[spooky organ music playing]
[thunder claps]
Ah!
-[groans] -[wood creaks]
[woman's shriek]
'Tis I, the despot of darkness,
and knight of nights,
the great Lindsay!
[thunder claps]
When the sun goes down,
and mortals go to sleep,
a time borne of darkness
filled with terrors, critters and creepers.
It's just beginning to awake...
a time you and I know as…
night-time!
[diabolical laugh]
Before we enter the house of Aunty Donna,
be warned that this episode will feature
satire, parody and clever wordplay!
[diabolical laughter]
[distorted laughter]
How's that for you guys?
[electronic beat plays]
[robotic voice] Aunty Donna.
[laughter]
Yeah.
[Broden stops laughing]
[resumes laughing]
Yeah!
[whimpers, cries]
Oh. Yes.
Ah, my Chinese food's arrived.
Yum yum.
[folksy Italian music playing]
[cartoonish Italian accent] Hey! Buona notte, you prick!
-I'm a stupid Italian man. -Hello.
Here's your pizza.
Well, thank you so much. How much do… Wait a minute!
This isn't Chinese food! This is pizza pie!
Okay, bye-bye.
Bloody hell.
-[doorbell rings]
That better be my Chinese food, I'll tell you that much
or else I'm gonna bloody flip a lid.
Hey! Here's your Chinese food!
Well, it's about bloody time, I'm a h… What the bloody hell?
This is pizza stuffed into a Chinese food box.
Oh, no! I'm so sorry! I'll get you Chinese food right now.
Well, thank you so much, I've had a… What the bloody hell!
This is the same box again!
Eh, okay, I'll get you Chinese food!
Hey, he think Imma get him Chinese food.
But I'll just bring him more pizza.
-I'm a regular James Bond. -I can hear you.
-Hey, Broden Kelly. -What?
-Can I tell you a secret? -Yes.
I fucked my cousin.
Jesus Christ!
Come here, I'll smack you on the bum.
-No! -Come here!
You're not gonna smack my bum!
I'll teach you a lesson!
-I'm a professional man. -I'll smack you on the bum.
I'm not gonna let you smack my bottom!
Get into my slipstream,
so I can pull your pants down!
-I will not get into your slipstream! -Why not?
'Cause if you get into my pants, you'll see my bottom.
[repeating] No!
Listen to me. I don't want the pizza pie!
I don't want a smacked bottom!
-I just want my-- -Oh, no.
-What? -I pooed my pants.
What?
Really?
-I might go. -[repeating] No!
Please stay!
Why would I stay? You just said you pooed your pants.
-Oh, no. -What?
I pooed my pants again.
Oh my God! I'm…
-I might go. -[repeating] No!
Please stay! It looks so nice and warm inside.
I could live here, and we could stay…
[normal voice] Fucking hell. Sorry.
-Do you wanna stop there? -It's weird. Can we stop? Is that alright?
Yeah, cool. Let's just cut for a minute.
-Yeah. -That was great. That was really funny.
[Mark] I know the character's based on a real person.
I'm just worried that it's maybe coming across as a little racist.
-No, molto dolce. -No, not at all, man.
And I would say, because you're Italian, it's okay.
-Like, if I was doing it, it wouldn't. -Yeah.
-[Broden] It's fine. -Okay.
I'd love to go for one more, but it's almost lunchtime,
so we could just take a break anyway.
-Sure. Sorry. Sorry, everyone. -[Zach] It's really funny, man.
[sighs]
[Mark] Hey, mum.
Yeah. Yeah, I'm alright.
I, uh…
[sighs] We're shooting this sketch at the moment,
and it's kind of about my Italian heritage.
And I'm just worried…
that the guys don't fully understand it.
And that it's coming across as disrespectful.
Hey! I don't know! I'm just a stupid old mamma mia!
Oh, I've got to go. I make a big bowl of spaghetti!
Oh, no.
[gasps] I do a poo in my pants.
[electronic beat plays]
[whispering] Little Zachy having a cheeky midnight snack.
Who knows what num-nums he'll find in the refrigerator?
Oh, I have to be very quiet with the door.
[metal squeaks loudly]
What to eat?
Apple or pudding?
Apple or a little pot of pudding?
Apple or a little pot of pre-packaged pudding?
[whispering] What are you doing?
I'm having a midnight snack.
[ghostly] Oh! Zach…
what snack have you got?
-[slide whistle] -Little pot of pudding.
[whispering] What should Mark have?
Broden's leftover noodles,
or Noodles Leftover Broden?
Surely, Broden won't mind if I have one noodle.
What's one noodle?
[slurping]
One noodle…
[distorted] One noodle…
One noodle…
What's one noodle?
[dramatic whirring]
[Zach] One noodle.
[loud creaking]
Sh! Don't wake the Broden.
[shushing continues]
Broden…
[whispering] Who's been eating my zha jiang mian?
We have no idea, man. Like, we just came into the kitchen.
And when we opened the fridge, it was gone.
We just have no idea. Maybe it was some sort of night thief or something.
But we just came to the kitchen, and it was gone, man.
[normal voice] Lucky for you, cheese single.
-[zooming] -[Mark gasps]
[curious strings playing]
[shouting] I love a cheese single!
Marky sleepy.
Warm milk or morning brown?
Drink milk. Yes, milk.
No, not coffee.
[vocalizing high] Yes.
[vocalizing low] No.
[vocalizing high and low] Yes. No. No.
If he drinks the milk, he'll sleep 'til dawn does break.
[floor creaking]
Oh, look. It's the Sandman.
-He's come to give us wonderful dreams. -[ominous music playing]
Oh, thank you, Sandman.
I can't wait to greet the Sandman.
Oh, Sandman!
Sandman, here he comes.
[Mark] What's he doing?
-[Sandman vocalizing] -Oh, he's dancing.
[all] Oh, wow.
-What the fuck is… -[music intensifies]
[electronic beat plays]
[narrator] In a world where guns are illegal
and the cops belong to the highest bidder,
drinks are thin.
[dramatic electronic beat plays]
[screams] The Qantas Crew killed Leg Head.
They don't know what's coming for 'em.
Yeah!
Who thinks, an eye for an eye, a life for a life?
Yeah!
Keep it down, will ya? You're giving me a headache. [laughs]
Need an Alka-Seltzer.
Oh, goodness, um…
[Zach] You don't get it, do you? You don't get it. There you go.
[man] Is it my punishment to eternally suffer fools?
I had Leg Head killed.
[all gasp]
She was a spy for Mr. Many Heads,
and I had the Qantas Crew framed for her murder,
leaving, leaving us the vindication… to attack.
[woman] Did you really think I'd be so easy to kill?
-[all gasp] -[Mark] Leg Head, you're alive!
That's impossible. I killed you.
Or did you?
[all gasp]
That is the thickest drink I've ever seen.
Hey, thanks for the energy drinks, Mark.
No worries. I hear these give you cancer.
What have we got here, boys?
-Hey? -Uh-oh. Here's trouble.
Who wants a bloody brewski?
No, thank you, man. We're good with our energy drinks.
-Come on! -[Zach] Okay.
Okay. Alright, Professor Trouble. Keep it down.
You've bloody convinced us, okay?
Tuesday night, get to sleep. It'll help us sleep.
Yeah, one and done, mate. One and done.
-Boys! -Double trouble.
Call me Van Wilder 'cause we're having a fucking party!
-Okay. -Jeez Louise.
Just this, and then we're done.
Oh, okay.
-Oh my God! Okay. Uh oh. -Jesus Christ!
Don't forget it all!
-Wow! -Oh, no.
-Is that… -Righto. Come on.
-[Mark] Alright, this is… -[Zach] This is too much trouble.
Put on your aprons!
-Oh my God! -Go turn the neon lights on.
We're a bar now!
[rock music playing]
We're a big bar now.
Who wants a drink?
[crowd cheering]
Excuse me, who runs this establishment?
Yo, bro! Some suit looking to speak witcha.
Uh-oh. Here's trouble.
Relax.
I'm just here to check your liquor license.
-My liquor license? -[man] Aye.
Oh, well, funny thing about my liquor license is it's right…
here.
Everything seems to be in order here.
Yeah, we were!
Wait a second! How do I know you're the liquor license inspector?
Oh, you wanna see my credentials, do you?
I do.
Well, as a matter of fact,
they're right…
here.
Well, alright, alright.
-[whizzing, puncturing] -[gurgling]
Oh my God, Zach,
-what have you done? -He was gonna fuckin' make us.
-I didn't know what to do. -[Broden] He was on board!
I was on board.
He was on board!
We have to get rid of the fucking body!
Liquor boy!
[screams, gasps]
Thank God, it was just a dream.
Mark! Why did you just walk off? You don't get to walk off and go to sleep
after Zach murdered someone!
Come on! You've gotta help! Mark! Answer me, Mark!
Seriously! Fuckin' hell, Mark!
[screams, gasps]
Thank God. That was just a dream, too.
Why'd you just close your eyes and pretend to go back to sleep?
Why did you do that?
We've got to cut up the body, Mark! Come on!
Not the sleeping pills!
-[repeats] No, give me those pills. -Give me those pills! I just wanna sleep!
-Give me the pills. -You're not getting the pills.
[electronic beat plays]
-[bell tolls] -[thunder claps]
If you're enjoying the episode so far,
why not give Aunty Donna a follow on Facebook,
and let them know how spooky this episode is.
And remember Twitter and Instagram!
[diabolical laugh]
[narrator] And now for Two Men Who Definitely Don't Want To Fight.
-Hey, bro. -Hey, bro. How are you?
-Yeah, good. What's up? -You having a good night?
Yeah. You?
Yeah, I'm just having a night out with my friends.
-You wanna fight? -You wanna fight right now?
-Is that what you wanna do? -I don't wanna fight.
Stop! Stop it!
No one wants to fight, so stop saying you wanna fight!
Are you saying I wanna fight?
I don't wanna fight you, but you leave me no option.
-Oh, shit. What the fuck? -Mixed martial arts training.
-Shit! -Nobody here wants to fight.
Nobody wants a fight!
-That's what I said! -Coming at you.
-You coming at me? -I'm not coming at you.
Oh, why?
-I'm not trying to fight you. -If you're trying to fight me…
-I don't wanna fight you, bro. -Don't! Your scholarship!
What the fuck is this, man?
You don't wanna start something you can't finish.
-Bro, what the fuck is this? -[blows raspberry]
Do not cross that line, mate.
-What line, man? I don't see a line. -It's a metaphorical line.
-I'd appreciate it if you drew the line. -Alright, I will!
-Fair go. -Yeah, so that's the line.
I wanna go home!
I've one call, all of my cousins lined up in the street in their Subarus.
Fuck you, man!
Cousin, cousin, cousin, cousin!
I'm gonna be like Neo. Your cousins're gonna be like Agent Smith.
And I'm gonna be like this…
Oh God! Oh God! My cousins are dead!
You guys are tearing this ska band apart!
Whoa! Who are you, a boxer?
Who are you, a boxer?
Speaking of which, I am going to New York soon.
-No. -Yes.
To see Richard?
I don't know. I was thinking about it.
-Hey! -Fuck you!
-Hey! Whoa! -Hey!
Are you guys fighting right now?
-'Cause we don't wanna have to arrest you. -We do not wanna arrest you.
Growl! Growl!
-I don't wanna arrest you! -Whoa. Whoa.
You need to chill out, cop.
I swear to God, I'll arrest him!
[chanting] I don't wanna arrest you.
-Why are you guys doing this? -Come on!
I just wanna feel alive!
-You wanna feel alive? -Yeah.
-You wanna feel alive? -Yes!
Let's feel alive!
How does this make you feel?
-[Mark] I feel seen. -[Broden] Beautiful.
I find this, Goya's unapologetic examination of war,
to be his magnum opus.
I prefer Goya's early work exploring the human form
through acquainted etchings, you piece of shit!
[shouting]
You wanna fight me?
I don't wanna use this!
-[Broden] Get out of the way! -[woman] Oh my God! Get into the bar.
I just wanted to have a night out with my friends!
Can I trouble you for a hot toddy?
Oh, yeah. I think we can rustle one of those up.
-One hot toddy. -A very hot toddy.
One hot toddy.
In England, we don't have bars.
No, we just have pubs where we drink warm ale, pints of cider,
that kind of thing.
-You can-- -Sorry. Sorry.
Zach?
-You're getting very close. -Very good.
-Yeah. -Three out of ten.
Thought I'd just drop the jam stuff.
[screaming]
-Shivers. -Shivers.
-Shivers. Oh, shivers. Shivers.
Quick, Mark! Call SWAT!
Okay, I'll call them now.
-[ominous music playing] -[guns clattering]
[hip hop beat playing]
[crowd screaming]
♪ We're the SWAT boys We love swatting around ♪
♪ Kevlar, helmets, swatting up your town ♪
♪ We'll breach your house We'll tase your scrot ♪
♪ We're sticky like a mouse If a mouse did SWAT ♪
♪ We use a torch, baton And the butt of a gun ♪
♪ To knock you in the scone But it's all good fun ♪
♪ We're the SWAT boys We'll mace you in the face ♪
♪ We've got SWAT toys And a cool shoelace ♪
♪ SWATs love to dance When it's practical ♪
♪ We whack and prance While being tactical ♪
♪ We're cool under pressure Get a trigger and we'll pull it ♪
♪ Nothing talks like Fran Drescher And we use rubber bullets ♪
♪ We're the SWAT boys We use undue force ♪
♪ Make SWAT noise for our hobby horse ♪
♪ "What's SWAT stand for?" Asks many a chap ♪
♪ It means sometimes We love to tap ♪
[tapping]
♪ I'm a naughty Swatter I like to be cheeky ♪
♪ I skate, smoke and even graffiti ♪
♪ When a SWAT guy's doing What a SWAT should not ♪
♪ That's when you call the SWAT SWAT ♪
♪ We reprimand SWAT With our SWAT SWAT skills ♪
♪ Are we SWAT? No, we're not, we run SWAT SWAT drills ♪
♪ We're the SWAT SWAT And we SWAT SWAT ♪
♪ SWAT swaddle SWAT SWAT SWAT SWAT SWAT SWAT ♪
♪ And we're the SWAT boys And we're SWAT SWAT ♪
♪ Together we make SWAT SWAT SWAT SWAT ♪
♪ SWAT SWAT SWAT SWAT SWAT SWAT-SWAT-SWAT SWAT ♪
♪ Well, thank you, SWAT You've saved the-- ♪
-[screaming] God! Oh, fuck!
[SWAT SWAT] Get on the fucking ground! Get on the ground!
[screaming]
We never run the tap routine!
I called! I called you!
-Bye-bye, SWAT. -Hooroo, boys.
-Bye-bye. -Righto, boys.
-Look after yourselves. -See you, boys.
Oof!
The sun is rising.
It's beautiful.
It's getting bigger. [chuckles]
It's getting closer.
The sun is literally running towards us.
[screaming]
I'm gonna get you!
[upbeat music playing]
[bell tolls]
As the sun rises
and mortals wake,
daylight once again conq--
I'm gonna get ya!
-[upbeat music playing] -[screaming]
-[Broden] Get her! -I'm gonna get ya!
♪ Aunty Donna ♪
-♪ Aunty Donna ♪ -♪ Aunty Donna ♪
♪ Aunty Donna's Big Ol' House of Fun ♪
♪ We hope you're liking season one ♪
♪ If not, get fucked and leave, you dog ♪
♪ Just joking, please keep watching ♪
♪ Spooky, spooky, oh so spooky ♪
♪ Goblins, ghouls and ghosts are spooky ♪
♪ Spooky spiders, spooky cat ♪
♪ Spooky fear of shitting my pants ♪
♪ Spooky spiders ♪
♪ Spooky cat ♪
♪ Spooky spiders ♪
♪ Goblins, ghouls and ghosts are spooky ♪
♪ Spooky spiders ♪
♪ Spooky cat ♪
♪ Spooky spiders ♪
-♪ Goblins, ghouls ♪ -♪ Aunty Donna ♪
♪ Watch, watch, watch, watching ♪
-♪ Watch, watch, watch ♪ -♪ Aunty ♪
-♪ Watch, watch, watch ♪ -♪ Donna ♪
-♪ Watch, watch ♪ -♪ A-A-A-Aunty Donna ♪