[Desiree] Too Hot To Handle is back.
[man] Let's get this boat rocking! Floating sex palace.
[Desiree] But this horny hunk thinks he's signed up for a different dating show.
We out here, baby! Bring on the girls!
[Desiree] That's because every season…
All right, here we go.
…we go to extreme lengths to cover our tracks.
-Welcome to Parties in Paradise! -[all cheering]
Pleasure Island!
Welcome to your first Wild Love challenge.
[Desiree] Resulting in super mature reactions…
I've fanny flutters.
…to Lana's big reveal.
[dings]
Bitch!
No!
[groans]
Is anyone else gonna fucking puke?
[Lana] You must abstain…
No morning boners.
…from sexual practices…
[groans loudly] Why!
…for the entirety of your stay.
Welcome to hell!
Can I call my mom? I want to go home.
[upbeat song playing]
[Desiree] This time, our new totally fake show
is on a yacht, baby.
We got a boat with ass.
-Whoo! -[women laughing]
[Desiree] These super sexual hell raisers
think they're sailing off for a party tour of the Caribbean.
What happens in international waters…
[all] Stays in international waters!
[Desiree] But in reality…
there's only one cone-shaped star.
Let's go! Let's go!
I'm ready to bang.
[all cheering]
This is gonna blow
your
minds!
[Desiree] Lana's surprise sex ban is 12 hours away.
So let's get back to our horny hottie on a yachtie.
[man] I'm on a boat!
[Desiree] Oh, sexy and smart.
We're gonna have fun on this boat.
Unless I get seasick. Then we got a problem.
My sex drive is a bit overboard.
Surely this is the show for me, I think. [laughs]
I'm Louis, a semi-pro footballer from the UK.
I'm a player and I get the girls.
He shoots, he scores, you know what I mean?
No, no.
[woman] Is that why you're only semi-pro?
Maybe just one… Maybe let me just have one more go.
I'm so thankful for the way God has blessed me.
Because in the boys' changing room, sorry, lads,
they're not hung like me.
[laughs]
Oh, my God, Mom. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. [chuckling] I'm sorry.
Love Overboard. Whoo!
Big boat and sexy girls. That's what I came here for.
[Desiree] Oh, boy. A footballer and two hot girls?
This could get Lionel Messi.
The one in the sparkly dress. Oh, my gosh.
Let's get this boat rocking!
[Hannah and Courtney] Hello!
Hello, girls.
-Nice to meet you. -I love your nose ring.
I'm Hannah.
-Nice to meet you. -Courtney.
-You two are beautiful. -What's your name?
-Louis. -Where you from?
London.
-London! I know, okay. -London, I hear it.
Have you ever dated an American girl?
Ooh…
-I actually haven't. -We can change that.
Is the bra showing?
Any little pieces popping out of place?
Titties out? No, we're good? Okay.
[pop song playing]
I am the epitome of a California Girl, are you kidding me? Look at this tan.
I like to wear bikinis that are literally this big,
like, literal dental floss.
We all have our beliefs, and mine is to be half naked all the time.
I have a roster of boyfriends
so that if one is acting up, call boyfriend two.
If boyfriend two doesn't send you flowers then call boyfriend number three.
So you always have a backup option.
Or five. Or five backup options. That's good too.
[Courtney] Are you excited for Love Overboard?
[Hannah] Definitely.
-Oh, 100%. It's a beautiful yacht. -It really is.
-This yacht is massive. -I'd live on this yacht.
This is definitely a livable yacht. Where do you think the bedroom is?
Okay, she goes straight, "Where's the bedroom!" Oh, girl! Okay!
Something about men, they bring a different side out of me,
but I have yet to find a guy that can keep up with me sexually.
They just don't get it.
[chuckles]
♪ I like the way that you move ♪
[Courtney] As a woman, you're very powerful.
You can get anything you want.
You just gotta learn how to tap into it.
I'm not just a pretty face.
I am a businesswoman and my ultimate dream is to own an empire.
There's more than meets the eye.
Is that how you say it? Scratch that.
I am very ambitious, that's with business and with boys too.
I'm a Boss Bitch.
[laughs]
Oh, look, here we go. Who's that?
[Desiree] That right there, Louis,
is six-foot-four of pure muscle and lavish locks.
[upbeat song playing]
-We got some muscles out here, he's tan. -I see the abs.
[Desiree] God sure did take his time on this specimen of…
Whoa! What in the tuna toes are those?
[Hunter] Hello, hello!
-Hi, what's your name? -Hunter.
-You look like a surfer. -Yes--
Those are some freaky shoes.
-These are my lucky fish flops. -Those are cool, unique.
Yes, they get the job done.
These are the secret weapon. The chick magnets right here.
You wear these? Instant lay.
♪ One, two three, four, one, two, three ♪
[Hunter] I'm super spontaneous.
I love surfing, skinny-dipping, skydiving, and a little bit of trouble.
All right, all right, all right.
I always end up with blondes
who look exactly like the male version of me.
Female! Fuck!
Me getting girls isn't the issue, it's finding the right one.
What do I expect from Love Overboard?
I think we'll be on a cruise ship, throwing each other off.
Fight to the death. That'd be a little interesting. [laughs]
[Desiree] Um, producers, is it too late to make that show? That sounds great.
So, I'm not only a surfer, I love adrenaline.
I'm an adrenaline junkie.
I feel like I get my adrenaline… elsewhere.
-Where else? -Threesomes.
Hold on, hold on, hold on. I see someone… I see someone coming out.
[Desiree] We've got ourselves a Megan and she's ready to make her Markle.
[pop song playing]
-She's got a strut. I like it. -And she's beautiful.
-Hi! -[Hannah] Hello!
-[Hunter] Hello, hello. Whoo! -Hi.
-What's your name? Megan? -I'm Megan.
-Louis, nice to meet you. -How are you?
You could be in a boy band.
-A boy band? -[Hannah] Okay!
-Okay! -[all laughing]
Okay. What's your type?
-Tall, dark, handsome. -Okay.
Yeah. Another one of my types is footballers.
♪ Oh, one day you'll see ♪
♪ I always want to be a VIP ♪
[distorting] ♪ A VIP… ♪
Right, I'm on.
[man] That seemed like a struggle. You okay?
I'm all good. [chuckles]
I am so excited to be on Love Overboard
because I love boys a lot.
Boys… Boys… Boys.
They definitely know who I am, and if they don't, they're about to know.
No, they do know.
But unfortunately, I get the ick really easily, which is why I'm single.
I do have an actual list of icks on my phone.
Toothbrush charger dirty, his toenails, farting in his sleep. It's gross.
Ugh. I'm expecting loads of fit guys,
loads of fit girls
and hopefully get a really nice tan.
That was a lame answer, wasn't it?
Do you play football?
-Yeah, I play a little bit. Semi-Pro. -Yeah, I mean, I'll take that.
[Desiree] Spoiler alert, I think we've got a Louis fan.
-Cheers. -What happens on the boat…
-[all] Stays on the boat! -[all laughing]
[Desiree] Ain't that the truth. Because in ten hours,
these horny sea dogs set sail for the celibate seas.
But before they get totally yacht blocked…
here's two more sexy shipmates ready to make some waves.
Wait. We got double trouble coming.
Are you kidding me? Left is giving me good vibes.
-Okay, I can see the muscles from here. -[Hannah] Okay.
[Desiree] And where there's mussels, there's usually cockles.
-[Dre] Hey! How y'all doing? -[Courtney] Come on in!
-Hi, Alex. Nice to meet you. -Courtney, nice to meet you.
-Both cheeks. -Okay! You're shaking it!?
-Oh, no! -[Alex] Oh, my--
[all cheering]
Hell yeah.
[upbeat music playing]
A wise man once told me,
"If you look good, you don't gotta try too hard."
When I was younger, I did not get many women.
I didn't have no style, no drip, no swag.
And a face that only a mother could love.
You get me? I went from ugly duckling turned beautiful swan.
Now, I feel like I got to make up for all them years that I missed out on.
I feel super excited to be on Love Overboard
and meet beautiful women,
but I'm also nervous 'cause of the overboard part.
Fun fact, I can't swim.
-[Courtney] What's your type? -Bad ones.
Oh, the baddies!
Bad ones.
What's y'all types?
-I like classy, sophisticated guys. -[Dre] For sure.
Kind of, like Prince Philip, maybe, kind of vibe then?
[Desiree] I think she's thinking of someone less dead.
-Similar to Hugh Grant. -Who's Hugh Grant?
[Desiree] Oh, you might need to update your references.
-James Bond maybe? Yeah. -That's my type.
[Desiree] He's back in the room.
I am the quintessential British Prince Charming.
Handsome, intelligent, humble.
Oi, quickly. What does quintessential mean?
[upbeat music]
If I was an animal, I'd probably be a giraffe.
I've got a really long neck. And giraffes are quite lean, aren't they?
Quite good bodies. Sexy.
I'm very proud of my body.
I expect from Love Overboard to meet someone to match my energy.
They need to be a bit crazy and…
[upbeat music distorts]
Something or another.
My best asset, I've got effortless hair.
Girls, they see my hair and then I let them touch it.
It's like a magnetic pull.
This is the honey for the girls, so I draw 'em in.
Ooh, I forgot how good I was looking.
Nice. What a pleasant reminder.
-It's just natural… -[Hannah] Let me feel it.
Oh, it's soft! My God.
[Courtney] I love it, it's great.
-You can touch it as well. -Let me see.
-Everyone can touch it. I don't think… -It's soft.
Yeah, you got some nice hair here.
[Desiree] Well, if you're turned on by hair…
Oh, we got more people.
…then here's one hell of an afrodisiac.
Damn!
[upbeat song playing]
[Courtney] Give us champagne, baby girl!
[all cheering]
Y'all ready to get this party started?
[all cheering]
-[Hannah] Hey! -What's your name?
-Christine, what's your name? -Courtney.
-Nice to meet you. -Hello, you all right?
-I'm good. -Louis, nice to meet you.
-Gonna pour me one or… -Absolutely.
-What's your job? -I'm a bottle girl.
Let's say I've got a good reputation with bottle girls.
[upbeat music playing]
I'm here to bring the party. It's what I do best.
[chuckles]
Being a bottle girl, I have a lot of options.
No strings attached.
We don't do feelings here. This is a feelings-free zone.
I love walking into the club and everybody's staring at me.
When I see a guy, I just like to give him my mating call.
Hootie hootie hoo!
[echoing]
I'm a 6'1" goddess with long legs that go on for days.
It just takes a real man to handle this much woman.
He needs to measure up.
-What's your type in a man? -[Christine] You.
-You could ride this ride. -I can ride the… Yes, sir!
-I'm winning today. I'm winning today. -[all laughing]
[Desiree] Louis might be the kingpin now,
but something tells me this next hunk is gonna bowl these girls over.
-Whoo! We've got a guy! -[Megan] Let's go.
[upbeat song playing]
♪ Like this, watch me go like this ♪
-[Isaac] How we doing? What's up? -[all greeting]
-Courtney, what's your name? -Isaac.
Nice to meet you.
-Isaac, right? -Yeah, Isaac.
-I'm Hannah. -What's your job? What do you do?
Yeah, I'm a banker. I'm a finance bro.
-[Alex] Really? -Six figures?
Ah…
You'll have to find out.
♪ I've been working all day and night Focus on my bank account ♪
When girls find out I'm a banker, they think I'm drinking all the time,
going out, meeting women and… yeah, that's true.
[chuckles]
♪ Bring me my money ♪
My saying is, "Work hard, play harder."
As far as looking for a girl, I'm honestly not that picky.
If the booty's fat, you know where I'm at.
-Oh, seriously? -[cell phone ringing]
My mom.
-What's going on, Mom? -[mother] Hey, son, how are you?
-How are you, darling? -Good, thank you.
What's my game plan going in?
[mother] Just be the lovely lad I know you are,
and you'll be fine and they will love you.
I have to go, son, love you. Bye.
Love you.
She thinks I'm a saint.
If only she knew. [chuckles]
Anyone been down and dirty on a boat? Freaky, freaky-deaky?
I am a boat virgin, so…
-[Courtney] I'd say same. -Me too.
We got a new person?
[Desiree] That boat virginity might not last long
when you set your sights on our final sexy shipmate.
Hey!
[Alex cheering]
-Her legs are rockets. -Yeah, that looks like my type.
[pop song playing]
[all cheering]
Yeah. I like them blonde.
How's it going?
-Elys. Nice to meet you. -Alex, nice to meet you.
-Hi. -That'd be you?
Yeah, I always end up with blondes.
It just happens, man.
-Elys, nice to meet you, hi. -Hello. Hunter.
-Great to meet you. -I'm Megan, where are you from?
-I'm from Switzerland. -You sound very English.
-I'm half English too. -What's it like in Switzerland?
It's very like snowy right now and very cold.
Do you shred? Snowboard.
I'm a skier.
[pop song playing]
I'm a total adrenaline junkie and a ski instructor.
Oh, yeah! [chuckles]
I swear, if I look really bad on this, I'll be so angry.
[chuckles]
I started skiing when I was three months old.
My parents chucked me on the skis,
and since then, I've been in love with the mountains.
But I have absolutely always been a wild child.
I wanted to be outside, having fun, chasing guys, doing hot girl shit.
I've got a couple tattoos. Says, "Duck off."
Why do I think guys like me?
Mm, probably 'cause I've got a banging pair of tits.
Double D. I've got a good rack on me.
It's true what they say about posh girls. We're very badly behaved.
♪ Run for your life ♪
How you guys feel about being on a boat for three weeks?
Nice weather, good looking people. Champagne.
-[all] Yeah. -[Dre] God damn.
Love Overboard is the first of its kind, y'all.
I never seen a dating show on a boat.
I'm definitely ready to raise my main sail.
[Desiree] Well, well, well. Our work here is done.
They've fallen for it hook, line and sinker.
So it's the perfect time to introduce our new, totally fake host.
Captain Blower.
Not only does he scrub up well,
but he also happens to know all the sailor lingo.
-Ahoy! -[Desiree] Told ya.
[all cheering]
I trust that you're all settling in okay.
My name is Captain Blower
and welcome to my dating show, Love Overboard.
-[all cheering] -Yeah!
You're all about to head out on the vacation of a lifetime,
and hopefully find love along the way.
Ooh, Captain Blower!
Let's go!
Things are gonna get a bit spicy.
So, tonight will be your first beach party of many.
Aye-aye!
And at each party, we'll be picking up a new sexy single.
[all cheering]
[Elys] A new hot single?
There's already so many hot guys on board. I don't think I can take anymore.
However, there's a catch.
There are only five double beds on board.
[Hunter] Ooh…
So if you don't want to sleep alone,
you better get to picking your shipmate.
[all cheering]
I really want to get Louis alone in a bedroom.
And throw away the key.
[Desiree] Technically, that's kidnapping,
which, I suppose, is what we're doing to these horny sea dogs
as there's just one party stop on their tour of the Caribbean,
-and that is at Lana's Retreat tonight. -[beeps]
And I suspect that the new sexy single
is actually a smooth-talking cone,
busy watching every move.
[women giggling]
[Desiree] Am I right, Lana?
-[beeps] -[Lana] Correct.
Over the next eight hours,
I will collect crucial data and analyze my guests' behavior
before the rules of my retreat are initiated.
And the fake show, Love Overboard, comes to an end.
Well, there you have it.
We might as well enjoy the fake race
for the fake beds on the fake super yacht while we still can.
So, question of the day, who do y'all fancy?
Um, I actually have to say Isaac.
-[Elys] Yeah. -He's very tall.
I think Alex is quite fit.
He's really muscly, yet he's just easy to talk to as well.
But Hunter's quite hot as well, to be honest.
[women exclaiming]
Okay.
I'm completely spoilt for choice.
I mean, Hunter, this fucking perfect surfer guy.
And then there's Alex, a right gentleman.
I mean, fuck me.
[chuckling] Literally.
For me, I think Elys has got to be the top tier for me.
Scandi Spice!
I'm gonna put myself in this race over here.
-It's Elys for me. -[all laughing]
Everything just ticks my boxes.
Blonde, gorgeous, you really can't ask for more.
Oh, man, blonde-haired girls just… I don't know, it's like my weakness.
I gotta have her.
We gotta talk.
Do I sense a little, uh, battle?
Right!
I'm not threatened by Hunter at all, you know. I'm Alex.
The true English gent.
I feel like Elys is gonna fall for my charm before Hunter anyway,
so that's nothing to worry about.
Louis.
They're all beautiful, but what did the captain say earlier?
-I've got to pick the one. -[man] Your shipmate.
My shipmate.
But I don't want to put all the eggs in one basket.
It's near enough impossible
having to try and choose between five girls right now,
but I'm not interested in the chase.
I'd rather see who approaches me.
[Desiree] This is my fifth season, and if I've learned anything,
playing it cool never works.
-If I had to pick one, it'd be Louis. -Louis' my number one at the moment.
I'm definitely feeling Louis too.
[Desiree] Okay, so this time it may work.
I just think Louis' the man of my dreams. I cannot stop thinking about him.
Well, he will be after I figure the Hannah and Christine situation out.
I always go after the guy that everybody wants.
-[Hannah] Um… Ooh… -Mm-mm.
No one is ready for that.
I'm here obviously for, um…
[Desiree] Making friends in the spirit of sisterhood?
…dick. Uh…
Not necessarily friendship, so, girls, sorry not sorry.
Louis will definitely be in my bed.
We'll see, I guess.
You could have him on Monday, you can have him on Tuesday,
you on Wednesday and just do a weekly rota or something.
We'll see how it plays out.
[Hannah] This is a cutthroat race, for sure.
I love to win. I literally love to win.
Let the games begin.
-Oh, this is so sick. -Ooh.
[Isaac] This is a floating sex palace.
-All right! -Whoo!
[cheering]
[ship horn blowing]
-Who wants to go skinny-dipping? -I will!
-[Isaac] I will. Definitely. -Let's see it, we'll watch.
Never would I have dreamt to be in the Caribbean on a super yacht.
Guys, I might go check out the boat, I might go find the captain.
But I don't know what I'm doing, to be honest.
I'm going to have a bit of a moment to myself because this is a dilemma.
I don't know who to go for.
[Desiree] I have a feeling you won't be left alone with your thoughts for long.
[Alex] I'm seeing Elys at the end of the boat,
looking all classy, hot and spicy.
I'm thinking, "Perfect opportunity to go and chat to her now before Hunter."
I'm going to bring some drinks out. You gotta stay hydrated!
[Desiree] You hear that, Hunter? I would get a move on, if I were you.
It's a time to shine and I'm going to make Elys mine.
[dramatic music playing]
[Desiree] I've literally never seen two men move more slowly.
[music crescendoes]
Hi.
How's it going?
[Desiree] It's a victory for England. And hydration.
Oh, Elys! Alex! Damn.
Alex did beat me to Elys,
but I don't think that guy has game.
I'm gonna let him mess it up. I'll clean up after.
You're looking good.
Thank you, so are you. You look tanned.
I really do not struggle to get with girls.
The British charm is my little weapon in the arsenal.
Good conversation. Real good chat.
So I've got this, no worries.
Your eyebrows are great, by the way.
Do you do much for them or like…
I didn't know where I was going with that one. Oh, God.
Who do you normally go for?
I've always, my heart, heart…
-I go more… -Your heart and soul?
My entire heart and soul towards, uh… Towards blondes.
-Oh, nice. -What about yourself?
Tall, handsome, young man with curly hair…
Yeah, exactly. Called Alex.
…a great sense of humor, humble.
[both laughing]
Although Alex's flirting is questionable,
I definitely like him and I think he's very charming.
Like, I'm someone who needs to be stimulated at all times.
Yeah, stimulated at all times. Righty.
I think I might just come over here a little bit more.
Get a little more comfortable.
Have you got your eyes on anyone else?
-Miss Scandi-Goddess. -I thought you'd never ask.
-I guess you caught my eye. -Yeah?
-So humble. -Yeah.
-Um, Hunter's definitely caught my eye. -Yeah.
Alex has made it crystal clear that I'm his favorite.
So, I just… You know, I can take my time.
Have a smooch around first before I get to know Hunter.
Look, the sun's out, this is a lovely moment.
Yeah.
I don't even think Hunter needs to even try at the moment,
he should just go and find someone else.
She's laughing at my jokes. Her teeth are out all the time.
I really wanna share a bed with Elys.
But I'm thinking, let's just leave it hanging for a little bit.
Girls want what they can't have, right?
♪ I wanna see you bring the heat ♪
[Desiree] Well, in Louis' case, he's what nearly every girl wants.
Christine likes Louis and she is literally a supermodel.
Hannah likes Louis and she's a model as well.
I'm the only one that's not a model.
I want Louis in my bed tonight, so I need to get in there first.
-Hello. -Hi, you okay?
-Better now. How are you? -Lovely, I'm good, thank you.
Good.
[Christine] Damn, like, Megan does not beat around the bush,
but I'm not worried because she ain't me.
I feel like there's no competition in this little battle here.
So I'm gonna hold back and let them try,
and then I will slide in, take the W, win the war! [laughs]
Beautiful yacht, isn't it?
Beautiful yacht and people, what more could you want?
I think I've got the best chance because me and Louis, we've got banter,
English banter that the Americans don't understand.
You're looking beautiful. I'm loving the diamonds.
-[Megan] Really? -Yeah.
They match your earrings. So much in common.
I feel like we've got very similar personalities,
-but what is your type? -Um…
-I don't have too much of a type. -Right.
-So anything with a pulse. Tick. -No, let's not do that.
I'm a classy gentleman. Do you not think I am?
-Well, I'm a lady, so… -[laughs]
-You need to have that banter. -Yeah.
-You need to have casual chat, you know? -Yeah.
Everything's going good.
She's got the vibe, she's got the flirtiness
and to top it off, she's got the… Megan's got the…
[ship horn blowing]
What's your favorite feature on me?
Nice eyes. Tick that one off.
[Desiree] He says while staring at her cleavage.
People normally say my boobs.
-The boobs are all right. -You haven't looked, have you?
No, that's the first time I'm seeing it.
-[Megan] That's the first time! -[both laughing]
I've got a secret.
-Yeah? -Yeah.
So, you'd probably be my number one to share a bed with tonight.
Megan looks absolutely fire.
Not only are we flirty, but we have a lot of banter between us,
and I think I'd like to share a bed with you, you have them late night chats.
Sharing with you would be cool. [chuckles]
You want to share a bed with me?
-For sure. -Okay.
Sorry, Hannah and Christine!
Tonight, I'm gonna be sharing a bed with Louis!
But I know sometimes I can come across as a little bit keen.
Where are you going?
[Megan] I'm going for a swim.
So I'm just, you know, playing it cool.
[Desiree] Oh, Megan,
it's risky cooling off when your man is such hot property.
[Christine] Megan had her chance. Now it's my time to shine.
You can't get sexier than this. Come on.
Hey. You got a nice face to look at.
-Yeah? -Yeah.
I'm going to be straightforward and direct 'cause I always get what I want.
So Louis will definitely be in my bed.
As soon as I walked in, I told you.
You said, "What's my type?" I said, "You." Yeah?
Sorry, I'm blushing, I--
I'm trying to sunbathe and I'm getting girls come and talk to me.
I'm feeling like a little kid in a candy shop.
So you would say I'm your number one?
I mean, right… I don't know, right now…
You answering wrong.
Right now, obviously I have to keep everything open,
but you're definitely top two.
[Christine] He's playing hard to get. It's time we take it up a notch.
[upbeat music playing]
-I need some more sunscreen, it's hot. -You need more sunscreen?
If I get him to rub my booty, it'll be like a nice little teaser.
Once you get a little taste of it, like, you're gonna want more.
You need to put some sunscreen on me.
Megan is a very, very beautiful girl.
But Christine's sitting there
and she's just looking fine as a dime.
[chuckles]
-You gotta get the butt first. -You don't need to tell me.
-[Christine] Yeah, get the butt first. -You don't need to tell me.
[Louis] And it's definitely my favorite part.
-[both chuckle] -[Desiree] Stay strong now, Louis.
Remember Megan with those beautiful eyes?
Shit, I could stay all day, man.
Christine, Christine, Christine.
-[Desiree] Megan, Megan, Megan. -[chuckles softly]
So, um, what do you think about like, sleeping arrangements?
You sleep with me tonight?
[Louis] This is persuading me a little bit.
[Christine] A little bit?
I'll need a little bit more than a little bit.
-Yeah? -Mm-hmm.
[both laughing]
What am I gonna do?
What am I gonna… what am I gonna do?
-With the bed situation? -I want you in my bed.
Oh…
I mean, that could be arranged sure.
[Desiree] Wow, Christine, that ass of yours is effective.
Good.
I came, I creamed, I conquered.
I feel like I want you in my bed, too, for sure that.
I mean, look at her. Who would say no?
I'll deal with the repercussions later on.
[Desiree] Just add it to the long list of things
you will be dealing with later on, Louis,
as your days at sea are numbered.
Because in approximately three hours,
you'll be disembarking at Lana's Retreat.
-Mind if I join you? -Yeah, why not?
-You're so tall. I love it! -How are you? I know.
Is it acceptable to pee in the water?
I was wondering if it's okay to pee in the Jacuzzi.
It might make it a little warmer.
I'm usually probably the most open-minded person you'll probably ever meet.
Okay. So open-minded, let's see, how open-minded?
-'Cause I'm kinky in the bedroom. -Yeah?
-Like, uh, handcuffs. -What?
Blindfold?
-A blindfold? -Yeah.
-Okay. -Bondage, like this.
That's kind of hot. Definitely. I think that's really fucking hot.
-Wow, this is beautiful. -Wow.
This is a super yacht. I got super-hot women.
I'm feeling super sexy,
but I want Elys.
So I'm gonna find out what happened with Elys and Alex.
It's time to take action.
I know we're both liking Elys right now.
-Yeah. -How are you feeling about that?
Yeah, wow, I mean, there's no doubt.
I find her attractive, we've had a bit of chat here and there
and it seems like we're getting along well.
Oh, yeah?
At the moment, I've gotten some pretty good signs from her.
-Did you try to kiss her? -No, not just yet.
No kiss! I don't see a competition.
I think we're done talking here.
I'm gonna find Elys.
All is fair. Love 'em all.
[Desiree] Um, sorry, what? Don't you mean,
"All is fair in love and war?"
All is fair in love and war.
[Desiree] Nailed it.
-Hey girls. -[Hannah] Well, hello!
-[Hunter] How's the water? -Good, it's warm.
You mind if I borrow Elys for a minute?
-Okay. -Bye!
Have fun.
-I will. -[Hannah] Don't do anything I wouldn't do.
The best plan is no plan at all.
-[Hunter] Hello. -Hi.
Just go for it.
How are you doing?
-I'm good, how are you? -Good.
This is gonna be very direct, but my eyes are on you.
-Yeah? -You were my number one,
soon as you walked in. Physically, you tick all my boxes.
I mean, from your hair, the body…
[Desiree] Don't forget the eyebrows!
You had this energy about you that I was drawn to.
-Thank you. That's very nice. -Yeah.
[Elys] I don't really care what he's saying.
I just can't stop looking at his face. He's just so hot.
-What's your mind? Where are you at? -I guess I had my eye on you and on Alex.
Okay.
I was definitely mostly drawn to you and your height.
-You're very tall, I like that. -Okay.
-An amazing body. -Thank you.
Your shoes really did it for me.
-The fish flops! -I guess you came here fishing.
Hopefully we get a catch.
[Hunter] I think she's into me.
It's time to reel the girl in like a fish on a hook.
So, sleeping arrangements, we gotta bunk with someone.
-You're asking me to share a bed with you? -Would you like to share a bed with me?
[romantic song playing]
Alex is such a gentleman, which I kind of like.
But Hunter is tall, muscly, tanned.
He's just so fit.
-Yes, I would. -I'll take that.
I will take that. Yes!
I'm sorry, Alex.
[Desiree] Don't worry, Elys. Alex has found another bird to play with.
-Hold up-- Shit! -[gobbling]
-Come on! -Hey, go crazy bro,
you're in there with that big-ass red bird.
Sold.
Are you a good kisser?
[Desiree] Now, that is a line that only hot people get away with.
Yes, I am.
Should we find out?
[Elys] Let's do it.
America, one. England, no.
When Alex finds out,
I want a front row seat,
popcorn.
Showtime.
[upbeat music playing]
[Courtney] Cheers.
I'm going to get ready for tonight. I'll see you later, Louis.
I hate to see her go, but I love to watch her leave.
I think this is the perfect moment. I'm moving in.
I have a strategy formulated.
The first step of the strategy is to get that Hannah charm up in there.
Operation "Get Louis Into My Bed" is in action.
-Hello. -Hello, hello.
-What are you doing? -Just chilling.
I'm loving this.
As you can see, catching a tan.
[Louis] Girls are just coming one by one. It's like a revolving door.
Who is your top choice?
[Desiree] Well, if anyone needs a reminder, first it was Megan…
-You want to share a bed with me? -For sure.
…then Christine took the top spot…
I want you in my bed.
That could be arranged, for sure.
…so what are you saying about Hannah, Louis?
-I feel like we had a good vibe. -We're in this together.
As soon as I saw you, it was straight, wasn't it?
Yes, you either know or you know when you see someone
-that you are definitely gonna vibe with. -I'm loving this boat.
Where has this boat been my whole life? I'm gonna get lost at sea.
I have that sixth sense. That instinct. You know what I mean?
It's not really hard for me to decide.
My type's dark hair.
Interesting. You're going to love blondes after this. So we'll see.
So you're gonna have to persuade me.
-It's not much persuading. -No?
[both laugh]
She is looking… leng. Beautiful.
You're my next victim.
[laughs]
The confidence, I love it.
The charm is working. Strategy is unfolding.
I'm gonna spice things up.
You know, you're looking, like, really sunburned.
Getting a little sun?
I've got some…
I've got some sun cream.
He's falling right into the Hannah charm. Right into the trap.
Can't have you getting sunburned.
I am extremely physical.
I'm ready to play.
Let's go.
-Work out much, or what? -Yeah, ride it.
-[laughs] -I'm all…
Don't get me too excited.
So, what's the plan for tonight?
Yeah?
-I spoke to a couple of people. -Yeah?
-Yeah, how'd that go? -All right.
The other girls are literally amazing, but I'm in it to win it.
It's time to put the final step of the plan to action.
I can persuade you to be in my bed tonight.
[Louis] Mm.
[upbeat music playing]
There's too much to pick from! I'm only a man. I'm only a man.
I'm getting confused, discombobulated. Head's gone.
-Was it good persuading? -Yeah.
What's the deal tonight? What's the bed situation?
[chuckles nervously]
I feel we've come to a verdict.
-Have we? -Has to be me and you, right?
So, does that mean I win? It definitely means I win.
Oh, my God.
I'm not even gonna talk right now, for--
[Hannah] Speechless.
[Louis] I've been a yes-man.
Somehow I pulled off getting three of the five girls
to want to sleep in my bed.
-Yeah, just give me a minute. [laughs] -All right.
There's no harm in that.
I hope not.
[Desiree] If there's no harm in that, then there's definitely no harm in us
well and truly crushing all your horny hopes and dreams.
That's right. In less than an hour,
the one and only Lana will be making an entrance at tonight's beach party.
Where you lot are gonna be landlocked and cockblocked.
[Isaac] Party time!
I'm ready to raise my sail.
Whoo!
Louis is just so sexy and I just wanna go to bed with him right now.
[upbeat music playing]
If he's got a big willy, he's got literally the whole package.
[Dre] Hell, yeah, I'm excited for the new people.
It's making me horny, as a matter of fact. I'm trying to get frisky after this.
[Alex] This is gonna be a great night
and I'm ready to seal the deal and share a bed with Elys.
I'm ready to rock the boat.
[Desiree] This is it. [squeals] Oh, I am excited.
Let's check we've got everything ready for the night.
-A random fire breather, check. -[upbeat dance music playing]
Super sexy dancers, check.
Charming actor pretending to be a boat captain throwing a beach party?
Check, check, check.
Over to you, big guy.
Grab one of my captain's cocktails!
Captain Blower! What do you have in store for us?
I promised you the holiday of a lifetime.
So welcome to your first beach party!
[all cheering]
Let's kick this thing off with a bang!
-[all cheering] -[dance music playing]
[Hunter] We got the fire.
We got girls dancing with fire.
This party is lit.
I'm ready to bang, Blower. I'm ready to bang.
What do you say we shake things up? Dancers!
[all cheering]
Yeah! This is what we need!
I love you, Captain Blower!
[yelling]
[Dre] God damn, they look good.
Oh, man, this has me feeling hot.
[Hannah] My body is pulsating right now. I'm so turned on.
These portholes are gonna get steamy tonight.
[Louis] I got three of the best looking girls on the yacht
wanting to stay in a bed with me.
Gonna be naughty.
Isaac is really, really turning me on.
[Desiree] Lana, your time to shine is approaching.
Which is perfect timing, as this beach party is about to become a beach orgy.
All right! Good party, right?
What do you say we make it even better?
[all] Yeah!
[Captain] It's time to introduce you
to a new, hot, sexy single.
[Desiree] Who happens to be a cockblocking cone.
Let's go, let's go, let's go!
[Desiree] Hats off, producers.
-First we have the super yacht. -[all cheering]
Drum roll, please.
[Desiree] Then the fire breathers, dancers and fireworks.
This is gonna blow your mind!
[Desiree] No expense spared.
Which means Lana's reveal
is gonna be bigger than ever.
-[phone ringing] -Hold that thought, guys.
Just gotta take this call from the producers.
Hey, great party. I can't believe--
-[muffled voice] -Wait, what?
Okay. Turns out, we blew the budget on the yacht.
So, Lana's gonna have to make do with a smoke machine.
Don't worry guys,
'cause the reactions are going to be priceless.
[dings]
-[all screaming] -[Dre] Oh, no!
No! No! No!
No, no, no!
[all screaming]
[groaning]
Get me off this island!
A cone? A cone? A cone?!
[Desiree] It's time for the obligatory slow-mo.
[all screaming in slo-mo]
[in slo-mo] No!
[in slo-mo] I came for dick!
[in normal voice] Oh, my God, y'all.
This is Too Hot To Handle, bruv, I'm pissed.
[Lana] Hello, everyone. I am Lana.
Love Overboard has hit the rocks.
Aw, what, bruv?!
I know what that cone brings.
[Desiree] Deep and meaningful relationships?
-Pain and torture. -[Desiree] Close enough.
[Lana] And you are now washed up on Too Hot To Handle.
[Elys] Dre is crying. I think everyone might cry.
We all wanted to bang each other and now Lana's here.
[Christine] I didn't sign up for this.
Too Hot To handle can kiss my ass.
Oh, my! What?
[Alex yells indistinctly]
[Lana] You have all been selected
because meaningless flings mean more to you
than genuine relationships.
The fuck?
[Dre] I don't care about emotional connection!
I signed up for sex on a boat, that's what I was promised.
Since your arrival, I have been gathering data on your Overboard behavior.
I hope you like what you saw.
But from now on, you must adhere to my retreat rules.
I swear to God! You had me fooled!
[Lana] No kissing…
What's going on? What is going on?
[Megan] I am fuming.
I was imagining snogging all the boys,
snogging them again and again
and again and again and again…
…no self-gratification…
No! [screams]
[groans]
That's low-key sick, that's not even funny.
Is this a joke?
…and no sex of any kind.
That's sick.
No, that's not right. It's not healthy.
It's not healthy for a man.
My hobby is sex and you're taking that away from me.
Now I'm pissed. I'm pissed.
-We should unplug her. -[Megan] We still on a boat then?
[Desiree] Lana's wireless, baby.
This is the cone age, not the stone age.
[Lana] As a reward for the progress you make,
I have allocated a prize of $200,000.
-[gasps] -[all exclaiming]
[Desiree] Oh, that's perked them up, hasn't it?
Two, two hundred bags?
Two hundred racks?
That's a lot of money.
Two hundred racks?
If there's something I love more than sex, it is money.
-Oh! -Oh…
[Lana] Welcome to my retreat.
-[Alex] Wow. -[Courtney] Okay.
[Isaac] Wow.
[Louis] And you're telling me I can't have sex in there, you're a donut.
[Lana] And welcome to your long…
hard…
sexless…
summer.
This is so bad.
This is so not good.
Breaking rules turns me on.
[Elys] There's a reason that I've been to 11 schools.
I don't follow rules.
Rules are meant to be broken.
[dramatic music playing]
[Desiree] Okay! Time for a tour of the villa
and a look at all the cool places where they're not allowed to have sex.
Sorry!
[Louis] Whoa!
[Courtney] The best setup but no sex?
-[Dre] It's lit. -[Courtney] I don't like that.
[Christine] I am so pissed off right now because obviously,
I really want to have sex with Louis tonight.
[Desiree] Well, one, that's gonna cost you big time.
And two, I don't even think he's decided whose bed he's getting into yet.
[Dre] Oh, shit!
[Christine] What?
[all squealing]
Ooh, this is the makeup room.
-This is pretty. -Yeah.
[Alex] I'm feeling pretty confident I can get Elys to share a bed with me.
Yeah, it's crunch time.
[Desiree] It was crunch time about eight hours ago,
but you were too busy playing with an inflatable bird.
That thing right there is where we're at.
Yeah. [laughs]
Shit.
What the actual fuck is going on?
-[Hunter] Do you snore? -[Elys] No, I wiggle though.
-I'll be moving. -Really?
What would you do in my situation if Hunter was in your bed?
Have you seen his body?
It's really hard not to just want to touch every single inch of it.
I don't move too much. I'm rock solid.
Will I wake up with you on top of me?
Are you that kind of mover?
You'll wake up and I'll be the other side.
With Elys, there's so much sexual energy right there.
You try saying no to that, but I can feel Alex is watching.
I can feel that from a mile away.
-[Dre] Oh, man. -[Alex] Fuck.
[Desiree] Oh, Alex, think of the positives.
You could be in Louis' situation.
[groans]
The bed situation.
I told three girls that they can all stay in the bed with me tonight.
And now I need to pick one. Um…
What am I gonna do?
I'm… My… [groans]
[dramatic music playing]
That bed right there, it's got mine and Louis' name on it.
I cannot wait to get Louis all to myself.
[Christine] Ugh, hurry up. Get in my bed.
'Cause I'm so horny!
♪ Taking all that I can take ♪
♪ On the edge I'm about to break ♪
♪ It's time for me to face my fate ♪
♪ And I ain't about to hesitate ♪
Hannah, get your ass in this bed.
Are you serious?
[Louis] Hannah is bringing the fire.
I'm wood, I wanna be lit up.
Let's get it crackin'.
[Desiree] What is it they say about playing with fire, Louis?
She's pissed.
[both chuckle]
Oops.
I'm sick.
[Christine] Let's… Let's be clear.
I always get what I want.
Hannah, you may have won the battle, but you've not won the war.
And honestly, you better watch your back. I'm coming for your man.
[theme music playing]