[mellow music]
♪ ♪
- Mm-hmm. I knew Stephen was gonna break your heart.
Don't worry.
There's a graveyard a couple of miles from here
where the groundskeeper doesn't ask too many questions.
OK, girl. You going too far.
You are not one of her little friends.
- You're right. I'm her big best friend.
She knew my heartbeat.
- You knew my heartbeat, and I wouldn't
call you a friend if your heartbeat depended on it.
- We're even twinning today.
- I don't know what that word means.
And I think it'll make me mad if you define it.
- Hey, babe. - Morning.
- OK, I know it's a little weird
the way Angela is stalking your daughter on a field trip,
but do you have to run away?
- [chuckling] No.
Amir and I are doing some male bonding today,
so we're going on a bromance trip.
- OK.
Both of y'all are weird and using stupid, made-up words.
Is this a prank?
- Is that my new lunchbox for the field trip?
It's my favorite show!
- Yep, these are our new lunchboxes
since it's our favorite show.
Unicorn, unicorn, it's a unicorn dance par-tay!
- Congratulations. That's the woman you chose.
- And the woman you birthed.
- What you saying about my daughter?
- I love her so much.
- That's what I thought.
Better go do your bromancing
- Before I get to grave dancing.
[mellow music]
[rhythmic snapping, vocalization]
♪ ♪
- We are, like, twinning for real right now.
Oh, you know what?
We should share an Instagram account.
We can call it Angeluri.
Or maybe Zurangela.
- Uh, sure, I guess.
- Zuri!
Come sit with us!
- Is it OK?
- Girl, yeah.
We can move seats.
We're coming, BJ!
- Uh, just me, Mom.
- Oh. Oh.
Oh! Of course, yeah.
No biggie.
Catch you at the coasters.
[melancholy music]
♪ ♪
Hey. Don't get too comfy.
Zuri's sitting by me on the way back, so...
- Cute!
Me and BJ used to have Angry Bird lunchboxes.
- Target, right? - Yep.
The official department store of over-attached moms.
Me and BJ spent hours at Target.
Now I just roam the aisles shopping by myself.
One time I got desperate and tried
to hug somebody else's child!
The mom was understanding and dropped the charges
but not the restraining order.
- Hey, I'm not really a nature person.
- Amir, let me set the scene.
It's 2004 and I'm waiting for my dad,
like I did in 2003 and 2002.
But anyway, on this special day,
the Swish Space Force 360s came out.
[sighs] And left me hanging like an aglet.
That's the plastic at the end of a shoelace.
I love shoes. - Oh...
So we're waiting on your dad.
- Your grandpa don't want to be found!
The sooner you accept that,
the easier your life will be, Stephen!
I mean, nah, man.
We're looking for them 360s.
The retros dropped today and we are going to cop 'em.
- Yeah, no, you have fun with that.
But I'm going to do a 360 at the skate park.
Yo, what the hell, man?
- OK, that wasn't cool.
Sorry.
But what is cool is waiting in this long line
for as long as it takes for the sneakers of your dreams
with the man of your dreams.
The only man that can show you how to be a real man.
- Hey, you can't tell anyone about this.
[heavenly choir] ♪ Ahh ♪
- Whoa, you got Stay Turnt!
- Enough caffeine to put hair on a baby's chest?
I'm good on that.
- Oh, yeah, I forgot. You're a mama's girl.
- I'm not a mama's girl.
If anything, she's a daughter's mama.
- Yeah? Then why do you have so much
glitter on your lunchbox?
- Yeah, you're definitely a mama's girl.
- I am not! - Then what you waiting for?
Come on!
- Yeah! - Go, go, yeah!
- Hee hee!
[energetic music]
[all slurping]
- You guys feel anything?
- No. Nada. Zip. Zilch.
Hakuna. Jakata.
Wow. Was that Swahili?
Yep, I'm good.
Don't feel nothing at all.
- Whoa, I feel everything.
- They can tell we're turnt. They can tell we're turnt!
- Yo, just be cool.
- We're not turnt over here!
I'm cool. I'm cool.
- You are among an elite group of men called sneakerheads.
Cool nails. What are they for?
- Uh, nothing. I just like them.
[zap]
- Lesson one complete.
- Hey, anybody here named Amir?
- That's me! - Seriously?
- Unc, just chill and watch me work.
[slurping noises]
- The brotherhood would not approve of this.
- And three, two...
[urinating sounds] Pretty resourceful, huh?
- Glad I can teach you something?
Aah!
Oh, lesson number two, don't do that.
- Hey, kids. Here's the deal.
As the cool mom, I only have one rule, OK?
Stay with your adventure buddy.
And Zuri is my adventure buddy.
- Sky called dibs.
Sorry, Mom!
- No, I didn't.
- Come on, everyone.
Oh, this is going to be the best day ever.
- Don't worry, Angela.
I'll be your buddy and I will never let you go.
You don't mind if I call you Angela, do you?
- Boy, bye.
[overlapping chatter]
[exciting music]
♪ ♪
[record scratch]
- Next time, it's gonna be me and you on that Titanic.
Riding waves, hiding diamonds, painting you naked.
- Get on the bus.
- Yes, ma'am!
I love a woman in charge.
- Who let all these six-year-olds watch "Titanic"?
Are the kids a little weird today?
- Oh, boy. You're the one who is unwell.
You're experiencing parent-child partition,
or PCP. - You know what PCP is, right?
Might want to change that acronym.
- Your child has found what we call "new friends,"
and we can help with how you're feeling.
- And how do you think I'm feeling?
- The same way we all are-- abandoned.
- I'm Carlos. I am a needy parent.
group: Hi, Carlos.
- Hi, Carlos.
- It's been 23 days and 15 hours
since Angel said he loved me.
If only I had recorded it.
- Zuri says "I love you" all the time.
- "Zuri says I love you all the time"!
Well, she doesn't love you, OK?
[groans] Sorry.
I'm having withdrawals.
I miss his fresh puppy smell. [sobs]
- [clearing throat] I'm Helen, needy parent.
group: Hi, Helen.
- BJ flung oatmeal on me
because I followed him on Instagram,
and I've been wearing it for two weeks straight.
It's to remember him.
Go ahead, Angela.
It's a safe space.
- I'm Angela.
group" Hi, Angela!
- And I think y'all are a little off.
I don't need any bears or PCP.
My kid loves having me around.
[hysterical laughter]
- And when you did the "Titanic," so cool.
- I know a thing or two about classic films.
Thanks for the Stay Turnt, Tajuan.
Today was wow.
- If you thought that was fun on Stay Turnt,
try watching "Smother's Day."
- Aah!
- It's not even legal in Canada.
- My dad would never let me watch that at home.
Or in Canada!
- Our TVs are all on full parental control.
- Mine, too.
- Hmph. We don't have parental controls.
- Please?
- Your house.
- Sleepover!
- I mean, hey, I can ask.
Of course, she's going to say no--
- No problem.
And we can all hang together.
[children cheering and chattering]
- [whispering] Sleepover.
♪ ♪
[knocking]
Oh, I have one more thing to do.
- [groaning]
- Hi. - Yeah.
- Yo. Tonight we getting turnt.
- Shh. [whispering] As soon as my mom goes to sleep.
- Unicorn, unicorn.
It's a unicorn dance par-tay!
Come on, Zuri!
- Is she going to be here all night?
- I hope so.
♪ ♪
- So tell me again why we can't get them online.
Look, there's a good 360 dupe for half the price.
- First of all, lower your voice, bro.
Second of all, absolutely not.
That's the sneakerhead sin of all sneakerhead sins!
We don't do knockoffs.
- Blasphemy!
- Dwayne, this is Amir.
I'm showing him the ropes or laces.
- What's up, folk?
You hyped about getting them 360s?
- No. They're probably made
by child slaves in China.
- But them slaves got drip, though.
- Look. A better dupe.
It's a distributor from China, but the same supplier.
- Ha, ha! No real sneakerhead
is gonna get out of this line for some dupe--
- Yeah, they're just like the real thing.
Drop me that.
[[beeping]
[beeping] [crowd murmuring]
I'm out.
[car engine turns]
- Wow. You really did that.
[phone chiming]
- We need her out of here so we can watch the movie.
- You're right.
We need to formulate a plan.
I'll buy us some time. Hey, Mom!
You know what's fun?
Pillow fights.
But we need more pillows.
- Ooh! So fun. I'll be right back.
Don't have too much fun without me!
- [snoring]
[door slams]
Hmm?
Oh, hi.
Mm.
You and Zuri frenemies yet?
- Sounds like somebody's been looking
in the Urban Dictionary.
- Yeah. I tried to buy a whole set
of urban dictionaries, but they weren't on
the Barnes & Noble website.
Somebody's gotta fact check those funny words
you and Stephen use.
- I came to get pillows.
I'm throwing a sleepover.
- Sleepover? You hate those.
- Because you made me and my friends sleep on newspaper.
- Put some down for Zuri, too.
Small bladders run in the family.
I don't need her peeing on my pillows.
- It's a regular sleepover, OK, Mom?
No newspaper, just a good time.
- I see.
Kissing some kiddie butt so you can stay in the friend zone.
- That's not what a friend zone--
- What's it called when you plan
the party and attend--a friend with benefits or a side piece?
- Mom, stop. I got to go.
I'll give you a crash course on all these phrases later.
- I got dog liquor when this all comes to a head.
- OK. So if we start a fire here, then
your Mom would run that way,
and we can each crack a can of Stay Turnt
and watch the movie here.
- Look, I'm not knocking your plan.
- Good, 'cause it's foolproof.
Works every time for me. - Right.
And I have questions about how many times you've done that.
But why don't I just tell her we want to watch a movie?
- No! - She's going to pick
"Lexi the Unicorn Dancer."
- What's wrong with "Lexi the Unicorn Dancer"?
Oh.
[whispering] Yikes.
- OK. I've got down, down alternative for allergies,
and memory foam for hard hitters.
- Don't take this the wrong way, but this party is trash.
- But Zuri, you love "Lexi the Unicorn Dancer."
- Do I look 3 to 5 to you?
I'm 6. We want to have real fun!
- Say no more!
Pillow fight!
- I'll pillow fight with you, Miss--
[laughs] Do it again.
Do it again!
[heavenly choir] ♪ Ahh ♪
- We're so close.
We outwitted and outlasted almost everybody.
Only real ones last in the sneaker line.
Ha ha. How are you feeling, bruh?
You excited? - Uh, yeah.
I'm excited for sure to get that paper.
[mellow music on radio]
♪ ♪
- Hey, what's good, bruhs?
Hey, thanks for holding me down, little line-holder.
All right, hey.
Stephen, Stephen, Stephen.
- Just here to get the 360s with my nephew.
- Oh, this little, little Stephen?
You a fan of Unc, little, little Stephen?
- I mean, you straight.
Your last mixtape was kind of trash, though.
- You mean the beats was trash- - You mean the lyrics was trash
but my lyrics were hard. - But my beats were hard.
- And I'ma put some respect on that criticism.
Oh, them nails, though.
- Hey, he's finding himself.
you know, he's an artist. - And they fire!
What color is that? - Fairy Tale Pink.
- Hey, little driver! Call my cosmetologist!
I want a mani-pedi in Fairy Tale Pink.
And if it's Barbie pink, everybody gets fired!
- So Unc stole your beats, walked off with your shoes,
and you said nothing.
But when he said something about my nails,
you had to tell him I'm finding myself?
This is manhood?
I'll be across the street.
[mysterious music]
♪ ♪
- [spooky voice] Come in!
[meow]
We have a game to play.
All the teens in sleepover movies do a Ouija board,
then they disappear one by one.
Fun, right?
OK, Angel. You go first.
- Am I getting the new PlayStation?
Cool.
- But you already knew that, so--
- I want to go!
Who is my one true love?
A...[gasps] N.
[gasps] Is it a G in your name or a J?
- We got it, Tajuan.
Zuri?
- [whispering] Now.
- Want to know my deepest desire?
G-O A-W-A-Y.
- [gasping]
- M-O-M.
- [slurring] Go I am?
Is the spirit faded?
Go away...Mom?
- Yeah, the spirits said to find your own friends
and let me enjoy mine.
- Oh! - Ooh!
[dramatic musical sting]
- Who do you think you're talking to, little girl?
You treat me with respect.
[distorted] I'm not one of your little friends.
- What just happened? - Not sure.
I was too busy watching my life flash before my eyes.
- I was watching it, too. You looked so weird as a baby.
- Hey, my woman is going to be all right.
She does this sometimes.
- Well, at least you got her out of here.
- Yeah. Nice work, Zuri.
- Yeah! Now let's get turnt up!
- Wow, quicker than I predicted.
- [sobbing]
I swore I would never be like you and say it,
but I did.
- Good for you! - No!
I want to be her friend.
- Yeah, I know. I read about it.
You're doing Molly.
- I'm what?
- Doing M-O-L-L-Y. That's when moms over-love
their little young'uns. - Who makes these up?
- You're stuck to your kid, but it hurts
because Zuri is ripping that Velcro off like my shoes.
See? - Mom.
- Here's the thing, Angie.
You can be friendly, but while you're raising Zuri,
you have to be a parent first.
But don't worry. Soon, you'll be looking
up words in the dictionary so you can be her friend.
- Did you just call us friends?
- Yes. But I'm still your mama.
Now go upstairs and be Zuri's mama before I
come ground both of you. - [chuckles]
- [slurping]
[raar]
[ding] [meow]
[slurping sounds]
[eerie music]
[creaking sound]
- What was that?
[all scream]
- What is going on in here?
Wait.
- Sorry, Miss Young.
My mom usually puts down newspaper.
- Zuri, you know you're not allowed to drink this stuff!
[meow] And you're not allowed, either.
This sleepover is done.
I'm calling your parents. And the vet.
- Looks like you finally got
the sneakers of your dreams, huh?
- Looks like Unc didn't buy every pair in the store.
Today was about getting you shoes.
I don't need them anymore. Go ahead and open it.
Hmm. No glow.
Wait, try again.
What happened to the glow?
Man, they're supposed to change your life.
- Look, I tried being the man you want me to be.
But that's not me.
- [sighs]
- Today was important to you, huh?
- It was, man.
- You know what? They're kind of cool.
- Maybe they'll make them in Fairy Tale Pink one day.
- Yeah, it's actually Tickle Me Pink,
but, you know, I couldn't have Unc stealing my swag
like he stole your music. - Ha ha ha ha!
[both chuckling]
Hey.
- [sobbing] - I'm really sorry, Helen.
- I love you, Mom.
I love you.
- Oh, you've got nothing to apologize for.
Let's do this once a week.
And call me if you ever want to talk about PCP!
- [sighs] [footsteps]
- I'm sorry, Ma.
I like having clout, but I don't want it if it means
I can't be friends with you.
Even if it does make me a mama's girl.
- That's sweet.
Sometimes the praise from caving to peer pressure
feels good in the moment, but it never ends well.
You're grounded.
- Grounded?
What does that mean?
- You've got two weeks to learn.
Your grounding starts tomorrow.
- Aw. - But tonight, we can watch
a "Lexi the Unicorn Dancer" marathon.
- Duh, she's a unicorn who's classically trained in ballet
and breakdancing.
How is that not appealing to all demographics?
[mellow music]
♪ ♪
[meow, burp, meow]
- If anyone asks, the park was open when we got here.
- If anyone asks, I'm going to be rolling
away too fast to answer.
- Hey, you're not, like, going to skate in those brand new
once in a lifetime Swishes are you?
All right. Gotta teach me some moves one day
when I get that good union health insurance.
- Unc, if you're going to be my role model,
we really need to have a discussion about priorities.
- I'm a skater.
And scuffed shoes are a part of the look, Unc.
[thud] - [groaning] I can't take this.
I've seen enough. I'll be waiting in the car.
- This is more fun, Mom.
No more sleepovers. My room still smells like pee!
- I told you to put down some newspaper!
- Since when are you Mr. Smoothie?
- Since Amir told me that stuff will kill you.
Look at the label.
- Uh, I wrangled five kids, a caffeine-addicted cat,
and my mother tonight.
Let me have this.
- Yeah, but did you almost fight Little Ankh
then break into a skate park?
- Oh, is that what male bonding is?
- Nah.
It's not crying in front of a 13-year-old
when he scuffs his new pair of $300 sneakers.
- [spits] How much? - [blender whirring]
- What? Sorry!
Can't hear you!