1 00:00:02,000 --> 00:00:07,000 Downloaded from YTS.MX 2 00:00:02,503 --> 00:00:05,004 (tense music) 3 00:00:08,000 --> 00:00:13,000 Official YIFY movies site: YTS.MX 4 00:03:15,429 --> 00:03:17,563 - Who am I? 5 00:03:17,564 --> 00:03:19,799 My name is Carmilla Karnstein. 6 00:03:21,568 --> 00:03:25,237 When the black plague devastated Europe, I was there. 7 00:03:26,373 --> 00:03:30,943 When depraved witch finders walked the Earth, I was there. 8 00:03:31,745 --> 00:03:35,381 And when my condemned sisters were flayed and burned alive, 9 00:03:36,750 --> 00:03:37,583 I was there. 10 00:03:38,719 --> 00:03:43,222 Some call me a witch, others think me a demon, fools! 11 00:03:44,391 --> 00:03:47,093 Shall I tell you my secret? 12 00:03:47,094 --> 00:03:50,730 Carmilla Karnstein is more than a woman, 13 00:03:50,731 --> 00:03:54,767 more than a witch, for your eyes behold a guise. 14 00:03:55,669 --> 00:03:58,471 Do you hear me, poor mortal? 15 00:03:58,472 --> 00:04:00,106 Down on your knees. 16 00:04:01,108 --> 00:04:03,342 (cackling) 17 00:04:17,824 --> 00:04:20,726 - Nice to see all my ghostly ghouls again. 18 00:04:20,727 --> 00:04:23,629 I'm Debbie, your favorite graveyard slut, 19 00:04:23,630 --> 00:04:26,332 and we have a very special episode 20 00:04:26,333 --> 00:04:28,901 of Debbie Does Demons for you tonight. 21 00:04:28,902 --> 00:04:32,371 We are turning the clocks back to 1723, 22 00:04:32,372 --> 00:04:36,008 as we explore the life of the most notorious witch bitch 23 00:04:36,009 --> 00:04:37,777 who's ever humped a broom. 24 00:04:37,778 --> 00:04:42,548 A salacious slut, who gave even skeletons a boner. 25 00:04:42,549 --> 00:04:46,786 The queen of naked evil, Carmilla Karnstein. 26 00:04:46,787 --> 00:04:48,020 (groaning) 27 00:04:48,021 --> 00:04:49,255 Stop that! 28 00:04:51,558 --> 00:04:52,858 Where were we? 29 00:04:52,859 --> 00:04:55,494 Ah yes, Carmilla. 30 00:04:55,495 --> 00:04:59,431 She was always on the prowl for luscious virgin booty. 31 00:04:59,432 --> 00:05:01,801 One taste of her orgasmic love smoothie, 32 00:05:01,802 --> 00:05:05,037 and they were hot, horny, and hell bent. 33 00:05:05,038 --> 00:05:08,507 Imagine flesh sliding against flesh, 34 00:05:08,508 --> 00:05:10,376 twisting writhing bodies, 35 00:05:10,377 --> 00:05:13,379 in Carmilla's personal orgy of the damned. 36 00:05:13,380 --> 00:05:15,648 Now there was only one thing 37 00:05:15,649 --> 00:05:18,150 that could stop her private passion party. 38 00:05:18,151 --> 00:05:19,552 The Witchfinder. 39 00:05:21,388 --> 00:05:23,889 (eerie music) 40 00:06:43,603 --> 00:06:46,605 (music intensifies) 41 00:07:04,791 --> 00:07:07,326 - Don't you know what's about to happen? 42 00:07:07,327 --> 00:07:10,562 This is the greatest night of your life. 43 00:07:10,563 --> 00:07:14,767 You're about to be an offering, a vessel, 44 00:07:14,768 --> 00:07:18,804 to the greatest sorceress who's ever walked the Earth. 45 00:07:18,805 --> 00:07:20,439 My own mother. 46 00:07:20,440 --> 00:07:21,674 - Your mother? 47 00:07:21,675 --> 00:07:23,075 I don't understand. 48 00:07:23,944 --> 00:07:28,314 - My mother passed many of her dark powers on to me, 49 00:07:28,315 --> 00:07:29,848 but not all. 50 00:07:29,849 --> 00:07:33,152 Then, she was caught by the Witchfinder, 51 00:07:33,153 --> 00:07:35,187 burned at the stake, 52 00:07:35,188 --> 00:07:38,590 before she could achieve her great work. 53 00:07:38,591 --> 00:07:43,595 Unleashing demons on the earth to torment the race of man. 54 00:07:45,198 --> 00:07:46,832 - That's the Devil's work. 55 00:07:46,833 --> 00:07:48,067 (laughs) 56 00:07:48,068 --> 00:07:50,469 - My mother was his handmaiden, 57 00:07:50,470 --> 00:07:54,206 and with your virgin blood, I shall summon her spirit 58 00:07:54,207 --> 00:07:56,075 to inhabit your body. 59 00:07:56,076 --> 00:07:57,710 Do you understand? 60 00:07:57,711 --> 00:08:01,981 My mother's great work shall finally come true at last. 61 00:08:01,982 --> 00:08:03,215 - Please let me go. 62 00:08:07,687 --> 00:08:09,121 - Witch! 63 00:08:09,122 --> 00:08:11,857 - No, the Witchfinder! 64 00:08:11,858 --> 00:08:13,225 - Seize the witch! 65 00:08:25,872 --> 00:08:30,743 Carmilla Karnstein, this tribunal condemns you to death! 66 00:08:32,245 --> 00:08:36,749 For your sacrilegious acts of heresy and witchcraft. 67 00:08:38,218 --> 00:08:42,021 Just as I condemned your evil mother Davinia. 68 00:08:44,491 --> 00:08:47,359 Your agony shall be prolonged, 69 00:08:47,360 --> 00:08:49,528 until you plea for your death. 70 00:08:51,297 --> 00:08:54,299 Your eyes, messengers of evil, 71 00:08:54,300 --> 00:08:57,569 shall be burned from their sockets. 72 00:08:59,606 --> 00:09:04,576 Your tongue, poisoned by a thousand blasphemies, 73 00:09:04,711 --> 00:09:07,846 shall be torn from your mouth. 74 00:09:09,215 --> 00:09:11,717 Prepare to meet your mother in Hell. 75 00:09:13,720 --> 00:09:15,054 (laughs) 76 00:09:15,055 --> 00:09:16,822 - Accursed wretches. 77 00:09:16,823 --> 00:09:21,527 You think you can end my evil by destroying my body? 78 00:09:21,528 --> 00:09:24,963 My mother's power goes beyond the grave. 79 00:09:24,964 --> 00:09:27,733 She'll find me another shell to inhabit, 80 00:09:27,734 --> 00:09:32,738 until she is once again ready to rip the gates of Hell open. 81 00:09:33,406 --> 00:09:36,475 Maybe I'll take your body, Witchfinder. 82 00:09:36,476 --> 00:09:39,278 That would be the ultimate jest, 83 00:09:39,279 --> 00:09:43,549 to use a witchfinder's body to do my mother's bidding. 84 00:09:43,550 --> 00:09:44,850 - Silence! 85 00:09:45,752 --> 00:09:49,054 If you shall not hold your tongue, I shall take it! 86 00:10:01,901 --> 00:10:04,603 Now tremble, Witch! 87 00:10:04,604 --> 00:10:07,906 Tremble before the will of God! 88 00:10:07,907 --> 00:10:09,908 (spits) 89 00:10:11,811 --> 00:10:13,846 Behold my face, Witch! 90 00:10:13,847 --> 00:10:17,182 For it is your last sight you shall see on Earth! 91 00:10:24,090 --> 00:10:26,325 (groaning) 92 00:10:36,136 --> 00:10:38,303 (moaning) 93 00:10:46,546 --> 00:10:49,648 The fool is mi... (coughs) 94 00:10:49,649 --> 00:10:50,415 Mine! 95 00:10:53,153 --> 00:10:55,320 (moaning) 96 00:10:57,624 --> 00:11:02,227 The powerful, strong body! 97 00:11:02,228 --> 00:11:03,829 It will serve me well! 98 00:11:11,437 --> 00:11:15,374 - So Carmilla made the Witchfinder her number one bitch. 99 00:11:15,375 --> 00:11:18,477 Legend has it, she still walks the earth today. 100 00:11:18,478 --> 00:11:20,913 Others say she was toasted like a marshmallow 101 00:11:20,914 --> 00:11:23,615 at one of those Salem witch cookouts. 102 00:11:23,616 --> 00:11:27,419 As for me, I like to believe that she's still with us. 103 00:11:27,420 --> 00:11:32,124 And, if I was a witchfinder, I'd be very nervous. 104 00:11:32,125 --> 00:11:34,426 That brings down the curtain on another episode 105 00:11:34,427 --> 00:11:36,228 of Debbie Does Demons. 106 00:11:36,229 --> 00:11:37,496 I'll be back next week. 107 00:11:37,497 --> 00:11:41,133 And remember, if you see ghosty, ghouly, or a goblin 108 00:11:41,134 --> 00:11:43,735 in your neighborhood, call Debbie. 109 00:11:43,736 --> 00:11:44,603 Bye! 110 00:11:46,940 --> 00:11:50,108 - Wow, Debbie is so cool you guys. 111 00:11:50,109 --> 00:11:52,244 I hope I get to meet her one day. 112 00:11:52,245 --> 00:11:54,213 - She's got a bangin' little bod. 113 00:11:54,214 --> 00:11:57,783 Maybe she'd let me in her chamber of secrets. 114 00:11:57,784 --> 00:12:00,419 - Adam, if you even touch that skank without me, 115 00:12:00,420 --> 00:12:02,354 I will put your balls in a blender. 116 00:12:02,355 --> 00:12:05,424 - (laughs) Sounds kinky, I might be down for this. 117 00:12:05,425 --> 00:12:08,360 - Adam, whatever you two are about to do, 118 00:12:08,361 --> 00:12:09,561 take it to the bedroom. 119 00:12:09,562 --> 00:12:11,663 No one wants to see that, especially me. 120 00:12:11,664 --> 00:12:13,732 - Wait wait wait, hold on hold on. 121 00:12:13,733 --> 00:12:14,700 Let him stay. 122 00:12:14,701 --> 00:12:15,500 - Lauren! 123 00:12:15,501 --> 00:12:17,769 - Listen, I've got a really really cool idea, 124 00:12:17,770 --> 00:12:20,205 and I need four of us for it. 125 00:12:20,206 --> 00:12:22,040 - What's that, naked twister? 126 00:12:22,041 --> 00:12:23,775 Because I'm definitely down for it. 127 00:12:24,677 --> 00:12:25,877 - Not today, Adam. 128 00:12:25,878 --> 00:12:27,212 Maybe another time. 129 00:12:27,213 --> 00:12:29,748 Tonight, I think that we should talk to the spirit 130 00:12:29,749 --> 00:12:31,550 of Carmilla Karnstein. 131 00:12:31,551 --> 00:12:33,318 - That witch from the T. V? 132 00:12:35,188 --> 00:12:35,988 - Room. 133 00:12:37,523 --> 00:12:40,826 Listen you guys, Carmilla was a real person, okay? 134 00:12:40,827 --> 00:12:42,728 She was alive 300 years ago. 135 00:12:42,729 --> 00:12:45,430 She had amazing, crazy, witchy powers. 136 00:12:45,431 --> 00:12:48,033 She was some sort of, like, amazing sorceress. 137 00:12:48,034 --> 00:12:49,801 Don't you guys think that it would be really cool 138 00:12:49,802 --> 00:12:50,702 to talk to her? 139 00:12:50,703 --> 00:12:53,572 - Wait, since when did you become an expert on witches? 140 00:12:53,573 --> 00:12:56,975 - Well, I've been doing lots of research on Carmilla 141 00:12:56,976 --> 00:12:59,478 ever since I got my genealogy report back. 142 00:12:59,479 --> 00:13:00,479 And get this, 143 00:13:00,480 --> 00:13:03,548 it says that I'm a direct descendant of Carmilla. 144 00:13:03,549 --> 00:13:04,616 Don't you guys see? 145 00:13:04,617 --> 00:13:06,018 This is why I brought you over here, 146 00:13:06,019 --> 00:13:08,186 so that you guys could watch Debbie with me. 147 00:13:08,187 --> 00:13:11,089 I knew she was gonna talk about Carmilla. 148 00:13:11,090 --> 00:13:12,357 - Okay wait, this is crazy. 149 00:13:12,358 --> 00:13:15,761 So you are directly related to a real witch? 150 00:13:15,762 --> 00:13:16,561 - Yeah. 151 00:13:16,562 --> 00:13:19,298 - Okay Lauren, I need you to please do me this favor. 152 00:13:19,299 --> 00:13:20,932 I need you to put a spell on Adam, 153 00:13:20,933 --> 00:13:22,968 so he lasts longer than two minutes in bed, please. 154 00:13:22,969 --> 00:13:24,102 (laughter) 155 00:13:24,103 --> 00:13:26,204 - [Adam] We're not supposed to talk about that. 156 00:13:26,205 --> 00:13:27,039 - I'm sorry, babe. 157 00:13:27,040 --> 00:13:29,474 - Listen listen listen, seriously guys. 158 00:13:29,475 --> 00:13:30,776 I have an Ouija board. 159 00:13:30,777 --> 00:13:32,944 I say that we talk to Carmilla. 160 00:13:32,945 --> 00:13:35,714 - You can talk to dead people with an Ouija board? 161 00:13:35,715 --> 00:13:36,548 - Yeah. 162 00:13:36,549 --> 00:13:38,016 - I want to talk to Kurt Cobain. 163 00:13:38,017 --> 00:13:38,817 - Why? 164 00:13:38,818 --> 00:13:40,786 So he can say if you smell like teen spirit? 165 00:13:41,888 --> 00:13:43,288 - (whispers) Fuck you, Adam. 166 00:13:43,289 --> 00:13:44,456 - Oh my God, guys. 167 00:13:44,457 --> 00:13:49,361 It's my Ouija board, I say that we talk to Carmilla now. 168 00:13:49,362 --> 00:13:50,562 Would you guys like some wine? 169 00:13:50,563 --> 00:13:52,531 Because I've heard that a little wine 170 00:13:52,532 --> 00:13:55,067 will really help you guys get in touch with the spirits. 171 00:13:55,068 --> 00:13:57,102 - Okay well you had me at wine, let's do this. 172 00:13:57,103 --> 00:13:58,570 - [Jan] So, what you're saying is 173 00:13:58,571 --> 00:14:00,339 that you want all of us to get drunk, 174 00:14:00,340 --> 00:14:01,740 and talk to a bunch of ghosts. 175 00:14:01,741 --> 00:14:02,841 Is that right? 176 00:14:02,842 --> 00:14:04,042 - Yeah. 177 00:14:04,043 --> 00:14:06,611 - Keep me liquored up, and I be your mama. 178 00:14:08,081 --> 00:14:10,615 (upbeat music) 179 00:14:14,020 --> 00:14:15,654 - Really good show tonight, Debbie. 180 00:14:15,655 --> 00:14:18,090 - (scoffs) Don't you mean really cheap show? 181 00:14:18,091 --> 00:14:21,493 Is our budget so low that my director has to play a zombie? 182 00:14:21,494 --> 00:14:24,096 And don't think I didn't notice you trying to cop a feel. 183 00:14:24,097 --> 00:14:26,298 - (laughs) Hey, I was getting into character. 184 00:14:26,299 --> 00:14:27,799 - (scoffs) Yeah, whatever. 185 00:14:27,800 --> 00:14:29,501 - And you almost had me goin' tonight. 186 00:14:29,502 --> 00:14:32,371 All that talk about witches, spooky. 187 00:14:32,372 --> 00:14:33,905 - It's all real Eddie. 188 00:14:33,906 --> 00:14:35,707 Carmilla Karnstein really existed, 189 00:14:35,708 --> 00:14:38,777 and for all we know, she could still exist among us today. 190 00:14:38,778 --> 00:14:41,179 - Oh yeah well, I can't see her. 191 00:14:41,180 --> 00:14:43,315 Me on the other hand, I'm right here. 192 00:14:43,316 --> 00:14:45,650 And I got a bottle of Lynchburg's finest, 193 00:14:45,651 --> 00:14:47,352 and I don't mind sharing. 194 00:14:47,353 --> 00:14:49,955 - Gosh, with little old me? 195 00:14:49,956 --> 00:14:51,556 I must be a lucky girl. 196 00:14:51,557 --> 00:14:53,425 - Was kind kind of hoping I'd be the one 197 00:14:53,426 --> 00:14:55,026 to get lucky tonight. 198 00:14:55,027 --> 00:14:57,195 - (laughs) I bet you were Eddie. 199 00:14:57,196 --> 00:14:59,865 But you know, talking about demons and witches 200 00:14:59,866 --> 00:15:01,833 really takes it out of a girl. 201 00:15:01,834 --> 00:15:04,369 I think I'm gonna head home and get a little beauty sleep, 202 00:15:04,370 --> 00:15:06,104 if that's okay with you? 203 00:15:06,105 --> 00:15:07,706 - Well, I was thinking... 204 00:15:07,707 --> 00:15:10,175 - And you keep right on thinking, Eddie. 205 00:15:10,176 --> 00:15:11,610 A girl can take one look at you, 206 00:15:11,611 --> 00:15:14,446 and notice that you're a very deep thinker. 207 00:15:14,447 --> 00:15:15,647 - Wow, Debbie. 208 00:15:15,648 --> 00:15:16,748 You really mean that? 209 00:15:16,749 --> 00:15:18,250 - Every word, Eddie. 210 00:15:18,251 --> 00:15:19,217 Goodnight. 211 00:15:24,657 --> 00:15:26,224 - You know what? 212 00:15:26,225 --> 00:15:27,759 I think that babe likes me. 213 00:15:32,498 --> 00:15:35,200 - Carmilla Karnstein, I summon you. 214 00:15:37,570 --> 00:15:39,471 Carmilla, do you hear me? 215 00:15:39,472 --> 00:15:41,206 - Ask her if she knows Kurt Cobain. 216 00:15:44,710 --> 00:15:47,245 - This is the voice of Lauren, 217 00:15:47,246 --> 00:15:51,149 one of your devotees, your flesh and blood. 218 00:15:51,150 --> 00:15:52,617 Do you hear me? 219 00:15:52,618 --> 00:15:53,919 Please answer me. 220 00:15:55,521 --> 00:15:58,957 Look into my soul, Carmilla. Feel the blood that links us. 221 00:15:58,958 --> 00:16:00,258 Are you with us? 222 00:16:01,360 --> 00:16:04,963 Please, we come to you with humility, with respect. 223 00:16:06,532 --> 00:16:08,033 (thud in background) 224 00:16:08,034 --> 00:16:08,900 - What the hell was that? 225 00:16:08,901 --> 00:16:10,035 - That was you, wasn't it. 226 00:16:10,036 --> 00:16:11,403 You just kicked under the table, didn't you? 227 00:16:11,404 --> 00:16:13,438 - It wasn't me, it was one of those bitches. 228 00:16:13,439 --> 00:16:14,639 - Did you just call me a bitch? 229 00:16:14,640 --> 00:16:16,007 - If the shoe fits. - Silence! 230 00:16:16,008 --> 00:16:17,709 - Well you little cock sucker, I oughta... 231 00:16:17,710 --> 00:16:19,411 - Guys I feel a presence! 232 00:16:19,412 --> 00:16:20,412 Fingers back on. 233 00:16:25,318 --> 00:16:28,987 Carmilla Karnstein, do you hear me? 234 00:16:29,989 --> 00:16:31,156 I summon you. 235 00:16:36,262 --> 00:16:37,796 Is it you, Carmilla? 236 00:16:39,131 --> 00:16:39,965 Do you hear me? 237 00:16:45,972 --> 00:16:48,974 - Yo fuck this, we're out of here, let's go. 238 00:16:53,946 --> 00:16:56,081 (gagging) 239 00:17:04,023 --> 00:17:05,824 - Lauren, what's happening? 240 00:17:12,999 --> 00:17:15,200 (screaming) 241 00:17:15,201 --> 00:17:16,034 Oh hell no! 242 00:17:26,746 --> 00:17:32,617 This isn't happening, this isn't happening. 243 00:17:32,618 --> 00:17:35,053 This isn't happening. 244 00:17:35,054 --> 00:17:37,923 (shower turns on) 245 00:17:47,466 --> 00:17:48,667 Who's in there? 246 00:17:49,569 --> 00:17:51,202 Who's in the shower? 247 00:18:22,001 --> 00:18:22,801 Hello? 248 00:18:59,438 --> 00:19:01,940 - Don't you recognize me, Jan? 249 00:19:09,115 --> 00:19:10,248 - Who are you? 250 00:19:11,183 --> 00:19:13,652 How do you know my name? 251 00:19:13,653 --> 00:19:18,156 - [Carmilla] You summoned me, my name is Carmilla Karnstein. 252 00:19:18,157 --> 00:19:20,558 - There's no way! You're lying! 253 00:19:20,559 --> 00:19:23,695 Carmilla Karnstein lived 300 years ago! 254 00:19:25,831 --> 00:19:27,766 - But I'm here. 255 00:19:27,767 --> 00:19:29,534 You can see me, yes? 256 00:19:32,304 --> 00:19:34,305 - This is, I've gotta be dreaming. 257 00:19:34,306 --> 00:19:36,508 It was Lauren's fucking wine. 258 00:19:36,509 --> 00:19:38,476 I have to be dreaming, that's... 259 00:19:38,477 --> 00:19:39,277 That's it. 260 00:19:40,146 --> 00:19:41,346 - Am I a dream? 261 00:19:42,314 --> 00:19:45,216 Is this what a dream looks like? 262 00:19:45,217 --> 00:19:47,886 Is this what a dream feels like? 263 00:19:55,061 --> 00:19:57,862 (unearthly music) 264 00:20:45,945 --> 00:20:48,446 (tense music) 265 00:22:10,830 --> 00:22:13,198 (screaming) 266 00:22:15,234 --> 00:22:17,135 Don't resist. 267 00:22:17,136 --> 00:22:18,870 Let it happen. 268 00:22:18,871 --> 00:22:20,271 It can be beautiful. 269 00:22:21,373 --> 00:22:22,440 So beautiful. 270 00:22:48,434 --> 00:22:50,068 - Hey babe, catch. 271 00:22:52,371 --> 00:22:53,838 - What do you think you're doing? 272 00:22:53,839 --> 00:22:56,374 - [Adam] Just chillin', is there anything wrong with that? 273 00:22:56,375 --> 00:22:57,275 - Don't play games with me, 274 00:22:57,276 --> 00:22:58,443 I know exactly what you're doing. 275 00:22:58,444 --> 00:23:00,044 - [Adam] And what would that be? 276 00:23:01,780 --> 00:23:04,849 - (sighs) I've just had the shit scared out of me, 277 00:23:04,850 --> 00:23:07,485 and now you want to be the calm one, the brave one. 278 00:23:07,486 --> 00:23:09,287 You just wanna be in here all chill. 279 00:23:09,288 --> 00:23:11,789 You wanna be chill and screw. 280 00:23:11,790 --> 00:23:13,591 - You say that like it's a bad thing. 281 00:23:13,592 --> 00:23:15,793 - Did it not occur to you that maybe right now 282 00:23:15,794 --> 00:23:17,528 is not the best time to bang? 283 00:23:17,529 --> 00:23:20,198 Like, we just got all freaked out downstairs. 284 00:23:20,199 --> 00:23:21,866 Our best friend, Lauren, is... 285 00:23:21,867 --> 00:23:25,036 We don't know, should we maybe wonder about her? 286 00:23:25,037 --> 00:23:28,373 - Since when is Lauren my best friend? 287 00:23:28,374 --> 00:23:29,340 You know what? 288 00:23:29,341 --> 00:23:31,009 I think you like her, I mean you really like her. 289 00:23:32,544 --> 00:23:35,213 - (laughs) What are you talking about? 290 00:23:35,214 --> 00:23:36,047 - Oh, I know. 291 00:23:36,048 --> 00:23:37,582 I've seen the way that you look at her. 292 00:23:37,583 --> 00:23:39,217 You sure don't look at me that way. 293 00:23:39,218 --> 00:23:41,719 - You are insane, I don't even know why I'm living with you. 294 00:23:41,720 --> 00:23:43,888 You are a sad, pathetic, loser. 295 00:23:43,889 --> 00:23:47,926 You wanna talk about a sick fixation? 296 00:23:47,927 --> 00:23:50,795 You are the one that watches yourself when we bang. 297 00:23:50,796 --> 00:23:53,564 If you can figure out a way to fuck yourself, you would. 298 00:23:53,565 --> 00:23:54,966 - Oh, is that supposed to hurt me? 299 00:23:54,967 --> 00:23:56,901 I find it pretty funny. 300 00:23:56,902 --> 00:23:59,771 - Of course you do, you think everything's a joke. 301 00:23:59,772 --> 00:24:01,539 - Huh, not everything. 302 00:24:01,540 --> 00:24:03,408 I'm starting to think that Ouija board shit, 303 00:24:03,409 --> 00:24:05,043 at first I thought it was a joke, 304 00:24:05,044 --> 00:24:05,910 but now... 305 00:24:05,911 --> 00:24:07,412 - Now what? 306 00:24:07,413 --> 00:24:08,980 - I'm not so sure. 307 00:24:08,981 --> 00:24:11,883 I mean it had Lauren really freaked out. 308 00:24:11,884 --> 00:24:13,318 - Yeah, it really did. 309 00:24:13,319 --> 00:24:15,453 Maybe we should go check on her? 310 00:24:17,056 --> 00:24:18,623 - I guess. 311 00:24:18,624 --> 00:24:20,258 Yeah, we should go check on her. 312 00:24:23,028 --> 00:24:25,630 I thought we were gonna go check on Lauren. 313 00:24:25,631 --> 00:24:28,232 - Yeah, but we both don't need to go do that. 314 00:24:28,233 --> 00:24:29,667 Why don't you just go check on her real quick, 315 00:24:29,668 --> 00:24:30,501 and come back. 316 00:24:30,502 --> 00:24:32,036 Oh, and while your down there, 317 00:24:32,037 --> 00:24:34,505 grab me a bottle of wine and a glass. 318 00:24:34,506 --> 00:24:36,240 - Yes ma'am, anything else? 319 00:24:36,241 --> 00:24:39,077 - Um yeah, there actually is something else. 320 00:24:39,078 --> 00:24:41,846 Can you maybe not be such a big asshole? 321 00:24:42,948 --> 00:24:44,282 - Probably not. 322 00:24:44,283 --> 00:24:46,651 - [Ashley] I didn't think so. 323 00:24:57,496 --> 00:24:59,597 - Shit Lauren, are you okay? 324 00:25:01,533 --> 00:25:03,301 Lauren, Lauren! 325 00:25:03,302 --> 00:25:05,370 Shit, Lauren, what's going on?! 326 00:25:05,371 --> 00:25:06,371 Don't freak me out! 327 00:25:12,077 --> 00:25:12,944 - Adam. 328 00:25:13,879 --> 00:25:16,014 - Who said that, is that you Ash-ley? 329 00:25:17,016 --> 00:25:18,282 - Adam. 330 00:25:19,952 --> 00:25:21,152 - Hey, you're not Ashley. 331 00:25:21,153 --> 00:25:23,287 Who, who, who are you? 332 00:25:23,288 --> 00:25:24,088 - Who am I? 333 00:25:25,591 --> 00:25:27,291 Don't you know? 334 00:25:27,292 --> 00:25:28,593 Didn't you summon me? 335 00:25:29,461 --> 00:25:30,728 - Summon you? 336 00:25:30,729 --> 00:25:32,864 We played with some Ouija board, 337 00:25:32,865 --> 00:25:35,166 and Lauren wanted to talk to some crazy witch. 338 00:25:35,167 --> 00:25:38,369 - Do you think that I'm a witch, Adam? 339 00:25:38,370 --> 00:25:40,038 - Hey, how do you know my name? 340 00:25:40,039 --> 00:25:41,539 Who are you? 341 00:25:41,540 --> 00:25:45,076 - (laughs) I'm a woman unlike you've ever known. 342 00:25:45,077 --> 00:25:48,413 I walked the Earth 300 years ago. 343 00:25:48,414 --> 00:25:52,250 But now... oh, brave new world! 344 00:25:53,218 --> 00:25:55,720 With such creatures in it. 345 00:25:57,156 --> 00:25:59,090 - Lady, tell me the truth. 346 00:25:59,091 --> 00:26:01,826 Who are you, did somebody send you here to freak me out? 347 00:26:01,827 --> 00:26:04,062 To believe in all this witch shit? 348 00:26:04,063 --> 00:26:06,164 If you want me to believe in it, prove it. 349 00:26:06,165 --> 00:26:07,031 And on top of that, 350 00:26:07,032 --> 00:26:09,367 you better not mess with me or my friends. 351 00:26:09,368 --> 00:26:11,436 (laughs) 352 00:26:19,078 --> 00:26:21,245 (gagging) 353 00:26:25,350 --> 00:26:26,517 - Help. 354 00:26:26,518 --> 00:26:30,021 - When you speak to me, get on your knees. 355 00:26:31,957 --> 00:26:33,491 Much better. 356 00:26:33,492 --> 00:26:35,760 Can you guess what happens next? 357 00:26:39,098 --> 00:26:43,468 I shall rip out your heart and feast on your soul. 358 00:26:46,505 --> 00:26:49,006 - (gasps) Shit. 359 00:26:51,443 --> 00:26:53,077 That was a fucked up dream. 360 00:26:58,951 --> 00:27:00,051 What do you think? 361 00:27:01,720 --> 00:27:04,122 That show I did on Carmilla Karnstein 362 00:27:04,123 --> 00:27:05,823 must have really got to me. 363 00:27:06,658 --> 00:27:10,027 Carmilla was alive and turning people into demons. 364 00:27:11,997 --> 00:27:13,798 That's batshit crazy. 365 00:27:15,033 --> 00:27:17,034 (sighs) 366 00:27:18,971 --> 00:27:21,139 I mean, isn't it? 367 00:27:22,107 --> 00:27:24,642 (sighs) Why do I ask you? 368 00:27:24,643 --> 00:27:26,777 You never agree with me anyways. 369 00:27:30,149 --> 00:27:32,450 Oh, you think I'm crazy? 370 00:27:32,451 --> 00:27:33,918 (scoffs) Well thank you very much, 371 00:27:33,919 --> 00:27:35,153 it's nice to know I can count on you 372 00:27:35,154 --> 00:27:37,221 when I'm having a complete breakdown. 373 00:27:39,458 --> 00:27:42,193 Have you ever thought that maybe you're the crazy one? 374 00:27:43,428 --> 00:27:47,532 (laughs) Well, you think about that for a minute, 375 00:27:48,333 --> 00:27:50,101 and I'm gonna go grab a beer. 376 00:27:52,137 --> 00:27:55,673 No you can't have one, sorry. 377 00:28:14,593 --> 00:28:15,593 Ah, my head! 378 00:28:19,131 --> 00:28:23,668 I'm getting an image and a name. 379 00:28:27,739 --> 00:28:30,408 (intense music) 380 00:28:35,247 --> 00:28:36,714 Carmilla? 381 00:28:36,715 --> 00:28:38,583 What the fucking fuck? 382 00:28:41,186 --> 00:28:43,221 - What's taking Adam so long? 383 00:28:43,222 --> 00:28:46,057 He better not be drinking my wine. 384 00:28:49,394 --> 00:28:51,062 Adam, where are you? 385 00:28:52,331 --> 00:28:53,397 Oh my God, Lauren. 386 00:28:55,033 --> 00:28:57,635 Lauren, Lauren? 387 00:28:57,636 --> 00:28:58,436 Lauren?! 388 00:29:00,539 --> 00:29:01,339 Lauren, Lauren. 389 00:29:04,209 --> 00:29:05,376 - What? - Are you okay? 390 00:29:06,745 --> 00:29:07,578 - What happened? 391 00:29:08,413 --> 00:29:11,415 - Um, I'm looking for Adam, and he just disappeared. 392 00:29:11,416 --> 00:29:12,350 - What do you mean? 393 00:29:15,020 --> 00:29:16,621 - Perhaps I could help. 394 00:29:18,056 --> 00:29:19,557 - Lauren, who the hell is that? 395 00:29:20,525 --> 00:29:21,325 - Oh fuck. 396 00:29:24,296 --> 00:29:26,163 - Tell her Lauren. 397 00:29:32,170 --> 00:29:33,738 - It's you, isn't it? 398 00:29:35,040 --> 00:29:36,407 You're here! 399 00:29:36,408 --> 00:29:38,876 - What are you talking about, who is that? 400 00:29:38,877 --> 00:29:42,713 - Ashley, you're looking at... 401 00:29:42,714 --> 00:29:45,082 Carmilla Karnstein! 402 00:29:45,083 --> 00:29:45,883 It's you! 403 00:29:49,755 --> 00:29:51,155 - You sensed it, didn't you? 404 00:29:52,157 --> 00:29:54,759 It's this blood that we share. 405 00:29:54,760 --> 00:29:58,496 I know you, and you know me. 406 00:29:59,965 --> 00:30:02,099 - I summoned you... 407 00:30:02,100 --> 00:30:04,869 I summoned you and you're here! 408 00:30:04,870 --> 00:30:09,073 - From the dust of centuries past, yes Lauren. 409 00:30:09,074 --> 00:30:10,875 Be careful what you wish for. 410 00:30:10,876 --> 00:30:12,810 - Where's Adam, what did you do to him? 411 00:30:13,745 --> 00:30:15,613 - Is he your lover? 412 00:30:15,614 --> 00:30:18,649 Does he satisfy you, Ashley? 413 00:30:18,650 --> 00:30:21,018 Does he make you writhe with pleasure? 414 00:30:21,019 --> 00:30:22,486 - Where is he? 415 00:30:22,487 --> 00:30:25,356 - I need him, I need his flesh. 416 00:30:25,357 --> 00:30:27,858 - You bitch! - No, no, no, no, no! 417 00:30:27,859 --> 00:30:29,627 Don't touch her, don't touch her! 418 00:30:29,628 --> 00:30:31,295 - Very wise. 419 00:30:31,296 --> 00:30:35,966 Lauren knows who I am, and what I can do. 420 00:30:35,967 --> 00:30:38,803 - Please, just please give him to me, please. 421 00:30:38,804 --> 00:30:40,638 - Would you like to see Adam? - Yes! 422 00:30:40,639 --> 00:30:41,439 - Are you sure? 423 00:30:41,440 --> 00:30:42,840 - Yes! 424 00:30:42,841 --> 00:30:44,342 - Adam! 425 00:30:44,343 --> 00:30:46,010 There's someone here to see you. 426 00:30:52,818 --> 00:30:55,186 Adam has a new friend now. 427 00:30:55,187 --> 00:30:58,055 Adam, show Ashley your friend. 428 00:31:06,865 --> 00:31:08,366 - What did you do to them? 429 00:31:08,367 --> 00:31:09,500 - Oh shit, this isn't good. 430 00:31:09,501 --> 00:31:10,634 Oh shit, this isn't good. 431 00:31:10,635 --> 00:31:12,837 - They have a purpose now, 432 00:31:12,838 --> 00:31:15,973 to serve me, forever. 433 00:31:15,974 --> 00:31:19,210 Now, I shall give you a purpose. 434 00:31:20,078 --> 00:31:22,813 - Let's go, let's go, let's go, let's go, let's go! 435 00:31:22,814 --> 00:31:24,415 - No, Ashley, let's go! 436 00:31:24,416 --> 00:31:27,385 Come on, come on, let's go! 437 00:31:27,386 --> 00:31:28,219 Come on! 438 00:31:36,561 --> 00:31:38,829 (cackling) 439 00:32:21,873 --> 00:32:24,942 - Come on, come on, come on, come on! 440 00:32:42,027 --> 00:32:44,295 (cackling) 441 00:32:51,036 --> 00:32:52,403 - Go, go, go, go! 442 00:32:52,404 --> 00:32:54,672 (screaming) 443 00:32:54,673 --> 00:32:55,506 Faster! 444 00:33:05,050 --> 00:33:07,418 (car thuds) 445 00:33:10,288 --> 00:33:11,755 - Ashley? 446 00:33:11,756 --> 00:33:13,491 Ashley, are you okay? 447 00:33:13,492 --> 00:33:14,658 - You just killed him, you just killed him, 448 00:33:14,659 --> 00:33:15,960 you just killed Adam. 449 00:33:15,961 --> 00:33:17,394 You're a murderer, you just killed him! 450 00:33:17,395 --> 00:33:18,696 - Ashley, that wasn't Adam. 451 00:33:18,697 --> 00:33:20,197 I couldn't help it, Ashley. 452 00:33:20,198 --> 00:33:22,366 He was gonna kill us, that wasn't Adam anymore. 453 00:33:22,367 --> 00:33:23,400 - Just let me out of this car... 454 00:33:23,401 --> 00:33:25,135 - No, no, no, no, no. 455 00:33:25,136 --> 00:33:27,137 Jan is back there with that crazy witch bitch. 456 00:33:27,138 --> 00:33:28,839 Do you really wanna go back there? 457 00:33:28,840 --> 00:33:30,641 - (whispers) Oh my God, oh my God. 458 00:33:30,642 --> 00:33:32,042 - Ashley. 459 00:33:32,043 --> 00:33:33,377 Ashley? 460 00:33:33,378 --> 00:33:34,178 Ash? 461 00:33:34,179 --> 00:33:35,145 (heavy breathing) 462 00:33:35,146 --> 00:33:36,013 Ashley? 463 00:33:37,015 --> 00:33:37,882 Ashley, hey. 464 00:33:38,683 --> 00:33:40,351 Ash, Ashley? 465 00:33:40,352 --> 00:33:41,418 Ashley, are you okay? 466 00:33:44,456 --> 00:33:45,956 - You failed! 467 00:33:45,957 --> 00:33:50,227 I gave you the power, my power, the power of our Dark Lord, 468 00:33:50,228 --> 00:33:51,462 and you let them escape! 469 00:33:52,731 --> 00:33:54,331 You must be punished! 470 00:33:56,401 --> 00:33:59,136 I summon you, Dark Prince. 471 00:33:59,137 --> 00:34:01,438 Come forth and take this pitiful flesh 472 00:34:01,439 --> 00:34:04,141 and mold it into your image. 473 00:34:04,142 --> 00:34:07,011 Use this as your vessel, for evil! 474 00:34:12,083 --> 00:34:14,351 (groaning) 475 00:34:39,611 --> 00:34:41,745 (moaning) 476 00:34:45,817 --> 00:34:48,619 (thunder crashes) 477 00:34:54,326 --> 00:34:56,527 (moaning) 478 00:35:13,278 --> 00:36:05,763 (moaning continues) 479 00:36:59,951 --> 00:37:02,586 (intense music) 480 00:37:40,492 --> 00:37:42,426 - Give me that remote. 481 00:37:42,427 --> 00:37:43,861 - Hey, I was watching that. 482 00:37:43,862 --> 00:37:45,863 - Well, I think it's gross. 483 00:37:45,864 --> 00:37:48,365 Don't you have something decent we can watch? 484 00:37:48,366 --> 00:37:50,367 - Define decent. 485 00:37:50,368 --> 00:37:54,004 - Decent, a movie that doesn't make me gag. 486 00:37:54,005 --> 00:37:57,808 - Okay, so that rules out my Lucio Fulci collection, um... 487 00:37:57,809 --> 00:38:00,144 - Don't you have any Sandra Bullock movies? 488 00:38:00,145 --> 00:38:01,078 - No! 489 00:38:01,079 --> 00:38:02,446 - Reese Witherspoon? 490 00:38:02,447 --> 00:38:03,313 - No! 491 00:38:03,314 --> 00:38:04,515 - Taylor Swift? 492 00:38:04,516 --> 00:38:06,884 - Never say that name in this house! 493 00:38:06,885 --> 00:38:09,720 - (scoffs) Now you're just useless to me. 494 00:38:09,721 --> 00:38:11,321 - Well, I have wine. 495 00:38:11,322 --> 00:38:12,389 - Go on. 496 00:38:12,390 --> 00:38:16,226 - Carlo Rossi, Arbor Mist, Yellowtail. 497 00:38:16,227 --> 00:38:19,163 A couple of four-packs of the Sutter Home, hmm? 498 00:38:19,164 --> 00:38:21,532 - Now you're being useful, go fetch! 499 00:38:21,533 --> 00:38:22,733 - Yes, ma'am. 500 00:38:22,734 --> 00:38:25,235 (phone rings) 501 00:38:28,540 --> 00:38:29,740 - Aren't you gonna answer that? 502 00:38:29,741 --> 00:38:31,341 - It doesn't look very important. 503 00:38:32,677 --> 00:38:33,544 - Lauren? 504 00:38:34,546 --> 00:38:35,679 Who is this... 505 00:38:35,680 --> 00:38:37,181 Who exactly is this Lauren person? 506 00:38:37,182 --> 00:38:40,851 - She's a very, very distant friend. 507 00:38:42,187 --> 00:38:43,487 - Well, you should talk to her. 508 00:38:43,488 --> 00:38:46,256 - She's actually kind of a pest. 509 00:38:46,257 --> 00:38:48,258 - Then you should definitely talk to her. 510 00:38:48,259 --> 00:38:50,994 I wanna know what's going on with you and this "pest." 511 00:38:52,931 --> 00:38:54,698 - Hello, Lauren. 512 00:38:58,203 --> 00:38:59,503 Look, no, no. 513 00:38:59,504 --> 00:39:01,705 This is really not a good time right now. 514 00:39:03,208 --> 00:39:04,208 - What did she say? 515 00:39:05,276 --> 00:39:07,344 - Apparently she's being chased by a witch, 516 00:39:07,345 --> 00:39:09,780 her friends Jan and Adam have been turned into demons, 517 00:39:09,781 --> 00:39:11,281 and she wants to come here. 518 00:39:11,282 --> 00:39:13,283 - Is she always like this? 519 00:39:13,284 --> 00:39:14,084 - Eh. 520 00:39:15,386 --> 00:39:17,387 Under no circumstances should you come here, 521 00:39:17,388 --> 00:39:18,589 do not come here! 522 00:39:18,590 --> 00:39:21,792 Listen, make sure you understand what I'm say... 523 00:39:21,793 --> 00:39:23,393 - What'd she say? 524 00:39:23,394 --> 00:39:24,595 - She's on the way. 525 00:39:25,597 --> 00:39:28,165 - I got news for you, she's here. 526 00:39:28,166 --> 00:39:29,600 - Oh God, not good. 527 00:39:29,601 --> 00:39:31,034 (groans) 528 00:39:31,035 --> 00:39:32,035 - Your little crack whore 529 00:39:32,036 --> 00:39:34,371 is having a really, really bad trip. 530 00:39:34,372 --> 00:39:36,540 You need to go talk her down. 531 00:39:36,541 --> 00:39:38,041 - Yeah, I definitely want to know what she's smoking, 532 00:39:38,042 --> 00:39:39,910 'cause maybe she has a little extra. 533 00:39:39,911 --> 00:39:40,811 - Claude! 534 00:39:40,812 --> 00:39:42,613 - Okay, okay, okay. 535 00:39:42,614 --> 00:39:43,680 Here we go. 536 00:39:43,681 --> 00:39:45,415 Oh, Lauren. 537 00:39:45,416 --> 00:39:46,884 - Okay, Claude, 538 00:39:46,885 --> 00:39:49,620 you seriously have no idea what I've been through today. 539 00:39:49,621 --> 00:39:51,321 - Well, I think you said 540 00:39:51,322 --> 00:39:52,890 you were chased by witches and demons. 541 00:39:52,891 --> 00:39:53,690 Just that, right? 542 00:39:53,691 --> 00:39:57,127 No draculas, no trolls, everybody loves trolls. 543 00:39:57,128 --> 00:39:58,562 - Okay, so you don't believe me then? 544 00:39:58,563 --> 00:40:00,264 - Oh no, no, Jessie and I, we believe you. 545 00:40:00,265 --> 00:40:02,633 - I'm staying out of this shit. 546 00:40:02,634 --> 00:40:04,568 - She's after me, Claude. 547 00:40:04,569 --> 00:40:08,205 Carmilla Karnstein is after me. 548 00:40:08,206 --> 00:40:09,006 - Okay. 549 00:40:09,007 --> 00:40:11,074 And who is Carmilla Karnstein? 550 00:40:11,075 --> 00:40:13,010 - The 300 year old witch, Claude. 551 00:40:13,011 --> 00:40:14,578 Let's get with the program, okay? 552 00:40:14,579 --> 00:40:15,846 I need a place to hide. 553 00:40:16,948 --> 00:40:20,083 - Uh, didn't you say your friend Ashley was with you? 554 00:40:21,219 --> 00:40:22,719 - (sighs) Oh my God. 555 00:40:22,720 --> 00:40:24,655 Ashley, I forgot about Ashley. 556 00:40:24,656 --> 00:40:25,589 You have to help me. 557 00:40:25,590 --> 00:40:27,157 You have to help me go get her. 558 00:40:28,092 --> 00:40:30,661 - You mean Ashley can't walk up here by herself? 559 00:40:30,662 --> 00:40:34,164 Did she have a little too much of that (imitates smoking) 560 00:40:34,165 --> 00:40:36,867 - Yeah, real funny Claude, real funny. 561 00:40:36,868 --> 00:40:39,036 Adam spewed all kinds of demon goo all over her, 562 00:40:39,037 --> 00:40:40,604 and she passed out. 563 00:40:40,605 --> 00:40:42,372 - Isn't Adam her boyfriend? 564 00:40:42,373 --> 00:40:45,175 - Uh, was her boyfriend. 565 00:40:45,176 --> 00:40:48,178 Uh, now he's some kind of demon fiend from hell. 566 00:40:48,179 --> 00:40:49,613 - He's a Republican? 567 00:40:49,614 --> 00:40:50,447 - Oh my God. 568 00:40:51,382 --> 00:40:53,250 Claude, just help me go get her. 569 00:40:53,251 --> 00:40:54,751 Come on, let's go. 570 00:40:56,387 --> 00:40:57,187 - Okay. 571 00:41:06,130 --> 00:41:07,064 - Do you see her? 572 00:41:08,199 --> 00:41:10,267 'Cause I sure the fuck don't. 573 00:41:10,268 --> 00:41:11,068 Honestly. 574 00:41:14,205 --> 00:41:15,272 Where is she? 575 00:41:20,345 --> 00:41:22,145 - Bitch aint out here. 576 00:41:22,146 --> 00:41:23,780 - Any luck finding that bitch? 577 00:41:27,018 --> 00:41:29,586 If you ask me, this is a fucking waste of time. 578 00:41:33,658 --> 00:41:35,025 - Oh, what the fuck?! 579 00:41:35,026 --> 00:41:36,660 - Hey, wait for me! 580 00:41:38,930 --> 00:41:41,164 (groaning) 581 00:41:48,439 --> 00:41:50,040 (panting) 582 00:41:50,041 --> 00:41:51,041 - Oh my God. 583 00:41:52,010 --> 00:41:53,610 - What the fuck was that? 584 00:41:54,946 --> 00:41:56,947 - Dude, that was Angela. 585 00:41:58,383 --> 00:42:00,250 - Are all your friends fucking demons? 586 00:42:01,552 --> 00:42:03,120 - It's starting to look that way. 587 00:42:04,122 --> 00:42:06,823 Listen, we need help. 588 00:42:06,824 --> 00:42:08,692 Do you know how to fight a demon? 589 00:42:08,693 --> 00:42:10,060 - I was just getting ready to relax 590 00:42:10,061 --> 00:42:11,461 for a quiet night at home. 591 00:42:11,462 --> 00:42:12,963 I was gonna pop a bottle of Chablis. 592 00:42:12,964 --> 00:42:16,266 I don't, I didn't want to fight demons. 593 00:42:16,267 --> 00:42:17,634 - Wine? 594 00:42:17,635 --> 00:42:18,835 You have wine? 595 00:42:18,836 --> 00:42:21,271 - Yeah, but is this the time to be talking about wine? 596 00:42:21,272 --> 00:42:22,472 - Yes, this is the time for wine. 597 00:42:22,473 --> 00:42:26,143 I just watched my friend chew your friend. 598 00:42:26,144 --> 00:42:29,079 I want to get very, very drunk. 599 00:42:30,281 --> 00:42:31,281 - Okay. 600 00:42:31,282 --> 00:42:32,582 It's in the kitchen. 601 00:42:32,583 --> 00:42:33,417 - Perfect. 602 00:42:45,663 --> 00:42:47,864 - Okay, so I need a little recap 603 00:42:47,865 --> 00:42:49,599 about this little shit storm we got goin' on here. 604 00:42:49,600 --> 00:42:51,435 Can you take it from the top for me? 605 00:42:52,570 --> 00:42:55,505 - Alright, so this whole thing is kind of my fault. 606 00:42:55,506 --> 00:42:58,575 I summoned a 300 year old witch on an Ouija board, 607 00:42:58,576 --> 00:43:01,078 but not just any witch. 608 00:43:01,079 --> 00:43:04,948 I mean the ultimate, badass witch bitch. 609 00:43:04,949 --> 00:43:08,952 Okay, so you summoned her, now you need to un-summon her. 610 00:43:08,953 --> 00:43:10,520 Okay, like make it... 611 00:43:11,689 --> 00:43:16,693 So listen, have you ever seen Debbie Does Demons? 612 00:43:17,962 --> 00:43:19,196 - Is that some kind of porno? 613 00:43:19,197 --> 00:43:22,199 - No, it's a late night cable show with Debbie, 614 00:43:22,200 --> 00:43:23,400 she's a paranormal expert. 615 00:43:23,401 --> 00:43:25,135 She covers ghosts and ghouls and goblins 616 00:43:25,136 --> 00:43:26,903 and sectors and spooks and hates and haunts 617 00:43:26,904 --> 00:43:29,039 and zombies and the paranormal and all that. 618 00:43:29,040 --> 00:43:31,608 Anyway, I bet she would know what to do. 619 00:43:31,609 --> 00:43:33,343 - Okay, well how do we get a hold of her? 620 00:43:33,344 --> 00:43:37,781 - Uh, so the T.V. Station WDFTV I'll just Google it. 621 00:43:41,786 --> 00:43:43,620 Okay, alright. 622 00:43:45,556 --> 00:43:46,423 Okay, okay. 623 00:43:50,628 --> 00:43:51,661 - Is it ringing? 624 00:43:51,662 --> 00:43:54,297 Tell her, tell her to bring, like, an ax. 625 00:43:54,298 --> 00:43:55,365 Oh, tell her to bring a chainsaw. 626 00:43:55,366 --> 00:43:56,666 - Okay, now it's ringing. 627 00:43:58,503 --> 00:44:03,173 (phone rings "All Star" by Smash Mouth) 628 00:44:07,245 --> 00:44:10,313 - You got WDFTV, what do you want? 629 00:44:10,314 --> 00:44:11,181 - Hello? 630 00:44:12,583 --> 00:44:15,085 Okay, my house has been invaded by witches and demons, 631 00:44:15,086 --> 00:44:16,753 I need to talk to Debbie. 632 00:44:16,754 --> 00:44:19,389 - So you're saying you got a real life spook house? 633 00:44:19,390 --> 00:44:22,192 Sounds like a good place for our next episode. 634 00:44:22,193 --> 00:44:25,529 - Yes, absolutely, can you send Debbie over right now? 635 00:44:25,530 --> 00:44:27,030 - I gotta run all this by Debbie first, 636 00:44:27,031 --> 00:44:29,166 why don't you call me back tomorrow. 637 00:44:29,167 --> 00:44:31,334 - Okay, but that might be too late. 638 00:44:31,335 --> 00:44:33,470 Where is Debbie right now? 639 00:44:33,471 --> 00:44:36,173 - Home I guess, I'm not her babysitter. 640 00:44:36,174 --> 00:44:37,841 How do I even know you're legit? 641 00:44:37,842 --> 00:44:40,043 She's got some crazy fuckin' fans. 642 00:44:40,044 --> 00:44:41,845 - But there's a demon outside of my house, 643 00:44:41,846 --> 00:44:44,214 it just ate my friend's date. 644 00:44:44,215 --> 00:44:45,348 - No shit. 645 00:44:45,349 --> 00:44:47,284 Like I said, I gotta run this by Debbie. 646 00:44:47,285 --> 00:44:50,120 You just tell your little demon friend to hold tight. 647 00:44:50,121 --> 00:44:51,788 (laughs) 648 00:44:52,857 --> 00:44:53,723 - So what did he say? 649 00:44:53,724 --> 00:44:55,225 Can we talk to Debbie? 650 00:44:55,226 --> 00:44:56,293 - Hell yeah. 651 00:44:56,294 --> 00:44:58,361 And I know exactly how we're gonna do it. 652 00:45:02,733 --> 00:45:06,236 - It's me again, Debbie, your favorite ghoul friend. 653 00:45:06,237 --> 00:45:08,305 And tonight, I've got a report for you 654 00:45:08,306 --> 00:45:10,140 on a super spooky place, 655 00:45:10,141 --> 00:45:13,376 that makes Amityville look like Pee-wee's Fun House. 656 00:45:13,377 --> 00:45:17,380 That's right, a group of top paranormal ghost whackers 657 00:45:17,381 --> 00:45:20,016 spent a night in this moldy mansion, 658 00:45:20,017 --> 00:45:22,319 and came to a unanimous verdict. 659 00:45:22,320 --> 00:45:25,155 This crib is straight up haunted, peeps. 660 00:45:25,156 --> 00:45:26,456 Need more proof? 661 00:45:26,457 --> 00:45:27,657 Take a look at this. 662 00:45:29,894 --> 00:45:32,395 (eerie music) 663 00:47:03,354 --> 00:47:05,322 - Welcome to the Church of Hallowed Holes. 664 00:47:05,323 --> 00:47:06,556 - Please come inside. 665 00:47:26,277 --> 00:47:28,945 (intense music) 666 00:48:57,935 --> 00:49:00,170 (groaning) 667 00:49:01,038 --> 00:49:03,673 (intense music) 668 00:49:17,455 --> 00:49:19,622 (heavy breathing) 669 00:49:19,623 --> 00:49:23,259 (speaking foreign language) 670 00:49:33,704 --> 00:49:35,338 - I don't know about you, 671 00:49:35,339 --> 00:49:38,141 but if that pesky ghost lays a finger on this girl, 672 00:49:38,142 --> 00:49:39,709 it's gonna be on the receiving end 673 00:49:39,710 --> 00:49:42,145 of a major ghost spanking. 674 00:49:42,146 --> 00:49:44,514 That's all for tonight, come see me next week 675 00:49:44,515 --> 00:49:47,784 on your favorite late night spook show, Debbie Does Demons. 676 00:49:47,785 --> 00:49:48,852 Goodnight. 677 00:49:50,354 --> 00:49:51,654 - And cut. 678 00:49:53,357 --> 00:49:54,290 Good job, Debbie. 679 00:49:54,291 --> 00:49:55,925 I don't know how you do it every week. 680 00:49:55,926 --> 00:49:57,594 - It's called talent, Eddie. 681 00:49:57,595 --> 00:49:59,429 Something that you know nothing about. 682 00:49:59,430 --> 00:50:01,931 - Well, you know, now that we're done, 683 00:50:01,932 --> 00:50:03,533 I was thinking there's this place down the street, 684 00:50:03,534 --> 00:50:07,303 they got these big, huge, thick, juicy, 685 00:50:07,304 --> 00:50:10,373 greasy Italian sausage and peppers. 686 00:50:10,374 --> 00:50:12,308 And I was thinking, you know... 687 00:50:12,309 --> 00:50:15,378 - That you want me to watch you stuff your face? 688 00:50:15,379 --> 00:50:18,815 Mm, tempting, but I think I'll pass. 689 00:50:18,816 --> 00:50:19,749 - Oh, wait, wait, wait. 690 00:50:19,750 --> 00:50:22,385 Uh, there was this chick that called earlier, 691 00:50:22,386 --> 00:50:24,320 something about demons, or witches, 692 00:50:24,321 --> 00:50:26,055 or whatever in her house. 693 00:50:26,056 --> 00:50:27,323 I thought it might be good for the next show. 694 00:50:27,324 --> 00:50:28,558 You wanna check it out? 695 00:50:28,559 --> 00:50:31,961 - Here's a better idea, how about you go check it out 696 00:50:31,962 --> 00:50:34,631 and if you see anything spooky, take a couple selfies, 697 00:50:34,632 --> 00:50:37,066 and maybe I'll put you on next week's show. 698 00:50:37,067 --> 00:50:38,034 Bye. 699 00:50:51,048 --> 00:50:51,848 - Ah! 700 00:50:51,849 --> 00:50:52,982 Who the fuck are you? 701 00:50:52,983 --> 00:50:53,850 - Hi, Debbie. 702 00:50:53,851 --> 00:50:55,051 I'm Lauren, and this is Claude. 703 00:50:55,052 --> 00:50:56,085 - Hi. 704 00:50:56,086 --> 00:50:57,921 - We left a message for you earlier. 705 00:50:57,922 --> 00:51:01,057 - Was the message anything about you breaking into my car? 706 00:51:01,058 --> 00:51:02,725 - We left a message about the witches. 707 00:51:02,726 --> 00:51:04,360 - [Claude] And demons. 708 00:51:04,361 --> 00:51:06,095 - [Lauren] So naturally, we need your help. 709 00:51:06,096 --> 00:51:07,797 - Oh, naturally. 710 00:51:07,798 --> 00:51:11,000 - I mean, you're like an expert on all this stuff right? 711 00:51:11,001 --> 00:51:13,570 Ghouls, zombies, poltergeists. 712 00:51:13,571 --> 00:51:16,105 - Wait, let me get this straight. 713 00:51:16,106 --> 00:51:18,107 You said there was a witch in your house? 714 00:51:18,108 --> 00:51:19,175 - Yeah. 715 00:51:19,176 --> 00:51:22,612 Not like an actual, like, pointy nose, broomstick witch, 716 00:51:22,613 --> 00:51:24,614 but, like, definitely a witch. 717 00:51:24,615 --> 00:51:26,249 - Uh huh. 718 00:51:26,250 --> 00:51:29,252 And, how do you know she's a witch? 719 00:51:29,253 --> 00:51:32,388 - Well, she turned all of Lauren's friends into trolls. 720 00:51:32,389 --> 00:51:33,890 - [Lauren] Demons, Claude. 721 00:51:33,891 --> 00:51:35,692 She turned them into demons. 722 00:51:35,693 --> 00:51:36,626 - (sighs) Demons, trolls, 723 00:51:36,627 --> 00:51:38,895 aren't they basically the same thing? 724 00:51:38,896 --> 00:51:40,463 - No, definitely not... 725 00:51:40,464 --> 00:51:43,333 Well, I don't know, are they Debbie? 726 00:51:43,334 --> 00:51:44,467 - Uh... 727 00:51:44,468 --> 00:51:45,768 No, absolutely right, 728 00:51:45,769 --> 00:51:48,538 a troll and a demon are definitely not the same thing. 729 00:51:48,539 --> 00:51:49,405 - Wow, see? 730 00:51:49,406 --> 00:51:51,774 I told you, Debbie really is an expert. 731 00:51:51,775 --> 00:51:55,478 - (scoffs) Look, I say all this stuff on television, 732 00:51:55,479 --> 00:51:58,715 but witches aren't real. 733 00:51:58,716 --> 00:52:00,850 I'm sure this is just some old hag, 734 00:52:00,851 --> 00:52:03,853 who's trying to make you believe that she's a witch. 735 00:52:03,854 --> 00:52:04,721 - No, no, no. 736 00:52:04,722 --> 00:52:07,557 Listen, you would not say that if you saw her, okay? 737 00:52:07,558 --> 00:52:09,058 The witch that's in my house, 738 00:52:09,059 --> 00:52:12,128 is the same witch that you did an episode on last week. 739 00:52:12,129 --> 00:52:14,664 Do you remember the episode of Carmilla Karnstein? 740 00:52:14,665 --> 00:52:17,166 That's her, that's who's in my house. 741 00:52:17,167 --> 00:52:19,502 - Okay, if you really watched that show, 742 00:52:19,503 --> 00:52:24,173 you would know that Carmilla Karnstein lived 300 years ago. 743 00:52:24,174 --> 00:52:26,643 - Yeah, I know, I know. 744 00:52:26,644 --> 00:52:29,178 Uh, but I used a Ouija board. 745 00:52:29,179 --> 00:52:33,249 - (sighs) Okay, look. 746 00:52:33,250 --> 00:52:34,884 I don't believe you, 747 00:52:34,885 --> 00:52:37,587 but assuming that you're telling the truth, 748 00:52:37,588 --> 00:52:40,657 and assuming that you brought this witch back 749 00:52:40,658 --> 00:52:42,025 with a Ouija board, 750 00:52:42,026 --> 00:52:45,328 there should be a very easy way to send her back. 751 00:52:45,329 --> 00:52:46,329 - (together) How?! 752 00:52:46,330 --> 00:52:48,398 - Destroy the Ouija board, of course. 753 00:52:48,399 --> 00:52:51,401 There has to be some sort of ectoplasmic connection 754 00:52:51,402 --> 00:52:53,703 between the board and the witch. 755 00:52:53,704 --> 00:52:57,774 So, destroy the board, witch goes bye bye. 756 00:52:57,775 --> 00:52:59,909 - (sighs) There's just one problem. 757 00:52:59,910 --> 00:53:01,978 - And I'm sure you're gonna tell me what it is. 758 00:53:01,979 --> 00:53:06,049 - So, the Ouija board is back at my house, 759 00:53:06,050 --> 00:53:09,118 and Carmilla is also there. 760 00:53:09,119 --> 00:53:10,620 And if I step foot in that place, 761 00:53:10,621 --> 00:53:12,488 she's gonna turn me into a demon. 762 00:53:12,489 --> 00:53:13,556 - Or a troll. 763 00:53:13,557 --> 00:53:15,124 - What's your hangup with trolls? 764 00:53:15,125 --> 00:53:16,359 - Well, I mean... 765 00:53:16,360 --> 00:53:18,294 Look, if you turn into a troll 766 00:53:18,295 --> 00:53:19,362 it would be a lot better than a demon. 767 00:53:19,363 --> 00:53:21,197 What's the worst that can happen if you turn into a troll? 768 00:53:21,198 --> 00:53:22,432 Like, your gonna keep me 769 00:53:22,433 --> 00:53:24,067 from crossing a bridge or something? 770 00:53:24,068 --> 00:53:26,502 - Okay well, if we don't stop Carmilla, 771 00:53:26,503 --> 00:53:28,237 she's gonna turn you into a troll. 772 00:53:28,238 --> 00:53:29,372 Is that what you want? 773 00:53:29,373 --> 00:53:31,074 - Well I mean, what about a gremlin? 774 00:53:31,075 --> 00:53:33,810 Maybe I'd be cool with being a gremlin? 775 00:53:33,811 --> 00:53:34,644 - I really don't think she's gonna 776 00:53:34,645 --> 00:53:35,812 give you a choice, Claude. 777 00:53:35,813 --> 00:53:36,746 - No? 778 00:53:36,747 --> 00:53:37,947 - No. 779 00:53:37,948 --> 00:53:41,250 - Look, I don't believe a word that you two are saying, 780 00:53:41,251 --> 00:53:42,652 but how about this. 781 00:53:42,653 --> 00:53:45,955 You go back to your house, grab the Ouija board, 782 00:53:45,956 --> 00:53:48,458 and I'll set in on fire on live T.V. 783 00:53:48,459 --> 00:53:49,459 How's that? 784 00:53:49,460 --> 00:53:52,829 - Well, since you don't believe in witches, um, 785 00:53:52,830 --> 00:53:55,164 can you come back to the house with me? 786 00:53:55,165 --> 00:53:56,666 - Absolutely not. 787 00:53:56,667 --> 00:53:57,967 - She's afraid of trolls. 788 00:54:01,839 --> 00:54:03,539 - Fuck. 789 00:54:03,540 --> 00:54:07,243 Where the fuck is that goddamn Ouija board? 790 00:54:07,244 --> 00:54:08,277 Goddamn it. 791 00:54:08,278 --> 00:54:09,112 Seriously? 792 00:54:10,414 --> 00:54:11,614 What the fuck? 793 00:54:19,690 --> 00:54:21,624 Yeah, that's not it. 794 00:54:24,695 --> 00:54:26,496 What the fuck? 795 00:54:26,497 --> 00:54:28,131 Seriously? 796 00:54:28,132 --> 00:54:30,566 - Looking for this? 797 00:54:30,567 --> 00:54:32,001 - Give it to me. 798 00:54:32,002 --> 00:54:34,370 - You should be pleased. 799 00:54:34,371 --> 00:54:37,373 You summoned me and I came. 800 00:54:37,374 --> 00:54:38,708 - That was a mistake. 801 00:54:38,709 --> 00:54:39,942 You don't belong here. 802 00:54:39,943 --> 00:54:42,311 This is not your time, you have to go back. 803 00:54:42,312 --> 00:54:44,447 - To the age of the witchfinders? 804 00:54:44,448 --> 00:54:47,383 You'd do that to me, your own flesh and blood? 805 00:54:47,384 --> 00:54:49,652 - Look, I shouldn't have summoned you, 806 00:54:49,653 --> 00:54:51,521 all of my friends are demons now. 807 00:54:51,522 --> 00:54:54,157 Is that your plan for me? 808 00:54:54,158 --> 00:54:56,225 - I could never harm you. 809 00:54:57,094 --> 00:54:59,462 My blood is your blood. 810 00:54:59,463 --> 00:55:01,397 We're different than the others. 811 00:55:01,398 --> 00:55:02,965 Better. 812 00:55:02,966 --> 00:55:07,837 All the world can burn, while you and I reign supreme. 813 00:55:08,839 --> 00:55:11,307 - No, I will not be a part of something like that. 814 00:55:12,342 --> 00:55:15,745 - Come to Wormwood Cemetery and then decide. 815 00:55:15,746 --> 00:55:20,249 I shall raise the dead to build our demon army. 816 00:55:20,250 --> 00:55:24,854 Then together, we'll rule a new age of Hell on Earth. 817 00:55:27,257 --> 00:55:29,125 - I don't think so. 818 00:55:29,126 --> 00:55:30,426 I... 819 00:55:30,427 --> 00:55:31,260 No... 820 00:56:19,610 --> 00:56:22,478 (thunder crashes) 821 00:56:23,380 --> 00:56:26,048 - I don't like this, she's taking too long in there. 822 00:56:26,049 --> 00:56:27,984 - I'm sure she's fine. 823 00:56:27,985 --> 00:56:29,819 Oh look, here she is. 824 00:56:29,820 --> 00:56:31,554 - Lauren, are you okay? 825 00:56:31,555 --> 00:56:33,189 - Yeah, why wouldn't I be? 826 00:56:33,190 --> 00:56:34,557 - Did you get the Ouija board? 827 00:56:34,558 --> 00:56:36,425 - No, it wasn't there. 828 00:56:36,426 --> 00:56:38,127 - What about the witch? 829 00:56:38,128 --> 00:56:39,428 - Carmilla was gone too. 830 00:56:40,330 --> 00:56:42,565 - (scoffs) I might've guessed. 831 00:56:42,566 --> 00:56:44,700 - But she has a message for us. 832 00:56:44,701 --> 00:56:46,002 - The witch left a message? 833 00:56:46,003 --> 00:56:47,503 What did she say? 834 00:56:47,504 --> 00:56:49,071 - She said that she wants us to meet her 835 00:56:49,072 --> 00:56:51,641 at Wormwood Cemetery tonight. 836 00:56:51,642 --> 00:56:54,343 She has a special surprise for all of us. 837 00:56:55,279 --> 00:56:56,846 - Well, run me back to the station, 838 00:56:56,847 --> 00:56:59,215 I want to grab my camera man for this. 839 00:56:59,216 --> 00:57:00,650 - Lauren, would it be okay if I just, sort of, 840 00:57:00,651 --> 00:57:01,584 sit this one out? 841 00:57:02,419 --> 00:57:03,853 - No, no, no, Claude. 842 00:57:03,854 --> 00:57:05,354 You have to be there. 843 00:57:05,355 --> 00:57:06,856 And you too, Debbie. 844 00:57:06,857 --> 00:57:09,358 After tonight, you guys are gonna be seeing the world 845 00:57:09,359 --> 00:57:10,860 in a completely different way. 846 00:57:14,531 --> 00:57:17,233 (intense music) 847 00:57:41,558 --> 00:57:44,493 (knocking on door) 848 00:57:56,340 --> 00:57:57,139 - Hello? 849 00:57:58,842 --> 00:58:00,476 Is anyone here? 850 00:58:00,477 --> 00:58:02,778 I've got some great news to share. 851 00:58:06,717 --> 00:58:08,150 Hello? 852 00:58:08,151 --> 00:58:09,585 - Can I help you? 853 00:58:11,021 --> 00:58:13,789 - I'm sorry, the door was open. 854 00:58:13,790 --> 00:58:15,424 I'm a Jehovah's Witness. 855 00:58:15,425 --> 00:58:17,860 I'd like to talk about God's plan for you. 856 00:58:19,229 --> 00:58:21,430 - I have a better idea. 857 00:58:21,431 --> 00:58:24,300 Why don't we talk about my plan for you? 858 00:58:28,438 --> 00:58:30,306 - What are you doing?! 859 00:58:33,810 --> 00:58:35,811 - Can you feel it? 860 00:58:35,812 --> 00:58:38,047 Your blood is getting warmer. 861 00:58:38,048 --> 00:58:40,049 It's starting to boil! 862 00:58:43,754 --> 00:58:44,553 - Stop it! 863 00:58:56,333 --> 00:58:59,068 - Another soul for our Dark Lord. 864 00:59:04,074 --> 00:59:04,907 Delicious. 865 00:59:09,646 --> 00:59:12,281 (intense music) 866 00:59:47,250 --> 00:59:49,518 - Does my lip gloss look okay? 867 00:59:49,519 --> 00:59:50,686 - Uh, it's fine. 868 00:59:51,521 --> 00:59:53,823 - Okay, let’s get this show rollin'. 869 00:59:57,894 --> 01:00:01,030 - Alright, this is Debbie Does Demons, take one. 870 01:00:01,031 --> 01:00:02,698 And, action. 871 01:00:03,834 --> 01:00:06,535 - Hello again, ghost whackers. 872 01:00:06,536 --> 01:00:09,205 It's your favorite graveyard tramp, Debbie, 873 01:00:09,206 --> 01:00:11,707 and do I have a show for you. 874 01:00:11,708 --> 01:00:15,778 I'm here at the super creepy Wormwood Cemetery, 875 01:00:15,779 --> 01:00:20,416 for a special all-witch episode of Debbie Does Demons. 876 01:00:20,417 --> 01:00:22,785 Remember Carmilla Karnstein? 877 01:00:22,786 --> 01:00:25,488 The super slutty sorceress 878 01:00:25,489 --> 01:00:27,857 that I told you all about last week? 879 01:00:27,858 --> 01:00:30,726 Well, I have it on good authority, 880 01:00:30,727 --> 01:00:34,296 that's she's making a very special appearance tonight, 881 01:00:34,297 --> 01:00:35,731 right here. 882 01:00:35,732 --> 01:00:39,735 And I also hear that the old girl is still pretty hot, 883 01:00:39,736 --> 01:00:41,937 even though she's 300 years old. 884 01:00:43,140 --> 01:00:45,441 Why don't we talk to a couple of her friends, 885 01:00:45,442 --> 01:00:48,377 Lauren and Claude, and get the dish. 886 01:00:50,680 --> 01:00:52,515 Hey guys. 887 01:00:52,516 --> 01:00:56,018 So, you're both claiming that Carmilla's a straight up witch 888 01:00:56,019 --> 01:00:57,753 and has amazing witchy powers? 889 01:00:57,754 --> 01:00:59,255 Is that right? 890 01:00:59,256 --> 01:01:00,523 - That's right, Debbie. 891 01:01:00,524 --> 01:01:03,759 Carmilla is actually one of my great ancestors. 892 01:01:03,760 --> 01:01:06,529 And 300 years ago, she was captured by a witchfinder 893 01:01:06,530 --> 01:01:09,532 and sentenced to be burned alive. 894 01:01:09,533 --> 01:01:11,033 But she escaped. 895 01:01:11,034 --> 01:01:14,837 And tonight, she is going to show everyone her true power. 896 01:01:15,705 --> 01:01:20,409 - And, uh, exactly what is Carmilla going to do? 897 01:01:21,978 --> 01:01:23,546 - Ask her yourself! 898 01:01:28,485 --> 01:01:29,718 - Oh my God. 899 01:01:29,719 --> 01:01:32,054 Not good, not good. 900 01:01:35,992 --> 01:01:37,126 - Excuse me, 901 01:01:37,127 --> 01:01:39,929 are you actually Carmilla Karnstein? 902 01:01:39,930 --> 01:01:41,730 The legendary witch? 903 01:01:43,066 --> 01:01:46,001 - I have a message for all mankind. 904 01:01:47,070 --> 01:01:50,573 I am Carmilla, your new queen. 905 01:01:50,574 --> 01:01:53,642 After tonight, every living creature that draws breath 906 01:01:53,643 --> 01:01:55,377 shall bow before me. 907 01:01:56,446 --> 01:02:01,450 And ruling by my side, this one, who shares my blood. 908 01:02:03,587 --> 01:02:07,723 Every queen needs an army, and so it shall be, 909 01:02:07,724 --> 01:02:12,728 all weak mortals shall serve as my demon slave. 910 01:02:13,396 --> 01:02:16,599 My army of the damned. 911 01:02:16,600 --> 01:02:20,903 - Carmilla, that sounds like a really interesting idea, 912 01:02:22,339 --> 01:02:26,242 but how do you plan on turning 913 01:02:26,243 --> 01:02:30,779 average Joe's like Claude here into demons? 914 01:02:30,780 --> 01:02:32,915 - Debbie, you're not helping! 915 01:02:32,916 --> 01:02:34,783 - Excellent question. 916 01:02:34,784 --> 01:02:36,352 Let me show you. 917 01:02:37,921 --> 01:02:38,787 Come to me. 918 01:02:39,689 --> 01:02:41,290 - (stammers) I'd rather not. 919 01:02:42,192 --> 01:02:44,627 - I said come before me. 920 01:02:46,997 --> 01:02:48,564 - Let's go. 921 01:02:48,565 --> 01:02:50,065 On your knees, scum! 922 01:02:50,066 --> 01:02:51,867 - I'm on my knees, I'm on my knees. 923 01:02:54,304 --> 01:02:55,137 - Look at me! 924 01:02:55,138 --> 01:02:55,938 Look! 925 01:02:58,275 --> 01:03:00,709 (whimpering) 926 01:03:26,403 --> 01:03:29,104 Arise and worship me. 927 01:03:30,240 --> 01:03:33,609 - Uh, hey guys, can someone tell me what's going on here? 928 01:03:33,610 --> 01:03:36,178 Things are getting a little freaky. 929 01:03:36,179 --> 01:03:38,180 - Do you see that woman? 930 01:03:38,181 --> 01:03:41,050 She's yours, feed on her. 931 01:03:41,051 --> 01:03:44,420 - Now wait just a minute, nobody's touching me. 932 01:03:44,421 --> 01:03:47,122 This is my show, and the number one rule is, 933 01:03:47,123 --> 01:03:49,858 nobody eats the star! 934 01:03:49,859 --> 01:03:51,260 - Do you want me to keep filming? 935 01:03:51,261 --> 01:03:54,196 - No you idiot, I want you to help me. 936 01:03:54,197 --> 01:03:55,631 - Fuck that, I'm out of here. 937 01:03:55,632 --> 01:03:57,266 I don't get paid enough for this. 938 01:03:58,568 --> 01:04:00,836 (growling) 939 01:04:04,374 --> 01:04:06,508 (choking) 940 01:04:15,785 --> 01:04:18,020 (grunting) 941 01:04:21,658 --> 01:04:24,860 - I'm sending you back to Hell, you motherfucker. 942 01:04:31,101 --> 01:04:33,969 Stay away from me! 943 01:04:33,970 --> 01:04:35,738 - Foolish girl. 944 01:04:35,739 --> 01:04:37,106 - Join us, Debbie. 945 01:04:37,107 --> 01:04:38,674 Share in our power. 946 01:04:38,675 --> 01:04:40,042 - No thank you. 947 01:04:40,043 --> 01:04:43,612 Being a demon lady is not my idea of living. 948 01:04:43,613 --> 01:04:44,913 - Do I look like a demon to you? 949 01:04:44,914 --> 01:04:46,248 - You look like a bitch. 950 01:04:46,249 --> 01:04:48,317 I wish I knew where that Ouija board was. 951 01:04:49,319 --> 01:04:50,419 - You mean this? 952 01:04:52,555 --> 01:04:55,424 - I don't suppose I could borrow that for a second? 953 01:04:55,425 --> 01:04:57,760 - That's not going to happen, Debbie. 954 01:04:57,761 --> 01:05:00,562 Carmilla is here to stay, but I can't say the same for you. 955 01:05:00,563 --> 01:05:02,331 - Snap out of it, Lauren. 956 01:05:02,332 --> 01:05:05,434 You're under her spell, you're not her slave! 957 01:05:05,435 --> 01:05:08,003 Destroy that Ouija board. 958 01:05:08,004 --> 01:05:11,140 - Lauren's not gonna listen to you, Debbie. 959 01:05:11,141 --> 01:05:13,275 Lauren is mine. 960 01:05:13,276 --> 01:05:14,943 - No you're not, Lauren. 961 01:05:14,944 --> 01:05:16,912 You can break from her spell. 962 01:05:16,913 --> 01:05:19,515 Be strong, think about what she did to your friends. 963 01:05:20,784 --> 01:05:25,220 Do it for Adam, do it for Jan, do it for Ashley. 964 01:05:28,591 --> 01:05:32,294 Do it for them, destroy that fucking board! 965 01:05:32,295 --> 01:05:33,295 - Jan, 966 01:05:35,432 --> 01:05:36,298 Ashley... 967 01:05:37,667 --> 01:05:39,668 - Kill her, Lauren, I command you! 968 01:05:42,872 --> 01:05:43,739 - Ashley! 969 01:05:44,974 --> 01:05:45,874 - Kill her! 970 01:05:55,118 --> 01:05:55,984 (sighs) 971 01:05:55,985 --> 01:05:57,119 - Debbie, dude. 972 01:05:57,120 --> 01:05:59,321 - I knew you could do it, and you did it. 973 01:05:59,322 --> 01:06:00,622 I knew you could. 974 01:06:00,623 --> 01:06:03,058 - I was so scared, oh my God. 975 01:06:03,059 --> 01:06:05,394 - She is gone now, we don't have to worry anymore. 976 01:06:05,395 --> 01:06:07,062 - Your plan, it worked. 977 01:06:07,063 --> 01:06:08,464 She's back in her own time. 978 01:06:08,465 --> 01:06:09,998 - Oh, thank God. 979 01:06:09,999 --> 01:06:12,267 But Lauren, just promise me one thing. 980 01:06:12,268 --> 01:06:13,135 - Anything. 981 01:06:13,136 --> 01:06:16,638 - Don't ever fuck with an Ouija board ever again. 982 01:06:16,639 --> 01:06:19,842 - (laughs) No problem. 983 01:06:24,080 --> 01:06:26,348 (growling) 984 01:06:40,230 --> 01:06:42,798 (upbeat music) 985 01:07:10,326 --> 01:07:12,127 - Carmilla Karnstein. 986 01:07:14,397 --> 01:07:29,912 Carmilla Karnstein. 987 01:07:38,922 --> 01:07:40,722 - Babe, are you okay? 988 01:07:42,158 --> 01:07:42,991 Steve? 989 01:07:47,163 --> 01:07:49,998 (unearthly music) 990 01:07:51,367 --> 01:07:53,735 - You summoned me, Steve. 991 01:07:53,736 --> 01:07:55,170 You deserve a reward. 992 01:08:00,009 --> 01:08:02,244 (growling) 993 01:08:05,181 --> 01:08:07,616 It's so good to be back. 994 01:08:17,393 --> 01:08:21,096 - It's me again, Debbie, your favorite ghoul friend. 995 01:08:21,097 --> 01:08:22,164 Take a look at this. 996 01:08:26,703 --> 01:08:31,707 (howling) (crickets chirping) 997 01:08:46,222 --> 01:08:47,389 - Turn the camera on. 998 01:08:48,625 --> 01:08:50,392 Greetings fellow perverts. 999 01:08:50,393 --> 01:08:53,729 My name is Newt Wallen, award winning adult film star, 1000 01:08:53,730 --> 01:08:56,999 director, writer, producer, all around artist. 1001 01:08:57,000 --> 01:08:59,701 In the realm of erotic, I'm quite famous. 1002 01:08:59,702 --> 01:09:02,871 At this very site, 40 years ago to the night, 1003 01:09:02,872 --> 01:09:05,474 my father, who also was a purveyor of porn, 1004 01:09:05,475 --> 01:09:07,876 brought four young wannabe 80's starlets here 1005 01:09:07,877 --> 01:09:09,478 to read from an ancient book 1006 01:09:09,479 --> 01:09:10,879 he received from a cultist, 1007 01:09:10,880 --> 01:09:14,516 after a long night of coke and 80's, 80's-ness. 1008 01:09:15,518 --> 01:09:18,553 When he read from that book, a great fire broke out. 1009 01:09:21,224 --> 01:09:25,127 And it was on that night, at this very spot, 1010 01:09:25,128 --> 01:09:27,229 40 years ago to the night, 1011 01:09:27,230 --> 01:09:31,533 that my father and those poor four adult film actresses, 1012 01:09:31,534 --> 01:09:34,870 in an attempt to conjure up a demon by using dark magic 1013 01:09:34,871 --> 01:09:39,074 to have sex with, and make dirty film picture history, 1014 01:09:39,075 --> 01:09:39,941 burned alive. 1015 01:09:39,942 --> 01:09:43,178 And now, we have returned to that very spot 1016 01:09:43,179 --> 01:09:45,947 to once again try and reach the other side. 1017 01:09:45,948 --> 01:09:47,949 And fuck it on camera. 1018 01:09:49,786 --> 01:09:53,588 - (speaking foreign language) 1019 01:10:00,196 --> 01:10:01,930 - Did it work? 1020 01:10:01,931 --> 01:10:03,331 - The ritual is complete. 1021 01:10:05,168 --> 01:10:06,935 - That it? 1022 01:10:06,936 --> 01:10:07,803 - Now what? 1023 01:10:09,539 --> 01:10:11,807 (growling) 1024 01:10:21,184 --> 01:10:24,686 - Shit, there's something in here with us. 1025 01:10:27,323 --> 01:10:28,590 - It worked. 1026 01:10:28,591 --> 01:10:30,826 - I'm a little discouraged you're surprised by that. 1027 01:10:32,128 --> 01:10:32,961 - What? 1028 01:10:36,632 --> 01:10:39,234 (erotic music) 1029 01:10:49,746 --> 01:10:51,313 - Well fuck-a-doodle-doo. 1030 01:10:51,314 --> 01:10:53,148 - Primitive flesh stain, 1031 01:10:53,149 --> 01:10:55,217 why have you summoned me from the pit? 1032 01:10:57,887 --> 01:10:58,754 (gulps) 1033 01:10:58,755 --> 01:11:00,489 - Ah, well then. 1034 01:11:02,358 --> 01:11:06,862 Prepare your filthy soul for pleasure beyond the realm 1035 01:11:06,863 --> 01:11:09,865 of what your fragile monkey brain can fathom. 1036 01:11:11,234 --> 01:11:13,401 Touch the darkness, sub-creature. 1037 01:11:23,379 --> 01:11:25,981 (zipper zips) 1038 01:11:25,982 --> 01:11:28,650 (demonic growl) 1039 01:11:34,023 --> 01:11:35,757 - (gasping) My dick! 1040 01:11:35,758 --> 01:11:37,159 What did you do to my dick?! 1041 01:11:38,928 --> 01:11:41,163 (laughter) 1042 01:11:52,942 --> 01:11:54,576 - That's all for tonight. 1043 01:11:54,577 --> 01:11:55,677 Come see me next week 1044 01:11:55,678 --> 01:11:59,414 on your favorite late night spook show, Debbie Does Demons. 1045 01:11:59,415 --> 01:12:00,215 Goodnight. 1046 01:12:01,884 --> 01:12:04,386 (tense music)