1
00:00:10,177 --> 00:00:11,929
[Drag Queen] Necrophilia Nancy 38.
2
00:00:11,929 --> 00:00:14,306
[player] Me! Bingo! Bingo. Bingo.
3
00:00:15,641 --> 00:00:17,226
Nipple 32.
4
00:00:18,227 --> 00:00:20,896
And a big boner four.
5
00:00:22,147 --> 00:00:27,402
I am feeling horny for orgasm 69.
6
00:00:28,195 --> 00:00:31,448
- I got it! 69! 69.
- [laughs]
7
00:00:31,448 --> 00:00:34,451
- I've got-- I've got bingo. Bingo!
- [chuckles]
8
00:00:43,085 --> 00:00:44,294
[sighs]
9
00:01:00,894 --> 00:01:01,895
[breathes heavily]
10
00:01:03,313 --> 00:01:05,065
[shushes]
11
00:01:05,983 --> 00:01:08,277
Listen to me.
12
00:01:09,027 --> 00:01:11,989
You're beautiful.
13
00:01:12,698 --> 00:01:16,201
And you're strong,
and you're gonna outlive us all.
14
00:01:17,411 --> 00:01:19,955
Don't take any shit from anybody.
15
00:01:20,998 --> 00:01:23,125
Now go get 'em. Huh?
16
00:01:25,043 --> 00:01:27,296
[door opens, closes]
17
00:01:27,296 --> 00:01:29,423
Hey. What happened?
18
00:01:29,423 --> 00:01:30,841
- Hey, Milton.
- Hey, Peggy.
19
00:01:30,841 --> 00:01:34,052
What happened is you stole $3,000
from my safe, Peggy.
20
00:01:34,052 --> 00:01:36,555
Look at the footage.
Have you looked at the footage?
21
00:01:37,097 --> 00:01:38,432
It's broken.
22
00:01:38,432 --> 00:01:40,142
[scoffs] And what's that?
23
00:01:41,560 --> 00:01:44,062
- They left the rest.
- What is that, like two grand?
24
00:01:44,062 --> 00:01:46,481
- [Milton] Fifteen hundred.
- Have you met me?
25
00:01:46,481 --> 00:01:49,318
You think I'd leave 1,500 bucks
on the table?
26
00:01:49,318 --> 00:01:52,654
And this animal who jacked your safe,
they weren't a pro.
27
00:01:53,197 --> 00:01:54,364
How'd they crack it?
28
00:01:54,865 --> 00:01:56,116
They used the combination.
29
00:01:56,617 --> 00:02:01,163
Well, I don't have the combination,
so I'm cleared.
30
00:02:01,163 --> 00:02:03,874
Uh, you're the one who comes in here
for the Keurig,
31
00:02:03,874 --> 00:02:06,418
which is against the rules by the way.
32
00:02:06,418 --> 00:02:09,213
So, nobody else sneaks in here
for the Keurig?
33
00:02:12,466 --> 00:02:13,550
[scoffs, laughs]
34
00:02:13,550 --> 00:02:14,843
Everybody uses the Keurig, Owen.
35
00:02:14,843 --> 00:02:16,303
[Owen] What are you doing, Peggy?
36
00:02:16,929 --> 00:02:19,097
[Peggy]
All right, we got 20 empty K-Cups here.
37
00:02:19,097 --> 00:02:21,350
I can't drink that much shitty coffee
in a week.
38
00:02:21,350 --> 00:02:24,144
Somebody knows the combo
to that safe, Owen.
39
00:02:24,144 --> 00:02:26,146
Nobody knows the combo.
40
00:02:26,146 --> 00:02:31,485
Unless... [scoffs] ...indulge me,
everybody knows the combo.
41
00:02:32,152 --> 00:02:33,403
- Hey.
- [Milton] What are you doing?
42
00:02:33,403 --> 00:02:34,821
I'm following a hunch here.
43
00:02:35,531 --> 00:02:38,367
I know the P-town alarm code.
What's the alarm code, Owen?
44
00:02:38,367 --> 00:02:40,202
[sighs] This is the safe, Peggy.
45
00:02:40,202 --> 00:02:43,622
Everybody who opens or closes this place
knows the alarm code.
46
00:02:43,622 --> 00:02:45,123
So I wonder if--
47
00:02:45,123 --> 00:02:46,291
[sighs]
48
00:02:46,291 --> 00:02:51,046
[Peggy] Two, 18, 50.
49
00:02:52,673 --> 00:02:55,717
[gasps] It's the same as the alarm code.
What is it with this?
50
00:02:56,301 --> 00:02:58,387
It's my mother's birthday.
51
00:02:59,221 --> 00:03:00,681
What?
52
00:03:00,681 --> 00:03:02,683
It's my mother's birthday.
53
00:03:02,683 --> 00:03:06,353
[scoffs] So your mother's birthday is
the skeleton key for your entire life?
54
00:03:07,312 --> 00:03:10,566
Look, clean up your passwords
and get over your mother.
55
00:03:10,566 --> 00:03:11,859
She's not that into you.
56
00:03:13,193 --> 00:03:15,195
Come on, let me take the kid,
she's innocent.
57
00:03:17,573 --> 00:03:18,824
["Talkin' to Myself" playing]
58
00:03:49,146 --> 00:03:51,607
Pioneertown's security is
a real shit show,
59
00:03:51,607 --> 00:03:54,026
so that's the first job
that I'm bringing in,
60
00:03:54,026 --> 00:03:55,569
but that's chump change.
61
00:03:55,569 --> 00:03:58,030
But if this Picasso's what I think it is,
and it is,
62
00:03:58,030 --> 00:04:00,115
the finder's fee is one million.
63
00:04:00,115 --> 00:04:02,784
And if you think
I'm taking just 10% of that,
64
00:04:02,784 --> 00:04:05,871
- you're out of your mind.
- Look at this. Who does this?
65
00:04:05,871 --> 00:04:06,955
So listen,
66
00:04:06,955 --> 00:04:10,209
one, we get the reward.
Two, we get the press.
67
00:04:10,209 --> 00:04:13,128
Three,
we parlay that spotlight into huge jobs.
68
00:04:13,128 --> 00:04:17,048
So, we get into this guru's house,
we vet that fucking Picasso,
69
00:04:17,048 --> 00:04:19,927
and if it is the one from the Paris heist,
then we can--
70
00:04:19,927 --> 00:04:21,512
What are you doing?
71
00:04:21,512 --> 00:04:22,971
What am I doing?
72
00:04:22,971 --> 00:04:26,934
I'm trying to download
some new... [stammers] ...security software.
73
00:04:26,934 --> 00:04:30,854
I got my last big client coming tomorrow,
and if he doesn't think I'm up to speed,
74
00:04:30,854 --> 00:04:34,399
we're gonna be
working outta my car next week.
75
00:04:35,275 --> 00:04:36,527
Ah, Jesus.
76
00:04:38,153 --> 00:04:39,279
[groans]
77
00:04:42,241 --> 00:04:44,368
No, you don't chew enough. I've noticed.
78
00:04:46,036 --> 00:04:47,621
What about my plan, huh?
79
00:04:48,330 --> 00:04:50,707
Just plan on getting to class on time.
80
00:04:50,707 --> 00:04:53,168
The guy's doing us a favor.
Don't make me look bad.
81
00:04:53,168 --> 00:04:57,798
Come on, this fucking class?
After everything I've accomplished?
82
00:04:58,298 --> 00:05:00,217
It's been one week.
83
00:05:00,217 --> 00:05:02,761
Ten days. Plus, school's for morons.
84
00:05:03,262 --> 00:05:05,514
I'm already flying. You want me to crawl?
85
00:05:05,514 --> 00:05:07,349
Do you wanna be more than an intern?
86
00:05:07,349 --> 00:05:08,976
An unpaid associate.
87
00:05:08,976 --> 00:05:13,105
You got to learn the law,
learn what a PI can do, legally.
88
00:05:13,105 --> 00:05:15,357
How 'bout that, huh?
I'm not going to jail for you.
89
00:05:15,357 --> 00:05:18,986
- I could do this shit in my sleep.
- Wonderful. All right.
90
00:05:18,986 --> 00:05:20,279
Please.
91
00:05:21,446 --> 00:05:24,908
Okay, I already downloaded it,
you stupid fuck!
92
00:05:26,076 --> 00:05:27,327
That's it. Okay.
93
00:05:27,995 --> 00:05:29,329
[door closes]
94
00:05:31,415 --> 00:05:32,416
[Peggy sighs]
95
00:05:37,504 --> 00:05:38,672
Let's see.
96
00:05:40,465 --> 00:05:41,633
Yeah, that's something.
97
00:05:43,594 --> 00:05:44,636
[sighs]
98
00:05:44,636 --> 00:05:45,971
Um.
99
00:05:45,971 --> 00:05:47,181
Ah, yes.
100
00:05:52,477 --> 00:05:53,562
Where is--
101
00:05:58,442 --> 00:06:04,698
Welcome to the Security Guard
and Private Investigator Training.
102
00:06:06,158 --> 00:06:07,492
Can I get your name?
103
00:06:09,203 --> 00:06:11,580
Let's just see how it goes first.
104
00:06:17,169 --> 00:06:20,214
To become a certified PI,
105
00:06:21,006 --> 00:06:24,593
you'll need 50 hours of training.
106
00:06:32,851 --> 00:06:34,061
[sighs]
107
00:06:48,325 --> 00:06:52,120
Let's begin with the syllabus.
108
00:07:02,089 --> 00:07:04,758
Sorry, violent stomach issues.
[sighing] I'm sorry.
109
00:07:11,723 --> 00:07:15,018
I don't have 50 hours to spend
with Grandfather Time.
110
00:07:15,519 --> 00:07:17,813
That guy's remedial, I'm a prodigy.
111
00:07:18,313 --> 00:07:20,148
[Carol] Did you sign in, in the class?
112
00:07:20,148 --> 00:07:21,525
No, I refused.
113
00:07:21,525 --> 00:07:24,111
So, he doesn't know
what Peggy Newman looks like.
114
00:07:24,111 --> 00:07:26,530
Anybody could be Peggy Newman.
I could be Peggy Newman.
115
00:07:27,114 --> 00:07:29,241
I can sit there, I can take this class.
116
00:07:29,241 --> 00:07:32,369
And then I can learn how to hack,
and then I can get into the databases
117
00:07:32,369 --> 00:07:34,121
and find out what
the government knows about me.
118
00:07:34,121 --> 00:07:35,205
[Peggy] This is great.
119
00:07:35,205 --> 00:07:37,416
And you can help me find
this fucking guru's house
120
00:07:37,416 --> 00:07:39,710
and maybe I can check out his Picasso.
121
00:07:40,502 --> 00:07:43,046
We're gonna kill it together.
I love you, Carol.
122
00:07:43,630 --> 00:07:45,007
[car honking]
123
00:07:48,468 --> 00:07:50,095
[gasps]
124
00:07:50,095 --> 00:07:54,600
Mommy! Hey, lady! Mommy! [gasps]
125
00:07:55,100 --> 00:07:58,103
I just saw my mother, I swear to God.
126
00:07:58,103 --> 00:08:02,191
- Carol, it was Roslyn.
- Wait, you saw her in the casket, right?
127
00:08:02,191 --> 00:08:05,110
Yeah but, I'm telling you,
Mommy just got on the bus.
128
00:08:05,110 --> 00:08:07,237
[breathes heavily]
129
00:08:07,237 --> 00:08:09,656
Carol, do you hear me?
130
00:08:10,699 --> 00:08:12,284
[whispering] Could I be dead right now?
131
00:08:12,284 --> 00:08:13,744
I can hear you.
132
00:08:15,454 --> 00:08:16,747
Are you dead with me?
133
00:08:18,540 --> 00:08:22,252
Hey! Are you seeing me right now?
134
00:08:23,253 --> 00:08:24,338
Yes or no?
135
00:08:24,922 --> 00:08:26,006
Hmm? Wh--
136
00:08:26,548 --> 00:08:27,925
Okay, thank you.
137
00:08:27,925 --> 00:08:30,469
You know what,
I think I'm okay over here, yeah.
138
00:08:30,469 --> 00:08:32,846
That's weird, that was like
a acid flashback or something,
139
00:08:32,846 --> 00:08:34,972
but I get those all the time,
but this was different.
140
00:08:35,682 --> 00:08:37,726
Okay, I gotta get to rehearsal.
141
00:08:37,726 --> 00:08:42,356
[grunts] Siobhan's always trying
to reinvent the cancan. Gotta go. Okay.
142
00:08:42,356 --> 00:08:46,527
All right, I know y'all are excited to get
to the cartwheel, but first, we twirl.
143
00:08:46,527 --> 00:08:48,737
And five, six, seven, eight,
144
00:08:48,737 --> 00:08:52,449
twirl, twirl. Get in line, good.
145
00:08:52,449 --> 00:08:55,953
Hop, hop, hop, kick. Hop, hop, hop, kick.
146
00:08:55,953 --> 00:09:00,332
Hop, hop, hop, kick.
Hop, hop, hop, kick. Oh.
147
00:09:00,332 --> 00:09:02,501
- [panting]
- Rehearsal's over, Peggy.
148
00:09:03,293 --> 00:09:04,503
I'll catch up.
149
00:09:04,503 --> 00:09:06,463
Well, we added a few twirls.
150
00:09:07,172 --> 00:09:08,215
- Easy.
- All right,
151
00:09:08,215 --> 00:09:10,133
let's take it from the top then, shall we?
152
00:09:10,133 --> 00:09:11,969
Five, six, seven, eight.
153
00:09:11,969 --> 00:09:14,346
Twirl, twirl, twirl.
154
00:09:14,930 --> 00:09:16,390
Get in line, Peggy.
155
00:09:16,390 --> 00:09:20,435
Hop, hop, hop, kick.
Hop, hop, not it, Peggy.
156
00:09:20,435 --> 00:09:23,146
- Hop, hop, hop, kick. And keep twirling.
- I got you. [chuckles]
157
00:09:23,146 --> 00:09:24,731
Peggy, okay.
158
00:09:25,566 --> 00:09:26,817
Good job, ladies.
159
00:09:27,693 --> 00:09:28,777
Oh, Peggy.
160
00:09:30,070 --> 00:09:34,074
I would like to see you outside
of work hours, in 21st century clothes.
161
00:09:34,867 --> 00:09:37,160
Let's not get ahead of ourselves, huh?
162
00:09:38,662 --> 00:09:42,708
I keep thinkin' about what you said,
that there's one great love left in you.
163
00:09:42,708 --> 00:09:46,795
Yep. I want what Isolde and Tristan had
or nothing less. [sighs]
164
00:09:46,795 --> 00:09:48,922
Uh, well, you know they died at the end.
165
00:09:48,922 --> 00:09:52,676
Ah, just their flesh.
Trees sprang out of their graves.
166
00:09:52,676 --> 00:09:54,011
[chuckles]
167
00:09:55,721 --> 00:09:57,931
Look, we have chemistry, okay.
168
00:09:57,931 --> 00:09:59,933
- Yeah.
- [both chuckle]
169
00:09:59,933 --> 00:10:01,101
And I'm no prude.
170
00:10:01,101 --> 00:10:05,814
I've had more sex than Wilt Chamberlain,
so I know a thing or two about the flesh,
171
00:10:06,356 --> 00:10:11,653
but I need that thing
that I have always missed.
172
00:10:13,405 --> 00:10:17,618
And maybe that's you and me.
It takes time to figure it out.
173
00:10:17,618 --> 00:10:18,702
Ah. [clears throat]
174
00:10:18,702 --> 00:10:21,538
So, if that means that you
need to see other people,
175
00:10:21,538 --> 00:10:22,748
I can live with that.
176
00:10:24,917 --> 00:10:25,918
Hmm.
177
00:10:25,918 --> 00:10:27,586
- [dancer cries]
- [clears throat]
178
00:10:29,421 --> 00:10:31,715
- What about Brenda from Accounting?
- [Siobhan] Shit-bag.
179
00:10:31,715 --> 00:10:33,550
- With the owl pins?
- Well--
180
00:10:33,550 --> 00:10:35,302
- I can live with that.
- [dancer] He dumped me.
181
00:10:35,302 --> 00:10:38,305
- He threw me out half-naked.
- I know.
182
00:10:38,305 --> 00:10:39,556
- [dancer sobbing]
- Oh.
183
00:10:39,556 --> 00:10:42,893
Look who decided
to come back to her job after a week.
184
00:10:44,686 --> 00:10:47,356
- Oh, my God.
- [cowboy] What?
185
00:10:48,023 --> 00:10:52,611
[whispers] She's got big old jugs.
She didn't have big jugs before.
186
00:10:52,611 --> 00:10:55,322
Why doesn't he love me?
187
00:10:55,322 --> 00:10:58,742
- Okay.
- [Siobhan] Do you want a hug? Oh, my God.
188
00:10:58,742 --> 00:11:00,202
He dumped her.
189
00:11:00,702 --> 00:11:04,540
Where did she get those? Jugs cost coin.
190
00:11:04,540 --> 00:11:05,624
[dancer wails]
191
00:11:06,250 --> 00:11:08,126
[cowboy] I love watching your mind work.
192
00:11:09,586 --> 00:11:12,714
I can get you the money back,
plus interest,
193
00:11:12,714 --> 00:11:15,175
but I get
the Pioneertown security contract.
194
00:11:15,175 --> 00:11:17,261
No, not if you don't tell me who it was.
195
00:11:17,261 --> 00:11:18,887
Hey, I'm no rat.
196
00:11:19,638 --> 00:11:21,598
You should've seen
the look on my mother's face.
197
00:11:21,598 --> 00:11:26,562
I've seen it. She has one look.
You can interpret it lots of ways.
198
00:11:26,562 --> 00:11:31,108
She was very upset about this.
She was very upset at me.
199
00:11:31,108 --> 00:11:33,026
Yeah, well,
her birthday was used against her.
200
00:11:33,026 --> 00:11:35,237
That money was
for the President's Day show,
201
00:11:35,237 --> 00:11:38,031
which is make-it-or-break-it time for us.
202
00:11:38,031 --> 00:11:40,242
And I had to get this new safe.
203
00:11:41,743 --> 00:11:43,954
Have you heard about Slide City?
204
00:11:44,621 --> 00:11:47,541
They're expanding,
and it's not just water slides anymore.
205
00:11:47,541 --> 00:11:50,794
No, now they got surfing.
206
00:11:51,545 --> 00:11:54,089
Their billboards are insane.
207
00:11:54,089 --> 00:11:57,301
Well, we can expand too.
Bring in some Civil War shit.
208
00:11:57,885 --> 00:12:01,388
I'm sad that somebody out there,
one of them,
209
00:12:01,388 --> 00:12:03,849
- somebody that I treat like family...
- Do you?
210
00:12:03,849 --> 00:12:06,226
...walked in here and stole from me.
211
00:12:07,394 --> 00:12:10,355
Get the cops off our back,
I'll get you the money back.
212
00:12:10,355 --> 00:12:11,982
It'll clean you up with your mother.
213
00:12:15,110 --> 00:12:16,361
You have 24 hours.
214
00:12:16,361 --> 00:12:19,156
Yeah, I'd like 72 or four days.
215
00:12:20,157 --> 00:12:22,618
Forty-eight hours,
it's two days, but no more.
216
00:12:22,618 --> 00:12:24,203
I'm serious Peggy, no more.
217
00:12:24,203 --> 00:12:27,289
- Okay, fine, agreed. Sixty hours.
- No-- Peggy!
218
00:12:32,544 --> 00:12:33,754
[actor] Whiskey.
219
00:12:35,547 --> 00:12:38,425
[cowboy] I ain't seen you
around these parts before, stranger.
220
00:12:39,259 --> 00:12:43,138
There's been a crime
and your tits are the smoking gun, hon.
221
00:12:43,138 --> 00:12:44,598
[cowboy] You damn cheater!
222
00:12:45,265 --> 00:12:46,642
- [actors screaming]
- [grunts]
223
00:12:46,642 --> 00:12:48,435
[gunshots]
224
00:12:49,853 --> 00:12:51,772
[cowboy grunts] Here we go!
225
00:12:51,772 --> 00:12:53,524
I don't know what you're talking about.
226
00:12:53,524 --> 00:12:58,070
Two knockers and no boyfriend
equals a felony, and you know it.
227
00:12:58,779 --> 00:12:59,780
Uh-uh?
228
00:13:01,281 --> 00:13:02,449
[crowd gasps]
229
00:13:05,786 --> 00:13:07,663
They got prints off the safe.
230
00:13:08,455 --> 00:13:10,791
- I had to! I had to do it!
- [sighing] Oh, Jesus.
231
00:13:10,791 --> 00:13:14,044
He was gonna pay for them
but then he broke up with me.
232
00:13:14,044 --> 00:13:16,046
I need the edge to get him back.
233
00:13:16,046 --> 00:13:18,632
He can have anybody he wants, Peggy.
234
00:13:18,632 --> 00:13:20,551
- [patron gasps]
- [glass shatters]
235
00:13:21,426 --> 00:13:22,553
- [cowboy shouts]
- [Peggy sighs]
236
00:13:22,553 --> 00:13:25,514
You can do better than that ass bag!
237
00:13:25,514 --> 00:13:27,391
- [gunshot]
- [cowboy] Look out!
238
00:13:27,391 --> 00:13:30,060
- He's a celebrity and a guru.
- [scoffs]
239
00:13:30,060 --> 00:13:32,855
He does this thing
where he puts his fingers all over my face
240
00:13:32,855 --> 00:13:35,399
and I can't tell you how powerful it is.
[cries]
241
00:13:35,399 --> 00:13:37,734
Do you wanna go to jail
for this fucking guy?
242
00:13:37,734 --> 00:13:39,903
I'll scrape it together. I'll pay it back.
243
00:13:39,903 --> 00:13:41,738
- Can you tell them?
- [grunts]
244
00:13:42,531 --> 00:13:43,657
[yells]
245
00:13:43,657 --> 00:13:48,203
I'll scrape it together for you
if you'll swear off of this fucknut, okay?
246
00:13:48,829 --> 00:13:52,249
- Really?
- He is a fraud and a creep.
247
00:13:53,834 --> 00:13:55,252
Take a look at yourself.
248
00:13:55,752 --> 00:13:57,171
- [sighs]
- [cowboy] Come on, now.
249
00:13:57,171 --> 00:13:59,464
Okay, you do look good.
250
00:13:59,464 --> 00:14:02,467
Okay? Especially for three grand,
which is insane!
251
00:14:03,594 --> 00:14:06,805
Look, I'll take care of it, okay?
252
00:14:07,598 --> 00:14:09,391
What's this fucking swami's address?
253
00:14:11,059 --> 00:14:12,144
- [groans]
- [patrons cheer]
254
00:14:12,144 --> 00:14:13,312
[chuckles] Ah!
255
00:14:13,312 --> 00:14:15,397
["Blister in the Sun" playing]
256
00:14:24,031 --> 00:14:25,032
[song stops]
257
00:14:26,283 --> 00:14:27,284
Okay.
258
00:14:27,951 --> 00:14:28,952
[sighs]
259
00:14:29,578 --> 00:14:31,997
- Uh-uh, I'm just picking up some cash.
- Oh, may I have the keys?
260
00:14:31,997 --> 00:14:34,666
- J-Just 'cause I have to move it?
- I don't want it scratched.
261
00:14:38,795 --> 00:14:39,922
[mouthing] Thank you.
262
00:14:42,382 --> 00:14:47,971
As you exhale,
release the bondage of perception.
263
00:14:48,639 --> 00:14:50,224
[exhales deeply]
264
00:14:51,141 --> 00:14:52,142
Look again.
265
00:14:53,435 --> 00:14:55,229
Can you see what it is now?
266
00:14:55,229 --> 00:14:58,398
Can you see the masterpiece
that's in front of you?
267
00:15:00,442 --> 00:15:01,610
Yeah, I don't like it.
268
00:15:02,444 --> 00:15:03,695
- It's--
- Okay, um,
269
00:15:03,695 --> 00:15:05,155
- close your eyes again.
- Uh, no, nah.
270
00:15:05,155 --> 00:15:06,949
That was making me nauseous. None of that.
271
00:15:06,949 --> 00:15:09,701
Sotheby's just sold a Picasso
for 30 million.
272
00:15:09,701 --> 00:15:12,037
- It was a lot bigger than this one...
- Oh.
273
00:15:12,037 --> 00:15:15,040
...but this really is the most
important painting in all of cubism.
274
00:15:15,040 --> 00:15:17,000
The Pigeon with peas started a revolution.
275
00:15:17,000 --> 00:15:18,836
Where's the pigeon?
I don't even see the pigeon.
276
00:15:18,836 --> 00:15:21,004
- It's a-- The pigeon's in there.
- Can you point out, like,
277
00:15:21,004 --> 00:15:23,632
- a beak or anything?
- Uh, no, I can't point out a beak.
278
00:15:23,632 --> 00:15:27,678
What I can point out is that this painting
has not been on the market for decades
279
00:15:27,678 --> 00:15:31,265
and that window is rapidly closing,
so can you afford it?
280
00:15:31,265 --> 00:15:36,687
Or perhaps the question should really be,
"Can you afford not to afford it?"
281
00:15:36,687 --> 00:15:39,147
[buyer] I can-- I can afford it,
I just don't like it. It's stupid.
282
00:15:39,147 --> 00:15:44,236
This is cubism. It is total nonsense, yes.
But it is high nonsense.
283
00:15:44,236 --> 00:15:45,445
No, it's not. [sighs]
284
00:15:45,946 --> 00:15:50,158
He's fucking with perception, memory,
the whole time-space continuum.
285
00:15:50,158 --> 00:15:51,243
Yes.
286
00:15:51,743 --> 00:15:55,747
But, in a sense, he is using
an impressionistic expression--
287
00:15:55,747 --> 00:15:59,376
Does the bullshit ever stop with you?
It has nothing to do with impressionism.
288
00:15:59,376 --> 00:16:03,172
What you're looking at here is the past
and the future in the present.
289
00:16:03,755 --> 00:16:06,508
- His point is to blow your fucking mind.
- Exactly!
290
00:16:06,508 --> 00:16:09,887
Picasso's defiance is the point
of this piece.
291
00:16:09,887 --> 00:16:12,222
- It is literally surreal.
- It's not surreal.
292
00:16:12,222 --> 00:16:14,766
This whole fucking conversation
is surreal.
293
00:16:14,766 --> 00:16:16,518
- [laughs]
- Would you stop talking?
294
00:16:16,518 --> 00:16:17,853
Can-- Can I just--
295
00:16:17,853 --> 00:16:21,106
W-What was that? You just cost me a deal.
You may as well have robbed me.
296
00:16:21,106 --> 00:16:24,276
Uh-huh. How much do you want?
I know some people.
297
00:16:24,276 --> 00:16:25,611
What people? You don't know people.
298
00:16:25,611 --> 00:16:27,237
Y-- No pictures.
It's not the Grand Canyon.
299
00:16:27,237 --> 00:16:28,447
Who are you, lady?
300
00:16:28,447 --> 00:16:31,158
Look, I used to nude model in New York.
Long story.
301
00:16:31,158 --> 00:16:35,537
Anyway, I met this art guy through
Gagosian back in the day, a real shark.
302
00:16:35,537 --> 00:16:37,497
Let's just say he knows his way
around provenance.
303
00:16:37,497 --> 00:16:38,957
I picked up a thing or two.
304
00:16:39,458 --> 00:16:42,461
- And he sold paintings or...
- All of it.
305
00:16:42,461 --> 00:16:46,131
I mean, lithographs, paintings,
sculptures, a few weapons.
306
00:16:47,049 --> 00:16:50,344
Uh-huh. Well, what say we start over?
307
00:16:50,344 --> 00:16:51,970
I don't believe we've met.
308
00:16:52,596 --> 00:16:54,014
No. [sighs]
309
00:16:54,014 --> 00:16:56,350
- So who did you come with?
- Nobody.
310
00:16:57,309 --> 00:16:58,810
So you're a guru, huh?
311
00:16:58,810 --> 00:17:00,812
- How does that work?
- Let me show you.
312
00:17:03,690 --> 00:17:05,692
Mmm. [breathing deeply]
313
00:17:12,366 --> 00:17:16,494
[chuckles] No, no, no, no. That shit
doesn't work on me. I'm not Tammy.
314
00:17:16,494 --> 00:17:18,539
Ah, you see,
I knew you were working something.
315
00:17:18,539 --> 00:17:19,623
You owe her three grand.
316
00:17:19,623 --> 00:17:22,334
You ordered a pair of jugs
and you left her holding the bag
317
00:17:22,334 --> 00:17:25,753
- and I'm here to collect.
- [laughs] Okay, how do you know Tammy?
318
00:17:26,630 --> 00:17:27,673
Colleagues.
319
00:17:27,673 --> 00:17:30,509
Uh-huh.
I'm gonna have to ask you to leave.
320
00:17:30,509 --> 00:17:31,760
I know real gurus.
321
00:17:31,760 --> 00:17:36,265
I know a guy who can sit cross-legged
in the air. Can you do that?
322
00:17:37,015 --> 00:17:39,142
- Can you go?
- I want Tammy's money.
323
00:17:39,142 --> 00:17:43,063
She took it for you
and now she's looking at jail time.
324
00:17:43,063 --> 00:17:44,314
Meditate on that.
325
00:17:44,314 --> 00:17:48,485
If you truly are a guru,
you'll see the barbarity here.
326
00:17:49,361 --> 00:17:51,947
- Hey, can you-- Can I-- [chuckles]
- Everything's stupid.
327
00:17:51,947 --> 00:17:54,575
Hey, what are you--
C-Can you-- Can you not?
328
00:17:54,575 --> 00:17:56,660
Here.
Call me when you have a change of heart.
329
00:17:57,619 --> 00:18:01,290
- Front door's right down the stairs.
- I gotta piss. I need privacy.
330
00:18:01,290 --> 00:18:03,125
- No.
- Ooh, violent stomach issues.
331
00:18:03,125 --> 00:18:04,626
- No, no.
- I'll be back.
332
00:18:04,626 --> 00:18:06,336
No, no. No, not that way. No.
333
00:18:11,758 --> 00:18:15,179
- Uh, can you unlock the door, please?
- Ooh, mmm.
334
00:18:15,179 --> 00:18:16,305
[guru knocking]
335
00:18:16,305 --> 00:18:17,556
Hello?
336
00:18:17,556 --> 00:18:18,640
[Peggy] Ah!
337
00:18:18,640 --> 00:18:19,975
[groans]
338
00:18:21,727 --> 00:18:24,021
- [groaning]
- [guru] That's-- That's my room.
339
00:18:24,021 --> 00:18:25,522
[knocking continues]
340
00:18:25,522 --> 00:18:26,940
[Peggy groaning]
341
00:18:28,942 --> 00:18:29,943
"Donatella"?
342
00:18:29,943 --> 00:18:33,655
- [guru knocking]
- Ah, I'll be right out, Maharishi.
343
00:18:34,615 --> 00:18:35,616
Ah!
344
00:18:37,993 --> 00:18:39,077
[cell phone buzzing]
345
00:18:39,995 --> 00:18:43,081
- [Bob] Hello? Open the door.
- Ah! It hurts! [groans]
346
00:18:46,168 --> 00:18:47,753
[toilet flushing]
347
00:18:51,632 --> 00:18:52,883
[pills rattling]
348
00:18:55,385 --> 00:18:57,930
Ugh. I take a lot of Ibuprofen.
349
00:18:57,930 --> 00:18:59,348
It's a nightmare. Don't ask.
350
00:18:59,348 --> 00:19:00,891
Let me know if you need some.
351
00:19:03,810 --> 00:19:05,145
[Bob screams] All right, all right.
352
00:19:05,145 --> 00:19:08,065
- Oh, it's okay. It's okay.
- [person] Well, no. It-- It's not okay.
353
00:19:08,065 --> 00:19:12,069
If the real one's in Boston,
why'd I pay three million for this?
354
00:19:12,069 --> 00:19:14,780
[stammers] I swear, I didn't know.
355
00:19:15,280 --> 00:19:16,740
You're lying.
356
00:19:16,740 --> 00:19:18,575
Ah, this is my daughter, Heather.
357
00:19:18,575 --> 00:19:19,660
Hello.
358
00:19:19,660 --> 00:19:21,578
[art buyer] I need my money, Robert.
359
00:19:21,578 --> 00:19:23,539
[Bob] I-- I-- I don't have it right now.
360
00:19:23,539 --> 00:19:26,041
I mean, I have it,
but it's not really liquid.
361
00:19:26,041 --> 00:19:28,168
- Whoa, whoa, whoa!
- Can I take it off?
362
00:19:28,168 --> 00:19:30,921
Hey, I can get it.
I can-- I can get the money.
363
00:19:31,421 --> 00:19:32,756
[art buyer] When can you get it?
364
00:19:32,756 --> 00:19:34,800
[breathes heavily]
Well, I mean, it's three million dollars.
365
00:19:34,800 --> 00:19:35,926
It's gonna take me a second.
366
00:19:35,926 --> 00:19:38,136
- Hey, just-- Whoa, whoa, whoa!
- Can I take it, Daddy?
367
00:19:38,136 --> 00:19:41,348
- Jesus Christ, lady! [exhales sharply]
- Give it a nick. Just a nick.
368
00:19:41,348 --> 00:19:43,600
No, no! [shouts] Shit!
369
00:19:44,101 --> 00:19:46,645
[Peggy] Oh, good.
I wanted to meet the caterer.
370
00:19:46,645 --> 00:19:49,815
Who thought of putting together
watermelon and feta?
371
00:19:49,815 --> 00:19:53,569
Ooh... [chuckles, moans] ...unbelievable!
[chuckles]
372
00:19:54,778 --> 00:19:56,154
[breathes heavily]
373
00:19:57,656 --> 00:19:59,658
["Blister in the Sun" continues playing]
374
00:20:06,832 --> 00:20:08,959
[investigator]
Bruce Harvey Investigations.
375
00:20:08,959 --> 00:20:10,961
- Leave a message. I'll get back to you.
- [beeps]
376
00:20:10,961 --> 00:20:14,006
Big headline.
I found the guy with the painting.
377
00:20:15,674 --> 00:20:17,634
You remember that
"Everything's stupid" guy?
378
00:20:18,343 --> 00:20:22,014
The anchorman who went nuts
and started calling himself "guru."
379
00:20:22,014 --> 00:20:23,140
[scoffs] That's him.
380
00:20:24,433 --> 00:20:26,810
Weird shit is going down there.
381
00:20:27,769 --> 00:20:32,774
Crazy house, possible stolen paintings,
people with knives.
382
00:20:33,609 --> 00:20:35,694
Plus his nipple's bleeding.
383
00:20:36,403 --> 00:20:37,404
Call me.
384
00:20:41,950 --> 00:20:44,745
I've got it! I've got--
I've got bingo. Bingo!
385
00:20:45,537 --> 00:20:46,788
["Farewell Transmission" playing]
386
00:20:46,788 --> 00:20:47,873
[sighs]
387
00:21:02,804 --> 00:21:05,432
[breathes shakily]
I saw a prescription bottle at the guru's.
388
00:21:05,933 --> 00:21:07,476
I just happened to see it.
389
00:21:08,352 --> 00:21:12,147
- It was for a Donatella Scarborough.
- Ooh. Donatella Scarborough.
390
00:21:12,147 --> 00:21:14,233
I'm gonna Internet stalk that shit.
391
00:21:15,234 --> 00:21:16,235
[sighs]
392
00:21:20,989 --> 00:21:24,076
[chuckles, cries]
393
00:21:25,869 --> 00:21:27,871
- Where are you right now?
- [cries]
394
00:21:28,872 --> 00:21:30,874
I'm at the Grand Oasis.
395
00:21:31,458 --> 00:21:34,920
I just wanna play bingo
and I don't even have money for dabbers.
396
00:21:34,920 --> 00:21:36,755
Listen. Listen to me.
397
00:21:36,755 --> 00:21:41,844
I want you to say something out loud.
"Money comes easily."
398
00:21:42,511 --> 00:21:47,140
"Money comes..." [sniffs] "...easily."
399
00:21:47,140 --> 00:21:48,517
- [crying]
- That's right.
400
00:21:49,643 --> 00:21:52,020
"Money comes easily."
401
00:21:54,022 --> 00:21:56,859
[sighs] "Money comes easily."
402
00:21:58,026 --> 00:21:59,027
[sighs]
403
00:22:08,412 --> 00:22:10,747
Hey, you wanna smoke a joint?
404
00:22:12,374 --> 00:22:14,626
Yeah, it's just what I need right now.
[chuckles]
405
00:22:14,626 --> 00:22:15,919
I can do better than that.
406
00:22:15,919 --> 00:22:17,004
Yeah?
407
00:22:20,757 --> 00:22:21,758
How much?
408
00:22:23,093 --> 00:22:25,137
- They're usually 50 each.
- Mm-mmm.
409
00:22:25,137 --> 00:22:26,930
I-- I could do 30.
410
00:22:29,057 --> 00:22:30,058
Four for a hundred.
411
00:22:30,976 --> 00:22:31,977
You're on.
412
00:22:32,769 --> 00:22:34,313
[presenter] All right, you sinners.
413
00:22:35,564 --> 00:22:38,233
- [audience laughs]
- Gangbang 49.
414
00:22:38,233 --> 00:22:39,568
[bingo player] Bingo!
415
00:22:39,568 --> 00:22:40,819
[laughs]
416
00:22:40,819 --> 00:22:45,574
Oh, honey, you don't have bingo.
You have a big fucking mouth though.
417
00:22:45,574 --> 00:22:46,867
[audience laughs]
418
00:22:48,619 --> 00:22:50,996
[Drag Queen]
Someone didn't bring his hearing aids.
419
00:22:51,496 --> 00:22:54,124
Uh, bestiality bingo 14.
420
00:22:54,750 --> 00:22:56,043
I didn't sign up for this.
421
00:22:56,043 --> 00:22:58,420
Oh, oh! You have it. You have it.
422
00:22:59,004 --> 00:23:00,005
[chuckles]
423
00:23:00,547 --> 00:23:03,217
- Look, look, look!
- [squealing]
424
00:23:04,301 --> 00:23:06,386
[laughing]
425
00:23:12,518 --> 00:23:15,687
And a blow job for one!
426
00:23:15,687 --> 00:23:17,898
[laughing]
427
00:23:29,660 --> 00:23:32,329
Just a little humble boink 14.
428
00:23:32,329 --> 00:23:34,164
Nasty, evil 32!
429
00:23:34,164 --> 00:23:35,791
Ah! Bingo!
430
00:23:35,791 --> 00:23:37,835
Oh! Bingo!
431
00:23:39,378 --> 00:23:40,629
[laughs]
432
00:23:42,422 --> 00:23:46,635
[cell phone ringing]
433
00:23:51,306 --> 00:23:53,559
- You got Tammy's money or not?
- [Bob] No!
434
00:23:53,559 --> 00:23:57,688
[sighs] No?
That's what you're calling to say to me?
435
00:23:57,688 --> 00:23:58,772
[Bob] No! No, no!
436
00:23:58,772 --> 00:24:01,066
- No, no, no! No! No!
- [Peggy] Hey!
437
00:24:01,066 --> 00:24:02,943
- [Bob] No, no!
- [Peggy] I can say no, too!
438
00:24:03,527 --> 00:24:05,863
No calling without Tammy's money!
439
00:24:05,863 --> 00:24:07,823
- [groans, gasps]
- [Peggy] No money, no calling.
440
00:24:07,823 --> 00:24:09,533
- Hey, no.
- [Heather] Who's that?
441
00:24:09,533 --> 00:24:10,951
Help me! Help!
442
00:24:10,951 --> 00:24:14,329
- [groaning] Oh, God!
- [Heather] What else are you hiding?
443
00:24:14,329 --> 00:24:16,415
[groans, screaming]
444
00:24:16,415 --> 00:24:20,043
No fucking wasting my time,
you quack-chiseling shyster.
445
00:24:20,544 --> 00:24:21,712
Oh, fuck.
446
00:24:21,712 --> 00:24:23,547
- [engine revving]
- [tires squealing]
447
00:24:29,636 --> 00:24:31,513
Oh, shit.