Chubb ones, innit. 698 00:37:36,603 --> 00:37:38,843 We're going to have to blow it up if we want to open it. 699 00:37:38,843 --> 00:37:41,523 Yeah. You got a bomb? 700 00:37:41,523 --> 00:37:43,323 No, I ain't got a bomb. 701 00:37:45,163 --> 00:37:47,723 Stop a minute, you're squeezing too tight! Off! 702 00:37:47,723 --> 00:37:49,043 Shut up. 703 00:37:49,043 --> 00:37:51,203 Here's the little toe rag you wanted to see, Sir. 704 00:37:51,203 --> 00:37:53,763 Shove me like that again and I'll do you! 705 00:37:53,763 --> 00:37:55,403 Where'd they get their manners from? 706 00:37:55,403 --> 00:37:57,083 Leave us. 707 00:38:01,283 --> 00:38:04,003 I am Sir Charles Rowan, Chief of Police. 708 00:38:04,003 --> 00:38:06,683 That was quite a stunt you pulled at the theatre tonight. 709 00:38:06,683 --> 00:38:08,123 Thank you very much. 710 00:38:09,683 --> 00:38:13,123 Eliza Vestris said there was a young man involved 711 00:38:13,123 --> 00:38:15,163 who matched this description. 712 00:38:17,443 --> 00:38:19,363 It's him, isn't it? 713 00:38:19,363 --> 00:38:21,123 The one you call Dodger. 714 00:38:21,123 --> 00:38:22,883 Hmm? 715 00:38:24,163 --> 00:38:25,963 We know you're in his gang. 716 00:38:25,963 --> 00:38:30,203 My officers have seen you two scrapping around the streets. 717 00:38:40,283 --> 00:38:41,603 Oh, look. 718 00:38:42,843 --> 00:38:45,443 Imagine what you could do with this. 719 00:38:47,683 --> 00:38:51,763 You could make something of your pathetic little life. 720 00:38:51,763 --> 00:38:54,443 I'll make something of my "pathetic little life", all right. 721 00:38:54,443 --> 00:38:56,683 But I don't need to snitch on someone to do it. 722 00:38:56,683 --> 00:38:58,723 Oh, it's not a case of snitching. 723 00:38:58,723 --> 00:39:00,443 You'll be saving Dodger. 724 00:39:01,803 --> 00:39:04,763 I can't tell you how many children I've seen dying 725 00:39:04,763 --> 00:39:07,283 doing filthy jobs for filthy criminals. 726 00:39:09,083 --> 00:39:11,923 They're using you. Just like you're using me now, then, 727 00:39:11,923 --> 00:39:14,203 to get information. I ain't stupid. 728 00:39:18,403 --> 00:39:19,563 Where is Dodger? 729 00:39:29,803 --> 00:39:32,403 Have you ever used smoke bombs before? 730 00:39:32,403 --> 00:39:34,763 Oi, hang on! Pow! Pow! 731 00:39:35,723 --> 00:39:37,843 These'll work - smoke bombs! 732 00:39:37,843 --> 00:39:40,043 Yeah, all right. Leave it to me. Stand back. 733 00:39:48,563 --> 00:39:50,723 All right, then, let's do a deal. 734 00:39:51,923 --> 00:39:53,443 But I ain't ratting on Dodger. 735 00:39:53,443 --> 00:39:57,443 You know why? It's not him you want. He's just a puppet. 736 00:39:57,443 --> 00:40:00,243 Now, if you give me that money and you let me go scot free, 737 00:40:00,243 --> 00:40:02,603 I'll give you the name of the gang leader, 738 00:40:02,603 --> 00:40:06,403 the person pulling the strings behind the whole outfit. 739 00:40:06,403 --> 00:40:08,163 How about that, then? 740 00:40:08,163 --> 00:40:10,203 Now we're getting somewhere. 741 00:40:10,203 --> 00:40:12,123 Oh, yes. 742 00:40:12,123 --> 00:40:14,803 Hold on to your eyebrows. 743 00:40:16,803 --> 00:40:18,003 Come on, child. 744 00:40:18,003 --> 00:40:20,283 Spit it out, the name. 745 00:40:20,283 --> 00:40:21,523 Give me the name. 746 00:40:22,883 --> 00:40:25,043 No, I want it writ down for proof. 747 00:40:25,043 --> 00:40:27,003 Otherwise, it's your word against mine 748 00:40:27,003 --> 00:40:28,723 and mine don't count for buttons. 749 00:40:34,403 --> 00:40:35,443 Very well. 750 00:40:39,123 --> 00:40:40,563 And what should I write? 751 00:40:42,203 --> 00:40:43,883 That I, Polly Crackitt... 752 00:40:45,283 --> 00:40:48,243 ..can never be arrested nor slammed up 753 00:40:48,243 --> 00:40:50,043 if I tell you who Dodger's boss is. 754 00:40:52,043 --> 00:40:54,123 And don't try to stiff me. 755 00:40:54,123 --> 00:40:55,963 I might be dirty, but I'm not daft. 756 00:40:55,963 --> 00:40:59,323 I want it writ proper. Writ proper, hm. 757 00:41:03,483 --> 00:41:05,883 This is going to be a big one. 758 00:41:09,683 --> 00:41:10,963 Satisfied? 759 00:41:13,443 --> 00:41:15,723 Three... Oh, ho, ho, ho. 760 00:41:15,723 --> 00:41:17,363 Come on. 761 00:41:17,363 --> 00:41:19,083 Stand back! 762 00:41:19,083 --> 00:41:20,123 Two... 763 00:41:20,123 --> 00:41:22,763 Who gives Dodger's orders? 764 00:41:22,763 --> 00:41:24,123 One! 765 00:41:24,123 --> 00:41:25,323 I do. 766 00:41:27,763 --> 00:41:29,683 I know you don't care who's running the show. 767 00:41:29,683 --> 00:41:31,523 It's Dodger you want. 768 00:41:31,523 --> 00:41:34,963 It really sticks in your guts that a little lad like him 769 00:41:34,963 --> 00:41:37,843 can run rings around you, Lord of the Police. 770 00:41:37,843 --> 00:41:40,963 Well, you best get used to it, cos you'll never catch him 771 00:41:40,963 --> 00:41:42,363 and you won't catch me neither. 772 00:41:42,363 --> 00:41:43,683 Cheers for the dosh. 773 00:41:43,683 --> 00:41:44,883 Oi... 774 00:41:46,123 --> 00:41:47,323 Stop her! 775 00:41:47,323 --> 00:41:48,763 Stop her! What? 776 00:41:48,763 --> 00:41:50,003 Stop her! 777 00:41:50,003 --> 00:41:52,043 She tricked me! 778 00:41:55,483 --> 00:41:57,083 Oh. 779 00:41:59,683 --> 00:42:01,283 What is it? What's inside it? 780 00:42:05,323 --> 00:42:06,563 Open, you...! 781 00:42:13,563 --> 00:42:15,923 What is this? 782 00:42:15,923 --> 00:42:18,363 Eliza Vestris, My Life in Theatre. 783 00:42:20,083 --> 00:42:21,803 Oh. Oh? 784 00:42:21,803 --> 00:42:25,003 That's her book. A book, yeah? 785 00:42:25,003 --> 00:42:28,763 When she said something was priceless... Yeah? 786 00:42:28,763 --> 00:42:30,523 ..I thought... You thought... 787 00:42:30,523 --> 00:42:32,363 she was talking about... Money. ..money, 788 00:42:32,363 --> 00:42:34,803 but she was talking about her... Her book. 789 00:42:34,803 --> 00:42:38,603 So you're saying that we went through all that trouble 790 00:42:38,603 --> 00:42:40,803 for some scraps of paper? Bill! 791 00:42:42,523 --> 00:42:43,843 TANG COUGHS 792 00:42:46,603 --> 00:42:49,563 How are we going to pay for a doctor now? 793 00:42:50,563 --> 00:42:52,723 Hello, guys? Look what I've got. 794 00:42:59,403 --> 00:43:01,523 A cup of coffee for you, Sir. 795 00:43:19,283 --> 00:43:21,523 DISCORDANT MUSIC 796 00:43:24,363 --> 00:43:26,083 I wish she had died now.