[birds chirping]
"THEY SEE ME AS A MIX BETWEEN PIPPI LONGSTOCKING AND AL CAPONE"
- CLARK OLOFSSON
BASED ON TRUTHS AND LIES
[serene music playing]
[slurring] Clark, come here.
Clark, listen to me. Here's the deal.
Life is full of disappointments.
So you've just got to man up.
You understand? You just man up and then you handle that shit.
That's right.
You man up and handle it. [chuckles]
You look so cute together, boys.
Shut your mouth, you stupid bitch!
[mutters] Cranky bastard.
That's the point of the whole goddamn thing. Understand?
[snorts, grunts]
Don't listen to her.
[Clark screams]
[sinister orchestral music playing]
Oh, for Christ's sake!
Sten, what the hell?!
-You shut your mouth! -Clark!
-He has to learn to take care of himself.
[Ingbritt] He's only six!
Yeah, exactly! About fucking time!
[grunts] What the…?
[Sten grunts]
[Ingbritt] Clark! Help him, goddamn it! Sten, for fuck's sake!
-Goddamn it! -Jump in and get him out!
Now look what you've done, you stupid goddamn bitch!
[Ingbritt grunts]
[Ingbritt] Clark!
[Ingbritt groans]
Please, Sten.
Help him.
Clark? Clark! Clark!
Sten! He's gonna drown!
-[Clark gasps] -Clark! Such a good boy.
About fucking time!
Now dive down and get the damn bottle, you little shit!
Sten! No!
-Clark! -I said get the damn bottle! [grunts]
What the fuck, Sten?!
[Sten speaks indistinctly]
-Get the bottle! -Clark!
[Clark] I never listened to my old man's bullshit,
but that's exactly what I remember, and I've thought a lot about it.
Sometimes life is full of disappointments,
and at those times, you have to man up and handle them.
When life is at its best,
you have to be prepared for disappointments.
Oh, Clark…
[Clark sighs]
[Clark chuckles]
Uh… Not too fast. [grunts] Then I'm gonna come.
I must have a fifth sense or something, like this time, for example.
I can always sense when shit is about to hit the fan.
-Three, two, one… -[stopwatch ticking]
Clark Olofsson! Police!
-[screams] -We've got you now!
-[Clark grunts] -Come on, Clark!
N-no point resisting. Just give up!
[Clark laughs]
[cracking]
[Clark] Wait! Hold on a sec.
You're wondering what happened to Maria…
the move to Beirut…
and our new life in the Paris of the Middle East.
Check this out.
BEIRUT, 1972 THE PARIS OF THE MIDDLE EAST
[call to prayer blaring]
[call to prayer continues]
[breathing deeply]
Oh, what the hell?
Shut the fuck up, goddamn it!
People are trying to sleep here, for God's sake!
Shut up!
Clark, what are you doing?
Some damn m-moron is screaming and waking up the entire neighborhood!
Come back to bed, Clark.
-They do that here. -Well, they better stop that shit.
Or else.
[call to prayer continues]
No, I can't sleep like this.
[children giggling]
[chattering in Arabic]
[car horn blaring]
[children giggling]
[man speaking Arabic]
[dog barks]
[man speaking Arabic]
-Hello. -As-salamu alaykum.
Alaykum salam.
[in Arabic] Hey, buddy, bring the kid some tea!
[café owner, in Arabic] Okay.
-Oh! -[bubbling]
These are so good. This orange was very goodly.
[in Arabic] Sweet.
-Your tea. -Ah. [chuckles] Tea, here.
[in Arabic] Here. This is good tea.
Uh… Th-thank you.
Shukran.
Uh, in Sweden we say, "Cheers, goddamn it!"
[in Arabic] Cheers!
[bubbling]
-Shisha. -Shisha?
-[in Arabic] Care to try? -Thank you.
[in Arabic] Try it.
[bubbling]
[in Arabic] Shisha is dope!
[laughs] Very good.
[bubbling]
-I've got to go and do a business. -A business?
Yes, yes. That's why I'm here.
Okay, okay.
Shukran.
[in Arabic] Take care, buddy.
[chuckles] Go shit yourself.
[chattering in Arabic]
[Clark] I felt free in Beirut.
It really was paradise,
and there were a lot of promising business opportunities around.
And the oranges were freakin' good.
Much better than in Sweden.
Mr. Osman!
-[laughs] -Olofsson!
-I have an appelsin for you. -[gasps] Oh!
Hello, my friend!
-Good day. -Oh. Yeah. Oh.
-[laughs] Three. Three. -How are you?
-Mercedes-bile. What do you think? -Yeah, wonderful!
-Europe. Ten of ten. -Yes, yes.
-You have all the money that we agreed on? -Yes, yes.
Not all of it, but I have a portion of it with me, yes.
What the hell, man?!
-Olofsson, please. First, listen to me. -No, no. All the money.
-Olofsson… -Hmm?
Wait for business. Don't give me that face.
I see you found your way to the oranges.
-Yes, yes. -Yes.
-What do you think? -I like them very much.
-It's the best orange I've ever had. Yes. -Yes.
I maybe have a business proposal you will like, my friend.
-[laughs] -A very…
-Yes! -Yes.
-You like business? -I like business!
-I am best at business. -Yes, yes.
Business father.
[chuckles] Oh! I am father of the father of business.
-I want to hear more. -Yeah, yeah.
You know, if you…
[door shuts]
Honey, where are you?
I'm in here.
[laughs] There you are.
Look what I got for you.
Try this one.
Listen to this.
I met a guy down here. Osman. A nice guy.
And we have an amazing business idea.
He is the owner of an entire orange plantation.
-Mm-hmm? -And they're cheap as hell.
Almost for free. It's good, right?
-Yeah, delicious! -Yeah.
Much better than in Sweden.
That's exactly what I said. Much better than in Sweden.
Why do all the oranges in Sweden come from…
Israel, or wherever they ship them from?
It's freakin' orange racism! They could just as well come from here.
Cheaper, better and tastier.
Clark Olofsson, the orange importer!
What do you say?
I love this, Clark.
-I knew you'd like it. -[laughs]
I think it proves that I have been right about you from day one.
Yeah, it does.
You're no criminal.
You're a smart and driven entrepreneur.
Damn right I am.
And a good person.
Ah…
Yes, you are.
I'm so proud of you, Clark.
It wasn't easy to leave everything behind.
No, I know.
I know.
But a voice inside of me said, "Do it, Maria.
He won't disappoint you."
And I'm so glad that I listened.
And now… now you can live your dream, honey!
-[snorts] -You did it, Clark!
You betcha. We did it.
-Yes, we did it. -[both laugh]
[Clark] And they lived happily ever after, and all that shit.
-[Clark] Mm. -[call to prayer blaring]
[groans] Now he starts howling again!
Hell no!
["Sexton Ton" playing]
[men speaking in Arabic]
[bell rings]
-[bell rings] -[chattering continues]
[sniffs]
[whistles] Yeah.
Combination!
[cheering]
We will get rich!
[orange] Wait for me! Wahoo!
[oranges chattering]
[orange] No, wait for me! Whoo! Look at me!
-Olofsson! -[chuckles]
-Beirut will miss you. -I will not miss Beirut.
It was very, very nice to make business with you, Mr. Clark.
Yes, yes. Same tobacco to you, Mr. Osman. You are a very nice, uh, mister.
You're a very nice mister too.
-Yes, yes, yes. -Yes, yes.
[both laugh]
-Yes. Olofsson. -Okay.
-Oh! Yeah. All right. -Olofsson. Yes. Indeed.
-[in Swedish] Go shit yourself. -[in Swedish] Go shit yourself. Go shit.
[engine starts]
-[pats vehicle] -Drive safe back to Switzerland.
Never in life!
[horn toots]
What a fucking idiot.
[Clark] You know, I was sick and tired of Beirut.
It was no damn paradise, as it said in the papers.
And I'd had enough,
so I decided to drive the goods myself, all the way home to Swede-land.
-[horn blares] -Out of the way!
WELCOME TO TURKEY - GREECE - YUGOSLAVIA
WELCOME TO HUNGARY - THE USSR POLAND - GERMANY
The export and import parts were done.
Now I just needed someone I could trust to distribute the goods.
I knew just who to talk to.
[sultry jazzy music playing]
My old buddy, Kurre the Fox.
-[laughs] -No way! Slark Olofsson!
What's in the bag?
[rattling]
[chuckles] Come in.
-Oh, Slark. -Damn, it stinks in here.
[projector whirring]
[Clark] Kurre the Fox,
owner of Sweden's largest porn collection, who knew every single dealer in town.
The right man for the job.
Damn. Great pretzels.
-Ooh! -Look at that cock.
And now, let's booze it up. [chuckles]
Cheers, you freakin' idiot.
Oh! Mm.
[sighs] I've got something for you, Kurre.
-Huh? -Check this out.
No! Hell no! I hate fruit.
I don't think you'll hate…
this one.
No, that stuff I don't hate at all.
-[gasps] -That is fine, fine stuff.
Black Afghan, straight out of Lebanon.
And I got an entire truckful of that shit parked right outside.
-No… -Yeah.
And if you find the right people, that shit is gonna sell itself.
Well, I know the right people.
So, what do you say?
Partners?
Partners.
[both laugh]
Sit.
[squeaking]
What the hell is his problem?
The bengan? He doesn't have a problem.
He's staring at me like a freakin' psycho.
No, damn it. Get him away from me.
[sighs] So, what do we do now?
All right, come on.
-We've got loads to do. -You mean right now?
Yeah, sure thing. Right away.
Hash won't sell itself.
[inhales sharply] Okay. I'll head out, then.
[Clark sighs]
Oh, so you…
Y-you're tagging along, or…?
Yeah. What did you think? Of course I'm coming with you.
[sighs] Well, the thing is, you're gonna scare these guys shitless.
Huh?
You are Slark Olofsson. Y-you are world famous in all of Sweden.
Wanted, on the run…
You're way out of their league, you know?
Yeah, you may be right.
[chuckles] Yeah.
But, hey, trust me. I-I'll sell this in no time.
If you trick me, I'll kill you.
[gasps]
B-but… C-come on, Slark, it's--
Do you get it?
[softly] Yeah.
I'm just kidding.
-But you better hurry. -Yeah.
[chuckles] Yeah.
Uh… Meanwhile, you take care of Slarken, Bengan.
-What the hell? -Be right back. I'll take care of this.
-Take it easy. -Oh, come on. Shoo. Away.
[projector whirring]
[sultry funky music playing]
[grunts]
What the hell are you staring at, you damn pervert?! Huh?
[masturbation resumes]
[sighs]
Ah, I lost it, and it's your fault.
Do you have any idea who you're dealing with, huh?
Probably the biggest gangster in the entire history of gangsters.
Huh?
You don't think that I can rob a bank whenever I feel like it?
W-with this, if I wanted to.
Look.
You freakin' idiot.
DON'T DRINK
Ah. I'm not gonna sit around here.
Go shit yourself, you miserable rat!
[indistinct chattering]
-That's right! -[onlookers gasp]
You can believe your eyes. It's me.
And this is a robbery.
Holy shit.
-[bell dings] -What do you go by, then?
-My name is Ingela. -[woman tuts]
-[Clark] You're not scared, are you? -Yeah, a little. I've heard about you, so…
Don't believe everything you read… [whispering] because I'm even better.
[both laugh]
Excuse me, young man.
Are you robbing the bank or trying to get laid?
Uh… What?
I have a roast in the oven.
I'm sorry. I got a bit distracted.
[Clark chuckles]
And is it really a gun you have there in your pocket?
Well, isn't it freakin' obvious… that I got a gun in my pocket?
[woman inhales deeply]
This is a robbery.
It's my honor to give you all this unique experience,
something you can tell everybody you meet for the rest of your boring lives.
That you were here, together with Clark Olofsson.
Fill the bag! Empty the drawers! All of them!
And nobody does any stupid shit, or else!
-[woman] So, this is what you do? -Huh?
Going around, robbing banks?
Is that a life?
I also smuggle drugs and some other, pettier stuff.
But I mostly rob banks. Is that a problem?
Can you hurry, please? You heard the lady.
She's got a damn roast in the oven.
Thanks a lot.
And now, Ingela, I'll ask you if you want to stay here with these boring people…
[Ingela chuckles]
…or if you want to come with me for a few hours, escape all this
and live like Clark Olofsson?
-Hmm. -Or else, I'll shoot you.
-[laughs] -[chuckles] I'm just kidding. Ma'am.
-[man] What the…? -[Clark] Go shit yourselves, everybody!
-[cheering and applause] -[man] It's Clark!
[funky music playing]
[Clark] Champagne. Make it quick.
[DJ on PA] Come on, all dance lovers!
It's time to capture an angel!
[cheering]
[Clark] Now, let's have some fun.
It's a classic.
-[DJ] Dance the night away! -[cheering]
["Fånga en Ängel" playing]
[DJ] Ooh! Ah!
Feel the beat!
This will be a night to remember.
[man] Come on, Clark!
[singing along in Swedish]
Hi there. Get out.
-Hey, what the…? I'm still peeing! -Get out. Come on.
[man] Damn idiot! I was still peeing.
Here we go.
[Clark sighs]
-[scoffs] Stupid. -[chuckles] I freakin' love you.
Come on, bank robber. Give me some Clark.
Oh, here he is.
[both moaning]
[Clark moans intensely]
[Clark laughs]
[Clark panting]
There. [exhales shakily]
-[sighs] That was nice. -Are you already done?
[sighs] Yes, indeed. You're dealing with a pro.
[chuckles] How has the evening been so far?
It's been fantastic.
I think I know how we can make it even more fantastic.
Come on.
KIDS? IN DUE TIME. ARE YOU USING A CONDOM?
["Fånga en Ängel" continues playing]
PUBLIC BATHING
[Clark] Look at this. This is gonna be fun.
-[screams] -[laughs] Ladies first.
[chuckles] You're crazy.
[Ingela laughs]
-Last one in is a turd! -No!
Yee-haw!
[music fades out]
[water splashes]
[dreamy harp music playing]
[steam hissing]
[Clark] So, this is how we ended up here.
Just as my old man said, you just have to man up
and handle your problems.
And you know what will happen next.
-Police! -[Ingela screams]
-Take it easy, Clark! -[Clark laughs]
[grunting]
Take it easy, Clark!
[Clark laughs]
Come on, give up! You can't escape!
[Ingela] Clark!
[policemen grunting]
[judge] Prison-break, passport forgery, bank robbery.
[Clark] Six years in prison.
-Welcome back, Clark. -Have we been given new pants, Söderström?
-Yeah, just for you. -Damn, they're comfy.
I'm glad you like them.
[Clark] So, locked up again.
Kind of nice.
There's no place like home.
[Clark] Come on.
But, of course, I had to call Maria.
[indistinct conversations echoing]
-[inmate 1] Just shut up. -[inmate 2] Watch it!
[chattering continues]
-Shut up, damn it! -[chattering stops]
-What do you mean, "shut up"? -No. Sorry. It wasn't for you.
I was just… uh…
I don't understand what you're thinking, Clark.
You told me you were done!
I told everybody that you had stopped, and I… I got everyone to believe me too.
Yeah. I-I know. It's terrible.
I'm sorry. It was really, really stupid.
You're wanted, and the first thing you do when you get to Sweden is to rob a bank!
Yeah, but I didn't mean to get caught.
[Clark hesitates]
You're focusing on the details. Try to see the bigger picture.
Uh… I love you.
Y-you can trust me, Maria.
-Can I, Clark? -Yeah, of course you can.
You're the love of my life.
We'll see.
I have to go. I have to try and figure out a way to get back home to Sweden.
-I'm hanging up. Goodbye, Clark. -Wh…? Maria?
[Clark] That went pretty well, if you ask me.
But, hell, six years is a long time and prison can be a rough place.
And it was even worse for me, a celebrity criminal.
That kind of thing rubs the other inmates the wrong way,
so it's important to never let your guard down.
Hi, fellas. Ludo, that's fun.
Scoot over. I want to play too.
I'm sorry, kid. Ludo has a maximum of four players.
[Clark] Sometimes you got to put your foot down
to show them who's boss.
Ah, come on, damn it. I want to join in. Don't you know who I am?
Huh? [chuckles]
Yes, you're Clark Olofsson.
Yeah.
But there are only four colors in this game.
Ain't that right, guys?
[laughter]
[man grunts]
[suspenseful rock music playing]
[Clark yells]
But before we do this,
I'd like to ask you all to put your hands in your pants
and see if there's a goddamn cock there,
because, to me, you look like a bunch of pussies!
[growls]
[fighting grunts]
[Clark] Come on, then, you damn Finnish freaks!
[Clark yells]
Damn it! All I wanted was some love and to play some ludo.
[fighting grunts]
Hold on to your hats! Hi-yah!
[Clark grunts]
-Hwah! -[whimpers]
Janne Olsson.
Pleasure to meet you.
[rock music blaring over stereo]
I said, hello there, Olofsson.
Janne Olsson is my name.
Oh. Hi there.
[Clark] Suddenly, there he was.
The chicken thief Janne Olsson,
who would soon change my entire life.
Freakin' unbelievable.
[sighs] Damn, what an honor to meet you.
[snorts] Uh, yeah, all right.
A goddamn pleasure.
-Take a seat. -Thank you. Thank you.
-What are you in for? -Ah, all kinds of devilry, you know?
Yeah?
[lighter clicks]
Janne dreamt of becoming a celebrity criminal just like me,
a life in the fast lane.
He wanted to learn everything he could from me and hear my stories over and over.
Goddamn, that's cool!
Like a child wanting to hear the same bedtime story a thousand times.
[sighs] Come on, Clark.
Can't you tell it again? Please?
-[chuckles] -No.
Okay.
So, you dress up like an Arab, and then you walk into the bank.
Then you yell a cool slogan like, uh,
"Hold onto your hats!"
And then you shoot the employees--
-And then-- -No, no, no, no, no.
You don't shoot the employees.
You need them as hostages, right?
In order to force the bigshots to give you money
and everything else you need.
And a fast getaway car.
-Ford Mustang, blue. Good-looking car. -Blue, yeah.
They'll do everything you ask of them.
And, hey…
"Let the party begin."
That sounds cooler.
You can't say, "Hold onto your hats."
"Let the party begin."
-Damn. You're a genius, Clark. -Mm.
-Let the party begin! -There you have it.
Yeah. There I fucking have it.
The chicken thief was so impressed by me that he did whatever I asked him to do.
He had a lot of day releases,
so I used him to get stuff I needed for my next escape.
[Janne] You ordered some dynamite?
I'll be damned!
[laughs] Damn, that's great, Janne.
Next furlough, Clark,
it's fire in the fucking hole.
Yeah, we'll do it.
Let the party begin.
Yeah.
[engine starting]
[car backfires]
[engine sputtering]
Don't you dare break down on me!
-[engine sputtering] -What the hell is wrong now?
Damn shitty car!
[grunts] Come on. Work with me, damn it.
[suspension creaking]
[grunts]
[chuckles]
[grunts]
Yeah, that's it. That's it. Yeah, downhill. Fucking aces.
-I'm coming, Clarky boy! -[horn honks]
-[horn blaring] -[muttering] Damn it, Janne.
KALMAR PRISON 6TH AUGUST, 1973
[Clark] Everything was planned in detail and prepared according to my genius plan.
The chicken thief stole a discreet car and disguised himself
so that nobody would suspect a thing.
And, of course, the dynamite,
a classic when it came to jail-breaks.
Nothing could go wrong.
It was an amazing plan, if it weren't for Janne's damn…
[inmates yelling]
…Janne's damn shitty dynamite that didn't even work!
-[Janne] Come on, Clark! -Goddamn it!
[alarm ringing]
What kind of shit dynamite is this?!
What the hell?! There's nothing wrong with the dynamite!
R-really?
It didn't do a goddamn thing!
Maybe because you don't know how to use it!
Hey, hey, hey! Of course I know how to use it!
Janne, that stupid fool.
You gave me a freakin' measly firecracker!
If that idiot hadn't messed everything up
with his crap dynamite and horseplay, this story would have been very different.
Everything would have been different…
Don't you worry, Clark!
-I'll get you out. -[fighting grunts]
…and this TV series wouldn't have existed.
-I'll think of something. -[Clark] You damn chicken thief!
-[engine starts] -I promise!
[car backfires]
Goddamn it.
-[engine revving] -Remember, let the party begin!
Anyway, Maria had managed to get back to Sweden
and, hell, she wasn't happy.
-I want to break up. -What?
I had to do some damage control.
N-n-no… No, you don't. W-what do you mean?
We've had the same fight so many times now.
Always the same damn fight about the same goddamn things.
All couples fight.
That's normal in a relationship with as much emotion as ours.
No normal couples fight about the things we fight about.
I promise you that.
I wish with all my heart that we could have a normal fight.
We can fight about something normal if you want.
You used dynamite!
Somebody could have gotten hurt!
"Somebody could have gotten hurt"?
Yes!
Come on. What about me? I could have died, Maria.
Janne's crappy dynamite didn't work. It was super dangerous.
-I tried to escape for your sake. -Stop it, Clark.
-You're not listening to me. -I am.
I can't take this anymore.
You can handle anything, Maria. You're strong.
That's why you and I are together. [chuckles]
Clark, I mean it.
I'm leaving you.
[inhales deeply]
No, no, no, no, no, no, no. Damn it. Don't do this.
☻I know that I messed up a bit,
but…
Come on, you know this damn society has never given me an honest chance!
I know.
And I thought that I could help you.
Yeah.
Bring out the good in you, but that's totally freakin' impossible.
You can do it. You can do it, Maria. Don't give up on me.
If you abandon me now,
I don't know what I will do.
[Clark sighs]
You are all that I have.
[Clark inhales shakily]
You're my hope, baby. Don't take away my hope.
You have so much to give.
Because people listen when you speak.
You inspire them.
Imagine…
the things that you could accomplish if you just tried.
You could become a role model.
A national hero.
I…
I want to be a national hero.
It doesn't seem that way.
Yes, damn it!
You'll see. I'll, uh… I'll prove it to you somehow.
Tell me how.
You will see. You'll see. I promise.
You will see, honey.
[Ingela] "Honey"?
[smacks lips] Hey.
-Clark, it's me. -[chuckles nervously]
[Clark sighs and laughs]
Ingela.
-Hi. -Hi.
Who was she, the one who left?
-Huh? -The one that left?
It was, um… Never mind. It's great to see you.
-[Ingela] Mm. -[chuckles]
Hey… Mm.
I have something wonderful to tell you.
-Are you ready? -I'm ready.
[Clark chuckles nervously]
-I'm pregnant. -Pardon?
I'm pregnant. We are going to be parents.
-How marvelous! -Mm-hmm.
-Great to hear. Very nice. Good. -Mm.
Mine?
-Yeah, it's our child. -My child. Our child.
[Clark laughs]
[sighs]
[Clark] Oh, shit, there was a lot of stuff going on at the same time.
I was gonna be a dad
and, on top of that, be a national hero.
[grunts]
And it's not easy when you're behind bars like some freakin' animal.
[urinating]
You just have to man up and handle your problems.
[grunts]
[sighs]
Like when Dad abandoned me and Mom was sent to the loony bin.
The social services sent me to a foster home…
[man] Hey, kid!
…and this ugly drunken pig was supposed to take care of me.
[birds chirping]
[dog barking]
[Clark sighs]
[flies buzzing]
Get to work, dammit.
[thunder rumbling]
Are you sure you've got a cock? [laughs]
-[grunts] -You're digging like a damn woman!
It didn't bother me that much. I can handle that kind of crap.
-[Clark grunts] -[laughs]
You little boy-pussy!
Bring me another bottle, you sodding brat!
You have to be a bit creative and have a strong psyche.
And I've always had that.
I'll show you.
And it was fun driving that old bastard up the wall.
[belches, sighs]
[man] Here comes Santa Claus.
I've got something for you, boy-pussy.
-What the hell, Clark?! Stop! -Burn in hell, you fat bastard!
Clark!
Stop!
But, finally, it was time to escape.
Goddamn it, Clark!
[man yells]
You little fucking piece of shit.
No, no, no, no, no. What the hell?
What the hell have you done?!
-[glass shatters] -What the hell, Clark?!
You little piece of…
No!
[groans]
Clark!
Man up and handle your problems.
[inhales deeply]
STOCKHOLM 23RD AUGUST, 1973
What the hell are you looking at? Huh?
I don't see anyone else here.
I guess you're looking at me.
What I want? Well, I'm gonna tell you.
Three million,
in unmarked bills,
foreign currency,
and a blue Ford Mustang.
Blue! Ha!
Yeah…
[inhales deeply]
What I do want?
Three. M-millions.
In another country's money's kronas.
And a blue Ford Mustang.
Now. Now!
Let the party begin.
[chuckles]
Yeah.
[woman whispers] Let the party begin.
[gun cocking]
Let the party begin!
[gunfire]
[audio glitching]
[keys jangling]
-Olofsson, wake up. -I didn't do it.
Someone's here to see you.
Rise and shine, Olofsson.
[chuckles] Tommy-Pony.
-What a surprise. -"Tommy" is enough.
You are gonna come with me, immediately.
I am?
Mm.
[muttering] Yeah, well, I don't really have anything better to do.
[sighs] Where are we going?
To a disco? [chuckles]
Seriously… what is this? What the hell are you doing here?
We're done talking. Come with me.
-[guard] Gate's open. -[Clark chuckles]
-[guard] Stand by.
[engine starts]
-[chuckles] Oh, hi there. -Hello.
Hiller. Nice to meet you.
Go shit yourself. An escort? Must be something important.
Come on, guys. What sort of fun do you have in store?
Am I that handsome that you're speechless?
Ah, don't be too embarrassed. It happens all the time. [laughs]
[bell rings]
Come on, Tommy-Pony, admit that it's a little bit funny. Huh?
How you're always trying to put me in jail and now you're dragging me out.
[Tommy] Settle down, Clark.
-[camera shutters clicking] -[journalists clamoring]
Oh. Smile, damn it. The press are here.
[Clark laughs]
[siren wailing]
Now maybe you'll make the front page and see how that feels. [laughs]
-[journalist] Tommy! Where are you going? -[Clark] What the hell?
What's that smell?
Have you bought a new cologne, Tommy?
-For Christ's sake. -To get laid, right?
Nah, he always pays for that.
[Clark laughs]
[siren wailing]
[Clark] When are we gonna get there? How far are we going?
-I'm freakin' starving. -[Tommy] Could you stop talking?
-[Clark] What was your name? -Hiller.
-[Clark] Hiller, where are we going? -[Tommy] Shut up!
What the hell? These seats are sticky. What have you been doing back here?
No, don't answer that. I don't want to know. [laughs]
-Tommy, are you getting any pussy? -[Tommy] Shut up, Clark!
[Clark] You're so grumpy. Why don't we have a little fun?
-I'm starving. -[Hiller] Yeah, dammit. I'm hungry too.
[Tommy] Hiller, for Christ's sake…
[urinating]
-[Clark] I have to pee too. -[Tommy] Shut up, Clark!
[engine starts]
[Clark] Why are you driving so slow? Are we there soon?
[Hiller] Actually, yes, we are.
[sirens wailing]
[reporter] Well, we now we see a dark-blue Volvo approaching.
-Hi there. -[camera shutters clicking]
[reporter] It's rumored that Clark Olofsson has been transported here
from a jail in Kalmar.
[Clark] It was a long trip and the car smelled like shit.
When we finally arrived, I realized that something big was going on.
I was curious about what had happened, but I had a hunch.
Live from Norrmalmstorg, Bo Holmström.
The entire Norrmalmstorg is, as you can see, full of police cars
and sealed off because we are expecting gunfire at any moment.
As we heard, it began at ten o'clock this morning,
as a man who is said to have spoken English
entered the bank.
-[gunfire] -[woman screams]
[Clark] The drama on Norrmalmstorg.
The thing that made me super famous.
I became the Stockholm-syndrome man all over the world.
Hell, they should have named it the Clark Olofsson syndrome.
[scoffs] The Stockholm syndrome…
That's bullshit.
[Bo] While we were gone for a moment, a car pulled up with Clark Olofsson.
Is he here?
I can't tell, because I've been standing by the microphone.
[Clark] Holy shit, I had a blast those days.
I look back on it as a real fun memory.
This is quite an operation. [chuckles]
So, this terrorist has taken three people hostage,
shot a policeman in the hand, and asked us to bring you here.
He's also dressed up as an Arab.
-Or Rastafari. We're not sure which. -[laughs] Rastafari?
He says he knows you.
Do you know who this is?
[Clark] Well, I couldn't tell them that I knew who it was…
No…
…because then they wouldn't have brought me there.
I'm not sure I know who it is.
[Tommy] Mm-hmm.
On the other hand, I couldn't say that I didn't know who it was,
because then they wouldn't let me in.
But if it's the one I think it is, and I'm pretty sure about it…
-[Hiller] Mm? -…you're in a shitload of trouble.
-So, who is it, then? -Well, who the hell knows?
But I do know one thing.
He is a dangerous, unstable lunatic, and I'd do exactly as he says.
Yeah, it was one hell of a balancing act.
Of course, they believed everything I said.
-Hiller, got a cigarette? -Yeah, yeah.
-Of course. -[lighter flicks open]
Rastafari, you say? [chuckles]
Mm. And what more did he ask for?
Um, three million in cash and a Ford Mustang.
Ford Mustang.
Blue, he said. He was adamant about it.
-Yeah. -Quite a fancy car, actually.
-Yeah, that is a fancy car. -Okay. Okay.
Clark, let me make this very clear to you.
[Clark] Mm.
I think this is an absolutely terrible idea.
But… I have orders from Palme,
and he thinks that you can solve this without anybody getting hurt or killed.
Have you ever heard anything that stupid?
[chuckles] I'll be damned.
The mighty prime minister, Olof Palme himself, has asked for my help?
-No, no, no. The terrorist has asked-- -[laughs] Tommy-Pony, my friend--
My name is Tommy,
and you are not my friend!
No?
Okay, then.
[helicopter whirring]
Tell Palme I'll do it.
-Okay. -I'll do it for the good of the country.
But I want a gun, immunity,
and extra day releases.
-Absolutely. -Hmm?
-Anything you want. -Hiller! Absolutely not!
Forget about the whole thing. Turn the car around and go back to Kalmar.
-I didn't ask for this. -Fine, fine! Olofsson, you get your way.
But remember that nobody gets hurt.
Sure thing.
I promise.
Okay. Let's go.
[Tommy yells]
What now? Things are happening here. We hear shouting.
Goddamn it, Clark!
-He's here. -Get a grip!
-Just kidding. -What's so damn funny, Hiller?!
[crowd clamoring]
Clark!
[policeman] Respect the barriers. Stay behind.
["In Kommer Gösta" playing]
[siren wailing]
Come on!
[Palme] We have to fight crime.
Otherwise, our state of law can't be maintained.
[echoing] …maintained…
[reporter] As you can see,
the police are taking every possible measure.
That's the duty of the police.
[echoing] …the police…
[Clark] There wasn't a single soul in the entire country
who wasn't watching me as I walked towards the bank to save the day.
Oh, my God. Clark!
[policeman] Respect the barriers! Stay behind them! Stay behind!
What the fuck? It's Clark!
[Clark] All of Sweden came to a halt as they watched me come to Palme's aid.
On the other hand, we must protect human lives.
[echoing] …lives…
[crowd cheering]
[reporter] We see Clark Olofsson being escorted to…
Look. It's Daddy on TV.
…and Officer Tommy Lindström.
Look!
My son's on TV!
[neighbor] Shut up, you drunken old hag!
In every regard, make sure that each individual is safe from harm.
[echoing] …from harm…
[reporter] The situation is dangerous and dramatic right now.
We have taken cover ourselves.
[camera shutter clicking]
[reporter] So, the prime minister means that the government
and the police have put their trust in Clark Olofsson…
[snores] Clark…
…a notorious bank robber?
I, uh, would rather not go into that.
[echoing] …go into that…
[Tommy] OK, here's the deal.
The terrorist is controlling the bottom floor.
We have the top floor, the basement, the outside, the rooftops.
-Well, pretty much everywhere else. -All right. Okey-dokey. See you.
Uh-uh-uh! Clark, remember our agreement.
Nobody gets hurt, no one dies.
Yeah, yeah, of course. You know, you can trust me, Tommy.
You can always trust me. You know that.
[Clark] I had no idea what the hell I was getting into.
I could just as well have been heading straight into a death trap.
This is a horrible idea.
But I knew one thing for sure.
Life is full of disappointments.
You just have to man up and handle your problems.
And have some fun while you're at it.
[Janne] Let the party begin!
[automatic gunfire]
BASED ON "VAFAN VAR DET SOM HÄNDE?" I-III BY CLARK OLOFSSON