(phone vibrates)
- Max, stop calling me.
(knock on door)
Mom, use your key.
Use your key.
Please don't make me get up.
(impatient knock on door)
I'm coming.
(gentle music)
- [Max] Maggie.
- Max!
- [Max] I just want to talk, please.
- No, go away.
- [Max] I rented a car and drove all this way.
I haven't driven in 10 years, I almost died.
- No.
- [Max] Please, I'm pregnant.
- What?
- [Max] I'm pregnant and I don't want to end up alone.
- Oh, this is a new low, Max.
- [Max] Look, my belly is huge.
- Wait, what?
- [Both] Oh my God, it kicked.
You felt that?
Wait, what?
- Get outta my womb.
- I'm trying.
- [Announcer] "Womb Envy."
- [Max] Thanks for letting me in.
- Did I have a choice?
- So, how's it going?
- How is it going?
- How are you?
- [Maggie] How are you?
- Maggie?
- Sorry.
It's just, you just look so pregnant.
- I didn't come here to talk about me.
I wanna know how you are.
- But I-
- Please just tell me how you are.
- Well, I lay down a lot.
Sitting doesn't usually cut it, so actually
if you'll excuse me.
Oh, that's the stuff.
- Have you always lived in the study from Clue?
Is Professor Plum your roommate?
- My subletters still have a month,
so this is some weird guys Airbnb.
I think he hunts people for sport.
How'd you find me?
- I downloaded Find My Friends on your phone
when Dorothy took us to Ikea and I couldn't find you
for an hour.
- So how is it with your womb?
I mean with you, I mean all that.
- Well, I'm thinking of starting Mommy and me classes.
- It's unbelievable.
What's causing it?
- It's called Couvade Syndrome.
- Why is it happening?
- It started pretty much right after you showed up.
It's stress related, apparently.
Supposed to be the man trying to take
on some of the woman's labor or something.
- A man trying to commandeer the experience
of a woman's body.
How original.
- Okay, I don't think my body was intentionally
trying to be sexist.
- Right, your life is suffering.
Is it still because I never did anything with mine?
- That was awful of me.
- Yeah, it really was.
- I'm so sorry.
- You know why I stayed here.
It's a real cheap shot to blame me for it.
- There's no excuse.
Chalk it up to pregnancy hormones.
- That's not funny.
They're real and they're a bitch.
- Is that female appropriation?
- You mean misappropriation?
(group giggles)
- I think our friendship was the last time
I was really happy.
- I feel the same.
I want that back.
- So do I and I'll be there for you whatever you need.
- I think we need some new rules.
First one is no more playing pretend.
- Okay, that works for me.
And how about no more lying to my best friend.
- I like those rules.
- [Max] Me too.
- [Maggie] How's Patrick?
- I don't know.
Did you talk to the father yet?
- [Maggie] I'm going to soon.
- Who is the fa-
- But I wanna hear more about Patrick.
- I told you there's nothing going on.
- So nothing was going on.
- I mean, I am head over heels in love with him.
- Do you think he feels the same?
- Maybe.
I don't know, I haven't left my apartment in a month.
Work thinks I'm on the "Amazing Race Canada."
- Why?
- Because of my well-documented desk
for overly complex globetrotting competitions.
No, I can't hide this baby bump anymore.
And the way people look at me feels terrible
like you are right now.
- Sorry.
- Oh my God.
This is a lesson.
This is because of my ableism.
- Maybe Patrick can help.
- [Max] Huh?
- And hey, a guy who cares about his friend so much
that he gets fake pregnant.
It's gotta be a keeper, right?
- Hug it out.
- Oh, I'm stuck.
- [Max] Me too.
Air hug.
- Hug.
- So, where do we go from here?
- A lot of taxidermy.
- Oh God.
- [Narrator] Later, as in now.
(knock on door)
- Coming.
Welcome home, babe.
- Thanks, babe.
Oh, I need to sit down.
- What's so funny?
- Nothing, Mom.
- A gentleman would take his fiance's bags
instead of hiding behind a pillow.
Covering a bit of weight gain, I see.
Looks like you've been doing some cleaning
the last two months.
The apartment looks almost habitable.
- Thanks, Dorothy.
It's great seeing you too.
- As per our agreement, I'll be checking into my Airbnb.
- I was thinking once you're settled, we could have dinner.
- [Dorothy] I want to be very clear, we are only in Toronto
so that Maggie can have the best of care
when the baby comes.
After that I go right back to Elliot Lake
whether you care to join your fiance or not,
totally Up to you, Max.
- So, would you like to have dinner?
- Oh, sounds delightful.
I'll see you two later tonight.
- I was thinking just us.
- Why?
Where's Max going?
- Nowhere.
There's just something I wanted to talk to you about.
- Female things?
- Sure.
- I look forward to it then.
- I'm just gonna go by the church first.
- Great.
Call me when you're back.
- Yes, of course.
I am so glad I brought my scarf.
Oh, it's freezing.
I thought this far south I'd see palm trees.
- Bye, Dorothy.
She can be intense.
- And I'm about to tell her everything.
- Sure you're ready?
- Not at all, but at least I'm here.
- You got this.
Oh and when you're done, I'll be waiting here with,
- Jamocha Almond Fudge, my favorite.
- So you have something to look forward to.
- I want it now.
- But it's for-
- I want it now.
- Okay, just take it.
(Maggie gasps)
- So have you talked to Patrick?
- [Max] No, not yet.
- Where is he?
- He's headed to a meeting.
- Whoa, I didn't mean this very second.
- He posted on his story.
- Still creeping.
- I'm very creepy.
- Then go to him.
Romance.
- Mm, looking like this.
- It'll be a night of truth telling, me and my mom
and you and Patrick.
- Shedding the barriers we've been hiding behind
in order to heal.
- You read the book I lent you.
(both groan)
- [Both] Are you okay?
- I'm not actually pregnant.
Are you okay?
- It's just stomach pains.
Totally normal.
Now get going.
- I'm not going to leave you the minute you get here.
- Oh my God.
We're past this and I don't want a babysitter
and I don't need you seeing me devour
this whole tub of ice cream.
So get going.
I'm gonna need three more tubs on your way back.
- What do I say?
- You'll figure it out, you always do.
- A little help.
- You're gonna have to come to me, buddy.
- Okay, give it a go.
Mm-hmm, oh.
Just a little tighter.
It's not gonna close.
- Okay. (laughs)
- I have a pregnancy poncho in my bag.
That's the best I can do.
- Thanks.
Huh, desperate times.
- Good luck.
And remember four to six tubs of ice cream on your way back.
- And all I could think was call my dealer.
Just call all my dealers.
Just send a mass text out and whoever replies first wins.
But I deleted their numbers off of my phone,
all of their numbers.
So I'm panicking and I just, I'm just like furiously
googling how to get back deleted numbers and I can't do-
(door opens)
- Sorry.
Patrick, hey.
- Max, where have you been?
- Could we talk?
- Not now, I'm leading a meeting.
- Am I interrupting you guys?
- No, please continue.
- Okay.
So I'm going through my phone.
Yeah, no, I'm gonna have my turn.
Believe me, I'm not happy I'm doing this either.
- I'm in the middle of-
- Yeah, I know.
It's, ugh, it's my turn now.
I'm pregnant and no one even gave me their seat
on the subway.
Hi, I'm Max.
Isn't everyone supposed to say, "Hi Max"?
Okay, rude.
I spoke at another meeting.
I got my red chip and everything.
Go me.
Okay, I'm just kind of feeling like the other group
was way more supportive but I don't even think
I'm an alcoholic.
I just come for the orange drink and those wax cups.
Honestly, really hits the spot.
That was some AA humor for you.
(person coughs)
Was that cough necessary, hmm?
Huh?
You did that on purpose, I know you did.
You haven't coughed this whole time.
Go get some orange drink.
Damn it, Maggie told me I'd figure out what to say.
- Max, do you need some help?
- You help me get clean and now it's time I come clean.
I practiced that one.
- I don't understand.
- Sorry, I'm really nervous.
If you're having problems right now-
- I do have a problem.
I'm really into a guy who thinks I'm an alcoholic
and engaged to a woman because I've been lying to him.
Oh and I'm also kind of pregnant.
But a few red flags make life exciting.
Anyway, oh Patrick, if you would let me,
I promise to show you that I'm not
a completely terrible person.
Please, let me show you that.
- Max, if you need me to call someone.
- Okay, maybe this needs more explaining.
Maggie's relationship with her mother is strained
and she's an actual alcoholic.
So when Maggie told her that she was pregnant
we played happy couple, which shockingly was not
a foolproof plan.
Then you showed up.
And the more I spent time with you, the more I had to lie
to you and the more I fell for you.
You are amazing, you're incredible.
You are kind, supportive, good-hearted.
No, no, none of those words even come close
to describing you.
And I think maybe we could be good together,
like the real deal.
If we just got a chance to start over.
I would love the chance to start over.
Oh, I forgot I'm pregnant.
I did say that.
Pregnancy brain, it's called Couvade Syndrome.
Heard of it?
I'm sure you know, it's not the second coming ahead of me.
Or is it?
And that is pretty much all I have to say.
Thank you for coming to my Ted Talk.
Oh, tough crowd.
I can't do any more rambling speeches.
I'm exhausted.
Maybe I could tell you about it over coffee.
I know a great place across the street.
- I'm sorry everyone, I need to leave.
- Wait Patrick, your jacket.
- Dorothy, are you okay?
- Judas!
- [Narrator] "Womb Envy is created by Champagna,
written by Mark Keller, produced by Charlie David,
directed by J Horowitz.
Cinematography by Paul Maxwell.
"Womb Envy" is produced and distributed
by Border 2 Border Entertainment in association
with AMI and OUT TV.
Integrated described video by AMI featuring,
Daniel Fernandes, Storm Steenson,
Jeffrey Haase, Helen Holtham, Champagna, and Luke Avoledo.
♪ I'm sorry but you know what I'm not ♪
♪ I almost forgot
♪ Don't oh no don't tell me what to do ♪
♪ Yeah you don't tell me how to think and live and be ♪
- [Narrator] Copyright 2023 Border 2 Border Entertainment.
♪ Back off and don't tell me what to do ♪