[radio broadcaster] The Red Sox are taking on the Yankees at Fenway Park.
[passenger] Five stars.
- [broadcast continues] - [car door closes]
[vehicle departing]
[passenger whistling]
[footsteps approaching]
[door opens]
- [door closes] - [lock clicks]
[passenger humming]
[imitates popping]
[passenger clears throat]
[passenger] Hmm.
[passenger whistling]
[whistling stops]
Oh.
[officer on phone] Boston police.
Hi, this is I. M. Fletcher calling from 5 Union Park.
- [officer] Yeah, and? - There's a murdered woman downstairs.
- There's a what woman? - Murdered.
[officer] Well, uh, this is just a general precinct line.
If you're scheduling a meeting or something like that.
Yeah, well, this is just a courtesy call.
[officer] A courtesy call? You got a murder, you call 911.
Well... [sighs] ...the emergency part's kind of over, you know?
[officer] Well, this isn't the murder department.
Can you just tell homicide? It's 5 Union Park.
They like murders. They'll be interested.
[police radio chatter]
[hums]
Uh, whoops.
[door opens, closes]
- You Fletcher? - Yes.
I'm Sergeant Inspector Monroe.
Inspector? Like in Scotland Yard?
- This is Griz. - Hello, Mr. Fletcher.
Please, my mother calls me Mr. Fletcher.
- You can call me Fletch. - Did you have a piece of fruit?
I had a pear. How did you know?
There's obviously a piece missing.
Griz, check the front door.
Okay.
- What's your full name? - I. M. Fletcher.
Hmm. I am Monroe.
Full name, please.
Irwin Maurice Fletcher.
They caught me in the middle of a yawn.
They wouldn't let me retake it. Can you imagine that?
What'd you hit her with?
I didn't hit her with anything.
This your place?
Well, I'm renting it for a couple of weeks.
- It's owned by a guy named Owen Tasserly. - [yawns]
Rather opulent for just one person.
Well, before you get the idea that I'm some rich asshole, I'm not.
My girlfriend has the money. She arranged this.
Where is she? Rome.
Where I just flew back in from.
Um, I checked the front entrance.
There's a key deadlock and there's a sliding bolt
and no footprints and no forced entry.
Nice job, Griz. Take five.
What's your girlfriend's name?
Andy. Angela.
Andy Angela. Write that down, Griz.
It's Angela de Grassi. You kill her too?
May I remind you that I reported this murder
and waited for you all to arrive?
You been drinking long? Oh, geez,
I had my first beer when I was 12.
Mmm.
Here you go, Griz.
I'm not your waitress.
No, I understand that, but I thought maybe you'd like my fingerprints.
- See? Cooperating. - Mmm.
[Griz] Hey, um, guy... Sorry, I don't know your name. Evidence?
[yawns]
Do you need a blanket?
You know what, Griz?
Why don't you ask Mr. Fletcher some questions.
You're gonna have the trainee interrogate me?
Go ahead, Griz.
Okay. Um...
Um... [clears throat] ...Mr. Fletcher,
did you know the victim, Laurel Goodwin?
Mm-mmm. We never offer up the victim's name.
[shushes] It's Griz's turn.
Never met her. At least not while she was alive.
What flight were you on? [Fletch] Alitalia.
I landed at 8:46 p.m.
But you didn't call the police until 11:09.
Well, I stopped and had dinner at the Warren Tavern on the way in.
Can you produce proof of that? A receipt, perhaps?
- I paid cash. - [sighs]
- [Griz] What do you do for a living? - I'm a freelance journalist.
I've spent the last two years traveling Europe writing about art.
Quite the art collection Mr. Tasserly has.
Yeah.
Paul Klee out there. A Degas horse.
I saw a Warhol over there by the fish tank.
See, this is my theory.
I think the victim interrupted an art theft.
The thief got spooked, bonked her over the head and then ran.
No amateur sleuthing, please.
Listen, I used to be a investigative reporter of some repute.
I could be very helpful in this whole matter.
I used to play the trumpet in high school.
I never offered advice to Miles Davis.
Shut up and talk.
That's a very confusing combination of commands.
Mr. Fletcher, why are you in Boston?
I'm researching a book. The definitive biography of Edgar Arthur Tharp Jr.
The cowboy painter.
- You've heard of him. - I prefer Remington.
You would.
Go on, Griz. Okay. Where was I?
Sorry, I'm so distracted by Mr. Fletcher's feet. [scoffs]
Come on, Griz. Feet want to be free.
I see you two have been brainwashed by the shoe lobby.
My Go... Okay, look, Mr. Fletcher.
If you did kill this young woman, a confession would be appreciated.
I have a baby at the house. Do you have a baby at your house?
I really could use some sleep.
Okay, Inspector, you know there's such a thing as paternity leave, right?
[scoffs]
So, you're a journalist, traipsing all over Europe?
- You really make a living doing that? - Yeah, I make a decent one.
No secondary forms of income from more unsavory lines of work?
Writing for in-flight magazines is about as unsavory as it gets.
You got some place you can stay? We're gonna need 24 hours to do a full sweep.
I don't know. Right here's okay.
Are you sure there's nothing you're hiding from me, Mr. Fletcher?
Come on, Inspector. I'm an open book.
["Nessuno" playing]
Mr. Fletcher? Yes.
Thank you for meeting me, Miss de Grassi.
[in Italian] Would you like something, sir?
[in English] Uh, are you paying?
[in Italian] A negroni, please.
- Madame, another one? - No, thank you.
[in English] So, how is the Count Clementi Arbogastes de Grassi?
My father is fine.
But I don't understand why he hired you to find his stolen paintings.
Who are you? I'm a freelance journalist.
Uh, your father liked a piece I wrote about
an art theft at the Royal Museum in Brussels.
My story helped the police crack the case.
Good for you, but you're not a detective.
No, but I was an investigative reporter of some repute.
I don't do much of that anymore. Why?
It's an occupation that's been cheapened by the digital age, like president.
Well, I wasn't at my father's villa when the paintings were stolen,
so I don't have any new information.
Well, that's okay. I do.
You do? Tell me.
There's an art dealer in Boston named Ronald Ho ran.
He's already sold two of your father's Renaissance paintings.
The Bellini and the Perugino.
Are you serious? H-How would he have them?
Well, I have no idea.
He might not even know that they were stolen.
Do you think he has the other paintings? All nine were taken.
He very well might.
The Picasso was appraised at 20 million dollars.
Well, that hardly seems worth stealing. Grazia.
[in Italian] Excuse me, I changed my mind. I'll have another.
- [speaks Italian] - [speaks Italian]
[in English] So, what are you going to do now?
Well, I'd thought I'd visit Mr. Ho ran in Boston
and see if he had any ties to Rome or the black market in the art world.
How can I help, Mr. Fletcher?
You don't need to be so formal.
What should I call you?
All of my friends call me...
Fletch!
[moaning, panting]
[in Italian] I want to swim in your eyes.
Like a...
...piss.
[in English] Like a piss?
No, like a pisciata, like a pool.
[stammers, speaks Italian]
[in Italian] My Italian is very good.
[in English] No. No. No. [laughing] -[speaks Italian]
[Angela, in English] So what do you know about this Ronald Ho ran?
[Fletch] On his Facebook page, I found out he teaches an art history class at Harvard.
He's a member of the Mayflower Yacht Club
and he's really into EDM, electronic dance music.
Had his gallery broken into in 2015.
They stole some Impressionist paintings, um...
I really haven't found anything incriminating.
Sometimes I wonder i-if my father's new wife,
the Countess de Grassi, as she loves to call herself,
if somehow she's involved.
I don't trust her, Fletch, and I know she married papa for his money.
Well, Andy, that's pretty cynical.
Well, maybe she married him for love...
of money.
[Angela] How did you end up in Europe?
Was it because of a woman?
[chuckles] Two actually. My ex-wives said they needed space,
so I figured 6,000 miles is about right.
[chuckles] Wow, how is it that you were married twice?
I am very easy to fall in love with.
[chuckles] I'm very good at falling in love. Not so good at choosing.
How so? Well, I've fallen in love with married men,
pathological liars, two drug dealers
and a pyromaniac.
Well, now, see, I'm only one or two of those things.
[chuckles]
[in Italian] Your famine creates traffic jams.
[in English] Please, no more Italian.
[door buzzes]
- [moans] Ignore it. - Mm-hmm.
[buzzing continues]
[sighs] Okay.
[buzzing continues]
[knocking]
[in Italian] We need to speak to Madam Angela de Grassi.
[Angela] Has something happened to my father?
[detective] I'm afraid so.
He has been kidnapped.
All we know is that it was three men with guns.
They put your father into a car and drove off.
[in English] They put the priest in the machine?
Did they hurt him? We don't think so.
[in Italian] You don't have to speak in English.
My Italian is very good.
[in English] We've kept it quiet so far.
Was the Countess de Grassi there?
No, she's visiting her brother in Milan.
The kidnappers have already named a ransom.
I'll pay them whatever they want.
They don't want money.
They want a painting your father owns.
A Picasso.
That's very Italian.
[Angela] Fletch, I can't sleep.
- I miss you. - I miss you too. I wish you were here.
[Angela] Do I hear people talking?
[Fletch] Uh, listen, Andy, I need you to contact that site
where you found Tasserly's townhouse.
Is there something wrong with it? Well, kinda.
Uh, I found a dead woman downstairs.
What? Oddio santo!
Who-Who-Who was she? Who killed her?
[Fletch] Apparently, her name is Laurel Goodwin.
I have no idea who killed her, but there is a detective here
who seems very keen on the idea of it being me.
How could he think that?
[Fletch] I'm looking into it.
Please don't get involved, okay?
[Angela] We have to focus on finding out if Ho ran has the Picasso.
Okay? We have to save my father.
No, we will. We will.
Did you get the line of credit set up at Lloyds?
[Angela, in Italian] Of course I did.
[in English] Fletch, the Countess is going around Rome
telling anyone who will listen
that my father's left her everything, as if he's already dead.
[Fletch] Andy, why don't you just come here?
That way, we can be together while I sort out this Ho ran situation
and all this other stuff.
I want to be with you, Fletch, but not with my father still missing.
And now this horrible thing has happened to you.
Yeah, I think the horrible thing happened to Laurel Goodwin. [sighs]
- [Fletch] Yeah, is this Julio? - [door closes]
Hi, it's Mr. Fletcher. I was calling about the used van you had listed on Only Vans.
Morris. [Fletch] Oh, that's great, yeah.
I will... I'll see you this afternoon. Excellent. Thanks.
- [Monroe snores] - [engine starts]
You sleep.
You know what? Right here's fine.
What? I can't stop here.
Understood. Maybe you have something up there I can vomit into?
[tires screeching]
[cars hooting]
- Five stars. - Bye.
[snoring continues]
Oh, my...
Where the fuck are we?
Um...
Five stars.
[doorbell beeps]
[resident] Hello? Ralph Locke for Mr...
[door buzzing]
[electronic dance music playing]
[music stops] -[resident clears throat] In here.
Mr. Ho ran.
Well, wonderful to finally meet you, Mr. Locke.
Please, call me Ralph.
Ah, I'm sorry, I don't shake hands.
Uh, since the pandemic?
Since touch screens.
Haven't had a cold in 20 years. Please.
There you have it. Mm-hmm.
Some interesting music you were listening to.
Yes, it gets the blood pumping and the pulse pounding.
I guess that's why it sounds like a heart monitor.
I apologize, Ralph, I'm a little pressed for time.
I teach a summer school class at Harvard.
Oh, please, no worries.
[speaking Italian]
[in English] Portrait of a Woman With an Ermine Collar.
In this case, Picasso's wife, Olga.
He made several portraits of Olga,
but when you emailed me about this one, I didn't really believe it existed.
But it does. And I found the owner.
Is he willing to sell?
Uh, he's willing to entertain an offer.
What's his name? Oh, he prefers to remain anonymous,
but he lives in New York City
and I think I can get the Picasso here by Saturday, maybe even Friday.
Well, that is terrific.
There is also the question of credit, Mr. Locke.
Most of the people I deal with I've known for years.
Lloyds Bank of Canary Islands should be able to establish whatever credit you require.
It's like I've known you for years. [chuckling]
Here is a simple boilerplate contract for my services.
- 'Kay. - Oh, please.
Okay.
[stammers, clears throat] That one goes here.
Of course.
Quite the collection of impressionists you have here.
Mmm. Pre-, post-, neo-. All the best prefixes.
I was robbed a few years ago, so I don't keep anything of value in the building.
Those are reproductions. That's how I introduce my children.
[chuckles]
Oh, do you sail? I do not.
I have an aversion to boat shoes. Well, shoes in general,
but boat shoes in particular. I mean, is it a slipper or is it a shoe?
Come on. Pick a lane. [chuckles]
Is this a model of your boat?
Well, yes, I'm embarrassed to admit it is.
Well, she's beautiful. Thank you.
I hope to see you soon, Mr. Ho ran. Indeed.
[door closes] -Always fondling my boat. [huffs]
[Fletch] All right. Well, here we go.
$1200. [sighs] All right, cool.
Just be mindful of the bees in the back. You feel me?
That honey's all yours, baby.
[phone ringing]
[Fletch] Hi, Andy. Still miss me?
Yes, my love, so much. But you know what I found out?
The Countess's brother, he's been to prison.
He's a thief. I bet you he stole all the paintings for her.
[Fletch] You know, Andy, I know you don't like the Countess very much,
but she was very charming when I met her.
Where are you?
[Fletch] I'm in a Ford Econoline van
that I'm about to go get painted.
Oh, Andy, Ho ran says he could get the Picasso.
[sighs] Oh, Fletch. You must get it. It's my father's only hope.
Well, I'm sure the Italian police are working around the clock on this case.
- Or at least near a clock. - Do you know where the painting is?
[Fletch] Ho ran says he doesn't keep any art at his building,
so I'm gonna stake out his house the next couple of nights.
See if he goes anywhere to get the Picasso.
[Angela] You need to steal that painting back, Fletch.
A-All of them, if you can.
Maybe you should get a gun, just in case.
You must know a lot of criminals.
- Yeah. Andy, I have to call you back. - What? Fletch!
Whatcha doing?
Um... Nothing. [chuckles]
Where's your permit?
[groans] Geez. Of course. I knew it. Unreal.
I'm gonna get out of here. Unless I'm under arrest,
in which case, I'm listening very carefully to your instructions,
because we all know how that shit goes.
Oh, no, no, no. Look, I may have come across wrong here.
I'm Mike Wahlberg. Mikey Mike.
I'm with the City League Arts Project, the CLAP.
- The Clap? - [Fletch] I know.
Trust me. We're work shopping the name,
but our mission is to discover and celebrate some of the young artists
here on the streets of Boston.
But who's gonna see your work here?
My aunt takes this way to work, so...
Right, here's what I can do for you.
See that van? You can paint the whole van.
Then, when I drive it around, people can see your creation.
Sounds sketchy.
Well, look, I understand you might not want to trust
a white guy driving in an unmarked van
who likes to have conversations with young people, but I tell you what.
I can give you $300 cash.
You're not making this sound any less sketchy, bro.
It's for supplies and labor.
You trust us?
You're artists, right?
If you don't use that van as your mobile canvas, you're just cheating yourself.
I don't know what all that white man nonsense was, but you got a deal.
Fantastic. All right, I will be back here, right here.
Two days. The whole van painted.
Make sure you sign it, so the world knows who did it.
Okay. What was your name again?
What did I say? You're asking us what your name is?
Be inspired.
Five stars, my friend.
[neighbor] Hey!
Oh, fuck! Fuck me.
Oh, sorry. Oh my... Oh!
[chuckles] It's not cracked. Good for you.
- I just got it fixed. Hi. - Hi.
Are you the guy staying in Owen's townhouse?
Yes, uh, Fletch.
Eve.
Hello, Eve.
Did you murder that girl? No, I didn't.
Did you? No.
Did Owen? Who knows?
He has a lot of ladies up there, but they usually leave alive.
[chuckles] So what else can you tell me about Owen?
Oh, you want to know more about Owen?
- [chuckles] - Sure.
Do you, uh... [whoops] ...smoke?
- Every now and again, sure. - Okay, well, you should come over.
I live right next door.
Eve, I am under suspicion of committing murder.
How do you know I'm not just gonna strangle you?
[scoffs]
Fletch, you're so naughty.
Okay, let's go, Mr. Boston Strangler.
[Eve] My... [chuckles] My contacts are in the wrong eyes.
[sighs] Here we go.
- Okay, we are home. - [dog barking]
Oh, the power's back on. [chuckles]
I guess my check didn't bounce. That's good.
Mignon, are you ready? It's time for dinner. We have a guest.
Glad I tidied up earlier.
I hope you like music, Fletch. Mmm.
[rock music playing on speakers]
[Fletch] Did you want your keys?
I'm starving. I'm gonna heat something up.
Are you hungry? Oh, no, I ate yesterday.
Matzo ball soup.
So what's Owen's story?
[groans] What's he do for a living?
He's from a very wealthy family, so he doesn't really have a job,
but he's tried his hand at a lot of different things.
[dog barking]
Um, yeah, for a while he wanted to be an actor,
but he didn't really know how to act,
so he started a restaurant that went out of business before it even opened.
Then he invested in a hotel that never opened,
and now he's an art broker.
You seem to know a lot about Owen.
- Yeah. - [dog barks]
Mignon!
- [Fletch] Oh, geez. - [Eve groans]
Wow. That is a lot for a little dog.
She pees when she's hungry. [chuckles] I do the same thing.
Owen goes to Europe a lot, and I feed his fish when he's gone.
They're all named after artists.
Picasso, Rothko, Frida Kahlo.
Owen and I are friends. I never want to say anything bad about him,
but he is very pretentious.
Hmm.
- Mignon, you want some chicken? - [barks]
- You want chicken? - [Mignon barks]
[groans] This townhouse is broken up into condos
and I've lived here the longest,
before the rich people moved in upstairs
and started the "no pets" rule.
They said I could keep Mignon, but when she died, I couldn't get another dog,
but the joke's on them, because this is my third Mignon.
When one dies, I just get another one that looks exactly the same.
And they think I have a 25-year-old dog,
because rich people are so oblivious.
Like, I don't know what it is.
People get a bunch of money and... Oops.
- Your scarf was on fire. - Oh, thank you. [chuckles]
Yeah, I hung out with Owen a lot this last year,
when his wife left him.
I kind of became his quasi-shrink. We talked a lot.
He'd come down here. We'd smoke. He'd cry.
I've been through divorce. Yeah.
That's how I got this apartment. Oh.
Well, it wasn't really divorce.
He died on the toilet, but nobody wants to hear that story.
No, we sure don't.
But Owen is divorced?
Um, not officially. Whoa. Okay.
His ex Tatiana, she's making it complicated.
I don't want to say anything bad about Tatiana,
but she's a detestable person.
She calls herself a lifestyle curator, a thought leader.
What is that?
Not familiar with it.
Owen financed her company,
now she wants to cut him out
and she wants full custody of their child.
Huh. Owen is a good dad.
Tatiana really, really, really...
Just... Just be careful.
...really sucks. Oh.
Yeah, you got it.
You got it right in the thing there. Oops.
[Eve] I mean, Tatiana is hot if you like that sort of thing.
That's... That's gonna... Ooh.
But she is so mean to Owen.
People are weird. They like being treated like shit...
- Please, just... Good Lord. - Oh.
- I really cut myself. - Yeah, you did.
Put some pressure on that. The knife was so sharp, I didn't even feel it.
- Put... Wrap it up. - [chuckles]
Anyway, that's Owen's story.
And there's more stuff,
but I don't wanna betray his trust.
Please, I totally understand.
Drinking a lot.
- Hard drugs. - Ooh.
I don't want to say which ones.
It's like Percocet, Oxy, Molly.
Drugs are no way to deal with your problems. No.
It sounds like you really care for Owen.
What? That is personal. Just a habit. I ask a lot of questions.
I used to be an investigative reporter. I am not in love with Owen.
[both chuckling]
I never said you were. You didn't?
- No. - Oh. Well, I...
Okay. I thought maybe that's what you said. [chuckles]
Mignon, get your foot out of this pan.
Yeah, that's the pan. That's the one.
Really? You're gonna... You're gonna eat that? Yeah.
Maybe not that piece. Yeah, well, not this one.
This one's bloody. Mm-hmm.
Yup. Sorry.
So Owen didn't kill that girl, but they are gonna suspect him.
- [Fletch] Why are they gonna suspect him? - [Eve sighs]
[Eve] Well, he got arrested a few months ago.
[Fletch] Oh, no.
I probably shouldn't tell you that.
Well, what, uh... What happened?
Well, okay.
Whoa. More fire. More fire.
Oh, it'll burn off. [chuckles]
Um, so there's this banker that lives on the fourth floor, he's kind of a dick.
He and Owen got in a little fight.
Really? And why was only Owen arrested?
What is this? Woodbird and Bernstein?
Almost. Owen is a good guy.
I'm not in love with him.
Matzo ball soup?
You know what, as much as I would love to eat,
- I... I really have to be going. - Oh.
But if you hear anything else about the murder, you let me know, okay?
Sure, Fletch. Okay.
- Bye-bye, Mignon. - [whines]
- [smoke alarm beeping] - [Mignon barking]
God, again? What is this? The battery? [groans]
- [barking continues] - Mignon, shush.
[thudding]
I got it, Fletch.
Mignon!
See ya, Fletch.
[podcaster 1] PETA is not a big fan of this idea.
They balance their body temperatures through their skin.
That's why pigs like to roll around in mud or puddles
to cool off on warm days.
They have very few sweat glands
and they don't release body heat through sweating like we do.
[podcaster 2] So, the saying "sweating like a pig" is, like, total bullshit?
[podcaster 1] Well, that phrase actually comes from smelting of iron ore to...
[electronic dance music playing]
Okay.
Good evening, Inspector.
What brings you to Back Bay, Mr. Fletcher?
You know, I just love listening to podcasts in my car.
Particularly interesting one on pigs.
Did you know they don't sweat?
And they have the longest orgasms of any mammal.
Would you mind stepping out of the car please, Mr. Fletcher?
Okay, but I'll only stay for two or three insults.
Four, max.
This is a nice car for a broke asshole. That's one.
No one seems to remember you from the Warren Tavern last night.
I don't remember any of them either.
Come back with me to police headquarters.
I still have a few more questions.
You know, I would love to, uh,
but I'm meeting the head of the Tharp Foundation for dinner tonight.
You can either come voluntarily or I can arrest you.
[clicks tongue] I get it.
You want my help. Okay. How'd you find me?
We police get to keep some secrets, Mr. Fletch.
And those civil liberties are so pesky.
Hi, Griz. Hello.
Did you miss me?
No.
[grunts]
Hey, guys, is there a way we can call in a coffee order?
I'd kill for a macchiato. Not literally.
[Fletch] Nice job, Griz. Four stars. Your back seat's filthy.
Anybody up there watching live?
They gotta hear about pig orgasms. Pig what?
Don't... Don't... Don't encourage him.
You should Google it, Griz. You would not be disappointed.
So what do we know about this victim? Like we're gonna tell you.
Laurel Goodwin's from Worcester.
Was living in Allston with two roommates.
Worked at a Cambridge Café as a barista.
W-We're telling you.
Ms. Goodwin was pursuing a career in the art world.
- Hmm. - [Monroe] Interesting connection.
Well, I either just walked into a frame up
or, uh, somebody from my past is trying to get revenge on me.
- Who hates you? - [Fletch scoffs]
Besides Griz.
Well, I did put quite a few prominent people away
when I was a very famous reporter
at the News Tribune in Los Angeles.
I looked into your criminal record.
And?
Bad check charge.
[scoffs]
- [Monroe] Two contempt of court charges. - [scoffs]
A number of non-payment of alimony charges.
100 percent of most of those were dismissed.
You're a bit of a shady character, Mr. Fletcher.
[scoffs] But I am adorable.
Come on, guys. Look, all of the pertinent information isn't even in yet.
Did you even talk to or interview this... this next-door neighbor, Eve?
I mean, she had some very interesting thoughts about Mr. Tasserly.
When I showed Eve a picture of Laurel Goodwin,
she said that she remembered seeing her the night of the murder.
With a man who fits your description.
Well, Eve is a stoner. I wouldn't trust anything she has to say.
We found your fingerprints on the wine bottle.
So?
It's the murder weapon.
Huh.
Minute traces of hair and blood from that young woman.
You guys, look, that bottle was left on top of a welcome note
for me as a gift.
It was set up that way so I would have to pick it up.
What note?
Oh, God, I forgot to give you it. Here. I still have it.
Withholding evidence. Not suspicious at all.
"Mr. Locke"?
My pen name. Ralph Locke.
Sounds made up.
It's a pen name.
"Enjoy your stay."
Yeah, Griz, you better run that down to forensics, tout de suite.
[yawns]
Oh, are you Ferberizing? Is that why you're tired?
Yeah, yeah, we are actually. We're Ferberizing him.
I never knew any creature on earth could just cry so much.
But it's gonna be so worth it when Charlie can self soothe. Cute!
She's not wrong, but you have to stick with it.
You shook a police tail today. You rented a fast car.
Your fingerprints are on the murder weapon,
and someone matching your description was seen with the victim.
I could arrest you.
And we're not going to arrest him?
Who wants to do that paperwork? Am I right?
If you did it, Irwin, I will catch you.
I don't like people calling me Irwin.
Dang! Pigs have crazy long orgasms!
[clattering]
[Fletch] Hey!
Hey!
Fuck!
Hey!
[grunting]
[panting] Ow.
[Fletch whistling]
- I'm here to... - No.
Yes.
Okay.
Bye.
I'm here to see Frank Jaffe.
Do you have a meeting? No, just tell him Fletch is here.
Is that a first name or a last name?
Just Fletch.
Just Fletch?
Cool.
Larry, you let this prick in?
Hi, Frank. Thank you.
"Brown Out." Septic tank explosion.
I get it. Very clever.
Did the Pulitzer committee see this?
Fuck you. You still owe me money.
What? No, I don't.
Yes, you do. For what?
For charging a fuck load of ridiculous shit to the News Tribune
and leaving town. I had to pay for it.
You rented a fucking carriage horse. [employee] Language.
[sighs]
I paid you back. No, you didn't.
I apologized for not paying you back.
No, you didn't. Well, I meant to.
Listen, where is everybody? They're still working from home.
Can you believe it? The fucking babies.
The place is like a silent retreat.
And these goddamn millennials, they're so respectful.
I can't tell you how much I fucking hate this place.
You didn't bring anybody from LA?
Just Pete who does The Jumble.
Hey, Pete!
Hey, Fletch.
Jesus.
I hate Pete too. Mr. Excitement.
[sighs] What do you want, Fletch?
Can I talk to you in your office?
My office is a fucking goldfish bowl.
I can't even scratch my nuts in there.
Let's go to my real office.
But you can't wear that hat. They'll chop your fucking head off.
[Frank] What brings you to Boston?
'Cause if you're looking for a job at a newspaper, you're a fucking idiot,
but I could use you.
I have retired from reporting. Oh, good for you.
Mmm. Do you happen to know if luxury rental cars have hidden GPS trackers in them?
They do. In case people steal them. Why?
Well, the police are following me around.
Oh, good. I hope it's for something serious. I need a pick me up.
First night I'm here, I get accused of murder.
What? Wait, the girl on the south end?
That's the one, yes.
Uh, you ever come across this Detective Morris Monroe?
He seems to think that I'm the culprit.
[chuckles] Really? Yeah, he's a smart guy.
His father was a cop. He's from Dorchester.
Uh... They call him "Slow Mo Monroe",
because he, uh, takes so long to solve cases,
but he solves a lot of cases.
You think you could pull some strings
and, uh, find a police report on someone for me?
No, Fletch. No way. Way too big an ask.
Oh. Just be a real shame if Daphne found out
that you defiled Clara Snow in the supply closet all those years ago.
I mean, especially in today's climate.
- Mmm. - You were her boss.
First of all, it wasn't the supply closet. It was the copy room.
And it was a bilateral defiling.
Are you really trying to blackmail me?
Kinda.
- You wouldn't. - No, you're probably right.
On the other hand, I am still under suspicion for murder.
[groans]
[sighs] Whose police report? Owen Tasserly.
Write it down, you old lush.
He was arrested a while back for something. I don't know what.
But I think he might be the actual murderer.
I'll see what I can do.
Thank you.
But hey, if you did kill that girl, do the right thing.
And give me an exclusive. [chuckles]
Almost great seeing you again, Frank.
Just glad you kept your fucking shoes on.
[Fletch] Uh, hi, is this Tatiana Tasserly?
Yes, uh, it's Frank Jaffe.
I'm the style editor over at the Boston Sentinel.
Listen, we were thinking of doing a little piece
on Boston's top lifestyle curators
and your name was on the top of our list.
I know.
Well, that's just wonderful. I would love to do that.
I want a room to tell a story
and all the pieces are the characters.
I wanna feel like I'm in the middle of a conversation.
Between inanimate objects. Right.
Genius. Oh, my gosh, and this thing?
Oh... This idea of the branch in the vase?
I have... [stammers] How do you come up with this?
- I... I've only seen branches on trees! - Right. I know.
I'm really giving it a moment,
which lures the eye to this gorgeous table.
And I got this, Frank, from a convent in Cuba.
Wow. Those Cuban nuns must be very proud.
Right?
Even if they don't have anywhere to eat anymore. Huh?
Every single piece I curate is bespoke.
Ooh. Bespoke. I love that word.
What does it mean again?
Bespoke? Bespoke.
- Uh, it's when an object bespeaks. It... - Right.
...be-talks.
It... No, wait.
[sighs]
It be-teaches us something about ourselves.
Wow. Thank you. Yeah.
I think I have my pull quote.
I mean, so many people, Frank, are trapped in a world of sameness.
I just want to surround them with beautiful things.
Beautiful clothes. Beautiful food.
Don't you just hate people who are too poor to afford beauty?
[chuckles] Um...
The worst.
[chuckles] Well...
Anyway, you're currently separated from your husband, Owen Tasserly.
Yes. Yeah. Yeah. Okay.
Uh, now, is he still co-owner of Chez Aesthetica?
We had an evolved and harmonious disuniting.
And he decided to leave the company. Hmm.
Now, I... I'm sure you heard of the unfortunate incident at his townhouse.
The... The murdered woman. Yikes.
We've been reporting on it in the paper.
We were totally shocked, of course, um...
Well, Owen's been away traveling in Europe.
Right. So...
I'm always looking for ways to actuate the senses, so...
[chuckles] Yeah, of course, but if I could just follow up.
You would make me kind of a hero back at the office,
if you could give me any kind of clue
as to who might have committed that murder.
Frank, sorry, I can't help you there.
[Fletch sighs] Um...
But Owen can be so irresponsible.
So many people have keys to that house.
His housekeeper, his trainer,
his pothead neighbor who feeds his fish, and God knows who else.
Why doesn't he just change the lock? [chuckles]
Frank, I have told him a million times. [scoffs]
- [fettered scream] - [Fletch chuckles]
Owen can be such a fucking idiot sometimes.
Hmm. [chuckles]
I'm so happy you're here, Frank. Such a fan.
[phone chimes]
[waiter 1] More water. [waiter 2] Your Negroni.
Oh, grazie. Grazie. [waiter 2] Some olives.
Ah, thank you.
It's so nice.
Ah, Fletch, you're late.
[sighs]
Can I get you a drink? Yes, please.
A vodka gimlet. Thank you very much.
The staff seems very smitten with you.
Fletch, I am not going to have any of your American double-talk.
I want truth. Where are my paintings?
Well, see, here I thought they were the Count's paintings.
Oh, the Count is dead.
How do you know this?
I know in my heart. The pain I feel.
You and Angela think
I was only with my Menti, my pequeno javali, for money,
but this is lies.
[stammers] Pequeno javali?
Mmm. "Little boar" in Portuguese.
I am half Brazilian, also half Italian and half French.
That's, uh... Huh.
Uh... And what is the Countess doing here in Boston in this very expensive hotel?
Thank you very much.
I come to stop you.
I know that you and Angela plan to rob my paintings.
Confess, Fletch.
I'm sorry, how do I know that, uh, you didn't take the paintings?
Or have the Count kidnapped or murdered? [gasps]
I loved my Menti. I would do nothing to harm him.
I did not steal the paintings.
Fletch, if I murder anyone, I will murder you.
Now, Fletch, come up to my room.
I have something to show you.
Well, that's not gonna happen, Your Highness.
Fine. I go up and come back to show you.
Order me another drink.
Grazie.
Okay.
Morris, I thought I'd stop by.
I couldn't... He just came here.
You're enjoying this, aren't you? Very much so.
It's quite satisfying. What? No day care today?
My wife had a doctor's appointment. My nanny is, um, indisposed.
It's her support dog's birthday.
Is that dog registered anywhere? I'd love to send it something.
Okay, look, are you here to confess?
No, but I did have some ideas about the case.
Goddamn it! We are not working on this case together, Irwin.
[shushes]
Come on, just hear me out. What is happening?
[Fletch sighs] What?
Hands can parade around naked all day,
but God forbid you show a few toes?
Now, come on. Let's talk about the suspects here.
Number one. Tatiana Tasserly, Owen's ex-wife.
- Who you dropped in on today. - Yes, I did.
Maybe she didn't know Owen was out of town, and she wanted to frame him.
- Why? - [Fletch] Acrimonious divorce.
She wants control over the company that they share
and custody of their daughter.
Tatiana Tasserly was in yoga class that night.
Vinyasa or Bikram?
We'll get back to that.
She could have hired somebody to do the job.
Second, Eve, the neighbor.
She has a key to Owen's townhouse,
she feeds his fish while he's out of town
and just happens to be in love with him. She admitted it to me.
O-Okay. Okay. W-What you're doing right now, that's called witness tampering.
You're just begging me to arrest you.
Come on, Morris. You want me on the outside, so I can solve this thing,
- and then you can take the credit. - [scoffs]
[baby coos] [shushes]
[Monroe] It's okay, look at the cow. Look at Mr. Moo. Mr. Moo.
Daddy's got to talk to the murderer right now.
The only reason I haven't arrested you yet
is because I enjoy watching you dig a deeper hole for yourself.
Eve has a motive. Rejection, jealousy.
I hope it's not Eve though. I really like her.
Such compassion.
And then, of course, Tasserly himself.
I mean, it is his townhouse.
[sighs]
Tasserly was on a flight to Paris at 5:27 p.m. that night.
Plenty of time to do a murder before you get on that plane.
Coroner has time of death at 9:00 p.m.
You're gonna trust a coroner? They're weirdos.
Tasserly's motive?
[Fletch] He's been a lunatic since his wife left him.
Oh, and someone broke into his house last night.
I don't know who it was. Couldn't get a good look, but he had a beard.
Might have been Tasserly. He might be back in town.
Owen Tasserly broke into his own house?
- Criminal mastermind. - [chuckles]
Whoever it was did not want to get caught.
He take anything? Not that I could tell.
Lakers fan?
What do you think? What about you?
- What do you think? - [baby fussing]
[Monroe] Charlie, Charlie... Charlie, I get it.
I'd be crying too if I was a Celtics fan.
Person of interest leaving the building.
[detective] Slow Mo, he's getting away!
Watch it, pal. He'll arrest you at your retirement dinner.
Hey, guy, don't worry. Monroe's not even sure who shot Lincoln.
[detectives laughing]
Somebody solve a crime. How about that?
[Fletch] Can you just...
Oh, thank you. Go ahead. After you. Okay.
[Griz] Are you...
Uh... Uh, are we going up?
God bless her.
["Portuguese Washerwoman" playing]
Hmm.
[sighs]
[song continues]
[song ends]
Oh, he's on the move.
If he crosses the state line, I want to see where he goes.
Hey, you coming? No.
"No." Love that.
[podcaster 1] Hummingbirds have a metabolism 77 times faster than ours.
[podcaster 2] I got a hybrid diet craze that's just around the corner.
Mr. Ho ran. How are you?
- [Ho ran] I'm well, thank you. - Here for the clambake?
No, I'm just here to pick up some things from the boat.
I actually... I can't have anything. I'm allergic to shellfish.
Are you? Good to see you, Marv.
But I can have corn... Okay, bye. Thank you.
I'm allergic to shellfish, so I can't really have... Yeah, no.
Okay. Well, see you.
Come on in, Jack. Save me some corn.
And potato salad. That's all I can eat.
[singer] ♪ It's time We bought ourselves ♪
♪ Some tickets Out of Frownsville ♪
♪ I see us by a lake In a cabin ♪
♪ That just so happens ♪
♪ To come with a boat for two ♪
♪ Paddle ourselves A rendezvous ♪
[alarm blaring]
[alarm chirps]
Sorry. It's just me, Ronald.
- [Ho ran] Everything's okay. - [guest] Hey, Ron.
[Griz] ♪ You can run But you can't hide ♪
Actually, you can hide, but I will find you.
[singer] ♪ Some of these days ♪
♪ You're gonna feel so lonely ♪
[groans]
[singer] ♪ When you Miss my huggin' ♪
[Ho ran] Thank you.
[singer] ♪ And you'll miss my kissin' ♪
♪ You'll miss me, baby ♪
♪ When I've gone away ♪
♪ You'll feel so lonely ♪
[singer] Thank you so much. We're The Hot Sardines.
Wow, what a perfectly beautiful day.
The twin smells of the ocean and money carried on the summer breeze.
Here's one we call "Meet Me at the Bottom of the Bottle."
It's about drinking.
Something perhaps some of you might know something about.
You have, uh, permission to board?
I do. Uh, in fact, the owner of the boat just texted me
and asked if I could check.
He might have left something on board.
[guest] Uh-huh? Yeah.
And what's the name of the owner the boat?
Oh, Ronald Ho ran. Ah.
Yeah, he said he might have left his lesson plan on board.
Did you know he's a professor? [chuckles] No, shit.
Ronnie, uh... He brags about it to everyone.
Yeah. What's your name?
Uh, Sydney Blake. Ah.
I'm, uh, Kenton Alfred.
I'm the commodore here of the club.
Hey, your old man isn't Jefferson Blake, is he?
My uncle.
Ah! [chuckles] Yeah. That's...
Well, your uncle and I got into a little mischief...
Oh. ...back at Exeter.
[chuckling] We once stole a homecoming float
and... and crashed it right into a goal post.
- We were a little, uh, stewed. - Oh, yeah. Sure, sure.
Nothing like a little consequence-free fun for the rich, huh?
[chuckles] How is the old the guy doing these days?
Oh, you didn't hear? No, uh... We lost uncle Jeff.
No, no. [stammers] I'm sorry, what happened?
Yeah, he swam right into a... a boat propeller. Yeah.
Oh, no. Yeah.
Uh, just basically, you know, pureed him.
Oh, good Lord! Just a mess.
He just looked like sauce. It was not great.
Oh.
[chuckles]
Well, see you around. [sighing]
Mr. Fletcher.
Morris.
Are you really an inspector?
The mayor bestowed that special rank on me
after I solved the murder of a city council woman.
She got stabbed multiple times with an ice pick in her own bathtub.
I mean, I guess if you work in politics,
you probably do have to take a lot of baths.
We obtained surveillance footage from a store around the corner.
Where the fudge is made?
And the footage shows Laurel Goodwin walking with a man
whose height and build is very similar to yours.
Well, that doesn't rule out Tatianna or Eve,
or anybody really hiring someone to do their dirty work.
Did you see his face?
He was wearing a purple hat with a yellow logo.
Exactly like the one on your head.
You fucking with me? Come on.
Be honest, Morris. Are you fucking with me?
Mr. Fletcher, when have you ever known me to fuck with you?
Okay. Well, I... I see that, sure,
but it's probably a Minnesota Vikings hat, you know?
Any theories? Yes.
Irwin Maurice Fletcher,
you're under arrest for the murder of Laurel Goodwin.
Come on now! That's... You're not playing fair. [groans]
Can you do me a favor? Read me my rights in Italian.
I've been working really hard on it.
Let's go. Okay, ow. [groans]
[buzzer sounds]
[Fletch] Andy, it's me.
Oh, I'm glad you're awake. Listen, I need...
You're what?
Oh. Well, in that case, I'm really glad you're awake.
Yes, what aren't you wearing?
Oh, goodness. You woke up in a very naughty mood.
What? No, I don't need a reason to call you.
I was just calling. I happen to be calling you, you know, to hear your voice.
And I need you to bail me out of jail.
Come on, Griz. Is this about the bus?
It was nothing personal.
You're free to go.
How can I make it up to you?
Are you set for luggage?
I'll let you take me to dinner?
I'd rather throw myself into Boston Harbor.
Seems extreme.
Go, Lakers.
[phone ringing]
Hey.
[Frank] I got that police report you wanted.
I just emailed it to you. It's encrypted.
- Oh, good. Uh, what's the password? - [Frank] Go fuck yourself.
- Frank, don't be an asshole. - [phone disconnects]
[chuckles]
Okay. [sighs]
[doorbell dings]
[scoffs] Fletch, how dare you abandon me at the hotel yesterday?
The Countess de Grassi has never been left alone at the table.
Countess, what are you doing?
Ah, you were right. The hotel is too expensive.
I can't get Menti's money.
Everything is all freezed.
Uh, why did you come here?
Why should the Countess de Grassi stay in a too expensive hotel
when her almost son is here
in this nice big townhouse
near very good shopping...
You can't stay here.
What would poor dead Menti say
if he know the Countess is in some fleabag hotel?
Hmm?
No. No happy.
Now, Fletch, where is my room? [sighs] I'm sorry. I...
You know, I came here to work. You're just gonna be in the way.
Oh, you bet your big cock I'm going to be in the way.
I am going to keep an eye on you.
Okay, you can stay one night,
and then we're gonna look for a nice mid-range hotel for you.
What is this "mid-range"?
Now come, Fletch. Come. Sit.
I now show you what I want to show you at the hotel
when you leave me with il con to.
I found this at the villa.
Photos. Angela's photos. Hmm.
Did you know Angela went to university
here in Boston for a year?
No, it never came up.
Hmm. Do you know who that is?
Turn it over.
Owen Tasserly. Did you know they were friends?
She might have mentioned it. Oh.
Andy made all the arrangements.
Fletch, listen to the Contessa.
Angela cannot be trusted. Why is she not here?
She's trying to find her father, your husband.
Oh, Fletch. Fletch.
I know this is so bad news for you.
Now, where is the shower?
You want to take a shower?
No, I want you to take a shower. You stink.
I make drinks.
[shower water running]
[door opens]
[Fletch] Countess, do you mind?
Fletch, I found a dead fish in your tank.
[running stops]
Okay, well, we'll light a candle for it.
- Now, could you please... - Oh, Fletch, I am so sad.
My Menti is dead.
My chiromante tell me the kidnappers have killed him.
Where did all your clothes go? What is the chiromante?
How do you say? Uh, is a fortune teller.
She tell me they take my Menti, they put him in a coffin,
they fill it with cats, and they bury him alive.
Is horrible, no? Well, it sounds very implausible.
Fletch, is no time for a wisecrack.
My Menti is allergic.
Now, shall I make us negronis?
Sure. Okay.
Go buy gin, vermouth, Campari and oranges.
[sighs] Can I please have the bathroom to myself?
Fletch, you parade around me naked,
but I am not going to sleep with you.
You came in here.
Please do not put too much vermouth
in my Negroni.
Hurry up.
[officer] I got eyes on Fletcher.
In the alleyway, headed towards your end of the street. Over.
Copy that. Roger.
Oh, no! Oh, no!
- [driver] You Irwin? - [Fletch] Call me Fletch.
[Ho ran] Really quite extraordinary. [Fletch] Yes, it is.
He's asking 25 million. My advice is to counter at 20.
Well, okay. Make that counter.
Fantastic.
Hey, uh, excuse me,
do you happen to know where I can maybe buy some fireworks?
Yeah, New Hampshire.
[Angela on phone] Where are you, Fletch? I called a few times.
My lawyer told me that the fucking Countess has gone to Boston.
Has she tried to contact you?
I'm coming to Boston tomorrow. My flight arrives at 5:32 p.m.
Can you pick me up? I miss you.
Ciao, a more. [kisses]
[fireworks whistling]
[popping]
What the...
The fuck?
[explosion]
- [boat alarm beeping] - [popping continues]
[sirens wailing]
[Marv] It was the teenagers. They were drinking.
So sorry about your window.
[Ho ran] This boat is private property.
Yeah, I know.
No one is allowed on but me. [clears throat]
And I am bringing in my own private security.
[Marv] Oh, hey. I know the guys who used to guard Peter Wolf.
[sighs] Shit.
- [Marv] The J. Geils Band? - [Ho ran] No.
My security team will be here within the hour. Thank you.
[Marv] Come on. Angel is a centerfold?
[Ho ran] I don't know what that is and I hope that I never do.
How long have you guys done security?
[guard] About eight years.
[motor whirring]
I've never felt the need to have a gun,
because I have sort of an inner calm.
[yelps]
[Marv] Oh, for... Let's go check that out.
[guard] Let's go.
[Marv] Uh, I'm coming. I'll... [stammers] Sorry. I'll help.
Pretty dark, so be careful, guys. It's really dark.
- Okay, Marv. - Thanks, bud.
[Marv] It's just those same inebriated kids.
Probably just doing pranks, and, you know, just trying to get hits online.
Trying to go viral.
I've been doing this 21 years.
When I, uh... When I was 17, I stopped a burglary at Caldor,
and I kind of was like, "You know, I think this is the thing for me."
I... I tripped the guy, but still.
Hey, you guys like J. Geils? "Freeze-Frame"? "Love Stinks"?
I think Horan's never even heard of them.
I mean, I get you don't know "Whammer Jammer".
First record. Who's gonna hear that?
Harmonic instrumental. I mean, whoa.
But "Centerfold"?
[knocks] [car horn honks]
You really need to get some sleep.
Oh, my God. No, I don't, actually.
[chuckles]
[groans]
Fletch, I told you I not sleep with you.
Countess, this is my bed. There are three other rooms. [sighs]
Have you found my paintings?
I wasn't looking for your... For the... for the paintings.
[groans] I think the wicked Angela has you under a spell.
For your information, I'm crazy about Angela.
I'm actually thinking of asking her to marry me. Oh, no.
Don't waste your third marriage on her.
Menti was my third marriage, and, oh, he was my best one yet.
You know, I wish you and Angela could get to know one another.
I think you would actually be friends.
She hate the Countess.
I think she just doesn't know the Countess.
Fletch, are you trying to seduce me?
That is not at all what's happening right now.
Okay, Fletch. Okay.
- Maybe only this once. Come. Come. - Okay.
I'm gonna go to one of the spare rooms.
Hmm. Bravo, Fletch. Bravo, bravo.
You have passed my test. Now you can be my son-in-law.
[Fletch sighs] - It's a nice big hairy chest, I see.
You have a nice chest, Fletch. Thank you.
[snoring]
Morris! Morris! Morris!
Jesus, Griz. Sorry.
Oh, my God. I have something for you.
There was an incident last night at the Mayflower Yacht Club
and these kids, they were shooting out some fireworks.
And I think that they went astray onto this one yacht.
Yeah?
The yacht belongs to Ronald Ho ran.
We found Fletcher parked in front of the Ho ran Gallery.
Right. So do you think that...
This stupid idiot moron has something to do with this.
Fuck, yes.
Yeah. Fuck yeah! Fuck yeah!
Ow! Oh, ow.
Well, he told me his name was Ralph Locke.
And that's why I wanted to see you.
Be very careful doing business with Mr. Fletcher.
Thank you, Inspector. I appreciate that very much.
[clears throat]
[Ho ran grunts]
I missed you, Fletch. Mmm. Oh.
I missed you, too. I missed you so much.
Mmm.
[speaking Italian]
[in English] Okay. Okay. Sure.
So, has the Countess tried to contact you?
Yes.
Shit. What is she up to?
Well, spying on me.
[sighs] Where is she staying?
At the townhouse with me.
Are you kidding me?
How could you let her stay with you?
She showed up with suitcases. I can't get her to leave.
Did you have sex with her?
No. I slept in the other room.
I don't believe you.
Andy, why did you lie to me about Tasserly?
What? What are you talking about?
You didn't tell me you did a year of college in Boston
and that you knew Owen Tasserly.
Of course I did. No.
You said you got the townhouse off a luxury rental website.
Fletch, you're becoming paranoid.
Listen, I think Owen Tasserly killed Laurel Goodwin.
[laughs]
He was arrested for bonking his neighbor over the head
with a very heavy object. He's violent.
He could have easily bonked Laurel over the head too.
Owen's not a serial "bonker".
Well, look, he's going through a hellish divorce.
He's abusing drugs. He's... He's a mess.
Yeah. [sighs]
He told me all about that. Poverino.
- What? You talk to him? - Yes, we talk.
He's an old friend.
Does Owen know any martial arts? What? No.
- Does he have a beard now? - How should I know?
You just said you talk to him all the time.
You can't hear a beard over the phone.
I don't know. Maybe you Face time or send each other texts.
I just got off a very long flight. I'm very tired.
You're attacking me with all these questions.
Okay.
Okay. I'm sorry. [sighs]
Grazie. [sighs]
- Angela! [exclaims] - Sylvia! [laughs]
[both speaking Italian]
Fletch, we're gonna cook you dinner.
[both speaking Italian]
["Señor Blues" playing]
[sighs]
Okay, listen to this.
Our Ronald Ho ran is under investigation
for a possible false insurance claim
about a robbery at his gallery.
What is Irwin up to with this guy?
Also, you asked me to search the Italian papers.
Check that out.
[Monroe] What's it say?
[speaking Italian]
[in English] Oh, in English.
Fletcher's at a press conference about a kidnapping of the Count de Grassi,
father of Angela de Grassi.
Andy Angela.
And the kidnappers are demanding a Picasso painting
from the Count's collection as ransom.
But Angela's saying that the painting's been stolen.
Hmm.
So, are we gonna bring Fletcher in?
Not yet. Keep looking.
Okay.
[sighs]
- Wait a minute. - [mouse clicks]
Just like family, we are together. [Fletch] Mmm.
If only Menti were here.
[sighs] Dear papa.
[mutters]
Oh, grazie. [laughs] Mm-hmm.
- [doorbell rings] - Mmm. I'll get it.
[Countess] Who is it? No one you know.
- Is it someone I know? - Fletch, set another place.
[door buzzing]
- Owen! [laughs] - Angela.
[Angela] Come into your own house. Ciao, a more.
- [Angela kisses] - [both chuckle]
This is my boyfriend who's been staying here.
And Sylvia, my stepmother.
I know. I know. We look like sorelle. Sisters.
Uh-huh.
Quite an art collection you have, Mr. Tasserly.
Thank you.
- That my shirt? - No. Maybe.
- Owen, you are an art dealer, no? - I'm an art broker.
- You study any martial arts by any chance? - Muay Thai.
- [chuckles]
Look, I owe you a big apology about the other night.
What? What happened?
I let myself in because I needed something urgently.
I honestly assumed nobody would be staying here after there was a murder.
I didn't know it was you, or I wouldn't have done that.
- What did you do? - Oh, he kicked my ass.
[Owen] Uh...
What did you need so urgently?
Some medication.
Medication? For what?
Um... It's a rare disorder. Segegenisis.
It's... It's... It's a stom... stomach thing.
It's a... You get it from eating too much...
porridge.
Owen, come on. Tell us the truth.
Fine. I snuck in to get a bottle of Oxy I had in the drawer.
[Fletch] Oh.
I flew back from Paris early because I know I need to get help.
But I was weak, okay?
Did you come here tonight to see me
or to look for more Oxy?
Can't it be both?
[sighs] Ay. Owen, you're going to rehab.
Anything else you want to tell us about, Owen?
- Where are my paintings? - What is she talking about?
Is the Picasso here?
- [Angela] Sylvia. - What?
- Come on, you're being ridiculous. - No.
Owen knows nothing about the paintings
that you and your criminal brothers stole.
[Countess, Angela speaking Italian]
[in English] There it is.
[both arguing in Italian]
[in English] Ladies. Ladies.
Ah, Rothko. Oh, Lee Krasner. Miró...
[arguing continues]
[Fletch] Ladies.
[Countess screams]
[exclaiming]
[arguing continues]
- [Fletch] Ladies. - Where's Frida Kahlo?
Owen, who are these loud Italians?
[arguing stops]
Tatiana, thanks for coming.
Oh, shit.
[laughs] What? Frank!
Frank? That's Ralph.
He's the guy who's been renting my place.
He told me he's Frank Jaffe from the Sentinel.
Then he came over and interviewed me.
So there is an explanation. [Tatiana] Uh-huh.
You came over to my wife's house pretending to be a journalist?
Well, I was a reporter of some repute.
- What are you playing at, bro? - What is going on here?
Okay. A lot of balls in the air right now.
- Fletch, what did you do now? - He killed Frida Kahlo.
I knew you were a phony.
A style editor?
He doesn't even know what bespoke means.
Doesn't even know what bespoke... The fuck, dude!
No.
You better be able to explain yourself.
- Okay. Well, it's not a short explain... - [Countess screams]
[Owen] Jesus! Fuck!
All right. You have got to stop hitting me!
I'm calling the cops on this piece of shit right now.
Call the cops. Please. Ask for Inspector Morris Monroe. He's a smart guy.
- You can use my name. - Which one? Fletch? Frank? Ralph?
- Owen, stop! Stop! Everybody calm down! - Ow. [babbling]
Hey, hey, basta.
You! Yes.
Put your phone down. Yes.
[sighs] Let's all take a breath. Listen to me.
Fletch has been investigating the murder.
I'm sure that's why he was at your house, Tatiana.
Oh, wow. What smells so good?
Wow. Are you guys doing a seder?
Eve, you're here.
- Who is this? - Of course you're here.
- Why are you here? And who is this? - [grunts]
I don't know.
We met on the street. He asked to come up and see you.
- I let him in. [chuckles] - [Fletch] Cool.
Are you Irwin Fletcher?
Yes, I am.
Whoa! [screams]
I mean, no, I'm not. I always get that wrong.
My name is Bart Robinson.
I was engaged to marry Laurel Goodwin.
[barks, yips]
Okay. Hey, buddy. No one's getting shot today.
Let's get you sobered up, huh?
- Get some coffee in you. This is Sylvia. - Please. You come to Sylvia.
- She's gonna get you some nice food. - I'll make you a plate of food.
- [Fletch] We'll be okay. - [Bart] What kind of food?
[Fletch] Get you a bite to eat. We're gonna take care of ya.
What is that? Owen, is that Oxy?
I have a prescription. Right now? Really?
Owen, I told you. Booze and pills, it's a bad road.
- People love you, Owen. - Oh, Eve.
- [Angela] Oh! - [Tatiana] Owen!
Owen, you didn't sign the fucking paper!
[speaks Italian]
[in English] That dog is make pipí on the carpet.
- [dog whines] - Oh, yeah. She's hungry.
- [phone chimes] - [exhales]
Um, I have to go.
- Wait, what? Why? - [Countess] Ah, bravo.
Fletch, this is something I need to do right now.
And I will not be cross-examined.
- Let it out, buddy. - Yes.
- [cries, moans] - Let it out. Let it out.
[Angela] You are being impossible.
[moans] This is delicious.
Are you really not gonna tell me anything?
Andy, don't do this. You're on thin ice, Fletch.
[driver] Angela, right?
I'm on thin ice?
[chattering]
[thunder rumbling]
[grunts] God.
Mr. Ho ran, lovely to see you.
So, uh... It's last call at the clubhouse.
Oh, well. Better hurry. Yeah, you gotta... better get in there.
You know, if they're closed, there's... must
be Scuppers... [laughs] Cheers. Thank you.
- Hey, Commodore. - Hey, Ron.
[chattering]
Shit.
[Angela] You still haven't explained why you were avoiding me.
[Ho ran] I was not avoiding you. I was trying to protect you.
[Angela] You lie some fucking bullshit!
Do you really expect me to believe that?
[Ho ran] Angela, I told you. I am under investigation.
People are watching my every move.
[Angela] Oh, come on, Ronald!
You could have found a way to let me know you sold two of my paintings!
- [Fletch] Oops. - [Ho ran] What on earth is...
[gasps] Mr. Locke.
Fletch? Hi. [sighs]
What are you doing here?
You know, I was worried. I'm a... I'm a worrier.
You don't need to worry. The paintings are here.
We can save Menti.
Come on. You're like a wet dog.
[sighs] Stupid shoes.
[Angela] Ronald was my professor in Harvard.
He was also my lover.
[Fletch] Okay. You know what? Don't look so proud.
She doesn't have the best record at picking guys.
So, you stole the paintings and gave them to him to sell?
They're rightfully mine.
But before I met you,
Ronald stopped returning my calls or my emails.
So I was surprised when you told me he had sold two paintings.
I always intended to keep my bargain with you.
I was just very concerned that I was being surveilled.
I'll take your word for it, Ronald.
I did a little digging, you know.
It would appear that your father's art collection
was all looted during World War Two.
If they belong to anyone, it's probably the Italian Republic.
Okay, wait. Was Owen Tasserly in your class?
Yes. We were both in Ronald's class.
Why does that matter?
What is your obsession with Owen Tasserly?
You lied to me about Tasserly, and I think I know why.
- What are you talking about? - Owen goes to Europe all the time.
So he clearly helped you steal the paintings from your father's villa.
Then Laurel Goodwin found out and he killed her.
But instead of turning Tasserly in for that,
you decided to let me take the fall.
Because all you care about is your paintings.
There's video of Owen and Laurel on the night of the murder.
The cops thought it was me because of my Lakers hat.
You're the only one that knows about my Lakers hat.
So you are an accessory to murder and a liar, Andy!
And a cold-hearted snake.
[Ho ran clears throat] What?
Okay. [gasps]
Uh... Okay, I was wrong.
Um, you're not the bad guy. He's the bad guy.
[sighs]
Shit. Can I take this back? Can I take any of that back?
Put these on.
I... Okay. Can you...
One second.
Okay, I'm very sorry. Uh, I was wrong.
And... But you have to admit it was a pretty good theory.
- I just missed a couple of... - Shut up!
Really! [groans]
Ronald, what are you doing?
I was in a bad spot.
You shouldn't have sent Fletch to shake the tree.
Why did you kill Laurel Goodwin?
I researched you, Fletch.
You're a decent investigative reporter.
I couldn't run the risk of you nosing around in my business.
I needed you out of the picture.
I guess I'm flattered.
[Ho ran] Inspector Monroe came to see me today.
That's when I decided I had to leave the country with the paintings
and tie up the loose ends.
How did you know about my Lakers hat?
Mmm. Murderers get to keep some secrets.
Now, put on the handcuffs.
You weren't planning to take us out to sea and tie us up together
and push us overboard, were you?
I was already prepared to commit one murder tonight.
What makes you think I won't commit two?
Oops.
[breathes heavily] Ronald, stop this bullshit!
[shouts in Italian] [in English] Yeah!
Shh, shh, shh. You raise your voice again,
I'll just put on some very loud music.
Can I pick it, please? 'Cause the EDM... Just anything else.
Dixieland, jazz... [stammers] ...bluegrass.
Put on the handcuffs, asshole.
You're sick!
He hasn't had a cold in over 20 years.
- I should shoot you now. - [Kenton] Ronnie!
- Help! - Help! He's got a gun!
[LATHI (Ray Ray Remix) playing on speakers]
Ronnie! What the hell are you doing down there?
- Ah! - [Angela screams]
[screams] Oh, no!
- [gunshot] - [Angela screams, pants]
[fast beat drops]
[music stops]
Hi, Fletch.
[breathes shakily]
Uh, hi.
Uh, so, the Scotch should be a fine single malt.
Again, it's a hospital, but we'll see what we can do.
What about beer?
Edibles make me gassy.
Horan's boat is that big green...
Turned into a pretty nice night.
From a weather standpoint.
Sorry. No paintings.
What? No, no, no. That can't be.
We checked everywhere.
We cut open the mattresses, ripped out the paneling.
There are no paintings on that boat.
That is impossible.
Wait. Uh, how did you find me here?
Well, when there was the incident here last night,
I put together that Ho ran owned the boat
and that we found you parked in front of his gallery.
Well, I put that together.
Well, yes, I... I know that, Griz,
but when I say I, I mean... Griz... Griz put that together.
So I went to see Ho ran
and there was something about him that just made me suspicious.
So we did some digging and found out that he was heavily in debt
and being investigated for a false insurance claim.
- [Fletch] Mmm. - Mm-hmm. I also found that.
[stammers] Griz put that together. Just saying.
And that's when it hit me.
Us. Us.
Ho ran killed Laurel Goodwin.
Went to go arrest him. He wasn't there.
And we had a hunch that he might be here.
How did you connect him to Laurel's murder?
He's always sanitizing his hands. [Griz] Mmm.
He had the cups for the ink pens, clean and dirty.
Germophobe. Germophobe.
So take a look at this right here. Look at this video.
Look at the very end.
- Oh, look there. - Uh, what? I don't s...
He jerks his hand back because she touches his bare skin.
Germaphobe. Germaphobe.
But that man has black hair.
Found this cheap black hair dye.
So, how did he know who I really was? That I wear a Lakers hat?
Do you remember a picture of you from an article from La Republica?
Sure.
Oh...
- I was wearing my lucky hat. - Mm-hmm.
And I Zoomed with Ho ran. Wow, I am an idiot.
Thank you. Yup. Finally, a consensus.
Okay, but why Laurel Goodwin? Why her?
Laurel Goodwin was auditing Horan's class at Harvard.
Ho ran had installed some art in Tasserly's townhouse. So, he had a key.
He feigned interest in Miss Goodwin's career to lure her there.
She was just a convenient victim. [Angela gasps]
He wanted to frame Fletch. Oh, God. Poor woman.
That bastard!
He was going to kill me, too. [gasps]
I'm gonna head back to the station. Yup.
Well, let me just say I'm glad that we finally solved this case.
Together. [exhales deeply]
We? [Fletch] We.
We three.
No.
- Mmm. - [grunts] We solved the case.
Well, we. [Monroe] No, no, no, no.
You came barefoot into my office
and woke up my child with a list of suspects that Ho ran wasn't even on!
- I don't know about that. - You got your ass kicked on the boat
and almost got shot in the face. That's what you did.
I'm gonna go to the car.
I'm gonna miss us.
But you know, only you could have snuck in a place like this
and been able to just blend in.
They'd never let me in a place like this.
And I'm an inspector.
Yeah, I know.
'Cause you're Jewish.
It's not right.
L'chaim.
Okay, Andy, why didn't you just come clean with me?
This all would have gone so much easier had I known the whole story.
I couldn't trust you with all the information.
Why?
Because, like you said...
you're an idiot.
So you were just using me this whole time?
No, Fletch.
It's just that I fall in love with idiots.
I may be an idiot, but I saved your life.
You didn't.
That girl, she saved both of our lives.
Well... What was her name?
Grizzly.
Actually, you know what? I never did get her...
Hold on one second.
- [grunts] - ["Moanin'" playing on sterio]
[scoffs]
Oh, this is fun song.
Griz, one last thing.
I never got your real name. I... I gotta know.
It's Griselda. And I'm not ashamed of my name, Fletch.
You shouldn't be ashamed of yours either.
Thanks.
There's a lot of other things you could be ashamed of.
Like your arrogance, your white privilege, your feet.
Okay, well, um, thank you for saving my ass, Griselda.
- Mmm. - And if I could just say...
Hands off the car, Fletch.
[line ringing]
[Frank] The fuck do you want?
Hi, Frank.
You still want that exclusive?
[doorbell rings]
[door buzzing]
[door opens]
[sighs]
[door closes]
Menti, how are you, my friend?
Buongiorno, Fletch.
How were the Canary Islands?
Ah. You arranged everything splendidly.
Hmm.
Well, it turns out... [sighs] ...the Countess actually loves you.
She was even able to forgive Angela.
- She's a remarkable woman. - That she is.
And in Angela's defense, she didn't know about the murder.
I think she stole the paintings so the Countess couldn't have them.
I think she resents sharing your love.
Where are the ladies now?
They are spending your money.
- Ha! - [chuckles]
So I have your paintings in a van in a garage very near here.
I had a thought. Why don't you keep them?
You can't be serious.
It is better for my family if the paintings stay away.
Are you absolutely sure about that?
The paintings are worth roughly... a shitload.
They were stolen by the fascisti in the first place.
They always made me feel guilty.
- Grazie. - Grazie right back to you.
Angela is my daughter.
I can forgive her. Can you?
Well, I would have, but she, uh, dumped me.
She dumped you. [laughs]
[in Italian] Maybe someday I will understand...
...the sex from behind.
- [chuckles] - Che cosa?
[in Italian] My Italian is very good.
- Ah. - [Angela, Countess laugh]
[both speak Italian]
[screams]
- Mio dio! - Papa?
Sei un visione?
[in English] I'm not a ghost, my darling.
[Angela] Papa! Ang.
[speaks Italian]
[in English] I'm fine. I am fine.
I... I have a confession for you both.
[speaks in Italian]
[Count, in English] We make believe my kidnapping,
- so that we... - [Countess] Why you do that?
[Count] To discover who take the paintings.
- [Countess] Oh. - [Count] We decide it's best to...
Slo Mo Monroe.
Don't you have any other cases?
- No, I solved them all. - Yeah? Mazel.
Oh, I got something for your son.
I was gonna send it to your office.
Huh.
[Fletch] I mean, is that adorable?
My wife will love it.
Did you find the paintings yet?
No, but city and highway cops
are on the lookout for a '98 turquoise Ford Econoline van.
Plates Victor-Gary-2-7-0-Sam.
Apparently registered to an I. M. Fletcher.
I gave that van away, so...
So you're telling me if we stop that van,
we're not gonna find the Count's stolen paintings?
You are one relentless guy, Morris.
You would have made a good reporter.
Mm-mmm, no. I don't know who people hate more.
Cops or reporters.
It's cops.
["Halfway Right, Halfway Wrong" playing]
Bye.
[car rental worker on phone] Enterprise Exotic Car Rental.
[Fletch] Hi. Yeah. Listen, uh, I had a family emergency come up
and I can't return the car in person.
So I parked it in an alleyway right off of Utica there
and, uh, you wouldn't believe it, somebody stole the license plates.
[car rental worker] Oh, my goodness.
So someone can just pick that up.
[car rental worker] Well, sir, you're gonna have to file a police report.
Yeah. I'm sorry. You're breaking... You're breaking up there.
[car horn honks]
[song continues]
[chuckles] Menti.
- Countess de Grassi. - Si?
[in Italian] This came for you.
Only one?
[in English] Fletch. You're a piece of shit.
I... I think that's, uh, Munch.
No way this shit's real.
That's gorgeous, Mignon.
[song continues]
[song ends]
[podcaster] As a boy, Edgar Arthur Tharpe Jr.
Covered his walls with pictures he'd torn out of books and magazines
of cowboys, Indians, buffalo...
[phone ringing]
[sighs]
- Hi, Frank. - [Frank] Why the fuck did you send me
that ugly fucking painting?
I just threw it in the trash.
You're welcome.
- [Frank] Where are you now? - None of your business.
[Frank] I need you for a story.
There's a shit show going on over at March News Corp.
Old man March is retiring abruptly
and he's putting his idiot son in charge.
I need you to go to Chicago as soon as poss...
Let me just stop you right there, Frank.
I am still officially retired from investigative reporting
and there's no amount of money that could change my mind.
Well, that's perfect, because this pays roughly no amount of money.
Come on, Fletch. Aren't you bored?
Not yet. Bye-bye.
[Frank] Wait, wait, wait. Don't hang up.
Oh, and that ugly fucking painting,
have it appraised before you throw it away.
[Frank] What? What?
- Tay! - [Tay] What?
[Frank] Where's the trash? Give me...
[blows]
[upbeat music playing]
[Fletch] Five stars.