1 00:00:02,021 --> 00:00:03,341 Your jobs are just getting weirder. 2 00:00:03,341 --> 00:00:04,861 A lighthouse?! 3 00:00:04,861 --> 00:00:07,501 A lighthouse! Off the coast of Ireland! 4 00:00:07,501 --> 00:00:10,021 And get this - I don't even have to clean any blood up! 5 00:00:10,021 --> 00:00:11,781 One of the lighthouse keepers went missing. 6 00:00:11,781 --> 00:00:13,141 They think he fell off a cliff. 7 00:00:13,141 --> 00:00:15,221 All they want me to do is clean his bedroom out 8 00:00:15,221 --> 00:00:16,581 cos it's upsetting the other keeper. 9 00:00:16,581 --> 00:00:17,981 You're not going on your own? 10 00:00:17,981 --> 00:00:19,421 Oh, love, you won't survive. 11 00:00:19,421 --> 00:00:21,821 What are you on about? I thrive on my own. 12 00:00:21,821 --> 00:00:23,821 I'm like that fish we saw on Attenborough. 13 00:00:23,821 --> 00:00:25,821 The angler fish. Yeah. 14 00:00:25,821 --> 00:00:27,141 I'm the urban angler fish. 15 00:00:27,141 --> 00:00:28,981 SHE CHUCKLES 16 00:00:28,981 --> 00:00:33,901 My prediction is that you'll be texting me within a day 17 00:00:33,901 --> 00:00:36,701 because you're bricking it. 18 00:00:36,701 --> 00:00:38,941 Well, I won't. And you know why? 19 00:00:38,941 --> 00:00:40,421 You're the urban angler fish. 20 00:00:40,421 --> 00:00:42,261 Mm-hm. Yeah, I know sweetheart. 21 00:00:45,381 --> 00:00:46,981 Oh, Ireland... 22 00:00:48,781 --> 00:00:52,581 UPLIFTING CELTIC MUSIC 23 00:01:06,941 --> 00:01:08,701 LAUGHTER 24 00:01:10,661 --> 00:01:12,381 Really? Really?! 25 00:01:18,021 --> 00:01:20,981 Lads, I'm trying to have a moment out here. 26 00:01:20,981 --> 00:01:22,021 Ah, sorry about that. 27 00:01:22,021 --> 00:01:24,941 It's just a wee tradition we have here on the Merry Bow. 28 00:01:24,941 --> 00:01:26,621 You've done it four times now. 29 00:01:26,621 --> 00:01:28,781 I must be initiated. 30 00:01:28,781 --> 00:01:30,501 That's fair enough. 31 00:01:30,501 --> 00:01:32,701 You get out there with the ocean. 32 00:01:33,741 --> 00:01:36,381 You ask the questions you need the answers to. 33 00:01:36,381 --> 00:01:38,221 She'll give you what you need. 34 00:01:38,221 --> 00:01:40,261 You're never alone on the sea. 35 00:01:41,581 --> 00:01:42,781 Thank you. 36 00:01:49,861 --> 00:01:51,621 UPLIFTING MUSIC RESUMES 37 00:01:58,861 --> 00:02:00,941 Five! That's five! 38 00:02:00,941 --> 00:02:01,981 Please! 39 00:02:22,781 --> 00:02:26,221 Remember, you're cut off until we return. 40 00:02:26,221 --> 00:02:28,021 I want to be. Heh. 41 00:02:29,181 --> 00:02:31,261 We pass back here sun-up on Monday. 42 00:02:31,261 --> 00:02:32,541 Don't miss pick-up. 43 00:02:36,101 --> 00:02:37,141 Oh! 44 00:02:39,061 --> 00:02:40,501 That's right, captain. 45 00:02:40,501 --> 00:02:41,741 I took my pants off. 46 00:02:41,741 --> 00:02:43,701 CAPTAIN GASPS See you Monday. 47 00:02:49,621 --> 00:02:50,661 Hey... 48 00:03:01,661 --> 00:03:03,261 HE EXHALES 49 00:03:03,261 --> 00:03:05,741 Hello, solitude, my old friend. 50 00:03:07,501 --> 00:03:08,941 Ah. 51 00:03:08,941 --> 00:03:13,501 The urban angler fish, he takes nutrition from his environment. 52 00:03:16,941 --> 00:03:17,981 So... 53 00:03:17,981 --> 00:03:20,621 GULL CAWS 54 00:03:20,621 --> 00:03:22,021 Hello, my majestic friend. 55 00:03:22,021 --> 00:03:24,061 May the herring be plentiful today. 56 00:03:26,061 --> 00:03:27,821 I'd give the seaweed a miss. It's... 57 00:03:27,821 --> 00:03:28,861 It's gross. 58 00:03:36,661 --> 00:03:38,261 GULL CAWS 59 00:03:38,261 --> 00:03:39,741 Ah, you again. 60 00:03:39,741 --> 00:03:40,781 Hmm. 61 00:03:58,181 --> 00:04:01,261 Why would anyone put a pan of fish on the...? 62 00:04:01,261 --> 00:04:02,301 GULL SCREECHES 63 00:04:02,301 --> 00:04:03,461 Aaargh! Argh! 64 00:04:04,781 --> 00:04:06,261 Hey, hey! Hey, hey! 65 00:04:07,621 --> 00:04:08,661 Ugh! 66 00:04:13,501 --> 00:04:14,541 HE SIGHS 67 00:04:15,901 --> 00:04:16,941 Gull! 68 00:04:46,541 --> 00:04:48,101 Hivi! Hey! 69 00:04:48,101 --> 00:04:49,701 You'll have the door off its hinges. 70 00:04:52,421 --> 00:04:54,861 Sorry, were you not just up there? How did you...? 71 00:04:56,261 --> 00:04:57,301 You're bleeding. 72 00:04:57,301 --> 00:04:59,701 Oh, yeah, it was a seagull. 73 00:04:59,701 --> 00:05:01,621 No! 74 00:05:01,621 --> 00:05:03,501 You mustn't anger the gulls. 75 00:05:04,741 --> 00:05:06,381 They're sacred here. 76 00:05:06,381 --> 00:05:07,781 Oh. 77 00:05:07,781 --> 00:05:09,541 I think it was just going for a fish. 78 00:05:09,541 --> 00:05:11,101 I'm fine, honestly. It's nothing. 79 00:05:11,101 --> 00:05:12,861 Nothing? 80 00:05:12,861 --> 00:05:14,621 Nothing means nothing here. 81 00:05:15,861 --> 00:05:16,901 Yeah. 82 00:05:16,901 --> 00:05:18,541 GULLS CRY 83 00:05:19,661 --> 00:05:21,461 Caa-aa-aa-aa-aw! 84 00:05:21,461 --> 00:05:23,821 GULL CAWS Oh. Come along. 85 00:05:36,021 --> 00:05:37,381 They told you I was coming? 86 00:05:39,381 --> 00:05:40,941 I'm the crime scene cleaner. 87 00:05:40,941 --> 00:05:43,701 Crime scene? Where's the crime? 88 00:05:43,701 --> 00:05:45,421 I've never been to a lighthouse before. 89 00:05:45,421 --> 00:05:48,061 I was quite relieved there were no talking animals running around. 90 00:05:48,061 --> 00:05:49,261 Ohh... 91 00:05:49,261 --> 00:05:50,661 You remember Fraggle Rock? 92 00:05:51,741 --> 00:05:53,301 How did that theme tune go? 93 00:05:53,301 --> 00:05:55,501 SLAM! If you sing a single word 94 00:05:55,501 --> 00:05:57,861 from that theme tune, I swear by all that is holy, 95 00:05:57,861 --> 00:06:00,301 I will take a knotted rope to you. 96 00:06:00,301 --> 00:06:02,301 Well, I do not like the sound of that. 97 00:06:03,341 --> 00:06:07,261 So...you're the one that's been charged to erase 98 00:06:07,261 --> 00:06:10,101 the memory of Patrick O'Mally, huh? 99 00:06:10,101 --> 00:06:13,941 Oh... Yeah, I just think the police thought it would be helpful... 100 00:06:13,941 --> 00:06:16,421 Oh, to forget my only companion of 30 years? 101 00:06:17,581 --> 00:06:22,221 To deny a hurt that gnaws away at my very soul? 102 00:06:22,221 --> 00:06:23,501 Oh... 103 00:06:24,941 --> 00:06:26,661 Does it hurt? Huh? 104 00:06:28,301 --> 00:06:31,581 Oh... Yeah, it does sting a bit. 105 00:06:31,581 --> 00:06:33,181 Ah. 106 00:06:33,181 --> 00:06:35,981 Seems that Patrick's friends do not want him 107 00:06:35,981 --> 00:06:37,981 to be cleaned away, doesn't it? 108 00:06:37,981 --> 00:06:39,781 What, the seagulls? 109 00:06:39,781 --> 00:06:41,341 I'll show you his room. 110 00:06:43,821 --> 00:06:46,061 This is not like Fraggle Rock at all. 111 00:06:50,861 --> 00:06:53,181 Can I go up the lighthouse at some point? 112 00:06:53,181 --> 00:06:57,061 The keeper is the only one permitted in the light room. 113 00:06:57,061 --> 00:06:58,381 Oh... 114 00:06:58,381 --> 00:06:59,821 OK. 115 00:06:59,821 --> 00:07:04,221 It's a shame cos, well, it sounds silly, but, er... 116 00:07:04,221 --> 00:07:06,901 ..do you ever do one of those shadow rabbits? 117 00:07:06,901 --> 00:07:09,901 KEEPER GROWLS 118 00:07:11,501 --> 00:07:12,741 I'll show you his room. 119 00:07:23,221 --> 00:07:24,341 Cosy. 120 00:07:24,341 --> 00:07:26,141 Well, it's as he left it. 121 00:07:26,141 --> 00:07:27,541 Right. 122 00:07:27,541 --> 00:07:31,781 Well, I will be respectful and I'll put things right. 123 00:07:33,301 --> 00:07:34,581 Where will I be sleeping? 124 00:07:34,581 --> 00:07:35,621 Here. 125 00:07:36,581 --> 00:07:37,821 Is that a problem? 126 00:07:41,341 --> 00:07:43,461 In the dead man's room with the creepy drawings? 127 00:07:43,461 --> 00:07:45,621 No. No, that's... 128 00:07:45,621 --> 00:07:46,821 I WANT that. 129 00:07:49,341 --> 00:07:51,061 I'm sorry about your friend's passing. 130 00:07:51,061 --> 00:07:52,621 "Passing"? Was there a body? 131 00:07:52,621 --> 00:07:55,581 They said that would have washed out to sea when he fell off the cliffs. 132 00:07:55,581 --> 00:07:56,901 Swept out to sea?! 133 00:07:56,901 --> 00:07:58,461 He was in his bed, boy! 134 00:07:59,661 --> 00:08:01,541 Well, it can't have happened here, there's... 135 00:08:01,541 --> 00:08:02,941 ..there's no blood. 136 00:08:02,941 --> 00:08:05,061 KEEPER GUFFAWS 137 00:08:07,061 --> 00:08:09,821 Do you know how the eagle hunts fish? 138 00:08:09,821 --> 00:08:11,421 I'm about to find out, aren't I? 139 00:08:11,421 --> 00:08:13,021 It plucks them from the ocean, 140 00:08:13,021 --> 00:08:15,621 drives its talons through the fish's back. 141 00:08:16,781 --> 00:08:20,661 The flight to the nest is short and the fish, gasping for breath, 142 00:08:20,661 --> 00:08:22,301 will usually survive, 143 00:08:22,301 --> 00:08:24,981 and it's there, high in the tree tops, 144 00:08:24,981 --> 00:08:29,261 that its wet eye watches on in horror as the eagle eats it alive. 145 00:08:30,861 --> 00:08:32,021 Fucking nature. 146 00:08:33,781 --> 00:08:35,421 Salt water. Huh? 147 00:08:35,421 --> 00:08:38,381 You're going to need to bathe that bite in salt water 148 00:08:38,381 --> 00:08:39,781 for the infection. 149 00:08:39,781 --> 00:08:42,741 You should go down to the cove in the morning. Let's say 8am? 150 00:08:44,461 --> 00:08:45,981 Sorry... 151 00:08:45,981 --> 00:08:48,781 You don't think your friend was taken by a massive eagle, right? 152 00:08:48,781 --> 00:08:50,141 Of course he wasn't. 153 00:08:50,141 --> 00:08:51,181 Thank God for that. 154 00:08:52,541 --> 00:08:54,501 But I didn't say he wasn't taken. 155 00:08:58,661 --> 00:08:59,981 I suppose you'll be taking photographs? 156 00:08:59,981 --> 00:09:03,021 Multiple photographs? Ghoulish records of a lost man's room? 157 00:09:03,021 --> 00:09:05,501 Something to titillate the World Wide Web? 158 00:09:05,501 --> 00:09:07,301 Well, I'll take a couple for my boss. 159 00:09:07,301 --> 00:09:08,541 No, no, you do what you have to do. 160 00:09:08,541 --> 00:09:10,181 You tell who you have to tell. 161 00:09:30,501 --> 00:09:32,941 Agh! Of course, no bloody signal. 162 00:09:37,821 --> 00:09:38,861 HE SIGHS 163 00:09:41,221 --> 00:09:43,661 No, Ruth, I'm not missing you. 164 00:09:51,021 --> 00:09:52,061 So, er... 165 00:09:53,461 --> 00:09:55,341 Have you been here for a long time or...? 166 00:09:55,341 --> 00:09:56,701 30 summers since. 167 00:09:56,701 --> 00:09:58,501 Blimey. And your friend? 168 00:09:59,581 --> 00:10:00,741 Keeper's mate! 169 00:10:00,741 --> 00:10:04,461 Patrick O'Mally was the keeper's mate and he was with me throughout. 170 00:10:04,461 --> 00:10:05,541 Blimey. 171 00:10:05,541 --> 00:10:07,421 You must have got though some box sets, eh? 172 00:10:07,421 --> 00:10:08,901 Huh? You've got Netflix, have you? 173 00:10:08,901 --> 00:10:12,541 Patrick and I did not need the light box for company. 174 00:10:12,541 --> 00:10:14,541 Christ! What did you do for entertainment? 175 00:10:14,541 --> 00:10:16,421 Oh, I see! Writing a book, are we? 176 00:10:16,421 --> 00:10:19,661 Or a newspaper article about the secrets of the island? 177 00:10:19,661 --> 00:10:21,061 Go right ahead. 178 00:10:21,061 --> 00:10:25,701 But if I see it written anywhere that we were sleeping in the 179 00:10:25,701 --> 00:10:30,381 same bed, I will find you and I will beat you with a steel pole. 180 00:10:30,381 --> 00:10:33,381 Steel pole?! What happened to the knotted rope?! 181 00:10:33,381 --> 00:10:35,901 I'm just here to clean! Calm down. 182 00:10:37,741 --> 00:10:43,021 What did you mean, though, when you said they're not happy with me? 183 00:10:43,021 --> 00:10:46,141 His friends. Are we talking about seagulls? 184 00:10:46,141 --> 00:10:49,581 Why do you think they are the only sacred birds on the island? 185 00:10:49,581 --> 00:10:50,861 Huh? 186 00:10:50,861 --> 00:10:54,621 The souls of dead seamen have to go somewhere. 187 00:10:54,621 --> 00:10:55,901 WICKY SCOFFS 188 00:10:55,901 --> 00:10:57,861 Oh, come on. Don't be daft. 189 00:10:58,861 --> 00:11:00,221 Funny, is it?! 190 00:11:00,221 --> 00:11:03,141 I suppose the isolation finally got to me, did it?! 191 00:11:03,141 --> 00:11:05,701 Drove me crazy?! Oh-ho-ho-ho! 192 00:11:05,701 --> 00:11:09,621 This is going in your online internet blog, is it? 193 00:11:09,621 --> 00:11:10,661 No. 194 00:11:12,221 --> 00:11:14,741 Lost my mind to the howling winds, did I? 195 00:11:14,741 --> 00:11:17,701 Smashed in his skull and then disposed of his body? 196 00:11:17,701 --> 00:11:19,501 Is that what you're thinking, is it?! 197 00:11:19,501 --> 00:11:20,581 Well, I wasn't! 198 00:11:21,901 --> 00:11:25,181 A madman who took the life of his lover? 199 00:11:25,181 --> 00:11:26,381 No! 200 00:11:27,701 --> 00:11:28,741 Sorry, were you lovers? 201 00:11:28,741 --> 00:11:29,821 NOOOO! 202 00:11:29,821 --> 00:11:30,861 KEEPER SIGHS 203 00:11:30,861 --> 00:11:34,501 You don't know the ways of the island or its rules, cleaner man. 204 00:11:34,501 --> 00:11:36,341 You spooked the gulls. 205 00:11:36,341 --> 00:11:37,861 There's a price to be paid for that. 206 00:11:37,861 --> 00:11:39,221 Mark these words! Mark them! 207 00:11:39,221 --> 00:11:40,941 I'll mark them! I'll mark them! 208 00:11:40,941 --> 00:11:42,181 Finish your food. 209 00:11:47,661 --> 00:11:50,941 You know, this... this really is delicious, you know. 210 00:11:50,941 --> 00:11:53,141 There's lots of different flavours in here. 211 00:11:53,141 --> 00:11:54,301 I don't even... 212 00:11:54,301 --> 00:11:55,541 ..know what...some... 213 00:11:59,221 --> 00:12:01,261 Sorry, is this a beak?! 214 00:12:01,261 --> 00:12:03,701 Do puffins not have beaks where you're from, boy? 215 00:12:03,701 --> 00:12:05,061 Puffins?! 216 00:12:05,061 --> 00:12:07,301 Are you deaf, boy? It was puffin meat. 217 00:12:07,301 --> 00:12:09,541 I don't think Chris Packham would want us eating puffins. 218 00:12:09,541 --> 00:12:13,381 I told you, 'tis only the seagulls are sacred on this island. 219 00:12:13,381 --> 00:12:16,301 Yeah... But why are they angry? 220 00:12:16,301 --> 00:12:19,821 Because they know when someone is going to be taken away. 221 00:12:19,821 --> 00:12:21,461 Who do you think took him? 222 00:12:21,461 --> 00:12:23,421 Who...or what? 223 00:12:27,261 --> 00:12:28,741 The Oillipheist... 224 00:12:28,741 --> 00:12:29,981 What's the Oillipheist? 225 00:12:29,981 --> 00:12:31,701 A deadly sea beast. 226 00:12:31,701 --> 00:12:34,221 The Oillipheist always leaves one behind 227 00:12:34,221 --> 00:12:36,101 to tell the tale of its existence. 228 00:12:37,141 --> 00:12:38,701 But there are two of us. 229 00:12:40,621 --> 00:12:42,861 Sleep well. You'll need your sleep tonight. 230 00:12:44,261 --> 00:12:45,301 WICKY SIGHS 231 00:12:45,301 --> 00:12:47,741 Were you recording that on your little phone? 232 00:12:48,901 --> 00:12:50,301 No. Why would I? 233 00:12:55,661 --> 00:12:56,701 HE SIGHS 234 00:13:02,141 --> 00:13:04,341 "The Oillipheist comes at night. 235 00:13:04,341 --> 00:13:05,901 "It can't be stopped. 236 00:13:07,581 --> 00:13:10,501 "But it always leaves one behind. 237 00:13:10,501 --> 00:13:13,661 "The dead souls of fishermen turn to seagulls' form 238 00:13:13,661 --> 00:13:15,741 "to warn the living of the Oillipheist." 239 00:13:15,741 --> 00:13:18,141 ROARING AND CAWING 240 00:13:20,221 --> 00:13:21,261 HE SCOFFS 241 00:13:34,101 --> 00:13:35,221 Hivi! Agh! 242 00:13:36,661 --> 00:13:37,701 Huh? 243 00:13:39,261 --> 00:13:42,301 MUSIC: Don't Go by Hothouse Flowers 244 00:14:20,941 --> 00:14:22,821 HE RETCHES 245 00:14:35,261 --> 00:14:36,581 Shadow rabbits. 246 00:14:55,981 --> 00:14:57,021 Aaaargh! 247 00:14:57,021 --> 00:14:58,461 Where the hell are you going? 248 00:14:58,461 --> 00:15:01,461 Only the keeper is permitted in the light room! I told you! 249 00:15:01,461 --> 00:15:03,141 I wasn't going to... 250 00:15:03,141 --> 00:15:05,581 Ow! Ow, ow, ow, ow, ow... 251 00:15:05,581 --> 00:15:06,981 Can you stop tapping my bite?! 252 00:15:06,981 --> 00:15:09,381 Just do your job and leave! 253 00:15:10,541 --> 00:15:11,941 Hey. 254 00:15:11,941 --> 00:15:14,501 Why were you outside in the rain last night? 255 00:15:14,501 --> 00:15:15,661 The power lines. 256 00:15:15,661 --> 00:15:17,981 Sometimes the wind blows them down. 257 00:15:17,981 --> 00:15:20,581 We can't let darkness back in here. 258 00:15:20,581 --> 00:15:21,621 Not again. 259 00:15:22,861 --> 00:15:25,021 Salt water, remember? 260 00:15:25,021 --> 00:15:26,941 We said the cove. 8am. 261 00:15:26,941 --> 00:15:27,981 GASPS: Ye-ee-ah? 262 00:15:27,981 --> 00:15:29,021 GASPS: Ye-ee-ah. 263 00:15:43,901 --> 00:15:45,301 GULL SCREECHES 264 00:15:46,461 --> 00:15:48,741 I've barely slept, mate, but I swear, 265 00:15:48,741 --> 00:15:50,541 I will knock you the fuck out. 266 00:16:00,821 --> 00:16:01,981 What the...? 267 00:16:07,661 --> 00:16:09,221 You're losing your mind. 268 00:16:16,781 --> 00:16:17,821 Agh. 269 00:16:20,581 --> 00:16:23,981 HE SCREAMS 270 00:16:26,541 --> 00:16:27,661 Jellyfish! 271 00:16:39,261 --> 00:16:41,381 What? That can't be it. 272 00:16:41,381 --> 00:16:42,941 I thought it was an urban myth! 273 00:16:45,341 --> 00:16:46,741 I can't do it. 274 00:16:46,741 --> 00:16:48,141 I can't put piss on my lips. 275 00:16:50,301 --> 00:16:51,461 Oh... 276 00:16:58,621 --> 00:17:00,221 HE PEES 277 00:17:07,501 --> 00:17:08,781 'diculous. 278 00:17:08,781 --> 00:17:10,421 I'm sorry. 279 00:17:10,421 --> 00:17:12,941 There was no need for me to behave like that. 280 00:17:12,941 --> 00:17:15,821 It's hard, having company again. 281 00:17:19,061 --> 00:17:20,741 Oh, Jesus! 282 00:17:22,341 --> 00:17:24,021 Well... 283 00:17:25,021 --> 00:17:27,941 ..who is this pretty little maid come to call? 284 00:17:27,941 --> 00:17:30,261 It's a bloody health and safety disaster, this island. 285 00:17:30,261 --> 00:17:32,981 To pluck but one kiss from those cherry lips. 286 00:17:32,981 --> 00:17:35,061 I suppose the jellyfish that did this was trying to teach me 287 00:17:35,061 --> 00:17:36,101 something, was it? 288 00:17:36,101 --> 00:17:37,901 Jellyfish, eh? Well, you're doing the right thing. 289 00:17:39,101 --> 00:17:40,581 Do you think? Mm. 290 00:17:40,581 --> 00:17:41,701 Oh, OK. 291 00:17:41,701 --> 00:17:45,101 I wasn't sure if it was just an old wives' tale, but it does... 292 00:17:45,101 --> 00:17:47,021 What, drinking your way through the pain? 293 00:17:47,021 --> 00:17:49,061 I know a few old wives that have done that. 294 00:17:49,061 --> 00:17:53,421 And I will not let a good man drink whisky alone. 295 00:17:53,421 --> 00:17:55,141 Ohhh! 296 00:17:55,141 --> 00:17:56,821 No, I don't... 297 00:17:56,821 --> 00:17:59,061 I don't think that's a good idea, actually. 298 00:17:59,061 --> 00:18:00,861 When is it a bad idea? Hivi. 299 00:18:02,381 --> 00:18:03,741 Let's bury the hatchet, huh? 300 00:18:03,741 --> 00:18:05,581 You know what I think the old lips need? 301 00:18:05,581 --> 00:18:07,861 Bit of bedrest, so... Yeah, a few of these 302 00:18:07,861 --> 00:18:10,461 and you'll forget you even have lips at all. 303 00:18:10,461 --> 00:18:11,581 Slainte! 304 00:18:11,581 --> 00:18:13,581 Mmm! Yes. 305 00:18:13,581 --> 00:18:14,861 Are you not drinking yours? 306 00:18:14,861 --> 00:18:18,461 Well... Ah, come on, boy, get 'er down you. 307 00:18:18,461 --> 00:18:20,021 Oh, she'll go. 308 00:18:20,021 --> 00:18:22,421 She'll go down all right. 309 00:18:22,421 --> 00:18:23,501 Soon... 310 00:18:24,621 --> 00:18:26,101 Look, if you're not going to drink that... 311 00:18:26,101 --> 00:18:27,821 Hey! You won't take my drink! 312 00:18:27,821 --> 00:18:29,261 Well, get her down you, then, boy. 313 00:18:29,261 --> 00:18:30,901 Here she goes. Come on! 314 00:18:30,901 --> 00:18:33,781 Now, straight down. Drink up your medicine, all of it. Here we go. 315 00:18:33,781 --> 00:18:35,141 Mmm! Go, go, go! 316 00:18:35,141 --> 00:18:36,501 Ooh, a sip... Finish it! 317 00:18:36,501 --> 00:18:37,941 A sip is enough sometimes. 318 00:18:37,941 --> 00:18:41,021 Finish it! O...K... 319 00:18:41,021 --> 00:18:42,221 Go, go. 320 00:18:42,221 --> 00:18:45,861 Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, 321 00:18:45,861 --> 00:18:48,501 oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh! 322 00:18:48,501 --> 00:18:49,621 Boy, yeah! 323 00:18:49,621 --> 00:18:51,781 KEEPER CHUCKLES 324 00:18:51,781 --> 00:18:53,981 Of course, you know the cure for jellyfish stings? 325 00:18:53,981 --> 00:18:55,261 Hmm... 326 00:18:56,541 --> 00:18:58,821 Only too well, my friend. 327 00:18:58,821 --> 00:19:00,381 Only too well. 328 00:19:00,381 --> 00:19:02,101 And let me tell you, the aftertaste... 329 00:19:02,101 --> 00:19:03,221 Kelp. 330 00:19:03,221 --> 00:19:04,781 Kelp! 331 00:19:04,781 --> 00:19:06,661 That's the cure. 332 00:19:06,661 --> 00:19:08,701 Why haven't they put kelp in the book?! 333 00:19:16,861 --> 00:19:18,741 Mmm, kelp. Lovely kelp. 334 00:19:31,061 --> 00:19:33,981 We used to sit like this for hours. Slainte. 335 00:19:33,981 --> 00:19:35,061 Cheers. 336 00:19:35,061 --> 00:19:37,141 Talking, singing. 337 00:19:37,141 --> 00:19:39,021 Proper songs, too. 338 00:19:39,021 --> 00:19:40,621 Traditional shanty. 339 00:19:40,621 --> 00:19:42,821 Oh, well, I'd love to hear a traditional shanty. 340 00:19:42,821 --> 00:19:44,741 No, I couldn't. No, please! 341 00:19:44,741 --> 00:19:46,101 Oh, sure my voice is gone. 342 00:19:46,101 --> 00:19:48,901 Just one. Well, all right, let's see what I can do. 343 00:19:48,901 --> 00:19:51,861 KEEPER CLEARS THROAT # Ohh... Ohh... 344 00:19:51,861 --> 00:19:54,901 # Oh, Mammy, speak to me 345 00:19:54,901 --> 00:19:57,141 # What will we have for tea? 346 00:19:57,141 --> 00:19:59,701 # For sure, my belly's rumbling 347 00:19:59,701 --> 00:20:02,181 # And I can barely see 348 00:20:02,181 --> 00:20:04,341 # His mother turned around 349 00:20:04,341 --> 00:20:06,901 # She slumped down to the ground 350 00:20:06,901 --> 00:20:09,141 # You can't be fed, your daddy's dead 351 00:20:09,141 --> 00:20:11,261 # His boat has run aground 352 00:20:11,261 --> 00:20:13,421 # Now I must walk the streets 353 00:20:13,421 --> 00:20:15,781 # For strangers, I will meet 354 00:20:15,781 --> 00:20:17,661 # To sell my wretched body 355 00:20:17,661 --> 00:20:20,221 # For to try and buy us meat. # 356 00:20:20,221 --> 00:20:22,701 Bloody hell, mate. Keep it light, will you? 357 00:20:23,661 --> 00:20:26,021 They all starve to death in the end. 358 00:20:27,661 --> 00:20:30,741 That was one of O'Mally's favourites. 359 00:20:30,741 --> 00:20:32,661 He loved that one. 360 00:20:32,661 --> 00:20:33,701 Ooh... 361 00:20:35,981 --> 00:20:38,101 Do you think you should get off the island for a while? 362 00:20:38,101 --> 00:20:39,141 I can't. 363 00:20:39,141 --> 00:20:40,741 Come back to the mainland with me. 364 00:20:40,741 --> 00:20:42,701 Get some perspective. 365 00:20:42,701 --> 00:20:44,701 There's a bloke down my local pub called Weasel, 366 00:20:44,701 --> 00:20:46,821 he can get four packs of Maltesers in his mouth. 367 00:20:46,821 --> 00:20:49,061 You're the one who should leave. 368 00:20:49,061 --> 00:20:51,421 It only comes here when there's two men. 369 00:20:51,421 --> 00:20:53,541 "It"? The Olliethingy? 370 00:20:53,541 --> 00:20:55,301 The Oillipheist. 371 00:20:55,301 --> 00:20:58,181 Yes, the sea beast that came and took O'Mally, 372 00:20:58,181 --> 00:20:59,301 and we don't know where he is, 373 00:20:59,301 --> 00:21:00,941 but he's going to come back as a seagull? 374 00:21:00,941 --> 00:21:03,701 Correct. And the Oillipheist's angry now because I've come 375 00:21:03,701 --> 00:21:05,221 and he's going to come and take one of us? 376 00:21:07,221 --> 00:21:09,581 You don't believe in anything you don't understand, do you? 377 00:21:09,581 --> 00:21:10,741 No. 378 00:21:10,741 --> 00:21:13,861 Because all mysteries get explained in the end. 379 00:21:13,861 --> 00:21:16,701 So what did you see in the cove this morning? 380 00:21:19,941 --> 00:21:21,141 Aha! 381 00:21:21,141 --> 00:21:24,301 Well, I thought I saw a woman with a tail sitting on a rock, 382 00:21:24,301 --> 00:21:25,941 but obviously that's impossible. 383 00:21:25,941 --> 00:21:28,301 I did not see a mermaid. Did you not? 384 00:21:28,301 --> 00:21:30,621 No, because one, they don't exist, 385 00:21:30,621 --> 00:21:32,981 and two, it didn't look like a mermaid. 386 00:21:32,981 --> 00:21:35,261 And how would the big, long cleaner boy from the city 387 00:21:35,261 --> 00:21:36,381 know what a mermaid looks like? 388 00:21:36,381 --> 00:21:39,381 Oh, come on, we've all seen Splash. Mermaids are fit. 389 00:21:39,381 --> 00:21:41,541 KEEPER GASPS I'm not sexist, but... 390 00:21:41,541 --> 00:21:42,981 ..she was rough. 391 00:21:44,341 --> 00:21:46,261 THUNDER CRASHES 392 00:21:47,381 --> 00:21:50,381 It's coming! It's coming for me! 393 00:21:50,381 --> 00:21:52,901 The only thing coming for us is a bad hangover. 394 00:21:52,901 --> 00:21:54,381 Get you to your room. 395 00:21:54,381 --> 00:21:57,101 Stay there until sunrise. 396 00:21:57,101 --> 00:21:59,621 Do not come out, no matter what you hear. 397 00:21:59,621 --> 00:22:00,861 Mate! 398 00:22:00,861 --> 00:22:03,021 It's ridiculous! 399 00:22:03,021 --> 00:22:06,301 Well, I hope you're still laughing as the blood fills your mouth 400 00:22:06,301 --> 00:22:08,981 from the crushing weight of its mighty jaw. 401 00:22:19,101 --> 00:22:21,621 DISTORTED LAUGHTER 402 00:22:22,701 --> 00:22:24,301 THUNDER CRASHES 403 00:22:27,941 --> 00:22:29,741 Do you like my sexy old man body? 404 00:22:29,741 --> 00:22:31,061 HE WHIMPERS 405 00:22:31,061 --> 00:22:33,981 VOICES OVERLAP: See? You're useless alone. 406 00:22:33,981 --> 00:22:37,021 Agh! Agh! No! The Oillipheist... 407 00:22:37,021 --> 00:22:39,661 The Oillipheist always leaves her mark. 408 00:22:39,661 --> 00:22:40,981 SCREAMS 409 00:22:40,981 --> 00:22:42,101 Why?! 410 00:22:43,661 --> 00:22:44,701 No, captain! 411 00:22:45,781 --> 00:22:47,061 It's here! 412 00:22:47,061 --> 00:22:48,541 What the f...?! Get up! 413 00:22:48,541 --> 00:22:51,061 Huh?! The Oillipheist! It's here! 414 00:22:52,221 --> 00:22:54,181 It's cut the power lines! Quickly! 415 00:22:55,541 --> 00:22:57,061 Mate, this is madness! 416 00:22:57,061 --> 00:22:58,501 There is no Oillipheist! 417 00:22:58,501 --> 00:23:00,301 The light is out. It's bitten through the wires. 418 00:23:00,301 --> 00:23:03,021 Yeah, well, it'll be a fault, won't it? Radio the mainland. 419 00:23:03,021 --> 00:23:04,261 No, I am going to try and fix it. 420 00:23:04,261 --> 00:23:06,421 You need to go up to the light room to flip the trip. 421 00:23:06,421 --> 00:23:09,381 Oh! I thought I wasn't allowed in the light room. 422 00:23:09,381 --> 00:23:11,861 Argh! I may not be back! 423 00:23:11,861 --> 00:23:12,941 Pray for me. 424 00:23:12,941 --> 00:23:14,661 If that light does not come on again, 425 00:23:14,661 --> 00:23:17,181 the boat collecting you in the morning may be dashed on the rocks. 426 00:23:18,621 --> 00:23:20,421 It's probably a fuse, isn't it? 427 00:23:20,421 --> 00:23:22,221 I'll radio the mainland. 428 00:23:22,221 --> 00:23:23,781 Jesus. 429 00:23:23,781 --> 00:23:25,141 Uh, breaker 1-9. 430 00:23:25,141 --> 00:23:27,341 What's your 20 for an eyeball, good buddy? 431 00:23:27,341 --> 00:23:28,781 Receiving... 432 00:23:28,781 --> 00:23:30,021 What?! 433 00:23:31,261 --> 00:23:32,621 Breaker 1-9, what's going on over there? 434 00:23:32,621 --> 00:23:33,741 What the fuck?! 435 00:23:36,661 --> 00:23:39,021 I have to face it for Patrick! 436 00:23:39,021 --> 00:23:41,661 If the Oillipheist takes me, it will leave you. 437 00:23:41,661 --> 00:23:43,621 It always leaves one, you'll be fine. 438 00:23:43,621 --> 00:23:47,781 If you see Patrick, tell him I'll join him soon. 439 00:23:47,781 --> 00:23:48,821 HE SQUEALS 440 00:23:52,461 --> 00:23:54,141 No. Awake. 441 00:24:09,621 --> 00:24:12,661 I don't even know what a trip switch looks like, you old goon. 442 00:24:15,901 --> 00:24:16,941 OK. 443 00:24:24,141 --> 00:24:25,541 DISTANT SCREECHING 444 00:24:43,061 --> 00:24:44,421 SCREECHING 445 00:24:44,421 --> 00:24:46,381 O'Malley?! 446 00:24:46,381 --> 00:24:47,901 It can't be! 447 00:24:52,141 --> 00:24:53,181 Argh! 448 00:25:10,421 --> 00:25:11,821 HE PANTS 449 00:25:27,661 --> 00:25:28,901 To you, Patrick. 450 00:25:30,421 --> 00:25:31,901 Perhaps they'll listen now. 451 00:25:39,221 --> 00:25:41,781 It was only down by the sea that I worked it out. 452 00:25:41,781 --> 00:25:42,981 You set all this up. 453 00:25:42,981 --> 00:25:45,461 You staged the myth of the Oillipheist. 454 00:25:45,461 --> 00:25:47,181 There's no myth. 455 00:25:47,181 --> 00:25:52,421 Mate, you don't think that O'Mally was taken by the Oillipheist? 456 00:25:52,421 --> 00:25:53,541 He was! 457 00:25:53,541 --> 00:25:54,981 I heard his screams! 458 00:25:54,981 --> 00:25:56,701 Because you were pissed! 459 00:25:56,701 --> 00:25:57,821 No! 460 00:25:57,821 --> 00:26:00,781 Well, if it's real, why are you pretending to be him? 461 00:26:00,781 --> 00:26:02,421 Why all this pantomime? 462 00:26:02,421 --> 00:26:04,301 Because no-one will believe me! 463 00:26:05,701 --> 00:26:07,341 The police, coroner... 464 00:26:07,341 --> 00:26:09,541 I even had a reporter sniffing around. 465 00:26:10,901 --> 00:26:14,381 They don't listen, they just wrote him off. 466 00:26:14,381 --> 00:26:16,261 "Fell off a cliff. Case closed." 467 00:26:16,261 --> 00:26:17,461 WICKY SIGHS 468 00:26:17,461 --> 00:26:20,621 So you thought you'd plant some evidence for the nonbeliever? 469 00:26:22,621 --> 00:26:27,221 Bad things happen to good people for no reason. 470 00:26:27,221 --> 00:26:30,621 He was my friend. 471 00:26:30,621 --> 00:26:31,661 He fell off a cliff. 472 00:26:31,661 --> 00:26:33,581 No, he didn't, he didn't, he didn't! 473 00:26:33,581 --> 00:26:34,741 Never! 474 00:26:34,741 --> 00:26:37,781 A strong man like that, swept away by a little wind? 475 00:26:37,781 --> 00:26:40,021 Never! Not a lighthouse man! 476 00:26:42,541 --> 00:26:43,821 Maybe you're right. 477 00:26:43,821 --> 00:26:45,981 Just...tell them. 478 00:26:47,581 --> 00:26:50,581 Tell anyone what happened here. 479 00:26:50,581 --> 00:26:54,701 Tell them that the Oillipheist took away my friend. 480 00:26:54,701 --> 00:26:59,181 Did I really think you could get it on to that Netflix or a podcast 481 00:26:59,181 --> 00:27:01,661 on the World Wide Web, yeah? Yeah? 482 00:27:01,661 --> 00:27:03,141 I thought you didn't have a telly. 483 00:27:04,141 --> 00:27:06,421 I have an iPad up my room. 484 00:27:06,421 --> 00:27:08,461 I turned off the Wi-Fi when you arrived. 485 00:27:11,941 --> 00:27:13,181 Just tell them. 486 00:27:14,221 --> 00:27:15,981 Promise me. 487 00:27:15,981 --> 00:27:19,141 There's a pub near Birmingham that's about to hear 488 00:27:19,141 --> 00:27:23,421 of the mysterious disappearance of Patrick O'Mally. 489 00:27:23,421 --> 00:27:25,141 I promise. 490 00:27:25,141 --> 00:27:26,541 And you were right. 491 00:27:28,261 --> 00:27:30,861 She was a fine-looking mermaid. 492 00:27:30,861 --> 00:27:32,941 You looked beautiful. 493 00:28:01,421 --> 00:28:03,301 SOMBRE MUSIC 494 00:28:19,741 --> 00:28:21,821 LAUGHTER 495 00:28:21,821 --> 00:28:23,981 HORN BLARES