Shh! Coast is clear. Come on, come on, come on. Whose idea was this?!
Mine's heavy. My bag. Watch it, watch it, watch it!
LOUD THUD Pick it up. Pick it up! Argh!
Come on, come on. Keep it down. We don't want the street finding out.
We should have used a different rug. You can see it all bleeding through.
What am I, a rug shop?! I've only got the one. It's ruined now!
Where am I putting it? Dump it in the cellar.
Body first, then the two legs. Right.
BILL GROANS
That was murder.
THEME MUSIC
I've never been anywhere so posh.
BELL RINGS
Monsieur? Table for seven, please. DOG BARKS
Nice one. Not by the bogs.
Certainly.
May I take your coat and your, erm, hat?
What for?
I will return with the menu.
No need, squire!
We know what we want.
Chop, chop, chop, chop, chop, chop, chop.
Seven chops and cod for the dog. DOG BARKS
Very well. Chop chop! BILL LAUGHS
Ah, Judge Fang.
Sorry I'm late. I came straight from the Bailey.
Sent six chaps swinging for forging banknotes
and a nipper to the noose for stealing a box of cucumbers.
Seems a bit harsh.
They were my cucumbers.
Monsieur? Haddock. How do you like him?
Well done. And two hard-boiled eggs. Mm.
Quail fondant and the potage. Oh, an excellent choice, monsieur.
So, what is it that you wanted to discuss?
The Lord Chancellor asked me confidentially to talk to you
about this young criminal they're calling the Dodger.
How can you afford all this? Have you come into money or something?
We just thought we'd treat you all for once. I thought we were broke.
Let's just say we made a killing. BILL LAUGHS
Tang, no stealing.
It's our night off.
Why would anyone need so many knives and forks?
Has this table been laid for an octopus? It's what the poshos like.
They've all got their own names. Bread knife, butter knife,
steak knife, cheese knife, teaspoon, coffee spoon, soup spoon,
dessert spoon, fish fork, lemon fork, oyster fork, salad fork.
Ooh, you're a proper lady, ain't you?
Well, that's what they taught me at the Palace.
Before they booted me out. Stuck-up bunch, they were.
The only ones you were allowed to look in the eye were the horses.
The royal coachman taught me how to ride one.
Did he?
Service!
Voila.
It's a delicate matter, Charles.
London is the most dangerous city in the empire
and it's your job to make it the safest, yet you seem obsessed
with this one boy. He's more than just one boy.
He's become some sort of folk hero for the poor.
Some modern-day Dick Turpin, glamorising crime.
He's created havoc all over London.
You tell the Lord Chancellor and his friends
to let me do my job, will you?
He writes to me, you know?
Personal offensive letters.
The latest one arrived this morning.
"So, Charlie, boy, still haven't got me yet.
"You are a laughing stock. Call yourself a war hero?
"You're a silly fat panda sitting on top of your bamboo mountain,
"chomping on gas.
"You will never find me."
It was the big fat panda part that got me.
How dare he?!
Frightful spelling.
Mm.
'That was murder, wasn't it?'
'We just made a killing.'
'Body first, then the two legs.'
'You can see it all bleeding through.'
You not eating yours?
'Murder.' 'Killing.' 'Murder.' 'Killing.'
THEY LAUGH Bit porky that, innit?
Please, sir, can I have some more?
More?!
DOG BARKS
Of course.
Your bill.
Keep the change.
Thank you, sir.
Right, let's go.
You know, Charles, I reckon that you seek some medical advice
on this matter and I know just the fellow.
What's wrong with you? You've been miserable all day, eh?
Cheer up!
No! Stop him!
Hurry up! Slow down!
Stop him!
Those chops are repeating on me.
No, no, no. You cannot leave like this.
Fagin?
Fagin!
What is it? What's gone wrong? Nothing.
We just had a little bit of a run-in with the king of the peelers.
It's all right now, though. We brought a chop back for your tea.
Oh, that is a lovely chop.
No gristle. Thank you very much.
See? I told you the plan would work. Plan?
What's going on here? Yeah.
It ain't fair to keep us in the dark.
Come on. Come down here. I'll show you. No!
Don't go.
I know what you rotten lot have done.
I saw you last night carrying a dead lump, rugged up.
I don't want nothing to do with this.
Have you gone nitwits?
Pickpocketing is one thing...
..but cold-blooded murder?
Eh? Murder?
No-one's been murdered.
LAUGHTER
Then, what's all that red stuff on your hands?
What, this?
FAGIN LAUGHS
It's ink, you rhombus!
LAUGHTER
Come down here, I'll show you.
Come on!
It weren't a body you saw us lifting, Dodger.
It were this.
It's a money-making machine.
With this thing, we can print our own money.
Them notes that we used for our new clothes and the slap-up meal
were fakes! BILL LAUGHS
So when you said you'd come into money...
..it was pretend money.
Yeah. We've done a couple but with your help we could make thousands.
No more pickpocketing for us. We're going to be rich!
Wait. So, how did you get it?
Tom overheard an associate of mine talking at the bakehouse.
We meet at midnight and lift the printing press
from the warehouse down Limehouse.
Yeah, he was banging on about how he was going to nick this from
the factory before it went to the bank and then print a load of dosh.
Bring some overalls. It's going to get messy.
And he had the idea for us to nick it to get in front of him.
Which associate is this, then?
Well, when I say associate,
I mean enemy.
Barry Mattocks. Barry Mattocks?!
You nicked that off the most dangerous criminal in London?
I said plain scone.
I hate sultanas!
Aargh!
It's all right. By the time he notices, we'll have printed
so much money, we'll be out of here. He won't see our backsides for dust.
And it only takes a minute to slice and sign one note.
Look at that.
We need 10,000 by tomorrow morning. 10,000? Are you 'aving a laugh?
What's in it for us, Fagin? The whole world.
Follow me. FAGIN LAUGHS
I love you.
THEY LAUGH
Say it back. No.
Look at that. Look at that.
We're going to make enough money to buy any house in London.
Up west, down south - whatever tickles your fancy.
Pick a gaff, any gaff.
LAUGHTER
I like that one.
Yeah, well, not that. That's Buckingham Palace.
FAGIN LAUGHS
Pick another.
That one. Oh, yeah, that's the Tower of London.
Be reasonable. My hands are not wands.
Pick another one.
That one, then. That one.
Yeah, yeah, that's Westminster Abbey.
You know what, forget it. Right, you lot, get downstairs,
don't come up until you've made a mint.
I'm going to bed.
Come on, come on.
Ah, lovely!
You've worked your cobblers off.
Only another 5,000 to do and I'll see you in the morning.
Good night.
BELLS RING
I'd like to say before the off that I didn't want to do this.
My superiors insisted that I undertake some sort of therapy
to try and stop these, you know, temper typhoons.
And what brings on these temper typhoons?
Oh, a begrimed misfit known as Dodger.
Ah, the elusive Dodger. I read about him in the papers.
He seems like quite a character. No, no, he's not a character.
He's a dangerous criminal. I possess one of the finest brains in Britain,
yet an uneducated, repulsive, cocky little street urchin
is running rings around me and my entire police force!
May I ask, what is the point
of these silly magnets?
Your thoughts are full of negative ions.
The magnets absorb them, leaving just the positive ones behind.
After treatment, your thoughts will be in a...
..a womb of calm. HE CHUCKLES
As I begin the magnetising process,
you must clear your mind of all thoughts.
Mmm.
Hmm.
Oh, yes. Mm, mm.
I can't!
It's like a fly buzzing around my brain.
I can't swat it, no matter how hard I try.
This isn't working.
Time to try something a little more powerful. Hold on to these.
I want you to clear your thoughts of that nasty Dodger.
That's it.
You see, yesterday, I saw him lording it up
in the most expensive restaurant in London with all his gang.
'This is well porky.'
Where on earth is he getting the money to pay for it all?
'Keep the change.'
Oh, the money!
No, I...I can't sit around here magnetising!
We haven't finished!
Wait! My apparatus!
Ah, you.
You served them. Monsieur?
Sir Charles Rowan, Chief of Police.
Show me the money.
The money.
And you're sure he paid in cash? The large male with the bulldog.
Oh, yes, yes. I'll never forget the smell.
I knew it.
This is a fake.
It is worthless?
So I guess no tip?
Afraid not.
But we know who did this and I'll make sure they're punished.
No-one makes a fool of me.
LAUGHTER
I don't believe those kids had it in 'em.
Course they've got it in 'em, and they can do anything.
They're my kids. Door's bolted. Tuck in!
Here, Min. I'll pay for these.
No, no, no. Please let me pay.
No, let me! LAUGHTER
You lot paying? That's a first! LAUGHTER
Woo!
The future.
The future. The future. The future.
Ah!
BELLS CHIME
Fagin?
That's weird. Fagin's normally first up.
His door's never open.
Wait.
What if something's happened to him?
What if he's...
You know.
Dead.
We'll deal with it. You stay here.
Fagin?
He's taken everything. Come on, let's try the pub.
SHE SNORES
Minnie! Minnie! Minnie, are you all right?
No. Cor, that was a night.
Have you seen Fagin?
No. He's not in bed, he's not anywhere.
He don't go out. Have you tried the roof?
I did. There's nothing up there but pigeon sick.
He's got to be somewhere.
Open up.
Is it opening time already?!
It's eight o'clock in the morning. You should be open by now.
All right, all right, I'm coming. Hang...
My keys, they've gone.
Check the cellar.
Fagin!
Where is it?
No.
No! No!
No! They've taken it.
Every last note.
I can't believe they'd do this. We've spent day and night
making that cash and this was my idea.
I was going to start a new life.
Leave the warm beer and the criminals behind.
What's going on? Fagin's gone. He's stitched us right up.
But what about all the things he promised us?
It was guff, wasn't it? To get you to work harder.
No.
Fagin wouldn't do that to me.
Us! He wouldn't do this to us.
I've known him longer than you. He doesn't care about you.
I know, maybe he's been raided.
Oh, Dodger, he's left his slippers. Minnie's right. He's gone.
I'm going to pulp his brains when I see him.
DOG BARKS
Bullseye. They dumped him, too.
They're all in on it. Fagin, Nancy, Bill.
I hope those three get what's coming to 'em.
Hurry up. It sets sail in ten minutes.
Nancy. What? Do you think the kids will be all right?
Of course they will. They can look after themselves, can't they?
That's what we trained them up for.
I know, but we shouldn't have just left them like that without a word.
We can't take them with us. It's now or never.
Anyway, you agreed to Bill's plan. I didn't have any choice!
Look, don't come, then.
But you won't be getting any of this and they'll be looking for you.
Move.
Three tickets for the nine o'clock to New York, please.
Top class. First class. Yeah, that.
Let me just check the ledger. We might be able to squeeze you in.
I wish there was another way to New York other than sailing.
I get seasick standing in a puddle. You want to sniff an orange.
That's supposed to be good for the old sea quease.
Ooh. Don't go without me.
How's the apple? Nice? Mm.
Lads, lads, there's two blokes in there trying to buy tickets
to New York with these dodgy notes. Have a look at the signatures.
Let's see that.
Whereabouts? In there. In there? Yes, Chief.
I want a nice big juicy orange. What have you got for me?
Police! Police!
Hey, get off me! Get off me!
Get off me!
Get off me! Aargh!
Grrrr!
Grrrr! Don't...!
Aargh!
With Fagin out of the way,
it looks like we need someone else to replace him.
HE CHUCKLES I know.
Me. THEY SCOFF
Says who?! I'm the oldest.
All right? I've been delving into pockets the longest.
And you, I want you out.
Do one.
How is that fair? If he's out, I'm out.
Good. Who cares? So long.
I'll be going as well. I won't take all this from a prat.
Good. Don't need you. Jog on.
I'm with them. Yeah, you are a prat.
All of you go, then. I don't want to live with little kids.
I'm a man, I want to live with other men, and if there ain't
any other men about, then I want to live with myself!
Not much of a gang, is it, with just you?
I don't need you. You lot hold me back.
Now, go on, all of you, hop it! You'll see what I can do on my own!
DOOR OPENS Intruder.
The police have got 'em. Fagin and Bill.
They've been arrested down dockside.
They're not going to get out of this alive.
Forged! Every single note! Tell the boss.
Come on. Get off me!
You're dog chum when I'm out of 'ere! Shut up!
Argh! I'll eat you!
You've got to let me hide out here, Tom.
They're going to be after me next. I've got nowhere else to go.
We're supposed to feel sorry for you even though you're the one
that nicked all the money we made? It wasn't me, I swear.
It was Fagin's idea.
What?
To do a runner on us?
Yeah. I kept saying it wasn't right. Even I wouldn't be that ruthless.
Please, Tom.
You've got to let me hide out here.
All right. Tom, screw your 'ead on.
She nicked your idea. Sling 'er out!
All right, listen, I'm the boss, remember,
and none of you lot are in my outfit any more.
Where's he going? DOOR SLAMS
CHAIN RATTLES
Chief of Police to see you.
DOOR SLAMS
What's the damage?
Well, you've been charged with forgery, identity theft,
burglary, house breaking, buying and selling stolen goods.
I mean, I could go on.
Do you have anything to say for yourself?
I didn't know the money was squiffy.
Oh.
So how did you get it?
I inherited it.
You inherited it from whom?
My aunt. She died last week.
Left me all her money. I didn't know it was bandy.
HE SCOFFS You're lying!
Forging banknotes is treason.
You're certain to be sentenced to death.
You ain't got any witnesses to say I forged it. I know the law.
Oh, but I don't need any witnesses.
Judge Fang is a personal friend of mine.
You see, I saved his life at the Battle of Waterloo.
He'll do anything for me. Anything!
This is for your business.
Even if they do execute me...
..I'll come back and I'll haunt you
for the rest of your life, every minute of every day,
eating dinner...
..kissing the missus...
..sitting on the chamber pot...
..I'll be there, watching.
I'll draw the curtains. Ghosts can see through curtains, mate.
Everybody knows that.
Oh, yeah.
There is one way you can save yourself.
Oh, yeah? What's that?
Hand Dodger over to me.
What? That's it?
I give you the boy and you go easy on me?
That's right.
I'm supposed to be guarding you 24 hours a day.
I can't take my eyes off you.
I will take my eyes off you when you go and do your business.
Every man has to have his privacy.
I think I need to go now, actually.
Well? What will it be?
I don't do deals with coppers.
Then you shall die.
Door!
HE BANGS ON DOOR
BANGING CONTINUES
Duff, open this door!
Sorry, sir.
Sorry, sir. I was in the cell next door with the big man
and he done a toilet and I got locked in, then I couldn't find
the key, then I found the key, and now I'll open up the door.
DOOR SLAMS
BELL CHIMES
Read all about it!
Fake money plot foiled!
London's most wanted in court today!
All rise for the Right Honourable Josiah Fang QC.
Mr Solomon Fagin and Mr William Sikes are charged with...
..forgery, burglary
and child exploitation.
Is that all? BILL CHUCKLES
Do you have legal representation?
No need.
I will be representing myself and my co-accused, your honour.
Oh.
What do you know of the law?
Quite a bit. I've spent most of my life on the wrong side of it.
FAGIN AND BILL LAUGH
By the time I've stated my case, the only verdict you can reach,
I guarantee, will be not guilty.
Guilty.
That didn't go as I expected.
Solomon Fagin, William Sikes,
it is the sentence of this court that you be taken from here
to the place from whence you came and there kept in close confinement
until a day from now, and upon that day that you be taken
to a lawful place of execution and there hanged...
..by the neck until you are dead.
And may God have mercy on your souls.
And that's lunch.
No, no, no, no, no.
Fagin, no, no, no.
Fagin! Fagin, you said you'd fix it. Fagin!
Fagin!
Fagin! Fagin!
Read all about it! Fake money plot duo due to be executed tomorrow!
Read all about it!
This has to be a dream.
It has to be.
What are we going to do?
We can't hang around here waiting all day.
I'm going to sort this out.
DOOR SLAMS
CHAIN RATTLES
Fagin, visitor.
Who is it? It's your son.
DOOR SLAMS
I didn't know what else to say.
Well?
Well what?
You just walked away.
You left us. It wasn't my idea to do a bunk. Bill made me do it.
He threatened to kill me. You know how frightening he is.
Don't you believe me?
I don't know what to believe any more, Fagin.
We've got a special bond, you and me.
Funny how you've come over all cuddly now you're in the nick, eh?
OK, I made a mistake. I'm facing the worst a man can face here.
The noose.
Tell me where the printer is and we're square.
All right. Well, erm...
..we threw it in the Thames. What?
To destroy the evidence and wind up Barry Mattocks.
Are you mad?!
He'll come for us, Fagin! I... He'll come for us all!
I know, I know.
That's why you've got to get me out, for your sake and for mine.
I've got one more trick up my sleeve.
A man deserves a second chance, doesn't he?
And I am begging you. I'm begging you.
After all I've done for you.
What do you want me to do?
Good boy.
Minnie, my ol' mucker.
You've aged.
Thanks. You always were a charmer, Barry.
How's your old man?
Still dead.
Oh, yeah. Nasty business.
Speaking of which, Bill and Fagin meet their end tomorrow.
I've got one night to get even for what they done to me,
so I need to know where they put that money machine.
I'm as in the dark as you are.
You're not the only one he shafted.
Maybe Fagin's kids will know.
Especially the one everyone's talking about.
Dodger.
He'd be a very valuable asset to my gang.
You had this all along and you didn't tell us?
This is pure silver. It's not silver, it's platinum.
Belonged to my son. He was good on it, too.
I didn't know you had a family.
Where is your son? In here and in here.
It's good enough for me.
I never thought I'd part with it.
I thought they'd have to cut it off my carcass, but needs must.
Never be sentimental when your neck's on the line.
Where does he keep 'em, these brats of his?
I wouldn't know.
He don't tell me nothing. I just keep my eye on the pumps.
Does anyone know where I can find Dodger?
There's half a guinea in it for you.
Even if they knew, they wouldn't tell you.
He's upstairs.
Come on!
I've stashed the other piece in a secret place.
Put 'em together, take it to Judge Fang.
He's the dirtiest judge in town, do anything for lolly,
and that's worth a lot of money.
Tell him, overturn our convictions
and you can play the piccolo till your heart's content.
Minnie knows where he lives.
Are you sure you want me to do this?
Yeah.
Everyone, Barry Mattocks is coming. We need to get out quick.
I'm not going anywhere. Barry Mattocks don't scare me.
What was that?
Nothing, sir.
Where's the other piece hidden, then?
Go to the cemetery on Brady Street.
There's a big old cherry tree at the back. You can't miss it.
Beneath it, you'll see two gravestones.
That's where my wife and children are buried.
Dig down between 'em and you'll discover a box.
You'll find what you need inside.
Fagin and Bill stole from us,
so we need something back from them.
HE LAUGHS
I've got to flog this lot and get some dosh back.
Leave 'em, Barry. They're only kids.
I'm not a kid, I'm 18.
In three years.
I know how to save Fagin!
Oh, do you?
Hello. What is this?
No, no, give that back!
What are you doing? I need that! It doesn't matter. Shh.
That's a nice bit of platinum, that.
I'll have it melted down, see how much I can get for it.
If it don't cover the debt, I'll come back for you lot.
You try and run...
..and I'll find you!
DOOR SLAMS
Yeah.
I could have had him. Easy.
BILL SOBS
Bill, shut up! I can't sleep.
I don't want to die. Help me.
We've got one last hope.
I'm going to bed.
Fagin!
HE SOBS
Bullseye!
Why should we help them? They left us to rot.
I like being in charge. In charge?
You packed your pants when Mattocks came knocking. No, I didn't.
Look, Mattocks is going to come back whether we like it or not.
Only Bill and Fagin can protect us.
He's right. Shut up, Nancy. You're lucky you ain't hanging an' all.
You only came back here cos you've got nowhere else to go.
Don't talk to me like that. I'll talk to you how I want. Shut up!
Fagin isn't perfect.
But better the devil you know than the devil you don't, I say.
Now, I've got an idea.
Nancy, what did you say the royal coachman taught you?
Have you had any messages? No.
Nothing from Judge Fang? No, I haven't.
Fagin. Fagin! You said you had it sorted.
Wait!
Just wait!
Judge Fang sent us. See? I told you.
We've been acquitted. Uncuff me.
Actually, he sent us to escort you to ensure you didn't try
any silly business. Now get in.
No, no, no. You need to speak to Judge Fang. He'll sort all this.
Hurry up.
Get in.
Get in, you filthy man. Go on, get in.
No. Come on.
Mmm! Come on, big boy. We need some hands with that one.
Get in.
Right.
Ah, just in time.
Come on, Charles. We don't want to miss the hanging.
Oh, make way, make way.
It's a nice day for it.
What would be your last meal if you were going to be hung?
Cottage pie.
What would you 'ave? Me?
Oh, I think I'd 'ave a toad.
Toad in the 'ole? No, just a toad.
My wife's French. Yeah, she's got me into it all. Toad's legs and stuff.
Does it taste like chicken? No, it tastes like toad.
Listen, these are our last moments on Earth.
Do me a favour, stop talking toad.
Sorry.
Don't apologise. They deserve everything they get.
There's something rather malodorous, Charles.
Is it the people or the vegetables?
It's not me.
The stench of humanity.
Now, would you have the toad with gravy on top? No.
What would you have it with?
Rice. Rice?
Give them a chance. I have to be in court in 15 minutes.
They should be here any minute.
Right, we're here.
On your feet, boys.
Oi, oi.
All right, boys? Looks like you took a wrong turn.
No! No, no, no!
No, no, no, no! Open up the door!
Got a tip for the driver?
Open the door, you lot!
Do you know who we are?! We are police!
I'm ordering you!
Open the door!
Dodger. FAGIN LAUGHS
They're very late. Do you think there's a problem?
No, no. I've got my two best men on the job.
Come back!
You won't get away with this!
Come back!
Haven't you tidied up? I've been gone a couple of days. Look at it!
Are you being serious? After all we've done for you.
Right, right...
..a few words are in order.
What me, Bill and Nancy done was wrong.
We took advantage of you, even more than we normally do.
HE LAUGHS
Nah.
When I think how I left you like that and you still sprung me
out of prison, well, that was noble.
You all should be proud of yourselves. All of you.
When I think of the things I've done right in this life,
and, let's be honest, it ain't been much...
..it was bringing you lot together,
because together you can do anything.
Even save an old crocodile like me from the jaws of death.
HE EXHALES
That's it. I've said my piece.
Now, I hope you can find it in your hearts to take all your anger out
on Bill cos it was his idea in the first place.
Get on with it.
Oi.
I'm sorry about the piccolo.
I've lost worse.
I was ready to go, you know?
I was ready to join my family.
But I wanted to live another day.
Cos of you.
Spud?
Yeah.
BANGING ON DOOR Fagin, open up!
Tell her I'm not here.
I know you're in there.
Thought you'd trick me, did you? Hide! Hide!
You're going to be 'anging.
You're going to be begging for the noose after I've finished with you!
Fagin!
No use. No, no! No use.
Haven't you got a key on you? I haven't got a key.
Duff, reach for it.
You said you were double-jointed. Lock your arm out and then stretch.
Use the other arm. The other one!
Have you got it?
You've got it? I've got it! I've got it! I've got it! Yes!
I know Dodger was behind it.
He... He...
He made me look like an idiot again.
HE SOBS
In front of everyone!
CONTRAPTIONS WHIR AND TICK
That's it.
I want Dodger dead.
We're going to need a bigger magnet.
Looking for a boy fitting this description. You see Dodger?
The police are coming in!
Charley!
There he is, like a rat in a trap.
Tom ties up the customs officer, Dodger, you rob the boat.
Aye, aye, captain. THEY LAUGH
Fagin says you lost your bottle!
How do you think it feels when you lot call me a failure?
I need the money! I don't forgive you.
Are you going to come quietly?
Yes!
Before you, I was just a boy who nicked stuff.
Snap!
Now I'm a legend.