♪ I was walking along ♪
♪ Mindin' my business ♪
♪ When out of an orange-colored sky ♪
♪ Flash, bam, alakazam ♪
♪ Wonderful you came by ♪
♪ I was hummin' a tune ♪
♪ Drinkin' in sunshine ♪
♪ When out of that orange-colored view ♪
♪ Flash, bam, alakazam ♪
♪ I got a look at you ♪
♪ One look and I yelled "timber"...
[over radio] ...negotiations were scheduled to continue today
as the White House had no comment about the President's whereabouts.
♪ And the bottom fell out, I went into a spin ♪
♪ And I started to shout, "I've been hit..."
Ready to be of service, madam.
...between America and her adversaries
crumbled this morning in Anchorage, Alaska.
The specter of nuclear war facing this nation
for ten long years is final...
♪ Alakazam...
It's a party, let's just... focus on the party.
- Okay? - ♪ Purple-striped ♪
♪ Pretty green polka-dot sky ♪
♪ Flash, bam, alakazam ♪
♪ And goodbye ♪
All right, birthday boy.
Let's get a photo of you up here on Sugarfoot.
Why the hell is Cooper Howard working kids' birthday parties?
What else? Alimony.
What'd they say, Dad?
That I'm lucky to have such a good helper like you.
All right, you ready?
- It's good. - All right.
Good. Here we go, bud.
Hey, honey. Honey.
Get with Cooper. Let's get a picture.
Uh, you bet. Yeah. Oh, yeah.
All right.
Aw, Coop, Coop, Coop. Do your thumbs-up.
Yeah, you know, given the state of everything,
I'd prefer not to, if that's all right.
Why not?
It's what you're famous for.
- Yeah. - Drop it, Bob.
We gotta... we got to get this rodeo on the road.
I can't thank you enough, Mr. Howard.
Pleasure's all mine, ma'am.
I hope your son had a lovely birthday.
- Perfect. - Yeah.
Who's ready for cake?
Me! All right. You ready, Janey?
Come on.
There you go.
- Pinko. - Yep.
He still took my money.
♪ Happy birthday dear Roy ♪
♪ Happy birthday to you ♪
...that Los Angeles sunshine coming through.
Hal, I can't... I'm sorry, I can't do this.
I can't do the weather if I don't even know if there's
- gonna be a next week. - Only thinking happy thoughts today.
Sugar Bombs presents Grognak the Barbarian
and the Ruby Ruins.
All right.
I think that's everything.
Why wouldn't you do it?
The thumbs-up.
Oh, it's, uh...
That's grown-up stuff.
Well, back when I was in the Marines,
they taught us that if they ever drop a really big bomb,
told us to hold up your thumb just like this.
And if the cloud is smaller than your thumb,
well, you run for the hills.
And if it's bigger than your thumb?
They told us not to bother running.
Do you think it's gonna happen?
I certainly hope not.
But us cowpokes, we take it as it comes, right?
Can I have a slice, Dad?
You know what? Let me see
if I can't rustle you up a piece.
All right, one piece of cake coming up
for my favorite cowgirl.
Is it your thumb or mine?
That's smoke, Janey. It's just a fire.
Let us in with you.
No room. Back off.
My name is Lucy MacLean,
and I'm an active contributor to the wellbeing of my community.
Repair Skills.
I enjoy participating in the Young Pipefitter's Association,
which keeps me active.
Science Skills.
Obviously, mine are nothing compared to my dad's,
but I always relish a challenge.
Speech Skills.
My primary passion is teaching American History,
with a focus on ethics.
I also participate in Gymnastics Club,
Fencing Team C...
...Intermediate Phys Ed...
...and I dabble in Riflery.
Though I'm not very good.
♪ Change your mind...
In my personal time,
I enjoy taking walks
and watching movies with my dad,
gardening-- also with my dad--
and participating in my family book club.
We're still trying to get my brother on board.
He'll come around when he's ready.
My reproductive organs are intact,
my hygiene well-maintained,
and yet I have been unable to
find a suitable marriage partner.
At least, one I'm not related to.
And we have rules about that for a reason.
♪ I'll ever love...
So, it is with sound mind and body
that I hereby submit my application to the council
to participate in the Triennial Trade with Vault 32.
♪ Don't let the moon break your heart ♪
♪ You're the only one ♪
♪ You're the only one I'll ever love ♪
Norman.
Hmm.
Feels a little tight.
Won't be for long.
On my wedding night, that dress got off almost as fast as Burt did.
Huh.
Oh, gosh. After ten years of cousin stuff,
I'm definitely excited for the real thing.
Oh, Lucy.
I am just excited for us to raise our kids together.
Dad.
- My little Sugarbomb. - Oh.
Oh.
Gosh, you look just like your mother.
Yeah. I wish she was here.
Me, too.
Were you scared?
- When you married Mom? - Me?
Terrified.
Well, I'd never stepped foot outside Vault 31.
When did it go away?
The moment I met your mother.
From that moment on, Vault 31 was a distant memory to me.
Overseer, it's time.
Must be nerve-racking.
Your husband could be anybody.
I'm aware.
- And as for his looks? - Who knows?
Big butt? No butt?
But, of course,
it's just superficial concerns. It's what's on the inside that counts.
That's right.
And in that respect, he could be a cannibal, or just like
crammed full of tumors.
Norman.
Sorry, Dad.
Gate-Keeper.
- Chet. - Honestly...
textbook tumbler jam.
It's gonna take some time to fix.
Probably best if we reschedule with the 32s
- until maintenance and I can... - Chet.
What's going on?
Lucy, I love you.
We all know that, Chet.
Messing around with your cousin,
it's all well and good for kids, but it's not a sustainable,
long-term sexual practice, you know?
Yeah, I know.
Welcome, neighbors from Vault 32.
I am Hank MacLean,
overseer of Vault 33.
Lee Moldaver, overseer of 32.
Thank you for your hospitality.
Oh, we were sorry to hear of Overseer Jackson's passing
in your telegrams.
When blight hit our wheat,
we lost a lot of good people, but this trade
will help us get back on our feet.
Yes, well, as arranged, we offer you seed and parts
- for machinery. - In exchange, we offer you a breeder.
So...
who am I marrying?
I'm Lucy.
Do you have a name?
Monty.
Lucky.
♪ Who do you suppose ♪
♪ I really love ♪
♪ Who do you suppose ♪
♪ I'm thinking of ♪
♪ Who do you suppose ♪
♪ I dream of...
So, what's your sperm count?
♪ And whose loving arms...
Uh...
Your vault's doctor must check every physical, no?
I mean, sperm is pretty important in perpetuating America.
Stop.
Good evening and welcome to the proud denizens
of Vault 32.
We are bonded
not just as neighbors
but by a shared duty.
To keep the candle of civilization lit.
While the rest of the world has been cast
into darkness.
Soon,
if our measurements are correct,
radiation levels on the surface are dropping fast enough
that the next generation, Lucy and Monty's children,
will be able to recolonize.
Whoo!
Yes.
After 200 years...
...we don't know much about what's up there.
Desperation, violence,
lawlessness.
These survivors will need to be shown
a better way.
I'll admit I'm sometimes afraid
that mean old world will change us instead.
But then I look at my daughter...
...who's such a beautiful bride, and her new husband.
And I am not afraid.
I feel hope.
To Lucy MacLean.
And to this marriage.
And to hope.
Let's dance. [laughs] Hit it.
♪ Who can explain it? ♪
♪ Who can tell you why? ♪
♪ Fools give you reasons ♪
♪ Wise men never ♪
♪ Try ♪
- ♪ Some enchanted evening ♪ - ♪ Some enchanted evening ♪
♪ When you find your true love ♪
♪ When you feel her call you ♪
Let's dance.
♪ Whoa, across a crowded room ♪
♪ Then fly ♪
♪ To her side ♪
♪ Then fly to her side ♪
♪ So, listen ♪
♪ My prince...
You're the worst.
Show me to my new home?
♪ For you ♪
♪ But love's got a right to lose ♪
♪ So take my advice...
This is us.
Ah, isn't it great?
Every big moment of our lives
is gonna happen right here.
Picture the Christmas mornings around the tree.
We have everything
with the hand-me-downs; an icebox, a blender.
They-they even gave us...
Huh.
Okey dokey.
♪ Just keep that coffee hot ♪
♪ Keep it hot ♪
♪ Be sure to make a lot ♪
♪ I'll make a lot ♪
♪ Your coffee hits the spot ♪
♪ It hits the spot ♪
♪ So keep that coffee hot ♪
♪ So keep it hot ♪
- ♪ I love your coffeepot ♪ - ♪ I love your pot ♪
♪ So keep that coffee hot ♪
- ♪ So keep that coffee hot ♪ - ♪ Keep it hot ♪
♪ Be sure to make a lot ♪ - ♪ I'll make a lot ♪
♪ A nervous kiss ♪
♪ That silent bliss ♪
♪ The moon watched from above ♪
♪ A million strings ♪
♪ With notes that cling ♪
♪ Play music to two hearts in love ♪
♪ Though I adored ♪
♪ The times before ♪
♪ They never felt like this ♪
Hello?
You're from the surface.
Raiders.
Ah...
Just so you know...
...this was the best day of my life.
♪ Who can explain it? ♪
♪ Who can tell you why? ♪
♪ Fools give you reasons ♪
♪ Wise men never ♪
♪ Try ♪
♪ Some enchanted evening ♪
♪ When you find your true love ♪
♪ When you feel her call you ♪
♪ Whoa, across ♪
♪ A crowded room ♪
♪ Then fly to her side ♪
♪ Then fly...
Get that jelly mold out of here!
♪ And make her your own ♪
♪ Or all through your life ♪
♪ You may dream ♪
♪ All alone ♪
♪ Some enchanted evening ♪
♪ You may see a stranger ♪
♪ Across ♪
♪ A crowded room ♪
♪ And somehow you know ♪
♪ You know ♪
♪ Even then ♪
♪ That somewhere ♪
♪ You'll see her ♪
♪ Again and again...
Whoa, whoa, whoa. Easy, pal.
Sir, please don't make me use force.
Oh, geez.
♪ Some enchanted evening ♪
♪ When you find your true love ♪
Welcome.
Oh.
I think I know who you are.
Everyone knows who I am.
But do they know who they are?
They are the product
of one of life's tricky little choices.
So I'm gonna offer you a choice.
Them or her.
Hey.
H-Hey, stop.
- Dad. Wait. - Lucy, please.
We have to--
No. Stop.
You are my world.
Dad. Dad! Dad!
Stop! Stop it! Dad!
You look like your mother.
Where are you taking him?
To the real world.
You should see it sometime.
No, wait.
Stop!
Stop! Stop!
Maybe you should do what you do best.
- Stop! - Run and hide.
♪ I do my best to hide...
Hit him again.
♪ I try to make believe ♪
♪ There's nothing wrong...
Wait, wait, wait, wait.
Kickin' your ass. You like that, huh?
♪ That you're gone ♪
Yo, let's go, let's go.
Hey.
How's your nose?
I can still smell, it's just...
mostly blood.
Flesh is weak, but steel endures.
I-I know.
- Come on. - Yeah.
Uh-huh.
Yeah.
♪ If they ask me, I guess I'd be denying ♪
♪ That I've been unhappy all alone ♪
♪ But if they heard my heart, they'd hear it crying ♪
♪ "Where's my darling, when's she coming home?" ♪
It is the duty of the Brotherhood of Steel
to secure the Wasteland.
One day as squires, you will help knights
find and identify prewar tech.
Aspirant Maximus.
Can you identify this relic?
It's a...
...rotor?
A circuit.
The ability to defend yourself is but one part of your training.
We are the finders and the preservers.
Unless you know what to find and preserve,
you are more useful as a corpse.
Yeah, look at that shit.
What kind of model is that? - It's the T-60.
Imagine getting to put on one of those every day.
Wonder why they're here.
[over radio] A-17.
A-20.
B-11.
N-24.
Come on, I got something I want to show you.
Latrine duty's a two-person job.
I said come on.
That hole of shit isn't going anywhere.
Aspirant Dane?
- Th-This was my idea. He didn't want-- - You're being summoned. Come with me.
♪ Every time I look at you, I fall in love ♪
♪ All over again ♪
♪ Every time I think of you ♪
♪ It all begins ♪
♪ All over again...
What's going on?
A bunch of us were chosen to get anointed.
Hey.
- What's your title gonna be? - Squire. To Knight Titus.
And get this, we're going to the Wilds.
Hell yeah, you are!
Dane...
[chanting] Dane! Dane! Dane!
Dane! Dane! Dane! Dane! Dane! Dane!
Hey, you're next, you're next. Yeah.
What happened?
Give me that.
♪ There's a brighter side ♪
♪ To every dark, dark cloud ♪
♪ And there's a smiling face ♪
♪ In every crowd ♪
♪ All your troubles will soon fade away ♪
♪ There's a brighter ♪
♪ Brighter ♪
♪ Side ♪
Everyone settle.
I have a proposal for the assembly.
We send a search party to the surface to find my dad.
To the surface?
We can spare four people from farm duty
for up to two weeks,
even with our dwindled numbers.
Sorry, Lucy, but you're talking about
opening the outer vault door?
Just for under a minute.
Okay? It's just enough time to--
Okay, I-I know we're just... we're brainstorming here,
and there's no bad ideas in a brainstorm...
Maybe for you. - ...but that's not something
that we ever do
or have ever done, never, ever, ever.
I-I know, I know that.
I know we're all hurting right now,
but our first priority
has to be to maintain the security of this vault.
That means not opening any of our doors.
Well said, Betty.
Yes, thank you, Betty.
Okay, let's move on.
They don't want to find Dad.
If they did, they wouldn't get to be in charge.
Hey, Davey.
- Hey. - How's your day going?
Bad as everyone else's.
Hold the elevator.
Take care of Norm
till I'm back, okay?
I can't.
I'm going with you.
- Chet-- - What you're doing is insane.
You don't even know which way to go.
It isn't like the vault out there.
It's big.
Chet...
I'm not letting anyone else
get hurt on my behalf.
Okay?
Oh, Lucy.
Oh, okay. There we go.
I just tranq'd him.
And I'll do the same to you if you try to follow me.
I'm too chicken.
Thanks.
I'm bringing him home.
Stop!
Lucy!
Are you mad?
Young lady, come back here right away!
Lucy!
Lucy, no!
That didn't work.
Okey dokey.
We have given you a name.
Food.
Education.
A place in the world.
So...
...we expect you to give us
the truth.
Why did you join the Brotherhood?
To hurt the people who hurt me.
I understand you're a friend of Aspirant Dane.
Yes.
You're aware of their injury?
Yes.
Do you know who did it?
No.
Your fellow aspirants say it was you.
No, I...
I-I wouldn't...
Why not?
Your friend was promoted, you were not.
You have ambitions, don't you?
Speak.
I didn't.
I didn't do it. I did not. I...
I wanted it to happen. Is that wrong?
Yes.
Violence...
is merely a tool.
We use it to bring order to the Wasteland, but
violence against a Brother of Steel
is a sign of weakness.
But are you?
Weak?
I don't want to be. I...
You have anything else to say
in your defense?
I just...
I-I want to thank you.
For your guidance and...
for giving me a home.
I-I had no place in the world.
So...
...if I can help the Brotherhood make it better...
...Eden or whatever...
...even if it means giving my own life...
...I'll do it.
And I'd be grateful to the Brotherhood for giving my life meaning.
Good boy.
Then you will be Knight Titus'
new squire.
It's not so bad.
At least here no one steals your rations.
They said I'll still have a place at the Brotherhood.
But I heard you got my spot.
You know who did it?
Oh, I've narrowed it down to any one of those assholes.
Yeah. You like that?
- No! - There you are.
- Ah! Yeah! - Stop it!
He likes it.
They asked if it was you.
Yeah, they asked me the same thing.
I told 'em you wouldn't hurt a fly.
Aspirant Maximus.
It is your most sacred duty to protect the Brotherhood.
After which, it is your most sacred duty to protect the mission.
After which, it is your most sacred duty
to protect your lord Knight Titus.
Do you accept?
Our mission comes from the highest clerics
in the Commonwealth.
It is believed
that a denizen
of the Enclave
has escaped.
The Enclave's real?
And that he has with him an object...
...of profound potential...
...to harm our nation
or to save it.
Each knight in this legion
will search a section of the Wilds for this target.
Brothers...
...we exist
for moments such as these.
Go forth
with honor!
And may the shape of the future
be cut by your sword!
Approximation of the target for your lord.
You're dismissed, Aspirant.
How do we know which grave?
Well, Slim, we look for the fresh one.
Dom Pedro has our friend dug up once a year.
Cuts some pieces off and puts him right back in the ground.
Bingo.
Shit.
You're telling me this supreme badass we're looking for
is a godforsaken mutant?
Have some respec'.
That's your prospective coworker you's talking about
and our ticket to a big payoff.
Thought you said you knew this guy.
I said I knew of him.
My pop worked with him once.
Your pop?
How long's this asshole been moldering in the ground?
How do we know he's not feral?
That is why
we brought...
...our little friend.
A feral ghoul can't abide a chicken.
If he goes for her, we kill him.
Whoa, whoa.
Ah.
Well, well, well.
Why, is this an Amish production of The Count of Monte Cristo or...
just the weirdest circle jerk I've ever been invited to?
Welcome back.
I'm Honcho.
Now, you don't even know us--
No.
I do not.
Does that count?
Sh-Should I shoot him?
Would you shut the fuck up?
We, uh...
we got a proposition for you.
A bounty came down.
A huge one.
Enough to be a...
last score for me and whoever's with me.
Yeah. Now, somebody made a run...
...from the Enclave.
Well, what makes you think I'd give a good goddamn about that?
It ain't where they's running from I figured you'd be interested in.
It's where they's running to.
That witch Moldaver.
In California.
That's where you from, ain't it?
Originally, I mean.
Now, what the fuck would you know about where I'm from?
Well, that don't sound like gratitude, do it, boys?
How about we put you right back in that hole
so Dom Pedro can have his fun with you for the next 30 years?
Well, I tell you what, boys,
whenever somebody says...
...they're doing one last job, that usually means their heart's not in it.
Probably never was.
But for me,
well...
I do this shit for the love of the game.
You right, friend, about one thing.
This right here
was your last job.
My paycheck wasn't quite what you expected, but...
well, you know what they say.
Us cowpokes...
...we take it as it comes.
♪ Crawl out through the fallout, baby ♪
♪ When they drop that bomb ♪
♪ Crawl out through the fallout ♪
♪ With the greatest of aplomb ♪
♪ When your white count's getting higher ♪
♪ Hurry, don't delay ♪
♪ I'll hold you close and kiss those ♪
♪ Radiation burns away ♪
♪ Crawl out through the fallout, baby ♪
♪ To my loving arms ♪
♪ Through the rain of strontium-90 ♪
♪ Think about your hero ♪
♪ When you're at ground zero ♪
♪ And crawl out through the fallout back to me ♪
♪ Why don't you crawl out through the fallout back to me? ♪
♪ Why don't you crawl out through the fallout back to... ♪
♪ Me? ♪
Oh... hello there.
Now, how about we turn on some lights?
You need to go home.
Vault dwellers are an endangered species here.
I'm not going back without my dad.
You could have destroyed the last vestiges of civilization.
What are you looking at?
A murderer in a cage?
I don't know what the people of Vault 32 were up to,
but it was anything but innocent.
What happened up here?
I think everybody wants to save the world.
They just disagree on how.
I wonder if anyone survived.
How long since you first started
wastelanding?
A long time.
What are you?
Oh, I'm you, sweetie.
Just give it a little time.
Welcome.
What the fudge?
Forget Hollywood.
You're a product, I'm a product.
The end of the world
is a product.
Vault-Tec is a trillion-dollar company that owns half of everything.
I guess everything's a conspiracy, right?
Unless the people do something about it.
Ain't much stays clean up here, Vaultie.
You'll see.
You look out at this wasteland...
...looks like chaos.
But there's always somebody behind the wheel.