1
00:00:07,382 --> 00:00:12,512
You all think you're sooo special
with your fancy opposable thumbs,
2
00:00:12,929 --> 00:00:15,223
but you human beings are really just
3
00:00:15,306 --> 00:00:18,309
the "greatest hits"
evolutionary compilation
4
00:00:18,393 --> 00:00:21,771
- of my OG animal creations.
- [squawking]
5
00:00:21,896 --> 00:00:24,399
That whole "walking upright" idea?
[scoffs]
6
00:00:24,816 --> 00:00:26,943
That refreshing dip in the river?
7
00:00:27,027 --> 00:00:29,320
That jet propulsion thing? [scoffs]
8
00:00:29,654 --> 00:00:31,114
My animals did it first.
9
00:00:31,865 --> 00:00:34,451
Okay, well, maybe not jet propulsion.
10
00:00:34,659 --> 00:00:36,077
[whizzing sound]
11
00:00:36,244 --> 00:00:38,121
Take this frogfish, for example,
12
00:00:38,455 --> 00:00:40,582
with all of its frilly varietals,
13
00:00:40,665 --> 00:00:44,419
colorful ensembles, and diva behaviorisms.
14
00:00:44,836 --> 00:00:46,921
Some see "voracious hunter,"
15
00:00:47,088 --> 00:00:51,092
I see Sir Elton John screaming:
16
00:00:51,176 --> 00:00:54,554
[Elton John impersonation]
"Good night, Cleveland!"
17
00:00:55,513 --> 00:00:58,183
- [Mother Nature] So, just accept it.
- [kissing sounds]
18
00:00:58,266 --> 00:01:01,603
Humans and animals have more in common
than you know.
19
00:01:01,686 --> 00:01:04,647
[male] Come out to the swamp,
we'll get together, have a few laughs.
20
00:01:04,731 --> 00:01:05,731
[applause]
21
00:01:06,232 --> 00:01:08,943
- Coexisting here, on my...
- [loud kissing sound]
22
00:01:10,153 --> 00:01:13,156
...Absurd Planet!
23
00:01:15,116 --> 00:01:16,409
[birds twittering]
24
00:01:16,826 --> 00:01:20,288
Let's face it, it's hard being an animal.
25
00:01:20,371 --> 00:01:22,540
Sometimes, just like humans,
26
00:01:22,665 --> 00:01:29,547
animals have to unwind after long days
of almost getting eaten by predators.
27
00:01:30,048 --> 00:01:30,882
Lucky for them,
28
00:01:30,965 --> 00:01:33,885
there's a little place
called Fantastic Tam's,
29
00:01:34,344 --> 00:01:37,514
and it's all about pampering for primates.
30
00:01:37,847 --> 00:01:41,518
[East Coast accent]
That's right! I'm a tamarin monkey.
31
00:01:41,601 --> 00:01:45,355
Owner and founder of Fantastic Taaam's!
32
00:01:46,523 --> 00:01:50,568
Are you a Japanese snow monkey
with a barrel of stress?
33
00:01:50,777 --> 00:01:54,322
Well, swing on over
to my all-natural hot springs!
34
00:01:54,823 --> 00:01:58,159
Where females can luxuriate
as they groom each other
35
00:01:58,243 --> 00:01:59,536
to maintain hygiene.
36
00:01:59,661 --> 00:02:01,496
But watch out, ladies...
37
00:02:01,913 --> 00:02:05,959
Sometimes this steamy grotto
will attract dominant males to the group.
38
00:02:06,084 --> 00:02:06,918
[squealing]
39
00:02:07,001 --> 00:02:10,296
We're all the same. Ah-ah-ah-ah-ah!
40
00:02:10,421 --> 00:02:12,382
[Tamarin monkey] Eww! Yum.
41
00:02:13,091 --> 00:02:17,011
Hot springs not only keep macaques warm
during winter months,
42
00:02:17,345 --> 00:02:22,267
but this toasty soak
also lowers the stress hormone levels!
43
00:02:22,642 --> 00:02:25,520
Talk about a happy ending!
44
00:02:26,437 --> 00:02:29,732
And if the steamy spa setting
isn't your thing,
45
00:02:29,816 --> 00:02:35,655
then check into a full body rub-down
with a licensed primate.
46
00:02:35,738 --> 00:02:37,740
[male] Ohhh, that's the stuff!
47
00:02:37,866 --> 00:02:40,827
[tamarin monkey] Our grooming experts
know how to sift through hair,
48
00:02:40,910 --> 00:02:45,456
picking out dirt, insects,
and dry skin from your coat,
49
00:02:45,540 --> 00:02:48,001
so you can look your best!
50
00:02:48,334 --> 00:02:49,836
- [70s disco music]
- Get a mani!
51
00:02:49,919 --> 00:02:50,920
Get a pedi!
52
00:02:51,296 --> 00:02:54,549
Lift that tail, and just get ready!
53
00:02:54,883 --> 00:02:56,593
Peekaboo!
54
00:02:56,676 --> 00:02:58,595
When you need to go from a prime- "eight"
55
00:02:58,678 --> 00:03:00,555
- to a prime- "ten..."
- [camera clicks]
56
00:03:00,638 --> 00:03:02,223
...remember the name:
57
00:03:02,307 --> 00:03:04,809
Fantastic Tam's.
58
00:03:05,101 --> 00:03:08,271
♪ Next time your hair is in a jam ♪
59
00:03:08,396 --> 00:03:12,609
♪ Climb on down to Fantastic Tam's! ♪
60
00:03:12,942 --> 00:03:13,943
[dramatic music]
61
00:03:14,027 --> 00:03:16,881
[anchor] We're sorry to interrupt
your programming, ladies and gentlemen,
62
00:03:16,905 --> 00:03:18,907
but we have some late breaking news.
63
00:03:18,990 --> 00:03:23,161
There are widespread reports
of seals yawning.
64
00:03:23,244 --> 00:03:26,915
Scientists are still not sure what caused
this yawning outbreak.
65
00:03:26,998 --> 00:03:28,541
Just like humans, the seals
66
00:03:28,625 --> 00:03:30,501
may be tired, bored,
67
00:03:30,585 --> 00:03:32,712
or in need of oxygen to their brains.
68
00:03:32,921 --> 00:03:35,673
We now go live to our resident seal expert
69
00:03:35,757 --> 00:03:37,342
to find out what he thinks.
70
00:03:37,425 --> 00:03:39,969
And, I think, uhhhhhhhhh...
71
00:03:40,053 --> 00:03:41,387
[dramatic music]
72
00:03:42,388 --> 00:03:44,390
[new age music]
73
00:03:47,352 --> 00:03:49,687
[Mother Nature]
It's my job to make creatures.
74
00:03:50,355 --> 00:03:51,981
It's your job to name 'em.
75
00:03:52,899 --> 00:03:54,442
Sometimes you nail it,
76
00:03:54,525 --> 00:03:56,152
like "hammerhead shark."
77
00:03:56,236 --> 00:03:58,071
That makes perfect sense.
78
00:03:58,321 --> 00:04:00,782
Head that looks like a hammer? Check.
79
00:04:00,865 --> 00:04:01,865
Brava!
80
00:04:02,242 --> 00:04:03,743
But some animal names
81
00:04:03,993 --> 00:04:07,997
insinuate they'd be good
corporate employees in the human world.
82
00:04:08,164 --> 00:04:09,582
And... yikes!
83
00:04:09,916 --> 00:04:11,918
That's just false advertising.
84
00:04:12,210 --> 00:04:15,255
- [chirping]
- [African percussion]
85
00:04:16,172 --> 00:04:17,882
[male] I'm a secretary bird, hello.
86
00:04:18,091 --> 00:04:20,843
I'm a very large bird of prey
from Africa, hi!
87
00:04:21,010 --> 00:04:23,304
And I stand over four feet tall.
88
00:04:23,930 --> 00:04:26,557
I make a cool secretary bird,
89
00:04:26,683 --> 00:04:30,186
but... I would make
for a very terrible secretary.
90
00:04:30,812 --> 00:04:34,565
For starters,
the secretary birds are terrestrial birds,
91
00:04:34,649 --> 00:04:37,151
which means
we don't really like to fly much.
92
00:04:37,652 --> 00:04:41,406
I mean, imagine being a bird with wings,
and choosing not to fly.
93
00:04:41,489 --> 00:04:44,826
Good luck getting me
to pick up your dry cleaning! [laughs]
94
00:04:45,368 --> 00:04:48,162
Secretary birds are also known
for our stomping of prey
95
00:04:48,788 --> 00:04:51,416
- until they're dead or immobilized.
- [squeals]
96
00:04:51,833 --> 00:04:53,001
And then I eat it.
97
00:04:53,251 --> 00:04:54,251
Yum.
98
00:04:54,377 --> 00:04:57,130
But, if I were your actual secretary,
99
00:04:57,255 --> 00:05:01,509
that'd make for some frightening moments
for folks waiting for their job interview.
100
00:05:01,592 --> 00:05:04,095
"She will see you in five minutes.
101
00:05:04,178 --> 00:05:07,682
I am just going to stomp
this sweet little bunny to death."
102
00:05:07,765 --> 00:05:10,310
- [squeals]
- We secretary birds can strike
103
00:05:10,393 --> 00:05:13,521
with the force of five times
our body weight.
104
00:05:13,646 --> 00:05:17,900
Hey, Linda, would you please get me
the accounting file?
105
00:05:18,276 --> 00:05:20,695
Stomp! Stomp! Stomp! Dead.
106
00:05:20,778 --> 00:05:23,239
Linda doesn't get files! Linda stomps!
107
00:05:23,865 --> 00:05:27,285
Also, we secretary birds
do not speak English,
108
00:05:27,410 --> 00:05:29,787
or any other human language.
109
00:05:30,163 --> 00:05:35,168
In conclusion, we secretary birds
would make terrible secretaries.
110
00:05:35,251 --> 00:05:38,838
A better name for us would've been
"Stompy the HR Nightmare Bird."
111
00:05:38,921 --> 00:05:41,549
- [Mother Nature] See ya in court, Stompy.
- Good day!
112
00:05:41,632 --> 00:05:42,632
[dramatic music]
113
00:05:42,925 --> 00:05:46,471
[anchor] We're sorry to interrupt
your absurd program yet again,
114
00:05:46,554 --> 00:05:48,931
- but we have more breaking news.
- [police siren]
115
00:05:49,015 --> 00:05:50,391
There has been a sighting
116
00:05:50,475 --> 00:05:54,312
of a Sally Lightfoot crab doing...
imitations?
117
00:05:54,979 --> 00:05:57,440
Now known as the "imitation crab,"
118
00:05:57,523 --> 00:06:00,568
we take you live to the Galapagos Islands.
119
00:06:00,651 --> 00:06:03,071
Mr. Crab, what's going on down there?
120
00:06:03,237 --> 00:06:04,655
[sincerely] Let me be clear.
121
00:06:05,239 --> 00:06:08,493
Uh... I am... uh...
Sally Lightfoot... uh... crab.
122
00:06:08,576 --> 00:06:10,787
[anchor] Ah! Very nice Obama.
123
00:06:10,912 --> 00:06:14,290
[Sally Lightfoot] I was named "Sally"
after a Caribbean dancer.
124
00:06:14,832 --> 00:06:17,919
I can even jump to avoid, uh, predators.
125
00:06:18,378 --> 00:06:19,212
See!
126
00:06:19,295 --> 00:06:20,546
I told you so.
127
00:06:21,047 --> 00:06:24,717
You can read about it in my book,
The Audacity of Kelp.
128
00:06:25,051 --> 00:06:27,261
[anchor] That was... really great.
129
00:06:27,387 --> 00:06:30,014
Do you do any other impressions
of US presidents?
130
00:06:30,181 --> 00:06:31,861
[imitating Richard Nixon] I am not a crab.
131
00:06:32,225 --> 00:06:33,768
Wait a minute, yes I am.
132
00:06:34,018 --> 00:06:36,270
[anchor] Oh, I got it. Richard Nixon.
133
00:06:36,354 --> 00:06:39,524
Pretty soon, you won't have
this Sally Lightfoot crab
134
00:06:39,607 --> 00:06:41,067
to kick around anymore.
135
00:06:41,150 --> 00:06:42,985
[anchor] Well, there you have it, folks.
136
00:06:43,069 --> 00:06:45,571
A truly unremarkable story.
137
00:06:45,655 --> 00:06:47,657
[dramatic music]
138
00:06:48,699 --> 00:06:51,869
[Mother Nature] Well,
that left a bad impression. [chuckles]
139
00:06:52,453 --> 00:06:54,580
While we're still in the Galapagos,
140
00:06:54,664 --> 00:06:56,707
let's pay a visit to another creature
141
00:06:56,791 --> 00:07:00,962
that exhibits one of the more
snotty traits of humanity.
142
00:07:02,338 --> 00:07:04,841
This is the marine iguana.
143
00:07:05,007 --> 00:07:09,512
The only lizard in the world
that has adapted to a marine lifestyle.
144
00:07:09,679 --> 00:07:11,180
[R&B music]
145
00:07:11,681 --> 00:07:15,935
They spend their days swimming out
into the ocean to forage for algae,
146
00:07:16,102 --> 00:07:21,399
and in doing so, they inadvertently
ingest a lot of salty seawater.
147
00:07:21,774 --> 00:07:24,402
Actually, a lethal dose of it.
148
00:07:24,735 --> 00:07:28,364
And in order to expel
all the extra salt in their bodies,
149
00:07:28,614 --> 00:07:31,325
marine iguanas have large cranial glands
150
00:07:31,409 --> 00:07:35,121
that shoot all the extra fluid
right out of their nostrils.
151
00:07:35,288 --> 00:07:37,623
You might know it as a farmer's blow...
152
00:07:37,707 --> 00:07:41,294
or something you might see the
first baseman of the New York Yankees do
153
00:07:41,377 --> 00:07:43,045
while waiting for the next pitch.
154
00:07:43,546 --> 00:07:44,546
But to be fair,
155
00:07:44,797 --> 00:07:49,760
a lot of my other animals share
the same snotty and slobbery traits
156
00:07:49,886 --> 00:07:52,597
- as you etiquette-challenged humans.
- [chirruping]
157
00:07:52,889 --> 00:07:55,349
Get ready, this song...
158
00:07:56,350 --> 00:07:57,351
blows!
159
00:07:57,435 --> 00:07:59,437
[acoustic guitar strumming]
160
00:07:59,770 --> 00:08:02,106
Uhhh! Uhhh!
161
00:08:05,067 --> 00:08:06,694
Get outta there, boogie!
162
00:08:10,490 --> 00:08:13,784
♪ I picked your nose after eating a bee ♪
163
00:08:13,868 --> 00:08:16,746
♪ I pulled it out, now it's inside me ♪
164
00:08:17,163 --> 00:08:20,124
♪ It's one of those desert boogies ♪
165
00:08:20,500 --> 00:08:23,419
♪ A little bloody but mostly green ♪
166
00:08:23,544 --> 00:08:26,297
♪ I understand that you can't breathe ♪
167
00:08:26,380 --> 00:08:29,884
♪ And if you don't blast it out
You're gonna sneeze ♪
168
00:08:29,967 --> 00:08:31,260
♪ But ohhh ♪
169
00:08:31,344 --> 00:08:32,261
[squirting sounds]
170
00:08:32,345 --> 00:08:35,640
♪ Snot rocket ♪
171
00:08:36,557 --> 00:08:38,518
♪ Oh ♪
172
00:08:38,601 --> 00:08:41,896
♪ Sticky, sticky snot rocket ♪
173
00:08:43,147 --> 00:08:48,277
♪ Oh, Christmas-colored snot rocket ♪
174
00:08:48,819 --> 00:08:50,321
♪ You're stuck on me ♪
175
00:08:50,488 --> 00:08:53,115
♪ La la la la la la ♪
176
00:08:53,658 --> 00:08:55,368
♪ La la laaa ♪
177
00:08:56,953 --> 00:08:59,163
♪ La la la la la la la ♪
178
00:08:59,247 --> 00:09:02,458
[grumbling]
179
00:09:02,959 --> 00:09:06,003
♪ Wipe it off with a tree leaf, please ♪
180
00:09:06,087 --> 00:09:09,131
♪ Before I get some booger disease ♪
181
00:09:09,257 --> 00:09:12,510
♪ I'd cross the desert
And the seven seas ♪
182
00:09:12,843 --> 00:09:15,596
♪ To not get hit with your nasal peas ♪
183
00:09:15,680 --> 00:09:18,391
♪ I understand that you can't breathe ♪
184
00:09:18,474 --> 00:09:21,811
♪ And if you don't blast it out
You're gonna sneeze ♪
185
00:09:21,894 --> 00:09:24,480
♪ But ohhhh ♪
186
00:09:24,564 --> 00:09:27,858
♪ Snot rocket ♪
187
00:09:28,651 --> 00:09:33,573
♪ Oh, sticky, sticky snot rocket ♪
188
00:09:35,324 --> 00:09:40,621
♪ Oh, Christmas-colored snot rocket ♪
189
00:09:40,955 --> 00:09:42,623
♪ You're stuck on me ♪
190
00:09:42,832 --> 00:09:44,292
Aaaaaa... choo!
191
00:09:44,375 --> 00:09:47,044
♪ La... la la laaa ♪
192
00:09:49,130 --> 00:09:51,757
♪ La la la la la la la ♪
193
00:09:52,216 --> 00:09:53,467
♪ La la laaa ♪
194
00:09:53,551 --> 00:09:56,429
♪ I'm glad you're stuck on me ♪
195
00:09:56,721 --> 00:09:57,888
Ah-ahhh! [splurt]
196
00:09:58,764 --> 00:09:59,974
[growls]
197
00:10:00,224 --> 00:10:02,226
[country music]
198
00:10:02,602 --> 00:10:04,604
[Mother Nature] Vanity, schmanity.
199
00:10:04,687 --> 00:10:08,524
Frankly, I find you people
to be highly narcissistic
200
00:10:08,608 --> 00:10:10,318
relative to my babes.
201
00:10:11,444 --> 00:10:13,362
But... from time to time,
202
00:10:13,446 --> 00:10:17,617
I'll just sit back and admire
some of their strikingly spectacular,
203
00:10:17,700 --> 00:10:20,411
and enviable human-like attributes.
204
00:10:21,412 --> 00:10:22,622
[quirky music]
205
00:10:22,830 --> 00:10:25,416
This is a red-lipped batfish.
206
00:10:25,833 --> 00:10:30,212
You can find this little flippin' flapper
in the waters around the Galapagos Islands
207
00:10:30,296 --> 00:10:32,214
and off the coast of Peru.
208
00:10:32,923 --> 00:10:35,009
While indeed it is a fish,
209
00:10:35,134 --> 00:10:37,762
it is not a very good swimmer,
210
00:10:37,845 --> 00:10:39,764
which seems like an oxymoron.
211
00:10:40,097 --> 00:10:42,767
That's like being a fly who can't fly,
212
00:10:42,933 --> 00:10:44,852
a crow who can't crow,
213
00:10:45,144 --> 00:10:47,063
or a cheetah who can't cheat.
214
00:10:47,313 --> 00:10:51,067
The red-lipped batfish
is a scavenging bottom dweller.
215
00:10:51,609 --> 00:10:53,694
[female] Hey, not cool!
216
00:10:54,236 --> 00:10:55,655
But it's true!
217
00:10:55,738 --> 00:10:58,449
The red-lipped batfish has pectoral fins
218
00:10:58,532 --> 00:11:01,327
that have evolved for walking
on the ocean floor.
219
00:11:01,577 --> 00:11:03,454
Right, Darwin?
220
00:11:03,663 --> 00:11:05,873
I once ate an owl.
221
00:11:06,165 --> 00:11:10,586
The batfish actually travels more on foot
than it does by swimming.
222
00:11:10,836 --> 00:11:13,798
I'm walkin' here! I'm walkin' here!
223
00:11:14,131 --> 00:11:16,509
Yes, you are,
and you're getting in your steps!
224
00:11:16,842 --> 00:11:19,095
Peripatetic perambulation.
225
00:11:19,929 --> 00:11:24,141
But, by far, the physical attribute
this fish is most famous for,
226
00:11:24,225 --> 00:11:27,978
is its big, juicy, red, human-like lips.
227
00:11:28,270 --> 00:11:31,607
And boy, are people envious
of these puckers.
228
00:11:31,691 --> 00:11:33,275
I woke up like this.
229
00:11:33,442 --> 00:11:35,194
That's technically true.
230
00:11:35,528 --> 00:11:37,071
It did wake up like that.
231
00:11:37,446 --> 00:11:38,906
It was born like that,
232
00:11:39,031 --> 00:11:40,783
but the bright-red lips
233
00:11:41,075 --> 00:11:45,037
are used by the male batfish
to attract mates.
234
00:11:45,121 --> 00:11:47,707
[male, clears throat]
Not that there's anything wrong with that.
235
00:11:48,040 --> 00:11:49,083
Not at all!
236
00:11:49,375 --> 00:11:51,210
I don't hate you because you're beautiful.
237
00:11:51,377 --> 00:11:53,087
Smooches! [kissing sound]
238
00:11:53,671 --> 00:11:55,840
I married my first cousin.
239
00:11:55,923 --> 00:11:57,925
[African drums]
240
00:11:58,342 --> 00:12:02,054
We all know the housing market
is out of control.
241
00:12:02,430 --> 00:12:07,309
Everyone's trying to find a home
that's bigger, better and newer.
242
00:12:07,727 --> 00:12:09,645
Just like my hermit crabs,
243
00:12:09,729 --> 00:12:14,066
who are known to shed their shell houses
any chance they get.
244
00:12:14,442 --> 00:12:16,068
And with this much turnover,
245
00:12:16,277 --> 00:12:20,239
there's bound to be
some wheelin' and dealin'!
246
00:12:21,532 --> 00:12:22,700
[boing]
247
00:12:22,867 --> 00:12:24,994
I'm Harriet the hermit crab
248
00:12:25,077 --> 00:12:27,955
from Harriet's Used Conch
and Hermit Crab Shell Lot,
249
00:12:28,038 --> 00:12:31,625
and I'm here to remind you that it's
everyone's favorite time of year.
250
00:12:31,834 --> 00:12:35,087
- [VO] Molt-a-thon!
- [Mother Nature] Can I get a good deal?
251
00:12:35,838 --> 00:12:38,132
[Harriet] Deals so good
they make your antennae spin.
252
00:12:38,257 --> 00:12:40,301
[Mother Nature]
Yeah... I don't have antennae.
253
00:12:41,177 --> 00:12:43,554
[Harriet] Take a look at my shellroom,
254
00:12:43,637 --> 00:12:48,017
every interior smoooother
than an eel's ear hole.
255
00:12:48,350 --> 00:12:50,644
You can't fathom the discounts!
256
00:12:50,811 --> 00:12:53,272
Ready to claw your way
to the top of the line?
257
00:12:53,397 --> 00:12:55,524
Back yourself into one of those certified,
258
00:12:55,608 --> 00:12:58,277
pre-owned, deluxe,
General Mollusk models?
259
00:12:58,360 --> 00:13:01,739
- This one still has that new-shell smell!
- [cash till pinging]
260
00:13:01,989 --> 00:13:03,991
Or... maybe that's your thing.
261
00:13:04,074 --> 00:13:05,951
The stench of rotting fish!
262
00:13:06,035 --> 00:13:07,244
Who's to say?
263
00:13:07,578 --> 00:13:10,581
[VO] You... do... you!
264
00:13:11,290 --> 00:13:13,977
- [Mother Nature] Where you located?
- [Harriet] Down at the confluence
265
00:13:14,001 --> 00:13:16,670
of Little Cayman Island
and Grand Cayman Island Way.
266
00:13:17,087 --> 00:13:19,256
If you pass the wacky waving garden eels,
267
00:13:19,340 --> 00:13:21,217
- you've gone too far!
- [tires squeal]
268
00:13:21,675 --> 00:13:22,675
Musical tagline:
269
00:13:22,718 --> 00:13:25,262
♪ Harry's Used Conch
and Hermit Crab Shell Lot ♪
270
00:13:25,346 --> 00:13:28,015
♪ Pick one soon or you will die ♪
271
00:13:28,349 --> 00:13:31,435
Hey! You stole my theme song!
272
00:13:33,062 --> 00:13:35,773
[Mother Nature] Some creatures
act just like humans
273
00:13:35,856 --> 00:13:37,858
when it comes to finding a mate.
274
00:13:38,150 --> 00:13:41,570
And, like you weekend Watusi warriors,
275
00:13:41,695 --> 00:13:44,073
they compete in fabulous dance-offs,
276
00:13:44,573 --> 00:13:46,700
hoping to win over Mrs. Right.
277
00:13:46,909 --> 00:13:49,745
Or in this case... Mrs. Flight.
278
00:13:49,829 --> 00:13:50,704
[disco music]
279
00:13:50,830 --> 00:13:54,583
There are over 40 species
of birds of paradise,
280
00:13:54,792 --> 00:13:57,545
- each with its own distinctive style.
- [screeches]
281
00:13:57,670 --> 00:13:59,380
- Look at this guy.
- Yo!
282
00:13:59,463 --> 00:14:01,298
- And this guy.
- Eh... yes, ma'am.
283
00:14:01,382 --> 00:14:02,800
And what about this guy?
284
00:14:03,008 --> 00:14:04,844
[deep voice] What it do, baby?
285
00:14:05,094 --> 00:14:07,763
More diversity than a college brochure.
286
00:14:07,847 --> 00:14:09,849
[chirping]
287
00:14:13,811 --> 00:14:18,274
The fellas are not only reminiscent
of a Lady BooGa after party,
288
00:14:18,524 --> 00:14:21,485
they also have the moves to back it up.
289
00:14:22,653 --> 00:14:24,822
When a lucky gal catches his eye,
290
00:14:25,030 --> 00:14:29,577
he'll spread out his feathers
in a fan shape and boogie down.
291
00:14:29,952 --> 00:14:35,165
The elaborate display of peacocking
dovetails into an explosion of passion
292
00:14:35,249 --> 00:14:38,127
and everlasting bliss that lasts for...
293
00:14:38,711 --> 00:14:40,546
Oh. It's already over.
294
00:14:40,629 --> 00:14:41,629
[cheesy music]
295
00:14:41,714 --> 00:14:44,341
[dreamily] A romance for the ages.
296
00:14:44,925 --> 00:14:46,844
Why? Because...
297
00:14:46,927 --> 00:14:49,054
[male] Nobody puts Birdy in the corner!
298
00:14:52,725 --> 00:14:53,809
[ambient music]
299
00:14:54,018 --> 00:14:55,018
[male VO] I...
300
00:14:55,811 --> 00:14:57,021
am...
301
00:14:57,313 --> 00:14:58,313
a...
302
00:14:58,814 --> 00:14:59,982
tool...
303
00:15:01,734 --> 00:15:02,818
user.
304
00:15:02,902 --> 00:15:04,278
[birds chirping]
305
00:15:04,904 --> 00:15:05,988
Sticks...
306
00:15:06,697 --> 00:15:08,532
and stones...
307
00:15:09,283 --> 00:15:10,284
add meat...
308
00:15:11,493 --> 00:15:12,703
to my...
309
00:15:13,329 --> 00:15:14,580
bones.
310
00:15:18,751 --> 00:15:20,419
A coco-...
311
00:15:21,211 --> 00:15:22,211
nut...
312
00:15:22,379 --> 00:15:23,379
shell...
313
00:15:23,923 --> 00:15:25,507
so you can't...
314
00:15:26,926 --> 00:15:27,926
hurt...
315
00:15:28,218 --> 00:15:29,261
me.
316
00:15:31,430 --> 00:15:32,723
[ambient music continues]
317
00:15:34,099 --> 00:15:36,852
Toooooools.
318
00:15:39,897 --> 00:15:42,650
Toooooools.
319
00:15:48,072 --> 00:15:50,157
Toooooools...
320
00:15:51,742 --> 00:15:52,868
are my...
321
00:15:53,744 --> 00:15:55,079
friends.
322
00:15:55,871 --> 00:15:57,873
[insects chirruping]
323
00:15:58,874 --> 00:16:00,709
[sprightly music]
324
00:16:01,210 --> 00:16:05,965
[Mother Nature] For decades, human
companies have been using my creatures
325
00:16:06,090 --> 00:16:07,925
to hawk their products.
326
00:16:08,425 --> 00:16:09,551
Tony the Tiger,
327
00:16:09,927 --> 00:16:11,136
Smokey the Bear,
328
00:16:11,512 --> 00:16:13,514
- Winnie the Pooh.
- [growls]
329
00:16:13,722 --> 00:16:16,183
- No, that's not actually Winnie.
- [farting sound]
330
00:16:16,308 --> 00:16:18,560
- That's just a bear... taking a poo.
- [growls, farts]
331
00:16:18,644 --> 00:16:19,687
[quacking]
332
00:16:19,937 --> 00:16:25,192
But to show you how disastrous an animal
running a large business would be,
333
00:16:25,275 --> 00:16:28,904
here is a duck
in charge of an auto insurance company.
334
00:16:28,988 --> 00:16:29,988
[phone rings]
335
00:16:30,155 --> 00:16:31,073
Quack?
336
00:16:31,156 --> 00:16:34,576
- Yeah, hi, I was just in a car accident.
- Quack?
337
00:16:34,868 --> 00:16:37,621
The guy who hit me was driving very fast.
338
00:16:37,705 --> 00:16:38,705
Quack.
339
00:16:38,872 --> 00:16:40,541
Are you actually a duck?
340
00:16:41,125 --> 00:16:43,836
- Is the only thing you can say "quack"?
- Quack.
341
00:16:44,086 --> 00:16:47,423
You know, there's an urban legend
that a duck's quack doesn't echo,
342
00:16:47,923 --> 00:16:50,259
but that's not true, they do echo!
343
00:16:50,718 --> 00:16:52,302
[echoing] Quack!
344
00:16:52,386 --> 00:16:53,220
See?
345
00:16:53,303 --> 00:16:56,181
And did you know a male duck
is called a drake?
346
00:16:56,765 --> 00:16:57,683
Hey, Drake.
347
00:16:57,766 --> 00:17:00,185
What are your thoughts
about being on Absurd Planet?
348
00:17:00,269 --> 00:17:04,064
- It's definitely surreal.
- Anyway, back to my auto insurance claim.
349
00:17:04,148 --> 00:17:06,817
- Quack!
- You know, I'm getting tired of this!
350
00:17:06,900 --> 00:17:09,361
- Quaaack.
- Don't talk to me that way!
351
00:17:09,445 --> 00:17:10,445
Quack?
352
00:17:10,571 --> 00:17:13,782
Do you have any idea
with whom you are speaking?
353
00:17:13,866 --> 00:17:17,161
- Quack?
- That's it. Lemme talk to your supervisor.
354
00:17:17,244 --> 00:17:19,538
- She's also a duck.
- [duck laughing]
355
00:17:21,123 --> 00:17:22,123
[dramatic music]
356
00:17:22,624 --> 00:17:24,344
[anchor]
Good evening, ladies and gentlemen.
357
00:17:24,376 --> 00:17:27,713
We are sorry to interrupt your program
once again,
358
00:17:27,796 --> 00:17:31,592
but we are following
a startling slow-speed chase,
359
00:17:31,675 --> 00:17:34,845
of what appears to be
a common slug, on the run.
360
00:17:35,137 --> 00:17:36,555
[anchor 2] That's right, Chuck,
361
00:17:36,638 --> 00:17:40,225
the felonious slug has led police
on a treacherous pursuit,
362
00:17:40,350 --> 00:17:46,023
hitting the gastropod's top speed
of .0028 meters per second.
363
00:17:46,106 --> 00:17:49,943
As you know, driving like an idiot
is a privilege in the human world.
364
00:17:50,235 --> 00:17:53,322
[Chuck chuckling]
Oh yes, Gary. Humans are awful.
365
00:17:54,073 --> 00:17:57,284
[Gary] Wait a minute,
it looks like he just passed a pebble!
366
00:17:57,409 --> 00:18:01,538
- He is not slowing down!
- But he's not speeding up, either.
367
00:18:01,622 --> 00:18:04,333
Is it true, Gary,
that slugs secrete slime
368
00:18:04,416 --> 00:18:07,086
in order to slide
across surfaces more easily?
369
00:18:07,169 --> 00:18:08,253
[Gary] Yes, that's correct.
370
00:18:08,337 --> 00:18:11,340
It's scientifically known as
a "snail trail."
371
00:18:11,423 --> 00:18:15,177
[Chuck] Okay, and now let's go live
to our resident slug expert
372
00:18:15,260 --> 00:18:16,762
to see... what he thinks.
373
00:18:16,845 --> 00:18:19,056
And, I think, uhhhhhhhhh...
374
00:18:19,139 --> 00:18:21,058
♪ I like-ah the pangolin ♪
375
00:18:21,141 --> 00:18:23,060
♪ I like-ah the horny toad ♪
376
00:18:23,143 --> 00:18:25,062
♪ I like-ah the man o' war ♪
377
00:18:25,145 --> 00:18:27,106
♪ I like-ah the crab in the road ♪
378
00:18:27,189 --> 00:18:29,066
♪ I like-ah the Jumping Stick ♪
379
00:18:29,149 --> 00:18:31,026
♪ A super-engorged brown tick ♪
380
00:18:31,110 --> 00:18:33,070
♪ A magical unicorn tang ♪
381
00:18:33,153 --> 00:18:35,072
♪ A deer with a crazy fang ♪
382
00:18:35,155 --> 00:18:39,701
♪ And they like yooou ♪
383
00:18:40,327 --> 00:18:41,327
♪ Pah! ♪