1 00:00:16,738 --> 00:00:20,200 ARIYA: Say, "Smile!" No, no smile. 2 00:00:20,200 --> 00:00:24,412 ‐ So I pressed on the video. ‐ He swiped; hold on. 3 00:00:24,412 --> 00:00:26,915 ‐ I'm, uh, ooh, not using my microphone. 4 00:00:26,915 --> 00:00:27,916 Go on. ‐ Yes. 5 00:00:27,916 --> 00:00:30,919 [soft dramatic music] 6 00:00:30,919 --> 00:00:34,631 ♪ ♪ 7 00:00:34,631 --> 00:00:36,675 ‐ I'll be heading into my shift. 8 00:00:36,675 --> 00:00:37,968 ‐ We're gonna do glasses for a second 9 00:00:37,968 --> 00:00:39,302 so I can make sure I'm not blocking the camera. 10 00:00:39,302 --> 00:00:40,845 ‐ This is what we need so we can stay awake 11 00:00:40,845 --> 00:00:42,305 when to go to work, right? 12 00:00:42,305 --> 00:00:43,765 Otherwise we're tired. 13 00:00:43,765 --> 00:00:46,476 ‐ Gonna shut everything off and go to bed. 14 00:00:46,476 --> 00:00:52,274 ♪ ♪ 15 00:00:52,274 --> 00:00:55,360 ‐ A lot of people got sick. A lot of people are doing worse. 16 00:00:55,360 --> 00:00:58,405 ‐ Trying to calm the knot in my stomach right now. 17 00:00:58,405 --> 00:01:01,241 ‐ All of this is so scary because it's not even bad yet. 18 00:01:01,241 --> 00:01:02,534 Like, it hasn't... 19 00:01:02,534 --> 00:01:04,369 ‐ Thank you so much. KELLEY: ...started yet. 20 00:01:04,369 --> 00:01:06,162 JESSICA: Oh, no, no, go‐‐go‐‐go back there. 21 00:01:06,162 --> 00:01:07,956 Can't touch Mommy right now. 22 00:01:07,956 --> 00:01:09,833 It's a really difficult situation. 23 00:01:09,833 --> 00:01:13,628 I really think that people need to see what we're going through. 24 00:01:13,628 --> 00:01:19,634 ♪ ♪ 25 00:01:19,634 --> 00:01:22,512 SALEENA: Once you see what we're seeing and what we're experiencing, 26 00:01:22,512 --> 00:01:26,182 it's hard to not feel anxious or upset, 27 00:01:26,182 --> 00:01:28,810 because the cost of human life is too great. 28 00:01:28,810 --> 00:01:30,687 SAMEER: We'll see how this goes. 29 00:01:30,687 --> 00:01:37,694 ♪ ♪ 30 00:01:39,946 --> 00:01:43,533 Headed into work. I'm about to drop Ariya off at her daycare. 31 00:01:43,533 --> 00:01:45,660 It's basically just children of physicians right now. 32 00:01:49,122 --> 00:01:50,790 Ariya, say hi. ‐ Hi. 33 00:01:50,790 --> 00:01:52,167 ‐ Um, so we're gonna drop her off. 34 00:01:52,167 --> 00:01:53,668 We're gonna get started for the day. 35 00:01:53,668 --> 00:01:55,962 REPORTER: A mysterious new coronavirus 36 00:01:55,962 --> 00:01:58,256 was identified from Wuhan, China. 37 00:01:58,256 --> 00:02:00,967 REPORTER: The virus now in 16 other countries. 38 00:02:00,967 --> 00:02:02,886 TRUMP: We think we have it very well under control. 39 00:02:02,886 --> 00:02:05,347 REPORTER: 50,000 people in Northern Italy essentially trapped. 40 00:02:05,347 --> 00:02:06,973 DR. REDFIELD: The risk at this time is low. 41 00:02:06,973 --> 00:02:09,309 The American public needs to go on with their normal lives. 42 00:02:09,309 --> 00:02:11,311 REPORTER: Officials here in New York have been testing 43 00:02:11,311 --> 00:02:15,607 for suspected cases of coronavirus and they'd all come back negative 44 00:02:15,607 --> 00:02:17,317 until tonight. 45 00:02:17,317 --> 00:02:20,987 ‐ Mic check, mic check. March 2, 2020. 46 00:02:20,987 --> 00:02:25,784 ‐ There is no doubt that there will be more cases. 47 00:02:25,784 --> 00:02:29,412 ‐ We have two new cases confirmed this morning in New York City. 48 00:02:29,412 --> 00:02:31,915 REPORTER: New warnings about the coronavirus outbreak 49 00:02:31,915 --> 00:02:34,250 as it rapidly takes hold here in the tristate. 50 00:02:34,250 --> 00:02:37,212 REPORTER: For weeks, doctors and nurses have been sounding the alarm 51 00:02:37,212 --> 00:02:39,964 that they will be running out of personal protective equipment. 52 00:02:39,964 --> 00:02:42,258 REPORTER: The CDC now advising health care workers 53 00:02:42,258 --> 00:02:45,637 to keep working even if exposed to the virus 54 00:02:45,637 --> 00:02:50,558 and suggests they reuse face masks or use scarves as a last resort. 55 00:02:54,229 --> 00:02:56,106 ♪ ♪ 56 00:02:56,106 --> 00:02:58,191 KELLEY: It's Sunday, March 22nd. 57 00:02:58,191 --> 00:03:03,988 We're still not sure if we're gonna have supplies to last us to the end of the week. 58 00:03:03,988 --> 00:03:05,323 What can we do? 59 00:03:05,323 --> 00:03:07,742 People are talking about microwaving their masks. 60 00:03:07,742 --> 00:03:11,454 I'm like, "I don't know if that's safe. Probably not." 61 00:03:11,454 --> 00:03:15,333 I don't doubt that there will be people that will risk their lives 62 00:03:15,333 --> 00:03:19,337 because that's just what a lot of us instinctively want to do. 63 00:03:19,337 --> 00:03:21,214 We just want to help so badly that we end up 64 00:03:21,214 --> 00:03:25,510 going into situations where they are dangerous to us. 65 00:03:25,510 --> 00:03:27,470 It puts us in such a difficult spot. 66 00:03:27,470 --> 00:03:29,889 It's like, I don't think that we should be martyrs. 67 00:03:29,889 --> 00:03:31,641 I mean, this current situation we're in, 68 00:03:31,641 --> 00:03:36,354 if we don't push or fight for anything, we're just being set up to die. 69 00:03:36,354 --> 00:03:40,984 I grew up first‐generation. My parents are from Ecuador. 70 00:03:40,984 --> 00:03:45,405 My mom's a housekeeper. My dad drives school buses. 71 00:03:45,405 --> 00:03:49,242 I actually was on the phone last night with some of my coworkers. 72 00:03:49,242 --> 00:03:51,578 We were on the phone till, like, two in the morning. 73 00:03:51,578 --> 00:03:54,873 We were all talking about how we're children of immigrants 74 00:03:54,873 --> 00:03:58,334 and how a lot of this is affecting our families. 75 00:03:58,334 --> 00:04:02,213 KELLEY: The rates of mortality are very high. 76 00:04:02,213 --> 00:04:04,883 People that keep getting infected happen to be people of color 77 00:04:04,883 --> 00:04:08,761 'cause they happen to be people that cannot stay home for work 78 00:04:08,761 --> 00:04:12,682 and also, at baseline, have a lot more medical conditions that go untreated. 79 00:04:12,682 --> 00:04:15,393 They don't have insurance. Like, it's what happens. 80 00:04:15,393 --> 00:04:17,770 Like, of course our communities are gonna suffer the most. 81 00:04:17,770 --> 00:04:21,149 Like, what else is new? 82 00:04:21,149 --> 00:04:24,527 I need to protect my coworkers so that they can protect their families. 83 00:04:24,527 --> 00:04:26,654 Like, if they're not safe, their families aren't safe. 84 00:04:31,201 --> 00:04:32,827 SAMEER: Ariya, what does that say? 85 00:04:32,827 --> 00:04:34,746 ARIYA: [fusses] 86 00:04:34,746 --> 00:04:37,582 SAMEER: It says, "Not all superheroes wear capes." 87 00:04:37,582 --> 00:04:39,834 Thank you. But what did you say? 88 00:04:39,834 --> 00:04:44,464 ‐ I said, uh, uh... 89 00:04:47,383 --> 00:04:50,094 [whispers] My daddy's a doctor. 90 00:04:50,094 --> 00:04:52,096 ‐ Ariya, do you know what kind of doctor Daddy is? 91 00:04:52,096 --> 00:04:54,808 ‐ A lung doctor. ‐ A lung doctor. That's right. 92 00:04:54,808 --> 00:04:56,142 ‐ Yeah. And what about Mommy? 93 00:04:56,142 --> 00:04:58,228 ‐ [giggles] 94 00:04:58,228 --> 00:04:59,521 ‐ Cancer? 95 00:04:59,521 --> 00:05:02,774 ‐ Yeah, Mommy's a cancer doctor. [chuckles] 96 00:05:02,774 --> 00:05:04,234 SAMEER: I do this because I think I can help, you know? 97 00:05:04,234 --> 00:05:06,653 I'm not an athlete. I'm not LeBron James. 98 00:05:06,653 --> 00:05:08,696 I can't entertain people on TV. 99 00:05:08,696 --> 00:05:11,741 I'm not a politician, um... 100 00:05:11,741 --> 00:05:14,410 You know, I'm also not a soldier, right? 101 00:05:14,410 --> 00:05:17,163 I can't help our country by protecting our country, 102 00:05:17,163 --> 00:05:19,958 but what I can offer is medical care. 103 00:05:19,958 --> 00:05:21,501 That's what I do. 104 00:05:21,501 --> 00:05:23,837 That's what I trained to do, that's what I learned to do, 105 00:05:23,837 --> 00:05:25,505 and that's what I'm good at. 106 00:05:25,505 --> 00:05:28,049 Thank you. 107 00:05:28,049 --> 00:05:32,762 So this is our PACU that's been created into a makeshift unit. 108 00:05:32,762 --> 00:05:36,850 We won't show any patients in this, obviously, for HIPAA. 109 00:05:36,850 --> 00:05:40,103 It's 25 beds. 110 00:05:40,103 --> 00:05:44,148 A computer station for people to work. 111 00:05:44,148 --> 00:05:46,651 And then I'll make a tour as we go through. 112 00:05:46,651 --> 00:05:48,987 My family's what I lean on. They're what keep me grounded. 113 00:05:48,987 --> 00:05:51,406 They're what allow me to go to work each day. 114 00:05:51,406 --> 00:05:53,408 Into the house. 115 00:05:53,408 --> 00:05:55,493 Here is this one. She's not allowed to touch me. 116 00:05:55,493 --> 00:05:56,995 ‐ Hi. SAMEER: I'll see you soon? 117 00:05:56,995 --> 00:05:58,204 ‐ See you soon. PRAGATI: Ariya, come here, baby. 118 00:05:58,204 --> 00:06:00,331 SAMEER: Okay, love you. ‐ Bye. 119 00:06:00,331 --> 00:06:02,750 SAMEER: And then we get decontaminated in here. 120 00:06:02,750 --> 00:06:06,296 When Pragati and I had Ariya, 121 00:06:06,296 --> 00:06:08,506 the first thing we did was we got life insurance 122 00:06:08,506 --> 00:06:10,550 for each of us just in case one of us, 123 00:06:10,550 --> 00:06:12,260 God forbid, wasn't there. 124 00:06:12,260 --> 00:06:14,846 Do you ever get scared that I'll being coronavirus home? 125 00:06:14,846 --> 00:06:18,933 ‐ I'm n‐‐less worried about you getting coronavirus specifically 126 00:06:18,933 --> 00:06:22,437 versus now I'm more worried that we'll both get it. 127 00:06:22,437 --> 00:06:26,190 So I'm worry more so what would happen to Ariya. 128 00:06:26,190 --> 00:06:27,483 SAMEER: I've been looking into, 129 00:06:27,483 --> 00:06:29,027 you know, making a will for myself, 130 00:06:29,027 --> 00:06:33,907 which at, you know, 37, I never really expected to do. 131 00:06:33,907 --> 00:06:35,658 Ariya, and what does Daddy do at work? 132 00:06:35,658 --> 00:06:37,827 Does Daddy see people with coronavirus? 133 00:06:37,827 --> 00:06:39,454 ‐ Yeah. SAMEER: Yeah? 134 00:06:39,454 --> 00:06:41,414 And does Daddy get scared? ‐ Yeah. 135 00:06:41,414 --> 00:06:42,624 SAMEER: Yeah? 136 00:06:42,624 --> 00:06:44,459 And what Daddy do when he's scared? 137 00:06:44,459 --> 00:06:48,212 ‐ He‐‐he‐‐he‐‐he‐‐he‐‐he, um, 138 00:06:48,212 --> 00:06:49,631 he gets brave. 139 00:06:49,631 --> 00:06:51,966 SAMEER: He gets brave? ‐ Yeah. 140 00:06:51,966 --> 00:06:52,967 [train tracks clacking] 141 00:06:57,263 --> 00:07:01,225 SALEENA: Fear is not a normal feeling you feel in the emergency department. 142 00:07:01,225 --> 00:07:02,852 You walk right past fear. 143 00:07:02,852 --> 00:07:05,688 And even in the moments that are a little bit scary, 144 00:07:05,688 --> 00:07:07,148 we've been trained for them. 145 00:07:07,148 --> 00:07:09,984 I am an epidemiologist. 146 00:07:09,984 --> 00:07:12,695 I spent a year in Kenya doing public health work 147 00:07:12,695 --> 00:07:16,783 and I did a project in Laos on vaccine‐preventable diseases. 148 00:07:16,783 --> 00:07:20,495 I worked in a cholera outbreak in Haiti in the middle of a‐‐ 149 00:07:20,495 --> 00:07:23,706 after a hurricane decimated part of the country. 150 00:07:23,706 --> 00:07:25,416 We had to be evacuated out. 151 00:07:25,416 --> 00:07:29,128 It was a very stressful and scary and dangerous situation, 152 00:07:29,128 --> 00:07:32,131 and it feels nothing like this 153 00:07:32,131 --> 00:07:33,883 because we could go home. 154 00:07:33,883 --> 00:07:36,010 ♪ ♪ 155 00:07:36,010 --> 00:07:41,057 I've been poring through the literature, reading as much as I can, 156 00:07:41,057 --> 00:07:43,226 and there's nothing out there 157 00:07:43,226 --> 00:07:48,356 for how an emergency department physician should handle a COVID patient. 158 00:07:48,356 --> 00:07:50,233 ♪ ♪ 159 00:07:50,233 --> 00:07:52,860 There's something about watching people struggling for air. 160 00:07:52,860 --> 00:07:55,905 Like, "I don't know what's gonna happen to you." 161 00:07:55,905 --> 00:08:00,618 We are facing something that we have just not been prepared for. 162 00:08:00,618 --> 00:08:04,372 And you know what? Like, I'm a little scared. 163 00:08:04,372 --> 00:08:06,666 ♪ ♪ 164 00:08:06,666 --> 00:08:08,084 WORKER: What's mortality look like? 165 00:08:08,084 --> 00:08:09,669 WORKER: I have no idea. 166 00:08:09,669 --> 00:08:12,714 WORKER: Pick it up, pick it up. That might be x‐rays. 167 00:08:12,714 --> 00:08:18,845 ‐ Running an ABG to determine if we need to make changes to our vent settings. 168 00:08:18,845 --> 00:08:21,264 We shall see. 169 00:08:21,264 --> 00:08:23,349 The goal for us is‐‐ to keep us safe‐‐ 170 00:08:23,349 --> 00:08:28,020 is to spend as little time in the room as we can. 171 00:08:28,020 --> 00:08:32,734 So I try to maximize my time when I'm in there. 172 00:08:32,734 --> 00:08:36,404 These patients are sedated, often paralyzed. 173 00:08:36,404 --> 00:08:39,198 I certainly can't imagine what that feels like. 174 00:08:39,198 --> 00:08:42,660 I try to be as calm and as comforting 175 00:08:42,660 --> 00:08:46,247 and I do try to talk to them. 176 00:08:46,247 --> 00:08:48,833 And one of the questions I always ask of patients, like, as soon as I meet them, 177 00:08:48,833 --> 00:08:50,043 is "Where are you from?" 178 00:08:50,043 --> 00:08:51,461 So I still do that with patients. 179 00:08:51,461 --> 00:08:53,046 Obviously, they don't answer me right now. 180 00:08:53,046 --> 00:08:54,672 I'm like, "Oh, I'm from Virginia." 181 00:08:54,672 --> 00:08:56,674 Like, I kind of act like they are answering me 182 00:08:56,674 --> 00:08:58,259 even though they're not. 183 00:08:58,259 --> 00:08:59,969 ♪ ♪ 184 00:08:59,969 --> 00:09:03,598 I grew up in a small town. 185 00:09:03,598 --> 00:09:09,312 The whole county had 12,000 people and about 45,000 cows, to put it into perspective. 186 00:09:09,312 --> 00:09:12,523 ♪ ♪ 187 00:09:12,523 --> 00:09:16,277 My mom is a nurse and both of my grandmothers are nurses. 188 00:09:16,277 --> 00:09:19,405 My family has this small nursing home, 189 00:09:19,405 --> 00:09:21,199 so I kind of, like, grew up there. 190 00:09:21,199 --> 00:09:24,494 So I've been kind of around the dying process my whole life, 191 00:09:24,494 --> 00:09:28,498 and I think it's an honor to be there and to be invited to be a part of that. 192 00:09:28,498 --> 00:09:34,879 ♪ ♪ 193 00:09:34,879 --> 00:09:36,255 JESSICA: Okay. 194 00:09:36,255 --> 00:09:39,759 He's still very sick. He's very critical. 195 00:09:39,759 --> 00:09:42,428 We have him in the intensive care unit right now. 196 00:09:42,428 --> 00:09:45,556 I actually started as a volunteer. 197 00:09:45,556 --> 00:09:48,392 I was about 16 years old. 198 00:09:48,392 --> 00:09:50,353 Today, we have 11 patients. 199 00:09:50,353 --> 00:09:52,688 We just got another new patient. 200 00:09:52,688 --> 00:09:57,318 I mentally feel like I can't even sit down in the break room. 201 00:09:57,318 --> 00:10:00,571 I just want to stay next to my patients. 202 00:10:00,571 --> 00:10:03,866 In previous situations, we see progress. 203 00:10:03,866 --> 00:10:07,161 With COVID‐19 patients, we don't see that. 204 00:10:07,161 --> 00:10:09,455 It's, like, this up and down, up and down, 205 00:10:09,455 --> 00:10:13,918 that we don't have, like, a clear picture of how they're going to do. 206 00:10:13,918 --> 00:10:16,712 Hi, Jerry. 207 00:10:16,712 --> 00:10:19,257 ‐ [chuckles] 208 00:10:19,257 --> 00:10:21,843 We're so happy to see you so much better. 209 00:10:21,843 --> 00:10:23,219 ‐ Yeah. ‐ From this morning? 210 00:10:23,219 --> 00:10:26,055 From 8:00 in the morning until now? 211 00:10:26,055 --> 00:10:30,810 Your numbers were 90, 89. Now‐‐ 212 00:10:30,810 --> 00:10:33,563 ‐ Go up? ‐ Everything's looking a little better. 213 00:10:33,563 --> 00:10:34,605 ‐ Right. 214 00:10:34,605 --> 00:10:37,191 ‐ Your oxygenation is now up to 94. 215 00:10:37,191 --> 00:10:39,819 You were saying you were a little hot? 216 00:10:39,819 --> 00:10:41,195 ‐ I'm gonna check your temperature, okay? 217 00:10:41,195 --> 00:10:42,405 ‐ Sure, sure. 218 00:10:42,405 --> 00:10:45,992 ‐ Under your tongue. 219 00:10:45,992 --> 00:10:48,369 One of the major successes that we consider 220 00:10:48,369 --> 00:10:51,330 is not putting in the breathing tube to begin with, 221 00:10:51,330 --> 00:10:53,583 and this is what is happening with Jerry. 222 00:10:53,583 --> 00:10:56,836 No fever. 97.1. 223 00:10:56,836 --> 00:11:00,423 ‐ Preventing intubation is really what is helping him at this point. 224 00:11:00,423 --> 00:11:05,928 So we're so happy that everything that we've been doing is improving. 225 00:11:05,928 --> 00:11:10,892 ‐ And we've been able to keep that breathing tube away. 226 00:11:10,892 --> 00:11:12,059 ‐ Yes. 227 00:11:12,059 --> 00:11:13,269 ‐ Everything is working. ‐ That's right. 228 00:11:13,269 --> 00:11:14,645 ‐ Together, we've been a great team. 229 00:11:19,150 --> 00:11:22,987 JESSICA: I have to think positive for them, because they need me. 230 00:11:22,987 --> 00:11:28,242 They need me to stay this way so that they have a better outcome. 231 00:11:32,872 --> 00:11:34,498 DE BLASIO: Where the hell is the federal government? 232 00:11:34,498 --> 00:11:37,335 We don't have masks, we don't have ventilators. 233 00:11:37,335 --> 00:11:38,669 TRUMP: We have millions of masks being donated. 234 00:11:38,669 --> 00:11:40,588 We have a lot of things happening right now. 235 00:11:40,588 --> 00:11:44,175 DE BLASIO: The national supply chain is totally roiled at this point. 236 00:11:44,175 --> 00:11:47,136 TRUMP: We're a country not based on nationalizing our business. 237 00:11:47,136 --> 00:11:51,432 CUOMO: We do not yet have secured a supply for three weeks from now, 238 00:11:51,432 --> 00:11:53,768 four weeks from now, five weeks from now, 239 00:11:53,768 --> 00:11:56,312 but we are still shopping. 240 00:11:56,312 --> 00:12:01,108 KELLEY: Watched part of the governor's daily briefing. 241 00:12:01,108 --> 00:12:06,280 Yeah, we're still screwed. Um, that's basically what I learned today. 242 00:12:06,280 --> 00:12:09,075 I have my mask from today. 243 00:12:09,075 --> 00:12:13,162 We've officially started doing the one mask a week. 244 00:12:13,162 --> 00:12:16,999 There's gonna be germs on the outside of my mask, 245 00:12:16,999 --> 00:12:19,502 and no matter how often I wash my hands, 246 00:12:19,502 --> 00:12:22,630 like, by virtue of taking it off and putting it back on, and taking it‐‐ 247 00:12:22,630 --> 00:12:24,340 like, there will be some transmission 248 00:12:24,340 --> 00:12:27,468 where that is going to get on my face somewhere 249 00:12:27,468 --> 00:12:30,554 and it just makes it that much more risky. 250 00:12:30,554 --> 00:12:34,225 Like, that's just the truth. 251 00:12:34,225 --> 00:12:37,228 [soft dramatic music] 252 00:12:37,228 --> 00:12:42,400 ♪ ♪ 253 00:12:42,400 --> 00:12:46,153 We have a group of nurses that wanted to participate in an action. 254 00:12:46,153 --> 00:12:49,532 We're not walking out. We're not going on strike. That's now what this is. 255 00:12:49,532 --> 00:12:53,953 It is just that we all push together for the stuff that we need. 256 00:12:53,953 --> 00:12:57,707 Found out two of our nurses are intubated, so that sucks. 257 00:12:57,707 --> 00:12:59,834 Uh, that's why we need to do this, 258 00:12:59,834 --> 00:13:03,337 and we just need to all get on the same page. 259 00:13:03,337 --> 00:13:08,342 and I have to plan something to say tomorrow to that effect. 260 00:13:08,342 --> 00:13:11,887 PERSON: Yeah, what are we gonna say? 261 00:13:11,887 --> 00:13:14,598 ‐ We need to make a statement collectively, 262 00:13:14,598 --> 00:13:18,561 asking the powers that be that have the stuff, that have the supplies, 263 00:13:18,561 --> 00:13:20,146 BOTH: That have the capabilities... 264 00:13:20,146 --> 00:13:21,814 ‐ Of providing us the stuff 265 00:13:21,814 --> 00:13:25,735 and the supplies and the resources to act quick. 266 00:13:25,735 --> 00:13:29,196 We want to get through this whole thing as safely as possible 267 00:13:29,196 --> 00:13:34,243 and all of us just are out here asking the government for help. 268 00:13:34,243 --> 00:13:36,829 PERSON: That's awesome. That's super good. That's a great statement. 269 00:13:36,829 --> 00:13:38,331 ‐ I'm gonna throw up. [chuckles] 270 00:13:38,331 --> 00:13:40,541 ♪ ♪ 271 00:13:40,541 --> 00:13:42,251 [mumbling] 272 00:13:42,251 --> 00:13:48,215 ‐ [purrs] ‐ Missy, you're too cute right now. 273 00:13:48,215 --> 00:13:50,259 I am scared, and you're just chillin'. 274 00:13:50,259 --> 00:13:53,137 I wanna be you. 275 00:13:53,137 --> 00:13:56,682 KELLEY'S HUSBAND: You should eat something. Or go to bed. 276 00:13:56,682 --> 00:13:58,726 ‐ I'm not hungry. 277 00:13:58,726 --> 00:14:01,395 [takes deep breath] 278 00:14:01,395 --> 00:14:03,397 CUOMO: New York is in crisis. 279 00:14:03,397 --> 00:14:04,982 The system is over capacity. 280 00:14:04,982 --> 00:14:06,525 REPORTER: Hospitals are running out of space, 281 00:14:06,525 --> 00:14:09,612 out of equipment, and even out of personnel. 282 00:14:09,612 --> 00:14:13,115 ♪ ♪ 283 00:14:13,115 --> 00:14:15,451 [ventilator whooshing] 284 00:14:15,451 --> 00:14:17,161 [ventilator chimes] 285 00:14:17,161 --> 00:14:20,289 ‐ There are just seas of people on breathing tubes 286 00:14:20,289 --> 00:14:23,918 in the emergency department, like, dozens of them. 287 00:14:23,918 --> 00:14:28,714 ‐ I can't imagine what these patients are experiencing. 288 00:14:28,714 --> 00:14:32,843 The panic that you must experience when you cannot take a breath. 289 00:14:32,843 --> 00:14:36,722 SAMEER: Patients in all of these beds, ventilators, ready. 290 00:14:36,722 --> 00:14:38,390 [ventilator chimes] 291 00:14:38,390 --> 00:14:40,518 SALEENA: They almost kind of look like drowning victims, 292 00:14:40,518 --> 00:14:42,520 where they need a bunch of sedation 293 00:14:42,520 --> 00:14:44,522 and sometimes, even, they need to be paralyzed 294 00:14:44,522 --> 00:14:46,440 so they can stay on the ventilator safely. 295 00:14:46,440 --> 00:14:49,276 COLE: It's like I'm in some sort of weird parallel universe. 296 00:14:49,276 --> 00:14:50,778 [ventilator chimes melodically] 297 00:14:50,778 --> 00:14:52,738 ‐ And then there's the sound of vents. 298 00:14:52,738 --> 00:14:56,283 You know, they have a very specific melody. 299 00:14:56,283 --> 00:14:58,035 [ventilator chimes] 300 00:14:58,035 --> 00:15:02,331 ‐ It's, like, hissing as it, like, blows air into the patient. 301 00:15:02,331 --> 00:15:05,334 [ventilator hissing, whooshing] 302 00:15:05,334 --> 00:15:06,877 ♪ ♪ 303 00:15:06,877 --> 00:15:09,296 ‐ I just need to take, like, a couple deep breaths 304 00:15:09,296 --> 00:15:10,798 just because I felt like 305 00:15:10,798 --> 00:15:13,551 I was, like, literally suffocating in those rooms. 306 00:15:13,551 --> 00:15:20,516 ♪ ♪ 307 00:15:23,227 --> 00:15:25,354 SALEENA: We were really struggling with a younger patient 308 00:15:25,354 --> 00:15:28,816 and at one point there were eight doctors around his bed, just being like, "What is"‐‐ 309 00:15:28,816 --> 00:15:33,279 like, he was clearly, clearly, very, very, sick and, like, not getting better, 310 00:15:33,279 --> 00:15:35,447 and we were doing all sorts of, like, 311 00:15:35,447 --> 00:15:37,575 um, techniques to improve breathing. 312 00:15:37,575 --> 00:15:40,578 Like, we're flipping people on their stomachs and... 313 00:15:40,578 --> 00:15:42,454 we're just‐‐ we're‐‐we're trying‐‐ 314 00:15:42,454 --> 00:15:44,123 everyone's trying everything they can do. 315 00:15:44,123 --> 00:15:46,458 ♪ ♪ 316 00:15:46,458 --> 00:15:49,587 There's a lot of controversy on, like, types of medications to use, 317 00:15:49,587 --> 00:15:53,549 and it's, like, really hard when you have someone who's young and dying 318 00:15:53,549 --> 00:15:56,760 and you're like, "Well, I have this set of papers that say 'don't do it' 319 00:15:56,760 --> 00:15:58,679 and I have this set of papers that say 'do do it.'" 320 00:15:58,679 --> 00:16:01,182 You don't know if what you're giving someone 321 00:16:01,182 --> 00:16:04,435 is going to result in them dying or saving them. 322 00:16:04,435 --> 00:16:08,189 'Cause, like, how can we do our best when we don't even know what we're fighting? 323 00:16:08,189 --> 00:16:09,481 [chuckles] 324 00:16:09,481 --> 00:16:11,984 [indistinct voice] 325 00:16:11,984 --> 00:16:15,404 COLE: My patient is very critically ill. 326 00:16:15,404 --> 00:16:18,324 Um, he's almost died twice. 327 00:16:18,324 --> 00:16:20,284 We've brought him back both times. 328 00:16:20,284 --> 00:16:22,953 But he's very sick. He's not doing well. 329 00:16:22,953 --> 00:16:24,914 So he may pass away tonight. 330 00:16:24,914 --> 00:16:28,792 We're obviously doing literally everything that we can for him. 331 00:16:28,792 --> 00:16:31,045 ♪ ♪ 332 00:16:31,045 --> 00:16:33,380 After a patient dies, it's just you. 333 00:16:33,380 --> 00:16:36,258 Everyone quickly leaves the room. 334 00:16:36,258 --> 00:16:38,093 The lights are on. It's fully bright. 335 00:16:38,093 --> 00:16:39,845 [ventilator chimes melodically] 336 00:16:39,845 --> 00:16:41,597 But the monitor's still beeping, 337 00:16:41,597 --> 00:16:43,891 the ventilator's still going off, you're just standing there 338 00:16:43,891 --> 00:16:47,519 in all of your PPE, you know, you're hot, you're sweating under all of that. 339 00:16:47,519 --> 00:16:51,982 So the first thing that I do is I, you know, 340 00:16:51,982 --> 00:16:53,484 kind of just shut everything off 341 00:16:53,484 --> 00:16:55,653 and just try to turn the lights down. 342 00:16:55,653 --> 00:16:58,239 I have the opportunity to make the room completely silent. 343 00:16:58,239 --> 00:16:59,573 I do talk to them like they're alive. 344 00:16:59,573 --> 00:17:00,991 I like to tell everybody, you know, 345 00:17:00,991 --> 00:17:02,826 "Everything's gonna be all right, everything's okay." 346 00:17:02,826 --> 00:17:05,955 I like to give everybody a bath, you know, kind of wrap them. 347 00:17:05,955 --> 00:17:08,499 And then we cover them with a sheet, turn the lights off, 348 00:17:08,499 --> 00:17:12,294 and we just wait for the transport service to come get them 349 00:17:12,294 --> 00:17:14,255 and take them to the morgue. 350 00:17:14,255 --> 00:17:16,131 It has to be done. It's what we do. 351 00:17:16,131 --> 00:17:18,467 And to do the best job that we can, 352 00:17:18,467 --> 00:17:24,348 knowing that no one is there to help us. 353 00:17:24,348 --> 00:17:26,308 ORGANIZER: Welcome, everybody. 354 00:17:26,308 --> 00:17:28,852 [horn honks] 355 00:17:28,852 --> 00:17:31,730 [indistinct chatter] 356 00:17:31,730 --> 00:17:33,607 ‐ Can you guys hear me? ALL: Yeah! 357 00:17:33,607 --> 00:17:34,984 ‐ Okay! 358 00:17:34,984 --> 00:17:37,695 We're here to show the federal government that we exist 359 00:17:37,695 --> 00:17:41,490 and yes, we are here in protest of the fact 360 00:17:41,490 --> 00:17:45,494 that they have the capabilities and the resources to help us 361 00:17:45,494 --> 00:17:48,247 and they sadly have chosen not to do so. 362 00:17:48,247 --> 00:17:52,293 If we get sick, our community gets sick. 363 00:17:52,293 --> 00:17:54,378 And I want us to take this time right now 364 00:17:54,378 --> 00:17:57,798 to have a moment of silence for Kious Kelly, 365 00:17:57,798 --> 00:18:01,343 the nurse that passed away at Mount Sinai 366 00:18:01,343 --> 00:18:04,179 due to COVID earlier this week. 367 00:18:04,179 --> 00:18:06,181 [camera shutters click, horn honks] 368 00:18:09,101 --> 00:18:12,563 ‐ Nurses here at Jacobi Medical Center just held a press conference. 369 00:18:12,563 --> 00:18:14,648 They say the hospital is putting their lives at risk. 370 00:18:14,648 --> 00:18:16,942 ‐ The masks are supposed to be one‐time use. 371 00:18:16,942 --> 00:18:20,696 The ventilators, the PPE, the IV pumps, we need them now, we needed them before. 372 00:18:20,696 --> 00:18:22,239 And it's unacceptable. 373 00:18:22,239 --> 00:18:24,783 I didn't expect to talk to that many news people. [chuckles] 374 00:18:24,783 --> 00:18:26,493 I gotta go to work. 375 00:18:26,493 --> 00:18:28,329 NURSE: I heard them saying they're gonna dock people or something. 376 00:18:28,329 --> 00:18:29,330 ‐ Yeah, yeah. I'm going. 377 00:18:29,330 --> 00:18:31,123 And then ever since then, 378 00:18:31,123 --> 00:18:33,000 a bunch of people wanted to talk to me. 379 00:18:33,000 --> 00:18:35,336 We're being exposed over and over again, and it is criminal. 380 00:18:35,336 --> 00:18:37,546 [speaking Spanish] 381 00:18:37,546 --> 00:18:40,007 Sunday night, I was on "60 Minutes." 382 00:18:40,007 --> 00:18:41,383 BILL WHITAKER: Do you have enough masks? 383 00:18:41,383 --> 00:18:43,385 ‐ No. 384 00:18:43,385 --> 00:18:44,887 WHITAKER: Do you have enough face shields? 385 00:18:44,887 --> 00:18:47,389 ‐ No. 386 00:18:47,389 --> 00:18:49,892 There's times where I'm definitely, like, 387 00:18:49,892 --> 00:18:51,560 "Should I be saying all of this?" 388 00:18:51,560 --> 00:18:53,520 [tense music] 389 00:18:53,520 --> 00:18:56,649 I have worked for the largest public hospital system in the country. 390 00:18:56,649 --> 00:19:00,444 I fully support a public health care system. 391 00:19:00,444 --> 00:19:03,364 It's the reason why I'm at a safety‐net hospital. 392 00:19:03,364 --> 00:19:07,910 A lot of these health care issues have been here forever, for years, you know? 393 00:19:07,910 --> 00:19:09,787 ORGANIZER: What do we need? ALL: PPE! 394 00:19:09,787 --> 00:19:12,373 KELLEY: On Monday night, I spoke to my dad for a really long time. 395 00:19:12,373 --> 00:19:15,167 He said, "When you know something, don't doubt it. 396 00:19:15,167 --> 00:19:17,044 Don't ever doubt doing it." 397 00:19:17,044 --> 00:19:18,545 This feels like the right thing to do. 398 00:19:18,545 --> 00:19:20,839 Speaking out feels like the right thing to do. 399 00:19:28,097 --> 00:19:31,433 [soft dramatic music] 400 00:19:31,433 --> 00:19:34,019 ♪ ♪ 401 00:19:34,019 --> 00:19:37,147 ‐ It's 12:30 in the morning. 402 00:19:37,147 --> 00:19:40,067 My mom sent me a care package a couple days ago, 403 00:19:40,067 --> 00:19:44,655 so I'm super excited to dig into that and see what she sent. 404 00:19:47,366 --> 00:19:50,160 Some serious tape for sure. 405 00:19:50,160 --> 00:19:51,954 Some homemade masks. 406 00:19:51,954 --> 00:19:54,998 Essential Girl Scout cookies. 407 00:19:54,998 --> 00:19:56,458 Two rolls of TP. 408 00:19:56,458 --> 00:19:59,002 So thanks for this, Mom. This is super helpful. 409 00:19:59,002 --> 00:20:01,130 And it looks like there's a little handwritten card. 410 00:20:01,130 --> 00:20:04,258 This has got Grandma written all over it and I love it. 411 00:20:04,258 --> 00:20:08,971 "Cole, I have prayed for angels to pick up your feet when you are weary, 412 00:20:08,971 --> 00:20:12,391 "for God to hold you in the hollow of his hand, 413 00:20:12,391 --> 00:20:16,311 "peace when you are walking through the valley of death. 414 00:20:16,311 --> 00:20:20,065 "I am so very proud of you, your dedication and compassion. 415 00:20:20,065 --> 00:20:21,942 Be safe and know you are loved." 416 00:20:21,942 --> 00:20:26,113 ♪ ♪ 417 00:20:26,113 --> 00:20:28,782 ‐ Hi. So again, it's Easter Sunday. ‐ Hi. 418 00:20:28,782 --> 00:20:32,077 ‐ Thursday‐‐sorry, Saturday, Sunday‐‐Sunday, right? 419 00:20:32,077 --> 00:20:33,078 Sunday? ‐ Yeah. 420 00:20:33,078 --> 00:20:35,122 ‐ Sunday, April 12th. 421 00:20:35,122 --> 00:20:36,582 Ariya's riding her scooter. 422 00:20:36,582 --> 00:20:39,168 Sometimes going fast since Mommy's at work today. 423 00:20:39,168 --> 00:20:43,839 ‐ I can't know if coronavirus is done or not. 424 00:20:43,839 --> 00:20:45,215 ‐ Yeah, I don't know yet, either. 425 00:20:45,215 --> 00:20:49,052 ♪ ♪ 426 00:20:49,052 --> 00:20:51,764 I started a little bit late today in terms of videotaping 427 00:20:51,764 --> 00:20:55,184 because I walked in the door and it was just an absolute madhouse. 428 00:20:55,184 --> 00:20:59,104 Dialysis machine, as we're about to start dialysis. 429 00:20:59,104 --> 00:21:00,856 More staff, working hard. 430 00:21:00,856 --> 00:21:03,484 There is one patient that came to us a couple days ago‐‐ 431 00:21:03,484 --> 00:21:09,114 we'll call him Mr. T‐‐um, who is young in his mid‐50s, 432 00:21:09,114 --> 00:21:11,116 slowly been getting worse. 433 00:21:11,116 --> 00:21:12,701 SALEENA: We had a couple of critical cases 434 00:21:12,701 --> 00:21:14,787 and, you know, the one that stands out the most to me 435 00:21:14,787 --> 00:21:17,956 was someone who was younger than myself come in 436 00:21:17,956 --> 00:21:21,794 and he was, you know, really, really, really sick. 437 00:21:21,794 --> 00:21:24,546 And I called my respiratory therapist. 438 00:21:24,546 --> 00:21:26,173 And in normal circumstances, 439 00:21:26,173 --> 00:21:27,966 my respiratory therapist will come down 440 00:21:27,966 --> 00:21:30,344 in, I don't know, like, five minutes. 441 00:21:30,344 --> 00:21:32,346 SAMEER: Today was a bad day. 442 00:21:32,346 --> 00:21:33,430 Three people died. 443 00:21:33,430 --> 00:21:36,391 Seven new patients came to our ICU. 444 00:21:36,391 --> 00:21:39,978 SALEENA: I waited and I waited and I waited. 445 00:21:39,978 --> 00:21:42,022 I just wasn't sure what to do. 446 00:21:42,022 --> 00:21:45,067 SAMEER: But this is unlike anything I've ever seen in my career. 447 00:21:45,067 --> 00:21:47,361 Just an endless onslaught of people 448 00:21:47,361 --> 00:21:49,404 and people that were just dying. 449 00:21:49,404 --> 00:21:56,078 ‐ I just am so sick of watching people fight for their life. 450 00:21:56,078 --> 00:21:59,081 [unsettled music] 451 00:21:59,081 --> 00:22:03,752 ♪ ♪ 452 00:22:03,752 --> 00:22:06,505 REPORTER: For doctors and nurses at crowded ERs, 453 00:22:06,505 --> 00:22:08,006 no rest for the weary. 454 00:22:08,006 --> 00:22:09,842 CUOMO: It's like the entire hospital 455 00:22:09,842 --> 00:22:12,010 has turned into an ICU facility. 456 00:22:12,010 --> 00:22:14,096 REPORTER: The staggering death toll has led 457 00:22:14,096 --> 00:22:16,431 to more burials on Hart Island. 458 00:22:16,431 --> 00:22:18,058 CUOMO: It's gotten to the point, frankly, 459 00:22:18,058 --> 00:22:22,354 that we're gonna bring in additional funeral directors. 460 00:22:22,354 --> 00:22:25,274 to deal with the number of people who have passed. 461 00:22:25,274 --> 00:22:30,737 ♪ ♪ 462 00:22:30,737 --> 00:22:32,865 COLE: Normally, whenever someone passes away, 463 00:22:32,865 --> 00:22:35,325 you always have time to stop and debrief after it. 464 00:22:35,325 --> 00:22:37,494 Like, that's kind of part of the process. 465 00:22:37,494 --> 00:22:39,997 But we don't have time to do that. 466 00:22:39,997 --> 00:22:42,541 You then have to run away and go to your other patients. 467 00:22:42,541 --> 00:22:45,419 And I don't have time to spend an hour 468 00:22:45,419 --> 00:22:48,547 preparing a body like I used to be able to do. 469 00:22:48,547 --> 00:22:50,132 It definitely makes me sad. 470 00:22:50,132 --> 00:22:52,843 It makes me feel like I'm not caring for the person 471 00:22:52,843 --> 00:22:54,386 just because they're dead. 472 00:22:54,386 --> 00:22:58,557 Um, you know, and that's not the kind of nurse I am. 473 00:22:58,557 --> 00:23:03,103 [tragic music] 474 00:23:03,103 --> 00:23:04,313 SAMEER: The truth is, once they get 475 00:23:04,313 --> 00:23:06,106 into the intensive care unit setting, 476 00:23:06,106 --> 00:23:08,025 there's not much that can be done. 477 00:23:08,025 --> 00:23:09,026 [device dings] 478 00:23:09,026 --> 00:23:10,819 WORKER: Oh, is that true? 85%? 479 00:23:10,819 --> 00:23:12,321 SAMEER: We have wins, 480 00:23:12,321 --> 00:23:15,407 but when we're looking to pick out the wins as one patient 481 00:23:15,407 --> 00:23:18,035 among a crowd of 30, 482 00:23:18,035 --> 00:23:19,661 that's 29 losses. 483 00:23:19,661 --> 00:23:23,123 WORKER: Yay! Someone's going home. 484 00:23:23,123 --> 00:23:24,499 BOTH: Whoo! 485 00:23:24,499 --> 00:23:27,461 SAMEER: The losses far outnumber the victories. 486 00:23:27,461 --> 00:23:30,756 ♪ ♪ 487 00:23:30,756 --> 00:23:32,966 Death is everywhere. 488 00:23:32,966 --> 00:23:36,511 Um, and we do our best to fight it. 489 00:23:36,511 --> 00:23:40,015 We do our best to stave it off. 490 00:23:40,015 --> 00:23:42,434 But we're having a hard time right now. 491 00:23:44,227 --> 00:23:48,482 [unsettling music] 492 00:23:48,482 --> 00:23:52,110 SALEENA: I have never been so in doubt 493 00:23:52,110 --> 00:23:54,154 of being a doctor right now 494 00:23:54,154 --> 00:23:56,239 because sometimes you feel completely helpless. 495 00:23:56,239 --> 00:23:58,408 Like, I felt helpless last night. 496 00:23:58,408 --> 00:24:01,078 When you feel like you've lost your function 497 00:24:01,078 --> 00:24:03,121 in your work, 498 00:24:03,121 --> 00:24:04,998 how could you not question your work? 499 00:24:04,998 --> 00:24:08,710 Your function is to save lives. 500 00:24:08,710 --> 00:24:10,462 Save lives. 501 00:24:16,510 --> 00:24:19,054 SALEENA: And we're checking on our sign. 502 00:24:19,054 --> 00:24:22,140 [chuckles] He signed it "COVID‐19 survivor." 503 00:24:23,517 --> 00:24:26,311 ALI VELSHI: New Yorkers across the city took two minutes 504 00:24:26,311 --> 00:24:28,897 to clap for health workers and first responders. 505 00:24:28,897 --> 00:24:32,234 CHRIS CUOMO: This happens in the city every night. 506 00:24:32,234 --> 00:24:35,195 A citywide clap at 7:00 p.m. eastern. 507 00:24:35,195 --> 00:24:38,198 [cheers and applause] 508 00:24:41,034 --> 00:24:44,079 [cheers and applause continues] 509 00:24:46,373 --> 00:24:48,000 NEW YORKER: What do you think? 510 00:24:48,000 --> 00:24:50,168 NEW YORKER: I think it's great. 511 00:24:50,168 --> 00:24:52,504 [cheers and applause] 512 00:24:52,504 --> 00:24:54,006 It is really awesome. 513 00:24:54,006 --> 00:24:55,757 [laughs] 514 00:24:55,757 --> 00:24:57,217 That's nice. 515 00:24:57,217 --> 00:24:58,510 COLE: Last night, I was asleep. 516 00:24:58,510 --> 00:25:00,178 That was my alarm clock. It was at 7:00, 517 00:25:00,178 --> 00:25:02,514 and I heard the horn honking. 518 00:25:02,514 --> 00:25:04,141 Hi, neighbor. ‐ Hey! 519 00:25:04,141 --> 00:25:05,934 COLE: Thank you. NEIGHBOR: This is for you, man. 520 00:25:05,934 --> 00:25:08,562 COLE: We appreciate it. Thank you very much. 521 00:25:08,562 --> 00:25:10,439 [horns honk] 522 00:25:10,439 --> 00:25:12,441 SAMEER: This is what lines the hallway. 523 00:25:12,441 --> 00:25:14,609 Very sweet and very touching. 524 00:25:14,609 --> 00:25:19,239 CHRIS CUOMO: A citywide clap at 7:00 every night. 525 00:25:19,239 --> 00:25:23,160 I'm gonna play it for you every damn night. 526 00:25:23,160 --> 00:25:24,703 ♪ ♪ 527 00:25:24,703 --> 00:25:26,830 ‐ I guess that's me. 528 00:25:29,332 --> 00:25:32,210 Do you wanna Facetime your wife before you get some rest? 529 00:25:32,210 --> 00:25:33,545 JERRY: Mm‐hmm. 530 00:25:33,545 --> 00:25:35,964 JESSICA: Oh! Hi, Luz. 531 00:25:35,964 --> 00:25:38,878 LUZ: Hi! JESSICA: Hi! It's‐‐ 532 00:25:41,136 --> 00:25:44,514 ‐ We wanted to update you on how Jerry was doing. 533 00:25:44,514 --> 00:25:46,516 We just gave him a little bit of morphine 534 00:25:46,516 --> 00:25:48,435 just to help with his breathing. 535 00:25:48,435 --> 00:25:49,811 But I wanted to let you know 536 00:25:49,811 --> 00:25:51,730 that his vital signs are stable. 537 00:25:51,730 --> 00:25:54,733 His oxygenation is 98%. 538 00:25:54,733 --> 00:25:56,818 So everything's looking good. 539 00:26:02,449 --> 00:26:04,659 ‐ Aw. Don't worry. 540 00:26:04,659 --> 00:26:06,411 Get some rest now, okay? 541 00:26:06,411 --> 00:26:07,913 JERRY: Hi, sweetie. 542 00:26:07,913 --> 00:26:10,999 ‐ Bye. Bye, Luz. 543 00:26:10,999 --> 00:26:13,418 She's such a sweetheart. JERRY: Mm‐hmm. 544 00:26:13,418 --> 00:26:15,045 Mm‐hmm. 545 00:26:15,045 --> 00:26:16,338 JESSICA: All right. Perfect. 546 00:26:16,338 --> 00:26:17,964 All right. Do you need anything? 547 00:26:17,964 --> 00:26:19,508 JERRY: No, I think I'm good. ‐ No? 548 00:26:19,508 --> 00:26:20,926 Okay. JERRY: Nothing yet. 549 00:26:20,926 --> 00:26:24,930 ‐ All right. Perfect. 550 00:26:24,930 --> 00:26:27,057 ‐ Good news: Mr. T, the patient I had told you 551 00:26:27,057 --> 00:26:28,517 about previously 552 00:26:28,517 --> 00:26:29,726 was extubated today, 553 00:26:29,726 --> 00:26:31,561 meaning the breathing tube was taken out. 554 00:26:31,561 --> 00:26:32,729 He's actually breathing on his own. 555 00:26:32,729 --> 00:26:34,022 He's awake, he's talking, 556 00:26:34,022 --> 00:26:37,109 and seems to be pretty with it, which is good. 557 00:26:37,109 --> 00:26:38,360 It's nice to see some good things. 558 00:26:38,360 --> 00:26:41,363 [tense music] 559 00:26:41,363 --> 00:26:48,411 ♪ ♪ 560 00:26:49,788 --> 00:26:52,666 ‐ So unfortunately, despite our best efforts, 561 00:26:52,666 --> 00:26:56,670 Jerry got intubated. 562 00:26:56,670 --> 00:26:58,880 This is what happens with COVID‐19 563 00:26:58,880 --> 00:27:00,590 and many of the complications. 564 00:27:00,590 --> 00:27:03,009 Despite our best efforts, 565 00:27:03,009 --> 00:27:06,012 our patients just deteriorate. 566 00:27:06,012 --> 00:27:12,978 ♪ ♪ 567 00:27:17,232 --> 00:27:18,567 SAMEER: Some bad news first. 568 00:27:18,567 --> 00:27:21,570 Mr. T, the gentleman that we were so happy about 569 00:27:21,570 --> 00:27:23,196 that had been extubated last week 570 00:27:23,196 --> 00:27:25,699 was reintubated again overnight, 571 00:27:25,699 --> 00:27:27,492 meaning the breathing tube was put back in. 572 00:27:27,492 --> 00:27:30,245 And this is probably a very bad sign. 573 00:27:30,245 --> 00:27:32,497 I think the truth of the fact is 574 00:27:32,497 --> 00:27:34,291 that, um, I'm tired. 575 00:27:34,291 --> 00:27:37,085 I can keep doing this, but I'm tired. 576 00:27:37,085 --> 00:27:39,796 Like, I‐‐I'm‐‐you know, I'm worn down. 577 00:27:39,796 --> 00:27:41,506 It's been the same thing over and over again. 578 00:27:48,054 --> 00:27:53,810 ♪ ♪ 579 00:27:57,230 --> 00:27:59,107 SALEENA: [whispering] Hi, Josie. Shh. 580 00:27:59,107 --> 00:28:00,859 Josie, no. No, don't come near me. 581 00:28:00,859 --> 00:28:02,360 Go, go. Inside. Inside, Josie. 582 00:28:02,360 --> 00:28:03,987 No, not outside. 583 00:28:03,987 --> 00:28:08,825 I think, like, I hit‐‐like, really hit rock bottom today. 584 00:28:08,825 --> 00:28:11,912 I was so sick of wearing PPE 585 00:28:11,912 --> 00:28:14,080 that I just, like, ripped my mask off, 586 00:28:14,080 --> 00:28:15,373 and, like, my attending, who was with me, 587 00:28:15,373 --> 00:28:16,625 she's like, "Put your mask on." 588 00:28:16,625 --> 00:28:19,169 I'm like, "I cannot wear this anymore." 589 00:28:19,169 --> 00:28:20,879 I was, like, completely out of my mind. 590 00:28:20,879 --> 00:28:22,797 Like, I literally took everything off, you know? 591 00:28:22,797 --> 00:28:25,550 I just snapped. 592 00:28:25,550 --> 00:28:28,678 And then I woke up today and I laid in bed, 593 00:28:28,678 --> 00:28:30,972 and I was like, "Oh, my God." 594 00:28:30,972 --> 00:28:34,017 Like, "I‐‐ this does not feel right." 595 00:28:34,017 --> 00:28:38,772 I‐‐I think I'm, like... [sighs] 596 00:28:38,772 --> 00:28:44,110 I think I'm really not okay right now. 597 00:28:44,110 --> 00:28:47,280 [sniffles] And‐‐and I've said it's okay to not be okay 598 00:28:47,280 --> 00:28:50,450 because I've, like, always known what my core is 599 00:28:50,450 --> 00:28:53,119 and I feel like I've always been a strong person, 600 00:28:53,119 --> 00:28:59,042 and today was the first day that... 601 00:28:59,042 --> 00:29:02,128 [sniffles] 602 00:29:02,128 --> 00:29:05,382 ♪ ♪ 603 00:29:05,382 --> 00:29:09,260 I just don't know that anymore. 604 00:29:09,260 --> 00:29:11,888 And I feel so guilty for not being stronger. 605 00:29:11,888 --> 00:29:14,015 [sniffles] 606 00:29:18,603 --> 00:29:21,606 JESSICA: All right. Let's go. 607 00:29:21,606 --> 00:29:24,526 I just got a message from one of my friends in AID‐ICU 608 00:29:24,526 --> 00:29:28,947 who's taking care of Jerry. 609 00:29:28,947 --> 00:29:30,031 Jerry? 610 00:29:30,031 --> 00:29:32,033 FRIEND: Hi! JESSICA: Hi! 611 00:29:32,033 --> 00:29:33,952 Oh, my gosh. Oh, my goodness! 612 00:29:33,952 --> 00:29:35,787 JERRY: Hello! 613 00:29:35,787 --> 00:29:38,832 How're you doing? JESS: Oh, my gosh! 614 00:29:38,832 --> 00:29:41,376 Jerry just got extubated! 615 00:29:41,376 --> 00:29:44,004 FRIEND: Aww. ‐ You look so good. 616 00:29:44,004 --> 00:29:45,964 Oh, my‐‐I got you pudding. 617 00:29:45,964 --> 00:29:47,841 ALL: [laugh] 618 00:29:47,841 --> 00:29:49,718 JESSICA: You look amazing. 619 00:29:49,718 --> 00:29:52,762 This is a miracle. This is a miracle. 620 00:29:52,762 --> 00:29:54,597 It takes time to heal. 621 00:29:54,597 --> 00:29:55,557 ‐ Yeah? 622 00:30:00,311 --> 00:30:02,230 JESSICA: So far, so good. 623 00:30:02,230 --> 00:30:04,566 JESSICA: Your body has been through so much. 624 00:30:04,566 --> 00:30:07,652 ‐ [exhales forcefully] 625 00:30:07,652 --> 00:30:10,030 [exhales] 626 00:30:10,030 --> 00:30:13,324 [exhales again] JESSICA: Perfect, Jerry. 627 00:30:32,177 --> 00:30:35,138 JESSICA: I'm gonna always remember you. 628 00:30:35,138 --> 00:30:40,769 [cheers and applause] 629 00:30:40,769 --> 00:30:44,439 Yay, Jerry! [laughs] 630 00:30:44,439 --> 00:30:47,233 ‐ It's amazing. JESSICA: Yes, it is. 631 00:30:47,233 --> 00:30:49,903 [cheers and applause] 632 00:30:49,903 --> 00:30:53,573 [siren wails] 633 00:30:54,657 --> 00:30:58,286 KELLEY: Most of my life now is‐‐is this 634 00:30:58,286 --> 00:31:01,247 and the response to this. 635 00:31:01,247 --> 00:31:03,792 We're trying to figure out how to reverse this‐‐ 636 00:31:03,792 --> 00:31:06,544 or what to do to reverse this sick‐time policy. 637 00:31:06,544 --> 00:31:08,129 We're in a tough spot now, 638 00:31:08,129 --> 00:31:11,758 from having critiqued our system. 639 00:31:11,758 --> 00:31:14,886 I worry that if I choose to leave this job 640 00:31:14,886 --> 00:31:16,387 and look for another one, 641 00:31:16,387 --> 00:31:19,724 I'm not sure how many facilities will want 642 00:31:19,724 --> 00:31:25,730 someone that has been critical on national television. 643 00:31:25,730 --> 00:31:29,317 So... 644 00:31:29,317 --> 00:31:30,902 yeah. 645 00:31:30,902 --> 00:31:35,657 That's been...getting harder and harder to realize. 646 00:31:35,657 --> 00:31:38,701 That really sucks... 647 00:31:38,701 --> 00:31:40,787 'cause I love taking care of patients. 648 00:31:40,787 --> 00:31:43,206 So... 649 00:31:43,206 --> 00:31:46,042 [voice shaking] Um...yeah. 650 00:31:46,042 --> 00:31:47,710 I have to get on a call. 651 00:31:47,710 --> 00:31:50,255 ♪ ♪ 652 00:31:50,255 --> 00:31:51,881 COLE: In the past, if I knew 653 00:31:51,881 --> 00:31:53,049 that a death was imminent, 654 00:31:53,049 --> 00:31:54,509 I would try to be with the patient 655 00:31:54,509 --> 00:31:56,886 as much as I possibly could. 656 00:31:56,886 --> 00:32:00,056 And now that's just stopped entirely. 657 00:32:00,056 --> 00:32:02,225 Like, they're, for the most part, 658 00:32:02,225 --> 00:32:05,061 completely alone when they die. 659 00:32:05,061 --> 00:32:09,190 I don't think that anyone dies well when they die alone. 660 00:32:09,190 --> 00:32:11,943 This whole experience is really, 661 00:32:11,943 --> 00:32:13,611 as frustrating as it can be‐‐ 662 00:32:13,611 --> 00:32:17,490 and it doesn't really necessarily feel rewarding‐‐ 663 00:32:17,490 --> 00:32:19,659 I think it makes you realize how important it is 664 00:32:19,659 --> 00:32:21,327 that you're here in this moment, 665 00:32:21,327 --> 00:32:22,453 that you're doing what you're doing, 666 00:32:22,453 --> 00:32:25,081 and I feel like if I left this job, 667 00:32:25,081 --> 00:32:27,333 then I would, like, kind of forever regret it. 668 00:32:27,333 --> 00:32:34,048 ♪ ♪ 669 00:32:36,176 --> 00:32:38,261 SALEENA: Just received some really hard news 670 00:32:38,261 --> 00:32:41,139 that my mentor committed suicide, 671 00:32:41,139 --> 00:32:46,269 seemingly as a result of being super stressed out from COVID. 672 00:32:46,269 --> 00:32:48,980 Gravity of the loss is so magnified. 673 00:32:48,980 --> 00:32:53,735 You just wonder how many other people feel... 674 00:32:53,735 --> 00:32:56,905 as bad as she did. 675 00:32:56,905 --> 00:32:58,364 Not knowing when it's gonna end, 676 00:32:58,364 --> 00:32:59,908 I think, is adding another layer, 677 00:32:59,908 --> 00:33:01,034 because now we're sort of like, 678 00:33:01,034 --> 00:33:02,535 "Well, now what?" 679 00:33:02,535 --> 00:33:05,246 So, our numbers went down, our admissions are going down. 680 00:33:05,246 --> 00:33:07,832 The hospital's emptying, either through people dying 681 00:33:07,832 --> 00:33:10,960 or people getting off the vent or people being discharged. 682 00:33:10,960 --> 00:33:13,087 But then the question is, 683 00:33:13,087 --> 00:33:15,840 "Well, what does the new normal look like?" 684 00:33:15,840 --> 00:33:19,177 And as long as I take care of COVID patients, 685 00:33:19,177 --> 00:33:23,348 my life will never be normal. 686 00:33:23,348 --> 00:33:25,642 I think now what's happening is we're bracing ourselves 687 00:33:25,642 --> 00:33:27,352 for the next wave, 688 00:33:27,352 --> 00:33:29,479 and I just don't know life is gonna look like, honestly. 689 00:33:32,398 --> 00:33:35,276 ♪ ♪ 690 00:33:35,276 --> 00:33:37,320 SAMEER: Good morning. 691 00:33:37,320 --> 00:33:40,949 I worry a little bit more now than maybe a few weeks ago 692 00:33:40,949 --> 00:33:44,744 that this image of people just dying around me 693 00:33:44,744 --> 00:33:49,540 is going to be hard to get rid of. 694 00:33:49,540 --> 00:33:55,129 I think more and more about the long‐term consequences 695 00:33:55,129 --> 00:33:56,965 of this. 696 00:33:56,965 --> 00:34:00,093 Um, I also think a lot about my family these times‐‐ 697 00:34:00,093 --> 00:34:02,929 what my wife and my daughter will do. 698 00:34:02,929 --> 00:34:05,306 When Ariya is grown up, you know, 699 00:34:05,306 --> 00:34:07,141 my plan is to talk to her 700 00:34:07,141 --> 00:34:09,185 about everything that we're seeing. 701 00:34:09,185 --> 00:34:10,395 You know, we'll tell her 702 00:34:10,395 --> 00:34:12,397 about the number of people that died 703 00:34:12,397 --> 00:34:14,649 and we'll talk about how people were on life support 704 00:34:14,649 --> 00:34:17,402 and how her mommy and daddy were in the hospital, 705 00:34:17,402 --> 00:34:20,488 taking care of people. 706 00:34:20,488 --> 00:34:25,034 But I hope she does not see me as a memory. 707 00:34:25,034 --> 00:34:26,619 Because if she sees me as a memory, 708 00:34:26,619 --> 00:34:29,122 that means I didn't make it through this. 709 00:34:29,122 --> 00:34:30,999 This is from when Mommy and Daddy got married. 710 00:34:30,999 --> 00:34:33,584 ‐ Can you hold it up higher so we can see? 711 00:34:33,584 --> 00:34:35,837 ‐ Yeah. ‐ That's better. 712 00:34:35,837 --> 00:34:37,171 SAMEER: Yeah, I wanna show you a picture of Mommy in a mask. 713 00:34:37,171 --> 00:34:38,965 ‐ [giggles, smooches] 714 00:34:38,965 --> 00:34:41,175 SAMEER: Here. Is that Daddy and Ariya? 715 00:34:41,175 --> 00:34:42,969 ARIYA: Yeah. SAMEER: We try and be proactive 716 00:34:42,969 --> 00:34:44,971 about printing out picture books. 717 00:34:44,971 --> 00:34:46,556 ‐ Dada, Ariya, Mama. 718 00:34:46,556 --> 00:34:48,850 SAMEER: God forbid, should I get sick, or, God forbid, 719 00:34:48,850 --> 00:34:50,810 should I die, 720 00:34:50,810 --> 00:34:53,104 I hope she sees the pictures of me 721 00:34:53,104 --> 00:34:55,023 and knows that I‐‐I loved her. 722 00:34:55,023 --> 00:34:57,108 ARIYA: Daddy. SAMEER: What are you doing there? 723 00:34:57,108 --> 00:34:59,902 I‐‐you know, I don't wanna die. 724 00:34:59,902 --> 00:35:02,572 Um, I don't wanna not make it through this. 725 00:35:02,572 --> 00:35:05,575 I don't wanna not come home to my wife and my daughter... 726 00:35:05,575 --> 00:35:08,369 um, because, although I'm losing all my hair, 727 00:35:08,369 --> 00:35:11,748 I'm still young. 728 00:35:11,748 --> 00:35:14,500 And I think there's a lot of life left in me. 729 00:35:14,500 --> 00:35:16,336 I think there's a lot of things that I can do, 730 00:35:16,336 --> 00:35:20,256 but really, I wanna be there for my family. 731 00:35:20,256 --> 00:35:21,924 I wanna be able to provide for my family, 732 00:35:21,924 --> 00:35:25,595 to care for my family... 733 00:35:25,595 --> 00:35:27,847 and keep‐‐keep moving forward. 734 00:35:27,847 --> 00:35:30,391 So I‐‐you know, I'm not ready to die. 735 00:35:30,391 --> 00:35:31,643 I'm not going to die. 736 00:35:31,643 --> 00:35:34,812 I...I'm not planning to die. 737 00:35:34,812 --> 00:35:38,650 Um...sorry. 738 00:35:38,650 --> 00:35:40,068 [exhales heavily]