1
00:00:01,101 --> 00:00:02,603
- Dear Lord, deliver
this baby into the world

2
00:00:02,603 --> 00:00:06,006
clean of any priors did
inflicted upon its soul.

3
00:00:06,006 --> 00:00:07,975
- Mom, this is not helping.

4
00:00:07,975 --> 00:00:11,745
- Breathe out your sins
and breathe in his glory.

5
00:00:11,745 --> 00:00:13,580
- Enough with the
Bible bullshit.

6
00:00:17,818 --> 00:00:19,086
- Keep pushing, Maggie.

7
00:00:19,086 --> 00:00:20,687
The doctor's on his way.

8
00:00:20,687 --> 00:00:23,357
(Maggie grunts)

9
00:00:24,424 --> 00:00:25,592
- Keep pushing, Max.

10
00:00:25,592 --> 00:00:27,427
I don't know what you're
pushing, but push.

11
00:00:27,427 --> 00:00:29,963
- Just give me a knife and
I'll cut it out myself.

12
00:00:29,963 --> 00:00:32,532
- Remember your breathing,
just in through your nose,

13
00:00:32,532 --> 00:00:33,634
out through your mouth.

14
00:00:33,634 --> 00:00:34,468
Good.

15
00:00:34,468 --> 00:00:35,302
Remember your breathing.

16
00:00:35,302 --> 00:00:36,503
Good, good.

17
00:00:36,503 --> 00:00:37,304
- Shit!

18
00:00:39,373 --> 00:00:40,374
(phone rings)

19
00:00:40,374 --> 00:00:41,642
(Max vomits)

20
00:00:41,642 --> 00:00:42,509
- [Narrator] Three
months earlier.

21
00:00:43,710 --> 00:00:46,179
(phone rings)

22
00:00:53,987 --> 00:00:54,821
- What?

23
00:00:56,390 --> 00:00:57,658
Yeah, I...

24
00:00:59,159 --> 00:01:01,828
(Max sighs)

25
00:01:01,828 --> 00:01:02,863
Kyle, I know.

26
00:01:02,863 --> 00:01:04,031
It's 8:00 p.m.

27
00:01:06,400 --> 00:01:07,834
Oh God.

28
00:01:08,802 --> 00:01:11,004
Yeah, that's the fifth time.

29
00:01:11,004 --> 00:01:12,839
Work is gonna fire my ass.

30
00:01:14,474 --> 00:01:15,842
(Max sighs)

31
00:01:15,842 --> 00:01:17,377
Uh-huh.

32
00:01:17,377 --> 00:01:18,211
Beer night.

33
00:01:18,211 --> 00:01:19,046
I've got a date.

34
00:01:21,715 --> 00:01:23,350
I can't.

35
00:01:23,350 --> 00:01:24,518
What's the point?

36
00:01:26,086 --> 00:01:29,056
Gotta figure out my life.

37
00:01:31,525 --> 00:01:33,393
I gotta figure out
where my pants are.

38
00:01:34,928 --> 00:01:35,762
Hold on.

39
00:01:44,838 --> 00:01:45,706
Yeah.

40
00:01:45,706 --> 00:01:47,207
All right.

41
00:01:47,207 --> 00:01:48,408
Give me 20.

42
00:01:48,408 --> 00:01:51,378
Bring Tylenol and vodka.

43
00:01:51,378 --> 00:01:53,080
Vodka takes priority.

44
00:01:53,080 --> 00:01:55,449
(Max scoffs)

45
00:02:00,454 --> 00:02:02,055
(Max vomits)

46
00:02:02,055 --> 00:02:03,890
(uplifting music)

47
00:02:03,890 --> 00:02:05,092
- [Narrator] "Womb Envy."

48
00:02:07,894 --> 00:02:10,464
(chair clanks)

49
00:02:13,767 --> 00:02:15,035
- God, I need to clean.

50
00:02:19,072 --> 00:02:19,906
Ugh!

51
00:02:25,545 --> 00:02:29,082
Goldie Pro, my most
beautiful goldfish,

52
00:02:29,082 --> 00:02:31,885
when did you die?

53
00:02:31,885 --> 00:02:33,153
(Max knocks)

54
00:02:33,153 --> 00:02:36,156
But the wig still
looks fabulous.

55
00:02:36,156 --> 00:02:36,990
(Maggie knocks)

56
00:02:36,990 --> 00:02:39,593
Uh, he's fast.

57
00:02:40,560 --> 00:02:41,395
(Max moans)

58
00:02:41,395 --> 00:02:42,262
(Maggie knocks)

59
00:02:42,262 --> 00:02:44,264
(soft jazz music)

60
00:02:44,264 --> 00:02:46,433
Kyle, I said, "Give me 20."

61
00:02:46,433 --> 00:02:49,936
(Maggie knocks)
(gentle jazz music)

62
00:02:49,936 --> 00:02:52,239
(Max sighs)

63
00:02:56,276 --> 00:02:57,644
- Max.

64
00:02:57,644 --> 00:02:58,945
Oh my God, Max.

65
00:02:58,945 --> 00:03:00,914
- [Max] Uh, Maggie.

66
00:03:00,914 --> 00:03:02,082
- Oh, it's been like, what?

67
00:03:02,082 --> 00:03:03,283
10 years.

68
00:03:03,283 --> 00:03:04,785
I didn't even know
if I'd recognize you.

69
00:03:04,785 --> 00:03:06,586
Do you always answer the
door in your underwear?

70
00:03:06,586 --> 00:03:13,593
- Oh my God, I forgot my
clothes at the orgy again.

71
00:03:14,327 --> 00:03:16,430
Uh, sorry, come in.

72
00:03:16,430 --> 00:03:17,697
Make yourself at home.

73
00:03:17,697 --> 00:03:18,532
- Thanks.

74
00:03:18,532 --> 00:03:19,800
- Um!

75
00:03:19,800 --> 00:03:22,269
- Wow, it looks like a
Lady Gaga video in here,

76
00:03:22,269 --> 00:03:23,470
just a little gayer,

77
00:03:23,470 --> 00:03:25,505
which I didn't know was
possible. (chuckles)

78
00:03:25,505 --> 00:03:26,673
- Um!

79
00:03:26,673 --> 00:03:28,942
- Uh, sorry to
stop by unexpected.

80
00:03:28,942 --> 00:03:30,811
I got your address and
I thought I'd come by

81
00:03:30,811 --> 00:03:32,646
and say hi to my
old best friend.

82
00:03:32,646 --> 00:03:37,651
- Uh, yeah, let me, you know,
find a dry pair of pants.

83
00:03:38,819 --> 00:03:40,120
- Oh.

84
00:03:40,120 --> 00:03:42,122
No need for your Sunday best.

85
00:03:42,122 --> 00:03:44,324
I've seen it all before.

86
00:03:44,324 --> 00:03:46,460
- [Max] Why are you in town now?

87
00:03:46,460 --> 00:03:48,695
- Just reasons.

88
00:03:49,996 --> 00:03:52,499
Oh, I forgot how
tall the CN Tower is,

89
00:03:52,499 --> 00:03:54,734
like really tall.

90
00:03:54,734 --> 00:03:56,303
Can you see it from
anywhere in the city?

91
00:03:56,303 --> 00:03:58,371
I feel like you could see it
from anywhere in the city.

92
00:03:58,371 --> 00:04:00,974
- [Max] Um, how long
did you say it's been?

93
00:04:00,974 --> 00:04:04,811
- Oh, since you abandoned me
in Elliot Lake, about 10 years.

94
00:04:04,811 --> 00:04:06,379
- I did not abandon you.

95
00:04:06,379 --> 00:04:08,882
We both planned on
moving to Toronto.

96
00:04:08,882 --> 00:04:13,086
- And you did without me.

97
00:04:13,086 --> 00:04:15,188
Just like when you saw "The
Butterfly Effect" without me

98
00:04:15,188 --> 00:04:17,023
and look what's happened since.

99
00:04:18,425 --> 00:04:21,394
But we really should have
kept in better touch.

100
00:04:22,496 --> 00:04:23,530
- What was I gonna do?

101
00:04:23,530 --> 00:04:25,198
FaceTime you?

102
00:04:25,198 --> 00:04:28,235
- (chuckles) Nothing worse
than a surprise FaceTime.

103
00:04:28,235 --> 00:04:29,069
Yeah.

104
00:04:30,203 --> 00:04:32,539
I watch all your stories
on Instagram though.

105
00:04:32,539 --> 00:04:34,007
Lots of fun parties.

106
00:04:34,007 --> 00:04:37,944
- (chuckles) I delete
most in the morning.

107
00:04:37,944 --> 00:04:39,212
- It's been a while

108
00:04:39,212 --> 00:04:40,547
since you've given me
a like on Facebook.

109
00:04:40,547 --> 00:04:42,048
(Max laughs)

110
00:04:42,048 --> 00:04:44,718
(Maggie chuckles)

111
00:04:44,718 --> 00:04:46,219
- Oh, you're serious.

112
00:04:46,219 --> 00:04:47,521
You still use Facebook.

113
00:04:48,455 --> 00:04:49,556
Um.

114
00:04:49,556 --> 00:04:51,558
(jaunty music)

115
00:04:51,558 --> 00:04:53,393
- We were really good friends.

116
00:04:53,393 --> 00:04:54,294
- [Max] We were.

117
00:04:55,896 --> 00:04:58,798
- Your twenties looked busy.

118
00:04:58,798 --> 00:05:04,738
- Ah, as the, um, great poet
Theodor Seuss once said,

119
00:05:05,205 --> 00:05:06,873
"Oh, the places you'll go."

120
00:05:06,873 --> 00:05:09,543
(Maggie laughs)

121
00:05:11,411 --> 00:05:14,080
- It's very difficult
to keep the line

122
00:05:14,080 --> 00:05:15,749
between the past
and the present.

123
00:05:16,716 --> 00:05:18,251
- "Grey Gardens."

124
00:05:18,251 --> 00:05:19,753
Oh my God!

125
00:05:19,753 --> 00:05:22,255
We used to love that movie.

126
00:05:22,255 --> 00:05:25,091
- [Both] Mother wanted me
to come out in a kimono.

127
00:05:25,091 --> 00:05:27,427
We had quite a fight.

128
00:05:27,427 --> 00:05:30,063
(both laughing)

129
00:05:30,063 --> 00:05:32,065
- You really do look
like shit though.

130
00:05:32,065 --> 00:05:34,267
- Oh, the shade!

131
00:05:34,267 --> 00:05:36,269
- Am I not in the light?

132
00:05:36,269 --> 00:05:37,470
Can you see me?

133
00:05:37,470 --> 00:05:38,438
- I see you haven't
been keeping up

134
00:05:38,438 --> 00:05:40,106
with your gay references.

135
00:05:40,106 --> 00:05:42,609
- I know what shade
is, stupid slut.

136
00:05:42,609 --> 00:05:44,311
Elliot Lake is very
progressive now.

137
00:05:44,311 --> 00:05:47,347
We had the world's first
lesbian beaver wedding.

138
00:05:47,347 --> 00:05:50,283
- Pam and Beaver Lee
finally got married.

139
00:05:50,283 --> 00:05:52,819
- But yeah, I only get my
references from "Drag Race" now.

140
00:05:52,819 --> 00:05:55,288
- I don't remember
you being into cars.

141
00:05:57,123 --> 00:05:59,025
Stupid slut.

142
00:05:59,025 --> 00:06:01,528
(joyful music)

143
00:06:03,296 --> 00:06:04,631
Uh, you look-

144
00:06:04,631 --> 00:06:05,599
- The same.

145
00:06:05,599 --> 00:06:06,800
I know.

146
00:06:06,800 --> 00:06:09,135
Elliot Lake is a bit
of a time capsule.

147
00:06:11,271 --> 00:06:14,674
Uh, so where's this
gorgeous hunk of a man

148
00:06:14,674 --> 00:06:15,976
you always talked about dating?

149
00:06:15,976 --> 00:06:18,712
- Oh, I um...

150
00:06:18,712 --> 00:06:19,980
Yeah.

151
00:06:19,980 --> 00:06:21,982
That hasn't really
worked out yet.

152
00:06:21,982 --> 00:06:24,150
- Oh, but look at you,

153
00:06:24,150 --> 00:06:26,987
gorgeous and still so charming

154
00:06:26,987 --> 00:06:28,488
and someone's been
going to the gym.

155
00:06:28,488 --> 00:06:31,157
- Uh, it's just to look
good for the steam room.

156
00:06:31,157 --> 00:06:32,359
Oh, uh, can I take your coat?

157
00:06:32,359 --> 00:06:33,860
- Uh, no.

158
00:06:33,860 --> 00:06:35,795
No, thank you.

159
00:06:35,795 --> 00:06:36,896
(Maggie clears her throat)

160
00:06:36,896 --> 00:06:39,332
Um, do you have
anything to eat though?

161
00:06:39,332 --> 00:06:40,734
I'm starving. (laughs)

162
00:06:40,734 --> 00:06:43,670
- Uh, yeah, there's um
nothing in the fridge.

163
00:06:43,670 --> 00:06:44,738
Um...

164
00:06:45,872 --> 00:06:48,341
Oh, I've got some
leftover Chinese food.

165
00:06:48,341 --> 00:06:51,211
I didn't put it in the
fridge, but it's all yours.

166
00:06:51,211 --> 00:06:52,045
- Okay.

167
00:06:55,181 --> 00:06:56,750
I'm gonna throw up.

168
00:06:56,750 --> 00:06:59,352
- Uh, it looks fine to me.

169
00:06:59,352 --> 00:07:00,253
- I'm gonna throw up.

170
00:07:00,253 --> 00:07:01,054
(Max gags)

171
00:07:01,054 --> 00:07:02,255
- No, please don't.

172
00:07:02,255 --> 00:07:03,056
If you throw up,
then I'll throw up.

173
00:07:03,056 --> 00:07:04,524
I'm, I'm very hungover.

174
00:07:04,524 --> 00:07:05,358
- It's 8:00 p.m.

175
00:07:05,358 --> 00:07:07,527
- Oh, I know.

176
00:07:07,527 --> 00:07:09,029
(Max exhales)
(Maggie groans)

177
00:07:09,029 --> 00:07:12,165
- Max, I'm pregnant and
I'm gonna barf right now.

178
00:07:12,165 --> 00:07:14,868
Garbage can now!
- Uh, yeah, yeah, yeah.

179
00:07:14,868 --> 00:07:16,503
Uh!

180
00:07:16,503 --> 00:07:17,337
Uh here.

181
00:07:20,407 --> 00:07:21,708
(both gagging)

182
00:07:21,708 --> 00:07:23,009
(Maggie vomits)

183
00:07:23,009 --> 00:07:24,177
Oh!

184
00:07:24,177 --> 00:07:25,679
Yeah.

185
00:07:25,679 --> 00:07:28,348
(Maggie vomits)

186
00:07:29,549 --> 00:07:31,851
(Maggie sighs)

187
00:07:31,851 --> 00:07:36,256
Well, you've got that,
what, eight month glow?

188
00:07:37,891 --> 00:07:40,026
- I am only six.

189
00:07:40,026 --> 00:07:41,361
Don't rush this.

190
00:07:42,262 --> 00:07:43,196
- I'm sorry.

191
00:07:43,196 --> 00:07:44,864
Please stop crying.

192
00:07:46,066 --> 00:07:49,969
- I started thinking
about you and us

193
00:07:49,969 --> 00:07:52,072
and how you got out

194
00:07:52,072 --> 00:07:57,077
and (sobs) I can't
go back there, Max.

195
00:07:58,545 --> 00:08:02,482
I can't (sobs) always be
a small town Canadian girl

196
00:08:03,783 --> 00:08:05,819
with a small town
Canadian husband

197
00:08:05,819 --> 00:08:08,788
and a small town Canadian baby.

198
00:08:11,891 --> 00:08:13,426
Oh God.

199
00:08:13,426 --> 00:08:15,795
My baby's gonna like Nickelback.

200
00:08:17,063 --> 00:08:18,398
Nickelback, Max!

201
00:08:18,398 --> 00:08:19,232
- Ugh!

202
00:08:20,333 --> 00:08:21,334
- [Maggie] I know.

203
00:08:21,334 --> 00:08:22,335
- Uh!

204
00:08:22,335 --> 00:08:23,269
(Kyle knocks)
(Maggie sobs)

205
00:08:23,269 --> 00:08:25,605
Um, that's my friend Kyle.

206
00:08:25,605 --> 00:08:27,107
Um, I'll get rid of him.

207
00:08:27,107 --> 00:08:29,843
- Um, no, Max, I need
to tell you something.

208
00:08:29,843 --> 00:08:30,777
- Don't worry.

209
00:08:30,777 --> 00:08:31,745
We'll have all night to talk

210
00:08:31,745 --> 00:08:33,313
just you and me, I promise.

211
00:08:33,313 --> 00:08:34,280
Okay?

212
00:08:34,280 --> 00:08:35,782
- Uh, but Max, wait, Max.

213
00:08:35,782 --> 00:08:38,118
(Kyle knocks)

214
00:08:38,118 --> 00:08:39,285
(Dorothy chuckles)

215
00:08:39,285 --> 00:08:41,454
- Dorothy.
- Praise the Lord.

216
00:08:41,454 --> 00:08:43,923
Maxwell, the father
of my grandson.

217
00:08:43,923 --> 00:08:45,158
Oh, come here.

218
00:08:45,158 --> 00:08:46,126
Come here.

219
00:08:46,126 --> 00:08:47,093
- Mom, who said it was a boy.

220
00:08:47,093 --> 00:08:48,128
- Oh!

221
00:08:48,128 --> 00:08:49,028
(Max groans)

222
00:08:49,028 --> 00:08:50,663
It was always God's divine plan

223
00:08:50,663 --> 00:08:52,465
that you two should
end up back together.

224
00:08:52,465 --> 00:08:53,366
(Max groans)

225
00:08:53,366 --> 00:08:55,135
- Get her off me.

226
00:08:56,803 --> 00:08:58,805
- Max, you remember my mother.

227
00:08:58,805 --> 00:08:59,806
- Of course.

228
00:08:59,806 --> 00:09:01,775
Was the drive long?

229
00:09:01,775 --> 00:09:03,209
- Oh, not too terrible.

230
00:09:03,209 --> 00:09:05,145
Some of the drivers on the road,

231
00:09:05,145 --> 00:09:06,546
once we got in the city,

232
00:09:06,546 --> 00:09:09,883
not to stereotype, but
atheists really can't drive.

233
00:09:11,518 --> 00:09:12,652
- Oh!

234
00:09:15,054 --> 00:09:16,122
(vibrator buzzes)

235
00:09:16,122 --> 00:09:17,690
- Oh goodness.

236
00:09:17,690 --> 00:09:19,626
It sounds like a
(indistinct) in here.

237
00:09:20,627 --> 00:09:22,128
- No.

238
00:09:22,128 --> 00:09:23,563
Do you need to go
to the bathroom?

239
00:09:23,563 --> 00:09:24,631
- Oh yes, desperately.

240
00:09:24,631 --> 00:09:25,465
Where?

241
00:09:25,465 --> 00:09:26,299
Where's?

242
00:09:26,299 --> 00:09:27,333
- [Max] Um, right here.

243
00:09:27,333 --> 00:09:28,501
- Oh!

244
00:09:28,501 --> 00:09:31,171
(Maggie laughs)

245
00:09:32,071 --> 00:09:33,339
- Really?

246
00:09:33,339 --> 00:09:35,041
Who keeps a vibrator
in their living room?

247
00:09:36,176 --> 00:09:37,377
- Explain.

248
00:09:37,377 --> 00:09:38,044
- Watch what you
point that thing.

249
00:09:39,479 --> 00:09:42,248
I told her you're the
father and we're engaged.

250
00:09:42,248 --> 00:09:43,817
I've gotta clean this place up.

251
00:09:43,817 --> 00:09:46,753
- Oh, oh, okay, I'm glad it's
for a totally logical reason.

252
00:09:46,753 --> 00:09:48,555
- Yeah.

253
00:09:48,555 --> 00:09:51,658
Well, I just need you to
play a Christian couple

254
00:09:51,658 --> 00:09:52,826
for a little while

255
00:09:52,826 --> 00:09:54,093
while I sort things
out with her.

256
00:09:54,093 --> 00:09:55,261
Okay?

257
00:09:55,261 --> 00:09:56,362
- When did she become
a televangelist?

258
00:09:56,362 --> 00:09:57,197
- I don't know.

259
00:09:57,197 --> 00:09:58,031
She's born again.

260
00:09:59,566 --> 00:10:01,067
Uh, ew.

261
00:10:01,067 --> 00:10:02,602
Um, a used condom.

262
00:10:02,602 --> 00:10:06,673
Okay, we need to give your
apartment a hetero makeover.

263
00:10:06,673 --> 00:10:08,274
Um.

264
00:10:08,274 --> 00:10:12,412
Trade this gorgeous
framed photo of Bea Arthur

265
00:10:12,412 --> 00:10:14,581
for this portrait of the big man

266
00:10:14,581 --> 00:10:15,682
I found at Dollarama.

267
00:10:15,682 --> 00:10:17,116
- [Max] Oh!

268
00:10:17,116 --> 00:10:19,552
- This dildo
definitely has to go.

269
00:10:19,552 --> 00:10:20,520
How does this even turn off?

270
00:10:20,520 --> 00:10:22,789
Is it twist off, button, switch.

271
00:10:22,789 --> 00:10:23,623
Voice, is it?

272
00:10:23,623 --> 00:10:24,557
Dildo turn off.

273
00:10:24,557 --> 00:10:26,559
- Where are you taking Dorothy?

274
00:10:26,559 --> 00:10:28,895
- You named your sex
toy after my mother.

275
00:10:28,895 --> 00:10:30,430
- Bea Arthur, the
frame you took.

276
00:10:30,430 --> 00:10:32,098
What is he happening right now?

277
00:10:32,098 --> 00:10:33,600
- You owe me.

278
00:10:33,600 --> 00:10:35,735
- By going back into the closet.

279
00:10:35,735 --> 00:10:37,370
This is not some bad sitcom.

280
00:10:37,370 --> 00:10:38,538
This is my life.

281
00:10:38,538 --> 00:10:40,073
- I'm calling in my debt.

282
00:10:40,073 --> 00:10:41,708
I played girlfriend too
for years in high school.

283
00:10:41,708 --> 00:10:42,775
That was prime time for my tits.

284
00:10:42,775 --> 00:10:44,077
It's your turn now.

285
00:10:44,077 --> 00:10:46,379
- Well, your tits
still look amazing.

286
00:10:46,379 --> 00:10:47,146
- Thank you.

287
00:10:48,381 --> 00:10:51,451
(Max grunts)

288
00:10:51,451 --> 00:10:52,285
I need help.

289
00:10:52,285 --> 00:10:53,086
It's your call.

290
00:10:54,053 --> 00:10:55,922
(Dorothy clears her throat)

291
00:10:55,922 --> 00:10:58,258
- (chuckles) I don't mean
to come into your home

292
00:10:58,258 --> 00:10:59,559
and start nitpicking,

293
00:10:59,559 --> 00:11:01,094
but that bathroom
is a mess, Max.

294
00:11:01,094 --> 00:11:02,662
It smells like
something died in there.

295
00:11:02,662 --> 00:11:04,831
- I'm sorry, Dorothy.

296
00:11:07,800 --> 00:11:09,836
Um...

297
00:11:09,836 --> 00:11:13,673
She has been asking me
to clean it for ages,

298
00:11:13,673 --> 00:11:18,578
but you know how we
heterosexual males are.

299
00:11:18,578 --> 00:11:19,779
(everyone laughs)

300
00:11:19,779 --> 00:11:21,648
- You always were a
jokester, weren't you?

301
00:11:21,648 --> 00:11:23,616
A great trait to
have in a husband.

302
00:11:24,751 --> 00:11:25,752
- Thank you.

303
00:11:25,752 --> 00:11:26,786
- For now.

304
00:11:26,786 --> 00:11:29,956
- Oh, what a gorgeous painting.

305
00:11:31,124 --> 00:11:32,926
Where did you get this?

306
00:11:32,926 --> 00:11:36,296
It's as if the artist's hands
were guided by God himself.

307
00:11:37,196 --> 00:11:38,431
- Yes.

308
00:11:38,431 --> 00:11:43,136
He thrust himself
unto me in aisle five,

309
00:11:44,003 --> 00:11:45,138
right by the scented candles.

310
00:11:45,138 --> 00:11:46,940
(Dorothy chuckles)

311
00:11:46,940 --> 00:11:50,677
- Funny, it's exactly the
same as the one my pastor has.

312
00:11:50,677 --> 00:11:53,212
- Oh, what a coincidence.

313
00:11:53,212 --> 00:11:55,014
- [Kyle] Come on, Parkdale.

314
00:11:55,014 --> 00:11:56,449
Let's get up in this gig,

315
00:11:56,449 --> 00:11:57,317
girl
- Kyle.

316
00:11:57,317 --> 00:11:58,151
Uh, Kyle.

317
00:11:58,151 --> 00:11:58,952
Um...

318
00:12:00,119 --> 00:12:01,321
- Uh. (clears throat)

319
00:12:01,321 --> 00:12:02,155
Okay.

320
00:12:02,155 --> 00:12:04,023
(record scratches)

321
00:12:04,023 --> 00:12:05,725
- Whoa! (chuckles)

322
00:12:05,725 --> 00:12:07,393
Come on, white party.

323
00:12:07,393 --> 00:12:09,963
It's calling for a snowstorm.

324
00:12:09,963 --> 00:12:10,863
(record scratches)

325
00:12:10,863 --> 00:12:13,499
Come on, sex dungeon swing.

326
00:12:13,499 --> 00:12:14,667
Let's get prolapsed.

327
00:12:15,668 --> 00:12:17,003
(record scratches)

328
00:12:17,003 --> 00:12:19,505
Would I entrust you
in some bath salts?

329
00:12:19,505 --> 00:12:22,842
(Kyle knocks)

330
00:12:22,842 --> 00:12:24,344
- What the!

331
00:12:24,344 --> 00:12:25,812
- What was that?

332
00:12:25,812 --> 00:12:27,347
- Night mailman?

333
00:12:27,347 --> 00:12:28,648
- Night mailman.

334
00:12:28,648 --> 00:12:29,482
- City thing.

335
00:12:30,516 --> 00:12:32,018
- Oh.

336
00:12:32,018 --> 00:12:35,989
We must get started on the
wedding reception plans.

337
00:12:35,989 --> 00:12:38,024
Maggie told me you're
so busy at work.

338
00:12:38,024 --> 00:12:39,359
That's why you haven't visited

339
00:12:39,359 --> 00:12:42,028
or made any attempt to see me.

340
00:12:42,028 --> 00:12:45,064
So leave it in our hands.

341
00:12:45,064 --> 00:12:46,165
- Goodbye porn.

342
00:12:46,165 --> 00:12:47,600
- [Dorothy] I've
got great ideas.

343
00:12:47,600 --> 00:12:49,168
- Goodbye pride flag.

344
00:12:50,570 --> 00:12:54,540
Goodbye autographed copy of
Celine Dion's Eurovision single.

345
00:12:54,540 --> 00:12:56,242
(Max gasps)

346
00:12:56,242 --> 00:12:58,177
Goodbye Thor.

347
00:12:58,177 --> 00:12:59,912
I think I'll miss
you most of all.

348
00:13:01,547 --> 00:13:02,548
(bells chiming)

349
00:13:02,548 --> 00:13:04,851
- Goodbye grinder.

350
00:13:04,851 --> 00:13:07,720
Uh, goodbye scruff.

351
00:13:07,720 --> 00:13:11,958
Goodbye Starbucks, glory hole.

352
00:13:11,958 --> 00:13:13,459
- [Max] Oh, what!

353
00:13:13,459 --> 00:13:16,229
- I didn't know you felt so
strongly about hydrangeas.

354
00:13:16,229 --> 00:13:17,697
Lilies it is.

355
00:13:17,697 --> 00:13:20,233
- Lilies, a funeral Flower.

356
00:13:20,233 --> 00:13:23,302
How fitting for the
death of your gay life.

357
00:13:23,302 --> 00:13:28,307
Besides, I absolutely
love hydrangeas.

358
00:13:29,308 --> 00:13:30,276
- [Max] Who are you?

359
00:13:30,276 --> 00:13:32,311
- Oh, you finally noticed me.

360
00:13:32,311 --> 00:13:35,081
Hmm, typical self-obsessed gay.

361
00:13:35,081 --> 00:13:38,785
(clears throat) Who am I?

362
00:13:40,586 --> 00:13:43,056
Yeah, just your average
drag queen manifestation

363
00:13:43,056 --> 00:13:46,492
caused by your rapidly
splintering queer ego,

364
00:13:46,492 --> 00:13:48,728
better known as an
imaginary friend.

365
00:13:49,729 --> 00:13:52,432
Room for one more. (laughs)

366
00:13:59,272 --> 00:14:01,741
(upbeat music)

367
00:14:05,678 --> 00:14:07,647
- [Narrator] "Womb Envy"
is created by Champagna,

368
00:14:07,647 --> 00:14:09,182
written by Mark Keller

369
00:14:09,182 --> 00:14:11,517
produced by Charlie David,
directed by Jake Horowitz.

370
00:14:11,517 --> 00:14:13,486
Cinematography by Paul Maxwell.

371
00:14:13,486 --> 00:14:15,121
"Womb Envy" is produced
and distributed

372
00:14:15,121 --> 00:14:16,456
by Border2Border Entertainment

373
00:14:16,456 --> 00:14:18,858
in association with AMI and LTV.

374
00:14:18,858 --> 00:14:21,194
Integrated described
video by AMI.

375
00:14:21,194 --> 00:14:24,030
Featuring Daniel
Fernandes, Storm Steenson

376
00:14:24,030 --> 00:14:28,768
Jeffrey Haase, Helen Holtham,
Champagna, and Luke Avoledo.

377
00:14:28,768 --> 00:14:31,437
(upbeat music)

378
00:14:33,473 --> 00:14:35,208
♪ Bitch I ain't the one

379
00:14:35,208 --> 00:14:36,542
♪ He don't want love

380
00:14:36,542 --> 00:14:38,311
♪ He just wanna fuck

381
00:14:38,311 --> 00:14:39,345
♪ Ow, little vacation

382
00:14:39,345 --> 00:14:40,313
♪ Check it 'til we naked

383
00:14:40,313 --> 00:14:43,149
♪ Talking with our tongues

384
00:14:43,149 --> 00:14:46,986
♪ We just having,
we just having fun ♪

385
00:14:46,986 --> 00:14:48,621
♪ We just having,
we just having fun ♪

386
00:14:48,621 --> 00:14:51,991
- [Narrator] Copyright 2023
Border2Border Entertainment.

387
00:14:51,991 --> 00:14:54,727
(water splashes)