1 00:00:40,306 --> 00:00:41,608 [sighs] 2 00:00:41,674 --> 00:00:44,144 [both breathing heavily] 3 00:00:44,844 --> 00:00:46,413 You were incredible. 4 00:00:47,046 --> 00:00:49,282 My heart is still racing. 5 00:00:50,717 --> 00:00:52,685 I felt it too. 6 00:00:52,752 --> 00:00:54,721 All thanks to your brute strength, Dash, 7 00:00:54,788 --> 00:00:58,124 and your knowledge of ancient Aramaic mathematics. 8 00:00:58,191 --> 00:01:01,127 Please. This has nothing to do with my two doctorates 9 00:01:01,194 --> 00:01:03,096 and my master's in Gender Studies 10 00:01:03,963 --> 00:01:06,766 and everything to do with you, Dr. Lovemore. 11 00:01:07,400 --> 00:01:09,335 The truth is, 12 00:01:09,402 --> 00:01:11,805 I never thought I would find the Lost City of D. 13 00:01:11,871 --> 00:01:14,674 I would choose your words carefully. [hissing] 14 00:01:14,741 --> 00:01:16,709 They will be your last. 15 00:01:16,776 --> 00:01:20,580 You led me right to King Kalaman's tomb 16 00:01:20,647 --> 00:01:24,284 and his queen's legendary Crown of Fire. 17 00:01:24,350 --> 00:01:27,287 And now I will be very rich, 18 00:01:27,353 --> 00:01:30,089 and you will be very dead. 19 00:01:30,990 --> 00:01:34,427 Hold up. Are these-- Are these your snakes? 20 00:01:34,494 --> 00:01:36,329 No, they were just here. 21 00:01:36,396 --> 00:01:38,698 There were just hundreds of snakes in this temple 22 00:01:38,765 --> 00:01:40,667 just waiting for us to show up? 23 00:01:40,733 --> 00:01:42,869 Who feeds them? You feed them? No, what do they eat? 24 00:01:42,936 --> 00:01:45,371 Why is that one not biting that guy? Why is that happening? 25 00:01:45,438 --> 00:01:48,341 -Are they trained not to bite henchmen or something? -[captor] Yeah, well... 26 00:01:48,408 --> 00:01:50,543 [Dr. Lovemore] I mean, the snake-to-temple ratio alone... 27 00:01:50,610 --> 00:01:52,879 This is ridiculous. Delete. 28 00:01:54,347 --> 00:01:56,216 I-- I think my character can still work. 29 00:01:56,282 --> 00:01:58,218 Delete. 30 00:01:58,284 --> 00:02:00,220 Loretta, you still have a story to write. 31 00:02:00,887 --> 00:02:02,121 Delete. 32 00:02:04,691 --> 00:02:06,759 [voice mail] Hey, it's me, Beth. 33 00:02:06,826 --> 00:02:09,295 I don't want to pull the whole "I'm your publisher" card, but I am. 34 00:02:09,362 --> 00:02:11,564 And I'm really looking forward to seeing this last chapter. 35 00:02:11,631 --> 00:02:13,867 But no pressure. No, there actually is pressure. 36 00:02:13,933 --> 00:02:17,804 The exact amount of pressure that motivates you but doesn't paralyze you. 37 00:02:17,871 --> 00:02:19,272 You got this. 38 00:02:20,807 --> 00:02:22,175 Thank you. 39 00:02:22,242 --> 00:02:24,310 [voice mail tone] [Beth] Me again. 40 00:02:24,377 --> 00:02:26,279 Okay, so everything is set for the book tour, 41 00:02:26,346 --> 00:02:29,215 but, uh, the only thing we need is a book to tour with. 42 00:02:29,282 --> 00:02:31,451 I can't help but get the feeling that you're not finishing 43 00:02:31,518 --> 00:02:34,220 because you don't want to leave your house. 44 00:02:34,287 --> 00:02:39,325 Listen, I know these last five years have been hard after John's passing, 45 00:02:39,392 --> 00:02:42,629 and it feels easier to live in your bathtub, 46 00:02:42,695 --> 00:02:45,565 drinking Chardonnay on ice. 47 00:02:45,632 --> 00:02:48,468 But, girl, there is a great big world waiting for you 48 00:02:48,535 --> 00:02:51,404 and a book tour that I can't cancel, so just make it happen, all right? 49 00:02:51,471 --> 00:02:52,539 Love you, bye! 50 00:03:11,691 --> 00:03:13,226 [Dash] We have to keep going. 51 00:03:14,227 --> 00:03:16,763 Let's see what's on the other side of that door. 52 00:03:16,829 --> 00:03:18,765 But what if there isn't anything? 53 00:03:19,499 --> 00:03:21,601 There's only one way to find out. 54 00:03:22,669 --> 00:03:24,637 Then Lovemore realized 55 00:03:24,704 --> 00:03:27,206 the treasure she wanted was lost forever 56 00:03:27,273 --> 00:03:29,509 and her adventures were coming to an end. 57 00:03:29,576 --> 00:03:30,743 That doesn't feel right. 58 00:03:30,810 --> 00:03:32,645 Yeah, but that's it. 59 00:03:32,712 --> 00:03:33,980 That's the end. 60 00:03:43,056 --> 00:03:44,624 Well, John, 61 00:03:45,391 --> 00:03:46,526 here I go. 62 00:03:46,593 --> 00:03:48,695 Dulcius ex asperis. 63 00:03:55,568 --> 00:03:58,304 -[Beth] Okay, honey, it's showtime. -Are you sure about this? 64 00:03:58,371 --> 00:04:01,874 Because I have a wedgie in the back and in the front in this thing. 65 00:04:01,941 --> 00:04:04,344 I feel like a nerdy figure skater. 66 00:04:04,410 --> 00:04:06,946 Sexy. Stunner. I'm all about it. No, it's not. It's not. 67 00:04:07,013 --> 00:04:09,015 -How do I move in this? -Don't touch it. 68 00:04:09,082 --> 00:04:11,517 I'm not touching it. I'm holding it out. Stop it. Will you stop? 69 00:04:11,584 --> 00:04:13,620 Get it out now 'cause you can't do that onstage. 70 00:04:13,686 --> 00:04:16,422 And we're done. And we're done. Okay, good. 71 00:04:16,489 --> 00:04:18,424 Do I need to be wearing a glitter onesie? 72 00:04:18,491 --> 00:04:19,959 You only have to wear this for two hours. 73 00:04:20,026 --> 00:04:22,028 Do not mess this up, do you hear me? This is on loan. 74 00:04:22,095 --> 00:04:23,963 Everyone's wearing sequins right now. 75 00:04:24,030 --> 00:04:25,565 [camera shutter clicking] 76 00:04:25,632 --> 00:04:27,734 Why is she taking my photo? This is Allison. 77 00:04:27,800 --> 00:04:30,336 She is our new social media manager. 78 00:04:30,403 --> 00:04:33,272 And she's gonna be helping us target that younger demographic. 79 00:04:33,339 --> 00:04:35,675 Meaning women in their 30s who wish they were in their 20s. 80 00:04:35,742 --> 00:04:37,477 Hey, what's up? 81 00:04:37,543 --> 00:04:40,780 Um, I took over your socials, so this morning you tweeted, 82 00:04:40,847 --> 00:04:45,885 "Where are my ladies at? Meet me at Ballroom G at 5:00 p.m. 83 00:04:45,952 --> 00:04:47,620 #ShawnMendes. 84 00:04:47,687 --> 00:04:50,590 #GaggingToMeetYouAll." 85 00:04:50,657 --> 00:04:53,426 Okay, we are having fun. Let's go. 86 00:04:53,493 --> 00:04:56,062 [elevator dings] We need to remind people that you are still alive. 87 00:04:56,129 --> 00:04:57,764 People know I'm alive. 88 00:04:57,830 --> 00:04:59,832 And to remind them why this used to be 89 00:04:59,899 --> 00:05:02,068 the best selling franchise. In Romance. 90 00:05:02,135 --> 00:05:04,904 Yes, which is the top revenue-generating literary category. 91 00:05:04,971 --> 00:05:07,707 Revenue-generating isn't how I would describe our presales right now. 92 00:05:07,774 --> 00:05:09,942 Just think of this as a way that uses word of mouth. 93 00:05:10,009 --> 00:05:11,878 Oh, you want word of mouth? Here we go. How's this? 94 00:05:11,944 --> 00:05:14,614 "The only thing more lost than the city is the author herself." 95 00:05:14,681 --> 00:05:16,649 "Loveless." "Passionless." 96 00:05:16,716 --> 00:05:20,486 Uh, "Way past her prime." And, oh, "This is fake history at its worst." 97 00:05:20,553 --> 00:05:22,755 A book tour could change everything, okay? 98 00:05:22,822 --> 00:05:25,358 We have to remind the fans why they love you so much. 99 00:05:25,425 --> 00:05:28,861 Real history. I merely season it with a smidge more nudity. 100 00:05:28,928 --> 00:05:30,963 History had a ton of nudity. 101 00:05:31,798 --> 00:05:33,933 [narrator on PA] Deep exploration. 102 00:05:34,000 --> 00:05:36,869 Steamy wondering. 103 00:05:36,936 --> 00:05:41,841 Will Lovemore and Dash find Queen Taha's priceless Crown of Fire? 104 00:05:41,908 --> 00:05:43,776 Join them on their search. 105 00:05:43,843 --> 00:05:45,812 So, listen, I wanted to talk to you about something. 106 00:05:45,878 --> 00:05:47,346 [whispers] There's so many people. 107 00:05:47,413 --> 00:05:49,582 I know how much you hate doing these things, 108 00:05:49,649 --> 00:05:52,418 so I've invited Alan to do the Q and A with you today. 109 00:05:52,485 --> 00:05:54,520 -What? -And the rest of the book tour. 110 00:05:54,587 --> 00:05:57,523 Beth, I expressly asked not to do any more events with Dash-- Alan, Alan! 111 00:05:57,590 --> 00:06:00,460 -He's gonna humiliate me. -He's not gonna humiliate you. 112 00:06:00,526 --> 00:06:03,429 Thank you. You're very good at your job. Thank you so much. Thank you. 113 00:06:03,496 --> 00:06:04,731 Let me help you with that. 114 00:06:04,797 --> 00:06:06,733 He is-- He's a body wash commercial. 115 00:06:06,799 --> 00:06:08,868 He's always glistening all over the place. 116 00:06:08,935 --> 00:06:11,704 There hasn't been an event where his shirt didn't come flying off. 117 00:06:11,771 --> 00:06:13,506 You wish. [Beth] Well, he's already here, 118 00:06:13,573 --> 00:06:15,775 so put on your big-girl panties and let's get out there. 119 00:06:15,842 --> 00:06:18,878 Remember, no grumpy face, big words or boring academic talk. 120 00:06:18,945 --> 00:06:22,081 [audience cheering] [laughs] Yes! Yes! 121 00:06:22,148 --> 00:06:24,117 Come on, RTP! 122 00:06:24,183 --> 00:06:25,885 Ha-ha! 123 00:06:25,952 --> 00:06:28,421 Yes, my Lovemore-heads! 124 00:06:28,488 --> 00:06:31,791 I am so excited to introduce to you 125 00:06:31,858 --> 00:06:35,895 the award-winning author, Loretta Sage! 126 00:06:35,962 --> 00:06:38,564 Beth, I can't do this. I'm not ready. Are you kidding me? 127 00:06:38,631 --> 00:06:40,399 Listen, I've got your back. You got this. 128 00:06:40,466 --> 00:06:41,834 Go give the people what they want. 129 00:06:41,901 --> 00:06:43,803 It's not me they want. Get out there now! 130 00:06:43,870 --> 00:06:46,439 [audience cheering, applauding] 131 00:06:46,506 --> 00:06:50,009 Hi. How are you? Nice to see you. Thank you. 132 00:06:55,481 --> 00:06:57,049 Yep. Mount it. 133 00:06:57,116 --> 00:06:59,585 [chair creaking] 134 00:06:59,652 --> 00:07:02,588 Mount it. Mount it. Okay. 135 00:07:02,655 --> 00:07:04,557 Find your center. 136 00:07:04,624 --> 00:07:08,027 And now, the moment you've all been waiting for. 137 00:07:08,094 --> 00:07:09,896 The sexiest... [audience member] All right! 138 00:07:09,962 --> 00:07:14,000 ...most influential hero of a generation. 139 00:07:14,066 --> 00:07:15,501 That's a bit strong. 140 00:07:15,568 --> 00:07:17,870 His 20th cover of an Angela Lovemore novel. 141 00:07:18,571 --> 00:07:20,807 Dash McMahon! 142 00:07:20,873 --> 00:07:24,710 [audience cheering] ["The Final Countdown" plays] 143 00:07:26,212 --> 00:07:28,781 [audience member] Oh, my God! Dash! 144 00:07:28,848 --> 00:07:31,050 [cheering intensifies] 145 00:07:51,637 --> 00:07:53,840 Take a bow. I already did mine. I did mine. 146 00:07:53,906 --> 00:07:56,642 Okay, come on. One more. I got you. 147 00:07:59,312 --> 00:08:01,581 [cheering] 148 00:08:05,651 --> 00:08:07,653 [applause] 149 00:08:09,889 --> 00:08:11,757 [chair creaking] 150 00:08:11,824 --> 00:08:13,693 Did you guys rehearse that? Oh, my God. 151 00:08:13,759 --> 00:08:17,263 I'm loving this chemistry between you two, and I got to say, 152 00:08:17,330 --> 00:08:19,699 I love this book. 153 00:08:19,765 --> 00:08:20,867 Oh, thank you, Ray. Thank-- 154 00:08:20,933 --> 00:08:22,168 Spoiler alert. 155 00:08:22,235 --> 00:08:23,736 A really bold choice 156 00:08:23,803 --> 00:08:25,771 to not have them go into the tomb at the end. 157 00:08:25,838 --> 00:08:27,673 Talk about what went into this one. 158 00:08:27,740 --> 00:08:31,043 I mean, this one's such a special book for me personally. 159 00:08:31,110 --> 00:08:33,980 I-- I don't know how to say how much it means to me 160 00:08:34,046 --> 00:08:36,182 that Loretta, word writer extraordinaire, 161 00:08:36,249 --> 00:08:39,151 has, you know, named the book after me. 162 00:08:39,218 --> 00:08:41,087 The Lost City of Dash. 163 00:08:41,153 --> 00:08:42,655 The Lost City of D. 164 00:08:42,722 --> 00:08:44,824 Um, but that's not what the D stands for. 165 00:08:44,891 --> 00:08:47,693 It's D for "dick," right? No dick, no. 166 00:08:47,760 --> 00:08:50,897 It's based on the name of an ancient tribe, Dapocagihou-dysphem-ica. 167 00:08:50,963 --> 00:08:55,601 And, um, it was too difficult for the European colonizers to pronounce, 168 00:08:55,668 --> 00:08:58,738 so, in true colonial fashion they abbreviated it. No one cares about this. 169 00:08:58,804 --> 00:09:00,740 That's so interesting. Okay. 170 00:09:00,806 --> 00:09:02,975 How about we take some questions from the audience? 171 00:09:03,042 --> 00:09:05,044 [audience member] Right here, handsome! Yes. 172 00:09:05,111 --> 00:09:09,282 Dash, what's your favorite romantic moment? [audience] Ooh. 173 00:09:09,348 --> 00:09:13,753 What I would really like to know is what is Loretta's favorite romantic moment? 174 00:09:13,819 --> 00:09:15,788 [host] Ooh, spicy. 175 00:09:15,855 --> 00:09:17,823 Oh, uh... 176 00:09:17,890 --> 00:09:20,793 -Well, being a sapiosexual-- -[audience murmurs] 177 00:09:20,860 --> 00:09:22,929 Oh, is that when they do the snakes around the... 178 00:09:22,995 --> 00:09:27,133 No. That's someone who finds, uh, intellect 179 00:09:27,199 --> 00:09:30,970 or intelligence, uh, very sexy, you know. 180 00:09:31,037 --> 00:09:32,138 Same. 181 00:09:32,805 --> 00:09:34,073 Really? 182 00:09:34,140 --> 00:09:36,776 Dash! Rip off your shirt! [audience cheers] 183 00:09:36,842 --> 00:09:40,613 No, no, no. We're not gonna do that today. We're here for Loretta's book. 184 00:09:40,680 --> 00:09:42,581 [host] Do we have questions for Loretta? 185 00:09:42,648 --> 00:09:47,687 Uh, yes, studious-looking young lady? What would you like to ask me? 186 00:09:47,753 --> 00:09:49,822 Can you rip off Dash's shirt? 187 00:09:49,889 --> 00:09:51,257 [cheering] 188 00:09:51,324 --> 00:09:54,193 No, no. We're not gonna do this again. Sorry. 189 00:09:54,260 --> 00:09:56,829 [audience chanting] Rip it off! Rip it off! 190 00:09:56,896 --> 00:09:59,265 Rip it off! Rip it off! Rip it off! 191 00:09:59,332 --> 00:10:02,902 Of course. Of course, yes. Can do. 192 00:10:04,036 --> 00:10:05,338 Is this happening? 193 00:10:05,404 --> 00:10:07,173 You don't have to do this. Oh, we have to. 194 00:10:07,239 --> 00:10:09,342 We have to give the people what they want. Yes, yes. 195 00:10:09,408 --> 00:10:12,178 We have to give the people what they want, yes. 196 00:10:12,244 --> 00:10:15,715 Ladies and gentlemen, enjoy. 197 00:10:15,781 --> 00:10:20,286 Because The Lost City of D is Dash's final adventure. 198 00:10:20,353 --> 00:10:22,655 If there even is a next book, 199 00:10:22,722 --> 00:10:25,691 it will open with Lovemore receiving the tragic news 200 00:10:25,758 --> 00:10:27,994 of his untimely death. 201 00:10:28,060 --> 00:10:29,795 What? 202 00:10:29,862 --> 00:10:31,197 Shit. I'm sorry. My smartwatch is stuck. Ow. Hold on. 203 00:10:31,263 --> 00:10:32,365 I know. Don't pull it. 204 00:10:32,431 --> 00:10:34,000 It's okay. Just be real still. 205 00:10:34,066 --> 00:10:35,701 No. That's pulling it. You're pulling it. 206 00:10:35,768 --> 00:10:38,004 You're gonna rip my wig off. No, you can't-- 207 00:10:38,804 --> 00:10:40,973 [audience exclaims] 208 00:10:42,408 --> 00:10:43,409 Oh, my! 209 00:10:43,476 --> 00:10:45,111 Oh, my God. Is he okay? 210 00:10:45,177 --> 00:10:47,013 God, I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry. 211 00:10:47,079 --> 00:10:49,782 -I'm so sorry. -[audience member] You're a bad person. 212 00:10:49,849 --> 00:10:53,753 Stick around for the costume contest at 6:00 p.m. 213 00:10:54,754 --> 00:10:57,156 "If there is another book"? 214 00:10:57,223 --> 00:11:02,194 I'm investing everything we've got into this tour, okay? 215 00:11:02,261 --> 00:11:05,398 I just don't think I have another Dash and Lovemore adventure in me. 216 00:11:05,464 --> 00:11:07,066 How does Dash die? 217 00:11:07,133 --> 00:11:09,301 Was it the snakes? No. 218 00:11:09,368 --> 00:11:11,937 Okay, so I have something that I have to take care of. 219 00:11:12,004 --> 00:11:14,306 You guys have an interview in the next suite in ten minutes. 220 00:11:14,373 --> 00:11:16,842 So can you please do me a favor and be grown-ups 221 00:11:16,909 --> 00:11:18,277 and get yourselves there on your own? 222 00:11:18,344 --> 00:11:19,745 Okay. Thank you so much. 223 00:11:20,513 --> 00:11:22,415 Does he die from a staph infection? 224 00:11:24,750 --> 00:11:26,452 It is a staph infection. I knew it. 225 00:11:27,820 --> 00:11:29,221 I-I-- All right. 226 00:11:29,288 --> 00:11:32,391 Look, I get it if you need a break or something, 227 00:11:32,458 --> 00:11:34,727 but you can't just kill me, okay? Okay. 228 00:11:34,794 --> 00:11:39,031 I hate that I have to ask this, but you do know you're not Dash, right? 229 00:11:39,098 --> 00:11:41,133 Dash is a character I made up. 230 00:11:41,200 --> 00:11:42,435 Dash? 231 00:11:45,438 --> 00:11:46,739 [camera shutter clicks] Thanks. 232 00:11:46,806 --> 00:11:47,840 Thank you. 233 00:11:50,476 --> 00:11:52,978 Loretta, it's this way. No, I think it's this way. 234 00:11:53,045 --> 00:11:55,247 Can't you see that Dash means so much to people? 235 00:11:55,314 --> 00:11:57,149 Means so much to you. Not to me. 236 00:11:57,216 --> 00:11:59,085 Well, yeah, to me, but to other people too. 237 00:11:59,151 --> 00:12:02,154 What about Beth? You know what? Beth is gonna be fine. 238 00:12:02,221 --> 00:12:05,958 She's gonna find plenty fresh, young writers full of great ideas. 239 00:12:06,025 --> 00:12:08,060 You can transition gracefully 240 00:12:08,127 --> 00:12:10,329 into the shirt-on phase of your modeling career, 241 00:12:10,396 --> 00:12:11,964 and I can be left alone. 242 00:12:12,031 --> 00:12:13,799 Everybody is happy. 243 00:12:13,866 --> 00:12:15,868 No, it's this way. 244 00:12:15,935 --> 00:12:17,803 Beth says you don't even leave the house anymore. 245 00:12:17,870 --> 00:12:19,939 I don't feel like that's very happy. 246 00:12:20,005 --> 00:12:22,942 You should be going out in the world, filling yourself up on new experiences. 247 00:12:23,008 --> 00:12:25,277 I'm already filled up. I'm full. I'm fully satiated. 248 00:12:25,344 --> 00:12:28,747 Why would you want to be stuck at home alone when you could see the world? 249 00:12:28,814 --> 00:12:30,182 You could be visiting ancient Greece. 250 00:12:30,249 --> 00:12:33,185 Okay. How could I visit ancient Greece? 251 00:12:33,252 --> 00:12:35,321 I get it. Because you're afraid of flying. 252 00:12:35,387 --> 00:12:38,891 No. Because ancient Greece is in the past. 253 00:12:38,958 --> 00:12:40,526 Just like Dash. 254 00:12:40,593 --> 00:12:44,029 Okay. You want to know who else is stuck in the past? You are. 255 00:12:44,096 --> 00:12:46,532 You're so afraid of life hurting you again that you've stopped living. 256 00:12:46,599 --> 00:12:48,934 You're like a human mummy. 257 00:12:50,402 --> 00:12:52,438 I didn't, um... 258 00:12:53,906 --> 00:12:55,107 Oh. 259 00:12:55,174 --> 00:12:57,076 Mummies are human. 260 00:13:06,352 --> 00:13:08,354 Stupid-- Oh, crap. 261 00:13:09,588 --> 00:13:11,790 I'm so sorry. I-I will clean this up. 262 00:13:11,857 --> 00:13:14,360 I am not a litterer, I-I assure you that. 263 00:13:14,426 --> 00:13:17,796 Do you, um-- Do you think you could, uh, call a car for me, please? 264 00:13:17,863 --> 00:13:19,198 Thank you. Thank you. 265 00:13:22,134 --> 00:13:23,335 Bring the car around. 266 00:13:23,402 --> 00:13:25,070 God, is that someone's retainer? 267 00:13:25,137 --> 00:13:27,339 I've never said the right thing one time around her. 268 00:13:27,406 --> 00:13:29,542 I get nervous because she opens her mouth, 269 00:13:29,608 --> 00:13:33,946 and just an encyclopedia of beautifulness comes out, and I just never say-- 270 00:13:34,013 --> 00:13:35,347 You know she's trying to kill me? 271 00:13:35,414 --> 00:13:37,816 I just need those tomatoes. 272 00:13:37,883 --> 00:13:40,085 You're right. No, you're right. 273 00:13:40,152 --> 00:13:41,887 I should apologize. Thank you, man. 274 00:13:41,954 --> 00:13:43,756 I appreciate that very, very much. You're welcome. 275 00:13:54,166 --> 00:13:56,202 Uh, Loretta Sage. Yeah. 276 00:14:01,473 --> 00:14:02,508 Uh-- 277 00:14:04,009 --> 00:14:05,244 Hiya. 278 00:14:05,311 --> 00:14:07,012 Uh, I did not order an UberPool. 279 00:14:07,079 --> 00:14:09,915 Someone wants to meet you. We'll have you right back. 280 00:14:09,982 --> 00:14:11,016 Um... 281 00:14:14,486 --> 00:14:15,988 Loretta! 282 00:14:16,055 --> 00:14:17,389 Loretta! Loretta? 283 00:14:20,459 --> 00:14:22,361 [Uber driver] Uh, Loretta? 284 00:14:22,428 --> 00:14:25,064 Did you say "Loretta"? Yeah. 285 00:14:25,130 --> 00:14:26,365 Follow that SUV, man. No. 286 00:14:26,432 --> 00:14:28,400 Come on, please! No, no, no. 287 00:14:28,467 --> 00:14:31,403 I'm not helping any more handsome strangers. Fool me once. Mm-mmm. 288 00:14:31,470 --> 00:14:34,640 [bell dings] What is this, Taken? Am I "tooken"? 289 00:14:34,707 --> 00:14:36,342 Am I sold already? 290 00:14:36,408 --> 00:14:39,445 Am I-- [blows air] Am I sold to him? 291 00:14:39,511 --> 00:14:43,215 [Loretta] Ow. Stop. Oh, no. Did this feel creepy? 292 00:14:43,282 --> 00:14:45,985 I said don't make it creepy, guys. 293 00:14:46,051 --> 00:14:48,087 I'm so sorry about the setting. 294 00:14:48,153 --> 00:14:50,589 I just flew in. I was in a real panic to meet you. 295 00:14:50,656 --> 00:14:52,958 I didn't have time to dress the place up much. 296 00:14:53,025 --> 00:14:55,661 I read you love cheese, so I just got them all. 297 00:14:55,728 --> 00:14:59,598 Are you the one who's been emailing me for photos of my feet? 298 00:14:59,665 --> 00:15:01,934 No. Um-- 299 00:15:02,001 --> 00:15:05,971 And I promise what I'm about to show you is gonna make you very happy. 300 00:15:06,639 --> 00:15:08,140 But first, a little bit 301 00:15:08,207 --> 00:15:11,443 about the mysterious rogue you see before you. 302 00:15:11,510 --> 00:15:14,013 Uh, my name is Abigail Fairfax. 303 00:15:14,079 --> 00:15:17,082 Abigail? It's a gender-neutral name, like Leslie or Beverly. 304 00:15:17,149 --> 00:15:20,486 Yes, but you're Abigail Fairfax of the media-mogul Fairfaxes? 305 00:15:21,387 --> 00:15:25,024 Didn't you just take over your company or... 306 00:15:25,090 --> 00:15:29,061 No, that was my brother, actually. That was Leslie. We're all very proud. 307 00:15:29,128 --> 00:15:32,097 Ah. Yes, I should say so, at such a young age to-- 308 00:15:32,164 --> 00:15:34,133 Some might even say too young. 309 00:15:34,199 --> 00:15:36,969 But that world never really interested me. 310 00:15:37,036 --> 00:15:39,638 My passions, as you may know, 311 00:15:39,705 --> 00:15:42,675 lie in the hidden things in the world, 312 00:15:42,741 --> 00:15:45,577 things which defy possession. 313 00:15:45,644 --> 00:15:48,947 Um, some might call me a collector. 314 00:15:49,014 --> 00:15:52,551 But there is one obsession in particular 315 00:15:52,618 --> 00:15:54,553 that has held me captive. 316 00:15:55,654 --> 00:15:57,356 The Crown of Fire 317 00:15:57,423 --> 00:16:00,025 and its cascading red diamonds. 318 00:16:00,092 --> 00:16:03,595 Is this a... Is this a hidden-camera thing? 319 00:16:03,662 --> 00:16:07,299 So imagine my surprise when, in your new book, 320 00:16:07,366 --> 00:16:10,502 amidst the pages of coital reverie, 321 00:16:10,569 --> 00:16:11,603 was something... 322 00:16:11,670 --> 00:16:13,605 Oh, God. ...quite magnificent. 323 00:16:13,672 --> 00:16:15,541 [laughing] 324 00:16:15,607 --> 00:16:18,210 I get it. I get it. I so get it right now. 325 00:16:18,277 --> 00:16:19,611 Oh, my gosh. 326 00:16:19,678 --> 00:16:22,114 I literally thought you guys kidnapped me. 327 00:16:22,181 --> 00:16:24,516 I mean, this is marketing, right? Beth set this up? 328 00:16:24,583 --> 00:16:27,519 This was so good, you guys. This was amazing. 329 00:16:27,586 --> 00:16:31,056 You, with your gun and your mustache 330 00:16:31,123 --> 00:16:33,759 and your, "You'd better get in there" and you know... 331 00:16:33,826 --> 00:16:35,060 [laughs] 332 00:16:35,127 --> 00:16:36,662 Oh, my God. 333 00:16:36,729 --> 00:16:40,699 You, with the G.I. Joe tone-on-tone outfit. [laughs] 334 00:16:40,766 --> 00:16:45,637 Your fictional archaeologist was making real translations of a dead language. 335 00:16:45,704 --> 00:16:48,640 Mm-hmm. Something nobody else has been able to do. 336 00:16:48,707 --> 00:16:51,176 Well, nobody else had ever tried. 337 00:16:51,243 --> 00:16:53,145 Is that right? Am I saying the right thing? 338 00:16:53,212 --> 00:16:54,713 Except you, right? 339 00:16:54,780 --> 00:16:56,715 Except me! 340 00:16:56,782 --> 00:16:58,717 Yes. See, it turns out 341 00:16:58,784 --> 00:17:02,321 Loretta Sage was once a young college girl doing her dissertation 342 00:17:02,388 --> 00:17:05,290 on the dead language of the D with her future husband, 343 00:17:05,357 --> 00:17:08,494 dreaming of finding Kalaman's tomb and the Crown of Fire. 344 00:17:08,560 --> 00:17:11,530 I was sorry to read you gave up your search after he died. 345 00:17:11,597 --> 00:17:13,065 But what that means is, 346 00:17:14,500 --> 00:17:16,435 you're all I have left. 347 00:17:16,502 --> 00:17:19,538 All-All you have left for... what? 348 00:17:19,605 --> 00:17:20,639 Hmm. 349 00:17:22,441 --> 00:17:23,742 Oh. 350 00:17:23,809 --> 00:17:25,210 Here we go. 351 00:17:33,519 --> 00:17:34,553 [lid creaks] 352 00:17:39,491 --> 00:17:41,427 What is this? 353 00:17:41,493 --> 00:17:45,230 I believe it is describing the exact location of Kalaman's tomb, 354 00:17:45,297 --> 00:17:48,600 in which Taha and her priceless headdress are buried. 355 00:17:48,667 --> 00:17:50,836 Well, if this were authentic, 356 00:17:50,903 --> 00:17:56,275 you would still have to uncover an entire city 357 00:17:56,341 --> 00:17:59,411 that nobody has been able to find. 358 00:17:59,478 --> 00:18:01,346 I found it. 359 00:18:01,413 --> 00:18:04,583 On a tiny, forgotten island in the Atlantic called Isla Hundida. 360 00:18:04,650 --> 00:18:08,253 What I have not been able to find is Kalaman's final resting place. 361 00:18:08,320 --> 00:18:12,458 This piece of parchment is the only clue we found among the ruins. 362 00:18:12,524 --> 00:18:15,494 I need someone who can decipher these symbols. 363 00:18:16,295 --> 00:18:17,663 I need you. 364 00:18:18,797 --> 00:18:20,466 Well... Miss Sage, 365 00:18:20,532 --> 00:18:24,136 surely this isn't how you want your story to end. 366 00:18:24,203 --> 00:18:26,638 We both had our dreams crushed by bad luck, 367 00:18:26,705 --> 00:18:29,208 or in my case, an arse-kissing little brother, 368 00:18:29,274 --> 00:18:32,244 but this is our chance to show them all. 369 00:18:32,311 --> 00:18:34,112 Come with me... to the island. 370 00:18:34,179 --> 00:18:39,184 Translate these symbols and help me find the Crown of Fire. 371 00:18:39,251 --> 00:18:41,687 You can name your price. 372 00:18:44,490 --> 00:18:47,125 I must respectfully decline. 373 00:18:49,828 --> 00:18:51,296 [lid creaks closed] 374 00:18:52,197 --> 00:18:53,232 Well... 375 00:18:55,200 --> 00:18:56,735 I can't say I'm not disappointed. 376 00:18:57,703 --> 00:19:00,172 But I understand how you feel. 377 00:19:03,675 --> 00:19:05,644 Will you at least let us give you a ride? 378 00:19:05,711 --> 00:19:09,648 Oh, no, thank you. I'll call for my own car, and I'll just... 379 00:19:10,782 --> 00:19:13,151 [mechanical whirring] 380 00:19:13,218 --> 00:19:15,320 [aircraft blades whirring] 381 00:19:31,603 --> 00:19:35,407 [Beth] I don't feel like you're listening to me. This is urgent, and we-- 382 00:19:35,474 --> 00:19:38,277 Okay, so the police are saying that they put out an APB... 383 00:19:38,343 --> 00:19:40,212 APB. ...on an SUV, 384 00:19:40,279 --> 00:19:42,548 and there's this 24-hour rule... Why is there a rule? 385 00:19:42,614 --> 00:19:44,883 ...and they won't do anything until... What about the FBI or the CIA? 386 00:19:44,950 --> 00:19:46,952 -They said to call the police. -I'm sure Loretta's fine. 387 00:19:47,019 --> 00:19:49,655 When I was in college, my friend Nicki went missing. 388 00:19:49,721 --> 00:19:51,390 Everyone was, like, freaking out. 389 00:19:51,456 --> 00:19:53,825 But then she was just in her car. 390 00:19:53,892 --> 00:19:57,296 She was dead, but we found her. She wasn't gone. 391 00:19:57,362 --> 00:20:01,567 Um, what about... Maybe we could get a PI 392 00:20:01,633 --> 00:20:04,403 or, like, you know, private security or-- 393 00:20:04,469 --> 00:20:06,405 What about an extraction team, like the movie? 394 00:20:06,471 --> 00:20:08,807 Yes! But who does that? The ex-military, right? 395 00:20:08,874 --> 00:20:11,510 Oh, yeah. I think I actually have somebody that could help us. 396 00:20:11,577 --> 00:20:14,580 -Oh. -I did this meditation retreat, 397 00:20:14,646 --> 00:20:16,748 and there was this trainer guy there. 398 00:20:16,815 --> 00:20:18,383 You should see this guy meditate. 399 00:20:18,450 --> 00:20:19,885 But he's ex-Navy SEAL. 400 00:20:19,952 --> 00:20:23,589 He-- He's a special ops trainer. What was his name? 401 00:20:24,389 --> 00:20:25,624 Yeah. Jack Trainer. 402 00:20:25,691 --> 00:20:27,526 So he's a trainer named Jack Trainer? 403 00:20:27,593 --> 00:20:29,628 That's how I have everybody in my phone. See, "Janice Mom." 404 00:20:29,695 --> 00:20:31,363 "Larry Doorknob." "Stacy Butt Stuff." 405 00:20:31,430 --> 00:20:33,999 Look, this is what this guy does. He finds people. 406 00:20:34,066 --> 00:20:36,401 If there's anybody that can help us, it's him. 407 00:20:36,468 --> 00:20:37,669 [line ringing] 408 00:20:40,906 --> 00:20:43,408 [ringing continues] 409 00:20:43,475 --> 00:20:45,844 [on phone] Jack Trainer. Oh, so his name is actually Jack Trainer. 410 00:20:45,911 --> 00:20:49,648 Hi, uh, this is Alan from "Touching Your Inner Self." 411 00:20:51,316 --> 00:20:52,985 The meditation retreat? 412 00:20:53,051 --> 00:20:54,786 [chewing sounds] 413 00:20:54,853 --> 00:20:57,889 Anyway, uh, okay. Our friend Loretta has been kidnapped, 414 00:20:57,956 --> 00:20:59,458 and no one's helping us. 415 00:20:59,524 --> 00:21:00,859 [Jack] How long she been missing? 416 00:21:00,926 --> 00:21:02,461 Maybe two hours now. 417 00:21:02,527 --> 00:21:03,795 Who is that? 418 00:21:03,862 --> 00:21:07,966 Um, this is B-- This is Beth. I'm Beth. 419 00:21:08,033 --> 00:21:10,502 And Allison is on too, sir. 420 00:21:10,569 --> 00:21:12,804 Did she have any Wi-Fi-enabled devices? 421 00:21:12,871 --> 00:21:15,807 -She's got her phone, right? -No, I have her phone. 422 00:21:15,874 --> 00:21:18,710 Oh! She has a smartwatch. It ripped my wig off. 423 00:21:18,777 --> 00:21:21,580 What was that scenario? Never mind. Open the phone. 424 00:21:21,647 --> 00:21:23,048 Go to the smartwatch app. All right. 425 00:21:23,115 --> 00:21:25,651 Then hit "Find My Smartwatch." 426 00:21:25,717 --> 00:21:28,687 Oh, my... That is so good. That's why we called. 427 00:21:28,754 --> 00:21:31,423 "Anticipate the difficult by managing the easy." 428 00:21:31,490 --> 00:21:34,860 Is that Oprah or Deepak? Laozi from Tao-te Ching. 429 00:21:34,926 --> 00:21:36,361 Oh, my God. 430 00:21:36,428 --> 00:21:38,330 It's in the Atlantic. 431 00:21:38,397 --> 00:21:40,632 She's on a plane? [Alan] How can you tell that? 432 00:21:40,699 --> 00:21:42,901 'Cause she can't swim that fast. 433 00:21:42,968 --> 00:21:44,636 [Jack] Doesn't sound like a ransom scenario. 434 00:21:44,703 --> 00:21:47,372 My guess is blood sport, Hunger Games type situation. 435 00:21:47,439 --> 00:21:50,308 Possibly some coke-fueled dark web scavenger hunt. 436 00:21:50,375 --> 00:21:52,444 Real clown shit. We'll have to move fast. 437 00:21:52,511 --> 00:21:55,480 -How do we pay you? -Cryptocurrency. Cash App. 438 00:21:55,547 --> 00:21:58,817 I'll have her back within 48 hours or your next rescue is free. 439 00:21:58,884 --> 00:22:00,419 How many people need a next rescue? 440 00:22:00,485 --> 00:22:02,020 More than you'd think. 441 00:22:02,087 --> 00:22:03,955 -I'm gonna need that phone. -I'll bring it to you. 442 00:22:04,022 --> 00:22:06,825 Let me know where she lands. I'll meet you there, Alan. 443 00:22:06,892 --> 00:22:09,895 [aircraft jets whirring] 444 00:22:21,640 --> 00:22:22,708 Hello. 445 00:22:27,479 --> 00:22:28,647 Where am I? 446 00:22:28,714 --> 00:22:30,749 Um, you're on my plane. 447 00:22:30,816 --> 00:22:32,050 It's nice, isn't it? Hmm? 448 00:22:32,117 --> 00:22:33,985 The seats are made of mama llama leather. 449 00:22:34,052 --> 00:22:37,022 Well, I'm getting off your plane. 450 00:22:37,089 --> 00:22:38,690 Unchain me! 451 00:22:38,757 --> 00:22:40,125 That's your seat belt. 452 00:22:40,892 --> 00:22:42,828 Did you chloroform me? 453 00:22:42,894 --> 00:22:44,963 People actually do that? 454 00:22:45,030 --> 00:22:47,599 [grunts, groans] 455 00:22:47,666 --> 00:22:49,968 Well, you know, it's a classic for a reason. 456 00:22:50,769 --> 00:22:52,104 My body feels drunk. 457 00:22:52,170 --> 00:22:54,106 It'll wear off in a bit. I am sorry. 458 00:22:54,172 --> 00:22:56,575 I just couldn't wait around for you to change your mind. 459 00:22:56,641 --> 00:22:59,111 Stop playing jelly. Time is not on our side. 460 00:22:59,177 --> 00:23:01,947 You see, the volcano we're excavating around 461 00:23:02,013 --> 00:23:04,015 has developed a bad case of indigestion. 462 00:23:04,082 --> 00:23:05,984 I'm rather worried that when it blows, [grunts] 463 00:23:06,051 --> 00:23:08,153 everything that's left of the Lost City will be destroyed. 464 00:23:08,220 --> 00:23:10,155 Oh, my God. My legs don't work. 465 00:23:10,222 --> 00:23:15,727 So, this is our last chance to find both the tomb and the crown. 466 00:23:15,794 --> 00:23:17,863 Oh, God. [groaning] [Fairfax] Oh! 467 00:23:17,929 --> 00:23:20,432 Don't worry. That's just our final descent. 468 00:23:20,499 --> 00:23:26,138 But it is the beginning of the greatest adventure of your life. 469 00:24:23,929 --> 00:24:25,831 [engine switches off, door opens] 470 00:24:26,631 --> 00:24:27,666 [door closes] 471 00:24:31,136 --> 00:24:33,138 [chattering in Spanish] 472 00:24:34,940 --> 00:24:36,842 Welcome to the Lost City. 473 00:24:46,651 --> 00:24:48,086 How did you find it? 474 00:24:48,153 --> 00:24:50,555 So, the city was built on a lava dome. 475 00:24:50,622 --> 00:24:53,158 As the volcano became active, the dome filled with lava, 476 00:24:53,225 --> 00:24:55,827 and sunken things rose to the surface. 477 00:24:55,894 --> 00:24:57,829 The D exposed itself. 478 00:24:57,896 --> 00:25:01,132 -The entire city? -No, no. Just the tip. 479 00:25:01,199 --> 00:25:04,269 As soon as I heard rumors of the ruins, I flew over and bought the place. 480 00:25:04,336 --> 00:25:07,839 The site? No. The island. The southern half. 481 00:25:07,906 --> 00:25:10,108 I got a good deal 'cause this is where the lava flows. 482 00:25:10,175 --> 00:25:12,244 We've been excavating for a year now. 483 00:25:13,278 --> 00:25:16,081 One doesn't kidnap a romance novelist on day one. 484 00:25:16,147 --> 00:25:18,216 Ah, yes, as the saying goes. 485 00:25:18,283 --> 00:25:21,553 Rafi doesn't like it. Do you, Rafi? 486 00:25:21,620 --> 00:25:24,823 He says we're disrespecting his heritage. 487 00:25:24,890 --> 00:25:27,993 But not a lot of other job options on the island, are there, Rafi? 488 00:25:28,059 --> 00:25:29,961 Beggars can't be choosers. 489 00:25:39,971 --> 00:25:41,840 No more charcuterie, I take it. 490 00:25:41,907 --> 00:25:44,042 Mmm. Please. I'm not a monster. 491 00:25:44,109 --> 00:25:45,777 Whatever you need, just shout. 492 00:25:47,646 --> 00:25:52,183 Uh, leave one hand free. She has some translating to do. 493 00:25:53,385 --> 00:25:54,853 And then what? 494 00:25:54,920 --> 00:25:57,589 Loretta, I really wish you would try and see 495 00:25:57,656 --> 00:25:59,824 what an exciting opportunity this is for us. 496 00:25:59,891 --> 00:26:03,662 I believe this text describes the exact location of the tomb. 497 00:26:03,728 --> 00:26:06,064 It's a logographic system. 498 00:26:06,998 --> 00:26:09,801 Like cuneiform or hieroglyphics. 499 00:26:09,868 --> 00:26:13,338 Now, if you have other documents that possibly I can compare-- 500 00:26:13,405 --> 00:26:14,906 Yeah, no luck there. 501 00:26:14,973 --> 00:26:17,809 We found some scratching at a nearby waterfall, 502 00:26:17,876 --> 00:26:18,810 but it was useless. 503 00:26:18,877 --> 00:26:20,645 Just pictures of women. 504 00:26:20,712 --> 00:26:25,183 Look, I, too, wish your dear old dead archaeologist husband 505 00:26:25,250 --> 00:26:28,019 was here to help, but he's not, so, 506 00:26:28,086 --> 00:26:31,022 time to shine, Loretta, sex-book writer. 507 00:26:32,424 --> 00:26:34,159 They will come for me. 508 00:26:34,859 --> 00:26:36,695 Who, exactly? 509 00:26:36,761 --> 00:26:38,330 Your-- Your many cats? 510 00:26:38,396 --> 00:26:40,198 Oh, I don't have cats. 511 00:26:40,966 --> 00:26:42,834 Somehow even more sad. 512 00:26:42,901 --> 00:26:45,904 I have a hamster, asshole! 513 00:26:45,971 --> 00:26:47,839 You have a hamster's asshole? 514 00:26:47,906 --> 00:26:51,710 No, there was a-- there was a comma between-- Forget it. 515 00:26:51,776 --> 00:26:54,813 I bet your brother never had to kidnap anyone! 516 00:27:09,928 --> 00:27:13,865 [announcer on intercom speaking Spanish] 517 00:27:26,711 --> 00:27:30,048 ♪ From the dusty mesa ♪ 518 00:27:30,115 --> 00:27:34,652 ♪ Her looming shadow grows ♪ 519 00:27:34,719 --> 00:27:37,956 ♪ Hidden in the branches ♪ 520 00:27:38,023 --> 00:27:41,926 ♪ Of the poison creosote ♪ 521 00:27:45,764 --> 00:27:47,198 Good to see you, man. 522 00:27:47,265 --> 00:27:48,833 Phone. Right. 523 00:28:00,912 --> 00:28:02,180 What? 524 00:28:02,247 --> 00:28:04,883 Yeah, I was thinking that I could, you know, 525 00:28:04,949 --> 00:28:06,384 maybe just sort of come with you. 526 00:28:06,451 --> 00:28:08,420 Why? To help. 527 00:28:08,486 --> 00:28:12,690 I know CPR. I know some light karate. CrossFit certified. 528 00:28:12,757 --> 00:28:14,092 Okay, okay, listen, listen! 529 00:28:15,126 --> 00:28:16,861 I just-- It's my fault. 530 00:28:16,928 --> 00:28:19,230 Not the kidnapping and stuff, 531 00:28:19,297 --> 00:28:22,233 but, like, I said some really mean stuff to her, and I regret it, 532 00:28:22,300 --> 00:28:23,968 and I just need to take it back. 533 00:28:24,035 --> 00:28:25,236 I called her a human mummy. 534 00:28:26,771 --> 00:28:28,006 Mummies are human. 535 00:28:28,640 --> 00:28:31,276 I'm aware of that now, yes. 536 00:28:31,342 --> 00:28:34,279 That is true. [breathes deeply] 537 00:28:34,345 --> 00:28:35,346 Please. 538 00:28:36,981 --> 00:28:39,317 All right, Alan, I can't be responsible for you. 539 00:28:40,285 --> 00:28:41,486 Okay. Yeah. 540 00:28:41,553 --> 00:28:44,389 I need you to stay in the car. Yeah. 541 00:28:44,456 --> 00:28:46,791 In the car. In the car. 542 00:28:46,858 --> 00:28:49,160 The whole time. The whole time? 543 00:28:49,227 --> 00:28:50,495 Whole time. 544 00:28:50,562 --> 00:28:51,796 Mm-hmm. 545 00:28:53,565 --> 00:28:54,799 Yes! 546 00:29:00,839 --> 00:29:01,840 [lock chirps] 547 00:29:01,906 --> 00:29:03,108 This is me. 548 00:29:03,975 --> 00:29:06,478 Really? Is this what the SEAL teams use? 549 00:29:06,544 --> 00:29:09,247 "Only a fool chooses a horse by its color." 550 00:29:09,314 --> 00:29:12,150 Right, right. The Tao-te Ching? 551 00:29:12,217 --> 00:29:15,186 No, it was on the sign back there at the rental place. 552 00:29:16,454 --> 00:29:18,923 [car engine starts, revs] 553 00:29:23,895 --> 00:29:24,929 Thank you. 554 00:29:29,834 --> 00:29:35,540 ♪ I once had a life Or rather, life had me ♪ 555 00:29:35,607 --> 00:29:38,843 ♪ I was one among many ♪ 556 00:29:38,910 --> 00:29:42,380 ♪ Or at least I seemed to be ♪ 557 00:29:42,447 --> 00:29:49,154 ♪ Well, I read an old quotation In a book just yesterday ♪ 558 00:29:49,220 --> 00:29:52,190 ♪ Said "Gonna reap just what you sow ♪ 559 00:29:52,257 --> 00:29:55,493 ♪ The debts you make You have to pay" ♪ 560 00:29:55,560 --> 00:29:57,128 ♪ Can you get to that? ♪ 561 00:29:57,962 --> 00:29:59,230 What? What? 562 00:30:01,633 --> 00:30:03,868 I was hoping to invite you to breakfast, 563 00:30:03,935 --> 00:30:06,237 but it looks like you still have work to do. 564 00:30:07,405 --> 00:30:09,207 Uh, wait, wait, wait. 565 00:30:09,274 --> 00:30:10,842 Wait. Wait, wait, wait. 566 00:30:10,909 --> 00:30:12,944 I believe this says 567 00:30:13,011 --> 00:30:15,046 "rest" or "resting." 568 00:30:15,113 --> 00:30:18,216 So it would be, "Kalaman and his treasure..." 569 00:30:18,283 --> 00:30:22,820 And then there are some missing pieces, and then "rest," "resting," 570 00:30:22,887 --> 00:30:25,924 and something about "tears," so... 571 00:30:27,926 --> 00:30:28,960 Resting where? 572 00:30:29,027 --> 00:30:30,261 Hmm? Oh! 573 00:30:30,328 --> 00:30:33,131 Didn't say. It doesn't say. 574 00:30:33,198 --> 00:30:34,365 [Loretta stammers] 575 00:30:34,432 --> 00:30:37,468 Miss Sage, I need you to do better. 576 00:30:37,535 --> 00:30:41,072 Then next time maybe don't kidnap a romance novelist, hmm? 577 00:30:41,139 --> 00:30:43,374 My God, this shouldn't be this hard! 578 00:30:43,441 --> 00:30:45,410 It is not some pauper's grave we're looking for. 579 00:30:45,476 --> 00:30:47,979 It is a monument to a great man! 580 00:30:48,046 --> 00:30:50,014 King Kalaman was ambitious, he was powerful, 581 00:30:50,081 --> 00:30:52,383 he was the first man to build a city in the Atlantic. 582 00:30:52,450 --> 00:30:55,153 The eyes of his subjects would have turned to him. 583 00:30:55,220 --> 00:30:58,423 He would have had a pyramid, a ziggurat, a tower 584 00:30:58,489 --> 00:31:00,491 to hold his Crown of Fire. 585 00:31:00,558 --> 00:31:03,561 All I need to know is where it is. 586 00:31:03,628 --> 00:31:06,864 I don't know if you recall, but you only said translate it. 587 00:31:06,931 --> 00:31:08,866 I-I translated it. 588 00:31:09,667 --> 00:31:11,302 Translate it again. 589 00:31:17,275 --> 00:31:20,178 One day, we're gonna laugh about this. [chuckles] 590 00:31:20,245 --> 00:31:22,213 Such an adventure we're having. 591 00:31:25,483 --> 00:31:29,654 I should go with you, just for backup and awesomeness. 592 00:31:30,622 --> 00:31:32,490 This is pretty awesome. 593 00:31:32,557 --> 00:31:35,226 You got nature, the radio. 594 00:31:36,327 --> 00:31:40,031 Yeah, you're right, but it's very, very important to me 595 00:31:40,098 --> 00:31:42,000 that she knows that I came to rescue her. 596 00:31:42,066 --> 00:31:43,601 Why? Do you like this woman? 597 00:31:44,736 --> 00:31:47,205 No, I just brought snacks and stuff. 598 00:31:47,272 --> 00:31:49,474 And she gets a little grumpy when she's hungry. 599 00:31:49,540 --> 00:31:53,011 Blood pressure drops. And I get that because I'm a five-meal-a-day kind of guy. 600 00:31:53,077 --> 00:31:55,480 Do you keto, by the way? You look like you keto. 601 00:31:55,546 --> 00:31:57,448 No. No. Yeah. 602 00:31:57,515 --> 00:31:59,284 [chuckles] You don't need it. 603 00:31:59,350 --> 00:32:01,052 What is it? 604 00:32:01,119 --> 00:32:04,555 I just want her to think of me as more than a cover model. 605 00:32:04,622 --> 00:32:09,093 But, Alan, you are so much more. You're my lookout. 606 00:32:09,160 --> 00:32:12,363 Okay, can I at least do the part where I put her in the car 607 00:32:12,430 --> 00:32:16,000 and I just go, "Shh. You're safe now"? 608 00:32:17,268 --> 00:32:19,304 Sure, champ. She'll love that. 609 00:32:19,370 --> 00:32:21,272 Oh, you're just going? Going to start? 610 00:32:21,339 --> 00:32:23,574 You're starting the mission now? Okay. 611 00:32:33,084 --> 00:32:34,552 [handle rattles] 612 00:32:35,386 --> 00:32:37,722 [birds screeching] 613 00:32:37,789 --> 00:32:40,024 ["Red Right Hand" playing] 614 00:32:47,799 --> 00:32:50,001 [grunts] Oh! 615 00:32:56,741 --> 00:32:57,975 [grunts] 616 00:32:59,177 --> 00:33:00,678 Go to sleep. 617 00:33:00,745 --> 00:33:02,447 ♪ Take a little walk To the edge of town ♪ 618 00:33:02,513 --> 00:33:05,049 ♪ And go across the tracks ♪ 619 00:33:06,584 --> 00:33:10,722 ♪ Where the viaduct looms Like a bird of doom ♪ 620 00:33:10,788 --> 00:33:15,126 ♪ As it shifts and cracks ♪ 621 00:33:15,193 --> 00:33:21,032 ♪ Where secrets lie In the border fires In the humming wires ♪ 622 00:33:21,099 --> 00:33:24,268 ♪ Hey, man, you know You're never coming back ♪ 623 00:33:24,335 --> 00:33:26,404 ♪ Past the square Past the bridge ♪ 624 00:33:26,471 --> 00:33:29,440 ♪ Past the mills Past the stacks ♪ 625 00:33:29,507 --> 00:33:30,675 Alan. What? 626 00:33:30,742 --> 00:33:32,543 This is a breach of trust, Alan. 627 00:33:32,610 --> 00:33:34,379 I can help. Let me help. 628 00:33:34,445 --> 00:33:37,482 ♪ A tall handsome man In a dusty black coat ♪ 629 00:33:37,548 --> 00:33:40,017 Stay close. Stay alive. 630 00:33:45,089 --> 00:33:46,124 Hey. 631 00:33:47,392 --> 00:33:48,659 [grunts] 632 00:33:48,726 --> 00:33:51,229 ♪ He'll wrap you in his arms ♪ 633 00:33:51,295 --> 00:33:53,030 Go to sleep. 634 00:33:53,097 --> 00:33:55,299 ♪ Tell you that you've Been a good boy ♪ 635 00:33:55,366 --> 00:33:59,036 I got his head. What do I do with his head? I'm just gonna set him down. 636 00:34:00,505 --> 00:34:02,106 [shouts, grunts] 637 00:34:05,376 --> 00:34:06,344 [shouts] No. 638 00:34:07,111 --> 00:34:08,379 Hey, hey, no! 639 00:34:08,446 --> 00:34:09,514 No, no, no! 640 00:34:09,580 --> 00:34:11,416 [grunts] 641 00:34:11,482 --> 00:34:14,218 ♪ There won't be a single thing That you can do ♪ 642 00:34:14,285 --> 00:34:17,155 ♪ He's a god, he's a man He's a ghost, he's a guru ♪ 643 00:34:17,221 --> 00:34:19,090 Ooh, yeah! Ooh. 644 00:34:19,157 --> 00:34:20,158 Ow. 645 00:34:20,224 --> 00:34:21,793 Teamwork, yeah! 646 00:34:21,859 --> 00:34:25,229 Great effort, Alan, but that man was already unconscious. 647 00:34:25,296 --> 00:34:26,798 I was already wound up. 648 00:34:27,899 --> 00:34:30,501 Just don't do it when I'm... 649 00:34:33,571 --> 00:34:34,839 Hi. 650 00:34:37,275 --> 00:34:38,810 -[grunts] -Oh! 651 00:34:40,278 --> 00:34:41,712 [Alan] On your seven! 652 00:34:42,447 --> 00:34:43,848 [shouts] 653 00:34:46,651 --> 00:34:47,718 Oh! 654 00:34:52,690 --> 00:34:54,692 Trainer, he's not asleep! 655 00:34:54,759 --> 00:34:56,694 Stay-- Stay down. Stay down. 656 00:34:59,530 --> 00:35:02,099 -You're doing great. -Thanks. 657 00:35:02,166 --> 00:35:03,768 Where you going? 658 00:35:03,835 --> 00:35:06,571 ♪ Through the ghettos And the barrio ♪ 659 00:35:06,637 --> 00:35:09,207 ♪ And the Bowery and the slums ♪ What? 660 00:35:09,273 --> 00:35:10,374 [grunts] 661 00:35:11,642 --> 00:35:13,110 Loretta Sage? 662 00:35:13,611 --> 00:35:14,612 Yes. 663 00:35:14,679 --> 00:35:16,380 I'm getting you out of here. 664 00:35:17,381 --> 00:35:20,384 Why are you so handsome? My dad was a weatherman. 665 00:35:20,952 --> 00:35:22,186 [grunts] 666 00:35:22,653 --> 00:35:23,688 A-Alan? 667 00:35:23,754 --> 00:35:25,823 Yeah. What are you doing here? 668 00:35:25,890 --> 00:35:28,759 -Uh, irregardless, I'm here to save you. -That's not... 669 00:35:28,826 --> 00:35:30,895 -I think he meant "regardless." -Yes. 670 00:35:32,263 --> 00:35:36,667 Ooh, uh, does she need saving in there, Trainer? I think she's fine there. 671 00:35:36,734 --> 00:35:39,570 No, no, leave it. Don't take their stuff. They'll come after us. 672 00:35:42,406 --> 00:35:44,175 Alan, why do you keep doing that? 673 00:35:44,242 --> 00:35:46,244 Why do you keep doing that? I had that one. 674 00:35:46,310 --> 00:35:48,679 It's just getting mean now. It's unnecessary. 675 00:35:48,746 --> 00:35:50,715 I'm sorry. I just wanted to get one in. 676 00:35:50,781 --> 00:35:53,718 -Excuse me. Would it be possible to remove me from the chair? -No time. 677 00:35:53,784 --> 00:35:56,187 -No time? There's been so much chitchat. -[men shouting] 678 00:35:56,254 --> 00:35:57,588 We should definitely go. 679 00:35:57,655 --> 00:35:59,524 [security shouting] Let's go! Let's go! 680 00:35:59,590 --> 00:36:02,627 ♪ We're running with The shadows of the night ♪ 681 00:36:02,693 --> 00:36:06,697 ♪ So, baby, take my hand It'll be all right ♪ 682 00:36:06,764 --> 00:36:10,601 ♪ They'll come true in the end ♪ 683 00:36:24,982 --> 00:36:26,350 Why are things exploding? 684 00:36:26,417 --> 00:36:27,785 [explosion] 685 00:36:27,852 --> 00:36:29,787 [people shouting in Spanish] 686 00:36:33,824 --> 00:36:34,859 I got-- 687 00:36:36,694 --> 00:36:37,662 [lock beeps] Okay. 688 00:36:38,629 --> 00:36:39,931 Shh... 689 00:36:39,997 --> 00:36:41,933 Shh. You're safe now. 690 00:36:41,999 --> 00:36:43,367 You're... 691 00:36:43,434 --> 00:36:45,603 How-- How are you so calm? 692 00:36:45,670 --> 00:36:47,905 That was my-- That was my line. [Jack] Here. 693 00:36:50,308 --> 00:36:52,209 What? Is that Reiki? 694 00:36:52,276 --> 00:36:54,779 Are you healing me? I think so. 695 00:36:54,845 --> 00:36:58,215 -[Loretta] Ah. -As Laozi says, "To the mind that is still..." 696 00:36:58,282 --> 00:37:01,252 "...the whole universe surrenders." [Alan] Hey, yeah, I know some-- 697 00:37:01,319 --> 00:37:03,788 I know some, um, quotes that could be good for this moment. 698 00:37:03,854 --> 00:37:05,590 In omnia paratus. 699 00:37:06,657 --> 00:37:08,726 "Ready for anything." 700 00:37:08,793 --> 00:37:11,495 Maybe we shouldn't be just staring lovingly into each other's eyes 701 00:37:11,562 --> 00:37:14,665 like you're gonna fall in love like I'm not here. 702 00:37:15,333 --> 00:37:16,400 Who are you? 703 00:37:16,467 --> 00:37:19,403 Just a guy trying to do his job. 704 00:37:19,470 --> 00:37:21,906 And right now, that job is to get this lovely lady-- 705 00:37:22,740 --> 00:37:24,475 Oh! Oh. 706 00:37:24,542 --> 00:37:26,177 Oh, God. Okay. [Alan groaning] 707 00:37:27,612 --> 00:37:29,647 -[gunshot] -[Alan] No. What is happening? 708 00:37:30,481 --> 00:37:31,482 [Loretta shouts] 709 00:37:31,549 --> 00:37:33,017 -[gunshot] -[shouts] 710 00:37:33,084 --> 00:37:35,319 [Alan] Okay. What do we do? 711 00:37:35,386 --> 00:37:37,521 We need to do-- I can't see. 712 00:37:37,588 --> 00:37:38,856 I don't like it! [gags] 713 00:37:38,923 --> 00:37:40,625 Here. Here! 714 00:37:40,691 --> 00:37:42,960 -Why would you throw a gun? -Seriously? 715 00:37:44,695 --> 00:37:47,398 Get me out of the chair. I can't. We don't have time. 716 00:37:47,465 --> 00:37:48,599 [bullet whizzes, clangs] 717 00:37:50,901 --> 00:37:53,004 [Alan] Gotta squeeze! You got to do a Kegel or something! 718 00:37:53,070 --> 00:37:55,506 -Kegel it! -What do you think a Kegel is? 719 00:37:55,573 --> 00:37:57,908 I'm not in it, not in! Still not in! 720 00:37:57,975 --> 00:38:00,411 -You got to go in more. -Stop. Stop. Stop it! 721 00:38:00,478 --> 00:38:02,680 [window shatters] [gasps] Oh, oh, oh! 722 00:38:02,747 --> 00:38:05,950 Oh, God. Get in the car, get in the car! Start the car! Start the car! 723 00:38:06,017 --> 00:38:07,551 -Go, go. -Move your leg. 724 00:38:07,618 --> 00:38:09,687 Which one? Both of them! Move them! 725 00:38:13,691 --> 00:38:15,693 Forward, forward! Okay. Okay. 726 00:38:15,760 --> 00:38:19,897 -I'm going! I'm going! Okay! -Drive! 727 00:38:21,399 --> 00:38:24,669 [Alan] Shh. You're safe now. Shh. 728 00:38:26,504 --> 00:38:27,905 Ow. 729 00:38:27,972 --> 00:38:29,974 Shh. You're safe now. No, I'm not. Not safe. 730 00:38:30,041 --> 00:38:32,009 Oh, no, am I bleeding? 731 00:38:32,076 --> 00:38:34,945 -I don't think that's yours. -Oh, no, that's a lot of blood. 732 00:38:35,012 --> 00:38:36,380 [Alan gags] 733 00:38:36,447 --> 00:38:38,315 [Loretta] Cheese and rice! 734 00:38:38,382 --> 00:38:39,884 Are those his brains? What? 735 00:38:39,950 --> 00:38:41,952 I think his brains are on my face! 736 00:38:42,019 --> 00:38:45,690 Definitely his brains are in my mouth. I can taste his thoughts! 737 00:38:45,756 --> 00:38:46,991 Focus on the road. 738 00:38:47,058 --> 00:38:49,427 He just liked training people. Trainer. 739 00:38:49,493 --> 00:38:52,396 -What are you talking about? -He loved me. 740 00:38:52,463 --> 00:38:54,899 Can you just scooch the car over to the left? 741 00:38:54,965 --> 00:38:58,669 Get it off. Get it off. Oh, God. 742 00:38:58,736 --> 00:38:59,837 Watch out! 743 00:39:04,041 --> 00:39:06,977 Oh! Oh! Oh! 744 00:39:07,044 --> 00:39:09,346 [laughs] 745 00:39:09,413 --> 00:39:10,981 Oh, did you see... 746 00:39:13,951 --> 00:39:14,985 No. 747 00:39:20,591 --> 00:39:21,726 Oh. 748 00:39:23,160 --> 00:39:25,429 Oh, no. Oh, no. [horn honks] 749 00:39:26,030 --> 00:39:27,531 Oh, no. 750 00:39:35,940 --> 00:39:37,475 Oh, no. 751 00:39:38,142 --> 00:39:40,377 [Loretta] Alan? [gasps] 752 00:39:40,444 --> 00:39:43,914 Oh, holy Christmas. Are you okay? Are you okay? 753 00:39:43,981 --> 00:39:45,916 Do you think you could get me out of here? 754 00:39:45,983 --> 00:39:47,752 Yeah. Okay. 755 00:39:47,818 --> 00:39:50,755 You just flew out of the car. I did. I did, indeed. 756 00:39:50,821 --> 00:39:52,490 Okay. I got you. I got you. 757 00:39:52,556 --> 00:39:54,859 Can you get me out of the chair? Get me out of the chair. 758 00:39:54,925 --> 00:39:56,594 You're right. You're right. You're right. 759 00:39:58,095 --> 00:39:59,964 Is that-- Is that a nail filer? Yeah. 760 00:40:00,030 --> 00:40:01,532 Can you just rip it? It's working. 761 00:40:01,599 --> 00:40:03,467 And maybe next time I toss a gun at you, 762 00:40:03,534 --> 00:40:05,636 you can catch it instead of ducking. 763 00:40:05,703 --> 00:40:08,773 How about the next time you toss a gun at me, you say, "Hey, Alan, catch"? 764 00:40:08,839 --> 00:40:10,741 Then maybe do that before you throw it? 765 00:40:10,808 --> 00:40:12,977 Well, "here" is a synonym for "catch." 766 00:40:13,043 --> 00:40:14,612 No, "here" is not a cinnamon for "catch." 767 00:40:14,678 --> 00:40:16,781 In a colloquial kind of way, yes, it is. 768 00:40:16,847 --> 00:40:18,983 You say, "Here," I toss you a sweatshirt. 769 00:40:19,049 --> 00:40:21,085 You say, "Here," I toss you a pen. 770 00:40:21,152 --> 00:40:24,421 How 'bout just, "Hey! Catch! Gun!" 771 00:40:24,488 --> 00:40:27,558 Anything that you want to throw, I'll catch it because you said, "Catch." 772 00:40:27,625 --> 00:40:29,426 And I'll catch it because you said it. 773 00:40:29,493 --> 00:40:31,762 That is also an option, and then we would have a gun with us. 774 00:40:31,829 --> 00:40:32,963 That's a thing. 775 00:40:33,030 --> 00:40:35,166 Be careful. Okay, we need to call-- 776 00:40:35,232 --> 00:40:37,101 Be careful. 777 00:40:37,168 --> 00:40:39,737 We need to call for help, get to the airport and get out of here. 778 00:40:39,804 --> 00:40:41,605 And I am driving. Okay. 779 00:40:44,008 --> 00:40:46,744 [both] Oh. Oh. Oh, oh, oh, oh! 780 00:40:56,587 --> 00:40:58,989 Okay, call for-- call for help. 781 00:40:59,056 --> 00:41:00,691 Where's your phone? 782 00:41:04,061 --> 00:41:05,095 Okay. 783 00:41:08,899 --> 00:41:11,535 -Tell me you caught them. -I tagged the blond one. 784 00:41:13,204 --> 00:41:16,073 Oh, Loretta. 785 00:41:16,140 --> 00:41:18,642 What are you thinking? 786 00:41:18,709 --> 00:41:21,645 You might've killed one of them, but his partner's still with her. 787 00:41:21,712 --> 00:41:25,216 And he is clearly skilled, highly trained 788 00:41:26,217 --> 00:41:27,885 and very dangerous. 789 00:41:37,862 --> 00:41:41,966 So, Miss Sage said she was gonna leave the event, 790 00:41:42,032 --> 00:41:46,904 then got in a car and left the event? 791 00:41:46,971 --> 00:41:49,573 -Did you try calling her? -She doesn't have her phone. 792 00:41:49,640 --> 00:41:51,075 Stolen phone. Didn't say that. 793 00:41:51,141 --> 00:41:52,943 [Nana] Where's my magnifier? 794 00:41:53,010 --> 00:41:55,212 Listen, can you please help with Nana? 795 00:41:55,279 --> 00:41:57,648 I don't want her hearing about Loretta 'cause it's going to upset her. 796 00:41:57,715 --> 00:42:00,651 -What about Loretta? -Nothing, Nana. She just went on a trip. 797 00:42:00,718 --> 00:42:02,019 [Nana] Good. [Beth] Yeah. 798 00:42:02,086 --> 00:42:04,822 That girl needed to get out of the house. 799 00:42:04,889 --> 00:42:09,026 So, this is the thing. Loretta's phone is not stolen. I took it. 800 00:42:09,093 --> 00:42:13,597 I gave it to Alan. Alan then gave it to the trainer, uh, Jack Trainer. 801 00:42:13,664 --> 00:42:15,799 And that is how we found her wearable. 802 00:42:15,866 --> 00:42:17,768 And who's Alan? [Beth] Dash. 803 00:42:17,835 --> 00:42:20,571 -What's that? -He's the hero in all of her books. 804 00:42:20,638 --> 00:42:23,874 -Nana. Hey, slut. -Mm-mmm. 805 00:42:23,941 --> 00:42:26,911 Let's go in the other room and talk about whichever war you lived through. 806 00:42:26,977 --> 00:42:29,980 Okay. Come on, it'll be fun. I'm sorry. It'll be fun. 807 00:42:30,047 --> 00:42:31,982 Listen, Loretta Sage is missing. 808 00:42:32,049 --> 00:42:34,318 When I looked at her smartwatch, it said that she had flown 809 00:42:34,385 --> 00:42:36,086 to some island I've never even heard about. 810 00:42:36,153 --> 00:42:38,088 That means y'all need to do something about this. 811 00:42:38,155 --> 00:42:40,591 And if you can't, I will, and that won't look good for you. 812 00:42:40,658 --> 00:42:43,227 Pretty sure that's outside our jurisdiction. 813 00:42:43,294 --> 00:42:46,563 -You'd have to call the Feds. -Okay. 814 00:42:46,630 --> 00:42:48,866 And if you do go to the Feds, put in a good word for me. 815 00:42:48,933 --> 00:42:51,101 For me. For us. 816 00:42:56,907 --> 00:42:58,242 Oh, oh. 817 00:43:05,649 --> 00:43:07,751 What are you gonna do, put the car back together? 818 00:43:07,818 --> 00:43:09,853 Well... we could-- 819 00:43:17,061 --> 00:43:19,163 [steam hissing] 820 00:43:25,936 --> 00:43:28,706 Where did you say the phone was? Passenger glove. 821 00:43:28,772 --> 00:43:30,374 What? Passenger glove compartment. 822 00:43:30,441 --> 00:43:31,675 Goodness. 823 00:43:32,977 --> 00:43:34,712 Oh, my God. 824 00:43:34,778 --> 00:43:36,880 Oh, my God. No phone, no car. We're so gonna die out-- 825 00:43:36,947 --> 00:43:38,716 Here. What is this? 826 00:43:38,782 --> 00:43:40,250 Boots for the jungle. 827 00:43:41,085 --> 00:43:43,320 It's not exactly hiking boots, but... 828 00:43:43,387 --> 00:43:46,090 I figured your feet would be killing you after wearing heels for this long. 829 00:43:46,156 --> 00:43:48,158 It was the best we could do. They're Allison's. Sorry. 830 00:43:49,126 --> 00:43:51,228 Oh. Okay, well, thank you. 831 00:43:51,295 --> 00:43:53,130 Here, oh, I got you cheese. 832 00:43:53,197 --> 00:43:55,065 Oh, my God. You got to stay hydrated. 833 00:43:55,132 --> 00:43:57,067 Thank you so much. They didn't have glass bottles, 834 00:43:57,134 --> 00:43:58,969 so we'll definitely hold onto it and recycle. 835 00:44:01,905 --> 00:44:06,643 Okay, so what we need to do is find a phone, we need to call the authorities, 836 00:44:06,710 --> 00:44:09,646 and we need to wait here until somebody comes and rescues us. 837 00:44:09,713 --> 00:44:13,083 Uh... This... This is the rescue. 838 00:44:13,150 --> 00:44:14,651 No one else is coming. 839 00:44:14,718 --> 00:44:16,720 I'm sorry? I'm the rescue. 840 00:44:16,787 --> 00:44:19,390 It was originally just gonna be me, then I was like, Trainer should come. 841 00:44:19,456 --> 00:44:21,392 Oh, Trainer. Rest in peace. 842 00:44:21,458 --> 00:44:25,929 So, our best bet is to get to the airport. See this road right here? 843 00:44:25,996 --> 00:44:28,766 From this area, just take a shortcut through the jungle to the road. 844 00:44:28,832 --> 00:44:30,367 Did you just say "shortcut through the jungle"? 845 00:44:30,434 --> 00:44:32,202 Yeah. Okay, do you see us? 846 00:44:32,269 --> 00:44:34,838 Uh-huh. You are not Dash, and I'm not Lovemore. Okay? 847 00:44:34,905 --> 00:44:36,340 I'm Loretta, and you are Alan. 848 00:44:36,407 --> 00:44:38,942 And jungles eat people like us, okay? Eat people. 849 00:44:39,009 --> 00:44:42,179 And I don't want to mess up the jumpsuit. It's on loan. So we're gonna stay put. 850 00:44:42,246 --> 00:44:44,214 We're not just gonna stand around here, okay? 851 00:44:44,281 --> 00:44:45,883 We're gonna go through the jungle, 852 00:44:45,949 --> 00:44:48,085 we're gonna go to the airport and find a phone, 853 00:44:48,152 --> 00:44:51,188 -so you can have your cake and get what you want. -"And eat it too"? 854 00:44:51,255 --> 00:44:53,757 If that's what you want to do with your cake, fine. Let's go. 855 00:44:53,824 --> 00:44:55,793 -That's the only thing you do with cake. -Not mine. 856 00:44:55,859 --> 00:44:58,095 [Loretta] I don't know what your people do, but my people eat it. 857 00:44:58,162 --> 00:45:00,431 [Alan] You could give it to someone as a gift. 858 00:45:00,497 --> 00:45:02,766 [Loretta] Those people are still going to eat the cake. 859 00:45:02,833 --> 00:45:04,468 Everybody eats cake. 860 00:45:04,535 --> 00:45:06,336 [Alan] What about the kind people jump out of? 861 00:45:06,403 --> 00:45:09,106 They don't eat it, when they're in it. Oh, my God. 862 00:45:35,866 --> 00:45:37,301 [Alan] What did they kidnap you for anyhow? 863 00:45:37,367 --> 00:45:39,269 Is it some weird sex stuff like Taken? 864 00:45:39,336 --> 00:45:41,105 [Loretta] Oh, my God, thank you. 865 00:45:41,171 --> 00:45:43,774 I thought so too, but the guy's one of the Fairfaxes. 866 00:45:43,841 --> 00:45:45,876 Beverly? No, the older one. 867 00:45:45,943 --> 00:45:49,413 The really odd one that had the vlog on finding Montezuma's treasure. 868 00:45:49,480 --> 00:45:51,949 [Alan] The dude that was on the news for trying to raise the Titanic? 869 00:45:52,015 --> 00:45:53,851 [Loretta] Yes, he's looking for the Crown of Fire. 870 00:45:53,917 --> 00:45:57,855 Wait a minute. Like the actual Crown of Fire? Like the one... 871 00:45:57,921 --> 00:46:01,125 So those ruins were-- They were the Lost City of D, yes. 872 00:46:01,191 --> 00:46:03,393 What? Are you kidding me right now? Shh. 873 00:46:03,460 --> 00:46:05,329 This is like your book. 874 00:46:05,395 --> 00:46:08,065 So we're basically on a Lovemore and Dash adventure right now? 875 00:46:08,132 --> 00:46:10,167 [insect buzzing] What is that? 876 00:46:10,234 --> 00:46:12,769 What if Fairfax actually finds the crown? 877 00:46:12,836 --> 00:46:14,238 He won't. He won't. 878 00:46:14,304 --> 00:46:16,306 [people shouting in distance] 879 00:46:16,373 --> 00:46:17,508 [Loretta] Where do we go? Uh... 880 00:46:17,574 --> 00:46:19,309 [vehicles approaching] Oh, oh, oh. 881 00:46:22,613 --> 00:46:24,815 Okay, uh, we need to get in the water. 882 00:46:24,882 --> 00:46:27,017 W-What? We need to go by river. 883 00:46:27,084 --> 00:46:29,119 No, no, I don't really do water. 884 00:46:29,186 --> 00:46:31,388 What do you mean, "do water"? I'm not asking you to procreate with it. 885 00:46:31,455 --> 00:46:34,124 Uh, my body and water don't really go together. 886 00:46:34,191 --> 00:46:36,426 [vehicles in distance] How do you feel about dying? Oh, God. 887 00:46:36,493 --> 00:46:38,395 Hey. Whoa, whoa, whoa. You're okay. You're okay. 888 00:46:38,462 --> 00:46:41,331 I got you. Fine. I can swim. I can swim. Thank you very much. 889 00:46:41,398 --> 00:46:43,500 Where are you going? I'm crossing. 890 00:46:43,567 --> 00:46:45,569 No, we have to stay in the water. 891 00:46:45,636 --> 00:46:48,138 I researched aquatic counter-tracking for my book, A Year in the Bush. 892 00:46:48,205 --> 00:46:50,240 They'll lose our tracks in the water. 893 00:46:50,307 --> 00:46:53,143 Why is it warm here? Wait, are you peeing? 894 00:46:53,210 --> 00:46:54,978 Just go around it. 895 00:47:03,654 --> 00:47:05,389 [engines switch off] 896 00:47:23,974 --> 00:47:25,509 [Loretta] Okay, I think... 897 00:47:25,576 --> 00:47:27,511 I think we lost them, right? 898 00:47:27,578 --> 00:47:30,447 Yeah. That wasn't so bad. Yeah. 899 00:47:30,514 --> 00:47:32,382 Okay, uh... 900 00:47:32,449 --> 00:47:34,918 Don't panic. What do you mean, don't panic? 901 00:47:34,985 --> 00:47:36,220 -Just don't panic. -No. 902 00:47:36,286 --> 00:47:38,121 Stop saying "panic." I'm panicking now. 903 00:47:38,188 --> 00:47:39,856 You have something on your back. 904 00:47:41,358 --> 00:47:42,392 [screams] No! 905 00:47:42,459 --> 00:47:43,994 Stop screaming. What is that? 906 00:47:44,061 --> 00:47:45,329 What is that? Stop screaming. 907 00:47:45,395 --> 00:47:46,897 Do you have any on you? No. No. 908 00:47:46,964 --> 00:47:48,432 Why don't you have any on you? 909 00:47:48,498 --> 00:47:50,334 Maybe the jumpsuit scared them off. I don't know. 910 00:47:50,400 --> 00:47:52,135 Get 'em off. Oh, my God. 911 00:47:52,202 --> 00:47:54,571 Okay. No, I can't touch those blood-gorged mucous sacks. 912 00:47:54,638 --> 00:47:56,073 Can you fling it? Right now. 913 00:47:56,139 --> 00:47:57,541 Get it. Just pick it and fling it. 914 00:47:57,608 --> 00:47:59,543 Just pick it and fling it. You pick it and fling it! 915 00:47:59,610 --> 00:48:01,912 Can you spin it off? Please, get it off. 916 00:48:01,979 --> 00:48:04,047 I don't like touching it. I'm feeling faint. 917 00:48:04,114 --> 00:48:07,084 They're sucking my soul out. Okay, okay. Stop, stop, stop. 918 00:48:07,150 --> 00:48:08,619 [groans] 919 00:48:08,685 --> 00:48:11,021 [gags] Don't make that sound. [gags] 920 00:48:11,088 --> 00:48:12,489 [gags] 921 00:48:14,558 --> 00:48:16,093 How many of them are there? 922 00:48:16,159 --> 00:48:17,894 Oh, there's not many. 923 00:48:17,961 --> 00:48:19,630 It feels like there's so many. What are you-- 924 00:48:19,696 --> 00:48:21,231 I feel so many. Oh! 925 00:48:21,298 --> 00:48:24,067 Holy mother of God! Why are you praying? 926 00:48:24,134 --> 00:48:27,037 Is it that bad? It can't be that bad. Is it that bad? How many? 927 00:48:27,104 --> 00:48:28,372 It's not great. 928 00:48:28,438 --> 00:48:30,307 They're gonna suck every bit of me out. 929 00:48:30,374 --> 00:48:32,909 Just please stop speaking. I just need to-- need to get low. 930 00:48:32,976 --> 00:48:34,911 Hold on a second. [groans] 931 00:48:34,978 --> 00:48:37,614 Oh, God! I can feel them just-- they're just sucking out so much. 932 00:48:37,681 --> 00:48:40,584 I'm gonna be like a shriveled-up skin sack when they're done. 933 00:48:40,651 --> 00:48:42,686 You cannot tell my dad I died this way, okay? 934 00:48:42,753 --> 00:48:47,024 You gotta tell him I was wrestling an anaconda with a sword or something. 935 00:48:47,090 --> 00:48:49,926 I'm like a blood Jamba Juice. They're just sucking it all out. 936 00:48:49,993 --> 00:48:51,461 Why are they all on my butt though? 937 00:48:51,528 --> 00:48:54,197 Kind of like picking anchovies off my Caesar salad. 938 00:48:54,264 --> 00:48:55,966 -It's actually not so bad. -Anchovies? 939 00:48:56,033 --> 00:48:57,634 Why do you go to food right now? 940 00:48:57,701 --> 00:49:00,604 Just find the queen, and let's be done with this. 941 00:49:00,671 --> 00:49:03,073 Think you're good. I need to just check your front. 942 00:49:03,140 --> 00:49:05,208 Okay. I can't look. 943 00:49:07,444 --> 00:49:08,979 Is it bad? 944 00:49:09,046 --> 00:49:12,182 Uh, wow. What is it? Just say it. 945 00:49:12,249 --> 00:49:15,652 I mean, you expect it to, you know, not... 946 00:49:15,719 --> 00:49:18,488 Then suddenly there it is, and it is, uh... 947 00:49:18,555 --> 00:49:21,024 You know, you get excited for a person. What? 948 00:49:21,091 --> 00:49:23,560 I mean, I'm excited for all people. Why are you excited? 949 00:49:23,627 --> 00:49:25,996 Well, you know, people wonder, they wonder, 950 00:49:26,063 --> 00:49:27,698 but they don't know, right? 951 00:49:27,764 --> 00:49:30,467 They don't, until suddenly they do know, 952 00:49:30,534 --> 00:49:34,705 and then they-- they know something that wasn't known before. 953 00:49:34,771 --> 00:49:36,673 Just-- Do I have any leeches or not? 954 00:49:36,740 --> 00:49:40,711 Oh, your plucky warrior hangs in tranquil solitude. 955 00:49:40,777 --> 00:49:42,112 What? 956 00:49:42,179 --> 00:49:44,181 No, you're good. You're good. 957 00:49:45,482 --> 00:49:47,250 We were so brave just then. 958 00:49:47,317 --> 00:49:49,386 Why do they go for the butt so much? 959 00:50:02,232 --> 00:50:05,001 [singing in Spanish] 960 00:50:06,403 --> 00:50:08,605 [insect buzzing] 961 00:50:10,841 --> 00:50:13,744 What's that song you're singing? 962 00:50:13,810 --> 00:50:16,646 A song my abbi used to sing to me when I was a kid. 963 00:50:17,581 --> 00:50:20,517 "If you suck life from the island... Yeah? 964 00:50:20,584 --> 00:50:23,587 ...the island will suck of you." 965 00:50:23,653 --> 00:50:27,457 Your grandma sang you songs about getting sucked off by an island? 966 00:50:27,524 --> 00:50:29,693 It doesn't translate super well. 967 00:50:30,560 --> 00:50:33,630 Is phantom leech syndrome, like, a thing? 968 00:50:33,697 --> 00:50:35,532 They don't lay eggs, do they? 969 00:51:24,648 --> 00:51:25,849 Queen Taha? 970 00:51:39,629 --> 00:51:43,834 "King Kalaman and his treasure laid to rest... 971 00:51:44,734 --> 00:51:48,638 laid to rest in the well of endless tears. 972 00:51:48,705 --> 00:51:50,674 Laid to rest in the well of endless tears." 973 00:51:50,740 --> 00:51:52,409 What does that mean? [Alan] Loretta! 974 00:51:53,143 --> 00:51:54,811 You gave me a heart attack. 975 00:51:55,679 --> 00:51:57,147 Where'd you go? 976 00:52:01,418 --> 00:52:03,186 What is this? 977 00:52:03,253 --> 00:52:06,122 I'm not sure, but maybe they gathered here? 978 00:52:08,859 --> 00:52:11,561 Can you imagine being right here, 979 00:52:11,628 --> 00:52:14,331 right in this very spot back then? 980 00:52:14,397 --> 00:52:16,333 The stories that they told? 981 00:52:16,399 --> 00:52:18,802 So much history I'm sure happened right here. 982 00:52:24,341 --> 00:52:25,742 [Loretta] They've got us cornered. 983 00:52:25,809 --> 00:52:27,711 Okay. We've got to go up. Come on. What? 984 00:52:27,777 --> 00:52:30,747 Have you seen what I'm wearing? I'm in a glitter straitjacket. 985 00:52:30,814 --> 00:52:33,817 There's nowhere to go but up. Come on. Let's go. 986 00:52:33,884 --> 00:52:37,487 [Loretta] Oh! I should not be doing this. I'm too old for this. 987 00:52:37,554 --> 00:52:38,688 No, you're not. You're beautiful. 988 00:52:38,755 --> 00:52:40,457 I didn't say I'm not beautiful. 989 00:52:40,524 --> 00:52:42,626 I said I'm too old to be doing this. 990 00:52:42,692 --> 00:52:46,363 My skill is sitting and thinking and eating when I can't think. 991 00:52:46,429 --> 00:52:48,698 Yeah, you definitely could be wearing better shoes for this. 992 00:52:48,765 --> 00:52:50,700 You brought me these shoes. 993 00:52:50,767 --> 00:52:53,370 I can't go any further. I can't go any further. 994 00:52:53,436 --> 00:52:55,205 I'm not doing so great here. 995 00:52:55,272 --> 00:52:56,640 You got it. Come on. 996 00:52:56,706 --> 00:52:58,642 I know you think that you're safer holding on, 997 00:52:58,708 --> 00:53:00,210 but you have to keep going. 998 00:53:00,277 --> 00:53:01,745 I can't. I can't, I can't. Okay? 999 00:53:02,779 --> 00:53:04,447 Do you smell that? Smell what? 1000 00:53:04,514 --> 00:53:06,316 I smell something. Is it a predator? What is it? 1001 00:53:06,383 --> 00:53:08,184 A downward cascading fire? You got to smell deeper. 1002 00:53:08,251 --> 00:53:09,452 I don't smell anything! 1003 00:53:09,519 --> 00:53:12,756 [both breathing deeply] 1004 00:53:12,822 --> 00:53:15,926 Take a big, deep breath. [breathing deeply] 1005 00:53:15,992 --> 00:53:17,527 All right. 1006 00:53:17,594 --> 00:53:19,429 Good job. Okay. 1007 00:53:19,496 --> 00:53:22,966 That was manipulative. Thank you. Yeah, it was. 1008 00:53:23,033 --> 00:53:25,569 Here we go. I'm gonna help you out a little bit, all right? 1009 00:53:25,635 --> 00:53:27,771 -One, two, three... Here we go! -What are you doing? 1010 00:53:27,837 --> 00:53:29,439 Get out of there. Come on. 1011 00:53:29,506 --> 00:53:31,608 No, no, don't flex. That's my hoo-hoo. 1012 00:53:31,675 --> 00:53:34,477 Just ride the head. Keep the hands moving and ride the head. 1013 00:53:34,544 --> 00:53:35,879 Oh, God. You're doing great. 1014 00:53:35,946 --> 00:53:38,448 Sorry about the scratchy haircut. Come on. 1015 00:53:58,635 --> 00:54:00,737 Dulcius ex asperis. 1016 00:54:01,438 --> 00:54:02,739 What was that? 1017 00:54:02,806 --> 00:54:04,574 Oh, nothing. 1018 00:54:04,641 --> 00:54:06,876 It was just something that John and I would say 1019 00:54:06,943 --> 00:54:10,313 after we finished something big, like a... 1020 00:54:10,380 --> 00:54:12,382 like an archaeological dig or a manuscript. 1021 00:54:12,449 --> 00:54:15,385 It's Latin. It means "sweeter after difficulty." 1022 00:54:16,720 --> 00:54:18,321 What's... 1023 00:54:18,388 --> 00:54:20,357 What's Latin for "Loretta's a badass"? 1024 00:54:20,423 --> 00:54:24,761 [laughs] I am a badass. I climbed a mountain. 1025 00:54:24,828 --> 00:54:27,831 Oh, my God. I wish Beth could've seen us do this. 1026 00:54:27,897 --> 00:54:30,767 Oh, God. Beth. Don't worry about Beth. 1027 00:54:30,834 --> 00:54:34,571 She's probably got the whole navy after us right now. 1028 00:54:34,638 --> 00:54:37,741 [Allison] I get that you think you have to go to the island authorities yourself, 1029 00:54:37,807 --> 00:54:41,277 but don't worry, I'm keeping Loretta's socials super active. 1030 00:54:41,344 --> 00:54:43,580 Just tweeted, "Did I just get kidnapped? 1031 00:54:43,647 --> 00:54:47,384 #FML, @ShawnMendes, #ShawnMendes." 1032 00:54:47,450 --> 00:54:48,952 [ticket agent] And you're traveling alone? 1033 00:54:49,019 --> 00:54:51,688 Yes, I'm traveling alone. Mm-hmm. I'm single. 1034 00:54:52,455 --> 00:54:53,690 Then this might work. 1035 00:54:53,757 --> 00:54:55,792 Okay! Talk to me. You'll hit New York. 1036 00:54:55,859 --> 00:54:58,995 From there, you'll fly to Guinea, where you can pick up a puddle jumper. 1037 00:54:59,062 --> 00:55:00,330 A what? 1038 00:55:01,231 --> 00:55:02,766 Small plane. [Allison] Yeah, no leg room. 1039 00:55:02,832 --> 00:55:04,067 That's fine. I'll take it. 1040 00:55:04,134 --> 00:55:05,935 Or you could just come home. Thank you. 1041 00:55:14,044 --> 00:55:16,579 We need something more flammable. Everything is just so wet. 1042 00:55:16,646 --> 00:55:18,014 What's in here? What's in your bag? 1043 00:55:18,081 --> 00:55:19,983 Uh... Oh, a lot. Okay. 1044 00:55:20,050 --> 00:55:21,718 What are you doing? 1045 00:55:21,785 --> 00:55:23,687 Okay. Face masks. 1046 00:55:23,753 --> 00:55:25,388 Yeah, that was like a gift-basket thing. 1047 00:55:25,455 --> 00:55:27,090 You brought a scented candle into the jungle? 1048 00:55:27,157 --> 00:55:28,658 My mom gave me that. 1049 00:55:28,725 --> 00:55:30,493 It was like a weird gift for Mother's Day. 1050 00:55:30,560 --> 00:55:32,495 Your mom gives you gifts for Mother's Day? 1051 00:55:33,763 --> 00:55:34,831 Noir-- 1052 00:55:34,898 --> 00:55:36,700 Eucalyptus rosemary oil. Ooh. 1053 00:55:37,467 --> 00:55:38,768 Oh, that smells good. 1054 00:55:38,835 --> 00:55:40,870 Um-- Oh, okay. All right. 1055 00:55:40,937 --> 00:55:42,772 Whoo! Yes! 1056 00:55:42,839 --> 00:55:45,508 Yes, I made fire! 1057 00:55:45,575 --> 00:55:48,978 -That's pretty impressive. You have to-- -It is a beautiful fire. 1058 00:55:49,045 --> 00:55:51,014 [Loretta] Who would have thought? 1059 00:55:51,081 --> 00:55:53,383 Oh, you're just, um, taking your shirt off? 1060 00:55:54,684 --> 00:55:56,686 That looks really uncomfortable. 1061 00:55:56,753 --> 00:55:58,688 Are you okay? The back? 1062 00:55:58,755 --> 00:56:02,859 Yeah. That is why I don't do water. 1063 00:56:02,926 --> 00:56:05,495 Okay. My body becomes an eighth-grader's face. 1064 00:56:05,562 --> 00:56:08,064 Do you have anything for it? Like some ointment or something? 1065 00:56:08,131 --> 00:56:10,433 Yeah, I do. Well, I did. 1066 00:56:10,500 --> 00:56:12,435 It was in a little, tiny little bottle. 1067 00:56:12,502 --> 00:56:14,504 It was this. I'm sorry. 1068 00:56:14,571 --> 00:56:16,639 Oh, God, I'm sorry. 1069 00:56:16,706 --> 00:56:18,074 It's okay. 1070 00:56:18,141 --> 00:56:20,510 -Hold on. Yes. Come here. Come here. -What? 1071 00:56:20,577 --> 00:56:23,012 -Come here. Sit down. -Let me see. 1072 00:56:23,079 --> 00:56:24,614 Just sit down. Right here? 1073 00:56:24,681 --> 00:56:25,715 Yeah. 1074 00:56:26,916 --> 00:56:28,918 Okay. 1075 00:56:28,985 --> 00:56:30,720 Oh, no, you don't have to touch it. It's okay. It's fine. 1076 00:56:30,787 --> 00:56:32,822 I touched your engorged sacks, so... 1077 00:56:32,889 --> 00:56:34,924 [snorts] [both laugh] 1078 00:56:34,991 --> 00:56:36,760 The leeches. Oh, okay. 1079 00:56:36,826 --> 00:56:39,462 Okay, this might be a little bit cold. 1080 00:56:40,830 --> 00:56:42,599 Sorry. Oh, yeah. Mm-hmm. 1081 00:56:42,665 --> 00:56:43,967 Sorry, sorry, sorry. 1082 00:56:44,033 --> 00:56:46,035 Maybe this is how Dash should die. 1083 00:56:46,102 --> 00:56:48,972 Horrible eczema outbreak. That's so sexy. 1084 00:56:49,038 --> 00:56:50,607 I could make it work. 1085 00:56:51,040 --> 00:56:52,075 Yeah? 1086 00:56:52,909 --> 00:56:54,177 All right, then. 1087 00:56:55,578 --> 00:56:57,147 How would you write this? 1088 00:56:57,213 --> 00:56:58,715 Okay. 1089 00:57:00,784 --> 00:57:03,920 "Warmed by the fragrant fire..." 1090 00:57:03,987 --> 00:57:06,689 Mm-hmm. [chuckles] 1091 00:57:06,756 --> 00:57:08,691 Starting strong. Mm-hmm. 1092 00:57:08,758 --> 00:57:11,728 "Lovemore's hands explored the... 1093 00:57:13,663 --> 00:57:15,999 the contoured scenery 1094 00:57:16,065 --> 00:57:17,667 of Dash's body. 1095 00:57:19,969 --> 00:57:22,705 Familiar terrain made 1096 00:57:22,772 --> 00:57:24,941 new and exciting with every... 1097 00:57:26,042 --> 00:57:28,211 with every scarlet rim." 1098 00:57:29,512 --> 00:57:31,014 And that didn't, uh... 1099 00:57:32,015 --> 00:57:33,583 didn't turn her off? 1100 00:57:33,650 --> 00:57:34,684 No. 1101 00:57:35,485 --> 00:57:37,520 "Because with every cardinal ridge, 1102 00:57:38,488 --> 00:57:40,957 Lovemore discovered another letter in the language 1103 00:57:41,024 --> 00:57:42,992 that only their bodies spoke." 1104 00:57:44,093 --> 00:57:46,062 And what were their bodies saying? 1105 00:57:48,031 --> 00:57:49,566 "Take me... 1106 00:57:51,668 --> 00:57:53,102 take me, 1107 00:57:53,870 --> 00:57:55,538 take me." 1108 00:57:55,605 --> 00:57:56,739 How's that? 1109 00:57:57,740 --> 00:57:59,042 It was good. 1110 00:57:59,108 --> 00:58:00,877 Your back. I mean, how is your back? Good. 1111 00:58:00,944 --> 00:58:02,579 Okay. You sure? Yeah. 1112 00:58:02,645 --> 00:58:06,783 I also meant my back. Right there, yeah. Okay. 1113 00:58:15,124 --> 00:58:16,159 Supplies. 1114 00:58:18,661 --> 00:58:22,799 Okay, I'm chilly. I think I'm gonna probably turn in in a little bit. 1115 00:58:22,866 --> 00:58:24,100 Okay. You good? 1116 00:58:24,167 --> 00:58:26,870 Yeah, I'm fire-- fine. I'm fine. 1117 00:58:26,936 --> 00:58:29,706 I'm not "fire." I'm fine by the fire. 1118 00:58:30,573 --> 00:58:32,108 Okay. All right. 1119 00:58:40,183 --> 00:58:43,720 Uh, it's up to you, but if you're cold, 1120 00:58:43,786 --> 00:58:47,657 maybe we could probably both fit in here, if you wanted to. 1121 00:58:48,324 --> 00:58:50,260 Both of us? 1122 00:58:50,326 --> 00:58:53,229 Only if you want to. I mean, it's just-- Yeah, no, that sounds... 1123 00:58:53,296 --> 00:58:54,998 Uh... 1124 00:58:55,064 --> 00:58:56,599 Okay. How do you... 1125 00:58:56,666 --> 00:58:58,668 You can go first, then I'll figure it out. 1126 00:58:58,735 --> 00:59:01,905 No, no, you go. It's definitely a "ladies first" type of situation. 1127 00:59:01,971 --> 00:59:04,674 Keep hands out of the bag at all times. That's what I was gonna do. 1128 00:59:04,741 --> 00:59:06,242 Butt to butt. Hands out and butt to butt. 1129 00:59:06,309 --> 00:59:09,679 Yeah. What do I do? Just get in. Go ahead and sit. 1130 00:59:09,746 --> 00:59:12,248 I sit first? Okay. I'm in. 1131 00:59:14,083 --> 00:59:16,786 You're too heavy. You're gonna flip this thing like a cruise ship. 1132 00:59:16,853 --> 00:59:19,589 [chuckling] You watch yourself. Hold on. I'm not in. 1133 00:59:19,656 --> 00:59:22,659 Why is this engaging my core so much? [laughs] 1134 00:59:23,426 --> 00:59:25,561 [Loretta] How 'bout you shimmy? 1135 00:59:25,628 --> 00:59:27,597 I can't breathe. I'm not breathing. Are you good? 1136 00:59:27,664 --> 00:59:28,798 My face. 1137 00:59:29,365 --> 00:59:30,833 [Loretta] Yeah. Okay. 1138 00:59:30,900 --> 00:59:33,836 [sighs, chuckles] 1139 00:59:33,903 --> 00:59:35,238 [Alan] Hands are out. Butt to butt. 1140 00:59:35,305 --> 00:59:36,339 [Loretta] Okay. 1141 00:59:45,648 --> 00:59:48,184 [vehicle approaches] 1142 01:00:07,770 --> 01:00:09,205 Well! 1143 01:00:09,272 --> 01:00:10,640 Come on. 1144 01:00:10,707 --> 01:00:12,375 Come on! Let's hear it! 1145 01:00:12,442 --> 01:00:15,979 Let's give a nice round of applause to Loretta! 1146 01:00:16,045 --> 01:00:17,880 She earned it. 1147 01:00:17,947 --> 01:00:21,718 A geriatric shut-in left you holding your dicks in the jungle. 1148 01:00:21,784 --> 01:00:23,186 Good job, Loretta. 1149 01:00:23,252 --> 01:00:25,989 Boss, come on. People are dying now. 1150 01:00:26,055 --> 01:00:29,359 Don't you think that maybe this has all gone too far? 1151 01:00:30,793 --> 01:00:32,729 Is it really worth it? 1152 01:00:32,795 --> 01:00:36,032 I am on the cusp of attaining the unattainable. 1153 01:00:36,099 --> 01:00:39,135 Something singular, something no nation, 1154 01:00:39,202 --> 01:00:42,839 no emperor, no brownnosing brothers ever have. 1155 01:00:42,905 --> 01:00:45,808 The legendary Crown of Fire. 1156 01:00:46,275 --> 01:00:47,810 So, yes. 1157 01:00:47,877 --> 01:00:50,046 Yes, I would definitely say it's worth it. 1158 01:00:50,113 --> 01:00:52,215 [motorcycles revving] 1159 01:00:59,722 --> 01:01:01,257 Excuse me! 1160 01:01:01,324 --> 01:01:04,127 Excuse me, sir. I need to get to my next connecting flight. 1161 01:01:04,193 --> 01:01:05,728 No flight. 1162 01:01:05,795 --> 01:01:08,398 The pilot is sick. Come tomorrow. 1163 01:01:08,464 --> 01:01:10,833 No, no, sir. I cannot come tomorrow. I need to do this today. 1164 01:01:10,900 --> 01:01:15,304 I need to get to the island Isla Hundida tonight. Lives are at stake. 1165 01:01:15,371 --> 01:01:16,873 Come tomorrow. 1166 01:01:20,877 --> 01:01:22,779 Excuse me, miss? Yes? 1167 01:01:22,845 --> 01:01:26,816 I couldn't help but overhear you say that you like steak. 1168 01:01:26,883 --> 01:01:30,186 Okay, this is a little bit crazy, 1169 01:01:30,253 --> 01:01:32,088 but I also like steak. 1170 01:01:32,155 --> 01:01:34,724 What? I also like steak. 1171 01:01:34,791 --> 01:01:38,094 Would you like to, maybe, I don't know... 1172 01:01:38,161 --> 01:01:41,030 -Maybe there's a-- -No. "Lives are at stake." 1173 01:01:41,097 --> 01:01:42,899 I need to go to the island tonight. 1174 01:01:42,965 --> 01:01:44,400 Ah. Yes. 1175 01:01:44,467 --> 01:01:46,069 Even more serious. Extremely. 1176 01:01:46,135 --> 01:01:49,205 Well, I believe that I may be able to assist you. 1177 01:01:49,272 --> 01:01:51,007 I have a cargo plane. 1178 01:01:52,141 --> 01:01:56,279 Maybe after I make my delivery, we could swing by your island. 1179 01:01:56,345 --> 01:01:58,981 I'm about to ask you something, and you better tell me the truth. 1180 01:01:59,048 --> 01:02:00,950 Have you ever murdered anyone before? 1181 01:02:01,017 --> 01:02:04,153 [laughs] No! 1182 01:02:08,024 --> 01:02:10,793 I don't know if I really buy it, but let me tell you something. 1183 01:02:10,860 --> 01:02:14,964 If you ever think about murdering me, I promise, I will murder you first. 1184 01:02:15,031 --> 01:02:16,399 My pleasure. 1185 01:02:16,466 --> 01:02:18,434 You are weird. Let's go. 1186 01:03:14,190 --> 01:03:17,260 "King Kalaman and his treasure laid to rest in the well 1187 01:03:18,027 --> 01:03:19,328 of endless tears." 1188 01:03:21,197 --> 01:03:22,198 [Alan] What is that? 1189 01:03:23,332 --> 01:03:27,036 Oh, it's a-- it's a thing. I mean, it's not, uh... 1190 01:03:27,103 --> 01:03:29,372 You know, it's not what you think it is. 1191 01:03:29,438 --> 01:03:33,276 So it's not Fairfax's fragment of an ancient parchment? 1192 01:03:33,342 --> 01:03:37,213 Okay. It's what you think it is. 1193 01:03:37,280 --> 01:03:38,948 Loretta, I thought you were smarter than that. 1194 01:03:39,015 --> 01:03:41,450 Fairfax is never gonna stop hunting us now. 1195 01:03:41,517 --> 01:03:42,952 What were you thinking? 1196 01:03:43,019 --> 01:03:45,021 We have a volcano that could bury the tomb 1197 01:03:45,087 --> 01:03:48,491 before we get to it, before we see it, before we preserve its memory. 1198 01:03:48,558 --> 01:03:50,526 This is-- I'm sorry. Is that what we're doing? 1199 01:03:50,593 --> 01:03:53,162 'Cause no one told me. When were you gonna tell me? 1200 01:03:53,229 --> 01:03:54,864 Why would I tell you? 1201 01:03:54,931 --> 01:03:56,532 We're in this together. I came here to rescue you. 1202 01:03:56,599 --> 01:03:58,334 You know you're not Dash, right? 1203 01:03:58,401 --> 01:04:00,870 You don't ride in on a white horse to rescue people. 1204 01:04:00,937 --> 01:04:05,174 You... spray yourself with bronzer and you stand in front of wind machines, 1205 01:04:05,241 --> 01:04:06,909 which is great for you. 1206 01:04:06,976 --> 01:04:09,478 How would you have any idea what I'm actually like? 1207 01:04:09,545 --> 01:04:12,515 I know you. You're a pretty open book, Alan. 1208 01:04:12,582 --> 01:04:14,250 -Okay, then who am I? -Really? 1209 01:04:14,317 --> 01:04:15,351 Yeah. 1210 01:04:17,386 --> 01:04:20,022 O-- Okay, uh... 1211 01:04:20,089 --> 01:04:23,226 You were a homecoming king and you coasted on your good looks to LA, 1212 01:04:23,292 --> 01:04:25,861 but then realized that being the most handsome kid in the middle of nowhere 1213 01:04:25,928 --> 01:04:27,496 doesn't mean you're going to be a star. 1214 01:04:27,563 --> 01:04:29,599 Until one day, when a woman who couldn't publish her book 1215 01:04:29,665 --> 01:04:33,135 on Spanish colonization in the Atlantic decided to write a romance novel, 1216 01:04:33,202 --> 01:04:35,338 uh, chose you at random to be on the cover. 1217 01:04:35,404 --> 01:04:38,908 Lucky for you and her, the novels were a smashing success. 1218 01:04:38,975 --> 01:04:42,011 She kept writing her schlock, you kept posing, 1219 01:04:42,078 --> 01:04:47,383 um, you know, neither one of us becoming who we'd hoped we would be. 1220 01:04:47,450 --> 01:04:51,587 Uh, and then one day, we both die in the jungle 1221 01:04:51,654 --> 01:04:55,358 on one of those Atlantic islands I wrote about all those years ago. 1222 01:04:55,424 --> 01:04:56,459 Right? 1223 01:04:57,994 --> 01:04:59,128 Mm-hmm. 1224 01:05:10,606 --> 01:05:12,174 It was Sarasota, by the way. 1225 01:05:12,675 --> 01:05:14,477 It's not nowhere. 1226 01:05:14,543 --> 01:05:16,646 I grew up there with my mom and two sisters. 1227 01:05:16,712 --> 01:05:17,947 And yeah... 1228 01:05:18,914 --> 01:05:21,651 I started modeling 'cause I wanted to get away. 1229 01:05:21,717 --> 01:05:23,686 It was the only job that I could think of 1230 01:05:23,753 --> 01:05:27,056 that could take me to all of the places that I always dreamed of going. 1231 01:05:27,123 --> 01:05:28,457 Then finally to Los Angeles, 1232 01:05:28,524 --> 01:05:31,494 where I posed on the cover of your romance novel. 1233 01:05:31,560 --> 01:05:34,330 And I was so embarrassed that one of my friends might've seen me 1234 01:05:34,397 --> 01:05:36,565 in that wig on the cover of your book 1235 01:05:36,632 --> 01:05:39,135 that I avoided talking to them for months. 1236 01:05:40,303 --> 01:05:41,604 And then one day, 1237 01:05:42,505 --> 01:05:44,407 I'm walking home, 1238 01:05:44,473 --> 01:05:47,310 and I hear this lady yell, "Dash!" 1239 01:05:47,376 --> 01:05:50,112 [laughing] She runs up, and she is so happy. 1240 01:05:50,179 --> 01:05:53,983 Then I thought, "How could I be this embarrassed 1241 01:05:54,050 --> 01:05:56,319 about something that makes people this happy?" 1242 01:06:00,022 --> 01:06:01,557 Loretta, you can do whatever you want. 1243 01:06:01,624 --> 01:06:03,959 If you don't want to write anymore, don't write. 1244 01:06:04,026 --> 01:06:08,364 But don't minimize the people that love your work by calling it schlock. 1245 01:06:08,431 --> 01:06:11,033 That's not fair to them. 1246 01:06:12,201 --> 01:06:15,171 You know what's ironic? I thought you of all people would know 1247 01:06:15,237 --> 01:06:17,506 not to judge a book by its cover. 1248 01:06:21,744 --> 01:06:24,146 Judge a book by its cover model. 1249 01:06:45,301 --> 01:06:47,303 [faint rumble] 1250 01:06:55,611 --> 01:06:56,779 [whispers] Alan? 1251 01:06:56,846 --> 01:06:58,080 Alan. [vehicle approaches] 1252 01:07:04,854 --> 01:07:06,088 [motorbike revs] 1253 01:07:07,189 --> 01:07:09,158 [Loretta panting] 1254 01:07:10,326 --> 01:07:11,494 There's two of them. 1255 01:07:17,800 --> 01:07:20,269 Loretta! I'm over here! Alan! 1256 01:07:21,370 --> 01:07:24,673 Alan! Motorcycles and guns, motorcycles and guns! 1257 01:07:24,740 --> 01:07:26,742 [gunfire] Come on, this way! 1258 01:07:26,809 --> 01:07:28,444 [Alan] Stop shooting! 1259 01:07:33,849 --> 01:07:36,051 Just give 'em the parchment! I can't. 1260 01:07:36,118 --> 01:07:38,621 Yes, you can, actually. You just say, "Here," and throw it at 'em. 1261 01:07:38,687 --> 01:07:41,223 Right. And then I'm sure they'll happily let us go. 1262 01:07:41,290 --> 01:07:43,325 Okay, keep down. How do they keep finding us? 1263 01:07:43,392 --> 01:07:45,528 You're basically a walking disco ball. We need to come up with a plan. 1264 01:07:45,594 --> 01:07:47,096 I have an idea. 1265 01:07:47,163 --> 01:07:48,497 We're gonna dig a hole, throw our voices. 1266 01:07:48,564 --> 01:07:50,533 "We're over here." Can you sound like a bird? 1267 01:07:50,599 --> 01:07:53,135 No, I have a plan. Alan, please, I'm thinking. 1268 01:07:53,202 --> 01:07:56,839 I know, but I have a plan. Please, just let me think about... 1269 01:07:56,906 --> 01:08:00,409 Wait a minute. They're shooting at you. Yeah, that's why we're hiding. 1270 01:08:00,476 --> 01:08:02,812 No. No, no, no. They're shooting only at you. 1271 01:08:02,878 --> 01:08:05,614 They won't shoot me. It's my brain that's valuable. 1272 01:08:05,681 --> 01:08:09,418 What? I don't think you actually hear the things you say sometimes. 1273 01:08:09,485 --> 01:08:12,388 Maybe I can shield you. You are not shielding me. 1274 01:08:12,455 --> 01:08:14,723 I should be shielding you. Why? Because I'm a woman? 1275 01:08:14,790 --> 01:08:17,726 That's supremely sexist. Well, look, I don't think using women as human shields 1276 01:08:17,793 --> 01:08:20,596 is exactly the change that Gloria Seinfeld had in mind, do you? 1277 01:08:20,663 --> 01:08:23,699 Gloria Steinem? Whatever. Her too. You know what? Fine. 1278 01:08:23,766 --> 01:08:26,702 Please mansplain sexism to me right now. Oh, my God. I am a woman. 1279 01:08:26,769 --> 01:08:29,104 I can't mansplain anything. 1280 01:08:29,171 --> 01:08:33,709 Uh, I'm a feminist, and I think a woman can do anything a man can do. 1281 01:08:33,776 --> 01:08:36,278 We just need to stay here until they get tired. I have an idea. 1282 01:08:36,345 --> 01:08:38,280 Please can I tell you my plan? Alan! 1283 01:08:38,347 --> 01:08:41,517 This is not a situation you can get out of by ripping your shirt off. 1284 01:08:41,584 --> 01:08:43,352 Not my shirt. 1285 01:09:14,750 --> 01:09:16,285 [Loretta] Three! 1286 01:09:16,352 --> 01:09:17,753 -Yes! -Oh! 1287 01:09:21,857 --> 01:09:24,159 [crashing] Oh. 1288 01:09:24,226 --> 01:09:27,496 That was different than I had in my head. 1289 01:09:27,563 --> 01:09:31,500 I just wanted us to stop them. Could it have been the wind that made it do that? 1290 01:09:31,567 --> 01:09:33,702 No, I think it was us. I think... we did it. 1291 01:09:33,769 --> 01:09:36,405 We did the one guy, right? But that was, like-- 1292 01:09:36,472 --> 01:09:39,675 We just wanted him to stop. But I think the other guy could've moved, really. 1293 01:09:39,742 --> 01:09:41,911 So, that was-- that one was on him. 1294 01:09:41,977 --> 01:09:44,880 Even if we weren't here, that could've happened. 1295 01:09:44,947 --> 01:09:46,715 Why are you gonna stop next to a cliff? 1296 01:09:46,782 --> 01:09:49,451 They were wearing helmets, so maybe they're... 1297 01:09:49,518 --> 01:09:51,554 But the rest of their body didn't have a helmet. 1298 01:09:51,620 --> 01:09:52,855 So there'd just be a head. 1299 01:09:52,922 --> 01:09:55,291 They were driving recklessly, right? 1300 01:09:55,357 --> 01:09:56,892 Don't be mean on a bike. 1301 01:09:57,560 --> 01:09:59,328 Don't do mean stuff on a bike. 1302 01:10:03,332 --> 01:10:05,601 I mean, perhaps they're fine. 1303 01:10:05,668 --> 01:10:08,304 Yeah, probably not. But that's okay. 1304 01:10:08,370 --> 01:10:12,274 That's all right. You know, things happen. Let's go. 1305 01:10:14,677 --> 01:10:17,680 -You gonna put it back together? -It's on loan. 1306 01:10:20,316 --> 01:10:21,917 [squawking, bleating] 1307 01:10:30,693 --> 01:10:32,761 Look at me. Okay. 1308 01:10:33,796 --> 01:10:35,965 What more can I do, you know? 1309 01:10:36,031 --> 01:10:38,000 You've done so much already, Beth. 1310 01:10:38,067 --> 01:10:41,337 My poor, sweet, little Nana has lost her sight. 1311 01:10:41,403 --> 01:10:43,973 The book release is a complete disaster, 1312 01:10:44,039 --> 01:10:45,741 which I've leveraged everything on, 1313 01:10:45,808 --> 01:10:48,377 so I'm probably, most definitely broke right now. 1314 01:10:48,444 --> 01:10:51,547 And most importantly, I've lost a writer. 1315 01:10:51,614 --> 01:10:53,382 Who does that? Who loses a writer? 1316 01:10:53,449 --> 01:10:57,753 Okay, Beth, you remind me of my best friend, Randy. 1317 01:10:57,820 --> 01:11:00,389 Always looking out for other people, 1318 01:11:00,456 --> 01:11:02,625 never taking care of herself. 1319 01:11:03,792 --> 01:11:05,327 Isn't that right, Randy? 1320 01:11:05,394 --> 01:11:07,663 [goat bleats] [chuckles] 1321 01:11:07,730 --> 01:11:09,632 She's like my therapist, this one over here. 1322 01:11:09,698 --> 01:11:11,834 LOL. "Laughing Out Loud." 1323 01:11:11,900 --> 01:11:13,702 After you take care of your friend, 1324 01:11:14,770 --> 01:11:16,338 how about we go to a beach? 1325 01:11:16,405 --> 01:11:18,741 What? Look, I have a pickup in Hawaii. 1326 01:11:18,807 --> 01:11:20,809 She doesn't have to come. 1327 01:11:20,876 --> 01:11:23,712 -[bleats] -Okay! Okay, you can come! 1328 01:11:23,779 --> 01:11:25,614 [laughs] She's hilarious. 1329 01:11:26,582 --> 01:11:28,617 Let me ask you something. 1330 01:11:28,684 --> 01:11:30,686 We're all sitting here chitchatting, but who's flying the plane? 1331 01:11:30,753 --> 01:11:32,721 Autopilot. What? 1332 01:11:32,788 --> 01:11:35,324 Sir, go to the cockpit, fly the plane. 1333 01:11:35,758 --> 01:11:36,792 Okay. 1334 01:11:37,526 --> 01:11:39,528 I'm going to go land the plane. 1335 01:11:39,595 --> 01:11:41,063 Okay. 1336 01:11:41,130 --> 01:11:43,065 No, no, no. Take the goat. Please, take the goat. 1337 01:11:43,132 --> 01:11:45,634 She's on break. Enjoy the flight! 1338 01:11:47,002 --> 01:11:48,437 [bleats] 1339 01:12:09,758 --> 01:12:12,394 [music playing on speakers] 1340 01:12:21,003 --> 01:12:22,271 Hi. Hola. 1341 01:12:26,975 --> 01:12:29,712 This English dude came in and basically kidnapped her. 1342 01:12:29,778 --> 01:12:31,914 [line ringing] 1343 01:12:31,980 --> 01:12:34,983 Hey, it's Beth. Please leave a message, and I'll get right back to you. 1344 01:12:35,050 --> 01:12:37,986 [beeps] Uh, hi, Beth. 1345 01:12:38,053 --> 01:12:39,088 It's me. 1346 01:12:39,154 --> 01:12:40,989 Uh, I'm alive! 1347 01:12:41,890 --> 01:12:43,759 Uh, listen, um... 1348 01:12:45,060 --> 01:12:46,095 Uh... 1349 01:12:47,730 --> 01:12:51,667 I'm sorry that I blew up the book tour. 1350 01:12:51,734 --> 01:12:53,702 Um... 1351 01:12:53,769 --> 01:12:55,904 I was just afraid 1352 01:12:57,005 --> 01:12:58,907 and selfish. Uh-- 1353 01:12:58,974 --> 01:13:01,744 Oh, here comes Alan. I'll call you back. 1354 01:13:01,810 --> 01:13:03,112 [puts down receiver] 1355 01:13:04,880 --> 01:13:07,950 So, uh, police are searching for Fairfax, 1356 01:13:08,016 --> 01:13:10,519 and they're gonna provide us protection while we're here. 1357 01:13:10,586 --> 01:13:12,621 Did they say how long we'd be here? 1358 01:13:12,688 --> 01:13:15,390 They're gonna try to get us on a puddle jumper later this evening. 1359 01:13:15,457 --> 01:13:17,693 But, uh, they said in the meantime, the inn is really nice, 1360 01:13:17,760 --> 01:13:20,028 and we can get cleaned up and maybe a change of clothes. 1361 01:13:20,095 --> 01:13:21,497 Okay. 1362 01:13:24,933 --> 01:13:26,502 Okay. Yeah. 1363 01:13:49,258 --> 01:13:51,527 [chattering] 1364 01:14:18,053 --> 01:14:19,221 [laughing] 1365 01:14:19,288 --> 01:14:20,756 Thank you. 1366 01:14:21,323 --> 01:14:24,793 Come on. [speaks Spanish] 1367 01:14:24,860 --> 01:14:26,128 Dance with your husband. 1368 01:14:26,195 --> 01:14:28,030 [Alan] No, no, no. He's not my husband. 1369 01:14:28,096 --> 01:14:30,032 It's okay. [woman] Dance with him. 1370 01:14:30,098 --> 01:14:32,634 No, no. She doesn't want to. She doesn't have the right shoes. 1371 01:14:32,701 --> 01:14:35,070 Actually, it's the only thing these shoes are right for. 1372 01:14:35,137 --> 01:14:37,239 You don't have to do this. 1373 01:14:37,306 --> 01:14:39,074 It's okay. It's okay. 1374 01:14:39,942 --> 01:14:40,976 Yeah? 1375 01:14:42,711 --> 01:14:44,913 [bossa nova music plays] 1376 01:15:48,644 --> 01:15:50,712 [music slows] 1377 01:15:52,180 --> 01:15:55,584 [singing in Spanish] 1378 01:15:59,721 --> 01:16:01,256 I wonder what she's saying. 1379 01:16:01,323 --> 01:16:03,725 [singing continues] 1380 01:16:03,792 --> 01:16:05,160 It's folklore. 1381 01:16:06,695 --> 01:16:08,931 Love song about a woman 1382 01:16:08,997 --> 01:16:11,967 whose lover died, and she didn't want to leave his side. 1383 01:16:13,068 --> 01:16:15,871 So she laid down and refused to get up. 1384 01:16:16,638 --> 01:16:18,607 Must be scary. 1385 01:16:18,674 --> 01:16:22,210 Having to face your future without the person that you planned it with. 1386 01:16:24,379 --> 01:16:26,848 [singing in Spanish] 1387 01:16:34,756 --> 01:16:36,124 What was that? 1388 01:16:38,427 --> 01:16:42,130 Excuse me. Excuse me. The, um-- the last line that you sang. 1389 01:16:42,197 --> 01:16:44,599 ¿Quién llorará junto a mí? 1390 01:16:44,666 --> 01:16:47,602 [speaks Spanish] 1391 01:16:47,669 --> 01:16:50,339 [Loretta] "The island will weep for me in the well of endless tears." 1392 01:16:50,405 --> 01:16:53,875 What is that, the well of endless tears? Is that a real place, or... 1393 01:16:53,942 --> 01:16:55,344 Sinkhole place. 1394 01:16:55,410 --> 01:16:57,212 [speaks Spanish] 1395 01:16:57,279 --> 01:16:59,047 Thank you. Gracias, gracias. 1396 01:16:59,114 --> 01:17:00,949 Come here, come here. What is it? 1397 01:17:02,818 --> 01:17:04,853 Hey, on the parchment, it said, 1398 01:17:04,920 --> 01:17:08,857 "King Kalaman and his treasure laid to rest in the well of endless tears." 1399 01:17:08,924 --> 01:17:10,859 I thought maybe it was a metaphor. 1400 01:17:11,293 --> 01:17:13,128 It's not. 1401 01:17:13,195 --> 01:17:16,098 The Well of Endless Tears is a place. 1402 01:17:16,164 --> 01:17:18,200 It's a sinkhole. 1403 01:17:18,266 --> 01:17:20,302 There's a sinkhole on the map. 1404 01:17:21,837 --> 01:17:23,805 I think the tomb is there. 1405 01:17:23,872 --> 01:17:26,108 This is so much better than your books. What? 1406 01:17:26,174 --> 01:17:27,876 There's like-- No, I don't mean any offense. 1407 01:17:27,943 --> 01:17:29,878 I'm kidding. I'm kidding. It's, like, equal. 1408 01:17:29,945 --> 01:17:32,014 I'm kidding. I'm kidding. Look at you. You want to go there. 1409 01:17:32,080 --> 01:17:34,149 What? No. I can see. Yes, you do. 1410 01:17:34,216 --> 01:17:37,352 That would be insane. That would be insane. I just-- I just-- 1411 01:17:37,419 --> 01:17:41,690 It's just that we're so close to it, but, you know, we can't-- 1412 01:17:41,757 --> 01:17:43,091 No. 1413 01:17:43,158 --> 01:17:45,861 This is your story. How do you want to write it? 1414 01:17:46,628 --> 01:17:48,997 I'd like to know that it's there, 1415 01:17:49,064 --> 01:17:50,766 that all this meant something. 1416 01:17:50,832 --> 01:17:52,901 Okay. Then let's go. 1417 01:17:52,968 --> 01:17:54,903 We'll stay one more day. As soon as the sun's up, 1418 01:17:54,970 --> 01:17:56,705 we're gonna go find the Well of Endless Tears. 1419 01:17:56,772 --> 01:17:59,307 But what if it's nothing? So what? Then we say we tried. 1420 01:17:59,374 --> 01:18:01,009 And Fairfax? 1421 01:18:01,076 --> 01:18:03,145 The cops are after Fairfax. Don't worry about him. 1422 01:18:04,212 --> 01:18:05,247 This is crazy. 1423 01:18:05,313 --> 01:18:07,282 Yeah, but look at you. What? 1424 01:18:07,349 --> 01:18:09,918 It's the very first time I've ever seen you totally unafraid. 1425 01:18:10,519 --> 01:18:12,454 And alive. 1426 01:18:12,521 --> 01:18:15,090 I'm gonna go tell them our plans have changed and find us a ride. 1427 01:18:15,157 --> 01:18:16,425 Where are you going? 1428 01:18:20,262 --> 01:18:22,364 I see you met my friend here. 1429 01:18:22,431 --> 01:18:26,902 He told me you were just about to jump on a plane, 1430 01:18:26,968 --> 01:18:29,438 without so much as saying goodbye. 1431 01:18:29,504 --> 01:18:33,141 I said, "No way. Not my Loretta. 1432 01:18:33,208 --> 01:18:37,312 Not when she's the only one who can lead me to the tomb." 1433 01:18:39,114 --> 01:18:40,849 [engine starts] 1434 01:18:40,916 --> 01:18:42,784 [Loretta] Stop squeezing so hard. 1435 01:18:43,819 --> 01:18:46,421 Ow. Get your hands off of me! 1436 01:18:47,255 --> 01:18:49,157 Ow! Let go! 1437 01:18:49,825 --> 01:18:51,059 I-I need a car. 1438 01:18:51,126 --> 01:18:52,861 A car, an auto. Does anybody have an auto? 1439 01:19:01,336 --> 01:19:02,404 No, no. No. 1440 01:19:03,305 --> 01:19:04,473 I-I-I need an auto. 1441 01:19:04,539 --> 01:19:06,174 I'll trade you my watch. 1442 01:19:06,241 --> 01:19:07,809 It's a really expensive watch. Do you have a car? 1443 01:19:07,876 --> 01:19:09,244 It's a Bulgari. This thing glows in the dark. 1444 01:19:09,311 --> 01:19:10,846 It's waterproof. I have motorcycle. 1445 01:19:24,526 --> 01:19:26,495 Cool, isn't it? 1446 01:19:26,561 --> 01:19:29,764 I always thought, why can't your personal tank also have a minibar? 1447 01:19:29,831 --> 01:19:31,333 Have a drink. 1448 01:19:31,399 --> 01:19:33,001 [exhales heavily] Do you mind? 1449 01:19:33,068 --> 01:19:34,503 [Fairfax] Uh, yes. 1450 01:19:34,569 --> 01:19:36,938 He has a bit of a grudge against you, I'm afraid. 1451 01:19:37,005 --> 01:19:39,441 Something about a motorbike accident his friends had? 1452 01:19:39,508 --> 01:19:40,942 Why are you doing this? 1453 01:19:41,009 --> 01:19:42,777 I want something nobody else has. 1454 01:19:43,845 --> 01:19:45,247 When my father gifted-- [horn honks] 1455 01:19:47,048 --> 01:19:48,283 [horn honks] 1456 01:19:48,350 --> 01:19:50,118 As I was saying, 1457 01:19:50,185 --> 01:19:53,155 when my father gifted his empire 1458 01:19:53,221 --> 01:19:55,490 -to my baby brother-- -[horn honking] 1459 01:19:56,424 --> 01:19:58,260 [vehicle accelerating] 1460 01:20:02,564 --> 01:20:04,099 Who is that? 1461 01:20:13,008 --> 01:20:15,010 Is that a Ken doll on a moped? 1462 01:20:16,011 --> 01:20:17,546 I know him from somewhere. 1463 01:20:17,612 --> 01:20:19,314 [Loretta] Oh, I-I-I doubt that. 1464 01:20:19,381 --> 01:20:21,816 Because what you are looking at 1465 01:20:21,883 --> 01:20:24,819 is a highly trained combat specialist, 1466 01:20:24,886 --> 01:20:28,323 forged in the furnaces of Afghanistan, Iraq, 1467 01:20:28,390 --> 01:20:31,026 Kuwait, Sa-- Sarasota... 1468 01:20:31,092 --> 01:20:33,228 Incredible skin. No eczema problems. 1469 01:20:33,295 --> 01:20:36,998 And he will not stop until I am safe! 1470 01:20:37,065 --> 01:20:39,301 So you pull this space tank over, 1471 01:20:39,367 --> 01:20:42,571 unless you would like to perish like his friends did. 1472 01:20:42,637 --> 01:20:46,107 And he is responsible for their perishment. 1473 01:20:46,174 --> 01:20:48,877 He might not have meant to, 1474 01:20:48,944 --> 01:20:52,047 but they... perished, so... 1475 01:21:07,162 --> 01:21:08,430 Okay, who-who is this? 1476 01:21:08,496 --> 01:21:10,232 I have seen him somewhere before. 1477 01:21:11,166 --> 01:21:12,634 [thuds] [Fairfax laughs] 1478 01:21:12,701 --> 01:21:14,169 No, no, no. 1479 01:21:14,236 --> 01:21:15,971 That's your cover model, isn't it? 1480 01:21:16,037 --> 01:21:18,173 Yes. I knew I knew him from somewhere. 1481 01:21:19,241 --> 01:21:20,342 Get up there. 1482 01:21:20,408 --> 01:21:22,010 And kill him creatively. 1483 01:21:22,077 --> 01:21:24,045 I love watching hunks fail. [latch opens] 1484 01:21:24,112 --> 01:21:25,247 [wind whistling] 1485 01:21:26,248 --> 01:21:28,416 I guess I-I will have that drink. 1486 01:21:30,285 --> 01:21:31,586 Oh, shit. 1487 01:21:31,653 --> 01:21:34,256 Is it okay if I just top 'er off? 1488 01:21:34,322 --> 01:21:35,557 [Fairfax] Yeah, that's fine, but-- 1489 01:21:35,624 --> 01:21:37,425 Oh, my God, have you used a glass before? 1490 01:21:37,492 --> 01:21:39,094 Sorry. [chuckles] 1491 01:21:39,160 --> 01:21:40,462 [Alan] What would Jack Trainer do? 1492 01:21:42,631 --> 01:21:43,932 It's hot in here. 1493 01:21:43,999 --> 01:21:47,068 Anyone else feeling how hot it is? 1494 01:21:47,135 --> 01:21:48,236 Are you trying to be sexy? 1495 01:21:48,303 --> 01:21:50,138 This is very weird. Please, stop. 1496 01:21:50,205 --> 01:21:51,906 I could set your world on fire. 1497 01:21:56,144 --> 01:21:57,912 [men shouting] 1498 01:22:02,617 --> 01:22:04,986 Go to sleep! Go to sleep! [grunting] 1499 01:22:05,053 --> 01:22:06,621 Go to sleep! Sleep! 1500 01:22:09,190 --> 01:22:11,092 [tires squealing] Whoa, whoa, whoa. 1501 01:22:11,159 --> 01:22:12,260 [Alan] Time-out. 1502 01:22:12,327 --> 01:22:13,295 Time-in! 1503 01:22:13,695 --> 01:22:15,063 [grunts] 1504 01:22:19,301 --> 01:22:21,936 No! Don't shoot her! I need her! 1505 01:22:23,772 --> 01:22:25,473 [tires squealing] [Alan] Oh, Jesus! 1506 01:22:25,540 --> 01:22:26,975 Ow, ow, ow. 1507 01:22:31,079 --> 01:22:33,348 Move your foot! Move your foot! 1508 01:22:36,584 --> 01:22:38,620 -[grunts] -Go to sleep, asshole. 1509 01:22:38,687 --> 01:22:40,422 Get out there! Look! 1510 01:22:45,193 --> 01:22:46,328 A bigger guy? [grunts] 1511 01:22:46,394 --> 01:22:47,629 Oh, no. 1512 01:22:49,164 --> 01:22:50,198 What? 1513 01:22:52,701 --> 01:22:53,635 Move it! 1514 01:22:53,702 --> 01:22:55,470 [tires screech] 1515 01:22:55,537 --> 01:22:57,605 [Alan] No, no, no. No, no, no. 1516 01:22:58,473 --> 01:23:00,408 Hey! Get in. 1517 01:23:01,042 --> 01:23:02,010 Him or me? 1518 01:23:06,481 --> 01:23:11,186 This is not one of your cheap, vapid lady-fantasy books, Loretta. 1519 01:23:11,252 --> 01:23:13,021 This is real life. 1520 01:23:14,155 --> 01:23:16,057 And we will kill him. 1521 01:23:16,124 --> 01:23:17,659 Tell us where the tomb is. 1522 01:23:24,532 --> 01:23:25,567 [grunts] 1523 01:23:27,836 --> 01:23:29,104 [groans] 1524 01:23:32,507 --> 01:23:34,042 Hi. So, whoever's in charge, 1525 01:23:34,109 --> 01:23:36,378 I need you to send officials to go here. 1526 01:23:36,444 --> 01:23:37,579 Here. 1527 01:23:38,713 --> 01:23:40,548 We are closed. 1528 01:23:40,615 --> 01:23:42,016 You're closed? 1529 01:23:44,319 --> 01:23:47,288 You know I've been trying to take a nap for a year and a half? 1530 01:23:47,355 --> 01:23:48,723 A year and a half. 1531 01:23:49,624 --> 01:23:52,794 I have been burning the candle at both ends, 1532 01:23:52,861 --> 01:23:54,429 the midnight oil, 1533 01:23:54,496 --> 01:23:57,432 since way before my friend got kidnapped. 1534 01:23:57,499 --> 01:23:59,167 And all I want to do 1535 01:23:59,701 --> 01:24:02,103 is kick my feet back 1536 01:24:02,170 --> 01:24:03,438 and drink some wine 1537 01:24:03,505 --> 01:24:05,807 that I'm probably too tired to drink. 1538 01:24:05,874 --> 01:24:08,143 And I want a massage. 1539 01:24:08,209 --> 01:24:12,714 I want someone to massage my shoulders and my feet, 1540 01:24:12,781 --> 01:24:15,049 and I want it at the same time. 1541 01:24:15,116 --> 01:24:18,686 And I don't care if logistically that doesn't make sense. 1542 01:24:18,753 --> 01:24:21,222 Because I have worked hard. 1543 01:24:22,056 --> 01:24:24,559 The same way that I know that you have. 1544 01:24:25,627 --> 01:24:28,062 So I hate to ask you 1545 01:24:28,129 --> 01:24:30,365 to leave this place open a few more minutes, 1546 01:24:30,432 --> 01:24:32,367 because if we don't, 1547 01:24:32,434 --> 01:24:36,070 a very close friend of mine and her cover model 1548 01:24:36,137 --> 01:24:37,705 are going to die. 1549 01:25:00,695 --> 01:25:02,297 [boat driver] No good way in, boss! 1550 01:25:02,363 --> 01:25:04,299 What about the caves? 1551 01:25:05,266 --> 01:25:06,701 That's too dangerous! 1552 01:25:06,768 --> 01:25:09,537 Well, we'll be very careful then. 1553 01:25:23,318 --> 01:25:24,452 Well, come on! 1554 01:25:29,290 --> 01:25:31,159 This way. [Alan] I have a rule about 1555 01:25:31,226 --> 01:25:32,627 not going into super creepy caves. 1556 01:25:32,694 --> 01:25:33,828 [grunts] 1557 01:25:44,305 --> 01:25:47,275 Julian? [Loretta] His name is Julian? 1558 01:25:47,342 --> 01:25:49,911 [Alan] He seems more like a Buck or a Bruce. 1559 01:25:49,978 --> 01:25:51,479 Lead the way. 1560 01:25:55,350 --> 01:25:57,485 Go on. Don't be scared. 1561 01:25:58,887 --> 01:26:01,856 [rumbling] 1562 01:26:01,923 --> 01:26:04,759 [explosion] 1563 01:26:24,012 --> 01:26:25,446 [Loretta gasps] 1564 01:26:25,513 --> 01:26:27,382 [laughs] 1565 01:26:27,448 --> 01:26:29,250 [Julian] Watch your step there. 1566 01:26:29,317 --> 01:26:30,552 [grunts, shouts] [Alan] Bruce! 1567 01:26:30,618 --> 01:26:31,653 [Loretta] Julian. Oh, no! Julian! 1568 01:26:31,719 --> 01:26:33,388 [gasps] Whoa. 1569 01:26:33,454 --> 01:26:34,722 [shout fades] [Loretta] Whoa. 1570 01:26:35,557 --> 01:26:36,925 [Fairfax] Well... 1571 01:26:37,725 --> 01:26:39,694 Let's not have his death be in vain. 1572 01:26:39,761 --> 01:26:42,564 -Onward and upward. -What do you mean onward? 1573 01:26:42,630 --> 01:26:44,933 We're not gonna go and get him now, are we? 1574 01:26:44,999 --> 01:26:46,401 [sighs] Oh, man. 1575 01:26:58,947 --> 01:27:00,648 [Loretta] It's nothing. [Alan] Okay. 1576 01:27:00,715 --> 01:27:03,451 Yeah. Look, let's just go back to the boat. 1577 01:27:03,518 --> 01:27:05,420 This is over. Nobody else has to die. 1578 01:27:05,486 --> 01:27:07,689 No, no, no. Ha-ha! It's a breeze. 1579 01:27:07,755 --> 01:27:10,425 There's a tunnel. This could lead to the tomb. 1580 01:27:10,491 --> 01:27:12,393 That's not person-sized. Ah, speak for yourself. 1581 01:27:12,460 --> 01:27:14,562 Come on. It's practically a kiddie slide. 1582 01:27:14,629 --> 01:27:16,998 More like a rock sphincter. Or a troll anus. 1583 01:27:17,065 --> 01:27:19,500 All right, well, you are going through the anus-- 1584 01:27:19,567 --> 01:27:20,902 the hole-- the tunnel! 1585 01:27:20,969 --> 01:27:23,004 Why her? You are our canary in the coal mine. 1586 01:27:23,071 --> 01:27:24,572 No, that's impossible. I can't. 1587 01:27:24,639 --> 01:27:26,307 Please let us know if you get through. 1588 01:27:26,374 --> 01:27:28,543 If we don't hear from you, Fabio's got to die. 1589 01:27:28,610 --> 01:27:30,612 [Alan] Wait, I'm the damsel in distress? 1590 01:27:31,179 --> 01:27:32,547 It's okay. I'm fine. 1591 01:27:33,381 --> 01:27:34,616 [wind whistling] 1592 01:27:37,885 --> 01:27:38,920 [grunts] 1593 01:27:51,699 --> 01:27:53,968 [panting] 1594 01:27:55,003 --> 01:27:57,305 [hyperventilating] 1595 01:28:00,675 --> 01:28:01,943 [grunts] 1596 01:28:02,010 --> 01:28:04,946 [panting] 1597 01:28:07,415 --> 01:28:08,650 [whimpers] 1598 01:28:08,716 --> 01:28:11,019 I can't. I'm so sorry. I can't. 1599 01:28:11,085 --> 01:28:12,820 -Hey. -What? 1600 01:28:13,721 --> 01:28:15,890 Hey, you smell that? 1601 01:28:15,957 --> 01:28:18,760 You mean centuries worth of bat feces? Yes, I definitely smell that. 1602 01:28:18,826 --> 01:28:20,862 You gotta take a big breath for me. 1603 01:28:21,763 --> 01:28:23,898 [inhales deeply, exhales] 1604 01:28:25,967 --> 01:28:27,568 There you go. 1605 01:28:27,635 --> 01:28:29,337 You can do it, Loretta. 1606 01:28:30,872 --> 01:28:31,906 [grunts] 1607 01:28:42,483 --> 01:28:45,086 I think I see a way out. 1608 01:28:45,153 --> 01:28:47,021 [grunting, groans] 1609 01:28:48,790 --> 01:28:50,825 Oh, cheese and rice! 1610 01:28:51,592 --> 01:28:53,061 [grunting] 1611 01:28:55,630 --> 01:28:56,831 I made it! 1612 01:28:56,898 --> 01:28:58,599 I made it! 1613 01:28:58,666 --> 01:29:01,002 -[sighs] -See? Totally safe. 1614 01:29:01,969 --> 01:29:03,071 Go on. Your turn. 1615 01:29:04,939 --> 01:29:07,675 [Alan] I'm coming through! Be right there, okay? 1616 01:29:58,459 --> 01:29:59,594 [grunts] 1617 01:30:12,073 --> 01:30:14,041 Why would they build this here? 1618 01:30:15,510 --> 01:30:17,078 But how is anyone supposed to worship 1619 01:30:17,145 --> 01:30:18,880 or remember you if they can't even see it? 1620 01:30:18,946 --> 01:30:20,848 [Loretta] They aren't. 1621 01:30:20,915 --> 01:30:23,684 This isn't a monument to Kalaman's power. 1622 01:30:24,986 --> 01:30:27,588 It's a hiding place for a grieving woman. 1623 01:30:27,655 --> 01:30:30,958 Taha came here to be with her fallen lover. 1624 01:30:32,794 --> 01:30:34,095 She just wanted to be alone. 1625 01:30:34,162 --> 01:30:35,830 [rumbling] 1626 01:30:35,897 --> 01:30:37,498 Taha doesn't want us here. 1627 01:30:37,565 --> 01:30:38,933 God, shut up, Rafi. 1628 01:30:39,000 --> 01:30:40,668 It's just the volcano. 1629 01:30:42,537 --> 01:30:43,638 Come on. 1630 01:30:48,976 --> 01:30:50,444 [Alan] We have to keep going. 1631 01:30:58,753 --> 01:31:00,221 [Fairfax] All right. Let's go, Muscles. 1632 01:31:01,122 --> 01:31:03,057 Open it up. [rumbling] 1633 01:31:03,124 --> 01:31:05,793 -Don't disturb them. -She will be wearing the headdress. 1634 01:31:05,860 --> 01:31:08,162 Come on. We didn't come all this way just to pay our respects. 1635 01:31:08,229 --> 01:31:09,897 I can't, um... 1636 01:31:12,834 --> 01:31:14,802 Uh... I'm sorry, abuela. 1637 01:31:16,904 --> 01:31:18,639 [both grunting] 1638 01:31:22,043 --> 01:31:23,211 [Alan grunts] 1639 01:31:36,057 --> 01:31:37,625 What is that? 1640 01:31:37,692 --> 01:31:39,694 [breathes heavily] 1641 01:31:39,760 --> 01:31:41,996 Are those... seashells? 1642 01:31:42,930 --> 01:31:45,833 The crown is made of seashells? 1643 01:31:45,900 --> 01:31:47,268 Where's the treasure? 1644 01:31:48,236 --> 01:31:49,704 She's holding him. 1645 01:31:52,707 --> 01:31:54,275 You mean the dead guy? 1646 01:32:00,915 --> 01:32:01,949 [Loretta] Look. 1647 01:32:04,118 --> 01:32:05,887 It's their courtship. 1648 01:32:05,953 --> 01:32:09,657 Kalaman is searching the island for something. 1649 01:32:12,727 --> 01:32:14,528 Rare red seashells. 1650 01:32:14,595 --> 01:32:19,233 To prove his love, he gave her one shell every day for a year 1651 01:32:19,300 --> 01:32:21,102 and made them into a crown, 1652 01:32:21,168 --> 01:32:23,971 bright red like the flame of their love, 1653 01:32:24,038 --> 01:32:27,275 until the day came where she accepted his proposal. 1654 01:32:27,341 --> 01:32:29,543 It was never about jewels. 1655 01:32:29,610 --> 01:32:32,980 Kalaman and Taha's riches weren't material. 1656 01:32:35,082 --> 01:32:37,051 It was their love. 1657 01:32:37,118 --> 01:32:39,287 That's what it meant. That was enough. 1658 01:32:39,353 --> 01:32:40,588 [Fairfax] So that's it? 1659 01:32:41,689 --> 01:32:44,625 All of that time and money 1660 01:32:45,426 --> 01:32:49,063 spent on, what, just a cheap metaphor? 1661 01:32:49,130 --> 01:32:51,966 It's a pretty rich metaphor. Oh, shut up! 1662 01:32:52,033 --> 01:32:54,068 -[rumbling] -We got to go. We got to go now. 1663 01:32:54,135 --> 01:32:57,305 -Come on. Let's go. -No, no, no. You are staying here. 1664 01:32:57,371 --> 01:32:59,674 You think it's all so sweet and poetic. 1665 01:32:59,740 --> 01:33:02,076 Well, then you can stay here and spend your last moments 1666 01:33:02,143 --> 01:33:04,879 pondering the richness of that metaphor. 1667 01:33:05,546 --> 01:33:08,082 -Get in. -What? Come on, man. 1668 01:33:08,149 --> 01:33:10,818 -Oh, God. Just get in. Get in the tomb. -Okay, okay. 1669 01:33:10,885 --> 01:33:13,354 [Alan] It's better to be buried alive than buried dead, I guess. 1670 01:33:13,421 --> 01:33:16,791 -[Loretta] It's really not. -You know, it is a shame, really. 1671 01:33:16,857 --> 01:33:18,592 This is a hell of a story. 1672 01:33:18,659 --> 01:33:21,195 Pity you won't be around to tell it. Come on. 1673 01:33:21,262 --> 01:33:23,064 -But they'll die. -So will you 1674 01:33:23,130 --> 01:33:25,366 if you don't stop being such a snowflake! Get over here! 1675 01:33:27,802 --> 01:33:28,836 [grunts] 1676 01:33:35,109 --> 01:33:37,178 [Loretta] This is fine. This is not an active nightmare 1677 01:33:37,244 --> 01:33:38,713 I've had since I was 14 years old. 1678 01:33:40,681 --> 01:33:42,183 [Fairfax] Ow! [grunts] 1679 01:33:42,249 --> 01:33:45,786 Why are you going so fast? It's not a race. 1680 01:33:46,954 --> 01:33:48,222 [grunting] 1681 01:33:49,357 --> 01:33:50,925 [boat engine starts] 1682 01:33:50,992 --> 01:33:53,361 Wait, no! What are you doing? Come back here! 1683 01:33:53,427 --> 01:33:57,898 You may have bought the island, but now the island owns you! 1684 01:33:58,899 --> 01:34:00,234 You can't just leave me here! 1685 01:34:02,236 --> 01:34:04,638 Rafi! Come back! 1686 01:34:07,074 --> 01:34:08,242 I need a boat! 1687 01:34:17,852 --> 01:34:19,787 Hey, hey, stop! Stop! 1688 01:34:21,989 --> 01:34:23,858 Help! Help! 1689 01:34:23,924 --> 01:34:26,093 One of the locals just stole my boat! 1690 01:34:26,160 --> 01:34:27,928 Have you seen a woman? 1691 01:34:27,995 --> 01:34:31,165 She's a brunette in a sequined jumpsuit. 1692 01:34:31,232 --> 01:34:35,069 No. Is she in some sort of trouble? 1693 01:34:38,906 --> 01:34:40,908 [Loretta breathing heavily] 1694 01:34:41,809 --> 01:34:44,011 [both grunting] 1695 01:34:46,914 --> 01:34:48,449 It's kind of funny. 1696 01:34:50,051 --> 01:34:51,919 I used to think this... 1697 01:34:51,986 --> 01:34:53,921 this sort of thing was so romantic. 1698 01:34:53,988 --> 01:34:55,389 Yeah? 1699 01:34:55,456 --> 01:34:58,793 Being locked in a coffin about to be buried by lava, 1700 01:34:58,859 --> 01:35:01,262 or... cuddling dead people? 1701 01:35:02,029 --> 01:35:05,132 Just laying down with a lost love. 1702 01:35:05,199 --> 01:35:06,734 Like Taha did. 1703 01:35:06,801 --> 01:35:08,202 [volcano rumbling] 1704 01:35:09,170 --> 01:35:10,137 God. Oh... 1705 01:35:10,971 --> 01:35:12,173 Oh, God. 1706 01:35:12,239 --> 01:35:14,875 I'm sorry. 1707 01:35:14,942 --> 01:35:17,244 I'm sorry that I couldn't save you. 1708 01:35:17,311 --> 01:35:19,113 I'm sorry I couldn't be Dash. 1709 01:35:19,814 --> 01:35:20,948 You're right. 1710 01:35:22,183 --> 01:35:23,984 You're nothing like Dash. 1711 01:35:24,051 --> 01:35:27,121 You didn't ride in on a white horse to save me. 1712 01:35:27,188 --> 01:35:32,226 You rode in on a... borrowed scooter with a broken muffler. 1713 01:35:32,293 --> 01:35:33,727 [chuckles] 1714 01:35:33,794 --> 01:35:35,229 Yeah. 1715 01:35:35,296 --> 01:35:37,998 I never could've written a Dash like you. 1716 01:35:40,101 --> 01:35:41,836 'Cause I never knew 1717 01:35:42,536 --> 01:35:44,738 a Dash like Alan. 1718 01:35:44,805 --> 01:35:47,108 I was so afraid of being hurt by life again 1719 01:35:47,174 --> 01:35:48,776 that I just stopped living. 1720 01:35:48,843 --> 01:35:50,878 Couldn't see the good things in front of me. 1721 01:35:50,945 --> 01:35:54,115 I'm just so sorry I didn't see you sooner. 1722 01:35:55,249 --> 01:35:57,118 I have a confession too. 1723 01:35:57,184 --> 01:36:01,122 See, I was really liking where this new story of ours was headed. 1724 01:36:01,188 --> 01:36:04,058 I just wanted to see how it was gonna turn out, I guess. 1725 01:36:05,526 --> 01:36:07,895 The Adventures of Loretta and Alan. 1726 01:36:10,197 --> 01:36:12,166 No, it would need a better title than that. 1727 01:36:12,233 --> 01:36:14,034 Yeah, definitely. Definitely. 1728 01:36:15,336 --> 01:36:18,939 Sorry. Just... Taha's femur is poking me. 1729 01:36:20,141 --> 01:36:22,776 [volcano rumbling] 1730 01:36:22,843 --> 01:36:24,812 Rafi must have left that. 1731 01:36:24,879 --> 01:36:27,281 [Alan] How do you forget your crowbar? It's gonna help us escape. 1732 01:36:27,348 --> 01:36:29,016 No, he left it on purpose. 1733 01:36:29,083 --> 01:36:30,818 Oh, cool. I always liked him. 1734 01:36:30,885 --> 01:36:32,319 One... Okay. 1735 01:36:32,386 --> 01:36:34,421 ...two, three! Okay. 1736 01:36:34,488 --> 01:36:38,092 I would've preferred him to not leave us here in the first place, but... 1737 01:36:38,959 --> 01:36:39,827 [Alan] Okay. 1738 01:36:39,894 --> 01:36:41,428 [grunting] 1739 01:37:00,581 --> 01:37:02,816 Dulcius ex asperis. 1740 01:37:07,421 --> 01:37:09,056 Sweeter after difficulty. 1741 01:37:10,991 --> 01:37:12,393 [rumbling] 1742 01:37:15,896 --> 01:37:17,164 Go up! Run for the trees! 1743 01:37:18,532 --> 01:37:21,268 Wait. Nope. Never mind. Trees are on fire. 1744 01:37:21,902 --> 01:37:23,404 Okay. 1745 01:37:25,172 --> 01:37:26,840 We can go back through the tunnel. 1746 01:37:28,008 --> 01:37:29,109 Nope. Tunnel's a no-go. 1747 01:37:34,415 --> 01:37:36,417 [Alan] Um, okay. I'm open to other ideas. 1748 01:37:36,483 --> 01:37:40,054 There's a current. We can follow it into the ocean. 1749 01:37:40,120 --> 01:37:41,589 How do we know what's on the other side? 1750 01:37:42,223 --> 01:37:43,190 We don't. 1751 01:37:45,192 --> 01:37:47,161 There's only one way to find out. 1752 01:37:48,662 --> 01:37:50,297 Worth the rash. Yeah? 1753 01:38:11,285 --> 01:38:12,319 Alan? 1754 01:38:20,961 --> 01:38:21,996 Alan! 1755 01:38:55,062 --> 01:38:56,497 [gasping] 1756 01:38:59,433 --> 01:39:00,434 Alan? 1757 01:39:00,501 --> 01:39:03,237 A-- [coughs] Alan? 1758 01:39:04,438 --> 01:39:05,472 Alan! 1759 01:39:08,709 --> 01:39:10,678 Oh, my God! You're alive! 1760 01:39:10,744 --> 01:39:13,047 I'm alive. Oh, my God. I thought I killed you. 1761 01:39:13,113 --> 01:39:14,348 [laughs] 1762 01:39:15,783 --> 01:39:16,984 Is that Beth? 1763 01:39:17,051 --> 01:39:18,085 [Beth] Loretta! 1764 01:39:18,719 --> 01:39:20,120 [Loretta] Beth! 1765 01:39:20,187 --> 01:39:21,689 [Alan] Beth! [Loretta] Beth! 1766 01:39:21,755 --> 01:39:22,990 Beth! 1767 01:39:28,629 --> 01:39:30,030 Beth, you're here! 1768 01:39:30,664 --> 01:39:32,099 Why are you here? 1769 01:39:32,166 --> 01:39:35,002 I told you I got your back, girl! 1770 01:39:35,502 --> 01:39:37,438 I'm so sorry! 1771 01:39:37,504 --> 01:39:39,440 I destroyed the jumpsuit! 1772 01:39:40,074 --> 01:39:41,108 What? 1773 01:39:41,175 --> 01:39:43,711 Never mind! Later. 1774 01:39:43,777 --> 01:39:46,013 I found a British guy in a cave. 1775 01:39:46,080 --> 01:39:48,415 I thought he was a little boy, but he has a full beard. 1776 01:39:48,482 --> 01:39:51,985 Beth, that's Fairfax! He kidnapped us! 1777 01:39:52,052 --> 01:39:54,455 [Alan] He's a bad guy, Beth! He killed my trainer! 1778 01:39:54,521 --> 01:39:55,556 Get him! 1779 01:39:56,190 --> 01:39:57,224 Stop him! 1780 01:39:59,626 --> 01:40:00,627 [grunts] 1781 01:40:00,694 --> 01:40:02,062 [grunts] 1782 01:40:05,265 --> 01:40:07,301 I got your back, girl. 1783 01:40:09,603 --> 01:40:11,638 Where were you running? It's a boat. 1784 01:40:11,705 --> 01:40:13,273 This guy's hilarious. [laughs] 1785 01:40:13,340 --> 01:40:15,075 Got you. 1786 01:40:15,142 --> 01:40:16,477 [Beth] Swim over to the rock! 1787 01:40:16,543 --> 01:40:18,645 I don't got you. No, I got you. I got you. 1788 01:40:18,712 --> 01:40:20,647 We're gonna get you. It's gonna be okay. 1789 01:40:20,714 --> 01:40:23,350 [Allison] "Finding refuge on a nearby rock, 1790 01:40:23,417 --> 01:40:25,552 he lifted her from the water, 1791 01:40:25,619 --> 01:40:28,622 his powerful arms pulling her body close. 1792 01:40:28,689 --> 01:40:30,090 Alan whispered..." 1793 01:40:30,157 --> 01:40:32,526 Shh. You're safe now. 1794 01:40:35,262 --> 01:40:39,600 [Alan] "In that moment, Loretta could feel a new adventure was just beginning." 1795 01:40:41,201 --> 01:40:43,771 "The heart-pounding passion of the narrow escape 1796 01:40:43,837 --> 01:40:46,774 only inflamed Loretta's desire for him. 1797 01:40:46,840 --> 01:40:51,311 She was thirsty for the hot lava soon to be pulsing from his..." 1798 01:40:51,378 --> 01:40:54,615 Don't you go stopping right at the good part. 1799 01:40:54,681 --> 01:40:56,183 [chuckles] [laughs] 1800 01:40:56,250 --> 01:40:57,751 It's nothing she hasn't read before. 1801 01:40:57,818 --> 01:40:59,420 Didn't I tell you? 1802 01:40:59,486 --> 01:41:02,489 The most beautiful beach in the world. 1803 01:41:02,556 --> 01:41:05,726 Maybe later, I'll show you the Cove of Enchantment? 1804 01:41:05,793 --> 01:41:07,694 No, you can take Randy. 1805 01:41:07,761 --> 01:41:11,398 Remember, you are my platonic man friend. 1806 01:41:11,465 --> 01:41:14,535 Platonic? I like the sound of that. 1807 01:41:14,601 --> 01:41:17,337 Not sure what it means, but I like the sound of it. 1808 01:41:17,404 --> 01:41:19,440 Here you go, Randy. [grunts] 1809 01:41:21,341 --> 01:41:23,444 My dear. You are an angel. Thank you. 1810 01:41:24,278 --> 01:41:25,579 How did you know? 1811 01:41:37,658 --> 01:41:40,194 Nice way to end a book tour, right? Mm-hmm. 1812 01:41:40,828 --> 01:41:42,830 [sighs] Um... 1813 01:41:42,896 --> 01:41:47,267 You know, I have a phrase I like to use in moments like these, actually. 1814 01:41:47,334 --> 01:41:48,368 Um... 1815 01:41:49,870 --> 01:41:51,271 Quid deinde? 1816 01:41:52,606 --> 01:41:55,542 It's Latin. It means, uh, "What's next?" 1817 01:41:57,611 --> 01:41:59,179 Quid cogitas? 1818 01:41:59,246 --> 01:42:00,447 Mmm. 1819 01:42:01,348 --> 01:42:02,549 Buca di Beppo. 1820 01:42:02,616 --> 01:42:04,117 [both laughing] 1821 01:42:05,919 --> 01:42:07,688 Yeah. I know zero other Latin. No. Yes. 1822 01:42:07,754 --> 01:42:10,457 I looked it up for this moment right now. 1823 01:42:11,458 --> 01:42:13,627 [sighs] So, what does come next? 1824 01:42:13,694 --> 01:42:16,396 How would you write this? I don't know. 1825 01:42:16,463 --> 01:42:18,899 How would you write it? Do we really want me to write this? 1826 01:42:18,966 --> 01:42:21,368 Just try. Take a stab at it. Okay. I'll write it. 1827 01:42:21,435 --> 01:42:22,803 Okay. 1828 01:42:22,870 --> 01:42:25,906 "We were-- They were, uh... standing on a beach." 1829 01:42:25,973 --> 01:42:28,141 Sets the stage for the audience. They know where we are. 1830 01:42:28,208 --> 01:42:29,843 You're already laughing. Why are you laughing at me? 1831 01:42:29,910 --> 01:42:31,745 I'm not laughing. I'm smiling. You are. 1832 01:42:31,812 --> 01:42:35,649 "There are palm trees above a brown 1833 01:42:36,650 --> 01:42:39,353 bark-like hair of the maiden. 1834 01:42:39,419 --> 01:42:41,488 There is a dead jellyfish--" 1835 01:42:41,555 --> 01:42:43,857 All you're doing is describing what you're actually seeing right now. 1836 01:42:43,924 --> 01:42:46,593 "He's nervous because he really likes her." 1837 01:42:47,628 --> 01:42:49,730 It's nice writing. 1838 01:42:49,796 --> 01:42:51,164 Thanks. You're welcome. 1839 01:42:51,231 --> 01:42:52,366 I'll keep going. 1840 01:42:52,432 --> 01:42:54,234 "He looked deep in her eyes. 1841 01:42:54,301 --> 01:42:57,304 The only thing that could compare to the pulse of that ocean 1842 01:42:58,238 --> 01:42:59,406 was the throbbing in the--" 1843 01:42:59,473 --> 01:43:02,609 Okay, no, you can't throb. Why not? 1844 01:43:02,676 --> 01:43:04,611 Can't come out of the gate with a throb. 1845 01:43:04,678 --> 01:43:06,813 You throb all the time. I don't come out of the gate with it. 1846 01:43:06,880 --> 01:43:09,283 You have to earn the throb. Who made you the queen of throb? 1847 01:43:09,349 --> 01:43:12,619 It's usually a chapter four thing. You want it brought up appropriately in four. 1848 01:43:12,686 --> 01:43:14,855 I think you throb in all the chapters. "Pulsating." 1849 01:43:14,922 --> 01:43:16,890 It's a precursor to throb. 1850 01:43:16,957 --> 01:43:19,293 "Undulating." You just jumped to five. 1851 01:43:19,359 --> 01:43:22,296 How 'bout they just kiss? Why not? Just like a regular kiss? 1852 01:43:22,362 --> 01:43:23,864 Yeah. Like a beginning-of-the-chapter kiss. 1853 01:43:23,931 --> 01:43:25,566 I'm good at starting-- 1854 01:43:29,603 --> 01:43:30,904 How was that? Any notes? 1855 01:43:31,638 --> 01:43:35,242 Very good first chapter attempt. 1856 01:43:36,276 --> 01:43:38,412 ♪ Bad chick I could be your fantasy ♪ 1857 01:43:38,478 --> 01:43:40,714 ♪ I can tell You got big, big energy ♪ 1858 01:43:40,781 --> 01:43:42,849 ♪ It ain't too many of 'em That can handle me ♪ 1859 01:43:42,916 --> 01:43:44,851 ♪ But I might let you try it Off the Hennessy ♪ 1860 01:43:44,918 --> 01:43:47,421 ♪ Make 'em sang to this thing Like a melody ♪ 1861 01:43:47,487 --> 01:43:49,790 ♪ And if your girl ain't right I got the remedy ♪ 1862 01:43:49,856 --> 01:43:52,359 ♪ It ain't too many of 'em That can handle me ♪ 1863 01:43:52,426 --> 01:43:54,861 ♪ Bad chick I could be your fantasy ♪ 1864 01:43:54,928 --> 01:43:56,563 ♪ Tell me how you want it ♪ 1865 01:43:56,630 --> 01:43:58,532 ♪ Three, two, one And I'm on it ♪ 1866 01:43:58,599 --> 01:44:00,500 ♪ Feel good, don't it? Hood chick, you in a bonnet ♪ 1867 01:44:00,567 --> 01:44:02,569 ♪ I'ma bust it on a pole Like Onyx ♪ 1868 01:44:02,636 --> 01:44:05,672 ♪ I'm just being honest Juicy, Minute Maid ♪ 1869 01:44:05,739 --> 01:44:07,641 ♪ But can't do it One minute, man ♪ 1870 01:44:07,708 --> 01:44:10,243 ♪ Not a side or a main I'm the only one he entertain ♪ 1871 01:44:10,310 --> 01:44:12,412 ♪ Spending his Mine in the bank ♪ 1872 01:44:12,479 --> 01:44:15,949 ♪ I like what I see A boss like you Need a boss like me ♪ 1873 01:44:16,016 --> 01:44:18,018 ♪ Daddy from the street So he move low key ♪ 1874 01:44:18,085 --> 01:44:20,587 ♪ Tryna ride that mic Like karaoke ♪ 1875 01:44:20,654 --> 01:44:22,990 ♪ On the count of three Bad, get money ♪ 1876 01:44:23,056 --> 01:44:25,392 ♪ Broke to the left We don't want it ♪ 1877 01:44:25,459 --> 01:44:27,661 ♪ I'm the one they love to hate But they can't get past ♪ 1878 01:44:27,728 --> 01:44:30,731 ♪ Pretty face, no waist And a big old back ♪ 1879 01:44:30,797 --> 01:44:32,766 ♪ Bad chick I could be your fantasy ♪ 1880 01:44:32,833 --> 01:44:35,002 ♪ I can tell you got Big, big energy ♪ 1881 01:44:35,068 --> 01:44:37,404 ♪ It ain't too many of 'em That can handle me ♪ 1882 01:44:37,471 --> 01:44:39,473 ♪ But I might let you try it Off the Hennessy ♪ 1883 01:44:39,539 --> 01:44:41,742 ♪ Make 'em sing to this thing Like a melody ♪ 1884 01:44:41,808 --> 01:44:44,011 ♪ And if your girl ain't right I got the remedy ♪ 1885 01:44:44,077 --> 01:44:46,446 ♪ It ain't too many of 'em That can handle me ♪ 1886 01:44:46,513 --> 01:44:48,782 ♪ Bad chick I could be your fantasy ♪ 1887 01:44:48,849 --> 01:44:52,486 ♪ Got that real big energy... ♪ 1888 01:44:54,521 --> 01:44:56,757 [wind chimes tinkling] 1889 01:45:00,460 --> 01:45:01,762 Psst! 1890 01:45:02,596 --> 01:45:03,897 Psst. 1891 01:45:04,831 --> 01:45:05,866 Psst. 1892 01:45:07,934 --> 01:45:08,935 Mother-- 1893 01:45:09,002 --> 01:45:10,904 You were dead. 1894 01:45:10,971 --> 01:45:13,907 Your brains came out of your face and hit the back of my throat. 1895 01:45:13,974 --> 01:45:16,543 -He was in my mouth. -Don't say he was in your mouth. 1896 01:45:16,610 --> 01:45:18,478 -I could taste you. -Don't ever say that. 1897 01:45:18,545 --> 01:45:23,583 We only use 10% of our brain, so I just switched to another 10%. 1898 01:45:23,650 --> 01:45:26,520 [whispers] So, you're okay? 1899 01:45:26,586 --> 01:45:28,355 One hundred percent. 1900 01:45:28,422 --> 01:45:29,923 Meaning 10%. 1901 01:45:29,990 --> 01:45:31,758 We thought you were dead. 1902 01:45:31,825 --> 01:45:34,594 Naturally, I have some anger issues I need to let go of. 1903 01:45:34,661 --> 01:45:36,797 [Loretta] Of course. And resentment. 1904 01:45:38,932 --> 01:45:40,500 So good to see you, man. 1905 01:45:40,567 --> 01:45:42,669 [instructor] Okay, let's keep the chatter down. 1906 01:45:42,736 --> 01:45:46,773 We're closing our eyes and reconnecting to our breath. 1907 01:45:47,808 --> 01:45:48,942 Great. 1908 01:45:49,743 --> 01:45:50,777 Great.