HE EXHALES
I'm telling you, it's connected to the mains.Don't be ridiculous.
Just pull it out.You pull it out.No way!
I think it's made of glass. Oh, come on.
What next? It's too hot?
It does feel hot.
Oh! ELECTRICITY CRACKLES
Hey!
Oh, I'm just going to... I'm going to go just drain the...
I'm going to go to the toilet.
Urine or faeces?
Oh, uh, urine.
Right.
Well, actually, I might...
I might sit down, you know, just sort of see what happens.
I might get lucky.
I like him.Yeah. He's quite nice.
Shit.
Hodge! OVER PHONE:Hello? Yeah, it's Stewart.Who?
Stewart.Which Stewart?
It's the only Stewart. Oh, right. Him.
I've been into the basement
and I can't seem to get any network signal,
so I was just... Probably a black spot.Yeah, I know.
Bloody black spots.
Well, I was just wondering if you could pop down and have a...?Sure.
Why not?Yes. That's amazing.
Thank you.Yeah.Great, thanks. Thanks, Steve.
DOOR BUZZES OPEN
Ow! HE GROANS
What are you doing?Oh, Jesus!
Uh, um, nothing! Nothing. I was...
I was looking for my shoe. Oh, there it is.
HE CHUCKLES NERVOUSLY Oh, thanks.
Why are you looking at that? I'm not.
That's the mothershi...
You're spying?I'm not. I'm not spying. I'm not.
Oh, I've left it on my desk. What?Guards!
If I go down, you're coming down with me.
What?
There. See?
I don't remember...
Oh, no.
They're not mates. They're they AAA.
The "Yay, yay, yay"?
The AAA. The Anti-Alien Alliance.
The resistance.
And to be honest, this doesn't look good.
But I didn't know that!
Well, says you.
And, well, look whose hat you're wearing.
Oh!
Look, I didn't... I didn't take anything.
Wait, there's nothing on it.
In fact, take it.
See?
And I'm getting out tonight of the AAA.
I didn't even want in.
We can just go out that door
and then pretend that nothing ever happened.
All right?
Go back to, you know, what we're loosely calling normal.
What do you say...mate?
HUMMING IN DISTANCE, FOOTSTEPS APPROACH
DOOR BUZZES
SHE YAWNS
SQUELCHING
Sorry. Just needed somewhere private.
Yeah. Just wanted to see what it was like.
Yeah, I get it.
No.
Oh.
Did you get it?
I couldn't.
THEY GROAN Dick.I did try!
It's like North Korea over there. They've had a crackdown.
There's guards everywhere.So?
You just create a distraction on the roof
to divert the authorities
while you drill into the vault, collect the...
Is that Die Hard?
Uh, I wouldn't know. Haven't seen it.
Look, I almost got caught today.
And if it's all the same to you,
I'd rather not be flushed out into space, so I'm done.
Stewart!
This is war, and the first casualty of war...
Look, he tried, all right?
Yeah, well, not hard enough.
Yes, but you said that he'd be safe.
Well, why don't you marry him
if you don't want him... dead so much.
What the hell is that supposed to mean?
It means...There is a way where everyone can win.
Oh, pipe down, Marie Claire.
Huh? It's a woman's fashion magazine.
It doesn't matter.Oh. Yeah.
I went to our local library today...
OTHERS:Oo-ooh!Oo-ooh!
Well, that'll win the war.
..and found the blueprints
for the Clitheroe Borough Council building.
All right. Let's hear it then, Eisenstein.
HE CHUCKLES
Even with the lockdown in place,
I think we can get into the compound
and get the mothership plans for ourselves.
But we need someone to open the hatch.
Someone on the inside.
Me?
It would just be the tiniest thing,
and then you would be able to go, with our thanks.
So, he gets us in and we get the plans.
Yes, precisely.
Right.
Um, I-I don't...I don't know.
Well, we'll need to thrash it all out, of course.
Sleep on it, perhaps.
Oh, maybe don't leave on your own.
It might arouse suspicion.
Say you're meeting a friend.
Yeah, sure.
Right, come on, then.
We will be in touch.
See you soon.
I, uh... I may not like you - and I mean politicians, not...
Well, both.
But, uh, this plan, I have to say...
No, that was all bullshit, I'm afraid.
Well, you know, sort of half bullshit.
Right. What?
Oh, no, no.
We still need our little friend to get us in.
But your Star Wars plan... Uh, it's not from Star Wars.
It was a bit of a long shot.
I mean, if we really want to send a message,
then I think we need to be a little bit more direct.
You reckon?
Those bastards destroyed my home.
My second home.
They killed your nana and your nana's sister.
TEARFULLY:It's my great aunt.
I googled it.
Right, then. I think we deserve a bit of payback.
Uh, Tom, who was that guy you knew?
Oh, uh, "The Milkman".
We call him that because he always delivers.
Excellent.
Put us down for crate of Gold Top.
You mean guns?Yes, I mean guns.
MUSIC: Here In The Dark by Aoife Nessa Frances
# You can't protect yourself
# Eyes closed, it's something else
# Oh, you won't be thinking of the things you love... #
Hi, mate.
I got you one.
# My heart is so alive
# I've been dreaming of better times
# Oh, the skies won't fall... #
HE SIGHS
Got a job.
Two jobs, actually.
Messing them both up.
So, if you've got any advice...
Because I don't know what to do.
About what?Whoa!
What the hell?! What are you doing?
I heard you leave. Checking you're all right.
Yeah, checking up on me, more like.
No, really.
I just came here to think.
Who are you talking to?
Oh, my God. Get off.What? What? Oh, my God.
Look what you've done! It's just a tin.
It's not just a tin, it's a mate, and you keep crushing him.
Don't push me.
I'm going to push you because this is my planet.
We're sharing it.
That's not how you share! Right, look...
I said don't push. I'm going to push you.Stop!
Don't push me!
THEY SHOUT INDISTINCTLY
GRUNTING
Yeah?This teach you to share?
I'm going to teach YOU to share!
Right.
Ah! GRUNTING
Ah!
THEY BREATHE HEAVILY
Is this where he lived, then? Your mate?
No. This is a castle.Oh.
It's just where we'd come to hang out, chat.
Until you ruined it.
Well, it was already a bit ruined.
Shut up.Sorry...
..about your mate.
You know where I go to think?
Fucking hell.
Yeah, it's pretty good.
Most aren't.
Most are either toxic gas giants or on fire.
Or both.
You seen a lot, then?
One was just frozen acid.
Almost gave up hope.
And then...
We didn't want a war.
Well, most of us.
Didn't... Didn't feel like that.
We just wanted to survive. So do we.
I know. Not so different. I think we get along.Yeah.
Then why can't we?
Get along?
I mean, look at us.
We literally just had a fight.Yeah.
But, you know, now we're fine.
We're talking.
Why can't it be like that down there?
Stop the war, get round the table.
War's over. We won.
Come on.
I mean, if the war is over,
then why am I still fighting it on both sides?
And so are you.
You mean the resistance? And your lot.
It's all still just us and them.
I say we stop playing that game.
Start pulling apart. Start pulling together.
You and me.
And I know it's a long shot, but if we don't try,
we might never find it.
Find what?
Peace.
To peace.
Ow.
Oh, shit. Um...
Do you want another? No, I'll, um...
OVER MONITOR: Now, what we do...
CHATTER AND LAUGHER OVER MONITOR
Hmm.
Look, it's on me.
This way.
All loaded...
..and ready to go.
Right. Well, as quick as you can.
I've got to start me round in a minute.
Oh, so you're actually a milkman?
Oh. Oh, yeah. Yeah.
Did you need any orange juice?
No, no. Not today.
Just the guns.
KNOCKING AT DOOR
This isn't "sleeping on it".
I needed to talk to you. It's urgent.
SHE SIGHS
You better come in, then.
Sorry. It's a weird horse door. STEWART GROANS
We need to talk.
We certainly do.
"Peace"?
Yeah. By which I mean...
SHE CHUCKLES I know what peace is.
I was the Minister for War...Defence.
SHE CLEARS THROAT
But these things are notoriously difficult to hammer out.
And that's when you're dealing with the same species.
Look, I know it's a long shot...
..but do you not think before you go start a whole other war,
we should at least give it a try?
And, yeah, I know they're weird and they're difficult,
and they make no sense...
..but nor do we.
And I, despite every effort not to be,
am basically working both sides.
I can get everyone around a table, and we can get on.
I've seen it myself.
I think I can do this.
I just need a little help.
SHE CHUCKLES SOFTLY
I think I'm going to need a bigger table.
SHE CHUCKLES
Yeah, I think they just want a Gu'un face there,
you know, just to show that there's willing on both sides.
You did speak to them?
Yeah, yeah, yeah. You know, in theory, yeah.
Are you all right?Yeah.
Just a big day. Oh, don't be daft.
It's only saving the world. HE CHUCKLES
OVER MONITOR: You all right? Yeah. Sorry...
SIGNALS DISTORTS TRATER:What's happened?
Oh... SUIT WHIRRING
Is it the bloody Wi-Fi?
Hmm.
Black spots!
Come on! Curses!
KNOCKING AT DOOR
FUMBLING WITH LOCK INSIDE Oh, shit.
Balls. Hang on.
Horse door.
But...they're bigger than that.
No second thoughts?
Oh, shit.
Oh! Hello again.
Is he armed?
No. No?
Oh.
It's on my desk.
No.Good.
That makes this a lot easier.
Oh, my God!
What the hell are you doing? HE GRUNTS
You bastard.Me?!
I didn't know about this!
Frisk him.
You... Seriously, Greggs, I had no idea about any of this.
Get off me!
He's wearing a wire.YOU bastard!
It wasn't plugged in.You're a spy.
No, I'm...
Wait a minute. YOU'RE a spy!
Well, that's different!
Can someone tell me what the hell is going on?
We need to get into that office,
and since Stewart's gone all "Save The Children" on us,
we need to adjust our plans.
Sorry. Do you not want to save the children?Not really.
She's just saying, since you wouldn't give us a hand,
looks like we're going to have to take one.
What?Argh!
Now, those door pad things... Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah!
..does it matter which hand we use?
No, no! No-one is cutting anything's hand off.
OTHERS:Aw!
He'll get us inside.
You'll get us inside, right?
No, no, no. None for her. Why not?Too close to the enemy.
I don't trust her.Ah!
Oi!We need a getaway driver.
Someone we can trust. SHE SIGHS
Can we stop doing hello hands? My fingers are getting tingly.
I'm not talking to you. You're not talking to me?
I should be the one not talking to you.
You got me into this mess. I thought we were mates.Mates?
You were wearing a wire. Mates don't wear wires.
It's the exact reason I'm not talking to you.
"You double-crossed me"...
..is what I would say if we were talking.
"No, I didn't," is what I'd reply if we were talking.
"Oh, yeah, 'Trust me,' says the double agent"...
..would be my brilliant retort if this were a conversation.
HE SCOFFS Right, no talking!
BOTH: We're not!
It's show time.
OVER LOUDSPEAKER:This is a Territory 78 announcement.
Human employees must report to Sub-commander Gordan.
Entry will be given by DNA identity.
Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.
What's all this?
Just some mates.Mates?
What, as in mate-mates? As in...?
OTHER GUARD CHUCKLES
No, no, no. Just mates.
More of a... They're a...
Plumbers. Yeah.
He said his real name to some humans,
and now the toilets need some attention.
Up on three.
Are there toilets up on three?Yeah.
Oh.Yeah.
There's...Yeah.
Uh, there's... WHISPERS:17.
..17.
One, two, three...
..five, six, seven, eight, nine...
..13, 14, 15, 14, 15... No. Yeah.
Oh, OK. Yeah.Yeah.Yeah, cool. OK.
All right?All right?
Stew Pot.Hey, this guy!All right?
All right? Hello. Hello.
No, I'm saying it wasn't our Wi-Fi.
The signal wasn't lost. It was cut off.
Shit.
ALARM BLARES
Is that the red cord in the toilet?
Don't know.
# War, huh!
# Yeah!
# What is it good for?
# Absolutely nothing
# Uh-huh-uh
# War, huh!... #
Get down!
Get your weapon down now!
All right, move! Move!
# Say it again, y'all
# War, huh!
# Good God!
# What is it good for?
# Absolutely nothing
# Listen to me, ah!
# War, I despise
# Cos it means destruction of innocent lives
# War means tears to thousands of mother's eyes... #
For Nana!
Oh, my God!
# War, huh!
# Good God, y'all
# What is it good for? # HE SCREAMS
# Absolutely nothing
# Say it again
# War, huh!
# Oh-oh, oh-oh, Lord
# What is it good for? Absolutely nothing... #
Ow!
Ow so much!
INDISTINCT MURMURING
They're bloody paintball guns! OTHERS GROAN AND GRUMBLE
Oh!Whose idea was that?
# Let's go! #
Dammit. 11%.Oh, 7!
Got it. I'm fully charged. God, I hate Earth!
Fucking planet!
LASERS ZAP, PAINTBALL GUNS POP
We need backup!
MUZAK PLAYS
# And the man in the back said "Everyone attack"
# And it turned into a ballroom blitz
# And the girl in the corner said, "Boy I want to warn you"
# It'll turn into a ballroom blitz Ballroom blitz
# Ballroom blitz
# Ballroom blitz... #
Ow!
Ah!
Argh!
MUZAK PLAYS
We need a transporter.Hmm?
Zoom! A transporter.
Yeah. We'll put one in.Yeah.
We'll put one in.
LASERS ZAPPING, SHOUTING
# Everybody was frightening And the music was soothing... #
Your gun!Ah!
# They all started grooving Yeah, yeah, yeah... #
That's far enough!
Where are the keys?
LASERS ZAPPING, SHOUTING
# And the girl in the corner said "Boy I want to warn you"
# It'll turn into a ballroom blitz Ballroom blitz
# Ballroom blitz
# Ballroom blitz... #
MUZAK PLAYS
WADE GRUNTS AND PANTS
Ah!
Should we?
Feels like we should.Yeah.
ALARM BLARES
INDISTINCT SPEECH OVER LOUDSPEAKER
HE GROANS
HE SCREAMS
Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.
Well, it's almost too easy.
Ready?
Get in!
HE LAUGHS
Argh! How much charge have you got?
I've got nothing. I'm all out.
4%.
Should be just enough at this range.
Goodbye, traitor.
TRATER:What?Huh?
Argh!Freeze!
Hang on. I know you.
Yes, that's right.
Six weeks ago, you took this from me.
Well, now I'm taking it back.
What do you want? Well, there's this great big,
horrible, ugly grey thing hanging around in our lower orbit.
I thought it'd be a great idea to fire all our missiles at it.
SHE GIGGLES
But that's futile.
You might get a lucky shot in, hit the thermal exhaust port
that leads to the reactor core, but we'd retaliate.
This entire island would be wiped off the map.
You still lose.
Better we both lose than you win.
Nobody pushes Britain around.
Not you, not your ship, not Brussels.The vegetable?
Go now!
Let him go.
What?
We're all going to die, right?
Let him be with his kind.
If you're really doing this for us, humanity, show some.
Take me.
SHE CLEARS THROAT
Stay back. No, no. That's far enough.
Do you know the codes?
Minister for War.
Defence.Same thing.
It's their fault, you know. All of it.
The second they arrived, this was inevitable.
What about peace?
That never lasts.
You want something final, you have to do it yourself.
ALARM BLARES
All warheads green to go.
Goodbye, Stewart.
BEEPING
BEEPING CONTINUES
SHE SIGHS
Black spot.No!
THEY GRUNT
Ow!
Argh!
You lose!
Hey. Here he is.
How did it go?
Uh...
..yeah.
I think I did OK.Yeah.
I'm proud of you, mate.
Is that for me?
Maybe.
But not just yet.
Are you awake?
Hey.
Sorry. I just wanted to plug my phone in.
Oh, yeah.And there you go.
Yeah.
Hello, sleepyhead. Sorry, I hope you don't mind.
Your friend said it would be OK.
So, we're afraid you're going to die.
What?
Oh, sorry. No, we WERE afraid you were going to die. Sorry.
I'm still actually struggling with the apostrophes, but, no,
apparently you are going to be fine.
The pulse weapon was barely charged.
Lucky, really.
The fully charged one would have just liquefied your skull.
THEY LAUGH
No, but seriously, we do, I think,
owe you a huge debt of gratitude, don't we?
Well, he was in league with the...Hmm?
But, yes.
Yes, of course.Mm.
Obviously, we're keeping your position open,
but no rush to get back,
although we are having an issue with something called HS2?
No, I mean, it can wait.
Whenever you're ready.
CLANGING Ah!
Hey, mate.
Oh, uh, yeah. I brought you some flour.
No, that's not the...
Oh, shit it. HE LAUGHS
Thanks, mate.
Well...
What about the other rebels? Oh, rounded up, mostly.
I mean, a couple got away. We're making enquiries.
A bit of a wake-up call, though.
We realise we can't leave all these nuclear missiles just lying around,
so we finally, finally reached that agreement.
What, disarmament?
Um, well, kind of.
We're actually going to fire them into the sun.
Should be quite a show.
Greaves. What about Greaves?
Oh, yes. Rather a problematic outlook.
Interesting character, but, you know...
I think, however, we have found a way
of giving her a different perspective.
Seemed happy enough.
MUSIC: The Unanswered Why by William Doyle
# I woke this morning to find you missing
# Present in body but not in spirit
# And as we have all found... #
Brothers and sisters,
we may be down, but we are not defeated.
This is just the beginning.
Mark my words, I'll be back.
Terminator, right?
Uh, I wouldn't know. I haven't seen it. Nah.
MUSIC: Human by Rag'n'Bone Man
# Maybe I'm foolish, maybe I'm blind
# Thinking I can see through this and see what's behind
# Got no way to prove it so maybe I'm lying
# But I'm only human after all
# I'm only human after all
# Don't put your blame on me
# Take a look in the mirror and what do you see
# Do you see it clearer or are you deceived
# In what you believe
# Because I'm only human after all
# You're only human after all
# Don't put the blame on me
# Don't put your blame on me. #
Subtitles by Red Bee Media