One more time, ready? One more time.
Thirty punches. Keep those eyes open.
One, two, three, four, five,
-six, seven, eight, nine... -Yes, sir!
-Open your eyes. -One, two, three, four,
five, six, seven, eight, nine, ten...
Keep going, keep going! Keep going!
-Explode. Explode! -Explode. Explode.
-Good job. -That's right.
That's it.
Pull it up, pull it up. Now go!
-Go? Now? -Now, pull it!
The explosion, explosion, explosion.
Explode, explode, explode.
Good job! Walk it out, good job.
-Good job, good job... -I'm getting punked. Who's punking me?
Yes. No.
Jeez!
Jeez.
Oh God.
Oh, my God, you're not supposed to be here
-for another 45 minutes! -Okay, well,
we gotta go because they only have gold wristbands
for the first 300 people.
Tricia, I don't even know what that means.
It means hurry up! Let's go!
I need-- Gimme five minutes.
No! We gotta go now!
Do you wanna come in and use the bathroom?
No, I'm good.
Tricia, you're never gonna make it to Kansas City after that.
-I'm good. Just go, hurry up. -I'm hurrying!
-Cutie! -Cutie!
How are you? What are you doing?
I'm going to that trade show in Kansas City with my sister, remember?
Oh, right.
-Well, that sounds fun. -Does it?
What are you doing?
I'm going to Men's Bible Book Club with Brad.
-Oh, God! -Yes, actually, it is God.
That sounds awful.
Well, I haven't been, so I don't know that.
But, any place without women does sound terrifying.
Well, if you want,
you can come to the trade show with us. It's gonna be wall-to-wall estrogen.
I wish, but no. Brad really wants me to go.
We're discussing grace and aging.
Oh, God! That sounds like a can't-miss.
Oh, my God, she's already getting on my nerves.
-I'm sorry. -Okay, I gotta go,
-but I'll FaceTime you later. -Oh, good.
Say hi to Jesus for me.
I always do.
-Okay, bye! -Bye-bye.
I'm coming.
Oh shit, I should shower.
You know, I found something--
something kind of weird out at the house, down in the basement.
What?
Love letters from Mom to Dad.
-What? -Yeah.
Like,
-from Mom? -Yes.
I mean, what did they say? Were they gross?
I'll skip the gross part 'cause I don't think you can handle it.
-No, no, yeah, yeah, I don't wanna know. -You know what?
They're actually kinda sweet.
They were like these notes, I guess,
that she left for him on his workbench or something,
you know, telling him to "Have a great day, handsome,"
or you know, "Save me a kiss" or shit like that.
-What? -I know! And...
And there were handmade birthday cards.
I never got a handmade birthday card, did you?
-I mean, no! -No!
That is ins--
I just, like--
I just wish that I could've known that that was there, that that existed.
That that existed from her! You know? Like...
I just feel like
all I ever saw was the crappy stuff, and it--
it really made me not wanna follow in their footsteps.
Well...
I mean, I always still wanted to get married. I just--
I just thought that I would do it better.
Yeah, well...
Well, look at you now.
I'm sorry.
-Just-- Sorry. -Never mind.
Don't you have to pee?
-Yes, I have to pee, damn it! -I knew you'd have to pee.
You need your passes to get in. Keynote starts at 3:00.
Okay, great. I can't wait to meet Cathleen.
-Who's that? -That's her right there.
She's the Joanna Gaines of the Midwest.
-Cathleen with a C? Seriously? -Yeah, seriously.
Look, karaoke!
-You girls like to sing? -Well, I don't,
-but my sister is an amazing singer. -No, I'm not.
-Yes, you are! -I'm not.
-Yes, you are! -Well, as I always say,
as long as you're having fun, that's all that matters.
Yeah, exactly, right? Alright, let's go do our--
map out our strategy. This is gonna be so much fun!
Is Joanna Gaines coming?
I don't think so.
-This is exciting. -It is.
Why do you think they don't have one for both men and women?
I guess it was just always this way, I don't know.
Just, I don't know
if I'm gonna have anything to talk about with them.
To the guys?
-Really? -Really.
They're all so nice.
Well, Bruce can be a little rough around the edges,
but you like Mark.
I like Mark's wife.
Well, she's wonderful.
She is wonderful.
-You're just so good at it. -What?
Hanging with the guys.
Well, it's just muscle memory for me.
I had to do it for years and years and years and years.
I'm a little older.
Things
were a little bit different back then. I don't know.
-I just, it's-- -Not that different.
I can never hide it.
I've tried to, and I just can't.
Well,
you're not the athlete that I am.
Yeah, that's true.
There's nothing to be nervous about.
You'll see.
-Yeah. -What's the worst that can happen?
Excuse me! Absolutely not!
-Pull up! -Oh, no, no, no, no.
Joel! Please pull up!
Joel.
It's ridiculous!
Excuse me, sir! Sir! That was very rude!
And dangerous!
Sorry.
Well...
You showed him.
-It's not funny. -It is a little bit funny.
Just the part where you went...
Oh, my God.
I have so many ideas, and I have so much stuff!
I hope I can get it all in the car to get it home.
Yes. Oh, well, it's great! I can't wait to show you!
Alright. Thank you, Mitch.
Okay, you, too. Bye-bye.
You know what? He is a really nice man.
Oh, that's great.
You know, I'm just gonna close my eyes for a quick 20 minutes--
No! Sam, you can't! We have networking to do. A ton of it.
Tricia?
Those are your people. They terrify me. It's way too many teeth.
Sam, just get up, get dressed. You're doing karaoke.
Now!
Oh, you really don't like me.
Oh, my God. There's Cathleen!
-Where? -Right there!
-You see her? -Yeah, she looks like a lifestyle brand.
-Yeah, she totally is, yes. -She is, right?
Well, go talk to her.
I can't just walk up and talk to her.
You are Tricia Miller.
You're right. Okay. Should I just go?
Yeah, go. I'll be fine. Don't worry about me.
-Okay, I'm not. -Well, you can worry about me a little.
Excuse me.
Joel.
Here I am in a "Mom's Gone Wild" hellhole. How are you doing?
You got the score?
I'm sorry, that scared me. I don't know why.
No, I don't have the score, sorry. I'm sorry.
I didn't wanna assume you don't like sports.
You know?
Good, yeah. Thank you.
But I don't. Sorry.
Oh, hey! Hey, Tyler! Just one sec.
Oh, totally. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
I'm dying here.
Bruce was just telling me that,
well, he's got a lot of weapons.
-You said 14? -Mostly muskets, yeah.
They go through it, don't they?
-Did you see all that? -See what?
I've been talking to Cathleen this entire time!
She is incredible!
-Trish! -Yeah, no!
She is so full of, like, creativity and ingenuity and--
But I gotta tell you, like, I was giving it right back to her.
-Okay! -And...
I'm having breakfast with her tomorrow morning!
-Tricia! -Yeah, can you even stand it? I mean,
just give me a new drink because this is my night!
Well, I'm really happy for you. That's awesome.
And I'm telling you, Sam, this is how you do it.
You take life by the balls, and you make shit happen.
-Here, hold this. -You're singing?
Yes, I am.
Thank you.
Well, this is unexpected.
-Does she normally sing karaoke? -No, not that I've ever seen.
Here he says-- This is in his fourth letter,
"Yet we often stop this torrent
"by the little value we set upon it.
"Let us stop it no more.
"Let us enter into ourselves and break down the bank which hinders it.
Let us make way for grace."
I had to let that sink in a bit.
I underlined that, too.
You have the calendar, right?
Yeah.
Hey, Joel. It's Brett.
Do you remember me?
Yeah. Yeah, I remember you.
How you doing?
Good. Yeah, great. I...
I really enjoyed the discussion today.
-It was good. -Yeah.
Well, it was good to see you.
I've seen you at church,
-and... -Really?
Yeah.
And I haven't said hello to you
because I'm ashamed
about how I treated you in high school.
No, we were young.
That was such a long time ago. It's okay.
No. It's not okay.
-It's fine. -It was wrong.
Anyway, I'll...
I'll let you get back to it and...
Yeah.
You hungry? I'm starving.
We could get some pizza!
Mushroom?
Mushroom and spinach?
I just need your wallet.
-Did you pass out on the toilet? -No!
Trish, come on. I don't know what's going on here,
-but I really gotta pee. -Sam!
Well-- Trish, I gotta pee.
What's going on?
It burns.
What burns?
Me! When I pee.
-Okay. -What?
What?
Nothing, it's--
Sometime-- everybody burns a little bit when they pee.
Oh, my God, this really burns though!
Have you...
I really don't think it's anything to worry about.
Will you look at it?
-At your vagina? -Yes!
-Tricia-- -I can't. I can't, please.
Please, please just look at it. Just quick.
Sam! Look!
Okay, just...
I mean, it's probably just a UTI, you know?
Right.
-That's not a UTI. -Oh, my God! How do you know that?
I know, Tricia.
Can't believe how long it took me to figure out how to spell "venereal."
Well,
look, according to the internet, and I'm no doctor,
looks like you have nothing that a pill won't cure, so.
-That's good. -I mean, I can't tell Dr. Weis.
No, no, don't tell her.
Who do you think it was?
I'm not even sure.
Well, was it that little short one?
No, no. One kiss, that was it. He had
-terrible breath. -Right.
-The country club guy? -No.
No, I mean, we only went to third base.
Unless, I mean, can you get it? I don't--
No, no, come on. It's not medically possible.
What happened here happened at home.
Was it the...
the guy with the braces?
Oh, my God.
"Oh, my God" what?
No, no, no.
No.
-Tricia. -Fuck me.
That asshole!
Tricia, who are you talking about?
Who is it?
-Fucking Rick. -No!
-It has to be him. -Tricia, you did not sleep with Rick!
-I didn't-- I did not mean to! -Didn't what?
-Oh my, you didn't-- -And I did not want to!
He came over!
And he just threw your legs apart and stuck it in?
No, he was crying about missing me, and I felt bad, and then...
Oh, my God! And what?
Well, then we fucking got drunk,
and now I have a goddamn disease, that's what!
Oh, Tricia.
Oh, my God!
-Rick! -I have a fucking STD!
I have an STD!
You have an STD, but it's not as bad as you think it is!
What if this never goes away?
That goddamn motherfucker! I hate him!
I swear to fucking God! I'm such an idiot!
Just waving that dirty dick all over town, and now I have to deal with it?
-I know. -No, ma'am!
You do not mess with Tricia!
I swear to God,
the next time I see him, I'm ripping it off his
scrawny ass motherfucking, ass-eating pussy body,
and I'm throwing it straight into Tuttle Creek,
and if he wants it back, he can dive in and get it!
Fuck him!
-Goddammit! -Yeah, fuck him, right?
What if it spreads to my bottom?
That's grisly.
You okay?
Yeah. No, I'm fine.
Well,
I heard you talk to Brett.
You heard that?
I did.
I just wasn't expecting that.
Well,
it's good to know that people can change.
Can they?
Yeah.
I think so.
You want me to drive?
No.
I don't think I can risk
a road rage incident when I'm feeling this fragile.
You want me to make you some chili?
I wanna see my friends more.
We can do that.
And I wanna load the dishwasher.
You don't like how I do it?
No, you don't like how I do it.
Well, you don't.
I have never seen anybody
load, you know, the glassware in the bottom rack.
I just have never seen that before in my entire life!
-Yeah. Well-- -It works, I mean, you know?
And I want-- I wanna put pictures on the fridge.
I like seeing people
that I love in the morning when I have coffee.
On the fridge?
Yes! I wanna put 'em on the fridge.
Okay. You know what?
That is absolutely no problem.
Not a problem at all.
I love you, Brad.
I love you.
Okay.
Let's go make chili.
-You okay? -Yeah.
What?
What do you mean, "What?"
Well, you just made that sound.
-What is it? -It's nothing.
It's not nothing.
Just tell me.
It's just a guy. You know?
We don't have to talk about it.
There's a guy?
Who is it? Like...
-Somebody from the bar? -Kind of.
And?
And nothing. It's nothing.
Nothing's happened, nothing's
gonna happen, but
it doesn't matter 'cause I
keep fucking thinking about him.
Okay, well,
-what are you gonna do about it? -Nothing.
Why?
-He's not thinking about me. -You don't know that.
-I know that, Tricia. -No.
You don't. You don't know that.
-Why don't you just ask him out? -Are you high?
I mean, what is the worst that could happen?
Well, I could end up with an unexplainable burning itch, for one.
Okay. Too soon.
Sorry.
I mean, Sam,
there's really-- there's nothing to be scared of.
Nobody knows what they're doing, I promise.
Nobody. You just...
just do it.
I wish I had your confidence.
I mean, not your disease, but your confidence.
It's stupid.
It's not stupid.
Yeah.
Well,
you know, it's actually very simple, Sam.
You just have to manifest it.
You gotta shut the fuck up with that manifesting.
Oh, my God!
-Did you manifest that? -Shut up.
-Thank you. -Are you okay?
Never better.
Alright, well,
good night.
Good night.
Goddammit.
Well, you were right. It's chlamydia.
Prescription will be ready in 20 minutes.
Well, good news is I got you a Coke for your hangover
and a cinnamon roll just 'cause.
Thank you for taking such good care of me.
You're welcome.
Well, you gonna share or what?
-Yes. -You know I didn't get it just for you.
You know, last night,
the way you were talking with me made me really happy.
Yeah, well, it was a moment of weakness. I'm better now.
-Even if it was about Iceland. -What?
Excuse--
You fucking--
-Did you look at my fucking phone? -Yeah, I did.
Oh, you bitch.
Bitch!
Now, I know! You have to tell me everything.
You don't think he smells a little bit?
-Seriously? -No, he doesn't smell! God.
-Alright, then I wanna know everything! -Sorry,
your window of opportunity is now closed.
-Now who's the bitch? -You're the-- I'm the bi-- We're the bi--
We are the bitches. We're the bitch sisters.
-Chlamydia bitches. -No!
Alright, let's go get those horse pills for your diseased twat.
-Oh, my God, are they really big? -Oh yeah, they're huge.
Just like that guy from the country club you're too scared to sit on.
Give me his number, I can handle it.
What do you mean "sit on"?