1
00:00:05,090 --> 00:00:06,591
[Harriet] I don't feel sick.
2
00:00:08,802 --> 00:00:11,054
Why do I have to see a doctor?
3
00:00:11,054 --> 00:00:13,974
A psychiatrist is a special kind
of doctor, honey.
4
00:00:13,974 --> 00:00:15,850
Dr. Wagner is just going to talk to you
5
00:00:15,850 --> 00:00:18,853
and help you talk about
what you've been going through.
6
00:00:19,437 --> 00:00:21,189
I haven't been going through anything.
7
00:00:21,189 --> 00:00:22,816
Let me refresh your memory.
8
00:00:22,816 --> 00:00:26,319
Your friends read the awful things
you wrote about them in your notebook.
9
00:00:27,571 --> 00:00:29,823
You terrorized your class with a bullfrog.
10
00:00:30,782 --> 00:00:32,241
And what else? Hmm?
11
00:00:32,241 --> 00:00:34,452
[gasps] Oh, I know.
12
00:00:34,452 --> 00:00:36,955
You threw a stuffed duck at your parents.
13
00:00:37,581 --> 00:00:40,667
Can't we just talk it over on our own?
Mother to daughter?
14
00:00:40,667 --> 00:00:42,002
Friend to friend?
15
00:00:42,878 --> 00:00:44,421
Mm-hmm. Nice try, Harriet.
16
00:00:44,421 --> 00:00:45,505
[door opens]
17
00:00:45,505 --> 00:00:46,840
Whenever you're ready.
18
00:00:48,508 --> 00:00:50,135
Hi, I'm Dr. Wagner.
19
00:00:50,135 --> 00:00:51,636
Pleased to meet you, Harriet.
20
00:00:51,636 --> 00:00:54,681
I just want you to know
that I'm here under protest.
21
00:00:54,681 --> 00:00:55,765
Duly noted.
22
00:00:55,765 --> 00:00:57,100
We can talk after.
23
00:00:57,100 --> 00:00:58,268
Shall we?
24
00:00:59,144 --> 00:01:00,645
[Harriet] Like I had a choice.
25
00:01:02,480 --> 00:01:05,734
I won't lie to you.
I-I was a little nervous.
26
00:01:05,734 --> 00:01:08,236
The doctor's hair looked like fire.
27
00:01:08,236 --> 00:01:09,738
There was all this weird art,
28
00:01:09,738 --> 00:01:11,031
little kid games
29
00:01:11,031 --> 00:01:14,492
and a doll that was staring
right into my soul.
30
00:01:18,580 --> 00:01:21,666
I'd give it a try.
But if things got out of control...
31
00:01:25,837 --> 00:01:27,005
Fascinating.
32
00:01:27,005 --> 00:01:30,217
...I could always pretend to admire the art
or escape through the window.
33
00:01:30,926 --> 00:01:31,927
[Harriet grunts]
34
00:01:32,928 --> 00:01:33,929
[bird squawks]
35
00:01:33,929 --> 00:01:36,348
Put on a fake beard
and stow away on the tugboat.
36
00:01:36,348 --> 00:01:37,349
[boat horn blowing]
37
00:01:37,349 --> 00:01:39,017
[Dr. Wagner] What you thinking about,
Harriet?
38
00:01:39,517 --> 00:01:42,604
[gasps] Nothing, Doctor. Nothing at all.
39
00:01:43,188 --> 00:01:45,857
{\an8}♪ I just wanna be
You just wanna be ♪
40
00:01:45,857 --> 00:01:47,609
♪ We just wanna be ♪
41
00:01:48,735 --> 00:01:51,196
♪ I am gonna be who I wanna be ♪
42
00:01:51,196 --> 00:01:52,864
♪ My autonomy ♪
43
00:01:53,365 --> 00:01:56,284
♪ No, I won't cut my hair ♪
44
00:01:56,284 --> 00:01:58,745
♪ And I'll wear whatever ♪
45
00:01:58,745 --> 00:02:04,876
♪ I like it when I get to be myself ♪
46
00:02:04,876 --> 00:02:07,504
♪ I don't wanna be
You don't wanna be ♪
47
00:02:07,504 --> 00:02:11,550
{\an8}♪ We don't wanna be told what to do ♪
48
00:02:17,889 --> 00:02:19,307
What are you writing about me?
49
00:02:19,307 --> 00:02:20,392
Just a few notes.
50
00:02:20,892 --> 00:02:22,143
You don't mind, do you?
51
00:02:22,143 --> 00:02:23,353
No.
52
00:02:23,353 --> 00:02:26,064
But if you write anything mean
and my mom finds out,
53
00:02:26,064 --> 00:02:28,441
you may have to go see a psychiatrist.
54
00:02:28,441 --> 00:02:30,318
Would you like a notebook too?
55
00:02:30,819 --> 00:02:33,613
It just doesn't seem fair
that I have one and you don't.
56
00:02:34,114 --> 00:02:36,866
[Harriet] My fingers itched
at the thought of a notebook.
57
00:02:36,866 --> 00:02:39,494
Of my pen flowing over the pages.
58
00:02:39,494 --> 00:02:41,830
My thoughts finally free to move.
59
00:02:42,747 --> 00:02:44,457
It was obviously a trap.
60
00:02:46,543 --> 00:02:47,794
[alarm blaring]
61
00:02:47,794 --> 00:02:49,254
[Harriet] Whoa! Whoa!
62
00:02:50,922 --> 00:02:52,048
No, thanks. I'm good.
63
00:02:52,048 --> 00:02:54,968
So, Harriet. Why do you think you're here?
64
00:02:54,968 --> 00:02:56,887
Why do you think I'm here?
65
00:02:57,387 --> 00:03:00,640
Well, your mother says
your nanny had to leave suddenly
66
00:03:00,640 --> 00:03:02,934
and you may be having trouble adjusting.
67
00:03:03,643 --> 00:03:05,520
Why don't you tell me what's on your mind?
68
00:03:06,271 --> 00:03:08,857
[Harriet] What was on my mind
was that rather than escaping,
69
00:03:08,857 --> 00:03:11,610
it might be easier to just get kicked out.
70
00:03:11,610 --> 00:03:14,696
I've been having some dizzy spells.
71
00:03:14,696 --> 00:03:18,199
Do wanna have a staring contest?
72
00:03:18,199 --> 00:03:20,035
Ever make a rug angel?
73
00:03:20,827 --> 00:03:22,037
- Harriet?
- Yeah?
74
00:03:22,579 --> 00:03:24,122
Would you like that notebook now?
75
00:03:25,290 --> 00:03:26,875
Yes, please.
76
00:03:28,209 --> 00:03:30,170
[Harriet] Writing my name
on a new notebook
77
00:03:30,170 --> 00:03:32,255
always made me feel
like I could do anything.
78
00:03:32,881 --> 00:03:35,091
Even talk to a psychiatrist.
79
00:03:35,091 --> 00:03:36,509
So tell me, Harriet,
80
00:03:36,509 --> 00:03:38,428
what did it feel like
when your nanny left?
81
00:03:39,721 --> 00:03:42,641
It felt like-- it felt like a--
82
00:03:43,558 --> 00:03:46,436
a weird splinter in my stomach.
83
00:03:46,436 --> 00:03:48,063
[Harriet] I told her everything.
84
00:03:48,063 --> 00:03:53,276
About Ole Golly,
my stolen notebook and me.
85
00:03:54,361 --> 00:03:56,613
I want to know everything.
86
00:03:56,613 --> 00:03:59,324
And to know everything,
you have to see everything.
87
00:03:59,324 --> 00:04:03,286
And to see everything,
you have to be a spy.
88
00:04:03,286 --> 00:04:04,371
You know, Harriet,
89
00:04:04,371 --> 00:04:07,749
sometimes the best person to spy on
is yourself.
90
00:04:09,459 --> 00:04:10,460
Okay.
91
00:04:12,003 --> 00:04:13,463
I want you to think about that.
92
00:04:14,089 --> 00:04:15,715
And we'll talk about it next time.
93
00:04:15,715 --> 00:04:17,800
I'll give this back to you
at our next session.
94
00:04:17,800 --> 00:04:18,884
How 'bout that?
95
00:04:19,636 --> 00:04:21,638
[Harriet] I had to admit,
I liked this lady.
96
00:04:22,138 --> 00:04:24,516
Although giving me a notebook
and then doing take-backs
97
00:04:24,516 --> 00:04:26,309
was a pretty dirty trick.
98
00:04:31,690 --> 00:04:35,026
So, what did Dr. Wagner say to you?
99
00:04:35,527 --> 00:04:38,446
She said you were
a fascinating young lady.
100
00:04:38,989 --> 00:04:40,740
[sighs] She's not wrong.
101
00:04:43,118 --> 00:04:44,119
[ice cream squishes]
102
00:04:46,037 --> 00:04:50,375
Sweetheart, have you ever thought about
just apologizing to your friends?
103
00:04:50,375 --> 00:04:51,793
No.
104
00:04:51,793 --> 00:04:54,462
Dr. Wagner suggested giving you a goal.
105
00:04:54,462 --> 00:04:58,258
You apologize to your friends,
and you can have your notebook back.
106
00:04:59,885 --> 00:05:02,053
I'm going to be playing cards
at the Whiteheads' tonight.
107
00:05:02,053 --> 00:05:03,430
Why don't you join me?
108
00:05:03,430 --> 00:05:05,682
You can start by apologizing to Pinky.
109
00:05:05,682 --> 00:05:08,810
He should apologize to me
for reading my notebook.
110
00:05:08,810 --> 00:05:10,645
Just think about it, okay?
111
00:05:15,483 --> 00:05:16,818
[Harriet] I thought about it.
112
00:05:16,818 --> 00:05:19,446
And I thought about it some more.
113
00:05:19,446 --> 00:05:22,157
And I thought about how much I missed
my notebook.
114
00:05:22,741 --> 00:05:24,492
And how much I miss Ole Golly
115
00:05:24,492 --> 00:05:27,203
and what she would say
if I apologized to him.
116
00:05:28,496 --> 00:05:31,958
Then I thought about how much I liked
Howard Finch's pinkie ring.
117
00:05:31,958 --> 00:05:34,711
Sometimes it's those tiny little details
118
00:05:34,711 --> 00:05:37,130
that make you feel
that something fake is real.
119
00:05:38,298 --> 00:05:40,717
Esteemed members of the jury,
120
00:05:40,717 --> 00:05:45,513
I am here because I believe
in the power of the truth.
121
00:05:45,513 --> 00:05:49,726
And I intend to prove
beyond a shadow of a doubt
122
00:05:49,726 --> 00:05:54,564
that my client is innocent of all charges.
123
00:05:55,398 --> 00:05:58,193
[Harriet] And then I thought
about what Howard Finch said.
124
00:05:58,193 --> 00:06:00,987
And I realized
that I didn't need to apologize.
125
00:06:01,571 --> 00:06:04,741
- What I needed was justice.
- [TV powers off]
126
00:06:04,741 --> 00:06:06,493
[doorbell rings]
127
00:06:08,328 --> 00:06:12,791
Welcome, you two.
Carol, I hope you showed up to play.
128
00:06:12,791 --> 00:06:16,211
Oh, I didn't show up to play, Peggy.
I showed up to win.
129
00:06:17,003 --> 00:06:18,755
Pinky, look who's here.
130
00:06:22,801 --> 00:06:25,387
Why don't you and Harriet go outside?
131
00:06:25,887 --> 00:06:28,848
I'm sure you have a lot to talk about.
132
00:06:28,848 --> 00:06:30,183
Okay.
133
00:06:32,310 --> 00:06:34,521
- [door closes]
- [Harriet] This was gonna be a snap.
134
00:06:34,521 --> 00:06:37,065
I'd win my case with Pinky,
get my notebook back
135
00:06:37,065 --> 00:06:39,526
and I wouldn't even have to worry
about anybody else.
136
00:06:43,613 --> 00:06:44,823
No.
137
00:06:47,158 --> 00:06:48,702
[whispering] What's going on, Pinky?
138
00:06:48,702 --> 00:06:51,788
Um, I may have accidentally mentioned
to a few people
139
00:06:51,788 --> 00:06:54,666
that you were coming over to apologize.
140
00:06:55,333 --> 00:06:58,253
Oh, look who's here. Everybody, look.
141
00:06:59,713 --> 00:07:00,714
Hi.
142
00:07:06,219 --> 00:07:07,220
[whistles]
143
00:07:07,220 --> 00:07:10,181
[notebook whooshing]
144
00:07:10,181 --> 00:07:12,434
Magic notebook. Away.
145
00:07:15,020 --> 00:07:16,855
[Marion] We're ready for your apology.
146
00:07:19,691 --> 00:07:23,236
Actually, I was planning
to prove my innocence.
147
00:07:23,904 --> 00:07:26,156
Esteemed members of the court,
148
00:07:26,156 --> 00:07:30,285
I'm here because I believe
in the power of the truth.
149
00:07:30,285 --> 00:07:34,039
And I intend to prove,
beyond a shadow of a doubt,
150
00:07:34,039 --> 00:07:38,668
that my client, Harriet M. Welsch, aka me,
151
00:07:38,668 --> 00:07:41,755
is innocent of all charges.
152
00:07:42,255 --> 00:07:43,673
Let's have a trial.
153
00:07:43,673 --> 00:07:45,842
If I win the case, I get my notebook back.
154
00:07:45,842 --> 00:07:47,636
And when you lose?
155
00:07:47,636 --> 00:07:49,846
Then I'll agree
to any punishment you want.
156
00:07:50,430 --> 00:07:51,640
Any punishment?
157
00:07:52,641 --> 00:07:53,767
Group meeting.
158
00:07:54,392 --> 00:07:58,813
[kids whispering]
159
00:07:59,940 --> 00:08:02,484
Because you're playing an onion
in the school play,
160
00:08:02,484 --> 00:08:07,572
if you lose, you have to eat an onion.
161
00:08:07,572 --> 00:08:08,907
The whole thing.
162
00:08:08,907 --> 00:08:10,617
Punishment accepted.
163
00:08:13,328 --> 00:08:17,207
[Harriet] If you're gonna be Howard Finch,
you gotta have a pinkie ring.
164
00:08:18,416 --> 00:08:20,460
Let's take it to the courtroom.
165
00:08:29,970 --> 00:08:32,179
Pinky, it's your house.
You get to be the judge.
166
00:08:32,806 --> 00:08:34,640
I'll need a judge's robe for that.
167
00:08:34,640 --> 00:08:35,976
[gasps] I got it!
168
00:08:38,186 --> 00:08:41,481
- Rachel, you're the bailiff.
- Great! What's a bailiff?
169
00:08:41,481 --> 00:08:43,316
You keep order in the court.
170
00:08:43,316 --> 00:08:45,819
By any means necessary.
171
00:08:46,361 --> 00:08:48,613
Mmm. Say no more.
172
00:08:50,407 --> 00:08:52,367
I'll be the courtroom artist!
173
00:08:52,367 --> 00:08:53,994
I-I'll be the writer-downer.
174
00:08:54,494 --> 00:08:58,623
- Great. Obviously, I'll be the prosecutor.
- [Janie] No.
175
00:08:59,916 --> 00:09:01,459
I'll be the prosecutor.
176
00:09:01,459 --> 00:09:03,128
[scoffs] Why you?
177
00:09:03,128 --> 00:09:05,297
I know Harriet better than anyone.
178
00:09:05,297 --> 00:09:08,216
And that means
I know all her little tricks.
179
00:09:09,050 --> 00:09:10,719
What am I supposed to do?
180
00:09:10,719 --> 00:09:12,053
You can be a witness.
181
00:09:12,053 --> 00:09:14,431
A star witness.
182
00:09:15,223 --> 00:09:16,516
Mmm.
183
00:09:18,018 --> 00:09:19,978
A superstar witness.
184
00:09:20,770 --> 00:09:24,232
Hear ye! Hear ye!
The court is now in session.
185
00:09:24,232 --> 00:09:27,360
All rise for the adorable Judge Whitehead.
186
00:09:27,944 --> 00:09:30,655
Ooh, Rachel called Pinky adorable.
187
00:09:30,655 --> 00:09:32,824
It's "honorable," Rachel.
188
00:09:32,824 --> 00:09:33,909
Whatever.
189
00:09:34,451 --> 00:09:37,954
I said, "all rise!", you crumbs.
190
00:09:42,042 --> 00:09:43,335
What's that?
191
00:09:44,878 --> 00:09:45,879
My gavel.
192
00:09:46,713 --> 00:09:49,591
[clears throat] Please be seated.
193
00:09:50,217 --> 00:09:52,093
[Harriet]
Maybe it was just the pinkie ring,
194
00:09:52,093 --> 00:09:54,346
but I was feeling pretty confident.
195
00:09:54,346 --> 00:09:57,515
[sighs] However, my left leg was telling
a different story.
196
00:09:59,517 --> 00:10:00,518
Worried?
197
00:10:01,061 --> 00:10:02,062
No.
198
00:10:02,062 --> 00:10:03,772
My leg may be jiggling,
199
00:10:03,772 --> 00:10:07,984
but I've got something rock solid
to stand on: the truth.
200
00:10:09,194 --> 00:10:10,487
Tonight's case is
201
00:10:10,487 --> 00:10:15,283
The Ex-Friends of Harriet M. Welsch
vs. Harriet M. Welsch.
202
00:10:15,283 --> 00:10:18,536
Let's begin with opening statements.
203
00:10:18,536 --> 00:10:20,538
People of the court,
204
00:10:20,538 --> 00:10:25,335
I intend to prove that the defendant,
Harriet M. Welsch,
205
00:10:25,335 --> 00:10:28,296
is guilty of crimes against friendship
206
00:10:28,296 --> 00:10:34,719
by writing down cruel, unfair accusations
and not apologizing.
207
00:10:35,428 --> 00:10:36,846
Counsel for the defense?
208
00:10:38,848 --> 00:10:40,934
I know you don't like me very much
right now.
209
00:10:40,934 --> 00:10:42,519
Maybe you even hate me.
210
00:10:46,231 --> 00:10:50,443
But you don't have to like someone
to know that they are innocent.
211
00:10:50,443 --> 00:10:52,571
Because the facts speak for themselves.
212
00:10:52,571 --> 00:10:57,450
And they say the only thing I'm guilty of
is telling the truth!
213
00:10:57,450 --> 00:11:00,704
Prosecution, you may call
your first witness.
214
00:11:00,704 --> 00:11:03,748
I call to the stand Sport Rocque.
215
00:11:07,252 --> 00:11:11,339
Sport, will you read the section
on page 55?
216
00:11:11,339 --> 00:11:12,424
If I have to.
217
00:11:13,884 --> 00:11:15,635
"Sometimes I can't stand Sport.
218
00:11:15,635 --> 00:11:19,014
With his worrying all the time
and fussing over his father,
219
00:11:19,014 --> 00:11:21,683
sometimes he's like a little old lady."
220
00:11:22,517 --> 00:11:24,978
And how does that make you feel?
221
00:11:24,978 --> 00:11:26,062
Lousy.
222
00:11:26,980 --> 00:11:29,316
And it wasn't fussing, Harriet.
I'm not a fusser.
223
00:11:29,316 --> 00:11:31,359
I don't think "fusser" is a word.
224
00:11:33,486 --> 00:11:34,487
I'll let it stand.
225
00:11:35,071 --> 00:11:37,157
Sport, on the night in question,
226
00:11:37,157 --> 00:11:39,284
Janie asked if your dad
could do the dishes
227
00:11:39,284 --> 00:11:41,953
- so you could go to a movie with her.
- [Sport] That's right.
228
00:11:41,953 --> 00:11:43,747
Then, what did you say?
229
00:11:44,539 --> 00:11:47,667
I said, "That'll make his fingers
all wrinkly and pruney
230
00:11:47,667 --> 00:11:50,003
and he won't be able to type
on the typewriter."
231
00:11:50,003 --> 00:11:53,381
When Janie said,
"Can't you do them later?",
232
00:11:53,381 --> 00:11:54,591
what did you say?
233
00:11:54,591 --> 00:11:58,511
- A dish left behind is a dish on the mind.
- [kids laugh]
234
00:11:58,511 --> 00:12:02,641
Sport, those are both things
my grandmother would say to me.
235
00:12:02,641 --> 00:12:03,725
Oh, yeah?
236
00:12:03,725 --> 00:12:06,519
Well, excuse me for trying
to help out a guy
237
00:12:06,519 --> 00:12:08,146
who's raising me all by himself
238
00:12:08,146 --> 00:12:10,649
while trying to write
like a million-page novel.
239
00:12:10,649 --> 00:12:12,776
I was just making an observation.
240
00:12:12,776 --> 00:12:13,860
Harriet...
241
00:12:15,904 --> 00:12:18,657
For someone who says
she wants to know everything,
242
00:12:18,657 --> 00:12:20,408
sometimes you don't know anything.
243
00:12:21,201 --> 00:12:22,202
I'm outta here.
244
00:12:23,245 --> 00:12:24,246
Sport.
245
00:12:26,831 --> 00:12:28,917
[scoffs] Nice going, Harriet.
246
00:12:28,917 --> 00:12:31,545
You're the one who read it to him
in the first place
247
00:12:31,545 --> 00:12:34,839
from my secret, private notebook.
248
00:12:35,924 --> 00:12:37,926
[scoffs] Next witness.
249
00:12:38,510 --> 00:12:40,720
[Harriet] One by one, all the people
250
00:12:40,720 --> 00:12:42,556
- I wrote about in my notebook...
- [Pinky sniffs]
251
00:12:42,556 --> 00:12:45,267
...came up to testify against me.
252
00:12:45,267 --> 00:12:49,229
Everybody knows you were once
Harriet's biggest fan, correct?
253
00:12:49,229 --> 00:12:51,898
Um, well, I don't know about that.
254
00:12:51,898 --> 00:12:54,025
But I did try to dress like her,
255
00:12:54,025 --> 00:12:58,613
and once I started a secret fan club
called the Harri-ettes.
256
00:12:59,322 --> 00:13:01,616
That's two T's, Beth Ellen,
like "barrette."
257
00:13:02,242 --> 00:13:05,787
But was I a fan? I don't think so.
258
00:13:05,787 --> 00:13:07,205
Right.
259
00:13:07,205 --> 00:13:11,585
Well, as the biggest non-fan fan
that ever fanned,
260
00:13:11,585 --> 00:13:15,255
let's turn to what Harriet said about you
in her notebook, shall we?
261
00:13:15,839 --> 00:13:17,299
Uh, okay. [sighs]
262
00:13:17,299 --> 00:13:21,303
"Sometimes I think that people only go
to Carrie Andrews' house
263
00:13:21,303 --> 00:13:24,180
because of her mom's cake."
264
00:13:24,180 --> 00:13:26,099
Now, do you think that's true?
265
00:13:26,099 --> 00:13:27,267
No.
266
00:13:27,267 --> 00:13:30,478
People who come to my house often say,
and I quote,
267
00:13:30,478 --> 00:13:33,815
"Thank you for inviting me, Carrie.
I had a very nice time."
268
00:13:35,317 --> 00:13:36,818
No further questions.
269
00:13:37,485 --> 00:13:40,196
Carrie, will you kindly tell the court
270
00:13:40,196 --> 00:13:43,742
what people say
before they come to your house?
271
00:13:43,742 --> 00:13:45,452
Well, they ask if my mom has made
272
00:13:45,452 --> 00:13:47,829
her famous five-and-half-layer
dutch chocolate cake.
273
00:13:47,829 --> 00:13:53,877
With silvery sprinkles on top
that taste like snowflakes. [chuckles]
274
00:13:56,671 --> 00:13:58,048
No further questions.
275
00:13:58,924 --> 00:13:59,925
Sorry.
276
00:13:59,925 --> 00:14:01,968
But that doesn't mean anything.
277
00:14:01,968 --> 00:14:05,305
- Move it or lose it, Carrie.
- It's just a coincidence.
278
00:14:08,099 --> 00:14:10,852
The court calls Beth Ellen Hansen
to the stand.
279
00:14:11,937 --> 00:14:15,732
Excuse me.
It's time for the superstar witness.
280
00:14:15,732 --> 00:14:17,400
Wait your turn, Marion.
281
00:14:17,400 --> 00:14:19,736
Oh, take it easy, Pinkie Ring.
282
00:14:20,237 --> 00:14:22,530
Objection! She's not the next witness.
283
00:14:23,573 --> 00:14:25,075
Um, overruled?
284
00:14:27,369 --> 00:14:28,662
I don't need the notebook.
285
00:14:29,329 --> 00:14:32,123
I know Harriet's poisoned words by heart.
286
00:14:32,123 --> 00:14:34,125
And I quote,
287
00:14:34,125 --> 00:14:36,294
"For all the awards Marion has won,
288
00:14:36,294 --> 00:14:39,297
I'm surprised that she hasn't won
a giant trophy
289
00:14:39,297 --> 00:14:43,635
for her achievements in the area
of being a lousy, rotten person."
290
00:14:44,886 --> 00:14:49,599
To this I say,
you are a nasty piece of business,
291
00:14:49,599 --> 00:14:51,142
Harriet M. Welsch.
292
00:14:52,185 --> 00:14:56,356
To that I say,
on October 12th at 3:30 p.m.,
293
00:14:56,356 --> 00:14:59,734
did you or did you not
hand out a newsletter
294
00:14:59,734 --> 00:15:02,988
that had a big picture of me
and Sport holding our stuffies?
295
00:15:02,988 --> 00:15:06,825
Well, if you're going to keep score,
you have to subtract all the times
296
00:15:06,825 --> 00:15:09,202
I could have done something mean
and I didn't.
297
00:15:10,245 --> 00:15:12,122
No further questions.
298
00:15:12,122 --> 00:15:15,458
Beth Ellen, what's today's total
of mean things I could have said to you,
299
00:15:15,458 --> 00:15:16,626
but I did not?
300
00:15:17,294 --> 00:15:18,295
Three.
301
00:15:18,795 --> 00:15:20,255
No, two.
302
00:15:20,255 --> 00:15:22,507
Three. Definitely three.
303
00:15:22,507 --> 00:15:24,092
[stammers] Maybe four.
304
00:15:25,552 --> 00:15:26,720
No further questions.
305
00:15:28,889 --> 00:15:33,143
"I wonder if Beth Ellen
has to use a special shampoo
306
00:15:33,143 --> 00:15:36,354
for people who nervously chew
their hair all the time."
307
00:15:36,354 --> 00:15:37,772
Your response?
308
00:15:38,773 --> 00:15:41,693
I'm not nervous. I-I just like the taste.
309
00:15:43,069 --> 00:15:44,070
[sighs]
310
00:15:45,322 --> 00:15:48,742
{\an8}"Sometimes I think
Pinky and Purple Socks should quit school
311
00:15:48,742 --> 00:15:51,202
{\an8}and join the weirdo circus."
312
00:15:52,203 --> 00:15:54,748
- How did that make you feel?
- Outraged!
313
00:15:54,748 --> 00:15:57,125
Order in the court! Order I say!
314
00:15:57,876 --> 00:15:59,377
I' m sorry, Your Honor.
315
00:16:00,003 --> 00:16:03,256
I'll remind you,
this is a courtroom, not a zoo.
316
00:16:03,256 --> 00:16:05,717
- [growls]
- Nice.
317
00:16:05,717 --> 00:16:07,844
I've been practicing.
318
00:16:07,844 --> 00:16:09,512
Great job, guys.
319
00:16:09,512 --> 00:16:10,889
[both] Deal with it!
320
00:16:10,889 --> 00:16:11,973
[groans]
321
00:16:13,767 --> 00:16:16,228
"Instead of calling
that terrifying creature
322
00:16:16,228 --> 00:16:18,438
that lives under your bed 'The Bogeyman,'
323
00:16:18,438 --> 00:16:21,650
they should just call it,
'The Rachel Hennessey.'"
324
00:16:21,650 --> 00:16:23,360
My little brother already does that.
325
00:16:25,820 --> 00:16:26,863
[groans]
326
00:16:26,863 --> 00:16:30,033
[Harriet] Finally, it was time
for our closing arguments.
327
00:16:30,033 --> 00:16:33,119
I submit that not everything I wrote down
was nice,
328
00:16:33,787 --> 00:16:36,831
but as I have proven, all of it is true.
329
00:16:37,916 --> 00:16:40,001
And, in the words of the great Ole Golly,
330
00:16:40,585 --> 00:16:44,089
a writer's responsibility
is to tell the truth
331
00:16:44,089 --> 00:16:48,635
because truth is beauty,
and beauty, truth.
332
00:16:50,220 --> 00:16:53,431
[Harriet] I could feel it.
The case was in the bag.
333
00:16:53,431 --> 00:16:58,311
After my brilliant cross-examinations,
[scoffs] what could Janie say?
334
00:16:58,937 --> 00:17:00,939
Judge Pinky,
instead of my closing argument,
335
00:17:01,523 --> 00:17:02,649
I would like to call
336
00:17:03,817 --> 00:17:06,194
Harriet M. Welsch to the stand.
337
00:17:06,194 --> 00:17:09,197
[kids gasp]
338
00:17:09,197 --> 00:17:10,282
Mmm.
339
00:17:11,199 --> 00:17:12,199
Objection, Your Honor.
340
00:17:12,199 --> 00:17:14,953
It breaks every rule
our justice system stands for.
341
00:17:14,953 --> 00:17:16,705
May I remind Your Honor
342
00:17:16,705 --> 00:17:20,458
that our "justice system"
has a witness stand that's a birdbath
343
00:17:20,458 --> 00:17:23,879
and a judge, no offense,
who's wearing his dad's bathrobe?
344
00:17:23,879 --> 00:17:26,131
Objection overruled. I'll allow it.
345
00:17:32,429 --> 00:17:34,222
[clears throat] Miss Welsch.
346
00:17:34,222 --> 00:17:37,350
There's a passage you wrote about me
on page 77.
347
00:17:37,350 --> 00:17:39,853
Would you mind reading it to the court?
348
00:17:39,853 --> 00:17:41,730
Um, okay.
349
00:17:42,439 --> 00:17:46,860
I said, "Janie wants to be
a major scientist like Madam Curie.
350
00:17:47,402 --> 00:17:48,778
But sometimes I think--"
351
00:17:48,778 --> 00:17:51,656
You know what,
on second thought, don't read it.
352
00:17:51,656 --> 00:17:55,285
Put your notebook down
and just say it to my face.
353
00:17:56,620 --> 00:17:58,663
You know what it says.
354
00:17:58,663 --> 00:18:00,206
Yeah, I know what you wrote.
355
00:18:00,206 --> 00:18:02,542
But I'd like to hear it
come from your mouth.
356
00:18:02,542 --> 00:18:04,169
I don't want to.
357
00:18:04,169 --> 00:18:06,254
Don't make me have to call the bailiff.
358
00:18:06,963 --> 00:18:10,175
Nobody wants that.
359
00:18:10,175 --> 00:18:11,551
[crunches lollipop]
360
00:18:13,511 --> 00:18:14,763
[Harriet gulps]
361
00:18:14,763 --> 00:18:18,058
Well, if it's true, as you claim it to be,
why can't you just say it?
362
00:18:18,642 --> 00:18:19,893
Because... [groans]
363
00:18:19,893 --> 00:18:23,438
Because you're a chicken
and a sneak who spies on her friends
364
00:18:23,438 --> 00:18:26,107
and writes down mean things
in your precious little notebook
365
00:18:26,107 --> 00:18:28,818
because you don't have the guts
to say it to our faces.
366
00:18:28,818 --> 00:18:30,904
Can we have a brief recess?
367
00:18:30,904 --> 00:18:32,155
Denied.
368
00:18:37,494 --> 00:18:40,288
- We're waiting, counselor.
- [Harriet gulps]
369
00:18:40,872 --> 00:18:41,998
Say it.
370
00:18:42,832 --> 00:18:45,126
A mad scientist, a bad scientist.
371
00:18:45,126 --> 00:18:47,546
Or possibly a mad, bad scientist.
372
00:18:52,259 --> 00:18:54,094
That really hurt my feelings.
373
00:18:54,678 --> 00:18:55,971
But it's true.
374
00:18:56,888 --> 00:18:59,933
[sighs] Maybe so, Harriet M. Welsch.
375
00:19:00,433 --> 00:19:02,602
But life isn't just about truth.
376
00:19:02,602 --> 00:19:04,646
It's about friendship, too.
377
00:19:05,313 --> 00:19:08,316
And in a friendship,
if you hurt a friend's feelings,
378
00:19:08,316 --> 00:19:09,693
you should apologize.
379
00:19:10,735 --> 00:19:12,070
[sighs]
380
00:19:12,070 --> 00:19:14,906
Ole Golly taught me
that if you're going to be a writer,
381
00:19:14,906 --> 00:19:16,908
you have to be brave enough
to tell the truth
382
00:19:16,908 --> 00:19:19,202
and not apologize for it.
383
00:19:19,202 --> 00:19:23,999
Well, Ole Golly isn't here anymore,
but I am.
384
00:19:26,042 --> 00:19:27,043
[whistles]
385
00:19:27,043 --> 00:19:29,045
[notebook whooshing]
386
00:19:34,342 --> 00:19:37,387
What if I apologize for not apologizing?
387
00:19:37,888 --> 00:19:40,807
Just say it, Harriet. It's not that hard.
388
00:19:40,807 --> 00:19:44,853
I, uh-- I want to,
more than anything in the world, but...
389
00:19:44,853 --> 00:19:48,523
[sighs] You said before that life
isn't just about telling the truth.
390
00:19:48,523 --> 00:19:50,483
But what if it is for me?
391
00:19:51,484 --> 00:19:53,028
It's your choice, Harriet.
392
00:19:58,992 --> 00:20:02,162
[sighs] I said I'd eat this onion
if I lost
393
00:20:02,162 --> 00:20:04,456
because I knew I was going to win.
394
00:20:04,456 --> 00:20:06,833
I just had to prove
that I was telling the truth,
395
00:20:06,833 --> 00:20:08,293
and that's what I did.
396
00:20:08,960 --> 00:20:10,962
So why do I feel like I lost?
397
00:20:11,546 --> 00:20:14,549
I hated that I had to be an onion
in the play.
398
00:20:15,467 --> 00:20:17,469
Then I started to see
what was good about it,
399
00:20:17,469 --> 00:20:19,304
with all its different layers
and everything.
400
00:20:19,888 --> 00:20:23,099
And I tried to be the onion,
like a good actor is supposed to.
401
00:20:23,099 --> 00:20:24,601
But now I realize...
402
00:20:25,101 --> 00:20:27,979
[heartbeat thumping]
403
00:20:32,359 --> 00:20:33,401
[crunching]
404
00:20:36,112 --> 00:20:40,909
An onion is a stinky, unlovable,
wretched thing that makes people cry.
405
00:20:40,909 --> 00:20:41,993
[sniffles]
406
00:20:41,993 --> 00:20:43,370
Just like me.
407
00:20:44,079 --> 00:20:49,209
The truth is, I am the onion.
408
00:20:49,209 --> 00:20:50,418
[sniffles]
409
00:20:50,418 --> 00:20:54,798
[chewing, crying]
410
00:21:03,473 --> 00:21:05,642
[crying continues]
411
00:21:12,691 --> 00:21:14,401
Time to go home, children.
412
00:21:17,070 --> 00:21:18,613
Oh, sweetie. What's wrong?
413
00:21:18,613 --> 00:21:20,240
[crying]
414
00:21:21,074 --> 00:21:22,200
Oh, my heavens.
415
00:21:23,868 --> 00:21:26,705
Honey pie. Wh-- What's this all about?
416
00:21:27,998 --> 00:21:29,958
- Ah, poor baby.
- [crying]
417
00:21:34,004 --> 00:21:36,006
- How'd it go?
- [crying]
418
00:21:36,006 --> 00:21:39,050
Did you apologize to your friends?
Did you get your notebook back?
419
00:21:39,050 --> 00:21:41,094
I just wanna go home.
420
00:21:41,094 --> 00:21:43,179
- Okay, honey. Okay.
- [sniffles]
421
00:21:43,179 --> 00:21:47,142
["My Memories of You" playing]
422
00:22:51,957 --> 00:22:53,959
["My Memories of You" continues]