-[roar of audience] -[upbeat music playing]
[announcer] We return to The Quiz Show. And for the final quickfire speedy round,
welcome your special host, it's Pausey Pete!
Pausey Pete?
Okay, let's…
begin.
What is the…
[time ticking]
Hey, Pausey Pete, do you actually have to pause this much?
Well, my name is Pausey Pete, but you don't have to wait until…
-Until you finish the question? -…I finish the question.
I'll jump in, but can you hurry up?
Okay, what is the capital city…
-Hurry up. -…of the United…
Uh, uh, uh, Washington, D.C.
…Arab Emirates? The answer is, of course, Abu Dhabi.
-[Garry groans] -How many dalmatians…
-Oh my God! -…were there in One Hundred and…
101!
…Two Dalmatians?
-[buzzer] -Oh, the fucking sequel!
That classic sequel; 102 was the answer.
Damn you, Pausey Pete!
-Okay. -Damn you to hell!
What is the tallest mountain in the world…
Mount Everest.
-…of Middle-earth? - [Garry] No!
Mount Doom's the answer there, from the Lord of the Rings books.
-Okay, here's an-- -Stop pausing so much!
…easy one. A fireman drives what kind of vehicle…
[gasps]
[time ticking]
-A fire truck. -…to work?
-No! -The answer is, of course, any vehicle
except for a fire truck.
Hurry up, please!
You are just two points shy of a billion dollars.
There's ten seconds on the clock. Here we…
Say "go," you pausey shithead!
Go! An apple a day keeps the what away?
-Doctor! -Yes, doctor!
Doctor Who is the fastest runner in the world…
Usain Bolt!
…true or false?
Oh, the answer was false.
Doctor Who is not the faster runner in the world.
-He's a fictional character. -No, no, no, no, no.
You said, "Who is the fastest runner in the world?"
No, no, I said, "Doctor Who is the fastest runner in the world, true or false?
No, no, no!
You said doctor, and then you paused,
and then you said, "Who is the fastest runner in the world?"!
That is literally the only time I didn't pause!
I hate you, Pausey Pete!
You hate me?
I hate me!
-Did you have fun, though? -Had a great time.
-Fantastic. -Thank you.
Great. Just wave to the camera there.
That's a really fun show.
- ♪ Watching TV ♪ - [man] Again.
♪ With my best friends And we're watching TV ♪
[man] Telegram.
Oh! Thank you.
[ominous music builds]
[slide whistle]
Oh, my God! It's a letter from the Buckingham Palace.
-The Queen's house? -No duh, Sherlock. Ever read a book?
What is your fucking problem?
"Dear silly boys,
The Queen has asked me to inform you
that she will be joining you for dinner at your abode this very evening.
Regards, Sir Tommy Nipple Tassels."
A dinner party!
[all gasp]
Are you gonna cut away? What--
[electronic beat playing]
[robotic voice] One, two, one, two, Aunty Donna.
Broden.
Zach.
Mark.
Aunty Donna.
Polish them spoons, boys. If the Queen sees a dirty spoon,
she'll be out that door faster than a startled colt at the Kentucky.
I hope the Queen likes our shiny spoons.
Less yap, more shine. The sooner we're done,
the sooner you can have a glass of kombucha.
Sorry. I'm just so nervous.
I don't even know what to cook for the…
-[slow, sensual music playing] -[deep exhale]
-Oh. -Sorry!
No, that's okay.
No, no, no, that was all me.
-What's going on here? -Nothing. We're just shining spoons!
Tell you what, when I'm done with these spoons,
you'll be able to see yourself…
-[slow, sensual music playing] -[deep exhale]
[repeats] I didn't see you there.
Whoops again.
You two are such goofs.
I mean, I don't know what…
-[slow, sensual music playing] -[deep exhale]
-Oh… -Sorry.
No, no, no. That was me.
This is ridiculous. Mark, Zach, Zach, behave your…
-[pants] -[slow, sensual music playing]
-Oh. -What?
[slow, sensual music continues]
[moans, gasps]
[deep exhale]
[gasps]
This is ridiculous!
I need a big glass of kombucha to clear my head of…
-[slow, sensual music playing] -[deep exhale]
-[music restarts, cuts out] -Oh.
[electronic beat playing]
Where is Zach?
We sent him to get a jukebox 15 minutes ago for the dinner party.
I know. He can be such a silly sausage.
Oh! So true. He can be a silly sausage.
-Yeah. Such a silly sausage. -Silly, silly sausage.
-He's such a silly sausage sometimes. -Sausage!
-No! -Fuck, fuck, fuck no!
Zach! You're a fucking idiot!
-It was an accident. -Hey, daddios.
I don't mind being called a silly dausage. I mean, it's not even a real word.
No, he called you a silly sausage.
I will kill you!
-I'm sorry. -I'm not a silly sausage!
[Broden] No, Zach!
[Zach screams, cries]
He's alright. He's alright.
I'm not a silly sausage.
[Zach weeps]
As requested, I present to you one jukebox.
Zach, that's not a jukebox. That's a man.
Oh okay, Richard Dawkins.
I'll just put a coin into this man then, shall I?
[laughs] There we go.
♪ Hey baby, gonna drive around tonight Gonna drive, drive, drive… ♪
What the Hoobastank are you doing? That's a man in a chair.
That is literally impossible because I gave a man 500 dollars
to find me a jukebox.
So if what you're saying is the case,
-why is there a jukebox here, hmm? -[metal clangs]
♪ A well-a well-a well gonna drive With a baby tonight ♪
♪ Gonna drive Right into a swimming pool… ♪
Right, now he's said there's a baby in a car,
and now he's driven that into a pool.
God damn it! He just winked at me!
Zach! Where's our 500 dollars?
Cut the gas, daddio.
If this half cat ain't no jukebox,
-then explain this. -[metal clangs]
♪ Gonna fish the baby out of the pool… ♪
[Broden] Oh my sweet Jesus Christ.
♪ Get the baby pool, get the baby… ♪
[slows, powers off]
Oh, he's a jukebox. I get it.
♪ Hey, gonna drive all around the town ♪
♪ Gonna drive with my baby… ♪
Come on, Broden. You need to stop being such a…
[cymbal beat]
cunt.
I'm not a cunt. I'm just a healthy skeptic.
If you're such a good jukebox-getter, why don't you get us a better jukebox.
Alright, I will.
What do you reckon of this jukebox, boyos?
Now that's what I call a jukebox.
Now this one was two grand, but that's what you pay for authenticity.
Where's me bloody quarter?
-Do you need money? -I need a quarter, yeah.
Thank you. I appreciate it.
There you go.
♪ Hey baby, gonna dance all night ♪
♪ Gonna dance… ♪
If I'm not careful, I'll be burning holes in my soles.
Someone needs to switch to decaf.
[ominous music builds]
[quietly] I said, somebody better switch to decaf.
[gasps]
What…
[buzzing]
They haven't laughed in six episodes.
-[strings crescendo] -[buzzing increases]
[electronic beat playing]
Call me BNN 'cause I've got some Broden News News.
I booked us a session with a professional stylist.
Wow!
-Let's go try on clothes! -[Mark, Zach] Yeah!
[upbeat pop playing]
-Yeah! -Come on! Get in!
Fashion. Shopping. Fashion. And clothes.
Oh God, this is such a great idea.
There she is! Hey! [laughs]
Gotta find a parking spot.
We're gonna look flash for the Queen.
Fashion. Shopping. Fashion. And clothes.
God, it is full. This car park is full.
[Broden] Can't find a spot.
-[Mark] It's coming. -Let's go around.
Are these people going?
Uh, are they saying goodbye?
Are you… Well, if you stop, I can ask.
Let's do another loop.
Cut that out now, I reckon, yeah.
Broman, did you wanna take one of the side streets, or… ?
I get the sense this is quite residential now.
I don't think you're gonna find anything.
-They really should just have… -[Broden] Oh my God!
I can jump out, tell her we're gonna be--
No, it's gonna be five minutes. It's fine. It's gonna be five minutes.
These areas, like, because I don't wanna spend…
Get out, Zach.
Get out. Get Out. Get out now. Get out.
We can't just fucking wait here!
-[repeating] Go! -Get out!
Sorry about this. They shouldn't be too long.
That's okay. I understand.
Infrastructure here is a fucking joke. Always has been.
You getting upset's not gonna change it, mate.
I'm not fucking upset, fuck head!
[chuckles]
You call me fucking this and fucking that like I'm nothing, like I don't matter.
I forgive you. I forgive you.
-You forgive me? -Yeah.
For what?
For yelling.
You yelled.
You yelled. You fucking… You fucking yelled!
Um, I'm sorry, but I'm gonna have to close up shop.
Bro, I had a really good fashion montage. I know we didn't get dressed or anything,
but I thought it was a really good fashion montage.
-Okay? -Thank you. Thanks.
♪ It's time to get sexy It's time to get fresh ♪
[electronic beat playing]
The Queen hath never deemed fit to visit my family estate.
Sorry, I didn't catch your name.
I'm Lord Whoopee, Master of Etiquette and Manners.
Did you not request my services for this evening's engagement?
Yeah, but did you just break into our house?
No.
The first lesson and the truest test of any gentleman
is the simple act of sitting down.
Broden, I presume. Please, take a seat.
[shouting]
Is that a whoopee cushion?
What are you waiting for?
A handwritten invitation?
[whoopee cushion farting]
And you think yourself ready,
ready to entertain Her Royal Majesty the Queen of England?
[chuckles]
[Mark] What are you doing?
[patting]
You, the one they call Tim.
-[Mark] Mark. -Mark.
You think you will fare better at the task of sitting down?
-Probably not. He put a whoopee cushion-- -No.
-Show me then. -Just sit down.
Um, alright.
[whoopee cushion farts]
[farts again]
-I know that wasn't you. -Oh?
I have a tool, you see? But they don't know that.
To them, you've just got a farty bottom.
-This is very silly. This is a very sill-- -This is absurd.
-[whoopee cushion inflating] -He's blowing it up again.
Do I dare two at once?
And so it shall be.
[diabolical laugh]
[Lord Whoopee screams]
Now I will sit down!
-But I've forgotten where I-- -[whoopee cushions fart dramatically]
There it is.
Like Icarus,
I have flown too close to the sun.
Oh, hubris.
Oh, instruments of darkness.
You have shown me that it was not them.
But rather I who was the farty farty bum bum all along.
[gasps]
-[narrator] And he died. -[clock tolling]
From that day forth,
fart tools were renamed in Lord Whoopie's honor.
They became known
as Lordie Cushions.
[Broden grunts]
[giggling]
[incoherent shouting]
-Did I scare ya? -Yes, you did.
So much so that you made me piss my pants.
Oh my God!
Ugh.
You did so good at scaring me, Broden,
that you made me piss my pants, see?
Okay.
You didn't seem very scared.
-Well, I was. I was terrified. -Okay.
If I'm being honest, I think you pissed your pants earlier
and now you're using me coming and scaring you
as an excuse to say you pissed your pants.
Is that what happened?
-Yes. -Okay.
Can you vacuum the house? This place isn't fit for a queen.
And I ain't talking 'bout RuPaul.
Are you talking about the actual Queen of England?
-Yes. -[Zach] Yeah.
-I'll go get the vacuum then. -Thank you. And wait, let's talk biscuits.
Why the fuck is the place covered in biscuits?
Did we shoot a sketch I was not involved in where biscuits covered the floor…
[narrator] Hello there.
I wonder, have you ever asked yourself,
"Hmm, what goes on underneath my cupboard?
Is there a tiny man that lives under there?"
Well, why don't we ask!?
♪ Tiny little man ♪
♪ Titchy tiny little man ♪
♪ His best friend's made of buttons And his bed's a slice of ham ♪
♪ When you drop a rubber band ♪
♪ Well, he begins to shine ♪
♪ With the help of some toothpicks He'll make a washing line ♪
♪ His table's made of buttons Held together with some gum ♪
♪ And his pillow is an olive That he puts inside his tum ♪
♪ For bread he'll eat Your breakfast crumbs ♪
♪ That have fallen on the floor ♪
♪ For jam he'll use a tiny jar of jam He bought from the tiny store ♪
♪ Because there is a tiny store Where he can buy normal things ♪
♪ That are small, but for some reason ♪
♪ Sometimes he'll make things From stuff you drop on the floor ♪
♪ He works as a tiny broker ♪
♪ Trading regular Wall Street stock ♪
♪ But talking on a normal sized phone ♪
♪ Can be rather cocked ♪
♪ So he went to the tiny store And bought a Bluetooth headset ♪
♪ But then the market dropped ♪
♪ Points are at one percent ♪
♪ Now points are at one percent Might not seem like much to you ♪
♪ But because he is very small ♪
♪ To him it's rather huge ♪
♪ To him points are at one percent Is a million percent ♪
♪ So we tied a noose with a hair tie ♪
♪ That was pink and fluorescent ♪
♪ Tiny little man ♪
♪ Very, very, very small tiny man ♪
♪ Be careful what you drop He might use it to kill himself ♪
♪ He loves to chat to his best friend ♪
♪ They sing and dance and play all day ♪
♪ His best friend loves to… ♪
What the bloody hell is that?
No! No!
Don't let go!
[screams] No! No! No!
No!
Are you happy now, Broden?
Shut up.
[electronic beat playing]
-[Zach groans] -The beans are getting cold.
-What's the time, Broden? -4:30.
-Dinner time. -Guess she isn't coming.
-Humph! -Well, hey now, boys.
Sure the Queen stood us up.
You're not gonna let that ruin the great times we've had together, are you?
Humph!
Remember that time we won all those award necklaces at 'Lympics?
[slow piano music plays]
I guess so.
What about those morning browns?
I guess that was kinda cool.
And what about that one time it was night-time?
[slowed down] Night-time.
[Mark] You're right, Broden.
Maybe the most royal-est thing of all wasn't the Queen coming over to dinner
but the friendships we made.
Oh, now she's here.
["Rule Britannia!" playing]
Yeah!
What's up, you pieces of shit!
I'm ready to party!
Woo!
What's it like living in the Buckingham Palace?
Oh! Spooky.
I can't believe it. Two real-life Grenadier Guardsmen.
Yeah, we're the real deal, baby. You know?
-Thank you so much. -[the Queen] You're welcome.
Yum, yum, yum, yum, yum.
And then the bad reviews come in.
-Were you stealing spoons? -What…
What?
-[the Queen] Chill. -Who wants gravy?
-You do! -Okay!
-Yeah! -[slurping]
He didn't steal the spoon.
-So, just shut up about it. -Okay. Jesus.
I'm the fucking Queen of England.
Oh, hell yeah! Jukebox!
-Yeah! -[dubstep playing]
What do you think of this, Queen?
Yeah, it's fucking sick.
I've been watching The Crown. That shit's lit.
Yeah, it's about you.
-What? -You're the Queen.
-No, The Crown I've been watching. -[Mark] Yeah.
Dance! Dance! Dance!
Who the fuck are you?
What the fuck are you?
-Who the fuck are you? -[shuddering]
What happened?
Somebody wanna do some molly or…?
Oh Jesus.
[shouting]
[Mark] Oh, yeah!
-[Zach] Unbelievable. -[Mark] Go, Queen.
Uh-oh. Knock, knock.
-Who am I? -This guy!
It's disrespectful.
It's a bit disrespectful.
[wretching]
-Didn't ruin the party. -You had a nice time. I'm a messy bitch.
-[doorbell] -[knocking]
Good evening. I'm Sir Tommy Nipple Tassels.
-Come on. -I don't wanna go.
I don't wanna go.
I'm gonna waste my time? I was eating a bread.
I can be fun, too.
-[Zach] Yeah? -Yeah, I'm a fun guy.
[Mark groaning, choking]
Tap out, baby!
Tap out!
Ah! That was fun!
Guys, I'm sorry, I have to be corny for half a second.
-[Mark] Yeah. -Thank you so much.
You have thrown the best party. Thank you.
-Cheers. No worries. -[the Queen] You're the best.
-Thank you. -[whopee cushion farting]
What?
[gasps]
-[gasps] -[laughter]
[laughing harder and harder]
They're laughing! They're laughing!
We bloody did it!
[cheering]
Yes!
We've bloody done it!
[cheering]
We've been Aunty Donna!
Wow.
[triumphant fanfare playing]
Oh, yeah!
We thank you!
[robotic voice] Aunty Donna.
♪ Aunty Donna's Big Ol' House of Fun We hope you're liking season one ♪
♪ Tiny little man ♪
[slows to distortion]
[emotional music playing]
No!
[dramatic music intensifies]
Aunty Donna.
♪ Aunty Donna's Big Ol' House of Fun ♪
♪ We hope you're liking season one ♪
♪ If not, get fucked and leave, you dog ♪
♪ Just joking, please keep watching ♪
♪ This ep had guests, they were funny ♪
♪ Brendan, Tawny, Paul and Ify ♪
♪ Pepto, Bang Bang, Mavis Jo ♪
-♪ Thanks Brett, Mike, Corinne, Jargo ♪ -♪ And Jason ♪
♪ Thanks Brett ♪
♪ Thanks Mike ♪
-♪ Thanks Corinne, thanks Jargo ♪ -♪ And Jason ♪
♪ Thanks Brett ♪
♪ Thanks Mike ♪
-♪ Thanks Corinne, thanks Jargo ♪ -♪ Aunty Donna ♪
♪ Watch, watch, watch, watching ♪
-♪ Watch, watch, watch ♪ -♪ Aunty ♪
-♪ Watch, watch, watch ♪ -♪ Donna ♪