[opening theme music playing]
[chuckles]
-Whoa! -[both scream]
Ah! [screams]
[Norma laughing]
-Ah! No! -Huh?
Ah!
Ouch!
[Norma laughs]
[sighs]
-Hey! -[all screaming]
What do you mean I have to do my own hair and makeup? What kind of--
Ow! Back off!
What kind of production is this?
Hello, I'm Pauline Phoenix, and welcome to my very own video will.
If you're watching this,
then that means that, sadly, I have passed on.
In which case, watch your back 'cause if you ever crossed me, ha!
You can bet your booties I'll be haunting you to the grave.
Particularly you, Tony, Veronica,
that spiteful little man at the dry cleaner--
Look, evidently, I've ascended to a higher plane,
peace be with me,
and I never truly found my next of kin, not for lack of trying.
But there is one person who has always been there for me.
And so, I leave everything, the money,
the park, my albino tiger, Destiny Ann,
and the movie rights to my life story
to my best friend, twin soul and stunt double, Barbara.
-[all gasp] -[exclaims]
I think she means me.
[Destiny Ann growls]
[roaring]
[ominous music plays]
[Barney screams]
[panting]
What? This thing is faster than it looks. [exclaims]
[panting]
[chuckles menacingly]
-[Norma grunts] -[Courtney chuckles]
[chuckles] Gotcha! [grunts]
[squelching]
Hey! Ew! What is this thing?
It's not a thing. It's a Gord.
Phylum demollusca from the blood swamps of Gagen. Plane 11.
[Barney] Norma.
Hiya!
All right, that's the third demon busted this week.
I banish thee!
Ya! [grunting]
Pugsley, buddy, you know your powers are gone, remember?
[sighs] I know. I thought this might bring them back somehow.
-Please. Leave it to the pros. [gasps] -[rope tightening]
What the… Uh.
Oh. Oh! Eugh!
Ew, ew, ew!
Ew. Ew, ew! Oh, it's like a slug made of sand paper,
and it's on my head! [whimpering]
Mm. Let me try something.
Welcome to Earth. This is how we say hello.
In this part of the world, at least.
-[mimicking vacuum cleaner] -[yells] Yuck!
[laughs]
[exclaiming]
-Sanitizer! I need sanitizer! -[howling]
-[sighs] -[Courtney] It's in my eyes!
[glass shatters]
-[sighs] -Ugh.
Sorry, friends. Ever since Temeluchus left,
I've just been a regular non-magical talking dog.
Tell me that's the last of them.
Can't keep roaches out of New York, rats out of London
or demons out of Phoenix Parks.
-[Pugsley grunts] -It's just a fact.
True. Since that last demon swarming the park thing,
Barborah has entrusted us with the sacred duty to guard the elevator.
The fate of the world, and our jobs, depend on it.
Uh, aren't you guys going bowling tonight?
And that too.
Don't worry, meat-bags, I got this.
I've watched this thing for an eternity. What's one more night?
Uh. Are you sure?
Wait, you still don't trust me?
-Eh… -[nervously] Sure.
Kinda.
Nothing's coming out of this baby on my watch, I promise you.
I'd pinky promise, if I had a pinky.
It's more of a… red-y.
Well, thank you, Courtney.
Go score those bowls. Win those pins! Strike those…
[sighs] I don't know what bowling is.
See? Taking care of business.
[elevator dinging]
[elevator thuds]
[siren wailing]
[cacophony]
[screams]
-[elevator dinging] -[screaming crescendoes]
Welcome, earthlings, to Astro Lanes. Happy chucking those balls.
Ugh, wonder where that murderous ghost ended up.
It doesn't matter.
I'm CEO now and I'm bringing an era of change to this dump.
Starting with mandatory staff bowling tournament Wednesdays!
[Pauline's voice] Ooh, I just love myself a strike.
Whoo!
[exclaims]
[Logs] Hey, Barney!
Hey. Uh, sorry, we just got here.
Um, these are darts. I'm here to bowl.
Oh, I thought you might want to play something else.
'Cause Lumberjack here's gonna wipe the floor with you.
-Lumberjack? -Just give him the shoes, Hercules.
Hey, everyone! Lumberjack is back for more!
-[man 1] Timber! -[man 2] Timber! [laughs]
Wait, are you like a bowling prodigy?
-I'm sure you're great too, Barney. -Oh, yeah, he's amazing.
-I've watched him practice all week. -Hey, down boy.
And I haven't seen him knock down any of those little white men.
[laughs] This is gonna be so embarrassing, I can't watch.
Or I can watch and film it.
All right, all right. See you later, Herc.
[insects buzzing]
Ew! Bowling shoes? I somehow did not anticipate this.
I did! And I know your feelings about communal sporting footwear,
so I brought you a present. Brand-new and all yours.
Happy birthday, whenever it is.
I know, I know, I'm the best.
[gags]
[sighs]
[yawning] Gotta stay awake.
You're a good guy now, Courtney.
Good guys finish…
Awake!
[sighs] Stay awake.
Huh?
Huh!? Who's there?
Come on, little fella. I ain't gonna hurt ya.
Much. [chuckles]
No, no. No. Not you! Don't take me!
Ah, leave me alone! [screaming]
[straining]
[continues straining]
[grunts and gasps]
[exclaims] Uh…
Help, help, help, help, help!
-[crashes] -[automated voice] Fail.
Okay, folks,
I wanna see passion. I wanna see determination.
-I wanna see… -[Pauline's voice] Error. Error.
…things not breaking.
Barney! What's going on?
Uh, don't worry. I can fix it.
-I think. -Error!
[Pauline's voice] Did I happen to mention: Error?
-[device beeps] -And fixed.
Uh.
[conveyer belt rattles]
It's okay. I'm okay.
[laughs dazedly] Don't worry.
-You! Short Round. -[gasps]
No bowling shoes, no bowling.
But they don't have any that fit my little hind paws.
-I said-- -Yeah, yeah, I heard what you said.
[grunts]
Huh?
[sighs]
[grunting]
[sighs]
-[thunder rumbling] -[whimpering]
[panting]
[Pauline's voice] Fail, fail, fail, miss, miss, oh shoot, fail, fail.
-Pugsley! -Oh, Courtney.
Do you want to play two player?
-You can be ex-husband number seven. -Uh, maybe later.
But first, what would you say if I told you
a giant hand arm thing was after me?
-I'd say I'd love to help you! -[gasps] Great, 'cause--
But I don't have any magic powers anymore.
So what can you do?
-I'm a very good listener. -Ugh! Useless.
-Oh. -[game beeps]
[Pauline's voice] This time, darling… [chuckles] you're a loser.
[thunder rumbling]
-Lane four. -[monster] Huh?
[bowling pins clatter]
-[Pauline's voice] Strike! -[game dings]
See, it's easy.
Three steps, thumb forward and let it roll.
Can you show me one more time?
Barney Guttman, are you trying to stall? Come on.
You got talent to spare.
We're learning so much about each other.
I'm terrible at bowling and you're terrible at puns.
That's just how I roll.
-Maybe these will help. -[button buzzes]
[machinery whirring]
Hmm.
-Barney! -[exclaims]
[screen beeping]
[Pauline's voice] Failure.
-What are you doing here? -Something came up.
Aren't you supposed to be watching the elevator?
Yeah, something came up.
Or down, or maybe sideways?
Ugh, come on, Courtney, you promised.
I'm finally getting to actually hang out with Logs without demons showing up--
Showing up? I get it. I'll save the day on my own, like usual.
-Ugh. -Wow, I'm actually impressed.
I didn't know someone could be this bad at bowling.
-[Logs giggles] -I'll say!
[Pugsley] Mm.
[sniffs]
[screaming]
[monster groans]
[growling]
Hmm?
[sighs]
[whimpering]
Phew.
[gasps]
[screaming]
I'm going to crush this park's all-time record at Whack-a-Mole.
Hmm.
[sniffs]
They're going to have to wash these toys.
-[Pauline's voice] Strike! -Yes! Did you see that?
Uh, so I was thinking, for our first podcast episode,
we could cover zombies.
Yeah, I know they're a bit overdone, but they'll bring in the numbers.
Norma, do you ever take a day off from demons?
Sorry.
Is it my turn?
Did you know there are two types of bowling balls?
Symmetric and asymmetric.
Oh, and lots of different throwing techniques, too.
There's the bounce pass, spinner, shovel style, hook, back up style.
-Huh? What? -This must be how I sound to you.
-[blows raspberry] -[chuckles]
[whispering] Ugh! Norma! Little help?
Ah, Courtney. Five minutes later than I expected you.
-How many Gords got out? -No Gords got out. But--
-[panting] I saw it! It's horrible! -What's that?
Are you saying I have to stop bowling immediately
and come help you?
Oh, I guess I just have to make that sacrifice.
-What's the situation? -[crashing]
-Demons, I take it? -You can have my turn!
[exclaims and grunts]
[both] Um…
What is that?
Beats me. I've never seen it in any of my demon books.
-[all scream] -It's not a demon.
It's a monster.
Let's just kill it and pretend we never saw it. Okay?
No, that's not the way. Look, let me try again.
This one might appreciate a handshake.
[all whimpering]
[crunches, pops]
[exclaims]
Uh, welcome to Earth, this is a handshake. It's a way of greeting.
Or maybe not.
Norma! No, no, no!
How about a high five?
[cries]
[gasps] What did I do?
-You slapped it in the face! -[Norma] What?
Contact established, hostile environment detected.
[gasps]
[monster growls]
[screams]
[grunting]
[screams]
Hands off!
I banish thee!
Oh, come on.
[barks]
[yelps]
[monster laughs]
[whimpering]
-[glass thuds] -Huh?
-[muffled shouting] -[Norma, muffled] Barborah! Help us!
[all yelling]
-[glass shatters] -[all grunt]
[all scream]
[Norma grunts]
[screaming]
I thought I made you three the demon cleanup crew.
-What do you call this? -Over time?
[gasps]
[yelling]
Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait. I'm sorry.
I didn't mean to slap you in the face. Hey. Want to try an elbow bump? No?
How about you? Elbow? [screams]
[whimpering]
[screams]
-[rock music playing over headphones] -[grunting and yelling]
Huh?
[grunting]
-[snarling] -[whimpering]
[screaming]
-[yawns] -[gasps]
[screaming]
-[Barney grunting] -[grunts]
[yelling]
-Barney! -Logs!
I mean, Lumberjack.
I wore a checked shirt here once.
[barking]
[Barney and Pugsley exclaim]
Let me go!
[Badyah whimpering]
-[screams] -What are we going to do?
[all exclaiming]
[all scream]
Gah! This is why I don't like bowling.
-Ah! This is why I don't like demons. -Logs, I'm sorry.
I wanted to go bowling with you but I'm no good and I…
I just wanted to impress you.
You're fine, can we talk about this later?
-No, really, do you find me-- -For crying out loud, you are impressive!
[muffled screaming]
-[thuds] -[yelps]
[whimpers]
[muffled screaming]
[gasps]
[thuds]
No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no.
You still don't trust me?
-Eh… -Sure.
Kinda.
This is all my fault.
-[Pugsley screams] -[gasps]
[whimpering]
Pugsley!
Nothing's coming out of this baby, on my watch. I promise you.
I can't let him take me!
[whimpers]
-[Barney screams] -[gasps]
-[whimpers] -[Courtney puffs]
-No! -Courtney, are you crazy?
Get out of here! [yells]
[gasps and screams]
-Courtney? -[all scream]
-He knows your name! -I'm sorry, okay?
[sighs] I've been so good. But fine.
Shackle me, punish me, do whatever, just don't hurt my friends, okay?
You two know each other?
Oh! [chuckles] There's been a terrible misunderstanding.
No. I've come down here to congratulate you all.
For what? Extensive property damage?
[crackling]
[shatters]
Uh, for stopping that invasion, of course.
Especially our dear Courtney. She's a superstar upstairs.
It's a tall order stopping not one, but two demon kings.
[chuckles] Had it not been for Courtney's bravery
they would surely have conquered not only Earth,
but risen up to attack us angels.
Wait. Angels?
Of course!
Apologies, I have not properly introduced myself.
[chuckles] I am Fingers. I am an angel.
Oh, my ghost. I slapped an angel in the face.
[chuckles] Let me get those cuffs off you.
Oh. See, they um, uh… fell off in the shower.
[ominous music playing]
[chuckles]
Well, more good news.
I'll be living with you from now on.
Oh, uh, that's not really, uh, necessary.
Oh, you won't really notice me.
I'll just be a nice buddy who checks up on you from time to time
to make sure you're not breaking any rules.
What, like a parole officer?
[chuckles] What funny terms.
No, let me put it another way.
I'll monitor you and help you adjust to your new-found freedom
without causing any more inter-dimensional violations.
Mm, that sounds exactly like a parole officer.
Anyway, don't mind me.
Let us continue your strange little knock 'em down game.
Have you seen the state of this pl--
Well done, demon cleanup crew.
Let's play.
Ugh.
Uh, fine, we can keep you.
[uplifting music playing]
-[Badyah] Whoo-hoo! -Yes! [giggles]
Hey, you know what? It's nice to just hang out sometimes.
[Pauline's voice] Error, error! Stop poking me!
[chuckling] I think I'm done with bowling for today.
-Wanna grab some food? -[Barney] Mm-hmm.
[straining]
[gasps]
[Pauline's voice] Strike, baby!
[gasps] Did I do that?
That was you? [gasps] Can you teach me?
[chuckles] You betcha!
[mysterious voice] Yes. That's the one.
[closing theme music playing]