1 00:00:02,000 --> 00:00:03,320 Your jobs are just getting weirder. 2 00:00:03,320 --> 00:00:04,840 A lighthouse?! 3 00:00:04,840 --> 00:00:07,480 A lighthouse! Off the coast of Ireland! 4 00:00:07,480 --> 00:00:10,000 And get this - I don't even have to clean any blood up! 5 00:00:10,000 --> 00:00:11,760 One of the lighthouse keepers went missing. 6 00:00:11,760 --> 00:00:13,120 They think he fell off a cliff. 7 00:00:13,120 --> 00:00:15,200 All they want me to do is clean his bedroom out 8 00:00:15,200 --> 00:00:16,560 cos it's upsetting the other keeper. 9 00:00:16,560 --> 00:00:17,960 You're not going on your own? 10 00:00:17,960 --> 00:00:19,400 Oh, love, you won't survive. 11 00:00:19,400 --> 00:00:21,800 What are you on about? I thrive on my own. 12 00:00:21,800 --> 00:00:23,800 I'm like that fish we saw on Attenborough. 13 00:00:23,800 --> 00:00:25,800 The angler fish. Yeah. 14 00:00:25,800 --> 00:00:27,120 I'm the urban angler fish. 15 00:00:27,120 --> 00:00:28,960 SHE CHUCKLES 16 00:00:28,960 --> 00:00:33,880 My prediction is that you'll be texting me within a day 17 00:00:33,880 --> 00:00:36,680 because you're bricking it. 18 00:00:36,680 --> 00:00:38,920 Well, I won't. And you know why? 19 00:00:38,920 --> 00:00:40,400 You're the urban angler fish. 20 00:00:40,400 --> 00:00:42,240 Mm-hm. Yeah, I know sweetheart. 21 00:00:45,360 --> 00:00:46,960 Oh, Ireland... 22 00:00:48,760 --> 00:00:52,560 UPLIFTING CELTIC MUSIC 23 00:01:06,920 --> 00:01:08,680 LAUGHTER 24 00:01:10,640 --> 00:01:12,360 Really? Really?! 25 00:01:18,000 --> 00:01:20,960 Lads, I'm trying to have a moment out here. 26 00:01:20,960 --> 00:01:22,000 Ah, sorry about that. 27 00:01:22,000 --> 00:01:24,920 It's just a wee tradition we have here on the Merry Bow. 28 00:01:24,920 --> 00:01:26,600 You've done it four times now. 29 00:01:26,600 --> 00:01:28,760 I must be initiated. 30 00:01:28,760 --> 00:01:30,480 That's fair enough. 31 00:01:30,480 --> 00:01:32,680 You get out there with the ocean. 32 00:01:33,720 --> 00:01:36,360 You ask the questions you need the answers to. 33 00:01:36,360 --> 00:01:38,200 She'll give you what you need. 34 00:01:38,200 --> 00:01:40,240 You're never alone on the sea. 35 00:01:41,560 --> 00:01:42,759 Thank you. 36 00:01:49,840 --> 00:01:51,600 UPLIFTING MUSIC RESUMES 37 00:01:58,840 --> 00:02:00,920 Five! That's five! 38 00:02:00,920 --> 00:02:01,960 Please! 39 00:02:22,760 --> 00:02:26,200 Remember, you're cut off until we return. 40 00:02:26,200 --> 00:02:28,000 I want to be. Heh. 41 00:02:29,160 --> 00:02:31,240 We pass back here sun-up on Monday. 42 00:02:31,240 --> 00:02:32,520 Don't miss pick-up. 43 00:02:36,079 --> 00:02:37,120 Oh! 44 00:02:39,040 --> 00:02:40,480 That's right, captain. 45 00:02:40,480 --> 00:02:41,720 I took my pants off. 46 00:02:41,720 --> 00:02:43,680 CAPTAIN GASPS 47 00:02:41,720 --> 00:02:43,680 See you Monday. 48 00:02:49,600 --> 00:02:50,640 Hey... 49 00:03:01,640 --> 00:03:03,240 HE EXHALES 50 00:03:03,240 --> 00:03:05,720 Hello, solitude, my old friend. 51 00:03:07,480 --> 00:03:08,920 Ah. 52 00:03:08,920 --> 00:03:13,480 The urban angler fish, he takes nutrition from his environment. 53 00:03:16,920 --> 00:03:17,960 So... 54 00:03:17,960 --> 00:03:20,600 GULL CAWS 55 00:03:20,600 --> 00:03:22,000 Hello, my majestic friend. 56 00:03:22,000 --> 00:03:24,040 May the herring be plentiful today. 57 00:03:26,040 --> 00:03:27,800 I'd give the seaweed a miss. It's... 58 00:03:27,800 --> 00:03:28,840 It's gross. 59 00:03:36,640 --> 00:03:38,240 GULL CAWS 60 00:03:38,240 --> 00:03:39,720 Ah, you again. 61 00:03:39,720 --> 00:03:40,760 Hmm. 62 00:03:58,160 --> 00:04:01,240 Why would anyone put a pan of fish on the...? 63 00:04:01,240 --> 00:04:02,280 GULL SCREECHES 64 00:04:02,280 --> 00:04:03,440 Aaargh! Argh! 65 00:04:04,760 --> 00:04:06,240 Hey, hey! Hey, hey! 66 00:04:07,600 --> 00:04:08,640 Ugh! 67 00:04:13,480 --> 00:04:14,520 HE SIGHS 68 00:04:15,880 --> 00:04:16,920 Gull! 69 00:04:46,520 --> 00:04:48,080 Hivi! Hey! 70 00:04:48,080 --> 00:04:49,680 You'll have the door off its hinges. 71 00:04:52,400 --> 00:04:54,840 Sorry, were you not just up there? How did you...? 72 00:04:56,240 --> 00:04:57,280 You're bleeding. 73 00:04:57,280 --> 00:04:59,680 Oh, yeah, it was a seagull. 74 00:04:59,680 --> 00:05:01,600 No! 75 00:05:01,600 --> 00:05:03,480 You mustn't anger the gulls. 76 00:05:04,720 --> 00:05:06,360 They're sacred here. 77 00:05:06,360 --> 00:05:07,760 Oh. 78 00:05:07,760 --> 00:05:09,520 I think it was just going for a fish. 79 00:05:09,520 --> 00:05:11,080 I'm fine, honestly. It's nothing. 80 00:05:11,080 --> 00:05:12,840 Nothing? 81 00:05:12,840 --> 00:05:14,600 Nothing means nothing here. 82 00:05:15,840 --> 00:05:16,880 Yeah. 83 00:05:16,880 --> 00:05:18,520 GULLS CRY 84 00:05:19,640 --> 00:05:21,440 Caa-aa-aa-aa-aw! 85 00:05:21,440 --> 00:05:23,800 GULL CAWS 86 00:05:21,440 --> 00:05:23,800 Oh. Come along. 87 00:05:36,000 --> 00:05:37,360 They told you I was coming? 88 00:05:39,360 --> 00:05:40,920 I'm the crime scene cleaner. 89 00:05:40,920 --> 00:05:43,680 Crime scene? Where's the crime? 90 00:05:43,680 --> 00:05:45,400 I've never been to a lighthouse before. 91 00:05:45,400 --> 00:05:48,040 I was quite relieved there were no talking animals running around. 92 00:05:48,040 --> 00:05:49,240 Ohh... 93 00:05:49,240 --> 00:05:50,640 You remember Fraggle Rock? 94 00:05:51,720 --> 00:05:53,280 How did that theme tune go? 95 00:05:53,280 --> 00:05:55,480 SLAM! 96 00:05:53,280 --> 00:05:55,480 If you sing a single word 97 00:05:55,480 --> 00:05:57,840 from that theme tune, I swear by all that is holy, 98 00:05:57,840 --> 00:06:00,280 I will take a knotted rope to you. 99 00:06:00,280 --> 00:06:02,280 Well, I do not like the sound of that. 100 00:06:03,320 --> 00:06:07,240 So...you're the one that's been charged to erase 101 00:06:07,240 --> 00:06:10,080 the memory of Patrick O'Mally, huh? 102 00:06:10,080 --> 00:06:13,920 Oh... Yeah, I just think the police thought it would be helpful... 103 00:06:13,920 --> 00:06:16,400 Oh, to forget my only companion of 30 years? 104 00:06:17,560 --> 00:06:22,200 To deny a hurt that gnaws away at my very soul? 105 00:06:22,200 --> 00:06:23,480 Oh... 106 00:06:24,920 --> 00:06:26,640 Does it hurt? Huh? 107 00:06:28,280 --> 00:06:31,560 Oh... Yeah, it does sting a bit. 108 00:06:31,560 --> 00:06:33,159 Ah. 109 00:06:33,159 --> 00:06:35,960 Seems that Patrick's friends do not want him 110 00:06:35,960 --> 00:06:37,960 to be cleaned away, doesn't it? 111 00:06:37,960 --> 00:06:39,760 What, the seagulls? 112 00:06:39,760 --> 00:06:41,320 I'll show you his room. 113 00:06:43,800 --> 00:06:46,040 This is not like Fraggle Rock at all. 114 00:06:50,840 --> 00:06:53,159 Can I go up the lighthouse at some point? 115 00:06:53,159 --> 00:06:57,040 The keeper is the only one permitted in the light room. 116 00:06:57,040 --> 00:06:58,360 Oh... 117 00:06:58,360 --> 00:06:59,800 OK. 118 00:06:59,800 --> 00:07:04,200 It's a shame cos, well, it sounds silly, but, er... 119 00:07:04,200 --> 00:07:06,880 ..do you ever do one of those shadow rabbits? 120 00:07:06,880 --> 00:07:09,880 KEEPER GROWLS 121 00:07:11,480 --> 00:07:12,720 I'll show you his room. 122 00:07:23,200 --> 00:07:24,320 Cosy. 123 00:07:24,320 --> 00:07:26,120 Well, it's as he left it. 124 00:07:26,120 --> 00:07:27,520 Right. 125 00:07:27,520 --> 00:07:31,760 Well, I will be respectful and I'll put things right. 126 00:07:33,280 --> 00:07:34,560 Where will I be sleeping? 127 00:07:34,560 --> 00:07:35,600 Here. 128 00:07:36,560 --> 00:07:37,800 Is that a problem? 129 00:07:41,320 --> 00:07:43,440 In the dead man's room with the creepy drawings? 130 00:07:43,440 --> 00:07:45,600 No. No, that's... 131 00:07:45,600 --> 00:07:46,800 I WANT that. 132 00:07:49,320 --> 00:07:51,040 I'm sorry about your friend's passing. 133 00:07:51,040 --> 00:07:52,600 "Passing"? Was there a body? 134 00:07:52,600 --> 00:07:55,560 They said that would have washed out to sea when he fell off the cliffs. 135 00:07:55,560 --> 00:07:56,880 Swept out to sea?! 136 00:07:56,880 --> 00:07:58,440 He was in his bed, boy! 137 00:07:59,640 --> 00:08:01,520 Well, it can't have happened here, there's... 138 00:08:01,520 --> 00:08:02,920 ..there's no blood. 139 00:08:02,920 --> 00:08:05,040 KEEPER GUFFAWS 140 00:08:07,040 --> 00:08:09,800 Do you know how the eagle hunts fish? 141 00:08:09,800 --> 00:08:11,400 I'm about to find out, aren't I? 142 00:08:11,400 --> 00:08:13,000 It plucks them from the ocean, 143 00:08:13,000 --> 00:08:15,600 drives its talons through the fish's back. 144 00:08:16,760 --> 00:08:20,640 The flight to the nest is short and the fish, gasping for breath, 145 00:08:20,640 --> 00:08:22,280 will usually survive, 146 00:08:22,280 --> 00:08:24,960 and it's there, high in the tree tops, 147 00:08:24,960 --> 00:08:29,240 that its wet eye watches on in horror as the eagle eats it alive. 148 00:08:30,840 --> 00:08:32,000 Fucking nature. 149 00:08:33,760 --> 00:08:35,400 Salt water. Huh? 150 00:08:35,400 --> 00:08:38,360 You're going to need to bathe that bite in salt water 151 00:08:38,360 --> 00:08:39,760 for the infection. 152 00:08:39,760 --> 00:08:42,720 You should go down to the cove in the morning. Let's say 8am? 153 00:08:44,440 --> 00:08:45,960 Sorry... 154 00:08:45,960 --> 00:08:48,760 You don't think your friend was taken by a massive eagle, right? 155 00:08:48,760 --> 00:08:50,120 Of course he wasn't. 156 00:08:50,120 --> 00:08:51,160 Thank God for that. 157 00:08:52,520 --> 00:08:54,480 But I didn't say he wasn't taken. 158 00:08:58,640 --> 00:08:59,960 I suppose you'll be taking photographs? 159 00:08:59,960 --> 00:09:03,000 Multiple photographs? Ghoulish records of a lost man's room? 160 00:09:03,000 --> 00:09:05,480 Something to titillate the World Wide Web? 161 00:09:05,480 --> 00:09:07,280 Well, I'll take a couple for my boss. 162 00:09:07,280 --> 00:09:08,520 No, no, you do what you have to do. 163 00:09:08,520 --> 00:09:10,160 You tell who you have to tell. 164 00:09:30,480 --> 00:09:32,920 Agh! Of course, no bloody signal. 165 00:09:37,800 --> 00:09:38,840 HE SIGHS 166 00:09:41,200 --> 00:09:43,640 No, Ruth, I'm not missing you. 167 00:09:51,000 --> 00:09:52,040 So, er... 168 00:09:53,440 --> 00:09:55,320 Have you been here for a long time or...? 169 00:09:55,320 --> 00:09:56,680 30 summers since. 170 00:09:56,680 --> 00:09:58,480 Blimey. And your friend? 171 00:09:59,560 --> 00:10:00,720 Keeper's mate! 172 00:10:00,720 --> 00:10:04,440 Patrick O'Mally was the keeper's mate and he was with me throughout. 173 00:10:04,440 --> 00:10:05,520 Blimey. 174 00:10:05,520 --> 00:10:07,400 You must have got though some box sets, eh? 175 00:10:07,400 --> 00:10:08,880 Huh? You've got Netflix, have you? 176 00:10:08,880 --> 00:10:12,520 Patrick and I did not need the light box for company. 177 00:10:12,520 --> 00:10:14,520 Christ! What did you do for entertainment? 178 00:10:14,520 --> 00:10:16,400 Oh, I see! Writing a book, are we? 179 00:10:16,400 --> 00:10:19,640 Or a newspaper article about the secrets of the island? 180 00:10:19,640 --> 00:10:21,040 Go right ahead. 181 00:10:21,040 --> 00:10:25,680 But if I see it written anywhere that we were sleeping in the 182 00:10:25,680 --> 00:10:30,360 same bed, I will find you and I will beat you with a steel pole. 183 00:10:30,360 --> 00:10:33,360 Steel pole?! What happened to the knotted rope?! 184 00:10:33,360 --> 00:10:35,880 I'm just here to clean! Calm down. 185 00:10:37,720 --> 00:10:43,000 What did you mean, though, when you said they're not happy with me? 186 00:10:43,000 --> 00:10:46,120 His friends. Are we talking about seagulls? 187 00:10:46,120 --> 00:10:49,560 Why do you think they are the only sacred birds on the island? 188 00:10:49,560 --> 00:10:50,840 Huh? 189 00:10:50,840 --> 00:10:54,600 The souls of dead seamen have to go somewhere. 190 00:10:54,600 --> 00:10:55,880 WICKY SCOFFS 191 00:10:55,880 --> 00:10:57,840 Oh, come on. Don't be daft. 192 00:10:58,840 --> 00:11:00,200 Funny, is it?! 193 00:11:00,200 --> 00:11:03,120 I suppose the isolation finally got to me, did it?! 194 00:11:03,120 --> 00:11:05,680 Drove me crazy?! Oh-ho-ho-ho! 195 00:11:05,680 --> 00:11:09,600 This is going in your online internet blog, is it? 196 00:11:09,600 --> 00:11:10,640 No. 197 00:11:12,200 --> 00:11:14,720 Lost my mind to the howling winds, did I? 198 00:11:14,720 --> 00:11:17,680 Smashed in his skull and then disposed of his body? 199 00:11:17,680 --> 00:11:19,480 Is that what you're thinking, is it?! 200 00:11:19,480 --> 00:11:20,560 Well, I wasn't! 201 00:11:21,880 --> 00:11:25,160 A madman who took the life of his lover? 202 00:11:25,160 --> 00:11:26,360 No! 203 00:11:27,680 --> 00:11:28,720 Sorry, were you lovers? 204 00:11:28,720 --> 00:11:29,800 NOOOO! 205 00:11:29,800 --> 00:11:30,840 KEEPER SIGHS 206 00:11:30,840 --> 00:11:34,480 You don't know the ways of the island or its rules, cleaner man. 207 00:11:34,480 --> 00:11:36,320 You spooked the gulls. 208 00:11:36,320 --> 00:11:37,840 There's a price to be paid for that. 209 00:11:37,840 --> 00:11:39,200 Mark these words! Mark them! 210 00:11:39,200 --> 00:11:40,920 I'll mark them! I'll mark them! 211 00:11:40,920 --> 00:11:42,160 Finish your food. 212 00:11:47,640 --> 00:11:50,920 You know, this... this really is delicious, you know. 213 00:11:50,920 --> 00:11:53,120 There's lots of different flavours in here. 214 00:11:53,120 --> 00:11:54,280 I don't even... 215 00:11:54,280 --> 00:11:55,520 ..know what...some... 216 00:11:59,200 --> 00:12:01,240 Sorry, is this a beak?! 217 00:12:01,240 --> 00:12:03,680 Do puffins not have beaks where you're from, boy? 218 00:12:03,680 --> 00:12:05,040 Puffins?! 219 00:12:05,040 --> 00:12:07,280 Are you deaf, boy? It was puffin meat. 220 00:12:07,280 --> 00:12:09,520 I don't think Chris Packham would want us eating puffins. 221 00:12:09,520 --> 00:12:13,360 I told you, 'tis only the seagulls are sacred on this island. 222 00:12:13,360 --> 00:12:16,280 Yeah... But why are they angry? 223 00:12:16,280 --> 00:12:19,800 Because they know when someone is going to be taken away. 224 00:12:19,800 --> 00:12:21,440 Who do you think took him? 225 00:12:21,440 --> 00:12:23,400 Who...or what? 226 00:12:27,240 --> 00:12:28,720 The Oillipheist... 227 00:12:28,720 --> 00:12:29,960 What's the Oillipheist? 228 00:12:29,960 --> 00:12:31,680 A deadly sea beast. 229 00:12:31,680 --> 00:12:34,200 The Oillipheist always leaves one behind 230 00:12:34,200 --> 00:12:36,080 to tell the tale of its existence. 231 00:12:37,120 --> 00:12:38,680 But there are two of us. 232 00:12:40,600 --> 00:12:42,840 Sleep well. You'll need your sleep tonight. 233 00:12:44,240 --> 00:12:45,280 WICKY SIGHS 234 00:12:45,280 --> 00:12:47,720 Were you recording that on your little phone? 235 00:12:48,880 --> 00:12:50,280 No. Why would I? 236 00:12:55,640 --> 00:12:56,680 HE SIGHS 237 00:13:02,120 --> 00:13:04,320 "The Oillipheist comes at night. 238 00:13:04,320 --> 00:13:05,880 "It can't be stopped. 239 00:13:07,560 --> 00:13:10,480 "But it always leaves one behind. 240 00:13:10,480 --> 00:13:13,640 "The dead souls of fishermen turn to seagulls' form 241 00:13:13,640 --> 00:13:15,720 "to warn the living of the Oillipheist." 242 00:13:15,720 --> 00:13:18,120 ROARING AND CAWING 243 00:13:20,200 --> 00:13:21,240 HE SCOFFS 244 00:13:34,080 --> 00:13:35,200 Hivi! Agh! 245 00:13:36,640 --> 00:13:37,680 Huh? 246 00:13:39,240 --> 00:13:42,280 MUSIC: Don't Go by Hothouse Flowers 247 00:14:20,920 --> 00:14:22,800 HE RETCHES 248 00:14:35,240 --> 00:14:36,560 Shadow rabbits. 249 00:14:55,960 --> 00:14:57,000 Aaaargh! 250 00:14:57,000 --> 00:14:58,440 Where the hell are you going? 251 00:14:58,440 --> 00:15:01,440 Only the keeper is permitted in the light room! I told you! 252 00:15:01,440 --> 00:15:03,120 I wasn't going to... 253 00:15:03,120 --> 00:15:05,560 Ow! Ow, ow, ow, ow, ow... 254 00:15:05,560 --> 00:15:06,960 Can you stop tapping my bite?! 255 00:15:06,960 --> 00:15:09,360 Just do your job and leave! 256 00:15:10,520 --> 00:15:11,920 Hey. 257 00:15:11,920 --> 00:15:14,480 Why were you outside in the rain last night? 258 00:15:14,480 --> 00:15:15,640 The power lines. 259 00:15:15,640 --> 00:15:17,960 Sometimes the wind blows them down. 260 00:15:17,960 --> 00:15:20,560 We can't let darkness back in here. 261 00:15:20,560 --> 00:15:21,600 Not again. 262 00:15:22,840 --> 00:15:25,000 Salt water, remember? 263 00:15:25,000 --> 00:15:26,920 We said the cove. 8am. 264 00:15:26,920 --> 00:15:27,960 GASPS: Ye-ee-ah? 265 00:15:27,960 --> 00:15:29,000 GASPS: Ye-ee-ah. 266 00:15:43,880 --> 00:15:45,280 GULL SCREECHES 267 00:15:46,440 --> 00:15:48,720 I've barely slept, mate, but I swear, 268 00:15:48,720 --> 00:15:50,520 I will knock you the fuck out. 269 00:16:00,800 --> 00:16:01,960 What the...? 270 00:16:07,640 --> 00:16:09,200 You're losing your mind. 271 00:16:16,760 --> 00:16:17,800 Agh. 272 00:16:20,560 --> 00:16:23,960 HE SCREAMS 273 00:16:26,520 --> 00:16:27,640 Jellyfish! 274 00:16:39,240 --> 00:16:41,360 What? That can't be it. 275 00:16:41,360 --> 00:16:42,920 I thought it was an urban myth! 276 00:16:45,320 --> 00:16:46,720 I can't do it. 277 00:16:46,720 --> 00:16:48,120 I can't put piss on my lips. 278 00:16:50,280 --> 00:16:51,440 Oh... 279 00:16:58,600 --> 00:17:00,200 HE PEES 280 00:17:07,480 --> 00:17:08,760 'diculous. 281 00:17:08,760 --> 00:17:10,400 I'm sorry. 282 00:17:10,400 --> 00:17:12,920 There was no need for me to behave like that. 283 00:17:12,920 --> 00:17:15,800 It's hard, having company again. 284 00:17:19,040 --> 00:17:20,720 Oh, Jesus! 285 00:17:22,319 --> 00:17:24,000 Well... 286 00:17:25,000 --> 00:17:27,920 ..who is this pretty little maid come to call? 287 00:17:27,920 --> 00:17:30,240 It's a bloody health and safety disaster, this island. 288 00:17:30,240 --> 00:17:32,960 To pluck but one kiss from those cherry lips. 289 00:17:32,960 --> 00:17:35,040 I suppose the jellyfish that did this was trying to teach me 290 00:17:35,040 --> 00:17:36,080 something, was it? 291 00:17:36,080 --> 00:17:37,880 Jellyfish, eh? Well, you're doing the right thing. 292 00:17:39,080 --> 00:17:40,560 Do you think? Mm. 293 00:17:40,560 --> 00:17:41,680 Oh, OK. 294 00:17:41,680 --> 00:17:45,080 I wasn't sure if it was just an old wives' tale, but it does... 295 00:17:45,080 --> 00:17:47,000 What, drinking your way through the pain? 296 00:17:47,000 --> 00:17:49,040 I know a few old wives that have done that. 297 00:17:49,040 --> 00:17:53,400 And I will not let a good man drink whisky alone. 298 00:17:53,400 --> 00:17:55,120 Ohhh! 299 00:17:55,120 --> 00:17:56,800 No, I don't... 300 00:17:56,800 --> 00:17:59,040 I don't think that's a good idea, actually. 301 00:17:59,040 --> 00:18:00,840 When is it a bad idea? Hivi. 302 00:18:02,360 --> 00:18:03,720 Let's bury the hatchet, huh? 303 00:18:03,720 --> 00:18:05,560 You know what I think the old lips need? 304 00:18:05,560 --> 00:18:07,840 Bit of bedrest, so... Yeah, a few of these 305 00:18:07,840 --> 00:18:10,440 and you'll forget you even have lips at all. 306 00:18:10,440 --> 00:18:11,560 Slainte! 307 00:18:11,560 --> 00:18:13,560 Mmm! Yes. 308 00:18:13,560 --> 00:18:14,840 Are you not drinking yours? 309 00:18:14,840 --> 00:18:18,440 Well... Ah, come on, boy, get 'er down you. 310 00:18:18,440 --> 00:18:20,000 Oh, she'll go. 311 00:18:20,000 --> 00:18:22,400 She'll go down all right. 312 00:18:22,400 --> 00:18:23,480 Soon... 313 00:18:24,600 --> 00:18:26,080 Look, if you're not going to drink that... 314 00:18:26,080 --> 00:18:27,800 Hey! You won't take my drink! 315 00:18:27,800 --> 00:18:29,240 Well, get her down you, then, boy. 316 00:18:29,240 --> 00:18:30,880 Here she goes. Come on! 317 00:18:30,880 --> 00:18:33,760 Now, straight down. Drink up your medicine, all of it. Here we go. 318 00:18:33,760 --> 00:18:35,120 Mmm! Go, go, go! 319 00:18:35,120 --> 00:18:36,480 Ooh, a sip... Finish it! 320 00:18:36,480 --> 00:18:37,920 A sip is enough sometimes. 321 00:18:37,920 --> 00:18:41,000 Finish it! O...K... 322 00:18:41,000 --> 00:18:42,200 Go, go. 323 00:18:42,200 --> 00:18:45,840 Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, 324 00:18:45,840 --> 00:18:48,480 oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh! 325 00:18:48,480 --> 00:18:49,600 Boy, yeah! 326 00:18:49,600 --> 00:18:51,760 KEEPER CHUCKLES 327 00:18:51,760 --> 00:18:53,960 Of course, you know the cure for jellyfish stings? 328 00:18:53,960 --> 00:18:55,240 Hmm... 329 00:18:56,520 --> 00:18:58,800 Only too well, my friend. 330 00:18:58,800 --> 00:19:00,360 Only too well. 331 00:19:00,360 --> 00:19:02,080 And let me tell you, the aftertaste... 332 00:19:02,080 --> 00:19:03,200 Kelp. 333 00:19:03,200 --> 00:19:04,760 Kelp! 334 00:19:04,760 --> 00:19:06,640 That's the cure. 335 00:19:06,640 --> 00:19:08,680 Why haven't they put kelp in the book?! 336 00:19:16,840 --> 00:19:18,720 Mmm, kelp. Lovely kelp. 337 00:19:31,040 --> 00:19:33,960 We used to sit like this for hours. Slainte. 338 00:19:33,960 --> 00:19:35,040 Cheers. 339 00:19:35,040 --> 00:19:37,120 Talking, singing. 340 00:19:37,120 --> 00:19:39,000 Proper songs, too. 341 00:19:39,000 --> 00:19:40,600 Traditional shanty. 342 00:19:40,600 --> 00:19:42,800 Oh, well, I'd love to hear a traditional shanty. 343 00:19:42,800 --> 00:19:44,720 No, I couldn't. No, please! 344 00:19:44,720 --> 00:19:46,080 Oh, sure my voice is gone. 345 00:19:46,080 --> 00:19:48,880 Just one. Well, all right, let's see what I can do. 346 00:19:48,880 --> 00:19:51,840 KEEPER CLEARS THROAT 347 00:19:48,880 --> 00:19:51,840 # Ohh... Ohh... 348 00:19:51,840 --> 00:19:54,880 # Oh, Mammy, speak to me 349 00:19:54,880 --> 00:19:57,120 # What will we have for tea? 350 00:19:57,120 --> 00:19:59,680 # For sure, my belly's rumbling 351 00:19:59,680 --> 00:20:02,160 # And I can barely see 352 00:20:02,160 --> 00:20:04,320 # His mother turned around 353 00:20:04,320 --> 00:20:06,880 # She slumped down to the ground 354 00:20:06,880 --> 00:20:09,120 # You can't be fed, your daddy's dead 355 00:20:09,120 --> 00:20:11,240 # His boat has run aground 356 00:20:11,240 --> 00:20:13,400 # Now I must walk the streets 357 00:20:13,400 --> 00:20:15,760 # For strangers, I will meet 358 00:20:15,760 --> 00:20:17,640 # To sell my wretched body 359 00:20:17,640 --> 00:20:20,200 # For to try and buy us meat. # 360 00:20:20,200 --> 00:20:22,680 Bloody hell, mate. Keep it light, will you? 361 00:20:23,640 --> 00:20:26,000 They all starve to death in the end. 362 00:20:27,640 --> 00:20:30,720 That was one of O'Mally's favourites. 363 00:20:30,720 --> 00:20:32,640 He loved that one. 364 00:20:32,640 --> 00:20:33,680 Ooh... 365 00:20:35,960 --> 00:20:38,080 Do you think you should get off the island for a while? 366 00:20:38,080 --> 00:20:39,120 I can't. 367 00:20:39,120 --> 00:20:40,720 Come back to the mainland with me. 368 00:20:40,720 --> 00:20:42,680 Get some perspective. 369 00:20:42,680 --> 00:20:44,680 There's a bloke down my local pub called Weasel, 370 00:20:44,680 --> 00:20:46,800 he can get four packs of Maltesers in his mouth. 371 00:20:46,800 --> 00:20:49,040 You're the one who should leave. 372 00:20:49,040 --> 00:20:51,400 It only comes here when there's two men. 373 00:20:51,400 --> 00:20:53,520 "It"? The Olliethingy? 374 00:20:53,520 --> 00:20:55,280 The Oillipheist. 375 00:20:55,280 --> 00:20:58,160 Yes, the sea beast that came and took O'Mally, 376 00:20:58,160 --> 00:20:59,280 and we don't know where he is, 377 00:20:59,280 --> 00:21:00,920 but he's going to come back as a seagull? 378 00:21:00,920 --> 00:21:03,680 Correct. And the Oillipheist's angry now because I've come 379 00:21:03,680 --> 00:21:05,200 and he's going to come and take one of us? 380 00:21:07,200 --> 00:21:09,560 You don't believe in anything you don't understand, do you? 381 00:21:09,560 --> 00:21:10,720 No. 382 00:21:10,720 --> 00:21:13,840 Because all mysteries get explained in the end. 383 00:21:13,840 --> 00:21:16,680 So what did you see in the cove this morning? 384 00:21:19,920 --> 00:21:21,120 Aha! 385 00:21:21,120 --> 00:21:24,280 Well, I thought I saw a woman with a tail sitting on a rock, 386 00:21:24,280 --> 00:21:25,920 but obviously that's impossible. 387 00:21:25,920 --> 00:21:28,280 I did not see a mermaid. Did you not? 388 00:21:28,280 --> 00:21:30,600 No, because one, they don't exist, 389 00:21:30,600 --> 00:21:32,960 and two, it didn't look like a mermaid. 390 00:21:32,960 --> 00:21:35,240 And how would the big, long cleaner boy from the city 391 00:21:35,240 --> 00:21:36,360 know what a mermaid looks like? 392 00:21:36,360 --> 00:21:39,360 Oh, come on, we've all seen Splash. Mermaids are fit. 393 00:21:39,360 --> 00:21:41,520 KEEPER GASPS 394 00:21:39,360 --> 00:21:41,520 I'm not sexist, but... 395 00:21:41,520 --> 00:21:42,960 ..she was rough. 396 00:21:44,320 --> 00:21:46,240 THUNDER CRASHES 397 00:21:47,360 --> 00:21:50,360 It's coming! It's coming for me! 398 00:21:50,360 --> 00:21:52,880 The only thing coming for us is a bad hangover. 399 00:21:52,880 --> 00:21:54,360 Get you to your room. 400 00:21:54,360 --> 00:21:57,080 Stay there until sunrise. 401 00:21:57,080 --> 00:21:59,600 Do not come out, no matter what you hear. 402 00:21:59,600 --> 00:22:00,840 Mate! 403 00:22:00,840 --> 00:22:03,000 It's ridiculous! 404 00:22:03,000 --> 00:22:06,280 Well, I hope you're still laughing as the blood fills your mouth 405 00:22:06,280 --> 00:22:08,960 from the crushing weight of its mighty jaw. 406 00:22:19,080 --> 00:22:21,600 DISTORTED LAUGHTER 407 00:22:22,680 --> 00:22:24,280 THUNDER CRASHES 408 00:22:27,920 --> 00:22:29,720 Do you like my sexy old man body? 409 00:22:29,720 --> 00:22:31,040 HE WHIMPERS 410 00:22:31,040 --> 00:22:33,960 VOICES OVERLAP: See? You're useless alone. 411 00:22:33,960 --> 00:22:37,000 Agh! Agh! No! The Oillipheist... 412 00:22:37,000 --> 00:22:39,640 The Oillipheist always leaves her mark. 413 00:22:39,640 --> 00:22:40,960 SCREAMS 414 00:22:40,960 --> 00:22:42,080 Why?! 415 00:22:43,640 --> 00:22:44,680 No, captain! 416 00:22:45,760 --> 00:22:47,040 It's here! 417 00:22:47,040 --> 00:22:48,520 What the f...?! Get up! 418 00:22:48,520 --> 00:22:51,040 Huh?! The Oillipheist! It's here! 419 00:22:52,200 --> 00:22:54,160 It's cut the power lines! Quickly! 420 00:22:55,520 --> 00:22:57,040 Mate, this is madness! 421 00:22:57,040 --> 00:22:58,480 There is no Oillipheist! 422 00:22:58,480 --> 00:23:00,280 The light is out. It's bitten through the wires. 423 00:23:00,280 --> 00:23:03,000 Yeah, well, it'll be a fault, won't it? Radio the mainland. 424 00:23:03,000 --> 00:23:04,240 No, I am going to try and fix it. 425 00:23:04,240 --> 00:23:06,400 You need to go up to the light room to flip the trip. 426 00:23:06,400 --> 00:23:09,360 Oh! I thought I wasn't allowed in the light room. 427 00:23:09,360 --> 00:23:11,840 Argh! I may not be back! 428 00:23:11,840 --> 00:23:12,920 Pray for me. 429 00:23:12,920 --> 00:23:14,640 If that light does not come on again, 430 00:23:14,640 --> 00:23:17,160 the boat collecting you in the morning may be dashed on the rocks. 431 00:23:18,600 --> 00:23:20,400 It's probably a fuse, isn't it? 432 00:23:20,400 --> 00:23:22,200 I'll radio the mainland. 433 00:23:22,200 --> 00:23:23,760 Jesus. 434 00:23:23,760 --> 00:23:25,120 Uh, breaker 1-9. 435 00:23:25,120 --> 00:23:27,320 What's your 20 for an eyeball, good buddy? 436 00:23:27,320 --> 00:23:28,760 Receiving... 437 00:23:28,760 --> 00:23:30,000 What?! 438 00:23:31,240 --> 00:23:32,600 Breaker 1-9, what's going on over there? 439 00:23:32,600 --> 00:23:33,720 What the fuck?! 440 00:23:36,640 --> 00:23:39,000 I have to face it for Patrick! 441 00:23:39,000 --> 00:23:41,640 If the Oillipheist takes me, it will leave you. 442 00:23:41,640 --> 00:23:43,600 It always leaves one, you'll be fine. 443 00:23:43,600 --> 00:23:47,760 If you see Patrick, tell him I'll join him soon. 444 00:23:47,760 --> 00:23:48,800 HE SQUEALS 445 00:23:52,440 --> 00:23:54,120 No. Awake. 446 00:24:09,600 --> 00:24:12,640 I don't even know what a trip switch looks like, you old goon. 447 00:24:15,880 --> 00:24:16,920 OK. 448 00:24:24,120 --> 00:24:25,520 DISTANT SCREECHING 449 00:24:43,040 --> 00:24:44,400 SCREECHING 450 00:24:44,400 --> 00:24:46,360 O'Malley?! 451 00:24:46,360 --> 00:24:47,880 It can't be! 452 00:24:52,120 --> 00:24:53,160 Argh! 453 00:25:10,400 --> 00:25:11,800 HE PANTS 454 00:25:27,640 --> 00:25:28,880 To you, Patrick. 455 00:25:30,400 --> 00:25:31,880 Perhaps they'll listen now. 456 00:25:39,200 --> 00:25:41,760 It was only down by the sea that I worked it out. 457 00:25:41,760 --> 00:25:42,960 You set all this up. 458 00:25:42,960 --> 00:25:45,440 You staged the myth of the Oillipheist. 459 00:25:45,440 --> 00:25:47,160 There's no myth. 460 00:25:47,160 --> 00:25:52,400 Mate, you don't think that O'Mally was taken by the Oillipheist? 461 00:25:52,400 --> 00:25:53,520 He was! 462 00:25:53,520 --> 00:25:54,960 I heard his screams! 463 00:25:54,960 --> 00:25:56,680 Because you were pissed! 464 00:25:56,680 --> 00:25:57,800 No! 465 00:25:57,800 --> 00:26:00,760 Well, if it's real, why are you pretending to be him? 466 00:26:00,760 --> 00:26:02,400 Why all this pantomime? 467 00:26:02,400 --> 00:26:04,280 Because no-one will believe me! 468 00:26:05,680 --> 00:26:07,320 The police, coroner... 469 00:26:07,320 --> 00:26:09,520 I even had a reporter sniffing around. 470 00:26:10,880 --> 00:26:14,360 They don't listen, they just wrote him off. 471 00:26:14,360 --> 00:26:16,240 "Fell off a cliff. Case closed." 472 00:26:16,240 --> 00:26:17,440 WICKY SIGHS 473 00:26:17,440 --> 00:26:20,600 So you thought you'd plant some evidence for the nonbeliever? 474 00:26:22,600 --> 00:26:27,200 Bad things happen to good people for no reason. 475 00:26:27,200 --> 00:26:30,600 He was my friend. 476 00:26:30,600 --> 00:26:31,640 He fell off a cliff. 477 00:26:31,640 --> 00:26:33,560 No, he didn't, he didn't, he didn't! 478 00:26:33,560 --> 00:26:34,720 Never! 479 00:26:34,720 --> 00:26:37,760 A strong man like that, swept away by a little wind? 480 00:26:37,760 --> 00:26:40,000 Never! Not a lighthouse man! 481 00:26:42,520 --> 00:26:43,800 Maybe you're right. 482 00:26:43,800 --> 00:26:45,960 Just...tell them. 483 00:26:47,560 --> 00:26:50,560 Tell anyone what happened here. 484 00:26:50,560 --> 00:26:54,680 Tell them that the Oillipheist took away my friend. 485 00:26:54,680 --> 00:26:59,160 Did I really think you could get it on to that Netflix or a podcast 486 00:26:59,160 --> 00:27:01,640 on the World Wide Web, yeah? Yeah? 487 00:27:01,640 --> 00:27:03,120 I thought you didn't have a telly. 488 00:27:04,120 --> 00:27:06,400 I have an iPad up my room. 489 00:27:06,400 --> 00:27:08,440 I turned off the Wi-Fi when you arrived. 490 00:27:11,920 --> 00:27:13,160 Just tell them. 491 00:27:14,200 --> 00:27:15,960 Promise me. 492 00:27:15,960 --> 00:27:19,120 There's a pub near Birmingham that's about to hear 493 00:27:19,120 --> 00:27:23,400 of the mysterious disappearance of Patrick O'Mally. 494 00:27:23,400 --> 00:27:25,120 I promise. 495 00:27:25,120 --> 00:27:26,520 And you were right. 496 00:27:28,240 --> 00:27:30,840 She was a fine-looking mermaid. 497 00:27:30,840 --> 00:27:32,920 You looked beautiful. 498 00:28:01,400 --> 00:28:03,280 SOMBRE MUSIC 499 00:28:19,720 --> 00:28:21,800 LAUGHTER 500 00:28:21,800 --> 00:28:23,960 HORN BLARES