1 00:00:01,268 --> 00:00:03,437 (video tape rewinding) 2 00:00:03,437 --> 00:00:05,939 - [Narrator] 10 years earlier. 3 00:00:08,242 --> 00:00:10,777 (upbeat music) 4 00:00:18,952 --> 00:00:23,090 - Can't believe Flo Rida's CD sold out three weeks in a row. 5 00:00:23,090 --> 00:00:25,158 That's reason enough to get out of this town. 6 00:00:25,158 --> 00:00:26,460 - What if we just 7 00:00:26,460 --> 00:00:29,763 took all the money in this register and ran? 8 00:00:29,763 --> 00:00:33,834 - Okay, but are we doing it "True Romance" 9 00:00:33,834 --> 00:00:36,370 or "Thelma and Louise" style? 10 00:00:36,370 --> 00:00:40,107 - Oh, I'm okay with not driving off a cliff 11 00:00:40,107 --> 00:00:43,877 but I do like a scarf and sunglasses moment. 12 00:00:43,877 --> 00:00:45,045 - Cliff it is then. 13 00:00:45,045 --> 00:00:47,281 - I combined our paychecks and added $300 14 00:00:47,281 --> 00:00:50,717 to our ticket out of this cesspool of inbred hicks. 15 00:00:50,717 --> 00:00:52,486 - Ew, oh my God. 16 00:00:52,486 --> 00:00:55,222 This town is crappy, but there's no inbreeding going on. 17 00:00:55,222 --> 00:00:56,323 - I don't know. 18 00:00:56,323 --> 00:00:59,159 Did you see Samantha's baby? 19 00:00:59,159 --> 00:01:00,961 It basically has hoofs. 20 00:01:00,961 --> 00:01:03,130 - I don't think we're talking about inbreeding anymore. 21 00:01:03,130 --> 00:01:05,999 - If only that horse could talk or neigh. 22 00:01:05,999 --> 00:01:07,734 (Maggie laughs) 23 00:01:07,734 --> 00:01:09,836 (door opens and bell rings) 24 00:01:09,836 --> 00:01:11,672 Oh, speaking of God's mistakes. 25 00:01:11,672 --> 00:01:12,639 Here comes the hockey team. 26 00:01:12,639 --> 00:01:14,675 (door closes and bell rings) 27 00:01:14,675 --> 00:01:16,977 (books thud) 28 00:01:16,977 --> 00:01:18,145 Um, who's gonna pick that up? 29 00:01:18,145 --> 00:01:19,846 - Um, who's gonna pick that up? 30 00:01:19,846 --> 00:01:21,682 - Um, who's gonna pick that up? 31 00:01:21,682 --> 00:01:24,084 See, I can do it too. 32 00:01:24,084 --> 00:01:26,520 No, yeah, that's fine. 33 00:01:26,520 --> 00:01:29,856 Destruction of property is totally cool. 34 00:01:31,858 --> 00:01:32,859 - Hey, Jesse. 35 00:01:32,859 --> 00:01:33,994 - S'up Maggie? 36 00:01:33,994 --> 00:01:35,028 (Maggie exhales) 37 00:01:35,028 --> 00:01:36,530 - You know. 38 00:01:36,530 --> 00:01:37,764 - Yeah 39 00:01:37,764 --> 00:01:38,932 - [Maggie] Yeah. 40 00:01:38,932 --> 00:01:40,500 - Hi. 41 00:01:40,500 --> 00:01:43,570 - I'm sorry to break up this scintillating conversation 42 00:01:43,570 --> 00:01:46,273 but are you guys gonna buy anything? 43 00:01:46,273 --> 00:01:47,774 - Shouldn't you be at a Britney concert? 44 00:01:47,774 --> 00:01:50,210 - I don't even like Britney, bro. 45 00:01:50,210 --> 00:01:54,047 - Yo, let us borrow a few bucks from the register. 46 00:01:54,047 --> 00:01:55,882 - Yeah, promise to pay you back. 47 00:01:55,882 --> 00:01:57,517 - You can't come back here. 48 00:01:57,517 --> 00:01:59,186 (DVD's clatter on floor) 49 00:01:59,186 --> 00:02:00,120 - Bro, why'd you push me? 50 00:02:00,120 --> 00:02:01,888 - I didn't push you, bro. 51 00:02:01,888 --> 00:02:02,856 - Bros, bros. 52 00:02:02,856 --> 00:02:04,624 Chill, all right? 53 00:02:04,624 --> 00:02:05,559 Hug it out. 54 00:02:08,528 --> 00:02:10,430 - Hug it out. 55 00:02:10,430 --> 00:02:11,631 - It was at that moment 56 00:02:11,631 --> 00:02:12,799 they realized their love for one another. 57 00:02:12,799 --> 00:02:13,633 - Hey, hey. 58 00:02:13,633 --> 00:02:14,468 - Get back. 59 00:02:14,468 --> 00:02:15,302 (Maggie laughs) 60 00:02:15,302 --> 00:02:16,136 - Now kiss. 61 00:02:16,136 --> 00:02:17,404 - Let's get that faggot. 62 00:02:17,404 --> 00:02:19,706 - Hey, he's not even gay you guys. 63 00:02:19,706 --> 00:02:20,941 - [Jesse] How would you know? 64 00:02:20,941 --> 00:02:24,811 - Because Maggie is my girlfriend. 65 00:02:25,145 --> 00:02:26,279 - Oh, yeah. 66 00:02:26,279 --> 00:02:27,647 - [Max] She is. 67 00:02:27,647 --> 00:02:28,482 - Huh? 68 00:02:28,482 --> 00:02:29,750 - Yeah. 69 00:02:29,750 --> 00:02:33,086 Uh, we, uh, jerk each other off all the time 70 00:02:33,086 --> 00:02:36,590 and I am all up in those lips. 71 00:02:37,657 --> 00:02:39,092 - Stop it. 72 00:02:39,092 --> 00:02:40,427 - Is that true? 73 00:02:40,427 --> 00:02:41,762 - Tell 'em babe. 74 00:02:45,298 --> 00:02:46,733 Babe. 75 00:02:48,235 --> 00:02:49,269 - Yeah, yeah. 76 00:02:50,804 --> 00:02:54,341 And he has a bigger dick than all of you 77 00:02:54,341 --> 00:02:56,476 pencil pricks combined. 78 00:02:56,476 --> 00:02:58,912 - Yeah, come here babe. 79 00:02:58,912 --> 00:03:03,517 Let me get up all on those slippy lippies. 80 00:03:04,151 --> 00:03:05,352 Ooh. 81 00:03:05,352 --> 00:03:07,120 (kissing) 82 00:03:07,120 --> 00:03:08,522 - Who needs you? 83 00:03:08,522 --> 00:03:10,590 I got a Razor flip phone. 84 00:03:10,590 --> 00:03:13,760 I can play snake in color. 85 00:03:14,361 --> 00:03:17,464 (phone hits counter) 86 00:03:18,532 --> 00:03:21,501 (disconnect phone signal) 87 00:03:21,501 --> 00:03:22,869 (door opens and bell rings) 88 00:03:22,869 --> 00:03:25,272 - Oh great, yeah, just trash the place. 89 00:03:25,272 --> 00:03:26,206 (upbeat music) 90 00:03:26,206 --> 00:03:28,175 - [Narrator] "Womb Envy". 91 00:03:31,011 --> 00:03:35,282 (phone clicks into receiver) 92 00:03:35,282 --> 00:03:37,884 (gentle music) 93 00:03:41,555 --> 00:03:42,389 - Thanks. 94 00:03:43,523 --> 00:03:49,362 - Anytime, also, never say slippy lippies ever again. 95 00:03:50,197 --> 00:03:51,131 (both laugh) 96 00:03:51,131 --> 00:03:52,966 - I gotta get outta here. 97 00:03:52,966 --> 00:03:54,568 - You can cut out early if you want 98 00:03:54,568 --> 00:03:56,136 - Out of this town. 99 00:03:59,172 --> 00:04:02,542 You don't actually like Jesse, do you? 100 00:04:02,542 --> 00:04:03,910 He looks like the second runner up 101 00:04:03,910 --> 00:04:06,046 of a John Mayer lookalike contest. 102 00:04:06,046 --> 00:04:08,582 (both laugh) 103 00:04:08,582 --> 00:04:10,650 - He's the captain of the hockey team. 104 00:04:10,650 --> 00:04:12,486 - Ew, you do like him. 105 00:04:13,753 --> 00:04:16,022 You wanna handle his stick. 106 00:04:17,190 --> 00:04:20,594 You want his puck inside your net. 107 00:04:20,594 --> 00:04:21,995 (Max scoffs) 108 00:04:21,995 --> 00:04:23,530 - You're jealous 109 00:04:23,530 --> 00:04:25,265 - Of Jesse? 110 00:04:25,265 --> 00:04:27,367 The guy who makes the cast of The Hills 111 00:04:27,367 --> 00:04:29,269 look like a Mensa club. 112 00:04:29,269 --> 00:04:31,271 Puh-lease. 113 00:04:31,271 --> 00:04:33,039 - Well, it doesn't matter anyways, 114 00:04:33,039 --> 00:04:36,276 since I'm already spoken for. 115 00:04:36,276 --> 00:04:38,612 I can still taste you on my lips. 116 00:04:38,612 --> 00:04:40,747 Thank you for that sensual kiss. 117 00:04:40,747 --> 00:04:41,581 - Shut up. 118 00:04:41,581 --> 00:04:42,916 I had to convince them. 119 00:04:42,916 --> 00:04:44,117 (Maggie laughs) 120 00:04:44,117 --> 00:04:46,953 - So lover, what are we doing tonight? 121 00:04:46,953 --> 00:04:49,189 Jerking each other off again. 122 00:04:49,189 --> 00:04:52,125 I think maybe it's time we try- 123 00:04:52,125 --> 00:04:52,959 - Stop it. 124 00:04:52,959 --> 00:04:54,127 - I want a baby. 125 00:04:54,127 --> 00:04:54,961 - Stop. 126 00:04:54,961 --> 00:04:57,964 (Maggie laughs) 127 00:04:57,964 --> 00:05:00,967 (DVD falls on floor) 128 00:05:02,269 --> 00:05:03,703 Did you see that? 129 00:05:04,938 --> 00:05:07,073 - The ghost of Tune Town. 130 00:05:07,073 --> 00:05:09,743 - Avenging the death of VHS. 131 00:05:09,743 --> 00:05:11,711 (Maggie laughs) 132 00:05:11,711 --> 00:05:13,713 - What's the bootleg say? 133 00:05:13,713 --> 00:05:16,983 - It's a documentary, "Gray Gardens". 134 00:05:16,983 --> 00:05:20,487 Meet big and little Edie Beale, high society dropouts 135 00:05:20,487 --> 00:05:24,090 and reclusive cousins of Jackie Onassis. 136 00:05:24,090 --> 00:05:25,225 - Oh. 137 00:05:25,225 --> 00:05:26,826 - They thrive together amid the decay 138 00:05:26,826 --> 00:05:30,497 and disorder of their East Hampton home. 139 00:05:30,497 --> 00:05:32,499 - Ugh, relatable. 140 00:05:32,499 --> 00:05:34,334 Sounds like we have our night planned out. 141 00:05:34,334 --> 00:05:36,670 - Sounds like we have our life planned out. 142 00:05:36,670 --> 00:05:37,504 - [Maggie] Just me and you. 143 00:05:37,504 --> 00:05:38,338 - Forever. 144 00:05:38,338 --> 00:05:41,341 (both laugh) 145 00:05:41,341 --> 00:05:42,275 (video tape fast forwarding) 146 00:05:42,275 --> 00:05:43,076 - [Narrator] Present day. 147 00:05:43,076 --> 00:05:43,843 - Welcome everybody. 148 00:05:43,843 --> 00:05:44,678 Welcome, welcome. 149 00:05:44,678 --> 00:05:46,179 Come on in. 150 00:05:46,179 --> 00:05:48,348 Let's get Maggie a mat, a soft pillow. 151 00:05:48,348 --> 00:05:50,917 Dorothy, you could pick one for yourself right beside them, 152 00:05:50,917 --> 00:05:51,751 there's lots of room. 153 00:05:51,751 --> 00:05:52,686 (upbeat music) 154 00:05:52,686 --> 00:05:53,620 - What does a stork have to do 155 00:05:53,620 --> 00:05:56,756 to get a mat and a soft pillow? 156 00:05:56,756 --> 00:05:59,693 - Now some would say my class has low attendance. 157 00:05:59,693 --> 00:06:01,828 I would say it's intimate. 158 00:06:01,828 --> 00:06:03,697 - Well, we'll make sure to spread the word then, 159 00:06:03,697 --> 00:06:04,998 right, babe? 160 00:06:04,998 --> 00:06:07,767 - I'll spread anything he wants me to. 161 00:06:07,767 --> 00:06:09,102 [Divine grunts] 162 00:06:10,604 --> 00:06:11,671 - Yeah, babe. 163 00:06:12,672 --> 00:06:13,707 - Well, let's take your partners 164 00:06:13,707 --> 00:06:16,042 and get settled onto your mats. 165 00:06:16,042 --> 00:06:17,043 - I choose my daughter. 166 00:06:17,043 --> 00:06:19,713 - Oh, Mom, this isn't gym class. 167 00:06:22,015 --> 00:06:23,850 - And yet I was still picked last. 168 00:06:23,850 --> 00:06:26,219 - Uh, usually the spouse is the partner. 169 00:06:26,219 --> 00:06:28,622 - I plan to be here every step of the way. 170 00:06:28,622 --> 00:06:31,658 The spouse can be your partner next time. 171 00:06:31,658 --> 00:06:33,293 - This is more for you than for me, isn't it? 172 00:06:33,293 --> 00:06:36,296 - Oh, sh, you're delirious with pregnancy. 173 00:06:36,296 --> 00:06:38,832 - Well, guess I'm gonna have a live model today. 174 00:06:38,832 --> 00:06:41,167 Max, will you be my partner? 175 00:06:42,335 --> 00:06:45,238 - Uh, this is all moving so fast. 176 00:06:45,238 --> 00:06:47,574 I thought we'd go for dinner first. 177 00:06:47,574 --> 00:06:52,212 - Max, honey, stop being such a little jokester. 178 00:06:52,212 --> 00:06:54,581 - Leave the comedy to me kid. 179 00:06:55,882 --> 00:06:57,083 - He's just nervous. 180 00:06:57,083 --> 00:06:59,085 Like Patrick said, first time can be scary. 181 00:06:59,085 --> 00:07:00,587 (Divine laughs) 182 00:07:00,587 --> 00:07:03,156 - That's far from his first time. 183 00:07:03,156 --> 00:07:05,558 - Max, if you just sit in between my legs here 184 00:07:05,558 --> 00:07:06,860 to demonstrate for the ladies. 185 00:07:06,860 --> 00:07:09,596 - Give me a G A Y, 186 00:07:09,596 --> 00:07:13,700 I hope you took your prep today. 187 00:07:13,700 --> 00:07:16,436 That gay. 188 00:07:16,436 --> 00:07:19,039 - You want to keep your partners calm. 189 00:07:19,039 --> 00:07:21,408 Try soothing actions like massage on the shoulders. 190 00:07:21,408 --> 00:07:23,510 Use your four fingers in our rotating motion 191 00:07:23,510 --> 00:07:26,780 right above the collarbone, like this. 192 00:07:26,780 --> 00:07:27,614 - Oh. 193 00:07:28,782 --> 00:07:30,684 (Patrick breathes in) 194 00:07:30,684 --> 00:07:32,585 - Take a deep breath in. 195 00:07:32,585 --> 00:07:35,622 (Maggie breathes in) 196 00:07:35,622 --> 00:07:38,425 - Relax into your partner's touch. 197 00:07:38,425 --> 00:07:40,427 Make a deep connection. 198 00:07:40,427 --> 00:07:42,128 - Oh, deeper. 199 00:07:42,128 --> 00:07:45,632 (Max breathes in and out) 200 00:07:47,300 --> 00:07:48,702 Oh yeah. 201 00:07:48,702 --> 00:07:50,437 - Yeah. 202 00:07:50,437 --> 00:07:51,938 I like that. 203 00:07:51,938 --> 00:07:53,306 (Max breathes in and out) 204 00:07:53,306 --> 00:07:54,541 - Take another. 205 00:07:54,541 --> 00:07:56,209 (Max breathes out) 206 00:07:56,209 --> 00:07:57,043 - [Patrick] Relax. 207 00:07:57,043 --> 00:07:58,878 (Max breathes out) 208 00:07:58,878 --> 00:07:59,946 - Push. 209 00:07:59,946 --> 00:08:02,048 It feels good, doesn't it? 210 00:08:03,083 --> 00:08:03,917 Come on. 211 00:08:03,917 --> 00:08:05,418 (Max breathes out) 212 00:08:05,418 --> 00:08:06,252 Breathe. 213 00:08:06,252 --> 00:08:07,087 (Max breathes out) 214 00:08:07,087 --> 00:08:08,755 Keep going. 215 00:08:08,755 --> 00:08:10,557 Almost there. 216 00:08:11,291 --> 00:08:12,492 (Max breathes out) 217 00:08:12,492 --> 00:08:16,096 (Max breathes heavily) 218 00:08:16,096 --> 00:08:17,564 - Did you just? 219 00:08:17,564 --> 00:08:19,799 (Divine laughs) 220 00:08:19,799 --> 00:08:22,802 - Uh, I, uh, I fell asleep. 221 00:08:22,802 --> 00:08:24,404 Was that an earthquake? 222 00:08:24,404 --> 00:08:26,840 Does, does Toronto get earthquakes? 223 00:08:26,840 --> 00:08:28,007 Oh my God. 224 00:08:28,007 --> 00:08:29,509 The street car. 225 00:08:29,509 --> 00:08:31,478 I must assist the commuters. 226 00:08:31,478 --> 00:08:32,312 I need to pee. 227 00:08:32,312 --> 00:08:35,181 (dramatic music) 228 00:08:35,181 --> 00:08:37,617 (door opens) 229 00:08:39,285 --> 00:08:41,187 - This'll not end well. 230 00:08:42,155 --> 00:08:44,257 - That did not end well. 231 00:08:44,257 --> 00:08:45,458 Everyone's left. 232 00:08:45,458 --> 00:08:47,594 Dorothy's worried about earthquakes now, 233 00:08:47,594 --> 00:08:50,497 she wants to go shopping for survival supplies. 234 00:08:50,497 --> 00:08:51,598 (door opens) 235 00:08:51,598 --> 00:08:52,966 - Hurry Maggie. 236 00:08:52,966 --> 00:08:55,301 Who knows When the grace of God 237 00:08:55,301 --> 00:08:58,004 will split the simple city in two. 238 00:08:58,004 --> 00:08:59,205 - See you back home, babe. 239 00:08:59,205 --> 00:09:00,940 - Yeah, babe. 240 00:09:00,940 --> 00:09:03,643 (door opens) 241 00:09:03,643 --> 00:09:06,279 - You three have a very interesting dynamic. 242 00:09:06,279 --> 00:09:07,547 - Tell me about it. 243 00:09:07,547 --> 00:09:09,115 - Over coffee? 244 00:09:09,115 --> 00:09:10,316 - Sorry? 245 00:09:10,316 --> 00:09:11,618 - We can talk about over coffee. 246 00:09:11,618 --> 00:09:12,886 You seem kind of stressed. 247 00:09:12,886 --> 00:09:13,720 (Max laughs) 248 00:09:13,720 --> 00:09:15,221 - What? 249 00:09:15,221 --> 00:09:16,689 - Are you really gonna ask a partially sighted guy 250 00:09:16,689 --> 00:09:18,725 to draw you a diagram. 251 00:09:18,725 --> 00:09:20,393 I'm just offering a knowledgeable ear. 252 00:09:20,393 --> 00:09:21,728 If your fiance doesn't mind? 253 00:09:21,728 --> 00:09:23,630 - Oh, by would she mind, 254 00:09:23,630 --> 00:09:26,132 like why would that be a thing to mind, 255 00:09:26,132 --> 00:09:26,966 coffee? 256 00:09:26,966 --> 00:09:27,801 With you? 257 00:09:27,801 --> 00:09:29,536 Like, totally cool. 258 00:09:29,536 --> 00:09:30,837 - Seems totally cool. 259 00:09:30,837 --> 00:09:32,739 There's an awesome place across the street. 260 00:09:32,739 --> 00:09:34,407 - Yeah, I, I'm down. 261 00:09:35,575 --> 00:09:38,077 - I'll get dressed and I'll lead the way. 262 00:09:38,077 --> 00:09:38,912 - Damn. 263 00:09:38,912 --> 00:09:39,913 (upbeat music) 264 00:09:39,913 --> 00:09:40,713 - [Divine] We're going on a date? 265 00:09:40,713 --> 00:09:41,514 - It's not a date. 266 00:09:41,514 --> 00:09:42,248 And you're not invited. 267 00:09:42,248 --> 00:09:43,082 - What? 268 00:09:43,082 --> 00:09:45,018 - Um, I am nearsighted. 269 00:09:47,053 --> 00:09:48,655 So we have something in common. 270 00:09:48,655 --> 00:09:49,489 - Do we? 271 00:09:50,757 --> 00:09:51,591 (upbeat music) 272 00:09:51,591 --> 00:09:53,159 - We're going on a date. 273 00:09:53,159 --> 00:09:54,093 (pom poms shaking) 274 00:09:54,093 --> 00:09:56,362 (Divine laughs) 275 00:09:56,362 --> 00:09:58,231 (upbeat music) 276 00:09:58,231 --> 00:10:02,502 ♪ I swore to myself I wouldn't be honest this time ♪ 277 00:10:02,502 --> 00:10:04,938 - [Narrator] "Womb Envy" is created by Champagna, 278 00:10:04,938 --> 00:10:07,941 written by Mark Keller, produced by Charlie David, 279 00:10:07,941 --> 00:10:09,609 directed by Jake Horowitz, 280 00:10:09,609 --> 00:10:12,345 cinematography by Paul Maxwell. 281 00:10:12,345 --> 00:10:13,746 "Womb Envy" is produced and distributed 282 00:10:13,746 --> 00:10:15,582 by Border 2 Border Entertainment 283 00:10:15,582 --> 00:10:18,551 in association with AMI and Out TV. 284 00:10:18,551 --> 00:10:20,053 Integrated described video 285 00:10:20,053 --> 00:10:24,090 by AMI featuring Daniel Fernandez, Storm Steenson, 286 00:10:24,090 --> 00:10:28,127 Jeffrey Hasse, Helen Holtham, Champagna, and Luke Avoledo. 287 00:10:28,127 --> 00:10:30,930 ♪ You caught me with my inhibitions down ♪ 288 00:10:30,930 --> 00:10:35,368 ♪ And now you're hearing all my secrets from my dirty mouth ♪ 289 00:10:35,368 --> 00:10:38,204 ♪ I'm gonna need you to come wash it out ♪ 290 00:10:38,204 --> 00:10:39,572 ♪ And kiss me 291 00:10:39,572 --> 00:10:43,977 ♪ Cause I don't know how to shut my dirty mouth ♪ 292 00:10:46,079 --> 00:10:49,382 Copyright 2023 Border 2 Border Entertainment. 293 00:10:49,382 --> 00:10:52,085 (water splashes)