1 00:00:02,248 --> 00:00:04,118 [keys jingle] 2 00:00:06,122 --> 00:00:07,592 [dramatic musical sting] 3 00:00:07,659 --> 00:00:08,661 - Hello? 4 00:00:10,130 --> 00:00:11,634 Erwin? 5 00:00:12,869 --> 00:00:14,472 [ominous music] 6 00:00:14,540 --> 00:00:15,508 Oh, God. 7 00:00:15,575 --> 00:00:17,144 Uh, I can see you. 8 00:00:17,211 --> 00:00:18,548 Get out of there. - [breathing heavily] 9 00:00:18,614 --> 00:00:20,284 - Hey, I'm running late for after-school pickup, 10 00:00:20,350 --> 00:00:23,390 so let's hurry this up. - Bring me to the Antichrist. 11 00:00:23,456 --> 00:00:25,628 - Honey, I gotta bring myself to the Antichrist, all right? 12 00:00:25,695 --> 00:00:26,564 So what's your thing? 13 00:00:26,630 --> 00:00:28,333 You need her blood for eternal life? 14 00:00:28,400 --> 00:00:29,603 Gonna use her as a vessel 15 00:00:29,670 --> 00:00:31,372 to rule your shitty realm, what? 16 00:00:31,439 --> 00:00:34,846 - Burn her skin and eat her bones for ultimate power! 17 00:00:34,913 --> 00:00:36,049 [chuckles] - Okay, sure. 18 00:00:36,115 --> 00:00:38,554 - [screeches] 19 00:00:38,621 --> 00:00:41,994 You shall die by my hands, puny mortal! 20 00:00:42,061 --> 00:00:44,098 Antichrist body will be mine! 21 00:00:44,165 --> 00:00:45,267 [laughing] 22 00:00:45,334 --> 00:00:47,104 [sizzling] [roars] 23 00:00:49,442 --> 00:00:50,578 [groans] 24 00:00:52,682 --> 00:00:54,452 [squelching] - [Laura grunting] 25 00:00:54,519 --> 00:00:55,989 Fuck! 26 00:00:56,055 --> 00:00:58,260 I forgot about this coupon. Ugh. 27 00:00:58,326 --> 00:01:01,232 [dark dramatic music] 28 00:01:01,299 --> 00:01:04,438 ♪♪ ♪♪ 29 00:01:06,543 --> 00:01:08,514 [gasps] Chrissy. God damn it, Laura. 30 00:01:08,581 --> 00:01:10,652 - Oh, mother, you are alive. LAURA: Hey. 31 00:01:10,718 --> 00:01:11,921 CHRISSY: Wow. - Hey, I was about 32 00:01:11,987 --> 00:01:13,223 to come get you. 33 00:01:13,290 --> 00:01:14,927 Finally got groceries. You hungry? 34 00:01:14,993 --> 00:01:16,697 - No, I ate with Amanda. She made a salad 35 00:01:16,764 --> 00:01:18,400 with something called an heirloom tomato. 36 00:01:18,466 --> 00:01:20,304 - Who the hell is Amanda? 37 00:01:20,370 --> 00:01:21,840 - She's a cool mom who drove me home 38 00:01:21,907 --> 00:01:24,513 because my actual mom was nowhere to be found again. 39 00:01:24,579 --> 00:01:26,382 - Isn't Amanda a fucking peach? CHRISSY: She is. 40 00:01:26,449 --> 00:01:27,686 She knows the nutrients you're missing 41 00:01:27,752 --> 00:01:29,188 based on the color of your aura. 42 00:01:29,255 --> 00:01:30,491 She's, like, literally a witch. 43 00:01:30,558 --> 00:01:32,061 - No, I'm literally a witch. 44 00:01:32,127 --> 00:01:33,598 - Anyway, I'm in a rush. 45 00:01:33,664 --> 00:01:35,200 - For what? - Back to School Night. 46 00:01:35,267 --> 00:01:36,604 - That's for parents, right? 47 00:01:36,670 --> 00:01:38,406 Why didn't you remind me? - Oh, is that my job, 48 00:01:38,473 --> 00:01:39,676 to remind you of things 49 00:01:39,743 --> 00:01:41,947 any moderately-invested parent would know? 50 00:01:42,014 --> 00:01:43,316 You want me to do your taxes too? 51 00:01:43,383 --> 00:01:44,853 Apply for a loan? - Okay. Okay, Jesus. 52 00:01:44,920 --> 00:01:45,989 - Anyway, you hate that stuff, 53 00:01:46,055 --> 00:01:47,692 parents ogling over their kids' art projects. 54 00:01:47,759 --> 00:01:49,362 - Yeah, I'd rather jam a knife up my asshole. 55 00:01:49,428 --> 00:01:50,598 CHRISSY: You're off the hook then. 56 00:01:50,665 --> 00:01:52,836 Plus, Amanda said she'd cover for you. 57 00:01:53,804 --> 00:01:56,275 - She did, huh? 58 00:01:56,342 --> 00:01:57,779 You know what? I'm gonna come. 59 00:01:57,846 --> 00:01:59,215 - 'Cause you're threatened by Amanda? 60 00:01:59,281 --> 00:02:00,685 - No, because I'm your mother, 61 00:02:00,752 --> 00:02:02,354 and I should be there to support you. 62 00:02:02,421 --> 00:02:05,495 [soft tense music] 63 00:02:05,561 --> 00:02:06,530 - Fine. 64 00:02:06,597 --> 00:02:08,099 Just promise you won't make a scene. 65 00:02:08,166 --> 00:02:09,736 LAURA: Uh, hello? - And just be chill, okay? 66 00:02:09,803 --> 00:02:11,105 - I'm chill, baby. 67 00:02:11,172 --> 00:02:13,143 Chill, chill, chill, chill, chill, chilly-chill, chill. 68 00:02:13,209 --> 00:02:14,746 - You have ground beef in your hair. 69 00:02:16,884 --> 00:02:20,792 ♪♪ ♪♪ 70 00:02:20,858 --> 00:02:23,296 GOSSY: Hiya, miss. I'm Gossy the Gopher. 71 00:02:23,363 --> 00:02:24,866 Welcome to Back to School-- - [grunts] 72 00:02:24,933 --> 00:02:26,336 - [Gossy yells] - If you ever touch me again, 73 00:02:26,402 --> 00:02:28,139 I turn you into a true crime doc series, 74 00:02:28,206 --> 00:02:29,509 understand? - Mom! 75 00:02:29,576 --> 00:02:31,346 GOSSY: [laughing nervously] Okay, quite a grip. 76 00:02:31,412 --> 00:02:33,316 - I'm gonna age ten years tonight because of you. 77 00:02:33,383 --> 00:02:34,553 I can feel it in my bones. - Honey, look, 78 00:02:34,619 --> 00:02:36,790 that lady's feeding her child like a baby bird. 79 00:02:36,857 --> 00:02:39,395 CHRISSY: That's Amanda, and it's called nature bonding. 80 00:02:39,462 --> 00:02:41,399 If you watched anything other than Top Deer Hunter, 81 00:02:41,466 --> 00:02:43,269 maybe you'd have heard of it. LAURA: Well, I can't wait 82 00:02:43,336 --> 00:02:45,073 to meet this headband with a smile. 83 00:02:45,140 --> 00:02:46,677 - Hey there, Chrissy babe. 84 00:02:46,744 --> 00:02:49,448 You must be Laura. - Oh, my God, I am. Hi. 85 00:02:49,516 --> 00:02:51,587 And you must be Amanda. AMANDA: Uh, yes. 86 00:02:51,653 --> 00:02:53,824 - Chrissy babe won't stop talking about you. 87 00:02:53,891 --> 00:02:55,695 It's like she has a defect. 88 00:02:55,762 --> 00:02:58,601 [both laughing] 89 00:02:58,667 --> 00:03:00,303 - She is the best. LAURA: Yeah. 90 00:03:00,370 --> 00:03:01,740 - All of her teachers think so too. 91 00:03:01,807 --> 00:03:05,113 - Oh, you're-you're discussing my daughter with her teachers. 92 00:03:05,180 --> 00:03:06,517 How thoughtful of you. 93 00:03:06,583 --> 00:03:08,486 - As a PTA president, I make sure to communicate 94 00:03:08,554 --> 00:03:10,457 with the teachers and children. 95 00:03:10,525 --> 00:03:12,127 I--wh-what can I say? I love helping. 96 00:03:12,194 --> 00:03:14,331 - Oh, I'm glad you have all the time in the world to help, 97 00:03:14,398 --> 00:03:15,735 what with me having to work full-time. 98 00:03:15,802 --> 00:03:17,806 [laughs] AMANDA: Oh, hon, we all work. 99 00:03:17,872 --> 00:03:19,710 But as mothers, our real job is taking care 100 00:03:19,776 --> 00:03:21,580 of our kids, right? 101 00:03:21,647 --> 00:03:23,517 - You should come to a PTA meeting sometime. 102 00:03:23,584 --> 00:03:25,888 - We've sent you multiple messages about joining. 103 00:03:25,955 --> 00:03:27,792 - I'll be there with bells on when I'm done 104 00:03:27,859 --> 00:03:29,763 protecting my daughter from the dark forces 105 00:03:29,830 --> 00:03:31,332 that threaten her and all of human existence. 106 00:03:31,399 --> 00:03:32,535 - Girl, it's so great 107 00:03:32,602 --> 00:03:34,238 that you feel like you're doing a good job, 108 00:03:34,305 --> 00:03:35,474 but Chrissy here, 109 00:03:35,541 --> 00:03:37,377 and I do feel like I have to speak for her, 110 00:03:37,444 --> 00:03:38,914 she wants some normalcy. MOM 1: Okay? 111 00:03:38,981 --> 00:03:40,718 MOM 2: I say that all the time. - Mom, don't. 112 00:03:40,785 --> 00:03:42,354 - Look at the painting she made. 113 00:03:42,421 --> 00:03:44,158 It's clearly a cry for help. 114 00:03:44,225 --> 00:03:46,396 [person screaming] 115 00:03:46,462 --> 00:03:48,099 AMANDA: Have you considered getting Chrissy therapy? 116 00:03:48,166 --> 00:03:49,368 - Oh, fuck you! [all gasp] 117 00:03:49,435 --> 00:03:50,838 Fuck all of you. I'm not listening 118 00:03:50,905 --> 00:03:53,410 to a bunch of participation trophy moms telling me 119 00:03:53,476 --> 00:03:55,548 that my kid needs therapy because she can't paint! 120 00:03:55,615 --> 00:03:58,153 News flash: they all suck at it! 121 00:03:58,219 --> 00:03:59,923 None of this matters. [all gasp] 122 00:03:59,990 --> 00:04:01,325 GOSSY: [clears throat] Ma'am, let's chill 123 00:04:01,392 --> 00:04:02,562 in front of the students-- [groans] 124 00:04:02,629 --> 00:04:04,298 MOM 3: Oh, God. MOM 4: No, not Gossy. 125 00:04:04,365 --> 00:04:06,235 - You're unstable. - I don't give a shit 126 00:04:06,302 --> 00:04:07,906 what you and these other moms think. 127 00:04:07,972 --> 00:04:09,041 Suck on my clit! 128 00:04:09,108 --> 00:04:10,812 [all gasp] MOM 5: Language. 129 00:04:12,916 --> 00:04:14,385 SATAN IN CADAVER: Reverse ribbed condoms 130 00:04:14,452 --> 00:04:15,721 for his pleasure. - [speaks language] 131 00:04:15,788 --> 00:04:17,692 - Cologne that smells like a wet dog. 132 00:04:17,759 --> 00:04:18,861 [chuckles] - [speaks language] 133 00:04:18,928 --> 00:04:20,197 - A cadaver so juiced 134 00:04:20,263 --> 00:04:22,234 it'd make Joe Rogan cream his pants. 135 00:04:22,301 --> 00:04:23,871 - [sighs] [speaks language] 136 00:04:23,938 --> 00:04:26,910 - And I'm ready for another one of Baka's bachelor parties 137 00:04:26,977 --> 00:04:29,616 where we murder dumb humans just for kicks. 138 00:04:29,683 --> 00:04:30,651 - [sighs] 139 00:04:30,718 --> 00:04:31,787 - Don't give me that look. 140 00:04:31,854 --> 00:04:34,091 Every week it's Dad this, Dad that. 141 00:04:34,158 --> 00:04:35,227 What about the boys? 142 00:04:35,293 --> 00:04:36,697 Baka's badass. 143 00:04:36,763 --> 00:04:38,534 This is his tenth marriage, you know. 144 00:04:41,239 --> 00:04:43,209 - These guys are my actual friends 145 00:04:43,276 --> 00:04:44,746 who I haven't seen in centuries, 146 00:04:44,813 --> 00:04:46,984 so don't embarrass me with your weird snake shit. 147 00:04:48,687 --> 00:04:50,056 - Bro! - Baka! 148 00:04:50,123 --> 00:04:51,225 [grunts] 149 00:04:51,292 --> 00:04:53,296 Oh, yeah. [both laughing] 150 00:04:53,363 --> 00:04:54,800 Looking sharp, baby. 151 00:04:54,866 --> 00:04:55,802 - Oh, man, I missed you. 152 00:04:55,868 --> 00:04:57,806 - Yo, Mabel, had some work done, huh? 153 00:04:57,872 --> 00:04:59,308 - Peeled off a supermodel's face. 154 00:04:59,375 --> 00:05:00,511 Now it's my mask. 155 00:05:00,578 --> 00:05:03,116 SATAN: And Bogey, you're still-- 156 00:05:03,183 --> 00:05:05,555 - [giggles] Unmedicated and ready to mingle. 157 00:05:05,621 --> 00:05:07,191 - Where'd you get that human skin suit, 158 00:05:07,257 --> 00:05:08,961 the Micro-Penis Men's Warehouse? 159 00:05:09,028 --> 00:05:11,065 - Yeah. I used your employee discount. 160 00:05:11,132 --> 00:05:12,535 [laughter] 161 00:05:12,602 --> 00:05:14,438 Sitcom style banter. MABEL: ♪♪ Micro-penis ♪♪ 162 00:05:14,506 --> 00:05:16,309 - And how about this son of a bitch? 163 00:05:16,375 --> 00:05:17,444 Tenth time's a charm, am I right? 164 00:05:17,512 --> 00:05:18,747 - Come on. 165 00:05:18,814 --> 00:05:20,585 You know I'm gonna eat her. [chuckling] 166 00:05:20,651 --> 00:05:21,520 - Of course you're gonna eat her. 167 00:05:21,587 --> 00:05:22,589 - I'm gonna eat my wife. 168 00:05:22,655 --> 00:05:24,158 SATAN: Munching. - [Baka growling] 169 00:05:24,225 --> 00:05:25,895 - Whoo, whoo! [laughter] 170 00:05:25,962 --> 00:05:27,397 - You finally did it. 171 00:05:27,464 --> 00:05:28,868 You birthed the Antichrist, 172 00:05:28,934 --> 00:05:30,470 you old son of a bitch. SATAN: That's right. 173 00:05:30,538 --> 00:05:32,040 Straight shooter right here, baby. 174 00:05:32,107 --> 00:05:33,409 MABEL: Strong little spermies. 175 00:05:33,476 --> 00:05:35,146 - Better not get soft on us now. 176 00:05:35,213 --> 00:05:36,617 - Hell no, you dumb asshole. 177 00:05:36,683 --> 00:05:38,186 Would a softy do this? 178 00:05:38,253 --> 00:05:39,288 - [speaks language] [laughter] 179 00:05:39,355 --> 00:05:40,725 - I hit my own driver. 180 00:05:40,791 --> 00:05:42,261 That's pretty wacky, right? 181 00:05:42,327 --> 00:05:43,764 I'm unhinged. 182 00:05:43,831 --> 00:05:46,369 - Good, because when Maximus Dawnus begins, 183 00:05:46,435 --> 00:05:48,072 you boys know what that means, right? 184 00:05:48,139 --> 00:05:49,809 - Doing badass shit forever. - My mom's boyfriend will see 185 00:05:49,876 --> 00:05:52,047 that I'm really not a fuck-up! - Yeah! Back on top, baby. 186 00:05:52,114 --> 00:05:54,251 - Like I was with your moms last night. 187 00:05:54,318 --> 00:05:57,257 [laughter] - You dirty dog. 188 00:05:57,324 --> 00:05:59,496 LAURA: Oh, my God. Apologize? 189 00:05:59,563 --> 00:06:01,600 She accused me of being a bad parent. 190 00:06:01,667 --> 00:06:03,102 - You ever think she might be right? 191 00:06:03,169 --> 00:06:05,608 - Are you fucking kidding me? - You forget to pick me up. 192 00:06:05,675 --> 00:06:07,077 First time you come to a school event, 193 00:06:07,144 --> 00:06:08,179 you beat up our mascot. 194 00:06:08,246 --> 00:06:09,516 - That asshole needs to learn 195 00:06:09,583 --> 00:06:10,651 how to respect personal boundaries. 196 00:06:10,718 --> 00:06:12,154 - You're incapable of putting my needs 197 00:06:12,221 --> 00:06:13,557 ahead of your insane ego. 198 00:06:13,624 --> 00:06:15,661 - You have no idea how much I do for you. 199 00:06:15,728 --> 00:06:17,832 - Amanda does much more in her day for her kids 200 00:06:17,899 --> 00:06:20,070 than you've ever done for me. - What? 201 00:06:20,136 --> 00:06:21,974 - And you'll never be a normal mom if you keep... 202 00:06:22,040 --> 00:06:23,476 - [Laura yells] - Flying off the handle 203 00:06:23,544 --> 00:06:25,347 at inappropriate times. 204 00:06:25,413 --> 00:06:26,717 I'm done. I'm out. 205 00:06:26,783 --> 00:06:28,486 - Fine. Fine. Be out. 206 00:06:28,554 --> 00:06:31,158 I'm gonna--I'm gonna stop being angry 207 00:06:31,225 --> 00:06:34,231 and prove to you I can be a more normal mom than Amanda 208 00:06:34,298 --> 00:06:35,400 or any of those assholes. 209 00:06:35,467 --> 00:06:36,536 - You're off to a great start. 210 00:06:36,603 --> 00:06:38,540 Normal mom throwing a normal glass of whiskey 211 00:06:38,607 --> 00:06:39,910 at the normal wall after being asked 212 00:06:39,976 --> 00:06:41,780 to leave school grounds. - Yeah. Yeah, that's me. 213 00:06:41,847 --> 00:06:44,485 Mrs. Normal. Normal, normal-- 214 00:06:44,552 --> 00:06:45,922 These are anger leeches, Darlene. 215 00:06:45,988 --> 00:06:47,959 Instead of blood, they suck out rage. 216 00:06:48,026 --> 00:06:49,796 I'm gonna beat those mothers at their own game 217 00:06:49,863 --> 00:06:51,098 and make Chrissy happy I'm her mom. 218 00:06:51,165 --> 00:06:53,336 - I'm not sure if out-momming is the thing 219 00:06:53,403 --> 00:06:54,673 to win over a teenager's heart. 220 00:06:54,739 --> 00:06:56,309 I always found listening to be-- 221 00:06:56,375 --> 00:06:57,578 - All right, shut up. Tell me a story. 222 00:06:57,645 --> 00:06:59,849 - Really? Okay. Gosh. Where do I start? Okay. 223 00:06:59,916 --> 00:07:01,687 I was talking to my friend Darlene. 224 00:07:01,753 --> 00:07:03,289 Long story. I was at a speed dating thing, 225 00:07:03,356 --> 00:07:05,561 and I was like, "Wait, your name is Darlene too?" 226 00:07:05,628 --> 00:07:07,431 And she was like, "Hell yeah, bitch!" 227 00:07:07,498 --> 00:07:09,134 [laughs] So keep that in mind for later. 228 00:07:09,201 --> 00:07:10,905 - Get to the fucking point! - Oh, yeah. 229 00:07:10,972 --> 00:07:13,911 My chiropractor, Seong-Mi Darlene-- 230 00:07:13,978 --> 00:07:15,815 in Korean, it's also Darlene. - [groans, sighs] 231 00:07:15,881 --> 00:07:17,852 - So there we were, three Darlenes in a bar-- 232 00:07:17,919 --> 00:07:20,156 [laughs] That's the start of a joke. 233 00:07:20,223 --> 00:07:22,194 Wow. That shit really works. 234 00:07:22,260 --> 00:07:25,166 [leech squelching] 235 00:07:27,237 --> 00:07:29,542 So anyways, I found out my chiropractor was 236 00:07:29,609 --> 00:07:31,178 in the Magic Mike prequel, 237 00:07:31,245 --> 00:07:33,016 Magic Michelangelo. [leech squelching] 238 00:07:33,082 --> 00:07:35,588 [laughter and chatter] 239 00:07:35,655 --> 00:07:37,492 JENNY: And so I told her, it's called Lexapro 240 00:07:37,558 --> 00:07:38,994 not Lexa-rookie for a reason. 241 00:07:39,061 --> 00:07:40,698 [chuckles] CHRISSY: Hey, everyone. 242 00:07:40,765 --> 00:07:42,602 What's, uh--what's going on? 243 00:07:42,669 --> 00:07:43,837 - Oh, hi, sweetie. 244 00:07:43,904 --> 00:07:46,643 I asked Amanda and the other moms over 245 00:07:46,710 --> 00:07:50,350 so I could...apologize. [leech squelching] 246 00:07:50,417 --> 00:07:54,926 My behavior last night was inexcusable. 247 00:07:54,993 --> 00:07:55,895 - Uh-huh. 248 00:07:55,961 --> 00:07:57,364 - Your mom told us you vocalized 249 00:07:57,431 --> 00:07:58,767 your need for her to be better. 250 00:07:58,834 --> 00:08:01,640 It was your strength, Chrissy, that's shown her she can. 251 00:08:01,707 --> 00:08:03,610 - My strength? She said that? 252 00:08:03,677 --> 00:08:06,248 - I understand now that you more than anyone 253 00:08:06,315 --> 00:08:09,054 have been affected the most by my behavior. 254 00:08:09,121 --> 00:08:11,058 I trust you to make your own choices, 255 00:08:11,125 --> 00:08:13,864 and I hope you will trust me to support them. 256 00:08:13,931 --> 00:08:16,469 - Uh, okay. 257 00:08:16,536 --> 00:08:17,972 Will you support my decision to buy 258 00:08:18,039 --> 00:08:19,943 those Jessica Simpson ankle boots? 259 00:08:20,010 --> 00:08:23,016 [dramatic musical sting] [leech squelching] 260 00:08:24,652 --> 00:08:30,096 - [strained] Here you are, Chrissy. 261 00:08:30,163 --> 00:08:31,633 [groans] 262 00:08:31,700 --> 00:08:34,973 And I'd love to volunteer for the PTA, 263 00:08:35,040 --> 00:08:37,612 that is, if the offer's still on the table. 264 00:08:37,678 --> 00:08:38,881 - Of course it is. - Sure. 265 00:08:38,947 --> 00:08:40,918 - Oh, I'm here for this moment, ladies. 266 00:08:40,985 --> 00:08:42,588 I haven't seen this much personal growth 267 00:08:42,655 --> 00:08:43,957 since Ruby went to rehab. 268 00:08:44,024 --> 00:08:46,462 - [chuckling] I used to eat couch cushions. 269 00:08:46,530 --> 00:08:48,132 [laughter] 270 00:08:48,199 --> 00:08:49,301 ERWIN: Hmm. 271 00:08:49,368 --> 00:08:51,773 She's pouring rosé, volunteering her time. 272 00:08:51,840 --> 00:08:53,476 Something weird's going on here. 273 00:08:53,544 --> 00:08:55,113 - Oh, for sure. 274 00:08:55,180 --> 00:08:57,084 But it's working out for me. - [grunts] 275 00:09:02,528 --> 00:09:06,102 [clanging] 276 00:09:06,168 --> 00:09:07,237 - [gasps] 277 00:09:09,274 --> 00:09:10,644 Hello? 278 00:09:10,711 --> 00:09:12,882 Harold? 279 00:09:12,949 --> 00:09:14,351 Still polishing our blood diamonds 280 00:09:14,418 --> 00:09:15,855 at this hour? 281 00:09:15,921 --> 00:09:17,124 Ah! 282 00:09:17,190 --> 00:09:21,500 [panting] 283 00:09:21,566 --> 00:09:23,704 [screams] 284 00:09:23,771 --> 00:09:26,610 BOGEY: Oh, it burns so good. [moans] 285 00:09:26,676 --> 00:09:28,514 - Is this an "eat the rich" thing? 286 00:09:28,580 --> 00:09:30,283 Are you AOC? 287 00:09:30,350 --> 00:09:32,822 [eerie music] 288 00:09:32,889 --> 00:09:34,224 - Hi. - [screams] 289 00:09:34,291 --> 00:09:35,460 - [cackling] 290 00:09:35,528 --> 00:09:36,696 - [gurgling] 291 00:09:36,763 --> 00:09:39,769 [laughter] 292 00:09:39,836 --> 00:09:42,174 - [wheezing] - Check this shit out. 293 00:09:42,240 --> 00:09:44,411 [mimicking Harold] Oh, dear, wine and cheese. 294 00:09:44,478 --> 00:09:45,681 Tax havens. 295 00:09:45,748 --> 00:09:47,484 Okey dokey, artichokey. 296 00:09:47,552 --> 00:09:48,921 - My turn, fuckers. 297 00:09:48,987 --> 00:09:50,791 Time to get inside of some meat sacks. 298 00:09:50,858 --> 00:09:51,993 - Oh, this is what it's all about. 299 00:09:52,060 --> 00:09:54,031 - I'm tent-poling already. - [moaning] 300 00:09:54,098 --> 00:09:55,501 SATAN IN GRANDMA: Hey, look at me. 301 00:09:55,568 --> 00:09:56,837 I'm bad grandma. 302 00:09:56,903 --> 00:09:58,574 I have loose hips. 303 00:09:58,640 --> 00:10:00,376 I'm ready to fill up this hole. 304 00:10:00,443 --> 00:10:01,378 [gurgling] 305 00:10:01,445 --> 00:10:02,882 [laughter] 306 00:10:02,949 --> 00:10:04,519 Now let's shake things up. 307 00:10:04,586 --> 00:10:07,023 [rumbling, rattling] 308 00:10:07,090 --> 00:10:08,994 - [screaming] 309 00:10:09,061 --> 00:10:12,000 [rumbling] 310 00:10:16,643 --> 00:10:19,114 [glass shatters] 311 00:10:19,181 --> 00:10:20,818 [crying] 312 00:10:20,885 --> 00:10:22,154 - The fuck, dude? 313 00:10:24,659 --> 00:10:26,295 - An incidental death doesn't count. 314 00:10:26,362 --> 00:10:27,865 We all know that. - Yeah, that's true, but-- 315 00:10:27,932 --> 00:10:29,168 - You guys keep going. 316 00:10:29,234 --> 00:10:31,438 I'm gonna go outside and bury it, uh, a-alive. 317 00:10:31,506 --> 00:10:34,679 [ominous music] 318 00:10:34,746 --> 00:10:36,182 What the hell are you looking at? 319 00:10:36,248 --> 00:10:39,154 You never seen a guy stuff a live girl in a trunk before? 320 00:10:40,724 --> 00:10:41,860 - I'm saving it for later. 321 00:10:41,927 --> 00:10:43,296 Are you gonna yap my ear off all night? 322 00:10:45,701 --> 00:10:47,772 [laughter] 323 00:10:47,839 --> 00:10:49,408 - You say anything, I'll turn you 324 00:10:49,474 --> 00:10:51,646 into a pair of snakeskin boots. SNAKE WITH ARMS: Yeesh. 325 00:10:51,713 --> 00:10:53,817 - That was fucking awesome, Bak! 326 00:10:53,884 --> 00:10:55,086 BAKA: Yeah! MABEL: On to the next stop. 327 00:10:55,153 --> 00:10:56,355 Frat house! BAKA: Yeah! 328 00:10:56,422 --> 00:10:57,758 BOGEY: Whoo-hoo! MABEL: Murder. Torture. 329 00:10:57,825 --> 00:10:58,927 - Let's binge-butcher some Homo sapiens. 330 00:10:58,994 --> 00:11:00,230 - Butts. Delicious. BAKA: Murder. Torture. 331 00:11:00,296 --> 00:11:01,833 - Hey. Yeah, right. [laughs nervously] 332 00:11:01,900 --> 00:11:04,004 BAKA: Let's do this, baby! MABEL: Tight frat butts! 333 00:11:04,071 --> 00:11:07,010 - ♪♪ Doo, doo, doo-doo-doo, doo, doo, doo ♪♪ 334 00:11:07,077 --> 00:11:09,716 Oh, don't mind if I do. 335 00:11:09,782 --> 00:11:12,387 [crunching] 336 00:11:12,454 --> 00:11:14,258 [water running] ♪♪ Oh, I'm in the shower ♪♪ 337 00:11:14,324 --> 00:11:17,965 ♪♪ I'm showering after eating a cookie ♪♪ 338 00:11:18,032 --> 00:11:19,969 ♪♪ And then-- ♪♪ [pipes rattle, water stops] 339 00:11:20,036 --> 00:11:21,773 Huh? 340 00:11:21,840 --> 00:11:22,742 ERWIN: Chrissy! - [yelps] 341 00:11:22,808 --> 00:11:24,177 Ah, sorry, Erwin. 342 00:11:24,244 --> 00:11:25,514 I didn't know you were doing, uh... 343 00:11:25,581 --> 00:11:26,583 whatever you were doing. 344 00:11:26,650 --> 00:11:28,554 - Apologizes, Chrissy Feinberg. 345 00:11:28,620 --> 00:11:30,256 I was just having my biannual bath 346 00:11:30,323 --> 00:11:31,158 when the water went out. 347 00:11:31,225 --> 00:11:32,662 - Yeah. I know. Did my mom forget 348 00:11:32,728 --> 00:11:34,097 to pay the utility bill or something? 349 00:11:34,164 --> 00:11:35,233 - [chuckling] 350 00:11:35,300 --> 00:11:37,370 Your mother's been off the grid for years. 351 00:11:37,437 --> 00:11:38,774 She runs things her own way. 352 00:11:38,840 --> 00:11:40,376 - Ah. Okay. 353 00:11:40,443 --> 00:11:42,247 So how do I get the water back on, then? 354 00:11:42,314 --> 00:11:45,220 - [laughing] 355 00:11:45,286 --> 00:11:47,257 To replenish the water supply, 356 00:11:47,324 --> 00:11:48,894 descend into the haunted well... 357 00:11:48,961 --> 00:11:50,463 - Whoo! ERWIN: Place rod in dirt, 358 00:11:50,531 --> 00:11:53,069 then ingest wet, scaled vertebrate. 359 00:11:53,135 --> 00:11:54,973 - Sorry, buddy. ERWIN: Don't worry. 360 00:11:55,039 --> 00:11:56,610 Frat boys do it all the time. 361 00:11:56,676 --> 00:11:59,414 - [gags] Terra Lacrimae! 362 00:11:59,481 --> 00:12:00,985 [water bubbling] 363 00:12:01,051 --> 00:12:02,922 It worked! Yeah, motherfucker! 364 00:12:02,989 --> 00:12:05,260 [chuckles] Oh! 365 00:12:06,395 --> 00:12:07,632 [whimpers] - [roars] 366 00:12:07,698 --> 00:12:09,702 - [screams] 367 00:12:11,338 --> 00:12:13,142 [growls] 368 00:12:15,581 --> 00:12:18,687 [gasping] 369 00:12:18,754 --> 00:12:21,660 - [humming] Excuse me. 370 00:12:21,726 --> 00:12:22,695 [gulps, sighs] 371 00:12:22,762 --> 00:12:24,899 - Whoa. That was a lot. 372 00:12:24,966 --> 00:12:26,468 At least the water's back. 373 00:12:26,536 --> 00:12:27,772 - [Erwin chuckles] 374 00:12:27,838 --> 00:12:29,609 Your mother's been distracted as of late, 375 00:12:29,676 --> 00:12:31,713 so you might have to take care of her other chores. 376 00:12:31,780 --> 00:12:33,282 - Oh. Was this in your ass? 377 00:12:33,349 --> 00:12:35,788 - That list is more or less the recurring responsibilities 378 00:12:35,854 --> 00:12:37,457 with which I've seen her preoccupied. 379 00:12:37,525 --> 00:12:39,929 - And why are you tracking my mom like that? 380 00:12:39,996 --> 00:12:42,334 - For when I escape. 381 00:12:42,400 --> 00:12:45,340 [intense music] 382 00:12:45,406 --> 00:12:46,509 ♪♪ ♪♪ 383 00:12:46,576 --> 00:12:49,114 Ooh, sprinklers! [chuckling] 384 00:12:49,181 --> 00:12:52,020 - Well, if she can do this day in and day out, so can I. 385 00:12:52,087 --> 00:12:55,126 - [laughing] I'm being watered! 386 00:12:56,630 --> 00:12:58,199 - Oh, Amanda, you have chosen 387 00:12:58,265 --> 00:13:00,537 the exact perfect grouping of vegetables. 388 00:13:00,604 --> 00:13:02,775 - I know. - Holy dick! Look! 389 00:13:02,842 --> 00:13:03,844 [all gasp] 390 00:13:03,910 --> 00:13:06,248 - Laura, this is beyond. 391 00:13:06,315 --> 00:13:07,885 When did you ever find the time? 392 00:13:07,952 --> 00:13:09,121 - We're moms. 393 00:13:09,187 --> 00:13:11,793 When do we find time for anything? 394 00:13:11,860 --> 00:13:12,728 Am I right? [all agreeing] 395 00:13:12,795 --> 00:13:14,331 JENNY: Yas, queen. Yas. 396 00:13:14,398 --> 00:13:15,834 GINGER: I don't keep clocks in my house. 397 00:13:15,901 --> 00:13:18,039 - Come on, us moms are passing out condoms 398 00:13:18,105 --> 00:13:20,043 at the make-out point, or as the kids call it, 399 00:13:20,109 --> 00:13:21,378 Penelope Michael's house. 400 00:13:21,445 --> 00:13:22,948 - Okay. I'll be right behind you. 401 00:13:23,015 --> 00:13:24,552 Just gotta clean up. 402 00:13:24,619 --> 00:13:26,488 JENNY: What is retrograde? 403 00:13:26,556 --> 00:13:29,729 [leeches squelching] 404 00:13:30,531 --> 00:13:32,467 ERWIN: Trimming the garden is essential. 405 00:13:32,535 --> 00:13:34,438 - [yelps] You dick. 406 00:13:34,505 --> 00:13:36,375 ERWIN: Use hedge shears to trim plants. 407 00:13:36,442 --> 00:13:37,678 - [yelling] 408 00:13:37,745 --> 00:13:39,916 ERWIN: Also use hedge shears to stay alive. 409 00:13:39,982 --> 00:13:40,918 [warbles] 410 00:13:40,984 --> 00:13:42,555 - [Chrissy yelling] 411 00:13:42,621 --> 00:13:43,990 ERWIN: Once you've gripped the Raiju, 412 00:13:44,057 --> 00:13:46,462 you must act fast-- they eat flesh. 413 00:13:46,529 --> 00:13:48,533 Grab the current clamps and place them on each nipple, 414 00:13:48,600 --> 00:13:49,702 and voilà. 415 00:13:49,769 --> 00:13:51,005 Electricity. 416 00:13:51,071 --> 00:13:53,309 [current buzzing] 417 00:13:55,781 --> 00:13:56,916 [cheering] [music thumping] 418 00:13:56,983 --> 00:13:58,620 FRAT BRO: Who wants to see my dick? 419 00:13:58,687 --> 00:14:01,291 - All right, boys, highest body count wins starting... 420 00:14:01,358 --> 00:14:02,695 FRAT BRO 2: We're gonna be alive forever! 421 00:14:02,762 --> 00:14:04,932 - Now! - [screams] 422 00:14:04,999 --> 00:14:07,705 [all screaming] 423 00:14:07,772 --> 00:14:09,041 - I'd like to pledge... 424 00:14:09,107 --> 00:14:10,978 to kill every last one of you. 425 00:14:11,045 --> 00:14:12,915 - Oh, shit, let's make 'em chug their own blood. 426 00:14:12,982 --> 00:14:14,317 - Come on, Saty, do that 427 00:14:14,384 --> 00:14:16,221 organ reorganizing trick you used to do. 428 00:14:16,288 --> 00:14:17,457 - Give 'em butthole mouths. 429 00:14:17,525 --> 00:14:18,894 - Oh, right, right, right, right. 430 00:14:18,960 --> 00:14:20,664 One ass mouth coming up. 431 00:14:20,731 --> 00:14:22,535 MABEL: Run, boys, run. 432 00:14:22,601 --> 00:14:24,037 [dramatic music] 433 00:14:24,104 --> 00:14:26,676 - Oh, no, you don't. 434 00:14:26,743 --> 00:14:27,912 All right, here we go. 435 00:14:27,978 --> 00:14:29,014 All right, here we go. Here we go. 436 00:14:29,081 --> 00:14:30,149 Come on. Come on. Do it. 437 00:14:30,216 --> 00:14:31,218 Do it. Do it. Do it. 438 00:14:31,285 --> 00:14:33,155 Poke it. Just poke through it. 439 00:14:33,222 --> 00:14:35,728 Poke through it. Just poke it, motherfucker. 440 00:14:35,794 --> 00:14:37,397 [groaning] 441 00:14:37,464 --> 00:14:39,000 [glass shatters] I can't do it. 442 00:14:39,067 --> 00:14:40,671 I can't even kill some soon-to-be 443 00:14:40,738 --> 00:14:42,407 LinkedIn thirst trap. 444 00:14:42,474 --> 00:14:45,012 MABEL: Chug, chug, chug, chug. - Chug! Drink that shit! 445 00:14:45,079 --> 00:14:46,014 Whoo! MABEL: Deep throat. 446 00:14:46,081 --> 00:14:47,718 Deep throat. Deep throat. 447 00:14:47,785 --> 00:14:48,854 - Fucknabbit. 448 00:14:48,920 --> 00:14:51,191 - Yo, is this a prank, bro? 449 00:14:53,095 --> 00:14:54,934 - Didn't I tell you to shut the fuck up? 450 00:14:56,536 --> 00:14:58,607 - Look, the devil doesn't get twisties. 451 00:14:58,673 --> 00:15:01,345 He twisties the necks of worthless flesh bags 452 00:15:01,412 --> 00:15:03,650 with his cool, sociopathic friends. 453 00:15:07,023 --> 00:15:09,428 - Oh, we got Snakey Fucking Freud over here. 454 00:15:10,864 --> 00:15:12,768 - Oh, I should get massively loaded. 455 00:15:12,835 --> 00:15:14,371 That'll help. [laughter] 456 00:15:14,438 --> 00:15:16,041 - Whoo! - I set a new record, dog. 457 00:15:16,108 --> 00:15:17,210 Where were you? 458 00:15:17,277 --> 00:15:19,014 - Uh, I wa--I was doing normal shit. 459 00:15:19,080 --> 00:15:21,553 Murder, et cetera, et cetera. 460 00:15:21,619 --> 00:15:23,723 - Murder et cetera? 461 00:15:23,790 --> 00:15:25,093 My man! - Hey, 462 00:15:25,159 --> 00:15:26,295 there's an orphanage up the block. 463 00:15:26,361 --> 00:15:27,798 BOGEY: Yeah! - Whoo-hoo! 464 00:15:27,865 --> 00:15:29,034 BAKA: Yeah! BOGEY: Let's fucking rip 465 00:15:29,101 --> 00:15:29,869 some kids' hearts out. MABEL: Slice 'em up! 466 00:15:29,936 --> 00:15:31,205 Here we go! 467 00:15:31,271 --> 00:15:33,008 - I love a white wine I can see through. 468 00:15:33,075 --> 00:15:33,977 - Cheers to us. 469 00:15:34,044 --> 00:15:35,914 - Yes, to us. 470 00:15:35,981 --> 00:15:37,283 AMANDA: Cheers, ladies. 471 00:15:37,350 --> 00:15:39,856 Next week, we should really organize a protest 472 00:15:39,922 --> 00:15:42,026 for organic lunches at the school. 473 00:15:42,093 --> 00:15:44,097 - Ooh! A can drive for can-do attitudes. 474 00:15:44,164 --> 00:15:45,968 - Yes. - Ladies, ladies, 475 00:15:46,034 --> 00:15:47,505 I polled the kids around school, 476 00:15:47,571 --> 00:15:49,107 and they said what they'd want most 477 00:15:49,174 --> 00:15:50,677 is to go to school without fear. 478 00:15:50,744 --> 00:15:53,182 So I made them adrenal gland calming stickers. 479 00:15:53,249 --> 00:15:54,317 JENNY: Laura's a goddamn genius. 480 00:15:54,384 --> 00:15:55,253 RUBY: What did we do before you? 481 00:15:55,319 --> 00:15:56,388 GINGER: I just came. 482 00:15:59,495 --> 00:16:00,964 [flies buzzing] 483 00:16:01,031 --> 00:16:04,337 - [Chrissy retching] 484 00:16:06,776 --> 00:16:08,078 [sighs] 485 00:16:08,145 --> 00:16:09,414 KID 1: Yeah! KID 2: Whoo! 486 00:16:09,481 --> 00:16:11,051 [bells dinging] [laughter] 487 00:16:11,118 --> 00:16:14,124 - Enjoy it! Youth doesn't last forever! 488 00:16:14,826 --> 00:16:16,729 - She must be going through a lot of stuff. 489 00:16:16,796 --> 00:16:20,469 [quirky music] 490 00:16:20,537 --> 00:16:23,209 - [screams] - Kill Antichrist. 491 00:16:23,275 --> 00:16:24,745 - Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck! 492 00:16:24,812 --> 00:16:26,381 Whoa! 493 00:16:27,050 --> 00:16:28,820 - Huh. Checkmate. 494 00:16:28,887 --> 00:16:30,624 CHRISSY: Fucking get-- 495 00:16:30,691 --> 00:16:32,528 - Ah, monster of the week. 496 00:16:32,595 --> 00:16:33,497 Check. 497 00:16:33,563 --> 00:16:35,634 - [screaming] [monster growling] 498 00:16:35,701 --> 00:16:38,439 [shouting unintelligibly] 499 00:16:38,507 --> 00:16:40,042 [shrieking] 500 00:16:40,109 --> 00:16:41,946 Mom! Mom, help! 501 00:16:42,013 --> 00:16:44,117 - Aw, my little Chrissy Wissy Poo's 502 00:16:44,184 --> 00:16:45,888 fighting her own monster. 503 00:16:45,954 --> 00:16:49,060 I wish I could help, but I have to prepare for the potluck. 504 00:16:49,127 --> 00:16:50,664 Tear out his heart, honey. 505 00:16:50,731 --> 00:16:52,100 Kill him and whatnot. 506 00:16:52,166 --> 00:16:53,603 [monster snarls] 507 00:16:53,670 --> 00:16:56,609 - [yelling] 508 00:17:00,082 --> 00:17:04,291 [gasping] 509 00:17:04,357 --> 00:17:06,696 Mom, what the fuck is going on, and where are you? 510 00:17:06,763 --> 00:17:08,667 I could have died a million times today. 511 00:17:08,733 --> 00:17:10,036 I should be out playing. 512 00:17:10,102 --> 00:17:12,508 I'm 13, and I had to feed toenails to a goblin 513 00:17:12,575 --> 00:17:14,277 to get the gas back-- [gasps] 514 00:17:14,344 --> 00:17:16,181 [screams] [leeches squelching] 515 00:17:16,248 --> 00:17:18,520 What is happening? 516 00:17:18,587 --> 00:17:19,555 - Oops. 517 00:17:19,622 --> 00:17:21,158 Should have locked the door, sweetie. 518 00:17:21,225 --> 00:17:23,095 It's ocupado. CHRISSY: What the hell is-- 519 00:17:23,162 --> 00:17:24,632 [laughter] 520 00:17:24,699 --> 00:17:25,934 [indistinct chatter] 521 00:17:26,001 --> 00:17:27,036 - You go, girl. 522 00:17:27,103 --> 00:17:28,607 - [Laura screams] 523 00:17:28,673 --> 00:17:30,009 GUY 1: What's happening? Are they gonna kill us? 524 00:17:30,076 --> 00:17:31,546 GIRL 1: Jesus, Mary, and Joseph. 525 00:17:31,613 --> 00:17:33,516 - You gonna just stand there and watch? 526 00:17:33,583 --> 00:17:35,219 Your whole bit is that you got arms. 527 00:17:35,286 --> 00:17:36,455 Fucking help me. 528 00:17:40,631 --> 00:17:43,235 [indistinct chatter] 529 00:17:43,302 --> 00:17:46,041 BAKA: What's the haps, Satan? SATAN: Huh? Oh. 530 00:17:46,108 --> 00:17:47,678 - Holy fuck. Sweet air. Sweet air. 531 00:17:47,745 --> 00:17:50,416 - Hey, that's the nun you said you were about to disembowel. 532 00:17:50,483 --> 00:17:52,588 - Uh, yeah. Yeah, I wa--I was, uh-- 533 00:17:52,655 --> 00:17:54,157 - And that's the teen from before. 534 00:17:54,224 --> 00:17:55,661 TEEN: Hi. - You didn't bury her alive. 535 00:17:55,727 --> 00:17:58,465 - Did you save her life? 536 00:17:58,533 --> 00:18:00,303 - Ah, fuck it. I don't care anymore. 537 00:18:00,369 --> 00:18:02,440 Yeah, I didn't kill her. - Ha! I knew it. 538 00:18:02,508 --> 00:18:05,112 The rumors about the Realm of Realms were true. 539 00:18:05,179 --> 00:18:09,487 Satan's turned into a soft, little baby. 540 00:18:09,555 --> 00:18:11,391 [fake crying] - I'm not soft. 541 00:18:11,458 --> 00:18:13,128 I don't enjoy this shit anymore. 542 00:18:13,195 --> 00:18:15,066 Destroying realms is epic. 543 00:18:15,132 --> 00:18:16,869 These murder games are just dumb. 544 00:18:16,936 --> 00:18:18,005 And so are all of you. 545 00:18:18,072 --> 00:18:20,376 I figured that out all by myself. 546 00:18:20,443 --> 00:18:21,779 - You really called it, Baka. 547 00:18:21,846 --> 00:18:24,417 Satan is a huge wussy, flabby pussy. 548 00:18:24,484 --> 00:18:26,723 - If you guys knew I was lame, why did you invite me out? 549 00:18:26,789 --> 00:18:29,394 - Because, dumbass, you're our meal ticket. 550 00:18:29,461 --> 00:18:30,664 You thought we'd been hanging out with you 551 00:18:30,731 --> 00:18:32,601 all these centuries because we like you? 552 00:18:32,668 --> 00:18:33,603 Hell no! 553 00:18:33,670 --> 00:18:35,941 - But if our meal ticket is expired... 554 00:18:36,008 --> 00:18:37,043 - Then it looks like we're gonna 555 00:18:37,110 --> 00:18:39,715 have to find another way to eat. 556 00:18:39,782 --> 00:18:41,118 [roars] 557 00:18:41,184 --> 00:18:42,420 Agh! 558 00:18:42,487 --> 00:18:44,492 - [hisses] - Aah! 559 00:18:44,558 --> 00:18:45,627 Oh, fuck. 560 00:18:45,694 --> 00:18:48,733 To perish by the very means I live by. 561 00:18:48,800 --> 00:18:50,236 Oh, the irony! 562 00:18:50,303 --> 00:18:52,106 A true ouroboros. 563 00:18:52,173 --> 00:18:53,743 [muffled] No! 564 00:18:53,810 --> 00:18:55,179 [dramatic music] 565 00:18:55,246 --> 00:18:57,483 - [screeches] 566 00:18:57,551 --> 00:18:58,853 [yells] 567 00:18:58,920 --> 00:19:01,191 - How's that for soft, bitches? BAKA: Oh, it burns. 568 00:19:01,258 --> 00:19:02,628 - Let's get the fuck out of here. 569 00:19:02,695 --> 00:19:03,930 BAKA: What a horrible way to go! 570 00:19:03,997 --> 00:19:04,965 - Me drive? How come? 571 00:19:05,032 --> 00:19:06,101 BAKA: I'm being digested... 572 00:19:06,168 --> 00:19:07,504 - [whimpers] - Oh, right. 573 00:19:07,571 --> 00:19:09,240 Right, right. BAKA: By a fucking snake! 574 00:19:09,307 --> 00:19:10,443 - Oh, that smells delicious. 575 00:19:10,510 --> 00:19:11,546 - Guys, you need to go. 576 00:19:11,612 --> 00:19:12,981 My mom is--something is wrong. 577 00:19:13,048 --> 00:19:14,552 - What exactly do you think is wrong with her? 578 00:19:14,618 --> 00:19:15,821 And do you mind if I record this? 579 00:19:15,887 --> 00:19:17,457 Let's get her canceled. I mean help. 580 00:19:17,524 --> 00:19:18,994 - I don't care about the stupid potluck, 581 00:19:19,060 --> 00:19:21,398 and my mom shouldn't either, and that's why I'm-- 582 00:19:21,465 --> 00:19:22,668 LAURA: Hello, ladies. 583 00:19:22,735 --> 00:19:24,104 [eerie music] 584 00:19:24,170 --> 00:19:25,306 [all gasp] 585 00:19:25,373 --> 00:19:26,542 JENNY: Oh, my God. - Jesus Christ. 586 00:19:26,609 --> 00:19:28,680 - This is the grossest shit I've ever seen. 587 00:19:28,747 --> 00:19:31,118 - All of you look gorge, per usual. 588 00:19:31,184 --> 00:19:32,353 - What are those things? 589 00:19:32,420 --> 00:19:33,990 Why are they all over you? 590 00:19:34,057 --> 00:19:35,627 - These are my anger leeches. 591 00:19:35,694 --> 00:19:37,230 We are all one. We love anger. 592 00:19:37,296 --> 00:19:38,933 Yum, yum, yum, yum, yum, anger. 593 00:19:39,000 --> 00:19:40,804 - Mom, you have to take them off of you. 594 00:19:40,871 --> 00:19:42,508 - But we are here for you, child. 595 00:19:42,574 --> 00:19:44,979 Your mother has given us the gift of her anger. 596 00:19:45,046 --> 00:19:47,450 In turn, we have given her the gift of freedom 597 00:19:47,518 --> 00:19:49,020 from her pain, her body. 598 00:19:49,087 --> 00:19:50,423 MOMS: Aww. - Not aww! 599 00:19:50,489 --> 00:19:52,160 This shit stops right now. 600 00:19:54,064 --> 00:19:55,399 - What the-- AMANDA: Ha! 601 00:19:55,466 --> 00:19:57,336 This is how you've been one-upping me, huh? 602 00:19:57,403 --> 00:19:59,074 You see this, ladies? 603 00:19:59,140 --> 00:20:00,376 She's a cheater. 604 00:20:00,443 --> 00:20:01,879 - You cannot hurt us, child, 605 00:20:01,946 --> 00:20:03,917 unless you wish to hurt your mommy. 606 00:20:03,983 --> 00:20:06,154 Do you really want to hurt her more than you already have? 607 00:20:06,221 --> 00:20:07,691 - Chrissy, your mom loves you. 608 00:20:07,758 --> 00:20:10,196 Everything she does is for you, including cheating. 609 00:20:10,262 --> 00:20:12,033 - Fuck you, Amanda. [all gasp] 610 00:20:12,100 --> 00:20:13,903 Please, snap out of it and be a bitch again. 611 00:20:13,970 --> 00:20:16,208 You are so much better than all of these shitty moms. 612 00:20:16,274 --> 00:20:17,911 - If by better, you mean she has 613 00:20:17,978 --> 00:20:20,751 a mind-altering substance abuse issue, 614 00:20:20,817 --> 00:20:22,654 then sure, she's better. 615 00:20:22,721 --> 00:20:25,459 You know what? Fuck you! Fuck your mom! 616 00:20:25,527 --> 00:20:27,798 You have no idea how I have to take it up the tailpipe 617 00:20:27,865 --> 00:20:29,067 day in and day out. 618 00:20:29,134 --> 00:20:31,338 I do everything for every one of my goddamn family! 619 00:20:31,405 --> 00:20:33,175 Your mom isn't better than us. 620 00:20:33,242 --> 00:20:35,312 She's got it easy, and I'd fucking kill 621 00:20:35,379 --> 00:20:36,949 to be in her shoes right now. 622 00:20:37,016 --> 00:20:40,924 [leeches squelching] 623 00:20:40,991 --> 00:20:43,530 - Well, I heard your husband's thinking about leaving you, 624 00:20:43,596 --> 00:20:45,433 so you might get your wish soon enough, 625 00:20:45,500 --> 00:20:47,003 at least that's what Jenny said. 626 00:20:47,069 --> 00:20:48,405 - You shitting me? 627 00:20:48,472 --> 00:20:50,710 After I bought you that rose jade quartz roller? 628 00:20:50,777 --> 00:20:52,948 - I didn't ask for it. - You fucking needed it! 629 00:20:53,015 --> 00:20:54,952 - You make your son eat out of the palm of your hand 630 00:20:55,019 --> 00:20:56,789 because he's the only thing you can control. 631 00:20:56,856 --> 00:20:59,260 - Oh, fuck you, Jenny! - Oh, fuck you, Amanda! 632 00:20:59,327 --> 00:21:01,766 [both grunting] 633 00:21:01,833 --> 00:21:03,970 [leeches squelching] 634 00:21:04,037 --> 00:21:06,007 - [sighs] 635 00:21:06,074 --> 00:21:08,378 Chrissy, why are these cunts in my house? 636 00:21:08,445 --> 00:21:10,015 - Oh, shit. You're coming back. 637 00:21:10,082 --> 00:21:11,118 What else pisses you off? 638 00:21:11,184 --> 00:21:12,453 Let's hear it! 639 00:21:12,521 --> 00:21:14,224 - My life is not my own! 640 00:21:14,290 --> 00:21:16,361 Someone slap me so I can feel something! 641 00:21:16,428 --> 00:21:18,132 [leeches squelching] 642 00:21:18,198 --> 00:21:20,469 ♪♪ ♪♪ 643 00:21:20,537 --> 00:21:22,340 - I'm tired of having to hide my anger 644 00:21:22,406 --> 00:21:23,877 because it puts people off! 645 00:21:23,943 --> 00:21:26,448 - Just because you breastfed your kid until he was four 646 00:21:26,516 --> 00:21:28,385 doesn't make you a better mother than me! 647 00:21:28,452 --> 00:21:31,592 - I haven't slept more than four hours in years! 648 00:21:31,659 --> 00:21:32,928 - I don't even have a kid. 649 00:21:32,995 --> 00:21:34,464 I just love groups! 650 00:21:34,532 --> 00:21:35,834 - I killed the family cat. 651 00:21:35,901 --> 00:21:37,971 - I look at myself in the mirror, and I punch it! 652 00:21:38,038 --> 00:21:40,276 RUBY: A pumpkin is the most basic, lazy, 653 00:21:40,342 --> 00:21:41,411 Halloween costume for a baby. 654 00:21:41,478 --> 00:21:42,981 GINGER: I want to break shit! 655 00:21:44,284 --> 00:21:45,452 - Mom, help. 656 00:21:45,520 --> 00:21:46,823 There's too many. 657 00:21:46,889 --> 00:21:47,825 - Chrissy? 658 00:21:47,891 --> 00:21:49,093 I feel hungry... 659 00:21:49,160 --> 00:21:50,564 for kicking some ass. 660 00:21:50,630 --> 00:21:52,433 - Thank God, cause this shit really sucks. 661 00:21:52,501 --> 00:21:54,204 Get it? Ha! Not the time. 662 00:21:54,270 --> 00:21:56,474 [leeches screeching] 663 00:21:56,542 --> 00:21:58,245 - I'm sorry about all of this, Chrissy. 664 00:21:58,312 --> 00:21:59,782 I bet you wish I was still nice. 665 00:21:59,849 --> 00:22:01,619 - Fuck nice. I'd take the psycho 666 00:22:01,686 --> 00:22:03,823 real version of you over the nice one any day. 667 00:22:03,890 --> 00:22:04,992 I need you. 668 00:22:06,127 --> 00:22:07,831 [leeches chittering] 669 00:22:07,898 --> 00:22:10,570 - [chanting] 670 00:22:10,637 --> 00:22:13,075 - Die, mothersuckers! 671 00:22:13,141 --> 00:22:14,945 [glass shatters] 672 00:22:16,214 --> 00:22:17,551 [all sigh] 673 00:22:17,618 --> 00:22:19,254 - Oh, that was really something. 674 00:22:19,320 --> 00:22:21,659 - Okay, everyone, please get the fuck out of my house. 675 00:22:21,726 --> 00:22:22,828 - At least you said please. 676 00:22:27,436 --> 00:22:29,140 - [sighs] Can I ask you something? 677 00:22:29,207 --> 00:22:30,409 - [speaks language] 678 00:22:30,476 --> 00:22:32,046 - We spent all night beating up on you, 679 00:22:32,113 --> 00:22:34,718 giving you noogies, pissing in your hat, 680 00:22:34,785 --> 00:22:36,889 and you still saved me. 681 00:22:36,956 --> 00:22:38,025 how come? 682 00:22:40,964 --> 00:22:42,333 - Shit. 683 00:22:42,400 --> 00:22:43,970 I friend. 684 00:22:49,515 --> 00:22:51,318 - Are you quoting Paula? 685 00:22:51,384 --> 00:22:52,888 You tacky son of a bitch. 686 00:22:52,955 --> 00:22:55,292 You're ribbing me, you cheesy fuck. 687 00:22:55,359 --> 00:22:56,562 [both laugh] 688 00:22:56,629 --> 00:22:58,800 - [Baka groaning] 689 00:22:58,866 --> 00:23:00,369 - Your mind's in the gutter. 690 00:23:00,436 --> 00:23:01,906 Where it should be, if you're a snake. 691 00:23:01,973 --> 00:23:03,408 [both laugh] - [Baka groaning] 692 00:23:03,475 --> 00:23:05,513 PAULA: ♪♪ I take two steps forward ♪♪ 693 00:23:05,580 --> 00:23:08,151 BRUCE: ♪♪ I take two steps back ♪♪ 694 00:23:08,218 --> 00:23:11,424 BOTH: ♪♪ We come together 'cause opposites attract ♪♪ 695 00:23:11,492 --> 00:23:13,563 ♪♪ And you know it ain't fiction ♪♪ 696 00:23:13,630 --> 00:23:16,234 BRUCE: ♪♪ Just a natural fact ♪♪ 697 00:23:16,301 --> 00:23:20,677 BOTH: ♪♪ We come together 'cause opposites attract ♪♪ 698 00:23:20,744 --> 00:23:22,313 PAULA: ♪♪ Who'd-a thought ♪♪ 699 00:23:22,380 --> 00:23:24,350 BRUCE: ♪♪ We could be lovers? ♪♪ 700 00:23:24,417 --> 00:23:26,021 ♪♪ She makes the bed ♪♪ 701 00:23:26,087 --> 00:23:28,793 PAULA: ♪♪ And he steals the covers ♪♪