1
00:00:04,138 --> 00:00:05,137
[dramatic musical sting]
2
00:00:05,222 --> 00:00:06,355
- hello?
3
00:00:08,392 --> 00:00:09,224
Erwin?
4
00:00:10,561 --> 00:00:12,711
[ominous music]
5
00:00:12,813 --> 00:00:13,729
oh, god.
6
00:00:13,814 --> 00:00:15,114
Uh, I can see you.
7
00:00:15,232 --> 00:00:17,049
Get out of there.
- [breathing heavily]
8
00:00:17,151 --> 00:00:18,433
- hey, I'm running late
for after-school pickup,
9
00:00:18,536 --> 00:00:21,453
so let's hurry this up.
- Bring me to the antichrist.
10
00:00:21,572 --> 00:00:24,073
- Honey, I gotta bring myself
to the antichrist, all right?
11
00:00:24,158 --> 00:00:25,240
So what's your thing?
12
00:00:25,326 --> 00:00:26,825
You need her blood
for eternal life?
13
00:00:26,911 --> 00:00:28,327
Gonna use her as a vessel
14
00:00:28,429 --> 00:00:29,695
to rule your shitty realm,
what?
15
00:00:29,797 --> 00:00:32,498
- Burn her skin and eat
her bones for ultimate power!
16
00:00:32,583 --> 00:00:34,166
[chuckles]
- okay, sure.
17
00:00:34,251 --> 00:00:37,086
- [screeches]
18
00:00:37,171 --> 00:00:39,805
you shall die by my hands,
puny mortal!
19
00:00:39,924 --> 00:00:42,257
Antichrist body will be mine!
20
00:00:42,343 --> 00:00:43,475
[laughing]
21
00:00:43,594 --> 00:00:44,893
[sizzling]
[roars]
22
00:00:47,515 --> 00:00:48,063
[groans]
23
00:00:51,435 --> 00:00:52,651
[squelching]
- [laura grunting]
24
00:00:52,770 --> 00:00:53,685
fuck!
25
00:00:53,771 --> 00:00:56,655
I forgot about this coupon.
Ugh.
26
00:00:56,774 --> 00:00:59,658
[dark dramatic music]
27
00:00:59,777 --> 00:01:01,777
♪ ♪
28
00:01:05,116 --> 00:01:06,999
[gasps] chrissy.
God damn it, laura.
29
00:01:07,118 --> 00:01:09,418
- Oh, mother, you are alive.
Laura: Hey.
30
00:01:09,503 --> 00:01:09,952
Chrissy: Wow.
- Hey, I was about
31
00:01:10,037 --> 00:01:11,336
to come get you.
32
00:01:11,455 --> 00:01:12,588
Finally got groceries.
You hungry?
33
00:01:12,673 --> 00:01:15,424
- No, I ate with amanda.
She made a salad
34
00:01:15,509 --> 00:01:16,925
with something called
an heirloom tomato.
35
00:01:17,011 --> 00:01:18,510
- Who the hell is amanda?
36
00:01:18,629 --> 00:01:20,679
- She's a cool mom
who drove me home
37
00:01:20,798 --> 00:01:22,931
because my actual mom
was nowhere to be found again.
38
00:01:23,017 --> 00:01:24,633
- Isn't amanda a fucking peach?
Chrissy: She is.
39
00:01:24,718 --> 00:01:26,468
She knows the nutrients
you're missing
40
00:01:26,554 --> 00:01:27,335
based on the color
of your aura.
41
00:01:27,438 --> 00:01:29,021
She's, like, literally a witch.
42
00:01:29,140 --> 00:01:30,139
- No, I'm literally a witch.
43
00:01:30,224 --> 00:01:32,191
- Anyway, I'm in a rush.
44
00:01:32,309 --> 00:01:33,358
- For what?
- Back to school night.
45
00:01:33,477 --> 00:01:35,210
- That's for parents, right?
46
00:01:35,296 --> 00:01:36,862
Why didn't you remind me?
- Oh, is that my job,
47
00:01:36,981 --> 00:01:38,363
to remind you of things
48
00:01:38,482 --> 00:01:39,615
any moderately-invested parent
would know?
49
00:01:39,700 --> 00:01:41,533
You want me to do
your taxes too?
50
00:01:41,652 --> 00:01:42,451
Apply for a loan?
- Okay. Okay, jesus.
51
00:01:42,536 --> 00:01:43,869
- Anyway, you hate that stuff,
52
00:01:43,988 --> 00:01:46,371
parents ogling over
their kids' art projects.
53
00:01:46,490 --> 00:01:47,706
- Yeah, I'd rather jam a knife
up my asshole.
54
00:01:47,825 --> 00:01:49,208
Chrissy:
You're off the hook then.
55
00:01:49,326 --> 00:01:50,659
Plus, amanda said
she'd cover for you.
56
00:01:51,328 --> 00:01:54,529
- She did, huh?
57
00:01:54,632 --> 00:01:55,631
You know what? I'm gonna come.
58
00:01:55,716 --> 00:01:57,382
- 'cause you're threatened
by amanda?
59
00:01:57,501 --> 00:01:59,468
- No, because I'm your mother,
60
00:01:59,553 --> 00:02:00,803
and I should be there
to support you.
61
00:02:00,888 --> 00:02:03,806
[soft tense music]
62
00:02:03,891 --> 00:02:05,057
- fine.
63
00:02:05,176 --> 00:02:06,208
Just promise
you won't make a scene.
64
00:02:06,310 --> 00:02:07,309
Laura: Uh, hello?
- And just be chill, okay?
65
00:02:07,394 --> 00:02:09,311
- I'm chill, baby.
66
00:02:09,396 --> 00:02:11,146
Chill, chill, chill, chill,
chill, chilly-chill, chill.
67
00:02:11,232 --> 00:02:12,514
- You have ground beef
in your hair.
68
00:02:14,652 --> 00:02:18,654
♪ ♪
69
00:02:18,739 --> 00:02:21,490
gossy: Hiya, miss.
I'm gossy the gopher.
70
00:02:21,575 --> 00:02:22,825
Welcome to back to school--
- [grunts]
71
00:02:22,910 --> 00:02:24,559
- [gossy yells]
- if you ever touch me again,
72
00:02:24,662 --> 00:02:26,245
I turn you
into a true crime doc series,
73
00:02:26,363 --> 00:02:27,913
understand?
- Mom!
74
00:02:28,032 --> 00:02:29,498
Gossy: [laughing nervously]
okay, quite a grip.
75
00:02:29,583 --> 00:02:31,416
- I'm gonna age ten years
tonight because of you.
76
00:02:31,535 --> 00:02:33,001
I can feel it in my bones.
- Honey, look,
77
00:02:33,087 --> 00:02:35,504
that lady's feeding her child
like a baby bird.
78
00:02:35,589 --> 00:02:37,589
Chrissy: That's amanda,
and it's called nature bonding.
79
00:02:37,708 --> 00:02:39,591
If you watched anything
other than top deer hunter,
80
00:02:39,710 --> 00:02:41,426
maybe you'd have heard of it.
Laura: Well, I can't wait
81
00:02:41,545 --> 00:02:43,011
to meet this headband
with a smile.
82
00:02:43,097 --> 00:02:45,347
- Hey there, chrissy babe.
83
00:02:45,432 --> 00:02:47,850
You must be laura.
- Oh, my god, I am. Hi.
84
00:02:47,935 --> 00:02:50,085
And you must be amanda.
Amanda: Uh, yes.
85
00:02:50,187 --> 00:02:51,353
- Chrissy babe won't
stop talking about you.
86
00:02:51,438 --> 00:02:53,188
It's like she has a defect.
87
00:02:53,274 --> 00:02:57,259
[both laughing]
88
00:02:57,361 --> 00:02:58,426
- she is the best.
Laura: Yeah.
89
00:02:58,529 --> 00:03:00,529
- All of her teachers
think so too.
90
00:03:00,614 --> 00:03:03,198
- Oh, you're-you're discussing
my daughter with her teachers.
91
00:03:03,284 --> 00:03:04,867
How thoughtful of you.
92
00:03:04,952 --> 00:03:07,035
- As a pta president,
I make sure to communicate
93
00:03:07,121 --> 00:03:08,770
with the teachers and children.
94
00:03:08,873 --> 00:03:10,372
I--wh-what can I say?
I love helping.
95
00:03:10,457 --> 00:03:12,541
- Oh, I'm glad you have all
the time in the world to help,
96
00:03:12,626 --> 00:03:13,608
what with me having
to work full-time.
97
00:03:13,711 --> 00:03:16,662
[laughs]
amanda: Oh, hon, we all work.
98
00:03:16,747 --> 00:03:17,329
But as mothers,
our real job is taking care
99
00:03:17,414 --> 00:03:20,115
of our kids, right?
100
00:03:20,217 --> 00:03:21,950
- You should come
to a pta meeting sometime.
101
00:03:22,052 --> 00:03:23,835
- We've sent you multiple
messages about joining.
102
00:03:23,938 --> 00:03:26,605
- I'll be there with bells on
when I'm done
103
00:03:26,724 --> 00:03:28,523
protecting my daughter
from the dark forces
104
00:03:28,609 --> 00:03:29,725
that threaten her
and all of human existence.
105
00:03:29,810 --> 00:03:31,059
- Girl, it's so great
106
00:03:31,145 --> 00:03:32,444
that you feel like
you're doing a good job,
107
00:03:32,563 --> 00:03:33,779
but chrissy here,
108
00:03:33,898 --> 00:03:35,614
and I do feel like
I have to speak for her,
109
00:03:35,733 --> 00:03:36,865
she wants some normalcy.
Mom 1: Okay?
110
00:03:36,951 --> 00:03:38,466
Mom 2: I say that all the time.
- Mom, don't.
111
00:03:38,569 --> 00:03:40,635
- Look at the painting
she made.
112
00:03:40,738 --> 00:03:42,237
It's clearly a cry for help.
113
00:03:42,323 --> 00:03:44,523
[person screaming]
114
00:03:44,608 --> 00:03:46,024
amanda: Have you considered
getting chrissy therapy?
115
00:03:46,110 --> 00:03:47,693
- Oh, fuck you!
[all gasp]
116
00:03:47,778 --> 00:03:49,644
fuck all of you.
I'm not listening
117
00:03:49,747 --> 00:03:51,646
to a bunch of participation
trophy moms telling me
118
00:03:51,749 --> 00:03:54,032
that my kid needs therapy
because she can't paint!
119
00:03:54,118 --> 00:03:56,118
News flash:
They all suck at it!
120
00:03:56,203 --> 00:03:57,953
None of this matters.
[all gasp]
121
00:03:58,038 --> 00:03:59,538
gossy: [clears throat]
ma'am, let's chill
122
00:03:59,640 --> 00:04:01,156
in front of the students--
[groans]
123
00:04:01,258 --> 00:04:02,374
mom 3: Oh, god.
Mom 4: No, not gossy.
124
00:04:02,459 --> 00:04:04,326
- You're unstable.
- I don't give a shit
125
00:04:04,428 --> 00:04:05,711
what you
and these other moms think.
126
00:04:05,796 --> 00:04:06,878
Suck on my clit!
127
00:04:06,964 --> 00:04:08,630
[all gasp]
mom 5: Language.
128
00:04:10,935 --> 00:04:12,667
Satan in cadaver:
Reverse ribbed condoms
129
00:04:12,770 --> 00:04:14,502
for his pleasure.
- [speaks language]
130
00:04:14,605 --> 00:04:16,388
- cologne that smells
like a wet dog.
131
00:04:16,473 --> 00:04:17,105
[chuckles]
- [speaks language]
132
00:04:17,191 --> 00:04:18,223
- a cadaver so juiced
133
00:04:18,309 --> 00:04:20,392
it'd make joe rogan
cream his pants.
134
00:04:20,477 --> 00:04:22,728
- [sighs]
[speaks language]
135
00:04:22,813 --> 00:04:24,896
- and I'm ready for another one
of baka's bachelor parties
136
00:04:24,982 --> 00:04:27,065
where we murder dumb humans
just for kicks.
137
00:04:27,151 --> 00:04:28,483
- [sighs]
138
00:04:28,569 --> 00:04:29,735
- don't give me that look.
139
00:04:29,820 --> 00:04:32,070
Every week it's dad this,
dad that.
140
00:04:32,156 --> 00:04:33,521
What about the boys?
141
00:04:33,624 --> 00:04:35,407
Baka's badass.
142
00:04:35,492 --> 00:04:37,459
This is his tenth marriage,
you know.
143
00:04:39,296 --> 00:04:41,196
- These guys are
my actual friends
144
00:04:41,298 --> 00:04:43,365
who I haven't seen
in centuries,
145
00:04:43,467 --> 00:04:45,000
so don't embarrass me
with your weird snake shit.
146
00:04:46,420 --> 00:04:48,086
- Bro!
- Baka!
147
00:04:48,172 --> 00:04:49,254
[grunts]
148
00:04:49,340 --> 00:04:51,590
oh, yeah.
[both laughing]
149
00:04:51,675 --> 00:04:52,341
looking sharp, baby.
150
00:04:52,426 --> 00:04:53,675
- Oh, man, I missed you.
151
00:04:53,761 --> 00:04:55,727
- Yo, mabel,
had some work done, huh?
152
00:04:55,846 --> 00:04:57,729
- Peeled off
a supermodel's face.
153
00:04:57,848 --> 00:04:59,014
Now it's my mask.
154
00:04:59,099 --> 00:05:01,400
Satan:
And bogey, you're still--
155
00:05:01,518 --> 00:05:04,102
- [giggles] unmedicated
and ready to mingle.
156
00:05:04,188 --> 00:05:05,270
- Where'd you get
that human skin suit,
157
00:05:05,356 --> 00:05:07,022
the micro-penis
men's warehouse?
158
00:05:07,107 --> 00:05:09,107
- Yeah.
I used your employee discount.
159
00:05:09,193 --> 00:05:10,859
[laughter]
160
00:05:10,944 --> 00:05:12,778
sitcom style banter.
Mabel: ♪ micro-penis ♪
161
00:05:12,863 --> 00:05:14,446
- and how about
this son of a bitch?
162
00:05:14,531 --> 00:05:16,231
Tenth time's charm,
am I right?
163
00:05:16,333 --> 00:05:17,449
- Come on.
164
00:05:17,534 --> 00:05:19,084
You know I'm gonna eat her.
[chuckling]
165
00:05:19,203 --> 00:05:20,085
- of course
you're gonna eat her.
166
00:05:20,204 --> 00:05:21,203
- I'm gonna eat my wife.
167
00:05:21,288 --> 00:05:22,087
Satan: Munching.
- [baka growling]
168
00:05:22,206 --> 00:05:23,588
- whoo, whoo!
[laughter]
169
00:05:23,707 --> 00:05:25,757
- you finally did it.
170
00:05:25,876 --> 00:05:26,958
You birthed the antichrist,
171
00:05:27,044 --> 00:05:28,927
you old son of a bitch.
Satan: That's right.
172
00:05:29,046 --> 00:05:29,878
Straight shooter
right here, baby.
173
00:05:29,963 --> 00:05:31,713
Mabel: Strong little spermies.
174
00:05:31,799 --> 00:05:33,131
- Better not get soft
on us now.
175
00:05:33,217 --> 00:05:34,383
- Hell no, you dumb asshole.
176
00:05:34,468 --> 00:05:36,134
Would a softy do this?
177
00:05:36,220 --> 00:05:37,552
- [speaks language]
[laughter]
178
00:05:37,638 --> 00:05:38,637
- I hit my own driver.
179
00:05:38,722 --> 00:05:40,555
That's pretty wacky, right?
180
00:05:40,641 --> 00:05:42,474
I'm unhinged.
181
00:05:42,559 --> 00:05:44,476
- Good, because when
maximus dawnus begins,
182
00:05:44,561 --> 00:05:46,061
you boys know
what that means, right?
183
00:05:46,146 --> 00:05:48,397
- Doing badass shit forever.
- My mom's boyfriend will see
184
00:05:48,482 --> 00:05:50,232
that I'm really not a fuck-up!
- Yeah! Back on top, baby.
185
00:05:50,317 --> 00:05:52,284
- Like I was
with your moms last night.
186
00:05:52,403 --> 00:05:55,370
[laughter]
- you dirty dog.
187
00:05:55,456 --> 00:05:57,956
Laura:
Oh, my god. Apologize?
188
00:05:58,075 --> 00:06:00,208
She accused me
of being a bad parent.
189
00:06:00,294 --> 00:06:01,626
- You ever think
she might be right?
190
00:06:01,745 --> 00:06:04,129
- Are you fucking kidding me?
- You forget to pick me up.
191
00:06:04,248 --> 00:06:05,080
First time you come
to a school event,
192
00:06:05,165 --> 00:06:06,248
you beat up our mascot.
193
00:06:06,333 --> 00:06:07,966
- That asshole needs to learn
194
00:06:08,085 --> 00:06:09,301
how to respect
personal boundaries.
195
00:06:09,420 --> 00:06:10,252
- You're incapable
of putting my needs
196
00:06:10,337 --> 00:06:12,087
ahead of your insane ego.
197
00:06:12,172 --> 00:06:14,139
- You have no idea
how much I do for you.
198
00:06:14,258 --> 00:06:15,757
- Amanda does much more
in her day for her kids
199
00:06:15,843 --> 00:06:18,143
than you've ever done for me.
- What?
200
00:06:18,262 --> 00:06:19,978
- And you'll never be
a normal mom if you keep...
201
00:06:20,097 --> 00:06:21,980
- [laura yells]
- flying off the handle
202
00:06:22,099 --> 00:06:23,732
at inappropriate times.
203
00:06:23,817 --> 00:06:24,566
I'm done. I'm out.
204
00:06:24,651 --> 00:06:26,818
- Fine. Fine. Be out.
205
00:06:26,937 --> 00:06:29,321
I'm gonna--I'm gonna
stop being angry
206
00:06:29,440 --> 00:06:32,407
and prove to you I can be
a more normal mom than amanda
207
00:06:32,493 --> 00:06:33,742
or any of those assholes.
208
00:06:33,827 --> 00:06:35,160
- You're off to a great start.
209
00:06:35,279 --> 00:06:36,995
Normal mom throwing
a normal glass of whiskey
210
00:06:37,114 --> 00:06:38,146
at the normal wall
after being asked
211
00:06:38,248 --> 00:06:39,664
to leave school grounds.
- Yeah. Yeah, that's me.
212
00:06:39,783 --> 00:06:42,951
Mrs. Normal.
Normal, normal--
213
00:06:43,036 --> 00:06:43,985
these are anger leeches,
darlene.
214
00:06:44,088 --> 00:06:45,954
Instead of blood,
they suck out rage.
215
00:06:46,039 --> 00:06:47,622
I'm gonna beat those mothers
at their own game
216
00:06:47,708 --> 00:06:49,291
and make chrissy happy
I'm her mom.
217
00:06:49,376 --> 00:06:51,510
- I'm not sure
if out-momming is the thing
218
00:06:51,628 --> 00:06:53,261
to win over a teenager's heart.
219
00:06:53,347 --> 00:06:54,346
I always found
listening to be--
220
00:06:54,465 --> 00:06:55,997
- all right, shut up.
Tell me a story.
221
00:06:56,100 --> 00:06:57,766
- Really? Okay. Gosh.
Where do I start? Okay.
222
00:06:57,851 --> 00:07:00,268
I was talking
to my friend darlene.
223
00:07:00,354 --> 00:07:01,770
Long story.
I was at a speed dating thing,
224
00:07:01,855 --> 00:07:04,106
and I was like, "wait,
your name is darlene too?"
225
00:07:04,191 --> 00:07:05,774
and she was like,
"hell yeah, bitch!"
226
00:07:05,859 --> 00:07:07,526
[laughs]
so keep that in mind for later.
227
00:07:07,644 --> 00:07:08,944
- Get to the fucking point!
- Oh, yeah.
228
00:07:09,029 --> 00:07:11,863
My chiropractor,
seong-mi darlene--
229
00:07:11,982 --> 00:07:14,599
in korean, it's also darlene.
- [groans, sighs]
230
00:07:14,701 --> 00:07:15,767
- so there we were,
three darlenes in a bar--
231
00:07:15,869 --> 00:07:18,203
[laughs]
that's the start of a joke.
232
00:07:18,305 --> 00:07:20,288
Wow. That shit really works.
233
00:07:20,374 --> 00:07:23,408
[leech squelching]
234
00:07:25,546 --> 00:07:28,029
so anyways, I found out
my chiropractor was
235
00:07:28,132 --> 00:07:29,464
in the magic mike prequel,
236
00:07:29,550 --> 00:07:30,799
magic michelangelo.
[leech squelching]
237
00:07:30,884 --> 00:07:33,969
[laughter and chatter]
238
00:07:34,054 --> 00:07:35,870
jenny: And so I told her,
it's called lexapro
239
00:07:35,973 --> 00:07:37,139
not lexa-rookie for a reason.
240
00:07:37,224 --> 00:07:38,557
[chuckles]
chrissy: Hey, everyone.
241
00:07:38,675 --> 00:07:40,308
What's, uh--what's going on?
242
00:07:40,394 --> 00:07:41,643
- Oh, hi, sweetie.
243
00:07:41,728 --> 00:07:45,147
I asked amanda
and the other moms over
244
00:07:45,232 --> 00:07:48,483
so I could...Apologize.
[leech squelching]
245
00:07:48,569 --> 00:07:52,654
my behavior last night
was inexcusable.
246
00:07:52,739 --> 00:07:53,822
- Uh-huh.
247
00:07:53,907 --> 00:07:55,607
- Your mom told us
you vocalized
248
00:07:55,692 --> 00:07:57,392
your need for her to be better.
249
00:07:57,494 --> 00:08:00,278
It was your strength, chrissy,
that's shown her she can.
250
00:08:00,364 --> 00:08:02,063
- My strength?
She said that?
251
00:08:02,166 --> 00:08:04,616
- I understand now
that you more than anyone
252
00:08:04,701 --> 00:08:07,235
have been affected the most
by my behavior.
253
00:08:07,337 --> 00:08:09,171
I trust you to make
your own choices,
254
00:08:09,256 --> 00:08:11,573
and I hope you will trust me
to support them.
255
00:08:11,675 --> 00:08:14,843
- Uh, okay.
256
00:08:14,928 --> 00:08:16,077
Will you support my decision
to buy
257
00:08:16,180 --> 00:08:17,912
those jessica simpson
ankle boots?
258
00:08:18,015 --> 00:08:21,049
[dramatic musical sting]
[leech squelching]
259
00:08:23,187 --> 00:08:28,139
- [strained]
here you are, chrissy.
260
00:08:28,225 --> 00:08:30,141
[groans]
261
00:08:30,227 --> 00:08:32,927
and I'd love to volunteer
for the pta,
262
00:08:33,030 --> 00:08:36,147
that is, if the offer's
still on the table.
263
00:08:36,233 --> 00:08:37,199
- Of course it is.
- Sure.
264
00:08:37,284 --> 00:08:38,766
- Oh, I'm here
for this moment, ladies.
265
00:08:38,869 --> 00:08:41,152
I haven't seen
this much personal growth
266
00:08:41,238 --> 00:08:42,370
since ruby went to rehab.
267
00:08:42,456 --> 00:08:43,989
- [chuckling]
I used to eat couch cushions.
268
00:08:44,074 --> 00:08:46,174
[laughter]
269
00:08:46,260 --> 00:08:47,759
erwin: Hmm.
270
00:08:47,861 --> 00:08:49,494
She's pouring rosé,
volunteering her time.
271
00:08:49,580 --> 00:08:51,997
Something weird's
going on here.
272
00:08:52,082 --> 00:08:53,331
- Oh, for sure.
273
00:08:53,417 --> 00:08:55,217
But it's working out for me.
- [grunts]
274
00:08:57,621 --> 00:09:01,623
[clanging]
275
00:09:01,708 --> 00:09:03,074
- [gasps]
276
00:09:04,962 --> 00:09:05,860
hello?
277
00:09:05,963 --> 00:09:08,196
Harold?
278
00:09:08,298 --> 00:09:10,031
Still polishing
our blood diamonds
279
00:09:10,133 --> 00:09:10,966
at this hour?
280
00:09:11,051 --> 00:09:12,617
Ah!
281
00:09:12,719 --> 00:09:16,621
[panting]
282
00:09:16,723 --> 00:09:19,808
[screams]
283
00:09:19,893 --> 00:09:22,644
bogey: Oh, it burns so good.
[moans]
284
00:09:22,729 --> 00:09:23,544
- is this
an "eat the rich" thing?
285
00:09:23,647 --> 00:09:25,931
Are you aoc?
286
00:09:26,016 --> 00:09:28,216
[eerie music]
287
00:09:28,318 --> 00:09:29,768
- hi.
- [screams]
288
00:09:29,853 --> 00:09:31,386
- [cackling]
289
00:09:31,488 --> 00:09:31,937
- [gurgling]
290
00:09:32,022 --> 00:09:35,941
[laughter]
291
00:09:36,026 --> 00:09:37,776
- [wheezing]
- check this shit out.
292
00:09:37,861 --> 00:09:40,278
[mimicking harold]
oh, dear, wine and cheese.
293
00:09:40,364 --> 00:09:41,029
Tax havens.
294
00:09:41,114 --> 00:09:43,281
Okey dokey, artichokey.
295
00:09:43,367 --> 00:09:44,399
- My turn, fuckers.
296
00:09:44,501 --> 00:09:46,952
Time to get inside
of some meat sacks.
297
00:09:47,037 --> 00:09:48,069
- Oh, this is
what it's all about.
298
00:09:48,171 --> 00:09:49,621
- I'm tent-poling already.
- [moaning]
299
00:09:49,706 --> 00:09:51,456
satan in grandma:
Hey, look at me.
300
00:09:51,541 --> 00:09:52,290
I'm bad grandma.
301
00:09:52,376 --> 00:09:54,459
I have loose hips.
302
00:09:54,544 --> 00:09:56,244
I'm ready to fill up this hole.
303
00:09:56,346 --> 00:09:57,245
[gurgling]
304
00:09:57,347 --> 00:09:58,346
[laughter]
305
00:09:58,432 --> 00:10:00,415
now let's shake things up.
306
00:10:00,517 --> 00:10:02,250
[rumbling, rattling]
307
00:10:02,352 --> 00:10:04,185
- [screaming]
308
00:10:04,271 --> 00:10:07,305
[rumbling]
309
00:10:11,695 --> 00:10:14,429
[glass shatters]
310
00:10:14,531 --> 00:10:16,097
[crying]
311
00:10:16,199 --> 00:10:17,649
- the fuck, dude?
312
00:10:20,454 --> 00:10:22,203
- An incidental death
doesn't count.
313
00:10:22,289 --> 00:10:23,271
We all know that.
- Yeah, that's true, but--
314
00:10:23,373 --> 00:10:24,772
- you guys keep going.
315
00:10:24,875 --> 00:10:27,275
I'm gonna go outside
and bury it, uh, a-alive.
316
00:10:27,377 --> 00:10:30,662
[ominous music]
317
00:10:30,747 --> 00:10:32,080
what the hell
are you looking at?
318
00:10:32,165 --> 00:10:34,633
You never seen a guy stuff
a live girl in a trunk before?
319
00:10:36,753 --> 00:10:38,003
- I'm saving it for later.
320
00:10:38,088 --> 00:10:38,970
Are you gonna yap my ear off
all night?
321
00:10:41,725 --> 00:10:43,791
[laughter]
322
00:10:43,894 --> 00:10:45,176
- you say anything,
I'll turn you
323
00:10:45,262 --> 00:10:47,462
into a pair of snakeskin boots.
Snake with arms: Yeesh.
324
00:10:47,564 --> 00:10:49,848
- That was fucking awesome,
bak!
325
00:10:49,933 --> 00:10:50,732
Baka: Yeah!
Mabel: On to the next stop.
326
00:10:50,817 --> 00:10:52,183
Frat house!
Baka: Yeah!
327
00:10:52,269 --> 00:10:53,685
Bogey: Whoo-hoo!
Mabel: Murder. Torture.
328
00:10:53,770 --> 00:10:54,853
- Let's binge-butcher
some homo sapiens.
329
00:10:54,938 --> 00:10:55,970
- Butts. Delicious.
Baka: Murder. Torture.
330
00:10:56,073 --> 00:10:57,939
- Hey. Yeah, right.
[laughs nervously]
331
00:10:58,025 --> 00:10:59,357
baka: Let's do this, baby!
Mabel: Tight frat butts!
332
00:10:59,443 --> 00:11:02,527
- ♪ doo, doo, doo-doo-doo,
doo, doo, doo ♪
333
00:11:02,612 --> 00:11:04,979
oh, don't mind if I do.
334
00:11:05,082 --> 00:11:08,316
[crunching]
335
00:11:08,418 --> 00:11:09,984
[water running]
♪ oh, I'm in the shower ♪
336
00:11:10,087 --> 00:11:14,205
♪ I'm showering
after eating a cookie ♪
337
00:11:14,291 --> 00:11:15,156
♪ and then-- ♪
[pipes rattle, water stops]
338
00:11:15,258 --> 00:11:16,875
huh?
339
00:11:16,960 --> 00:11:17,876
Erwin: Chrissy!
- [yelps]
340
00:11:17,961 --> 00:11:19,827
ah, sorry, erwin.
341
00:11:19,930 --> 00:11:21,379
I didn't know
you were doing, uh...
342
00:11:21,465 --> 00:11:22,380
Whatever you were doing.
343
00:11:22,466 --> 00:11:24,215
- Apologizes, chrissy feinberg.
344
00:11:24,301 --> 00:11:25,666
I was just having
my biannual bath
345
00:11:25,769 --> 00:11:26,834
when the water went out.
346
00:11:26,937 --> 00:11:28,553
- Yeah. I know.
Did my mom forget
347
00:11:28,638 --> 00:11:29,387
to pay the utility bill
or something?
348
00:11:29,473 --> 00:11:30,889
- [chuckling]
349
00:11:30,974 --> 00:11:32,974
your mother's been
off the grid for years.
350
00:11:33,060 --> 00:11:34,059
She runs things her own way.
351
00:11:34,144 --> 00:11:36,227
- Ah. Okay.
352
00:11:36,313 --> 00:11:37,729
So how do I get
the water back on, then?
353
00:11:37,814 --> 00:11:40,982
- [laughing]
354
00:11:41,068 --> 00:11:43,068
to replenish the water supply,
355
00:11:43,153 --> 00:11:45,070
descend
into the haunted well...
356
00:11:45,155 --> 00:11:46,488
- Whoo!
Erwin: Place rod in dirt,
357
00:11:46,573 --> 00:11:48,490
then ingest
wet, scaled vertebrate.
358
00:11:48,575 --> 00:11:50,241
- Sorry, buddy.
Erwin: Don't worry.
359
00:11:50,327 --> 00:11:52,544
Frat boys do it all the time.
360
00:11:52,662 --> 00:11:55,163
- [gags]
terra lacrimae!
361
00:11:55,248 --> 00:11:56,498
[water bubbling]
362
00:11:56,583 --> 00:11:58,383
it worked! Yeah, motherfucker!
363
00:11:58,502 --> 00:12:01,052
[chuckles] oh!
364
00:12:02,005 --> 00:12:02,754
[whimpers]
- [roars]
365
00:12:02,839 --> 00:12:04,556
- [screams]
366
00:12:07,010 --> 00:12:08,643
[growls]
367
00:12:10,597 --> 00:12:14,682
[gasping]
368
00:12:14,768 --> 00:12:16,768
- [humming]
excuse me.
369
00:12:16,853 --> 00:12:17,769
[gulps, sighs]
370
00:12:17,854 --> 00:12:20,271
- whoa. That was a lot.
371
00:12:20,357 --> 00:12:22,273
At least the water's back.
372
00:12:22,359 --> 00:12:23,691
- [erwin chuckles]
373
00:12:23,777 --> 00:12:25,693
your mother's been
distracted as of late,
374
00:12:25,779 --> 00:12:27,695
so you might have to take care
of her other chores.
375
00:12:27,781 --> 00:12:29,114
- Oh. Was this in your ass?
376
00:12:29,199 --> 00:12:31,783
- That list is more or less
the recurring responsibilities
377
00:12:31,868 --> 00:12:33,418
with which
I've seen her preoccupied.
378
00:12:33,537 --> 00:12:35,370
- And why are you tracking
my mom like that?
379
00:12:35,455 --> 00:12:37,922
- For when I escape.
380
00:12:38,041 --> 00:12:40,925
[intense music]
381
00:12:41,027 --> 00:12:42,260
♪ ♪
382
00:12:42,379 --> 00:12:44,429
ooh, sprinklers!
[chuckling]
383
00:12:44,548 --> 00:12:47,432
- well, if she can do this
day in and day out, so can I.
384
00:12:47,551 --> 00:12:50,518
- [laughing] I'm being watered!
385
00:12:52,439 --> 00:12:53,855
- Oh, amanda, you have chosen
386
00:12:53,940 --> 00:12:56,357
the exact perfect grouping
of vegetables.
387
00:12:56,443 --> 00:12:58,026
- I know.
- Holy dick! Look!
388
00:12:58,111 --> 00:12:59,110
[all gasp]
389
00:12:59,229 --> 00:13:02,030
- laura, this is beyond.
390
00:13:02,115 --> 00:13:03,281
When did you ever
find the time?
391
00:13:03,400 --> 00:13:04,732
- We're moms.
392
00:13:04,818 --> 00:13:06,901
When do we find time
for anything?
393
00:13:06,987 --> 00:13:07,902
Am I right?
[all agreeing]
394
00:13:07,988 --> 00:13:10,238
jenny: Yas, queen. Yas.
395
00:13:10,323 --> 00:13:11,956
Ginger: I don't keep clocks
in my house.
396
00:13:12,075 --> 00:13:13,408
- Come on,
us moms are passing out condoms
397
00:13:13,493 --> 00:13:15,627
at the make-out point,
or as the kids call it,
398
00:13:15,745 --> 00:13:17,295
penelope michael's house.
399
00:13:17,414 --> 00:13:18,413
- Okay.
I'll be right behind you.
400
00:13:18,498 --> 00:13:20,415
Just gotta clean up.
401
00:13:20,500 --> 00:13:22,300
Jenny: What is retrograde?
402
00:13:22,419 --> 00:13:24,419
[leeches squelching]
403
00:13:26,506 --> 00:13:28,139
erwin: Trimming the garden
is essential.
404
00:13:28,258 --> 00:13:30,425
- [yelps] you dick.
405
00:13:30,510 --> 00:13:32,093
Erwin: Use hedge shears
to trim plants.
406
00:13:32,179 --> 00:13:33,928
- [yelling]
407
00:13:34,014 --> 00:13:35,313
erwin: Also use hedge shears
to stay alive.
408
00:13:35,432 --> 00:13:36,314
[warbles]
409
00:13:36,433 --> 00:13:38,566
- [chrissy yelling]
410
00:13:38,652 --> 00:13:39,684
erwin:
Once you've gripped the raiju,
411
00:13:39,769 --> 00:13:42,237
you must act fast--
they eat flesh.
412
00:13:42,322 --> 00:13:44,322
Grab the current clamps
and place them on each nipple,
413
00:13:44,441 --> 00:13:44,939
and voilà.
414
00:13:45,025 --> 00:13:46,491
Electricity.
415
00:13:46,610 --> 00:13:48,943
[current buzzing]
416
00:13:51,781 --> 00:13:52,614
[cheering]
[music thumping]
417
00:13:52,699 --> 00:13:54,749
frat bro:
Who wants to see my dick?
418
00:13:54,835 --> 00:13:56,984
- All right, boys, highest
body count wins starting...
419
00:13:57,087 --> 00:13:57,752
Frat bro 2:
We're gonna be alive forever!
420
00:13:57,838 --> 00:14:00,321
- Now!
- [screams]
421
00:14:00,423 --> 00:14:02,757
[all screaming]
422
00:14:02,843 --> 00:14:04,492
- I'd like to pledge...
423
00:14:04,594 --> 00:14:07,178
To kill every last one of you.
424
00:14:07,297 --> 00:14:08,263
- Oh, shit, let's make 'em
chug their own blood.
425
00:14:08,348 --> 00:14:10,098
- Come on, saty, do that
426
00:14:10,183 --> 00:14:11,933
organ reorganizing trick
you used to do.
427
00:14:12,018 --> 00:14:13,518
- Give 'em butthole mouths.
428
00:14:13,637 --> 00:14:14,269
- Oh, right, right,
right, right.
429
00:14:14,354 --> 00:14:15,687
One ass mouth coming up.
430
00:14:15,805 --> 00:14:18,439
Mabel: Run, boys, run.
431
00:14:18,525 --> 00:14:19,607
[dramatic music]
432
00:14:19,693 --> 00:14:21,693
- oh, no, you don't.
433
00:14:21,811 --> 00:14:23,194
All right, here we go.
434
00:14:23,313 --> 00:14:24,529
All right, here we go.
Here we go.
435
00:14:24,648 --> 00:14:25,864
Come on. Come on. Do it.
436
00:14:25,982 --> 00:14:26,948
Do it. Do it. Do it.
437
00:14:27,033 --> 00:14:28,700
Poke it. Just poke through it.
438
00:14:28,818 --> 00:14:30,869
Poke through it.
Just poke it, motherfucker.
439
00:14:30,987 --> 00:14:33,288
[groaning]
440
00:14:33,373 --> 00:14:34,289
[glass shatters]
I can't do it.
441
00:14:34,374 --> 00:14:36,624
I can't even kill
some soon-to-be
442
00:14:36,710 --> 00:14:38,126
linkedin thirst trap.
443
00:14:38,211 --> 00:14:40,295
Mabel: Chug, chug, chug, chug.
- Chug! Drink that shit!
444
00:14:40,380 --> 00:14:41,462
Whoo!
Mabel: Deep throat.
445
00:14:41,548 --> 00:14:42,797
Deep throat. Deep throat.
446
00:14:42,883 --> 00:14:43,965
- Fucknabbit.
447
00:14:44,050 --> 00:14:46,584
- Yo, is this a prank, bro?
448
00:14:48,388 --> 00:14:50,255
- Didn't I tell you
to shut the fuck up?
449
00:14:52,642 --> 00:14:54,759
- Look, the devil doesn't
get twisties.
450
00:14:54,844 --> 00:14:57,262
He twisties the necks
of worthless flesh bags
451
00:14:57,347 --> 00:14:58,846
with his cool,
sociopathic friends.
452
00:15:03,186 --> 00:15:05,353
- Oh, we got
snakey fucking freud over here.
453
00:15:06,856 --> 00:15:08,823
- Oh, I should get
massively loaded.
454
00:15:08,909 --> 00:15:10,325
That'll help.
[laughter]
455
00:15:10,410 --> 00:15:11,659
- whoo!
- I set a new record, dog.
456
00:15:11,745 --> 00:15:12,827
Where were you?
457
00:15:12,913 --> 00:15:14,395
- Uh, I wa--I was
doing normal shit.
458
00:15:14,497 --> 00:15:17,332
Murder, et cetera, et cetera.
459
00:15:17,417 --> 00:15:18,733
- Murder et cetera?
460
00:15:18,835 --> 00:15:20,501
My man!
- Hey,
461
00:15:20,587 --> 00:15:22,170
there's an orphanage
up the block.
462
00:15:22,255 --> 00:15:23,821
Bogey: Yeah!
- Whoo-hoo!
463
00:15:23,924 --> 00:15:25,006
Baka: Yeah!
Bogey: Let's fucking rip
464
00:15:25,091 --> 00:15:26,291
some kids' hearts out.
Mabel: Slice 'em up!
465
00:15:26,376 --> 00:15:27,458
Here we go!
466
00:15:27,544 --> 00:15:28,843
- I love a white wine
I can see through.
467
00:15:28,929 --> 00:15:30,511
- Cheers to us.
468
00:15:30,597 --> 00:15:32,046
- Yes, to us.
469
00:15:32,132 --> 00:15:33,798
Amanda: Cheers, ladies.
470
00:15:33,883 --> 00:15:36,017
Next week, we should really
organize a protest
471
00:15:36,102 --> 00:15:37,251
for organic lunches
at the school.
472
00:15:37,354 --> 00:15:39,637
- Ooh! A can drive
for can-do attitudes.
473
00:15:39,723 --> 00:15:41,255
- Yes.
- Ladies, ladies,
474
00:15:41,358 --> 00:15:43,308
I polled the kids
around school,
475
00:15:43,393 --> 00:15:44,592
and they said
what they'd want most
476
00:15:44,694 --> 00:15:46,477
is to go to school
without fear.
477
00:15:46,563 --> 00:15:48,429
So I made them
adrenal gland calming stickers.
478
00:15:48,531 --> 00:15:49,647
Jenny:
Laura's a goddamn genius.
479
00:15:49,749 --> 00:15:50,982
Ruby: What did we do
before you?
480
00:15:51,084 --> 00:15:52,216
Ginger: I just came.
481
00:15:54,671 --> 00:15:56,487
- [chrissy retching]
482
00:15:59,392 --> 00:16:01,042
[sighs]
483
00:16:01,127 --> 00:16:02,794
kid 1: Yeah!
Kid 2: Whoo!
484
00:16:02,879 --> 00:16:03,928
[bells dinging]
[laughter]
485
00:16:04,047 --> 00:16:06,848
- enjoy it!
Youth doesn't last forever!
486
00:16:08,051 --> 00:16:09,233
- She must be going
through a lot of stuff.
487
00:16:09,336 --> 00:16:13,921
[quirky music]
488
00:16:14,024 --> 00:16:16,307
- [screams]
- kill antichrist.
489
00:16:16,393 --> 00:16:17,425
- Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck!
490
00:16:17,527 --> 00:16:18,559
Whoa!
491
00:16:20,030 --> 00:16:21,429
- Huh. Checkmate.
492
00:16:21,531 --> 00:16:23,815
Chrissy: Fucking get--
493
00:16:23,900 --> 00:16:24,816
- ah, monster of the week.
494
00:16:24,901 --> 00:16:26,985
Check.
495
00:16:27,070 --> 00:16:27,986
- [screaming]
[monster growling]
496
00:16:28,071 --> 00:16:31,605
[shouting unintelligibly]
497
00:16:31,708 --> 00:16:33,107
[shrieking]
498
00:16:33,209 --> 00:16:34,608
mom! Mom, help!
499
00:16:34,711 --> 00:16:37,161
- Aw, my little
chrissy wissy poo's
500
00:16:37,247 --> 00:16:39,664
fighting her own monster.
501
00:16:39,749 --> 00:16:41,916
I wish I could help, but I have
to prepare for the potluck.
502
00:16:42,002 --> 00:16:43,001
Tear out his heart, honey.
503
00:16:43,086 --> 00:16:45,169
Kill him and whatnot.
504
00:16:45,255 --> 00:16:45,920
[monster snarls]
505
00:16:46,006 --> 00:16:49,090
- [yelling]
506
00:16:53,179 --> 00:16:57,265
[gasping]
507
00:16:57,350 --> 00:16:59,484
mom, what the fuck
is going on, and where are you?
508
00:16:59,602 --> 00:17:01,102
I could have died
a million times today.
509
00:17:01,187 --> 00:17:02,770
I should be out playing.
510
00:17:02,856 --> 00:17:05,990
I'm 13, and I had to feed
toenails to a goblin
511
00:17:06,109 --> 00:17:07,492
to get the gas back--
[gasps]
512
00:17:07,610 --> 00:17:09,327
[screams]
[leeches squelching]
513
00:17:09,446 --> 00:17:10,862
what is happening?
514
00:17:10,947 --> 00:17:13,114
- Oops.
515
00:17:13,199 --> 00:17:14,315
Should have locked
the door, sweetie.
516
00:17:14,417 --> 00:17:16,200
It's ocupado.
Chrissy: What the hell is--
517
00:17:16,286 --> 00:17:16,951
[laughter]
518
00:17:17,037 --> 00:17:18,703
[indistinct chatter]
519
00:17:18,788 --> 00:17:20,038
- you go, girl.
520
00:17:20,123 --> 00:17:22,123
- [laura screams]
521
00:17:22,208 --> 00:17:23,041
guy 1: What's happening?
Are they gonna kill us?
522
00:17:23,126 --> 00:17:25,043
Girl 1:
Jesus, mary, and joseph.
523
00:17:25,128 --> 00:17:26,961
- You gonna just
stand there and watch?
524
00:17:27,047 --> 00:17:28,463
Your whole bit is
that you got arms.
525
00:17:28,548 --> 00:17:28,679
Fucking help me.
526
00:17:33,887 --> 00:17:36,220
[indistinct chatter]
527
00:17:36,306 --> 00:17:38,806
baka: What's the haps, satan?
Satan: Huh? Oh.
528
00:17:38,892 --> 00:17:41,142
- Holy fuck.
Sweet air. Sweet air.
529
00:17:41,227 --> 00:17:43,694
- Hey, that's the nun you said
you were about to disembowel.
530
00:17:43,813 --> 00:17:46,147
- Uh, yeah.
Yeah, I wa--I was, uh--
531
00:17:46,232 --> 00:17:47,181
- and that's the teen
from before.
532
00:17:47,283 --> 00:17:47,982
Teen: Hi.
- You didn't bury her alive.
533
00:17:48,068 --> 00:17:51,869
- Did you save her life?
534
00:17:51,988 --> 00:17:53,454
- Ah, fuck it.
I don't care anymore.
535
00:17:53,540 --> 00:17:55,706
Yeah, I didn't kill her.
- Ha! I knew it.
536
00:17:55,825 --> 00:17:57,959
The rumors about
the realm of realms were true.
537
00:17:58,044 --> 00:18:02,880
Satan's turned
into a soft, little baby.
538
00:18:02,999 --> 00:18:04,632
[fake crying]
- I'm not soft.
539
00:18:04,717 --> 00:18:06,217
I don't enjoy
this shit anymore.
540
00:18:06,336 --> 00:18:07,885
Destroying realms is epic.
541
00:18:08,004 --> 00:18:09,554
These murder games
are just dumb.
542
00:18:09,672 --> 00:18:10,721
And so are all of you.
543
00:18:10,840 --> 00:18:13,724
I figured that out
all by myself.
544
00:18:13,843 --> 00:18:14,809
- You really called it, baka.
545
00:18:14,894 --> 00:18:17,562
Satan is a huge wussy,
flabby pussy.
546
00:18:17,680 --> 00:18:20,398
- If you guys knew I was lame,
why did you invite me out?
547
00:18:20,517 --> 00:18:22,567
- Because, dumbass,
you're our meal ticket.
548
00:18:22,685 --> 00:18:24,352
You thought we'd been
hanging out with you
549
00:18:24,437 --> 00:18:25,019
all these centuries
because we like you?
550
00:18:25,105 --> 00:18:27,188
Hell no!
551
00:18:27,273 --> 00:18:28,523
- But if our meal ticket
is expired...
552
00:18:28,608 --> 00:18:29,740
- Then it looks
like we're gonna
553
00:18:29,859 --> 00:18:32,193
have to find
another way to eat.
554
00:18:32,278 --> 00:18:34,245
[roars]
555
00:18:34,364 --> 00:18:35,863
agh!
556
00:18:35,949 --> 00:18:37,698
- [hisses]
- aah!
557
00:18:37,784 --> 00:18:39,083
Oh, fuck.
558
00:18:39,202 --> 00:18:41,252
To perish by the very means
I live by.
559
00:18:41,371 --> 00:18:43,421
Oh, the irony!
560
00:18:43,540 --> 00:18:45,089
A true ouroboros.
561
00:18:45,208 --> 00:18:46,174
[muffled] no!
562
00:18:46,259 --> 00:18:48,342
[dramatic music]
563
00:18:48,428 --> 00:18:49,743
- [screeches]
564
00:18:49,846 --> 00:18:51,679
[yells]
565
00:18:51,764 --> 00:18:54,182
- how's that for soft, bitches?
Baka: Oh, it burns.
566
00:18:54,267 --> 00:18:55,249
- Let's get the fuck
out of here.
567
00:18:55,351 --> 00:18:56,684
Baka:
What a horrible way to go!
568
00:18:56,769 --> 00:18:57,751
- Me drive? How come?
569
00:18:57,854 --> 00:18:59,020
Baka: I'm being digested...
570
00:18:59,105 --> 00:19:00,921
- [whimpers]
- oh, right.
571
00:19:01,024 --> 00:19:02,356
Right, right.
Baka: By a fucking snake!
572
00:19:02,442 --> 00:19:03,858
- Oh, that smells delicious.
573
00:19:03,943 --> 00:19:04,692
- Guys, you need to go.
574
00:19:04,777 --> 00:19:06,027
My mom is--something is wrong.
575
00:19:06,112 --> 00:19:08,095
- What exactly do you think
is wrong with her?
576
00:19:08,198 --> 00:19:09,147
And do you mind
if I record this?
577
00:19:09,232 --> 00:19:10,764
Let's get her canceled.
I mean help.
578
00:19:10,867 --> 00:19:12,033
- I don't care
about the stupid potluck,
579
00:19:12,118 --> 00:19:14,869
and my mom shouldn't either,
and that's why I'm--
580
00:19:14,954 --> 00:19:15,486
laura: Hello, ladies.
581
00:19:15,572 --> 00:19:17,205
[eerie music]
582
00:19:17,290 --> 00:19:18,456
[all gasp]
583
00:19:18,575 --> 00:19:19,957
jenny: Oh, my god.
- Jesus christ.
584
00:19:20,076 --> 00:19:21,459
- This is the grossest shit
I've ever seen.
585
00:19:21,578 --> 00:19:24,128
- All of you look gorge,
per usual.
586
00:19:24,247 --> 00:19:25,630
- What are those things?
587
00:19:25,748 --> 00:19:26,714
Why are they all over you?
588
00:19:26,799 --> 00:19:28,299
- These are my anger leeches.
589
00:19:28,418 --> 00:19:30,301
We are all one. We love anger.
590
00:19:30,420 --> 00:19:31,886
Yum, yum, yum, yum, yum, anger.
591
00:19:31,971 --> 00:19:33,638
- Mom, you have to take them
off of you.
592
00:19:33,756 --> 00:19:35,806
- But we are here for you,
child.
593
00:19:35,925 --> 00:19:37,975
Your mother has given us
the gift of her anger.
594
00:19:38,094 --> 00:19:40,895
In turn, we have given her
the gift of freedom
595
00:19:40,980 --> 00:19:41,729
from her pain, her body.
596
00:19:41,814 --> 00:19:43,814
Moms: Aww.
- Not aww!
597
00:19:43,933 --> 00:19:44,932
This shit stops right now.
598
00:19:46,819 --> 00:19:48,569
- What the--
amanda: Ha!
599
00:19:48,655 --> 00:19:50,638
This is how you've been
one-upping me, huh?
600
00:19:50,740 --> 00:19:52,073
You see this, ladies?
601
00:19:52,158 --> 00:19:53,641
She's a cheater.
602
00:19:53,743 --> 00:19:54,808
- You cannot hurt us, child,
603
00:19:54,911 --> 00:19:56,744
unless you wish
to hurt your mommy.
604
00:19:56,829 --> 00:19:59,080
Do you really want to hurt her
more than you already have?
605
00:19:59,165 --> 00:20:01,148
- Chrissy, your mom loves you.
606
00:20:01,251 --> 00:20:03,084
Everything she does is for you,
including cheating.
607
00:20:03,169 --> 00:20:05,086
- Fuck you, amanda.
[all gasp]
608
00:20:05,171 --> 00:20:06,654
please, snap out of it
and be a bitch again.
609
00:20:06,756 --> 00:20:09,156
You are so much better
than all of these shitty moms.
610
00:20:09,259 --> 00:20:10,824
- If by better,
you mean she has
611
00:20:10,927 --> 00:20:13,094
a mind-altering
substance abuse issue,
612
00:20:13,179 --> 00:20:16,163
then sure, she's better.
613
00:20:16,266 --> 00:20:18,516
You know what? Fuck you!
Fuck your mom!
614
00:20:18,635 --> 00:20:20,268
You have no idea how I have
to take it up the tailpipe
615
00:20:20,353 --> 00:20:22,103
day in and day out.
616
00:20:22,188 --> 00:20:24,522
I do everything for every one
of my goddamn family!
617
00:20:24,641 --> 00:20:25,940
Your mom isn't better than us.
618
00:20:26,025 --> 00:20:28,442
She's got it easy,
and I'd fucking kill
619
00:20:28,528 --> 00:20:29,610
to be in her shoes right now.
620
00:20:29,696 --> 00:20:34,615
[leeches squelching]
621
00:20:34,701 --> 00:20:36,867
- well, I heard your husband's
thinking about leaving you,
622
00:20:36,986 --> 00:20:38,619
so you might get your wish
soon enough,
623
00:20:38,705 --> 00:20:39,704
at least
that's what jenny said.
624
00:20:39,822 --> 00:20:41,372
- You shitting me?
625
00:20:41,491 --> 00:20:44,208
After I bought you
that rose jade quartz roller?
626
00:20:44,327 --> 00:20:45,710
- I didn't ask for it.
- You fucking needed it!
627
00:20:45,828 --> 00:20:47,795
- You make your son eat
out of the palm of your hand
628
00:20:47,880 --> 00:20:50,364
because he's the only thing
you can control.
629
00:20:50,466 --> 00:20:52,416
- Oh, fuck you, jenny!
- Oh, fuck you, amanda!
630
00:20:52,502 --> 00:20:54,201
[both grunting]
631
00:20:54,304 --> 00:20:56,870
[leeches squelching]
632
00:20:56,973 --> 00:20:59,039
- [sighs]
633
00:20:59,142 --> 00:21:01,542
chrissy, why are these cunts
in my house?
634
00:21:01,644 --> 00:21:02,760
- Oh, shit.
You're coming back.
635
00:21:02,845 --> 00:21:04,095
What else pisses you off?
636
00:21:04,180 --> 00:21:05,879
Let's hear it!
637
00:21:05,982 --> 00:21:07,098
- My life is not my own!
638
00:21:07,183 --> 00:21:09,600
Someone slap me
so I can feel something!
639
00:21:09,686 --> 00:21:11,102
[leeches squelching]
640
00:21:11,187 --> 00:21:13,721
♪ ♪
641
00:21:13,823 --> 00:21:15,439
- I'm tired of having
to hide my anger
642
00:21:15,525 --> 00:21:17,558
because it puts people off!
643
00:21:17,660 --> 00:21:19,660
- Just because you breastfed
your kid until he was four
644
00:21:19,746 --> 00:21:21,395
doesn't make you
a better mother than me!
645
00:21:21,497 --> 00:21:25,065
- I haven't slept
more than four hours in years!
646
00:21:25,168 --> 00:21:25,733
- I don't even have a kid.
647
00:21:25,835 --> 00:21:27,901
I just love groups!
648
00:21:28,004 --> 00:21:29,570
- I killed the family cat.
649
00:21:29,672 --> 00:21:31,005
- I look at myself
in the mirror, and I punch it!
650
00:21:31,090 --> 00:21:33,341
Ruby: A pumpkin is
the most basic, lazy,
651
00:21:33,426 --> 00:21:34,675
Halloween costume for a baby.
652
00:21:34,761 --> 00:21:35,876
Ginger: I want to break shit!
653
00:21:37,430 --> 00:21:37,911
- Mom, help.
654
00:21:38,014 --> 00:21:39,347
There's too many.
655
00:21:39,432 --> 00:21:40,348
- Chrissy?
656
00:21:40,433 --> 00:21:41,915
I feel hungry...
657
00:21:42,018 --> 00:21:43,851
For kicking some ass.
658
00:21:43,936 --> 00:21:45,753
- Thank god, cause this shit
really sucks.
659
00:21:45,855 --> 00:21:47,188
Get it? Ha! Not the time.
660
00:21:47,273 --> 00:21:49,757
[leeches screeching]
661
00:21:49,859 --> 00:21:51,142
- I'm sorry
about all of this, chrissy.
662
00:21:51,227 --> 00:21:52,476
I bet you wish
I was still nice.
663
00:21:52,562 --> 00:21:54,979
- Fuck nice.
I'd take the psycho
664
00:21:55,064 --> 00:21:56,314
real version of you
over the nice one any day.
665
00:21:56,399 --> 00:21:57,865
I need you.
666
00:21:58,985 --> 00:22:00,401
[leeches chittering]
667
00:22:00,486 --> 00:22:03,154
- [chanting]
668
00:22:03,239 --> 00:22:05,990
- die, mothersuckers!
669
00:22:06,075 --> 00:22:07,792
[glass shatters]
670
00:22:09,245 --> 00:22:10,911
[all sigh]
671
00:22:10,997 --> 00:22:12,496
- oh, that was
really something.
672
00:22:12,598 --> 00:22:14,248
- Okay, everyone, please get
the fuck out of my house.
673
00:22:14,334 --> 00:22:15,466
- At least you said please.
674
00:22:18,554 --> 00:22:19,954
- [sighs]
can I ask you something?
675
00:22:20,056 --> 00:22:21,389
- [speaks language]
676
00:22:21,491 --> 00:22:22,973
- we spent all night
beating up on you,
677
00:22:23,059 --> 00:22:25,409
giving you noogies,
pissing in your hat,
678
00:22:25,511 --> 00:22:27,461
and you still saved me.
679
00:22:27,547 --> 00:22:28,879
How come?
680
00:22:31,551 --> 00:22:32,633
- Shit.
681
00:22:32,719 --> 00:22:34,769
I friend.
682
00:22:40,843 --> 00:22:42,410
- Are you quoting paula?
683
00:22:42,512 --> 00:22:43,644
You tacky son of a bitch.
684
00:22:43,746 --> 00:22:46,414
You're ribbing me,
you cheesy fuck.
685
00:22:46,532 --> 00:22:47,048
[both laugh]
686
00:22:47,150 --> 00:22:49,650
- [baka groaning]
687
00:22:49,736 --> 00:22:51,402
- your mind's in the gutter.
688
00:22:51,487 --> 00:22:52,737
Where it should be,
if you're a snake.
689
00:22:52,822 --> 00:22:54,455
[both laugh]
- [baka groaning]
690
00:22:54,574 --> 00:22:56,724
paula:
♪ I take two steps forward ♪
691
00:22:56,826 --> 00:22:59,126
bruce:
♪ I take two steps back ♪
692
00:22:59,228 --> 00:23:02,463
both: ♪ we come together
'cause opposites attract ♪
693
00:23:02,565 --> 00:23:04,965
♪ and you know
it ain't fiction ♪
694
00:23:05,068 --> 00:23:07,401
bruce: ♪ just a natural fact ♪
695
00:23:07,503 --> 00:23:11,238
both: ♪ we come together
'cause opposites attract ♪
696
00:23:11,340 --> 00:23:12,406
paula: ♪ who'd-a thought ♪