1
00:00:35,285 --> 00:00:36,703
That is a good crowd.
2
00:00:37,037 --> 00:00:38,371
Will we disappoint you?
3
00:00:38,705 --> 00:00:39,956
Who knows?
4
00:00:40,040 --> 00:00:41,124
We don't know.
5
00:00:41,207 --> 00:00:43,001
We don't know what will happen.
6
00:00:43,084 --> 00:00:44,419
- No.
- Why, Thomas?
7
00:00:44,502 --> 00:00:46,379
Because this is
a completely improvised show.
8
00:00:46,463 --> 00:00:47,630
What does that mean?
9
00:00:47,714 --> 00:00:50,276
- Everything's made up.
- What do you mean "everything's made up"?
10
00:00:50,300 --> 00:00:52,886
You say something,
I say, "Yes and..."
11
00:00:54,596 --> 00:00:55,722
So, if I say something like,
12
00:00:55,805 --> 00:00:57,390
"These meatballs are really tasty."
13
00:00:57,474 --> 00:01:00,060
I go, "Yes, and they are made of meat."
14
00:01:02,020 --> 00:01:03,938
- And that... is improv.
- That's improv!
15
00:01:06,941 --> 00:01:07,941
Great.
16
00:01:09,277 --> 00:01:10,361
- Wow.
- Yeah.
17
00:01:10,445 --> 00:01:12,781
Wow, I hope we get to that meatball scene.
18
00:01:12,864 --> 00:01:14,240
Oh, man.
19
00:01:14,324 --> 00:01:15,324
It's a good scene.
20
00:01:15,450 --> 00:01:17,202
Oh, it's going to be a great scene.
21
00:01:17,285 --> 00:01:20,038
Neither one of those people
sounded like stereotypical Italian people
22
00:01:20,121 --> 00:01:21,956
that might run an Italian meatball shop.
23
00:01:22,040 --> 00:01:24,417
- No, we played it very kind of natural.
- Very natural.
24
00:01:25,126 --> 00:01:28,421
But, if we get to a meatball scene
in the show...
25
00:01:30,131 --> 00:01:30,965
Mamma Mia!
26
00:01:35,762 --> 00:01:38,973
- Mamma... Mia.
- We have to now.
27
00:01:39,182 --> 00:01:41,601
So, I ask you, this audience...
28
00:01:41,851 --> 00:01:44,354
what is something
that you're looking forward to,
29
00:01:44,437 --> 00:01:46,147
or something that you're dreading?
30
00:01:46,231 --> 00:01:47,958
- Job interview!
- Thanksgiving!
31
00:01:47,982 --> 00:01:49,901
- I heard...
- I heard a job interview.
32
00:01:49,984 --> 00:01:52,505
I heard job interview.
Job interview was the first thing I heard.
33
00:01:52,529 --> 00:01:54,249
It's a real thing?
We'll ask more questions.
34
00:01:54,280 --> 00:01:55,115
Yeah.
35
00:01:55,198 --> 00:01:56,592
- Okay, great.
- When you explain it,
36
00:01:56,616 --> 00:01:58,409
maybe don't say the exact job
just in case...
37
00:01:59,494 --> 00:02:01,496
But any specific, any character,
38
00:02:01,579 --> 00:02:03,265
anything you could tell us
would be very helpful.
39
00:02:03,289 --> 00:02:04,892
- So, please tell us.
- Is that coming up?
40
00:02:04,916 --> 00:02:08,753
Yeah, I'm gonna get an email soon,
I don't know when, to schedule it.
41
00:02:08,837 --> 00:02:11,673
You're going to get an email
to let you know how well you did
42
00:02:11,756 --> 00:02:13,633
in the job interview
that you recently had?
43
00:02:13,967 --> 00:02:16,761
No, I'm going to get an email
telling me when the job interview is.
44
00:02:16,845 --> 00:02:18,485
Oh, okay.
45
00:02:18,513 --> 00:02:21,933
You're worried about even
getting the job interview. Okay.
46
00:02:22,016 --> 00:02:24,102
You're like... very far back.
47
00:02:25,728 --> 00:02:27,981
You just had the idea
that you wanted a job.
48
00:02:29,524 --> 00:02:30,525
We can work with it.
49
00:02:30,608 --> 00:02:32,485
We can get with it. We can get there.
50
00:02:33,194 --> 00:02:34,195
Uh...
51
00:02:35,071 --> 00:02:35,947
So...
52
00:02:37,824 --> 00:02:38,824
What...
53
00:02:39,159 --> 00:02:42,078
What stage came prior to this?
54
00:02:42,162 --> 00:02:44,956
There was a video interview.
Then this is round two of the interview.
55
00:02:45,039 --> 00:02:47,542
- Oh, man! This is a job.
- Yeah. In person?
56
00:02:47,625 --> 00:02:50,336
Uh, it's either going to be in person
or over the phone.
57
00:02:50,420 --> 00:02:53,381
So, you could potentially
go from video to phone?
58
00:02:55,842 --> 00:02:57,082
Yeah, that's good. That's good.
59
00:02:57,135 --> 00:02:59,220
Now, let me hear
what you sound like, baby.
60
00:03:03,433 --> 00:03:05,852
With... Can I ask, like,
would this be with...
61
00:03:05,977 --> 00:03:08,062
This couldn't be possibly
with the same person.
62
00:03:08,146 --> 00:03:10,541
It would be for a diff...
You'd be interviewing with a different...
63
00:03:10,565 --> 00:03:13,401
The video interview
was with an automated system.
64
00:03:16,654 --> 00:03:18,615
Okay, so your first round...
65
00:03:18,698 --> 00:03:19,616
Who are you... Wait!
66
00:03:19,699 --> 00:03:22,577
Who are you video chatting with
67
00:03:22,660 --> 00:03:24,204
if it's an automated system?
68
00:03:25,038 --> 00:03:26,956
Uh, what type of job is this?
69
00:03:27,040 --> 00:03:29,667
It's, uh...
It's actually a photography internship
70
00:03:29,751 --> 00:03:32,629
for a... weekend...
71
00:03:33,588 --> 00:03:35,590
A photography internship for...
72
00:03:35,673 --> 00:03:37,926
Uh, okay. It's for Saturday Night Live.
73
00:03:38,009 --> 00:03:39,093
- Oh!
- Oh!
74
00:03:39,177 --> 00:03:40,845
This motherfucker!
75
00:03:43,014 --> 00:03:44,974
Whoo!
76
00:03:45,558 --> 00:03:46,558
Shit!
77
00:03:48,102 --> 00:03:49,646
Man, you're living my dream.
78
00:03:51,147 --> 00:03:53,667
What would your job be? To take pictures
of the sketches actually happening
79
00:03:53,691 --> 00:03:55,360
or backstage stuff?
Or what is it?
80
00:03:55,443 --> 00:03:58,363
- I have no idea.
- You don't know what you're applying for?
81
00:03:58,613 --> 00:04:01,407
It just said...
It just said "Photography Department."
82
00:04:01,491 --> 00:04:03,534
- My man...
- Man, this is crazy.
83
00:04:03,618 --> 00:04:06,663
Multiple interviews
for... an internship...
84
00:04:07,914 --> 00:04:09,874
...that you don't even know
what you do during.
85
00:04:11,292 --> 00:04:13,544
So when you say video interview,
who was it with then
86
00:04:13,628 --> 00:04:15,105
if it's an automated video interview?
87
00:04:15,129 --> 00:04:18,007
It was a weird system. It had, like...
For example, it would say,
88
00:04:18,091 --> 00:04:21,511
"You have 30 seconds to read the question
and then a minute to record your answer."
89
00:04:21,594 --> 00:04:24,806
They're making you interview yourself?
90
00:04:24,889 --> 00:04:26,849
That, that is...
91
00:04:26,933 --> 00:04:28,768
- Wait. I'm confused.
- No wonder...
92
00:04:28,851 --> 00:04:31,437
the fucking youth of America
is disillusioned...
93
00:04:32,855 --> 00:04:34,565
...with the employment process.
94
00:04:35,149 --> 00:04:36,901
What the fuck is that?
95
00:04:36,985 --> 00:04:38,861
- That's so mean.
- Can you give us an example?
96
00:04:38,945 --> 00:04:41,698
It's, like, somewhat basic
interview questions like:
97
00:04:41,781 --> 00:04:44,325
"What has your previous experience
led you to?"
98
00:04:44,409 --> 00:04:45,994
So, you asked yourself that?
99
00:04:47,704 --> 00:04:48,704
For real?
100
00:04:49,247 --> 00:04:51,517
What is your dream dream job
out of everything at the end?
101
00:04:51,541 --> 00:04:53,459
Let's say 10 years from now,
you would be...
102
00:04:53,543 --> 00:04:55,545
you would be beyond happy
if blank happened.
103
00:04:56,379 --> 00:04:58,464
Working in the building
that I'm applying for.
104
00:04:58,589 --> 00:05:00,925
- Ah, what a sweet boy.
- As a photographer?
105
00:05:01,009 --> 00:05:02,176
- Anything.
- Anything!
106
00:05:02,260 --> 00:05:03,862
You don't care about photography.
107
00:05:06,180 --> 00:05:07,932
Alright. Anything else? Any other...
108
00:05:08,016 --> 00:05:10,768
Any other friends or characters
you're taking along the way?
109
00:05:10,852 --> 00:05:14,480
Uh, there was another one of my friends
who applied to the same position,
110
00:05:14,564 --> 00:05:16,625
and I'm the one who got the interview.
111
00:05:16,649 --> 00:05:19,485
What's he like? What's that other friend,
guy or girl, like?
112
00:05:19,569 --> 00:05:22,989
Uh, he is just
as passionate about it as me.
113
00:05:23,406 --> 00:05:25,033
Oh. Is it... Is it icy now?
114
00:05:25,533 --> 00:05:26,659
No.
115
00:05:26,743 --> 00:05:28,619
No, he got another...
We applied to multiple.
116
00:05:28,745 --> 00:05:30,872
He got some, and I got some. So, yeah.
117
00:05:30,955 --> 00:05:32,415
Thank you very much. Give it up.
118
00:05:32,498 --> 00:05:33,916
- Give it up one time.
- My man.
119
00:05:34,000 --> 00:05:35,043
Cool. So...
120
00:05:36,669 --> 00:05:39,589
Ladies and gentlemen, we present to you
Middleditch and Schwartz.
121
00:05:45,887 --> 00:05:47,638
- The interview is beginning now.
- Fuck!
122
00:05:57,023 --> 00:05:58,608
Please read the following question.
123
00:06:00,151 --> 00:06:01,611
Um, can you hear me?
124
00:06:02,362 --> 00:06:03,422
- Please read...
- Fuck!
125
00:06:03,446 --> 00:06:06,657
- ...the following question.
- If you can hear me, you're talking now.
126
00:06:06,741 --> 00:06:09,118
So, there's no reason for me
to read the question.
127
00:06:09,202 --> 00:06:11,204
Please read the following question.
128
00:06:11,287 --> 00:06:14,665
Um, "why do I want to be a photographer?"
Oh, uh...
129
00:06:14,749 --> 00:06:16,709
You now have five seconds to answer.
130
00:06:18,169 --> 00:06:20,171
Um... I'm not sure I do.
131
00:06:20,421 --> 00:06:21,339
Okay.
132
00:06:21,422 --> 00:06:23,049
Your time has expired.
133
00:06:23,132 --> 00:06:24,801
Okay.
134
00:06:26,344 --> 00:06:27,720
This is good. This is good.
135
00:06:28,513 --> 00:06:30,098
- Okay.
- Next question.
136
00:06:30,556 --> 00:06:32,475
Uh, "what is my biggest weakness?"
137
00:06:33,226 --> 00:06:34,852
- Okay.
- You have 12 seconds...
138
00:06:34,936 --> 00:06:36,687
...to respond.
139
00:06:37,105 --> 00:06:39,357
Okay, I guess my biggest weakness...
140
00:06:39,565 --> 00:06:42,735
uh, is that I'm, like, a little bit
too neat.
141
00:06:42,819 --> 00:06:45,363
Um... Oops.
142
00:06:45,446 --> 00:06:47,907
- And...
- Your time has expired.
143
00:06:47,990 --> 00:06:48,825
Good.
144
00:06:48,950 --> 00:06:50,636
If you can hear me,
I won't need more than 12
145
00:06:50,660 --> 00:06:54,038
- for the rest of the questions.
- The next question is a multiple choice.
146
00:06:56,624 --> 00:06:57,834
Okay. Can you read it?
147
00:06:58,000 --> 00:06:59,752
I will read the question.
148
00:07:04,048 --> 00:07:06,634
Hey, can I ask you a before you do it?
How am I doing?
149
00:07:07,343 --> 00:07:08,594
- At 1 a.m...
- Fuck.
150
00:07:10,138 --> 00:07:11,305
...on a Tuesday night...
151
00:07:12,432 --> 00:07:16,102
do you find yourself most likely to be A:
152
00:07:16,769 --> 00:07:17,895
watching TV,
153
00:07:18,438 --> 00:07:21,065
B: watching TV...
154
00:07:21,149 --> 00:07:23,192
...C: watching TV,
155
00:07:23,818 --> 00:07:27,071
or D: masturbating and watching TV?
156
00:07:28,614 --> 00:07:30,199
What time... What time at night?
157
00:07:32,034 --> 00:07:34,370
You have five seconds
to answer the question.
158
00:07:36,164 --> 00:07:37,457
Um...
159
00:07:40,293 --> 00:07:41,893
- Your time has expired.
- Fuck!
160
00:07:45,423 --> 00:07:48,134
Your failure to answer
the question has been noted.
161
00:07:48,259 --> 00:07:50,803
Fuck. I won't do it again.
That is literally the last...
162
00:07:50,887 --> 00:07:52,305
I will not do that again.
163
00:07:55,057 --> 00:07:56,309
The next question...
164
00:07:58,227 --> 00:08:01,105
...is a visual skills challenge.
165
00:08:05,943 --> 00:08:08,029
I know you probably can't hear me...
166
00:08:08,112 --> 00:08:09,530
To the best of your ability...
167
00:08:13,659 --> 00:08:16,420
- I don't understand what...
- To the best of your ability...
168
00:08:18,331 --> 00:08:19,331
embody...
169
00:08:20,249 --> 00:08:21,249
a gazelle.
170
00:08:24,670 --> 00:08:27,006
- To the best of my...
- You have a full minute...
171
00:08:30,593 --> 00:08:32,053
...to embody a gazelle.
172
00:08:34,430 --> 00:08:35,430
Bonus points...
173
00:08:36,641 --> 00:08:39,936
for showing that you understand
what a gazelle eats...
174
00:08:42,021 --> 00:08:44,750
- What does this have to do with...
- ...and is stalked and hunted by.
175
00:08:44,774 --> 00:08:46,943
And what it's hunted by?
176
00:08:47,652 --> 00:08:48,694
Correct.
177
00:08:49,737 --> 00:08:51,364
- You can hear me.
- Uh...
178
00:08:53,366 --> 00:08:57,411
Uh... You have a one minute
to complete the challenge.
179
00:08:57,495 --> 00:08:59,622
Can you show me on the screen
a picture of a gazelle,
180
00:08:59,705 --> 00:09:01,165
just so I can copy it, please?
181
00:09:01,249 --> 00:09:02,249
Oh, my God.
182
00:09:04,043 --> 00:09:05,545
Here is a picture of a gazelle.
183
00:09:06,420 --> 00:09:07,420
Let me see it.
184
00:09:09,215 --> 00:09:10,216
Look at the screen.
185
00:09:12,218 --> 00:09:14,929
Alright, great. Thank you. Asshole.
186
00:09:15,012 --> 00:09:15,846
Alright.
187
00:09:17,890 --> 00:09:19,976
I can't tell.
Am I on camera here?
188
00:09:20,059 --> 00:09:21,059
Yeah?
189
00:09:22,019 --> 00:09:23,187
Okay. One minute started?
190
00:09:23,896 --> 00:09:26,148
- I feel like...
- You have 50 seconds remaining.
191
00:09:26,649 --> 00:09:28,317
I feel like this is embarrassing
192
00:09:28,401 --> 00:09:31,821
uh, because this has nothing to do
with the job itself, and, um...
193
00:09:32,863 --> 00:09:34,423
- You have 40 seconds remaining.
- Okay.
194
00:09:35,700 --> 00:09:36,951
Uh...
195
00:09:38,077 --> 00:09:39,954
Uh, fuck!
196
00:09:40,037 --> 00:09:42,957
That's it. Yeah, you're a...
197
00:09:44,875 --> 00:09:46,085
You're a gazelle.
198
00:09:47,545 --> 00:09:49,964
You're a gazelle, and you want this job,
don't you, gazelle?
199
00:09:51,841 --> 00:09:54,093
You're gonna do whatever you have to.
200
00:09:55,428 --> 00:09:56,429
Oh, yeah.
201
00:09:57,346 --> 00:09:58,639
Bouncing around, yeah?
202
00:09:59,348 --> 00:10:00,391
Are you fast?
203
00:10:01,017 --> 00:10:02,768
Are you hungry, you little gazelle?
204
00:10:03,644 --> 00:10:05,771
- Show me what you eat.
- I don't want to do this.
205
00:10:05,855 --> 00:10:08,649
Show me what you eat.
206
00:10:08,733 --> 00:10:11,068
There's some grass.
You nibble at that. Yeah.
207
00:10:11,652 --> 00:10:15,239
- This is so fucking demeaning.
- You're a hungry little gazelle.
208
00:10:16,365 --> 00:10:18,951
Oh, no, there's a male gazelle
behind you.
209
00:10:19,035 --> 00:10:21,162
No.
210
00:10:21,245 --> 00:10:23,247
That's a minute, right?
That's a minute?
211
00:10:24,332 --> 00:10:26,167
- Time has expired.
- Great. Thank God.
212
00:10:27,627 --> 00:10:28,628
All right.
213
00:10:28,711 --> 00:10:30,171
This is the final question.
214
00:10:35,426 --> 00:10:36,886
What do you stand for?
215
00:10:43,768 --> 00:10:44,852
Okay, how much time?
216
00:10:45,019 --> 00:10:47,605
You have one second
to answer the question.
217
00:10:49,357 --> 00:10:52,193
- That's insane.
- It is a single word response.
218
00:10:52,318 --> 00:10:54,445
Okay. Okay. Tell me when it starts.
219
00:10:55,237 --> 00:10:56,447
You may begin now.
220
00:10:56,572 --> 00:10:57,572
Kindness.
221
00:10:58,240 --> 00:10:59,742
Aw!
222
00:11:17,176 --> 00:11:19,929
- Did I get it?
- Well done. Well done.
223
00:11:23,349 --> 00:11:24,475
Computer, shut down.
224
00:11:25,935 --> 00:11:27,269
Computer shutting down.
225
00:11:29,480 --> 00:11:31,440
Uh... I'm so sorry. Who are you?
226
00:11:31,899 --> 00:11:32,899
Timothy...
227
00:11:34,318 --> 00:11:35,903
Great.
228
00:11:35,986 --> 00:11:37,321
- Timothy.
- Timothy III.
229
00:11:37,405 --> 00:11:38,405
Hey, Timothy.
230
00:11:39,073 --> 00:11:40,991
- Timothy III.
- Are you Timothy III?
231
00:11:41,075 --> 00:11:43,536
- I'm the Timothy III.
- Oh, my God.
232
00:11:44,078 --> 00:11:46,163
- I run this place.
- This is incredible.
233
00:11:46,247 --> 00:11:47,164
Yes.
234
00:11:47,248 --> 00:11:49,041
- Yeah, so nice to meet you.
- Yeah.
235
00:11:49,625 --> 00:11:52,920
My name was almost
going to be Forne Bicheals.
236
00:11:53,003 --> 00:11:53,838
Yes.
237
00:11:55,047 --> 00:11:56,966
You're the head
of this entire sketch show.
238
00:11:57,049 --> 00:11:59,176
But my mother, at the last minute,
239
00:12:00,219 --> 00:12:02,138
decided to name me Timothy III.
240
00:12:02,763 --> 00:12:03,973
I have no last name.
241
00:12:04,098 --> 00:12:06,225
It's literally Timothy III.
242
00:12:06,684 --> 00:12:08,412
- May I ask you a question?
- Yes, of course.
243
00:12:08,436 --> 00:12:10,604
Does that mean your father
and your father's father
244
00:12:10,688 --> 00:12:12,457
- were just named Timothy and Timothy II?
- No.
245
00:12:12,481 --> 00:12:13,816
No, so this is a weird one.
246
00:12:13,899 --> 00:12:15,901
- My mother was an eccentric...
- Okay.
247
00:12:15,985 --> 00:12:19,363
...but she instilled in me two things:
248
00:12:20,114 --> 00:12:21,115
A work ethic,
249
00:12:21,866 --> 00:12:24,201
and a pretty crazy comedy bone.
250
00:12:27,705 --> 00:12:29,665
That is pretty crazy.
I'm a huge fan of your show.
251
00:12:29,749 --> 00:12:32,251
One of the reasons why I want
actually do photography for it
252
00:12:32,334 --> 00:12:35,004
is because I... I grew up with it.
I love it so much.
253
00:12:35,087 --> 00:12:37,339
Yes, yes, yes, we all grew up with it.
254
00:12:41,010 --> 00:12:43,345
- It's a very funny show.
- Yeah, it's hilarious.
255
00:12:45,347 --> 00:12:47,808
- You're Kyle, correct?
- I'm what?
256
00:12:51,145 --> 00:12:52,897
- Your name is Kyle.
- Kyle, yeah.
257
00:12:52,980 --> 00:12:53,980
Yeah.
258
00:12:55,149 --> 00:12:58,527
It was a very peculiar video interview.
259
00:12:59,403 --> 00:13:02,048
- I just answered the question...
- I'll review the footage.
260
00:13:03,449 --> 00:13:04,909
I'll review the footage with...
261
00:13:05,618 --> 00:13:07,036
excruciating detail.
262
00:13:07,828 --> 00:13:09,639
It seems if you have so much time
to talk to me now,
263
00:13:09,663 --> 00:13:11,543
why wouldn't we just
do the interview in person?
264
00:13:13,709 --> 00:13:15,294
- It doesn't work like that.
- Okay.
265
00:13:18,964 --> 00:13:21,008
You'll be receiving an email.
266
00:13:22,843 --> 00:13:23,843
Okay.
267
00:13:24,428 --> 00:13:27,181
And then we can take this thing
to the next level.
268
00:13:28,224 --> 00:13:30,024
- I would love that.
- I'm thinking telephone.
269
00:13:32,186 --> 00:13:34,647
Uh... Okay.
So, this, a confirmation email,
270
00:13:34,730 --> 00:13:36,565
then a telephone call
for me to come in person
271
00:13:36,649 --> 00:13:37,849
to have an interview with you?
272
00:13:40,069 --> 00:13:41,069
No.
273
00:13:41,904 --> 00:13:42,947
But you'll see.
274
00:13:43,823 --> 00:13:45,282
They all see in the end.
275
00:13:46,742 --> 00:13:47,742
Hey Timothy?
276
00:13:47,785 --> 00:13:49,328
- Uh...
- I really, um...
277
00:13:51,539 --> 00:13:53,040
Me, the only person in the room.
278
00:13:53,123 --> 00:13:54,542
- You, Kyle.
- Yeah. Kyle.
279
00:13:54,708 --> 00:13:55,543
Kyle, was it?
280
00:13:55,626 --> 00:13:56,627
- Kyle.
- Go, Kyle.
281
00:13:56,710 --> 00:13:59,150
I just wanna say I've been
watching your show for a long time.
282
00:13:59,213 --> 00:14:02,007
I'm sure everybody says this,
but I'm, like... I'm a huge fan.
283
00:14:02,091 --> 00:14:03,851
And if I start here,
I don't know where I go,
284
00:14:03,884 --> 00:14:05,946
but I will work my ass off for you.
I guarantee that.
285
00:14:05,970 --> 00:14:08,615
I couldn't say that in the interview,
'cause they asked me to be a gazelle.
286
00:14:10,516 --> 00:14:11,725
Yes, it did, didn't it?
287
00:14:13,352 --> 00:14:14,436
Well, that's very...
288
00:14:14,937 --> 00:14:16,188
kind of you.
289
00:14:16,939 --> 00:14:20,067
I can't wait for you to hear that last...
290
00:14:28,742 --> 00:14:29,742
Oh, shit.
291
00:14:29,910 --> 00:14:30,786
I got an email.
292
00:14:32,538 --> 00:14:33,538
That was quick.
293
00:14:34,039 --> 00:14:36,417
Let me have it read itself.
294
00:14:38,669 --> 00:14:40,671
Uh...
295
00:14:40,754 --> 00:14:42,715
I could read it
if it doesn't want to read itself.
296
00:14:43,674 --> 00:14:45,277
- You're...
- Or maybe...
297
00:14:47,136 --> 00:14:50,014
Your Postmates order is ready.
298
00:14:53,142 --> 00:14:54,518
That's not how Postmates works.
299
00:14:56,145 --> 00:14:57,563
Usually just comes up on the app.
300
00:14:59,648 --> 00:15:01,400
- Uh...
- Hey, hey, hey, Kyle.
301
00:15:01,483 --> 00:15:03,527
Hey, man, how'd it go?
302
00:15:03,611 --> 00:15:05,130
- Dude, it went amazing.
- That's great.
303
00:15:05,154 --> 00:15:06,030
Yeah, what's up, man?
304
00:15:07,489 --> 00:15:09,617
Oh, no, I hit your microphone
a little bit.
305
00:15:10,951 --> 00:15:13,203
Oh, no, I hit your microphone a lot a bit.
306
00:15:13,954 --> 00:15:15,289
How do you think we fix it?
307
00:15:15,372 --> 00:15:16,457
I'm wearing a microphone?
308
00:15:18,500 --> 00:15:20,669
Someone will come on stage
if it fucked everything up.
309
00:15:20,753 --> 00:15:22,254
I think I fixed it. Don't touch it.
310
00:15:22,338 --> 00:15:24,006
Hey, what's up, man?
311
00:15:27,426 --> 00:15:29,762
- You didn't establish your name, right?
- No.
312
00:15:30,137 --> 00:15:32,848
- Hey, Sawson? Let me say something.
- Yeah.
313
00:15:32,932 --> 00:15:34,141
I got in there, and no joke...
314
00:15:34,224 --> 00:15:36,310
I went there.
I talked right to this computer,
315
00:15:36,393 --> 00:15:38,520
right to the computer
that was in there, right?
316
00:15:38,604 --> 00:15:40,624
I did this whole thing.
And I think I did pretty well
317
00:15:40,648 --> 00:15:43,067
because afterwards,
Timothy III came up to me.
318
00:15:44,401 --> 00:15:46,041
- You talked to Timothy III?
- Yeah, dude.
319
00:15:46,779 --> 00:15:48,489
Weird.
320
00:15:48,572 --> 00:15:50,449
Did you get in... Did you get your...
321
00:15:50,532 --> 00:15:52,284
Yeah, I did the video interview, yeah.
322
00:15:52,409 --> 00:15:53,702
Well, how did it go, man?
323
00:15:53,786 --> 00:15:55,079
Hey, um...
324
00:15:57,206 --> 00:15:58,374
Did they, uh...
325
00:15:58,457 --> 00:16:01,137
- This is gonna sound so dumb.
- No, Sawson, come on. We're friends.
326
00:16:02,795 --> 00:16:03,921
Did they, uh...
327
00:16:05,631 --> 00:16:09,802
ask you to get fucked by a gazelle
as a gazelle?
328
00:16:11,720 --> 00:16:12,596
Sorry, I missed it.
329
00:16:12,680 --> 00:16:15,307
Did they ask me to get fucked?
Say it again?
330
00:16:17,643 --> 00:16:20,062
Like, in a mime situation.
331
00:16:20,145 --> 00:16:21,897
Yeah, I played a gazelle. I was a gazelle.
332
00:16:21,981 --> 00:16:23,524
Okay, how far did you get?
333
00:16:23,607 --> 00:16:24,608
Because...
334
00:16:29,029 --> 00:16:31,323
In mine, after I ate the grass,
he made me...
335
00:16:31,407 --> 00:16:33,283
- Yeah, I ate the grass.
- Okay.
336
00:16:34,118 --> 00:16:34,994
How did you do it?
337
00:16:35,077 --> 00:16:37,204
Can you show me?
I feel like my gazelle was weird.
338
00:16:39,415 --> 00:16:42,710
- I mean, I don't know what I...
- Just show me what you did.
339
00:16:42,793 --> 00:16:44,604
If it's a minute long,
I'll occupy every minute.
340
00:16:44,628 --> 00:16:46,548
So, I hopped right in there.
I'm bouncing around.
341
00:16:46,630 --> 00:16:49,466
Oh, yeah.
Oh, that's a good gazelle.
342
00:16:49,550 --> 00:16:50,968
That's a good gazelle, yeah.
343
00:16:51,051 --> 00:16:52,970
And then, I'm eating the grass, right?
344
00:16:53,053 --> 00:16:54,263
Oh, yeah! Fuck!
345
00:16:54,346 --> 00:16:55,556
Fuck. Now, yeah, fuck.
346
00:16:55,639 --> 00:16:58,267
And then he says,
"There's a male gazelle behind you."
347
00:16:58,350 --> 00:17:00,227
- I'm like, okay.
- Yeah, and then I stopped.
348
00:17:00,310 --> 00:17:01,790
And that was where it stopped for me.
349
00:17:02,438 --> 00:17:04,582
'Cause I took so long in the beginning,
they only had...
350
00:17:04,606 --> 00:17:06,525
No, it stopped for me there, too.
351
00:17:07,693 --> 00:17:08,693
Sawson.
352
00:17:08,736 --> 00:17:10,946
That's cool
that Timothy III talked to you.
353
00:17:11,030 --> 00:17:12,150
Did Timothy III talk to you?
354
00:17:12,197 --> 00:17:13,197
No.
355
00:17:13,615 --> 00:17:14,992
Hey, can I ask you a question?
356
00:17:15,617 --> 00:17:16,617
Yeah.
357
00:17:17,453 --> 00:17:18,453
Look at me.
358
00:17:18,620 --> 00:17:19,620
I already am.
359
00:17:22,624 --> 00:17:25,210
Did you have to pretend
to get fucked by a bigger gazelle?
360
00:17:26,754 --> 00:17:27,880
I got kids, man.
361
00:17:29,840 --> 00:17:30,716
I know, man.
362
00:17:30,799 --> 00:17:33,302
That's why it's insane to me
you're applying for an internship.
363
00:17:35,345 --> 00:17:37,282
- I know it pays, but it's not a lot.
- I got kids.
364
00:17:37,306 --> 00:17:39,016
I got kids, I'm in college...
365
00:17:39,099 --> 00:17:41,435
I know. It's a scenario that happens.
366
00:17:42,561 --> 00:17:43,687
Sawson, what happened?
367
00:17:44,813 --> 00:17:46,523
The male gazelle took me.
368
00:17:48,525 --> 00:17:50,110
Daddy, what did you say?
369
00:17:50,194 --> 00:17:51,653
Uh...
370
00:17:51,737 --> 00:17:53,614
Go to bed, Pawson.
371
00:17:56,742 --> 00:17:59,703
I was trying to, but you were making
so much noise up here.
372
00:17:59,787 --> 00:18:01,371
It's just me and Kyle. We're talking.
373
00:18:01,455 --> 00:18:02,581
What's up, Kyle?
374
00:18:02,831 --> 00:18:03,916
Oh, what... what's up?
375
00:18:03,999 --> 00:18:06,376
Hey, it's cool to be in college, right?
376
00:18:06,460 --> 00:18:08,045
- Yeah.
- Cool to be in college.
377
00:18:08,128 --> 00:18:09,004
Yeah, you should go.
378
00:18:09,088 --> 00:18:11,131
Fraternities!
379
00:18:11,465 --> 00:18:12,925
- What?
- Fraternities!
380
00:18:13,008 --> 00:18:14,384
Oh, yeah, yeah.
381
00:18:15,094 --> 00:18:18,013
Us two photography students
are definitely in a fraternity.
382
00:18:21,725 --> 00:18:24,144
Hey, when I grow up,
I want to be just like you.
383
00:18:24,770 --> 00:18:26,063
- M... Me?
- Yeah.
384
00:18:26,188 --> 00:18:27,988
You sure
you don't wanna be like your old man?
385
00:18:28,065 --> 00:18:30,275
I heard you got fucked by a gazelle.
386
00:18:32,861 --> 00:18:33,946
Alright.
387
00:18:34,029 --> 00:18:35,531
Huh. What a cool kid.
388
00:18:39,785 --> 00:18:41,078
Whoever gets the job, who cares?
389
00:18:41,161 --> 00:18:44,164
- We're supposed to get the email in a bit.
- You're right. I know, and I...
390
00:18:44,248 --> 00:18:47,251
I got some leads on some other stuff,
but I don't want to fucking do it.
391
00:18:47,334 --> 00:18:49,086
I want the leads on your shit.
392
00:18:50,379 --> 00:18:52,881
I don't want to fucking take pictures
for The New York Times.
393
00:18:55,134 --> 00:18:55,968
That's a huge...
394
00:18:56,051 --> 00:18:57,427
The New York Times!
395
00:18:57,970 --> 00:18:59,847
Dude, it's a huge publication.
396
00:19:00,889 --> 00:19:02,641
I want to do comedy!
397
00:19:03,934 --> 00:19:06,094
I mean, there's some funny stuff
in The New York Times.
398
00:19:06,145 --> 00:19:09,606
They want to send me away, overseas
to get really engaging photos.
399
00:19:09,690 --> 00:19:11,108
That's insane. Is that true?
400
00:19:11,191 --> 00:19:12,693
That's an amazing job.
401
00:19:12,776 --> 00:19:15,779
- Is that your lead?
- Around the world to various conflicts.
402
00:19:16,905 --> 00:19:17,781
That's incredible.
403
00:19:17,865 --> 00:19:19,634
That's what they're offering?
You got that job?
404
00:19:19,658 --> 00:19:21,285
I want to do jokes and bits.
405
00:19:24,955 --> 00:19:27,583
When do you have your callback interview
for The New York Times?
406
00:19:28,125 --> 00:19:30,377
- Is it soon?
- Yeah.
407
00:19:30,627 --> 00:19:32,880
- It's... today.
- Great.
408
00:19:33,380 --> 00:19:36,216
Take it seriously. That job is amazing.
409
00:19:36,633 --> 00:19:37,926
For real, Saws. For real.
410
00:19:39,553 --> 00:19:40,553
Alright.
411
00:19:40,637 --> 00:19:43,140
Yeah, I guess. When's your callback...
412
00:19:43,223 --> 00:19:47,603
I mean, I got an email that says I should
be expecting a fucking fax pretty soon.
413
00:19:49,771 --> 00:19:52,399
And if the fax goes well,
I'm going to have this phone call...
414
00:19:52,941 --> 00:19:55,777
with, possibly, Timothy III.
I don't mean to rub it in your face, man.
415
00:19:55,861 --> 00:19:58,280
I know you got a kid
and you're in college, but it's like...
416
00:19:59,239 --> 00:20:01,325
But that New York Times thing.
That's huge.
417
00:20:02,743 --> 00:20:04,036
- Yeah, I guess.
- Hey.
418
00:20:04,745 --> 00:20:07,664
Just remember, no matter what,
in 10 years from now,
419
00:20:07,789 --> 00:20:09,750
we're going to take pictures
together, right?
420
00:20:10,417 --> 00:20:11,960
Yeah, what was our promise again?
421
00:20:13,629 --> 00:20:15,464
In 10 years...
422
00:20:16,757 --> 00:20:19,384
we'll be taking pictures together.
423
00:20:20,802 --> 00:20:21,802
Oh, yeah.
424
00:20:22,429 --> 00:20:23,429
Yeah.
425
00:20:25,724 --> 00:20:27,643
Yeah. Oh, yeah. Yeah.
426
00:20:28,185 --> 00:20:30,830
- You're gonna be great, okay?
- And you're gonna be great too.
427
00:20:30,854 --> 00:20:32,231
- Thanks.
- Hope you get that fax.
428
00:20:32,314 --> 00:20:34,114
- I'll go to mine, you go to yours.
- Alright.
429
00:20:43,158 --> 00:20:44,158
Mr. Times?
430
00:20:50,582 --> 00:20:51,750
Yes?
431
00:20:52,459 --> 00:20:54,127
- Uh...
- Sawson!
432
00:20:54,503 --> 00:20:55,712
- Sawson, yeah.
- Sawson.
433
00:20:56,004 --> 00:20:57,214
We're expecting you.
434
00:20:58,382 --> 00:20:59,383
Come, come.
435
00:20:59,716 --> 00:21:01,635
- Door open or closed?
- Huh?
436
00:21:01,843 --> 00:21:03,387
- Door open or closed?
- Well...
437
00:21:03,804 --> 00:21:04,888
Nowadays...
438
00:21:05,347 --> 00:21:06,347
Take a seat.
439
00:21:14,815 --> 00:21:17,401
Sawson, I'll tell you something
before you sit down.
440
00:21:19,486 --> 00:21:22,781
Every moment of this interview,
starting when you sit in that seat
441
00:21:22,864 --> 00:21:24,491
is a part of the interview.
442
00:21:25,784 --> 00:21:26,784
Yes, sir.
443
00:21:27,286 --> 00:21:28,453
Sawson, take a seat.
444
00:21:32,749 --> 00:21:33,749
Why?
445
00:21:40,299 --> 00:21:44,052
'Cause it's... my dream
to take photos, sir.
446
00:21:45,220 --> 00:21:47,139
Okay, I'll give you a hypothetical.
447
00:21:47,222 --> 00:21:50,517
We take you to a foreign country.
We are at arms with them right now. You...
448
00:21:50,600 --> 00:21:51,600
- Boring.
- What?
449
00:21:56,815 --> 00:21:57,858
What?
450
00:21:58,942 --> 00:22:01,382
You must have misheard me.
I'll give you a different scenario.
451
00:22:02,029 --> 00:22:04,614
There's conflict,
conflict at the White House.
452
00:22:05,240 --> 00:22:07,784
The only way we can get in there
is someone has to go in there,
453
00:22:07,868 --> 00:22:10,537
take the photographs
that will give us the story that we need.
454
00:22:12,539 --> 00:22:15,334
Have you ever seen the movie
Mission: Impossible, sir?
455
00:22:16,251 --> 00:22:18,712
Of course not.
I work at The New York Times.
456
00:22:19,421 --> 00:22:21,381
I did a review...
Someone did a review on it once.
457
00:22:22,132 --> 00:22:24,452
But if you want to read it,
you have to get a subscription.
458
00:22:25,635 --> 00:22:28,472
You get to just see this much,
and then you have to pay.
459
00:22:28,805 --> 00:22:30,891
Continue.
460
00:22:32,351 --> 00:22:33,351
Well...
461
00:22:34,019 --> 00:22:35,019
I get a harness...
462
00:22:35,395 --> 00:22:36,813
put myself in the harness.
463
00:22:36,897 --> 00:22:37,773
I get to the roof.
464
00:22:37,856 --> 00:22:39,775
How I got to the roof,
I can't tell you that.
465
00:22:40,901 --> 00:22:41,901
But I'm there.
466
00:22:42,527 --> 00:22:43,527
I find the vent.
467
00:22:43,945 --> 00:22:44,945
I go in the vent.
468
00:22:45,614 --> 00:22:47,657
- I'm squirming around in there.
- Good.
469
00:22:47,741 --> 00:22:49,927
People in the White House
are like, "What's that sound?"
470
00:22:49,951 --> 00:22:52,245
- Right.
- If I need to, I'll whisper,
471
00:22:52,371 --> 00:22:53,955
"Nothing, don't worry about it."
472
00:22:54,831 --> 00:22:56,458
Sawson, this is very good.
473
00:22:57,167 --> 00:23:00,337
Sawson, this is very good and nothing like
Mission: Impossible so far.
474
00:23:01,421 --> 00:23:02,421
I'm squirming around.
475
00:23:02,464 --> 00:23:04,925
I get to the exit vent
where the documents are held.
476
00:23:05,008 --> 00:23:07,135
What are you gonna do now
if this is your exit vent?
477
00:23:07,219 --> 00:23:08,419
Sawson, what are you gonna do?
478
00:23:08,470 --> 00:23:09,721
I open up the vent...
479
00:23:10,597 --> 00:23:14,518
I attach my harness
to the, to the... top part of the shaft.
480
00:23:14,601 --> 00:23:17,104
Good, good, good. Be general about it.
Don't know much.
481
00:23:18,438 --> 00:23:20,690
- And I lower myself in.
- How fast?
482
00:23:20,857 --> 00:23:21,857
Slow.
483
00:23:23,235 --> 00:23:24,595
What happens if they can hear you?
484
00:23:24,653 --> 00:23:27,280
Is there some way you can
make sure you don't talk too loud?
485
00:23:27,364 --> 00:23:29,699
I go...
"Shh, stop talking so loud."
486
00:23:31,159 --> 00:23:33,203
And there's probably lasers, right?
487
00:23:33,286 --> 00:23:34,204
Yeah, there is.
488
00:23:34,287 --> 00:23:37,958
Now... I may be borrowing this
from another movie, but, uh...
489
00:23:38,875 --> 00:23:40,377
I might do a little of this.
490
00:23:42,712 --> 00:23:44,714
Oh...
491
00:23:45,173 --> 00:23:47,175
Very nice.
492
00:23:47,926 --> 00:23:51,721
Very nice!
493
00:23:51,847 --> 00:23:54,641
Do you know what's insane?
I totally forgot about that movie,
494
00:23:54,724 --> 00:23:55,851
and the second you did that,
495
00:23:55,934 --> 00:23:58,687
I realized
I watched just that part 100 times.
496
00:23:59,646 --> 00:24:02,125
- I can't believe how perfect that was.
- All teenage boys did.
497
00:24:02,149 --> 00:24:03,024
- Yeah!
- Yes!
498
00:24:03,150 --> 00:24:05,068
Uh, isn't it fun being a teenage boy?
499
00:24:06,069 --> 00:24:07,404
Sir, you're a teenager?
500
00:24:07,487 --> 00:24:09,573
Well, I'm in college right now.
501
00:24:11,241 --> 00:24:12,492
Mr. Times, you're in college?
502
00:24:12,576 --> 00:24:14,119
- Well, yes.
- Me too.
503
00:24:14,202 --> 00:24:17,539
The only way to keep up with the Times
is to take someone who's younger.
504
00:24:17,622 --> 00:24:19,062
Keep up with the Times is my family.
505
00:24:19,124 --> 00:24:21,324
Keeping Up with the Times
is my reality show.
506
00:24:23,253 --> 00:24:24,421
That worked out well.
507
00:24:26,256 --> 00:24:27,256
I like you.
508
00:24:27,716 --> 00:24:28,842
I like you a lot.
509
00:24:29,050 --> 00:24:30,050
Oh, really?
510
00:24:30,093 --> 00:24:31,136
Yeah, really.
511
00:24:31,845 --> 00:24:35,682
You know, we have this stupid thing
the guys are trying to put on me.
512
00:24:35,765 --> 00:24:36,892
- Right?
- What?
513
00:24:36,975 --> 00:24:39,436
They want to start a new humor section
of The New York Times.
514
00:24:40,270 --> 00:24:43,523
- Ha.
- I know. Ha, ha, ha, ha. How stupid!
515
00:24:43,607 --> 00:24:47,277
Who'd want to take pictures
of comedians laughing... goofing around?
516
00:24:50,614 --> 00:24:51,614
You're hard, sir.
517
00:24:55,660 --> 00:24:56,495
Uh...
518
00:24:56,620 --> 00:24:58,497
It's nothing much, really? I mean...
519
00:24:58,872 --> 00:25:01,208
it's a... humble nine inches.
520
00:25:02,209 --> 00:25:03,502
Humble nine?
521
00:25:04,002 --> 00:25:05,212
It's a short nine.
522
00:25:05,337 --> 00:25:06,505
Short nine?
523
00:25:07,047 --> 00:25:08,590
Yeah, she's a short nine, sir.
524
00:25:11,343 --> 00:25:12,343
Oh, this?
525
00:25:12,385 --> 00:25:14,065
- She's a short nine.
- She's a short nine.
526
00:25:16,139 --> 00:25:18,808
I hope something happens,
like hashtag shortnine.
527
00:25:18,934 --> 00:25:22,437
- Hashtag shortnine.
- I told that guy to go fuck himself.
528
00:25:22,521 --> 00:25:24,314
No!
529
00:25:24,481 --> 00:25:25,524
Sir, uh...
530
00:25:26,024 --> 00:25:27,567
I know it's hardly my place.
531
00:25:27,651 --> 00:25:29,361
I'm a potential intern.
532
00:25:29,444 --> 00:25:30,946
I don't even have the job yet.
533
00:25:31,988 --> 00:25:34,157
But... to be truthful, sir,
534
00:25:34,449 --> 00:25:36,159
uh, comedy is a passion of mine.
535
00:25:36,243 --> 00:25:37,619
Yeah, right. Tell me one joke.
536
00:25:39,663 --> 00:25:42,165
Make me laugh.
Make The New York Times laugh.
537
00:25:44,709 --> 00:25:45,709
If...
538
00:25:46,628 --> 00:25:49,506
What... does the sound a... doodie make?
539
00:25:50,715 --> 00:25:52,635
- What sound does a doodie make?
- To remind you,
540
00:25:52,717 --> 00:25:55,136
you're interviewing
for The New York Times.
541
00:25:56,054 --> 00:25:57,889
And right now, you've asked me:
542
00:25:57,973 --> 00:26:00,100
"What does the sound a doodie make?"
543
00:26:00,850 --> 00:26:02,185
The New York Times.
544
00:26:02,269 --> 00:26:04,437
Many call it the top of the top.
545
00:26:04,688 --> 00:26:07,124
- The most prestigious, the most brainy...
- I understand, sir.
546
00:26:07,148 --> 00:26:09,234
You don't flip to the back and see a pun.
547
00:26:09,359 --> 00:26:10,777
You flip to the back and you see...
548
00:26:10,860 --> 00:26:12,279
Well, the back... it's different.
549
00:26:13,321 --> 00:26:14,364
But the front...
550
00:26:15,907 --> 00:26:17,033
The titles grab you!
551
00:26:18,410 --> 00:26:20,078
So, your question to me is:
552
00:26:20,203 --> 00:26:22,205
"What does the sound a poopy make?"
553
00:26:22,956 --> 00:26:24,749
- "Doodie," sir.
- What...
554
00:26:25,625 --> 00:26:28,086
I find that in humor,
wording is very important.
555
00:26:29,129 --> 00:26:30,129
Very good.
556
00:26:30,255 --> 00:26:31,715
What does the sound a doodie make?
557
00:26:55,530 --> 00:26:58,325
That person has eaten
way too much fiber.
558
00:27:00,785 --> 00:27:02,829
Can you not?
559
00:27:03,330 --> 00:27:04,414
The mustache, sir.
560
00:27:05,624 --> 00:27:06,624
It's new.
561
00:27:10,629 --> 00:27:12,255
Alright.
562
00:27:18,970 --> 00:27:19,970
Expect a letter.
563
00:27:30,023 --> 00:27:32,233
Hey, yeah, this is... this is he.
564
00:27:32,359 --> 00:27:33,359
Timothy?
565
00:27:33,693 --> 00:27:36,196
Go to the corner of 42nd and 1st.
566
00:27:37,739 --> 00:27:38,865
You want me to do what?
567
00:27:38,948 --> 00:27:41,951
Be there at 3:00 p.m.
on the corner of 42nd and 1st.
568
00:27:42,035 --> 00:27:44,996
I am on 42nd and 2nd.
569
00:27:45,080 --> 00:27:47,248
So, I have to go one block east.
It's about, uh...
570
00:27:47,332 --> 00:27:49,376
I guess it'll take
like two and a half minutes.
571
00:27:49,501 --> 00:27:51,836
Oh. You're pretty close. Okay, well...
572
00:27:52,253 --> 00:27:53,373
What am I looking for?
573
00:27:53,421 --> 00:27:55,215
There's a ton of cars.
This is New York City.
574
00:27:56,132 --> 00:27:57,050
Look for the...
575
00:27:57,133 --> 00:27:59,844
Oh, God.
Look for the white Ford Fiesta.
576
00:28:03,264 --> 00:28:05,475
It's a custom license plate.
577
00:28:05,558 --> 00:28:06,935
What does the license plate say?
578
00:28:07,018 --> 00:28:09,187
It's a custom one. It says, "GOOFS."
579
00:28:11,022 --> 00:28:12,022
"GOOFS1."
580
00:28:12,982 --> 00:28:14,651
Okay, yeah. Do you want me to jump in?
581
00:28:14,734 --> 00:28:15,860
- Enter.
- Enter.
582
00:28:18,196 --> 00:28:19,406
Uh, there's...
583
00:28:19,531 --> 00:28:21,032
There's, uh...
584
00:28:21,116 --> 00:28:22,116
What the fuck?
585
00:28:26,538 --> 00:28:27,831
- Kyle.
- Timothy.
586
00:28:28,331 --> 00:28:29,416
- The...
- Third.
587
00:28:29,499 --> 00:28:30,333
Yes.
588
00:28:33,920 --> 00:28:34,920
Oh.
589
00:28:35,797 --> 00:28:36,797
Excellent.
590
00:28:37,173 --> 00:28:39,134
I believe we do this in this car.
591
00:28:41,094 --> 00:28:42,094
Safety first.
592
00:28:42,846 --> 00:28:43,680
Not me.
593
00:28:53,940 --> 00:28:54,940
Actually...
594
00:28:56,025 --> 00:28:56,860
What's wrong?
595
00:28:56,985 --> 00:28:58,611
Hey...
596
00:28:58,695 --> 00:28:59,738
Hey, hey, hey, hey!
597
00:29:01,114 --> 00:29:03,450
Hey. What's wrong, man?
598
00:29:03,742 --> 00:29:05,994
Everybody takes photos
of the good times...
599
00:29:06,536 --> 00:29:07,536
the "ha-has,"
600
00:29:08,329 --> 00:29:09,497
the knee slappers...
601
00:29:10,832 --> 00:29:14,377
but nobody takes photos of... me.
602
00:29:15,545 --> 00:29:17,255
This character makes me nervous.
603
00:29:18,006 --> 00:29:19,758
- Why?
- Because...
604
00:29:21,634 --> 00:29:24,471
It's just... I'm worried about it
being too real.
605
00:29:26,806 --> 00:29:28,349
Okay. For you personally?
606
00:29:28,767 --> 00:29:30,810
Or for who... whom the bell tolls?
607
00:29:30,894 --> 00:29:33,313
- For whom the bell tolls?
- Okay.
608
00:29:33,480 --> 00:29:36,399
In order to make me feel better about it,
can we give him something
609
00:29:36,483 --> 00:29:38,359
that really makes him totally different?
610
00:29:38,860 --> 00:29:39,860
Sure.
611
00:29:39,903 --> 00:29:41,343
Uh, he's got webbed feet.
612
00:29:41,404 --> 00:29:43,323
Okay.
613
00:29:43,531 --> 00:29:46,075
And also I own a cat farm.
614
00:29:48,661 --> 00:29:49,788
How's your cat farm?
615
00:29:50,079 --> 00:29:51,079
Great!
616
00:29:56,961 --> 00:29:58,421
Great. A pond in the middle.
617
00:29:58,505 --> 00:30:00,632
I swim like fucking lightning
through that.
618
00:30:05,011 --> 00:30:06,346
- Great.
- Alright, I feel better.
619
00:30:10,892 --> 00:30:12,227
Oh, no.
620
00:30:13,228 --> 00:30:14,521
One real thing of emotion.
621
00:30:14,604 --> 00:30:15,730
Yes, but...
622
00:30:16,523 --> 00:30:19,442
I'm nervous it's not going to happen...
at the show.
623
00:30:19,734 --> 00:30:22,129
- Come on. Your show is...
- We've gotta go elsewhere for it!
624
00:30:22,153 --> 00:30:23,363
Where do we have to go?
625
00:30:23,822 --> 00:30:24,989
- Overseas.
- No.
626
00:30:25,073 --> 00:30:25,907
Yes!
627
00:30:26,032 --> 00:30:28,368
You've got to capture
the goofs and the spoofs,
628
00:30:28,827 --> 00:30:31,120
and even the real moments overseas.
629
00:30:31,204 --> 00:30:33,164
I'm talking in war-torn countries.
630
00:30:33,248 --> 00:30:35,083
No, it sounds like
you're literally sending me
631
00:30:35,166 --> 00:30:37,126
to some sort of New York Times mission.
632
00:30:37,919 --> 00:30:39,379
The New York Times.
633
00:30:39,963 --> 00:30:42,215
- That's your villain?
- That's my rival.
634
00:30:43,341 --> 00:30:44,717
The sketch show's rival
635
00:30:44,801 --> 00:30:46,970
- is The New York Times.
- The New York Times!
636
00:30:48,596 --> 00:30:49,596
Okay.
637
00:30:50,014 --> 00:30:51,140
Hey, don't look at me.
638
00:30:51,224 --> 00:30:52,392
I own a cat farm.
639
00:30:54,853 --> 00:30:56,771
- Sure.
- I'm a simple cat farmer.
640
00:30:56,855 --> 00:31:00,024
Sure. Sure. Sure.
641
00:31:02,151 --> 00:31:03,695
- Uh. All right.
- Here we are.
642
00:31:05,530 --> 00:31:07,949
Hey, man, you can't stop here.
643
00:31:08,032 --> 00:31:10,326
Hey, sorry. My friend owns a cat farm.
644
00:31:10,410 --> 00:31:12,537
We're just trying to get to the airport,
to JFK.
645
00:31:12,620 --> 00:31:13,620
All right.
646
00:31:19,335 --> 00:31:20,211
Okay.
647
00:31:20,295 --> 00:31:21,629
You want this job, don't you?
648
00:31:21,713 --> 00:31:24,608
I need this job, but what I wanna do is
take pictures of comedians and stuff.
649
00:31:24,632 --> 00:31:26,068
I don't wanna go to different places
650
00:31:26,092 --> 00:31:27,892
where battles are happening
and take pictures.
651
00:31:28,428 --> 00:31:30,305
It's the only thing I could think of.
652
00:31:33,433 --> 00:31:35,226
I'll talk to you soon, I guess.
653
00:31:35,560 --> 00:31:36,560
Yes.
654
00:31:36,769 --> 00:31:39,480
I guess I'll get on a plane
to a different battlefield.
655
00:31:40,106 --> 00:31:41,274
Alright, sure.
656
00:31:43,776 --> 00:31:44,776
Hey.
657
00:31:46,279 --> 00:31:47,279
Oh. Sorry.
658
00:31:52,702 --> 00:31:53,702
Yes.
659
00:31:53,870 --> 00:31:54,870
Sorry.
660
00:31:55,747 --> 00:31:58,142
Sorry, I just need to take a shit
before I get on the flight.
661
00:31:58,166 --> 00:31:59,000
All right, man.
662
00:31:59,083 --> 00:32:00,501
- Good to know.
- Sorry.
663
00:32:00,877 --> 00:32:02,378
Hey, uh, hey... buddy.
664
00:32:02,462 --> 00:32:03,462
I am sorry.
665
00:32:03,922 --> 00:32:06,466
I didn't know
you were zipping up your fly. I'm sorry.
666
00:32:06,549 --> 00:32:07,549
It's alright.
667
00:32:07,884 --> 00:32:10,094
I'll take a sh...
I guess I'll take a shit.
668
00:32:11,679 --> 00:32:13,973
People don't usually just say "Hey" to me
in the bathroom.
669
00:32:14,057 --> 00:32:15,475
- Then I'll say it.
- Do I know you?
670
00:32:15,558 --> 00:32:16,809
- No, no, no, no.
- Oh, okay.
671
00:32:16,893 --> 00:32:18,662
I'm a college student
that's about to go to war.
672
00:32:18,686 --> 00:32:19,520
Alright.
673
00:32:21,648 --> 00:32:22,774
Have a good flight.
674
00:32:22,857 --> 00:32:25,193
- Alright. Well, really nice to meet you.
- Yeah.
675
00:32:25,610 --> 00:32:27,070
Really nice to meet you.
676
00:32:28,446 --> 00:32:29,614
What a good dude.
677
00:32:30,531 --> 00:32:32,659
What a good fucking dude.
678
00:32:33,242 --> 00:32:34,410
What a nice guy.
679
00:32:41,125 --> 00:32:43,044
Oh, my God.
680
00:32:43,127 --> 00:32:45,814
- What's happening? What's happening?
- I'm reading The New York Times!
681
00:32:45,838 --> 00:32:47,966
They got this new comedy column.
682
00:32:48,675 --> 00:32:49,759
The photos...
683
00:32:51,844 --> 00:32:52,844
Are they funny?
684
00:32:52,887 --> 00:32:54,639
Oh, my God! They're hilarious.
685
00:32:55,556 --> 00:32:58,267
- What's the guy's...
- Unbelievable! I'm from New York!
686
00:33:00,061 --> 00:33:01,896
I'm from New York. I'm at JFK.
687
00:33:02,021 --> 00:33:04,273
That's a perfectly plausible thing.
688
00:33:05,316 --> 00:33:06,818
I'm... I'm from New York also.
689
00:33:06,901 --> 00:33:08,861
I grew up in Riverdale,
then moved to Westchester,
690
00:33:08,903 --> 00:33:10,071
but this is how I speak.
691
00:33:10,154 --> 00:33:11,154
Riverdale?
692
00:33:11,364 --> 00:33:12,657
- No, not...
- Like the TV show?
693
00:33:12,740 --> 00:33:14,117
No. It's like...
694
00:33:14,200 --> 00:33:15,868
Never heard of it!
695
00:33:17,036 --> 00:33:17,870
Wow!
696
00:33:17,954 --> 00:33:20,873
Oh, dude, your everything bagel
with cream cheese is on the ground.
697
00:33:22,542 --> 00:33:23,543
Oh, man.
698
00:33:25,294 --> 00:33:27,338
It went cream cheese side down.
699
00:33:28,006 --> 00:33:29,799
- Sorry, dude.
- Ah!
700
00:33:31,926 --> 00:33:33,803
- Very cool, man.
- Set it on my knee, there.
701
00:33:33,928 --> 00:33:37,432
You sound like the most New York person
I've ever met in my entire life.
702
00:33:37,515 --> 00:33:39,559
Are you kidding me?
Born and raised here.
703
00:33:40,226 --> 00:33:41,226
What borough?
704
00:33:41,811 --> 00:33:43,604
Fucking, fucking...
705
00:33:44,022 --> 00:33:45,398
King of Queens, baby.
706
00:33:47,150 --> 00:33:48,276
You're Kevin James?
707
00:33:48,401 --> 00:33:49,861
No, I'm not Kevin James.
708
00:33:49,944 --> 00:33:51,112
I know the guy, though.
709
00:33:51,738 --> 00:33:52,780
I'm just kidding.
710
00:33:52,864 --> 00:33:55,658
You know...
I just... I'm from Queens.
711
00:33:55,742 --> 00:33:56,742
Okay.
712
00:33:57,785 --> 00:33:59,871
You got a favorite restaurant over there?
713
00:34:00,246 --> 00:34:01,122
Yeah. Are you kidding?
714
00:34:01,205 --> 00:34:03,833
It's this Italian spot.
They do incredible meatballs.
715
00:34:10,089 --> 00:34:12,884
These guys, though, they are from Italy.
716
00:34:13,051 --> 00:34:16,095
I mean, they couldn't be
more from Italy if they tried.
717
00:34:16,179 --> 00:34:19,640
Wait.
Do I hear another New Yorker over there?
718
00:34:19,724 --> 00:34:21,184
Sure you do, pal.
719
00:34:21,350 --> 00:34:22,351
Oh, shit.
720
00:34:22,435 --> 00:34:23,811
What's going on?
721
00:34:24,520 --> 00:34:26,355
It's Sal, Sal Galloni.
722
00:34:26,439 --> 00:34:29,525
Hey, Sal. It's me, Frankie Boops.
723
00:34:30,693 --> 00:34:32,278
Frankie Boops? I know youse.
724
00:34:32,361 --> 00:34:34,030
Hey, what's going on, man?
725
00:34:34,113 --> 00:34:35,531
Robert De Niro.
726
00:34:35,615 --> 00:34:37,909
- Bobby D!
- Bobby D, baby!
727
00:34:37,992 --> 00:34:40,495
- Bobby D is a fucking hero.
- Give me a break.
728
00:34:40,995 --> 00:34:42,121
Anyway, uh...
729
00:34:43,206 --> 00:34:44,373
Uh...
730
00:34:45,583 --> 00:34:48,252
we work for the TSA.
731
00:34:48,920 --> 00:34:49,920
That's right.
732
00:34:50,004 --> 00:34:51,422
We work for the TS...
733
00:34:51,547 --> 00:34:54,050
We both took our break at the same time.
734
00:34:54,759 --> 00:34:57,678
That means nobody's really
protecting anybody right now.
735
00:34:58,221 --> 00:34:59,347
And let me tell you...
736
00:35:00,681 --> 00:35:01,974
Both Boops and I...
737
00:35:02,350 --> 00:35:05,686
we love this new comedy column
in The New York Times.
738
00:35:05,770 --> 00:35:08,606
I am reading it right now.
The pictures are fucking hilar...
739
00:35:08,689 --> 00:35:13,486
The pictures are like when Scott Brosius
was fucking batting in the Yankee lineup.
740
00:35:13,569 --> 00:35:15,249
You know what I mean?
741
00:35:15,279 --> 00:35:17,865
Oh, they hit harder than Mark Messier
742
00:35:17,949 --> 00:35:20,284
when he won the '94 Stanley Cup
with the Rangers.
743
00:35:20,368 --> 00:35:21,285
Nice.
744
00:35:21,369 --> 00:35:24,664
Better than John Starks
over Michael Jordan in the playoffs.
745
00:35:25,289 --> 00:35:27,291
- Better than...
- Don't use hockey!
746
00:35:28,501 --> 00:35:29,877
Better than...
747
00:35:30,503 --> 00:35:31,587
Better than...
748
00:35:32,463 --> 00:35:33,463
when...
749
00:35:33,798 --> 00:35:37,468
Jay-Z bought the Brooklyn Hoops.
750
00:35:38,845 --> 00:35:40,888
Hey, you had a nice roll going there.
751
00:35:41,931 --> 00:35:44,308
- Anyway...
- Pretty good, pretty good.
752
00:35:44,392 --> 00:35:45,643
Okay. Okay.
753
00:35:45,726 --> 00:35:48,229
Sorry, buddy. I forgot
you were shitting in between us.
754
00:35:48,771 --> 00:35:49,897
No, it's fine. It's just...
755
00:35:49,981 --> 00:35:52,775
I didn't know The New York Times
had a comedy column.
756
00:35:52,859 --> 00:35:55,361
Dude, I'll slip it to you.
It's fucking hilarious.
757
00:35:55,444 --> 00:35:57,530
- Oh, yeah?
- It is fucking hilarious.
758
00:35:57,613 --> 00:35:59,508
My friend was trying
to get into The New York Times.
759
00:35:59,532 --> 00:36:02,618
- He was pissed because he had to go...
- I don't care about your life.
760
00:36:04,620 --> 00:36:06,414
You know what I mean?
761
00:36:09,208 --> 00:36:10,668
Anyway, enjoy that. I'm done.
762
00:36:10,751 --> 00:36:12,503
- I've got to go TSA.
- These are hilarious.
763
00:36:12,587 --> 00:36:13,880
I gotta go TSA.
764
00:36:13,963 --> 00:36:16,841
I gotta go get a fucking warm pretzel
on the corner.
765
00:36:17,925 --> 00:36:19,010
Hey, take care, man.
766
00:36:19,135 --> 00:36:21,530
Hey, you remember to pull up your pants?
767
00:36:21,554 --> 00:36:22,554
Woopsie do!
768
00:36:24,140 --> 00:36:25,516
Woopsie do!
769
00:36:26,392 --> 00:36:27,810
Hey, quick question.
770
00:36:27,894 --> 00:36:29,979
- Did you wipe?
- Not yet, my man.
771
00:36:30,062 --> 00:36:31,062
Out of sight!
772
00:36:31,105 --> 00:36:33,316
That's how we do it. New York!
773
00:36:34,317 --> 00:36:35,902
If you can make it here, man...
774
00:36:35,985 --> 00:36:38,613
- You can make it anyplace else.
- Yep!
775
00:36:39,447 --> 00:36:41,699
That's good for copyright
for this special.
776
00:36:44,577 --> 00:36:46,638
- Fuck! God!
- Oh, man.
777
00:36:46,662 --> 00:36:47,830
Oh, my God. Fuck!
778
00:36:48,247 --> 00:36:49,332
Ah! Shit!
779
00:36:52,627 --> 00:36:53,627
Is that the...
780
00:36:54,253 --> 00:36:57,006
Sorry, man, I just see...
Is that The Times down there?
781
00:37:00,051 --> 00:37:02,136
Oh, yeah.
I guess some of the pages fell out.
782
00:37:02,929 --> 00:37:03,929
Yeah.
783
00:37:04,138 --> 00:37:05,681
I, uh, I take pictures for it.
784
00:37:06,891 --> 00:37:08,643
- Oh, yeah?
- Yeah.
785
00:37:09,227 --> 00:37:12,688
Um... Oh, man. Hey, do you take pictures
of this comedy column?
786
00:37:12,772 --> 00:37:15,107
- Because it's hilarious.
- Yeah. It's me, actually.
787
00:37:16,817 --> 00:37:19,237
Are you sure? Because I'd probably
recognize your voice.
788
00:37:19,320 --> 00:37:20,446
You're my best friend.
789
00:37:22,573 --> 00:37:23,866
Are you fucking serious?
790
00:37:25,451 --> 00:37:27,203
Sawson? No, am I Sawson?
791
00:37:30,623 --> 00:37:31,623
Am I?
792
00:37:32,124 --> 00:37:33,668
Yeah, you're Sawson.
793
00:37:34,835 --> 00:37:35,836
Kyle!
794
00:37:39,674 --> 00:37:43,886
So, describe the photo I'm looking at
that I think is so funny.
795
00:37:43,970 --> 00:37:47,181
You're probably looking at the one
where it's like a kid in the corner,
796
00:37:47,265 --> 00:37:49,058
but he's slipping on a banana peel.
797
00:37:50,768 --> 00:37:52,645
And this happened in, uh...
798
00:37:52,895 --> 00:37:55,123
- Norway.
- Yeah. That's in Norway.
799
00:37:55,147 --> 00:37:55,982
Yeah.
800
00:37:56,148 --> 00:37:58,276
The war-torn country of Norway.
801
00:37:59,610 --> 00:38:02,214
- When will those guys sort things out?
- When will we figure that out?
802
00:38:02,238 --> 00:38:05,198
- When will we figure those guys out?
- When will we figure that thing out?
803
00:38:06,158 --> 00:38:07,660
- So...
- How's your thing going?
804
00:38:09,287 --> 00:38:11,831
- Man, you're not gonna believe this, man.
- Tell me.
805
00:38:13,040 --> 00:38:14,375
I'm going overseas.
806
00:38:15,418 --> 00:38:16,419
I'm shipping out.
807
00:38:16,669 --> 00:38:18,814
- What are you talking about?
- I'm shipping out to Norway,
808
00:38:18,838 --> 00:38:20,548
but I'm not taking hilarious
comedy photos.
809
00:38:20,631 --> 00:38:24,593
I'm taking intensely graphic,
engaging photos of their...
810
00:38:25,344 --> 00:38:26,345
civil war?
811
00:38:28,931 --> 00:38:30,308
The Norwegian Civil War.
812
00:38:30,391 --> 00:38:31,684
The East versus the West.
813
00:38:32,059 --> 00:38:34,228
- The East versus the West of Norway?
- Yeah.
814
00:38:34,770 --> 00:38:36,355
Norway is a very long...
815
00:38:36,439 --> 00:38:38,482
- Yeah.
- ...north-south country.
816
00:38:38,566 --> 00:38:40,294
I know. It's crazy.
It's right down the middle.
817
00:38:40,318 --> 00:38:41,819
- We're splitting this thing.
- Yeah.
818
00:38:42,570 --> 00:38:45,281
Yeah, man, I mean...
819
00:38:45,364 --> 00:38:46,532
- It's crazy.
- Yeah.
820
00:38:48,617 --> 00:38:49,617
Yeah, man.
821
00:38:51,245 --> 00:38:53,122
- Hey, can I tell you something?
- Yeah.
822
00:38:53,914 --> 00:38:56,167
I don't know
if I wanna be a photographer.
823
00:38:56,917 --> 00:38:57,936
What are you talking about?
824
00:38:57,960 --> 00:38:59,563
I don't think I ever wanted
to be a photographer.
825
00:39:04,967 --> 00:39:07,178
Did you ever think
at the beginning of this process,
826
00:39:07,261 --> 00:39:09,055
"Do you actually want to do this?"
827
00:39:09,680 --> 00:39:12,808
- Well, yeah. I mean...
- I like taking photos.
828
00:39:12,892 --> 00:39:14,185
What's... What's changed?
829
00:39:14,268 --> 00:39:15,436
Everybody takes photos now.
830
00:39:15,519 --> 00:39:17,730
It's on your phone.
Everybody's taking photos.
831
00:39:17,813 --> 00:39:19,690
Yeah, but lighting, composition...
832
00:39:19,774 --> 00:39:22,568
uh, uh... Canon 5D.
833
00:39:24,236 --> 00:39:25,988
Yeah, that is a type of camera.
834
00:39:27,990 --> 00:39:30,951
Well, uh... here's your work. Huh.
835
00:39:31,285 --> 00:39:32,953
Yeah. I don't need it. I took it, so...
836
00:39:34,830 --> 00:39:36,165
I just think I'm disappointing...
837
00:39:41,337 --> 00:39:43,089
Is that how you wipe in real life?
838
00:39:48,928 --> 00:39:50,763
I give it a spit sometime.
839
00:39:50,846 --> 00:39:53,057
How do you wipe in real life? For real.
840
00:39:53,140 --> 00:39:54,725
- I just showed you.
- No.
841
00:40:00,940 --> 00:40:02,942
How big did it start as, just so I know?
842
00:40:03,901 --> 00:40:05,820
I get so much pride
843
00:40:06,278 --> 00:40:09,323
out of efficiently and carefully
folding my TP...
844
00:40:11,492 --> 00:40:12,368
I can't tell you.
845
00:40:15,788 --> 00:40:16,788
All right, man.
846
00:40:19,083 --> 00:40:20,352
- I guess I'll...
- Look at us...
847
00:40:20,376 --> 00:40:23,421
I guess we both got what we wanted and...
848
00:40:24,046 --> 00:40:27,049
it's not really, in the end,
what we needed.
849
00:40:29,802 --> 00:40:31,053
Yeah, it feels like...
850
00:40:44,024 --> 00:40:44,942
Yeah, man.
851
00:40:45,025 --> 00:40:46,025
Um...
852
00:40:51,991 --> 00:40:53,909
It feels like in the end, it's like...
853
00:40:56,412 --> 00:40:58,612
Maybe we didn't know what we wanted.
Maybe we were young
854
00:40:58,664 --> 00:41:00,976
and just went after a job
we think was something we wanted,
855
00:41:01,000 --> 00:41:02,960
but in the end, it's not that way at all.
856
00:41:03,627 --> 00:41:04,670
Is that...
857
00:41:04,920 --> 00:41:07,381
is that the moral of the story
for this fucking guy?
858
00:41:09,550 --> 00:41:11,051
Well, it's my... That's my story.
859
00:41:11,135 --> 00:41:13,015
- I don't know what you feel.
- I tell you what.
860
00:41:13,053 --> 00:41:14,053
I mean...
861
00:41:17,308 --> 00:41:20,144
- This may seem crazy.
- No, it's not going to seem crazy.
862
00:41:20,644 --> 00:41:25,191
If you're not that into it,
or it could be just the subject matter.
863
00:41:25,524 --> 00:41:29,570
Maybe you didn't actually like
taking photos of goofs,
864
00:41:30,321 --> 00:41:32,781
silly things,
people slipping on banana peels.
865
00:41:33,073 --> 00:41:34,742
"What does doodies sound like?"
866
00:41:36,619 --> 00:41:38,245
Maybe you need something real.
867
00:41:38,454 --> 00:41:39,534
- Like what?
- Real emotion.
868
00:41:39,580 --> 00:41:40,498
It's funny, actually,
869
00:41:40,581 --> 00:41:43,125
that's what Timothy III wants
more than anything.
870
00:41:43,209 --> 00:41:44,835
I want to capture the real emotion.
871
00:41:45,586 --> 00:41:47,254
I want what you have.
872
00:41:48,756 --> 00:41:51,383
Taking funny pictures of people
that are in trouble?
873
00:41:52,051 --> 00:41:53,051
Okay.
874
00:41:53,260 --> 00:41:54,571
Go. Tell me we what you're thinking.
875
00:41:54,595 --> 00:41:56,435
- Crazy.
- I fucking love it. Go! We're in JFK.
876
00:41:59,225 --> 00:42:00,392
From this point on...
877
00:42:01,227 --> 00:42:02,770
I assume your identity.
878
00:42:04,730 --> 00:42:06,730
- How are we gonna do that?
- I cease to be Kyle...
879
00:42:07,066 --> 00:42:08,651
- and I become Sawson.
- Sawson.
880
00:42:09,527 --> 00:42:10,986
And then I stop being Sawson...
881
00:42:11,070 --> 00:42:12,571
- You become Kyle.
- Great.
882
00:42:12,655 --> 00:42:14,782
I take your kid.
He likes me better anyway.
883
00:42:15,533 --> 00:42:16,659
So far, I love this.
884
00:42:16,951 --> 00:42:19,119
I'm taking photos of jokes and funnies.
885
00:42:19,203 --> 00:42:22,456
Yeah, and I get to take photos
of Timothy III being emotional.
886
00:42:22,540 --> 00:42:24,333
Okay, well...
887
00:42:25,626 --> 00:42:28,754
No one's going to really buy it.
I mean, we look kind of different.
888
00:42:28,837 --> 00:42:31,066
I know, but we haven't really
given ourselves characteristics
889
00:42:31,090 --> 00:42:32,210
that make it seem different.
890
00:42:35,052 --> 00:42:37,614
I can perform an ancient ritual
891
00:42:37,638 --> 00:42:38,722
to switch bodies.
892
00:42:43,352 --> 00:42:46,522
I'm a fucking asshole.
I make a big fucking ball of it.
893
00:42:46,605 --> 00:42:48,399
I don't care. Fuck it.
894
00:42:48,482 --> 00:42:52,027
Paper comes from fucking wherever I want.
There's no consequences of my action.
895
00:42:52,111 --> 00:42:54,488
I'll just do a big old fucking thing
and wipe once,
896
00:42:54,572 --> 00:42:56,615
and then do another one,
and wipe it again.
897
00:42:56,699 --> 00:42:59,427
- That's what I do. That's what I do.
- Yeah, that fucking... Who cares?
898
00:42:59,451 --> 00:43:01,203
Who cares? There's no consequences.
899
00:43:01,662 --> 00:43:04,456
It doesn't fucking matter.
We're all gonna drown in plastic anyway.
900
00:43:04,540 --> 00:43:07,209
Eleven years. Eleven years,
that's what the UN says.
901
00:43:07,334 --> 00:43:08,210
Anyway...
902
00:43:09,712 --> 00:43:11,839
What a twist for the New Yorker.
903
00:43:12,673 --> 00:43:16,093
- I'm not a... I am a New Yorker.
- Hey. Come here. Come here.
904
00:43:16,176 --> 00:43:18,220
What do we have to do
for the body thing?
905
00:43:18,929 --> 00:43:19,929
Hold on.
906
00:43:20,973 --> 00:43:22,683
Yeah. Fuck it. Who cares?
907
00:43:23,726 --> 00:43:24,852
I'm that guy.
908
00:43:24,935 --> 00:43:26,735
I just pat it once,
throw it fucking wherever.
909
00:43:26,770 --> 00:43:29,398
And I use this
because energy's fucking free.
910
00:43:33,235 --> 00:43:36,447
I didn't think that New Yorkers
were assholes until this moment.
911
00:43:38,490 --> 00:43:42,786
Alright, in order to perform
the ancient body-switching ritual...
912
00:43:42,870 --> 00:43:44,079
I can't believe you know this.
913
00:43:44,163 --> 00:43:47,082
- Of course I know it. I'm from Queens.
- You're from Queens... Okay.
914
00:43:47,750 --> 00:43:48,876
What do we have to do?
915
00:43:50,628 --> 00:43:51,628
Embody...
916
00:43:52,421 --> 00:43:53,631
the form of a gazelle.
917
00:43:57,426 --> 00:44:00,304
I, um... I don't want... I don't want to.
918
00:44:01,472 --> 00:44:03,390
You must embody the form of a gazelle.
919
00:44:04,224 --> 00:44:05,309
It is the only...
920
00:44:06,226 --> 00:44:08,312
animal that lets people switch bodies.
921
00:44:10,314 --> 00:44:11,940
Just do it. Come on, just do it.
922
00:44:12,274 --> 00:44:14,628
- Just do it. Just do it.
- Alright. I'm fine.
923
00:44:14,652 --> 00:44:16,379
Good. Good.
924
00:44:16,403 --> 00:44:18,322
Look at each other right in the eyes.
925
00:44:18,739 --> 00:44:19,907
Yeah, look at each other.
926
00:44:20,366 --> 00:44:22,076
Now, one of you turn around.
927
00:44:29,375 --> 00:44:30,292
Please, man.
928
00:44:30,376 --> 00:44:31,794
I got fucked last time.
929
00:44:32,670 --> 00:44:34,546
- You did get fucked.
- Yeah.
930
00:44:35,339 --> 00:44:37,508
Okay, so you know what it's like.
You can do it again.
931
00:44:38,175 --> 00:44:39,175
I know.
932
00:44:39,259 --> 00:44:41,261
You don't know
if he's going to make us fuck?
933
00:44:41,387 --> 00:44:43,389
- Yeah, so turn around.
- Go for it.
934
00:44:44,723 --> 00:44:46,266
Rock paper scissors, shoot. One.
935
00:44:46,392 --> 00:44:47,392
- Okay?
- One and done?
936
00:44:47,434 --> 00:44:49,395
That's it. It goes:
Rock, paper, scissors, shoot.
937
00:44:49,478 --> 00:44:50,354
- Okay.
- Okay?
938
00:44:50,437 --> 00:44:52,237
- Whoa! Is that what you're going to do?
- No!
939
00:44:53,982 --> 00:44:54,817
- Okay. Ready?
- Okay.
940
00:44:54,900 --> 00:44:56,461
Here we go.
I think I know what you'll do.
941
00:44:56,485 --> 00:44:58,404
- Okay.
- Because of what you threw down.
942
00:44:59,363 --> 00:45:01,363
- I'm almost certain I can get this. Ready?
- Okay.
943
00:45:01,865 --> 00:45:04,785
- I'm 100% certain I'm going to beat you.
- Okay.
944
00:45:04,868 --> 00:45:06,787
In real life,
I really think I'll beat you.
945
00:45:07,538 --> 00:45:08,747
- Okay.
- For real.
946
00:45:08,831 --> 00:45:10,582
- Yeah, I think...
- I am so certain.
947
00:45:10,666 --> 00:45:12,209
I actually think you will too.
948
00:45:13,836 --> 00:45:15,689
'Cause I think
I'm in your head a little bit now.
949
00:45:15,713 --> 00:45:16,714
- Yeah.
- Okay. Ready?
950
00:45:16,797 --> 00:45:19,007
This is probably why
I'm going to get fucked.
951
00:45:20,843 --> 00:45:22,845
We're animals.
We're not people fucking each other,
952
00:45:22,928 --> 00:45:24,555
and it's consent and everything.
953
00:45:24,638 --> 00:45:26,890
Yeah, this is two gazelles consenting...
954
00:45:26,974 --> 00:45:28,892
- Yeah.
- ...who gets to fuck who
955
00:45:28,976 --> 00:45:31,437
via a one-and-done
rock paper scissors, shoot.
956
00:45:32,020 --> 00:45:33,020
Ready?
957
00:45:33,397 --> 00:45:35,190
- Alright.
- I know you're gonna lose.
958
00:45:35,274 --> 00:45:37,151
I for real know.
959
00:45:37,234 --> 00:45:38,234
I think so too.
960
00:45:39,445 --> 00:45:41,113
And I don't know why I'm scared.
961
00:45:41,196 --> 00:45:42,614
- It doesn't matter.
- No.
962
00:45:42,906 --> 00:45:44,408
This has no consequence.
963
00:45:44,575 --> 00:45:47,244
It will be recorded forever.
So if you lose, everyone will know.
964
00:45:47,327 --> 00:45:49,496
Everybody knows I'm shit
at rock paper scissors.
965
00:45:49,580 --> 00:45:50,956
You can change your answer now.
966
00:45:51,039 --> 00:45:53,519
I'll change mine if you change yours.
Tell me if you'll change.
967
00:45:54,084 --> 00:45:56,003
- No.
- Neither was I, you fucking idiot.
968
00:45:58,422 --> 00:45:59,423
- Ready?
- Yeah.
969
00:46:00,048 --> 00:46:01,592
Rock, paper, scissors, shoot!
970
00:46:13,228 --> 00:46:14,438
Go on, get it over with!
971
00:46:15,272 --> 00:46:18,084
Whoa!
You're not supposed to fuck each other!
972
00:46:18,108 --> 00:46:19,568
What the fuck is going on?
973
00:46:19,651 --> 00:46:21,737
- What?
- What the fuck is going on?
974
00:46:22,321 --> 00:46:24,907
- Come on, I got a fucking soft nine.
- Soft nine?
975
00:46:26,033 --> 00:46:27,576
Not a short, not a long?
976
00:46:28,285 --> 00:46:29,285
Okay.
977
00:46:29,411 --> 00:46:32,623
Now, both you guys look the same way
so I can get the energy flowing that way.
978
00:46:32,706 --> 00:46:33,999
What the fuck was that?
979
00:46:34,958 --> 00:46:37,628
- We just look the same way?
- Come on. Yeah, that's it.
980
00:46:37,753 --> 00:46:40,073
- Come on, Hudson River. Let's go.
- Are we still gazelles?
981
00:46:40,130 --> 00:46:42,424
You're a gazelle.
Get down on the fucking ground, man.
982
00:46:42,508 --> 00:46:43,842
- I don't know.
- Here we go.
983
00:46:43,926 --> 00:46:45,636
Dude, you were gonna fuck me, man.
984
00:46:46,303 --> 00:46:47,655
I thought that's what you wanted.
985
00:46:47,679 --> 00:46:49,056
I didn't want any of this!
986
00:46:49,139 --> 00:46:51,699
Hey, George Washington Bridge!
987
00:46:53,185 --> 00:46:54,061
- Okay.
- Alright.
988
00:46:54,144 --> 00:46:56,021
What?
We're at the George Washington Bridge?
989
00:46:56,104 --> 00:46:58,482
No, I'm just saying New York things.
FDR Drive.
990
00:46:59,316 --> 00:47:00,818
Remember when it was the 1-9?
991
00:47:00,901 --> 00:47:02,653
Okay. Turn around, look that way.
992
00:47:02,736 --> 00:47:03,736
Look that way.
993
00:47:04,196 --> 00:47:06,532
Look that way. You're looking that way.
Okay. Here we go.
994
00:47:06,615 --> 00:47:08,116
Where's he lo...? Where am I looking?
995
00:47:08,200 --> 00:47:09,576
- Both look that way.
- Okay.
996
00:47:09,868 --> 00:47:12,263
You gotta stare at the other guy,
just like that while he looks that way.
997
00:47:12,287 --> 00:47:13,807
- Ready?
- So, I'm staring at his butt?
998
00:47:13,831 --> 00:47:15,499
- Yeah. Okay. Ready?
- Okay.
999
00:47:15,958 --> 00:47:17,793
Um, okay.
1000
00:47:17,918 --> 00:47:20,337
Ah, fucking Big Apple.
1001
00:47:21,171 --> 00:47:23,131
Empire State Building.
1002
00:47:23,215 --> 00:47:26,260
- Fucking Sbarro.
- Whoa. Whoa. Whoa.
1003
00:47:26,343 --> 00:47:28,345
- Ah...
- Whoa...
1004
00:47:29,096 --> 00:47:30,514
Bruh...
1005
00:47:30,597 --> 00:47:32,808
Whoa!
1006
00:47:34,351 --> 00:47:37,312
Where the fuck am I? Where are we?
1007
00:47:37,396 --> 00:47:39,815
- We're in the JFK men's bathroom.
- Okay.
1008
00:47:42,317 --> 00:47:44,236
God you were so...
That was great.
1009
00:47:44,319 --> 00:47:46,238
I'm... you!
1010
00:47:46,822 --> 00:47:47,822
I'm you.
1011
00:47:47,990 --> 00:47:51,159
Let's say our names at the same time
to see who we think we are.
1012
00:47:51,535 --> 00:47:54,329
- Wait. Who we were, or who we are now?
- Who we are now.
1013
00:47:54,830 --> 00:47:57,082
- One, two, three. Sawson.
- Kyle.
1014
00:47:57,165 --> 00:47:58,165
Yes!
1015
00:47:59,334 --> 00:48:00,168
Great!
1016
00:48:03,922 --> 00:48:04,923
Where you going?
1017
00:48:05,007 --> 00:48:06,508
But I... Just to refresh...
1018
00:48:08,719 --> 00:48:10,304
I'm actually Sawson.
1019
00:48:10,971 --> 00:48:12,556
Correct. Who's now Kyle.
1020
00:48:12,639 --> 00:48:16,894
And my desire as Sawson
was to do comedy.
1021
00:48:17,936 --> 00:48:18,936
- Yes.
- Okay.
1022
00:48:19,438 --> 00:48:21,607
- Yeah, but was stuck doing...
- Okay.
1023
00:48:22,691 --> 00:48:23,525
No.
1024
00:48:24,902 --> 00:48:26,320
No. No.
1025
00:48:26,528 --> 00:48:29,907
I want to do... I thought I wanted
to do comedy. Now I want to... No.
1026
00:48:31,199 --> 00:48:34,161
Kyle... Kyle got the interview at...
1027
00:48:34,411 --> 00:48:36,580
Weekend Is All Happy.
1028
00:48:37,789 --> 00:48:40,310
- Kyle got that interview. Now, he's not...
- Kyle doesn't want to.
1029
00:48:40,334 --> 00:48:42,414
He was on his way,
the one who first sat down at JFK.
1030
00:48:42,461 --> 00:48:44,171
- So, Kyle wanted Sawson's body...
- Yes.
1031
00:48:44,254 --> 00:48:45,547
...because Sawson...
1032
00:48:47,174 --> 00:48:48,174
Fuck. What?
1033
00:48:49,217 --> 00:48:50,260
Okay. Ready?
1034
00:48:50,344 --> 00:48:51,845
- Kyle...
- How did we lose this?
1035
00:48:51,929 --> 00:48:53,639
Uh, no, we're great! We're great!
1036
00:48:53,722 --> 00:48:55,223
Kyle was sitting right there.
1037
00:48:55,432 --> 00:48:56,308
- Right?
- Yeah.
1038
00:48:56,391 --> 00:48:58,119
- Kyle was...
- He was about to go on a plane
1039
00:48:58,143 --> 00:48:59,645
and take pictures of emotions.
1040
00:49:00,479 --> 00:49:01,897
- Right?
- But did he want to?
1041
00:49:03,023 --> 00:49:04,023
- No.
- Okay.
1042
00:49:04,274 --> 00:49:07,778
Kyle wanted to do what Sawson was doing.
Sawson wanted to do what Kyle was doing.
1043
00:49:07,861 --> 00:49:09,780
- Okay.
- So, Kyle now...
1044
00:49:09,863 --> 00:49:11,698
And Saw...
Ready? So, Kyle...
1045
00:49:12,616 --> 00:49:14,159
Kyle has turned into Sawson.
1046
00:49:14,242 --> 00:49:16,745
Right? I'm Sawson now because of that.
1047
00:49:16,828 --> 00:49:18,246
And now, because of that,
1048
00:49:18,330 --> 00:49:20,123
I'm going to do what Kyle wanted.
1049
00:49:20,207 --> 00:49:21,333
Which was?
1050
00:49:21,833 --> 00:49:23,961
Which was the opposite of what...
1051
00:49:25,045 --> 00:49:26,463
So, wait. So, wait.
1052
00:49:26,838 --> 00:49:27,838
Okay, hold on.
1053
00:49:28,173 --> 00:49:30,634
I am Sawson. No, I am Kyle.
1054
00:49:31,343 --> 00:49:33,303
But I am Sawson within Kyle.
1055
00:49:36,640 --> 00:49:38,475
And I want to take comedy photos.
1056
00:49:38,558 --> 00:49:39,601
- That's it.
- Yeah.
1057
00:49:39,685 --> 00:49:41,019
- That's it.
- And you're...
1058
00:49:41,103 --> 00:49:44,064
- um, Kyle within Sawson.
- Yes.
1059
00:49:44,147 --> 00:49:46,459
And you wanna go take dramatic,
overseas, emotional photos.
1060
00:49:46,483 --> 00:49:47,734
That's right. So your name is?
1061
00:49:48,735 --> 00:49:51,029
- Your outer name.
- Kyle. I'm Kyle.
1062
00:49:51,113 --> 00:49:53,281
Oh, outer name is Kyle.
My inner name is Sawson.
1063
00:49:56,910 --> 00:49:59,913
- This is the problem...
- Hello, my outer name is Kyle,
1064
00:49:59,997 --> 00:50:03,000
but my inner name is Sawson,
and I want to take comedy photos.
1065
00:50:03,083 --> 00:50:05,669
My inner name is Kyle,
and my outer name is Sawson,
1066
00:50:05,752 --> 00:50:07,629
and I want to take dramatic people.
1067
00:50:07,713 --> 00:50:10,400
Thanks
for sharing your stories, gentlemen.
1068
00:50:10,424 --> 00:50:11,883
By the way, if we're wrong,
1069
00:50:11,967 --> 00:50:14,678
this is the only time in our career
that it's on tape,
1070
00:50:14,761 --> 00:50:16,555
so people will know
if we're wrong or not.
1071
00:50:16,638 --> 00:50:18,849
- I think you guys are right.
- Okay.
1072
00:50:19,725 --> 00:50:21,059
Nice to meet you, man.
1073
00:50:21,143 --> 00:50:22,477
What the fuck?
1074
00:50:29,317 --> 00:50:32,195
Alright, man, I guess this is so long.
1075
00:50:32,279 --> 00:50:33,697
Let's see if we can pull this off.
1076
00:50:33,780 --> 00:50:35,449
Hey, if we pull this off...
1077
00:50:35,866 --> 00:50:38,186
meet me at the top
of the Empire State Building.
1078
00:50:38,702 --> 00:50:40,120
Hey. Of course.
1079
00:50:40,370 --> 00:50:41,413
Because you know what?
1080
00:50:42,289 --> 00:50:44,041
You know what happens in 10 years?
1081
00:50:44,916 --> 00:50:47,002
- Do you remember what happens in 10 years?
- Yeah.
1082
00:50:47,085 --> 00:50:51,089
We take photos... together.
1083
00:50:53,258 --> 00:50:54,468
Thanks. That's our show!
1084
00:51:19,576 --> 00:51:22,913
♪ 'Cause you're too cool
Leopard print dress ♪
1085
00:51:22,996 --> 00:51:25,707
♪ Need to confess
Don't waste more time ♪
1086
00:51:25,791 --> 00:51:29,169
♪ And let's go out tonight ♪
1087
00:51:29,252 --> 00:51:31,797
♪ Branded under satellite ♪
1088
00:51:31,880 --> 00:51:34,382
♪ Look cool ♪
1089
00:51:38,011 --> 00:51:39,137
♪ To stay full ♪