1 00:00:01,852 --> 00:00:03,268 Chrissy: Are you sure we should do our project on a whale? 2 00:00:03,354 --> 00:00:05,104 What about all the cooler unsolved mysteries, 3 00:00:05,189 --> 00:00:07,523 like people who jog for fun? 4 00:00:07,608 --> 00:00:09,191 - This isn't just any whale. This is 52. 5 00:00:09,276 --> 00:00:11,243 He spent his life calling out at 52 hertz, 6 00:00:11,362 --> 00:00:14,363 which is too high a frequency for other whales to hear. 7 00:00:14,448 --> 00:00:16,081 - Sounds like his life's a beach. 8 00:00:16,200 --> 00:00:18,250 Hey-oh! Ha. Still workshopping that one. 9 00:00:18,352 --> 00:00:19,868 - Well, maybe the song isn't for other whales. 10 00:00:19,970 --> 00:00:21,754 You know, it's just for himself. 11 00:00:21,872 --> 00:00:23,205 - It's like when I sing stevie nicks while 12 00:00:23,290 --> 00:00:24,373 eating a sub at hamboni's-- 13 00:00:24,458 --> 00:00:25,541 it's for me, and everyone else can-- 14 00:00:25,626 --> 00:00:27,126 both: Stand back. 15 00:00:27,211 --> 00:00:29,028 - Wait, you sing at the hamboni's? 16 00:00:29,130 --> 00:00:30,629 - Yeah, man, their subs are ridick. 17 00:00:30,731 --> 00:00:33,132 Amalia: Dinner's ready! 18 00:00:33,234 --> 00:00:35,134 Chrissy, benny has told us so much about you. 19 00:00:35,236 --> 00:00:37,036 Did you pass your algebra test retake? 20 00:00:37,138 --> 00:00:39,054 - Mom. - Oh, my god, yeah, wow. 21 00:00:39,140 --> 00:00:40,272 [chuckles] I did. - Oh--sorry. 22 00:00:40,391 --> 00:00:41,940 I tell my parents everything. - Nah, that's ok. 23 00:00:42,059 --> 00:00:43,442 - Congrats. 24 00:00:43,561 --> 00:00:45,227 Miss kim can be cold-blooded when grading, 25 00:00:45,312 --> 00:00:46,111 but I guess all lizard people are like that. 26 00:00:46,230 --> 00:00:46,729 - Ay, no. 27 00:00:46,814 --> 00:00:48,280 [laughter] 28 00:00:48,399 --> 00:00:49,782 don't worry about eating too much. 29 00:00:49,900 --> 00:00:51,033 We have plenty left over. 30 00:00:51,118 --> 00:00:52,785 So if you want seconds, or third, or fourths-- 31 00:00:52,903 --> 00:00:54,403 - our mom likes to have us all split our pants. 32 00:00:54,488 --> 00:00:55,954 It's the filipino way. 33 00:00:56,073 --> 00:00:57,406 - It's the amalia way. [laughter] 34 00:00:57,491 --> 00:01:00,292 - oh, you two. - I love this. 35 00:01:00,411 --> 00:01:02,077 It's like I'm in an abc sitcom. 36 00:01:02,163 --> 00:01:03,579 [sinister music and chortling] 37 00:01:03,664 --> 00:01:06,131 - you better not go for a second helping, fat boy. 38 00:01:06,250 --> 00:01:09,301 You think chrissy wants a boy with a paunch like that? 39 00:01:09,420 --> 00:01:12,721 Even if you sucked it in you'd just push out your man boobs. 40 00:01:12,807 --> 00:01:13,589 [sinister laugh] 41 00:01:13,674 --> 00:01:16,058 - no boobs! - Say what? 42 00:01:16,143 --> 00:01:18,227 - I mean, no boos, only yays 43 00:01:18,312 --> 00:01:19,728 because this meal was a-plus, mom. 44 00:01:19,814 --> 00:01:22,314 [chuckles] and it was so great, I'm done. 45 00:01:22,433 --> 00:01:24,266 May I please be excused to feed otis? 46 00:01:26,604 --> 00:01:27,319 - I gotta be honest, between the fresh food 47 00:01:27,438 --> 00:01:29,271 and the reusable plates, 48 00:01:29,356 --> 00:01:30,773 I feel like I'm in a five-star restaurant. 49 00:01:30,858 --> 00:01:32,107 - Is everything ok at home? 50 00:01:32,193 --> 00:01:34,159 - No. 51 00:01:34,278 --> 00:01:36,161 I'm just kidding. Ha ha! Sort of. 52 00:01:36,280 --> 00:01:38,447 May I be excused to help bennigan feed otis? 53 00:01:38,532 --> 00:01:39,498 - Of course. 54 00:01:39,617 --> 00:01:40,666 Get some gloves though. He snaps. 55 00:01:40,785 --> 00:01:43,168 Otis, not bennigan. 56 00:01:43,287 --> 00:01:44,670 Bennigan: [coughing] 57 00:01:44,789 --> 00:01:47,256 no more. 58 00:01:47,341 --> 00:01:48,507 I've done enough. I'm done. 59 00:01:48,626 --> 00:01:49,925 [toilet flushes] 60 00:01:50,010 --> 00:01:52,427 oh, chrissy, hi. Hello. 61 00:01:52,513 --> 00:01:54,012 - Hey, I was coming to help you with otis. 62 00:01:54,131 --> 00:01:55,430 - Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. 63 00:01:55,516 --> 00:01:56,765 Yeah, let's feed that reptilian fiend. Ha. 64 00:01:56,851 --> 00:01:59,184 - Uh...You ok? 65 00:01:59,303 --> 00:02:00,686 - As ok as the classic and underperformed 66 00:02:00,805 --> 00:02:01,603 rodgers and hammerstein musical. 67 00:02:01,689 --> 00:02:04,690 [both chuckle awkwardly] 68 00:02:04,809 --> 00:02:05,774 amalia: You sure you don't want anything else? 69 00:02:05,860 --> 00:02:07,943 Some soda cans? A popcorn machine? 70 00:02:08,028 --> 00:02:09,945 Iggy, give the girl our fruit bowl. 71 00:02:10,030 --> 00:02:12,347 - No, no, I'm fine. Thank you for having me over. 72 00:02:12,449 --> 00:02:14,683 Now I won't have to scrounge for food at the 7-eleven 73 00:02:14,785 --> 00:02:15,784 for a whole other week. 74 00:02:15,870 --> 00:02:17,185 Ha, ha, ha, just joshing, kind of. 75 00:02:17,288 --> 00:02:18,287 Thanks again. 76 00:02:18,372 --> 00:02:21,690 [eerie music] 77 00:02:21,792 --> 00:02:22,658 hmm. 78 00:02:25,462 --> 00:02:27,579 [whoosh] 79 00:02:31,335 --> 00:02:33,335 - [hums] 80 00:02:35,222 --> 00:02:36,638 chrissy as lizard: Whoa, that can't be. 81 00:02:36,724 --> 00:02:38,390 Bennigan: A self-portrait-- no better way 82 00:02:38,509 --> 00:02:39,391 to face the truth about yourself 83 00:02:39,510 --> 00:02:40,642 and try to change who you are. 84 00:02:40,728 --> 00:02:42,561 Chrissy as lizard: Damn. 85 00:02:42,680 --> 00:02:44,045 - Could use a couple more inches of fat gut. 86 00:02:44,148 --> 00:02:46,481 Chrissy as lizard: I gotta help him. 87 00:02:46,567 --> 00:02:47,883 Holy shit, do lizards have two penises? 88 00:02:47,985 --> 00:02:50,886 [dramatic music] 89 00:02:50,988 --> 00:02:53,889 ♪ ♪ 90 00:02:53,991 --> 00:02:55,774 [crickets chirping] 91 00:02:55,860 --> 00:02:58,226 [knife scraping] - hey, mom, I have a question. 92 00:02:58,329 --> 00:03:00,395 Let's say I have a friend who may or may not have a problem. 93 00:03:00,497 --> 00:03:02,230 - A friend, huh? 94 00:03:02,333 --> 00:03:03,999 You don't have to speak in code, honey. 95 00:03:04,084 --> 00:03:05,000 Masturbation is perfectly natural. 96 00:03:05,085 --> 00:03:07,903 And girls can do it too. - What? Eew! No! 97 00:03:08,005 --> 00:03:10,172 - It's a necessary destressor, and you can do it anywhere-- 98 00:03:10,257 --> 00:03:11,673 - jesus. Never mind. Forget it. - --In bed, in the school 99 00:03:11,759 --> 00:03:12,541 bathroom, before a test. 100 00:03:14,378 --> 00:03:15,744 - Hey, snake with arms, my dad around? 101 00:03:15,846 --> 00:03:17,963 I got this friend I want to help and thought maybe 102 00:03:18,048 --> 00:03:18,931 there was a power that-- 103 00:03:23,520 --> 00:03:25,888 - wait, that's not-- what is everyone's obsession with-- 104 00:03:27,191 --> 00:03:29,858 - come on, don't you want to chew your yeti bone 105 00:03:29,944 --> 00:03:32,694 or fetch your gorgon balls? 106 00:03:32,780 --> 00:03:34,479 Snake with arms, I told you to leave me alone. 107 00:03:37,034 --> 00:03:39,100 - Flicking the bean already? 108 00:03:39,203 --> 00:03:41,102 God damn it, I can't deal with this shit right now. 109 00:03:41,205 --> 00:03:42,871 She-she can't see me like this. 110 00:03:42,957 --> 00:03:44,272 Tell her to go to my study. 111 00:03:44,375 --> 00:03:46,441 She'll find what she needs there. 112 00:03:46,543 --> 00:03:47,910 It ain't me, but it's the next best thing. 113 00:03:52,750 --> 00:03:54,082 - My dad journals? 114 00:03:59,590 --> 00:04:00,288 [door slams] 115 00:04:00,391 --> 00:04:04,009 [suspenseful music] 116 00:04:04,094 --> 00:04:08,513 ♪ ♪ 117 00:04:08,599 --> 00:04:10,465 - hello, satan. 118 00:04:10,567 --> 00:04:12,467 Which of your glorious musings would you like 119 00:04:12,569 --> 00:04:14,469 to revisit today, hot stuff? 120 00:04:14,571 --> 00:04:15,854 - How do I, um, change-- 121 00:04:15,940 --> 00:04:17,522 - I heard change. 122 00:04:17,608 --> 00:04:21,743 I have 2,503,859 volumes on changing-- 123 00:04:24,615 --> 00:04:26,865 changing the game, 124 00:04:26,951 --> 00:04:28,333 a new way to fart without sound. 125 00:04:28,452 --> 00:04:30,869 I think I changed the past and fucked everything up-- 126 00:04:30,955 --> 00:04:32,704 wait, no. 127 00:04:32,790 --> 00:04:34,373 I just don't remember that chair there. 128 00:04:34,458 --> 00:04:35,624 - Let me finish. 129 00:04:35,709 --> 00:04:37,709 How do I change the way someone thinks about themselves? 130 00:04:37,795 --> 00:04:39,494 - How to change the way someone 131 00:04:39,596 --> 00:04:41,046 thinks about themselves. 132 00:04:41,131 --> 00:04:43,382 Closest match-- 133 00:04:43,467 --> 00:04:44,800 changing minds, a satanic discovery 134 00:04:44,885 --> 00:04:47,386 on manipulation and how to make soft-brained losers 135 00:04:47,471 --> 00:04:48,887 give you shit. 136 00:04:48,973 --> 00:04:50,806 - Well, I guess that's the closest I'll get. 137 00:04:50,891 --> 00:04:54,559 [rumbling] 138 00:04:54,645 --> 00:04:56,478 [clink, ching] 139 00:04:58,065 --> 00:05:00,983 chrissy and satan: "735 bc, mercury phase." 140 00:05:01,068 --> 00:05:03,819 satan: Rolling hard at king midas's 141 00:05:03,904 --> 00:05:05,904 when I come across this golden toilet, 142 00:05:05,990 --> 00:05:07,656 most beautiful thing I've ever seen. 143 00:05:07,741 --> 00:05:09,074 Fucker wouldn't give it to me. 144 00:05:09,159 --> 00:05:11,076 So I used a new trick to convince him 145 00:05:11,161 --> 00:05:13,912 that everything he touches is gold. 146 00:05:13,998 --> 00:05:15,998 Ha, what a ding dong. 147 00:05:16,083 --> 00:05:18,083 He's so busy thinking he's turning things into gold, 148 00:05:18,168 --> 00:05:20,552 he gave me this solid gold shitter. 149 00:05:20,671 --> 00:05:24,506 I think I'll call this new trick mind mess-em-ups. 150 00:05:24,591 --> 00:05:26,341 - Bingo. 151 00:05:26,427 --> 00:05:28,176 [whimpers] 152 00:05:28,262 --> 00:05:29,561 - [sighs] 153 00:05:29,680 --> 00:05:31,146 I guess I knew this day was coming. 154 00:05:32,599 --> 00:05:34,599 - Never show weakness. 155 00:05:34,685 --> 00:05:37,185 The only pain that matters is the pain you inflict, 156 00:05:37,271 --> 00:05:39,488 varsity blues. 157 00:05:40,274 --> 00:05:42,741 Hey, snakey, uh, I, uh... 158 00:05:44,778 --> 00:05:46,661 Shut up and fuck off. 159 00:05:48,449 --> 00:05:50,866 [whimpers] 160 00:05:50,951 --> 00:05:52,701 - all right, I'll call her. 161 00:05:52,786 --> 00:05:54,703 - Ok, chrissy, you got this. Let's do it. 162 00:05:54,788 --> 00:05:56,088 Let's save our best friend. [doorbell rings] 163 00:05:56,206 --> 00:05:57,839 bennigan: I'll get it. 164 00:05:57,925 --> 00:05:59,091 Satan: First, you want to square your hips 165 00:05:59,209 --> 00:06:00,926 to establish dominance. 166 00:06:01,045 --> 00:06:02,928 - Chrissy, to what do I owe the pleasure? 167 00:06:03,047 --> 00:06:04,763 - I got you the latest issue of your favorite comic, 168 00:06:04,882 --> 00:06:08,433 the roo-stars, to remind you that you're not alone. 169 00:06:08,552 --> 00:06:10,435 - Chrissy, that's so clucking nice of you. 170 00:06:10,554 --> 00:06:12,270 - I do have one more thing for you. 171 00:06:12,389 --> 00:06:13,605 Satan: Rapid burp their name three times. 172 00:06:13,724 --> 00:06:16,441 - [burping] bennigan, bennigan, bennigan. 173 00:06:16,560 --> 00:06:19,227 Satan: Then stare into their eyes and yell with authority. 174 00:06:19,313 --> 00:06:21,530 Chrissy and satan: Mind mess 'em ups! 175 00:06:21,615 --> 00:06:24,282 Satan: Next, recite mantra that summarizes 176 00:06:24,401 --> 00:06:26,201 what you want them to experience. 177 00:06:26,286 --> 00:06:29,287 For example, you will see blades of grass 178 00:06:29,406 --> 00:06:31,039 as little dicks. [chuckles] 179 00:06:31,125 --> 00:06:33,075 - you will see the beauty in everything. 180 00:06:38,999 --> 00:06:40,082 - [humming] 181 00:06:40,167 --> 00:06:42,250 - oh, family sculpture time. 182 00:06:42,336 --> 00:06:44,386 [singsong] now let's see what benny sees. 183 00:06:45,422 --> 00:06:47,305 Yes. Ha ha. 184 00:06:47,424 --> 00:06:51,643 - In the mind of every artist, there is a masterpiece. 185 00:06:51,762 --> 00:06:53,562 - [humming] 186 00:06:53,647 --> 00:06:55,397 ugh. 187 00:06:55,482 --> 00:06:56,798 I knew nothing good ever comes from flossing. 188 00:06:56,900 --> 00:06:57,966 - I'll give you something to floss with. 189 00:06:58,068 --> 00:06:59,968 - I'm hanging up. - Just wait, you shrill cow. 190 00:07:00,070 --> 00:07:01,469 It's important. 191 00:07:01,572 --> 00:07:03,471 Bark woofalo is dying. 192 00:07:03,574 --> 00:07:04,606 - Wait, what? He must have died years ago. 193 00:07:04,691 --> 00:07:05,824 What are you talking about? - He didn't. 194 00:07:05,943 --> 00:07:07,242 His soul's been living in the body of a hellhound 195 00:07:07,327 --> 00:07:09,244 for the past 13 years. 196 00:07:09,329 --> 00:07:12,080 - Fucking god-- you body swapped our dog? 197 00:07:12,166 --> 00:07:14,416 - I was in need of companionship 198 00:07:14,501 --> 00:07:17,085 because some psycho bitch kidnapped my newborn daughter. 199 00:07:17,171 --> 00:07:18,003 - King of revisionist history over here. 200 00:07:18,122 --> 00:07:19,171 - Yeah, yeah, yeah. 201 00:07:19,289 --> 00:07:21,006 Anyway, hellhounds are eternal. 202 00:07:21,125 --> 00:07:23,508 But earthly dog souls aren't. 203 00:07:23,627 --> 00:07:25,827 They're too pure to live in a corporeal body for too long, 204 00:07:25,929 --> 00:07:28,930 and it's time for woofalo to move on. 205 00:07:29,016 --> 00:07:30,932 But the dog won't fucking die, ok? 206 00:07:31,018 --> 00:07:33,001 And I think-- 207 00:07:33,103 --> 00:07:34,335 I think he's holding out because he wants to see you. 208 00:07:34,438 --> 00:07:35,770 - Oh, yeah, sure, sure, sure. 209 00:07:35,856 --> 00:07:38,607 Yeah, our dog, in a hellhound, wants to see me. 210 00:07:38,692 --> 00:07:41,026 - See? Here he is, ok? 211 00:07:41,145 --> 00:07:42,694 - Oh, that could be any hellhound. 212 00:07:42,813 --> 00:07:44,029 - Look, I don't give a shit. 213 00:07:44,148 --> 00:07:45,614 I prefer you don't come anyway. 214 00:07:45,699 --> 00:07:46,615 - Wait, hold on. 215 00:07:46,700 --> 00:07:48,283 Wait, you and satan had a dog together? 216 00:07:48,368 --> 00:07:50,785 That's a massive reveal. 217 00:07:50,871 --> 00:07:53,038 - Bark woofalo was a puppy we found together. 218 00:07:53,157 --> 00:07:55,290 We were high on reindeer urine. We had just watched zodiac, 219 00:07:55,375 --> 00:07:56,408 and mark ruffalo was so damn good in it-- 220 00:07:56,493 --> 00:07:57,692 doesn't matter-- this is a trap 221 00:07:57,794 --> 00:07:58,910 to lure me into and kill me. 222 00:07:58,996 --> 00:08:01,079 - What if it's not? 223 00:08:01,165 --> 00:08:02,030 This could be your chance to say goodbye 224 00:08:02,132 --> 00:08:03,698 to the puppy you left behind. 225 00:08:03,800 --> 00:08:04,633 - What do you know, erwin? 226 00:08:04,718 --> 00:08:06,534 I've seen you eat a slice of tomato 227 00:08:06,637 --> 00:08:08,369 that fell onto the floor of a dollar store bathroom. 228 00:08:08,472 --> 00:08:09,871 - I guess some people have never 229 00:08:09,973 --> 00:08:11,356 heard of the five second rule. 230 00:08:11,458 --> 00:08:13,091 But all right, you can kiss my ass. 231 00:08:17,564 --> 00:08:18,897 [cheerful music] 232 00:08:18,982 --> 00:08:20,932 - good day, santa, other santa. 233 00:08:22,486 --> 00:08:25,470 Ooh, thank you, santa. 234 00:08:25,572 --> 00:08:26,988 [squeaking] tiny santas. 235 00:08:39,419 --> 00:08:40,652 [bennigan gags, vomits] 236 00:08:40,754 --> 00:08:41,819 chrissy as rat: Oh, no. 237 00:08:41,922 --> 00:08:44,656 - [coughing, vomiting] 238 00:08:44,758 --> 00:08:48,210 [evil laughter] 239 00:08:48,295 --> 00:08:49,427 evil bennigan: Do you think that purging after eating 240 00:08:49,513 --> 00:08:51,329 two full trays of crap-a-teria food 241 00:08:51,431 --> 00:08:52,997 is going to work, fat boy? 242 00:08:53,100 --> 00:08:53,665 Bennigan: Why don't you shut the hell up? 243 00:08:53,767 --> 00:08:56,000 - What is going on? 244 00:08:56,103 --> 00:08:58,169 - I'll shut up when you grow up, piggy. 245 00:08:58,272 --> 00:08:59,888 You know you'll never look like your brother. 246 00:08:59,973 --> 00:09:01,339 - Stop! Why can't I cancel you? 247 00:09:01,441 --> 00:09:03,841 - Well, you could put down the fork every once in a while, 248 00:09:03,944 --> 00:09:04,893 tubs, but we both know you won't. 249 00:09:04,978 --> 00:09:06,728 So I'd say you'd need a miracle. 250 00:09:06,813 --> 00:09:09,347 And I don't see kurt russell acting as a coach 251 00:09:09,449 --> 00:09:12,684 to a group of hotheaded college all-star hockey players, 252 00:09:12,786 --> 00:09:14,352 [voice deepens] so you're stuck with me forever. 253 00:09:14,454 --> 00:09:17,689 [evil laughter] 254 00:09:17,791 --> 00:09:19,241 I gotta be honest. I didn't like that movie. 255 00:09:19,326 --> 00:09:21,192 - Miracle? Oh, I actually really liked it. 256 00:09:21,295 --> 00:09:23,245 I'm a sucker for patricia clarkson. 257 00:09:23,330 --> 00:09:25,463 Evil bennigan: Well, she's her generation's joan fontaine. 258 00:09:26,250 --> 00:09:29,751 - [roaring] 259 00:09:29,836 --> 00:09:31,886 all right, bitch, it ends today. 260 00:09:34,091 --> 00:09:35,757 Huh. Guess this wasn't a ruse. 261 00:09:35,842 --> 00:09:37,259 [knife clatters] who did I just kill? 262 00:09:37,344 --> 00:09:38,893 - The veterinarian. 263 00:09:42,182 --> 00:09:42,764 - Hey, boy. 264 00:09:42,849 --> 00:09:44,516 - [whimpers] 265 00:09:44,601 --> 00:09:48,520 - the last toy I gave him, mixologist mike. 266 00:09:48,605 --> 00:09:50,105 - Ok, reunion's over. Let's go. 267 00:09:50,190 --> 00:09:52,274 - Go? Go where? 268 00:09:52,359 --> 00:09:55,026 - The isle of wepwawet where all dog souls come into being. 269 00:09:55,112 --> 00:09:57,779 And if they're on the beaches of wepwawet when they die, 270 00:09:57,864 --> 00:09:59,731 their soul particles get recycled 271 00:09:59,833 --> 00:10:00,898 into new dog souls on earth. 272 00:10:01,001 --> 00:10:03,067 - Oh, you're into recycling now, 273 00:10:03,170 --> 00:10:03,901 the guy who jacks off to oil spills? 274 00:10:04,004 --> 00:10:05,954 - Are you coming or not? 275 00:10:06,039 --> 00:10:07,455 - There's always a twist with you. 276 00:10:07,541 --> 00:10:08,423 - [whimpering] 277 00:10:10,344 --> 00:10:12,627 - what the hell did I do wrong? 278 00:10:12,713 --> 00:10:13,762 Bennigan, hey, hi. 279 00:10:13,880 --> 00:10:16,080 I was just studying hard or hardly studying. 280 00:10:16,183 --> 00:10:18,082 - Chrissy, the other day I lied. 281 00:10:18,185 --> 00:10:19,751 - Oh, about what? You don't like the way 282 00:10:19,853 --> 00:10:20,969 I roll my rs when I say "burrito"? 283 00:10:21,054 --> 00:10:22,470 - When I said I was ok as the famed 284 00:10:22,556 --> 00:10:25,974 pulitzer and tony award-winning musical, I wasn't. 285 00:10:26,059 --> 00:10:27,976 My life right now feels like a slapstick tragedy, 286 00:10:28,061 --> 00:10:29,811 a much lesser known broadway musical. 287 00:10:29,896 --> 00:10:31,146 - I haven't heard of any of these, so I-- 288 00:10:31,231 --> 00:10:32,397 - I don't like the way I look. 289 00:10:32,482 --> 00:10:33,448 And sometimes I make myself retch. 290 00:10:33,567 --> 00:10:34,983 And then I feel worse about myself, 291 00:10:35,068 --> 00:10:36,735 and it's an unending spiral. 292 00:10:36,820 --> 00:10:38,236 You're the first person I told. 293 00:10:38,322 --> 00:10:40,822 - I'm so sorry, benny. 294 00:10:40,907 --> 00:10:41,790 You haven't told your family? 295 00:10:41,908 --> 00:10:43,408 They're so sweet. - No, they are. 296 00:10:43,493 --> 00:10:44,826 It's just-- it's hard for them to accept 297 00:10:44,911 --> 00:10:46,661 that things aren't the ideal. 298 00:10:46,747 --> 00:10:48,079 You know what's weird? 299 00:10:48,165 --> 00:10:50,248 Everything in the world has felt oddly beautiful lately. 300 00:10:50,334 --> 00:10:51,499 I assumed the chemical plant 301 00:10:51,585 --> 00:10:53,585 dumped waste into the reservoir again, 302 00:10:53,670 --> 00:10:55,253 but whatever toxins we're drinking, 303 00:10:55,339 --> 00:10:57,305 it's only made me feel worse about myself. 304 00:10:57,424 --> 00:10:58,757 - I wish I could do something to change that. 305 00:10:58,842 --> 00:11:00,759 - Not unless you can change the fact 306 00:11:00,844 --> 00:11:01,810 that my brother can cut diamonds with his glutes 307 00:11:01,928 --> 00:11:03,762 and I never will. - Benny, that's not true. 308 00:11:03,847 --> 00:11:05,096 When I look at you, I see a really awesome-- 309 00:11:05,182 --> 00:11:06,981 - nah, nah, don't worry about it. 310 00:11:09,436 --> 00:11:12,103 - [whimpering] 311 00:11:12,189 --> 00:11:13,855 - so you come here often? 312 00:11:13,940 --> 00:11:15,273 - Announcement, everybody-- 313 00:11:15,359 --> 00:11:17,609 this impotent old man is accosting me. 314 00:11:17,694 --> 00:11:19,861 - All right, all right, don't come to me the next time 315 00:11:19,946 --> 00:11:21,863 you need a jar opened. 316 00:11:21,948 --> 00:11:23,281 Announcer: Next stop, isle of wepwawet. 317 00:11:23,367 --> 00:11:24,783 Isle of wepwawet next stop. 318 00:11:24,868 --> 00:11:27,085 [distant barking] 319 00:11:30,207 --> 00:11:32,624 - look, when pugs fly. 320 00:11:32,709 --> 00:11:36,344 [peaceful music] 321 00:11:36,463 --> 00:11:41,966 ♪ ♪ 322 00:11:42,052 --> 00:11:43,351 reminds me of when we took bark apple picking. 323 00:11:43,470 --> 00:11:45,854 That was the first time we beat the shit out 324 00:11:45,972 --> 00:11:47,138 of somebody together. 325 00:11:47,224 --> 00:11:48,189 - The guy tried to steal that autumn crisp 326 00:11:48,308 --> 00:11:49,641 right out of my basket. 327 00:11:49,726 --> 00:11:50,692 - So you busted his lip. 328 00:11:50,811 --> 00:11:52,694 - And then you broke his ribs. 329 00:11:52,813 --> 00:11:54,028 - Didn't you also key his car? - Oh, yeah. 330 00:11:54,147 --> 00:11:56,114 Satan: [chuckles] fuck him. 331 00:11:56,199 --> 00:11:57,782 - [small laugh] 332 00:11:57,868 --> 00:12:00,535 you realize how unfair this is, don't you, 333 00:12:00,654 --> 00:12:03,705 making me relive the trauma of losing my dog all over again? 334 00:12:03,824 --> 00:12:05,039 - Lose? You didn't lose him. 335 00:12:05,158 --> 00:12:06,157 You abandoned him. 336 00:12:06,243 --> 00:12:08,209 - Oh, the absentee father is going to lecture me 337 00:12:08,328 --> 00:12:09,244 about abandonment-- that's rich. 338 00:12:09,329 --> 00:12:11,162 - My daughter was stolen from me. 339 00:12:11,248 --> 00:12:12,714 - You know, what is the real reason 340 00:12:12,833 --> 00:12:15,383 you needed me to come with you? 341 00:12:15,502 --> 00:12:17,502 Oh, shit, you didn't have the guts to watch 342 00:12:17,587 --> 00:12:19,337 bark woofalo die alone. 343 00:12:19,423 --> 00:12:21,222 - Oh, this coming from a woman who 344 00:12:21,341 --> 00:12:25,009 spent her entire life literally running from her emotions. 345 00:12:25,095 --> 00:12:26,227 - Says the guy who had his tear ducts removed 346 00:12:26,346 --> 00:12:27,512 because he was terrified of crying. 347 00:12:27,597 --> 00:12:29,681 - You got a real holier-than-thou attitude 348 00:12:29,766 --> 00:12:32,150 for a shitty mom who's only screwed up her kid. 349 00:12:32,235 --> 00:12:33,735 - Oh, fuck you. 350 00:12:33,854 --> 00:12:35,487 - Fuck you right back. 351 00:12:35,572 --> 00:12:38,022 [both grunting] 352 00:12:40,243 --> 00:12:42,744 [screams] 353 00:12:42,863 --> 00:12:44,028 - why didn't that work? 354 00:12:44,114 --> 00:12:45,914 Satan: Caveat on this reality warping-- 355 00:12:46,032 --> 00:12:47,081 if their shit is already warped, 356 00:12:47,200 --> 00:12:48,399 you could make it worse. 357 00:12:48,502 --> 00:12:49,400 - Now you tell me. 358 00:12:49,503 --> 00:12:51,920 Ok, there has to be a way around this. 359 00:12:52,038 --> 00:12:55,072 Let's find him a miracle. 360 00:12:55,175 --> 00:12:57,509 Chrissy and satan: "some banging broad name charybdis--" 361 00:12:57,594 --> 00:12:59,093 satan: --Was looking to get stronger, 362 00:12:59,212 --> 00:13:02,413 to help her daddy poseidon in a war against her uncle zeus. 363 00:13:02,516 --> 00:13:05,016 Who am I not to intervene in some domestic disputes, 364 00:13:05,101 --> 00:13:07,185 especially with two dipshits I've been wanting 365 00:13:07,270 --> 00:13:09,103 to take out for centuries? 366 00:13:09,222 --> 00:13:11,856 I worked my magic to discover a way to change 367 00:13:11,942 --> 00:13:13,424 the form of things around me. 368 00:13:13,527 --> 00:13:17,612 Now I can level her shit up so she'll destroy zeus for me. 369 00:13:17,731 --> 00:13:20,281 I call it matter move aroundsy. 370 00:13:20,400 --> 00:13:21,616 Ain't nothing bad happening from this. 371 00:13:21,735 --> 00:13:24,536 - Oh, hell, yeah. 372 00:13:24,621 --> 00:13:26,788 You may be an unreliable support system in my life, 373 00:13:26,907 --> 00:13:27,989 but damn, these powers are useful. 374 00:13:29,242 --> 00:13:30,542 Bennigan: I'll get it. 375 00:13:30,627 --> 00:13:32,710 Oh, hey, chrissy. 376 00:13:32,796 --> 00:13:34,462 - [burping] bennigan, bennigan, bennigan. 377 00:13:34,581 --> 00:13:36,831 [shouting] matter move aroundsy! 378 00:13:37,968 --> 00:13:40,385 [grunting] oh, arms, oh, yeah, that's a delt. 379 00:13:40,470 --> 00:13:41,886 Six-pack! 380 00:13:41,972 --> 00:13:44,288 ♪ ♪ 381 00:13:44,391 --> 00:13:45,723 yeah, buns of steel. 382 00:13:45,809 --> 00:13:49,293 [sighs] oh, ho, ho, ho! 383 00:13:49,396 --> 00:13:50,762 All right, let's try this again. 384 00:13:52,232 --> 00:13:54,182 Bennigan: I'll get it. 385 00:13:54,267 --> 00:13:56,351 Oh, hey, chrissy! Wow, I just got hit 386 00:13:56,436 --> 00:13:57,969 with some hardcore deja vu. 387 00:13:58,071 --> 00:13:59,303 - Hey, you been working out recently? 388 00:13:59,406 --> 00:14:01,189 - Whoa, I've never noticed that muscle before. 389 00:14:01,274 --> 00:14:03,140 - How about around of mini golf? 390 00:14:03,243 --> 00:14:05,026 - Putter late than never. - Ha! 391 00:14:05,111 --> 00:14:05,743 - [laughs] 392 00:14:05,829 --> 00:14:09,313 - [grunting] 393 00:14:09,416 --> 00:14:10,748 - [barking] 394 00:14:10,834 --> 00:14:13,651 [arf!] [splash] 395 00:14:13,753 --> 00:14:14,452 - barky woof. - [howling] 396 00:14:16,339 --> 00:14:19,424 - oh, shit, he's headed toward bad pussy falls. 397 00:14:19,509 --> 00:14:20,925 This is all your fault. 398 00:14:21,011 --> 00:14:23,094 - I'm not doing this with you right now, ok? 399 00:14:23,179 --> 00:14:24,596 We have to save bark. 400 00:14:24,681 --> 00:14:26,631 [bark whimpering] 401 00:14:28,602 --> 00:14:29,667 wait, you're the stronger climber. 402 00:14:29,769 --> 00:14:31,603 I'm the stronger swimmer. 403 00:14:31,688 --> 00:14:32,670 I'll get bark woofalo. 404 00:14:32,772 --> 00:14:33,438 You throw me a tree vine. 405 00:14:33,523 --> 00:14:35,506 - That's weirdly rational. 406 00:14:35,609 --> 00:14:38,726 Don't tell me you're post-menopausal already. 407 00:14:38,812 --> 00:14:42,346 [suspenseful music] 408 00:14:42,449 --> 00:14:45,516 - [whimpers] 409 00:14:45,619 --> 00:14:50,354 ♪ ♪ 410 00:14:50,457 --> 00:14:51,706 - hold on, woofie! 411 00:14:52,742 --> 00:14:53,741 [distant meow] 412 00:14:53,827 --> 00:14:55,577 [both coughing] 413 00:14:55,662 --> 00:14:56,578 [bark sighs] 414 00:14:56,663 --> 00:14:58,413 [distant barking] 415 00:14:58,498 --> 00:14:59,747 - wanna wrestle again? - Shut up. 416 00:14:59,833 --> 00:15:01,499 [doorbell ding] 417 00:15:01,585 --> 00:15:03,501 announcer: Welcome to spike's family fun zone. 418 00:15:03,587 --> 00:15:05,420 For your safety, you may be randomly 419 00:15:05,505 --> 00:15:06,638 selected for a cavity search. 420 00:15:06,723 --> 00:15:09,090 - Whoa, the security's insane in this place. 421 00:15:09,175 --> 00:15:11,375 - Spike, the owner, is ex-military. 422 00:15:11,478 --> 00:15:12,427 When a bunch of raccoons on mescaline 423 00:15:12,512 --> 00:15:14,378 destroyed this place five years ago, 424 00:15:14,481 --> 00:15:16,097 he swore on his fallen soldiers he would 425 00:15:16,182 --> 00:15:18,099 never let it happen again. 426 00:15:18,184 --> 00:15:20,268 - I have five follow-up questions. 427 00:15:20,353 --> 00:15:22,386 Singers: ♪ sports, hey, hey ♪ 428 00:15:22,489 --> 00:15:24,272 ♪ let's play some sports ♪ 429 00:15:24,357 --> 00:15:25,106 - yeah! - ♪ hey, hey, hey ♪ 430 00:15:25,191 --> 00:15:27,391 - yah! [ding] 431 00:15:27,494 --> 00:15:29,560 singers: ♪ sports, hey, hey ♪ 432 00:15:29,663 --> 00:15:30,445 ♪ let's play some sports ♪ 433 00:15:30,530 --> 00:15:31,779 - I gotcha, I gotcha! Yah! 434 00:15:31,865 --> 00:15:33,615 Yeah! 435 00:15:33,700 --> 00:15:36,400 Singers: ♪ let your hair down and play some ♪ 436 00:15:36,503 --> 00:15:37,735 ♪ today ♪ 437 00:15:37,837 --> 00:15:39,287 - [wolf whistle] 438 00:15:39,372 --> 00:15:41,205 [giggling] 439 00:15:41,291 --> 00:15:42,957 - [sighs] 440 00:15:43,043 --> 00:15:45,376 [eerie music] 441 00:15:45,462 --> 00:15:46,544 evil bennigan: Why don't you just give up, plumpy dumper? 442 00:15:46,630 --> 00:15:48,963 You should do the world a favor and choke 443 00:15:49,049 --> 00:15:51,132 to death on chicken nuggies like the scrubby fuck you are. 444 00:15:51,217 --> 00:15:52,216 - Stop, just stop. 445 00:15:52,302 --> 00:15:53,434 You're being a dick. 446 00:15:53,553 --> 00:15:55,103 - I'm not just a dick. 447 00:15:55,221 --> 00:15:57,055 I am a sick, unlovable blob just like you. 448 00:15:57,140 --> 00:16:00,391 - [moaning] 449 00:16:00,477 --> 00:16:02,226 ♪ ♪ 450 00:16:05,315 --> 00:16:07,899 [moaning, groaning] 451 00:16:07,984 --> 00:16:10,618 [screaming] 452 00:16:13,490 --> 00:16:14,405 is this really happening? 453 00:16:14,491 --> 00:16:16,991 Evil bennigan: Uh, yeah, yeah. 454 00:16:17,077 --> 00:16:19,043 Our body is eating everything in sight. 455 00:16:21,081 --> 00:16:22,163 - Kobe. 456 00:16:22,248 --> 00:16:24,165 [crashing] [commotion, screaming] 457 00:16:24,250 --> 00:16:26,250 - [roaring] 458 00:16:26,336 --> 00:16:27,919 - oh, crap. 459 00:16:28,004 --> 00:16:29,087 Satan: Much to my chagrin, her body 460 00:16:29,172 --> 00:16:30,922 couldn't sustain demonic aura, and she 461 00:16:31,007 --> 00:16:33,758 kind of became a huge vacuum butthole with teeth. 462 00:16:33,843 --> 00:16:35,677 [chuckles] pretty fucking wacky. 463 00:16:35,762 --> 00:16:37,929 - Dang it, I really got to read to the end of these. 464 00:16:38,014 --> 00:16:38,229 - [screams] 465 00:16:39,766 --> 00:16:43,267 hey, buddy, I know it seems like people 466 00:16:43,353 --> 00:16:45,436 are running away from you like you're a monster, 467 00:16:45,522 --> 00:16:47,438 but they're not. You're great. 468 00:16:47,524 --> 00:16:48,322 You're a-- - monster! 469 00:16:48,441 --> 00:16:50,775 - [groans] 470 00:16:50,860 --> 00:16:53,828 [crowd screaming] 471 00:16:53,947 --> 00:16:55,830 - my life's work! 472 00:16:55,949 --> 00:16:58,332 - Ok, I can fix this. 473 00:16:58,451 --> 00:16:59,917 Focus, chrissy, focus. 474 00:17:00,003 --> 00:17:01,335 No, stop. 475 00:17:01,454 --> 00:17:04,005 I'm so sorry, bennigan. This is my fault. 476 00:17:04,124 --> 00:17:05,757 - You do this to me? 477 00:17:05,842 --> 00:17:07,592 - I just wanted to help fix the way you saw yourself. 478 00:17:07,677 --> 00:17:09,177 - Fix me? Fix me? 479 00:17:09,295 --> 00:17:12,013 Because you think I'm disgusting too? 480 00:17:12,132 --> 00:17:13,464 - No, no. That's not it. 481 00:17:13,550 --> 00:17:15,683 - [groans] - [chuckling] 482 00:17:15,802 --> 00:17:18,302 - another head? The monster's got a double head now. 483 00:17:18,388 --> 00:17:20,138 - You can all see it too? 484 00:17:20,223 --> 00:17:22,356 - I don't blame them for screaming. 485 00:17:22,475 --> 00:17:23,808 You were already terrifying and hideous. 486 00:17:23,893 --> 00:17:26,310 And now look at you. 487 00:17:26,396 --> 00:17:28,112 [sinister laugh] 488 00:17:30,400 --> 00:17:31,649 - unleash hell. 489 00:17:33,403 --> 00:17:35,703 - [roaring] 490 00:17:35,822 --> 00:17:36,988 spike: Pyramids of giza, 491 00:17:37,073 --> 00:17:39,457 christ the redeemer. 492 00:17:41,745 --> 00:17:43,828 Fire! Hit him with a fastball. 493 00:17:43,913 --> 00:17:46,214 - Bennigan, stop, or they'll kill you. 494 00:17:46,332 --> 00:17:46,998 How is this legal? 495 00:17:50,019 --> 00:17:51,903 - Thanks for saving our dog and acknowledging that I'm 496 00:17:52,021 --> 00:17:54,405 actually good at something. 497 00:17:54,524 --> 00:17:56,657 - You're...Welcome. 498 00:17:56,743 --> 00:17:57,658 And I think we need to chill on trying to kill 499 00:17:57,744 --> 00:17:59,410 each other every time we meet. 500 00:17:59,529 --> 00:18:01,696 It puts the things we love in danger. 501 00:18:02,248 --> 00:18:04,082 - [whimpers] 502 00:18:04,200 --> 00:18:05,416 - I think it's time. 503 00:18:05,535 --> 00:18:08,419 [gentle music] 504 00:18:08,521 --> 00:18:15,042 ♪ ♪ 505 00:18:17,881 --> 00:18:19,380 goodbye, buddy. 506 00:18:19,466 --> 00:18:21,599 I'm going to see you on the face of every puppy. 507 00:18:21,718 --> 00:18:24,435 I know a piece of your soul will be in all of them. 508 00:18:24,554 --> 00:18:27,889 - I think some puppy pom got in my eye or something. 509 00:18:35,648 --> 00:18:36,197 [mysterious sounds] 510 00:18:50,630 --> 00:18:52,446 - [howling] 511 00:18:52,549 --> 00:18:55,950 [all howling] 512 00:18:56,052 --> 00:18:59,119 [somber music] 513 00:18:59,222 --> 00:19:05,760 ♪ ♪ 514 00:19:17,941 --> 00:19:19,657 [ghostly echoing cries] 515 00:19:19,776 --> 00:19:25,913 ♪ ♪ 516 00:19:25,999 --> 00:19:26,697 laura: Nope. 517 00:19:27,834 --> 00:19:29,917 - Stop hurting him. Please listen to me. 518 00:19:30,003 --> 00:19:33,337 This is all my fault. He's only this way because of me. 519 00:19:33,456 --> 00:19:35,506 - I rebuilt once. I won't do it again. 520 00:19:35,625 --> 00:19:37,508 Let's end this. - Ok, I can do something. 521 00:19:37,627 --> 00:19:39,510 What can I do? What can I do? 522 00:19:39,629 --> 00:19:41,179 Satan: The only way to stop the corruption 523 00:19:41,297 --> 00:19:44,348 is for another subject to absorb the matter themselves. 524 00:19:44,467 --> 00:19:46,184 That's a no for me, dog. 525 00:19:46,302 --> 00:19:47,501 - [burping] chrissy, chrissy, chrissy. 526 00:19:47,604 --> 00:19:50,972 Absorb-sy warbsy! 527 00:19:54,194 --> 00:20:00,565 - You haven't seen the last of me. 528 00:20:01,784 --> 00:20:03,568 - Ok, call off the scud missiles. 529 00:20:05,538 --> 00:20:07,187 - Don't look at me. 530 00:20:07,290 --> 00:20:10,291 - Bennigan, wait. 531 00:20:10,376 --> 00:20:11,492 Mom: I told you, honey, mini golf's for freaks. 532 00:20:14,197 --> 00:20:15,930 It was pathetic. 533 00:20:16,032 --> 00:20:16,931 You should have seen it, snakey. 534 00:20:17,033 --> 00:20:17,949 [thud] 535 00:20:18,034 --> 00:20:21,202 - [moaning] please help me. 536 00:20:21,321 --> 00:20:22,787 - Is that bill the behemoth? 537 00:20:22,872 --> 00:20:24,372 If so, I definitely don't know where your 538 00:20:24,490 --> 00:20:26,540 nymphs gone wild dvds went. 539 00:20:26,659 --> 00:20:29,377 - Matter move aroundsy. 540 00:20:29,479 --> 00:20:32,046 - Oh, ha ha, shit, chrissy? 541 00:20:32,148 --> 00:20:33,614 You got deep into my journals. 542 00:20:33,716 --> 00:20:35,283 Fun stuff, huh? 543 00:20:35,385 --> 00:20:36,801 - Can you please-- 544 00:20:36,886 --> 00:20:38,469 - yeah, chill. I got you. 545 00:20:38,554 --> 00:20:40,221 Thank you very much. 546 00:20:40,340 --> 00:20:43,307 Oh yeah, bill exploded. 547 00:20:43,393 --> 00:20:44,058 I keep forgetting. 548 00:20:44,177 --> 00:20:46,010 Snakey, fire up them dvds. 549 00:20:50,483 --> 00:20:52,934 - Hey. - Hey. 550 00:20:53,019 --> 00:20:54,885 - I know you probably don't want to talk to me right now, 551 00:20:54,988 --> 00:20:56,938 but, um-- 552 00:20:57,023 --> 00:20:58,439 oh, ha. 553 00:20:58,524 --> 00:20:59,607 Um, I was hoping you'd stop me there. 554 00:20:59,692 --> 00:21:00,891 - It seems like you want to tell me something, 555 00:21:00,994 --> 00:21:02,610 so I'm listening. 556 00:21:02,695 --> 00:21:04,278 - I-- I shouldn't have inserted myself 557 00:21:04,364 --> 00:21:05,329 into your life like that. 558 00:21:05,415 --> 00:21:07,564 I violated your body and your trust 559 00:21:07,667 --> 00:21:10,117 by trying to change things, and I'm so sorry. 560 00:21:10,203 --> 00:21:14,622 But, hey, on the bright side, it all worked out, kinda. 561 00:21:14,707 --> 00:21:17,959 So are we cool? 562 00:21:18,044 --> 00:21:20,011 - Chrissy, you're my best friend. 563 00:21:20,096 --> 00:21:23,014 But after I told you my secret at school, you didn't stop. 564 00:21:23,099 --> 00:21:24,581 Now everyone knows my private-- 565 00:21:24,684 --> 00:21:25,916 never mind. 566 00:21:26,019 --> 00:21:28,686 - I know, and I feel so awful. 567 00:21:28,771 --> 00:21:31,922 But maybe my dad could help me fix it. 568 00:21:32,025 --> 00:21:33,924 - I finished our project, by the way. 569 00:21:34,027 --> 00:21:36,927 Have a good night, chrissy. 570 00:21:37,030 --> 00:21:40,097 52 calls out year after year to no response. 571 00:21:40,199 --> 00:21:41,432 There's no reason he would do that 572 00:21:41,534 --> 00:21:44,368 unless no other whales could understand him. 573 00:21:44,454 --> 00:21:45,536 He really must be 574 00:21:45,621 --> 00:21:46,237 the loneliest animal on the planet. 575 00:21:54,247 --> 00:21:55,796 [whooshing] 576 00:21:58,251 --> 00:22:00,418 [rumbling] 577 00:22:00,503 --> 00:22:04,005 [quiet music] 578 00:22:04,090 --> 00:22:10,061 ♪ ♪ 579 00:22:38,758 --> 00:22:40,657 - excuse me, I'm looking for 580 00:22:40,760 --> 00:22:43,878 a 1/8th diameter spear tip drill bit, 581 00:22:43,963 --> 00:22:46,330 and I can't seem to find it. 582 00:22:46,432 --> 00:22:47,381 Cheaper brand's fine too. 583 00:22:47,467 --> 00:22:49,383 My budget's a little low these days. 584 00:22:49,469 --> 00:22:51,802 I had money stored up for emergencies 585 00:22:51,888 --> 00:22:53,687 and was given a severance pay from the pope, 586 00:22:53,806 --> 00:22:56,690 so most of my funds are going towards this sort of stuff. 587 00:22:56,793 --> 00:22:58,475 I'm ok, though. 588 00:22:58,578 --> 00:22:59,860 I'm not telling you that to make you feel better. 589 00:22:59,946 --> 00:23:03,313 It's just an instinctive reaction when I see someone 590 00:23:03,416 --> 00:23:04,648 confused or pitying me. 591 00:23:04,734 --> 00:23:06,867 I'm now heavily medicated to maintain the pain 592 00:23:06,986 --> 00:23:09,153 of the loss of my dick. 593 00:23:09,238 --> 00:23:11,372 And even though it's affecting the filters in my brain, 594 00:23:11,491 --> 00:23:14,041 like oversharing, I can still pick up on social cues. 595 00:23:14,160 --> 00:23:17,294 But yeah, I'm making a laser to kill a little girl. 596 00:23:18,214 --> 00:23:19,380 - The drill bits are behind you. 597 00:23:19,499 --> 00:23:20,548 - Ah! What do you know? 598 00:23:20,666 --> 00:23:23,884 This is perfect.