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So this is it?
Yeah, this is it.
Meh.
Sweetie, you know how important this is to your father.
Can you just try to give it a chance?
The roof needs work.
Well, you're here for the summer
so you can help me fix it or you can deal with it.
There's no service here.
I'm going to plant a garden.
Why would you buy a house where there's no cell service?
There is cell service in a room upstairs.
You just have to lean out the window a little bit.
I guess that's my room then.
Great.
It's the bathroom.
Am I being punished for something?
Haven't been here 10 minutes
and you're already complaining.
Just give it a rest, please.
Fine.
Keys?
Hello?
Spence.
Spencer.
She's going to need internet.
Thought we agreed we wouldn't let her grow up
in front of a screen.
We did, and then she did it anyway
because that's what teenagers do.
Come on.
We just need a little bit of internet.
Love you.
Are you the Colemans?
That's us, yeah.
I'll show you where things go.
Are advising it is unethical and it is downright-
NASA is abuzz today over a recent discovery that-
* 24 seven, I'm connected
* Text message, phone call, it's life or death *
* Anyone I care about
* All my friends know exactly where to find me *
* When the world ends
* I want a simple life
* A simple life for me
* I want a simple life
* 'Cause I wanna be free
* I want a simple life
* A simple life for me, yeah
* So stop looking at the screen so we can talk *
* Hold my hand, we're gonna go for a walk *
* I know a place the sun shines through the trees *
* I'd love to lay you down and kiss you in the leaves *
* I want a simple life
* A simple life for me
* I want a simple life
* 'Cause I wanna be free
* I want a simple life
* A simple life for me
* Oh yeah
* I don't wanna go to heaven with anyone but you *
* We shouldn't have to work this hard *
* We can play by our own rules
* Yeah, yeah, yeah
* I want a simple life
* A simple life for me
* I want a simple life
* 'Cause I wanna be free
* I want a simple life
* A simple life for me
That was Love, Lies, and Fiction
with "Simple Life."
And I'm Leslie Ann with your morning mix, good morning.
What a beautiful day in downtown Oneonta.
Plenty of sunshine on tap.
She's still on the radio.
This place never changes.
Hello, sir.
Internet Store?
Oh, we had a bunch of complaints about our service.
So instead of fixing anything, we just rebranded.
Well, I'm here for some internet.
Oh, you've come to the right place.
Transfer or new account?
A new account.
It's not for me though.
It's actually for my daughter,
but I'm paying, so I guess it's for me.
Well, you can't ignore technology.
Adapt or die.
What's the new address?
113 Herrick Hill Road.
Oh no.
Oh no, this isn't good at all.
Sir, you can't get internet.
Like not even a little bit?
Nope, you're right outside our service area.
You know, we could run a line to your house,
which would cost...
$33,412.
Son of a bitch.
Will you be paying cash or card?
No, I'm not gonna...
There's gotta be some kind of other option.
We do offer a payment plan.
No, I mean like a satellite or whatever.
It seems like the dishes can't get a signal there either.
Weird.
Figures.
What are you going to do?
C'mon, Lynn.
Hey.
Hey, there you are.
Sorry, I had to run upstairs.
The service is great up here.
How'd it go?
Oh, bad news.
Can't get internet.
Not even a little bit?
Nope.
We're outside the service area
and satellites won't work either.
So, how do we tell Zoe?
Damn it!
He couldn't buy a house with working light bulbs?
She would like for you to buy some light bulbs.
Hey, excuse me.
Can you tell me...
Kenny.
Spence!
Oh, so you did move back.
How do you know that?
Oh, you know, small town.
Right.
So how's your pops doing?
Oh, passed away a few years back.
Yeah.
Left me the store, so I'm running things now.
I'm sorry to hear that.
Yeah, it's all right.
Tell me about these smart bulbs.
Oh man, listen, those are super cool, man.
Everybody's buying these things now.
Check this out.
You can turn them on and off with an app.
Yeah.
You can even change the color.
Do you want to get some of those or?
No, no, I'll just stick with the dumb bulbs.
Gotcha, gotcha, gotcha, cool.
Hey, so where's the new house?
Outskirts of town.
Yeah, a couple of miles out.
- Oh, cool, cool. - Yeah.
Well, thanks.
Oh, no problem, man.
You know, I don't need a bag.
Oh, I got you.
All right.
Here you go.
So how about yourself?
Do you have family in town or?
Nah, nah.
Just a store.
Yeah.
Big news day, huh?
Oh, you didn't hear?
Man, NASA is making some huge announcement.
Yeah, they've been talking about it all day.
NASA?
That's a bunch of bullshit.
You guys know the earth is flat, right?
I'm not going to say aliens but-
The less I know about the outside world, the better.
I hear you, man.
Hey, listen.
We should get together or something.
You know, grab a beer.
Yeah, sometime.
I got to get back to...
Let me get my number for you here.
You know, I just have so much to do.
Oh, no, no, one second.
Let me, let me find a pen.
You don't have to do that.
No, it's no problem.
I should probably get going, a lot of work to do.
Oh, here we go.
Ah, hold on a second.
Let me see here.
There we go.
That's my cell.
Great.
All right, thanks.
Hey, man, good seeing you.
- Have a good day. - You too.
And it looks like NASA is about ready
to go live.
We're gonna switch over to them right now.
Ladies and gentlemen, thank you for your time.
A little over eight hours ago,
a near earth object or NEO was spotted
by one of our telescopes.
It was not detected earlier
due to its trajectory originating from behind the sun.
According to our admittedly early calculations,
we predict that an asteroid will strike somewhere
within the continental United States
within the next 72 hours.
We will have more information about its exact impact point
in the near future, but we are now going to open up-
Come on, now?
I'm sure everything's going to be fine.
We're in the middle of nowhere in upstate New York.
Everything is not going to be fine, Mom.
Even if it hits in the middle of Idaho,
it could start a chain reaction.
Supply chains breaking down, power grids overloading,
not to even mention the environmental impact.
Sweetie.
Humans have been facing adversity since the dawn of time.
And no matter what comes our way,
we always find a way to figure it out.
Tell that to the dinosaurs.
Hi, this is Tom Simmons calling from News One.
How big is this asteroid?
Our current calculations put it
at 50 meters across,
burning down to approximately five meters
once it gets through the atmosphere.
While small, it can still do significant damage.
Hey.
Excuse me?
Hey.
Hello?
Excuse me.
Hey.
It's going to hit your house.
Come again?
The asteroid.
No, they said they don't even know
where it's going to hit.
Trust me, they know exactly where it's going to hit.
And when.
They just don't want to start a panic.
Yet.
Okay.
Who are you?
Wilson.
I live right up the road.
Saw you guys moving in earlier.
I figured I'd come down, say hey.
Spencer.
Just bought the place.
I hope you kept the receipt.
Go.
Off my property.
Sweetie, we have to be optimistic.
Please stop calling me sweetie.
I'm not a kid anymore.
And you can't just optimism your way through everything.
No internet?
Nope.
Not yet.
Great.
Just great.
Did you get some light bulbs?
There you go.
You're welcome.
So, thoughts?
Thoughts about what?
The asteroid?
I really don't think it's anything we have to worry about.
It's probably going to hit in Idaho or something.
It's not our problem.
You guys gonna feed me tonight or am I just gonna starve?
She's right.
We don't have any food in the house.
Yeah.
Okay.
No, no, no, no, no, no, no.
It's okay, you don't have to go back out.
We'll order delivery for dinner
and then we can go to Nick's diner for breakfast.
It just reopened, right?
It'll be fun.
Perfect, thank you.
Big news that's been brewing, folks,
from NASA of all places.
An asteroid on its way to Earth.
Not sure where it's gonna hit
but of course you can expect that we'll keep you up to date
right here on your-
Cool place, huh?
- Yeah, it's cute. - Yeah.
How old is this place?
Well, it was built about 100 years ago.
It was a popular spot on the railroad.
As long as the food doesn't give me the plague.
Well, that was the 1400s, not the 1900s.
Thought you were going to college next year.
I must have fallen asleep during plague class.
What?
One of these times, you got to order your own fries.
You never finish yours.
That's 'cause I know you're gonna eat them.
Oh, that's so sweet.
So you said you ran into one of your old friends
at the hardware store?
Lenny?
Kenny.
He's an acquaintance, he's definitely not a friend.
Well, maybe you can change that.
No, I don't think so.
What, is he an asshole or something?
Zoe.
No, he's just a guy who never left
and I'm too old for new friends.
What do you want to do today?
We brought two vehicles for a reason.
I want to work on the house.
Okay, then you do that.
Zoe and I will go talk to the phone people, right, Zoe?
Interview time.
Oh, good luck.
All right, good luck.
So close.
Remember when she used to give everybody high fives?
When she was two?
She's a teenager.
They do two things,
they mope and hate their parents for having them.
I was hoping we'd skip that phase.
Well, it is a phase,
so the good news is she will grow out of it.
Someday, something will happen
that puts it all into perspective.
And then she will give you as many high-fives as you want.
Okay, I gotta get outta here.
Okay.
Good luck at the phone store.
Thank you.
I love you back.
Yeah, so what kind of classes would I be taking
until I decided my major?
Hey.
Oh.
No, I mean, yeah, I guess that's fine.
I just, I dunno,
I thought maybe something more creative than that.
NASA's press conference is going live
in a few hours.
Hopefully we're going to learn
where this asteroid is hitting and when.
The world has sent their thoughts and prayers to America.
Okay, good.
So, how'd your interview go?
It was all right, I guess.
You guess?
I don't know what I want to do with my life.
My admissions counselor says photography isn't a job.
I just wanted to have a purpose.
Then again, I should probably pick somewhere to go
so I don't have to stay
in the middle of dad's midlife crisis.
Okay.
Hello.
Hey, Kenny.
It's Spencer.
Sorry to bother you,
I tried catching you at the hardware store.
Dude, it's Sunday.
Day of rest.
I didn't know you were religious.
No, I'm not.
- Okay. - What's going on, man?
Well, listen.
I was trying to get some painting done today
and I ran out of primer.
Oh, you need primer?
I can swing by with a few cans.
Are you sure?
Oh, yeah, yeah, no problem.
Besides, I wanted to see the new house anyway.
Hey, maybe after that we can go grab that beer, huh?
I tell you what, you bring me that primer
and beers are on me.
My main man.
All right, it's a deal.
Deal.
Phone Store.
I hate this town.
Go on.
Hey folks, could you just sign in?
We're the only ones here.
Yes, but we need you to sign in.
You have to be shitting me.
Zoe.
I'm not giving you my email.
We need you in our system.
So you can turn around and sell my information?
No, thanks.
It won't let me proceed without an email address.
It's fine, I'll take care of it.
Okay, we're checked in.
Great.
Lynn Coleman?
That's me.
Great.
Chad will see you at the desk.
What's up, guys?
How can we help today?
We just moved here from the city
and I have zero cell service.
Oh, super bummer.
Let's check out your service area.
What's your address?
Oh, 113 Herrick Hill Road?
Oh, bummer.
You guys are in the dead zone.
Just going to have to get a signal booster,
use your phone as a hotspot.
Listen, I have college admissions interviews I have to do.
There are shows I want to watch.
Do we have unlimited data?
Nah, you probably got limited unlimited.
I'm sorry?
Limited unlimited.
It's essentially unlimited until you hit the limit.
That's when you get limited.
Why are we paying for unlimited then?
Well, because it's limited unlimited.
Listen.
How much for unlimited unlimited?
That's the presidential package.
That's going to be...
$500 a month for the first line, 499 every line after that.
I'm sorry, Zoe, we can't afford that.
Great.
Thanks, Chad.
You've been absolutely no help whatsoever.
It's okay.
We'll figure it out.
Come on.
Hey.
Doing anything later?
Ew.
Spence?
Yo, up here.
Hey, primer delivery.
Perfect timing.
Hey, man, you wasn't kidding
about being on outside of town.
Yeah, just the way I like it.
I dig that, man.
Oh.
There you go.
Think you could give me a hand with something?
Oh, yeah, sure, what's up?
All right, here we go.
Slide out.
Yeah, there you go.
All right.
Thank you.
No problem, no problem.
I got something on my face?
No, no.
It's just that usually
when people go through a midlife crisis,
they, you know, buy a Corvette.
Is that what you think this is?
I'm just saying, man,
you never used to shut up about leaving.
Now you bought a house.
Well, it's more than just a house.
It's kind of a long story.
Yeah?
Well, how about you tell me that long story over that beer?
All right.
- Let's do it. - Let's do it.
Zoe, can you see who that is, please?
It's Dad.
Can you pick it up and put it on speaker?
I know how to phone, Mom.
Hey, you.
Hey.
Bad news.
We're outside the service area.
I'm starting to see a theme here.
How's Zoe handling it?
My life is a nightmare.
Oh, Kenny stopped by and I owe him a beer,
so we're going to go downtown,
catch NASA's big announcement.
Oh, yay!
You two can bond.
Okay, then we'll just be back at the house.
Got it.
I won't be long.
Love you.
I love you back.
Figures.
Perfect signal in town
and the second we get home, it's gone.
Watch this.
See what I just did?
You crossed the street?
Yeah.
I didn't have to wait five minutes at the corner to do it.
I found a parking spot, I made a left.
Yeah.
Nothing stopping me today.
Really that bad down there, huh?
Yep.
You know, some people like city life.
One thing I learned, it's not for me,
people living on top of each other, struggling to survive.
Not doing that.
I hear you, man.
I've been here forever and it doesn't really seem
like I'm missing much in the city, you know?
It's always there if I want to see it.
This is a great place to just live.
Yeah.
I think everything's going to be all right.
Yeah.
That's one reason to hate small towns.
That's the guy that was on my property.
Really?
You might want to keep him off your property.
What's the backstory there?
I'd rather not get into it.
All right.
Well, he's on his end of the bar, we're on ours.
What'll it be, guys?
Oh, I'll have Ommegang and then whatever this guy wants.
Surprise me.
NASA should be starting their press conference
any minute now.
I wonder where this thing's going to hit.
Hopefully somewhere nobody lives.
Like Idaho.
In any case, I'm sure we're fine here in Oneonta.
Here you go.
Thanks for the beer.
Well, thanks for the primer.
No problem.
So.
Why'd you come back?
I was hoping to be a couple beers deep
before touching that one.
Well, I'm a very impatient man, sir,
so why don't you go ahead and spill it?
You remember back in middle school,
when my mom died?
Yeah, of course.
Me and my dad, we moved down to the city after that.
Then he had to bust his ass twice as hard
just to make ends meet.
But he did it.
You know, worked the same job for 45 years,
built up a nice pension.
And he did it.
Not a lot of people could say that, you know?
Yeah.
Then on that last day, he handed in his hard hat,
got that first retirement check.
And as he was driving home, he...
He had a heart attack right behind the wheel.
Crashed into a light pole.
He just died at the scene, check uncashed in his pocket.
And as I was watching him getting lowered into the ground,
I made a promise.
I wasn't gonna go out like that.
I was gonna find a way to provide for my family
and enjoy what little time I have on this planet,
not spend my whole life working
just to die on the day that things finally work out.
Put a stake in the ground
and I'm going to provide for my family.
That's what I'm doing here.
Damn, man.
I wish I was a couple of beers deep.
You asked.
Three people are killed and one is in critical condition
after a gender reveal party gone horribly wrong.
Hold on a second, folks.
We're getting word from NASA.
Switching over.
Gentlemen, thank you for tuning in.
We have narrowed down an almost precise point of impact
for the asteroid that is headed towards the United States.
The asteroid is currently on track
to collide within 48 hours.
And the point of impact will be...
Oneonta, New York.
We'll have more information as it develops
and our thoughts and prayers are with the citizens
of Oneonta.
You have to be shitting me.
Right?
It's not that hard to pronounce.
It's Oneonta.
Yes!
Are you insane?
Dude, you don't understand.
Listen, whenever there's a crisis, people shop like maniacs.
I gotta get back to the store.
Clear out my inventory.
We'll catch up soon, all right?
You're taking this extremely well.
Oh no, no, no, no.
It'll be fine.
See you, man.
Okay, I'll bite.
Tell me everything.
Not here.
Can I get a ride?
Come on, let's go.
Time to get the hell out of Dodge.
Mom, what are we going to do?
I don't know, but we are on the outskirts of town.
Maybe it'll hit more towards the center of town.
That doesn't matter.
It could hit...
What's the name of that stupid town?
The one with the Baseball Hall of Fame?
Cooperstown?
Cooperstown.
It could hit Cooperstown and that's still too close.
I'm going to go try to call your father.
All right, talk to me.
I told you.
They've known where it was going to hit since day one.
How?
How did you know that?
I've got people.
Oh my god.
Come on.
Zoe, is this really a good time to be on your phone?
I'm researching.
Okay, so your people?
Let's just say they know things
before the general public is allowed to.
Whenever there's chatter about something, they hear it.
A major impact event releases the energy
of several million nuclear weapons detonating simultaneously
when an asteroid only a few kilometers in diameter collides
with Earth.
That's only if it doesn't burn up
in the atmosphere first, right?
Yeah, but you have the Tunguska event in 1908
where a meteoroid disintegrated in the atmosphere
and the airburst flattened 80 million trees
over 800 square miles and killed three people.
I mean, I do feel bad for the trees,
but three people, that's really not that bad.
Only because it detonated over a forest
and not a major city.
800 square miles?
That's the size of Rhode Island,
which would mean a million people dead, not three.
Good thing we're not in Rhode Island.
Are you even listening to me?
Wait a second.
Stop.
Spooks.
What the hell?
They're watching you.
Probably want to see what you do next.
Bullseye.
Mom, we have to get out of here.
Where have you been?
- I know. - Trying to call you.
This is Wilson.
Lynn, Zoe.
Ma'am, younger ma'am.
Well, it was nice meeting you.
We need to have a family meeting, so.
Talk to you later.
On the count of three, stay or go.
Wait, what are we doing?
We're going to have a vote.
Count of three, stay or go, ready?
One, two, three, stay.
- Go. - Go.
Dad, we have to leave.
And we had a vote.
Look, we are staying.
I'm not running anymore.
Okay, I ran to the city when Mom died,
ran back here when Dad died, and I'm not running anymore.
I'm standing my ground on this one.
Great speech.
I'm sure the asteroid will be very moved.
Spence, are you serious?
Yes, I'm serious.
Look, you're my family and I'm going to protect you.
Okay, we have 48 hours at least.
This thing can hit on the other side of town
for all we know.
And it's a small asteroid.
Okay.
You get one night.
Mom!
And then if it gets too close, we're leaving.
Deal?
Deal.
Okay, so if we're staying,
we're going to need some supplies, right?
Even if this asteroid avoids us completely,
there's going to be dust and all kinds of things kicked up.
We need to seal the windows or something,
get some plastic sheeting and duct tape.
Yeah, duct tape.
That's going to keep an asteroid out.
Okay, I'll go get them.
We'll go get them.
We're a family, right?
Zoe and I just need to get some things together first.
Okay, meet me in the SUV.
We're staying?
For now.
People are evacuating currently in droves.
Where they're headed, I don't think they care.
They're just trying to get out as fast as they can.
This is crazy.
This is not good.
Hold on, folks, breaking news.
The White House has announced
that the president is considering an executive order
to remove Oneonta from the United States.
- What? - What?
Yeah, this is about the time where I wish-
Spence!
Beam me up, Scotty.
- Oh my God. - Oh my God.
I'm so sorry.
Are you okay?
I was so distracted by, well, this.
It's fine, I was too.
Oh.
Mayor Kim Mueller, hi.
- Hi. - Hi.
Dad, you almost killed the mayor.
No, I'm fine.
Oh, she's fine.
Spencer Coleman.
Oh, you're the Colemans.
Just moved into the house on Herrick Hill, right?
Yeah.
How does everybody know that?
Small town.
So are you staying or going?
Most people seem to have hit the road already.
Just a couple of stragglers,
I need to make sure they're okay.
Captain goes down with the ship and all that.
We're staying.
For now.
Great.
What were you headed into town for?
Oh, we're headed over to the hardware store.
Just going to grab some supplies.
Oh, you're going to Kenny's.
Hey, while you're there, could you make an announcement?
I'm holding a town hall meeting tonight.
Town hall meeting tonight, got it, sure.
Perfect.
If we're going to get through this,
we need to stick together and keep this town safe
until we can't anymore.
All right.
Thank you, Colemans.
And tell Kenny I said hi.
Nice to meet you.
Yeah.
She's nice.
Yeah.
In and out.
Guys.
Oh no.
Should we come back later?
We got this.
Follow me.
Reports of panicked shoppers
at the hardware store, buying up everything in sight.
Police are telling us to warn all of you,
just stay in your homes.
It's the safest place right now.
Hey, just grab everything we need and then meet me at-
Spence.
Hey, Kenny, Kenny, hey.
Hey buddy, there's a line.
Mayor asked me to have you make an announcement.
Oh, Kim?
Yeah, anything for her, what's up?
Okay, town hall meeting tonight.
Anyone left in town should be there.
Got it.
And we got like 30 bucks for the stuff so just keep it.
Oh, perfect, man, appreciate that.
Are you going to introduce us?
Oh God.
This is my wife Lynn and my daughter Zoe.
Pleasure to meet you both.
Lovely store you've got here.
Thank you, thank you.
Great, okay, see you later.
Copy that.
Attention, shoppers, there's an announcement.
Kill me.
Zoe, is that?
Yeah.
Are you-
No!
Everyone settle down.
Settle down.
Thank you all for coming here at such short notice.
As you are all undoubtedly aware,
a large amount of people have already evacuated,
but you're here and I'm here with you.
I would like to figure out what's kept some of you behind.
Yes, how about you?
Who, me?
Sick grandma.
Yeah, I just figured the government would step in
and like send a rocket up into space
and blow up the asteroid.
Well, you might've heard that there's a possibility
that we will be removed from the United States.
So we are on our own.
So I guess we're on our Oneonta?
What's the plan, mayor?
Well, I have a now plan and a later plan.
The now plan is that we look out for each other.
We're a small town,
but there's bound to be people taking advantage
of the situation.
Specifically, empty houses filled with valuables.
Now, if you haven't already,
you may want to consider boarding up your windows.
I saw some folks doing that on the way over.
What's the point in boarding up houses
when they're gonna be destroyed anyhow?
Well, that takes me to the later plan.
I recommend gathering up anything valuable, irreplaceable,
and storing it outside of town.
As the asteroid approaches, it has been determined
that the safest place for us is Secret Caverns.
It is far enough and deep enough.
And we have a bus that could help get this done faster.
All right, I will open up the floor to any questions.
This is madness.
Yes, yep.
How do we know the asteroid's even real?
I have it on good authority that this is real.
Can the government really abandon us
at this time? Be back.
Where are you going?
Yes, they can, and they have.
You hear all that?
I heard a lot of yappin' without much thinking.
You got something better?
Hey, man, sorry I'm late.
Place was jam packed and I had to count all the money.
Wilson.
Mini Munson.
Wilson's got a plan.
Oh yeah?
Something like your last plan?
Listen, man, if your plan A involves him,
I'd start working on plan B.
Well, I'll plan C you later.
Okay.
Talk to me.
I'm expecting a communication at my secure facility
in the next hour.
You should be there.
Okay, meet me outside.
What's going on?
Wilson's got a plan.
The crazy neighbor?
We really don't have many options.
We have one option.
We can leave.
Zoe.
Look, you gave me till tomorrow.
And I know this is going to sound weird,
but we're supposed to get some kind of message tonight.
Okay, there's something going on
and I have to get to the bottom of it.
I don't like it, Spence.
We're already running out of time.
Tomorrow, okay?
Promise.
Okay, fine.
See you back at the house.
Let's see this secure facility.
So this is it, huh?
What?
This isn't secure enough for you?
Is that a serious question?
Why so tense, Spence?
How do you know you can trust these people, Wilson?
Any minute now.
Bingo.
A gravity device?
That's what it says.
I'm Leslie Ann
with coverage on the asteroid story.
We've had people from Oneonta in a mass exodus
from the city of Oneonta to escape the asteroid
and the aftermath,
evacuating now apparently to Secret Caverns
just outside of Cobleskill,
a safe haven away from all of the dust and destruction.
Okay.
We are asteroid-proof.
Did you gain any game-changing information
from that top secret message?
Well, I have a meeting tonight.
Guys!
The exact coordinates of the asteroid impact.
42.495821 and negative 75.076065.
Wait, what was that second one?
Again, that is 42.495821
and negative 75.076065.
Come on, piece of shit!
Zoe, language!
It's the house.
What?
The coordinates put the exact impact point
at 113 Herrick Hill Road, Oneonta, New York.
Our thoughts and prayers are with-
Spence.
How?
I guess the crazy neighbor ain't so crazy after all.
You knew this entire time?
No, no, I mean, Wilson, he told me, but I didn't,
I didn't believe him.
Why didn't you say anything?
Because I thought he was crazy.
I didn't know there was something to tell you.
We're leaving now.
No, no, this doesn't make, this doesn't make any sense.
Dad, the only thing that makes sense is that we leave.
There's something else going on here, like Wilson.
How did he know that it was going to be this place?
Like specifically, how did he know that it's this?
He's a psycho!
Dad, even a broken clock is right twice a day.
I'm packing a bag.
Make that two.
Spencer.
Spencer, look at me.
We have to go.
Now.
I can't.
I have a meeting.
You keep talking about this meeting.
What is going on?
What?
Tell me, what?
It...
It's a gravity device.
Please repeat that.
Gravity device.
Mom, we're leaving!
No, no.
Zoe, Lynn, would you just please-
Spencer, I told you,
this thing gets too close and you don't have a solution,
we're leaving.
Do you have a solution?
Yes.
No, you don't!
Mom, come on!
Could you please stay?
Spencer, I love you, but I have to do what's right here.
I'm taking our daughter and I'm leaving.
Stay.
Spoke with our brokers in the city.
The buyers haven't closed on our place,
so that's where you can find us.
Guys.
Dad, you know you're wrong.
Be safe, be safe.
Hey, man, I came as soon as-
Hey, Kenny, ask him about his plan!
Where they going?
What's the plan, Spence?
Gravity device.
What?
No wonder they're leaving.
You're still stepping into Wilson's bullshit?
Look, I know this sounds absurd, okay,
but Wilson knew that the asteroid was going to hit Oneonta.
Specifically, he knew it was going to hit my house.
Spence, how could he possibly have known that?
I don't know.
But whatever beef you have with him,
can you just please put it aside
until we can figure out what the hell is going on?
No, no, hell no, fat chance.
Now what?
No, stop!
Do not come up my drive, stop right there.
Hey, you Stuart Coleman?
Who's asking?
I'm just here to report the news.
Don't shoot the messenger.
Vulture.
Shit, there's no signal.
Hey, seem to be having a little trouble with our satellite,
Would you mind if maybe we borrow some internet off you?
No, no internet.
Really, not even a little?
No!
$30,000 if you want to run a line to my house, go for it!
Dump.
Can't wait till this place goes up in smoke.
Sorry about your house!
Hey, hey.
Who do you work for?
We don't work for anyone you need to know about,
Mr. Coleman.
Knock it off.
Okay, so you creeps know my name.
How about you return the favor?
Okay, fair enough.
I'm Agent Thomson, this is Agent Thompson.
Thompson with a P.
That's cute.
It's come to our attention that you have plans tonight
to meet with a rogue organization
in order to gain possession of equipment,
equipment that doesn't even belong to them, let alone you.
Knock it off.
Okay, and?
Just be very careful how you proceed.
You're toying with powers a lot bigger than yourself.
Great, noted.
Now, I have bigger things to deal with,
so please get off my prop...
Property.
Little too close.
The line's actually...
No, it's there.
It's actually right here.
No, it's there.
All right.
Get off my property.
If you ask me, it's, well...
Have a nice day, gentlemen.
Let's get out of here.
Dude, you have had one hell of a morning.
Listen, Spencer, I think it's...
I think it's time to cut your losses, man.
What's left to lose?
My family already left me, we got reporters showing up,
agents walking through my bushes,
and an asteroid is about to hit my house.
Why don't you just tell me what's up with you and Wilson?
No, no, that's not important right now.
No, I saw how you were staring at him at the bar.
Spill it.
All right.
All right, listen.
He sold my dad a majority stake in a mining company.
Put his entire life savings in
so he can have exclusive rights to this new mineral
or something that's buried underneath Oneonta.
The only problem is there's all these houses in the way.
So on the outside of town,
there's a warehouse full of mining equipment
that can't mine.
Yeah, I guess I could understand
why you're pretty pissed off.
Yeah.
Does that mean you're not coming to the meeting tonight?
What, the top secret gravity device meeting?
Look, man, I know it sounds absurd,
but I could really use you there.
All right, listen, I'll be there, okay?
But only to watch Wilson fail, right?
And to watch your back, because that's what friends do.
Yeah.
I guess we are friends, aren't we?
Were we not?
I don't understand why we all had to cram into your van
to come here.
The fewer vehicles, the better.
Makes for a quick getaway.
You expecting the need for a quick getaway?
Is there a different kind of getaway?
I know I'm gonna regret asking this,
but, Wilson, why am I sitting on a damn toilet?
Clearly, you have never been on a stakeout.
You're saying this thing works?
Give it a try.
Oh, they're here.
I'll be back.
Don't play with anything.
I'll give you something to play with.
What are they saying?
I don't know.
Probably something stupid.
I'm starving.
Is there anything to eat in here?
Got it.
Hey.
Good thing I'm not a diabetic, huh?
Want some?
What's going on with you?
Where's the device?
Oh, they don't have it.
I'm sorry, what?
Hey, man, I told you.
What are we doing here then?
They said we already have it, somewhere here in Oneonta.
Probably on your property.
No, no, that doesn't make any sense.
How could it possibly be in Oneonta on my property?
I am just saying what they told...
Don't tell me you ate those.
Why?
How many?
Why?
That's my concert stash.
Like in your munchies stash?
No, like when I want my own private light show stash.
Each one of those has a drop of white fluff.
LSD.
Acid.
Wilson, stop playing, man, that's not funny.
Yeah, it's not funny.
Those things aren't cheap.
Wait, let me get this straight, man.
So if me and Spence each had 10 Sour Patch Kids,
you saying that's 10 hits of acid?
Yes, sir.
And at market rates, you each owe me 100 bucks.
Oh yeah, I bet.
How about you just take it out of what you owe my dad?
You might want to check that rage.
You're in for a bad night.
Oh my god.
About that quick getaway, go, go, Wilson, go.
All right, everyone out of the van!
Hey! Goddamn it, every time!
You ever think about putting some seat belts
on this damn thing?
In what scenario do you see me driving this van
while sitting on a toilet?
Uh, Spence, Spence, are you feeling something?
Yeah.
Why is it kicking in so fast?
Probably from all the adrenaline coursing
through your veins.
Okay, this isn't happening, man.
Is this really happening?
Do you have a solution?
No, you don't.
Please repeat that.
Adapt or die.
I just want it to go away!
How did you do that?
Are these that strong?
Hey, so, so, so where's the stupid asteroid anyway?
You think it'd be lighting up the sky by now.
Oh, you don't see an asteroid till it's too late.
You're thinking about comets.
What about shooting stars?
Those are technically meteors.
Unless they survive the atmosphere, then they're meteorites.
How do you have all this memorized?
How do you not?
Guess I must've fell asleep in meteor class.
It's the universe.
The one thing everybody should understand.
Yeah, I think I avoid it
because it makes me feel uncomfortable.
Universe makes you feel uncomfortable, Kenny?
No, no, no, no, like realizing how small I am.
You know, that makes me uncomfortable.
You shouldn't feel uncomfortable
just because you're short.
Shut up, dickhead.
I mean, I mean, I mean, think about it, guys,
like seriously, somewhere out there in space,
you know, far away, is this big ass piece of rock
that we can't even see
that's a short period of time away
from potentially killing us all.
I mean, if that, if that doesn't...
If that doesn't tell you how fragile everything is,
I don't know what does.
I would find that liberating.
But, but who's going to remember me, you know?
I think you're being pretty hard on yourself there, Kenny.
Am I?
I don't have any kids.
I don't have a family.
I just got a hardware store and that's...
That's not much of a legacy.
If it makes you feel any better,
in the end, nothing anybody does matters.
We're all just killing time until the sun eats us.
Well, gentlemen, I am going to perambulate back
to my domicile, slap on some Floyd,
and pack the rest of my necessities.
Oh, Kenny.
Good job tonight.
Whatever you did.
Bullseye.
Shut up, man.
I'm still mad at you.
I know.
Ciao, bambinos.
Think I'm gonna go ahead and head on to home myself.
Yeah.
Couple of miles back to town.
I'll be all right.
Figure I could use the walk.
All right.
Ciao for now.
I don't feel so good.
Oh.
What happened?
Oh, hey, Mr. Coleman.
Hey, it's...
Milton, right?
That's right.
Great news.
What great news can you possibly have for me?
Well, the news pitched in the 30K
to run a line to your house.
Isn't that great?
It's great.
But I'm not going to need internet anymore.
Oh, it's not for you.
It's so they can broadcast the destruction of your house.
How can they do that?
They said the advertising revenue alone makes it worth it.
Oh, hey, did you hear?
Not again.
Hi, Mr. Coleman!
Guess we're living in our own country now, huh?
Maybe you could run for president when this is all over.
The hell you talking about?
It's too bad about your house,
but we'd really like to get an interview, if you don't mind.
All right, if I don't mind.
All right, you know what?
Oh my God, Mom, Mom!
What?
We are live with Spencer Coleman,
whose house is due to be vaporized by an asteroid.
Mr. Coleman, how are you feeling?
How the fuck do you think I'm feeling?
Next question.
Spencer.
I didn't think he'd actually stay.
I thought it was a bluff.
I may have been bluffing a little bit too.
You know what the funny part is, huh?
None of this matters.
Everything that we're doing, it doesn't matter.
And nobody is going to remember you or you
and nobody is gonna remember me.
No, everything we're doing is pointless.
We're just killing time until the sun eats us.
We got the shot, let's go, let's go.
Get off, off my property.
Damn it.
I can see it now.
Crazy man yells at news crew.
We have to get him out of there.
Let's go, come on.
Here, Mr. Coleman.
The first month is free.
Although I suppose your first month will be your only month.
Sorry.
Thank you, Milton.
Now, can you please get off my-
Get off your property.
On it.
I'm leaving town, so it was nice knowing...
Meeting you.
Bye.
Sorry about your house!
* We're just killing time until the sun eats us *
Jesus.
What?
Dad's gone viral.
Is that good?
Going viral is great
for everyone except the person going viral.
Spence, hey, hey man.
You okay?
Top of the world, Kenny.
Couldn't be better.
Why do you ask?
You're...
You're kind of famous.
What even happened last night?
How did we get out of the...
There was a car chase and...
You haven't heard, have you?
It's official.
Oneonta has been removed from the United States.
Yeah.
We have a president that would rather ignore
the whole situation than deal with it.
So as a result, we're our own country now.
Yeah.
I guess the spooks were out of their jurisdiction
and had to turn back.
Meanwhile, Kim's evacuating everyone
that's left in town to the caverns.
So will I see you there?
Look, Spence, man.
I think you put up a good fight and did everything you can,
even including trusting your crazy neighbor
on a slight chance that he was right.
Dude, he was wrong.
You have a family, man,
and that's way more important than a house full of stuff.
It figures.
We move everything up here
just to have it destroyed, you know?
You ever seen a hearse
with a trailer hitch attached to it?
It's just stuff, man.
And as for the house, you know,
it's nowhere near as important as the people inside of it.
Right?
I'll see you the caverns?
Yeah.
I just have to say goodbye first.
I don't know what to take from the house.
How about you just grab one thing that's irreplaceable?
Irreplaceable.
Want some internet?
Extended wifi.
I'll be damned.
With the asteroid impact imminent,
we will be off the air until further notice.
Be safe, everyone.
This is Leslie Ann signing off.
Dad?
You came back.
We did.
I take it you saw-
We did.
Time to go, Spencer.
It's going to be okay.
Come on, everybody.
File inside in an orderly manner, please.
Come on.
There we go.
All right.
Good.
Are you sure we're going to be safe down here?
Seems like people are getting a little restless.
Do you want to give a tour or something?
Okay, sure.
I'm getting pretty restless myself, so.
Folks, welcome to Secret Caverns,
100 feet below the surface.
Now if you'll follow me down the petrified escalator...
Hey, is there any wifi I can hop on down here?
Hey, Chad, right?
Mrs. Coleman.
Hey, did you guys ever get any internet?
We did, yeah.
Just in time for an asteroid to hit our house.
Figures, right?
Classic.
Hey, did you see that crazy man on the news today?
Yeah, I did actually.
That's my husband.
Spencer.
Holy shit, it's you.
Can I get a selfie?
You're famous, Dad.
Or like even a video would be awesome.
Is that okay?
Yeah, sure, whatever.
We're just killing time until the sun eats us all.
I feel like I'm married to a celebrity.
Thanks, man.
This is going to get so many likes.
It's weird that you guys don't have service up here though,
because they put the tower up there real recently.
This is awesome.
I'm going to go post this.
Thank you so much, man.
So?
Mom, stop.
Yeah, I'm just going to hang back and wait for Chad.
The caverns began forming
approximately six million years ago,
long before the wooly mammoth, but long after the dinosaurs.
The caverns were discovered in 1928,
when two bovine explorers fell through the ground.
Bovine explorers?
Cows.
Apart from the stalactites and the stalagmites-
What's on your mind, Spence?
How's there no cell service
when they just built a brand new tower?
Maybe it's not activated yet.
Maybe.
The cavern's mining rough will reveal garnets,
rose quartz, fools gold, emeralds, aquamarines, and more.
Maybe.
Maybe I am just a crazy old man
and it's a downward spiral from here.
Be standing on the corner in my bathrobe,
flashing all the ladies.
I like your bathrobe though.
I'm changing my last name.
In fact, if some of you remember, a few decades ago,
a group of geologists discovered a vast deposit
of rare minerals underneath Oneonta.
The potential dollar value was so high
that it could not be calculated.
Why didn't they dig for it?
I'm sure they would have loved to.
The only problem is there's all these houses in the way.
What was that?
Can't dig for precious metals
if everyone's living on top of it.
I got to go.
What?
Where?
I just have to make sure I'm not crazy.
You are, absolutely.
Spencer, we came all the way back here
to make sure you were safe
and now you're just going to leave us again?
Just stay here, okay?
I'll be fast.
I have to...
I think I can save the house.
Just wait for me right here.
You go after him.
Dad!
Kenny.
Do you have bolt cutters?
Yeah.
Meet me in the truck.
What, we're leaving right now?
Zoe, what are you doing?
You don't have time.
Zoe, you have to trust me on this.
It's going to eat away at me forever if I don't try.
You know what really eats away at someone?
An asteroid.
I'll be back.
I promise.
Ever since we got here,
it's like all you care about is this house.
It's like Mom and I don't even exist.
It's kind of turned you into an asshole.
Zoe.
I love you.
Hey, bolt cutter delivery.
But why? Let's go.
Where are you two scurrying off to?
Man, so many likes.
Great.
Battery's almost dead.
You get the Pro or the Pro Max?
The Pro, why?
Pro sucks.
You suck.
Max is 3% more battery life.
Wow, a whole 3%?
Well, 3% would come in pretty handy right about now,
wouldn't it?
Whatcha watching?
Where we going, Spence?
Cell phone tower.
Care to elaborate?
'Cause this isn't normal.
None of this is normal, my entire life.
It hasn't been normal since I moved here.
And the only thing I can think of to fix this crazy problem
is this crazy solution.
Simple.
Why am I not hearing any of this?
Oh, I'll be damned.
The person who knows everything doesn't know
what's going on right now.
Maybe it's because your ears are a lot closer
to the ground than mine are.
Whatever, look, as long as we're back in time, okay?
You know, asteroid?
We'll make it.
This is News Channel One reporting
from the US Oneonta border
where we are only a short time away from impact.
As you can see behind me,
people are still scrambling to evacuate.
We'll be setting up our remote cameras
and then moving off to a safe distance.
We'll talk to you soon.
You sure you set this up with enough headroom, right?
I mean, you realize we're talking an asteroid.
Boom, big mushroom cloud.
Hey.
Wasn't that?
Hey, saw your family pass a few minutes ago.
Oh, no, I don't have a family.
No, I just have two people
who do whatever the hell they want
and we just happen to live in the same house.
Well, we did live in the same house
until it was to get blown up by an asteroid.
It's okay, Lynn, it's okay.
No, it's not.
It's not okay.
I have totally lost control.
I have completely lost control.
I've just been trying to optimism my way
through this whole thing and it has finally caught up to me.
Mayor, I just, I just wanted a garden.
Are you okay?
You seem like you might be a little claustrophobic.
No, I'm definitely claustrophobic.
All right, now what?
I have no idea.
Just looks like it doesn't belong.
I don't know, it looks like it belongs to me.
Technically speaking, something that doesn't belong
would want to look like it does belong.
Okay, well, how about you guys stop saying the word belong
and help me out here?
No service.
Yeah, I got nothing neither.
Wilson?
I don't carry one of those things around.
Are you nuts?
So we've got a brand new cell tower, no cell service,
and a gigantic mineral deposit underneath Oneonta.
Oh, and an asteroid coming.
Soon.
Asteroid comes soon.
What's the missing piece here?
Well, did they give you a timeline
of how long we would be down here?
No.
I'm kind of winging it at this point, if I'm being honest.
I'm sorry.
Pressure of a family is a lot
but I can't imagine the pressure of an entire town,
especially in this situation.
How are you doing this?
I drink a lot of wine.
Did you bring any?
No, no.
I should have though.
Hey, maybe they have some upstairs.
All right, Wilson.
You've had your ear to the ground this whole time.
What do you think?
All right.
Spitballing here.
I would imagine that the electronic interference
you've been experiencing
on your property is the direct byproduct
of a mineral deposit discovered decades ago in Oneonta.
And my readings seem to indicate that your house,
if you'll excuse the expression, is ground zero.
Somebody somewhere wants to get underneath your land.
And they found the perfect cover to do it under.
So damn, so this is the gravity device.
Something like that.
The asteroid probably shares some property with the mineral,
so it's more like a magnet.
Well, whatever it is,
we got to get inside and take a closer look at this thing.
Kenny?
If this thing is the culprit,
we should be able to just cut the power
and the asteroid will go off course.
Well, whatever it takes,
if it means saving the house.
Wait, wait, wait, Spence, hold on, wait a minute.
Are we here to save your house or to save the town?
You said the house.
I did.
But yeah, man, but what about my house?
What about dickhead's house?
What about my store?
Shit.
Sorry.
More importantly, have you thought about what happens
if you do kill the power?
What is this?
Casual Friday?
We're off the clock.
This is civilian conversation.
Oh, I see what you're doing here,
it's that reverse psychology.
Just regular psychology. Mr. Coleman.
What happens if you do manage
to knock the asteroid off its course?
I don't know.
Maybe it flies past Earth and hits Uranus.
You do realize it's a little too late for that, right?
All you're going to do is take out another town
or another city that hasn't been preparing for this.
You're one stubborn son of a bitch, Mr. Coleman.
It seems like no matter how hard they tried
to scare you off, you just stayed behind.
And everyone was supposed to just leave town,
make things easy.
Guys, we should probably be going.
Wait, what are you implying?
You still haven't figured it out, huh?
I think you're going to find that when all is said and done,
you'll be in a much better position than you realize.
Oh yeah.
Chopper's waiting.
Look forward to negotiating.
She was right.
Who?
Zoe.
I've been an asshole.
Maybe.
But maybe this is a situation where everyone's an asshole.
Yeah, but at least you're about to be rich assholes.
What do you mean by that?
The minerals underneath your house?
I assume that's why you bought it in the first place.
Oh my God.
Oh my, guys, the whole reason
that the mining company was a bust in the first place was
because all the houses in the way.
And now there won't be any houses.
And we're our own country now,
which means the government can't come in
and claim eminent domain.
And Kenny, you own the only business
with the ability to clean up the mess
and get that shit out of the ground once the dust settles.
So, you're welcome.
Uh, guys?
The asteroid?
Thought you knew where you were going, genius.
I do know where we're going,
it's just, I must've taken a wrong turn somewhere up here.
I'm just trying to figure it out on the maps,
which unfortunately I don't have any service,
so give me a second.
So you don't know where you're going.
I know exactly where we're going.
We're going to the caverns.
It's a few minutes away.
I just took a wrong turn somewhere.
Listen, Christopher Columbus.
At this rate, you're not going to get us anywhere.
Hey, is that crazy Coleman?
Come on, we gotta stop him.
Hey, stop, stop!
Stop, in the name of the first amendment!
Come on, get over here.
Are you guys insane?
There's an asteroid coming.
We're just minutes away from impact
and we are here live with Mr. Coleman.
Mr. Coleman, you've become quite a celebrity
since the last time we saw you.
Do you have any comments for us?
Yeah.
Yeah, I have some comments for you.
Yeah.
I guess your job is about
to get a whole lot more complicated, huh?
Why's that?
The whole being removed from the United States thing?
What does that even mean?
We're the country of Oneonta now?
I'm not sure.
It's not like I got a call
from the United Nations or anything.
We'll just have to figure that out
after the dust settles, I guess.
What do you call the mayor of a country?
Wait, isn't that your husband again?
Do you have any comments for us?
Yeah.
Yeah, I have some comments for you.
Yeah.
I was wrong.
Could you just repeat that?
I said I was wrong.
Your dad's in the news again.
I moved my family up here for a simple life.
And it backfired.
They think I'm an absolute lunatic.
They're right.
Lynn, Zoe, I hope you're watching.
I love you so much.
I'm so, so sorry.
I was so focused on the stupid house,
I forgot about the people inside.
So you know, go ahead.
Take my house, wipe it off the face of the planet.
If it takes an asteroid to destroy everything,
to make things right, so be it.
I don't know what's going to happen when this thing hits.
It doesn't matter
because I think we're going to be all right.
'Cause we'll rebuild.
We're not gonna rebuild the way things were.
We're gonna build something better, together.
Now, if you'll excuse me, I have a family to get back to.
Oh, I'm sorry about the shoe and the truck.
Yeah.
And there you have it, folks.
Let's get the hell out of here.
Man, your dad is so cool.
Really, you think so?
Yeah, I mean, look at him.
He's clearly not afraid to say what's on his mind
and he looks like he cares a lot about you and your mom.
I guess.
I don't know, to me, he's just always been Dad.
Here's the thing about parents though.
It's like you get 30, maybe 40 years with them,
if you're lucky.
You spend the first 10 just crawling around,
not knowing what's going on.
Then the next 10, you hate their guts.
Then I don't know,
I think you just spend the rest of the time you have
with them just trying to make up for it.
So you and your dad get along?
No, my dad's a moron.
But we're working on it.
Zoe!
Lynn.
Hey.
You made it back.
I'm back.
Nice speech.
High five.
Don't make it weird, Dad.
So this is it?
This is it.
Oh, sorry, I didn't know we were doing a thing.
Let's go inside.