[opening theme music playing]
[chuckles]
-Whoa! -[both scream]
Ah! [screams]
[Norma laughing]
-Ah! No! -Huh?
Ah!
Ouch!
[Norma laughs]
[sighs]
-Hey! -[all screaming]
[cell phone ringing]
[Norma groans]
[ringing stops]
[ringing resumes]
[Norma sighs]
[ringing stops]
[ringing resumes]
[Norma groans]
[Pauline alarm clock beeping] Time for another day being perfect.
Time for another day of being perfect.
-Time for another day of being perfect. -[groans]
Time--
I said, "Good morning."
[groans] Okay, fine. I'm awake!
I told Mom to get rid of this.
We do not stan stars who abducted their impersonators in this house.
Right. [groans]
Now that I'm free from the daily grind of labor,
I can get back to all my personal projects.
Hmm. Let's see.
Number one. "Alphabetize my Pauline vinyl collection."
No.
"Finish my retrospective video essay on Pauline's wigs."
No.
"Publish my self-insert Pauline's BFF fan fic..."
Aw, geez!
[grunts]
Hmm.
[squeaking]
[grunting]
[screams]
Right.
[door opens]
[suspenseful music playing]
[Swati] Blossom! Breakfast!
[groans] Coming.
[door slides]
[footsteps receding]
[door opens and closes]
[ominous music playing]
[pop music playing on stereo]
Good Morning, Blossom.
[groans]
[Pauline] You're listening to Positively Pauline on Phoenix Radio.
Next up, my platinum hit, "Gotta Flush That Crush."
Absolutely not.
What's wrong? You got a crush you need to flush?
[Norma groans]
Well, I've got a whole schedule planned for your first day back.
There's a Pauline marathon on the Old and Boring Movies Network.
I'm charging the mics for okey-dokey Pauline-okey,
and I found our old Pauline pancake mold.
Oof, you were such a picky eater,
but then we got this, and all you wanted were pancakes 24/7.
I'm not picky anymore.
-[plate clatters] -[Norma slurps]
And this is…
Frozen dinosaurs, ice cream, and… hot sauce.
Well, there you go. Frozen dinosaurs and Pauline pancakes.
We have our very own troglodyte breakfast special.
[cries and groans] I'm not a baby anymore.
And I don't eat Pauline pancakes.
[sniffles] Ugh! I don't eat Pauline anything. Okay?
Okay, then what should we do together?
[Norma] Ugh.
We can throw out all this Pauline junk, starting with this.
It's older than I am. [grunts]
But your father found that at a yard sale.
He had to fight two other dads for it. The cops were called--
Well, he's not around to miss it, is he? [gasps]
Norma!
[groans] It's humiliating.
Well, it's not like anyone will see it, anyway.
You never have friends over.
[hesitates] Not that you don't have friends.
I just mean…
Norma. I...
[sighs in frustration]
[gasps]
[groans]
[Pauline doll] One day, I hope you too can find the love of your life.
Oh, shut up, Pauline.
-Remember to always follow your heart-- -[Norma straining]
You get in the way of everything. [grunts]
[bed springs squeak]
I used to have someone I could talk to.
And I ruined that too.
[sighs] I ruined everything.
[doorbell rings]
[Swati] Ooh, you must be Norma's friend I've been hearing about.
[gasps] Badyah?
Badyah! [gasps] Wait.
Logs?
This nice young man came to see you. But then wanted to check our lighting.
Falling chandeliers are America's silent killers, Mrs. Kahn.
I thought they'd be pretty loud.
[scoffs] Ignore him. He is just a friend from work
who's obsessed with health and safety.
Well, thank you, anyway. Would you like a drink?
I was just about to pour myself some iced tea.
What are you doing here?
-[sniffles] -Wait, have you been crying?
Nope.
Did a demon escape?
Did Courtney burn down the house? Did Court's eggs finally hatch?
-[gasps] Did Barney die? -No! Not that.
Um. But, uh, um...
Unrelated, but can I borrow your séance kit?
Norma Khan, at your service! What are you dealing with?
Specter? Poltergeist? Apparition? Phantom? Orbs? [gasps]
Tell me it's orbs.
It's just a ghost. Okay? I, I don't know what kind.
Understood. Come into my office and we'll get you kitted out.
Here we go. It's freshly bought.
Mom! We're fine.
A friend from work.
Oh! [gasps]
Keep that door open!
[door slams shut]
[eerie whispering]
[indistinct whispering]
[Pauline] Who are you thinking of? The girl?
No, the mom. She'll be a better host.
Have you seen her legs?
Uh… Hi?
Get her!
[gasps]
[screams, grunts]
Oh! [gasps]
[Pauline laughing menacingly]
[Pauline] Oh, hello.
[screams]
[Pauline] Hello.
-[Pauline doll] Pin her down. -[grunts, screams]
[strains]
Good work, girls. Yes.
She's going to make a fine host, indeed.
-Just keep it to yourself, darling. -[Swati straining]
[groans] Where did I put that kit?
-[Pauline doll] You lovesick, hun? -[groans] You again?
Here's my top tips on how you can change yourself so boys will like you.
Number one, learn karate.
Is that the Wedding Bells Matchmaker Pauline?
My sister had that.
I personally think a doll dishing out dating advice to kids
-is a tad creepy, but-- -[cell phone ringing]
[Pauline doll] You lovesick, hun?
-[distorted] You lovesick, hun? -I am not lovesick!
[panting]
[cell phone ringing]
Norma. Are you okay?
I'm fine. I'm not hurt.
What's going on? You can talk to me.
Nothing. Nothing's going on.
That's the problem.
-This doesn't look like nothing. -[cell phone ringing]
Well, I feel like someone ripped my heart out and stomped on it. So…
Yeah, I totally know that feeling.
[scoffs] Doubt it. Can't ever imagine you getting rejected.
What? No. Lots of times.
Everyone's been rejected.
[inhales deeply, sighs]
It's okay. Take your time.
Well… [sighs]
So I have a secret crush. I won't say who, so don't ask.
Turns out, it wasn't mutual at all.
Now I have to try and act all normal about it.
Like it never happened. We have to work together.
How will I sound
when this person is sitting next to me during a podcast recording?
Well, whoever this person is, I'm sure they love you,
even if it isn't in the way you wanted.
Bady... Uh, I mean, sorry,
whoever this secret crush is, probably misses you.
It's just… When I thought there were some sparks with this person,
I started to get excited about... I wanted to finally say that I'm...
You know, it feels weird sharing this with a total stranger.
I wouldn't say I'm a stranger.
Somehow it's easier to talk with you than with Barney.
He wants to make things better.
He doesn't just let things be bad, and sometimes they are.
[groans]
Keeping this inside is killing me.
This whole thing is a cork plugging up the rest of my life.
I can't move on with anything until I get this feeling out.
[exhales] Like time has stopped until I can say it.
Say that you like this person?
That I like girls. That… I'm bi.
Whoa. I don't think I've ever said that out loud before.
I'm bi, Logs.
[chanting] Bi, bi, bi, bi, bi!
Go, Norma! Congrats. This is the best news.
[nervous laugh] Hi.
Ah, that felt good.
I can tell you, but I don't know how to tell my mom.
She doesn't know how to talk to me unless it's via my interests,
and she still thinks I like Pauline.
You know, you don't have to tell her yet.
Coming out is a process, not a one-time event, and you're young,
and I don't know, it's complicated with Asian families.
I mean, I'm not out to my mom.
You? Super confident you?
[sighs] I told my sister, and she's counting down the days till Pride.
And obviously, you guys know I'm gay.
But with my mom, I like our relationship how it is,
and I just don't want anything to change.
Not yet, anyway.
[groans] I have the opposite problem.
Like if I don't tell my mom,
she'll never see me as a grown-up, and I feel like I'm going to explode.
Oh, I know about the gay-splosion.
[laughing] Bi-splosions are pretty rough too.
Oh.
Uh... Ah.
-Here it is. -What is this?
Well, you came for my séance kit. Thank you for talking.
No. I needed a normal conversation today.
-[muffled struggling] -[thudding]
Did that come from the attic?
[gasps]
[dolls chanting indistinctly]
[Pauline doll] Yes! [laughing]
Mom!
We got you, Mrs. K.
String lights are America's twinkliest killers.
[muffled straining]
[groans] Blossom, were these dolls always this advanced?
Someone must be possessing them.
And I know who.
[Pauline chuckles]
Long time, no see, darling.
Pauline.
In the flesh.
Well, plastic.
What are you even doing in my house?
And why are you… tiny?
Thank you. Don't I look petite? I finally reached my goal weight.
I needed a body, and, well, this is the best I could find.
Until now.
-Get her! -[dolls hissing]
Get downstairs, Mom. This is a work thing.
The lady stays.
As fun as being all dolled up has been,
if I'm going to get my park back,
I'm gonna need something with a little more muscle.
A superstar. What do you say?
But I look nothing like you.
[laughs] Oh, I know a few plastic surgeons who will disagree.
Ew!
Come on!
-[car horn honking] -Get in, losers!
We're goin' possessin'.
[dramatic music playing]
Norma. Is this one of those escape room thingies?
Will you believe me if I say yes?
You can run, but you can't hide.
In this house, I've got eyes everywhere.
[cell phone ringing]
[gasps] Sorry!
Barney.
-I gotta go. -Now?
[Logs] I'll explain later. I promise.
-You got this. -Ah, how have I got this?
I've never dealt with an army of evil dolls before.
Oh, I meant the other thing.
-[Norma gasps] -[gasps] Okay, bye!
[panting]
[grunts]
[panting, grunting]
Thanks for the séance kit. [exclaims]
[door closes]
[whimpering]
[Pauline] Come on, lady.
Be a doll and let me borrow your skin.
No! Leave us alone, you plastic weirdo.
Mom. I'll take care of this.
I'll distract them and you get out of here.
Time to stop hiding.
You chose me when I auditioned.
You said I was perfect.
Oh, you were tricking me. You were using a spell.
I can use that spell again.
Hmm. Interesting.
Okay. Deal. Do the "me" spell again.
Sure, but you're gonna have to catch me first.
[groans]
-[yells] -Get her! The fangirl is mine.
Phew.
[whimpers]
-[objects clattering] -[panting]
[grunts]
[dolls yelling, muffled]
[panting]
[both scream]
Mom, what are you doing here?
I told you to run away.
Did you think I was going to abandon my daughter
in a house full of evil possessed dolls?
[heavy thud]
[Pauline] Let me in! Let me in!
-Skinbag! -[both grunting]
Norma. Why is this happening?
What's going on with you?
Well... Uh, the truth is…
You're a Demon Hunter?
Uh, well, yeah. But more importantly, I'm--
So, so your podcast, it's real?
You know about the podcast?
Of course I do.
Your sister sent me the link. I've heard every episode.
Mom! You could have mentioned that.
Well, you don't let me in.
Phoenix Parks was your dream job, but then you quit.
And then you take down all your Pauline things.
-Mom. -[pants and grunts]
And I feel like I'm losing you.
I want to help, but I don't know what's wrong.
Mom, I--
It's demons you're into now, yes?
Well, I'll relisten to every episode, read up on every book.
Mom. I'm bisexual.
I'll join Mothers of Demon Hunters support group, and...
What?
I'm bi. I'm not ready to talk deets just yet.
And please, please don't ask me any dating questions. Okay, but…
That's what's been wrong.
Sweetie! There's nothing wrong with that.
You brave, brave girl.
I'm so proud of you.
I love you so much. [straining]
I had a feeling you'd be cool with it.
-[heavy thud] -[gasps]
[groaning] Open up!
I just wanna get inside you and move around like a puppet.
That's all. I mean, am I asking too much?
Go haunt a wig factory!
Ah, she's never gonna stop until she gets what she wants.
[gasps] Wait! On episode 14, you covered ghosts.
You said ghosts are the result of unexpected deaths.
And they only cross over when they fulfill their unfinished business.
So why don't we give her what she wants?
Mom, I am not letting her possess you.
But that's not what she wants. She wants this.
That's from the Phoenix Parks we used to build together.
Come on! Let me in! Don't you want to own a theme park?
[gasps]
[Pauline] Enough of that! Move aside, girls!
[gasps]
[Pauline's voice] Thank you for visiting Phoenix Parks.
We've got five zones for you all to enjoy.
Take care, now.
What's this?
It's yours.
You wanted your park back? Well, here you go.
You think a bunch of cereal boxes
-and cheap lighting can compare to my... -[dolls cheering]
[doll 1] Me first!
Huh?
[all cheering]
[indistinct chatter]
It's all here. And it's all yours.
And nobody will be taking this away from you.
Unless of course…
No, don't! I... I...
I guess this will do.
[breathes deeply]
[mumbles]
Sorry. What was that?
[groans] Thank you. All right?
This is the first nice thing anybody's done for me.
Well, since I was alive.
Now, get out of my park. You're banned for life, little missy.
[both sigh]
We did it. [sighs]
With any luck, she'll fulfill her unfinished business and pass over.
Alternatively, we now have a lodger.
So, it's Badyah, isn't it? From the podcast?
I knew it. You two had such great chemistry.
I could tell right away.
No.
No, she doesn't feel the same way.
I quit because I'm an idiot.
Norma. You're 17, going through coming out,
your first heartbreak, and your idol trying to kill you.
[chuckling] I think you're handling it pretty well.
Really?
Getting your heart broken is part of growing up.
You're no longer my little blossom anymore.
-You're a full-blown tree. -[laughs]
Badyah must feel so guilty and confused.
We were best friends, and now I don't even talk to her.
I need to make things right. Thanks, Mom.
[dolls cheering]
[sighs]
[laughs]
"Badyah, I'm sorry you're straight."
No! [groans]
"Badyah, you're great whether you like me or not."
No. [groans]
"Badyah, can we be friends again?"
[wind blowing]
So… Uh, did I miss anything?
[suspenseful music playing]
[snarls]
[closing theme music playing]