Previously on Flatbush Misdemeanors...
How long I got to be married to your mother
before you respect our union?
Drew got arrested?
Yeah. He-he didn't want to get into it,
but he did ask about you, though.
I need to make some money, though.
Fucking plug ran off on me.
Brother got a parole hearing coming up.
On top of that,
Zayna fucking with this kid
giving her money.
I did something I regret. Uh...
This coming from that 12-step thing?
Bro, just focus on your sobriety.
Yeah, I've been meaning to holler at you.
That shit with my niece,
I need you to dead that, kid.
Man, I ain't trying to do no business
with a nigga as hot as you.
He helped take the wrap when I almost got booked.
My cousin say you cool, we cool.
-We can do business. -All right, then.
lively percussive music
-[door bell jingles] -Yo. How was the morning?
It was pretty chill.
Kareem's starting a "Green Bike Initiative," uh,
but he doesn't know that's about the environment,
so he's just making us paint some bikes green.
-Oh. -You all set here?
Yeah, man. What you 'bout to get into?
Uh, I got to see my mom and, um,
I got some NA homework I got to get ahead of.
I have to take a moral inventory of my life.
Oh. What's that?
It's... you make a list of your flaws.
I have a few flaws. And just
consider how your resentments have, like,
affected others.
-Am I on that list? -Um, yeah.
I mean, I don't know that many people.
Take me off it, man. I got too much shit going on.
What are you working on?
Uh, it's concept work
for the play at your school.
I got to draw this design,
and then we're painting it next week.
Nice.
Well, kill it, man.
-All right. -[door opens]
-[door closes] -[Kareem] Kevin,
I finally got you
an employee shirt. Try it on.
Hey, man, I appreciate it, but I actually need you
to cut my hours back. I got to focus on my art.
Well, why didn't you tell me that
before I spent $12 on that shirt?
Damn.
Okay, Kev, do you.
What are you drawing?
Uh, some kings and queens.
-That's cool. -Yeah.
Do y'all have a student discount?
No!
[man] All men are children of God.
[Rusty] Children of God, like us.
Oh, I couldn't wait to start.
[lock buzzes]
So, Daddy, how are you?
-[sighs] -You okay?
Yeah.
These guards in here, man. Hey, Drew,
you remember that book we used to read when we were kids?
The one that Aunt Evelyn used to animate every time she read it.
Oh, shit. What was that called, though?
The African something.
Tales of Yoruba Gods and Heroes.
Yup, that's it.
Aunt Eve used to do every single character's voice
in that book, I'm telling you.
She smoked so many cigarettes, Zay,
she could do the dudes and the girls.
-[laughs] -[Drew] She did this one voice,
used to scare the shit out your pops.
Uh, we not even gonna talk about that right now.
-[Drew chuckles] -[Zayna] We're actually talking
about the African gods, um,
-for the school play. -[Anthony] Mm.
Can I read it? Where is it?
Uh...
One of the correctional officers took it out my cell a week ago.
-What? Why? -[Anthony] Uh...
We're not gonna worry about that right now. What I want to hear
about is the school play.
Well, I'm designing the costumes.
-[Anthony] Mm-hmm. -Um...
and I'm also co-directing.
-Co-directing? Wow. -[Zayna] Yeah.
Yeah. My boyfriend, he thought it would be
a really good idea for exposure for my business.
Whoa. [chuckles]
[stammers] Boyfriend? What?
Nah, nah, nah. She ain't got no boyfriend. It ain't like that.
Just some boy she cool with.
-No. -[Anthony] Huh.
Desmond is my boyfriend.
-Desmond? -And he's a really good one.
He supports my business, and...
I don't know, we're building an empire.
[Anthony] Uh, Zayna...
[scoffs] You're way too young for a boyfriend.
-[Zayna] Um, I'm 17. -Exactly.
You haven't even met him, and already you're telling me
I can't be with him. That's not fair, Dad.
[Anthony] O-Okay, okay, okay. Look,
I'm sure it'll all work itself out.
[Dan] I'm glad I could help empty out
-the basement, Mom. -Well, I'm glad you had time.
I know you're busy with all your new friends.
My new friends?
The drug addicts.
Oh, NA. We're calling them the drug addicts. Okay.
But, uh, how-how is it going? I-Is...
Not to pry, just making sure you're okay.
[Dan] No, I'm okay.
Yeah, it's been helpful, actually.
[Maria] Okay.
Great.
You know, it's ironic,
I didn't fix my life
until I started taking pills.
You didn't fix your life until you stopped.
[laughing]
-Isn't that funny? -Yeah, Mom, it's...
We're ships in the night, right?
Wow, that really, it really gets you, huh?
Yeah, like a sketch or something.
-It's like a sketch. Sure. Uh... -Mm.
Yeah, anyway, on the whole NA front,
there's actually one thing I wanted to tell you.
Mm-hmm.
Um, okay, so I-I wanted to tell you, Mom,
how sorry I am for a lot of those things
I've said to you over the years,
and, um,
for being bitter that you found happiness.
And I couldn't be happy that you were in a good place
because-because I wasn't. Yeah,
I'm just very grateful that we can still have a relationship,
and, um, you know, I love you, and I'm sorry.
-[clicks tongue] Oh. -Oh, please don't cry.
Don't-don't cry. I don't know what to do with tears.
I'm sorry. It's so moving.
-[sniffles] -Okay.
-W-Where is this coming from? -Um,
I'm trying to take moral inventory.
It's a step in NA. I'm kind of skipping to it,
and I'm not sure I'm doing it right, but,
uh, yeah, it's been good.
Wow. And you think that's helped you?
Yeah, I-I think it has.
It's not fun taking accountability for yourself.
Um, honestly, most of it is other people's fault,
but I think it's good and needed.
So, if I were gonna,
you know, take my own moral inventory
and hold myself accountable...
I mean, I depended on you as a kid far too much,
and it broke you.
I mean, I'm not, I'm not broken, you know?
Daniel, you're a drug addict
who works part-time at a bike shop
and teaches bored kids about genital warts.
I mean, on paper, yeah, but-but I have two jobs.
-But they're... -Look,
we can't change the past, you know?
We just, uh, try not to repeat patterns
and be better going forward.
[sighs] Wow.
[chuckles] Daniel, thank you.
You have given me a lot to consider.
One whole hell of a lot.
-Okay. We're okay? -My God.
Well, of course we're okay.
-All right. -[chuckles] I mean,
I'm gonna make a list of resentments
-I have against you, but... -Well, uh, okay.
-I hope it's not too long. -[door closes]
Look, it's not just me no more, this coming from your pops.
[sucks teeth] Yo, damn, y'all need to stop.
You really blowin' mines right now.
So, just fuck your dad then, huh?
You need to heed word. You don't know this world like we do.
What?
Yo, you such a hypocrite.
I don't even know what you be doing,
or who you be hanging out with.
I don't know how you've been making money
since you been out here, but you want to judge me
for dating Desmond?
All right, bet. Cute.
At least I keep my shit upfront.
Fine. You want to know what I'm doing for work?
I'm still selling drugs,
and I'm working with some niggas I met in Philly. You happy?
Well, as long as you keep your shit out of my life
and out of my friends' life, then yeah,
we Gucci.
All I'm saying is, when your pops come home,
he not gonna approve.
God, Drew,
can we stop playing this game?
We both know he not getting out no time soon.
Yo, stop talking like that. He getting out.
Yo, you do this every time he's up for parole.
Like, what makes this time different
than the last 100 times?
Because it's this time, not the last time 100 times.
[scoffs] All right.
Can we just go and get him this book,
so that he can be happy and stop writing these sad poems?
All right. When them poems get him signed to Maino,
you gonna love them then.
-Zayna! Oh... -Hey, Marlon.
-[chuckles] -A new jewelry book
just came in yesterday, ma.
-Hey. What's up, brother? -All right.
-How you doing? -Marlon, this is Drew.
-Drew, this is Marlon. -So, you're Drew.
How come I'm just meeting you, brother?
-'Cause he don't read. -I read.
-Mm. -Mm.
Matter of fact, we looking for
Yoruba Gods and Heroes.
Tales of Yoruba Gods and Heroes.
[laughs] That's a special one, brother.
Oh. See.
-I knew he would have it. -Hold on.
-You know I got you, Zay. -[Zayna chuckles]
Look at this beautiful baby.
I got to take real good care of her
'cause she's rare.
Eight hundred on Amazon.
Now, I'm selling her at a discount for $795.
You know what, bro, I don't read. Zay, let's go.
-What? -W-What? Why?
I know a hustle when I see one. That book don't cost
-$800. -Can't you...
just let me scan it and make it my own?
-[sighs] Come on, Zay. -I mean, please?
It's for my dad. He's locked up.
[sighs] You know what?
You done brought me so many customers.
I can't say no to you.
Thank you. Thank you, thank you, thank you.
-[Marlon] You go get it, girl. -[chuckles]
Zay, ain't no scanner in there.
Well, there's this thing,
it's called an app.
[imitating Drew] "Oh, you don't know the world like we do."
They grow up so fast, don't they?
You know, when my daughter first started talking to me like that,
I had two choices, either I was gonna respect her,
or I was gonna send her to Africa.
-Sent her ass to Africa. -[scoffs]
I'm not even from there.
I hope she all right.
[Helen Cooper] We may not enjoy living together,
but dying together isn't going to solve anything.
-[knock on door] -[Maria] Dan, it's me,
your mother.
Yeah, yeah, I know. I know who you are.
-Hi. -Yeah. Hey.
-Are those my baseball cards? -No, no, this is my stuff.
I've left Kareem. Isn't that exciting?
-What? What the fuck happened? -Well...
I was inspired by my son,
and I am taking moral inventory.
Oh, Jesus Christ. That's not...
I need to own my own mistakes by myself.
No, no, Mom. Mom--
Outside of marriage.
Mom, you're not supposed to do anything.
I was just taking accountability for our dynamic.
And I loved it.
-Okay. -And now,
I'm taking accountability.
This isn't Kareem's fault, okay?
I need to be self-sufficient,
on my own here.
Here? This... that's where you're gonna be self-sufficient,
-in my apartment? -Just for now.
I'll help you fix your place up.
Mom, you interpreted this all wrong.
I promise, you won't even notice I'm here, okay? [laughs]
I won't depend on you.
I'll be independent near you.
-Okay. -Okay?
-Okay, yeah, all right. -Okay.
You can stay in my room, I guess, and I'll
-stay on the couch. -Well, obviously.
I've got sciatica. [laughs] All right.
Well, these boxes aren't gonna move themselves.
Wait. Is Kareem all right?
-[door bell jingles] -[Kevin] All right, Kareem,
I'll see you next week.
Change of plans.
I need you to stay longer.
[clicks tongue] What?
Bro, we already talked about this, man. I can't.
'Cause of your work?
-Yes. -No problem.
You can paint in the shop. You can put your easels
over there.
Kareem, I'm not painting in the shop, man.
Look, I'll make you assistant manager.
You'll get paid while you paint.
I need you right now, Kev.
[sighs] All right, bro.
Thank you, man. [sighs]
I love you, Kevin.
Nigga, are you wearing Old Spice?
-[door bell jingles] -[Dan] Well, Kareem bought the
shop from Larry, but he didn't want to repaint the awning.
Your first task as assistant manager,
-fire Dan. -Wait, what?
-What do you mean? -Elephant in the room,
I'm no longer your dad.
You are now an orphan.
-You've orphaned yourself. -No, I know. Kareem,
I'm truly sorry.
I was just doing a step, trying to own my mistakes.
Look, Mom was not supposed to take that
in any kind of weird direction.
Now you got another mistake you need to own.
Hey, I think the pump is broken.
I got you.
Look, Kareem, you know Mom's impulsive.
Like, she's probably gonna be back at your place tonight.
You better hope.
Betrayed by my own son. [sighs]
What kind of Luke Skywalker shit is this?
[sighs]
The-the-the dad is the bad guy in Star Wars.
I've made my decision,
and with a heavy heart,
this is goodbye for good.
And since you're no longer family,
I got to tell you,
you was just a nepotism hire.
That's right. So now, I'm gonna just judge you for who you are,
-a shitty bike salesman. -Okay, Kareem.
I get that you're sad about Mom,
but you don't have to act out at me.
What, you want me to act in?
Okay. So I'm actually fired?
Ask your assistant manager.
Huh?
Oh. Yeah.
[Dan] Okay.
I'll see you.
No, you won't.
[door bell jingles]
[Kareem] Kevin, your second task as assistant manager,
change the security code,
so he can't get back in.
Okay.
Hey, kid,
you look like a loyal boy.
-Your mama single? -Ew.
Look, if you two gonna do this,
I got some rules y'all got to follow.
Number one, Zayna, if your pops asks,
you told me he was gay.
What? No.
Uh, babe, it's cool. It's cool.
[Drew] Number two, bro,
this is my niece.
If anything happen to her, I swear...
Matter of fact, you got health insurance?
Um, my mom do.
Nigga, I'm-a need you to get a STD test
every Sunday by three o'clock.
Nigga, not 3:30, not 3:15,
not 3:03,
not even 2:59. Three o'clock.
Oh, my God.
[whispers] We haven't even had sex yet.
What, y'all haven't?
[whispers] No.
Thank you.
Last thing, Desmond,
I don't want you involving her in all that scamming shit.
The fuck? So I could use your drug money,
but I can't take his scamming money?
I don't give you drug money. I give you gambling money.
Okay. Are we done here?
Is that a "thank you" I'm hearing?
[sighs] Thank you, Uncle Drew.
Uh-huh.
Let me send this book to your pops
before I change my mind.
Okay, bye. Adios.
Okay, go.
All right, Drew.
Yo, I'm-a tell Junior that you was looking out, man.
I knew you was a valid dude, bro.
Thanks for being cool, Unc.
Yo, don't ever call me that shit again.
I did this for Zay,
but you a good kid,
so look out for her.
Yo, she better not find out about our business either.
Just to be clear, I still don't like this shit.
I'll fuck you up if you hurt her.
Aw.
Y'all so cute or whatever. [chuckles]
[Maria] Well... [sighs]
I'm so sorry that you lost your job at the bike shop,
but you still get to teach kids
-how to have sex, so... -Very blessed.
...there's that.
Um, I really thought you would've gone back
-to Kareem by now. -Dan, no.
-I am taking inventory. -Mom, this is not inventory.
I should be on my own, with you,
and maybe we get a fresh coat of paint in here.
I'm thinking Almond Sunrise.
It's the... it's what almonds look like
at the first light of day.
You're gonna paint?
No. That's your job.
I'm sorry, should I not have told you
-that Kareem was hurting? -Well, no.
Uh... It's really nice to hear
that someone is tortured because they love you.
I mean, it's a nice feeling of power.
-Sure. -But I'm
holding myself accountable, you know,
for the first time.
Just this week, I left my husband...
-Mm-hmm. -...I made peace
with that screaming baby ghost
that I've had so much trouble with in apartment 2B,
and I've also vowed
to stop using Amazon,
except when I need to have something delivered.
-Sure. -So...
Exceptions to every rule.
Ah, I got to get going.
Where... It's late, where are you going?
I'm gonna keep it vague,
but when I get back,
gonna replace your rugs
and maybe get some saxony carpets.
Maybe. I'll google it.
-You're okay? -Well...
wait up for me.
I'm an attractive woman in her 50s.
-[door opens] -Oh.
[door closes]
[woman] Darling, are you all right?
-What are you drawing? -[scoffs] Nosy.
Um... the same thing but bigger.
What's up, man? You got another flat?
Whoa-ho-ho.
You did this in one day?
Yeah. They were fresh out the box.
[chuckles] What's your name?
Brady.
You're talented, Brady.
I get that a lot.
-No one ever tells me-- -Don't ever get married, son.
-She'll destroy all your talent. -Kareem.
It might start good. No, it will start good, but then,
soon as she get comfortable, ooh,
-you better brace for impact. -Let him go, man.
You losing it. Go take care of that customer.
Y-You right. I'm-I'm better than that.
[indistinct chatter]
[sighs] He's crazy, dude.
-Don't listen to him. -No,
my dad told me the same thing.
He did?
Okay. So what's up?
You in an art class or something?
Nah, I just wanted to see if I could do it.
I love the helmet, man. This is, like, really cool.
You mind if I use this for my project?
Okay. Just give me my credit.
[chuckles] I got you.
Actually... [mutters]
Need a bike lock?
[Brady] Yeah.
I've been saving up for a long time.
[Kevin] Merry Christmas.
Stop saving. Just take that.
Put it in your pants.
-Kev, I got nothing left. -[door bell jingles]
That customer wanted to buy a bike.
I told him I wasn't good enough.
It's like I don't even know who I am anymore, man.
Dude, you Kareem.
Any woman over 40 with kids would love you.
You know what?
You right.
If Maria don't want me,
I don't want her.
-Yeah. -Matter fact, I'm going back
to the OG Kareem, you know, like, when I was chilling,
and, you know, when-when I had my hair.
-You know what I'm saying? -Yeah, yeah.
You'll be all right, bro. You got it.
But after I went bald,
all the women I dated said they loved my shaved head,
but none of them licked it,
except...
well... Maria.
[sobbing]
Nigga, did you put on more Old Spice?
Nothin' blockin' vision
Swear it's crystal clear...
[Kevin] Man, how long it take to fry some lamb?
Man, I'm just glad to be out of the house.
My mom's going crazy at home. She threw out all my shit.
She chucked my rug. She's going out at night.
I have no idea where she's going.
[sighs] Yeah, Kareem's been losing it, too.
He in the back of the shop singing Al Green all day.
We got to figure out
how to get them back together. I don't know.
It's like, for them, whatever,
but mostly, for us. It's too much.
-Yeah, like Parent Trap. -Yes, like Parent Trap.
That's a great movie. We should rewatch that before we do this.
Yeah. Kind of figure out a game plan a little bit.
Sorry, could we go next? We've just been waiting awhile.
[Junior] You scared of some damn rats?
[Amaya] You wasn't there to protect me.
[Desmond] Damn. Where you learn that from?
[Zayna] [chuckles] My ex.
[Desmond] You need to get him to show you again
'cause that ain't it.
[Zayna] Yo, shut up, boy. Roll up. [chuckles]
[Desmond] Ain't no more Fronto.
[Amaya] [scoffs] Junior, let's go to the store.
[Zayna] Wait. Hold up.
What you mean there ain't no more?
I bought a whole bag.
Junior waste that shit in between his seat.
Don't be blaming nothing on me.
Damn, Junior. I'm-a need you to get your shit together.
[Junior] I know you not talking.
I should make your ass buy it yourself
the way I'm feeding your family.
Bro, chill.
Yo, what are you talking about?
Listen, ask Drew. He know who his boss is.
You know what? Come on, Amaya. Let's go get this Fronto.
[Amaya] Junior...
-Why would you...? -[car door closes]
[indistinct chatter]
[Amaya] Okay, but, like,
now I'll, like, have to hear her talk.
[breathes deeply]
Okay, uh, who wants to start?
-It's great to see you, Kevin. -It's good to see you, too,
-Auntie M. -Okay. All right. Can we focus?
Mom, this is about you and Kareem.
I thought I was coming here to pick up my bike wheel.
You can have your bike wheel back.
But you're making me do another thing first.
Having me here on this romantic intervention shit.
Mm-mm. I don't even want to be here.
Yeah, me neither.
I'm trying to win $50,000, but you keep crying in the shop.
If you and Maria don't get back together, I'm-a find a new job.
[Kareem] I don't care if I lose you to Seamless. You know,
you two kill me.
Acting like y'all some relationship counselors.
You don't even have relationships yourselves.
I made out with that girl while you were passed out.
Y'all always fighting with each other.
What do you know about conflict resolution?
Look, we just thought if you two talked,
you would see how much you still love each other.
Okay. Mom,
have you realized anything during this time apart?
-Yes. -Okay.
I've learned that, sometimes,
I like to go to male strip clubs.
Oh, that's where you went last night.
Yes. I put a twenty between my teeth, and I, you know,
I-I-I bring it out. You know,
-it's a living wage situation. -[Kareem] What the fuck?
-That is worse than cheating. -How is that worse?
I'm not sure, but it's striking to hear.
It is striking, yes.
Mom, could you ever go to male strip clubs with Kareem?
[Kareem] Hell no!
I haven't been to a male strip club
since my burlesque days.
Look, you two are perfect for each other.
I have no idea why, but it works,
and that's not easy.
When Kevin and I were disagreeing,
it's because we weren't listening to each other.
-Yup. -Right?
So, with space, it's been better.
But I don't want space.
And I don't pine for women who don't want me.
Dan, tell Kareem that it's not that I don't want him.
Kareem, did you hear what she said? The sound traveled?
I liked what we had. It's Maria who didn't, apparently.
That was not the issue, Kareem.
-Then what is? -I guess...
I just didn't want to do what I did
when Dan was a kid.
I know I'm a little better now, but
I still...
I lean on you way too heavily,
and...
I just don't want to turn you into Dan,
no matter how much you say
that that's okay.
Babe, I could never be Dan.
I am too handsome and too strong.
Plus, I know how to take the proper amount of pills.
But you can depend on me.
We depend on each other. That's what this is.
Are you sure?
Of course. You're my little honeybee.
[buzzes] And you're my big honey bear.
[roars]
-[laughs] -Oh. [buzzes]
-Let me get some of my honey. -[laughs]
-Mwah. -[laughs]
[Dan] Okay. All right.
All right.
[Kareem and Maria chittering]
Okay, that's good. The whole animal kingdom.
We're good? Everyone good?
I'm so sorry, baby. I really am.
-And I forgive you, too, baby. -Mm.
-[Kareem] And you, Dan. -Yes.
-You are un-orphaned. -Okay.
And you are rehired,
as long as my assistant manager approves.
Yes. Please.
[Zayna] Are you and my uncle working together?
Nah, it's just him and Junior doing shit.
Yo, bro, just keep it straight with me.
I am. Him and Junior do all that shit.
That shit ain't got nothing to do with me.
Okay, but when were you gonna tell me?
I didn't think it was my place to tell you.
You didn't think it was your place to tell me,
your girl, about her own family?
Do you see how stupid that sounds?
I mean, but it's the truth.
But do you see how stupid that sounds?
Yo, were you only messing with me
just to get close to my uncle? Is that what it was?
Bro, you sound stupid, bro. Come here.
Nah. You lost me.
-[indistinct chatter] -[sighs]
Yo, bro, where you going?
We didn't even finish the bottle.
That wasn't too bad.
Yeah, they just had to talk it out.
Right.
Yo, I told you, I don't need that, man.
No, it's not... it's not for you. I mean...
[sighs] Yeah, uh, th-there's something I got to tell you.
[scoffs] Aw, shit.
-Here we go. -No, no, no, no.
I mean, it's not... No, no, don't worry.
It's, uh, it's not about you, but it's, like...
I guess it-it's you-adjacent, so...
Um...
Uh... You remember, you remember when Drew got arrested?
I mean...
-[mumbles] -Yeah, sure, yeah. I mean,
I remember, too. Yeah. Um...
Remember when I got reinstated to teach?
I was leaving school,
and this deliveryman came up to me with all these boxes,
and it was Drew. He was, like, in disguise.
And we got into a little thing, like a back-and-forth.
It was really more Drew forth and me back, but...
Anyway, Principal Douglass was asking me who that was.
Like, "Tell me. Tell me, tell me, tell me,
or I'll fire you. Tell me."
So, I told him.
I told Douglass,
Douglass called the cops,
Drew got arrested.
Man, what the fuck you be on, bro?
Why would you...
-Uh... -Goddamn!
Goddamn, man.
I'm not on anything.
I wish I was.
All right, all right, all right
Uh
Like I'm 'bout to park
I'm going through a lot
Can't wait till my doors is suicidal
Crazy how life literally like a drive
Wait till you figure out you need gas
Nice cars speed when you tryna get by
Then 'em motherfuckers stop at yellow lights and
Get up in your lane without saying hi
Your rearview probably the thing holding you back
But keep you at the front if you use it right
The hoes gone switch, and when it get dark
Then everybody dip, you get it all back
And they reappear, voilà
The money don't come, the hoes gon' switch
And when it get dark, then everybody dip
You get it all back, and they all reappear
Passengers always talk about ya ride
Then they turn around and ask for a ride in it
Everybody cross over solid lines