1 00:00:11,541 --> 00:00:12,791 MONTAGE INDUSTRIES LLC 2 00:00:12,875 --> 00:00:13,958 [static hissing] 3 00:00:14,041 --> 00:00:16,250 THIS STINGY LIFE 4 00:00:16,333 --> 00:00:18,333 [upbeat music playing] 5 00:00:21,875 --> 00:00:27,375 [in Turkish] ♪ Welcome, everybody What did you bring us? ♪ 6 00:00:28,250 --> 00:00:33,333 ♪ You demand the world For the price of a ticket ♪ 7 00:00:34,250 --> 00:00:39,750 ♪ Welcome, everybody What did you bring us? ♪ 8 00:00:39,833 --> 00:00:45,416 ♪ You come empty-handed, but we'll Send you off with good memories ♪ 9 00:00:45,916 --> 00:00:51,416 ♪ You come empty-handed, but we'll Send you off with good memories ♪ 10 00:00:51,916 --> 00:00:57,416 ♪ Do we have to compromise To have a little bit of laugh? ♪ 11 00:00:58,250 --> 00:01:03,125 ♪ Can we have fun and laugh all the time? Of course we can, dear ♪ 12 00:01:04,291 --> 00:01:09,333 ♪ Do we have to compromise To have a little bit of laugh? ♪ 13 00:01:10,333 --> 00:01:15,291 ♪ Can we have fun and laugh all the time? Of course we can, dear ♪ 14 00:01:16,291 --> 00:01:21,291 ♪ Be careful, hush! Life is hard And people can't be trusted ♪ 15 00:01:21,958 --> 00:01:27,583 ♪ Mankind is insatiable Ask what, why, how and for what ♪ 16 00:01:28,250 --> 00:01:33,333 ♪ When life treats you well Go for beauty ♪ 17 00:01:34,291 --> 00:01:39,541 ♪ It's already a stingy life Say it with me, such is life ♪ 18 00:01:40,208 --> 00:01:45,583 ♪ The cabaret is starting Go ahead, please have a seat ♪ 19 00:01:46,208 --> 00:01:51,166 ♪ Can we have fun and laugh all the time? Of course we can, dear ♪ 20 00:01:54,750 --> 00:01:57,958 [in English] Ladies and gentlemen, welcome. It's a pleasure to have you. 21 00:01:58,041 --> 00:02:00,291 I am your host. We're about to get started. 22 00:02:00,375 --> 00:02:03,708 At least that's what I thought. I don't see any actors here. 23 00:02:03,791 --> 00:02:05,708 I suppose I must be early. 24 00:02:05,791 --> 00:02:07,916 Erşan, stage. Erşan, stage! 25 00:02:08,000 --> 00:02:10,416 -Then we'll improvise, for God's sake. -[audience applauding] 26 00:02:10,500 --> 00:02:11,625 You called me, sir? 27 00:02:11,708 --> 00:02:13,291 Is this the Stingy Life cabaret? 28 00:02:13,375 --> 00:02:15,458 -Afraid not, we've just closed. -[audience laughs] 29 00:02:15,541 --> 00:02:18,291 Please, of course it is. Don't play dumb with these folks. 30 00:02:18,375 --> 00:02:21,416 I just thought I might be early, since there's no one else here. 31 00:02:21,500 --> 00:02:24,583 Sweetheart, we just had a truckload of people out here dancing on stage. 32 00:02:24,666 --> 00:02:25,500 How'd you miss it? 33 00:02:25,583 --> 00:02:29,375 Ah, there's been a misunderstanding, my friend. I'm the narrator of the show. 34 00:02:29,458 --> 00:02:31,958 Oh, I get it. This is a Brechtian thing. 35 00:02:32,041 --> 00:02:35,708 Okay, you don't see the dancers, like you don't see the audience, right? 36 00:02:35,791 --> 00:02:37,208 What audience? 37 00:02:37,291 --> 00:02:38,583 [chuckles] All right, enough. 38 00:02:38,666 --> 00:02:42,041 It's for all of you that we booked this venue for our premier, 39 00:02:42,125 --> 00:02:43,583 which we are filming tonight. 40 00:02:43,666 --> 00:02:45,583 Erşan, please. You're hilarious. 41 00:02:45,666 --> 00:02:47,708 You're the hilarious one. I assure you. 42 00:02:47,791 --> 00:02:51,125 In fact, I can prove that you're part of a joke this very instant. 43 00:02:51,208 --> 00:02:52,166 Why, be my guest. 44 00:02:52,250 --> 00:02:54,958 -What's the price of a loaf of bread? -It's ten lira. 45 00:02:55,041 --> 00:02:57,125 You see? That's the biggest joke of all. 46 00:02:57,208 --> 00:02:59,666 -[gasps] Well, sir. All hats off to that. -[laughs] 47 00:02:59,750 --> 00:03:01,250 -Right, folks? -[audience applauding] 48 00:03:01,333 --> 00:03:02,500 I'd better get in character. 49 00:03:02,583 --> 00:03:04,375 -Begin the narration. -Ah! 50 00:03:04,458 --> 00:03:05,458 If I asked you 51 00:03:05,541 --> 00:03:08,458 when this experiment of human society first began, 52 00:03:08,541 --> 00:03:10,041 what would you say to me? 53 00:03:10,125 --> 00:03:11,708 [speaking gibberish] 54 00:03:11,791 --> 00:03:14,625 Pardon me. Ugh! Oh! Do you smell that? 55 00:03:14,708 --> 00:03:16,916 She's asking if this is where the other tribe lives. 56 00:03:17,000 --> 00:03:18,375 Oh, of course. 57 00:03:18,458 --> 00:03:22,583 Well, then time for me to turn the stage and the show over to the actors. 58 00:03:22,666 --> 00:03:24,916 Şükran, look. I see a cave right over there. 59 00:03:25,000 --> 00:03:26,208 This must be the place. 60 00:03:27,791 --> 00:03:29,541 Abraham, I'm begging you. 61 00:03:29,625 --> 00:03:32,166 -Listen to me. Don't embarrass the girl. -Hey! 62 00:03:32,250 --> 00:03:34,750 Really, Dad, can't I marry this boy already? 63 00:03:34,833 --> 00:03:35,958 I've waited long enough. 64 00:03:36,041 --> 00:03:39,458 You don't understand, Çakıl. This is the way we do things right now. 65 00:03:39,541 --> 00:03:43,000 Can you stop with the traditions already? You're giving me goose bumps. 66 00:03:43,083 --> 00:03:46,583 -And totally creeping me out. -You say that because we just invented it. 67 00:03:46,666 --> 00:03:48,958 Oh, hello, there. 68 00:03:49,041 --> 00:03:53,083 Or should I say "graugh." I don't know if you people use language yet. 69 00:03:53,166 --> 00:03:55,416 Sir, I'm Kenan Mızraklı. 70 00:03:55,500 --> 00:03:58,958 My wife Melisa Mızraklı. You can guess Junior's last name. 71 00:03:59,041 --> 00:04:00,375 Mızraklı. [laughs] 72 00:04:00,458 --> 00:04:01,708 Please, sit. 73 00:04:01,791 --> 00:04:04,916 Of course. Wow, see this, honey? They have stones as furniture. Nice. 74 00:04:05,000 --> 00:04:07,125 -They must be a really advanced tribe. -[Kenan] Ah. 75 00:04:07,208 --> 00:04:08,625 You're Mr. Torrrak, correct? 76 00:04:08,708 --> 00:04:12,333 Yes, that's right. Torrrak. With three rolled Rs. 77 00:04:12,416 --> 00:04:14,625 As I always say, what's in a name? 78 00:04:14,708 --> 00:04:17,250 No, sir, I'm Torrrak Anaerkil. 79 00:04:17,333 --> 00:04:20,916 My wife Şükran Anaerkil, and she's Çakıl Anaerkil. 80 00:04:21,000 --> 00:04:22,375 Hunters or gatherers? 81 00:04:22,458 --> 00:04:23,875 We are gatherers, sir. 82 00:04:23,958 --> 00:04:26,875 We're prehistoric hippies from Middle Anatolia. 83 00:04:26,958 --> 00:04:30,500 We may look rough around the edges, and I promise, our daughter is too. 84 00:04:30,583 --> 00:04:32,625 I never laugh at jokes about women. 85 00:04:32,708 --> 00:04:34,750 -Oh, why not? -It's not worth the risk. 86 00:04:34,833 --> 00:04:38,041 -Ah. -Hello, there, ma'am. How are you? 87 00:04:38,125 --> 00:04:41,666 -[growls] -[laughs] She doesn't really do talking. 88 00:04:41,750 --> 00:04:42,875 How do you communicate? 89 00:04:42,958 --> 00:04:45,041 Oh, you know, I just shake her around. 90 00:04:45,125 --> 00:04:48,041 My son too. He loves it. He loves a good shove. [laughs] 91 00:04:48,125 --> 00:04:49,375 Oh, my God. 92 00:04:49,458 --> 00:04:52,375 My wife can speak, although sometimes I wish she couldn't. 93 00:04:52,458 --> 00:04:54,125 [laughing] 94 00:04:54,208 --> 00:04:57,208 Here, sir, I've gathered these fruits for the engagement. 95 00:04:57,291 --> 00:05:00,750 -We're carnivores. Ever since we got fire. -Fire. It's great. 96 00:05:00,833 --> 00:05:03,666 If we agree on this girl, now does that make her my aunt? 97 00:05:03,750 --> 00:05:06,208 -Your sister-in-law. If we agree. -Right. We just invented that. 98 00:05:06,291 --> 00:05:08,833 Is it true your tribe has been starting agriculture? 99 00:05:08,916 --> 00:05:11,375 You know tilling soil, stuff like that? 100 00:05:11,458 --> 00:05:13,416 We just built our first hedge and fence. 101 00:05:13,500 --> 00:05:14,958 Fucking pain in the ass. 102 00:05:15,041 --> 00:05:17,791 We're a matriarchal tribe, so forgive me for swearing, ladies. 103 00:05:17,875 --> 00:05:20,791 And, Torrrak, how much did you pay for natural gas last month? 104 00:05:20,875 --> 00:05:23,125 Well, they haven't installed fire in our cave yet. 105 00:05:23,208 --> 00:05:24,958 -My boys could do that. -[Junior] Uh-huh. 106 00:05:25,041 --> 00:05:26,958 Guaranteed heat as far as the mouth of the cave. 107 00:05:27,916 --> 00:05:30,041 -Yeah. -Our friends had it installed. 108 00:05:30,125 --> 00:05:32,541 But they don't check the meter. They write random numbers in. 109 00:05:32,625 --> 00:05:34,583 -Dad, this hottie is really something. -She is. 110 00:05:34,666 --> 00:05:36,958 "Hottie." Did you hear that? I just made that up. 111 00:05:37,041 --> 00:05:38,625 [Kenan] We'll call her that. 112 00:05:38,708 --> 00:05:40,333 Hottie, yeah. Hottie, that's a great word. 113 00:05:40,416 --> 00:05:42,791 Sir, my dad is being shy, so I'll say it. 114 00:05:42,875 --> 00:05:45,416 Your son and I met down by the creek, 115 00:05:45,500 --> 00:05:46,791 and it was love at first sight. 116 00:05:46,875 --> 00:05:51,125 I mean, really, it was just-- well, not exactly civilized, 117 00:05:51,208 --> 00:05:53,250 but whatever. You know what I mean. 118 00:05:53,333 --> 00:05:55,583 We knew in that moment we should be together. 119 00:05:55,666 --> 00:05:58,166 Wow, Torrrak, that girl of yours sure can talk. 120 00:05:58,250 --> 00:05:59,083 It's incredible. 121 00:05:59,166 --> 00:06:01,500 She can, yeah. It's like we're family already. 122 00:06:01,583 --> 00:06:02,875 One big happy group. 123 00:06:02,958 --> 00:06:05,333 And she gathered all this fruit. So she works. 124 00:06:05,416 --> 00:06:07,708 -She works in the field. -Well, not anymore. 125 00:06:07,791 --> 00:06:10,625 Since she'll mainly be working at night from now on. 126 00:06:10,708 --> 00:06:11,750 Oh, my God. 127 00:06:11,833 --> 00:06:12,666 Not with me. 128 00:06:12,750 --> 00:06:15,541 Torrrak, what have you done? These people are savages. 129 00:06:15,625 --> 00:06:18,583 -No way! Shh! Shh! -What would she do if she didn't work? 130 00:06:18,666 --> 00:06:20,916 That's right. I can't just sit around in the cave all day. 131 00:06:21,000 --> 00:06:23,541 Honestly, sweetheart. That's our whole thing. 132 00:06:23,625 --> 00:06:25,208 -Obviously. -Ah! 133 00:06:25,291 --> 00:06:27,000 -Hey, Caner, come here. -Hello, Çakıl. 134 00:06:27,083 --> 00:06:28,833 Son, what the hell is that? 135 00:06:28,916 --> 00:06:31,750 Check out the balls on this young man. [laughs] 136 00:06:31,833 --> 00:06:35,458 That bodes very well for the future. [laughing] 137 00:06:35,541 --> 00:06:37,833 -This is great, yeah. -I know what you're thinking. 138 00:06:37,916 --> 00:06:39,125 He takes after his dear mother. 139 00:06:39,208 --> 00:06:41,875 -He looks like her. Yeah, I can see it. -[Kenan] Hey, Caner, son. 140 00:06:41,958 --> 00:06:43,791 This is Torrrak and his wife Şükran. 141 00:06:43,875 --> 00:06:46,000 They want you to marry their darling daughter. 142 00:06:46,083 --> 00:06:48,708 -Yeah, I know, Dad. They're wonderful. -[laughing] 143 00:06:48,791 --> 00:06:51,208 An amazing tribe that bakes incredible bread. 144 00:06:51,291 --> 00:06:54,083 -Torrrak, show Dad the bread. -Oh, son, let's not get excited. 145 00:06:54,166 --> 00:06:55,708 It's "almost-bread," at best. 146 00:06:55,791 --> 00:06:58,416 My doctor just told me, "Stop eating bread." 147 00:06:58,500 --> 00:06:59,916 -But I see you haven't. -No. 148 00:07:00,000 --> 00:07:02,958 -Obviously. -We used to call it "bre-bre," right? 149 00:07:03,041 --> 00:07:05,583 -Bre-bre. Later, it became bread. -[splutters] Yeah. Bre-- bre-- 150 00:07:05,666 --> 00:07:07,208 How-- how do you say it? Bre… 151 00:07:07,291 --> 00:07:08,458 -Bre-bre! -There you go. 152 00:07:08,541 --> 00:07:09,916 [laughing] 153 00:07:10,000 --> 00:07:14,041 Anyway, if I may say, in the fire of love and in the spirit of the wind, 154 00:07:14,125 --> 00:07:16,625 I'm asking your permission to have your son, sir. 155 00:07:16,708 --> 00:07:19,333 -Baby, wait a minute. Wait a minute. -Oh, Daddy! 156 00:07:19,416 --> 00:07:22,000 Well, then, there's something called the marriage pact. 157 00:07:22,083 --> 00:07:23,500 Son, run and get my tablet. 158 00:07:23,583 --> 00:07:25,208 -Get it. -You're gonna love it. 159 00:07:25,291 --> 00:07:28,625 This is written down, so everything is recorded. 160 00:07:28,708 --> 00:07:32,041 All right, so once you hand over the girl, 161 00:07:32,125 --> 00:07:34,750 all of your, uh, your fields, your harrows, 162 00:07:34,833 --> 00:07:37,875 any land you own, all of that will belong to us. 163 00:07:37,958 --> 00:07:38,833 Why is that? 164 00:07:38,916 --> 00:07:40,166 Well, it's a simple trade. 165 00:07:40,250 --> 00:07:42,000 -Your son is simple? -Isn't he? 166 00:07:42,083 --> 00:07:45,375 Really, Dad, what would we do with the land they cultivate? 167 00:07:45,458 --> 00:07:47,166 I don't even wanna be a farmer. 168 00:07:47,250 --> 00:07:49,875 You see? The boy's simple. My father would never tell a lie. 169 00:07:49,958 --> 00:07:51,916 Çakıl, baby. What do you think? 170 00:07:52,000 --> 00:07:55,625 Come on, let's get out of here, Dad. This is totally uncivilized. How dare you! 171 00:07:55,708 --> 00:07:58,625 Wait a minute, little girl. I have some words for you. 172 00:07:58,708 --> 00:08:00,000 Junior, let's go. 173 00:08:01,458 --> 00:08:03,458 [upbeat music playing] 174 00:08:14,208 --> 00:08:17,125 [in Turkish] ♪ We just started walking upright ♪ 175 00:08:17,208 --> 00:08:20,041 ♪ But we figured it out all right ♪ 176 00:08:20,125 --> 00:08:25,416 ♪ Since stick does the job We believe in the stick ♪ 177 00:08:26,250 --> 00:08:31,875 ♪ Working the fields and land I'm not doing any of that ♪ 178 00:08:31,958 --> 00:08:37,416 ♪ We have the sticks and the spears We are brutes and have all the money ♪ 179 00:08:38,125 --> 00:08:43,750 ♪ Dad, please have some decency Humans should be civil, you see ♪ 180 00:08:43,833 --> 00:08:48,958 ♪ It's in bad taste, talking about a stick It's really not what makes me tick ♪ 181 00:08:50,166 --> 00:08:53,166 ♪ I can also take part in this song ♪ 182 00:08:53,250 --> 00:08:56,083 ♪ Or decide to abstain ♪ 183 00:08:56,166 --> 00:09:01,250 ♪ What would I do if I wielded the stick? That's really what makes me think ♪ 184 00:09:02,250 --> 00:09:08,166 ♪ Why am I here? I'm delicate and frail ♪ 185 00:09:08,250 --> 00:09:14,083 ♪ Sweetie, life with them would be hard But so would it be elsewhere ♪ 186 00:09:14,166 --> 00:09:17,125 ♪ Look at the stick we invented As if that's what we needed ♪ 187 00:09:17,208 --> 00:09:20,208 ♪ Guns and cannons are a long way off ♪ 188 00:09:20,291 --> 00:09:25,333 ♪ Stop being so naive You need the stick to turn the wheel ♪ 189 00:09:26,000 --> 00:09:28,333 ♪ You need the stick to turn the wheel ♪ 190 00:09:29,250 --> 00:09:31,208 ♪ I don't know, I'll stay out of this ♪ 191 00:09:32,166 --> 00:09:34,208 ♪ You need the stick to turn the wheel ♪ 192 00:09:35,333 --> 00:09:37,166 ♪ You need the stick to turn the wheel ♪ 193 00:09:38,125 --> 00:09:40,416 ♪ I don't know, I'll stay out of this ♪ 194 00:09:41,000 --> 00:09:43,291 [singing in French] 195 00:09:49,416 --> 00:09:51,416 [audience applauding] 196 00:09:51,500 --> 00:09:53,458 [in English] And so Çakıl couldn't resist. 197 00:09:53,541 --> 00:09:56,291 All it took was a couple of wild beast attacks 198 00:09:56,375 --> 00:10:00,000 and then stones, sticks and spears were sought after by all. 199 00:10:00,083 --> 00:10:02,583 Our ancestors started out as a family. 200 00:10:02,666 --> 00:10:05,916 And besides the club, they had lots and lots of other inventions. 201 00:10:06,458 --> 00:10:09,500 Amazing things, like painting and sculpture. 202 00:10:09,583 --> 00:10:11,916 Things like poetry and philosophy. 203 00:10:12,000 --> 00:10:15,875 Although for all their know-how, the club has been the most popular. 204 00:10:15,958 --> 00:10:17,791 It's been behind power-changing hands 205 00:10:17,875 --> 00:10:19,958 and nice things getting worse. 206 00:10:20,041 --> 00:10:21,916 Ah! Tribes became cities. 207 00:10:22,000 --> 00:10:25,208 Cities became kingdoms, and emperors ruled. 208 00:10:25,291 --> 00:10:28,625 Believe it or not, at some point, we even had democracy. 209 00:10:28,708 --> 00:10:30,666 Demos versus Kratos. 210 00:10:33,666 --> 00:10:35,208 Ah, greetings, citizen. 211 00:10:35,750 --> 00:10:36,625 Can I help you? 212 00:10:37,416 --> 00:10:39,875 I'm a new senator. This is the cafeteria? 213 00:10:39,958 --> 00:10:42,416 Oh, yes, welcome, master. Have a seat, please. 214 00:10:42,500 --> 00:10:44,416 No, not master. Just senator. 215 00:10:45,041 --> 00:10:47,750 -Ah. Uh, well, senator. -[clears throat] 216 00:10:47,833 --> 00:10:50,916 Uh, the soup here is excellent. It's one coin. 217 00:10:51,000 --> 00:10:53,833 -Or there's a whole lamb, also a coin. -Sorry. 218 00:10:54,666 --> 00:10:58,041 How could a whole lamb cost a coin? It's 25 coins on the market. 219 00:10:58,708 --> 00:11:01,000 I get it, senator. You're excited because you're new. 220 00:11:01,083 --> 00:11:02,458 It's okay. You'll get used to it. 221 00:11:02,541 --> 00:11:05,083 Uh, something on the side, sir? That's just a coin as well. 222 00:11:05,166 --> 00:11:06,000 How's this possible? 223 00:11:06,083 --> 00:11:07,791 I'll tell you what's really odd. 224 00:11:07,875 --> 00:11:10,125 If you get it all and top it off with ice cream 225 00:11:10,208 --> 00:11:11,833 or milk pudding or whatever 226 00:11:11,916 --> 00:11:14,666 and add it together, it's still just a coin. It's true. 227 00:11:14,750 --> 00:11:16,791 That's the part I still don't get. 228 00:11:16,875 --> 00:11:19,375 Well, then. We'll start with a bowl of soup. 229 00:11:19,458 --> 00:11:23,500 -Oh, here, take this feather. -No, I don't plan to eat that much. 230 00:11:23,583 --> 00:11:25,958 You will, senator. I'm sure you will. [laughs] 231 00:11:26,583 --> 00:11:28,208 A bowl of soup for the big shot! 232 00:11:28,791 --> 00:11:30,833 This can't be right. I'm making a note. 233 00:11:30,916 --> 00:11:32,291 Something needs to change, 234 00:11:32,375 --> 00:11:35,208 Either the market price should go down or the price here should go up. 235 00:11:35,291 --> 00:11:36,166 I've gotta fix this. 236 00:11:36,250 --> 00:11:37,875 [laughing] 237 00:11:37,958 --> 00:11:39,666 That was incredible. 238 00:11:39,750 --> 00:11:41,666 Claudius, tell him. How many people were there? 239 00:11:41,750 --> 00:11:44,916 -50,000? 50,000 at least. My God. -50,000 at least. 240 00:11:45,000 --> 00:11:46,666 I go in the Colosseum, 241 00:11:46,750 --> 00:11:49,875 and there are banners under the emperor's coat of arms. 242 00:11:49,958 --> 00:11:52,708 Everyone had these headbands with my name Arturias. 243 00:11:52,791 --> 00:11:55,541 -Chanting, "Arturias, Arturias!" -"Arturias!" 244 00:11:55,625 --> 00:11:57,208 It was incredible. Tell him, man. 245 00:11:57,291 --> 00:12:00,000 You should have been there. You should have seen this happen. 246 00:12:00,083 --> 00:12:02,958 There was this quartet of boys playing the horn like… 247 00:12:03,041 --> 00:12:04,250 [imitates fanfare] 248 00:12:04,333 --> 00:12:05,666 You had to see it to believe. 249 00:12:05,750 --> 00:12:06,958 I addressed the crowd, 250 00:12:07,041 --> 00:12:09,125 "Will any of you allow these banners to be torn down?" 251 00:12:09,208 --> 00:12:10,625 -"Never!" -"Never," they said. 252 00:12:10,708 --> 00:12:11,833 They'll buy anything. 253 00:12:11,916 --> 00:12:14,916 I said Rome will be the capital of fashion when I'm through. 254 00:12:15,000 --> 00:12:17,666 They all looked around with this look on their faces. [laughing] 255 00:12:17,750 --> 00:12:20,791 Well done. That's exactly what I told them in Milan. 256 00:12:20,875 --> 00:12:24,875 I told them that before long they'll be calling Milan the Paris of the East. 257 00:12:24,958 --> 00:12:26,708 You see? They believe it. Really. 258 00:12:26,791 --> 00:12:30,666 -Garçon, get us some feathers over here. -[laughing] 259 00:12:30,750 --> 00:12:33,250 -We just ate. -I'll take that. 260 00:12:33,750 --> 00:12:35,375 Here, son, give me the wine. 261 00:12:35,458 --> 00:12:36,666 -Here, sir. -That's a good boy. 262 00:12:37,166 --> 00:12:41,416 Uh, master, thanks to you, that thing of mine was sorted out. 263 00:12:41,500 --> 00:12:44,041 It was nothing, son. No need to thank me for that. 264 00:12:44,125 --> 00:12:45,375 -[chuckles] -It was nothing. 265 00:12:45,458 --> 00:12:48,583 His brother wanted to join the gladiator school at the Colosseum, 266 00:12:48,666 --> 00:12:50,583 so we helped him out. That's what he means. 267 00:12:50,666 --> 00:12:53,083 -Thank you, master. -[Claudius] How's the boy? 268 00:12:53,166 --> 00:12:55,583 Is the little fighter doing okay? Is he all right? 269 00:12:55,666 --> 00:12:58,583 -He was eaten, master. The lions ate him. -Oh. 270 00:12:58,666 --> 00:13:00,708 There was pretty much nothing left. 271 00:13:00,791 --> 00:13:03,083 But really, master, it's fine. I'll be right back. 272 00:13:03,166 --> 00:13:05,125 My God, the kid was 45 kilos, 273 00:13:05,208 --> 00:13:08,041 but they insisted he be a gladiator. Look what happened. 274 00:13:08,125 --> 00:13:10,291 I tell ya, everyone wants to talk about merit 275 00:13:10,375 --> 00:13:12,375 until it has to do with them. [laughs] 276 00:13:12,458 --> 00:13:14,791 Look, here. That Kratos is fine in my book, 277 00:13:14,875 --> 00:13:17,125 but that Demos, well, clearly he's just an asshole. 278 00:13:17,208 --> 00:13:20,166 The other day my peasant comes up to me and says, 279 00:13:20,250 --> 00:13:23,166 "Please, master, just pull some strings so I can become the emperor." 280 00:13:23,250 --> 00:13:26,250 How fucking messed up is that, Arturias? [laughs] 281 00:13:26,333 --> 00:13:28,416 -Anyway, let's not talk too much. -Yes. 282 00:13:28,500 --> 00:13:31,250 We might have a commoner here. Watch yourselves. 283 00:13:31,333 --> 00:13:32,666 Hail Mighty Caesar! 284 00:13:32,750 --> 00:13:34,333 -I don't think he's one of us. -Yeah. 285 00:13:34,416 --> 00:13:36,708 Greetings. I'm Saphocles. 286 00:13:36,791 --> 00:13:39,833 I was elected with 70% in a small village across town. 287 00:13:39,916 --> 00:13:41,583 It's my first day, and I'm excited. 288 00:13:41,666 --> 00:13:45,708 Congratulations. Tell me, is it "Sophocles" like the Sophocles? 289 00:13:45,791 --> 00:13:47,500 No, it's Saphocles. With an A. 290 00:13:47,583 --> 00:13:50,083 -"No "O." It's spelled with an "A." -Is it really? [laughs] 291 00:13:50,166 --> 00:13:53,958 This kid's being cocky now. "Mine is with an A." A total douchebag. 292 00:13:54,041 --> 00:13:56,416 Garçon, two full lambs for the table. 293 00:13:56,500 --> 00:13:57,541 Tiberius, lamb? 294 00:13:57,625 --> 00:14:00,208 No, man, if I have one more bite, I'm gonna shit myself. 295 00:14:00,291 --> 00:14:03,166 Shit yourself then. It's fine. Shit yourself! Come on! 296 00:14:03,250 --> 00:14:06,250 Bon appétit. Although, I must say I'm shocked at these prices. 297 00:14:06,333 --> 00:14:08,500 Look, kiddo, we all voted for these prices. 298 00:14:08,583 --> 00:14:10,708 -They asked us, and democracy spoke. -Yeah. 299 00:14:10,791 --> 00:14:12,333 [Claudius] Why is he coming for us? 300 00:14:12,416 --> 00:14:13,500 Yeah, he's opposing us. 301 00:14:13,583 --> 00:14:16,750 Is he the opposition? I think he's on the other side. 302 00:14:16,833 --> 00:14:18,458 [clears throat] May I join your group? 303 00:14:18,541 --> 00:14:20,000 -Yes, of course. -Yeah, sure. 304 00:14:20,083 --> 00:14:23,166 Look, I think the prices in this restaurant are lower than they should be. 305 00:14:23,250 --> 00:14:25,500 Besides, you seem well-off already. 306 00:14:25,583 --> 00:14:28,958 Later today, I will introduce a motion on the floor of the Senate 307 00:14:29,041 --> 00:14:30,416 to do something about this. 308 00:14:30,500 --> 00:14:31,416 Yeah, right, pussy. 309 00:14:31,500 --> 00:14:32,375 I'm sorry. 310 00:14:32,458 --> 00:14:35,958 What my colleague means is you need more than speeches to get something done. 311 00:14:36,041 --> 00:14:37,291 -You need balls. -[laughing] 312 00:14:37,875 --> 00:14:39,416 What's that got to do with anything? 313 00:14:39,500 --> 00:14:42,125 I mean, honestly, I wasn't really listening to you. 314 00:14:42,208 --> 00:14:44,125 I just blurted that out. 315 00:14:44,208 --> 00:14:46,208 Sometimes I tend to go off-script as well. 316 00:14:46,291 --> 00:14:48,875 -It happens, you know. -It happens. Yeah, it happens. 317 00:14:48,958 --> 00:14:51,291 If you would support me in the senate today, 318 00:14:51,375 --> 00:14:54,375 I'd like to give a speech and ask the members to carry a motion 319 00:14:54,458 --> 00:14:56,166 on the equality of men and women. 320 00:14:56,250 --> 00:14:59,583 And also, there's the animal rights issue going on at the arena. 321 00:14:59,666 --> 00:15:01,458 What do those lions eat anyway? 322 00:15:01,541 --> 00:15:03,583 -What do they eat? -Obviously not lamb, sir. 323 00:15:03,666 --> 00:15:06,583 -Wow, wow, wow! [laughing] -He was looking right at me. [laughing] 324 00:15:06,666 --> 00:15:08,916 My boy, are you a representative for the citizens of Rome, 325 00:15:09,000 --> 00:15:10,625 or are you a zoo manager? 326 00:15:10,708 --> 00:15:13,916 Oh, no, let me check him out. Let me take a look at this young man's physique. 327 00:15:14,000 --> 00:15:17,083 Oh, yes, it's exactly as I thought. No immunity. [laughing] 328 00:15:17,166 --> 00:15:19,583 Well, look at that. You're not untouchable. 329 00:15:19,666 --> 00:15:22,291 Sapo, you better watch your ass, kid. 330 00:15:22,375 --> 00:15:24,333 You think we were born yesterday? 331 00:15:24,416 --> 00:15:28,125 I mean, if you try rallying any of these people, then you're fucked, huh? 332 00:15:28,208 --> 00:15:30,125 Is that right? Well, we'll see. 333 00:15:30,208 --> 00:15:32,125 You'll give a speech? In the market, I imagine. 334 00:15:32,208 --> 00:15:35,500 -That's right. -Tiberius, set a rally in the market. 335 00:15:35,583 --> 00:15:37,458 -Understood. -So, you have to pay them off. 336 00:15:37,541 --> 00:15:38,541 It's called grease, kid. 337 00:15:38,625 --> 00:15:41,000 How else do you think we could get people to come? 338 00:15:41,083 --> 00:15:43,000 Today, I will face my fellow citizens 339 00:15:43,083 --> 00:15:45,583 and give them all the unvarnished truth, sirs. 340 00:15:45,666 --> 00:15:49,666 That the empire that gave us Marcus Aurelius, gave us Cicero, 341 00:15:49,750 --> 00:15:52,041 has fallen into the hands of petty gamblers like you. 342 00:15:52,125 --> 00:15:53,041 You're serious? 343 00:15:53,125 --> 00:15:54,875 -[Arturias] You'll be at the market? -I will. 344 00:15:54,958 --> 00:15:57,250 If you don't, I'll shove a Roman spear up your ass. 345 00:15:57,333 --> 00:15:58,625 -[laughing] -I'll be there. 346 00:15:58,708 --> 00:16:00,916 -You will, huh? You'll be at the market? -Yes. I will. 347 00:16:01,000 --> 00:16:04,458 -Do you have the balls, kid? Do you? -Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah! 348 00:16:04,541 --> 00:16:06,166 We'll be waiting at the market. Go on. 349 00:16:08,833 --> 00:16:11,208 All right, Romans, may I have your attention? 350 00:16:11,291 --> 00:16:13,083 Shut up. Shut the fuck up! 351 00:16:13,166 --> 00:16:14,750 A senator is addressing you. 352 00:16:14,833 --> 00:16:16,875 You start, warm 'em up. 353 00:16:16,958 --> 00:16:22,041 ♪ Come on, Romans Come on, Romans, hear it ♪ 354 00:16:22,125 --> 00:16:25,833 ♪ Take the ball straight down the field And win it ♪ 355 00:16:25,916 --> 00:16:27,583 My fellow Romans. 356 00:16:27,666 --> 00:16:30,708 I say to you whoever you call mom, 357 00:16:31,208 --> 00:16:32,833 whoever you call "Dad," 358 00:16:32,916 --> 00:16:35,125 whoever your true fathers are, 359 00:16:35,208 --> 00:16:37,791 our mother is the Queen Demeter. 360 00:16:37,875 --> 00:16:39,833 Our dear father is Jupiter. 361 00:16:39,916 --> 00:16:42,041 And what do our ancestors say? 362 00:16:42,125 --> 00:16:44,458 That we must love and be loved. 363 00:16:44,541 --> 00:16:47,166 Because this world is only temporary. 364 00:16:47,250 --> 00:16:49,375 [all] Bravo! 365 00:16:49,458 --> 00:16:50,541 [Arturias] Allow me. 366 00:16:51,250 --> 00:16:52,583 My brothers and sisters. 367 00:16:52,666 --> 00:16:55,166 In truth, everything we have belongs to you. 368 00:16:55,250 --> 00:16:58,166 We have nothing for ourselves, nor do we ask for more. 369 00:16:58,250 --> 00:17:00,833 I'm not even wearing underwear right now. 370 00:17:00,916 --> 00:17:02,416 Everything is for Rome. 371 00:17:02,500 --> 00:17:04,250 Listen, dear people, 372 00:17:04,333 --> 00:17:07,041 Claudius, our beloved senator is starting 373 00:17:07,125 --> 00:17:08,750 a group in the senate 374 00:17:08,833 --> 00:17:10,750 in which we will continue to serve. 375 00:17:10,833 --> 00:17:14,041 -Yes! Like love, it's better in a group. -We're in. 376 00:17:14,125 --> 00:17:16,000 On behalf of all physicians, 377 00:17:16,083 --> 00:17:20,041 we haven't heard one word from the senate about benefits for the doctors. 378 00:17:20,125 --> 00:17:21,750 Where are the coins for our pensions? 379 00:17:21,833 --> 00:17:23,000 -You. -Yes. Your turn, kid. 380 00:17:23,083 --> 00:17:25,541 -This is your area. -You have the floor, make your speech. 381 00:17:25,625 --> 00:17:26,583 Well, um, you know, 382 00:17:26,666 --> 00:17:29,958 I say the doctors are absolutely right with their demands. 383 00:17:30,041 --> 00:17:31,333 -We should, um… -Yes. 384 00:17:31,416 --> 00:17:33,291 -Can you repeat the question? -See, he blew it. 385 00:17:33,375 --> 00:17:35,250 Just save your breath. We've heard enough. 386 00:17:35,333 --> 00:17:38,166 I'm turning in my medical pelt. I'm outta here. 387 00:17:38,250 --> 00:17:41,041 -Yeah, go on. Go on. Get out of here. -[crowd booing] 388 00:17:41,125 --> 00:17:44,125 -It's too loud. I can't hear-- -Excuse me. Two questions. 389 00:17:44,208 --> 00:17:46,125 Is that group you mentioned an orgy? 390 00:17:46,208 --> 00:17:48,541 And if so, then how can we participate? 391 00:17:48,625 --> 00:17:50,875 Great question. We've petitioned the cities, 392 00:17:50,958 --> 00:17:53,041 and they've all agreed to set aside some land 393 00:17:53,125 --> 00:17:56,791 for the people to do each other or themselves, you know, whatever else. 394 00:17:56,875 --> 00:17:58,916 Right, the government should just stay out of it. 395 00:17:59,000 --> 00:18:01,083 We'll leave those decisions up to you. 396 00:18:01,166 --> 00:18:02,375 As I said, 397 00:18:02,458 --> 00:18:06,166 "The people can fuck themselves better than we can." 398 00:18:06,250 --> 00:18:08,708 [cheering] 399 00:18:08,791 --> 00:18:12,083 Hey, wait a minute. The people must have other questions. 400 00:18:12,166 --> 00:18:14,458 Ask me about our plans for public spending. 401 00:18:14,541 --> 00:18:17,333 Or about our policy to deal with the high cost of living. 402 00:18:17,416 --> 00:18:18,250 Back it up. 403 00:18:18,333 --> 00:18:21,333 -Just shut up already. -There are citizens dying of hunger. 404 00:18:21,416 --> 00:18:24,833 Does that mean a Roman should eat rocks? Should he eat rocks? 405 00:18:24,916 --> 00:18:27,208 -Bravo! -Bravo! Bravo! 406 00:18:27,291 --> 00:18:30,291 To the vampires who want to suck our blood, just try it. 407 00:18:30,375 --> 00:18:31,458 You just try it. 408 00:18:31,541 --> 00:18:34,166 -Yeah! That's right. That's right! -[all] That's right. That's right! 409 00:18:34,250 --> 00:18:35,500 -That's right! -Oh! 410 00:18:35,583 --> 00:18:38,875 -If you're so jealous of us, suck on this. -Yeah, come suck on this! 411 00:18:38,958 --> 00:18:41,791 Right, and whoever is jealous of us, 412 00:18:41,875 --> 00:18:45,750 I hope that big spiders crawl right up your ass. 413 00:18:45,833 --> 00:18:48,000 -Yeah! -Like the Germans. 414 00:18:48,083 --> 00:18:50,125 The Germans, yes. Those bastards! 415 00:18:50,208 --> 00:18:52,375 -Always jealous of us. We'll show them. -Yes. 416 00:18:52,458 --> 00:18:54,708 -We're gonna show the Germans who's boss! -We'll show 'em! 417 00:18:54,791 --> 00:18:56,125 -That's right. -[laughs] 418 00:18:56,208 --> 00:18:58,500 Wait a minute. We're not done yet. Listen to me, listen. 419 00:18:58,583 --> 00:19:00,666 I wish to say something concerning women's rights. 420 00:19:00,750 --> 00:19:02,375 I don't need your rights. 421 00:19:02,458 --> 00:19:05,083 I'm a senator's wife. I'm fine. 422 00:19:05,166 --> 00:19:07,625 -All right, kid, get back. Come on, move! -Get off the stage. 423 00:19:07,708 --> 00:19:09,875 -Citizens of Rome. -[laughing] 424 00:19:09,958 --> 00:19:14,375 The president of the women's commission, Tiberius, will say a few words. 425 00:19:14,458 --> 00:19:16,666 -I'm on the women's commission? -Yeah, the lady-problems. 426 00:19:16,750 --> 00:19:18,500 Women of Rome, I promise to deal 427 00:19:18,583 --> 00:19:21,250 with each and every one of your problems personally. 428 00:19:21,333 --> 00:19:25,166 -You have my word. I swear I'll-- -[loud thud] 429 00:19:25,250 --> 00:19:27,666 All hail Cornelius the Third! 430 00:19:29,041 --> 00:19:32,000 [crowd cheering] 431 00:19:34,750 --> 00:19:35,708 Well. 432 00:19:36,208 --> 00:19:39,541 Arturias, I didn't see you at the baths last night, my friend. 433 00:19:39,625 --> 00:19:41,750 I was there, Your Majesty, a bit lower down. 434 00:19:41,833 --> 00:19:44,416 -I waved, but you didn't see me. -[laughing] 435 00:19:44,500 --> 00:19:46,250 And how are you, dear Claudius? 436 00:19:46,333 --> 00:19:47,708 Very well, Your Majesty. 437 00:19:47,791 --> 00:19:50,583 Import, export, you know, we're getting by. [laughs] 438 00:19:50,666 --> 00:19:53,666 I have closed a deal with the Persians to export clouds. 439 00:19:53,750 --> 00:19:56,000 Look, sir, you see that. There go some of them now. 440 00:19:56,083 --> 00:19:57,500 -What are the chances? -[laughing] 441 00:19:57,583 --> 00:20:01,541 Very good, but what are you doing here? Are you trying to start a revolt or what? 442 00:20:01,625 --> 00:20:04,500 No, no, Your Majesty. We're just letting the people blow off some steam. 443 00:20:04,583 --> 00:20:05,833 Blow off steam, huh? 444 00:20:06,500 --> 00:20:07,458 All right. 445 00:20:08,166 --> 00:20:11,916 Dear Romans, how have you been doing, huh? 446 00:20:12,000 --> 00:20:16,000 [all chanting] So good, so good, so good. 447 00:20:16,083 --> 00:20:17,291 People of Rome, 448 00:20:17,375 --> 00:20:21,208 I can tell you're all extremely satisfied with my performance 449 00:20:21,291 --> 00:20:22,541 from all your praise. 450 00:20:22,625 --> 00:20:26,333 So, allow me to say something perfectly clearly to you. 451 00:20:26,416 --> 00:20:29,208 People, the reason Rome is singing my praises, 452 00:20:29,291 --> 00:20:31,583 celebrating and appreciating me 453 00:20:31,666 --> 00:20:34,333 is because I have taken the empire forward. 454 00:20:34,416 --> 00:20:38,416 I challenge you to find a single Roman who lacks anything. 455 00:20:38,500 --> 00:20:42,208 You can't because my officials know what they're doing. 456 00:20:42,291 --> 00:20:44,375 Oh, I see a freshman senator. 457 00:20:44,458 --> 00:20:46,875 Come here. Tell me what's on your mind. 458 00:20:46,958 --> 00:20:50,291 Mighty Emperor, I had some ideas written down. 459 00:20:50,375 --> 00:20:53,333 However, I failed to impress a majority in the senate. 460 00:20:53,416 --> 00:20:56,000 So I hope to join a group with these good men. 461 00:20:56,083 --> 00:20:59,083 Oh, yes, a group has its advantages. Good for you. 462 00:20:59,166 --> 00:21:02,833 Well done. Don't try to do it alone. A group is the way to go. Bravo. 463 00:21:02,916 --> 00:21:04,166 -A group man. -Right. 464 00:21:04,250 --> 00:21:06,083 -[laughing] -All right, then. 465 00:21:06,166 --> 00:21:07,666 Oh, doctor. You're back. 466 00:21:07,750 --> 00:21:10,250 -[laughing] -I forgot that all roads lead to Rome. 467 00:21:10,333 --> 00:21:12,791 -Yeah, told you so, didn't I? -[laughing] 468 00:21:12,875 --> 00:21:14,500 I told you she'd be back. 469 00:21:14,583 --> 00:21:17,458 Friends, Romans, et cetera, put a tape in the stereo, 470 00:21:17,541 --> 00:21:19,083 and let's have some fun. 471 00:21:19,166 --> 00:21:22,333 [upbeat music playing] 472 00:21:31,166 --> 00:21:34,208 [in Turkish] ♪ They charge for air And water and always swindle ♪ 473 00:21:34,291 --> 00:21:37,125 ♪ You can break the piggy bank But it won't be enough ♪ 474 00:21:37,208 --> 00:21:40,208 ♪ People at the top all began to rob ♪ 475 00:21:40,291 --> 00:21:43,166 ♪ What do you say, brother? It won't change ♪ 476 00:21:43,250 --> 00:21:48,333 ♪ See which one it will be ♪ 477 00:21:49,208 --> 00:21:54,333 ♪ That comes and saves us ♪ 478 00:21:55,250 --> 00:21:58,208 ♪ We were bleeding money And gambled for a little chance ♪ 479 00:21:58,291 --> 00:22:00,916 ♪ What can the poor do? It won't change ♪ 480 00:22:01,000 --> 00:22:04,208 ♪ We're used to hardship And back on the road again ♪ 481 00:22:04,291 --> 00:22:06,791 ♪ Good things won't happen overnight ♪ 482 00:22:06,875 --> 00:22:12,250 ♪ See which one it will be ♪ 483 00:22:13,125 --> 00:22:18,250 ♪ That comes and saves you ♪ 484 00:22:19,333 --> 00:22:22,208 ♪ They charge for air and water And always swindle ♪ 485 00:22:22,291 --> 00:22:24,875 ♪ Come and keep me busy It won't ever change ♪ 486 00:22:24,958 --> 00:22:28,166 ♪ They're all the same Each one of them, inhumane ♪ 487 00:22:28,250 --> 00:22:30,958 ♪ Orgies every day, it won't ever change ♪ 488 00:22:35,750 --> 00:22:36,708 [grunts] 489 00:22:36,791 --> 00:22:39,875 [in English] Is man, I ask, originally good or evil? 490 00:22:40,375 --> 00:22:43,875 Certainly, over the centuries, we've encountered all kinds of people. 491 00:22:43,958 --> 00:22:45,666 There have been good ones and bad ones. 492 00:22:45,750 --> 00:22:47,833 There've been plenty of heroes and cowards. 493 00:22:47,916 --> 00:22:49,916 Ah, the sane and the insane. 494 00:22:50,000 --> 00:22:51,750 Is it a question of the sexes? Hmm? 495 00:22:51,833 --> 00:22:54,000 Or is it maybe the women versus the men? 496 00:22:54,083 --> 00:22:56,500 Ah, I mean, who the hell's been raising all these people? 497 00:22:57,083 --> 00:22:59,708 Our mothers give birth to lionhearted men. 498 00:22:59,791 --> 00:23:01,750 Of course, no one would argue that. 499 00:23:01,833 --> 00:23:04,208 But what happens to those lions after they're raised? 500 00:23:04,958 --> 00:23:07,000 You may expect me to say society's to blame. 501 00:23:07,083 --> 00:23:09,625 -Shh! Shh! Shh! I can't bring myself. -[audience applauding] 502 00:23:09,708 --> 00:23:12,166 [gasps] The bed's not supposed to be here. 503 00:23:12,250 --> 00:23:14,250 It's supposed to be up high, Cemile! 504 00:23:14,333 --> 00:23:17,375 What's wrong with it? It's right in the middle of the room, sis. 505 00:23:17,458 --> 00:23:20,291 Honey, I asked you to raise it up high there, like a throne. 506 00:23:20,375 --> 00:23:22,708 Yes, of course, it has to be a throne. 507 00:23:22,791 --> 00:23:26,458 Otherwise, he couldn't give out orders to have me strangled, now could he? 508 00:23:26,541 --> 00:23:28,458 Don't be such a jealous little sister. 509 00:23:28,541 --> 00:23:30,541 Today, my son is a prince, a prince. 510 00:23:30,625 --> 00:23:34,375 I could never allow a prince to be circumcised on any old mattress. 511 00:23:34,458 --> 00:23:36,541 When my little boy should be way up high on a throne. 512 00:23:36,625 --> 00:23:40,666 We'll see. That boy's going to break a lot of hearts in this town. 513 00:23:40,750 --> 00:23:43,000 And once he gets his stitches out, 514 00:23:43,083 --> 00:23:44,750 better keep your daughters away from him. 515 00:23:44,833 --> 00:23:46,958 Because my nephew's a man now. 516 00:23:47,041 --> 00:23:50,166 He asked me if he'll be married soon now that he's a man. 517 00:23:50,250 --> 00:23:51,458 So precious. 518 00:23:51,541 --> 00:23:53,791 Married? What a waste of time for him. 519 00:23:53,875 --> 00:23:55,041 He's young. 520 00:23:55,125 --> 00:23:59,375 Beautiful boys should always be free and making sexy love. 521 00:23:59,458 --> 00:24:01,250 And why should he get attached? Eww! 522 00:24:01,333 --> 00:24:03,625 All those cheap girls are barely worth a fling anyway. 523 00:24:03,708 --> 00:24:06,625 Exactly. Your ex-fiancé must have thought the same thing 524 00:24:06,708 --> 00:24:08,125 when he called things off. 525 00:24:08,208 --> 00:24:10,916 That little shit. Always trying to rain on our parade. 526 00:24:11,000 --> 00:24:13,916 The kid's nine, and he's still in his original packaging. 527 00:24:14,500 --> 00:24:17,791 And all the daughters are safe, if you ask me. You'll see. 528 00:24:17,875 --> 00:24:21,083 You watch it, Sibel, or I'll rip that tongue of yours right out. 529 00:24:21,166 --> 00:24:23,708 Yağız Efe is a prince, a prince. 530 00:24:23,791 --> 00:24:25,833 He is a young lion, isn't he? 531 00:24:25,916 --> 00:24:28,583 -I could just rip it off myself. -What did you say? 532 00:24:28,666 --> 00:24:29,833 I'm kidding, dear. 533 00:24:30,541 --> 00:24:32,416 -How could you think I was serious? -[laughing] 534 00:24:32,500 --> 00:24:33,875 It's getting chopped today anyway. 535 00:24:34,458 --> 00:24:35,875 Right before the party starts. 536 00:24:35,958 --> 00:24:38,500 Come, Cemile, let's go and check on the cakes and lemonade. 537 00:24:38,583 --> 00:24:39,583 All right, sis. 538 00:24:39,666 --> 00:24:41,750 Seriously, none of you are making any sense. 539 00:24:42,333 --> 00:24:43,791 "Oh, he's a prince." 540 00:24:43,875 --> 00:24:45,458 You say you love democracy, 541 00:24:45,541 --> 00:24:48,666 but for Yağız Efe, this family turns into a monarchy. 542 00:24:49,250 --> 00:24:51,666 -I'd just gobble it up. -Please. The mouth on her. 543 00:24:51,750 --> 00:24:53,750 Seriously, Nuran, that's two. I'm getting pissed off. 544 00:24:53,833 --> 00:24:55,541 Oh, she's silly, oh. [laughs] 545 00:24:55,625 --> 00:24:57,500 [gasps] Yağız Efe. 546 00:24:57,583 --> 00:24:59,500 -Yağız Efe! -Mom, the end of my stick came off. 547 00:24:59,583 --> 00:25:03,000 Oh, my God, it came off on today of all days? 548 00:25:03,083 --> 00:25:06,125 I don't know about you, but it sure seems like a sign to me. 549 00:25:06,208 --> 00:25:08,541 [mumbling] Son, we can have that fixed. Don't worry. 550 00:25:08,625 --> 00:25:11,958 Just stay in the moment and focus on the real thing. 551 00:25:12,041 --> 00:25:14,041 Taci, they've put the bed on the floor 552 00:25:14,125 --> 00:25:16,416 when I wanted it to be high up there like a throne. 553 00:25:17,000 --> 00:25:18,458 -Yeah. -Yağız Efe. 554 00:25:18,541 --> 00:25:21,833 Mama's one and only, how are you, my sweetie pie? 555 00:25:21,916 --> 00:25:24,375 -I guess I'm a little scared, Mom. -[gasps] 556 00:25:24,458 --> 00:25:28,125 But, son, today you're a prince. Princes are never scared. 557 00:25:28,208 --> 00:25:29,833 -Right, Taci? -Well, you know… 558 00:25:29,916 --> 00:25:33,291 -Were you circumcised, uncle? -Of course, I was, son. Of course. 559 00:25:33,375 --> 00:25:35,541 Okay, and were you scared? 560 00:25:35,625 --> 00:25:39,500 Kid, to this very day, I'm terrified if anything gets too close down there. 561 00:25:39,583 --> 00:25:43,208 We could be playing a game of foosball, and I'd be covering myself. 562 00:25:43,291 --> 00:25:46,791 Ah! So that's why you're always digging around in your pants. 563 00:25:47,416 --> 00:25:50,291 Yeah, I guess I always need to check to make sure it's still down there. 564 00:25:50,375 --> 00:25:52,791 Cut it out. You'll give him ideas. 565 00:25:52,875 --> 00:25:55,291 Aslan and the others should be here any minute. 566 00:25:55,375 --> 00:25:57,416 Okay, let's check on the cake and the lemonade. 567 00:25:57,500 --> 00:25:58,750 -Come on, move. -Yeah, all right. 568 00:25:58,833 --> 00:26:02,333 -Holler when they get here. -Yeah, sure, sure. Don't worry about it. 569 00:26:02,416 --> 00:26:04,916 Where are they? Where's the circumciser? 570 00:26:05,000 --> 00:26:07,083 Where the hell is İbiş and Aslan? Where are they? 571 00:26:07,166 --> 00:26:09,458 I was with Aslan, but we got a little under our cups. 572 00:26:09,541 --> 00:26:11,250 So, I really have no idea. 573 00:26:11,333 --> 00:26:14,041 -I'm here. It's okay. I'm here. -Aslan, where the hell have you been? 574 00:26:14,125 --> 00:26:15,541 We've been waiting for you! 575 00:26:15,625 --> 00:26:17,833 -Uncle Aslan! -Hello, there! 576 00:26:17,916 --> 00:26:19,166 [laughing] 577 00:26:19,250 --> 00:26:21,833 -You little punk. You little punk! -[laughing] 578 00:26:21,916 --> 00:26:24,208 Show me your weenie. Show me your weenie! 579 00:26:24,291 --> 00:26:25,666 Taci, tell him to show it. 580 00:26:25,750 --> 00:26:28,000 -Aslan, he'll show it, all right? -Show me your weenie. 581 00:26:28,083 --> 00:26:30,458 -Just take it easy. Take it easy. -[laughing] 582 00:26:30,541 --> 00:26:33,500 Taci, are you really as drunk as they are? 583 00:26:33,583 --> 00:26:35,458 -Huh? -Yeah, you know, I didn't have much. 584 00:26:35,541 --> 00:26:39,916 Just like, half a bottle of vodka, because I'm too excited, you know. 585 00:26:40,000 --> 00:26:42,291 -[Aslan] Yeah. -I just can't work heavy machinery. 586 00:26:42,375 --> 00:26:45,708 I assume no one will ask, "Taci, bring the backhoe out front." 587 00:26:45,791 --> 00:26:47,583 -No way. -God, grant me patience. 588 00:26:47,666 --> 00:26:49,791 Check this out. İbiş. 589 00:26:50,500 --> 00:26:51,875 İbiş. İbiş. İbiş. 590 00:26:51,958 --> 00:26:55,916 -[laughing] Hey, soldier. Hey, soldier! -[laughing] 591 00:26:56,000 --> 00:26:58,208 Fahri, can I get you anything, pal? 592 00:26:58,291 --> 00:27:01,708 No, thanks, Aslan. I don't need anything right now. 593 00:27:01,791 --> 00:27:04,875 Just my equipment. Hello, young man. How are you, Işık? 594 00:27:04,958 --> 00:27:07,000 Welcome, brother. Say hello to the man, son. 595 00:27:07,083 --> 00:27:10,041 Say hello to the man. Yağız Efe. Say hello, son. 596 00:27:10,125 --> 00:27:11,666 -There. -How are you? 597 00:27:11,750 --> 00:27:13,625 -Ah, look, he's nervous. -Drink. 598 00:27:13,708 --> 00:27:15,791 Are the girls chasing after you yet or what? 599 00:27:15,875 --> 00:27:18,500 -Cheers! -Yağız Efe! Yağız Efe! I know they are. 600 00:27:18,583 --> 00:27:22,083 Your Uncle Aslan. Aslan. Aslan, you must take this young man. 601 00:27:22,166 --> 00:27:23,125 -Yeah. -And teach him. 602 00:27:23,208 --> 00:27:24,666 -I will. -Teach him right. 603 00:27:24,750 --> 00:27:27,125 You know what I used to call him when he was little? 604 00:27:27,208 --> 00:27:29,916 Soldier! You know? Soldier, I said. 605 00:27:30,000 --> 00:27:31,416 Now without the helmet. 606 00:27:31,500 --> 00:27:33,291 -[laughing] -Oh, my God. 607 00:27:33,375 --> 00:27:35,541 Come on. For the last time, that's enough. 608 00:27:35,625 --> 00:27:38,958 What did you say back when uncle said, "How'd you respond to soldier?" 609 00:27:39,041 --> 00:27:41,583 Aslan, I'm asking you to stop the jokes now. 610 00:27:41,666 --> 00:27:45,291 Oh, Işık, relax. This will be the best day of your son's life. 611 00:27:45,375 --> 00:27:46,541 Now, listen to me. 612 00:27:46,625 --> 00:27:51,291 Fahri is the best fucking circumciser in the neighborhood. 613 00:27:51,375 --> 00:27:55,250 The best fucking one because when I'm done you still can… right? 614 00:27:55,333 --> 00:27:57,666 [laughing] 615 00:27:57,750 --> 00:27:59,333 -Işık, my friend. -Yeah. 616 00:27:59,416 --> 00:28:00,625 Do you have any alcohol? 617 00:28:00,708 --> 00:28:02,750 Ah, for disinfecting your equipment you mean? 618 00:28:02,833 --> 00:28:06,041 No, man, it's just this lemonade is a bit weak. 619 00:28:06,125 --> 00:28:09,458 [laughs] My hands are a little shaky at the moment. 620 00:28:09,541 --> 00:28:12,166 But one glass of the good stuff should do the trick. 621 00:28:12,250 --> 00:28:13,333 You're shaking all right. 622 00:28:13,416 --> 00:28:14,833 -I got you. Fahri. -It's okay. 623 00:28:14,916 --> 00:28:16,916 -Yes, man. -Medicine. 624 00:28:17,000 --> 00:28:20,958 Eighty proof, great. Just mix it in with a glass of lemonade. That should do it. 625 00:28:21,041 --> 00:28:23,500 -All right, then. -Just get on with it, man. Get on with it. 626 00:28:23,583 --> 00:28:26,208 -Okay, just uncover it now, Işık. -Dad…? 627 00:28:26,291 --> 00:28:28,375 -Let's see the soldier. -It's okay. Let's uncover it. 628 00:28:28,458 --> 00:28:30,625 -Take it easy now. Easy, easy. -Let me see it, son. 629 00:28:30,708 --> 00:28:32,625 You sure you know what you're doing, right? 630 00:28:32,708 --> 00:28:34,583 Wait, hang on, hang on, Işık. 631 00:28:34,666 --> 00:28:35,750 Fahri, here you go. 632 00:28:35,833 --> 00:28:38,708 -This is on me. On me. On me. -Oh, yeah. Thank you. Cheers. 633 00:28:38,791 --> 00:28:40,250 Bring it in everyone. Cheers. 634 00:28:40,333 --> 00:28:43,625 -Cheers. I'll snip it. Just relax. -You should-- 635 00:28:43,708 --> 00:28:45,041 You should be enjoying this. 636 00:28:45,125 --> 00:28:49,166 -Stop being a party pooper. -I'm gonna have my fun once this is over. 637 00:28:49,250 --> 00:28:52,583 Enjoy it like your father enjoyed yours. You pussy! 638 00:28:52,666 --> 00:28:54,333 -You pussy! -[Fahri groans] 639 00:28:54,416 --> 00:28:56,416 -Get on with it! -No, no, he's a soldier, soldier! 640 00:28:56,500 --> 00:28:57,666 -[laughing] -Soldier. 641 00:28:57,750 --> 00:29:00,833 Open up, son. I can't see the… 642 00:29:00,916 --> 00:29:02,833 You're sure it's completely numb, right? 643 00:29:02,916 --> 00:29:03,916 Don't worry. 644 00:29:04,583 --> 00:29:07,250 It's not a big job. It's small. 645 00:29:07,333 --> 00:29:10,541 -[laughing] -Fahri, that's the mother's side. 646 00:29:10,625 --> 00:29:13,958 It's not really Işık's fault. Işık is not to blame. 647 00:29:14,041 --> 00:29:17,458 -[laughing] -Agh! Aslan, I said that's enough. 648 00:29:17,541 --> 00:29:19,916 -I've had it. -Come on, he's just nine years old, 649 00:29:20,000 --> 00:29:21,583 That's what that age is about. 650 00:29:21,666 --> 00:29:23,791 Exactly. For instance, I'm 44 651 00:29:23,875 --> 00:29:26,166 and as thick as a log. [laughing] 652 00:29:26,250 --> 00:29:28,166 -[laughing] -[Aslan] Hit the drum. 653 00:29:28,250 --> 00:29:31,083 -Hit it after I make a joke. -All right, all right. 654 00:29:31,916 --> 00:29:34,000 -All right, son, here we go. -You're gonna numb it? 655 00:29:34,083 --> 00:29:35,458 -Oh, yes, of course. -Fahri. 656 00:29:35,541 --> 00:29:38,166 You know, usually in a situation like this, 657 00:29:38,250 --> 00:29:39,875 I tranquilize the other party. 658 00:29:39,958 --> 00:29:41,541 Oh, for God's sakes. 659 00:29:41,625 --> 00:29:44,625 -I give 'em a drink and then bam. -[laughing] 660 00:29:44,708 --> 00:29:46,833 Aslan, man, you're the best. 661 00:29:46,916 --> 00:29:48,708 -Are you ready? Are you ready, son? -Cheers! 662 00:29:48,791 --> 00:29:51,416 -I'm not scared, Mr. Circumciser. -[Fahri] Okay. 663 00:29:51,500 --> 00:29:53,583 As long as you give me the anesthesia. 664 00:29:53,666 --> 00:29:56,041 -Oh, my goodness, son, relax. Boy! -Soldier! 665 00:29:56,125 --> 00:29:58,541 -[laughing] -Listen to me, okay? Now… 666 00:29:58,625 --> 00:30:01,750 You got nothing to worry about. Everyone loves you. Look who's here. 667 00:30:01,833 --> 00:30:03,916 You have Uncle Fahri, of course. 668 00:30:04,000 --> 00:30:06,833 Uncle Taci, Işık. Your dad, your brother-in-law. 669 00:30:06,916 --> 00:30:09,041 -İbiş. Hit it, İbiş. [laughs] -Hit it, İbiş. 670 00:30:09,125 --> 00:30:10,916 -İbiş, hit it. -Let's go, İbiş. 671 00:30:11,000 --> 00:30:12,541 ♪ Let's go, hey! ♪ 672 00:30:12,625 --> 00:30:15,166 ♪ Let's go, İbiş, let's go ♪ 673 00:30:15,250 --> 00:30:18,125 -Get on with it. -You're your mom's prince, right? 674 00:30:18,208 --> 00:30:21,208 All the girls are gonna love you, Yağız Efe. Don't worry. 675 00:30:21,291 --> 00:30:24,166 -Nothing to worry about. All right. -Get on with it. 676 00:30:24,250 --> 00:30:25,916 -Let's uncover it. -Open up now. 677 00:30:26,000 --> 00:30:29,375 -Easy, he's gonna get cold. -All right, I'm injecting it now. 678 00:30:29,458 --> 00:30:32,500 -[groans] -It's okay. All right, that's it. 679 00:30:32,583 --> 00:30:33,833 The rest is a piece of cake. 680 00:30:33,916 --> 00:30:36,416 -Fahri, is it numb, doctor? -Give it a couple of minutes. 681 00:30:36,500 --> 00:30:39,375 -It's gonna go numb. -I promise you won't even miss it. 682 00:30:39,458 --> 00:30:41,125 -Check it. -I'll give it a squeeze. 683 00:30:41,208 --> 00:30:43,375 Oh, there we go. It's numb. Okay. 684 00:30:43,458 --> 00:30:45,250 Oh. It's numb. See? 685 00:30:45,333 --> 00:30:47,958 -[laughing] -My hand is numb. 686 00:30:48,041 --> 00:30:49,833 My hand, it's numb. [laughing] 687 00:30:49,916 --> 00:30:54,083 -Come on, Taci, drink with me. -I thought we were at the snipping part. 688 00:30:54,666 --> 00:30:56,875 -Işık, enjoy yourself. -Is that necessary? 689 00:30:56,958 --> 00:30:58,625 You can trust me. 690 00:30:58,708 --> 00:31:00,541 I'll enjoy it as soon as this is over. 691 00:31:00,625 --> 00:31:03,250 -There's nothing to celebrate yet. -All right, man. Whatever you say. 692 00:31:03,333 --> 00:31:06,333 Hang on a second. Işık, hang on a second. Here we go. 693 00:31:07,041 --> 00:31:09,083 -All right. Are you ready, son? -Okay. 694 00:31:09,166 --> 00:31:11,875 Be brave, son. Be brave. It's really almost over. 695 00:31:11,958 --> 00:31:14,000 -You're a soldier, kid, okay? -Let me just… 696 00:31:14,083 --> 00:31:15,833 -See, here it is. -I'm here. 697 00:31:15,916 --> 00:31:17,916 -Don't look. You don't have to look. -Would you… 698 00:31:18,000 --> 00:31:20,375 -Keep looking up. -Aslan, are we ready, bro? 699 00:31:20,458 --> 00:31:22,208 -I'm snipping it. -Yep. 700 00:31:22,291 --> 00:31:25,625 -[shouts] -Careful. Almost had you there. 701 00:31:25,708 --> 00:31:26,708 That's all for him. 702 00:31:26,791 --> 00:31:28,750 [laughing] All right, then. 703 00:31:28,833 --> 00:31:30,583 -See, you're okay, son. -Cool. All good now. 704 00:31:30,666 --> 00:31:33,125 It's all finished now. Well done. [laughing] 705 00:31:34,333 --> 00:31:37,500 -Whoa! Is there anything left? -There you go. 706 00:31:38,666 --> 00:31:41,083 [sighs] Taci, I think I'm gonna-- 707 00:31:41,166 --> 00:31:42,583 -Wait, Işık, hang on. -Hang on. 708 00:31:42,666 --> 00:31:44,708 -[Işık] I'm gonna pass out. -It's okay, I, uh… 709 00:31:44,791 --> 00:31:47,208 -Whatever you do, don't hit it. -[Işık] I'm gonna pass out. 710 00:31:47,291 --> 00:31:49,041 -[Taci] Bro. -How you feeling, soldier? 711 00:31:49,625 --> 00:31:51,958 -Not bad. -Dude, what do we do now? 712 00:31:52,041 --> 00:31:53,000 What's wrong? 713 00:31:53,083 --> 00:31:55,250 Hey, what the hell did you give me this for? 714 00:31:55,333 --> 00:31:58,291 -Did you snip it? -Yeah. [laughs] 715 00:31:58,375 --> 00:32:00,708 Who knows how many hearts he'll break. 716 00:32:00,791 --> 00:32:02,791 Yeah, I'd like to know that too. 717 00:32:02,875 --> 00:32:05,666 He's a man now, a man. The Lion King! 718 00:32:05,750 --> 00:32:07,208 Wait. Işık? 719 00:32:07,291 --> 00:32:08,625 -Oh! -Oh, he just-- 720 00:32:08,708 --> 00:32:11,958 He got excited. You know how Işık is. [laughing] 721 00:32:12,041 --> 00:32:13,291 What a party pooper. 722 00:32:13,375 --> 00:32:15,583 A real man wouldn't pass out. 723 00:32:15,666 --> 00:32:18,166 Like you, son. Now you're a real man. 724 00:32:18,250 --> 00:32:19,916 I can't feel anything, Mom. 725 00:32:20,000 --> 00:32:21,458 I'd rip it off myself. 726 00:32:21,541 --> 00:32:22,541 Too late. 727 00:32:23,791 --> 00:32:25,791 I could just eat it up. Really, I swear. 728 00:32:25,875 --> 00:32:28,333 -Help yourself. -Hey, what's this? 729 00:32:28,416 --> 00:32:30,833 -[laughing] -Soldier! 730 00:32:30,916 --> 00:32:32,625 I took a little off the top. 731 00:32:33,333 --> 00:32:36,291 -Ooh! Oh! Ah! -[shouts] 732 00:32:37,916 --> 00:32:39,291 Thank you, ladies and gentlemen. 733 00:32:39,375 --> 00:32:41,875 You can't live life with your head in the sand. 734 00:32:41,958 --> 00:32:46,500 Even so, how could you imagine a cabaret that didn't critique social issues? 735 00:32:47,333 --> 00:32:48,666 Excuse me, sir. 736 00:32:48,750 --> 00:32:51,000 I absolutely adored the skit I was just in. 737 00:32:51,083 --> 00:32:52,416 Are you by chance the author? 738 00:32:52,500 --> 00:32:54,791 I'm so glad to hear that you liked it. 739 00:32:54,875 --> 00:32:58,583 It was like a slap in the face to the toxic male worldview. 740 00:32:58,666 --> 00:33:02,416 Well, you know, the moms and aunties do their part to pressure a young man. 741 00:33:02,500 --> 00:33:05,625 I know. Saying things like, "Go get 'em, tiger" 742 00:33:05,708 --> 00:33:07,666 just re-directs that pressure back to women. 743 00:33:07,750 --> 00:33:09,000 -Oh! [laughs] -Enough of that. 744 00:33:09,083 --> 00:33:11,333 But I have to tell you, sir, that for a man, 745 00:33:11,416 --> 00:33:13,250 you made some great observations. 746 00:33:13,333 --> 00:33:16,875 I mean, it was brilliant. You took every taboo and smashed them all. 747 00:33:17,500 --> 00:33:20,541 -My lovely girl, you're far too kind. -[laughs] I know. 748 00:33:20,625 --> 00:33:23,458 Would you mind if I flirted with you over a drink? 749 00:33:23,541 --> 00:33:25,333 Why, I wouldn't mind at all. 750 00:33:25,416 --> 00:33:27,458 [sighs] Plus, you're the perfect age. 751 00:33:27,541 --> 00:33:30,291 It would be simple to convince you to sign your house over to me. 752 00:33:30,375 --> 00:33:33,875 Unless, pardon me, that's too cliché for a writer like yourself. 753 00:33:33,958 --> 00:33:36,791 [chuckles] To hell with the cliché. Let's get to the registrar. 754 00:33:36,875 --> 00:33:38,625 [chuckles] After you. 755 00:33:40,333 --> 00:33:41,625 Gentlemen, look. 756 00:33:41,708 --> 00:33:44,416 This here, here, here, here and here. 757 00:33:44,500 --> 00:33:46,958 They passed a new law redesignating the land. 758 00:33:47,041 --> 00:33:50,166 So, from now on, this woodland, will be open to construction permits. 759 00:33:50,250 --> 00:33:51,583 That's what I'm talking about. 760 00:33:51,666 --> 00:33:54,708 It's time to shed our humanity and do the really evil stuff. 761 00:33:54,791 --> 00:33:56,250 I mean, how lucky can you get? 762 00:33:56,333 --> 00:33:58,416 Anyone with land there has to go through us. 763 00:33:58,500 --> 00:34:00,083 -Yeah. -You already know what to do. 764 00:34:00,166 --> 00:34:01,666 Give them the runaround until they cry. 765 00:34:01,750 --> 00:34:03,125 -That's right. -You got it. 766 00:34:03,708 --> 00:34:06,958 I'm so proud of you guys. There's no public office where I'd rather be. 767 00:34:07,041 --> 00:34:09,250 -Sir. -You guys are the best. Off you go. 768 00:34:09,333 --> 00:34:12,250 -Anything we know, we learned it from you. -Back to work. 769 00:34:12,333 --> 00:34:13,791 -Every single scam. -Exactly. 770 00:34:13,875 --> 00:34:16,458 -[laughing] -But I think I should warn you, Sermet. 771 00:34:16,541 --> 00:34:19,208 Uh, don't wear those expensive watches to work. 772 00:34:19,291 --> 00:34:22,083 I only wore mine because I saw you wearing yours, sir. 773 00:34:22,166 --> 00:34:25,166 Good point. I should be a role model and take mine off as well. 774 00:34:25,250 --> 00:34:26,333 -To be safe. -Of course. 775 00:34:26,416 --> 00:34:27,791 Hey, look at that thing. 776 00:34:27,875 --> 00:34:31,125 Is that-- hold on. Is that a newer model than mine? 777 00:34:31,208 --> 00:34:33,875 Sir, remember that hotel we fast-tracked? It's from that. 778 00:34:33,958 --> 00:34:36,500 As I recall, I was the last one to sign off on that. 779 00:34:36,583 --> 00:34:39,125 So in all fairness, this should really belong to me. 780 00:34:39,208 --> 00:34:40,541 -I'll keep this then. -Please. 781 00:34:40,625 --> 00:34:42,375 -Don't wear it to the office. -Got it, sir. 782 00:34:42,458 --> 00:34:45,625 It's been five minutes since I've taken a bribe. I'm going crazy. [laughs] 783 00:34:45,708 --> 00:34:47,416 -Back to work, guys. -[knock on door] 784 00:34:47,500 --> 00:34:48,416 Come in. 785 00:34:49,708 --> 00:34:50,666 Sorry I'm late. 786 00:34:50,750 --> 00:34:53,958 Uh, there's a road being built there, so nothing we can do. 787 00:34:54,041 --> 00:34:55,291 Sir, I'm Aylin Seçkin. 788 00:34:55,375 --> 00:34:57,416 It's my first day on the job. Here are my documents. 789 00:34:57,500 --> 00:34:59,250 Oh. Right. 790 00:34:59,875 --> 00:35:03,416 Let me see. Miss Aylin. [clears throat] 791 00:35:03,500 --> 00:35:04,875 Assistant manager. 792 00:35:07,083 --> 00:35:08,250 Okay, well, all right then. 793 00:35:08,333 --> 00:35:09,875 This is Sermet and Erkin. 794 00:35:09,958 --> 00:35:11,583 -[both] Hello. -Try to keep up. 795 00:35:11,666 --> 00:35:13,708 Uh, so, uh-- hang on. 796 00:35:14,208 --> 00:35:17,250 So, it says here Miss Aylin will be working with you 797 00:35:17,333 --> 00:35:19,125 with a higher signing authority. 798 00:35:19,208 --> 00:35:20,208 What's wrong, sir? 799 00:35:20,291 --> 00:35:22,708 Well, it's just we have an established system here, you know. 800 00:35:22,791 --> 00:35:25,500 Sir, does this mean that from now on we should come directly to you 801 00:35:25,583 --> 00:35:27,416 without having Miss Aylin sign anything? 802 00:35:27,500 --> 00:35:30,458 Or we can bypass Miss Aylin and tell people she's on sick leave. 803 00:35:30,541 --> 00:35:33,000 Yeah, yeah, for particular cases, 804 00:35:33,083 --> 00:35:35,416 we can just report that Miss Aylin has passed away. 805 00:35:35,500 --> 00:35:38,833 I'm friends with a guy in Funeral Affairs, so he'll help us out. All right, cool. 806 00:35:38,916 --> 00:35:40,958 Congratulations and sorry for your loss, Miss Aylin. 807 00:35:41,041 --> 00:35:42,083 Welcome. 808 00:35:42,166 --> 00:35:43,666 Listen, Sermet, give her a seal. 809 00:35:43,750 --> 00:35:44,583 Right away. 810 00:35:44,666 --> 00:35:46,416 Whoever bears the seal is as wise as Solomon. 811 00:35:46,500 --> 00:35:48,833 -Here you go. -All right, then. Good luck to you. 812 00:35:48,916 --> 00:35:51,250 -Please, take a seat. Süleyman, four teas. -Please. 813 00:35:52,250 --> 00:35:54,708 -I received a memo getting me up to speed. -[boss] Yes. 814 00:35:54,791 --> 00:35:57,166 They've redesignated parts of the forest. 815 00:35:57,250 --> 00:35:58,708 -And I have some concerns. -[sighs] 816 00:35:58,791 --> 00:36:00,958 We were discussing that right before you came in. 817 00:36:01,041 --> 00:36:03,375 Me and the boys are just burning up inside. 818 00:36:03,458 --> 00:36:06,000 Hello, good morning. Good morning. Good morning. 819 00:36:06,083 --> 00:36:08,375 Is this here the land "registratery," sir? 820 00:36:08,458 --> 00:36:10,083 -No, it's the "passportisserie." -[laughs] 821 00:36:10,166 --> 00:36:12,375 Mr. Rıza, you people are normally so charming, 822 00:36:12,458 --> 00:36:14,208 but you seem like a pain in the ass. 823 00:36:14,291 --> 00:36:17,708 -Um, Miss Aylin can help. Go on, pops. -Go see Aylin right over there. 824 00:36:17,791 --> 00:36:20,375 -Go talk to her. -Look here, miss. 825 00:36:20,458 --> 00:36:21,833 I've got two acres of land, 826 00:36:21,916 --> 00:36:24,666 and I want to get a permit to build on that land. 827 00:36:24,750 --> 00:36:26,625 Would you mind checking on that for me, please? 828 00:36:26,708 --> 00:36:27,666 Let me see, sir. 829 00:36:27,750 --> 00:36:28,666 Leave it. 830 00:36:28,750 --> 00:36:32,416 -Well, sir, it says here that you can. -Yes, well, that's great news. 831 00:36:32,500 --> 00:36:35,083 We'd like to build a small cabin. That's all we wanna do. 832 00:36:35,166 --> 00:36:37,375 -Cabin? You can't build a cabin there. -No cabins. 833 00:36:37,458 --> 00:36:40,583 No, absolutely not. We already told you, you need to sell that plot. 834 00:36:40,666 --> 00:36:43,625 I heard my boss tell you that himself the last time you were here. 835 00:36:43,708 --> 00:36:46,458 -It's a tourism area. -Right. It's a tourism area. 836 00:36:46,541 --> 00:36:49,291 No, sir, you already have a permit for it. What would you prefer? 837 00:36:49,375 --> 00:36:50,708 "Whatever he prefers?" [chuckles] 838 00:36:50,791 --> 00:36:52,458 I've never heard that in this office before, 839 00:36:52,541 --> 00:36:53,791 because it certainly isn't true. 840 00:36:53,875 --> 00:36:56,208 -But the young lady said I had a permit. -He does. 841 00:36:56,291 --> 00:36:59,250 Let me give you an answer that you may be able to understand. 842 00:36:59,333 --> 00:37:02,625 "You can't do nothin' with that plot unless we dang well say you can." 843 00:37:02,708 --> 00:37:04,208 [laughing] 844 00:37:04,291 --> 00:37:07,125 Well, if it isn't Nizami and his band of thieves. What's up? 845 00:37:07,208 --> 00:37:08,875 -Oh, sir. Welcome, sir. -[laughing] 846 00:37:08,958 --> 00:37:11,333 -Cha-ching! Pocket check. -[laughing] 847 00:37:11,875 --> 00:37:13,833 Oh, sir, how do you even do that? 848 00:37:13,916 --> 00:37:15,583 Servet, what's up? Cha-ching! 849 00:37:15,666 --> 00:37:16,958 -Erkin, cha-ching! -[laughing] 850 00:37:17,041 --> 00:37:19,208 -Oh, Mr. Sami. -My friend. 851 00:37:19,291 --> 00:37:21,625 You're the sun that keeps this office lit, really. 852 00:37:21,708 --> 00:37:23,041 What's up? [exclaims] 853 00:37:23,125 --> 00:37:24,833 [gasps] 854 00:37:24,916 --> 00:37:27,000 How did you manage to put that on? 855 00:37:27,083 --> 00:37:30,291 That's speed, boys. In my line of work, you gotta move fast. 856 00:37:30,375 --> 00:37:31,333 Come in, have a seat. 857 00:37:31,416 --> 00:37:33,416 Please, sir. May I call you Sami? [laughs] 858 00:37:33,500 --> 00:37:34,500 Call me Dad. 859 00:37:34,583 --> 00:37:36,208 -Yes, Daddy. Yes, Daddy. -Our dad. 860 00:37:36,291 --> 00:37:37,875 Daddy, I need to ask you for a favor. 861 00:37:37,958 --> 00:37:39,666 If you could, write a note that says, 862 00:37:39,750 --> 00:37:42,416 "The watch was purchased with his own money," if you please. 863 00:37:42,500 --> 00:37:43,833 Sure, sure, sure, no problem. 864 00:37:43,916 --> 00:37:45,125 A coffee for Daddy. 865 00:37:45,708 --> 00:37:47,833 I haven't seen that lady before. Is she new here? 866 00:37:47,916 --> 00:37:48,750 She's new, yeah. 867 00:37:48,833 --> 00:37:50,166 -[shouts] -Oh! 868 00:37:50,250 --> 00:37:51,416 What's this? 869 00:37:52,875 --> 00:37:54,041 Are you bribing me, sir? 870 00:37:54,125 --> 00:37:57,833 My bad. Süleyman, cha-ching! [laughs] 871 00:37:58,625 --> 00:38:00,375 Go on, go on, get. 872 00:38:00,458 --> 00:38:03,458 Uh, now, sir, your orders? 873 00:38:04,166 --> 00:38:06,833 Well, Nizami. [clears throat] 874 00:38:06,916 --> 00:38:08,375 Well, as you know, 875 00:38:08,458 --> 00:38:12,250 I was expecting this area's designation to change to allow me more construction. 876 00:38:12,333 --> 00:38:13,541 Thanks, by the way. 877 00:38:13,625 --> 00:38:15,791 -[laughing] Good job. -No problem, sir. You did it. 878 00:38:15,875 --> 00:38:19,666 I've been buying land piece by piece by piece by piece until I own everything. 879 00:38:19,750 --> 00:38:22,375 -Yes, sir. -I need a permit to build a hotel there. 880 00:38:22,458 --> 00:38:25,250 So do your thing, move the paperwork and make it happen. 881 00:38:25,333 --> 00:38:27,333 Of course. What kind of hotel were you thinking? 882 00:38:27,416 --> 00:38:29,458 Something that when you see it, you say, 883 00:38:29,541 --> 00:38:33,583 "Wow, that motherfucker really fucked up the entire coastline." 884 00:38:33,666 --> 00:38:35,250 -Yes. Yes. -Understand? 885 00:38:35,333 --> 00:38:36,791 And once you're inside of it, 886 00:38:36,875 --> 00:38:40,250 I want it to be a five-star, world-class experience, right? 887 00:38:40,333 --> 00:38:41,791 Really fucking sweet! 888 00:38:41,875 --> 00:38:45,291 Well, sir, that certainly sounds like a place where I would like to stay. 889 00:38:45,375 --> 00:38:46,833 [laughing] 890 00:38:46,916 --> 00:38:48,125 -Um, sir? -Huh? 891 00:38:48,208 --> 00:38:50,791 Um, you do have a permit, but I can't approve it. 892 00:38:50,875 --> 00:38:54,125 -Please, talk to my manager. -Okay, miss. Mr. Manager, uh… 893 00:38:54,208 --> 00:38:55,916 Oh, right. Uh, Sami, hey. 894 00:38:56,000 --> 00:38:58,375 Remember that small plot? It belongs to him. 895 00:38:58,458 --> 00:39:02,541 Yeah, you mean you own this tiny plot sticking out like a little weenie? 896 00:39:02,625 --> 00:39:04,416 -Yes. -Where the hell have you been? 897 00:39:04,500 --> 00:39:06,458 I've been looking for you everywhere. 898 00:39:06,541 --> 00:39:07,916 [laughing] 899 00:39:08,000 --> 00:39:09,750 Cha-ching! Check your pocket. 900 00:39:09,833 --> 00:39:12,583 -[laughing] -Wow, 50,000 lira! 901 00:39:12,666 --> 00:39:15,291 I'll just take that back. That was just practice. 902 00:39:15,375 --> 00:39:16,958 You didn't notice though, did you? 903 00:39:17,041 --> 00:39:19,083 -He's shocked, too shocked to speak. -I really didn't. 904 00:39:19,166 --> 00:39:23,750 Mr. Rıza, this gentleman, Mr. Sami, is a tourism mogul. 905 00:39:23,833 --> 00:39:26,500 Oh, I've heard of him. I know all about him. 906 00:39:26,583 --> 00:39:28,541 Damn right, motherfucker. 907 00:39:28,625 --> 00:39:31,958 Yeah, I know your kind. I've dealt with cattle all my life. 908 00:39:32,041 --> 00:39:34,125 -I know a milker when I see one. -[laughing] 909 00:39:34,208 --> 00:39:37,458 Now, by the looks of it, you're approximately a hundred kilos. 910 00:39:37,541 --> 00:39:38,750 Your hide looks firm, 911 00:39:38,833 --> 00:39:43,291 and the only thing left to find out is how many gallons I'll get out of ya. 912 00:39:43,375 --> 00:39:46,875 -Rıza is our type of guy, huh? -Yeah, he is. We'll get him there. 913 00:39:46,958 --> 00:39:50,041 Get Mr. Rıza a fruit tea. It's too early for coffee. 914 00:39:50,125 --> 00:39:52,625 -That's right. -So, you wanna build a hotel, do ya? 915 00:39:52,708 --> 00:39:55,333 All right, son. Let's take a look at the map. 916 00:39:55,416 --> 00:39:58,250 Smack dab in the middle of your site is my little plot. 917 00:39:58,333 --> 00:40:01,166 That land belongs to me. So what are you gonna do about that? 918 00:40:01,250 --> 00:40:03,750 I'll tell you what we're gonna do, Mr. Rıza. 919 00:40:04,333 --> 00:40:06,166 You sell me those two acres, 920 00:40:06,250 --> 00:40:08,416 and I'll pay you a reasonable market price. 921 00:40:08,500 --> 00:40:12,000 I don't get it. They said I couldn't even build a small cabin up there. 922 00:40:12,083 --> 00:40:15,375 No, sir, you see, you can't build there. 923 00:40:15,875 --> 00:40:18,125 But this gentleman wants to fuck the whole coastline. 924 00:40:18,208 --> 00:40:21,500 The law is crystal clear. In the case of a tie, it goes to him. 925 00:40:21,583 --> 00:40:22,750 -Oh, really? -Yes. 926 00:40:22,833 --> 00:40:24,583 Seriously, is that right? 927 00:40:24,666 --> 00:40:26,916 Well, then, son, you just go "cha-ching," 928 00:40:27,000 --> 00:40:29,166 and we'll see what happens, huh? 929 00:40:29,250 --> 00:40:30,750 -Cha-ching! -[laughing] 930 00:40:30,833 --> 00:40:33,416 -Wow, is he amazing or what? -[laughing] 931 00:40:33,500 --> 00:40:36,958 Sami, listen, I'll handle all the paperwork related to the sale. 932 00:40:37,041 --> 00:40:39,083 Don't worry about a thing. The permit's good as yours. 933 00:40:39,166 --> 00:40:41,708 Yeah, just deal with it, man. I'm too busy for this crap anyway. 934 00:40:41,791 --> 00:40:42,708 Of course, of course. 935 00:40:42,791 --> 00:40:45,791 It took me a while, but I've reviewed the application. 936 00:40:45,875 --> 00:40:49,250 In short, the site is unsuitable for a hotel. Here. 937 00:40:50,333 --> 00:40:52,875 And also, regarding your rude behavior earlier, 938 00:40:52,958 --> 00:40:54,791 I'm expecting an apology. 939 00:40:54,875 --> 00:40:56,500 Accepting or offering a bribe 940 00:40:56,583 --> 00:40:59,250 is absolutely unethical, to say the least. 941 00:40:59,333 --> 00:41:02,083 If a public official's job relies on bribery, 942 00:41:02,166 --> 00:41:04,250 then lawlessness rules in that office. 943 00:41:04,333 --> 00:41:05,833 I expected better from you. 944 00:41:05,916 --> 00:41:08,625 Sami, my friend, Aylin was just reciting 945 00:41:08,708 --> 00:41:11,291 Reşat Nuri Gültekin's famous novel The Wren. 946 00:41:11,375 --> 00:41:13,125 -And what a great passage it is. -[laughing] 947 00:41:13,208 --> 00:41:15,083 -What an amazing job. -Bravo! 948 00:41:15,166 --> 00:41:17,166 -Bravo! Bravo! Bravo! -Bravo! Bravo! Bravo! 949 00:41:17,250 --> 00:41:20,375 Listen, Miss Aylin, we already made a deal with the ministry. 950 00:41:20,458 --> 00:41:24,208 We've already got our approval. So that's why we're in this situation. 951 00:41:24,291 --> 00:41:27,375 Well, I'm sorry, sir, but I cannot in good faith sign your document. 952 00:41:27,458 --> 00:41:29,541 I'll send my views to the urban planning office. 953 00:41:29,625 --> 00:41:33,666 What? Wait a minute, honey. Don't do that. How am I gonna sell my property? 954 00:41:33,750 --> 00:41:37,000 Miss Aylin, if this is about numbers, don't let that hold us up. 955 00:41:37,083 --> 00:41:38,958 -I'm sure we can figure something out. -Exactly. 956 00:41:39,041 --> 00:41:41,041 All of us here are pretty good with numbers. 957 00:41:41,125 --> 00:41:43,958 Aylin, we'll be fair when we're splitting up the pot. I promise. 958 00:41:44,041 --> 00:41:45,125 You'll be fair, huh? 959 00:41:45,208 --> 00:41:48,541 Darling, you're a public officer. Be smart. That's all we're saying. 960 00:41:48,625 --> 00:41:51,583 Really. Look how upset you're making Mr. Rıza, Aylin. 961 00:41:51,666 --> 00:41:53,125 Is this really worth all that? 962 00:41:53,208 --> 00:41:56,708 So you're all stealing and want me to steal too? Is that it? 963 00:41:56,791 --> 00:41:58,458 -Well, yeah. -Yeah. 964 00:41:58,541 --> 00:42:00,375 -Take it. -No, I can't. 965 00:42:00,458 --> 00:42:02,166 -Take it, damn it. -No, I can't. 966 00:42:02,250 --> 00:42:04,916 If it were me, I'd go ahead and just take it. 967 00:42:05,000 --> 00:42:07,000 To hell with the whole system! 968 00:42:07,083 --> 00:42:09,416 -[laughing] -[upbeat music playing] 969 00:42:32,583 --> 00:42:33,625 [in Turkish] ♪ Take it ♪ 970 00:42:33,708 --> 00:42:35,916 ♪ I can't, it's the taxpayers' money ♪ 971 00:42:36,000 --> 00:42:36,833 ♪ Steal it ♪ 972 00:42:36,916 --> 00:42:38,958 ♪ I can't, it's the state's money ♪ 973 00:42:39,041 --> 00:42:42,583 ♪ What and how I can do what with what? ♪ 974 00:42:45,166 --> 00:42:48,166 ♪ Just take it That's the going rate for it ♪ 975 00:42:48,250 --> 00:42:51,291 ♪ Just steal it Why all the fuss? Drop it ♪ 976 00:42:51,375 --> 00:42:55,125 ♪ How and with what Can you make ends meet? ♪ 977 00:42:57,375 --> 00:42:58,208 ♪ Steal it ♪ 978 00:42:58,291 --> 00:43:00,416 ♪ I can't, the poor need it ♪ 979 00:43:00,500 --> 00:43:01,333 ♪ Steal it ♪ 980 00:43:01,416 --> 00:43:03,625 ♪ I can't, it's haram money ♪ 981 00:43:03,708 --> 00:43:07,291 ♪ How and with what should I punish you? ♪ 982 00:43:09,875 --> 00:43:12,833 ♪ Screw your preaching And all your blabbering ♪ 983 00:43:12,916 --> 00:43:15,666 ♪ I don't have time For poor people's ramblings ♪ 984 00:43:15,750 --> 00:43:19,416 ♪ Just go with the flow And I'll make it rain ♪ 985 00:43:22,083 --> 00:43:25,125 ♪ The same old story, it never changes ♪ 986 00:43:25,208 --> 00:43:28,166 ♪ Sorts his stuff out during lunchtime ♪ 987 00:43:28,250 --> 00:43:29,625 ♪ Life is cruel ♪ 988 00:43:29,708 --> 00:43:32,000 ♪ What can I say? ♪ 989 00:43:34,375 --> 00:43:37,458 ♪ All you are good for Is a parable in a cabaret ♪ 990 00:43:37,541 --> 00:43:40,541 ♪ Stuck-up idealist Telling us not to steal ♪ 991 00:43:40,625 --> 00:43:44,166 ♪ Wrap up the dance And I'll explain it to you in length ♪ 992 00:43:46,458 --> 00:43:50,250 ♪ Wrap up the dance And I'll explain it to you in length ♪ 993 00:43:54,125 --> 00:43:56,375 [in English] When life gets extremely puzzling, 994 00:43:56,458 --> 00:43:59,666 we wish we could go back to the beginning and start all over. 995 00:43:59,750 --> 00:44:03,041 How can we stop all making the same mistakes over again? 996 00:44:03,125 --> 00:44:05,916 How can we ever prove what we believe is really true? 997 00:44:06,000 --> 00:44:09,916 Hey, Mr. Narrator, we're packed up and ready to go. 998 00:44:10,000 --> 00:44:12,416 Well, I was warming them up with a little small talk 999 00:44:12,500 --> 00:44:14,125 before we go into our final scene. 1000 00:44:14,208 --> 00:44:16,166 -Which is? -It's this. 1001 00:44:17,750 --> 00:44:20,083 Darling, you know I love you, 1002 00:44:20,166 --> 00:44:23,291 but I said I wanted a family and to grow old together, remember? 1003 00:44:23,375 --> 00:44:24,958 -Yes, of course. -Well… 1004 00:44:25,041 --> 00:44:28,583 It's just now I think it's not the best idea to mix in with your folks. 1005 00:44:28,666 --> 00:44:30,000 But why not, darling? 1006 00:44:30,083 --> 00:44:32,541 Well, you know, it's "club" this and "rifle" that. 1007 00:44:32,625 --> 00:44:36,333 And I don't wanna bring a child into this filthy world, Caner. That's all. 1008 00:44:36,416 --> 00:44:39,000 But how can we set an example if we give up? 1009 00:44:39,750 --> 00:44:40,708 You have a point. 1010 00:44:40,791 --> 00:44:43,250 Okay, maybe we can't get power, 1011 00:44:43,333 --> 00:44:45,500 but we can keep opposing it, can't we? 1012 00:44:46,083 --> 00:44:47,541 Well, honey, you're the man. 1013 00:44:49,875 --> 00:44:51,375 And that's what they agreed, 1014 00:44:51,458 --> 00:44:54,708 and they lived the rest of their lives as the loyal opposition. 1015 00:44:54,791 --> 00:44:57,833 My friend, these people wanna go home now. 1016 00:44:57,916 --> 00:44:59,583 -Come on, man. -[audience applauding] 1017 00:44:59,666 --> 00:45:02,916 [upbeat music playing] 1018 00:45:51,291 --> 00:45:53,291 [audience cheering] 1019 00:46:15,083 --> 00:46:18,416 [music continues playing] 1020 00:46:34,666 --> 00:46:36,916 THE END 1021 00:46:37,000 --> 00:46:39,000 [theme music playing]