1 00:00:10,177 --> 00:00:11,929 [Drag Queen] Necrophilia Nancy 38. 2 00:00:11,929 --> 00:00:14,306 [player] Me! Bingo! Bingo. Bingo. 3 00:00:15,641 --> 00:00:17,226 Nipple 32. 4 00:00:18,227 --> 00:00:20,896 And a big boner four. 5 00:00:22,147 --> 00:00:27,402 I am feeling horny for orgasm 69. 6 00:00:28,195 --> 00:00:31,448 - I got it! 69! 69. - [laughs] 7 00:00:31,448 --> 00:00:34,451 - I've got-- I've got bingo. Bingo! - [chuckles] 8 00:00:43,085 --> 00:00:44,294 [sighs] 9 00:01:00,894 --> 00:01:01,895 [breathes heavily] 10 00:01:03,313 --> 00:01:05,065 [shushes] 11 00:01:05,983 --> 00:01:08,277 Listen to me. 12 00:01:09,027 --> 00:01:11,989 You're beautiful. 13 00:01:12,698 --> 00:01:16,201 And you're strong, and you're gonna outlive us all. 14 00:01:17,411 --> 00:01:19,955 Don't take any shit from anybody. 15 00:01:20,998 --> 00:01:23,125 Now go get 'em. Huh? 16 00:01:25,043 --> 00:01:27,296 [door opens, closes] 17 00:01:27,296 --> 00:01:29,423 Hey. What happened? 18 00:01:29,423 --> 00:01:30,841 - Hey, Milton. - Hey, Peggy. 19 00:01:30,841 --> 00:01:34,052 What happened is you stole $3,000 from my safe, Peggy. 20 00:01:34,052 --> 00:01:36,555 Look at the footage. Have you looked at the footage? 21 00:01:37,097 --> 00:01:38,432 It's broken. 22 00:01:38,432 --> 00:01:40,142 [scoffs] And what's that? 23 00:01:41,560 --> 00:01:44,062 - They left the rest. - What is that, like two grand? 24 00:01:44,062 --> 00:01:46,481 - [Milton] Fifteen hundred. - Have you met me? 25 00:01:46,481 --> 00:01:49,318 You think I'd leave 1,500 bucks on the table? 26 00:01:49,318 --> 00:01:52,654 And this animal who jacked your safe, they weren't a pro. 27 00:01:53,197 --> 00:01:54,364 How'd they crack it? 28 00:01:54,865 --> 00:01:56,116 They used the combination. 29 00:01:56,617 --> 00:02:01,163 Well, I don't have the combination, so I'm cleared. 30 00:02:01,163 --> 00:02:03,874 Uh, you're the one who comes in here for the Keurig, 31 00:02:03,874 --> 00:02:06,418 which is against the rules by the way. 32 00:02:06,418 --> 00:02:09,213 So, nobody else sneaks in here for the Keurig? 33 00:02:12,466 --> 00:02:13,550 [scoffs, laughs] 34 00:02:13,550 --> 00:02:14,843 Everybody uses the Keurig, Owen. 35 00:02:14,843 --> 00:02:16,303 [Owen] What are you doing, Peggy? 36 00:02:16,929 --> 00:02:19,097 [Peggy] All right, we got 20 empty K-Cups here. 37 00:02:19,097 --> 00:02:21,350 I can't drink that much shitty coffee in a week. 38 00:02:21,350 --> 00:02:24,144 Somebody knows the combo to that safe, Owen. 39 00:02:24,144 --> 00:02:26,146 Nobody knows the combo. 40 00:02:26,146 --> 00:02:31,485 Unless... [scoffs] ...indulge me, everybody knows the combo. 41 00:02:32,152 --> 00:02:33,403 - Hey. - [Milton] What are you doing? 42 00:02:33,403 --> 00:02:34,821 I'm following a hunch here. 43 00:02:35,531 --> 00:02:38,367 I know the P-town alarm code. What's the alarm code, Owen? 44 00:02:38,367 --> 00:02:40,202 [sighs] This is the safe, Peggy. 45 00:02:40,202 --> 00:02:43,622 Everybody who opens or closes this place knows the alarm code. 46 00:02:43,622 --> 00:02:45,123 So I wonder if-- 47 00:02:45,123 --> 00:02:46,291 [sighs] 48 00:02:46,291 --> 00:02:51,046 [Peggy] Two, 18, 50. 49 00:02:52,673 --> 00:02:55,717 [gasps] It's the same as the alarm code. What is it with this? 50 00:02:56,301 --> 00:02:58,387 It's my mother's birthday. 51 00:02:59,221 --> 00:03:00,681 What? 52 00:03:00,681 --> 00:03:02,683 It's my mother's birthday. 53 00:03:02,683 --> 00:03:06,353 [scoffs] So your mother's birthday is the skeleton key for your entire life? 54 00:03:07,312 --> 00:03:10,566 Look, clean up your passwords and get over your mother. 55 00:03:10,566 --> 00:03:11,859 She's not that into you. 56 00:03:13,193 --> 00:03:15,195 Come on, let me take the kid, she's innocent. 57 00:03:17,573 --> 00:03:18,824 ["Talkin' to Myself" playing] 58 00:03:49,146 --> 00:03:51,607 Pioneertown's security is a real shit show, 59 00:03:51,607 --> 00:03:54,026 so that's the first job that I'm bringing in, 60 00:03:54,026 --> 00:03:55,569 but that's chump change. 61 00:03:55,569 --> 00:03:58,030 But if this Picasso's what I think it is, and it is, 62 00:03:58,030 --> 00:04:00,115 the finder's fee is one million. 63 00:04:00,115 --> 00:04:02,784 And if you think I'm taking just 10% of that, 64 00:04:02,784 --> 00:04:05,871 - you're out of your mind. - Look at this. Who does this? 65 00:04:05,871 --> 00:04:06,955 So listen, 66 00:04:06,955 --> 00:04:10,209 one, we get the reward. Two, we get the press. 67 00:04:10,209 --> 00:04:13,128 Three, we parlay that spotlight into huge jobs. 68 00:04:13,128 --> 00:04:17,048 So, we get into this guru's house, we vet that fucking Picasso, 69 00:04:17,048 --> 00:04:19,927 and if it is the one from the Paris heist, then we can-- 70 00:04:19,927 --> 00:04:21,512 What are you doing? 71 00:04:21,512 --> 00:04:22,971 What am I doing? 72 00:04:22,971 --> 00:04:26,934 I'm trying to download some new... [stammers] ...security software. 73 00:04:26,934 --> 00:04:30,854 I got my last big client coming tomorrow, and if he doesn't think I'm up to speed, 74 00:04:30,854 --> 00:04:34,399 we're gonna be working outta my car next week. 75 00:04:35,275 --> 00:04:36,527 Ah, Jesus. 76 00:04:38,153 --> 00:04:39,279 [groans] 77 00:04:42,241 --> 00:04:44,368 No, you don't chew enough. I've noticed. 78 00:04:46,036 --> 00:04:47,621 What about my plan, huh? 79 00:04:48,330 --> 00:04:50,707 Just plan on getting to class on time. 80 00:04:50,707 --> 00:04:53,168 The guy's doing us a favor. Don't make me look bad. 81 00:04:53,168 --> 00:04:57,798 Come on, this fucking class? After everything I've accomplished? 82 00:04:58,298 --> 00:05:00,217 It's been one week. 83 00:05:00,217 --> 00:05:02,761 Ten days. Plus, school's for morons. 84 00:05:03,262 --> 00:05:05,514 I'm already flying. You want me to crawl? 85 00:05:05,514 --> 00:05:07,349 Do you wanna be more than an intern? 86 00:05:07,349 --> 00:05:08,976 An unpaid associate. 87 00:05:08,976 --> 00:05:13,105 You got to learn the law, learn what a PI can do, legally. 88 00:05:13,105 --> 00:05:15,357 How 'bout that, huh? I'm not going to jail for you. 89 00:05:15,357 --> 00:05:18,986 - I could do this shit in my sleep. - Wonderful. All right. 90 00:05:18,986 --> 00:05:20,279 Please. 91 00:05:21,446 --> 00:05:24,908 Okay, I already downloaded it, you stupid fuck! 92 00:05:26,076 --> 00:05:27,327 That's it. Okay. 93 00:05:27,995 --> 00:05:29,329 [door closes] 94 00:05:31,415 --> 00:05:32,416 [Peggy sighs] 95 00:05:37,504 --> 00:05:38,672 Let's see. 96 00:05:40,465 --> 00:05:41,633 Yeah, that's something. 97 00:05:43,594 --> 00:05:44,636 [sighs] 98 00:05:44,636 --> 00:05:45,971 Um. 99 00:05:45,971 --> 00:05:47,181 Ah, yes. 100 00:05:52,477 --> 00:05:53,562 Where is-- 101 00:05:58,442 --> 00:06:04,698 Welcome to the Security Guard and Private Investigator Training. 102 00:06:06,158 --> 00:06:07,492 Can I get your name? 103 00:06:09,203 --> 00:06:11,580 Let's just see how it goes first. 104 00:06:17,169 --> 00:06:20,214 To become a certified PI, 105 00:06:21,006 --> 00:06:24,593 you'll need 50 hours of training. 106 00:06:32,851 --> 00:06:34,061 [sighs] 107 00:06:48,325 --> 00:06:52,120 Let's begin with the syllabus. 108 00:07:02,089 --> 00:07:04,758 Sorry, violent stomach issues. [sighing] I'm sorry. 109 00:07:11,723 --> 00:07:15,018 I don't have 50 hours to spend with Grandfather Time. 110 00:07:15,519 --> 00:07:17,813 That guy's remedial, I'm a prodigy. 111 00:07:18,313 --> 00:07:20,148 [Carol] Did you sign in, in the class? 112 00:07:20,148 --> 00:07:21,525 No, I refused. 113 00:07:21,525 --> 00:07:24,111 So, he doesn't know what Peggy Newman looks like. 114 00:07:24,111 --> 00:07:26,530 Anybody could be Peggy Newman. I could be Peggy Newman. 115 00:07:27,114 --> 00:07:29,241 I can sit there, I can take this class. 116 00:07:29,241 --> 00:07:32,369 And then I can learn how to hack, and then I can get into the databases 117 00:07:32,369 --> 00:07:34,121 and find out what the government knows about me. 118 00:07:34,121 --> 00:07:35,205 [Peggy] This is great. 119 00:07:35,205 --> 00:07:37,416 And you can help me find this fucking guru's house 120 00:07:37,416 --> 00:07:39,710 and maybe I can check out his Picasso. 121 00:07:40,502 --> 00:07:43,046 We're gonna kill it together. I love you, Carol. 122 00:07:43,630 --> 00:07:45,007 [car honking] 123 00:07:48,468 --> 00:07:50,095 [gasps] 124 00:07:50,095 --> 00:07:54,600 Mommy! Hey, lady! Mommy! [gasps] 125 00:07:55,100 --> 00:07:58,103 I just saw my mother, I swear to God. 126 00:07:58,103 --> 00:08:02,191 - Carol, it was Roslyn. - Wait, you saw her in the casket, right? 127 00:08:02,191 --> 00:08:05,110 Yeah but, I'm telling you, Mommy just got on the bus. 128 00:08:05,110 --> 00:08:07,237 [breathes heavily] 129 00:08:07,237 --> 00:08:09,656 Carol, do you hear me? 130 00:08:10,699 --> 00:08:12,284 [whispering] Could I be dead right now? 131 00:08:12,284 --> 00:08:13,744 I can hear you. 132 00:08:15,454 --> 00:08:16,747 Are you dead with me? 133 00:08:18,540 --> 00:08:22,252 Hey! Are you seeing me right now? 134 00:08:23,253 --> 00:08:24,338 Yes or no? 135 00:08:24,922 --> 00:08:26,006 Hmm? Wh-- 136 00:08:26,548 --> 00:08:27,925 Okay, thank you. 137 00:08:27,925 --> 00:08:30,469 You know what, I think I'm okay over here, yeah. 138 00:08:30,469 --> 00:08:32,846 That's weird, that was like a acid flashback or something, 139 00:08:32,846 --> 00:08:34,972 but I get those all the time, but this was different. 140 00:08:35,682 --> 00:08:37,726 Okay, I gotta get to rehearsal. 141 00:08:37,726 --> 00:08:42,356 [grunts] Siobhan's always trying to reinvent the cancan. Gotta go. Okay. 142 00:08:42,356 --> 00:08:46,527 All right, I know y'all are excited to get to the cartwheel, but first, we twirl. 143 00:08:46,527 --> 00:08:48,737 And five, six, seven, eight, 144 00:08:48,737 --> 00:08:52,449 twirl, twirl. Get in line, good. 145 00:08:52,449 --> 00:08:55,953 Hop, hop, hop, kick. Hop, hop, hop, kick. 146 00:08:55,953 --> 00:09:00,332 Hop, hop, hop, kick. Hop, hop, hop, kick. Oh. 147 00:09:00,332 --> 00:09:02,501 - [panting] - Rehearsal's over, Peggy. 148 00:09:03,293 --> 00:09:04,503 I'll catch up. 149 00:09:04,503 --> 00:09:06,463 Well, we added a few twirls. 150 00:09:07,172 --> 00:09:08,215 - Easy. - All right, 151 00:09:08,215 --> 00:09:10,133 let's take it from the top then, shall we? 152 00:09:10,133 --> 00:09:11,969 Five, six, seven, eight. 153 00:09:11,969 --> 00:09:14,346 Twirl, twirl, twirl. 154 00:09:14,930 --> 00:09:16,390 Get in line, Peggy. 155 00:09:16,390 --> 00:09:20,435 Hop, hop, hop, kick. Hop, hop, not it, Peggy. 156 00:09:20,435 --> 00:09:23,146 - Hop, hop, hop, kick. And keep twirling. - I got you. [chuckles] 157 00:09:23,146 --> 00:09:24,731 Peggy, okay. 158 00:09:25,566 --> 00:09:26,817 Good job, ladies. 159 00:09:27,693 --> 00:09:28,777 Oh, Peggy. 160 00:09:30,070 --> 00:09:34,074 I would like to see you outside of work hours, in 21st century clothes. 161 00:09:34,867 --> 00:09:37,160 Let's not get ahead of ourselves, huh? 162 00:09:38,662 --> 00:09:42,708 I keep thinkin' about what you said, that there's one great love left in you. 163 00:09:42,708 --> 00:09:46,795 Yep. I want what Isolde and Tristan had or nothing less. [sighs] 164 00:09:46,795 --> 00:09:48,922 Uh, well, you know they died at the end. 165 00:09:48,922 --> 00:09:52,676 Ah, just their flesh. Trees sprang out of their graves. 166 00:09:52,676 --> 00:09:54,011 [chuckles] 167 00:09:55,721 --> 00:09:57,931 Look, we have chemistry, okay. 168 00:09:57,931 --> 00:09:59,933 - Yeah. - [both chuckle] 169 00:09:59,933 --> 00:10:01,101 And I'm no prude. 170 00:10:01,101 --> 00:10:05,814 I've had more sex than Wilt Chamberlain, so I know a thing or two about the flesh, 171 00:10:06,356 --> 00:10:11,653 but I need that thing that I have always missed. 172 00:10:13,405 --> 00:10:17,618 And maybe that's you and me. It takes time to figure it out. 173 00:10:17,618 --> 00:10:18,702 Ah. [clears throat] 174 00:10:18,702 --> 00:10:21,538 So, if that means that you need to see other people, 175 00:10:21,538 --> 00:10:22,748 I can live with that. 176 00:10:24,917 --> 00:10:25,918 Hmm. 177 00:10:25,918 --> 00:10:27,586 - [dancer cries] - [clears throat] 178 00:10:29,421 --> 00:10:31,715 - What about Brenda from Accounting? - [Siobhan] Shit-bag. 179 00:10:31,715 --> 00:10:33,550 - With the owl pins? - Well-- 180 00:10:33,550 --> 00:10:35,302 - I can live with that. - [dancer] He dumped me. 181 00:10:35,302 --> 00:10:38,305 - He threw me out half-naked. - I know. 182 00:10:38,305 --> 00:10:39,556 - [dancer sobbing] - Oh. 183 00:10:39,556 --> 00:10:42,893 Look who decided to come back to her job after a week. 184 00:10:44,686 --> 00:10:47,356 - Oh, my God. - [cowboy] What? 185 00:10:48,023 --> 00:10:52,611 [whispers] She's got big old jugs. She didn't have big jugs before. 186 00:10:52,611 --> 00:10:55,322 Why doesn't he love me? 187 00:10:55,322 --> 00:10:58,742 - Okay. - [Siobhan] Do you want a hug? Oh, my God. 188 00:10:58,742 --> 00:11:00,202 He dumped her. 189 00:11:00,702 --> 00:11:04,540 Where did she get those? Jugs cost coin. 190 00:11:04,540 --> 00:11:05,624 [dancer wails] 191 00:11:06,250 --> 00:11:08,126 [cowboy] I love watching your mind work. 192 00:11:09,586 --> 00:11:12,714 I can get you the money back, plus interest, 193 00:11:12,714 --> 00:11:15,175 but I get the Pioneertown security contract. 194 00:11:15,175 --> 00:11:17,261 No, not if you don't tell me who it was. 195 00:11:17,261 --> 00:11:18,887 Hey, I'm no rat. 196 00:11:19,638 --> 00:11:21,598 You should've seen the look on my mother's face. 197 00:11:21,598 --> 00:11:26,562 I've seen it. She has one look. You can interpret it lots of ways. 198 00:11:26,562 --> 00:11:31,108 She was very upset about this. She was very upset at me. 199 00:11:31,108 --> 00:11:33,026 Yeah, well, her birthday was used against her. 200 00:11:33,026 --> 00:11:35,237 That money was for the President's Day show, 201 00:11:35,237 --> 00:11:38,031 which is make-it-or-break-it time for us. 202 00:11:38,031 --> 00:11:40,242 And I had to get this new safe. 203 00:11:41,743 --> 00:11:43,954 Have you heard about Slide City? 204 00:11:44,621 --> 00:11:47,541 They're expanding, and it's not just water slides anymore. 205 00:11:47,541 --> 00:11:50,794 No, now they got surfing. 206 00:11:51,545 --> 00:11:54,089 Their billboards are insane. 207 00:11:54,089 --> 00:11:57,301 Well, we can expand too. Bring in some Civil War shit. 208 00:11:57,885 --> 00:12:01,388 I'm sad that somebody out there, one of them, 209 00:12:01,388 --> 00:12:03,849 - somebody that I treat like family... - Do you? 210 00:12:03,849 --> 00:12:06,226 ...walked in here and stole from me. 211 00:12:07,394 --> 00:12:10,355 Get the cops off our back, I'll get you the money back. 212 00:12:10,355 --> 00:12:11,982 It'll clean you up with your mother. 213 00:12:15,110 --> 00:12:16,361 You have 24 hours. 214 00:12:16,361 --> 00:12:19,156 Yeah, I'd like 72 or four days. 215 00:12:20,157 --> 00:12:22,618 Forty-eight hours, it's two days, but no more. 216 00:12:22,618 --> 00:12:24,203 I'm serious Peggy, no more. 217 00:12:24,203 --> 00:12:27,289 - Okay, fine, agreed. Sixty hours. - No-- Peggy! 218 00:12:32,544 --> 00:12:33,754 [actor] Whiskey. 219 00:12:35,547 --> 00:12:38,425 [cowboy] I ain't seen you around these parts before, stranger. 220 00:12:39,259 --> 00:12:43,138 There's been a crime and your tits are the smoking gun, hon. 221 00:12:43,138 --> 00:12:44,598 [cowboy] You damn cheater! 222 00:12:45,265 --> 00:12:46,642 - [actors screaming] - [grunts] 223 00:12:46,642 --> 00:12:48,435 [gunshots] 224 00:12:49,853 --> 00:12:51,772 [cowboy grunts] Here we go! 225 00:12:51,772 --> 00:12:53,524 I don't know what you're talking about. 226 00:12:53,524 --> 00:12:58,070 Two knockers and no boyfriend equals a felony, and you know it. 227 00:12:58,779 --> 00:12:59,780 Uh-uh? 228 00:13:01,281 --> 00:13:02,449 [crowd gasps] 229 00:13:05,786 --> 00:13:07,663 They got prints off the safe. 230 00:13:08,455 --> 00:13:10,791 - I had to! I had to do it! - [sighing] Oh, Jesus. 231 00:13:10,791 --> 00:13:14,044 He was gonna pay for them but then he broke up with me. 232 00:13:14,044 --> 00:13:16,046 I need the edge to get him back. 233 00:13:16,046 --> 00:13:18,632 He can have anybody he wants, Peggy. 234 00:13:18,632 --> 00:13:20,551 - [patron gasps] - [glass shatters] 235 00:13:21,426 --> 00:13:22,553 - [cowboy shouts] - [Peggy sighs] 236 00:13:22,553 --> 00:13:25,514 You can do better than that ass bag! 237 00:13:25,514 --> 00:13:27,391 - [gunshot] - [cowboy] Look out! 238 00:13:27,391 --> 00:13:30,060 - He's a celebrity and a guru. - [scoffs] 239 00:13:30,060 --> 00:13:32,855 He does this thing where he puts his fingers all over my face 240 00:13:32,855 --> 00:13:35,399 and I can't tell you how powerful it is. [cries] 241 00:13:35,399 --> 00:13:37,734 Do you wanna go to jail for this fucking guy? 242 00:13:37,734 --> 00:13:39,903 I'll scrape it together. I'll pay it back. 243 00:13:39,903 --> 00:13:41,738 - Can you tell them? - [grunts] 244 00:13:42,531 --> 00:13:43,657 [yells] 245 00:13:43,657 --> 00:13:48,203 I'll scrape it together for you if you'll swear off of this fucknut, okay? 246 00:13:48,829 --> 00:13:52,249 - Really? - He is a fraud and a creep. 247 00:13:53,834 --> 00:13:55,252 Take a look at yourself. 248 00:13:55,752 --> 00:13:57,171 - [sighs] - [cowboy] Come on, now. 249 00:13:57,171 --> 00:13:59,464 Okay, you do look good. 250 00:13:59,464 --> 00:14:02,467 Okay? Especially for three grand, which is insane! 251 00:14:03,594 --> 00:14:06,805 Look, I'll take care of it, okay? 252 00:14:07,598 --> 00:14:09,391 What's this fucking swami's address? 253 00:14:11,059 --> 00:14:12,144 - [groans] - [patrons cheer] 254 00:14:12,144 --> 00:14:13,312 [chuckles] Ah! 255 00:14:13,312 --> 00:14:15,397 ["Blister in the Sun" playing] 256 00:14:24,031 --> 00:14:25,032 [song stops] 257 00:14:26,283 --> 00:14:27,284 Okay. 258 00:14:27,951 --> 00:14:28,952 [sighs] 259 00:14:29,578 --> 00:14:31,997 - Uh-uh, I'm just picking up some cash. - Oh, may I have the keys? 260 00:14:31,997 --> 00:14:34,666 - J-Just 'cause I have to move it? - I don't want it scratched. 261 00:14:38,795 --> 00:14:39,922 [mouthing] Thank you. 262 00:14:42,382 --> 00:14:47,971 As you exhale, release the bondage of perception. 263 00:14:48,639 --> 00:14:50,224 [exhales deeply] 264 00:14:51,141 --> 00:14:52,142 Look again. 265 00:14:53,435 --> 00:14:55,229 Can you see what it is now? 266 00:14:55,229 --> 00:14:58,398 Can you see the masterpiece that's in front of you? 267 00:15:00,442 --> 00:15:01,610 Yeah, I don't like it. 268 00:15:02,444 --> 00:15:03,695 - It's-- - Okay, um, 269 00:15:03,695 --> 00:15:05,155 - close your eyes again. - Uh, no, nah. 270 00:15:05,155 --> 00:15:06,949 That was making me nauseous. None of that. 271 00:15:06,949 --> 00:15:09,701 Sotheby's just sold a Picasso for 30 million. 272 00:15:09,701 --> 00:15:12,037 - It was a lot bigger than this one... - Oh. 273 00:15:12,037 --> 00:15:15,040 ...but this really is the most important painting in all of cubism. 274 00:15:15,040 --> 00:15:17,000 The Pigeon with peas started a revolution. 275 00:15:17,000 --> 00:15:18,836 Where's the pigeon? I don't even see the pigeon. 276 00:15:18,836 --> 00:15:21,004 - It's a-- The pigeon's in there. - Can you point out, like, 277 00:15:21,004 --> 00:15:23,632 - a beak or anything? - Uh, no, I can't point out a beak. 278 00:15:23,632 --> 00:15:27,678 What I can point out is that this painting has not been on the market for decades 279 00:15:27,678 --> 00:15:31,265 and that window is rapidly closing, so can you afford it? 280 00:15:31,265 --> 00:15:36,687 Or perhaps the question should really be, "Can you afford not to afford it?" 281 00:15:36,687 --> 00:15:39,147 [buyer] I can-- I can afford it, I just don't like it. It's stupid. 282 00:15:39,147 --> 00:15:44,236 This is cubism. It is total nonsense, yes. But it is high nonsense. 283 00:15:44,236 --> 00:15:45,445 No, it's not. [sighs] 284 00:15:45,946 --> 00:15:50,158 He's fucking with perception, memory, the whole time-space continuum. 285 00:15:50,158 --> 00:15:51,243 Yes. 286 00:15:51,743 --> 00:15:55,747 But, in a sense, he is using an impressionistic expression-- 287 00:15:55,747 --> 00:15:59,376 Does the bullshit ever stop with you? It has nothing to do with impressionism. 288 00:15:59,376 --> 00:16:03,172 What you're looking at here is the past and the future in the present. 289 00:16:03,755 --> 00:16:06,508 - His point is to blow your fucking mind. - Exactly! 290 00:16:06,508 --> 00:16:09,887 Picasso's defiance is the point of this piece. 291 00:16:09,887 --> 00:16:12,222 - It is literally surreal. - It's not surreal. 292 00:16:12,222 --> 00:16:14,766 This whole fucking conversation is surreal. 293 00:16:14,766 --> 00:16:16,518 - [laughs] - Would you stop talking? 294 00:16:16,518 --> 00:16:17,853 Can-- Can I just-- 295 00:16:17,853 --> 00:16:21,106 W-What was that? You just cost me a deal. You may as well have robbed me. 296 00:16:21,106 --> 00:16:24,276 Uh-huh. How much do you want? I know some people. 297 00:16:24,276 --> 00:16:25,611 What people? You don't know people. 298 00:16:25,611 --> 00:16:27,237 Y-- No pictures. It's not the Grand Canyon. 299 00:16:27,237 --> 00:16:28,447 Who are you, lady? 300 00:16:28,447 --> 00:16:31,158 Look, I used to nude model in New York. Long story. 301 00:16:31,158 --> 00:16:35,537 Anyway, I met this art guy through Gagosian back in the day, a real shark. 302 00:16:35,537 --> 00:16:37,497 Let's just say he knows his way around provenance. 303 00:16:37,497 --> 00:16:38,957 I picked up a thing or two. 304 00:16:39,458 --> 00:16:42,461 - And he sold paintings or... - All of it. 305 00:16:42,461 --> 00:16:46,131 I mean, lithographs, paintings, sculptures, a few weapons. 306 00:16:47,049 --> 00:16:50,344 Uh-huh. Well, what say we start over? 307 00:16:50,344 --> 00:16:51,970 I don't believe we've met. 308 00:16:52,596 --> 00:16:54,014 No. [sighs] 309 00:16:54,014 --> 00:16:56,350 - So who did you come with? - Nobody. 310 00:16:57,309 --> 00:16:58,810 So you're a guru, huh? 311 00:16:58,810 --> 00:17:00,812 - How does that work? - Let me show you. 312 00:17:03,690 --> 00:17:05,692 Mmm. [breathing deeply] 313 00:17:12,366 --> 00:17:16,494 [chuckles] No, no, no, no. That shit doesn't work on me. I'm not Tammy. 314 00:17:16,494 --> 00:17:18,539 Ah, you see, I knew you were working something. 315 00:17:18,539 --> 00:17:19,623 You owe her three grand. 316 00:17:19,623 --> 00:17:22,334 You ordered a pair of jugs and you left her holding the bag 317 00:17:22,334 --> 00:17:25,753 - and I'm here to collect. - [laughs] Okay, how do you know Tammy? 318 00:17:26,630 --> 00:17:27,673 Colleagues. 319 00:17:27,673 --> 00:17:30,509 Uh-huh. I'm gonna have to ask you to leave. 320 00:17:30,509 --> 00:17:31,760 I know real gurus. 321 00:17:31,760 --> 00:17:36,265 I know a guy who can sit cross-legged in the air. Can you do that? 322 00:17:37,015 --> 00:17:39,142 - Can you go? - I want Tammy's money. 323 00:17:39,142 --> 00:17:43,063 She took it for you and now she's looking at jail time. 324 00:17:43,063 --> 00:17:44,314 Meditate on that. 325 00:17:44,314 --> 00:17:48,485 If you truly are a guru, you'll see the barbarity here. 326 00:17:49,361 --> 00:17:51,947 - Hey, can you-- Can I-- [chuckles] - Everything's stupid. 327 00:17:51,947 --> 00:17:54,575 Hey, what are you-- C-Can you-- Can you not? 328 00:17:54,575 --> 00:17:56,660 Here. Call me when you have a change of heart. 329 00:17:57,619 --> 00:18:01,290 - Front door's right down the stairs. - I gotta piss. I need privacy. 330 00:18:01,290 --> 00:18:03,125 - No. - Ooh, violent stomach issues. 331 00:18:03,125 --> 00:18:04,626 - No, no. - I'll be back. 332 00:18:04,626 --> 00:18:06,336 No, no. No, not that way. No. 333 00:18:11,758 --> 00:18:15,179 - Uh, can you unlock the door, please? - Ooh, mmm. 334 00:18:15,179 --> 00:18:16,305 [guru knocking] 335 00:18:16,305 --> 00:18:17,556 Hello? 336 00:18:17,556 --> 00:18:18,640 [Peggy] Ah! 337 00:18:18,640 --> 00:18:19,975 [groans] 338 00:18:21,727 --> 00:18:24,021 - [groaning] - [guru] That's-- That's my room. 339 00:18:24,021 --> 00:18:25,522 [knocking continues] 340 00:18:25,522 --> 00:18:26,940 [Peggy groaning] 341 00:18:28,942 --> 00:18:29,943 "Donatella"? 342 00:18:29,943 --> 00:18:33,655 - [guru knocking] - Ah, I'll be right out, Maharishi. 343 00:18:34,615 --> 00:18:35,616 Ah! 344 00:18:37,993 --> 00:18:39,077 [cell phone buzzing] 345 00:18:39,995 --> 00:18:43,081 - [Bob] Hello? Open the door. - Ah! It hurts! [groans] 346 00:18:46,168 --> 00:18:47,753 [toilet flushing] 347 00:18:51,632 --> 00:18:52,883 [pills rattling] 348 00:18:55,385 --> 00:18:57,930 Ugh. I take a lot of Ibuprofen. 349 00:18:57,930 --> 00:18:59,348 It's a nightmare. Don't ask. 350 00:18:59,348 --> 00:19:00,891 Let me know if you need some. 351 00:19:03,810 --> 00:19:05,145 [Bob screams] All right, all right. 352 00:19:05,145 --> 00:19:08,065 - Oh, it's okay. It's okay. - [person] Well, no. It-- It's not okay. 353 00:19:08,065 --> 00:19:12,069 If the real one's in Boston, why'd I pay three million for this? 354 00:19:12,069 --> 00:19:14,780 [stammers] I swear, I didn't know. 355 00:19:15,280 --> 00:19:16,740 You're lying. 356 00:19:16,740 --> 00:19:18,575 Ah, this is my daughter, Heather. 357 00:19:18,575 --> 00:19:19,660 Hello. 358 00:19:19,660 --> 00:19:21,578 [art buyer] I need my money, Robert. 359 00:19:21,578 --> 00:19:23,539 [Bob] I-- I-- I don't have it right now. 360 00:19:23,539 --> 00:19:26,041 I mean, I have it, but it's not really liquid. 361 00:19:26,041 --> 00:19:28,168 - Whoa, whoa, whoa! - Can I take it off? 362 00:19:28,168 --> 00:19:30,921 Hey, I can get it. I can-- I can get the money. 363 00:19:31,421 --> 00:19:32,756 [art buyer] When can you get it? 364 00:19:32,756 --> 00:19:34,800 [breathes heavily] Well, I mean, it's three million dollars. 365 00:19:34,800 --> 00:19:35,926 It's gonna take me a second. 366 00:19:35,926 --> 00:19:38,136 - Hey, just-- Whoa, whoa, whoa! - Can I take it, Daddy? 367 00:19:38,136 --> 00:19:41,348 - Jesus Christ, lady! [exhales sharply] - Give it a nick. Just a nick. 368 00:19:41,348 --> 00:19:43,600 No, no! [shouts] Shit! 369 00:19:44,101 --> 00:19:46,645 [Peggy] Oh, good. I wanted to meet the caterer. 370 00:19:46,645 --> 00:19:49,815 Who thought of putting together watermelon and feta? 371 00:19:49,815 --> 00:19:53,569 Ooh... [chuckles, moans] ...unbelievable! [chuckles] 372 00:19:54,778 --> 00:19:56,154 [breathes heavily] 373 00:19:57,656 --> 00:19:59,658 ["Blister in the Sun" continues playing] 374 00:20:06,832 --> 00:20:08,959 [investigator] Bruce Harvey Investigations. 375 00:20:08,959 --> 00:20:10,961 - Leave a message. I'll get back to you. - [beeps] 376 00:20:10,961 --> 00:20:14,006 Big headline. I found the guy with the painting. 377 00:20:15,674 --> 00:20:17,634 You remember that "Everything's stupid" guy? 378 00:20:18,343 --> 00:20:22,014 The anchorman who went nuts and started calling himself "guru." 379 00:20:22,014 --> 00:20:23,140 [scoffs] That's him. 380 00:20:24,433 --> 00:20:26,810 Weird shit is going down there. 381 00:20:27,769 --> 00:20:32,774 Crazy house, possible stolen paintings, people with knives. 382 00:20:33,609 --> 00:20:35,694 Plus his nipple's bleeding. 383 00:20:36,403 --> 00:20:37,404 Call me. 384 00:20:41,950 --> 00:20:44,745 I've got it! I've got-- I've got bingo. Bingo! 385 00:20:45,537 --> 00:20:46,788 ["Farewell Transmission" playing] 386 00:20:46,788 --> 00:20:47,873 [sighs] 387 00:21:02,804 --> 00:21:05,432 [breathes shakily] I saw a prescription bottle at the guru's. 388 00:21:05,933 --> 00:21:07,476 I just happened to see it. 389 00:21:08,352 --> 00:21:12,147 - It was for a Donatella Scarborough. - Ooh. Donatella Scarborough. 390 00:21:12,147 --> 00:21:14,233 I'm gonna Internet stalk that shit. 391 00:21:15,234 --> 00:21:16,235 [sighs] 392 00:21:20,989 --> 00:21:24,076 [chuckles, cries] 393 00:21:25,869 --> 00:21:27,871 - Where are you right now? - [cries] 394 00:21:28,872 --> 00:21:30,874 I'm at the Grand Oasis. 395 00:21:31,458 --> 00:21:34,920 I just wanna play bingo and I don't even have money for dabbers. 396 00:21:34,920 --> 00:21:36,755 Listen. Listen to me. 397 00:21:36,755 --> 00:21:41,844 I want you to say something out loud. "Money comes easily." 398 00:21:42,511 --> 00:21:47,140 "Money comes..." [sniffs] "...easily." 399 00:21:47,140 --> 00:21:48,517 - [crying] - That's right. 400 00:21:49,643 --> 00:21:52,020 "Money comes easily." 401 00:21:54,022 --> 00:21:56,859 [sighs] "Money comes easily." 402 00:21:58,026 --> 00:21:59,027 [sighs] 403 00:22:08,412 --> 00:22:10,747 Hey, you wanna smoke a joint? 404 00:22:12,374 --> 00:22:14,626 Yeah, it's just what I need right now. [chuckles] 405 00:22:14,626 --> 00:22:15,919 I can do better than that. 406 00:22:15,919 --> 00:22:17,004 Yeah? 407 00:22:20,757 --> 00:22:21,758 How much? 408 00:22:23,093 --> 00:22:25,137 - They're usually 50 each. - Mm-mmm. 409 00:22:25,137 --> 00:22:26,930 I-- I could do 30. 410 00:22:29,057 --> 00:22:30,058 Four for a hundred. 411 00:22:30,976 --> 00:22:31,977 You're on. 412 00:22:32,769 --> 00:22:34,313 [presenter] All right, you sinners. 413 00:22:35,564 --> 00:22:38,233 - [audience laughs] - Gangbang 49. 414 00:22:38,233 --> 00:22:39,568 [bingo player] Bingo! 415 00:22:39,568 --> 00:22:40,819 [laughs] 416 00:22:40,819 --> 00:22:45,574 Oh, honey, you don't have bingo. You have a big fucking mouth though. 417 00:22:45,574 --> 00:22:46,867 [audience laughs] 418 00:22:48,619 --> 00:22:50,996 [Drag Queen] Someone didn't bring his hearing aids. 419 00:22:51,496 --> 00:22:54,124 Uh, bestiality bingo 14. 420 00:22:54,750 --> 00:22:56,043 I didn't sign up for this. 421 00:22:56,043 --> 00:22:58,420 Oh, oh! You have it. You have it. 422 00:22:59,004 --> 00:23:00,005 [chuckles] 423 00:23:00,547 --> 00:23:03,217 - Look, look, look! - [squealing] 424 00:23:04,301 --> 00:23:06,386 [laughing] 425 00:23:12,518 --> 00:23:15,687 And a blow job for one! 426 00:23:15,687 --> 00:23:17,898 [laughing] 427 00:23:29,660 --> 00:23:32,329 Just a little humble boink 14. 428 00:23:32,329 --> 00:23:34,164 Nasty, evil 32! 429 00:23:34,164 --> 00:23:35,791 Ah! Bingo! 430 00:23:35,791 --> 00:23:37,835 Oh! Bingo! 431 00:23:39,378 --> 00:23:40,629 [laughs] 432 00:23:42,422 --> 00:23:46,635 [cell phone ringing] 433 00:23:51,306 --> 00:23:53,559 - You got Tammy's money or not? - [Bob] No! 434 00:23:53,559 --> 00:23:57,688 [sighs] No? That's what you're calling to say to me? 435 00:23:57,688 --> 00:23:58,772 [Bob] No! No, no! 436 00:23:58,772 --> 00:24:01,066 - No, no, no! No! No! - [Peggy] Hey! 437 00:24:01,066 --> 00:24:02,943 - [Bob] No, no! - [Peggy] I can say no, too! 438 00:24:03,527 --> 00:24:05,863 No calling without Tammy's money! 439 00:24:05,863 --> 00:24:07,823 - [groans, gasps] - [Peggy] No money, no calling. 440 00:24:07,823 --> 00:24:09,533 - Hey, no. - [Heather] Who's that? 441 00:24:09,533 --> 00:24:10,951 Help me! Help! 442 00:24:10,951 --> 00:24:14,329 - [groaning] Oh, God! - [Heather] What else are you hiding? 443 00:24:14,329 --> 00:24:16,415 [groans, screaming] 444 00:24:16,415 --> 00:24:20,043 No fucking wasting my time, you quack-chiseling shyster. 445 00:24:20,544 --> 00:24:21,712 Oh, fuck. 446 00:24:21,712 --> 00:24:23,547 - [engine revving] - [tires squealing] 447 00:24:29,636 --> 00:24:31,513 Oh, shit.