1 00:00:04,567 --> 00:00:06,267 and may contain mature subject matter. 2 00:00:06,266 --> 00:00:13,066 Viewer discretion is advised. 3 00:00:13,200 --> 00:00:14,800 -What are you, on crack?! and may contain mature subject matter. 4 00:00:14,934 --> 00:00:17,434 How could you think we have different dads? 5 00:00:17,567 --> 00:00:19,427 -It explains so much! 6 00:00:19,567 --> 00:00:20,927 Like why we don't look related, 7 00:00:21,066 --> 00:00:22,666 why we're into vastly different things, 8 00:00:22,800 --> 00:00:24,600 why mom never talked about him... ever. 9 00:00:24,734 --> 00:00:26,134 -Yes, she did! 10 00:00:26,266 --> 00:00:28,266 She said he was a deadbeat drunk who finished after two thrusts. 11 00:00:28,400 --> 00:00:31,300 -Oh right. God, she shared way too much when she drank. 12 00:00:31,433 --> 00:00:33,973 -I can't believe you don't think we're real brothers! 13 00:00:34,100 --> 00:00:36,300 -Uh, that's not what different dads means! 14 00:00:36,433 --> 00:00:38,303 -Whatever, man! Quit distracting me. 15 00:00:38,433 --> 00:00:39,803 I'm trying to drive here, okay! 16 00:00:39,934 --> 00:00:41,304 (bang) 17 00:00:41,433 --> 00:00:44,033 I hit something, didn't I? -Totally hit a guy. 18 00:00:44,166 --> 00:00:46,026 -See what happens when you distract me? 19 00:00:46,166 --> 00:00:48,026 (beeping, bang) 20 00:00:48,166 --> 00:00:52,296 (apocalyptic music) 21 00:00:55,834 --> 00:00:58,134 (theme music) 22 00:01:16,266 --> 00:01:17,996 (growling) 23 00:01:23,800 --> 00:01:26,900 -Where'd you put the reusable shopping bags? 24 00:01:27,033 --> 00:01:28,903 Danika keeps bugging us to use them. 25 00:01:29,033 --> 00:01:30,703 "Just because it's the apocalypse, 26 00:01:30,834 --> 00:01:32,404 it doesn't mean we can't be ecoconscious." 27 00:01:32,533 --> 00:01:34,273 Ugh, shoot me now! 28 00:01:34,400 --> 00:01:36,770 (coughing) 29 00:01:36,900 --> 00:01:39,700 -Give this to General Hecks... 30 00:01:39,834 --> 00:01:43,834 Mutation cure... Please... 31 00:01:43,967 --> 00:01:45,867 -He's still alive?! 32 00:01:46,000 --> 00:01:47,630 I guess we better help the poor guy. 33 00:01:47,767 --> 00:01:49,867 Dude, can we drop you somewhere? 34 00:01:50,000 --> 00:01:52,070 (mumbling) 35 00:01:52,200 --> 00:01:54,630 You don't have to kill the poor guy, you psycho! 36 00:01:54,767 --> 00:01:56,797 -Don't call me a psycho. I'm putting him out of his misery. 37 00:01:56,934 --> 00:01:59,834 -Have a heart, will you? He can totally bounce back. 38 00:02:02,567 --> 00:02:04,367 Okay, maybe not... 39 00:02:05,367 --> 00:02:08,067 What is that? Let me see it. 40 00:02:10,500 --> 00:02:12,670 Here. You keep this. I'll keep the necklace. 41 00:02:12,800 --> 00:02:14,270 I need some bling other than my look. 42 00:02:14,400 --> 00:02:16,830 -He said something about this thing curing mutations. 43 00:02:16,967 --> 00:02:18,627 -Really? 'Cause it didn't do shit for him. 44 00:02:18,767 --> 00:02:20,897 -He said to give it to a... General Hecks. 45 00:02:21,033 --> 00:02:22,603 -I don't know who that is. 46 00:02:22,734 --> 00:02:24,704 But we went halfsies and there's no going back on halfsies. 47 00:02:24,834 --> 00:02:26,204 Them's the rules. 48 00:02:26,333 --> 00:02:28,073 -Rafe, stop and think for once in your life! 49 00:02:28,200 --> 00:02:30,830 Do you know how valuable a mutation cure could be? 50 00:02:30,967 --> 00:02:33,067 -Dude, he was trying to bribe you 51 00:02:33,200 --> 00:02:36,370 so you wouldn't put him out of his misery, a.k.a. murder him. 52 00:02:36,500 --> 00:02:39,100 -Give it back or so help me, I'll... 53 00:02:39,233 --> 00:02:41,773 -Get over yourself, Gabe! 54 00:02:41,900 --> 00:02:43,730 There's no cure for mutations, okay? 55 00:02:43,867 --> 00:02:45,897 Stop having delusions of granules. 56 00:02:46,033 --> 00:02:47,433 -Grandeur. And I'm not. 57 00:02:47,567 --> 00:02:49,167 -Whatever, man! I'm keeping this. 58 00:02:49,300 --> 00:02:51,000 If you don't like it, you can suck it. 59 00:02:51,133 --> 00:02:53,733 -Suck a... (gibberish) 60 00:02:53,867 --> 00:02:57,867 (screaming) 61 00:03:01,100 --> 00:03:02,730 -Ow! 62 00:03:04,000 --> 00:03:06,370 You drew first blood! Ah! 63 00:03:12,734 --> 00:03:14,834 I hope that knocked some sense into you! 64 00:03:14,967 --> 00:03:16,327 I'm gonna go scavenging. 65 00:03:16,467 --> 00:03:19,697 You can join me once you stop being a limp-dick man-baby. 66 00:03:19,834 --> 00:03:21,534 (groaning) 67 00:03:21,667 --> 00:03:23,167 (barking) 68 00:03:27,567 --> 00:03:31,327 -Gabe, how you doing? Ouch! Not good by the looks of it. 69 00:03:31,467 --> 00:03:33,327 I bet I should see the other guy. 70 00:03:33,467 --> 00:03:35,997 -Rafe's the other guy and he's fine. What happened to you? 71 00:03:36,133 --> 00:03:39,003 -Got into a sticky situation, so I had to fake my own death. 72 00:03:39,133 --> 00:03:41,833 Again. Car explosion. Works every time. 73 00:03:41,967 --> 00:03:44,697 Hey, did you happen to see a guy here? A mutant? 74 00:03:44,834 --> 00:03:46,334 I was supposed to meet him. 75 00:03:46,467 --> 00:03:48,367 -Er... Um... No..? 76 00:03:48,500 --> 00:03:51,600 -Dammit! Well, I better scoot! -Um, need a ride? 77 00:03:51,734 --> 00:03:54,234 -Matter of fact, I do. 78 00:03:55,333 --> 00:03:59,203 -Gabe, wait! I forgot the reusable bags! 79 00:04:01,500 --> 00:04:04,200 -This is so cool! Hanging with Mr. Cobretti! 80 00:04:04,333 --> 00:04:06,633 -Call me... Johndoe. 81 00:04:06,767 --> 00:04:08,527 -Of course. Sorry. 82 00:04:08,667 --> 00:04:10,727 Um, so... What were you meeting that guy for? 83 00:04:10,867 --> 00:04:13,967 -Well, kid, I could tell you. But then, I'd have to kill you. 84 00:04:14,100 --> 00:04:15,870 -What?! -I'm kidding. 85 00:04:16,000 --> 00:04:18,800 But it's, uh, classified. -Oh... I see. 86 00:04:18,934 --> 00:04:21,934 -Turn here. It's like we're a team! 87 00:04:22,066 --> 00:04:25,096 What should we call ourselves? A combination of our names? 88 00:04:25,233 --> 00:04:27,803 "The Burn-brettis" or "The Gaydoes"? 89 00:04:27,934 --> 00:04:29,504 -Sure! 90 00:04:29,633 --> 00:04:32,903 And we'll get jackets with the name stitched across the back. 91 00:04:33,033 --> 00:04:34,603 -Really? -No, I'm screwing with you. 92 00:04:34,734 --> 00:04:36,904 Cool team jackets will get you killed out here. 93 00:04:37,033 --> 00:04:40,903 Wastelanders are real dicks about stuff like that. 94 00:04:41,033 --> 00:04:43,303 (screeching) 95 00:04:43,433 --> 00:04:44,803 -Wow! 96 00:04:44,934 --> 00:04:47,674 (thunder) 97 00:05:05,300 --> 00:05:07,030 -Thanks for the ride, kid! 98 00:05:07,166 --> 00:05:09,096 And I hope you and Rafe patch things up. 99 00:05:09,233 --> 00:05:11,473 -Ah, screw him! -Fair enough. 100 00:05:11,600 --> 00:05:12,970 You can head out now. 101 00:05:13,100 --> 00:05:15,270 You don't want to be anywhere near this place. Ciao! 102 00:05:15,400 --> 00:05:17,230 -Oh! 103 00:05:24,433 --> 00:05:27,273 -There's my big guy! How was the supply run? 104 00:05:28,266 --> 00:05:30,526 To hell with the pleasantries, 105 00:05:30,667 --> 00:05:32,827 give me my toe socks and personal lubricant, dammit. 106 00:05:32,967 --> 00:05:34,467 -I don't have anything! 107 00:05:35,500 --> 00:05:37,600 (sobbing) 108 00:05:37,734 --> 00:05:39,974 -You okay, Rafe? 109 00:05:40,100 --> 00:05:42,670 -Sorry. I just... Gabe's being weird. 110 00:05:42,800 --> 00:05:45,700 He's not making any sense. Like a non-slutty Halloween costume. 111 00:05:45,834 --> 00:05:48,504 -Oh! Let Auntie Suzette buy you a drink? 112 00:05:48,633 --> 00:05:50,003 -Give me a break. 113 00:05:50,133 --> 00:05:51,603 One drink and you'll have your hand down my pants. 114 00:05:51,734 --> 00:05:53,174 -I just meant so we could talk. 115 00:05:53,300 --> 00:05:55,630 -Every time we talk, you touch me inappropriately. 116 00:05:55,767 --> 00:05:57,897 Which I don't really mind, but you're married! 117 00:05:58,033 --> 00:05:59,903 -Hands to myself. Promise. 118 00:06:00,100 --> 00:06:01,470 -I don't know. 119 00:06:01,600 --> 00:06:03,430 I'm not really comfortable talking about my feelings and... 120 00:06:03,567 --> 00:06:04,927 (He burst into tears.) 121 00:06:05,066 --> 00:06:08,066 -Shit! We need to get to booze in you STAT! Come on, baby. 122 00:06:23,266 --> 00:06:26,026 -You know you want to go in. 123 00:06:26,166 --> 00:06:28,096 -But... Who are you? 124 00:06:28,233 --> 00:06:30,303 -"But... Who are you?" 125 00:06:30,433 --> 00:06:32,773 I am the one whose going to get your Popop back. 126 00:06:32,900 --> 00:06:34,630 Or the next best thing. 127 00:06:34,767 --> 00:06:37,227 -But Johndoe said I shouldn't be anywhere near this place. 128 00:06:37,367 --> 00:06:41,697 -Oh right, I forgot you're a limp-dick man-baby. 129 00:06:41,834 --> 00:06:43,704 Well, just scuttle off home 130 00:06:43,834 --> 00:06:46,774 and never find out if that thing can cure mutations. 131 00:06:46,900 --> 00:06:50,370 -Hey! Screw you! Can a limp-dick man-baby do this? 132 00:06:54,200 --> 00:06:58,170 -I can't believe I'm that guy's subconscious. 133 00:07:00,433 --> 00:07:04,673 -Ah! Sorry! Just looking for a place to, uh, peepee! 134 00:07:07,467 --> 00:07:09,127 Ah! 135 00:07:09,266 --> 00:07:13,696 (screaming) 136 00:07:24,734 --> 00:07:27,704 (growling) 137 00:07:31,100 --> 00:07:33,200 (shrieking, screaming) 138 00:07:37,533 --> 00:07:40,333 (screaming, shrieking) 139 00:07:45,834 --> 00:07:47,704 -Can I help you? 140 00:07:49,333 --> 00:07:51,903 (gasping) 141 00:07:53,700 --> 00:07:58,270 I'm General Aloysius Hecks, and this is my son, Boyd. 142 00:07:58,400 --> 00:08:00,330 (shrieking) 143 00:08:00,467 --> 00:08:03,597 Shhh, shhh, shhh, it's going to be fine, son. 144 00:08:03,734 --> 00:08:05,934 Daddy and Johndoe are doing everything we can 145 00:08:06,066 --> 00:08:07,426 for my best boy. 146 00:08:07,567 --> 00:08:08,997 (shrieking) 147 00:08:09,133 --> 00:08:12,433 Yes. Yes, I'll get you the orange juice too. 148 00:08:12,567 --> 00:08:15,797 -General Hecks, I'm Gabe. Gabe Burns. 149 00:08:15,934 --> 00:08:17,974 Sorry to barge in like this. I shouldn't be here. 150 00:08:18,100 --> 00:08:19,670 I'll just get out of your way. 151 00:08:19,800 --> 00:08:24,330 -You seem lost, son. Let me show you the way. 152 00:08:27,633 --> 00:08:30,873 -Okay. This is better. 153 00:08:31,000 --> 00:08:32,900 (screaming) 154 00:08:35,900 --> 00:08:39,770 -He called me an empty-headed ass clown! And a circus peanut! 155 00:08:39,900 --> 00:08:42,570 I don't know what "circus peanut" means. 156 00:08:42,700 --> 00:08:45,970 Guess I'm too much of an empty-headed ass clown to know. 157 00:08:46,100 --> 00:08:48,600 -Hum... -It just makes me so... 158 00:08:48,734 --> 00:08:50,274 so... so... 159 00:08:50,400 --> 00:08:51,830 I don't know, 160 00:08:51,967 --> 00:08:53,767 like I want to smash something and cry at the same time, 161 00:08:53,900 --> 00:08:56,270 like a super-strong baby. 162 00:08:57,266 --> 00:09:01,766 -That necklace really brings out the fire in your eyes. 163 00:09:02,767 --> 00:09:04,927 -Thanks, and thanks for explaining 164 00:09:05,066 --> 00:09:07,796 how half-brothers are still brothers. 165 00:09:07,934 --> 00:09:11,574 -No problem, sugar. You sure you get it. 166 00:09:11,700 --> 00:09:13,900 -Yeah, the puppet show you put on 167 00:09:14,033 --> 00:09:16,003 really crystallized it for me. 168 00:09:16,133 --> 00:09:18,273 If these two have sex with this one, 169 00:09:18,400 --> 00:09:21,130 their children will be half-brothers. 170 00:09:25,066 --> 00:09:27,326 -General Hecks, sir. 171 00:09:27,467 --> 00:09:31,597 (grunt) 172 00:09:31,734 --> 00:09:34,234 -Give me one good reason not to put a bullet 173 00:09:34,367 --> 00:09:36,627 through your damn skull, Cobretti. 174 00:09:36,767 --> 00:09:39,827 -Please, don't. It's the only skull I've got. 175 00:09:39,967 --> 00:09:41,567 -Where is the package? 176 00:09:41,700 --> 00:09:46,030 -Funny story. I don't have it because your guy didn't show up. 177 00:09:46,166 --> 00:09:48,696 -That's not a funny story. 178 00:09:48,834 --> 00:09:51,934 -I know, 'cause it ends with someone pointing a gun at me. 179 00:09:52,066 --> 00:09:54,426 But there's a surprise twist. 180 00:09:54,567 --> 00:09:57,197 -If it's you faking your own death, don't bother. 181 00:09:57,333 --> 00:09:58,803 -Aw... 182 00:09:58,934 --> 00:10:02,104 -So, what do you know about this Gabe Burns kid? 183 00:10:02,233 --> 00:10:04,473 -He's here? -In my office. 184 00:10:04,600 --> 00:10:06,900 -Ah, man, I told him to "amscra". 185 00:10:07,033 --> 00:10:09,033 Kids these days, they don't listen! 186 00:10:09,166 --> 00:10:10,926 -Or they don't know Pig Latin. 187 00:10:11,066 --> 00:10:13,596 -Sure they do! Everyone knows Pig Latin. 188 00:10:13,734 --> 00:10:16,334 -They do not! That's from when we were kids! 189 00:10:16,467 --> 00:10:18,227 It died with the grunge rock. 190 00:10:18,367 --> 00:10:21,427 -Well, anyway, General, Gabe's a nice guy. 191 00:10:21,567 --> 00:10:23,867 But not our kind of guy. 192 00:10:24,000 --> 00:10:25,530 You should just let him go. 193 00:10:25,667 --> 00:10:27,897 -Um... We'll see. 194 00:10:28,033 --> 00:10:30,773 Is he in any relation to the Burns woman in the bunker? 195 00:10:30,900 --> 00:10:33,300 -I don't think so. Who knows? I don't know. 196 00:10:33,433 --> 00:10:36,403 How would I know? Don't ask me, I wouldn't know. 197 00:10:36,533 --> 00:10:38,403 What? 198 00:10:39,400 --> 00:10:42,530 -You're a strange man, Cobretti. 199 00:10:45,300 --> 00:10:46,670 (sighing) 200 00:10:46,800 --> 00:10:49,500 (speaking Pig Latin.) 201 00:10:50,500 --> 00:10:54,730 It's Pig Latin for that was close! 202 00:10:54,867 --> 00:10:56,227 Stupid millennial! 203 00:10:56,367 --> 00:10:58,667 Don't they teach you kids anything in school? 204 00:10:59,834 --> 00:11:04,074 -So, what brings you here so deep in the wasteland? 205 00:11:04,200 --> 00:11:06,170 -I guess the wind just kind of blew me this way. 206 00:11:06,300 --> 00:11:07,770 It's weird, I know. 207 00:11:07,900 --> 00:11:11,500 -Weird is kind of the way of the world now, isn't it son? 208 00:11:11,633 --> 00:11:15,503 -Yeah. Weird world indeed. Did you call me son? 209 00:11:15,633 --> 00:11:18,573 -Ha! Ha Ha! Just a turn of phrase. 210 00:11:18,700 --> 00:11:20,800 I've been waiting for someone like you: 211 00:11:20,934 --> 00:11:25,474 a young buck to mould in my image and assist in my mission. 212 00:11:25,600 --> 00:11:27,730 -Me? Really? 213 00:11:27,867 --> 00:11:29,327 -Put it this way. 214 00:11:29,467 --> 00:11:31,027 I haven't met anyone as promising as you 215 00:11:31,166 --> 00:11:34,096 since the guys we hired to pull off 9/11. 216 00:11:34,233 --> 00:11:36,233 -What's a 9/11? 217 00:11:36,367 --> 00:11:38,227 -I like you! 218 00:11:38,367 --> 00:11:41,127 But listen, this job requires unquestioning loyalty; 219 00:11:41,266 --> 00:11:45,026 someone who's willing to stop anyone who gets in our way. 220 00:11:45,166 --> 00:11:48,966 -You can count on me! Ouch! 221 00:11:49,100 --> 00:11:51,870 Quite a grip you have there, sir! 222 00:11:52,000 --> 00:11:54,400 -I'll never forgive myself 223 00:11:54,533 --> 00:11:57,473 for calling him a limp-dick man-baby. 224 00:11:57,600 --> 00:12:00,530 I really should have pulled down his pants 225 00:12:00,667 --> 00:12:03,127 and laughed at his ding-dong. 226 00:12:03,266 --> 00:12:05,566 -Pulling down a man's pants is always a good idea. 227 00:12:05,700 --> 00:12:07,930 Sorry. Force of habit. Go on. 228 00:12:08,066 --> 00:12:10,426 -Why are you always hitting on me if you're married? 229 00:12:10,567 --> 00:12:12,127 That's not really fair to Johnny. 230 00:12:12,266 --> 00:12:13,866 -Oh yeah? 231 00:12:14,000 --> 00:12:15,400 Well, before I mutated, 232 00:12:15,533 --> 00:12:17,403 Johnny was tapping side-ass all over town! 233 00:12:17,533 --> 00:12:19,203 No one told him it wasn't fair to me! 234 00:12:20,200 --> 00:12:22,900 -I didn't know that. Sorry. 235 00:12:23,033 --> 00:12:25,703 -When it's a guy, everyone's all "yeah", 236 00:12:25,834 --> 00:12:28,434 but when it's a woman, everyone's all "no". 237 00:12:29,300 --> 00:12:32,400 Women have desires too, you know. 238 00:12:35,600 --> 00:12:37,530 -Why are you looking at me like that? 239 00:12:50,166 --> 00:12:53,266 -So, what exactly is your mission, sir? 240 00:12:53,400 --> 00:12:55,400 -Well, that's on a need-to-know basis. 241 00:12:56,667 --> 00:12:59,227 So listen carefully! 242 00:12:59,367 --> 00:13:03,127 It all started when the world ended. 243 00:13:04,233 --> 00:13:07,503 It was the very first exchange with an alien culture. 244 00:13:16,033 --> 00:13:19,803 We were trading Area 51 crash survivors 245 00:13:19,934 --> 00:13:22,534 for some human abductees. 246 00:13:23,600 --> 00:13:27,700 -USA! USA! USA! USA! 247 00:13:27,834 --> 00:13:29,404 Wooh! 248 00:13:29,533 --> 00:13:32,973 -Two advanced beings in exchange for a pair of drunken hayseeds. 249 00:13:33,100 --> 00:13:36,930 Not a good trade. But historic! 250 00:13:38,533 --> 00:13:41,473 And when the alien's ship took off... 251 00:13:48,166 --> 00:13:50,926 (screams of terror) 252 00:13:58,767 --> 00:14:03,497 (screams of terror) 253 00:14:03,633 --> 00:14:06,573 -Oh no! No, no, no, no, no, no! 254 00:14:09,000 --> 00:14:11,830 (shrieking) 255 00:14:28,467 --> 00:14:31,067 (growling) 256 00:14:34,633 --> 00:14:38,903 -... I escaped with a barely noticeable skin mutation. 257 00:14:39,033 --> 00:14:42,903 -So... Aliens caused the apocalypse?! 258 00:14:43,033 --> 00:14:47,733 -That's right. Here, taste this, son. It's my specialty. 259 00:14:49,000 --> 00:14:51,100 -Mmm. Is this Chinese? 260 00:14:51,233 --> 00:14:53,373 -I didn't ask what country the prisoners were from 261 00:14:53,500 --> 00:14:55,530 when I threw them into the pot. 262 00:14:55,667 --> 00:14:57,227 In any case, 263 00:14:57,367 --> 00:14:59,697 the aliens left behind examples of their technology, 264 00:14:59,834 --> 00:15:02,274 which were scattered hither and yon in the blast. 265 00:15:02,400 --> 00:15:05,430 -Hey, that looks just like... 266 00:15:05,567 --> 00:15:08,327 -You are exactly what I was looking for. 267 00:15:08,467 --> 00:15:11,167 -I feel the same way. 268 00:15:11,300 --> 00:15:14,870 -This is the piece Johndoe was supposed to bring back! 269 00:15:15,000 --> 00:15:17,530 But his contact didn't show up. 270 00:15:18,533 --> 00:15:20,403 When assembled properly, 271 00:15:20,533 --> 00:15:23,803 this is a machine capable of curing any mutation... 272 00:15:23,934 --> 00:15:25,834 even my boy Boyd's. 273 00:15:25,967 --> 00:15:29,227 My mission is to build that machine. 274 00:15:29,367 --> 00:15:31,597 -But you need one more piece? 275 00:15:31,734 --> 00:15:35,804 -Exactly. Now, how about some target practice? 276 00:15:35,934 --> 00:15:39,704 -General, sir. I know where the last piece is. 277 00:15:42,200 --> 00:15:44,070 -(Rafe): Ah! 278 00:15:44,200 --> 00:15:46,670 All right! Almost there. 279 00:15:46,800 --> 00:15:49,970 -What's almost there? You just keep poking the starting gate. 280 00:15:50,100 --> 00:15:53,970 (moaning weirdly) 281 00:15:54,100 --> 00:15:56,800 -How about now? -That's not it! 282 00:15:56,934 --> 00:15:59,034 -Seriously? Are you sure? 283 00:15:59,166 --> 00:16:01,866 -Yes, Rafe, I'm pretty sure I know the location 284 00:16:02,000 --> 00:16:04,770 of the mystical tunnel from which all life emanates 285 00:16:04,900 --> 00:16:07,670 because I visit it with my hand twice a week. 286 00:16:07,800 --> 00:16:11,430 -Right! Of course. Sorry. Twice, really? 287 00:16:11,567 --> 00:16:15,097 -Is this like your first time? -No. It totally isn't! 288 00:16:15,233 --> 00:16:18,573 I've done sex on hundred of women and they all loved it! 289 00:16:18,700 --> 00:16:20,730 Oh, I can't lie to you. 290 00:16:20,867 --> 00:16:22,967 Technically, this is my second time. 291 00:16:23,100 --> 00:16:26,330 My first time was all scaly, slimy and fishy 292 00:16:26,467 --> 00:16:28,227 and not because she was a mutated river trout. 293 00:16:28,367 --> 00:16:30,067 It was 'cause I don't shower much. 294 00:16:30,200 --> 00:16:31,570 -I noticed. 295 00:16:31,700 --> 00:16:35,670 -Um... So, how was the foreplay? Did I do that okay? 296 00:16:35,800 --> 00:16:39,300 -Ew! It was fine right up until you asked! 297 00:16:39,433 --> 00:16:41,903 -Just fine? -It was fine, Rafe. 298 00:16:42,033 --> 00:16:44,303 -Like "good fine" or "bad fine"? 299 00:16:44,433 --> 00:16:46,533 -I'm still here, aren't I? 300 00:16:46,667 --> 00:16:48,967 What are you doing? 301 00:16:49,100 --> 00:16:51,230 -And I'm in! 302 00:16:51,367 --> 00:16:54,097 Oh, man, that's nice! Really nice. 303 00:16:54,233 --> 00:16:57,673 Oh, it's like... like being welcome into a realm of pleasure 304 00:16:57,800 --> 00:16:59,530 I never knew existed. 305 00:16:59,667 --> 00:17:02,197 -Dude, that's my belly button. 306 00:17:06,934 --> 00:17:08,804 -The schematics detailing exactly 307 00:17:08,934 --> 00:17:11,304 how to configure the alien detritus are hidden inside 308 00:17:11,433 --> 00:17:15,273 the AENUS of this area's government Super bunker. 309 00:17:15,400 --> 00:17:17,070 -Bunker? 310 00:17:18,400 --> 00:17:20,070 -Fire! 311 00:17:23,300 --> 00:17:25,370 Oh, oh! Great shooting, kid. 312 00:17:25,500 --> 00:17:28,430 Once I cure my son and myself, 313 00:17:28,567 --> 00:17:31,297 we're going to cleanse this world of mutants. 314 00:17:31,433 --> 00:17:33,073 -Ah... 315 00:17:33,200 --> 00:17:35,770 -Now, go get me that last piece of the machine. 316 00:17:35,900 --> 00:17:38,470 -Er, what do you mean by "cleanse"? 317 00:17:38,600 --> 00:17:42,500 -I meant we'll get rid of all the mutants. 318 00:17:42,633 --> 00:17:45,503 -Okay, but by curing them? Or... 319 00:17:45,633 --> 00:17:47,703 -Don't sweat the details. You got this. 320 00:17:54,033 --> 00:17:56,203 (laughing) 321 00:17:56,333 --> 00:17:58,633 -Why are all of those thoughts that were flying around my head 322 00:17:58,767 --> 00:18:00,197 suddenly gone? 323 00:18:00,333 --> 00:18:02,433 Why can I see everything so clearly now? 324 00:18:02,567 --> 00:18:05,497 Why do I have a newfound focus and understanding? 325 00:18:05,633 --> 00:18:08,773 -Hush now, honey. That's just the afterglow. 326 00:18:08,900 --> 00:18:11,630 -But I know what I have to do now. 327 00:18:11,767 --> 00:18:15,167 -That's a lot of epiphanies from just 58 seconds of rumpy-pumpy. 328 00:18:15,300 --> 00:18:16,730 Where are you... 329 00:18:16,867 --> 00:18:18,727 -Focus, Suzette. 330 00:18:18,867 --> 00:18:21,367 I have to go find Gabe and make things right between us. 331 00:18:21,500 --> 00:18:22,870 -Christ! 332 00:18:23,000 --> 00:18:25,770 Even virgins run out on you once they've dropped their load! 333 00:18:25,900 --> 00:18:28,700 -General? I'm heading out. I'll be back with your... 334 00:18:28,834 --> 00:18:31,804 -Son, you are my reason for living. 335 00:18:31,934 --> 00:18:33,774 I swear I'll fix you very soon. 336 00:18:33,900 --> 00:18:36,800 As long as that needy twerp makes good on his promise. 337 00:18:36,934 --> 00:18:39,504 -He... spot infi... 338 00:18:39,633 --> 00:18:42,803 -Infiltrate. Come on, sound it out! 339 00:18:42,934 --> 00:18:45,774 -Infiltrate the ene... meneme... 340 00:18:45,900 --> 00:18:48,200 -Enemy compound. 341 00:18:48,333 --> 00:18:51,373 All right, enough reading. Reading's for freaking dorks. 342 00:18:51,500 --> 00:18:53,900 Let's strip and rebuild this AK-47. 343 00:18:54,033 --> 00:18:57,173 -All right! -Ah, love that hustle! 344 00:18:57,300 --> 00:18:59,970 That's why you're my favourite! 345 00:19:03,266 --> 00:19:04,626 (shrieking) 346 00:19:04,767 --> 00:19:08,297 -Yes! Orange juice. I heard you the first time. 347 00:19:09,900 --> 00:19:12,870 (crying) 348 00:19:15,567 --> 00:19:18,527 -What's with the sissy little baby tears, big guy? 349 00:19:18,667 --> 00:19:22,127 -Why am I always second best? 350 00:19:22,266 --> 00:19:24,866 -It was more of a rhetorical question. 351 00:19:25,000 --> 00:19:27,170 -I thought things would be different this time. 352 00:19:27,300 --> 00:19:30,370 I thought finally I'd found a place where I was important. 353 00:19:30,500 --> 00:19:33,030 -Oh boy, where's a car to blow up when you need it? 354 00:19:33,166 --> 00:19:36,426 -Turns out I'm just Gabe Burns, the poor man's Rafe, 355 00:19:36,567 --> 00:19:40,027 Batman's Robin, Eric Roberts to Julia Roberts. 356 00:19:40,166 --> 00:19:41,926 America to Canada. 357 00:19:42,066 --> 00:19:45,796 (gun clicking) 358 00:19:45,934 --> 00:19:47,304 -Dammit! 359 00:19:47,433 --> 00:19:50,333 -Well, maybe if I get that last piece the General needs, 360 00:19:50,467 --> 00:19:51,827 he'll see me for who I am. 361 00:19:51,967 --> 00:19:53,527 -Whoa, whoa, whoa! Hang on, kid. 362 00:19:53,667 --> 00:19:55,597 This is not a world you want to be part of. 363 00:19:55,734 --> 00:19:58,434 You're in way over your head. 364 00:19:58,567 --> 00:20:01,097 Like a drowning man, except not nearly as quiet. 365 00:20:01,233 --> 00:20:03,933 Get out of here, Gabe, for your own good. 366 00:20:04,066 --> 00:20:06,426 And for what it's worth, you are important. To St. Zephyr. 367 00:20:06,567 --> 00:20:09,367 So go back there and forget about General Hecks. 368 00:20:09,500 --> 00:20:11,670 -Ah! But! But! 369 00:20:11,800 --> 00:20:13,500 -Save yourself while you still can. 370 00:20:13,633 --> 00:20:16,833 -Wait! Can I use the bathroom? I still need to peepee! 371 00:20:26,166 --> 00:20:27,996 -Nice shooting! 372 00:20:28,133 --> 00:20:29,973 -Rafe? You came back for me? 373 00:20:30,100 --> 00:20:32,770 -Look at all these reusable bags. 374 00:20:32,900 --> 00:20:34,500 What? 375 00:20:34,633 --> 00:20:36,303 (groaning) 376 00:20:36,433 --> 00:20:38,703 -Good work, son. 377 00:20:40,467 --> 00:20:44,427 -Give me that necklace! -What? I don't have a necklace. 378 00:20:45,333 --> 00:20:49,303 -He's lying. I bet he's hiding it in here. 379 00:20:49,433 --> 00:20:52,703 If he won't hand it over, just kill him and take it. 380 00:20:52,834 --> 00:20:54,204 -Shut up! 381 00:20:54,333 --> 00:20:55,803 -I didn't say anything. 382 00:20:55,934 --> 00:20:57,304 -I'm not talking to you! 383 00:20:57,433 --> 00:20:59,333 -Gabe, this is your chance! 384 00:20:59,467 --> 00:21:01,667 Bring the general that piece of the machine 385 00:21:01,800 --> 00:21:03,530 and you'll be number one! 386 00:21:03,667 --> 00:21:05,097 You'll be important! 387 00:21:05,233 --> 00:21:07,903 And you'll make Rafe look like a pile of garbage in comparison. 388 00:21:08,033 --> 00:21:09,933 -That's a hell of a big gun, Gabe. 389 00:21:10,066 --> 00:21:12,166 And I thought you were just happy to see me. 390 00:21:12,300 --> 00:21:15,670 -See? He's a moron! And he smells. 391 00:21:15,800 --> 00:21:20,600 Put him out of your misery and take your destiny, Gabriel! 392 00:21:20,734 --> 00:21:23,874 -He's my brother! I can't. -Of course, you can't! 393 00:21:24,000 --> 00:21:28,500 You're pathetic. Nothing but a limp-dick man-baby. 394 00:21:28,633 --> 00:21:30,673 -Shut up! 395 00:21:37,934 --> 00:21:39,574 Rafe! No! 396 00:21:39,700 --> 00:21:44,130 (yelling): No! 397 00:21:44,266 --> 00:21:49,096 Closed Captioning: Épilogue Technical Services Inc.