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♪♪
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Downloaded from
YTS.MX
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Official YIFY movies site:
YTS.MX
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♪♪
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-And henceforth let
this land be plagued By Ogres!
6
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-It was the Green-eyed Lady
of Banebower
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who banished the Wizard
who cursed the King
8
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whose Queen had died
giving birth to the Princess
9
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who was about to be married.
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-And will you freely take this
Princess to be your wedded wife?
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-I guess most people know that.
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-Oh, absolu--
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But how does a beautiful
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Princess like her ---
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only daughter of a great
king, like him --
16
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end up betrothed
to this guy?
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Well, it's complicated.
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But, it's a great story.
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The land had been known
far and wide
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as the Contented Kingdom.
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But these days,
nobody called it that.
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Because of the Ogre problem.
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And it really was a problem.
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For years the Kingdom
had been plagued by Ogres
25
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but the lowly Goatherd
26
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was also plagued
by something else.
27
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Try as he might he
could not find Love.
28
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Or, perhaps you could say,
love had not yet found him.
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Heh.
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♪♪
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♪♪
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Whoa!
33
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-Ha! Typical.
34
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-He's okay.
35
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Maybe not.
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Uh-oh.
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That was close.
38
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-Come on champ,
shake it off.
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We'll be late to the festival.
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-When he arose,
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the dancing figure
had vanished from sight
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and that might have been
the end of the story
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but in fact...
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it was just the beginning.
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♪♪
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♪♪
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♪♪
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♪♪
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-Oh.
50
00:03:59,332 --> 00:04:01,080
Looks like something
the cat dragged in.
51
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-Ugh, and smells like something
the cat pooped in.
52
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-Come on guys, there's no sense
crying over spilled milk.
53
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-How 'bout crying
over being covered in sh--
54
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-It's mud.
55
00:04:09,748 --> 00:04:11,500
And maybe a little Ogre goo.
56
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-I love the smell of Ogre goo
in the morning.
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Smells like...
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Ogre goo, mainly.
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-I saw something, Mum.
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On the down.
-Ogres, was it?
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-A woman.
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Dancing, like...
63
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-Clean yourself up.
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We'll be late.
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-See you
at the festival neighbors!
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Save the first dance for me!
67
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♪♪
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♪♪
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Go on.
70
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Make sure you dance this year.
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-Mam, I can't dance.
72
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-Going my way?
73
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Go on.
74
00:05:18,832 --> 00:05:20,124
-Oh.
-Oh, well.
75
00:05:20,124 --> 00:05:21,872
Age before beauty.
76
00:05:21,872 --> 00:05:24,000
-Well, that's me bringing
at the rear again, isn't it?
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-I know,
I have just the one for you.
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She's perfect.
79
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-Mam, I can't dance.
80
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-No Princes have come
this year, Sire.
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Third year in a row.
82
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-When the Plague
of a Thousand Ogres is ended,
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my child, I promise
you shall be betrothed.
84
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-You say that every year.
85
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Is there anyone left
to get betrothed to?
86
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-We seem to be fresh out
of idiot Princes these days.
87
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My lady.
88
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I should explain.
89
00:06:03,416 --> 00:06:05,208
When the princess
was of age
90
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the King declared
that any Prince or Noble Lord
91
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who vanquished the Ogres
92
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would earn his child's hand.
93
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♪♪
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-Every year
valiant Princes
95
00:06:16,792 --> 00:06:19,040
from far and wide
came to test their might,
96
00:06:19,040 --> 00:06:20,832
and rid the Kingdom
of its curse.
97
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♪♪
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Oh, no.
99
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-Which said that as long
as the Ogre's lived
100
00:06:27,000 --> 00:06:28,748
the Princess would marry
no man.
101
00:06:31,040 --> 00:06:34,832
But none of them
could best the foul Ogres.
102
00:06:36,748 --> 00:06:38,872
And these days,
on her birthday
103
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the Princess had no one
to dance with
104
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but the King's Dancemaster.
105
00:06:43,792 --> 00:06:45,292
-Which...
106
00:06:45,292 --> 00:06:48,124
Well,
he was an excellent dancer.
107
00:06:48,124 --> 00:06:56,708
♪♪
108
00:06:56,708 --> 00:07:05,332
♪♪
109
00:07:09,416 --> 00:07:16,080
♪♪
110
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-Mam, I don't want to dance.
111
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-Yes, you do.
112
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Go on, go on.
113
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Oh!
114
00:07:36,208 --> 00:07:37,872
Ow!
115
00:07:39,372 --> 00:07:40,624
Whoa!
116
00:07:40,624 --> 00:07:41,832
Ah!
117
00:07:45,080 --> 00:07:46,624
-Oh.
118
00:07:51,624 --> 00:07:54,540
-Never thought he'd top the
year he fell in the pig trough.
119
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But he did it!
120
00:07:56,956 --> 00:07:58,332
-He's a little unlucky.
121
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-Clumsy
as a three-legged camel
122
00:08:00,000 --> 00:08:01,292
with two humps,
that's the truth.
123
00:08:01,292 --> 00:08:03,708
-You can't handle the truth.
124
00:08:08,292 --> 00:08:10,248
-I ain't never had a wife.
125
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-Never even a sweetheart.
126
00:08:19,664 --> 00:08:21,164
Why is that, Mum?
127
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Mum.
128
00:08:26,456 --> 00:08:28,040
Why is that?
129
00:08:32,332 --> 00:08:34,248
Is there something wrong
with me?
130
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-Yes. There is.
131
00:08:39,416 --> 00:08:40,832
You're cursed.
132
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-Like...
133
00:08:45,164 --> 00:08:46,540
metaphorically?
134
00:08:49,372 --> 00:08:50,956
-Evil magic.
135
00:08:52,372 --> 00:08:53,916
At birth.
136
00:08:59,748 --> 00:09:01,916
-I'm passed two score years old.
137
00:09:03,332 --> 00:09:06,124
For no good reason I've
never had a single sweetheart,
138
00:09:06,124 --> 00:09:09,040
not a single kiss,
or a single sweet word,
139
00:09:09,040 --> 00:09:11,292
not even an enjoyable picnic
with a maid,
140
00:09:11,292 --> 00:09:14,372
and you 're just now
telling me
141
00:09:14,372 --> 00:09:16,456
that I'm cursed.
142
00:09:16,456 --> 00:09:18,164
By magic.
143
00:09:20,124 --> 00:09:21,456
At birth?!
144
00:09:22,832 --> 00:09:24,164
-Eat your soup.
145
00:09:38,540 --> 00:09:39,792
-All his life,
146
00:09:39,792 --> 00:09:41,624
he had been invisible to love.
147
00:09:41,624 --> 00:09:42,916
And now,
148
00:09:42,916 --> 00:09:45,792
at last, he knew why.
149
00:09:49,748 --> 00:09:55,292
That night his dreams were dark
and full of terrors.
150
00:10:02,000 --> 00:10:09,624
-This child shall never take
a wife...
151
00:10:09,624 --> 00:10:11,208
no not a single sweetheart, Nay!
152
00:10:11,208 --> 00:10:13,872
Not a single kiss.
Not a single kiss!
153
00:10:13,872 --> 00:10:19,500
No, not even an enjoyable picnic
with a maid shall he have!
154
00:10:20,792 --> 00:10:23,124
-Nevertheless,
in his heart
155
00:10:23,124 --> 00:10:27,372
he began to feel
a faint stirring of hope.
156
00:10:29,124 --> 00:10:35,916
♪♪
157
00:10:40,832 --> 00:10:44,000
For if he could
but undo the curse,
158
00:10:44,000 --> 00:10:48,000
perhaps,
his luck would change.
159
00:10:50,292 --> 00:10:52,500
-It was the Evil Wizard
who done it.
160
00:10:52,500 --> 00:10:55,872
"He'll never take a wife."
That's what he said.
161
00:10:57,416 --> 00:10:59,456
-Can I break it?
The curse.
162
00:11:01,208 --> 00:11:03,248
You could visit the Witch.
163
00:11:03,248 --> 00:11:05,500
The Hag of Banebower.
164
00:11:05,500 --> 00:11:06,872
-Can she break curses?
165
00:11:06,872 --> 00:11:08,416
-Absolutely!
166
00:11:10,248 --> 00:11:13,040
Hey aren't you forgetting
something!
167
00:11:18,332 --> 00:11:20,372
Where can I find her?
The Hag.
168
00:11:21,580 --> 00:11:23,664
Take the Ogre's road.
169
00:11:23,664 --> 00:11:25,580
If you get to
the Ogre King's Keep,
170
00:11:25,580 --> 00:11:26,872
you 've gone too far,
171
00:11:26,872 --> 00:11:28,000
the Ogres will eat ye.
172
00:11:28,000 --> 00:11:33,540
♪♪
173
00:11:33,540 --> 00:11:35,248
And mind you, boy.
174
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Don't eat her soup!
175
00:11:36,872 --> 00:11:39,748
♪♪
176
00:11:39,748 --> 00:11:42,248
-You're a brave hero now is it?!
177
00:11:42,248 --> 00:11:44,580
And you'll be betrothed
to the Princess
178
00:11:44,580 --> 00:11:47,956
by next year on her birthday,
will ye?
179
00:11:47,956 --> 00:11:50,916
And who'll milk the goats
when you're dead?
180
00:11:53,708 --> 00:11:56,248
-And so with his Mother's
fond encouragement --
181
00:11:56,248 --> 00:11:57,956
he left with high hopes
182
00:11:57,956 --> 00:11:59,708
to set out
for Banebower Wood.
183
00:12:01,664 --> 00:12:04,708
And we went with him,
because that's what friends do.
184
00:12:05,748 --> 00:12:06,956
Except Donkey.
185
00:12:06,956 --> 00:12:08,500
He doesn't love to travel.
186
00:12:08,500 --> 00:12:10,416
-I prefer a staycation.
187
00:12:10,416 --> 00:12:11,624
Or should I say...
188
00:12:11,624 --> 00:12:13,624
a braycation?
189
00:12:16,000 --> 00:12:21,040
♪♪
190
00:12:21,040 --> 00:12:26,080
♪♪
191
00:12:26,080 --> 00:12:31,124
♪♪
192
00:12:31,124 --> 00:12:36,164
♪♪
193
00:12:38,748 --> 00:12:46,832
♪♪
194
00:12:46,832 --> 00:12:49,292
-I see dead people.
195
00:12:49,292 --> 00:12:51,292
-Feels like a wild goose chase
to me.
196
00:12:51,292 --> 00:12:53,456
And I should know.
197
00:12:53,456 --> 00:12:55,372
He knows what he's doing.
198
00:12:55,372 --> 00:12:56,792
Ow!
199
00:12:56,792 --> 00:12:58,416
Fiends!
200
00:13:00,332 --> 00:13:02,332
Fiends!
201
00:13:06,332 --> 00:13:08,872
Do you know
how long I searched for her?
202
00:13:08,872 --> 00:13:10,248
Do you?!
203
00:13:11,248 --> 00:13:12,748
She was perfect!
204
00:13:12,748 --> 00:13:14,872
She was beautiful!
205
00:13:14,872 --> 00:13:19,080
She fit me like this hand
fits this glove!
206
00:13:19,080 --> 00:13:21,916
I was bound to her with my life
and do you know what they did?!
207
00:13:21,916 --> 00:13:23,792
Do you?!
208
00:13:23,792 --> 00:13:26,000
They ate her!
209
00:13:26,000 --> 00:13:27,872
They pulled her right out
from under me
210
00:13:27,872 --> 00:13:29,456
and ate her!
211
00:13:30,456 --> 00:13:32,332
-Ugh, a maiden?!
212
00:13:32,332 --> 00:13:33,916
-I'm the Captain
of the King's Guard
213
00:13:33,916 --> 00:13:35,748
I don't have time for maidens!
214
00:13:35,748 --> 00:13:36,916
My horse!
215
00:13:36,916 --> 00:13:39,332
The Ogres ate my horse!
216
00:13:41,080 --> 00:13:43,124
I'm in shock.
217
00:13:43,124 --> 00:13:45,500
Why am I in shock?
218
00:13:45,500 --> 00:13:47,292
Look at my leg.
219
00:13:47,292 --> 00:13:49,872
Ah! Look at my leg.
220
00:13:49,872 --> 00:13:51,664
-Oh.
221
00:13:51,664 --> 00:13:52,748
-Don't...
222
00:13:52,748 --> 00:13:54,208
tell me what it looks like.
223
00:13:54,208 --> 00:13:55,332
Just tell me if it's still
attached to me.
224
00:13:56,500 --> 00:13:58,000
They ate my horse.
Ow!
225
00:13:58,000 --> 00:14:01,416
-Can you move the foot?
226
00:14:01,416 --> 00:14:02,832
-Uh-huh.
227
00:14:02,832 --> 00:14:04,332
-Then it's still attached.
228
00:14:05,956 --> 00:14:08,040
-Lost a horse but...
229
00:14:08,040 --> 00:14:09,872
kept a foot.
230
00:14:11,372 --> 00:14:12,916
That's a bit o' luck.
231
00:14:14,332 --> 00:14:16,208
-You have some skill
at healing, fellow.
232
00:14:19,580 --> 00:14:23,872
You're very brave to venture
thus far into the hinterland.
233
00:14:23,872 --> 00:14:26,500
Or very foolish.
234
00:14:26,500 --> 00:14:28,500
Shall I guess which?
235
00:14:28,500 --> 00:14:30,872
-I'm after gettin' a wife.
236
00:14:30,872 --> 00:14:32,748
-In Banebower Wood?
237
00:14:32,748 --> 00:14:34,040
Well...
238
00:14:34,040 --> 00:14:35,456
I'm a fighter not a lover,
239
00:14:35,456 --> 00:14:38,124
so I'm no expert but...
240
00:14:38,124 --> 00:14:40,748
there's nothing in this foul
place but death and dark magic.
241
00:14:43,292 --> 00:14:46,040
-You've done me
no small service, countryman.
242
00:14:46,040 --> 00:14:47,748
I will remember.
243
00:14:51,164 --> 00:14:54,208
Call at the Castle for
the Captain of the King's Guard.
244
00:14:54,208 --> 00:14:56,080
I will requite thee.
245
00:14:56,080 --> 00:14:58,164
And if you find that wife...
246
00:14:58,164 --> 00:14:59,500
tell me if she has a sister.
247
00:15:00,624 --> 00:15:03,372
But Banebower is cursed, man.
248
00:15:03,372 --> 00:15:06,124
You'll not find what
you're looking for in there.
249
00:15:06,124 --> 00:15:14,124
♪♪
250
00:15:14,124 --> 00:15:22,208
♪♪
251
00:15:22,208 --> 00:15:24,832
-Uh, guys?
252
00:15:24,832 --> 00:15:26,292
Do you smell that?
253
00:15:26,292 --> 00:15:27,456
-I can't smell a thing over
the stench of
254
00:15:27,456 --> 00:15:28,540
Ogres.
255
00:15:29,748 --> 00:15:30,956
-Duck.
-Duck.
256
00:15:30,956 --> 00:15:32,040
-Goose.
257
00:15:32,040 --> 00:15:34,000
-No, not Goose.
Duck.
258
00:15:34,000 --> 00:15:39,040
♪♪
259
00:15:39,040 --> 00:15:44,080
♪♪
260
00:15:44,080 --> 00:15:49,080
♪♪
261
00:15:49,080 --> 00:15:54,124
♪♪
262
00:16:04,040 --> 00:16:05,124
-Whoa!
263
00:16:07,792 --> 00:16:09,208
Ah!
264
00:16:13,956 --> 00:16:15,456
Ah!
265
00:16:20,416 --> 00:16:22,624
Ah!
266
00:16:28,664 --> 00:16:30,124
Ah!
267
00:16:51,580 --> 00:16:53,500
Ah!
268
00:16:57,000 --> 00:16:58,124
-Uh...
269
00:16:58,124 --> 00:16:59,708
He's over here.
270
00:16:59,708 --> 00:17:00,916
-Is he dead?
271
00:17:00,916 --> 00:17:02,416
-No.
272
00:17:02,416 --> 00:17:04,540
He's, uh, napping.
273
00:17:04,540 --> 00:17:05,832
-Looks dead.
274
00:17:07,164 --> 00:17:09,332
-Oh.
275
00:17:11,456 --> 00:17:13,000
Oh.
276
00:17:13,000 --> 00:17:14,248
-He's okay.
277
00:17:14,248 --> 00:17:15,664
-Oh.
278
00:17:17,000 --> 00:17:18,000
-What?
279
00:17:18,000 --> 00:17:26,372
♪♪
280
00:17:28,708 --> 00:17:30,000
-Cats.
281
00:17:30,000 --> 00:17:32,164
Very dangerous.
You go first.
282
00:17:34,164 --> 00:17:38,624
♪♪
283
00:17:40,500 --> 00:17:46,164
♪♪
284
00:17:48,164 --> 00:17:56,624
♪♪
285
00:17:56,624 --> 00:18:05,040
♪♪
286
00:18:08,708 --> 00:18:12,080
Why have you come?
287
00:18:14,792 --> 00:18:15,708
-I seek the Hag --
288
00:18:18,708 --> 00:18:22,208
What is your wish?
289
00:18:22,208 --> 00:18:23,832
-I wish --
290
00:18:27,040 --> 00:18:28,292
I wish --
291
00:18:29,792 --> 00:18:31,292
Water.
292
00:18:31,292 --> 00:18:32,916
-If you wish for water,
go to a well!
293
00:18:32,916 --> 00:18:34,456
If you have a wish,
you go to a Witch.
294
00:18:34,456 --> 00:18:36,040
If you want to live a long life,
295
00:18:36,040 --> 00:18:38,292
you don't interrupt a Witch
when she is working!
296
00:18:38,292 --> 00:18:39,456
Oh!
297
00:18:41,040 --> 00:18:42,748
-Fine. Water.
298
00:18:51,000 --> 00:18:52,208
All better?
299
00:18:53,372 --> 00:18:55,124
Leave payment on the table
300
00:18:55,124 --> 00:18:56,416
on your way out --
What have you got?
301
00:18:56,416 --> 00:18:57,708
a rock.
302
00:18:57,708 --> 00:18:58,916
Not surprised.
303
00:19:00,332 --> 00:19:01,580
Are you a Wizard?!
304
00:19:01,580 --> 00:19:04,000
-A Goatherd, actually.
305
00:19:04,000 --> 00:19:05,456
Can I, please,
have my stone back.
306
00:19:05,456 --> 00:19:07,456
-No refunds no exchanges!
307
00:19:07,456 --> 00:19:08,456
I --
308
00:19:08,456 --> 00:19:09,832
wish for another wish!
309
00:19:09,832 --> 00:19:12,292
-Technically make
three wishes.
310
00:19:12,292 --> 00:19:14,456
And I warn you,
the more wishes you make,
311
00:19:14,456 --> 00:19:17,664
the more complicated
your life will become.
312
00:19:20,500 --> 00:19:22,292
What's your wish?
313
00:19:23,540 --> 00:19:24,748
-A wife.
314
00:19:25,956 --> 00:19:27,332
I wish -- for a wife.
315
00:19:27,332 --> 00:19:29,292
That's why I came.
316
00:19:29,292 --> 00:19:30,456
-Why?
317
00:19:30,456 --> 00:19:31,664
-I'm lonely.
318
00:19:31,664 --> 00:19:33,000
-Get a pet.
319
00:19:33,000 --> 00:19:34,748
-Well, I sleep with my Donkey...
320
00:19:34,748 --> 00:19:36,416
-And you 're wondering
why you don't have a wife?
321
00:19:36,416 --> 00:19:37,792
You don't want a wife.
322
00:19:37,792 --> 00:19:40,080
Aggamemnon,
look what happened to him.
323
00:19:40,080 --> 00:19:41,580
-I don't know who that is.
324
00:19:41,580 --> 00:19:43,292
But I know
I want to take a wife.
325
00:19:43,292 --> 00:19:46,664
-No! You want a maidservant!
A trophy!
326
00:19:46,664 --> 00:19:50,292
A baby oven! A mother!
That's what you want!
327
00:19:50,292 --> 00:19:51,416
-No.
-Yes!
328
00:19:51,416 --> 00:19:52,792
You don't even know
329
00:19:52,792 --> 00:19:54,580
what you want!
330
00:19:54,580 --> 00:19:56,040
I do!
331
00:19:56,040 --> 00:19:57,580
I want...
332
00:19:57,580 --> 00:19:59,248
that thing.
333
00:19:59,248 --> 00:20:02,000
That thing where you
just look at someone,
334
00:20:02,000 --> 00:20:03,456
and they look
back at you,
335
00:20:03,456 --> 00:20:05,456
and you see them.
336
00:20:05,456 --> 00:20:08,208
You see them,
and they see you,
337
00:20:08,208 --> 00:20:09,792
and you're just there,
together,
338
00:20:09,792 --> 00:20:12,456
Two people
that know each other.
339
00:20:12,456 --> 00:20:14,292
That know what's
inside each other's heart,
340
00:20:14,292 --> 00:20:16,540
and you laugh,
and you quarrel,
341
00:20:16,540 --> 00:20:19,332
and you just are more yourself
when they're there,
342
00:20:19,332 --> 00:20:21,080
than you could ever be
when they aren't.
343
00:20:23,080 --> 00:20:24,500
That's what I want.
344
00:20:27,040 --> 00:20:28,416
For a wife.
345
00:20:30,540 --> 00:20:31,832
-You...
346
00:20:31,832 --> 00:20:34,040
have someone?
You feel that?
347
00:20:34,040 --> 00:20:35,292
For someone?
348
00:20:35,292 --> 00:20:36,416
No.
349
00:20:36,416 --> 00:20:38,248
But I can.
350
00:20:38,248 --> 00:20:40,708
I know there is someone
like that for me.
351
00:20:42,416 --> 00:20:44,248
You need a matchmaker.
352
00:20:44,248 --> 00:20:45,580
Not a Witch.
353
00:20:45,580 --> 00:20:47,416
-I'm cursed.
354
00:20:47,416 --> 00:20:48,916
At birth.
355
00:20:48,916 --> 00:20:50,956
By the Evil Wizard.
356
00:20:50,956 --> 00:20:53,000
He said I'll never take a wife.
357
00:20:53,000 --> 00:20:56,416
Can never take a wife, eh.
358
00:20:56,416 --> 00:20:58,000
Exact words?
359
00:21:01,832 --> 00:21:04,956
Sit.
360
00:21:04,956 --> 00:21:07,292
Eat.
361
00:21:07,292 --> 00:21:10,124
-Now, mind you boy,
don't eat her soup!
362
00:21:14,332 --> 00:21:16,164
-How was it?
363
00:21:16,164 --> 00:21:18,332
-It's not...
364
00:21:18,332 --> 00:21:19,372
half bad.
365
00:21:20,832 --> 00:21:22,540
-Take off your clothes.
366
00:21:22,540 --> 00:21:24,580
-Is that...
367
00:21:24,580 --> 00:21:26,080
necessary?
368
00:21:27,332 --> 00:21:28,708
-Yes.
369
00:21:33,540 --> 00:21:36,292
Mirror, mirror,
old and grey,
370
00:21:36,292 --> 00:21:38,916
show me true things
far away,
371
00:21:38,916 --> 00:21:40,792
show me where this
Man resides,
372
00:21:40,792 --> 00:21:43,332
and who he lives with
there besides.
373
00:21:44,580 --> 00:21:46,000
You live with your mother?
374
00:21:47,000 --> 00:21:49,164
There's definitely
something wrong with you.
375
00:21:51,456 --> 00:21:53,332
I'll take the job.
376
00:21:57,916 --> 00:21:59,872
Can you close your eyes?
377
00:21:59,872 --> 00:22:01,372
Please.
378
00:22:01,372 --> 00:22:03,372
Close them! Good!
379
00:22:03,372 --> 00:22:05,292
I will help you break
this curse.
380
00:22:05,292 --> 00:22:08,956
But first you will accomplish
three tasks of my devising.
381
00:22:08,956 --> 00:22:12,500
It shall be done before thirteen
moons have waxed and waned.
382
00:22:12,500 --> 00:22:14,080
And not a second longer.
383
00:22:15,372 --> 00:22:17,208
Close them!
384
00:22:17,208 --> 00:22:19,332
And...
385
00:22:19,332 --> 00:22:20,916
I will be paid!
386
00:22:20,916 --> 00:22:22,624
For this service,
you shall give me,
387
00:22:22,624 --> 00:22:25,748
for my very own to keep...
388
00:22:25,748 --> 00:22:27,124
your first born child.
389
00:22:29,500 --> 00:22:31,500
You want a wife
or don't you?
390
00:22:31,500 --> 00:22:33,332
-Give me your three tasks,
Witch.
391
00:22:33,332 --> 00:22:35,956
I shall accomplish them
within thirteen moons.
392
00:22:35,956 --> 00:22:37,916
And when I have a wife...
393
00:22:37,916 --> 00:22:39,872
I shall give to you
my first born child
394
00:22:39,872 --> 00:22:41,164
for your very own to keep.
395
00:22:41,164 --> 00:22:42,332
Done!
396
00:22:46,916 --> 00:22:49,332
And you don't think
this wife of yours
397
00:22:49,332 --> 00:22:50,748
will have anything
to say about it?
398
00:22:51,956 --> 00:22:53,580
-About...
399
00:22:53,580 --> 00:22:56,124
Chucking away your firstborn.
400
00:22:56,124 --> 00:22:57,500
-Wait. Was that bit negotiable?
401
00:22:57,500 --> 00:22:59,080
Could have haggled.
402
00:22:59,080 --> 00:23:00,624
Just blithely
promised away
403
00:23:00,624 --> 00:23:02,580
some poor, sweet gal's
little pookie.
404
00:23:02,580 --> 00:23:05,456
Nine months of nausea,
stretch marks,
405
00:23:05,456 --> 00:23:07,372
aching back,
swollen ankles,
406
00:23:07,372 --> 00:23:09,708
and 18 hours
frequently deadly
407
00:23:09,708 --> 00:23:12,000
excruciating labor...
408
00:23:12,000 --> 00:23:14,416
Hubby just grabs the little
bean, head all steaming,
409
00:23:14,416 --> 00:23:17,248
and gives it to some old lady
he met in the woods!
410
00:23:17,248 --> 00:23:18,580
Yeah, I'm sure
she'll be very happy
411
00:23:18,580 --> 00:23:19,708
when she finds out about that!
412
00:23:19,708 --> 00:23:21,000
Just interesting.
413
00:23:21,000 --> 00:23:22,664
Weensy bit
man-centric thinking
414
00:23:22,664 --> 00:23:24,040
if you ask me.
415
00:23:24,040 --> 00:23:25,580
Nevertheless...
Ready-set-go!
416
00:23:30,040 --> 00:23:31,708
Can you...
417
00:23:31,708 --> 00:23:32,956
not do that...
418
00:23:32,956 --> 00:23:34,040
-Do what?
419
00:23:34,040 --> 00:23:35,372
-Look at me.
420
00:23:35,372 --> 00:23:38,248
-Oh, em, yes.
421
00:23:38,248 --> 00:23:40,372
Sorry.
422
00:23:47,248 --> 00:23:49,664
-Can you, please,
give me the first task?
423
00:23:49,664 --> 00:23:51,624
I'd like to get started.
424
00:23:52,872 --> 00:23:56,124
-You will lift
the Sacred Caber of Tam Lin.
425
00:23:57,456 --> 00:23:59,456
-Lift the Caber...
426
00:23:59,456 --> 00:24:00,832
Great.
427
00:24:00,832 --> 00:24:02,872
-Ten thousand times.
428
00:24:02,872 --> 00:24:05,456
-Ten times! It shall be done.
-Thousand.
429
00:24:05,456 --> 00:24:07,708
-A thousand, em...
430
00:24:07,708 --> 00:24:11,372
-Ten thousand liftings
of the Caber.
431
00:24:12,540 --> 00:24:14,624
-Can we have
a second task, then?
432
00:24:14,624 --> 00:24:16,248
Maybe come back
to the caber lifting one?
433
00:24:16,248 --> 00:24:17,708
You will lift it
by the strength
434
00:24:17,708 --> 00:24:20,832
of the body the gods
gave you alone.
435
00:24:20,832 --> 00:24:24,372
Return the instant it is done.
436
00:24:25,372 --> 00:24:27,164
13 moons. Three tasks.
437
00:24:27,164 --> 00:24:29,164
No one's getting any younger.
438
00:24:29,164 --> 00:24:31,332
You want a wife?
Get started.
439
00:24:31,332 --> 00:24:32,332
Go!
440
00:24:38,624 --> 00:24:42,080
Here's looking at you, kid.
441
00:24:43,080 --> 00:24:45,332
-Um, lost my kid. Sorry.
442
00:24:45,332 --> 00:24:48,124
-Genius. Go back in there.
443
00:24:48,124 --> 00:24:53,456
♪♪
444
00:24:58,292 --> 00:24:59,792
-Rosebud.
445
00:25:01,624 --> 00:25:04,000
-I don't know why I said it!
446
00:25:04,000 --> 00:25:08,500
Firstborn child.
What a cliché.
447
00:25:09,664 --> 00:25:10,956
Oh.
448
00:25:10,956 --> 00:25:16,916
♪♪
449
00:25:31,080 --> 00:25:32,792
It's a poisoned shirt.
450
00:25:33,792 --> 00:25:35,416
I'll boil him!
451
00:25:35,416 --> 00:25:43,580
♪♪
452
00:25:48,248 --> 00:25:51,372
-10,000?!
-You won't lift it once.
453
00:25:51,372 --> 00:25:53,708
You can't even lift
that butter churn!
454
00:25:53,708 --> 00:25:55,416
-What did you pay her with,
my lad?
455
00:25:55,416 --> 00:25:58,248
-You didn't promise
her any goats, you halfwit?
456
00:25:58,248 --> 00:26:00,332
-No, Mam!
457
00:26:00,332 --> 00:26:02,040
Do you take me for a fool?
458
00:26:02,040 --> 00:26:03,624
-Yes!
459
00:26:06,916 --> 00:26:08,916
I'll lift it.
460
00:26:08,916 --> 00:26:11,832
10,000 times.
461
00:26:13,292 --> 00:26:15,748
-Well, at least you didn't eat
the hag's soup!
462
00:26:15,748 --> 00:26:22,916
♪♪
463
00:26:22,916 --> 00:26:30,080
♪♪
464
00:26:30,080 --> 00:26:32,000
-What's the fool doing?
465
00:26:32,000 --> 00:26:34,416
-He's gonna lift it.
466
00:26:38,292 --> 00:26:39,332
-Eventually.
467
00:26:39,332 --> 00:26:40,580
-No.
468
00:26:42,040 --> 00:26:44,164
-He has no technique.
469
00:26:44,164 --> 00:26:46,540
And not a lot of muscles,
if we're being honest.
470
00:26:46,540 --> 00:26:48,164
-Heck of a try, though.
-What?!
471
00:26:48,164 --> 00:26:49,956
Inspiring effort.
472
00:26:49,956 --> 00:26:51,664
-What? He's really trying!
473
00:26:51,664 --> 00:26:55,372
-No, there is no "try."
Only "do."
474
00:26:58,872 --> 00:27:00,164
-Should we go with him,
475
00:27:00,164 --> 00:27:02,208
or do you think
he needs some space?
476
00:27:02,208 --> 00:27:04,248
-Aaaah!
477
00:27:04,248 --> 00:27:06,208
-Space.
-Yeah.
478
00:27:06,208 --> 00:27:08,500
-And as a function
of fiscal policy,
479
00:27:08,500 --> 00:27:10,664
the justification
for any supply side analysis
480
00:27:10,664 --> 00:27:12,872
in the distribution
of essential goods and services
481
00:27:12,872 --> 00:27:15,080
in the peasant class --
482
00:27:15,080 --> 00:27:17,708
Oh, God, am I boring you?
483
00:27:17,708 --> 00:27:19,624
-I'm boring you, aren't I?
-No, milady.
484
00:27:19,624 --> 00:27:20,792
Not at all.
485
00:27:21,792 --> 00:27:24,580
Okay, so, anyway,
486
00:27:24,580 --> 00:27:26,580
Reginald
the Terrifically Opaque
487
00:27:26,580 --> 00:27:28,580
in his treatise
on feudal economies
488
00:27:28,580 --> 00:27:30,416
often cites
stochastic disruptions
489
00:27:30,416 --> 00:27:33,956
in agrarian supply chains,
caused by ogres and the like.
490
00:27:37,792 --> 00:27:43,080
♪♪
491
00:27:45,080 --> 00:27:53,332
♪♪
492
00:27:53,332 --> 00:28:01,540
♪♪
493
00:28:01,540 --> 00:28:04,000
-Oh! You idiot!
494
00:28:04,000 --> 00:28:11,124
♪♪
495
00:28:11,124 --> 00:28:18,292
♪♪
496
00:28:18,292 --> 00:28:25,416
♪♪
497
00:28:31,332 --> 00:28:32,664
-Well?
498
00:28:32,664 --> 00:28:34,124
Did you lift it?
499
00:28:35,500 --> 00:28:37,124
-No, but --
500
00:28:37,124 --> 00:28:38,248
-What did I tell you?
501
00:28:40,500 --> 00:28:43,000
-I could lift a house
when I was your age.
502
00:28:43,000 --> 00:28:46,124
Of course, I took good care
of the body the gods gave me.
503
00:28:50,124 --> 00:28:52,208
-Hey, here's one for you.
504
00:28:52,208 --> 00:28:55,292
A donkey, a mule, and a horse
go in a bar.
505
00:28:57,124 --> 00:28:58,080
No, hang on.
506
00:28:58,080 --> 00:29:00,208
So, imagine, right,
507
00:29:00,208 --> 00:29:02,248
there's three mules in a bar,
right?
508
00:29:02,248 --> 00:29:03,416
Actually, that's every...
509
00:29:03,416 --> 00:29:09,792
♪♪
510
00:29:09,792 --> 00:29:16,124
♪♪
511
00:29:17,292 --> 00:29:20,208
Barman says, "No, there's no --
only donkeys allowed."
512
00:29:21,500 --> 00:29:24,124
♪♪
513
00:29:24,124 --> 00:29:25,748
Two mules and a donkey
go in a bar.
514
00:29:25,748 --> 00:29:27,332
The barman says to the donkey,
515
00:29:27,332 --> 00:29:28,956
"Are you in the --
Are you part of this lot?"
516
00:29:28,956 --> 00:29:30,708
And he goes, "No,
I'm nothing to do with them.
517
00:29:30,708 --> 00:29:31,956
Entirely different species."
518
00:29:35,332 --> 00:29:36,792
Have you heard the one
about the three-legged goat?
519
00:29:36,792 --> 00:29:38,456
Have you heard about this one?
520
00:29:42,164 --> 00:29:43,580
Yeah, you heard that?
521
00:29:43,580 --> 00:29:47,664
A mule works -- is working
at a monastery.
522
00:29:47,664 --> 00:29:52,208
♪♪
523
00:29:52,208 --> 00:29:54,500
-The ogre stone!
524
00:29:56,956 --> 00:30:00,792
A goatherd who possesses
the ogre stone?
525
00:30:01,956 --> 00:30:03,248
-...walk into the bar.
526
00:30:03,248 --> 00:30:05,500
The barman says,
"Why the long face?"
527
00:30:05,500 --> 00:30:07,748
-I won't be long.
528
00:30:07,748 --> 00:30:09,040
-Oh, you've heard that one.
529
00:30:09,040 --> 00:30:16,456
♪♪
530
00:30:16,456 --> 00:30:23,872
♪♪
531
00:30:23,872 --> 00:30:25,580
-Hello, Mother.
532
00:30:31,792 --> 00:30:34,792
Darling, you look horrible.
533
00:30:37,956 --> 00:30:40,708
Ah! You found it!
534
00:30:40,708 --> 00:30:42,580
-It found me.
535
00:30:44,540 --> 00:30:47,000
-It found you!
536
00:30:50,000 --> 00:30:52,792
-A goatherd gave it to her.
-Who?
537
00:30:52,792 --> 00:30:54,292
-A goatherd!
538
00:30:54,292 --> 00:30:58,124
-A gopher?
Imagine that.
539
00:30:58,124 --> 00:31:00,956
Amazing things, gophers.
540
00:31:00,956 --> 00:31:04,372
-She thinks it's the one
the Evil Wizard had.
541
00:31:04,372 --> 00:31:08,500
-Is it the one
the Evil Wizard had?
542
00:31:08,500 --> 00:31:13,708
Imagine it falling
into the hands of a gopher!
543
00:31:13,708 --> 00:31:15,416
-Can you use it, husband?
544
00:31:15,416 --> 00:31:18,040
-You know I can use this.
545
00:31:18,040 --> 00:31:24,248
To transmute the power
locked within is trivial!
546
00:31:24,248 --> 00:31:30,248
Simply channel the plasmic
radiance of a thousand suns
547
00:31:30,248 --> 00:31:32,872
through the ogre stone's
548
00:31:32,872 --> 00:31:37,916
crystalitic meta-transmagoric
substrata,
549
00:31:37,916 --> 00:31:42,456
while invoking
the phantasmica esoterica
550
00:31:42,456 --> 00:31:47,372
so that the transmutation
doesn't start a chain reaction
551
00:31:47,372 --> 00:31:52,456
that consumes Earth's
34 astral planes
552
00:31:52,456 --> 00:31:55,040
in apocalyptic fire,
553
00:31:55,040 --> 00:32:01,000
freeing the thousand demons
of Beelzebub the Destroyer!
554
00:32:01,000 --> 00:32:06,248
To think, this divine power
hiding for years
555
00:32:06,248 --> 00:32:10,664
in the clever paws
of a lowly gopher!
556
00:32:10,664 --> 00:32:14,832
Be done in a jiffy
if I go then, alright.
557
00:32:16,664 --> 00:32:20,124
-The Sultan offered a hundred
goats for your hand, darling.
558
00:32:20,124 --> 00:32:22,916
Stay and meet him.
You cannot hold out forever.
559
00:32:22,916 --> 00:32:25,040
-I'm sick.
560
00:32:25,040 --> 00:32:27,208
-Are you, darling?
561
00:32:33,872 --> 00:32:36,248
My snot has turned to honey.
562
00:32:36,248 --> 00:32:37,956
What is it, Mother?
Is it fatal?
563
00:32:37,956 --> 00:32:42,000
-Darling, have you
met someone recently?
564
00:32:43,124 --> 00:32:45,164
-No.
565
00:32:45,164 --> 00:32:47,208
Just the goatherd.
566
00:32:47,208 --> 00:32:49,164
He begged me to take
a curse away.
567
00:32:49,164 --> 00:32:51,500
-But you cannot break curses.
568
00:32:51,500 --> 00:32:53,292
-He doesn't know that, does he?
569
00:32:53,292 --> 00:32:55,208
Hmm.
570
00:32:55,208 --> 00:32:56,624
He said he can never
take a wife.
571
00:32:56,624 --> 00:32:58,872
It was pitiful.
572
00:32:58,872 --> 00:33:01,956
He had the ogre stone.
573
00:33:01,956 --> 00:33:04,124
He could be Zeus.
574
00:33:04,124 --> 00:33:06,248
Sometimes he disguises himself
as a --
575
00:33:06,248 --> 00:33:07,872
-He is not Zeus.
576
00:33:07,872 --> 00:33:11,624
I think I would know Zeus
if I saw Zeus naked.
577
00:33:13,624 --> 00:33:16,872
-You saw the goatherd naked?
578
00:33:16,872 --> 00:33:19,124
Well, well, well, well, well.
579
00:33:19,124 --> 00:33:20,792
That's progress.
580
00:33:20,792 --> 00:33:26,500
-Mother, he is just an ordinary,
garden variety goatherd!
581
00:33:26,500 --> 00:33:28,832
With blue eyes.
582
00:33:28,832 --> 00:33:33,000
-Fire in the hole!
583
00:33:33,000 --> 00:33:34,664
-So, how many goats
does he have?
584
00:33:34,664 --> 00:33:37,872
No! He's --
585
00:33:37,872 --> 00:33:39,916
He's a lowly halfwit goatherd
586
00:33:39,916 --> 00:33:42,624
I hoodwinked
out of the ogre stone.
587
00:33:42,624 --> 00:33:45,292
Smell this.
Is it enchanted?
588
00:33:48,792 --> 00:33:50,872
-No, darling, it's rancid.
589
00:33:50,872 --> 00:33:52,748
It's not enchanted.
590
00:33:57,664 --> 00:33:59,248
-Voila!
591
00:34:01,872 --> 00:34:03,792
I hope this helps.
592
00:34:03,792 --> 00:34:13,500
♪♪
593
00:34:13,500 --> 00:34:15,248
-Is this for the butterflies,
the honey snot,
594
00:34:15,248 --> 00:34:16,956
and the rainbows?
-No, dear.
595
00:34:16,956 --> 00:34:19,832
It's for your hair.
It's a disaster.
596
00:34:22,080 --> 00:34:25,248
If the goatherd has
a lot of goats, or a castle,
597
00:34:25,248 --> 00:34:28,416
you could do worse.
Maybe ask him, if he comes back.
598
00:34:28,416 --> 00:34:30,248
-He isn't coming back.
599
00:34:31,624 --> 00:34:34,248
The task I gave him
is impossible.
600
00:34:34,248 --> 00:34:42,080
♪♪
601
00:34:44,956 --> 00:34:52,332
♪♪
602
00:34:52,332 --> 00:34:59,664
♪♪
603
00:35:02,164 --> 00:35:03,664
-Yeah!
604
00:35:03,664 --> 00:35:05,956
You did it!
I knew you could do it!
605
00:35:05,956 --> 00:35:07,332
Whoo-hoo!
606
00:35:07,332 --> 00:35:11,748
♪♪
607
00:35:15,248 --> 00:35:19,040
-Only 9,999 to go!
608
00:35:20,332 --> 00:35:22,500
-Well, I once ate 50 eggs.
-Huh?
609
00:35:22,500 --> 00:35:24,248
-What is wrong with you?!
610
00:35:24,248 --> 00:35:32,664
♪♪
611
00:35:32,664 --> 00:35:41,124
♪♪
612
00:35:41,124 --> 00:35:49,540
♪♪
613
00:35:49,540 --> 00:35:58,000
♪♪
614
00:35:58,000 --> 00:36:06,416
♪♪
615
00:36:06,416 --> 00:36:14,872
♪♪
616
00:36:14,872 --> 00:36:23,292
♪♪
617
00:36:23,292 --> 00:36:31,708
♪♪
618
00:36:31,708 --> 00:36:40,164
♪♪
619
00:36:40,164 --> 00:36:48,580
♪♪
620
00:36:48,580 --> 00:36:57,040
♪♪
621
00:36:57,040 --> 00:37:05,456
♪♪
622
00:37:07,456 --> 00:37:16,708
♪♪
623
00:37:16,708 --> 00:37:25,916
♪♪
624
00:37:47,416 --> 00:37:48,748
-Bit longer than I was hoping.
625
00:37:48,748 --> 00:37:52,124
-11 months.
First task of three!
626
00:37:52,124 --> 00:37:53,540
-I thought you'd be impressed
that I --
627
00:37:53,540 --> 00:37:56,208
-Impressed?
Why would I be impressed?
628
00:37:56,208 --> 00:37:57,624
You can't impress a witch.
629
00:37:57,624 --> 00:38:00,080
Succeed, fail --
makes no difference to me.
630
00:38:00,080 --> 00:38:02,208
You probably don't even want me
to give you the second task.
631
00:38:02,208 --> 00:38:03,664
-I do!
632
00:38:03,664 --> 00:38:04,792
-Probably think
it's a big accomplishment,
633
00:38:04,792 --> 00:38:06,792
lifting a silly piece of wood.
634
00:38:06,792 --> 00:38:09,164
"Oh, look at me.
I tossed the Caber.
635
00:38:09,164 --> 00:38:13,000
Look at my big muscles.
Look at my strong legs.
636
00:38:13,000 --> 00:38:15,708
Look at my exceedingly
toned stomach."
637
00:38:15,708 --> 00:38:17,540
You'll probably spend
your life drunk,
638
00:38:17,540 --> 00:38:20,872
bragging about it
with your mates at the tavern.
639
00:38:20,872 --> 00:38:23,040
-Are you upset about something?
-No. I --
640
00:38:23,040 --> 00:38:25,624
-You seem upset.
-I'm fine.
641
00:38:25,624 --> 00:38:28,416
-Did you...do something
to your hair?
642
00:38:30,416 --> 00:38:31,664
-Bless you.
643
00:38:34,000 --> 00:38:35,956
Would you like to give me
the second task?
644
00:38:35,956 --> 00:38:37,416
-Why should I?
645
00:38:37,416 --> 00:38:38,956
-I thought we had a bargain.
646
00:38:40,124 --> 00:38:44,164
-Each task is harder
than the last, you understand.
647
00:38:44,164 --> 00:38:46,916
Set any travail, witch.
648
00:38:46,916 --> 00:38:49,292
I shall accomplish it.
649
00:38:49,292 --> 00:38:51,248
-Do you still live
with your mother?
650
00:38:52,580 --> 00:38:54,456
-Yes.
-Uh-huh.
651
00:38:54,456 --> 00:38:57,956
You shall seek out
the ogre's keep.
652
00:38:57,956 --> 00:39:01,500
You shall slay the ogre king
and his many henchmen,
653
00:39:01,500 --> 00:39:04,916
and you shall take
possession of his castle.
654
00:39:04,916 --> 00:39:06,664
And redecorate it.
655
00:39:08,416 --> 00:39:09,956
-I'm not all that experienced --
-You said any travail.
656
00:39:09,956 --> 00:39:11,416
-I meant metaphorically
speaking.
657
00:39:11,416 --> 00:39:13,040
I could kill, like,
many, many spiders or --
658
00:39:13,040 --> 00:39:14,540
-Ogres. Just kill the ogres.
-Or if you had, like --
659
00:39:14,540 --> 00:39:16,292
an infestation of termites --
-Just do it!
660
00:39:16,292 --> 00:39:17,792
-...like, a big mound of them --
-You said, "Any travail."
661
00:39:17,792 --> 00:39:19,416
-The ogres have plagued our land
for 20 years.
662
00:39:19,416 --> 00:39:21,080
-"I will accomplish it."
-Whole armies have tried --
663
00:39:21,080 --> 00:39:22,708
-Like, in a big, manly voice,
only you didn't mean it
664
00:39:22,708 --> 00:39:24,040
'cause you're a liar!
-It's just very difficult
665
00:39:24,040 --> 00:39:25,580
for someone who's not
very experienced
666
00:39:25,580 --> 00:39:27,792
with swords and things
to kill a huge number
667
00:39:27,792 --> 00:39:31,080
of well-defended ogres
inside their castle!
668
00:39:31,080 --> 00:39:33,664
And redecorating, that's like
"two for one" tasks, anyway.
669
00:39:33,664 --> 00:39:38,124
-It's not a suggestion.
It's a travail.
670
00:39:38,124 --> 00:39:41,372
To aid you
in this dangerous trial,
671
00:39:41,372 --> 00:39:46,708
I will bestow unto you
a weapon of unusual power.
672
00:39:48,292 --> 00:39:51,124
-Well, I've fought
the ogres plenty in my day,
673
00:39:51,124 --> 00:39:53,540
but never with one of these.
674
00:39:53,540 --> 00:39:57,208
-So, but...can you teach me
to fight?
675
00:39:57,208 --> 00:40:00,208
-I could, but it would be
a sore trade
676
00:40:00,208 --> 00:40:02,832
for the service you did my leg.
677
00:40:02,832 --> 00:40:04,124
Better you take back your crook
678
00:40:04,124 --> 00:40:05,956
than take up a sword
at your age.
679
00:40:08,292 --> 00:40:10,332
Did you find that wife,
by the way?
680
00:40:11,832 --> 00:40:13,332
Not yet.
681
00:40:15,792 --> 00:40:18,080
-And so, with the mighty spoon
at his side,
682
00:40:18,080 --> 00:40:19,416
he would bravely set out
683
00:40:19,416 --> 00:40:22,372
to lay siege
to the ogre's keep...
684
00:40:22,372 --> 00:40:24,164
by himself.
685
00:40:24,164 --> 00:40:26,416
Which in retrospect was...
686
00:40:26,416 --> 00:40:28,748
but anyway,
it took a lot of courage.
687
00:40:28,748 --> 00:40:31,208
-They 'll sing songs about this.
-No, they won't.
688
00:40:31,208 --> 00:40:33,080
-If we win, they will.
-We won't win.
689
00:40:33,080 --> 00:40:34,416
-But if we do somehow win,
690
00:40:34,416 --> 00:40:35,916
they 'll go off
on the songs about it.
691
00:40:35,916 --> 00:40:37,916
-No, they won't.
We're all going to die.
692
00:40:37,916 --> 00:40:39,500
Some of us will get eaten.
693
00:40:39,500 --> 00:40:41,872
-I long for the gardens
of Cordoba,
694
00:40:41,872 --> 00:40:43,500
but first must come
the fighting.
695
00:40:43,500 --> 00:40:46,040
But then the gardens.
-God, you're weird.
696
00:40:47,080 --> 00:40:48,540
-The man with the plan!
697
00:40:48,540 --> 00:40:50,416
-What plan?
There's no plan.
698
00:40:50,416 --> 00:40:52,916
-There is a plan.
He's got the spoon.
699
00:40:52,916 --> 00:40:54,624
-What spoon?
That spoon?
700
00:40:54,624 --> 00:40:57,792
-Yeah. That spoon!
701
00:41:01,916 --> 00:41:04,080
-Off you go, bucket-head!
702
00:41:04,080 --> 00:41:10,872
♪♪
703
00:41:17,456 --> 00:41:18,748
-Hmm.
704
00:41:18,748 --> 00:41:20,748
-We're going to need
a bigger spoon.
705
00:41:22,292 --> 00:41:23,832
And a bigger hat...
706
00:41:23,832 --> 00:41:30,456
♪♪
707
00:41:37,248 --> 00:41:39,832
-Honestly, that went better
than I expected.
708
00:41:39,832 --> 00:41:45,832
-Aaaaaaah!
709
00:41:50,748 --> 00:41:53,164
-It was around this point
that the man began to see
710
00:41:53,164 --> 00:41:55,124
that his assault
on the ogre's keep
711
00:41:55,124 --> 00:41:56,916
may have been hasty,
712
00:41:56,916 --> 00:41:58,832
and once inside the courtyard,
713
00:41:58,832 --> 00:42:02,624
the flaws in his plan quickly
began to reveal themselves.
714
00:42:04,000 --> 00:42:06,792
He'd thought a great deal
about how to get in,
715
00:42:06,792 --> 00:42:09,956
but hadn't given as much
thought to how to get out.
716
00:42:09,956 --> 00:42:18,624
♪♪
717
00:42:18,624 --> 00:42:27,292
♪♪
718
00:42:29,292 --> 00:42:36,792
♪♪
719
00:42:36,792 --> 00:42:40,164
-No! You idiot!
What?!
720
00:42:40,164 --> 00:42:41,792
Not like that!
721
00:42:41,792 --> 00:42:50,332
♪♪
722
00:42:54,292 --> 00:42:59,500
♪♪
723
00:42:59,500 --> 00:43:04,708
♪♪
724
00:43:09,792 --> 00:43:16,748
♪♪
725
00:43:16,748 --> 00:43:23,664
♪♪
726
00:43:23,664 --> 00:43:30,624
♪♪
727
00:43:30,624 --> 00:43:35,248
♪♪
728
00:43:35,248 --> 00:43:44,500
♪♪♪♪
729
00:43:44,500 --> 00:43:51,416
♪♪
730
00:43:56,664 --> 00:44:00,872
How are you going to get
a wife if you 're dead?
731
00:44:00,872 --> 00:44:04,000
You think that wives want
dead husbands?!
732
00:44:04,000 --> 00:44:07,124
-Maybe! Some of them do!
I don't know!
733
00:44:07,124 --> 00:44:08,916
You said take
the ogre king's castle!
734
00:44:08,916 --> 00:44:10,708
-Yeah, but with a spoon!
735
00:44:10,708 --> 00:44:13,916
-Well, I couldn't club a field
mouse to death with this!
736
00:44:13,916 --> 00:44:15,872
-It's not for clubbing!
-Ow!
737
00:44:15,872 --> 00:44:17,580
-It's for cooking!
738
00:44:17,580 --> 00:44:20,292
Soup! Cook soup!
739
00:44:20,292 --> 00:44:23,208
Poison the soup with the spoon.
740
00:44:23,208 --> 00:44:25,956
Ogres eat soup.
The soup kills them.
741
00:44:25,956 --> 00:44:28,832
and you take their castle!
-Ow!
742
00:44:28,832 --> 00:44:30,416
-And redecorate it!
743
00:44:32,292 --> 00:44:34,832
-Aye, that's a better plan.
744
00:44:34,832 --> 00:44:36,292
Why didn't I think of that?
745
00:44:36,292 --> 00:44:38,248
Could have been
a little clearer, but anyway.
746
00:44:38,248 --> 00:44:40,540
-Instructions were on the spoon!
747
00:44:40,540 --> 00:44:42,164
Read the instructions!
748
00:44:42,164 --> 00:44:44,164
What kind of man doesn't read
the instructions?
749
00:44:47,456 --> 00:44:51,040
-"The Spoon of Unusual Power.
750
00:44:51,040 --> 00:44:53,248
Add ogrebane.
751
00:44:53,248 --> 00:44:54,748
Stir."
752
00:44:54,748 --> 00:44:56,872
-The instructions were simple.
753
00:44:56,872 --> 00:45:00,956
He was to make a soup,
add the little herb of ogrebane,
754
00:45:00,956 --> 00:45:04,080
and stir with the mighty spoon.
755
00:45:04,080 --> 00:45:07,664
After that, the soup
would kill a mountain troll.
756
00:45:07,664 --> 00:45:10,164
Or a castle full of ogres.
757
00:45:10,164 --> 00:45:12,208
-Can you make soup?
758
00:45:12,208 --> 00:45:13,540
-Of course.
759
00:45:14,540 --> 00:45:15,872
Mam!
760
00:45:17,832 --> 00:45:19,664
I need your recipe for soup.
761
00:45:21,500 --> 00:45:24,708
-Oh, he wants to be the great
and mighty cook now, so he does.
762
00:45:25,792 --> 00:45:27,540
-Mam!
763
00:45:27,540 --> 00:45:30,456
Do you want me living here
forever with you?
764
00:45:30,456 --> 00:45:33,208
-And carrots...and turnips.
765
00:45:34,956 --> 00:45:37,292
I was talking to your mother --
766
00:46:02,708 --> 00:46:04,124
-Oh.
767
00:46:04,124 --> 00:46:11,664
♪♪
768
00:46:17,124 --> 00:46:20,372
♪♪
769
00:46:20,372 --> 00:46:22,916
-Captain, you are a man.
770
00:46:25,248 --> 00:46:28,748
-Yes, sire, I've always felt
that I am.
771
00:46:28,748 --> 00:46:31,916
-And why should a king
look down on any worthy man,
772
00:46:31,916 --> 00:46:34,500
so long as he has valor in him?
773
00:46:35,500 --> 00:46:38,624
Give it out among all my people
that any soul
774
00:46:38,624 --> 00:46:42,164
who rids me of this
never-ending curse of ogres
775
00:46:42,164 --> 00:46:44,372
shall earn my daughter's hand.
776
00:46:45,500 --> 00:46:47,580
-Anyone, my king?
777
00:46:47,580 --> 00:46:52,040
-Anyone -- be it
the lowliest goatherd or...
778
00:46:54,708 --> 00:46:57,080
...the captain of my Guard.
779
00:46:57,080 --> 00:47:01,292
♪♪
780
00:47:03,956 --> 00:47:05,624
-I made it myself.
781
00:47:05,624 --> 00:47:07,456
A little help, but...
782
00:47:08,708 --> 00:47:13,040
Is it not good?
-It's...not half bad.
783
00:47:14,164 --> 00:47:17,372
You 'd be mad to go to the
ogre's keep until dark, anyway.
784
00:47:17,372 --> 00:47:18,832
-Maybe you could stay --
-Maybe I could stay --
785
00:47:18,832 --> 00:47:20,456
-...and have lunch.
-...and have lunch
786
00:47:20,456 --> 00:47:21,832
before I go.
787
00:47:23,832 --> 00:47:29,124
♪♪
788
00:47:29,124 --> 00:47:34,372
♪♪
789
00:47:34,372 --> 00:47:36,164
-The Evil Wizard...
790
00:47:37,540 --> 00:47:39,624
He said I'll never take a wife.
791
00:47:41,000 --> 00:47:43,080
But I'll break that curse.
792
00:47:45,580 --> 00:47:48,164
With your help,
I know I can do it.
793
00:47:48,164 --> 00:47:52,580
I see it, like...in my mind.
794
00:47:54,040 --> 00:47:56,580
-You're laughing at me.
-No.
795
00:47:56,580 --> 00:47:58,956
-Should have known
you can never trust a witch.
796
00:48:02,872 --> 00:48:04,624
I should get going.
797
00:48:07,664 --> 00:48:09,164
-There's one more thing.
798
00:48:10,164 --> 00:48:13,664
We'll need to help you
become invisible.
799
00:48:15,080 --> 00:48:16,872
-With magic?
800
00:48:16,872 --> 00:48:19,956
-The witch bestowed on him
a mighty disguise,
801
00:48:19,956 --> 00:48:22,292
and with it the ogre stone.
802
00:48:22,292 --> 00:48:24,372
She warned him
he must bring to her
803
00:48:24,372 --> 00:48:28,248
the ogre king's golden scalp
and his deadly scepter.
804
00:48:28,248 --> 00:48:30,124
And once again
she made him promise
805
00:48:30,124 --> 00:48:32,708
to return the instant
the task was done.
806
00:48:32,708 --> 00:48:35,792
-I promise I shall return
the instant it is done.
807
00:48:37,000 --> 00:48:38,540
-And...
808
00:48:39,832 --> 00:48:41,580
...don't forget the ogrebane.
809
00:48:41,580 --> 00:48:43,416
-The ogrebane, yeah.
I won't forget.
810
00:48:51,664 --> 00:48:53,540
-Goatherd, wait!
811
00:48:53,540 --> 00:48:57,164
Don't...die.
812
00:48:58,164 --> 00:49:02,292
♪♪
813
00:49:05,500 --> 00:49:11,332
♪♪
814
00:49:16,416 --> 00:49:17,664
-Mm.
815
00:49:24,956 --> 00:49:27,748
-Oh, go on, hurry up!
816
00:49:27,748 --> 00:49:29,332
Quick!
817
00:49:29,332 --> 00:49:35,040
♪♪
818
00:49:35,040 --> 00:49:40,748
♪♪
819
00:49:42,748 --> 00:49:47,792
♪♪
820
00:49:49,792 --> 00:49:56,748
♪♪
821
00:49:56,748 --> 00:50:03,664
♪♪
822
00:50:03,664 --> 00:50:10,624
♪♪
823
00:50:10,624 --> 00:50:17,580
♪♪
824
00:50:17,580 --> 00:50:24,500
♪♪
825
00:50:24,500 --> 00:50:31,456
♪♪
826
00:50:33,456 --> 00:50:43,332
♪♪
827
00:50:43,332 --> 00:50:53,208
♪♪
828
00:50:55,208 --> 00:51:02,956
♪♪
829
00:51:04,956 --> 00:51:13,832
♪♪
830
00:51:13,832 --> 00:51:22,664
♪♪
831
00:51:22,664 --> 00:51:31,540
♪♪
832
00:51:35,540 --> 00:51:41,748
♪♪
833
00:51:43,748 --> 00:51:52,792
♪♪
834
00:51:52,792 --> 00:52:01,792
♪♪
835
00:52:01,792 --> 00:52:10,832
♪♪
836
00:52:10,832 --> 00:52:19,832
♪♪
837
00:52:19,832 --> 00:52:21,916
-The horror.
838
00:52:21,916 --> 00:52:23,580
The horror.
839
00:52:23,580 --> 00:52:26,916
♪♪
840
00:52:28,916 --> 00:52:37,000
♪♪
841
00:52:37,000 --> 00:52:45,080
♪♪
842
00:52:45,080 --> 00:52:53,164
♪♪
843
00:53:02,916 --> 00:53:09,708
♪♪
844
00:53:09,708 --> 00:53:16,540
♪♪
845
00:53:16,540 --> 00:53:23,332
♪♪
846
00:53:23,332 --> 00:53:30,124
♪♪
847
00:53:30,124 --> 00:53:36,956
♪♪
848
00:53:36,956 --> 00:53:43,748
♪♪
849
00:53:43,748 --> 00:53:46,124
-What are we doing here?
850
00:53:46,124 --> 00:53:48,664
-We're waiting.
-Waiting for what?
851
00:53:48,664 --> 00:53:51,040
-She wants us to meet
the gopher.
852
00:53:52,040 --> 00:53:53,916
-Goatherd?
853
00:53:53,916 --> 00:53:55,416
What goatherd?
854
00:53:56,416 --> 00:53:58,748
-Don't ask me
how many goats he has.
855
00:53:59,748 --> 00:54:02,248
-How many goats does he have?
856
00:54:03,416 --> 00:54:06,748
-Are you sure he's coming,
darling?
857
00:54:06,748 --> 00:54:09,080
Yes.
858
00:54:09,080 --> 00:54:10,916
He better be.
859
00:54:10,916 --> 00:54:14,500
-Stand aside! We've come to lay
siege to the ogre king's keep!
860
00:54:14,500 --> 00:54:16,000
And the princess's hand
861
00:54:16,000 --> 00:54:18,624
to that man who takes
his golden scalp!
862
00:54:20,956 --> 00:54:23,040
We meet again.
863
00:54:23,040 --> 00:54:25,416
I hope you've left some ogres
for the rest of us, countryman!
864
00:54:25,416 --> 00:54:27,332
I've yet to avenge my horse!
865
00:54:28,332 --> 00:54:31,040
Is it your mighty spoon
you hide behind your back?
866
00:54:33,500 --> 00:54:35,372
Show me your hands, fellow.
867
00:54:38,872 --> 00:54:41,040
The ogre king's fell scepter.
868
00:54:42,040 --> 00:54:43,624
And his golden scalp.
869
00:54:44,624 --> 00:54:47,000
Is this some trick, or...
870
00:54:47,000 --> 00:54:49,624
did you truly best these ogres,
by the gods?
871
00:54:49,624 --> 00:54:52,664
-Basically...yes.
872
00:54:52,664 --> 00:54:56,708
But --
-Behold, countrymen,
873
00:54:56,708 --> 00:54:59,040
at long last
the Plague of a Thousand Ogres
874
00:54:59,040 --> 00:55:00,872
this day has ended.
875
00:55:02,664 --> 00:55:05,164
And our kingdom has
a new champion!
876
00:55:05,164 --> 00:55:07,832
All hail the mighty goatherd!
877
00:55:09,208 --> 00:55:10,792
-Bring him to the King!
878
00:55:12,372 --> 00:55:14,832
-Please, please! I must go
to the Banebower Witch!
879
00:55:14,832 --> 00:55:16,080
Please!
880
00:55:31,164 --> 00:55:34,040
-Make way!
-Make way for the King's Guard!
881
00:55:34,040 --> 00:55:35,292
-Make way!
882
00:55:35,456 --> 00:55:37,080
-Make way!
883
00:55:38,956 --> 00:55:42,624
-Oh, joyous day!
884
00:55:42,624 --> 00:55:46,872
Captain, I see that here
you have brought your king
885
00:55:46,872 --> 00:55:52,164
the very tokens of the enemy
he dared never hope to see.
886
00:55:52,164 --> 00:55:59,000
And valor, so nobly and so
freely given, must be rewarded.
887
00:55:59,000 --> 00:56:03,416
Thus, as I have decreed,
you have earned the hand of --
888
00:56:03,416 --> 00:56:05,664
-Wait. Wait, sire.
889
00:56:05,664 --> 00:56:07,500
Beg pardon, my king,
not to interrupt,
890
00:56:07,500 --> 00:56:10,792
but...truly, sire,
such valor that I have
891
00:56:10,792 --> 00:56:13,000
I would not steal from any man.
892
00:56:13,000 --> 00:56:14,832
It was not I who slew
the ogre king --
893
00:56:14,832 --> 00:56:17,872
...but this...
894
00:56:19,624 --> 00:56:22,372
...this, uh...
895
00:56:22,372 --> 00:56:28,664
very worthy...person...here.
896
00:56:32,040 --> 00:56:35,372
-And, um...what is he?
897
00:56:35,372 --> 00:56:38,416
-A goatherd, my sovereign.
898
00:56:41,872 --> 00:56:44,872
-Oh.
-How many goats does he have?
899
00:56:49,500 --> 00:56:52,292
-Thus, with the Plague
of a Thousand Ogres
900
00:56:52,292 --> 00:56:54,748
finally vanquished,
let it be known
901
00:56:54,748 --> 00:56:59,208
that to this common-born man
I give my consent
902
00:56:59,208 --> 00:57:02,624
that he be betrothed
to my daughter,
903
00:57:02,624 --> 00:57:04,164
the prin--
904
00:57:07,916 --> 00:57:11,416
-My king...the thing is...
905
00:57:11,416 --> 00:57:12,872
-The thing is?
906
00:57:13,872 --> 00:57:16,124
-Well, the thing is...
907
00:57:16,124 --> 00:57:18,248
-I think I would honored
to accept!
908
00:57:18,248 --> 00:57:21,040
-He's honored to accept!
909
00:57:21,040 --> 00:57:25,540
The lowliest among us
raised on high this day!
910
00:57:29,372 --> 00:57:31,080
No! Wait!
911
00:57:33,580 --> 00:57:37,000
-Not so fast.
912
00:57:40,624 --> 00:57:42,832
Has my face changed so much
913
00:57:42,832 --> 00:57:45,792
since we made our bargain,
oh, king?
914
00:57:46,872 --> 00:57:48,500
-"Oh, king"?
-Or have you forgotten
915
00:57:48,500 --> 00:57:52,748
the price you promised me then,
and so owe to me now,
916
00:57:52,748 --> 00:57:56,416
the wish I granted you,
to rid the land of ogres,
917
00:57:56,416 --> 00:57:59,916
now having been fulfilled?
918
00:57:59,916 --> 00:58:01,580
-No man can forget
919
00:58:01,580 --> 00:58:04,500
the Green-Eyed Lady
of Banebower Wood,
920
00:58:04,500 --> 00:58:07,248
though time has changed us both.
921
00:58:07,248 --> 00:58:12,540
You did promise me, witch,
to break the Evil Wizard's curse
922
00:58:12,540 --> 00:58:14,708
and banish
the Plague of A Thousand Ogres,
923
00:58:14,708 --> 00:58:17,792
those many years ago.
924
00:58:17,792 --> 00:58:20,580
But truly, I believe
it was by the valor
925
00:58:20,580 --> 00:58:22,416
of this brave goatherd,
926
00:58:22,416 --> 00:58:25,872
and not by any art of yours
that we are delivered this day.
927
00:58:25,872 --> 00:58:29,000
-And what does this...
goatherd have to say?
928
00:58:30,164 --> 00:58:32,416
-It's your word or hers, my son.
929
00:58:32,416 --> 00:58:34,624
Be careful how you answer.
930
00:58:34,624 --> 00:58:37,000
Here stands my daughter.
931
00:58:45,292 --> 00:58:46,956
-My king...
932
00:58:48,708 --> 00:58:51,456
...it was she.
-Speak up! We can't hear you!
933
00:58:51,456 --> 00:58:53,000
-There's a little gray area,
but --
934
00:58:53,000 --> 00:58:54,832
-Louder!
935
00:58:54,832 --> 00:59:00,916
-The witch it was who gave me
The Spoon of Unusual Power --
936
00:59:00,916 --> 00:59:05,248
-The Spoon of Unusual Power?
-It's a spoon.
937
00:59:05,248 --> 00:59:12,000
And she it was who gave me
the secret of besting the ogres,
938
00:59:12,000 --> 00:59:15,080
the herb of ogrebane.
939
00:59:19,708 --> 00:59:22,872
-Then it seems we must grant
the witch her price.
940
00:59:24,872 --> 00:59:26,708
-Father...
941
00:59:26,708 --> 00:59:28,164
what price?
942
00:59:33,000 --> 00:59:34,872
-Go on, king,
943
00:59:34,872 --> 00:59:38,956
tell your extremely fashionable
and rather tall princess
944
00:59:38,956 --> 00:59:40,416
what you agreed to.
945
00:59:42,208 --> 00:59:44,664
-That, um...
946
00:59:44,664 --> 00:59:47,832
How did it go, again?
Um, yes.
947
00:59:47,832 --> 00:59:52,872
That no man may marry
the princess, unless...
948
00:59:52,872 --> 00:59:54,208
-Unless what?
949
00:59:54,208 --> 00:59:57,164
-Unless he pass a trial
of my choosing
950
00:59:57,164 --> 01:00:00,000
and thereby earn my consent
to marry the princess.
951
01:00:00,000 --> 01:00:01,540
-Wait! What?!
-What?!
952
01:00:01,540 --> 01:00:04,124
-Might not be as bad
as it sounds.
953
01:00:04,124 --> 01:00:05,792
-Her consent?!
954
01:00:05,792 --> 01:00:08,456
For me to be married? Hers?
955
01:00:08,456 --> 01:00:11,500
A witchy shut-in who wouldn't
know heroic true love
956
01:00:11,500 --> 01:00:13,708
from a bloody hole
in the ground?
957
01:00:13,708 --> 01:00:17,456
Oh, that's bloody brilliant,
that is!
958
01:00:17,456 --> 01:00:20,332
Alright!
Let's have it, then.
959
01:00:20,332 --> 01:00:25,416
Tell us, you -- you --
you witch!
960
01:00:26,916 --> 01:00:29,624
What is this super-duper
special trial?
961
01:00:29,624 --> 01:00:30,916
-You don't want to know.
962
01:00:30,916 --> 01:00:33,708
- We do!
- We definitely do!
963
01:00:35,916 --> 01:00:40,208
-The princess may be betrothed
only to such a skillful soul
964
01:00:40,208 --> 01:00:43,664
who shall perform here,
before you all,
965
01:00:43,664 --> 01:00:47,956
the Dance
of A Thousand Steps!
966
01:00:50,332 --> 01:00:53,624
-Dance Master!
Dance Master!
967
01:00:53,624 --> 01:00:56,872
What's the Dance
of a Thousand Steps?!
968
01:00:56,872 --> 01:00:59,580
Is it something the kids
are doing these days?
969
01:00:59,580 --> 01:01:01,292
And one thing more --
970
01:01:01,292 --> 01:01:03,580
this task will be accomplished
971
01:01:03,580 --> 01:01:08,872
before the last grain of sand
falls from this hourglass,
972
01:01:08,872 --> 01:01:10,872
or...
973
01:01:10,872 --> 01:01:14,208
she shall
never be wed at all!
974
01:01:17,956 --> 01:01:24,792
♪♪
975
01:01:24,792 --> 01:01:26,748
-How long will that take?
976
01:01:28,500 --> 01:01:29,916
-One week.
977
01:01:31,164 --> 01:01:33,208
-How do you know that?
978
01:01:36,456 --> 01:01:38,040
-How does he know that?
979
01:01:39,040 --> 01:01:41,416
-Hag!
Are you in there, hag?
980
01:01:41,416 --> 01:01:44,040
-I am not a hag!
981
01:01:44,040 --> 01:01:45,248
-You're right.
That's a fair point.
982
01:01:45,248 --> 01:01:46,624
I did notice that, actually.
983
01:01:46,624 --> 01:01:48,372
But anyway, you said
you would help me.
984
01:01:48,372 --> 01:01:49,956
-Have I not?!
985
01:01:49,956 --> 01:01:52,792
I have done all that I have
promised and more.
986
01:01:52,792 --> 01:01:54,332
More than you were worthy of!
987
01:01:54,332 --> 01:01:56,832
-You said you would help me
break the curse!
988
01:01:56,832 --> 01:02:00,916
I said you must help
yourself to break it!
989
01:02:00,916 --> 01:02:02,456
-Had me slay the ogres.
990
01:02:02,456 --> 01:02:05,124
That second task
wasn't even for me, was it?
991
01:02:05,124 --> 01:02:06,500
It was so that you could
keep your promise
992
01:02:06,500 --> 01:02:07,748
to help break
the curse of the king,
993
01:02:07,748 --> 01:02:09,540
which -- fair point, again --
994
01:02:09,540 --> 01:02:11,540
might be a little bit more
important than my curse.
995
01:02:11,540 --> 01:02:12,540
-First come, first served!
996
01:02:12,540 --> 01:02:14,208
-You were serving two customers
997
01:02:14,208 --> 01:02:15,832
with one bowl of soup!
998
01:02:15,832 --> 01:02:18,000
-What if I was!?
-Well, you might have told me!
999
01:02:18,000 --> 01:02:20,372
You might have
kept your promise
1000
01:02:20,372 --> 01:02:22,164
and come straight back!
1001
01:02:22,164 --> 01:02:23,248
You might not have
fallen in love
1002
01:02:23,248 --> 01:02:24,664
with the first royal floozy --
1003
01:02:24,664 --> 01:02:27,540
-Love?!
Who said anything about love!
1004
01:02:28,540 --> 01:02:30,872
The king wants me
to marry the Princess.
1005
01:02:30,872 --> 01:02:32,372
What am I going to say?
1006
01:02:32,372 --> 01:02:34,248
-You're old enough
to be her father!
1007
01:02:34,248 --> 01:02:37,956
-Look, witch, there aren't
an infinite of candidates
1008
01:02:37,956 --> 01:02:41,080
lining up to marry a goatherd!
1009
01:02:41,080 --> 01:02:42,916
I mean, look around.
1010
01:02:42,916 --> 01:02:44,872
There's no one else, is there?
1011
01:02:48,248 --> 01:02:51,372
The third task!
You promised three!
1012
01:02:51,372 --> 01:02:53,124
-I gave it to you!
1013
01:02:53,124 --> 01:02:54,832
Or weren't you listening?
1014
01:02:54,832 --> 01:02:58,332
Go! Learn
the Dance of A Thousand Steps
1015
01:02:58,332 --> 01:03:02,080
so you can have your princess
and live happily ever after.
1016
01:03:02,080 --> 01:03:03,872
-But --
-Do you want a wife?
1017
01:03:03,872 --> 01:03:07,416
Or don't you?
-I can't dance!
1018
01:03:07,416 --> 01:03:09,792
I can't dance!
1019
01:03:09,792 --> 01:03:13,040
I can't dance a dance of two
steps, never mind a thousand!
1020
01:03:13,040 --> 01:03:14,748
And even if I could dance,
1021
01:03:14,748 --> 01:03:16,624
I certainly couldn't dance
in front of other people!
1022
01:03:16,624 --> 01:03:17,792
I don't know why.
My mouth goes dry,
1023
01:03:17,792 --> 01:03:19,248
my knees start to shake.
1024
01:03:19,248 --> 01:03:21,124
It makes me
want to lose my soup --
1025
01:03:21,124 --> 01:03:23,416
in both directions!
1026
01:03:23,416 --> 01:03:25,208
You saw me out there!
1027
01:03:25,208 --> 01:03:27,624
The only thing
I am capable of doing
1028
01:03:27,624 --> 01:03:31,872
in front of a crowd of people
is drooling on myself!
1029
01:03:31,872 --> 01:03:37,040
A dance?!
Are you daft, witch?!
1030
01:03:38,040 --> 01:03:40,124
How will I even learn it?
1031
01:03:40,124 --> 01:03:41,580
-Figure it out.
1032
01:03:42,580 --> 01:03:44,456
-The payment.
1033
01:03:44,456 --> 01:03:49,372
My firstborn --
there won't be one if I fail.
1034
01:03:49,372 --> 01:03:51,332
Don't you want a child, witch?
1035
01:03:58,248 --> 01:03:59,748
This isn't fair.
1036
01:04:04,124 --> 01:04:07,540
-No. It isn't.
1037
01:04:07,540 --> 01:04:15,580
♪♪
1038
01:04:15,580 --> 01:04:23,624
♪♪
1039
01:04:27,416 --> 01:04:30,164
You!
-Him.
1040
01:04:32,164 --> 01:04:34,832
-My liege. My lady.
1041
01:04:36,040 --> 01:04:43,080
I lifted the Sacred caber
of Tam Lin 10,000 times.
1042
01:04:43,080 --> 01:04:46,500
I slew the ogre king
and his ogres,
1043
01:04:46,500 --> 01:04:49,540
took his castle,
and redecorated it.
1044
01:04:49,540 --> 01:04:53,040
If I can do
these impossible things...
1045
01:04:53,040 --> 01:04:56,456
I can learn the Dance
of a Thousand Steps...
1046
01:04:57,872 --> 01:04:59,124
...in a week.
1047
01:05:00,124 --> 01:05:03,708
-Fairly spoken, lowly goatherd.
1048
01:05:03,708 --> 01:05:05,456
Dancing Master, have you found
1049
01:05:05,456 --> 01:05:08,832
this so-called Dance of a
Thousand Steps in your scrolls?
1050
01:05:08,832 --> 01:05:10,456
-Oh, here's a lovely one --
1051
01:05:10,456 --> 01:05:12,916
the Dance of Many
Abstract Movements.
1052
01:05:12,916 --> 01:05:15,248
-No, no, no!
We all heard her.
1053
01:05:15,248 --> 01:05:18,040
It must be no other
than the one she commanded --
1054
01:05:18,040 --> 01:05:20,124
the Dance of a Thousand Steps.
1055
01:05:20,124 --> 01:05:21,624
You don't know it?
1056
01:05:21,624 --> 01:05:23,916
-Sire, it is but a legend.
1057
01:05:23,916 --> 01:05:25,956
-What do I pay you for,
you clod?!
1058
01:05:25,956 --> 01:05:27,664
-Yes! Found it.
1059
01:05:28,664 --> 01:05:31,916
The Bouncing Banshee
of Loch Licht, in her 80th year,
1060
01:05:31,916 --> 01:05:33,624
hung up her famous clogs
for good
1061
01:05:33,624 --> 01:05:35,664
and set to recording --
-Never mind that.
1062
01:05:35,664 --> 01:05:37,832
Let us see it!
1063
01:05:37,832 --> 01:05:40,372
-"The Dance of a Thousand
Steps...
1064
01:05:40,372 --> 01:05:41,872
Scroll one..."
1065
01:05:44,580 --> 01:05:46,832
-"Of five."
1066
01:05:46,832 --> 01:05:51,872
-My lady, I shall do all I can
to learn this dance.
1067
01:05:51,872 --> 01:05:53,748
-It's only the future
of the kingdom at stake.
1068
01:05:53,748 --> 01:05:55,292
So...
1069
01:05:56,500 --> 01:05:58,000
...no pressure.
1070
01:05:58,000 --> 01:06:04,372
♪♪
1071
01:06:04,372 --> 01:06:05,832
-Any chance he pulls it off?
1072
01:06:05,832 --> 01:06:07,580
-Oh, God, I hope not.
1073
01:06:07,580 --> 01:06:16,000
♪♪
1074
01:06:16,000 --> 01:06:24,416
♪♪
1075
01:06:24,416 --> 01:06:26,124
-That's looking pretty good.
1076
01:06:26,124 --> 01:06:28,500
Right?
-Wrong.
1077
01:06:28,500 --> 01:06:30,708
Maybe take it from the top.
1078
01:06:30,708 --> 01:06:37,080
♪♪
1079
01:06:37,080 --> 01:06:41,124
-Lifted a big stump like a dolt
for months on end,
1080
01:06:41,124 --> 01:06:45,872
slew that ogre king,
and all for what?
1081
01:06:45,872 --> 01:06:49,916
He can't dance, never could.
1082
01:06:49,916 --> 01:06:52,624
Could have married a princess,
1083
01:06:52,624 --> 01:06:55,080
but oh, no, not him.
1084
01:06:55,080 --> 01:06:56,624
Worthless!
1085
01:06:56,624 --> 01:06:59,540
Just like his father,
so he is --
1086
01:06:59,540 --> 01:07:04,456
his worthless father
who wanted to be a wizard!
1087
01:07:04,456 --> 01:07:06,748
Oh, I wasn't good enough
for the likes of him, was I?
1088
01:07:07,956 --> 01:07:12,000
And there you were, a sweet
little babe at my teat.
1089
01:07:12,000 --> 01:07:14,832
And into a rage he goes
and curses you,
1090
01:07:14,832 --> 01:07:17,000
his only son!
1091
01:07:18,292 --> 01:07:20,916
So, if you want to know
why you 're a lonely,
1092
01:07:20,916 --> 01:07:24,540
worthless, daydreaming eejit
who'll never take a wife,
1093
01:07:24,540 --> 01:07:30,164
just your nefarious evil wizard
of a father who cursed you!
1094
01:07:30,164 --> 01:07:38,416
♪♪
1095
01:07:38,416 --> 01:07:46,664
♪♪
1096
01:07:46,664 --> 01:07:48,872
-You're too hard on the boy.
1097
01:07:48,872 --> 01:07:51,748
It ain't his fault
he's the son of the wizard.
1098
01:07:51,748 --> 01:07:56,000
♪♪
1099
01:08:04,956 --> 01:08:11,040
♪♪
1100
01:08:11,040 --> 01:08:15,080
-The goatherd despaired
of his future...
1101
01:08:16,664 --> 01:08:20,332
...while the witch despaired
of her past.
1102
01:08:25,124 --> 01:08:28,164
-For though she had banished
the wizard,
1103
01:08:28,164 --> 01:08:33,456
his third curse
had caught her at last.
1104
01:08:33,456 --> 01:08:42,708
♪♪
1105
01:08:42,708 --> 01:08:51,916
♪♪
1106
01:08:51,916 --> 01:08:57,872
-I doom you, I doom you
by this hand to never love,
1107
01:08:57,872 --> 01:09:03,332
except it be to love
the betrothed of another!
1108
01:09:03,332 --> 01:09:06,540
♪♪
1109
01:10:05,248 --> 01:10:10,708
♪♪
1110
01:10:10,708 --> 01:10:16,124
♪♪
1111
01:10:16,124 --> 01:10:18,164
-It was you.
1112
01:10:18,164 --> 01:10:24,124
♪♪
1113
01:10:24,124 --> 01:10:26,500
I've seen you.
1114
01:10:26,500 --> 01:10:28,416
I've seen you dance.
1115
01:10:30,500 --> 01:10:35,332
You dance like wind
in fields of golden wheat.
1116
01:10:37,000 --> 01:10:39,164
You move like the light
of a full moon
1117
01:10:39,164 --> 01:10:41,372
on a surface of a swift stream.
1118
01:10:42,372 --> 01:10:45,916
You dance -- You dance
the way music dances in ears,
1119
01:10:45,916 --> 01:10:47,792
the way hearts dance...
1120
01:10:49,080 --> 01:10:50,832
...when they are in love.
1121
01:10:53,832 --> 01:10:56,208
The Dance of a Thousand Steps.
1122
01:10:58,208 --> 01:10:59,792
It's not a legend.
1123
01:11:00,832 --> 01:11:03,000
You created it.
1124
01:11:03,000 --> 01:11:04,416
Your dance.
1125
01:11:05,416 --> 01:11:06,748
Teach it to me!
1126
01:11:06,748 --> 01:11:08,292
Teach it to me
in these three days
1127
01:11:08,292 --> 01:11:11,080
and let me lift this curse
from our land!
1128
01:11:13,208 --> 01:11:15,580
I'm a good man!
1129
01:11:17,248 --> 01:11:19,164
A kind man!
1130
01:11:20,916 --> 01:11:23,248
A loyal man!
1131
01:11:25,332 --> 01:11:27,664
And I'm a strong man.
1132
01:11:29,664 --> 01:11:31,580
You taught me that!
1133
01:11:32,832 --> 01:11:35,164
Teach me your dance!
1134
01:11:38,332 --> 01:11:40,164
Please, witch.
1135
01:11:41,164 --> 01:11:42,372
-Teach you?
1136
01:11:43,372 --> 01:11:45,792
So you may be betrothed?
1137
01:11:47,456 --> 01:11:53,040
-Can you truly not understand
what it is to be cursed?
1138
01:11:54,748 --> 01:11:58,580
Yes...I can.
1139
01:12:01,664 --> 01:12:03,416
I'll teach you.
1140
01:12:07,792 --> 01:12:09,500
-Why are you laughing?
1141
01:12:12,208 --> 01:12:14,124
-I'm really not sure.
1142
01:12:17,000 --> 01:12:18,500
But remember,
1143
01:12:18,500 --> 01:12:21,708
each task is harder
than the last.
1144
01:12:21,708 --> 01:12:24,416
One...two...
-One...
1145
01:12:24,416 --> 01:12:26,624
-And my dance is
only for the true of heart.
1146
01:12:26,624 --> 01:12:30,792
Three...four.
-Three...four.
1147
01:12:30,792 --> 01:12:34,624
-Five, six, seven...
1148
01:12:34,624 --> 01:12:35,916
16.
1149
01:12:35,916 --> 01:12:37,832
-Why 16?
That's only eight.
1150
01:12:39,664 --> 01:12:41,456
Eight for me.
1151
01:12:42,540 --> 01:12:44,292
Eight for you.
1152
01:12:45,540 --> 01:12:46,832
16.
1153
01:12:48,124 --> 01:12:51,540
-The Dance of a Thousand Steps.
1154
01:12:51,540 --> 01:12:54,040
It's a dance for two people.
1155
01:12:55,164 --> 01:12:57,748
I don't need to learn
a thousand steps.
1156
01:12:58,748 --> 01:13:02,456
I only need to learn 500.
1157
01:13:02,456 --> 01:13:10,124
♪♪
1158
01:13:10,124 --> 01:13:17,792
♪♪
1159
01:13:17,792 --> 01:13:25,456
♪♪
1160
01:13:25,456 --> 01:13:33,124
♪♪
1161
01:13:33,124 --> 01:13:40,792
♪♪
1162
01:13:40,792 --> 01:13:48,456
♪♪
1163
01:13:48,456 --> 01:13:56,124
♪♪
1164
01:13:56,124 --> 01:14:03,792
♪♪
1165
01:14:09,956 --> 01:14:11,540
I can't.
1166
01:14:12,540 --> 01:14:14,080
I can't.
-You can.
1167
01:14:14,080 --> 01:14:16,248
It's just a few steps more.
1168
01:14:16,248 --> 01:14:18,664
-It's not the steps.
1169
01:14:18,664 --> 01:14:21,080
I can do the steps.
1170
01:14:21,080 --> 01:14:23,872
Here. Alone. With you.
1171
01:14:26,540 --> 01:14:28,332
It's in front of everyone.
1172
01:14:29,332 --> 01:14:31,416
I just go blank.
1173
01:14:32,500 --> 01:14:34,792
I'm hopeless.
1174
01:14:34,792 --> 01:14:36,372
-Close your eyes.
1175
01:14:40,000 --> 01:14:41,416
Close them.
1176
01:14:43,540 --> 01:14:45,208
Just finish the dance
1177
01:14:45,208 --> 01:14:47,208
with your heart,
1178
01:14:47,208 --> 01:14:49,372
not your feet.
1179
01:14:49,372 --> 01:14:50,708
Slow.
1180
01:14:53,040 --> 01:14:54,748
996.
1181
01:14:57,500 --> 01:14:59,416
97.
1182
01:15:01,208 --> 01:15:03,000
Eight.
1183
01:15:03,000 --> 01:15:04,456
Nine.
1184
01:15:08,000 --> 01:15:09,708
A thousand.
1185
01:15:15,164 --> 01:15:16,708
And one.
1186
01:15:16,708 --> 01:15:18,748
Now, just do it a hundred times.
1187
01:15:19,748 --> 01:15:21,248
-The dance?
1188
01:15:21,248 --> 01:15:23,124
Or...
1189
01:15:40,292 --> 01:15:41,872
It's my mother.
1190
01:15:42,956 --> 01:15:45,040
She wants to watch us practice.
1191
01:15:45,040 --> 01:15:51,792
♪♪
1192
01:15:51,792 --> 01:15:58,540
♪♪
1193
01:15:58,540 --> 01:16:05,292
♪♪
1194
01:16:10,124 --> 01:16:12,124
-That's all of it, then, is it?
1195
01:16:13,416 --> 01:16:15,040
-She seems nice.
1196
01:16:17,040 --> 01:16:20,664
-Now, what's for supper?
1197
01:16:43,248 --> 01:16:47,000
-You enjoy witching, then,
do you?
1198
01:16:47,000 --> 01:16:48,540
-I make my own hours.
1199
01:16:48,540 --> 01:16:52,208
-It's potions and unguents
and that, is it?
1200
01:16:52,208 --> 01:16:55,580
-I turn people I don't like
into mushrooms.
1201
01:16:55,580 --> 01:16:58,372
-Do you cook?
Do you sew?
1202
01:16:58,372 --> 01:17:02,332
-I dance naked by the light
of the full bright moon.
1203
01:17:03,416 --> 01:17:05,540
-I should have been a witch.
1204
01:17:06,624 --> 01:17:11,248
Two score years,
and my son is finally a man.
1205
01:17:11,248 --> 01:17:13,080
A fine, strong man.
1206
01:17:13,080 --> 01:17:16,164
Has this palace to live in now.
1207
01:17:16,164 --> 01:17:19,040
Dances, so he does!
1208
01:17:19,040 --> 01:17:22,792
He was always a good lad.
I'm so proud of him.
1209
01:17:22,792 --> 01:17:24,956
So proud, I am.
1210
01:17:26,124 --> 01:17:29,624
I never believed
in his father's stupid curse.
1211
01:17:29,624 --> 01:17:32,208
-His father?
1212
01:17:32,208 --> 01:17:34,372
-The Evil Wizard.
1213
01:17:34,372 --> 01:17:37,500
Abandoned us.
Cursed the boy.
1214
01:17:37,500 --> 01:17:40,792
I was just a young thing.
Love's fool.
1215
01:17:40,792 --> 01:17:43,292
But then, aren't we all?
1216
01:17:43,292 --> 01:17:51,332
♪♪
1217
01:17:51,332 --> 01:17:54,292
He'll dance
this strange dance of yours.
1218
01:17:54,292 --> 01:17:56,208
I know he will.
1219
01:17:56,208 --> 01:17:59,624
And then
he'll marry the princess,
1220
01:17:59,624 --> 01:18:02,956
and their firstborn,
my grandchild,
1221
01:18:02,956 --> 01:18:05,456
will one day sit on the throne,
1222
01:18:05,456 --> 01:18:09,500
and I can die a happy soul
knowing that, I can tell you.
1223
01:18:12,292 --> 01:18:15,748
You've never had a child,
have you, witch?
1224
01:18:15,748 --> 01:18:23,332
♪♪
1225
01:18:26,372 --> 01:18:29,456
-She's not always...like that.
1226
01:18:31,540 --> 01:18:34,708
-So, you are a wizard?
1227
01:18:37,000 --> 01:18:39,292
-The son of one.
1228
01:18:39,292 --> 01:18:41,332
It's not the same.
-You didn't tell me.
1229
01:18:41,332 --> 01:18:42,456
-You never asked.
1230
01:18:42,456 --> 01:18:44,540
He left when I was a babe.
1231
01:18:45,540 --> 01:18:47,916
I'm just a goatherd.
Truly.
1232
01:18:47,916 --> 01:18:49,540
-A goatherd who breaks curses.
1233
01:18:49,540 --> 01:18:52,580
-I haven't! Not yet.
1234
01:18:52,580 --> 01:18:54,580
Would you like to practice
some more together?
1235
01:18:54,580 --> 01:18:57,540
-You know the dance.
And you will succeed.
1236
01:18:57,540 --> 01:18:59,832
-How can you be so sure?
1237
01:18:59,832 --> 01:19:03,832
-Because...I'm cursed.
1238
01:19:03,832 --> 01:19:06,208
-I don't understand.
-But I do.
1239
01:19:07,208 --> 01:19:10,080
So clever.
So evil.
1240
01:19:10,080 --> 01:19:11,416
-Who?
1241
01:19:11,416 --> 01:19:13,956
-Your father, the wizard
who cursed me.
1242
01:19:14,956 --> 01:19:17,580
He cursed you,
he cursed the king,
1243
01:19:17,580 --> 01:19:19,208
and before
I banished him forever,
1244
01:19:19,208 --> 01:19:20,916
he cursed me, too.
1245
01:19:20,916 --> 01:19:25,792
Three curses, and one
unbreakable chain of misery!
1246
01:19:25,792 --> 01:19:27,624
-Can you not just give
yourself three tasks?
1247
01:19:27,624 --> 01:19:29,456
-It doesn't work that way.
-Well, it worked for me!
1248
01:19:29,456 --> 01:19:31,040
-You 're a wizard!
1249
01:19:31,040 --> 01:19:33,292
-I'm just a goatherd!
That's all I am!
1250
01:19:33,292 --> 01:19:35,124
-No!
-I am not a wizard!
1251
01:19:35,124 --> 01:19:39,832
-You must be because the tasks
I gave you were impossible!
1252
01:19:39,832 --> 01:19:41,416
That was the whole point!
1253
01:19:41,416 --> 01:19:43,372
-Why would you give me
impossible tasks?
1254
01:19:43,372 --> 01:19:45,416
-Why did you accomplish them?!
1255
01:19:45,416 --> 01:19:47,456
Why did you keep coming back?!
1256
01:19:47,456 --> 01:19:51,624
Why didn't you quit,
when there was no hope?!
1257
01:19:51,624 --> 01:19:58,456
♪♪
1258
01:19:58,456 --> 01:20:05,248
♪♪
1259
01:20:05,248 --> 01:20:07,124
-What was your curse?
1260
01:20:10,164 --> 01:20:15,372
-I may only love
the betrothed of another.
1261
01:20:15,372 --> 01:20:22,208
♪♪
1262
01:20:22,208 --> 01:20:24,792
Tomorrow, you will win
the princess' hand
1263
01:20:24,792 --> 01:20:27,080
and be betrothed to her.
1264
01:20:29,500 --> 01:20:32,916
And I -- oh, what a fool.
1265
01:20:34,664 --> 01:20:36,456
What a fool I've been!
1266
01:20:36,456 --> 01:20:39,332
-Wait, come back.
Please, witch, don't go!
1267
01:20:39,332 --> 01:20:42,664
-The witch finally understood
the cruel fate
1268
01:20:42,664 --> 01:20:45,208
the Evil Wizard had set
down for her.
1269
01:20:45,208 --> 01:20:47,164
-Keep your bargain!
1270
01:20:47,164 --> 01:20:51,080
-And so, she fled,
unsure what she must do.
1271
01:20:52,080 --> 01:20:54,540
Keep her bargain
with the goatherd,
1272
01:20:54,540 --> 01:20:56,624
only to lose him forever,
1273
01:20:56,624 --> 01:20:58,708
or break her promise,
1274
01:20:58,708 --> 01:21:02,000
knowing he would
never forgive her.
1275
01:21:04,872 --> 01:21:06,540
The day had come,
1276
01:21:06,540 --> 01:21:09,792
and the kingdom's hopes
hung by a thread.
1277
01:21:09,792 --> 01:21:13,000
All that night and into morning,
no one --
1278
01:21:13,000 --> 01:21:16,000
not the king,
nor the princess,
1279
01:21:16,000 --> 01:21:19,292
not the man's mother,
not the neighbor,
1280
01:21:19,292 --> 01:21:23,164
nor the man,
not his closest friends,
1281
01:21:23,164 --> 01:21:26,500
perhaps not even the witch
herself could guess what pain,
1282
01:21:26,500 --> 01:21:31,208
what joy, what fate this day
might contain.
1283
01:21:31,208 --> 01:21:37,832
♪♪
1284
01:22:10,748 --> 01:22:12,956
-Is our champion
ready to perform
1285
01:22:12,956 --> 01:22:15,416
the Dance of a Thousand Steps?
1286
01:22:16,708 --> 01:22:19,080
Well? What's the matter
with him?
1287
01:22:19,080 --> 01:22:21,416
-Don't tell me I put on
this getup for nothing.
1288
01:22:21,416 --> 01:22:23,832
-You look very beautiful.
1289
01:22:23,832 --> 01:22:25,208
Thank you.
1290
01:22:26,332 --> 01:22:27,500
So do you.
1291
01:22:27,500 --> 01:22:29,080
-Goatherd!
1292
01:22:29,080 --> 01:22:32,080
The sand in the glass draws low.
1293
01:22:32,080 --> 01:22:34,248
Will you dance
and give your king --
1294
01:22:34,248 --> 01:22:36,748
and all this kingdom -- hope?
1295
01:22:37,916 --> 01:22:47,416
♪♪
1296
01:22:49,416 --> 01:22:55,456
♪♪
1297
01:22:55,456 --> 01:22:57,664
She's dancing with him.
1298
01:22:57,664 --> 01:23:00,208
-Of course!
A partner dance.
1299
01:23:00,208 --> 01:23:07,792
♪♪
1300
01:23:07,792 --> 01:23:15,332
♪♪
1301
01:23:17,332 --> 01:23:24,708
♪♪
1302
01:23:26,708 --> 01:23:29,372
♪♪
1303
01:23:31,372 --> 01:23:39,872
♪♪
1304
01:23:41,872 --> 01:23:45,872
♪♪
1305
01:23:47,872 --> 01:23:54,956
♪♪
1306
01:23:56,956 --> 01:24:03,456
♪♪
1307
01:24:07,456 --> 01:24:16,916
♪♪
1308
01:24:16,916 --> 01:24:26,416
♪♪
1309
01:24:26,416 --> 01:24:35,872
♪♪
1310
01:24:37,872 --> 01:24:46,832
♪♪
1311
01:24:46,832 --> 01:24:55,792
♪♪
1312
01:24:57,792 --> 01:25:03,248
♪♪
1313
01:25:03,248 --> 01:25:08,664
♪♪
1314
01:25:10,664 --> 01:25:16,372
♪♪
1315
01:25:16,372 --> 01:25:22,080
♪♪
1316
01:25:28,916 --> 01:25:31,040
-He's done it!
1317
01:25:31,040 --> 01:25:33,540
-Bravo! Bravo!
1318
01:25:36,080 --> 01:25:38,916
-Mine! He's mine!
1319
01:25:45,372 --> 01:25:48,540
-Wait! Goatherd!
1320
01:25:48,540 --> 01:25:50,500
How many goats do you have?!
1321
01:25:51,500 --> 01:25:55,708
-Kneel, most determined sir.
1322
01:25:55,708 --> 01:26:00,372
And before take the hand
of your princess,
1323
01:26:00,372 --> 01:26:05,080
I bestow unto you
this name and title --
1324
01:26:05,080 --> 01:26:08,624
Lord Ogrebane
the Very Fortunate.
1325
01:26:10,416 --> 01:26:16,416
And let this very day
there be a royal wedding,
1326
01:26:16,416 --> 01:26:20,372
the likes of which
none have ever seen!
1327
01:26:28,208 --> 01:26:30,540
-Put that on.
It's one of my finest.
1328
01:26:54,916 --> 01:27:02,248
-And in such holy union as
no man nor woman may dissolve,
1329
01:27:02,248 --> 01:27:05,248
we are gathered to witness...
1330
01:27:11,540 --> 01:27:16,540
For when two loving souls are
so enthralled to one another,
1331
01:27:16,540 --> 01:27:19,080
who can stand between them?
1332
01:27:20,080 --> 01:27:27,416
♪♪
1333
01:27:27,416 --> 01:27:34,792
♪♪
1334
01:27:34,792 --> 01:27:42,124
♪♪
1335
01:27:42,124 --> 01:27:44,000
-Not half bad.
1336
01:27:44,000 --> 01:27:45,832
-I'm trying!
1337
01:27:45,832 --> 01:27:53,208
♪♪
1338
01:27:53,208 --> 01:28:00,580
♪♪
1339
01:28:00,580 --> 01:28:03,000
-Maybe ask him
if he comes back.
1340
01:28:04,292 --> 01:28:06,208
-What was your curse?
1341
01:28:06,208 --> 01:28:10,416
-I may only love
the betrothed of another.
1342
01:28:10,416 --> 01:28:15,500
♪♪
1343
01:28:15,500 --> 01:28:20,580
♪♪
1344
01:28:20,580 --> 01:28:23,456
The exact words!
1345
01:28:23,456 --> 01:28:26,748
-Should anyone present
know of any reason
1346
01:28:26,748 --> 01:28:31,748
that this man and woman should
not be joined in matrimony,
1347
01:28:31,748 --> 01:28:35,540
speak now
or forever hold your peace.
1348
01:28:35,540 --> 01:28:41,748
♪♪
1349
01:28:41,748 --> 01:28:46,040
And will you freely take
this princess
1350
01:28:46,040 --> 01:28:48,748
to be your wedded wife?
1351
01:28:48,748 --> 01:28:53,624
♪♪
1352
01:28:53,624 --> 01:28:56,164
-Oh, absolutely not.
1353
01:29:00,624 --> 01:29:02,040
Oh, it's not you, Princess.
1354
01:29:02,040 --> 01:29:04,000
You're far too fair and fine
1355
01:29:04,000 --> 01:29:06,872
for a scruffy old goatherd
like me.
1356
01:29:06,872 --> 01:29:11,080
And besides, sire, I promised
my firstborn child to the witch.
1357
01:29:11,080 --> 01:29:13,956
Can't imagine that would sit
very well with your daughter,
1358
01:29:13,956 --> 01:29:15,164
would it?
1359
01:29:17,872 --> 01:29:21,124
But really, I'm old enough
to be her father.
1360
01:29:24,208 --> 01:29:25,956
-Are you serious?
1361
01:29:27,416 --> 01:29:30,040
Are you actually serious
with this?
1362
01:29:30,040 --> 01:29:34,664
10 years waiting patiently,
biting my tongue,
1363
01:29:34,664 --> 01:29:36,416
while an uncountable hoard
1364
01:29:36,416 --> 01:29:39,292
of universally objectionable
dead fiancés
1365
01:29:39,292 --> 01:29:41,748
piles up at my feet,
1366
01:29:41,748 --> 01:29:43,540
and after that --
1367
01:29:43,540 --> 01:29:46,916
after years of meekly
enduring all that,
1368
01:29:46,916 --> 01:29:48,416
what happens?
1369
01:29:49,416 --> 01:29:54,000
I am farmed out
like some piece of livestock
1370
01:29:54,000 --> 01:29:58,248
to this ancient, bumbling,
addle-witted,
1371
01:29:58,248 --> 01:30:01,456
appallingly pungent goatherd --
1372
01:30:02,540 --> 01:30:04,372
...no offense --
1373
01:30:04,372 --> 01:30:06,832
with the sole object
of producing an heir
1374
01:30:06,832 --> 01:30:10,040
to perpetuate
the insupportable charade
1375
01:30:10,040 --> 01:30:13,540
of a morally retrograde
patrilineal monarchy.
1376
01:30:13,540 --> 01:30:15,456
And what's it all in aid of?
1377
01:30:15,456 --> 01:30:18,416
What's the grand finale
to the clichéd trope
1378
01:30:18,416 --> 01:30:23,080
of marrying off your princess
to some random bumpkin
1379
01:30:23,080 --> 01:30:28,124
who wins a spectacularly weird
dance contest?
1380
01:30:28,124 --> 01:30:31,000
Yes, that's right.
1381
01:30:31,000 --> 01:30:34,664
The big "wow" finish
to her personal narrative
1382
01:30:34,664 --> 01:30:38,292
is to suffer
the rank humiliation,
1383
01:30:38,292 --> 01:30:40,792
the utter ignominy,
1384
01:30:40,792 --> 01:30:43,580
of being summarily abandoned
at the altar
1385
01:30:43,580 --> 01:30:46,292
by said senior citizen,
1386
01:30:46,292 --> 01:30:49,540
who was going to give
my firstborn child
1387
01:30:49,540 --> 01:30:55,540
to a cantankerous con artist
he met in the woods!
1388
01:31:04,040 --> 01:31:05,956
Wait, witch!
1389
01:31:10,872 --> 01:31:12,164
-You're married.
1390
01:31:13,164 --> 01:31:14,708
-Betrothed.
1391
01:31:16,372 --> 01:31:19,500
-But not...married?
1392
01:31:23,124 --> 01:31:25,000
I love you.
1393
01:31:25,000 --> 01:31:26,540
-You do?
1394
01:31:28,208 --> 01:31:29,872
How do you know?
1395
01:31:29,872 --> 01:31:33,124
-Because I'm more myself
when you 're there
1396
01:31:33,124 --> 01:31:36,040
than I could ever be
when you aren't.
1397
01:31:37,748 --> 01:31:41,872
But, you know,
I've been told
1398
01:31:41,872 --> 01:31:44,456
I can never take a wife.
1399
01:31:44,456 --> 01:31:48,000
-Then will you let
a witch take you?
1400
01:31:48,000 --> 01:31:50,000
-Yes, witch.
1401
01:31:50,000 --> 01:31:51,748
That I surely will.
1402
01:31:51,748 --> 01:31:56,292
♪♪
1403
01:31:56,292 --> 01:31:58,664
-Wait a minute!
Wait a minute!
1404
01:31:58,664 --> 01:32:01,580
You're the one who said I had to
marry Lord Ogrebottom --
1405
01:32:01,580 --> 01:32:03,500
Ogrebrain -- Ogrebane.
1406
01:32:03,500 --> 01:32:05,624
Who am I supposed to marry now?
1407
01:32:09,248 --> 01:32:13,292
-Princess, if you're truly
so keen on getting married,
1408
01:32:13,292 --> 01:32:17,832
then I think you should marry
anyone you like.
1409
01:32:17,832 --> 01:32:26,540
♪♪
1410
01:32:26,540 --> 01:32:35,248
♪♪
1411
01:32:35,248 --> 01:32:36,664
-Oh.
1412
01:32:36,664 --> 01:32:39,792
♪♪
1413
01:32:53,540 --> 01:32:55,208
♪♪
1414
01:32:55,208 --> 01:32:57,832
-♪ Mm, yeah ♪
1415
01:32:57,832 --> 01:33:02,080
♪ Now I'm walking on sunshine,
whoa-oh ♪
1416
01:33:02,080 --> 01:33:06,332
♪ I'm walking on sunshine,
whoa-oh ♪
1417
01:33:06,500 --> 01:33:10,832
♪ I'm walking on sunshine,
whoa-oh ♪
1418
01:33:10,832 --> 01:33:12,792
♪ And don't it feel good? ♪
1419
01:33:12,792 --> 01:33:15,208
♪ Hey, alright now ♪
1420
01:33:15,208 --> 01:33:17,164
♪ And don't it feel good? ♪
1421
01:33:17,164 --> 01:33:19,416
♪ Hey, yeah ♪
1422
01:33:19,416 --> 01:33:20,708
-Mazel Tov!
1423
01:33:22,040 --> 01:33:25,956
-And that's the legend of how my
best friend, a lowly goatherd,
1424
01:33:25,956 --> 01:33:29,164
became Lord Ogrebane
the Very Fortunate
1425
01:33:29,164 --> 01:33:30,580
and how he came to marry
1426
01:33:30,580 --> 01:33:33,416
the Green-Eyed Lady
of Banebower Wood
1427
01:33:33,416 --> 01:33:35,916
and how the Cursed Kingdom
came to be called
1428
01:33:35,916 --> 01:33:38,080
the Contented Kingdom once more.
1429
01:33:38,080 --> 01:33:39,624
Because in the end,
1430
01:33:39,624 --> 01:33:42,832
even an Evil Wizard's
curses are no match
1431
01:33:42,832 --> 01:33:45,872
for the mischievous child
they call Love.
1432
01:33:45,872 --> 01:33:48,080
-He had her at "hag."
1433
01:33:48,080 --> 01:33:51,292
-Yeah, yeah, yeah,
but the Evil Wizard --
1434
01:33:51,292 --> 01:33:53,580
what about that mean,
old whackadoodledoo?
1435
01:33:53,580 --> 01:33:54,664
-Oh, him.
1436
01:33:56,664 --> 01:34:03,040
♪♪
1437
01:34:03,040 --> 01:34:09,372
♪♪
1438
01:34:09,372 --> 01:34:12,332
Well, that's a whole
'nother story.
1439
01:34:14,332 --> 01:34:16,416
♪♪
1440
01:34:16,416 --> 01:34:17,792
-♪ Ow! ♪
1441
01:34:17,792 --> 01:34:21,416
♪♪
1442
01:34:21,416 --> 01:34:24,080
♪ Mm, yeah ♪
1443
01:34:24,080 --> 01:34:28,456
♪ Now I'm walking on sunshine,
whoa-oh ♪
1444
01:34:28,456 --> 01:34:32,624
♪ I'm walking on sunshine,
whoa-oh ♪
1445
01:34:32,792 --> 01:34:37,208
♪ I'm walking on sunshine,
whoa-oh ♪
1446
01:34:37,208 --> 01:34:39,124
♪ And don't it feel good? ♪
1447
01:34:39,124 --> 01:34:41,580
♪ Hey, alright now ♪
1448
01:34:41,580 --> 01:34:43,500
♪ And don't it feel good? ♪
1449
01:34:43,500 --> 01:34:45,416
♪ Hey, yeah ♪
1450
01:34:45,416 --> 01:34:47,080
♪♪
1451
01:34:47,080 --> 01:34:50,248
♪ I used to think
maybe you loved me ♪
1452
01:34:50,248 --> 01:34:53,664
♪ Now I know that it's true ♪
1453
01:34:53,664 --> 01:34:55,708
♪♪
1454
01:34:55,708 --> 01:34:58,500
♪ And I don't want to spend
my whole life ♪
1455
01:34:58,500 --> 01:35:01,956
♪ Just a-waitin' for you ♪
1456
01:35:01,956 --> 01:35:04,372
♪♪
1457
01:35:04,372 --> 01:35:07,708
♪ Now I don't want you back
for the weekend ♪
1458
01:35:07,708 --> 01:35:10,664
♪ Not back for a day ♪
1459
01:35:10,664 --> 01:35:12,292
♪ Ah, no, no, no ♪
1460
01:35:12,292 --> 01:35:16,416
♪ Now I'm walking on sunshine,
whoa-oh ♪
1461
01:35:16,416 --> 01:35:20,624
♪ I'm walking on sunshine,
whoa-oh ♪
1462
01:35:20,792 --> 01:35:25,124
♪ I'm walking on sunshine,
whoa-oh ♪
1463
01:35:25,124 --> 01:35:26,956
♪ And don't it feel good? ♪
1464
01:35:26,956 --> 01:35:29,748
♪ Oh, yeah, oh, yeah,
oh, yeah ♪
1465
01:35:29,748 --> 01:35:33,332
♪ Oh, don't it now? ♪
1466
01:35:33,332 --> 01:35:37,540
♪♪
1467
01:35:38,832 --> 01:35:48,664
♪♪
1468
01:35:48,664 --> 01:35:58,500
♪♪
1469
01:35:58,500 --> 01:36:08,292
♪♪
1470
01:36:08,292 --> 01:36:18,124
♪♪
1471
01:36:18,124 --> 01:36:27,956
♪♪
1472
01:36:27,956 --> 01:36:37,792
♪♪
1473
01:36:37,792 --> 01:36:47,580
♪♪
1474
01:36:47,580 --> 01:36:57,416
♪♪
1475
01:36:57,416 --> 01:37:07,248
♪♪
1476
01:37:07,248 --> 01:37:17,080
♪♪
1477
01:37:17,080 --> 01:37:26,872
♪♪
1478
01:37:26,872 --> 01:37:36,708
♪♪
1479
01:37:36,708 --> 01:37:44,080
♪♪
1480
01:37:44,080 --> 01:37:51,456
♪♪
1481
01:37:51,456 --> 01:37:58,792
♪♪
1482
01:37:58,792 --> 01:38:06,164
♪♪
1483
01:38:06,164 --> 01:38:13,540
♪♪
1484
01:38:13,540 --> 01:38:20,916
♪♪
1485
01:38:20,916 --> 01:38:28,292
♪♪
1486
01:38:28,292 --> 01:38:35,664
♪♪
1487
01:38:35,664 --> 01:38:45,456
♪♪
1488
01:38:45,456 --> 01:38:55,292
♪♪
1489
01:38:55,292 --> 01:39:05,124
♪♪
1490
01:39:05,124 --> 01:39:14,956
♪♪
1491
01:39:14,956 --> 01:39:24,748
♪♪
1492
01:39:24,748 --> 01:39:34,580
♪♪