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ORIGINALNA NETFLIXOVA
HUMORISTIČNA SERIJA

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Blair Buoyant, vidovnjak

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Dobra večer,
ranjivi, ožalošćeni ljudi.

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Ja sam vidovnjak Blair Buoyant.

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BLAIR BUOYANT
Pravo ime

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Upravo mi je u glavi
mrtva osoba.

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Proziva osobu čije ime počinje s A.

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Aaron, možda. Ne, radi se o Adamu.

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Siguran sam da u publici imamo Adama.

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Adam... Mislim da je Adam tamo.

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Adame.

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Adame, Adame.

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Adame, Adame.

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Kako se vi zovete?

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-Tko, ja?
-Da.

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-Adam.
-Znam.

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Blair Buoyant znao je da imamo Adama.

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Adame, mi se ne znamo, je li tako?

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-Može.
-Ne, to je bilo pitanje.

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-Znamo li se?
-Kako god kažeš.

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Adame, znamo li se otprije?

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-Ne.
-Sjajno.

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Ne namiguj.
Jesi li nedavno izgubio koga?

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Da. Nedavno sam izgubio djecu
u trgovačkom centru.

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Ostavio sam ih u centru
i zapizdio za Disneyland

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na tri dana.

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Nisam na to mislio.
Je li ti netko umro?

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Zasigurno djeca.

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Adame, tvoj djed.

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Kako si znao?

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Blair Buoyant
zna za tvog jebenog djeda.

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Idemo dalje. Adame, on kaže
da imaš golem problem.

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-Je li tako?
-Ne znam.

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OK, Adame. On kaže da moraš
zaboraviti taj problem

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i nastaviti sa svojim životom. Jer...

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-OK, to je čudno.
-Zašto?

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Zato što je moj golem problem
što krvarim iz šupka.

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Ali ako on kaže da zaboravim,
kupit ću čep

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i začepit ću šupak.

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Blair Buoyant začepljuje šupak

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Ne, čovječe.

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Blair Buoyant ne začepljuje šupak

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Adame, je li se tvoj djed
borio u Drugom svjetskom ratu?

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-Da.
-Je li bio stacioniran u Francuskoj?

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-Jest.
-Je li bio član 17. bataljuna?

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Da, kako znaš?

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I za zime 1943. ubio je snajperista

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koji je prijetio bataljunu.

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O bože.

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I je li sljedeće ljeto
dobio medaljon za hrabrost?

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-OK, ovo više nije smiješno.
-On mi kaže

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da si donio taj medaljon.

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-O bože, Blair!
-Da, Adame?

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Mora da sam krivo pročitao poruku

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jer sam donio neke svinjske medaljone.

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-Svinjske medaljone?
-Da.

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Nisam znao što treba
pa sam donio svašta.

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Kobasice.

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-Adame...
-Da ti pošaljem račun za meso?

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Tvoj djed ima još jednu poruku za tebe.

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-Imam i Pepsi.
-Jebi se.

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Kako je mogao?

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ADAMOV DJED

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Dovraga.

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Pričekaj sekundu.

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Taj čovjek.
Taj na televiziji.

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Izgleda baš kao ti.

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A ovaj kao ti.

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A ako malo razmisliš,

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hrenovka može biti bilo što,
čak i svjetlosni mač. Vidi.

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-Opa.
-Mogu li...

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O, fora.

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Ja sam top na ratnom brodu.

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Ja sam iz Dame i skitnice.

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O, Zach!

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Ja sam pravi mudrac.

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-Jebote!
-Sranje!

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Profesionalna hrvačica
Awesome Kong!

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HRVAČICA
AWESOME KONG

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Koji je rekao
da me može savladati?

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Mislim da nitko.

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Tko je rekao da ju... Nitko.

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-Prihvaćam izazov!
-O, ne. Što...

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-Ne želimo se hrvati.
-Zapravo,

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neka bude zanimljivije.

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Izazivam vas da osvojite
više medalja od mene

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na Olimpijskim igrama u Sydneyu 2000.

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IZAZOV

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Može li Aunty Donna osvojiti više medalja
od King na Olimpijadi?

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Izazov prihvaćen.

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Ovako: ako mi pobijedimo,
svakome moraš kupiti bonsai.

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Dogovoreno.
A ako ja pobijedim, vi morate...

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U mojem...

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O bože.

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Donijeti ti doručak u krevet?

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OK. Izazivamo te na hrvački dvoboj!

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-Ne!
-Što? Ne!

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RIJEČ DANA: TRENING
ZA OLIMPIJSKE IGRE U SYDNEYU 2000.

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BRODEN

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ZACH

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MARK

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Rastite, mišići.

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Mislim da ćemo dobro proći
na Olimpijadi.

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-Pitam se tko je.
-Saznajmo.

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-Idemo vidjeti.
-Tko bi to mogao biti?

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Nadam se da je mama.

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Tražim g. Marka Samuala Bonanna
i Zacharyja Ruanea.

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Zašto?

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Ja sam iz antidopinške agencije.

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Moram testirati mokraću.

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Zašto dolaziš usred priprema?

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Znači, vi ste Zach i Mark?

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Mogao si nazvati prije.

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Testovi se ne najavljuju.

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-Da, šalimo se.
-Možemo li?

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Ovuda.

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-Ovuda.
-Zašto tako hodaš?

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Izvoli. Hej!

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Nemoj to popiti!

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Naravno da neću.

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Stvarno? Nećeš popiti mokraću za test?

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Ne. To je apsurdno.

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Da, šalili smo se.

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-Ne bih nikada.
-Znamo.

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Nikada nisam popio mokraću.

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Nisam mislio da hoćeš.

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-Smiješno.
-Naravno.

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Apsolutno. Stvarno.

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-Popit će našu mokraću.
-Neću.

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Što je onda to?

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To je vrč.

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To je stara krigla.

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O bože. Imaš pravo.
Popit će našu mokraću.

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Popit ćeš mokraću iz te krigle.

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Neću. Uzet ću uzorke vaše mokraće

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i odnijeti ih u ovlašten
antidopinški laboratorij.

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Pomiješao je našu mokraću!

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-Mark, vidiš li to?
-O bože! Popit će mokraću!

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Radi koktel à la piš.

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Ne radim. Provodim propise
devet antidopinških agencija

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radi zabrane čitavog niza sredstava.

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Ne pijem pišalinu.

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Piješ. Popit ćeš našu.

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Hej! Zašto miriše zrnca kave?

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Namješta nepce za pijenje mokraće.

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Možda je žedan. Želiš što popiti?

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Sok, Fantu, goveđi temeljac?

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-Ne, hvala.
-Znači, nisi žedan?

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Zapravo...

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Nikada nisam bio ovako žedan.

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O bože!

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O bože! Popit će pišalinu!

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Nemoj piti našu mokraću!

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Predstavnik sam antidopinške agencije.

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Ima podbradnik!

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Piše: „Pijem mokraću.”

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-Nemoj piti našu mokraću.
-Stanite.

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Sportska je industrija već godinama

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centar korupcije i pohlepe.

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U ADA-i kažemo: „Dosta.”

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Zato nećemo stati

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dok sve prijestupnike
ne izbacimo iz industrije.

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To nam je cilj.

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To nam je misija.
I nećemo stati dok je ne ispunimo.

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-Evo ga.
-I pije našu mokraću.

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Jedna me stvar zanima.

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Misliš li da je u antidopinškoj agenciji

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zato što voli piti mokraću,
a tu mu je lak pristup?

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Ili tamo vlada kultura ispijanja mokraće
pa se naviknuo?

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Oprosti, tko si ti?

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Mark!

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Ovo je moje blago.

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Što ima, dečki?

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Hej, brate. Usput,

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zvali su iz Olimpijade i pitali
hoćeš li donirati organe

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ako umremo na Olimpijadi.

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Znaš što?

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Stavi me u starca
Stavi me u mladca

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Prenamijeni moje ruke
I stavi ih curi

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Gurni mu moje srce i kosti

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I dostavi joj jetru

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Ali ne stavljaj me u Stevea

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Ne želim biti u Steveu

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Moraš samo reći da ili ne.

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Stavi me u Douga,
Moju kožu na Jima

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Ligamente i tetive
gurni u Brendana

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Ali da ponovim, samo ne u Stevea

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Nemam dobro mišljenje o Steveu

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Ne bih sad o tome

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Neka ostane na tome

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Stavi me u dečka

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Stavi me u dečka

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Trebao bi malo razmisliti
o tom stihu, Brodene.

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Zvučiš kao ped...

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Ako imate dečka
kojemu treba koljeno

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Daj mu moj bubreg

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Ali Steve je piroman.

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Otkrio sam.

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Mislim da voli vatru, ali nemam dokaza

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Živi u brdima,
A tamo je puno požara

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Ali njegova je kuća uvijek na mjestu

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O čemu, pobogu, govoriš?

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Daj moj nos i nožne prste
Nekom bez čiste

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Moj penis genijalcu
I moju zarazu svecu

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Ali, što je najvažnije,

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Daj moja muda siromašnoj djeci.

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Prekrasno, čovječe.

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Samo ispuni obrazac.

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-Obrazac. Odjebi s tim.
-OK.

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Škripa.

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Moj prvi gost danas.

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Vidi, siroče s ulica Londona.

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Tako je, oba su mi roditelja mrtva.

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Hoćeš li malo finog džima?

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Imam džim od jagode.

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Imam džim od malina.

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Koja je razlika između
džema i džima?

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Džem i džim ista su stvar.

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Kad je džim blesav,
blesavi džim je zabavan.

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-Imam od malina, jagoda, naranče...
-Zach?

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Jesi li to ti?

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Da, to sam ja.

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Ne znam što... Što je ovo?
Što radiš?

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Pokušavam stvoriti humorističan lik.

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Imamo puno posla danas.
Moramo trenirati za Olimpijadu.

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Da.

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Idem ja.

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-Imaš kakvih poruka za mene?
-Nemam.

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-Sve OK.
-Jebeni džem,džim...

230
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Klasična košarkaška utakmica

231
00:10:24,832 --> 00:10:26,292
iz zlatnog doba košarke.

232
00:10:26,709 --> 00:10:29,799
Današnji nezaboravni klasik
završnica je

233
00:10:30,087 --> 00:10:31,507
1907. godine.

234
00:10:31,589 --> 00:10:35,179
Dolaze momčadi
za košarkašku završnicu.

235
00:10:35,259 --> 00:10:36,839
Danas vatreno navijamo:

236
00:10:36,927 --> 00:10:40,217
Toronto Pennywhistles ili
East India Trading Company.

237
00:10:40,848 --> 00:10:43,478
Počinje. Momci su krenuli.

238
00:10:43,559 --> 00:10:46,809
Ništa nije bolje od dobre stare košarke.

239
00:10:46,896 --> 00:10:50,016
Tim Lincoln-Water ide na zakucavanje.
Zakucan je.

240
00:10:50,107 --> 00:10:52,777
Dobiva mogućnost bacanja
u košaru s breskvama.

241
00:10:52,860 --> 00:10:54,110
Vidimo suca

242
00:10:54,195 --> 00:10:56,315
Clydea Whittingsa kako vadi breskve.

243
00:10:56,405 --> 00:10:58,485
George „Div” Winters puca,

244
00:10:58,574 --> 00:11:00,164
s udaljenosti od metra.

245
00:11:00,743 --> 00:11:03,083
Namjestio se i uspijeva.

246
00:11:03,162 --> 00:11:06,582
To je 27 bodova za Pennywhistles
i vidite kako slave.

247
00:11:08,501 --> 00:11:10,801
Willie Winters ovdje je zabrljao.

248
00:11:10,878 --> 00:11:12,838
Kenneth Jellibond se ljuti,

249
00:11:12,922 --> 00:11:15,012
malo se prepiru.

250
00:11:15,091 --> 00:11:18,721
Zbog prepirke se šalju u rat.

251
00:11:20,346 --> 00:11:24,266
Idu na Zapadni front
kao pripadnici 2. bataljuna.

252
00:11:26,560 --> 00:11:28,810
Oglasila se sirena treće četvrtine.

253
00:11:29,230 --> 00:11:31,650
Dečki se okupljaju i jedu naranču.

254
00:11:32,692 --> 00:11:34,822
Sjedaju za stol i jedu

255
00:11:34,902 --> 00:11:37,032
lasicu s klicama na pari, pireom,

256
00:11:37,113 --> 00:11:39,873
kuhanom repom, umakom i energetskim pićem.

257
00:11:42,034 --> 00:11:43,834
Erwin Johnson vraća se iz rata

258
00:11:43,911 --> 00:11:46,661
i trči, ali avaj, ima PTSP.

259
00:11:46,747 --> 00:11:47,747
Ne zna gdje je.

260
00:11:48,666 --> 00:11:51,456
Liječnik ga pregledava i da,
radi se o PTSP-u.

261
00:11:52,294 --> 00:11:54,674
Ali to se može izliječiti ratom.

262
00:11:54,755 --> 00:11:55,795
Odlazi,

263
00:11:55,881 --> 00:11:58,381
pridružuje se konjanici
na Istočnom frontu.

264
00:11:59,385 --> 00:12:01,215
Glasnik ulazi na teren.

265
00:12:01,303 --> 00:12:04,353
Glasnik smije u svakom trenutku
ući na teren

266
00:12:04,432 --> 00:12:05,522
s novostima.

267
00:12:05,599 --> 00:12:08,059
U Europi vlada kaos.

268
00:12:08,352 --> 00:12:13,522
Franz Ferdinand najavljuje turneju.

269
00:12:13,607 --> 00:12:18,067
Pogledajte na
livenation.com/franzferdinand.

270
00:12:18,154 --> 00:12:19,704
Živjela Kraljica!

271
00:12:20,156 --> 00:12:22,986
Da, super. Gledao sam Franza Ferdinada
na fest...

272
00:12:23,075 --> 00:12:25,695
Žena je na terenu.
Ukrala je loptu. Trči.

273
00:12:25,786 --> 00:12:27,326
Pobjegla je kočijom.

274
00:12:27,413 --> 00:12:28,463
Evo sirene.

275
00:12:28,539 --> 00:12:31,419
Toronto je pobijedio Trading Company
s 27:0.

276
00:12:31,876 --> 00:12:34,996
Gubitnici se za kaznu šalju u rat.

277
00:12:35,504 --> 00:12:37,764
Pobjednici dijele plijen.

278
00:12:38,257 --> 00:12:40,587
Dobivaju slavljenički put u rat.

279
00:12:41,385 --> 00:12:43,925
Idemo, momci.
Za brojne poginule.

280
00:12:44,013 --> 00:12:45,433
Vražje njemačke kobase!

281
00:12:45,514 --> 00:12:48,854
Bacanje u dalj je teško.
Nadam se da neću nekoga pogoditi

282
00:12:49,101 --> 00:12:50,231
dok treniram.

283
00:12:50,311 --> 00:12:52,691
Kako igrati tenis:
-kupi breskve, kakica

284
00:12:54,565 --> 00:12:57,225
Brodene, mogao si ići
i običnom liječniku.

285
00:12:57,318 --> 00:13:00,988
Ali pogođen sam uslijed bacanja u dalj
pa sam došao sportskom.

286
00:13:01,071 --> 00:13:04,531
Dr. Michelle Brasier
najtraženija je liječnica

287
00:13:04,617 --> 00:13:05,827
u industriji.

288
00:13:05,910 --> 00:13:08,370
Kada liječite profesionalne sportaše,

289
00:13:08,621 --> 00:13:11,421
znate da su njihove ozljede drukčije.

290
00:13:11,499 --> 00:13:12,499
Hej, Michelle.

291
00:13:12,583 --> 00:13:14,593
-Kako si?
-Dobro sam, Mark.

292
00:13:14,668 --> 00:13:17,208
-Kako si?
-Mislim da sam prehlađen.

293
00:13:17,296 --> 00:13:19,336
-Boli kada gutam.
-A-ha.

294
00:13:20,132 --> 00:13:22,552
Strelica me svrbi, što je sramotno.

295
00:13:22,635 --> 00:13:25,755
Osim toga, dobro sam.
Sve po starom.

296
00:13:25,846 --> 00:13:27,766
-OK.
-To mi nije problem.

297
00:13:28,599 --> 00:13:30,729
Izgradio sam ga, ali nisu došli!

298
00:13:30,810 --> 00:13:31,850
OK. Što je to?

299
00:13:31,936 --> 00:13:33,806
Kevin Costner laže!

300
00:13:33,896 --> 00:13:36,766
Istegnuo sam mišića.

301
00:13:37,817 --> 00:13:39,777
-Što se dogodilo?
-O bože!

302
00:13:39,860 --> 00:13:41,530
Ne znam. Samo sam hodao.

303
00:13:41,612 --> 00:13:44,622
Naišao sam na ekipu za vizualne efekte,

304
00:13:44,698 --> 00:13:48,078
uveli su me u prikolicu
i stavili mi ovo.

305
00:13:48,160 --> 00:13:49,500
-Oprezno!
-Boli?

306
00:13:49,578 --> 00:13:51,708
Ne, uopće. Nikako.

307
00:13:51,789 --> 00:13:53,249
Radila sam s djecom,

308
00:13:53,332 --> 00:13:57,092
a rad sa sportašima nije puno drukčiji.

309
00:13:57,711 --> 00:13:59,591
Nismo sinkronizirani.

310
00:13:59,672 --> 00:14:00,672
Jeste.

311
00:14:00,756 --> 00:14:01,916
Nismo.

312
00:14:02,007 --> 00:14:04,967
Zaronimo.

313
00:14:15,771 --> 00:14:17,571
Kako si to unio?

314
00:14:17,648 --> 00:14:21,438
Jesi li znala da je kihanje
jedna osmina orgazma?

315
00:14:21,527 --> 00:14:24,567
-Nisam baš...
-Kihnuo sam sedam puta danas.

316
00:14:24,655 --> 00:14:26,655
Što je to? Papar?

317
00:14:26,740 --> 00:14:28,410
-Ne njuši to.
-Evo ga.

318
00:14:28,492 --> 00:14:29,702
-Nemoj svršiti.
-Ne.

319
00:14:29,785 --> 00:14:30,615
Ne u klinici!

320
00:14:30,703 --> 00:14:34,503
-Preplavile su me e-poruke.
-OK.

321
00:14:36,041 --> 00:14:37,291
Utapam se!

322
00:14:38,586 --> 00:14:40,416
O bože!

323
00:14:40,504 --> 00:14:42,134
O bože! Morski pas!

324
00:14:42,715 --> 00:14:43,875
O bože!

325
00:14:44,300 --> 00:14:45,130
O bože!

326
00:14:45,217 --> 00:14:48,217
Sportske ozljede mogu biti prisutne
na razne načine.

327
00:14:48,304 --> 00:14:51,644
Na primjer, često su primjetne
kao strukture

328
00:14:51,724 --> 00:14:53,644
za humoristične likove.

329
00:14:58,731 --> 00:15:00,731
Jesi li za partiju kroketa?

330
00:15:01,358 --> 00:15:02,938
-Lopte!
-OK.

331
00:15:03,027 --> 00:15:05,817
-Još jedna lopta.
-OK.

332
00:15:05,905 --> 00:15:08,065
Gdje je Petar Pan?

333
00:15:08,157 --> 00:15:09,987
Gdje je stari Pan?

334
00:15:10,075 --> 00:15:12,615
Bok, ljubavi. Ja sam Jan

335
00:15:12,703 --> 00:15:14,503
-i imam puno...
-Zach?

336
00:15:16,457 --> 00:15:17,287
Da.

337
00:15:17,833 --> 00:15:19,463
Isprobavam novi lik.

338
00:15:19,543 --> 00:15:22,713
Ne volim svoj posao.

339
00:15:22,796 --> 00:15:25,716
NAKON OLIMPIJADE

340
00:15:27,176 --> 00:15:30,006
Fenomenalne su.

341
00:15:30,095 --> 00:15:32,345
Hvala na sjajnoj Olimpijadi.

342
00:15:32,431 --> 00:15:34,521
Imam 42 zlatne i 20 srebrnih.

343
00:15:34,600 --> 00:15:37,560
Ja sam osvojio 30 zlatnih i tri brončane.

344
00:15:37,645 --> 00:15:41,225
Ja sam dobio samo smeđe.

345
00:15:42,066 --> 00:15:43,976
Ne znam kako ste uspjeli,

346
00:15:44,485 --> 00:15:46,105
ali trening se isplatio.

347
00:15:46,195 --> 00:15:47,775
Izvolite bonsaije.

348
00:15:47,863 --> 00:15:50,663
Opa! Ovo je fora!

349
00:15:50,741 --> 00:15:52,581
-Bonsai!
-Održala si obećanje.

350
00:15:52,660 --> 00:15:54,660
-Čuvajte ih.
-Hoćemo.

351
00:15:55,537 --> 00:15:58,867
Vraćam se u svoju veliku, praznu vilu.

352
00:16:01,377 --> 00:16:02,247
Tajmaut.

353
00:16:07,049 --> 00:16:08,629
Hej, Awesome Kong.

354
00:16:09,051 --> 00:16:10,431
Hoćeš li ručati s nama?

355
00:16:10,511 --> 00:16:12,351
Božić je.

356
00:16:12,429 --> 00:16:15,019
Dečki, vrlo rado!

357
00:16:16,725 --> 00:16:18,305
Vrijeme je blagdana.

358
00:16:18,394 --> 00:16:19,524
Naše kape!

359
00:16:19,603 --> 00:16:21,113
Opa!

360
00:16:21,188 --> 00:16:22,478
Sjajan blagdan.

361
00:16:23,732 --> 00:16:25,442
Sniježi!

362
00:16:36,370 --> 00:16:39,420
Sretan Božić žele vam
Aunty Donna i Awesome King.

363
00:16:39,498 --> 00:16:40,708
I Ryan Chang.

364
00:16:40,791 --> 00:16:42,791
Aunty Donna's Big Ol' House of Fun

365
00:16:42,876 --> 00:16:45,046
Nadamo se da ti se sviđa prva sezona

366
00:16:45,129 --> 00:16:46,549
Ako ne, odjebi

367
00:16:46,630 --> 00:16:48,170
Šalimo se, gledaj dalje

368
00:16:48,257 --> 00:16:50,087
Uh-ah, uh-uh-ah

369
00:16:50,175 --> 00:16:51,965
-Tako mi treniramo
-Što?

370
00:16:52,052 --> 00:16:53,642
-Puno smo trenirali
-Da

371
00:16:53,721 --> 00:16:56,021
Kong je došla
i sakrila nam bongove

372
00:16:56,765 --> 00:16:57,725
Uh-ah

373
00:16:58,517 --> 00:17:00,017
-Uh-uh-ah
-Što?

374
00:17:00,519 --> 00:17:01,729
Uh-ah

375
00:17:01,812 --> 00:17:03,312
To mi treniramo... Uh-ah

376
00:17:04,356 --> 00:17:05,396
Uh-ah

377
00:17:06,233 --> 00:17:07,443
-Uh-uh-ah
-Što?

378
00:17:08,152 --> 00:17:08,992
Uh-ah

379
00:17:09,069 --> 00:17:10,739
-Trenirali smo
-Aunty Donna

380
00:17:11,447 --> 00:17:14,737
Gledaj, gledaj, gledaj, gledamo

381
00:17:15,200 --> 00:17:18,870
-Gledaj, gledaj, gledaj
-Aunty

382
00:17:22,750 --> 00:17:24,750
Prijevod titlova: Marija Kostović