1 00:00:04,138 --> 00:00:05,137 [dramatic musical sting] 2 00:00:05,222 --> 00:00:06,355 - hello? 3 00:00:08,392 --> 00:00:09,224 Erwin? 4 00:00:10,561 --> 00:00:12,711 [ominous music] 5 00:00:12,813 --> 00:00:13,729 oh, god. 6 00:00:13,814 --> 00:00:15,114 Uh, I can see you. 7 00:00:15,232 --> 00:00:17,049 Get out of there. - [breathing heavily] 8 00:00:17,151 --> 00:00:18,433 - hey, I'm running late for after-school pickup, 9 00:00:18,536 --> 00:00:21,453 so let's hurry this up. - Bring me to the antichrist. 10 00:00:21,572 --> 00:00:24,073 - Honey, I gotta bring myself to the antichrist, all right? 11 00:00:24,158 --> 00:00:25,240 So what's your thing? 12 00:00:25,326 --> 00:00:26,825 You need her blood for eternal life? 13 00:00:26,911 --> 00:00:28,327 Gonna use her as a vessel 14 00:00:28,429 --> 00:00:29,695 to rule your shitty realm, what? 15 00:00:29,797 --> 00:00:32,498 - Burn her skin and eat her bones for ultimate power! 16 00:00:32,583 --> 00:00:34,166 [chuckles] - okay, sure. 17 00:00:34,251 --> 00:00:37,086 - [screeches] 18 00:00:37,171 --> 00:00:39,805 you shall die by my hands, puny mortal! 19 00:00:39,924 --> 00:00:42,257 Antichrist body will be mine! 20 00:00:42,343 --> 00:00:43,475 [laughing] 21 00:00:43,594 --> 00:00:44,893 [sizzling] [roars] 22 00:00:47,515 --> 00:00:48,063 [groans] 23 00:00:51,435 --> 00:00:52,651 [squelching] - [laura grunting] 24 00:00:52,770 --> 00:00:53,685 fuck! 25 00:00:53,771 --> 00:00:56,655 I forgot about this coupon. Ugh. 26 00:00:56,774 --> 00:00:59,658 [dark dramatic music] 27 00:00:59,777 --> 00:01:01,777 ♪ ♪ 28 00:01:05,116 --> 00:01:06,999 [gasps] chrissy. God damn it, laura. 29 00:01:07,118 --> 00:01:09,418 - Oh, mother, you are alive. Laura: Hey. 30 00:01:09,503 --> 00:01:09,952 Chrissy: Wow. - Hey, I was about 31 00:01:10,037 --> 00:01:11,336 to come get you. 32 00:01:11,455 --> 00:01:12,588 Finally got groceries. You hungry? 33 00:01:12,673 --> 00:01:15,424 - No, I ate with amanda. She made a salad 34 00:01:15,509 --> 00:01:16,925 with something called an heirloom tomato. 35 00:01:17,011 --> 00:01:18,510 - Who the hell is amanda? 36 00:01:18,629 --> 00:01:20,679 - She's a cool mom who drove me home 37 00:01:20,798 --> 00:01:22,931 because my actual mom was nowhere to be found again. 38 00:01:23,017 --> 00:01:24,633 - Isn't amanda a fucking peach? Chrissy: She is. 39 00:01:24,718 --> 00:01:26,468 She knows the nutrients you're missing 40 00:01:26,554 --> 00:01:27,335 based on the color of your aura. 41 00:01:27,438 --> 00:01:29,021 She's, like, literally a witch. 42 00:01:29,140 --> 00:01:30,139 - No, I'm literally a witch. 43 00:01:30,224 --> 00:01:32,191 - Anyway, I'm in a rush. 44 00:01:32,309 --> 00:01:33,358 - For what? - Back to school night. 45 00:01:33,477 --> 00:01:35,210 - That's for parents, right? 46 00:01:35,296 --> 00:01:36,862 Why didn't you remind me? - Oh, is that my job, 47 00:01:36,981 --> 00:01:38,363 to remind you of things 48 00:01:38,482 --> 00:01:39,615 any moderately-invested parent would know? 49 00:01:39,700 --> 00:01:41,533 You want me to do your taxes too? 50 00:01:41,652 --> 00:01:42,451 Apply for a loan? - Okay. Okay, jesus. 51 00:01:42,536 --> 00:01:43,869 - Anyway, you hate that stuff, 52 00:01:43,988 --> 00:01:46,371 parents ogling over their kids' art projects. 53 00:01:46,490 --> 00:01:47,706 - Yeah, I'd rather jam a knife up my asshole. 54 00:01:47,825 --> 00:01:49,208 Chrissy: You're off the hook then. 55 00:01:49,326 --> 00:01:50,659 Plus, amanda said she'd cover for you. 56 00:01:51,328 --> 00:01:54,529 - She did, huh? 57 00:01:54,632 --> 00:01:55,631 You know what? I'm gonna come. 58 00:01:55,716 --> 00:01:57,382 - 'cause you're threatened by amanda? 59 00:01:57,501 --> 00:01:59,468 - No, because I'm your mother, 60 00:01:59,553 --> 00:02:00,803 and I should be there to support you. 61 00:02:00,888 --> 00:02:03,806 [soft tense music] 62 00:02:03,891 --> 00:02:05,057 - fine. 63 00:02:05,176 --> 00:02:06,208 Just promise you won't make a scene. 64 00:02:06,310 --> 00:02:07,309 Laura: Uh, hello? - And just be chill, okay? 65 00:02:07,394 --> 00:02:09,311 - I'm chill, baby. 66 00:02:09,396 --> 00:02:11,146 Chill, chill, chill, chill, chill, chilly-chill, chill. 67 00:02:11,232 --> 00:02:12,514 - You have ground beef in your hair. 68 00:02:14,652 --> 00:02:18,654 ♪ ♪ 69 00:02:18,739 --> 00:02:21,490 gossy: Hiya, miss. I'm gossy the gopher. 70 00:02:21,575 --> 00:02:22,825 Welcome to back to school-- - [grunts] 71 00:02:22,910 --> 00:02:24,559 - [gossy yells] - if you ever touch me again, 72 00:02:24,662 --> 00:02:26,245 I turn you into a true crime doc series, 73 00:02:26,363 --> 00:02:27,913 understand? - Mom! 74 00:02:28,032 --> 00:02:29,498 Gossy: [laughing nervously] okay, quite a grip. 75 00:02:29,583 --> 00:02:31,416 - I'm gonna age ten years tonight because of you. 76 00:02:31,535 --> 00:02:33,001 I can feel it in my bones. - Honey, look, 77 00:02:33,087 --> 00:02:35,504 that lady's feeding her child like a baby bird. 78 00:02:35,589 --> 00:02:37,589 Chrissy: That's amanda, and it's called nature bonding. 79 00:02:37,708 --> 00:02:39,591 If you watched anything other than top deer hunter, 80 00:02:39,710 --> 00:02:41,426 maybe you'd have heard of it. Laura: Well, I can't wait 81 00:02:41,545 --> 00:02:43,011 to meet this headband with a smile. 82 00:02:43,097 --> 00:02:45,347 - Hey there, chrissy babe. 83 00:02:45,432 --> 00:02:47,850 You must be laura. - Oh, my god, I am. Hi. 84 00:02:47,935 --> 00:02:50,085 And you must be amanda. Amanda: Uh, yes. 85 00:02:50,187 --> 00:02:51,353 - Chrissy babe won't stop talking about you. 86 00:02:51,438 --> 00:02:53,188 It's like she has a defect. 87 00:02:53,274 --> 00:02:57,259 [both laughing] 88 00:02:57,361 --> 00:02:58,426 - she is the best. Laura: Yeah. 89 00:02:58,529 --> 00:03:00,529 - All of her teachers think so too. 90 00:03:00,614 --> 00:03:03,198 - Oh, you're-you're discussing my daughter with her teachers. 91 00:03:03,284 --> 00:03:04,867 How thoughtful of you. 92 00:03:04,952 --> 00:03:07,035 - As a pta president, I make sure to communicate 93 00:03:07,121 --> 00:03:08,770 with the teachers and children. 94 00:03:08,873 --> 00:03:10,372 I--wh-what can I say? I love helping. 95 00:03:10,457 --> 00:03:12,541 - Oh, I'm glad you have all the time in the world to help, 96 00:03:12,626 --> 00:03:13,608 what with me having to work full-time. 97 00:03:13,711 --> 00:03:16,662 [laughs] amanda: Oh, hon, we all work. 98 00:03:16,747 --> 00:03:17,329 But as mothers, our real job is taking care 99 00:03:17,414 --> 00:03:20,115 of our kids, right? 100 00:03:20,217 --> 00:03:21,950 - You should come to a pta meeting sometime. 101 00:03:22,052 --> 00:03:23,835 - We've sent you multiple messages about joining. 102 00:03:23,938 --> 00:03:26,605 - I'll be there with bells on when I'm done 103 00:03:26,724 --> 00:03:28,523 protecting my daughter from the dark forces 104 00:03:28,609 --> 00:03:29,725 that threaten her and all of human existence. 105 00:03:29,810 --> 00:03:31,059 - Girl, it's so great 106 00:03:31,145 --> 00:03:32,444 that you feel like you're doing a good job, 107 00:03:32,563 --> 00:03:33,779 but chrissy here, 108 00:03:33,898 --> 00:03:35,614 and I do feel like I have to speak for her, 109 00:03:35,733 --> 00:03:36,865 she wants some normalcy. Mom 1: Okay? 110 00:03:36,951 --> 00:03:38,466 Mom 2: I say that all the time. - Mom, don't. 111 00:03:38,569 --> 00:03:40,635 - Look at the painting she made. 112 00:03:40,738 --> 00:03:42,237 It's clearly a cry for help. 113 00:03:42,323 --> 00:03:44,523 [person screaming] 114 00:03:44,608 --> 00:03:46,024 amanda: Have you considered getting chrissy therapy? 115 00:03:46,110 --> 00:03:47,693 - Oh, fuck you! [all gasp] 116 00:03:47,778 --> 00:03:49,644 fuck all of you. I'm not listening 117 00:03:49,747 --> 00:03:51,646 to a bunch of participation trophy moms telling me 118 00:03:51,749 --> 00:03:54,032 that my kid needs therapy because she can't paint! 119 00:03:54,118 --> 00:03:56,118 News flash: They all suck at it! 120 00:03:56,203 --> 00:03:57,953 None of this matters. [all gasp] 121 00:03:58,038 --> 00:03:59,538 gossy: [clears throat] ma'am, let's chill 122 00:03:59,640 --> 00:04:01,156 in front of the students-- [groans] 123 00:04:01,258 --> 00:04:02,374 mom 3: Oh, god. Mom 4: No, not gossy. 124 00:04:02,459 --> 00:04:04,326 - You're unstable. - I don't give a shit 125 00:04:04,428 --> 00:04:05,711 what you and these other moms think. 126 00:04:05,796 --> 00:04:06,878 Suck on my clit! 127 00:04:06,964 --> 00:04:08,630 [all gasp] mom 5: Language. 128 00:04:10,935 --> 00:04:12,667 Satan in cadaver: Reverse ribbed condoms 129 00:04:12,770 --> 00:04:14,502 for his pleasure. - [speaks language] 130 00:04:14,605 --> 00:04:16,388 - cologne that smells like a wet dog. 131 00:04:16,473 --> 00:04:17,105 [chuckles] - [speaks language] 132 00:04:17,191 --> 00:04:18,223 - a cadaver so juiced 133 00:04:18,309 --> 00:04:20,392 it'd make joe rogan cream his pants. 134 00:04:20,477 --> 00:04:22,728 - [sighs] [speaks language] 135 00:04:22,813 --> 00:04:24,896 - and I'm ready for another one of baka's bachelor parties 136 00:04:24,982 --> 00:04:27,065 where we murder dumb humans just for kicks. 137 00:04:27,151 --> 00:04:28,483 - [sighs] 138 00:04:28,569 --> 00:04:29,735 - don't give me that look. 139 00:04:29,820 --> 00:04:32,070 Every week it's dad this, dad that. 140 00:04:32,156 --> 00:04:33,521 What about the boys? 141 00:04:33,624 --> 00:04:35,407 Baka's badass. 142 00:04:35,492 --> 00:04:37,459 This is his tenth marriage, you know. 143 00:04:39,296 --> 00:04:41,196 - These guys are my actual friends 144 00:04:41,298 --> 00:04:43,365 who I haven't seen in centuries, 145 00:04:43,467 --> 00:04:45,000 so don't embarrass me with your weird snake shit. 146 00:04:46,420 --> 00:04:48,086 - Bro! - Baka! 147 00:04:48,172 --> 00:04:49,254 [grunts] 148 00:04:49,340 --> 00:04:51,590 oh, yeah. [both laughing] 149 00:04:51,675 --> 00:04:52,341 looking sharp, baby. 150 00:04:52,426 --> 00:04:53,675 - Oh, man, I missed you. 151 00:04:53,761 --> 00:04:55,727 - Yo, mabel, had some work done, huh? 152 00:04:55,846 --> 00:04:57,729 - Peeled off a supermodel's face. 153 00:04:57,848 --> 00:04:59,014 Now it's my mask. 154 00:04:59,099 --> 00:05:01,400 Satan: And bogey, you're still-- 155 00:05:01,518 --> 00:05:04,102 - [giggles] unmedicated and ready to mingle. 156 00:05:04,188 --> 00:05:05,270 - Where'd you get that human skin suit, 157 00:05:05,356 --> 00:05:07,022 the micro-penis men's warehouse? 158 00:05:07,107 --> 00:05:09,107 - Yeah. I used your employee discount. 159 00:05:09,193 --> 00:05:10,859 [laughter] 160 00:05:10,944 --> 00:05:12,778 sitcom style banter. Mabel: ♪ micro-penis ♪ 161 00:05:12,863 --> 00:05:14,446 - and how about this son of a bitch? 162 00:05:14,531 --> 00:05:16,231 Tenth time's charm, am I right? 163 00:05:16,333 --> 00:05:17,449 - Come on. 164 00:05:17,534 --> 00:05:19,084 You know I'm gonna eat her. [chuckling] 165 00:05:19,203 --> 00:05:20,085 - of course you're gonna eat her. 166 00:05:20,204 --> 00:05:21,203 - I'm gonna eat my wife. 167 00:05:21,288 --> 00:05:22,087 Satan: Munching. - [baka growling] 168 00:05:22,206 --> 00:05:23,588 - whoo, whoo! [laughter] 169 00:05:23,707 --> 00:05:25,757 - you finally did it. 170 00:05:25,876 --> 00:05:26,958 You birthed the antichrist, 171 00:05:27,044 --> 00:05:28,927 you old son of a bitch. Satan: That's right. 172 00:05:29,046 --> 00:05:29,878 Straight shooter right here, baby. 173 00:05:29,963 --> 00:05:31,713 Mabel: Strong little spermies. 174 00:05:31,799 --> 00:05:33,131 - Better not get soft on us now. 175 00:05:33,217 --> 00:05:34,383 - Hell no, you dumb asshole. 176 00:05:34,468 --> 00:05:36,134 Would a softy do this? 177 00:05:36,220 --> 00:05:37,552 - [speaks language] [laughter] 178 00:05:37,638 --> 00:05:38,637 - I hit my own driver. 179 00:05:38,722 --> 00:05:40,555 That's pretty wacky, right? 180 00:05:40,641 --> 00:05:42,474 I'm unhinged. 181 00:05:42,559 --> 00:05:44,476 - Good, because when maximus dawnus begins, 182 00:05:44,561 --> 00:05:46,061 you boys know what that means, right? 183 00:05:46,146 --> 00:05:48,397 - Doing badass shit forever. - My mom's boyfriend will see 184 00:05:48,482 --> 00:05:50,232 that I'm really not a fuck-up! - Yeah! Back on top, baby. 185 00:05:50,317 --> 00:05:52,284 - Like I was with your moms last night. 186 00:05:52,403 --> 00:05:55,370 [laughter] - you dirty dog. 187 00:05:55,456 --> 00:05:57,956 Laura: Oh, my god. Apologize? 188 00:05:58,075 --> 00:06:00,208 She accused me of being a bad parent. 189 00:06:00,294 --> 00:06:01,626 - You ever think she might be right? 190 00:06:01,745 --> 00:06:04,129 - Are you fucking kidding me? - You forget to pick me up. 191 00:06:04,248 --> 00:06:05,080 First time you come to a school event, 192 00:06:05,165 --> 00:06:06,248 you beat up our mascot. 193 00:06:06,333 --> 00:06:07,966 - That asshole needs to learn 194 00:06:08,085 --> 00:06:09,301 how to respect personal boundaries. 195 00:06:09,420 --> 00:06:10,252 - You're incapable of putting my needs 196 00:06:10,337 --> 00:06:12,087 ahead of your insane ego. 197 00:06:12,172 --> 00:06:14,139 - You have no idea how much I do for you. 198 00:06:14,258 --> 00:06:15,757 - Amanda does much more in her day for her kids 199 00:06:15,843 --> 00:06:18,143 than you've ever done for me. - What? 200 00:06:18,262 --> 00:06:19,978 - And you'll never be a normal mom if you keep... 201 00:06:20,097 --> 00:06:21,980 - [laura yells] - flying off the handle 202 00:06:22,099 --> 00:06:23,732 at inappropriate times. 203 00:06:23,817 --> 00:06:24,566 I'm done. I'm out. 204 00:06:24,651 --> 00:06:26,818 - Fine. Fine. Be out. 205 00:06:26,937 --> 00:06:29,321 I'm gonna--I'm gonna stop being angry 206 00:06:29,440 --> 00:06:32,407 and prove to you I can be a more normal mom than amanda 207 00:06:32,493 --> 00:06:33,742 or any of those assholes. 208 00:06:33,827 --> 00:06:35,160 - You're off to a great start. 209 00:06:35,279 --> 00:06:36,995 Normal mom throwing a normal glass of whiskey 210 00:06:37,114 --> 00:06:38,146 at the normal wall after being asked 211 00:06:38,248 --> 00:06:39,664 to leave school grounds. - Yeah. Yeah, that's me. 212 00:06:39,783 --> 00:06:42,951 Mrs. Normal. Normal, normal-- 213 00:06:43,036 --> 00:06:43,985 these are anger leeches, darlene. 214 00:06:44,088 --> 00:06:45,954 Instead of blood, they suck out rage. 215 00:06:46,039 --> 00:06:47,622 I'm gonna beat those mothers at their own game 216 00:06:47,708 --> 00:06:49,291 and make chrissy happy I'm her mom. 217 00:06:49,376 --> 00:06:51,510 - I'm not sure if out-momming is the thing 218 00:06:51,628 --> 00:06:53,261 to win over a teenager's heart. 219 00:06:53,347 --> 00:06:54,346 I always found listening to be-- 220 00:06:54,465 --> 00:06:55,997 - all right, shut up. Tell me a story. 221 00:06:56,100 --> 00:06:57,766 - Really? Okay. Gosh. Where do I start? Okay. 222 00:06:57,851 --> 00:07:00,268 I was talking to my friend darlene. 223 00:07:00,354 --> 00:07:01,770 Long story. I was at a speed dating thing, 224 00:07:01,855 --> 00:07:04,106 and I was like, "wait, your name is darlene too?" 225 00:07:04,191 --> 00:07:05,774 and she was like, "hell yeah, bitch!" 226 00:07:05,859 --> 00:07:07,526 [laughs] so keep that in mind for later. 227 00:07:07,644 --> 00:07:08,944 - Get to the fucking point! - Oh, yeah. 228 00:07:09,029 --> 00:07:11,863 My chiropractor, seong-mi darlene-- 229 00:07:11,982 --> 00:07:14,599 in korean, it's also darlene. - [groans, sighs] 230 00:07:14,701 --> 00:07:15,767 - so there we were, three darlenes in a bar-- 231 00:07:15,869 --> 00:07:18,203 [laughs] that's the start of a joke. 232 00:07:18,305 --> 00:07:20,288 Wow. That shit really works. 233 00:07:20,374 --> 00:07:23,408 [leech squelching] 234 00:07:25,546 --> 00:07:28,029 so anyways, I found out my chiropractor was 235 00:07:28,132 --> 00:07:29,464 in the magic mike prequel, 236 00:07:29,550 --> 00:07:30,799 magic michelangelo. [leech squelching] 237 00:07:30,884 --> 00:07:33,969 [laughter and chatter] 238 00:07:34,054 --> 00:07:35,870 jenny: And so I told her, it's called lexapro 239 00:07:35,973 --> 00:07:37,139 not lexa-rookie for a reason. 240 00:07:37,224 --> 00:07:38,557 [chuckles] chrissy: Hey, everyone. 241 00:07:38,675 --> 00:07:40,308 What's, uh--what's going on? 242 00:07:40,394 --> 00:07:41,643 - Oh, hi, sweetie. 243 00:07:41,728 --> 00:07:45,147 I asked amanda and the other moms over 244 00:07:45,232 --> 00:07:48,483 so I could...Apologize. [leech squelching] 245 00:07:48,569 --> 00:07:52,654 my behavior last night was inexcusable. 246 00:07:52,739 --> 00:07:53,822 - Uh-huh. 247 00:07:53,907 --> 00:07:55,607 - Your mom told us you vocalized 248 00:07:55,692 --> 00:07:57,392 your need for her to be better. 249 00:07:57,494 --> 00:08:00,278 It was your strength, chrissy, that's shown her she can. 250 00:08:00,364 --> 00:08:02,063 - My strength? She said that? 251 00:08:02,166 --> 00:08:04,616 - I understand now that you more than anyone 252 00:08:04,701 --> 00:08:07,235 have been affected the most by my behavior. 253 00:08:07,337 --> 00:08:09,171 I trust you to make your own choices, 254 00:08:09,256 --> 00:08:11,573 and I hope you will trust me to support them. 255 00:08:11,675 --> 00:08:14,843 - Uh, okay. 256 00:08:14,928 --> 00:08:16,077 Will you support my decision to buy 257 00:08:16,180 --> 00:08:17,912 those jessica simpson ankle boots? 258 00:08:18,015 --> 00:08:21,049 [dramatic musical sting] [leech squelching] 259 00:08:23,187 --> 00:08:28,139 - [strained] here you are, chrissy. 260 00:08:28,225 --> 00:08:30,141 [groans] 261 00:08:30,227 --> 00:08:32,927 and I'd love to volunteer for the pta, 262 00:08:33,030 --> 00:08:36,147 that is, if the offer's still on the table. 263 00:08:36,233 --> 00:08:37,199 - Of course it is. - Sure. 264 00:08:37,284 --> 00:08:38,766 - Oh, I'm here for this moment, ladies. 265 00:08:38,869 --> 00:08:41,152 I haven't seen this much personal growth 266 00:08:41,238 --> 00:08:42,370 since ruby went to rehab. 267 00:08:42,456 --> 00:08:43,989 - [chuckling] I used to eat couch cushions. 268 00:08:44,074 --> 00:08:46,174 [laughter] 269 00:08:46,260 --> 00:08:47,759 erwin: Hmm. 270 00:08:47,861 --> 00:08:49,494 She's pouring rosé, volunteering her time. 271 00:08:49,580 --> 00:08:51,997 Something weird's going on here. 272 00:08:52,082 --> 00:08:53,331 - Oh, for sure. 273 00:08:53,417 --> 00:08:55,217 But it's working out for me. - [grunts] 274 00:08:57,621 --> 00:09:01,623 [clanging] 275 00:09:01,708 --> 00:09:03,074 - [gasps] 276 00:09:04,962 --> 00:09:05,860 hello? 277 00:09:05,963 --> 00:09:08,196 Harold? 278 00:09:08,298 --> 00:09:10,031 Still polishing our blood diamonds 279 00:09:10,133 --> 00:09:10,966 at this hour? 280 00:09:11,051 --> 00:09:12,617 Ah! 281 00:09:12,719 --> 00:09:16,621 [panting] 282 00:09:16,723 --> 00:09:19,808 [screams] 283 00:09:19,893 --> 00:09:22,644 bogey: Oh, it burns so good. [moans] 284 00:09:22,729 --> 00:09:23,544 - is this an "eat the rich" thing? 285 00:09:23,647 --> 00:09:25,931 Are you aoc? 286 00:09:26,016 --> 00:09:28,216 [eerie music] 287 00:09:28,318 --> 00:09:29,768 - hi. - [screams] 288 00:09:29,853 --> 00:09:31,386 - [cackling] 289 00:09:31,488 --> 00:09:31,937 - [gurgling] 290 00:09:32,022 --> 00:09:35,941 [laughter] 291 00:09:36,026 --> 00:09:37,776 - [wheezing] - check this shit out. 292 00:09:37,861 --> 00:09:40,278 [mimicking harold] oh, dear, wine and cheese. 293 00:09:40,364 --> 00:09:41,029 Tax havens. 294 00:09:41,114 --> 00:09:43,281 Okey dokey, artichokey. 295 00:09:43,367 --> 00:09:44,399 - My turn, fuckers. 296 00:09:44,501 --> 00:09:46,952 Time to get inside of some meat sacks. 297 00:09:47,037 --> 00:09:48,069 - Oh, this is what it's all about. 298 00:09:48,171 --> 00:09:49,621 - I'm tent-poling already. - [moaning] 299 00:09:49,706 --> 00:09:51,456 satan in grandma: Hey, look at me. 300 00:09:51,541 --> 00:09:52,290 I'm bad grandma. 301 00:09:52,376 --> 00:09:54,459 I have loose hips. 302 00:09:54,544 --> 00:09:56,244 I'm ready to fill up this hole. 303 00:09:56,346 --> 00:09:57,245 [gurgling] 304 00:09:57,347 --> 00:09:58,346 [laughter] 305 00:09:58,432 --> 00:10:00,415 now let's shake things up. 306 00:10:00,517 --> 00:10:02,250 [rumbling, rattling] 307 00:10:02,352 --> 00:10:04,185 - [screaming] 308 00:10:04,271 --> 00:10:07,305 [rumbling] 309 00:10:11,695 --> 00:10:14,429 [glass shatters] 310 00:10:14,531 --> 00:10:16,097 [crying] 311 00:10:16,199 --> 00:10:17,649 - the fuck, dude? 312 00:10:20,454 --> 00:10:22,203 - An incidental death doesn't count. 313 00:10:22,289 --> 00:10:23,271 We all know that. - Yeah, that's true, but-- 314 00:10:23,373 --> 00:10:24,772 - you guys keep going. 315 00:10:24,875 --> 00:10:27,275 I'm gonna go outside and bury it, uh, a-alive. 316 00:10:27,377 --> 00:10:30,662 [ominous music] 317 00:10:30,747 --> 00:10:32,080 what the hell are you looking at? 318 00:10:32,165 --> 00:10:34,633 You never seen a guy stuff a live girl in a trunk before? 319 00:10:36,753 --> 00:10:38,003 - I'm saving it for later. 320 00:10:38,088 --> 00:10:38,970 Are you gonna yap my ear off all night? 321 00:10:41,725 --> 00:10:43,791 [laughter] 322 00:10:43,894 --> 00:10:45,176 - you say anything, I'll turn you 323 00:10:45,262 --> 00:10:47,462 into a pair of snakeskin boots. Snake with arms: Yeesh. 324 00:10:47,564 --> 00:10:49,848 - That was fucking awesome, bak! 325 00:10:49,933 --> 00:10:50,732 Baka: Yeah! Mabel: On to the next stop. 326 00:10:50,817 --> 00:10:52,183 Frat house! Baka: Yeah! 327 00:10:52,269 --> 00:10:53,685 Bogey: Whoo-hoo! Mabel: Murder. Torture. 328 00:10:53,770 --> 00:10:54,853 - Let's binge-butcher some homo sapiens. 329 00:10:54,938 --> 00:10:55,970 - Butts. Delicious. Baka: Murder. Torture. 330 00:10:56,073 --> 00:10:57,939 - Hey. Yeah, right. [laughs nervously] 331 00:10:58,025 --> 00:10:59,357 baka: Let's do this, baby! Mabel: Tight frat butts! 332 00:10:59,443 --> 00:11:02,527 - ♪ doo, doo, doo-doo-doo, doo, doo, doo ♪ 333 00:11:02,612 --> 00:11:04,979 oh, don't mind if I do. 334 00:11:05,082 --> 00:11:08,316 [crunching] 335 00:11:08,418 --> 00:11:09,984 [water running] ♪ oh, I'm in the shower ♪ 336 00:11:10,087 --> 00:11:14,205 ♪ I'm showering after eating a cookie ♪ 337 00:11:14,291 --> 00:11:15,156 ♪ and then-- ♪ [pipes rattle, water stops] 338 00:11:15,258 --> 00:11:16,875 huh? 339 00:11:16,960 --> 00:11:17,876 Erwin: Chrissy! - [yelps] 340 00:11:17,961 --> 00:11:19,827 ah, sorry, erwin. 341 00:11:19,930 --> 00:11:21,379 I didn't know you were doing, uh... 342 00:11:21,465 --> 00:11:22,380 Whatever you were doing. 343 00:11:22,466 --> 00:11:24,215 - Apologizes, chrissy feinberg. 344 00:11:24,301 --> 00:11:25,666 I was just having my biannual bath 345 00:11:25,769 --> 00:11:26,834 when the water went out. 346 00:11:26,937 --> 00:11:28,553 - Yeah. I know. Did my mom forget 347 00:11:28,638 --> 00:11:29,387 to pay the utility bill or something? 348 00:11:29,473 --> 00:11:30,889 - [chuckling] 349 00:11:30,974 --> 00:11:32,974 your mother's been off the grid for years. 350 00:11:33,060 --> 00:11:34,059 She runs things her own way. 351 00:11:34,144 --> 00:11:36,227 - Ah. Okay. 352 00:11:36,313 --> 00:11:37,729 So how do I get the water back on, then? 353 00:11:37,814 --> 00:11:40,982 - [laughing] 354 00:11:41,068 --> 00:11:43,068 to replenish the water supply, 355 00:11:43,153 --> 00:11:45,070 descend into the haunted well... 356 00:11:45,155 --> 00:11:46,488 - Whoo! Erwin: Place rod in dirt, 357 00:11:46,573 --> 00:11:48,490 then ingest wet, scaled vertebrate. 358 00:11:48,575 --> 00:11:50,241 - Sorry, buddy. Erwin: Don't worry. 359 00:11:50,327 --> 00:11:52,544 Frat boys do it all the time. 360 00:11:52,662 --> 00:11:55,163 - [gags] terra lacrimae! 361 00:11:55,248 --> 00:11:56,498 [water bubbling] 362 00:11:56,583 --> 00:11:58,383 it worked! Yeah, motherfucker! 363 00:11:58,502 --> 00:12:01,052 [chuckles] oh! 364 00:12:02,005 --> 00:12:02,754 [whimpers] - [roars] 365 00:12:02,839 --> 00:12:04,556 - [screams] 366 00:12:07,010 --> 00:12:08,643 [growls] 367 00:12:10,597 --> 00:12:14,682 [gasping] 368 00:12:14,768 --> 00:12:16,768 - [humming] excuse me. 369 00:12:16,853 --> 00:12:17,769 [gulps, sighs] 370 00:12:17,854 --> 00:12:20,271 - whoa. That was a lot. 371 00:12:20,357 --> 00:12:22,273 At least the water's back. 372 00:12:22,359 --> 00:12:23,691 - [erwin chuckles] 373 00:12:23,777 --> 00:12:25,693 your mother's been distracted as of late, 374 00:12:25,779 --> 00:12:27,695 so you might have to take care of her other chores. 375 00:12:27,781 --> 00:12:29,114 - Oh. Was this in your ass? 376 00:12:29,199 --> 00:12:31,783 - That list is more or less the recurring responsibilities 377 00:12:31,868 --> 00:12:33,418 with which I've seen her preoccupied. 378 00:12:33,537 --> 00:12:35,370 - And why are you tracking my mom like that? 379 00:12:35,455 --> 00:12:37,922 - For when I escape. 380 00:12:38,041 --> 00:12:40,925 [intense music] 381 00:12:41,027 --> 00:12:42,260 ♪ ♪ 382 00:12:42,379 --> 00:12:44,429 ooh, sprinklers! [chuckling] 383 00:12:44,548 --> 00:12:47,432 - well, if she can do this day in and day out, so can I. 384 00:12:47,551 --> 00:12:50,518 - [laughing] I'm being watered! 385 00:12:52,439 --> 00:12:53,855 - Oh, amanda, you have chosen 386 00:12:53,940 --> 00:12:56,357 the exact perfect grouping of vegetables. 387 00:12:56,443 --> 00:12:58,026 - I know. - Holy dick! Look! 388 00:12:58,111 --> 00:12:59,110 [all gasp] 389 00:12:59,229 --> 00:13:02,030 - laura, this is beyond. 390 00:13:02,115 --> 00:13:03,281 When did you ever find the time? 391 00:13:03,400 --> 00:13:04,732 - We're moms. 392 00:13:04,818 --> 00:13:06,901 When do we find time for anything? 393 00:13:06,987 --> 00:13:07,902 Am I right? [all agreeing] 394 00:13:07,988 --> 00:13:10,238 jenny: Yas, queen. Yas. 395 00:13:10,323 --> 00:13:11,956 Ginger: I don't keep clocks in my house. 396 00:13:12,075 --> 00:13:13,408 - Come on, us moms are passing out condoms 397 00:13:13,493 --> 00:13:15,627 at the make-out point, or as the kids call it, 398 00:13:15,745 --> 00:13:17,295 penelope michael's house. 399 00:13:17,414 --> 00:13:18,413 - Okay. I'll be right behind you. 400 00:13:18,498 --> 00:13:20,415 Just gotta clean up. 401 00:13:20,500 --> 00:13:22,300 Jenny: What is retrograde? 402 00:13:22,419 --> 00:13:24,419 [leeches squelching] 403 00:13:26,506 --> 00:13:28,139 erwin: Trimming the garden is essential. 404 00:13:28,258 --> 00:13:30,425 - [yelps] you dick. 405 00:13:30,510 --> 00:13:32,093 Erwin: Use hedge shears to trim plants. 406 00:13:32,179 --> 00:13:33,928 - [yelling] 407 00:13:34,014 --> 00:13:35,313 erwin: Also use hedge shears to stay alive. 408 00:13:35,432 --> 00:13:36,314 [warbles] 409 00:13:36,433 --> 00:13:38,566 - [chrissy yelling] 410 00:13:38,652 --> 00:13:39,684 erwin: Once you've gripped the raiju, 411 00:13:39,769 --> 00:13:42,237 you must act fast-- they eat flesh. 412 00:13:42,322 --> 00:13:44,322 Grab the current clamps and place them on each nipple, 413 00:13:44,441 --> 00:13:44,939 and voilà. 414 00:13:45,025 --> 00:13:46,491 Electricity. 415 00:13:46,610 --> 00:13:48,943 [current buzzing] 416 00:13:51,781 --> 00:13:52,614 [cheering] [music thumping] 417 00:13:52,699 --> 00:13:54,749 frat bro: Who wants to see my dick? 418 00:13:54,835 --> 00:13:56,984 - All right, boys, highest body count wins starting... 419 00:13:57,087 --> 00:13:57,752 Frat bro 2: We're gonna be alive forever! 420 00:13:57,838 --> 00:14:00,321 - Now! - [screams] 421 00:14:00,423 --> 00:14:02,757 [all screaming] 422 00:14:02,843 --> 00:14:04,492 - I'd like to pledge... 423 00:14:04,594 --> 00:14:07,178 To kill every last one of you. 424 00:14:07,297 --> 00:14:08,263 - Oh, shit, let's make 'em chug their own blood. 425 00:14:08,348 --> 00:14:10,098 - Come on, saty, do that 426 00:14:10,183 --> 00:14:11,933 organ reorganizing trick you used to do. 427 00:14:12,018 --> 00:14:13,518 - Give 'em butthole mouths. 428 00:14:13,637 --> 00:14:14,269 - Oh, right, right, right, right. 429 00:14:14,354 --> 00:14:15,687 One ass mouth coming up. 430 00:14:15,805 --> 00:14:18,439 Mabel: Run, boys, run. 431 00:14:18,525 --> 00:14:19,607 [dramatic music] 432 00:14:19,693 --> 00:14:21,693 - oh, no, you don't. 433 00:14:21,811 --> 00:14:23,194 All right, here we go. 434 00:14:23,313 --> 00:14:24,529 All right, here we go. Here we go. 435 00:14:24,648 --> 00:14:25,864 Come on. Come on. Do it. 436 00:14:25,982 --> 00:14:26,948 Do it. Do it. Do it. 437 00:14:27,033 --> 00:14:28,700 Poke it. Just poke through it. 438 00:14:28,818 --> 00:14:30,869 Poke through it. Just poke it, motherfucker. 439 00:14:30,987 --> 00:14:33,288 [groaning] 440 00:14:33,373 --> 00:14:34,289 [glass shatters] I can't do it. 441 00:14:34,374 --> 00:14:36,624 I can't even kill some soon-to-be 442 00:14:36,710 --> 00:14:38,126 linkedin thirst trap. 443 00:14:38,211 --> 00:14:40,295 Mabel: Chug, chug, chug, chug. - Chug! Drink that shit! 444 00:14:40,380 --> 00:14:41,462 Whoo! Mabel: Deep throat. 445 00:14:41,548 --> 00:14:42,797 Deep throat. Deep throat. 446 00:14:42,883 --> 00:14:43,965 - Fucknabbit. 447 00:14:44,050 --> 00:14:46,584 - Yo, is this a prank, bro? 448 00:14:48,388 --> 00:14:50,255 - Didn't I tell you to shut the fuck up? 449 00:14:52,642 --> 00:14:54,759 - Look, the devil doesn't get twisties. 450 00:14:54,844 --> 00:14:57,262 He twisties the necks of worthless flesh bags 451 00:14:57,347 --> 00:14:58,846 with his cool, sociopathic friends. 452 00:15:03,186 --> 00:15:05,353 - Oh, we got snakey fucking freud over here. 453 00:15:06,856 --> 00:15:08,823 - Oh, I should get massively loaded. 454 00:15:08,909 --> 00:15:10,325 That'll help. [laughter] 455 00:15:10,410 --> 00:15:11,659 - whoo! - I set a new record, dog. 456 00:15:11,745 --> 00:15:12,827 Where were you? 457 00:15:12,913 --> 00:15:14,395 - Uh, I wa--I was doing normal shit. 458 00:15:14,497 --> 00:15:17,332 Murder, et cetera, et cetera. 459 00:15:17,417 --> 00:15:18,733 - Murder et cetera? 460 00:15:18,835 --> 00:15:20,501 My man! - Hey, 461 00:15:20,587 --> 00:15:22,170 there's an orphanage up the block. 462 00:15:22,255 --> 00:15:23,821 Bogey: Yeah! - Whoo-hoo! 463 00:15:23,924 --> 00:15:25,006 Baka: Yeah! Bogey: Let's fucking rip 464 00:15:25,091 --> 00:15:26,291 some kids' hearts out. Mabel: Slice 'em up! 465 00:15:26,376 --> 00:15:27,458 Here we go! 466 00:15:27,544 --> 00:15:28,843 - I love a white wine I can see through. 467 00:15:28,929 --> 00:15:30,511 - Cheers to us. 468 00:15:30,597 --> 00:15:32,046 - Yes, to us. 469 00:15:32,132 --> 00:15:33,798 Amanda: Cheers, ladies. 470 00:15:33,883 --> 00:15:36,017 Next week, we should really organize a protest 471 00:15:36,102 --> 00:15:37,251 for organic lunches at the school. 472 00:15:37,354 --> 00:15:39,637 - Ooh! A can drive for can-do attitudes. 473 00:15:39,723 --> 00:15:41,255 - Yes. - Ladies, ladies, 474 00:15:41,358 --> 00:15:43,308 I polled the kids around school, 475 00:15:43,393 --> 00:15:44,592 and they said what they'd want most 476 00:15:44,694 --> 00:15:46,477 is to go to school without fear. 477 00:15:46,563 --> 00:15:48,429 So I made them adrenal gland calming stickers. 478 00:15:48,531 --> 00:15:49,647 Jenny: Laura's a goddamn genius. 479 00:15:49,749 --> 00:15:50,982 Ruby: What did we do before you? 480 00:15:51,084 --> 00:15:52,216 Ginger: I just came. 481 00:15:54,671 --> 00:15:56,487 - [chrissy retching] 482 00:15:59,392 --> 00:16:01,042 [sighs] 483 00:16:01,127 --> 00:16:02,794 kid 1: Yeah! Kid 2: Whoo! 484 00:16:02,879 --> 00:16:03,928 [bells dinging] [laughter] 485 00:16:04,047 --> 00:16:06,848 - enjoy it! Youth doesn't last forever! 486 00:16:08,051 --> 00:16:09,233 - She must be going through a lot of stuff. 487 00:16:09,336 --> 00:16:13,921 [quirky music] 488 00:16:14,024 --> 00:16:16,307 - [screams] - kill antichrist. 489 00:16:16,393 --> 00:16:17,425 - Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck! 490 00:16:17,527 --> 00:16:18,559 Whoa! 491 00:16:20,030 --> 00:16:21,429 - Huh. Checkmate. 492 00:16:21,531 --> 00:16:23,815 Chrissy: Fucking get-- 493 00:16:23,900 --> 00:16:24,816 - ah, monster of the week. 494 00:16:24,901 --> 00:16:26,985 Check. 495 00:16:27,070 --> 00:16:27,986 - [screaming] [monster growling] 496 00:16:28,071 --> 00:16:31,605 [shouting unintelligibly] 497 00:16:31,708 --> 00:16:33,107 [shrieking] 498 00:16:33,209 --> 00:16:34,608 mom! Mom, help! 499 00:16:34,711 --> 00:16:37,161 - Aw, my little chrissy wissy poo's 500 00:16:37,247 --> 00:16:39,664 fighting her own monster. 501 00:16:39,749 --> 00:16:41,916 I wish I could help, but I have to prepare for the potluck. 502 00:16:42,002 --> 00:16:43,001 Tear out his heart, honey. 503 00:16:43,086 --> 00:16:45,169 Kill him and whatnot. 504 00:16:45,255 --> 00:16:45,920 [monster snarls] 505 00:16:46,006 --> 00:16:49,090 - [yelling] 506 00:16:53,179 --> 00:16:57,265 [gasping] 507 00:16:57,350 --> 00:16:59,484 mom, what the fuck is going on, and where are you? 508 00:16:59,602 --> 00:17:01,102 I could have died a million times today. 509 00:17:01,187 --> 00:17:02,770 I should be out playing. 510 00:17:02,856 --> 00:17:05,990 I'm 13, and I had to feed toenails to a goblin 511 00:17:06,109 --> 00:17:07,492 to get the gas back-- [gasps] 512 00:17:07,610 --> 00:17:09,327 [screams] [leeches squelching] 513 00:17:09,446 --> 00:17:10,862 what is happening? 514 00:17:10,947 --> 00:17:13,114 - Oops. 515 00:17:13,199 --> 00:17:14,315 Should have locked the door, sweetie. 516 00:17:14,417 --> 00:17:16,200 It's ocupado. Chrissy: What the hell is-- 517 00:17:16,286 --> 00:17:16,951 [laughter] 518 00:17:17,037 --> 00:17:18,703 [indistinct chatter] 519 00:17:18,788 --> 00:17:20,038 - you go, girl. 520 00:17:20,123 --> 00:17:22,123 - [laura screams] 521 00:17:22,208 --> 00:17:23,041 guy 1: What's happening? Are they gonna kill us? 522 00:17:23,126 --> 00:17:25,043 Girl 1: Jesus, mary, and joseph. 523 00:17:25,128 --> 00:17:26,961 - You gonna just stand there and watch? 524 00:17:27,047 --> 00:17:28,463 Your whole bit is that you got arms. 525 00:17:28,548 --> 00:17:28,679 Fucking help me. 526 00:17:33,887 --> 00:17:36,220 [indistinct chatter] 527 00:17:36,306 --> 00:17:38,806 baka: What's the haps, satan? Satan: Huh? Oh. 528 00:17:38,892 --> 00:17:41,142 - Holy fuck. Sweet air. Sweet air. 529 00:17:41,227 --> 00:17:43,694 - Hey, that's the nun you said you were about to disembowel. 530 00:17:43,813 --> 00:17:46,147 - Uh, yeah. Yeah, I wa--I was, uh-- 531 00:17:46,232 --> 00:17:47,181 - and that's the teen from before. 532 00:17:47,283 --> 00:17:47,982 Teen: Hi. - You didn't bury her alive. 533 00:17:48,068 --> 00:17:51,869 - Did you save her life? 534 00:17:51,988 --> 00:17:53,454 - Ah, fuck it. I don't care anymore. 535 00:17:53,540 --> 00:17:55,706 Yeah, I didn't kill her. - Ha! I knew it. 536 00:17:55,825 --> 00:17:57,959 The rumors about the realm of realms were true. 537 00:17:58,044 --> 00:18:02,880 Satan's turned into a soft, little baby. 538 00:18:02,999 --> 00:18:04,632 [fake crying] - I'm not soft. 539 00:18:04,717 --> 00:18:06,217 I don't enjoy this shit anymore. 540 00:18:06,336 --> 00:18:07,885 Destroying realms is epic. 541 00:18:08,004 --> 00:18:09,554 These murder games are just dumb. 542 00:18:09,672 --> 00:18:10,721 And so are all of you. 543 00:18:10,840 --> 00:18:13,724 I figured that out all by myself. 544 00:18:13,843 --> 00:18:14,809 - You really called it, baka. 545 00:18:14,894 --> 00:18:17,562 Satan is a huge wussy, flabby pussy. 546 00:18:17,680 --> 00:18:20,398 - If you guys knew I was lame, why did you invite me out? 547 00:18:20,517 --> 00:18:22,567 - Because, dumbass, you're our meal ticket. 548 00:18:22,685 --> 00:18:24,352 You thought we'd been hanging out with you 549 00:18:24,437 --> 00:18:25,019 all these centuries because we like you? 550 00:18:25,105 --> 00:18:27,188 Hell no! 551 00:18:27,273 --> 00:18:28,523 - But if our meal ticket is expired... 552 00:18:28,608 --> 00:18:29,740 - Then it looks like we're gonna 553 00:18:29,859 --> 00:18:32,193 have to find another way to eat. 554 00:18:32,278 --> 00:18:34,245 [roars] 555 00:18:34,364 --> 00:18:35,863 agh! 556 00:18:35,949 --> 00:18:37,698 - [hisses] - aah! 557 00:18:37,784 --> 00:18:39,083 Oh, fuck. 558 00:18:39,202 --> 00:18:41,252 To perish by the very means I live by. 559 00:18:41,371 --> 00:18:43,421 Oh, the irony! 560 00:18:43,540 --> 00:18:45,089 A true ouroboros. 561 00:18:45,208 --> 00:18:46,174 [muffled] no! 562 00:18:46,259 --> 00:18:48,342 [dramatic music] 563 00:18:48,428 --> 00:18:49,743 - [screeches] 564 00:18:49,846 --> 00:18:51,679 [yells] 565 00:18:51,764 --> 00:18:54,182 - how's that for soft, bitches? Baka: Oh, it burns. 566 00:18:54,267 --> 00:18:55,249 - Let's get the fuck out of here. 567 00:18:55,351 --> 00:18:56,684 Baka: What a horrible way to go! 568 00:18:56,769 --> 00:18:57,751 - Me drive? How come? 569 00:18:57,854 --> 00:18:59,020 Baka: I'm being digested... 570 00:18:59,105 --> 00:19:00,921 - [whimpers] - oh, right. 571 00:19:01,024 --> 00:19:02,356 Right, right. Baka: By a fucking snake! 572 00:19:02,442 --> 00:19:03,858 - Oh, that smells delicious. 573 00:19:03,943 --> 00:19:04,692 - Guys, you need to go. 574 00:19:04,777 --> 00:19:06,027 My mom is--something is wrong. 575 00:19:06,112 --> 00:19:08,095 - What exactly do you think is wrong with her? 576 00:19:08,198 --> 00:19:09,147 And do you mind if I record this? 577 00:19:09,232 --> 00:19:10,764 Let's get her canceled. I mean help. 578 00:19:10,867 --> 00:19:12,033 - I don't care about the stupid potluck, 579 00:19:12,118 --> 00:19:14,869 and my mom shouldn't either, and that's why I'm-- 580 00:19:14,954 --> 00:19:15,486 laura: Hello, ladies. 581 00:19:15,572 --> 00:19:17,205 [eerie music] 582 00:19:17,290 --> 00:19:18,456 [all gasp] 583 00:19:18,575 --> 00:19:19,957 jenny: Oh, my god. - Jesus christ. 584 00:19:20,076 --> 00:19:21,459 - This is the grossest shit I've ever seen. 585 00:19:21,578 --> 00:19:24,128 - All of you look gorge, per usual. 586 00:19:24,247 --> 00:19:25,630 - What are those things? 587 00:19:25,748 --> 00:19:26,714 Why are they all over you? 588 00:19:26,799 --> 00:19:28,299 - These are my anger leeches. 589 00:19:28,418 --> 00:19:30,301 We are all one. We love anger. 590 00:19:30,420 --> 00:19:31,886 Yum, yum, yum, yum, yum, anger. 591 00:19:31,971 --> 00:19:33,638 - Mom, you have to take them off of you. 592 00:19:33,756 --> 00:19:35,806 - But we are here for you, child. 593 00:19:35,925 --> 00:19:37,975 Your mother has given us the gift of her anger. 594 00:19:38,094 --> 00:19:40,895 In turn, we have given her the gift of freedom 595 00:19:40,980 --> 00:19:41,729 from her pain, her body. 596 00:19:41,814 --> 00:19:43,814 Moms: Aww. - Not aww! 597 00:19:43,933 --> 00:19:44,932 This shit stops right now. 598 00:19:46,819 --> 00:19:48,569 - What the-- amanda: Ha! 599 00:19:48,655 --> 00:19:50,638 This is how you've been one-upping me, huh? 600 00:19:50,740 --> 00:19:52,073 You see this, ladies? 601 00:19:52,158 --> 00:19:53,641 She's a cheater. 602 00:19:53,743 --> 00:19:54,808 - You cannot hurt us, child, 603 00:19:54,911 --> 00:19:56,744 unless you wish to hurt your mommy. 604 00:19:56,829 --> 00:19:59,080 Do you really want to hurt her more than you already have? 605 00:19:59,165 --> 00:20:01,148 - Chrissy, your mom loves you. 606 00:20:01,251 --> 00:20:03,084 Everything she does is for you, including cheating. 607 00:20:03,169 --> 00:20:05,086 - Fuck you, amanda. [all gasp] 608 00:20:05,171 --> 00:20:06,654 please, snap out of it and be a bitch again. 609 00:20:06,756 --> 00:20:09,156 You are so much better than all of these shitty moms. 610 00:20:09,259 --> 00:20:10,824 - If by better, you mean she has 611 00:20:10,927 --> 00:20:13,094 a mind-altering substance abuse issue, 612 00:20:13,179 --> 00:20:16,163 then sure, she's better. 613 00:20:16,266 --> 00:20:18,516 You know what? Fuck you! Fuck your mom! 614 00:20:18,635 --> 00:20:20,268 You have no idea how I have to take it up the tailpipe 615 00:20:20,353 --> 00:20:22,103 day in and day out. 616 00:20:22,188 --> 00:20:24,522 I do everything for every one of my goddamn family! 617 00:20:24,641 --> 00:20:25,940 Your mom isn't better than us. 618 00:20:26,025 --> 00:20:28,442 She's got it easy, and I'd fucking kill 619 00:20:28,528 --> 00:20:29,610 to be in her shoes right now. 620 00:20:29,696 --> 00:20:34,615 [leeches squelching] 621 00:20:34,701 --> 00:20:36,867 - well, I heard your husband's thinking about leaving you, 622 00:20:36,986 --> 00:20:38,619 so you might get your wish soon enough, 623 00:20:38,705 --> 00:20:39,704 at least that's what jenny said. 624 00:20:39,822 --> 00:20:41,372 - You shitting me? 625 00:20:41,491 --> 00:20:44,208 After I bought you that rose jade quartz roller? 626 00:20:44,327 --> 00:20:45,710 - I didn't ask for it. - You fucking needed it! 627 00:20:45,828 --> 00:20:47,795 - You make your son eat out of the palm of your hand 628 00:20:47,880 --> 00:20:50,364 because he's the only thing you can control. 629 00:20:50,466 --> 00:20:52,416 - Oh, fuck you, jenny! - Oh, fuck you, amanda! 630 00:20:52,502 --> 00:20:54,201 [both grunting] 631 00:20:54,304 --> 00:20:56,870 [leeches squelching] 632 00:20:56,973 --> 00:20:59,039 - [sighs] 633 00:20:59,142 --> 00:21:01,542 chrissy, why are these cunts in my house? 634 00:21:01,644 --> 00:21:02,760 - Oh, shit. You're coming back. 635 00:21:02,845 --> 00:21:04,095 What else pisses you off? 636 00:21:04,180 --> 00:21:05,879 Let's hear it! 637 00:21:05,982 --> 00:21:07,098 - My life is not my own! 638 00:21:07,183 --> 00:21:09,600 Someone slap me so I can feel something! 639 00:21:09,686 --> 00:21:11,102 [leeches squelching] 640 00:21:11,187 --> 00:21:13,721 ♪ ♪ 641 00:21:13,823 --> 00:21:15,439 - I'm tired of having to hide my anger 642 00:21:15,525 --> 00:21:17,558 because it puts people off! 643 00:21:17,660 --> 00:21:19,660 - Just because you breastfed your kid until he was four 644 00:21:19,746 --> 00:21:21,395 doesn't make you a better mother than me! 645 00:21:21,497 --> 00:21:25,065 - I haven't slept more than four hours in years! 646 00:21:25,168 --> 00:21:25,733 - I don't even have a kid. 647 00:21:25,835 --> 00:21:27,901 I just love groups! 648 00:21:28,004 --> 00:21:29,570 - I killed the family cat. 649 00:21:29,672 --> 00:21:31,005 - I look at myself in the mirror, and I punch it! 650 00:21:31,090 --> 00:21:33,341 Ruby: A pumpkin is the most basic, lazy, 651 00:21:33,426 --> 00:21:34,675 Halloween costume for a baby. 652 00:21:34,761 --> 00:21:35,876 Ginger: I want to break shit! 653 00:21:37,430 --> 00:21:37,911 - Mom, help. 654 00:21:38,014 --> 00:21:39,347 There's too many. 655 00:21:39,432 --> 00:21:40,348 - Chrissy? 656 00:21:40,433 --> 00:21:41,915 I feel hungry... 657 00:21:42,018 --> 00:21:43,851 For kicking some ass. 658 00:21:43,936 --> 00:21:45,753 - Thank god, cause this shit really sucks. 659 00:21:45,855 --> 00:21:47,188 Get it? Ha! Not the time. 660 00:21:47,273 --> 00:21:49,757 [leeches screeching] 661 00:21:49,859 --> 00:21:51,142 - I'm sorry about all of this, chrissy. 662 00:21:51,227 --> 00:21:52,476 I bet you wish I was still nice. 663 00:21:52,562 --> 00:21:54,979 - Fuck nice. I'd take the psycho 664 00:21:55,064 --> 00:21:56,314 real version of you over the nice one any day. 665 00:21:56,399 --> 00:21:57,865 I need you. 666 00:21:58,985 --> 00:22:00,401 [leeches chittering] 667 00:22:00,486 --> 00:22:03,154 - [chanting] 668 00:22:03,239 --> 00:22:05,990 - die, mothersuckers! 669 00:22:06,075 --> 00:22:07,792 [glass shatters] 670 00:22:09,245 --> 00:22:10,911 [all sigh] 671 00:22:10,997 --> 00:22:12,496 - oh, that was really something. 672 00:22:12,598 --> 00:22:14,248 - Okay, everyone, please get the fuck out of my house. 673 00:22:14,334 --> 00:22:15,466 - At least you said please. 674 00:22:18,554 --> 00:22:19,954 - [sighs] can I ask you something? 675 00:22:20,056 --> 00:22:21,389 - [speaks language] 676 00:22:21,491 --> 00:22:22,973 - we spent all night beating up on you, 677 00:22:23,059 --> 00:22:25,409 giving you noogies, pissing in your hat, 678 00:22:25,511 --> 00:22:27,461 and you still saved me. 679 00:22:27,547 --> 00:22:28,879 How come? 680 00:22:31,551 --> 00:22:32,633 - Shit. 681 00:22:32,719 --> 00:22:34,769 I friend. 682 00:22:40,843 --> 00:22:42,410 - Are you quoting paula? 683 00:22:42,512 --> 00:22:43,644 You tacky son of a bitch. 684 00:22:43,746 --> 00:22:46,414 You're ribbing me, you cheesy fuck. 685 00:22:46,532 --> 00:22:47,048 [both laugh] 686 00:22:47,150 --> 00:22:49,650 - [baka groaning] 687 00:22:49,736 --> 00:22:51,402 - your mind's in the gutter. 688 00:22:51,487 --> 00:22:52,737 Where it should be, if you're a snake. 689 00:22:52,822 --> 00:22:54,455 [both laugh] - [baka groaning] 690 00:22:54,574 --> 00:22:56,724 paula: ♪ I take two steps forward ♪ 691 00:22:56,826 --> 00:22:59,126 bruce: ♪ I take two steps back ♪ 692 00:22:59,228 --> 00:23:02,463 both: ♪ we come together 'cause opposites attract ♪ 693 00:23:02,565 --> 00:23:04,965 ♪ and you know it ain't fiction ♪ 694 00:23:05,068 --> 00:23:07,401 bruce: ♪ just a natural fact ♪ 695 00:23:07,503 --> 00:23:11,238 both: ♪ we come together 'cause opposites attract ♪ 696 00:23:11,340 --> 00:23:12,406 paula: ♪ who'd-a thought ♪