[opening theme music playing]
[chuckles]
-Whoa! -[both scream]
Ah! [screams]
[Norma laughing]
-Ah! No! -Huh?
Ah!
Ouch!
[Norma laughs]
[sighs]
-Hey! -[all screaming]
[Barney] Ah, Logs.
Where to begin?
He has these cute little face whiskers.
He has a great sense of humor.
Huh? [laughs]
[snorts and laughs]
[Barney] He always knows what he wants.
-Vanilla, please. -Aw.
[Barney] And he always saves the day.
-Yeah! Whoo! Logs! Yeah. -Yeah Logs! Whoo!
He's just the best.
[cutlery clanks]
[stumbling] Uh, anyway, uh, he's just neat, I guess.
So, when are we gonna meet him?
Uh, meet…
[gulps] …him?
Well, he sounds like a fine young man. We'd love to get to know him.
[laughs] Uh, uh, soon?
Yeah, why don't you all meet for coffee?
Patrick!
Great! We'd love to meet them all. Norma. Courtney.
That, uh, disembodied hand you mentioned.
[chuckles] You, you, you don't want to meet them.
They… They're a little unusual.
Oh, Barney, they can't be any weirder than the fact Pugsley talks now.
[chewing loudly] Salient point.
And can I just say the leftover meatloaf?
Mwah! You've outdone yourself once again, Roxanne.
[hesitantly] Okay. I suppose coffee wouldn't hurt.
As long as it's casual.
Oh, honey, is my tux back from the cleaners?
Dad! Please don't embarrass me.
[ominous music playing]
[cheering and indistinct commentary on TV]
[announcer on TV] And that's it for Wrestle Mayhem 2002.
So, yeah, uh, would you be up for meeting my parents for casual coffee?
Hmm. I guess.
But didn't you run away from them, like, two months ago?
Fair point.
But they're fine now.
And my grandma is not invited, and they've been really great lately.
Okay. Sure.
I mean, it's kind of a big step, right?
I suppose, but it'll only be coffee. We do coffee all the time, right?
We'll just have company. So, back here at 7:00?
No problem. I… Oh.
Heh. Trip hazard.
Let me put this back.
-See me out? -[eerie whispering]
[slurping]
[burps]
Beat that.
Okay. See you later for a "casual" coffee.
I'll make sure my tuxedo is pressed.
-[chuckles] -Oh, no.
-[slurping] -I'm kidding. We got this.
See you tonight.
[burps] Ha. Beat that!
That's it. House meeting now!
So, that's why I need you guys to be on your best behavior.
When are we not on our best behavior?
-[burps] -[exclaims]
-[chuckles] Awesome. -I did it!
Look, I just want them to get the best impression of you guys.
So just simple conversations. Some music, some coffee.
Yes?
-We don't have any coffee. -No! No, no! It's all going wrong.
Barney, as the leader of this team,
I command you to go get ready and we'll take care of everything else.
Since when were you leader of the team?
-Since now. Beat it. -[yelps]
Just remember, the fate of my relationship,
nay, the fate of romance itself is at stake.
Out.
Listen up.
This is Operation Meet the Parents.
From my extensive research into romcoms, I know that the parental meeting
is an important step in the relationship timeline.
Coffee won't cut it.
We need to make this a night to remember.
Well, if I know anything about humans--
You don't, but go on.
The way to a person's heart is through their stomach,
and as disemboweling is not an option,
how about I fix us up one of my famous dinners?
[gasps] Ooh, there's some garbage I've had my eye on for weeks.
And perhaps my, uh, puppy pupil could perform a magical demonstration?
[chuckles] Show them what I taught you.
[Pugsley grunts]
[in sing-voice voice] Ta-da!
[chuckles] Bravo!
All great suggestions, but we're gonna need some icebreakers.
-Here are some great tools… -[yawns]
…to break the ice. First off, you have to greet people.
-You can wave, you can shake their hand… -[eerie whispers]
…you can do a fist bump,
or nowadays people are doing elbow bumps, I don't know--
[exclaims]
-[Barney] What was that? -[both] Nothing!
Look what I found!
This was my guide to humanity when I first got here.
It's full of recipes, etiquette and fun-tivities.
Oh, really? Where's the chapter on sacrificing dogs to demon kings?
Are you still mad about that?
Ooh, can I take a look?
"Dinner Party Etiquette for the Authentically Human Person."
[evil laughter]
Hmm. Sounds…
totally non-suspicious. This will be perfect!
Let's roll out.
[utensils clattering]
[soup bubbles]
This looks delicious. They're gonna love it.
It smells like rain-soaked cardboard
left in an alleyway… [sniffs] for a year.
Well, that'll be the rain-soaked cardboard then.
[door opens]
I can't believe you've done this.
See? I told you he'd be grateful.
What happened to casual?
Well, there's nothing more casual than soup between friends.
[gulps] Here, try this.
Ugh!
[Barney, internally] Why do they always have to embarrass me?
[grunts] Huh? Barney?
Yeah?
Oh, I thought I heard you say something.
-Nevermind. -[doorbell rings]
Oh no, they're here!
Is this tie okay? It's meant to be casual but--
Relax, honey. You look great.
Mom, Dad, uh, I'm so glad you're here.
Please come in. Uh, make yourselves at home.
Logs will be here shortly.
Patrick's at Vince's tonight, so you have us for as long as you like.
What a lovely place.
So, where are we having coffee? Can we avoid that Wild West Tavern?
Oh, don't worry, we're very banned from there.
I thought we could actually eat here.
Eat? But we just got drive-through.
-Oh, uh, it's just my friends decided to-- -[Norma clears throat]
Norma Khan, at your service.
And you must be the Guttmans.
Fingers! Their coats.
-[exclaims] Oh my! -May I?
-[exclaims] -Oh! What was that?
Ah, just a helping hand.
May I introduce our company for this evening's activities.
You, of course, all know Pugsley.
Mm, charmed.
And our chef who quite literally trained in Hell's Kitchen.
'Sup.
Nice to meet you all.
And she is a demon? Is that an okay thing to say?
I prefer Courtney, but whatever, meat sack.
Ha, ha, ha! What wonderful banter.
[laughs nervously] Okay.
Let's save the spirited debates for the cheese course, shall we?
Yeah, speaking of which, I gotta get back to the kitchen thing.
Norma? What's up with your voice?
Oh, Barney. I'm just being droll.
-Do you even know what droll means? -[door opens]
Sorry I'm late. The petting zoo escaped into the hedge maze--
-Presenting Mr. Logan Nguyen… -[exclaims]
…Chief Health and Safety Officer for the Phoenix Parks Group.
Your coat, sir?
I haven't got a coat--
-[all gasp] -[exclaims]
[stutters] I wasn't wearing a coat, that's my shirt!
Oh yes, I do apologize.
-[chuckles nervously] -That'll be all, Fingers.
[grunting]
-[laughs nervously] -Nice to meet you, Logan.
[grunting] It's nice to meet you too, sir.
You can call me Logs.
Huh. Nice to meet you, Logs.
[chuckles]
Formally greeting your guests? Check.
Now onto icebreakers.
Norma, it's okay. We're breaking the ice already.
Firstly, ask your guest:
If you could go anywhere in the world right now, where would it be?
[all] Hmm.
Mom? Dad? Logs?
[slurping]
[sighs in satisfaction]
Hmm?
Hmm…
[screams]
Whoa! This isn't so bad. [chuckles]
[exclaims happily]
Whoa! [screams]
[crowd] Logs! Logs! Stand here please! Logs!
-[all gasp] -[man] There we go!
[whimpers]
Logs? Mom? Dad? Where did you go?
[screams and grunts]
[screaming]
Mom?
[repeating] Stop taking pictures of my butt!
[chuckles embarrassedly]
Well, that didn't work. Okay. Oh, here's another one.
Who would be your dream dinner party guest, living or dead?
-[all] Um… -Hmm…
Oh, hey, girlfriend. What's the tea?
Shakespeare?
That's my name. Don't wear-eth it out. [pops lips]
Hey, Rox, look, it's Shakesp… Wait, what?
Rodrigo! From Steamy Shores?
Of course. Tell me, mi alma.
Is this massage, as you say, hitting the spot?
Hey, sonny, get your hands off my wife!
Ooh! Trouble in paradiso. I liveth for drama! OMG.
-Hey, Barney. -Logs?
Of course you'd be my dream guest. [chuckles]
Logs! You're my dream guest. Who's yours?
[gasps] Internet sensation Angsty Alfie, the blue-crested parrot!
[sighs] Nobody understands me.,
[exclaims in awe] He's so relatable.
Huh. He reminds me of someone.
No, he doesn't.
[screaming] Get it off, get it off!
Hey, don't hurt my skull-antula.
It's one of the rarest demons of all, and my dream dinner party guest.
[fawning] Aren't you, little guy? You're so rare, aren't you?
-[evil laughter] -Ah!
Where are the drinks around here?
I'm more parched than a sack of parchment.
[clicks tongue] Get it?
I'm a comedy writer, too, BT dubs.
Honey, should, uh, we be going?
Ah, just five more minutes.
[evil laughter]
Oh! The book!
-[exclaims] -[laughter continues]
You know what, that saloon isn't such a bad idea after all.
I will follow you to the ends of the earth.
[disembodied voice] No, no, no. First rule of the perfect dinner party.
Never leave early. Stay till the very end.
-Huh? -[Roxie gasps]
[disembodied voice] You! Make yourself at home.
-[Saul] Well, if you insist. -[gasps] Honey, are you okay?
-[evil laughter] -That's enough!
No. More. Games!
-Dang, Pugsley. -[all exclaiming]
[dramatically] Thou detestable moor!
Thou womb of death. [wails]
Oh, dang it, too early. [yelps]
-[bones cracking] -[grunts]
[sighs softly]
Ay, mi amor, I think the time has come for me to go. Adiós.
[chuckles] He's shorter in real life, don't you think?
-[door opens] -[pan clanking]
Dinner's ready.
Well, at least the weird part's over, right?
Uh… [chuckles nervously]
You're saying that before we eat Courtney's food?
Wow, this is actually beautiful.
Always bet on red.
[grunting]
Ah. [chuckles]
Ahem! Ladies, gentlemen, dogs.
[all] Ooh!
[Courtney] M'lady.
M'gentleman.
Fellas.
Easy on the finesse, Courtney.
[sighs] Okay, fine.
[Pugsley yelps]
Hey!
Bon appétit, everyone.
[evil laughter]
Huh?
[evil spoon grunts]
Sorry, Mom. That spoon is evil. Uh, how about you try another?
Huh?
[chuckles] Enjoy your awkward dinner! [giggles wickedly]
[sighs]
[eerie whispering]
[exclaims]
Is everything okay, Pugsley?
This is even better than drain water.
Mmm. This soup is delicious.
Oh, yes. I totally agree, Mrs. Guttman, great soup!
Uh, thanks, I guess?
[chuckles nervously]
So, Logan, uh… Oh, Logs, sorry, do you like sports?
Um, well, I have the staff highest score at bowling.
It's, uh, it's right up my alley. [chuckling nervously]
Because…
Alley.
But, but, but no, I mean, I'm not like Mr. Wrestling Superstar over here,
but he's getting me into it.
Oh, yeah. I've been showing him all of the best Wrestle Mayhems.
[gasps] How exciting.
And what is it you want to do with your life?
Saul.
Well, um, I'm currently a Safety Officer at the Park.
Logs is going to be an actor.
Oh. Isn't that nice?
Oh, you know, it's just a silly old dream,
it's not like I have experience or anything.
[Barney, internally] Why is he acting so weird?
He wasn't like that yesterday.
-Sorry? -I didn't say anything.
[Roxie] What future has Barney got with a theme park safety officer?
And acting? Oh, dear. He's really not going places, is he?
-Mom? -Yes, sweetheart?
[Barney clears throat]
[Barney, internally] Oh, great. There will never be someone good enough.
-What did you say? -I didn't say anything.
[slurping noisily]
[Norma, internally] Ugh. Dogs at the dinner table? So unhygienic.
[disembodied voice] Yes. [laughs] More, go on, keep going.
[Pugsley, internally] I can't believe it. They washed my doggy bed.
I put a whole year's work into that stink.
[Norma, internally] Ugh. He makes so much noise when he slurps. It's so loud.
[grunts] I do not look like a croissant!
[Pugsley] I wasn't talking about your head.
-No one is ever good enough for you. -Be more like Rodrigo!
[Barney] …without you third wheeling!
-You eat like an animal! -I am an animal!
-[evil laughter] -[gasps] That voice.
-[disembodied voice] Evil! Evil laugh! -Courtney!
The recipe. It's not from the book, is it?
Oh, yeah, sure, blame the demon. She's shaped like a pastry. Why not!?
Hello again, you beautiful unique souls.
Ugh. Harmony.
-What's in this soup? [screams] -[Harmony laughs]
Only me!
You see, this recipe was my backup plan
in case I needed some R and R.
Rest and Resurrection.
[laughs]
-How? -[Norma scoffs] Same as last time.
You made us vulnerable with stupid games and exposed our fears with hallucinations.
[laughs] You see, there is never more insecurity and doubt
than at a family dinner.
And this time, I'm not letting you out of my sight, missy.
Your, [mockingly] "Oh, the real world scares me" schtick last time
was so very special episode,
but you can't stop me now!
[exclaims]
Huh? [screams]
I see your deepest, most personal insecurities,
and they look delicious.
[yells]
[all exclaiming]
[Harmony laughing]
Mom! Dad! Let them go!
[yells]
Why does so much of my life involve being gripped by tentacles!?
-Help! -Logs! No!
[Harmony laughs]
[sighs]
-[laughter continues] -[Barney exclaims]
Okay, gang, you know the drill. I love y'all, but I gotta go. Bye.
[Harmony] Uh-uh-uh.
It's bad manners leaving the table before everyone is finished eating,
and I am just getting started.
[laughs]
[laughing] Delicious! So boring.
Mmm.
[grunting]
[Harmony] So boring.
I'm so sorry.
If I didn't bring everyone together, none of this would've happened!
Well, I for one, am grateful for this little soirée.
You see, my book had laid dormant for some time.
But I heard you.
So scared of this dinner party.
Scared to be a disappointment. Scared to follow your dreams.
Oh, honey, you're riddled with fear.
I know. I'm sorry.
Oh, no, not you.
-Him. -Logs?
Go on. Tell him how you truly feel.
[sighs] It's true.
I may look confident because it's my job,
but I've been scared this whole time.
I mean, boyfriend's parents, dinner parties,
I've never done any of this stuff before, I just…
I just wanted to make a good first impression.
Logs. I had no idea you felt like this. Why didn't you tell me?
Huh?
I thought you wouldn't like me anymore.
What? That's crazy.
The fact that you're going through all this
and still such a great guy, it only makes me love you even more.
Really?
What? No! What's happening?
I'll tell you what's happening. [grunts]
Once again, you thought you could break us apart by exposing our feelings.
But all you did was bring us closer together.
Ugh!
[burps] Ugh. This is so sweet it's making me sick.
Logs, there was no need to feel worried about meeting us.
We think you're a wonderful young man. You feel like part of the family.
You can call me "Dad."
Dad, too soon.
[exclaims] Oh.
I don't mind looking like a croissant. They're warm and delicious.
-[all laugh] -Nope. No.
Ugh. [grunts]
Oh, this dinner is ruined.
What have you done? [burps]
You were supposed to be an anxious wreck.
I was keeping all that fear bottled up inside,
but with your help I was able to let it go.
So I just wanted to say…
-[grunts] -…from the bottom of my heart…
[Harmony] Don't say it!
[straining]
[exclaims]
…thank you!
The positivity, it's too much.
[yelling]
[Courtney grunts]
Anyone for dessert?
[all] No!
Is every day like this here?
Unfortunately.
And you're okay with that?
Unfortunately.
Well, then I think you're perfect for each other.
But maybe next time, we'll host.
-[sighs] -My first demon slaying.
Pretty cool, right? How did I do?
You did amazing.
I just wish I could have pulled off some more of my wrestling techniques
and actually helped,
and while fighting demons is a lot of fun…
[sighs] I don't want you getting hurt.
I'm first aid qualified. I'll be all right.
[sighs] It's not that.
I just keep thinking, how long can we really do this for?
Well, this is just your summer job, right?
Yeah. And summer has to end.
[laughing wickedly]
[screams]
Begone, foul demon.
-[Fingers] You missed him. -Hmm?
-I summoned you hours ago. -[scoffs]
Mm. I need to work on my timing.
I assume the humans solved the problem once again?
Barely. I-I thought the blue one might have showed some promise
at his little wrestling party, but he's a lost cause.
I need to accelerate the dog's tutelage.
[inhales] He still has a lot to learn.
[closing theme music playing]