THIS STINGY LIFE
Welcome, everybody What did you bring us?
You demand the world For the price of a ticket
Welcome, everybody What did you bring us?
You come empty-handed But we'll send you off with good memories
Do we have to compromise To have a bit of fun?
Can't we have fun and laugh all the time? Of course we can, dear
Do we have to compromise To have a bit of fun?
Can't we have fun and laugh all the time? Of course we can, dear
Be careful! Hush! Life is hard, and people can't be trusted
Mankind is insatiable Ask what, why, how, and for what
When life treats you well Go for beauty
It's already a stingy life Say it with me, such is life
The cabaret is starting Go ahead, please have a seat
Can't we have fun and laugh all the time? Of course we can, dear
Welcome, everybody. It is an honor to have you here tonight.
The cabaret is about to start.
It's about to start, but where are the performers?
Maybe I came too early, huh?
Mr. Erşan!
Don't fuss. We'll deal with it, for God's sake.
-What, mister? -Isn't this the cabaret This Stingy Life?
No, it's not. We're closed.
I'm joking, of course. A bit of a cliché, huh?
I wondered if I came too early since nobody was around.
Dear, haven't you seen all those people dancing on stage just now? Come on.
That's not what I mean, mister. I'm the narrator of this cabaret.
Right. You're going for the alienation effect.
There are no dancers. The audience is not here, is it?
-Well, I don't see any audience. -Oh, stop it, please.
We booked this venue, promoted the gala, people came to see it…
It's even being recorded.
Stop being silly, Mr. Erşan.
You're the one being silly, mister.
You are in a play. I can prove it right now.
Go ahead, prove it.
-How much does a loaf of bread cost? -Ten whole lira!
See? You're being played big time!
Hats off to you for that line!
A round of applause!
I'll go get into character. You do the presentation.
Tell me, how do you think it went
when mankind's ideals of ownership were first tested?
Sorry?
She's asking where they are.
Oh, now I get it.
It's time for me to leave the stage to our performers.
Şükran, there's a cave there. Here! This way! Come.
Torrrak, dear.
I'm begging you, don't embarrass our daughter.
Dad, let's just go and get me the guy.
Enough of this already.
Sweetie, there are customs and traditions to uphold.
To hell with the traditions!
Hearing "customs and traditions" gives me goosebumps.
Must be bad for me.
No, they are not bad for you.
Oh! Hello!
Or should I say "groah"? I'm not sure about which language to use.
My good sir, I'm Kenan Mızraklı.
This is my wife Melisa Mızraklı and, you know, my son Kaya…
…Mızraklı.
Please, have a seat.
We may be sitting on stone, but these stones are all cut. Nice.
They are very advanced, darling.
It's Mr. Torrrak, right?
Yes, Torrrak. With three "r"s.
I was hoping to be corrected, but…
My name is Torrrak Anaerkil.
This is my wife Şükran Anaerkil and my daughter Çakıl Anaerkil.
Hunter or gatherer?
We're gatherers. From the Central Anatolia cooperatives.
We are brutes, but our daughter is a true city girl.
I can't laugh at women's expense.
-Why is that, sir? -I don't want to take the risk.
Ma'am! How's you?
She's not very talkative.
How do you communicate?
By pushing and prodding. Like this.
Then she pushes me, and I push him.
-Oh my God. -Right.
My wife talks, but her words don't mean much.
I gathered these for you to honor our engagement.
We eat meat, baby.
-You know, we have fire. -Fire.
Dad, do I call this girl sister-in-law if we seal the deal?
-Yes. If we seal the deal. -Right. Sister-in-law.
So, do you actually work with soil and do agriculture?
We just have a fence and a stick.
This motherfucking…
We are matriarchal, so forgive me for swearing, ladies.
Mr. Torrrak, how much was your last natural gas bill?
Our cave doesn't have fire infrastructure yet.
My sons can build you the infrastructure up to the entrance of the cave.
-Exactly. -Our friends got it installed.
They meter isn't read. They just charge randomly.
-Mother-in-law is impressive. -Right.
I just said "mother-in-law." Is that correct?
Sure, call her mother that.
Mother-in-law is impressive!
I'll help my dad get right into it.
Your son and I saw each other near the river and fell in love.
Like two civilized people
or not…
I mean, something like that. Whatever.
We wanted to get together.
Mr. Torrrak, your daughter is talking for real.
She does talk. You impressed your uncle. Uncle… I mean, father-in-law.
So she gathered these, right? She works.
-Yes. -In the field.
-You can't work. -Oh?
I mean, seeing she would be working at night as well…
My God!
Not there yet.
Torrrak, what is this? These are complete brutes!
What would she do if not work?
Right. Do you expect me to sit in the cave all day?
I mean, we are always in the cave.
That's fitting.
-Caner, come here, son. -Hi, Çakıl.
What the hell is that, son?
You have a whole new ball game!
That sounds like a catchy phrase.
-Great phrase! -It's his mother's side.
He gets it from his mother's side?
Caner, son, meet Mr. Torrrak and his wife Şükran.
They want you to marry their daughter.
I know, Dad. They're great people.
An amazing tribe with the best bread.
Have you shown your bread to Dad?
It's kind of like bread, but not quite.
Doctor told me to cut down on bread.
But you didn't?
-No. -I can see.
We used to call it "brot," and then it evolved into "bread."
-Brot. -Brot.
What did you use to call it?
-"Breah." -"Breah," she called it.
Anyway, sir,
for the love of fire and the spirit of the wind,
I'd like to marry your son.
Patience, girl!
-Çakıl! -Dad…
We came up with something called a marriage contract.
Son, get me my tablet.
-Get it. -It's neat.
It's written down, so there's a record of it. Give it to me.
After you give the girl away to us,
all your land and tools become our property.
Why is that?
-We give you a tool too. -Is your son a tool?
-Is he not? -No way, Dad.
Why would we claim the land they cultivate or the fruit they pick?
See? The boy's a tool. My father would never lie.
Çakıl, what do you say, dear?
Let's just go, Dad.
So uncivilized! How dare they!
Stop there, little girl. I want you to listen to us.
Kaya, let's go, son.
We just started walking upright But we figured it out all right
Since the stick does the job We believe in the stick
Working the fields and land I'm not doing any of that
We have the sticks and the spears We are brutes and have all the money
Dad, please have some decency Humans should be civil, you see
It's in bad taste, talking about a stick It's really not what makes me tick
I can also take part in this song
Or decide to abstain
What would I do if I wielded the stick? That's what makes me think
Why am I here? I'm delicate and frail
Sweetie, life with them would be hard But so would it be elsewhere
Look at the stick we invented As if that's what we needed
Guns and cannons are a long way off
Stop being so naive You need the stick to turn the wheel
I don't know, I'll stay out of this
You need the stick to turn the wheel
I don't know, I'll stay out of this
Mon père dit la vérité
Sans bâton roue ne tournera pas
Çakıl could not resist any longer.
After a few wild animals attacked the tribe,
stones, sticks, and spears once again became valuable.
And our ancestors started a family.
They invented not only the stick but many other things as well.
There were people who painted and sculpted.
Others wrote poetry and philosophy.
But that good old stick has never lost its appeal.
Many precious things as well as power have changed hands thanks to the stick.
Tribes turned into principalities,
principalities into kingdoms, and kingdoms into empires.
It may be hard to believe, but there was democracy at some point.
Demos and Kratos.
Hello.
Yes?
I'm newly elected. Is this the parliament cafeteria?
Right. Of course, Chief. Please have a seat.
I'm a councilman, not the chief.
Well, councilman,
you can have a beautiful bowl of soup for one coin.
A whole lamb, also for one coin.
How?
How can a whole lamb cost one coin? It costs at least 25 elsewhere!
I get your enthusiasm, councilman. It's your first time.
You'll get used to it.
Any side dishes? They're also one coin.
How can that be?
What's even stranger is that you can eat them all
and even get some dessert, like keşkül and ice cream,
and you'll still pay one coin for the whole thing.
I really don't get that one.
I'll get you started with a soup, then.
-Oh, let me give you a feather. -Thanks, but I won't eat that much.
Of course you will, brother. You'll eat up the world.
A bowl of soup for the councilman!
How can this be? Let me make a note.
Things need to change.
Either they're overcharging in the agora or undercharging here.
I'll handle this.
It was an utter spectacle, Claudius.
-I swear… Were there 50,000 people? -At least.
So, at least 50,000 people.
I got up on stage.
I saw lots of pennants under the emperor's emblem.
Everyone had "Arturias" written on their head.
-Oh, the chanting! "Arturias!" -Arturias!
It was unbelievable. Tell him.
You should've seen it, Chief!
Next to a quartet, there were two guys blasting their trombones.
You should've seen it!
I got up on stage and asked "Anyone dare take our pennants down?"
-"No!" they yelled! -No!
-They believe it! -They do.
I told them, "I'll make Rome the capital of fashion."
And the people were looking at each other like this.
I said the same thing, Chief!
I was in Milan and I said,
"I'm going to make Milan the Paris of the East!"
-They'll believe it! -Right.
Waiter! Give us our feathers.
Because we're all full.
Give it to me, boy.
Give me the wine.
-Here. -Thanks, dear.
Mr. President, it's all been finalized. Thank you very much.
Don't worry about it, kid. No need to thank me.
It's nothing.
His nephew wanted to be promoted to a gladiator in the Colosseum.
We helped the kid out.
You're the best, sir.
How is the kid feeling? Is he content with everything?
He has been eaten by lions, Mr. President.
He was eaten as a whole yesterday.
We're still grateful, sir. I'll be right back.
-The guy weighed 45 kilos! -Right!
They insisted on gladiatorship. What now?
They all talk about the principle of merit but not when it doesn't suit them.
I have nothing against Kratos, chief.
But that Demos is obviously a little bitch.
Guys from my own village come to me and say,
"Mr. President, pull some strings and make me the emperor."
-Damn! -Can you fucking believe it, Arturias?
Let's not get carried away. He may be a commoner.
Who even is that guy?
Heil Caesar the Great!
I guess he's not one of us.
Hello. I'm Saphocles.
I got elected with 70% of the votes in a small village.
I'm excited for my first day here.
Congratulations. Are you the Sophocles we all know?
No. I'm Saphocles with an "a."
-Congratulations. -"An 'a' instead of an 'o.'"
Some pompous prick, this guy! "Mine is spelled with an 'a.'"
Boy, bring us two lambs.
Lamb, Tiberius?
No, Chief, I'm going to shit myself if I eat more.
-Go ahead, shit. It's no big deal. -Yeah?
Enjoy your meals, sirs.
But I find the prices a bit odd.
We voted for those prices, son.
-We all agreed on one coin per meal. -Yes.
Why is he being difficult?
He's opposing us.
-Opposition? So he's from the other side? -Let's not talk about it.
May I join?
Of course, please.
Look, I think this restaurant is undercharging for meals.
And you are quite well-off.
I will present a motion about this issue at the assembly today.
About injustice, to be precise.
We built bridges.
Sorry?
Mr. President is saying
we are so far ahead of others that they need a bridge to get to us.
How is that relevant?
Well, to be honest, I wasn't really listening.
I just blurted it out.
I sometimes go off script as well.
-So what? It works out fine. -It's fine.
Now, if you could support me,
I'll make a speech in the assembly today about gender equality
and put some matters to vote.
There's also the animal rights issue.
The situation in the arenas. What do these lions eat?
-What do they eat? -Not lamb, obviously.
-Oh wow! -The guy talks big!
Are you here to represent the Romans or to manage a zoo?
Yeah! I mean, I'm looking at him closely, Chief.
And it's not like he can't be touched.
Don't think you can't be touched, dear.
Sapho, get your act together, boy.
My white hair is testament to my experience.
Don't step on a stage with that mindset, or you'll be ridiculed.
Oh, really? We'll see.
-Oh yeah? -Yeah.
-Will you go to the agora? -Yes!
Tiberius, take this and organize a rally in the agora.
-As you say. -You pay people to come?
You've got to give coins or nobody will come.
I'll stand before my people today and tell them the whole truth!
How this beautiful empire
went from Marcus Aurelius and Cicero to these petty swindlers.
-I'll uncover the truth. -Will you?
-I will! In the agora! -The agora?
I'll shove a Roman spear up your ass if you don't.
-I'll go on stage. -Really? In the agora?
-Yes! In the agora. -For real?
-Will you come to the agora? Come on! -I will. Yes!
Right… Dear Romans…
Shut the hell up!
Come! Mr. President will speak.
Go ahead, Mr. President.
Come on, Rome, let's go
Our time is now, let's roll
Romans!
Countrymen!
Who's your mother? Who's your father?
Who are your ancestors?
Our mother is Queen Demeter.
Our father is the great Jupiter.
What would our ancestors say about this?
Let's love and be loved.
We are all but mortals in this world!
-Bravo! -Bravo!
Allow me, Mr. President.
My dear brothers and sisters.
Everything we have belongs to Rome.
We don't have anything, and we don't want anything.
I'm not even wearing underwear!
Everything we have is Rome's!
My fellow Romans.
President Claudius and I will form a group in the assembly
to continue serving you.
-Yes! I love doing it in groups! -We all do!
I'm speaking on behalf of doctors.
The assembly has yet to do anything regarding doctors' employee rights.
Where are our severance coins?
-Come. -You speak now.
-You are the expert. -Go ahead, talk now.
Well, doctors are righteous in their demands for--
-And? -So?
-And we, um… -Yeah?
-Can you repeat the question? -See?
We've had enough of this.
This is my last stand! I'm leaving!
-Go on, leave! Bye-bye! -Boo!
Sorry, since you mentioned groups, what of the promised orgies?
Can we, the people, take part in them?
Well, we communicated with the municipalities.
They will allocate large areas, so the public can get on with each other.
That's our solution.
Right. We don't meddle in that anymore.
We let you be.
So we do not say, "For the people, despite the people."
Bravo!
Wait a minute.
Don't you have something to say?
Where does all that hefty tax money go?
And what about the increasing cost of living--
-Wait a minute. -But I--
Our countrymen are starving!
What should our fellow Romans eat? Stones?
-Bravo! -Bravo!
Do you want to leech off us?
You fuckers! We won't let you!
-Bravo! -You tell them!
Arturias!
-All our haters can eat a dick! -Right here!
Yes! May whoever is hating on us
go so hungry that spiders weave webs on their ass!
Germanic people!
Germanic people! They won't defeat us!
-They're the ones behind all this! -Right.
-We will be victorious! -Period!
Period.
Wait. We still have things to say. Look!
-Today, in terms of women's rights-- -Enough, son.
I'm the wife of a senator. Stop yapping.
-Right. Go on, then. -Let's go.
My fellow Romans.
Here I present you Tiberius, who is the head of our Women's Branch.
-I'll handle women? -Their issues, yes.
I promise you that I will handle
each woman's issues in person!
Trust in me, and…
Emperor Cornelius the Third One from the Left.
Bravo! Long live Cornelius!
Well…
Arturias, I didn't see you in the group last night.
I was near the bottom, Emperor.
I waved it at you, but you didn't notice.
How are you, Claudius?
You know how it is, Emperor. Import, export. We get by.
I just exported clouds to the Persians.
See them go, Emperor? The clouds are in the sky.
And the export is on paper.
Good. But what the hell are you doing? Are you riling up the masses?
On the contrary, Emperor, we were placating them.
Let me check.
All right, Romans.
How are you all doing?
Amazing! Amazing!
Our people are very content with all our hard work,
and they show us their appreciation.
Let me tell you this very clearly.
Romans appreciate, celebrate, and uphold their leader
who ushered in a new era for Rome.
In this current climate, no Roman lacks anything.
Government officials know how to earn extra money.
Are you the new senator? Come here.
What do you think?
Oh, my great Emperor,
I had some ideas,
but I couldn't get the required votes in the assembly.
I'd like to join the group formed by my seniors.
Your seniors will soon take you in.
Bravo. Very good. You can't go solo. Being in a group is the best.
-He'll be in it. -Right.
Hello.
Welcome, Doctor.
I didn't know all roads led to Rome.
We all knew it.
I knew she'd be back.
My dear Semra,
put on a good cassette and cheer us all up.
They charge for air and water And always swindle
You can break the piggy bank But it won't be enough
People at the top All began to rob
What do you say, brother? It won't change
See which one it will be
Who comes and saves us
We were bleeding money And gambled for a little chance
What can the poor do? It won't change
We're used to hardship And back on the road again
Good things won't happen overnight
See which one it will be
Who comes and saves you
They charge for air and water And always swindle
Come and keep me busy It won't ever change
They're all the same Each one of them, inhumane
Orgies every day It won't ever change
Are humans inherently good or bad?
We have seen all kinds throughout the centuries.
Some good, some bad.
Some heroic, some cowardly.
Some wise, some insane.
Man or woman?
Is matriarchy better, or is patriarchy?
Who raises these people?
Mothers give birth to such lionhearts!
Yes, they birth them.
Do those lionhearts get corrupted later on then?
I want to blame society.
But hush. I can't bring myself to do it.
Oh, what?
Cemile, girl, you were supposed to put the bed up high.
I put it in the center, big sister.
I wanted it up high like a throne!
Yes! Make it like a throne!
He can then shout orders from his throne. Maybe even have me strangled.
Don't be jealous of your brother.
My son is a true prince!
Yağız Efe's circumcision should not be on the same level as everything else.
His bed will be up there like a throne!
He's going to be such a heartbreaker!
After his stitches are removed, everyone should hide their daughters.
My nephew exudes masculinity!
He asks me "Mom, now that I became a man, will I get married?"
What a sweetheart!
Let him stay unmarried and have fun every day.
My dear nephew can hang out with a different girl each day.
Exactly. I hope he doesn't get attached to those filthy women.
-Lots of fish in the sea. -Right.
Your ex-fiancé must've felt the same when breaking it off.
This little shit with her annoying comments again.
The kid is nine years old, basically in his original packaging.
I think you're tying the ribbon all wrong.
Shut up, Sibel, or I'll glue your mouth shut.
Yağız Efe is a true prince!
He's the lion of the family!
-I want to rip his wiener off. -Come again?
It's a figure of speech, of course. Why would I do that?
They cut it today anyway, right?
Yes. They'll cut it before the ceremony.
Cemile, let's check the cakes and the lemonades.
Okay, big sister.
What can I say? You all lost your minds. "He's a true prince!"
You're supposed to be democrats,
but you turn to monarchy when it comes to Yağız Efe.
-I'll eat his little wiener off. -Blabbermouth!
Second time, Nuran. You must be serious.
Oh, you silly…
Yağız Efe!
Mom, the top of the wand broke off.
Oh, really? On this very day?
Such a coincidence! Could it be a sign?
Don't worry about that, kid. We'll get that fixed.
You just live your moment. Concentrate.
Have you seen the bed, Taci? It's on the ground.
-I wanted it up there like a throne! -Right.
Yağız Efe, my sweet pumpkin, how are you, my love?
I'm a bit scared, Mom.
But you're a prince, son. Princes don't get scared.
-Right, brother? -Right.
Were you circumcised, Uncle?
Of course I was, kid.
Did you also get scared?
Did I get scared?
I still do get scared when it's about my nether parts.
If we were to play a bit of soccer here, I'd always be covering it up.
Is that why you put your hands down your pants all the time?
Yes, out of fear. I'm checking if it's still there.
Don't fill his head with nonsense.
Let me know when your Uncle Aslan is here.
Come on, girl, let's check on the cake and the lemonade.
-All right. -You let me know.
Okay, big sister, I will. Come.
Taci, where is the circumciser?
Where are İbiş and Aslan?
Aslan is handling the organization… So I don't know.
-Aslan! You're so late! -We're here.
-We've been waiting for hours! -It's fine.
-Uncle Aslan. -Hello!
You little rascal!
Show us your wiener. Go ahead.
Taci, make him show his wiener.
-Show it! -He will show it. Be patient.
Calm down a minute.
Taci, son, are you also drunk?
Well, yes, brother.
It's nothing. Just half a bottle of vodka.
I'm excited, you know? But I can operate anything except heavy machinery.
It's not like you're going to ask me to operate a grader.
-Exactly. -God help me!
Işık, big brother, this is İbiş.
İbiş!
Soldier!
Fahri, what would you like to drink?
-I'm fine right now, Aslan. -All right.
Let me set things up.
How are you, son?
-Işık, brother. -Hi, brother.
Yağız Efe, son, say hello to your circumciser.
-Hello. -How are you, little rascal?
A proper rascal, this guy.
Are girls all over you, Yağız Efe?
Aslan, brother, take him under your wings.
-Guide him. -I will guide him.
You know what I called him when he was little?
I used to call him "Soldier!"
Look at his head!
For God's sake! Please, guys.
What did you use to say to me when I called you a soldier?
Aslan, I'm asking you to cut it out.
Işık, please. It's your son's happiest day.
Look, Fahri here
is one of the most ballsy circumcisers in all of Bağdat Avenue.
Don't talk about balls, Aslan. My job only involves the other part.
-Işık, brother. -Yes?
Do you have kolonya?
To disinfect the equipment?
No, brother, to dilute the lemonade a bit.
My hands are a bit shaky.
-One glass, and they'll be steady as ever. -Fahri.
I hope so.
-Sorry. -It's okay.
-Fahri. -Yes, brother?
Lemon-scented?
Eighty proof? It'll do.
Just mix it with a glass of lemonade.
Come on, man. Let's get to it.
Let me see it.
-Soldier! -Soldier!
-Go ahead, son. -Easy.
Let me see it.
We will numb it first, right?
Give me a minute, Işık.
-Here, Fahri. Let's clink our glasses. -Give it to me. Bring it.
-Welcome, Fahri. -Let's drink.
-Come on, Işık. -We'll cut it, don't worry.
Live in the moment a bit. Please relax, Işık.
I'll live in the moment after the circumcision.
Come on. We all got circumcised. It's nothing.
You rascal!
This guy is a true menace!
Menace!
Let me see it, son. I haven't seen it.
We will numb it first, right?
We will numb it.
It's a small issue, so we'll manage.
Fahri. He got it from his mother's side.
It's not Işık's fault!
For God's sake! Aslan, enough of this already.
It's okay, brother.
-All right. -He is only nine anyway.
That's good. I'm 44 but with a bunion!
Hit it! Play it when we make jokes.
All right, boy, now…
-Will you numb it? -Of course.
Fahri, do you know what I do in such situations?
I numb my date.
I make her drink, and then wham!
You're the man, Aslan!
Are you ready, boy?
-I'm not scared at all, sir. -Good.
But numb it well, okay?
-You silly boy! Rascal! -Soldier!
Look, boy, this is the meaningful of the day in your life the most.
You have me here,
your uncle, and your father Işık, your other uncle.
-İbiş is here too. Hit it! -Hit it, İbiş!
Now it's your turn to play, İbiş
Your mother considers you a prince, and the girls all love you, Yağız Efe.
-Don't worry. Okay? -It'll be over before you know it.
Are you ready, son?
-Let me see it. -He'll numb you.
-I'll numb it. All good. -Here comes the needle.
That was it. That was the hard part. No pain anymore.
-Did you numb it, Fahri? -It'll be numb in two minutes.
-Rest is easy. -It'll be over soon.
Let me see it. Yes, good, it's all numb.
It's numb.
My hand is numb!
My hand got numb…
-Come on, Taci, let's clink glasses. -Sure. I thought we were done drinking.
Live in the moment, Işık.
-Please loosen up a bit. -I'll loosen up after, Aslan.
-He still hasn't circumcised him. -All right.
-One second. -Hit it, İbiş.
Işık, my brother. Here we go.
Are you ready, son?
-Don't worry. -Don't be scared.
-I've got your back. -You're a soldier!
I hold it… Yeah, like this.
Your father and uncles are all here.
-Just look up. -Are we ready, Aslan?
-Cut it. -I'm cutting it.
Do it, my man.
Hey! If I hadn't grabbed you, you would have fallen.
I cut it.
Good.
It's over now, son. What a brave boy you are!
-Holy! The whole thing came off. -There you go.
Taci, I think I'm going to pass out.
-Hold on, Işık. -Calm down.
I'm passing out.
-Calm down. -It's okay.
-Don't hit it, İbiş. -I'm passing out, Taci.
But it's numb, right?
-I'm… -What do we do now?
What happened?
-Why did you give this to me? -Did he cut it already?
-What? Yes, it was cut all right. -Yes.
He's going to be such a heartbreaker!
I wonder whose heart is going to break.
He's a man now! The Lion King!
Where's Işık?
-He got too excited. -Yes.
You know how Işık gets, sister.
What a weirdo!
It's so unmanly to faint.
Son, you're a man now!
I feel nothing, Mom.
I want to rip his wiener off.
Too late.
I want to eat his wiener!
Here you go.
What the hell is this?
Soldier!
The head took the hit.
Dear spectators, they say it's not good to be overprotective.
So, can you call it a cabaret
without touching upon societal issues?
Excuse me.
I liked the skit I was in just now.
Did you write it?
I'm so happy that you liked it.
It was a great message about shutting down toxic masculinity.
How could those mothers and aunts egg on the young man like that?
Exactly!
They call him a lionheart. A tiger.
Then men think they can walk all over us!
I say no!
As a male, your observations were incredibly astute, sir.
You knocked over all the taboos, if you will.
That's so kind of you, young lady.
Right. Now, can we drink and flirt?
I'd like that very much.
And you're the perfect age!
I can easily trick you into putting my name on your house.
I mean, excuse me if this is too much of a cliché.
Let's finalize the transfer right now.
Exactly.
Brothers, look.
Under the new law, all these places
can now be developed.
This place will no longer be deemed a forest.
Yes! We can disregard our humanity and exploit that land.
I can't believe our luck.
All the landowners will be at our door soon.
-Right. -But we know what to do.
We give them a hard time.
-Yes. -That's it.
I'm proud of you, guys. I love managing this public office.
You're such amazing people! Take a seat, please.
We learned everything from you, sir.
-All the tricks. -Exactly.
But I have to warn you, Sermet.
Don't wear such an expensive watch here.
Sir, I only wore it since you were wearing yours.
You're right. I should set an example for you.
Let's remove them.
Let me see yours.
Wait a minute. Is that an upgrade over mine?
Remember that hotel deal? That's where I got it.
But I signed off on that deal.
I should have the watch.
Say no more!
-Let me have it. -Of course.
-But don't wear it here. -Okay.
I haven't accepted a bribe in five minutes. I'm going insane.
Go sit at your desk.
Come in.
Hello.
The road complicates things. Our hands are tied.
Sir, I'm Aylin Seçkin. I'm starting work here today. My documents.
Let me see, Ms. Aylin.
Assistant manager.
Okay, give me a minute.
-These are Sermet and Erkin. -Hi.
Stay right here, you two.
Well… Hold on.
So Miss Aylin will have more authority than you two.
What's wrong, sir?
We have a good working dynamic here.
Should we maybe submit our documents to you
without getting Ms. Aylin's initials?
Or we could bypass her by saying she's on sick leave.
And in some cases, we could record her as deceased.
Fuat the Clown at the mortuary can take care of it.
-Nice. -All right, good.
Congratulations and my condolences, Aylin.
Welcome. Sermet, give her the seal.
-Right away, sir. -The seal is essential for authority.
-Here you go. -Right. Congratulations.
-Go ahead. -Please.
Süleyman, four teas!
I was notified by the headquarters in Ankara today.
Some areas are no longer deemed a forest. It's concerning.
That's what we were just talking about.
We are all extremely upset about it.
As-salaam alaikum.
Hi, is this Land Registry and Cathedral?
No, this is Passe-partout.
Rıza, we all love your funny accent.
But I can't stand your blabbering today.
-Talk to Ms. Aylin. -Talk to her.
Go on, pops, talk to Aylin.
Ma'am, I have two decares of land.
The guys at the teahouse said my land can now be developed.
Can you check if it's true?
Sure. Let me see.
Put it here.
Yes, it's true. This land can now be developed.
We're just going to build a small cottage. We don't want more.
-A cottage? No, you can't. -No way.
You can't.
You need to sell that land, pops.
Our manager told you last time. That place is suited for tourism.
It's a touristic zone.
No, sir. You are allowed to build whatever you want there.
Whatever he wants?
I've never heard that phrase here before. There's no way.
-But the lady said I could. -Yes.
Rıza, I want to answer you with a funny accent
and talk to you like this, but I'm bad at accents.
You're so funny, sir.
Hello, Mr. Nizami and his men. How are you?
Welcome, sir.
Bam, bam!
Check your pocket.
How do you even do that, sir?
How are you, Servet? Bam, bam!
Erkin, bam!
Wow, Sami!
You are a ray of sunshine in this office, sir.
What's up? Bam!
How did you even put it on me?
It's all about speed, boy. I'm busy, I need to be quick.
Welcome, brother, have a seat. May I call you brother?
Call me dad.
-Daddy! -Our dad.
Daddy, I need a favor.
Could you please write the following? "He bought the watch with his own money."
Of course, no worries.
Süleyman, coffee, now!
-I haven't seen her before. Is she new? -She's new.
Bam!
What is going on?
How dare you?
Sorry. Süleyman, bam bam!
Go. On your way.
Sir, what do you need?
Well, Nizami…
You know I needed a zoning change
for the area between the forest and the shore.
Well done!
-Yes, we did it. -That part is done.
You know I bought a lot of land in this area.
Now get me a permit to build a hotel.
Just handle the paperwork and such.
What kind of hotel do you have in mind?
Those seeing it from the outside will say,
"That motherfucking piece of shit fucked up the whole beach!"
But on the inside, I want it to be a wonderful place
that can give you a world-class, five-star experience.
You're describing my dream hotel, sir!
-Sir. -Huh?
You are permitted to build, but I can't authorize it.
-Please talk to my manager. -Okay. Mr. Manager…
Right. Sami, sir, you know that small parcel?
It's Rıza's.
You own this little parcel in the middle that sticks out like a sore thumb?
-He does. -Where have you been?
I've been looking for you!
Bam, bam! Check your pocket.
Wow! 50,000 lira!
Let me take that back. That was just a test.
You didn't notice it, did you?
-I didn't. -He looked surprised.
Mr. Rıza, this is Mr. Sami. He's a big shot tourism magnate.
Of course, I recognize you.
Of course you do, you hustler!
Yes, I do recognize you.
Since I worked with cattle before, I can size up a cow instantly.
And I reckon you weigh around 16 stone.
You are full-figured, all right.
But we will see how much milk you give me.
Rıza is one of us!
Yes. This is a done deal.
Get Rıza an oralet.
It's too early for coffee.
So you will build a hotel, will you?
But how is that going to work, son?
In the middle of your huge land is my two-decare parcel.
What are we going to do?
This is what we're going to do, Rıza.
You'll sell me your two-decare parcel for a reasonable price.
But what then? They say you can't even build a cottage there.
Right, it's a cottage that cannot be built there.
But the gentleman says he will fuck up the beach.
The law is very clearly on Mr. Sami's side here.
-Oh, really? -Yes.
You don't say?
Well, then do that bam, bam magic of yours to sort things out.
Bam, bam.
A true magician!
Sami, sir, I'll handle the paperwork with Rıza.
Don't worry. You have your permit.
Yeah, just deal with all that stuff. I'm busy.
Of course.
This is lengthy, but I wrote down my dissenting opinion.
"This land is not fit for touristic development."
Here you go.
I expect an immediate apology for the audacity you exhibited just now.
Taking or giving bribes
is a sign of weakness and immorality, to say the least.
If you have to bribe an official to get your job done,
then something unlawful is going on.
Shame on you, sir.
Sami, sir, Aylin here just recited a passage
from the novel The Wren by Reşat Nuri Gültekin.
-She took me by surprise as well. -Bravo!
Well, Ms. Aylin, even at the ministry level…
Just know that I got their approval before coming here.
I'm sorry, but I will not sign your document.
I'll share my assessment with the ministry.
Come on, lady, don't do this. I won't be able to sell my land now!
Ms. Aylin, please don't be shy in terms of giving me a number.
-Let's be honest with each other. -Right.
We are all good with numbers, my dear Aylin.
We will share it in a just way.
You talk of justice?
Girl, you're a public employee. Be sensible here!
Right. Look at Rıza here.
Do you really want to upset this old man, Aylin?
So, since you are all thieves, I should join you too?
-Right. -Right.
-Take it. -I can't.
-Come on, take it! -I can't.
-Just take it! -I can't.
Take it.
To hell with this corrupt system!
Take it
I can't It's the taxpayers' money
Steal it
I can't It's the state's money
What and how I can do what with what?
Just take it That's the going rate for it
Just steal it Why all the fuss, drop it
How and with what can you make ends meet?
Steal it
I can't The poor need it
Steal it
I can't It's haram money
How and with what should I punish you?
Screw your preaching And all your blabbering
I don't have time For poor people's ramblings
Just go with the flow And I'll make it rain
The same old story It never changes
He takes care of business during lunchtime
Life is cruel
What can I say?
All you are good for Is a parable in a cabaret
Stuck-up idealist Telling us not to steal
Wrap up the dance And I'll explain it to you in length
Wrap up the dance And I'll explain it to you in detail
When things reach an impasse,
should we maybe start all over? What do you think?
How can someone make the same mistake over and over again?
Or could what they believe turn out to be true this time?
Mr. Narrator, we are all almost ready to go. So…
I just wanted to do a nice introduction for our final parable.
What parable?
This one.
Dear, I fell in love with you.
I want us to be a family and have kids. But…
-Yes, my love? -I mean…
I feel like I shouldn't mix with your folks.
But why, darling?
I don't know, he talks about sticks and guns.
I don't want to bring a child into such a dirty world.
But how can we set up an example if we give up now?
You're right.
We may not be able to be the ruling party,
but at least we'll remain as the opposition.
Okay, then.
That's what they said.
And they remained in opposition for the rest of their lives.
Brother, come on, it's getting late. People want to leave.
THE END
Subtitle translation by: Ahmedşah Bilgi