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NETFLIX 影集

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（《愛情醫生》）

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愛情是全世界最棒的解藥

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愛情是

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本節目的出發點

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沒錯，愛情…

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我是愛情醫生

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醫生

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大家好，謝謝

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她一點都沒變老耶

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夠了，讓我剪綵吧

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第 6 章：等候時間：22 分鐘

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可惡，他明明就說再五分鐘會到

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終於來了

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我肚子餓就會很不客氣

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妳隨時都很不客氣

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那正是我的祕訣，巴尼

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我隨時都很餓

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不行，那是排隊要吃的

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說到排隊，我們走吧

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這個設施到底有什麼特別？

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妳不是全都玩過了？

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我沒玩過這個

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這在我出生前就關閉了

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是參考《愛情醫生》打造

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寶琳會在節目上
用移植心臟來解決愛情問題

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播三集就被腰斬

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他們好像有點江郎才盡了啊

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《愛情醫生》很具實驗性

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例如有一集，場景只有一個候診室

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聽起來很無聊

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這是我上班前唯一可以玩的機會

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而且我的動態已經被劇透灌爆了

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你和愛情醫生的門診即將開始

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手腳、包包、寶寶都別伸出車外

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還好嘛，看來我們是趕個正著

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我先不玩，祝妳玩得開心

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你要丟我一個人？

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一艘船有兩個座位耶

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我們不能是奇數，誰知道我會跟誰搭

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餓死了

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你們三個一定可以塞進一艘船

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我今天沒空排這個

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我改變主意了，走吧

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要是我一分鐘內沒吃到東西…

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我知道，妳就要吃我

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可以至少讓我看完這章嗎？

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謝謝你，巴尼

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我差點以為我要跟這個怪人一起搭

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巴尼？

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我就知道是你

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巴尼？

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鬍子帥喔

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謝謝

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不！

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你們在排愛情醫生愛心漂漂樂嗎？

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你在排愛情醫生愛心漂漂樂嗎？

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那還用問，我想玩這個好幾年了

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聽說很噁心

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順著血河漂進一顆巨心，然後…

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劇透

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其實你們可以走員工快道

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鑽過欄杆，出示工作證就行

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進去吧

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我先走一步了

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什麼？這不是員工專用道嗎？

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只有員工

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還有家屬可以排隊喔

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不會吧

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真老套

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我得排這條隊伍

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我今天有重要任務

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要確認等候時間是否正確

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-你在忙，那…
-有人陪我就太棒了

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你看，是血耶

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有點噁心

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但有血總比沒血好？

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-沒錯
-寶貝

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瑪莉，別忘記說好的偷聽規則

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要假裝沒在聽

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抱歉

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不過看到新生代喜歡這個設施
實在是太令人開心了

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這是我們第一次約會的地點

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你們在一起多久了？

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不是，我們是…

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同事

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是喔

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最好是啦

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排到了嗎…

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排到了嗎…

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排到了…

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安靜！

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照這樣下去，巴尼會先排到

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諾瑪，救命啊

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我說妳可以吃一點點

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但不能把我整隻吃掉

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蔻妮，別再吃小巴了

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小巴，別再自願被吃了

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我們搭完就吃午餐

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可是人家現在就想吃！

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問問他的事

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所以說，你喜歡血囉？

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又在提血？

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你是想刺探我是不是吸血鬼嗎？

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等等，你是嗎？

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那就太老套了

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什麼？

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欄杆啊

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你說是吧？

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身為健康安全官，我很重視欄杆

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欄杆超棒的，我愛欄杆

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老實說，這些欄杆不符合規定

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我有申請三重固定欄杆

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你是說這些欄杆？

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我是要說我不喜歡

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我討厭這些欄杆

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不好意思，借過，我的包包沒拿

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不好意思，借過

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我的包包還在船上，不好意思，借過

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-熱狗過來，給我回來
-不要

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-咬一小口就好
-不要…

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巴尼傳簡訊給我

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“求救，我一個人搞不定”

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他旁邊明明就還有小羅

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那正是他擔心的原因

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他們在公開場合，巴尼也認識小羅

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我覺得危險程度很低

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“啊，我嚇壞了”

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還傳了20個表情符號

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驚嚇臉、嘔吐臉、長角的貓，還有…

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一面小白旗？

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“做你自己就好”

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電影都這麼說

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“我不想做我自己”

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喂，各位

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巴尼

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一切順利

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我順便做一些排隊滿意度調查

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快幫我，我真的很不行

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我才是社交邊緣人，別搶我的特色

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這不一樣

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我真的很喜歡小羅，超級喜歡

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我辦不到

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那本書裡一定有能派上用場的東西

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例如增強自信咒

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或是讓我會超多笑話的咒語

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這樣好嗎？

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小巴上次用魔法時，召喚了巫婆

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嚴格來說，她是神婆

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差不多就那些東西，好主意

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你說你不想做自己

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好吧，這個咒語正適合你

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看起來不太妙

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巴巴？你沒事吧？

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兩個人說“別煩我”

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一個人威脅要動粗

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謝謝你們的意見

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滾啦

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你還好嗎？

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借過，我得去前面

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我把寶寶留在船上了

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你好香喔

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謝謝，我的祕訣是

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肥皂

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我好高喔

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你餓了嗎？

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我們搭完後可以去吃東西

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好啊，你喜歡哪種？

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濕的？乾的？人類吃的？

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我們可以去吃漢堡

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牠在幹嘛？

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這很正常啦

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牠只是附身在巴尼身上而已

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什麼？

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那巴尼呢？

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有人嗎？

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大家都去哪了？

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舒服

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夠了，換我試試看

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巴尼應該不想給妳試，他信任小巴…

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-你們不信任我？
-沒錯

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也是，你們不該信任我

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不過我看過很多人類求愛儀式紀錄片

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所以我有信心可以搞定

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你還好嗎？需要幫忙嗎？

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幹嘛一直問？

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你憑什麼當排隊老大？

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對不起喔

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看看這些有魅力的人

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茫茫人海，我選擇陪你站
你一定覺得很走運喔

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你也可以去陪別人站

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我考慮考慮

193
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那個包包好像很適合裝食物

194
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我可以看看嗎？

195
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小巴，這是什麼地方？

196
00:11:34,459 --> 00:11:35,876
她在做什麼？

197
00:11:35,959 --> 00:11:39,459
不是她找到食物，就是小羅遭殃了

198
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我不會讓她毀了巴尼的機會

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諾瑪，去撿回來

200
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說這句話的感覺真怪

201
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等等，為什麼？

202
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糟糕

203
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這是怎麼回事？

204
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-至少位置向前進了
-什麼？

205
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我們速戰速決吧

206
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閒聊

207
00:12:07,334 --> 00:12:10,376
你有兄弟姊妹嗎？
喜歡做什麼休閒活動？

208
00:12:10,459 --> 00:12:13,376
有喜歡的運動隊伍嗎？
喜歡哪種音樂類型？

209
00:12:13,876 --> 00:12:16,459
我們以前都是問別人星座

210
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我是摩羯座，我才剛算完我的星盤

211
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請回答我的問題，我在建立交情

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例如我有一個弟弟派翠克

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他上禮拜生日…

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那個開生日派對的小朋友？

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你怎麼沒說？

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對喔，那是我們家族傳統

217
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我們不過生日，太傷感了，換你

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-我有一個姊妹
-我也是

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你剛才說你只有一個弟弟

220
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對，本人巴尼在測試你

221
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你的觀察力真不錯，小羅

222
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現在的小孩真怪

223
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真的很怪

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我剛才已經有進展了，諾瑪

225
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小羅覺得巴尼討厭他
這正符合人類的習性

226
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《可憐蟲的約會指南》是這麼寫的

227
00:13:07,918 --> 00:13:09,918
我們可以不要再附身了嗎？

228
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或許我們該多附對方的身

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為什麼？

230
00:13:18,793 --> 00:13:19,626
好笑？

231
00:13:20,126 --> 00:13:22,126
先試試我的點子

232
00:13:31,126 --> 00:13:35,334
這不是我的寶寶，我要去前面歸還

233
00:13:40,001 --> 00:13:40,834
諾瑪？

234
00:13:40,918 --> 00:13:42,584
-諾瑪
-巴尼

235
00:13:42,668 --> 00:13:44,209
謝天謝地妳在這裡

236
00:13:44,293 --> 00:13:46,459
我們好像死了

237
00:13:46,959 --> 00:13:50,834
所以我其實很遺憾在這裡看到妳

238
00:13:50,918 --> 00:13:51,876
我們還沒死

239
00:13:51,959 --> 00:13:53,376
只是離開身體了

240
00:13:53,459 --> 00:13:55,418
聽起來很像死了

241
00:13:55,501 --> 00:13:57,501
不是，我只是被蔻妮附身了

242
00:13:58,501 --> 00:13:59,751
太糟糕了吧

243
00:13:59,834 --> 00:14:01,918
其實，我剛才是附在你身上

244
00:14:02,001 --> 00:14:03,209
為什麼？

245
00:14:03,293 --> 00:14:07,126
在蔻妮、小巴和小羅說話後
我得去找他彌補一下關係

246
00:14:07,209 --> 00:14:09,209
妳是說你們都附在我身上？

247
00:14:10,126 --> 00:14:11,126
是你…

248
00:14:14,334 --> 00:14:15,293
寶琳？

249
00:14:16,293 --> 00:14:17,126
寶琳

250
00:14:18,126 --> 00:14:19,168
寶琳

251
00:14:20,543 --> 00:14:23,209
等等，妳不是寶琳

252
00:14:24,084 --> 00:14:25,668
當時就像今晚

253
00:14:27,001 --> 00:14:29,543
有個模仿寶琳的藝人走進死胡同

254
00:14:34,084 --> 00:14:36,251
妳是珍妮佛史旺

255
00:14:39,709 --> 00:14:43,626
妳是說那個消失在死胡同的女生？

256
00:14:44,876 --> 00:14:46,334
我們說不定真的死了

257
00:14:46,418 --> 00:14:47,501
我們得救她出去

258
00:14:48,584 --> 00:14:52,126
我本來有機會可以跟爸媽道別

259
00:14:52,209 --> 00:14:56,043
但我反而逃避了

260
00:14:56,126 --> 00:14:57,043
珍妮佛

261
00:14:58,584 --> 00:15:02,126
妳之前都在哪？一整年都在這嗎？

262
00:15:02,209 --> 00:15:03,584
大家都在找妳

263
00:15:03,668 --> 00:15:04,709
妳需要幫忙嗎？

264
00:15:04,793 --> 00:15:06,084
寶貝，妳想拍照嗎？

265
00:15:06,584 --> 00:15:08,418
照相亭在這邊

266
00:15:08,501 --> 00:15:11,043
不是，我們會救妳出去，珍妮佛

267
00:15:12,668 --> 00:15:15,084
我沒從這個角度看過自己

268
00:15:15,793 --> 00:15:17,293
機會真難得

269
00:15:18,543 --> 00:15:19,709
所以妳是蔻妮

270
00:15:19,793 --> 00:15:20,626
對

271
00:15:21,168 --> 00:15:22,584
附在諾瑪身上

272
00:15:22,668 --> 00:15:23,501
對

273
00:15:24,459 --> 00:15:25,543
但諾瑪呢？

274
00:15:25,626 --> 00:15:27,543
她不會有事的

275
00:15:28,209 --> 00:15:31,084
那現在是誰在巴尼體內？

276
00:15:40,209 --> 00:15:43,751
妳有流程圖嗎？
有視覺輔助比較好懂

277
00:15:44,668 --> 00:15:47,209
-你擔心巴尼嗎？
-隨時都在擔心

278
00:15:47,293 --> 00:15:49,001
那你怎麼不去找他？

279
00:15:49,084 --> 00:15:50,584
還有，撿回來

280
00:15:50,668 --> 00:15:53,459
這句話由別人說，果然比較習慣

281
00:15:58,834 --> 00:16:00,959
你剛才有一陣子很沉默

282
00:16:01,043 --> 00:16:02,834
好像魂不守舍一樣

283
00:16:06,168 --> 00:16:08,501
諾瑪？

284
00:16:09,251 --> 00:16:11,001
寶貝，你想拍照嗎？

285
00:16:11,084 --> 00:16:14,793
蔻妮，妳得送我回去
我找到珍妮佛了

286
00:16:14,876 --> 00:16:16,209
那是什麼地方？

287
00:16:16,293 --> 00:16:18,459
-那裡是交界
-什麼？

288
00:16:19,668 --> 00:16:22,876
人被附身時，靈魂會暫時去那裡

289
00:16:22,959 --> 00:16:27,834
不算死，也不算活
有點像是在後台待機

290
00:16:27,918 --> 00:16:28,751
不會有損失

291
00:16:29,334 --> 00:16:33,168
不過待太久就回不來了

292
00:16:33,251 --> 00:16:34,418
什麼？

293
00:16:35,543 --> 00:16:37,251
只剩七分鐘了

294
00:16:39,584 --> 00:16:40,876
妳在這裡多久了？

295
00:16:41,543 --> 00:16:44,376
妳沒有朋友嗎？或是家人？

296
00:16:45,126 --> 00:16:46,209
他們不想妳嗎？

297
00:16:46,293 --> 00:16:48,209
寶貝，你想拍照嗎？

298
00:16:49,834 --> 00:16:54,459
困在這個無盡循環裡一定很孤單

299
00:16:55,043 --> 00:16:57,584
寶貝，你想要簽名嗎？

300
00:16:58,459 --> 00:16:59,918
抱歉，小羅

301
00:17:00,001 --> 00:17:01,876
你一定玩得很不開心

302
00:17:03,918 --> 00:17:05,251
拜託喔

303
00:17:05,334 --> 00:17:08,751
為什麼馬桶水會比正常的水好喝？

304
00:17:09,918 --> 00:17:13,334
開始興奮了嗎？這個設施真的很讚

305
00:17:13,418 --> 00:17:14,459
沒錯

306
00:17:14,543 --> 00:17:16,584
不過手真的不能伸出船外

307
00:17:16,668 --> 00:17:18,834
不然手就會永遠留在船上

308
00:17:24,251 --> 00:17:29,959
我突然發現，這是我們第一次獨處

309
00:17:30,459 --> 00:17:31,709
有點怪吧？

310
00:17:31,793 --> 00:17:33,043
對啊，非常奇怪

311
00:17:35,751 --> 00:17:37,334
還是我們去散步步？

312
00:17:37,418 --> 00:17:38,251
我是說步步

313
00:17:38,334 --> 00:17:39,334
是散步啦

314
00:17:39,418 --> 00:17:42,418
好，我們搭完後就去散步

315
00:17:46,751 --> 00:17:48,918
妳們兩個好心人要不要插隊？

316
00:17:49,001 --> 00:17:50,293
排到我們前面？

317
00:17:50,376 --> 00:17:52,918
我們就連做夢也不會這麼做

318
00:17:53,501 --> 00:17:55,918
人類為什麼這麼完美？

319
00:18:00,251 --> 00:18:01,418
這太不道德了

320
00:18:01,501 --> 00:18:04,376
我不要搶他的男男時間，接住

321
00:18:05,751 --> 00:18:08,126
這些人類情感對我來說太深奧

322
00:18:08,209 --> 00:18:09,376
我處理不來

323
00:18:09,959 --> 00:18:11,251
妳以為我就可以嗎？

324
00:18:14,251 --> 00:18:15,084
妳接手

325
00:18:16,084 --> 00:18:17,834
可以麻煩來個人附我身嗎？

326
00:18:17,918 --> 00:18:19,751
我得回去交界

327
00:18:19,834 --> 00:18:23,043
這麼做不太好吧，我不該…

328
00:18:27,084 --> 00:18:28,376
這個設施不可怕

329
00:18:28,459 --> 00:18:31,584
你要的話，我可以全程牽著你的手

330
00:18:31,668 --> 00:18:32,668
就快排到了

331
00:18:33,709 --> 00:18:34,876
噁，不用了，謝謝

332
00:18:35,876 --> 00:18:38,793
來嘛，我們親熱一下

333
00:18:45,251 --> 00:18:46,251
小羅

334
00:18:46,751 --> 00:18:47,793
巴尼？

335
00:18:51,168 --> 00:18:52,334
剛剛發生什麼事？

336
00:18:52,418 --> 00:18:53,626
你跌倒了

337
00:18:53,709 --> 00:18:55,918
可能是因為你的上半身太壯

338
00:18:58,168 --> 00:19:00,626
我知道你很緊張，但是有我們在

339
00:19:00,709 --> 00:19:02,751
我們當初要是因為緊張就壞事

340
00:19:02,834 --> 00:19:04,584
誰知道我們現在會是怎麼樣

341
00:19:06,418 --> 00:19:08,459
我們得馬上把巴尼找回來

342
00:19:08,543 --> 00:19:11,293
妳離開我身體，我就回來了
為何他沒回來？

343
00:19:11,376 --> 00:19:13,084
可能是因為他不想回來

344
00:19:13,168 --> 00:19:15,293
巴尼以前就會逃避問題

345
00:19:15,376 --> 00:19:17,876
諾瑪，妳得把他帶回來

346
00:19:24,418 --> 00:19:27,584
天啊，我好可愛喔

347
00:19:29,876 --> 00:19:32,751
巴尼，你得離開這裡

348
00:19:32,834 --> 00:19:35,251
我知道跟喜歡的人講話很有壓力

349
00:19:35,334 --> 00:19:38,168
相信我，我有時跟你說話還是會煎熬

350
00:19:39,084 --> 00:19:40,418
不是那樣的

351
00:19:40,918 --> 00:19:43,751
我是利用和小羅約會來分心

352
00:19:44,251 --> 00:19:45,376
再次逃避問題

353
00:19:45,459 --> 00:19:48,918
甚至還逃來了這裡

354
00:19:49,918 --> 00:19:53,168
我不能再這麼做，不能一直逃避下去

355
00:19:53,751 --> 00:19:56,251
逃避什麼？有惡魔在追你嗎？

356
00:19:57,543 --> 00:19:59,668
更糟，是我的家人

357
00:19:59,751 --> 00:20:01,376
晚點再處理你的問題

358
00:20:01,459 --> 00:20:03,126
蔻妮說要是待在這裡太久

359
00:20:03,209 --> 00:20:04,793
有可能會永遠回不去

360
00:20:05,376 --> 00:20:09,043
永遠？那她怎麼辦？

361
00:20:09,126 --> 00:20:10,668
不能把她丟在這裡

362
00:20:11,168 --> 00:20:14,501
珍妮佛，請妳跟我們走

363
00:20:14,584 --> 00:20:16,793
-寶貝，你們要不要…
-不要

364
00:20:16,876 --> 00:20:20,126
我們不要簽名，我們要妳跟我們走

365
00:20:20,209 --> 00:20:22,418
現實世界中，有人愛著我們

366
00:20:22,918 --> 00:20:24,543
我們無法永遠躲著他們

367
00:20:24,626 --> 00:20:26,709
妳得告訴我們發生了什麼事

368
00:20:26,793 --> 00:20:28,793
妳來遊樂園前是什麼樣的人？

369
00:20:28,876 --> 00:20:30,084
想想她的樣子

370
00:20:31,626 --> 00:20:32,501
拜託，珍妮佛

371
00:20:44,876 --> 00:20:48,793
我得還那本書耶，已經逾期一萬年了

372
00:20:48,876 --> 00:20:50,043
妳們聽好

373
00:20:50,126 --> 00:20:54,334
我們就別管閒事
希望巴尼可以約會愉快就好

374
00:20:54,418 --> 00:20:56,418
然後再來個人摸摸我的頭

375
00:20:56,501 --> 00:20:59,293
因為我今天一整天都表現得很好

376
00:21:04,584 --> 00:21:06,501
預估等候時間還有兩分鐘

377
00:21:06,584 --> 00:21:08,001
看來是標誌說錯了

378
00:21:08,501 --> 00:21:10,334
-下一組
-麻煩讓讓路

379
00:21:10,418 --> 00:21:14,209
我一定要再搭一次，我不喜歡等待

380
00:21:16,501 --> 00:21:19,543
至少她這次是實話實說

381
00:21:20,251 --> 00:21:25,918
如果我在排隊時不太正常
我在這裡跟你道歉

382
00:21:26,001 --> 00:21:30,793
我有時候會緊張過度，想要逃避一切

383
00:21:30,876 --> 00:21:32,918
或是刻意裝出別的樣子

384
00:21:33,001 --> 00:21:36,418
但我不能再這麼做了，對不起

385
00:21:36,959 --> 00:21:38,626
不用向我道歉

386
00:21:38,709 --> 00:21:41,293
我也很緊張，但我們會互相支持

387
00:21:41,376 --> 00:21:42,501
下一組

388
00:21:45,001 --> 00:21:47,293
你準備好要搭了嗎？

389
00:21:49,501 --> 00:21:50,918
嗯

390
00:21:51,001 --> 00:21:53,334
還是改天吧，不好意思

391
00:21:54,084 --> 00:21:57,043
我會跟老闆說你很仔細檢查時間

392
00:21:57,543 --> 00:22:00,709
我覺得你熱愛工作很棒，再見

393
00:22:03,459 --> 00:22:06,084
員工專用道不是應該要比較快嗎？

394
00:22:06,584 --> 00:22:09,626
-看來妳要跟我一起搭了
-我要全程解說

395
00:22:09,709 --> 00:22:11,168
你一定會學到很多東西

396
00:22:15,834 --> 00:22:16,918
有沒有搞錯啊

397
00:22:18,168 --> 00:22:19,084
等等，媽

398
00:22:23,709 --> 00:22:24,751
你們好嗎？

399
00:22:29,834 --> 00:22:31,834
（失蹤人士）

400
00:22:33,168 --> 00:22:34,959
我失去意識了多久？

401
00:23:37,001 --> 00:23:39,668
字幕翻譯：韓仁耀