1 00:00:02,160 --> 00:00:04,320 WOMAN: Good morning! 2 00:00:04,360 --> 00:00:07,600 I'm Maureen MacIntyre, and we have got a... 3 00:00:07,640 --> 00:00:09,280 Dog outside, please. 4 00:00:09,320 --> 00:00:11,440 How do I connect my phone to this speaker? 5 00:00:11,480 --> 00:00:13,720 I want some ambience, not this... 6 00:00:13,760 --> 00:00:16,120 Well, what is this? What on earth are you listening to? 7 00:00:16,160 --> 00:00:17,600 Golden Waves Radio. 8 00:00:17,640 --> 00:00:19,080 That's Maureen's Magical Mornings. 9 00:00:19,120 --> 00:00:21,160 Use salt instead of sugar. 10 00:00:21,200 --> 00:00:23,840 Could you imagine that? I mean, imagine that! 11 00:00:23,880 --> 00:00:27,880 Or maybe, like me, you've tried to chop a tomato with a blunt knife. 12 00:00:27,920 --> 00:00:30,680 Good Lord, how banal. We'd like to hear your anecdote. 13 00:00:30,720 --> 00:00:32,880 Give us a call. I've got an anecdote. 14 00:00:32,920 --> 00:00:34,880 Remember when I ran out of soy sauce? 15 00:00:34,920 --> 00:00:36,920 Oh, I remember that, Dad. Classic story. 16 00:00:36,960 --> 00:00:38,280 You should definitely phone in. 17 00:00:38,320 --> 00:00:39,800 No, I don't think so, Tony. 18 00:00:40,800 --> 00:00:42,600 There you go. (WHALE SONG PLAYS) 19 00:00:42,640 --> 00:00:44,840 There's your whale noises. 20 00:00:44,880 --> 00:00:48,640 Now you can crack on with this strenuous yoga you're doing. 21 00:00:50,800 --> 00:00:52,520 Dear? Mmm? 22 00:00:52,560 --> 00:00:54,840 Do you think it's odd that Helen never goes out? 23 00:00:54,880 --> 00:00:58,640 All she seems to do is work and walk the dog. 24 00:00:58,680 --> 00:01:01,040 Well, maybe we should introduce her to some people. 25 00:01:01,080 --> 00:01:02,120 Who do we know? 26 00:01:03,200 --> 00:01:04,880 Well, it's hard, isn't it? 27 00:01:04,920 --> 00:01:06,440 She's a tricky one to match up. 28 00:01:07,480 --> 00:01:10,080 Ooh, what about the Men's Shed on the corner? 29 00:01:10,120 --> 00:01:11,640 That place we thought was a gay bar? 30 00:01:11,680 --> 00:01:14,000 Turned out to be full of straight men, drinking instant coffee 31 00:01:14,040 --> 00:01:15,440 and building bird houses. 32 00:01:17,120 --> 00:01:18,480 What do you think? 33 00:01:19,440 --> 00:01:20,920 (SNORES) 34 00:01:37,880 --> 00:01:40,640 Helen, hurry up, please. I need to make an announcement. 35 00:01:40,680 --> 00:01:43,240 Good morning. Reporting in for the big announcement. 36 00:01:43,280 --> 00:01:44,320 Finally. 37 00:01:44,360 --> 00:01:48,000 Well, today is the official opening of Conch Mediation Services. 38 00:01:48,040 --> 00:01:49,840 New signage happening as we speak. 39 00:01:49,880 --> 00:01:51,680 Well done, Roz. Thank you. 40 00:01:53,400 --> 00:01:56,520 To mark the occasion, we're upgrading a few things around here. 41 00:01:56,560 --> 00:01:57,560 Raymond? 42 00:01:57,600 --> 00:01:59,960 Alrighty, team, what's better than dollar-brew coffee? 43 00:02:00,000 --> 00:02:01,640 Pondwater? Loving the jokes. 44 00:02:01,680 --> 00:02:02,920 I'll tell you what's better. 45 00:02:02,960 --> 00:02:06,960 45-cent coffee, brewed right here on the premises. 46 00:02:07,000 --> 00:02:10,480 Oh, nice one. Guess we won't be needing this any more. 47 00:02:12,120 --> 00:02:14,560 Or this. No, don't be silly. 48 00:02:14,600 --> 00:02:16,560 We're gonna need that for tea. Yeah, sorry. 49 00:02:16,600 --> 00:02:18,080 Mind you, who's gonna need tea 50 00:02:18,120 --> 00:02:21,760 now that we've got George Clooney-grade expresso? 51 00:02:21,800 --> 00:02:22,800 Yeah! 52 00:02:23,800 --> 00:02:26,160 Come on, mate, don't be silly. OK. Rules. 53 00:02:26,200 --> 00:02:28,320 These pods are for client use only. 54 00:02:28,360 --> 00:02:30,120 Please buy your own pods for personal use. 55 00:02:30,160 --> 00:02:33,080 What? We have to buy pods if we want to drink coffee at the office? 56 00:02:33,120 --> 00:02:36,080 Oh, come on. Are you serious? Yes, McEnroe. 57 00:02:36,120 --> 00:02:37,760 We're running a business, not a cafe. 58 00:02:37,800 --> 00:02:41,560 Correct. BYO pods if you want to enjoy the espresso machine. 59 00:02:41,600 --> 00:02:44,480 Careful, Roz. Doing accents like that is a bit racist. 60 00:02:44,520 --> 00:02:47,400 What? No, it isn't. I'm speaking Italian. 61 00:02:47,440 --> 00:02:49,280 Parlo Italiano. 62 00:02:49,320 --> 00:02:51,480 Well, scusa. Back-a to work-a. 63 00:02:51,520 --> 00:02:53,920 Ooh, that is a little bit racist, Roz. 64 00:02:57,240 --> 00:02:59,440 Helen, what are you doing? Hey. 65 00:02:59,480 --> 00:03:02,440 I work long hours, I don't get paid overtime and I'm not a partner. 66 00:03:02,480 --> 00:03:05,520 The least they can do is provide a bloody espresso. 67 00:03:05,560 --> 00:03:07,280 Can you make me one too, please? Yep, sure. 68 00:03:07,320 --> 00:03:09,640 What do you want, double podder? Yeah, double podder. 69 00:03:14,120 --> 00:03:16,080 Very sorry for your loss. Thank you. 70 00:03:16,120 --> 00:03:20,000 Come on through. I'm Helen. Can I get you both a coffee? 71 00:03:22,720 --> 00:03:24,000 Roz! 72 00:03:25,720 --> 00:03:27,040 Roz? Mm? 73 00:03:27,080 --> 00:03:29,720 Where are the coffee pods? I had to move them. 74 00:03:29,760 --> 00:03:31,600 The honour system didn't seem to be working. 75 00:03:31,640 --> 00:03:33,440 Well, I need some. I've got clients here. 76 00:03:35,760 --> 00:03:38,000 I need four. Two for each coffee. Two each? 77 00:03:38,040 --> 00:03:39,800 Good Lord, they'll be spinning like tops. 78 00:03:39,840 --> 00:03:41,720 You did tell them it's very strong espresso? 79 00:03:41,760 --> 00:03:43,480 Yes, they're prepared to risk it. 80 00:03:50,280 --> 00:03:52,440 Can you see it? Is it on the roof? (PIGEON COOING) 81 00:03:53,480 --> 00:03:56,880 Can't see it. I can hear it. 82 00:04:00,160 --> 00:04:02,040 I think it's in the wall. In the wall? 83 00:04:02,080 --> 00:04:03,360 God, it's driving me nuts. 84 00:04:03,400 --> 00:04:04,840 I find it quite relaxing. 85 00:04:04,880 --> 00:04:07,040 Sounds like a phone ringing. (PHONE RINGING) 86 00:04:07,080 --> 00:04:08,400 No, that is the phone ringing. 87 00:04:09,480 --> 00:04:11,120 You should probably answer that. Yeah. 88 00:04:19,840 --> 00:04:20,880 Mmm. 89 00:04:23,440 --> 00:04:24,960 Mm, naughty. 90 00:04:26,760 --> 00:04:29,240 We'll just wait till our probate clerk gets in. 91 00:04:29,280 --> 00:04:30,840 Sorry, Helen. Yep. 92 00:04:30,880 --> 00:04:32,520 Ah, just to catch you up. 93 00:04:32,560 --> 00:04:35,080 Morrie and Gordon's mother passed away recently. 94 00:04:35,120 --> 00:04:36,840 Sorry for your loss. Yeah, we did that bit. 95 00:04:36,880 --> 00:04:38,440 I'm just stepping them through the will now. 96 00:04:38,480 --> 00:04:40,800 Yeah. I've been left out. I'm getting nothing. 97 00:04:40,840 --> 00:04:41,880 Sorry for your loss. 98 00:04:41,920 --> 00:04:43,520 That's what you get for joining a cult. 99 00:04:43,560 --> 00:04:45,120 It's not a cult. 100 00:04:45,160 --> 00:04:47,720 My wife and I belong to the Church of Barnabus the Believer. 101 00:04:47,760 --> 00:04:49,080 That's exactly what I said. 102 00:04:49,120 --> 00:04:50,880 It's a fundamentalist Christian cult. 103 00:04:50,920 --> 00:04:53,160 Yeah. Church of Barnabus? I don't think I know that one. 104 00:04:53,200 --> 00:04:54,880 Well, do you know Jesus Christ? 105 00:04:54,920 --> 00:04:56,080 I know of him. 106 00:04:56,120 --> 00:04:57,920 Well, why don't you come down and meet him? 107 00:04:57,960 --> 00:05:00,000 We do Pancakes and Prayer every Saturday morning. 108 00:05:00,040 --> 00:05:02,480 Well, you know I'm tempted by the pancakes, 109 00:05:02,520 --> 00:05:05,120 but I was brought up Catholic, so I don't really do God. 110 00:05:05,160 --> 00:05:08,400 Well, without God, there would be no pancakes. 111 00:05:08,440 --> 00:05:10,480 (THUMPING) Yeah, you got me there. 112 00:05:10,520 --> 00:05:12,600 George, can you go and see what that banging is? 113 00:05:12,640 --> 00:05:14,160 What's going on? 114 00:05:15,520 --> 00:05:17,360 You were right. It's definitely in the wall cavity. 115 00:05:17,400 --> 00:05:18,560 I'm trying to drive it out. 116 00:05:23,000 --> 00:05:25,200 Sorry. Can...can you excuse me for just one minute? 117 00:05:25,240 --> 00:05:27,440 There seems to be a document missing from your mother's file. 118 00:05:27,480 --> 00:05:28,680 I won't be a sec. 119 00:05:29,680 --> 00:05:31,160 Hang on, hang on. 120 00:05:31,200 --> 00:05:33,160 It's over there. Further down. 121 00:05:34,800 --> 00:05:36,640 I reckon it's further. 122 00:05:36,680 --> 00:05:38,760 Yeah? Got it? Yep, got it. 123 00:05:41,320 --> 00:05:42,560 What have you done there? 124 00:05:43,960 --> 00:05:45,120 Sorry. 125 00:05:46,400 --> 00:05:48,000 Go on! Get out of there. 126 00:05:48,040 --> 00:05:50,760 Mary and I are both concerned about you, Gordon. 127 00:05:50,800 --> 00:05:52,520 We don't want you going to hell. 128 00:05:52,560 --> 00:05:54,040 I'm all good, mate. 129 00:05:54,080 --> 00:05:56,920 Mum's down there, which is a real shame. 130 00:05:56,960 --> 00:05:59,120 But that's where you go if you worship false idols. 131 00:05:59,160 --> 00:06:00,280 False idols? 132 00:06:00,320 --> 00:06:01,520 She worshipped nature. 133 00:06:01,560 --> 00:06:03,880 Yes, but who made nature, Gordon? 134 00:06:05,240 --> 00:06:06,920 God did. Hey! 135 00:06:06,960 --> 00:06:08,480 Ah, they get it. 136 00:06:10,480 --> 00:06:12,280 Roz. God. 137 00:06:13,360 --> 00:06:15,000 That's your lot. 138 00:06:15,040 --> 00:06:16,040 Rude. 139 00:06:16,080 --> 00:06:17,960 I have the Lowry brothers in the meeting room. 140 00:06:18,000 --> 00:06:19,880 I think their mother was a client of yours? 141 00:06:19,920 --> 00:06:22,000 Ah, Gabrielle. Has she passed away? 142 00:06:22,040 --> 00:06:24,560 Yes, I'm afraid so, and there seems to be a document missing 143 00:06:24,600 --> 00:06:25,600 from the file. 144 00:06:25,640 --> 00:06:28,000 Yes, a letter of wishes. 145 00:06:28,040 --> 00:06:30,920 I put it aside, because this needs to be handled very sensitively. 146 00:06:30,960 --> 00:06:32,240 Well, I will be sensitive. 147 00:06:33,040 --> 00:06:34,800 I think it's best I do it. 148 00:06:36,240 --> 00:06:38,480 But Roz, you don't work here any more. 149 00:06:38,520 --> 00:06:41,320 Did you forget? You left to follow your passion. 150 00:06:41,360 --> 00:06:44,520 You're Conch Mediation now... Hello. I'm Roz Gruber. 151 00:06:44,560 --> 00:06:47,320 I prepared your mother's will, God rest her soul. 152 00:06:47,360 --> 00:06:49,680 Oh, no rest for Mum's soul, I'm afraid. 153 00:06:49,720 --> 00:06:50,960 She's downstairs. 154 00:06:51,000 --> 00:06:52,600 Do you know Jesus, Mrs Gruber? 155 00:06:52,640 --> 00:06:54,240 No-one knows him, mate. Shut up. 156 00:06:54,280 --> 00:06:55,880 Sorry. Go on, Mrs Gruber. 157 00:06:55,920 --> 00:06:58,280 Actually, I can take it from here, Mrs Gruber. 158 00:06:58,320 --> 00:07:01,440 Did Helen explain to you what a letter of wishes is? 159 00:07:01,480 --> 00:07:03,280 BOTH: No. Oh, Helen. 160 00:07:03,320 --> 00:07:04,720 You took... How was I... 161 00:07:04,760 --> 00:07:09,520 A letter of wishes is like the emotional explanation of the will. 162 00:07:09,560 --> 00:07:13,000 Basically, it's Mum's way of speaking to you from the grave. 163 00:07:13,640 --> 00:07:16,800 Oh, I don't think we need to imagine Mum in her grave. 164 00:07:16,840 --> 00:07:18,080 OK, sorry. 165 00:07:20,400 --> 00:07:21,960 (READS) "My darling boys. 166 00:07:22,000 --> 00:07:24,760 "If you are hearing this, it means I am dead. 167 00:07:24,800 --> 00:07:28,520 "I died of a broken heart, and complications from syphilis." 168 00:07:28,560 --> 00:07:30,360 Wow, Mum's an open book. 169 00:07:30,400 --> 00:07:34,360 "My dying wish is that you boys should get the band back together." 170 00:07:35,520 --> 00:07:37,040 We had a Bon Jovi cover band. 171 00:07:37,080 --> 00:07:38,480 Oh, I love Bon Jovi! 172 00:07:39,440 --> 00:07:40,600 Sorry. 173 00:07:40,640 --> 00:07:42,480 "Morrie, when you left the band, 174 00:07:42,520 --> 00:07:44,880 "you left Gordon with no source of income. 175 00:07:44,920 --> 00:07:47,440 "That is why I'm leaving him everything." 176 00:07:47,480 --> 00:07:49,320 OK. Thank you, Roz. 177 00:07:49,360 --> 00:07:51,160 Can she do that? Just cut me out? 178 00:07:51,200 --> 00:07:54,280 She can, however, you would be entitled to contest the will. 179 00:07:54,320 --> 00:07:55,600 But what I tell people... Helen... 180 00:07:55,640 --> 00:07:56,960 Yes, I've got this, thank you, Roz. 181 00:07:57,000 --> 00:07:58,920 It's often better to sort things out in the room 182 00:07:58,960 --> 00:08:00,280 rather than let it go to court. 183 00:08:00,320 --> 00:08:01,360 Helen... 184 00:08:01,400 --> 00:08:04,800 So what I suggest is we reconvene next week when you've had a chance 185 00:08:04,840 --> 00:08:05,840 to consider your options. 186 00:08:05,880 --> 00:08:07,000 Helen? Yes, Roz? 187 00:08:07,040 --> 00:08:08,680 There's a second page. Great, let's hear it. 188 00:08:09,440 --> 00:08:11,440 "Look for me in the skies. 189 00:08:11,480 --> 00:08:13,640 "I am the bird you see soaring. 190 00:08:13,680 --> 00:08:17,160 "Watch for me in the rivers, I am the fish you see swimming. 191 00:08:17,200 --> 00:08:21,320 "Listen for me in the trees, I am the wind you hear blowing." 192 00:08:21,360 --> 00:08:23,280 Yep, look out. Mum's everywhere. 193 00:08:23,320 --> 00:08:25,760 "Blessings from your Mother, and Mother Earth." 194 00:08:25,800 --> 00:08:26,880 Lovely. Mm. 195 00:08:26,920 --> 00:08:28,160 Is that it? Yes. 196 00:08:28,200 --> 00:08:30,320 Good. Let's get together next week... 197 00:08:30,360 --> 00:08:32,280 Oh, hang on. There's a PS. Oh, good. 198 00:08:32,320 --> 00:08:34,560 "If you do get the band back together, 199 00:08:34,600 --> 00:08:37,080 "I think you should try and get on Australia's Got Talent." 200 00:08:37,120 --> 00:08:38,600 That's a great idea. Mmm! 201 00:08:38,640 --> 00:08:40,400 That was certainly worth waiting for. 202 00:08:40,440 --> 00:08:42,040 Good advice from Mum. Alright. 203 00:08:46,640 --> 00:08:49,000 Hey... Hey, Ray? Yeah? 204 00:08:49,040 --> 00:08:51,440 Can...can I have a word about Roz? 205 00:08:51,480 --> 00:08:52,480 About Roz? Yeah. Shh. 206 00:08:52,520 --> 00:08:53,520 Make it quick. 207 00:08:53,560 --> 00:08:56,080 George got it out of the wall, but it's still lurking out there. 208 00:08:56,120 --> 00:08:58,280 Can you talk to her about staying out of my business? 209 00:08:58,320 --> 00:08:59,680 She's been removing documents from files. 210 00:08:59,720 --> 00:09:02,040 She's been making me look like an idiot in front of clients. 211 00:09:02,080 --> 00:09:04,040 Look at it, trying to find a way back in. 212 00:09:04,080 --> 00:09:06,840 Did you hear what I said about Roz? She's annoying. Is that the gist? 213 00:09:06,880 --> 00:09:07,920 Yes. Noted. 214 00:09:07,960 --> 00:09:09,880 Any idea how to get rid of pigeons? Pigeon sack? 215 00:09:09,920 --> 00:09:10,920 What? 216 00:09:10,960 --> 00:09:12,720 I don't know, like Ratsak, but for pigeons? 217 00:09:12,760 --> 00:09:14,480 Jesus Christ, Fisk, we don't want to kill it. 218 00:09:14,520 --> 00:09:16,440 Yeah, we just want to encourage it to move on. 219 00:09:16,480 --> 00:09:17,520 OK, sorry. Spikes? 220 00:09:17,560 --> 00:09:18,760 Helen, that's barbaric. 221 00:09:18,800 --> 00:09:21,520 Oh, I'm not saying you stick its head on a spike. 222 00:09:21,560 --> 00:09:22,720 Flashing lights? 223 00:09:22,760 --> 00:09:23,960 What about an owl, Georgie? 224 00:09:24,000 --> 00:09:25,600 Yeah, owls are a natural deterrent. 225 00:09:25,640 --> 00:09:27,800 That's a good idea, Ray. I'll get onto it. 226 00:09:29,080 --> 00:09:30,920 So will you talk to Roz? Yep. 227 00:09:31,680 --> 00:09:33,000 Thank you. About what? 228 00:09:44,880 --> 00:09:46,560 Yes, Tony used to have two of them. 229 00:09:46,600 --> 00:09:49,240 But would you say birdhouses are your most popular project? 230 00:09:49,280 --> 00:09:50,880 Definitely, without a doubt. 231 00:09:50,920 --> 00:09:53,760 Oh, Helen! Come in! Join us! 232 00:09:53,800 --> 00:09:55,520 This is Howard Muzzin. Hello, Howard. 233 00:09:55,560 --> 00:09:57,160 Hi. Howard runs the Men's Shed. 234 00:09:57,200 --> 00:09:58,600 Oh, the gay bar on the corner? 235 00:09:58,640 --> 00:10:00,120 Oh, it's not a gay bar. It's... 236 00:10:00,160 --> 00:10:01,280 What is it again, Howard? 237 00:10:01,320 --> 00:10:04,760 It's a place where gents can socialise and get on the tools. 238 00:10:04,800 --> 00:10:07,040 Oh, sounds exactly like a gay bar. 239 00:10:07,080 --> 00:10:08,640 It's very nice to meet you, Helen. 240 00:10:08,680 --> 00:10:10,120 Nice to meet you. Sit down, Hels. 241 00:10:10,160 --> 00:10:12,320 Oh, I can't. I've gotta take the dog to the park... 242 00:10:12,360 --> 00:10:15,080 Oh, come on. What are you drinking? Anything you want. I'll make it. 243 00:10:15,120 --> 00:10:18,800 Ooh, OK. I will have a pina colada, please, Viktor. 244 00:10:18,840 --> 00:10:21,560 Oh, God, I'm not making sick in a glass. I'll do you a negroni. 245 00:10:21,600 --> 00:10:23,360 Oh, no, Viktor, I don't like negronis. 246 00:10:23,400 --> 00:10:24,480 They taste like Actifed CC. 247 00:10:24,520 --> 00:10:26,320 Oh, don't be silly, they're delicious. 248 00:10:26,360 --> 00:10:28,240 Go and talk to Howard. He's recently widowed. 249 00:10:28,280 --> 00:10:29,480 Oh, OK. 250 00:10:31,120 --> 00:10:32,200 Yes. 251 00:10:32,240 --> 00:10:33,240 Hi, Howard. Hi. 252 00:10:33,280 --> 00:10:35,200 Viktor said your wife passed away recently. 253 00:10:35,240 --> 00:10:37,520 I'm very sorry for your loss. Oh, thank you. 254 00:10:37,560 --> 00:10:40,480 Yeah, if you ever need any help with probate or anything like that, 255 00:10:40,520 --> 00:10:44,560 I'm a wills and estate specialist, so feel free to get in touch. 256 00:10:44,600 --> 00:10:46,920 Helen, please don't solicit in my living room. 257 00:10:46,960 --> 00:10:48,040 What? Viktor just said... 258 00:10:48,080 --> 00:10:50,680 No, no, no, you've ruined it. Go and walk your dog. 259 00:10:50,720 --> 00:10:53,080 But I was...touting for business. Thank you. 260 00:10:53,120 --> 00:10:55,280 So what's the tool with the very sharp blade 261 00:10:55,320 --> 00:10:57,000 that you use to chisel away at wood? 262 00:10:57,040 --> 00:10:59,200 An auger? I think it's an auger. 263 00:11:09,600 --> 00:11:11,280 Well, well, well, we meet again. 264 00:11:11,800 --> 00:11:13,720 Oh, hey! Men's Shed man. 265 00:11:13,760 --> 00:11:15,240 Howard. Howard Muzzin. 266 00:11:15,280 --> 00:11:16,960 Thought I might run into you. 267 00:11:17,000 --> 00:11:18,320 I've been here since six. 268 00:11:18,360 --> 00:11:19,680 Have you? Have you got a dog? 269 00:11:19,720 --> 00:11:20,720 No, but you do. 270 00:11:21,120 --> 00:11:22,280 Yes. 271 00:11:22,320 --> 00:11:25,000 Look, Mr Muzzin, about last night. I'm really sorry. 272 00:11:25,040 --> 00:11:26,600 I thought you wanted some legal advice. 273 00:11:26,640 --> 00:11:29,600 No, I was simply looking for some companionship. 274 00:11:29,640 --> 00:11:31,320 Yeah, well, I don't think Dad and Viktor 275 00:11:31,360 --> 00:11:32,880 are really Men's Shed material, you know. 276 00:11:32,920 --> 00:11:35,240 Neither one of them any good on the tools. 277 00:11:35,280 --> 00:11:38,200 I was actually hoping we could go to dinner. 278 00:11:38,240 --> 00:11:40,400 Oh, you and Dad? No, you and I. 279 00:11:40,440 --> 00:11:42,880 What? Why? Companionship. 280 00:11:42,920 --> 00:11:45,280 Look, it gets a bit lonely down there at the Men's Shed, 281 00:11:45,320 --> 00:11:48,240 sipping Nescafe and banging away at another birdhouse. 282 00:11:48,280 --> 00:11:49,320 Uh-huh. 283 00:11:49,360 --> 00:11:51,440 Maybe I could make Fluffy here a doghouse? 284 00:11:51,480 --> 00:11:53,760 Well, it's Artie. What do you think, Fluff? 285 00:11:53,800 --> 00:11:55,560 A doghouse? (LAUGHS) 286 00:11:56,120 --> 00:11:57,160 Yeah. 287 00:11:57,200 --> 00:11:59,400 And don't worry, Helen, I am not after sex. 288 00:11:59,440 --> 00:12:00,760 Oh, good to know, yep... 289 00:12:00,800 --> 00:12:03,560 No, the sex will come, if there's a frisson. 290 00:12:03,600 --> 00:12:04,800 Will it... 291 00:12:04,840 --> 00:12:07,520 Yeah, I've got a good feeling about this. What do you say? 292 00:12:07,560 --> 00:12:08,760 Well, I actually... 293 00:12:08,800 --> 00:12:11,280 I'm actually running late, Howard, so I'm gonna... 294 00:12:11,320 --> 00:12:13,480 ..I'm gonna skip the coffee this morning and, come on. 295 00:12:13,520 --> 00:12:14,640 OK. Let's go. 296 00:12:14,680 --> 00:12:16,400 Bye. Let's go. Hustle, hustle. 297 00:12:16,440 --> 00:12:17,640 See ya, Fluff! 298 00:12:22,040 --> 00:12:23,920 It just gets earlier and earlier. 299 00:12:23,960 --> 00:12:27,080 Viktor, were you trying to set me up on a date last night? 300 00:12:27,120 --> 00:12:29,320 Yes, your father and I thought you could use some company. 301 00:12:29,360 --> 00:12:30,640 Are we talking about Howard? 302 00:12:30,680 --> 00:12:33,440 What'd you think, Hels? He seemed quite taken with you. 303 00:12:33,480 --> 00:12:35,240 Yes, he's stalking me now. 304 00:12:35,280 --> 00:12:37,800 Oh, that's wonderful. I really thought you'd blown it last night. 305 00:12:37,840 --> 00:12:40,080 Oh, come on! I'm not going out with Howard Muzzin. 306 00:12:40,120 --> 00:12:42,360 If you don't like Howard, why don't you pop down 307 00:12:42,400 --> 00:12:44,240 to the Men's Shed and take your pick? 308 00:12:44,280 --> 00:12:46,360 Yes, Helen, it's like a widower's warehouse down there. 309 00:12:46,400 --> 00:12:48,600 Oh, stop it, the pair of you. 310 00:12:48,640 --> 00:12:51,520 Just be open to new people. You can't keep the world out. 311 00:12:51,560 --> 00:12:53,680 I'm not trying to keep the world out, Dad. 312 00:12:53,720 --> 00:12:56,200 Just old men looking for frisson. 313 00:13:01,800 --> 00:13:03,560 Hey, web master, is Roz in yet? 314 00:13:03,600 --> 00:13:04,920 No. Great. 315 00:13:04,960 --> 00:13:06,880 I'm gonna go get some pods. Do you want some? 316 00:13:06,920 --> 00:13:08,560 Are you stealing pods from Roz's office? 317 00:13:08,600 --> 00:13:10,320 Shh! It's not stealing. 318 00:13:10,360 --> 00:13:12,960 An employer is obliged to provide us with everything we need 319 00:13:13,000 --> 00:13:15,080 to do our job, and that includes hot beverages. 320 00:13:15,120 --> 00:13:16,960 You know, she's locked up the biscuits now, too. 321 00:13:17,000 --> 00:13:18,680 Oh, so disrespectful. 322 00:13:18,720 --> 00:13:20,160 It's like we're criminals. 323 00:13:20,200 --> 00:13:21,760 So are you in? Yeah. Do it. 324 00:13:21,800 --> 00:13:24,320 Get me a pod and a biscuit. I'll keep lookout. 325 00:13:24,360 --> 00:13:25,800 You're on. 326 00:13:38,000 --> 00:13:40,600 Biscuits, and I wasn't sure which ones you liked, 327 00:13:40,640 --> 00:13:42,440 so I got you a selection. 328 00:13:42,480 --> 00:13:44,680 My God, Helen, how stupid, are you? 329 00:13:44,720 --> 00:13:46,000 What? It's too many. 330 00:13:46,040 --> 00:13:47,720 Roz is gonna notice. God, you're right. 331 00:13:47,760 --> 00:13:49,680 OK, well, take what you want. 332 00:13:49,720 --> 00:13:51,120 How many do you want? Two. 333 00:13:51,160 --> 00:13:52,800 OK, I'll put the rest back. 334 00:13:53,480 --> 00:13:54,600 And a biscuit. 335 00:14:04,040 --> 00:14:05,520 Come on through. 336 00:14:05,560 --> 00:14:08,920 I'm really excited about this new chapter. 337 00:14:08,960 --> 00:14:11,280 Mediation is such a rewarding profession. 338 00:14:11,320 --> 00:14:12,400 Hello, Roz! 339 00:14:12,440 --> 00:14:14,360 Heading back to your office with a client? 340 00:14:14,400 --> 00:14:16,280 Please don't yell at me, George. 341 00:14:16,320 --> 00:14:19,320 This is Larry, from the Australian Mediation Standards Board. 342 00:14:19,360 --> 00:14:21,040 Let me take you through to the space. 343 00:14:21,080 --> 00:14:22,640 Alright! Hi, Larry! 344 00:14:22,680 --> 00:14:24,520 Roz'll take you through to her office now! 345 00:14:27,960 --> 00:14:30,480 Kokaw! Rowr! 346 00:14:32,120 --> 00:14:36,120 Now, we do share kitchen and bathroom facilities, 347 00:14:36,160 --> 00:14:39,520 but this door allows me to close the space off, 348 00:14:39,560 --> 00:14:42,360 and now we have a lovely private bubble. 349 00:14:42,400 --> 00:14:43,760 Just us. 350 00:14:43,800 --> 00:14:44,920 Oh, hi, Roz. 351 00:14:45,400 --> 00:14:49,040 Ah, I was just borrowing your...stapler. 352 00:14:49,440 --> 00:14:51,840 Did you need to do any stapling before I go? 353 00:14:51,880 --> 00:14:53,320 No. OK. 354 00:14:53,880 --> 00:14:56,200 Well, I'm off...to do some stapling. 355 00:14:57,640 --> 00:15:00,960 And here is your private bubble. 356 00:15:01,680 --> 00:15:03,000 (WHISPERS) Just you. 357 00:15:04,680 --> 00:15:07,280 She's part of a charity intern scheme. 358 00:15:07,320 --> 00:15:09,440 She has a very low IQ. 359 00:15:10,600 --> 00:15:12,240 And the chap at the reception? 360 00:15:12,280 --> 00:15:13,680 Oh, him too. 361 00:15:19,080 --> 00:15:20,960 Go on! Get out of there! 362 00:15:22,400 --> 00:15:24,800 Don't...stare at me. Go! 363 00:15:30,960 --> 00:15:33,400 Oh, she's annoying. 364 00:16:23,600 --> 00:16:26,840 Oh! Please! Close this window! 365 00:16:27,560 --> 00:16:30,560 Ray's convinced the pigeon's trying to get back into the building. 366 00:16:30,600 --> 00:16:32,640 Oh, OK. Do you have something for me? 367 00:16:34,960 --> 00:16:36,560 A stapler, perhaps? 368 00:16:37,880 --> 00:16:38,880 Yes. Mmm. 369 00:16:38,920 --> 00:16:40,040 A stapler. 370 00:16:40,640 --> 00:16:41,960 There it is. 371 00:16:42,000 --> 00:16:44,640 Sorry, just needed to do some important stapling. 372 00:16:45,680 --> 00:16:47,440 But it's done now. You can have that back. 373 00:16:47,480 --> 00:16:48,720 Mm-hm. 374 00:16:52,680 --> 00:16:54,600 Gordon! Did you want to see me? 375 00:16:54,640 --> 00:16:57,920 So I've decided I will split the inheritance with Morrie. 376 00:16:57,960 --> 00:16:59,560 Oh, good on you. That is really sensible. 377 00:16:59,600 --> 00:17:01,640 It's gonnasave you a lot of time and money. 378 00:17:01,680 --> 00:17:03,200 But only if he rejoins the band. 379 00:17:03,240 --> 00:17:05,680 Oh, OK. Do you think he's going to do that? 380 00:17:05,720 --> 00:17:08,680 No. He thinks Bon Jovi's godless heavy metal. 381 00:17:08,720 --> 00:17:09,720 Heavy metal? 382 00:17:09,760 --> 00:17:12,360 See, I always had them down as more of an '80s hair band. 383 00:17:12,400 --> 00:17:13,920 Cock rock, that kind of thing. Either way. 384 00:17:13,960 --> 00:17:16,600 I was hoping that you'd be able to convince him. 385 00:17:16,640 --> 00:17:18,640 Convince... Oh, convince Morrie? 386 00:17:18,680 --> 00:17:20,320 Yeah. Yeah. 387 00:17:20,360 --> 00:17:23,120 Or I could...I could call Mrs G. 388 00:17:23,160 --> 00:17:25,720 Mrs G? Who's...? Oh, God, no, we don't need to call Mrs Gruber. 389 00:17:25,760 --> 00:17:27,600 No, I'll do it. 390 00:17:27,640 --> 00:17:29,800 I'll sort it out. You leave it with me. 391 00:17:29,840 --> 00:17:31,320 In safe hands. 392 00:17:32,080 --> 00:17:34,880 I'm onto this. I'll give you a call, Gordon. 393 00:17:34,920 --> 00:17:36,240 Don't need that. 394 00:17:38,920 --> 00:17:40,280 What's that? 395 00:17:40,320 --> 00:17:42,200 It's a scare owl. 396 00:17:42,240 --> 00:17:44,400 Did you make that yourself, George? My Grandma did. 397 00:17:44,440 --> 00:17:45,720 She's really crafty. 398 00:17:45,760 --> 00:17:48,000 As in good at craft, not devious. 399 00:17:48,040 --> 00:17:50,040 Looks like Giggle and Hoot had a love child. 400 00:17:50,080 --> 00:17:51,400 Yeah, I tried to make it friendly. 401 00:17:51,440 --> 00:17:56,120 See, it's suggesting that it would be better to roost over there. 402 00:17:56,160 --> 00:17:58,360 Very, very nice. 403 00:18:05,400 --> 00:18:06,960 Yep, that's a beauty. 404 00:18:17,560 --> 00:18:18,920 George! 405 00:18:20,160 --> 00:18:21,960 Sorry, mate. I'm turning the heat up. 406 00:18:22,000 --> 00:18:24,760 I'm going with Fisk's idea of flashing lights. 407 00:18:33,240 --> 00:18:35,280 WOMAN: Good morning! 408 00:18:35,320 --> 00:18:37,160 Coming up later this morning, 409 00:18:37,200 --> 00:18:39,600 I talk to the Reverend Donald Ledbetter 410 00:18:39,640 --> 00:18:42,440 about the rise and rise of Christian rock. 411 00:18:42,480 --> 00:18:45,640 Forget about rocking in the pubs and clubs, 412 00:18:45,680 --> 00:18:47,880 it's all happening in the church halls. 413 00:18:47,920 --> 00:18:51,040 And there's a pretty penny to be made, too. 414 00:18:51,080 --> 00:18:53,320 Hallelujah, praise his name. Let's go. 415 00:18:54,720 --> 00:18:56,760 Come on! Attaboy. 416 00:18:56,800 --> 00:18:58,640 Morning, Helen. Whoa! Hey. 417 00:18:58,680 --> 00:19:01,160 Good morning. Where were you? In the bushes? 418 00:19:01,200 --> 00:19:02,680 I missed you at the park yesterday, 419 00:19:02,720 --> 00:19:05,760 so I thought today, I'll catch you at the source. 420 00:19:05,800 --> 00:19:08,280 Would you like to, ah, stroll? Hello, Fluff. 421 00:19:08,320 --> 00:19:11,160 Yeah, OK. Well, we walk pretty fast, so. 422 00:19:11,200 --> 00:19:13,280 I'm surprisingly spry. 423 00:19:13,320 --> 00:19:16,880 Well, you'll have to keep up, 'cause we are in a hurry today. 424 00:19:16,920 --> 00:19:18,760 So, yep. Ahh. 425 00:19:18,800 --> 00:19:21,080 That's a bit fast for me, I'm afraid. 426 00:19:21,120 --> 00:19:22,480 Yep, I hoped it might be. 427 00:19:23,080 --> 00:19:25,600 Well, maybe we could catch up later for a pina colada 428 00:19:25,640 --> 00:19:27,600 and we can chat about Fluffy's doghouse design? 429 00:19:27,640 --> 00:19:29,040 Sorry, can't hear you! 430 00:19:29,080 --> 00:19:30,240 No problem. 431 00:19:30,920 --> 00:19:32,840 You're a modern business lady. 432 00:19:34,680 --> 00:19:36,000 Yeah, I like that. 433 00:19:37,040 --> 00:19:38,360 I like it a lot. 434 00:19:39,760 --> 00:19:41,480 (MUSIC PLAYS ON CAR RADIO) 435 00:19:47,760 --> 00:19:52,120 WOMAN: And that was Praise To The Lord by the Seventh Day Avengers. 436 00:19:52,160 --> 00:19:56,320 Reverend, tell me, are these bands all writing original tunes? 437 00:19:56,360 --> 00:20:00,000 MAN: Some do, others do covers. Guns and Rosaries, for example. 438 00:20:00,040 --> 00:20:03,320 It's basically rock and roll without the sex and drugs. 439 00:20:03,360 --> 00:20:06,280 Oh, well, good-o. I do not like either of those things. 440 00:20:06,320 --> 00:20:08,760 How does that song go? 441 00:20:08,800 --> 00:20:11,080 # Praise to the Lord Jesus, Jesus, Jesus 442 00:20:11,120 --> 00:20:13,760 # Squibbly-dibbly-dibbly-dibbly... # Oh, mama. 443 00:20:25,760 --> 00:20:27,400 Hey, web master, what happened to Blinky? 444 00:20:27,440 --> 00:20:29,560 I didn't see him out there. Had to take him down. 445 00:20:29,600 --> 00:20:31,920 The shopkeeper across the road had a fit. 446 00:20:31,960 --> 00:20:33,920 I know Roz and Ray say that all the time, 447 00:20:33,960 --> 00:20:35,440 but you shouldn't use that expression. 448 00:20:35,480 --> 00:20:38,400 No, Helen, they literally had a fit 'cause of the flashing lights. 449 00:20:38,440 --> 00:20:39,600 Oh, shit. 450 00:20:50,280 --> 00:20:51,960 So the good news is 451 00:20:52,000 --> 00:20:54,560 Gordon has very sensibly, and generously, 452 00:20:54,600 --> 00:20:56,160 decided to share the inheritance. 453 00:20:56,200 --> 00:20:57,600 I prayed that he would. 454 00:20:57,640 --> 00:21:00,400 But only on the proviso that you get the band back together, 455 00:21:00,440 --> 00:21:01,800 as per your mother's dying wish. 456 00:21:01,840 --> 00:21:02,920 Now, I understand that's... 457 00:21:02,960 --> 00:21:05,000 How's it going in here? Have we found a solution? 458 00:21:05,040 --> 00:21:06,560 Almost. I was just about to propose... 459 00:21:06,600 --> 00:21:08,920 No, we have not. I will not be rejoining the band. 460 00:21:08,960 --> 00:21:11,720 OK. No deal, no money for you, then. Great. 461 00:21:11,760 --> 00:21:15,120 Ooh, looks like my services are required here after all. 462 00:21:15,160 --> 00:21:17,880 No. Mediation is a wonderful process. 463 00:21:17,920 --> 00:21:19,720 I think you'll get a lot out of it. 464 00:21:19,760 --> 00:21:22,480 Yeah, Roz, could I have a word with you, out here? 465 00:21:22,520 --> 00:21:23,880 Won't be a minute. 466 00:21:25,200 --> 00:21:26,600 In your office, please? 467 00:21:28,120 --> 00:21:30,520 Why is it...? Someone was stealing staplers. 468 00:21:30,560 --> 00:21:32,880 Firstly, please don't tout for business in my meetings. 469 00:21:32,920 --> 00:21:35,920 It's highly unethical. Oh! Says the thief of staplers. 470 00:21:35,960 --> 00:21:37,400 Secondly, I have this under control, 471 00:21:37,440 --> 00:21:39,160 and you barging in like that is not helping. 472 00:21:39,200 --> 00:21:40,520 You need to watch your tone, Helen. 473 00:21:40,560 --> 00:21:43,920 Yeah, well, you better watch yours too, Roz. 474 00:21:43,960 --> 00:21:47,800 Your tone. You watch it. Because it's...rude. 475 00:21:47,840 --> 00:21:49,120 God gave you those sweet pipes, 476 00:21:49,160 --> 00:21:51,400 and I think that he would want you to use them. 477 00:21:51,440 --> 00:21:53,240 No, no, he doesn't. He speaks to me regularly. 478 00:21:53,280 --> 00:21:54,640 Never mentioned it. Well, OK. 479 00:21:54,680 --> 00:21:57,200 Well, he's speaking to me right now. What's that, God? 480 00:21:57,240 --> 00:22:00,360 Wow, he's saying that he wants Morrie to rejoin the band. 481 00:22:00,400 --> 00:22:02,440 Yeah, yeah, I know. 482 00:22:02,480 --> 00:22:05,040 I mean, I tried to tell him that, but he doesn't believe me. 483 00:22:05,080 --> 00:22:07,400 Stop it. God is not speaking to you. How do you know? 484 00:22:07,440 --> 00:22:09,080 Because he just spoke to me then 485 00:22:09,120 --> 00:22:10,960 and he said, "That's not me speaking to Gordon." 486 00:22:11,000 --> 00:22:14,240 OK, maybe if God could just shoosh for a bit, I might have a solution. 487 00:22:14,280 --> 00:22:17,960 Have either of you heard of the radio station Golden Waves Radio? 488 00:22:18,000 --> 00:22:21,480 What about the Christian Rock Hour with Reverend Donald Ledbetter? 489 00:22:21,520 --> 00:22:24,880 No? OK, what about the band, The Last Supper Club? 490 00:22:24,920 --> 00:22:26,880 The Seventh Day Avengers? 491 00:22:26,920 --> 00:22:28,440 The Burning Bush Singers? 492 00:22:30,720 --> 00:22:34,520 Yeah, so we've got no pubs or clubs, remove any explicit lyrics, 493 00:22:34,560 --> 00:22:36,320 make them more Jesus-y. 494 00:22:36,360 --> 00:22:37,360 That's a great idea! 495 00:22:37,400 --> 00:22:39,480 And you'd only perform at church halls. 496 00:22:39,520 --> 00:22:40,880 Yeah, great. Alright. 497 00:22:40,920 --> 00:22:43,400 Well, I think we have a deal. 498 00:22:43,440 --> 00:22:46,560 The Lowry brothers are about to become the first ever 499 00:22:46,600 --> 00:22:50,840 Fundamentalist Christian Bon Jovi cover band, Living On A Prayer. 500 00:22:50,880 --> 00:22:52,000 Ah... 501 00:22:52,680 --> 00:22:53,960 Yep? 502 00:22:54,000 --> 00:22:55,280 God says it's OK. 503 00:22:55,320 --> 00:22:56,560 Good. Loves it. 504 00:22:56,600 --> 00:22:58,560 Great. Good stuff. 505 00:23:07,120 --> 00:23:09,200 Hey, Howard! Ahh! 506 00:23:09,240 --> 00:23:11,480 Helen, so glad you called. 507 00:23:11,520 --> 00:23:14,080 Rustled up a little something. Voila. 508 00:23:14,120 --> 00:23:16,800 Wow. That is absolutely perfect. 509 00:23:16,840 --> 00:23:18,200 Thank you so much. 510 00:23:18,240 --> 00:23:20,120 Still a hard no on the frisson. 511 00:23:20,160 --> 00:23:22,880 Well, time takes care of everything. 512 00:23:22,920 --> 00:23:26,600 Not enough time in the world for that, but I do appreciate this. 513 00:23:26,640 --> 00:23:28,600 Come on, Artie, let's go. Oh, wait. Wait a minute. 514 00:23:28,640 --> 00:23:32,160 Before you go, I have a distinct recollection of you saying that 515 00:23:32,200 --> 00:23:36,960 you loved nothing more than a cheeky pina colada. 516 00:23:37,000 --> 00:23:40,200 Yeah, not necessarily at seven in the morning. 517 00:23:40,800 --> 00:23:42,080 Argh. 518 00:23:42,120 --> 00:23:44,320 You know what? It's mostly juice. Why not? 519 00:23:49,840 --> 00:23:51,480 You want a humane solution? 520 00:23:51,520 --> 00:23:58,120 Well, this is how you encourage a pigeon to roost elsewhere. 521 00:23:58,160 --> 00:23:59,320 Nice one, Helen. 522 00:23:59,360 --> 00:24:01,680 Just put it as far away from my office as possible. 523 00:24:01,720 --> 00:24:03,760 I don't want to hear it. You got it. 524 00:24:25,040 --> 00:24:26,440 Oh! 525 00:24:34,040 --> 00:24:37,400 Raymond, can I have a word with you in my office about Helen? 526 00:24:37,440 --> 00:24:38,880 About Fisk? 527 00:24:40,680 --> 00:24:42,800 Close the door. Close the door. 528 00:24:43,440 --> 00:24:44,600 Absolutely. 529 00:24:46,240 --> 00:24:49,280 She's developing quite the attitude. I don't like it. 530 00:24:49,320 --> 00:24:51,280 I think you might need to back off a bit. 531 00:24:51,320 --> 00:24:53,560 Me? I meant we. Both of us. 532 00:24:53,600 --> 00:24:55,800 She's turned out to be a pretty good probate lawyer. 533 00:24:55,840 --> 00:24:58,240 Well, I was her mentor. Exactly. 534 00:24:58,280 --> 00:25:01,160 And the mentee is now mented. 535 00:25:01,200 --> 00:25:02,280 That is not a word. 536 00:25:02,320 --> 00:25:03,440 Munted? 537 00:25:04,120 --> 00:25:06,880 Point is, I think you and I - we - 538 00:25:06,920 --> 00:25:09,120 need to give Fisk a little more respect. 539 00:25:09,160 --> 00:25:10,840 She knows what she's doing. (KNOCKING) 540 00:25:15,680 --> 00:25:16,680 Hi, guys. 541 00:25:17,280 --> 00:25:18,440 I'm locked out. 542 00:25:18,680 --> 00:25:21,040 (BIRDHOUSE IN YOUR SOUL BY THEY MIGHT BE GIANTS PLAYS) 543 00:25:36,480 --> 00:25:38,320 (COOING) 544 00:25:38,360 --> 00:25:40,760 Gruber & Associates, George speaking. 545 00:25:41,680 --> 00:25:42,720 Hello? 546 00:25:53,920 --> 00:25:55,520 Pigeons. 547 00:25:55,560 --> 00:25:58,160 Some people have called them the rats of the sky, 548 00:25:58,200 --> 00:26:00,440 and other cultures worship them. 549 00:26:00,480 --> 00:26:01,920 What do I think? 550 00:26:01,960 --> 00:26:03,600 Well, I think they're just nice. 551 00:26:03,640 --> 00:26:04,920 Thanks for watching Fisk. 552 00:26:04,960 --> 00:26:06,280 (LAUGHS) 553 00:26:06,320 --> 00:26:07,520 Captions by Red Bee Media 554 00:26:07,560 --> 00:26:09,000 Copyright Australian Broadcasting Corporation