1
00:00:10,010 --> 00:00:12,888
[electric buzzing]
2
00:00:15,307 --> 00:00:17,059
- [Sylvia] Hi, babe.
- Hi. Mmm. [kisses]
3
00:00:21,605 --> 00:00:23,357
[ticking]
4
00:00:28,237 --> 00:00:29,988
[ticking continues]
5
00:00:32,573 --> 00:00:33,951
- [knocking]
- Oh! Oh!
6
00:00:33,951 --> 00:00:36,453
I've still got 23 seconds left!
7
00:00:36,453 --> 00:00:39,289
- [timer bell dings]
- [beeping]
8
00:00:45,045 --> 00:00:46,672
[dance music playing]
9
00:00:49,550 --> 00:00:51,009
- [dance music ends]
- [knocking]
10
00:00:51,009 --> 00:00:52,302
One second, Simon!
11
00:01:01,144 --> 00:01:03,063
[yelling, grunting]
12
00:01:03,063 --> 00:01:04,647
- Awesome.
- [knocking]
13
00:01:04,647 --> 00:01:06,275
- [Sylvia] Okay.
- One minute!
14
00:01:07,442 --> 00:01:08,443
[grunts]
15
00:01:09,069 --> 00:01:10,529
Five minutes is up. Let's go.
16
00:01:11,947 --> 00:01:13,156
[mumbles]
17
00:01:13,156 --> 00:01:14,867
Hold on. [mumbles] Oh-- Hold on.
18
00:01:14,867 --> 00:01:17,327
- [Maeve] Mmm.
- Okay. Hold on.
19
00:01:17,327 --> 00:01:18,745
[Maeve moans]
20
00:01:18,745 --> 00:01:20,247
[Sylvia] Oh, my God. Okay, great.
21
00:01:21,039 --> 00:01:23,542
Here. Let's get-- That's dirty.
22
00:01:23,542 --> 00:01:26,044
Quick, quick, quick.
Quick sticks. Quick sticks.
23
00:01:27,296 --> 00:01:29,798
- Okay. Here we go.
- [Sylvia] Do you need this?
24
00:01:29,798 --> 00:01:31,550
- I'm seeing that house again today, babe.
- Right.
25
00:01:31,550 --> 00:01:32,843
The one with the five bathrooms?
26
00:01:32,843 --> 00:01:34,970
One for every single member
of this family.
27
00:01:34,970 --> 00:01:36,054
Can you imagine? I mean,
28
00:01:36,054 --> 00:01:37,723
I didn't know that was a thing.
It's like a château.
29
00:01:37,723 --> 00:01:39,433
We're gonna have more bathrooms
than we know what to do with.
30
00:01:39,433 --> 00:01:40,767
What do you care? You shit at work.
31
00:01:40,767 --> 00:01:42,436
- We don't say "shit."
- You're right, I'm sorry.
32
00:01:42,436 --> 00:01:45,647
Well, you know what? When we move,
I will shit at home like a king.
33
00:01:45,647 --> 00:01:46,857
Shit, shit, shit.
34
00:01:46,857 --> 00:01:48,942
- Don't say "shit."
- Where's the baguette?
35
00:01:48,942 --> 00:01:50,444
- What? What baguette?
- I need a baguette
36
00:01:50,444 --> 00:01:51,945
and a beret for French class.
Where are they?
37
00:01:51,945 --> 00:01:54,656
What? I-- This is the first I've heard
about a baguette or a beret.
38
00:01:54,656 --> 00:01:56,033
- Oh, my God. Mom.
- What? I didn't--
39
00:01:56,033 --> 00:01:58,619
I didn't get an e-mail from Ms. Lauren.
Did you hear about the baguettes?
40
00:01:58,619 --> 00:02:00,120
- Sorry, I didn't. I gotta go.
- Or the beret?
41
00:02:00,120 --> 00:02:01,205
- Okay. See you.
- Good luck.
42
00:02:01,205 --> 00:02:02,831
- You can't close it because--
- I'm gonna fail!
43
00:02:02,831 --> 00:02:04,208
- Take this guy out.
- All right, buddy.
44
00:02:04,208 --> 00:02:07,544
- I am keeping it. I-- I want it!
- Okay. But you cannot close your bag.
45
00:02:22,643 --> 00:02:26,688
- [Katie] So, how was your night with Will?
- It was fun for, like, 30 seconds.
46
00:02:26,688 --> 00:02:28,649
And then it just
turned into total drama again.
47
00:02:28,649 --> 00:02:30,943
We were literally screaming at each other
48
00:02:30,943 --> 00:02:32,611
on a street corner
at 1:00 a.m. in the morning.
49
00:02:32,611 --> 00:02:35,489
- Oh, my God. Just hearing that...
- [chuckles]
50
00:02:35,489 --> 00:02:37,658
...makes me feel more alive
than I have in 20 years.
51
00:02:37,658 --> 00:02:39,451
I need to start yelling more.
52
00:02:39,451 --> 00:02:40,869
- Yelling is so primal.
- I know.
53
00:02:40,869 --> 00:02:41,995
Nagging's not primal.
54
00:02:41,995 --> 00:02:44,289
No, it was-- I'm not gonna lie,
it was a great night.
55
00:02:44,289 --> 00:02:46,542
- Mmm.
- But I can't-- Like, honestly,
56
00:02:46,542 --> 00:02:48,877
I don't have enough time
for made-up problems in my life.
57
00:02:48,877 --> 00:02:51,755
I have enough real problems.
[inhales sharply] Like that one.
58
00:02:51,755 --> 00:02:55,509
I'm supposed to see that house today
in Encino for the third time.
59
00:02:55,509 --> 00:02:58,011
And I swear to God if I'm not gonna
buy it, she's gonna fire me.
60
00:02:58,011 --> 00:02:59,847
I told you not to hire Diane
61
00:02:59,847 --> 00:03:01,390
- as your Realtor.
- I know, I know.
62
00:03:01,390 --> 00:03:03,517
She's an office mom.
She's out of our league.
63
00:03:03,517 --> 00:03:05,310
She's wearing a fucking blazer.
64
00:03:05,310 --> 00:03:06,728
- I get it. You work in an office.
- Yeah.
65
00:03:06,728 --> 00:03:08,897
Some of us,
we're still stuck working at home.
66
00:03:08,897 --> 00:03:11,859
Just 'cause I wear sweatpants
doesn't mean I don't have an actual job.
67
00:03:11,859 --> 00:03:13,777
- She's too fancy for me. I know.
- Yeah.
68
00:03:13,777 --> 00:03:16,655
I know that.
If we weren't both parents here,
69
00:03:16,655 --> 00:03:19,116
there's no way she would ever
work with me in the first place.
70
00:03:19,116 --> 00:03:21,076
- Never.
- Hi!
71
00:03:21,076 --> 00:03:23,453
- Diane!
- Don't imitate-- Don't imitate her face.
72
00:03:23,453 --> 00:03:25,998
- [gasps] Hi, Sylvia.
- Hi.
73
00:03:25,998 --> 00:03:29,459
[kisses] Such an exciting day.
We're putting an offer in.
74
00:03:29,459 --> 00:03:33,005
That's right. Today is totally about
buying a house with money.
75
00:03:33,005 --> 00:03:34,840
Because this one
put me through the wringer.
76
00:03:34,840 --> 00:03:36,133
- Guilty!
- We have looked at
77
00:03:36,133 --> 00:03:38,051
over 40 homes this year.
78
00:03:38,051 --> 00:03:39,845
- No.
- I sold Ellen and Portia their home
79
00:03:39,845 --> 00:03:41,346
in one day. [chuckles]
80
00:03:41,346 --> 00:03:43,765
- I heard good things about Ellen.
- Me too!
81
00:03:43,765 --> 00:03:45,642
I told her, "There are no shortcuts.
82
00:03:45,642 --> 00:03:48,187
You can't have square footage
and brand-spanking-new
83
00:03:48,187 --> 00:03:49,730
and location
all at a certain price point."
84
00:03:49,730 --> 00:03:51,982
I know. You were right.
You were right. I was wrong.
85
00:03:51,982 --> 00:03:55,319
And what she got
was an amazing fixer-upper.
86
00:03:55,319 --> 00:03:57,070
- It's--
- I mean, it's a project, to be sure.
87
00:03:57,070 --> 00:04:00,657
But now that the little one's in
kindergarten, it'll be a dream next act.
88
00:04:00,657 --> 00:04:02,826
I finally have the time to do it.
89
00:04:02,826 --> 00:04:04,995
So anyway, listen, ladies.
I'm gonna be late.
90
00:04:04,995 --> 00:04:07,789
I gotta get to Malibu
to show a beach compound.
91
00:04:07,789 --> 00:04:10,584
Can't say who it's for,
but it rhymes with Schminn Liesel.
92
00:04:10,584 --> 00:04:11,877
[both] Ooh!
93
00:04:11,877 --> 00:04:14,713
But I will be back in
the deep Valley to see you later.
94
00:04:14,713 --> 00:04:16,507
- Thank you, Diane. You're the best.
- [Diane] Bye-bye.
95
00:04:16,507 --> 00:04:18,550
Thank you for all your hard work,
your patience.
96
00:04:18,550 --> 00:04:19,927
- Good luck.
- You know what's crazy?
97
00:04:19,927 --> 00:04:21,178
Oh, my God.
98
00:04:21,178 --> 00:04:24,014
Schminn Liesel is actually the name
of my great-grandfather from Estonia.
99
00:04:24,014 --> 00:04:26,558
- No. No.
- Papi Schminn. Mm-hmm.
100
00:04:26,558 --> 00:04:27,643
[both chuckle]
101
00:04:27,643 --> 00:04:31,146
I thought Schminn Liesel was
the fifth child in the von Trapp family.
102
00:04:31,146 --> 00:04:32,981
- Oh, I've heard that. Yeah.
- Schminnie. Schminnie.
103
00:04:32,981 --> 00:04:34,900
- [phone ringing]
- Oh, dear.
104
00:04:37,778 --> 00:04:41,615
Ugh. So, what else?
We think of doing anything exciting today?
105
00:04:41,615 --> 00:04:43,951
- Oh, my God. It's a big one.
- Yeah. Walk me through it.
106
00:04:43,951 --> 00:04:46,328
Going to pick up
vaccination records for Sam.
107
00:04:46,328 --> 00:04:48,580
First sleepaway camp.
Yeah, it's pretty exciting. Yeah.
108
00:04:48,580 --> 00:04:50,832
- I just love days like these.
- Oh, you mean every day?
109
00:04:50,832 --> 00:04:52,125
- Oh, I do.
- [both chuckling]
110
00:04:57,339 --> 00:04:59,132
[phone ringing]
111
00:05:03,846 --> 00:05:07,349
Hello, Sylvia. It's Will.
It's a terrible emergency.
112
00:05:07,349 --> 00:05:08,642
You have to call me.
113
00:05:11,979 --> 00:05:13,313
[line ringing]
114
00:05:13,814 --> 00:05:14,857
What's the emergency?
115
00:05:14,857 --> 00:05:18,151
Uh, there's not actually an emergency.
I was just joking.
116
00:05:18,151 --> 00:05:19,319
How you doing?
117
00:05:19,319 --> 00:05:21,029
Okay. What-- What do you want?
118
00:05:21,029 --> 00:05:22,698
Let's chat. What are you up to?
119
00:05:22,698 --> 00:05:24,616
[sighs] What-- W-What's going on?
120
00:05:24,616 --> 00:05:28,954
Okay, fine. I'll tell you what's going on.
You, uh, left your credit card at my bar.
121
00:05:28,954 --> 00:05:30,163
Ah, fuck.
122
00:05:30,163 --> 00:05:31,707
If you wanted to hang out with me again,
123
00:05:31,707 --> 00:05:33,166
you didn't have to leave
some trinket behind.
124
00:05:33,166 --> 00:05:36,128
- You could've just asked me to lunch.
- I really-- I don't have time for this.
125
00:05:36,128 --> 00:05:37,462
- So, lunch?
- No.
126
00:05:37,462 --> 00:05:38,505
- Brunch?
- No.
127
00:05:38,505 --> 00:05:41,466
Dim sum? That's my final offer.
You dim sum, you lose some.
128
00:05:41,466 --> 00:05:42,593
Okay. Goodbye, Will.
129
00:05:42,593 --> 00:05:45,429
Come on. Wait, wait, wait.
Don't you want your credit card back?
130
00:05:45,429 --> 00:05:48,599
You yelled at me on the street
in the middle of the night last night.
131
00:05:48,599 --> 00:05:51,894
Nobody treats me like that in my life
except for all three of my children.
132
00:05:51,894 --> 00:05:54,396
You yelled at me too.
We yell. People yell.
133
00:05:54,396 --> 00:05:57,482
We texted each other after.
It's fine, it's fine. It's all good.
134
00:05:57,482 --> 00:05:58,817
I'm over it. Get over it.
135
00:05:58,817 --> 00:05:59,902
You get over it.
136
00:06:04,865 --> 00:06:07,409
Well, the water's rising,
but I'm too afraid to flush it again.
137
00:06:07,409 --> 00:06:10,537
Uh, I don't know. Plunging might fix it,
it also might make it worse.
138
00:06:10,537 --> 00:06:12,623
Oh, yeah?
You should have a home repair show.
139
00:06:12,623 --> 00:06:14,625
[mumbles]
I'm so ready to leave this house.
140
00:06:14,625 --> 00:06:16,710
- You got this.
- Oh, my God. It's overflowing!
141
00:06:16,710 --> 00:06:18,378
- What'd you do?
- Nothing. I was just looking at it.
142
00:06:18,378 --> 00:06:22,466
Oh, no! It's everywhere.
Oh! Why is this my life? [yells]
143
00:06:22,466 --> 00:06:24,384
Uh, do you need me to come home?
144
00:06:24,384 --> 00:06:26,428
- Bye.
- Bye. Love you, babe.
145
00:06:26,428 --> 00:06:27,846
- [water bubbling]
- Toilet!
146
00:06:27,846 --> 00:06:30,307
[sighs] Fuck. Shit, shit. No! No!
147
00:06:31,600 --> 00:06:34,019
[groaning]
148
00:06:34,019 --> 00:06:35,979
- [doorbell rings]
- [knocking]
149
00:06:36,647 --> 00:06:38,315
- [doorbell rings]
- Fuck.
150
00:06:38,315 --> 00:06:40,442
- [knocking]
- Oh. [stammers] Coming!
151
00:06:42,903 --> 00:06:44,112
What are you doing here?
152
00:06:44,112 --> 00:06:46,907
- They call it "being a hero."
- [scoffs] I don't have time for this.
153
00:06:46,907 --> 00:06:49,618
I am a great man.
They will write songs about me.
154
00:06:49,618 --> 00:06:51,995
- What are you doing?
- I need your help. Can you come in here?
155
00:06:51,995 --> 00:06:54,540
[Will]
Can I grab some of these, uh, avocados?
156
00:06:55,457 --> 00:06:56,500
[Sylvia] Ugh.
157
00:06:57,167 --> 00:06:59,086
Oh, God. Oh, God.
158
00:06:59,086 --> 00:07:00,754
I promise you, it's just water.
159
00:07:00,754 --> 00:07:02,422
- Oh, yeah? Okay.
- Make it stop.
160
00:07:02,422 --> 00:07:03,966
I don't know how to make it stop.
161
00:07:04,550 --> 00:07:06,510
[Will] That ain't good. [chuckles]
162
00:07:07,052 --> 00:07:08,762
Did you do this? Was this you?
163
00:07:08,762 --> 00:07:10,138
- Could you just fix it?
- Yep.
164
00:07:11,139 --> 00:07:12,432
- There you go.
- [Sylvia] Ah.
165
00:07:12,432 --> 00:07:15,519
- Thank you. Thank you so much.
- There you go. Where's your mop?
166
00:07:15,519 --> 00:07:19,398
Uh, it's in the kitchen. But--
But you don't have to do that. [sighs]
167
00:07:19,398 --> 00:07:22,943
It's fine.
Like 60% of bartending is mopping.
168
00:07:22,943 --> 00:07:24,403
Thank you. You don't have to do that.
169
00:07:24,403 --> 00:07:26,113
Your house is very lovely. Very homey.
170
00:07:26,113 --> 00:07:27,322
You mean small.
171
00:07:27,322 --> 00:07:28,824
No, I mean very homelike.
172
00:07:29,491 --> 00:07:32,703
[Sylvia grunts]
Oh, my God. There's his iPad. Ugh.
173
00:07:32,703 --> 00:07:36,415
Oh. Secret iPad. Someone watching porno?
174
00:07:36,415 --> 00:07:37,916
- He's eight.
- And?
175
00:07:38,458 --> 00:07:40,752
When I was eight, I was disgusting.
176
00:07:40,752 --> 00:07:41,753
[Sylvia groans]
177
00:07:42,254 --> 00:07:44,256
- Don't put that in there. That's gross.
- Why?
178
00:07:44,256 --> 00:07:46,425
- Why is that gross?
- Because people lie down in there.
179
00:07:46,425 --> 00:07:48,844
- Not gross. You can drink toilet water.
- You could do a lot of things.
180
00:07:48,844 --> 00:07:50,345
- Exactly. Thirsty?
- Please take that--
181
00:07:50,345 --> 00:07:52,723
- You wanna suckle on the threads?
- Ew!
182
00:07:52,723 --> 00:07:53,765
[chuckles]
183
00:07:53,765 --> 00:07:56,560
What do you wanna do after this?
You wanna go to the beach?
184
00:07:56,560 --> 00:07:58,896
Get some oysters? Wanna go see a movie?
185
00:07:58,896 --> 00:08:03,275
I can't. I'm busy. I'm putting
an offer in on a house, actually.
186
00:08:03,275 --> 00:08:05,110
Yeah. After I do the final walk-through.
187
00:08:05,110 --> 00:08:06,820
Nice. What's wrong with this place?
188
00:08:06,820 --> 00:08:09,114
Oh, we've outgrown it.
It's too small for the five of us.
189
00:08:09,114 --> 00:08:11,575
There's one bathroom.
It's-- And-- Which is flooding.
190
00:08:11,575 --> 00:08:13,160
- Tell me about the new place.
- It's great!
191
00:08:13,160 --> 00:08:16,163
It's, um, you know, fixer-upper.
Needs a bit of work.
192
00:08:16,163 --> 00:08:17,623
[gasps] Can I come on the walk-through?
193
00:08:17,623 --> 00:08:18,582
- No.
- Please.
194
00:08:18,582 --> 00:08:20,292
Please.
I'm actually very good with renovations.
195
00:08:20,292 --> 00:08:22,252
- Since when?
- I redid most of the bar by myself.
196
00:08:22,252 --> 00:08:23,170
Really?
197
00:08:23,170 --> 00:08:25,172
Yeah. It was a chicken slaughterhouse
when we got it.
198
00:08:25,172 --> 00:08:26,757
- Get out.
- Yeah.
199
00:08:26,757 --> 00:08:29,218
- Wow.
- We still find feathers and beaks.
200
00:08:29,718 --> 00:08:33,054
I know. Seriously, though. Can I come?
I'll be very helpful, I promise.
201
00:08:34,181 --> 00:08:36,265
Okay. Just don't talk.
202
00:08:36,265 --> 00:08:37,518
- I won't.
- Don't--
203
00:08:37,518 --> 00:08:39,394
Just don't talk to me or anybody.
204
00:08:39,394 --> 00:08:41,647
- No talking. Perfect.
- Nope.
205
00:08:41,647 --> 00:08:43,857
So, how often do you see Audrey?
206
00:08:44,441 --> 00:08:46,985
Um, I don't know. Every few weeks.
207
00:08:46,985 --> 00:08:50,739
I, uh-- I still have a bunch of stuff
I haven't moved out of the house.
208
00:08:50,739 --> 00:08:53,951
So, you know, I'm periodically
going back there to get some shit.
209
00:08:53,951 --> 00:08:55,244
What? Why?
210
00:08:55,869 --> 00:08:57,955
Just-- You know.
Takes a long time to move.
211
00:08:57,955 --> 00:08:59,414
Uh, you can do it in a day.
212
00:08:59,414 --> 00:09:02,084
[scoffs] It's not just the stuff,
you know. Gandalf is still there.
213
00:09:03,126 --> 00:09:05,087
- Audrey has Gandalf?
- Yeah.
214
00:09:05,087 --> 00:09:07,756
But he was yours first.
You love that lizard.
215
00:09:07,756 --> 00:09:10,926
I still love Gandalf. It's just--
She insisted on keeping him
216
00:09:10,926 --> 00:09:14,137
'cause she didn't think I was
responsible enough to take care of him.
217
00:09:14,137 --> 00:09:16,390
Well, that's ridiculous. [chuckles]
218
00:09:16,390 --> 00:09:19,643
He's like your son in lizard form.
You should have custody.
219
00:09:19,643 --> 00:09:22,771
I have joint custody,
'cause I go see him all the time.
220
00:09:22,771 --> 00:09:24,731
- [scoffs]
- What?
221
00:09:25,440 --> 00:09:27,985
- What? You can tell me. Tell me.
- Nothing. I just-- I don't know.
222
00:09:27,985 --> 00:09:31,822
It's hard to recover from a divorce
if your lives are still totally entwined.
223
00:09:31,822 --> 00:09:34,950
Well, divorce is a messy thing.
It's not like one day you're married,
224
00:09:34,950 --> 00:09:36,910
the next day
you never see each other again.
225
00:09:37,953 --> 00:09:41,081
Have you ever thought
that you leave your stuff there
226
00:09:41,081 --> 00:09:44,209
and she keeps Gandalf
so you two can stay connected
227
00:09:44,209 --> 00:09:48,255
and keep this drama
or whatever it is alive?
228
00:09:48,255 --> 00:09:53,093
Now that you mention it,
our arguments are pretty thrilling.
229
00:09:54,261 --> 00:09:58,056
- And they often lead to sex.
- Mmm.
230
00:09:58,056 --> 00:09:59,641
There you go. There you have it.
231
00:09:59,641 --> 00:10:01,143
Very exciting stuff.
232
00:10:01,143 --> 00:10:02,436
No, thank you.
233
00:10:02,436 --> 00:10:05,397
- We're talking charged fights.
- No, thank you.
234
00:10:05,397 --> 00:10:07,399
- Absolutely not. Nope.
- Is that gross to you?
235
00:10:07,399 --> 00:10:11,236
- Don't "yuck" my yum.
- [stammers] Ew! Stop. [groans]
236
00:10:12,571 --> 00:10:16,033
So, tell me about this home.
Uh, what are we talking about here?
237
00:10:16,658 --> 00:10:19,494
- It's, uh-- It's got really good bones.
- Okay.
238
00:10:19,494 --> 00:10:21,997
Bigger, uh, square footage.
There's a pool.
239
00:10:21,997 --> 00:10:24,249
Great. Is it, like, a full teardown?
240
00:10:24,249 --> 00:10:26,752
Just, like,
a kind of a renovation-type deal?
241
00:10:26,752 --> 00:10:30,964
Mmm. It's not really a teardown or a flip.
242
00:10:30,964 --> 00:10:32,132
[inhales sharply]
243
00:10:32,132 --> 00:10:33,842
It's a...
244
00:10:33,842 --> 00:10:36,637
It's a former assisted living facility.
245
00:10:38,764 --> 00:10:39,932
- Oh.
- Mmm.
246
00:10:42,726 --> 00:10:45,187
- Closed after COVID.
- [inhales sharply, clicks tongue]
247
00:10:45,979 --> 00:10:47,981
- I bet it did.
- Fuck you. Fuck off.
248
00:10:47,981 --> 00:10:49,066
Uh-huh.
249
00:10:51,068 --> 00:10:53,737
{\an8}- Just a little bit different. Okay? Yeah.
- Interesting. Can't wait to see.
250
00:10:53,737 --> 00:10:56,114
- Hi.
- Oh, hi.
251
00:10:56,114 --> 00:11:00,077
- You made it. So glad to see you.
- Oh, hi. Nice to see you.
252
00:11:00,077 --> 00:11:01,703
And you must be Charlie. At long last.
253
00:11:01,703 --> 00:11:03,580
- Hi.
- It's so nice to finally meet you.
254
00:11:03,580 --> 00:11:04,957
- No, no, no.
- Hi. No.
255
00:11:04,957 --> 00:11:07,751
- This is Will. He's my contractor.
- I'm Will. Yeah. I'm a contractor.
256
00:11:07,751 --> 00:11:10,295
- Oh, great. Glad you came to have a look.
- Professional contractor.
257
00:11:10,295 --> 00:11:13,674
And he's also the host of a TV show
on Nickelodeon called "We Be Jammin'."
258
00:11:13,674 --> 00:11:15,092
- [Will] Uh-huh.
- Oh, my goodness.
259
00:11:15,092 --> 00:11:18,053
And, um, we teach children
to be confident using reggae.
260
00:11:18,053 --> 00:11:20,472
Oh, haven't heard of it.
Have to check it out.
261
00:11:20,472 --> 00:11:22,891
Charlie couldn't come today.
He was just too slammed at work.
262
00:11:22,891 --> 00:11:25,686
- [Sylvia] So-- Yeah.
- This house is gorgeous.
263
00:11:25,686 --> 00:11:26,770
- Unbelievable.
- Yeah.
264
00:11:26,770 --> 00:11:29,022
- The "buttrels." The-- The-- All of this.
- Yeah.
265
00:11:29,022 --> 00:11:30,858
- The-- These, uh, these details.
- Mmm.
266
00:11:30,858 --> 00:11:32,651
What-- The-- 1926, obviously?
267
00:11:32,651 --> 00:11:33,986
- Uh, 1986.
- That's what I was gonna say.
268
00:11:33,986 --> 00:11:36,029
- Close. Close.
- It's got the 50-year cycle. You know--
269
00:11:36,029 --> 00:11:37,739
So, the interior of the house is--
270
00:11:37,739 --> 00:11:40,617
- 6,000 square feet, I would imagine?
- It is 3,500 square feet.
271
00:11:40,617 --> 00:11:42,244
- Meh, I don't know about that.
- Uh, but--
272
00:11:42,244 --> 00:11:43,787
- You sure?
- Oh, yeah. [chuckles]
273
00:11:43,787 --> 00:11:45,163
Why don't we check that? I'll eyeball it.
274
00:11:45,163 --> 00:11:46,832
- Yeah. The lot is 6,000.
- Yeah, we'll eyeball it.
275
00:11:46,832 --> 00:11:49,209
So, it presents as a 6K there.
276
00:11:49,209 --> 00:11:51,253
Come on in and see it.
We're gonna do our fourth,
277
00:11:51,253 --> 00:11:54,214
- and hopefully final, walk-through.
- [laughing]
278
00:11:54,214 --> 00:11:55,632
- Come on!
- [Will] Praise Jah.
279
00:11:55,632 --> 00:11:57,593
- [Will] Look at this. [chuckles]
- [Diane] Yeah.
280
00:11:57,593 --> 00:12:00,929
[Will] And you got seven chess boards,
which is not easy to find. Even now.
281
00:12:00,929 --> 00:12:04,683
So, keep your mind clear,
this is a whole remodel. Yes.
282
00:12:04,683 --> 00:12:05,684
Wow.
283
00:12:05,684 --> 00:12:08,061
Yes. Yes. This could be the foyer or--
284
00:12:08,061 --> 00:12:10,230
Yeah. Nice high ceilings.
285
00:12:10,230 --> 00:12:11,899
[Diane] Very high, very spacious...
286
00:12:11,899 --> 00:12:13,942
- Can barely touch 'em.
- ...great acoustics. Yeah.
287
00:12:13,942 --> 00:12:15,611
- Yeah, great acoustics.
- [Diane] Yeah. Uh-huh.
288
00:12:15,611 --> 00:12:18,530
- And it's in a school system here.
289
00:12:18,530 --> 00:12:19,698
- Mm-hmm.
- [all laughing]
290
00:12:19,698 --> 00:12:22,284
Lots of railings and ramps
if safety is your thing.
291
00:12:22,284 --> 00:12:24,578
- [gasps] Look at this. Does this work?
- [Diane] Yeah, and--
292
00:12:26,079 --> 00:12:27,080
[buzzing]
293
00:12:27,664 --> 00:12:30,292
It does! It works. [laughs]
294
00:12:33,629 --> 00:12:36,715
Could you actually, uh, return that
to its starting position, please?
295
00:12:37,257 --> 00:12:40,385
[buzzing]
296
00:12:50,145 --> 00:12:51,563
Thank you. Thank you so much.
297
00:12:51,563 --> 00:12:52,523
What's this?
298
00:12:52,523 --> 00:12:54,900
- [alarm blares]
- [warning announcer] Medic. Medic. Medic.
299
00:12:54,900 --> 00:12:56,735
Medic. Medic. Medic. Medi--
300
00:12:56,735 --> 00:12:58,695
- [Sylvia] Jesus Christ. Whoa.
- [alarm stops]
301
00:12:59,321 --> 00:13:02,157
- Everybody loves that button.
- [chuckling]
302
00:13:02,157 --> 00:13:04,284
But you know what? The good thing is,
303
00:13:04,284 --> 00:13:07,371
with the wiring in the ceiling,
you could just put in a sound system...
304
00:13:07,371 --> 00:13:08,705
- Oh, yeah.
- ...throughout the whole--
305
00:13:08,705 --> 00:13:09,998
- That is a good idea.
- No, not--
306
00:13:09,998 --> 00:13:11,041
- Oh. Oh.
- Uh, yes,
307
00:13:11,041 --> 00:13:12,960
- we've got to clear all this stuff out.
- Well, that works.
308
00:13:12,960 --> 00:13:15,963
- Yeah... [chuckles] ...I guess so. My goodne--
- That suits you. [chuckles]
309
00:13:15,963 --> 00:13:18,465
- Oh, I would just, um--
- I wouldn't sit in that.
310
00:13:18,465 --> 00:13:20,050
- Don't even-- Don't--
- Be careful there. Do--
311
00:13:20,050 --> 00:13:23,345
- Oh, no, no. I wouldn't do that. What--
- I'm good. It's like a little hammock.
312
00:13:23,345 --> 00:13:26,056
- So, uh-- So, you're the contractor?
- You got it. [chuckles]
313
00:13:26,056 --> 00:13:29,351
Yes, I've been "contractoring"
for, uh, over a decade now.
314
00:13:29,351 --> 00:13:31,854
[Diane] And we've never crossed paths
in all that time. [chuckles]
315
00:13:31,854 --> 00:13:34,314
Uh, I think we have, actually.
You just don't remember me.
316
00:13:34,314 --> 00:13:36,191
- [Diane] I think I would remember.
- No.
317
00:13:36,191 --> 00:13:38,318
- [Sylvia chuckling]
- [Diane] Yeah. Uh-huh.
318
00:13:38,902 --> 00:13:39,987
[Will] Ooh.
319
00:13:39,987 --> 00:13:43,490
- Yeah, so this is my favorite room.
- Wow.
320
00:13:43,490 --> 00:13:45,742
It's got a real East Coast
kind of vibe about it.
321
00:13:45,742 --> 00:13:49,246
Yeah, sort of colonial hospice,
Cape Cod mortuary.
322
00:13:49,246 --> 00:13:52,457
Yeah, I'm gonna knock that wall down
and make this the big dining room
323
00:13:52,457 --> 00:13:55,002
- where we can entertain, and-- Yeah.
- Nice. Very cool. Very cool.
324
00:13:55,002 --> 00:13:57,254
Does it feel to you like someone
has died in this room?
325
00:13:57,254 --> 00:13:59,089
'Cause it feels to me like someone
has died in here.
326
00:13:59,089 --> 00:14:01,425
- It's irrelevant.
- Not in this room. Yep.
327
00:14:01,425 --> 00:14:03,427
All right.
Does all this stuff come with the place,
328
00:14:03,427 --> 00:14:06,805
or do the owners, uh, plan on taking it
with them into the next realm?
329
00:14:06,805 --> 00:14:10,601
Can you just stop? Just stop, please.
I know you're having fun, but I--
330
00:14:10,601 --> 00:14:11,768
- Enough.
- Okay, I'm sorry.
331
00:14:11,768 --> 00:14:14,062
You're right. [stammers] It's too much.
You're right.
332
00:14:14,062 --> 00:14:16,481
- Thank you. Thank you.
- I apologize. The wood is very nice.
333
00:14:16,481 --> 00:14:18,734
- Uh, that's not real wood.
- Oh, well, great.
334
00:14:19,234 --> 00:14:22,196
And this would be Simon's room.
335
00:14:22,196 --> 00:14:24,198
Oh, it's got a little kitchen.
336
00:14:26,033 --> 00:14:27,326
Every boy's dream.
337
00:14:32,998 --> 00:14:34,458
Thank you.
338
00:14:34,458 --> 00:14:38,212
- This is Frances's.
- [Will] This one has a full-size fridge.
339
00:14:40,088 --> 00:14:42,674
[groans] There's teeth and blood in here.
340
00:14:42,674 --> 00:14:48,180
But, um, I could contractor
that right out of here, no problem. Easy.
341
00:14:48,180 --> 00:14:51,141
- Yeah, that's easy to deal with. [laughs]
- [Will] Yeah.
342
00:14:52,893 --> 00:14:56,688
- And this would be Maeve's room.
- Oh, another little kitchen.
343
00:14:58,690 --> 00:14:59,858
[gasps] What the fuck?
344
00:15:00,526 --> 00:15:01,401
[sighs]
345
00:15:01,401 --> 00:15:04,446
- You saw that, right? You guys saw that?
- Drafts. Just drafts.
346
00:15:04,446 --> 00:15:05,781
That's happened before?
347
00:15:05,781 --> 00:15:07,324
Let's check out the parlor.
348
00:15:07,908 --> 00:15:09,743
[whispers] That was not a draft.
349
00:15:09,743 --> 00:15:11,495
I mean, the kids will love that.
350
00:15:11,495 --> 00:15:12,538
Love what?
351
00:15:14,164 --> 00:15:15,749
What are you talking about?
352
00:15:15,749 --> 00:15:18,043
[sighing] And this would be our bedroom.
353
00:15:18,043 --> 00:15:20,087
Ooh, the primary.
354
00:15:20,087 --> 00:15:21,255
Yeah, and obviously, you know,
355
00:15:21,255 --> 00:15:23,382
we would put up a wall between
the toilet and the bedroom.
356
00:15:23,382 --> 00:15:26,385
And we'd move the kitchenette,
and the IV rack,
357
00:15:26,385 --> 00:15:28,512
and the rubber curtain,
and the rubber curtain rack,
358
00:15:28,512 --> 00:15:31,098
- and the rails, and the safety bars, and--
- Mm-hmm.
359
00:15:31,098 --> 00:15:33,100
Yeah, and then we'd just put a few
windows here...
360
00:15:33,100 --> 00:15:34,017
- Oh, yeah.
- ... somehow.
361
00:15:34,017 --> 00:15:36,353
Oh, that's easy. You just
blow right through that wall.
362
00:15:36,353 --> 00:15:38,105
That is not an exterior wall.
363
00:15:38,856 --> 00:15:39,773
- Look at this.
- [alarm blares]
364
00:15:39,773 --> 00:15:41,984
- [warning announcer] Medic. Medic.
- Jesus! Sorry. Sorry.
365
00:15:41,984 --> 00:15:43,819
- Medic. Medic. Medic.
- You wanna press it twice.
366
00:15:43,819 --> 00:15:46,530
- Medic. Medic. Me--
- You wanna press it twice. It's--
367
00:15:47,865 --> 00:15:50,200
- Looks different from the other button.
- Yeah. [chuckles]
368
00:15:50,868 --> 00:15:51,869
Cool.
369
00:15:52,411 --> 00:15:53,495
Got a poo chair.
370
00:15:53,495 --> 00:15:55,038
[chuckles] Yeah.
371
00:15:55,622 --> 00:15:56,623
- Comes with. Yeah.
- Yeah.
372
00:15:56,623 --> 00:15:57,958
- All right.
- Yeah, I just--
373
00:15:58,667 --> 00:15:59,877
- Fix it up.
- Mm-hmm.
374
00:16:00,627 --> 00:16:02,379
[chair whirring]
375
00:16:04,715 --> 00:16:06,592
- Please don't get in that thing.
- I really want to.
376
00:16:06,592 --> 00:16:08,594
- Please. I'm begging you.
- I really, really want to.
377
00:16:08,594 --> 00:16:09,970
Oh, man.
378
00:16:10,762 --> 00:16:13,098
What does, uh-- What does
Charlie think of this place?
379
00:16:13,098 --> 00:16:14,349
- He loves it.
- Yeah.
380
00:16:14,349 --> 00:16:17,311
But at this point, he would love anything
that was bigger and that we could afford.
381
00:16:17,311 --> 00:16:19,104
He'd move into an abandoned Blockbuster
if he could.
382
00:16:19,104 --> 00:16:21,273
Those are all GNCs now, unfortunately.
383
00:16:22,316 --> 00:16:24,568
But, uh, can I be honest with you?
384
00:16:24,568 --> 00:16:26,820
No, please, stick to
your usual tact and charm.
385
00:16:26,820 --> 00:16:29,531
Okay, this place, uh, is a nightmare.
386
00:16:29,531 --> 00:16:31,742
And it will cost so much money
387
00:16:31,742 --> 00:16:35,787
to make this anything other
than something that is terrible.
388
00:16:35,787 --> 00:16:37,998
Why don't you move into somewhere
more turnkey, you know?
389
00:16:37,998 --> 00:16:39,416
Isn't-Isn't Charlie a lawyer?
390
00:16:39,416 --> 00:16:42,044
Uh, yeah, but we have three kids
and one income.
391
00:16:42,044 --> 00:16:44,713
And we live in the second
most expensive city in America.
392
00:16:44,713 --> 00:16:46,465
So stop mooching and get a job.
393
00:16:46,465 --> 00:16:49,259
I've been out of the workforce
for 13 years, raising my children.
394
00:16:49,259 --> 00:16:50,802
I can't just "get a job."
395
00:16:50,802 --> 00:16:53,347
- I'll sign you up for ZipRecruiter, okay?
- [sighs]
396
00:16:53,347 --> 00:16:56,975
Some of the dumbest motherfuckers
on Earth have jobs. You can get a job.
397
00:16:56,975 --> 00:17:00,395
Look, if we want to get a bigger house,
this is what we can afford.
398
00:17:00,395 --> 00:17:05,150
So, I'm just gonna roll up my sleeves
and fix this thing up.
399
00:17:05,150 --> 00:17:07,944
It'll take a few years,
and then we'll move in.
400
00:17:07,944 --> 00:17:09,946
Yeah, a few years, a few crucifixes.
401
00:17:09,946 --> 00:17:12,532
Listen, we live very different lives,
Will. That's the fact, okay?
402
00:17:12,532 --> 00:17:14,701
You can do whatever you want
and go wherever you want
403
00:17:14,701 --> 00:17:17,454
- with your crazy hats and whatever.
- [chuckles]
404
00:17:17,454 --> 00:17:21,208
Being a mom is basically doing
a lot of things you don't wanna do.
405
00:17:21,208 --> 00:17:23,126
You sound like a robot, okay?
406
00:17:23,126 --> 00:17:25,628
Those are not written rules.
Just bail on this motherfucker.
407
00:17:25,628 --> 00:17:26,964
- What?
- Yeah.
408
00:17:26,964 --> 00:17:28,423
Charlie wants to move.
409
00:17:28,423 --> 00:17:31,051
And the kids are getting older,
and they need more space.
410
00:17:31,051 --> 00:17:32,177
Do you wanna live here?
411
00:17:32,177 --> 00:17:34,930
Of course I don't wanna fucking live here.
What are you talking about?
412
00:17:34,930 --> 00:17:37,641
- No.
- I don't. I-- It's a haunted nightmare.
413
00:17:37,641 --> 00:17:42,020
Well, then why don't we get out of here,
douse ourselves in holy water,
414
00:17:42,020 --> 00:17:44,398
and tell Charlie that you
are not moving into this place?
415
00:17:45,858 --> 00:17:50,362
I'll tell Charlie if you go
to Audrey's place and get your stuff
416
00:17:51,280 --> 00:17:52,531
and just make a clean break.
417
00:17:52,531 --> 00:17:54,992
This is emotional blackmail.
418
00:17:54,992 --> 00:17:57,536
Because I care about you
you're gonna force me to do a thing
419
00:17:57,536 --> 00:17:59,288
- I don't wanna do?
- I care more about you.
420
00:17:59,288 --> 00:18:00,581
- I don't know about that.
- You need to
421
00:18:00,581 --> 00:18:02,332
- get out of that relationship.
- I don't know about that.
422
00:18:02,332 --> 00:18:04,626
- You need to get out of that girl's house.
- You know what?
423
00:18:05,127 --> 00:18:07,546
You're fucking on. Calling your shit.
424
00:18:07,546 --> 00:18:09,006
- Really? Oh.
- I'll do it. Yes.
425
00:18:09,006 --> 00:18:10,883
- Now, pull the plug. Yes.
- Really?
426
00:18:11,800 --> 00:18:13,427
Tell the scary lady
you don't wanna live here.
427
00:18:13,427 --> 00:18:15,846
- So now I have to do it?
- You do. Right now. They're coming.
428
00:18:15,846 --> 00:18:17,806
- We're on. We did it. We made the deal.
- How I'm supposed--
429
00:18:17,806 --> 00:18:19,308
- Go. Say it. Just go.
- I'm too scared.
430
00:18:19,308 --> 00:18:20,601
- Say it.
- Could you say it?
431
00:18:20,601 --> 00:18:22,060
All right, everybody.
432
00:18:22,060 --> 00:18:24,354
- It's paperwork time.
- [Sylvia] Oh.
433
00:18:24,354 --> 00:18:28,233
I know, I know, everybody hates paperwork.
But I will make it fun and fast.
434
00:18:28,233 --> 00:18:30,944
- We're just gonna get your name right th--
- Ah!
435
00:18:30,944 --> 00:18:33,572
I'm so sorry, I just--
[groans] I can't do it.
436
00:18:33,572 --> 00:18:35,407
- You got to be kidding me.
- I'm just-- I'm s--
437
00:18:35,407 --> 00:18:38,160
I'm fired. I'm definitely fired. I know.
438
00:18:38,160 --> 00:18:39,995
Let's be honest.
This place is terrible, okay?
439
00:18:40,662 --> 00:18:43,916
I mean, it's a real shitburger.
440
00:18:44,708 --> 00:18:46,376
- It was my dad's.
- [Will] Oh.
441
00:18:46,376 --> 00:18:48,170
Ah. I'm so sorry.
442
00:18:51,715 --> 00:18:54,718
Oh, my God! Whoo!
443
00:18:55,344 --> 00:18:56,970
Oh, I feel so much better. [chuckles]
444
00:18:56,970 --> 00:18:59,431
I'm not doing mine. Let's not do mine.
I don't wanna do it.
445
00:18:59,431 --> 00:19:00,933
- Let's get ice cream instead, okay?
- No.
446
00:19:00,933 --> 00:19:02,976
- I'll buy you ice cream.
- We are going to do your thing.
447
00:19:02,976 --> 00:19:04,394
- I don't want to. No.
- No. Absolutely not.
448
00:19:04,394 --> 00:19:06,104
- Come on, please. Please.
- Absolutely not.
449
00:19:06,104 --> 00:19:07,773
- We are going. We are going.
- It's so final.
450
00:19:07,773 --> 00:19:10,526
Once I take my stuff out, I will never
step foot in that house again,
451
00:19:10,526 --> 00:19:13,237
- and I hate thinking of that.
- Will, we're going.
452
00:19:13,237 --> 00:19:14,655
We're doing it. You're gonna feel good.
453
00:19:14,655 --> 00:19:17,783
- Oh, fuck. [breathes heavily]
- It's gonna be good. Whoo!
454
00:19:26,667 --> 00:19:28,585
She's not home. Looks like
it's not meant to be. Let's go.
455
00:19:28,585 --> 00:19:30,295
Let's go around the side. Come on.
456
00:19:34,007 --> 00:19:35,008
Hello?
457
00:19:43,100 --> 00:19:44,393
[Will gasps] Oh, my God.
458
00:19:45,686 --> 00:19:46,854
It's Gandalf.
459
00:19:46,854 --> 00:19:48,272
[Sylvia] Aw.
460
00:19:48,272 --> 00:19:49,481
- Look at him.
- He looks miserable.
461
00:19:49,481 --> 00:19:52,150
- [Will] He looks so dejected. So sad.
- Yeah. [gasps] He sees you.
462
00:19:52,150 --> 00:19:54,778
- Hi. Hi. Hi. Aw.
- [gasps] He does. Look. Hi.
463
00:19:54,778 --> 00:19:56,280
- Hi.
- He just lit up.
464
00:19:56,280 --> 00:19:58,615
- Aw, he's so-- Mmm.
- His whole demeanor just shifted.
465
00:19:59,408 --> 00:20:01,076
- [Sylvia] Hi.
- He lit up like a light.
466
00:20:01,827 --> 00:20:03,453
- Hi, little buddy.
- She's not home.
467
00:20:03,453 --> 00:20:05,622
Call her and figure out a time
to get your stuff.
468
00:20:05,622 --> 00:20:07,249
- Okay? Let's go.
- No, no. We gotta do it now.
469
00:20:07,249 --> 00:20:09,168
I'm gonna lose my nerve.
I need you for support.
470
00:20:09,168 --> 00:20:11,753
- Let's do it right now, okay?
- All right... [stammers] ...how?
471
00:20:11,753 --> 00:20:13,755
You gotta get on all fours,
climb through this dog door.
472
00:20:13,755 --> 00:20:15,132
- What? No.
- You gotta do it.
473
00:20:15,132 --> 00:20:16,717
- It's the only way.
- You do it.
474
00:20:16,717 --> 00:20:18,343
- I won't fit, I've tried. Trust me.
- Come on.
475
00:20:18,343 --> 00:20:21,555
You gotta be very, very slender
476
00:20:21,555 --> 00:20:23,765
- and fit and flexible.
- Oh. Oh.
477
00:20:23,765 --> 00:20:27,644
- Overall small, long torso, long legs.
- Mmm. Ooh.
478
00:20:27,644 --> 00:20:29,688
- I know what you're doing.
- Very narrow.
479
00:20:29,688 --> 00:20:33,233
- Oh, I like it. I like it. Okay.
- Good. Get through that doggy door.
480
00:20:33,233 --> 00:20:35,027
All right. I can do this.
481
00:20:35,027 --> 00:20:36,028
[Will] Hurry, hurry.
482
00:20:36,028 --> 00:20:39,489
Don't look at my ass unless
you want to get hypnotized.
483
00:20:39,489 --> 00:20:40,908
With all due respect, I do not.
484
00:20:40,908 --> 00:20:42,451
Just go. Come on.
485
00:20:46,622 --> 00:20:48,248
- Very graceful. Nice.
- [Sylvia] Yes.
486
00:20:48,248 --> 00:20:51,084
- Look at that. Whoo!
- [Will] You got it. Yes. Good. Good, good.
487
00:20:51,084 --> 00:20:53,545
Nice. Get the door.
Get the door. Get the door.
488
00:20:55,047 --> 00:20:57,508
- Nice. Good job. Here.
- Yes. Come on.
489
00:20:58,008 --> 00:20:59,760
- [Will] This way.
- [Sylvia] Yeah.
490
00:21:11,438 --> 00:21:14,483
Uh, Will, what are you doing?
491
00:21:14,483 --> 00:21:15,984
Audrey, you're-- you're home. [sighs]
492
00:21:15,984 --> 00:21:19,821
Will, you told me that this was
your house. What are you doing?
493
00:21:19,821 --> 00:21:21,490
- What-- What are you doing?
- [Audrey] Sylvi--
494
00:21:21,490 --> 00:21:23,992
- No, I didn't. Wh--
- Sylvia, don't play dumb.
495
00:21:23,992 --> 00:21:26,161
I saw you crawl through the doggy door
on the security camera.
496
00:21:26,161 --> 00:21:28,372
You didn't tell me that you had
a fucking security camera.
497
00:21:28,372 --> 00:21:30,415
You wouldn't have
done that if you knew we did.
498
00:21:30,415 --> 00:21:33,377
I-I-- Look, in his defense,
he's just trying to come and get his stuff
499
00:21:33,377 --> 00:21:35,754
- and make a clean break. That's it.
- You don't get your stuff.
500
00:21:35,754 --> 00:21:37,714
- I want my stuff.
- You don't get your stuff
501
00:21:37,714 --> 00:21:39,842
because I'm pretty sure you can find
an old hairbrush
502
00:21:39,842 --> 00:21:43,220
and a cell phone charger somewhere else
instead of using it as a pathetic excuse
503
00:21:43,220 --> 00:21:46,265
- to come and stalk me.
- Oh, I'm stalking you now?
504
00:21:46,265 --> 00:21:47,724
[stammers] As if.
505
00:21:47,724 --> 00:21:50,352
What the fuck, Sylvia?
Why are you even here?
506
00:21:50,352 --> 00:21:52,229
Don't you have kids and a family?
507
00:21:52,229 --> 00:21:54,648
I do. Do you--
Yes, you remembered. I do, yes.
508
00:21:54,648 --> 00:21:56,441
Well, if you really cared about Will,
509
00:21:56,441 --> 00:21:58,652
you wouldn't pull him into
whatever screwed up dynamic
510
00:21:58,652 --> 00:22:00,612
- you two have from years ago.
- Okay.
511
00:22:00,612 --> 00:22:03,490
You're like a couple of teenage girls
with your stupid nicknames
512
00:22:03,490 --> 00:22:05,450
and the catchphrases and the inside jokes.
513
00:22:05,450 --> 00:22:07,578
You'd be on the phone
until 4 a.m. all the time.
514
00:22:07,578 --> 00:22:10,706
I was up with a colicky baby.
Who else was I supposed to talk to?
515
00:22:10,706 --> 00:22:13,166
- Your husband.
- He was asleep. We had a system.
516
00:22:13,166 --> 00:22:15,544
Okay, so I was doing the nights
and he would do the mornings.
517
00:22:15,544 --> 00:22:16,837
So I would be, uh, breastfeeding--
518
00:22:16,837 --> 00:22:18,338
I don't give a shit.
519
00:22:18,338 --> 00:22:22,009
Your whole thing was so weird
and destructive.
520
00:22:22,009 --> 00:22:24,303
He would invite you to our date nights.
521
00:22:24,303 --> 00:22:26,138
He would wear clothes
that you picked out for him.
522
00:22:26,138 --> 00:22:28,182
What was I supposed to do?
Not set boundaries?
523
00:22:28,182 --> 00:22:29,183
It wasn't good for him.
524
00:22:29,183 --> 00:22:30,726
You know what? Now that we're broken up,
525
00:22:30,726 --> 00:22:34,229
I don't have to listen to your fucking
righteous bullshit speeches anymore, okay?
526
00:22:34,229 --> 00:22:35,439
Actually, you kind of do
527
00:22:35,439 --> 00:22:37,399
because you're standing in my dining room
528
00:22:37,399 --> 00:22:40,485
after crawling through the fucking
doggy door like a fucking dog.
529
00:22:41,320 --> 00:22:43,280
- Should we fuck?
- Get the fuck out!
530
00:22:43,280 --> 00:22:44,448
Get out!
531
00:22:44,448 --> 00:22:45,741
Do you mind if I use your toilet?
532
00:22:45,741 --> 00:22:47,868
- I'm so sorry to ask.
- Yes, just get out.
533
00:22:47,868 --> 00:22:49,203
Thank you.
534
00:22:51,163 --> 00:22:53,248
Oh, she makes me so mad.
535
00:22:53,832 --> 00:22:54,958
- You did really well.
- Did I?
536
00:22:54,958 --> 00:22:57,878
Yeah, except for the part where
you begged her to have sex with you.
537
00:22:57,878 --> 00:23:01,590
Yeah, that... [stammers] ...in retrospect,
uh, felt a little pathetic.
538
00:23:01,590 --> 00:23:03,050
- Yeah.
- If I had just--
539
00:23:03,050 --> 00:23:04,468
She was sending mixed signals, right?
540
00:23:04,468 --> 00:23:06,386
- Uh, I didn't read that.
- Really?
541
00:23:06,386 --> 00:23:08,138
- No.
- Were we not in the same room?
542
00:23:08,138 --> 00:23:09,765
I have something to cheer you up.
543
00:23:10,516 --> 00:23:12,559
[gasps]
544
00:23:12,559 --> 00:23:15,938
- It's Gandalf.
- Yeah.
545
00:23:15,938 --> 00:23:18,607
- Hey.
- Oh.
546
00:23:18,607 --> 00:23:20,150
- Look, you rescued him.
- Yeah.
547
00:23:20,150 --> 00:23:22,778
- He's already happier. I can tell.
- [gasps] He looks so elated.
548
00:23:22,778 --> 00:23:24,112
He looks ten years younger.
549
00:23:25,155 --> 00:23:26,657
Thank you. Hello, baby.
550
00:23:26,657 --> 00:23:27,866
- Yeah.
- He's very sweet.
551
00:23:27,866 --> 00:23:30,035
[shrieks]
Don't. Don't. Don't. Don't. Not-- No.
552
00:23:30,035 --> 00:23:32,079
Back off! Back off. I don't like it.
553
00:23:33,038 --> 00:23:34,456
- Look at him.
- We gotta get out of here.
554
00:23:34,456 --> 00:23:36,083
Can you believe she said
we were destructive?
555
00:23:36,083 --> 00:23:38,502
No. We're exactly the opposite.
556
00:23:38,502 --> 00:23:40,879
- We are constructive. We create.
- We're constructive.
557
00:23:42,965 --> 00:23:44,466
- [Sylvia] Oh!
- [Will] Whoa!
558
00:23:44,466 --> 00:23:47,594
[Sylvia] What happened? Oh. Oh!
559
00:23:47,594 --> 00:23:50,639
- Nice! Yes! Yes!
- Oh, the shame.
560
00:23:50,639 --> 00:23:52,474
- [Will] Oh.
- Oh, I'm sorry, Audrey.
561
00:23:52,474 --> 00:23:55,143
[Will]
Gandalf is so jacked up off of this shit.
562
00:23:55,143 --> 00:23:56,395
[Sylvia] Oh. G-dawg.
563
00:24:04,486 --> 00:24:05,612
[Sylvia] Okay.
564
00:24:06,530 --> 00:24:09,241
[Will] All right. Here we go.
This is perfect.
565
00:24:09,241 --> 00:24:11,535
- [Sylvia] So this is you, huh?
- [Will] This is me.
566
00:24:11,535 --> 00:24:13,579
- [Sylvia] This is the hood. Nice.
- This is it, yeah.
567
00:24:13,579 --> 00:24:16,748
It's really nice during the day.
At night, a little weird.
568
00:24:16,748 --> 00:24:19,877
It's a lot of dogs barking
and humans screaming.
569
00:24:19,877 --> 00:24:21,587
And the occasional loud bang
570
00:24:21,587 --> 00:24:23,797
that you don't wanna ask
too many questions about.
571
00:24:23,797 --> 00:24:24,923
- You know what I mean?
- Well...
572
00:24:24,923 --> 00:24:26,508
- Yeah, but I like it.
- It's interesting.
573
00:24:26,508 --> 00:24:27,843
- Yeah.
- Yeah.
574
00:24:33,599 --> 00:24:35,809
Well, thank you for today.
575
00:24:35,809 --> 00:24:38,187
I don't think I would've had the courage
to say no to that dump
576
00:24:38,187 --> 00:24:41,064
if it hadn't been for your opinion.
So, thank you for that.
577
00:24:41,064 --> 00:24:44,443
[inhales deeply]
Well, thank you for, uh, you know,
578
00:24:44,443 --> 00:24:47,571
finally making me... [chuckles]
...cut ties with Audrey
579
00:24:47,571 --> 00:24:49,489
and pull that Band-Aid off.
580
00:24:49,489 --> 00:24:53,952
I should obviously not be seeing her ever,
so... [inhales deeply] ...so thank you.
581
00:24:56,622 --> 00:24:57,623
And...
582
00:24:58,749 --> 00:25:00,000
- And?
- And...
583
00:25:00,000 --> 00:25:01,376
[gasps]
584
00:25:01,376 --> 00:25:03,587
- Thank you for rescuing Gandalf...
- Yes, you're welcome.
585
00:25:03,587 --> 00:25:06,089
- ...from that terrible environment.
- You're welcome.
586
00:25:06,089 --> 00:25:07,591
- He says thank you as well.
- [chuckles]
587
00:25:07,591 --> 00:25:08,842
Look how elated he is.
588
00:25:08,842 --> 00:25:11,553
[Sylvia] Yeah. Look at that. [sighs]
589
00:25:11,553 --> 00:25:13,430
- Really appreciate it.
- You're welcome.
590
00:25:14,932 --> 00:25:17,809
The thing is, if I'm being honest,
591
00:25:17,809 --> 00:25:20,521
I'm not really cut out
to take care of Gandalf.
592
00:25:21,688 --> 00:25:23,357
You're not cut out
to take care of a lizard?
593
00:25:23,357 --> 00:25:26,568
I'm actually not cut out to take care of
really anything, including myself.
594
00:25:26,568 --> 00:25:28,779
It's a huge reason
why me and Audrey got divorced.
595
00:25:28,779 --> 00:25:31,573
- Will you take him? Please, take him.
- Absolutely not. Absolutely not.
596
00:25:31,573 --> 00:25:34,284
You have an instinct to protect him.
I saw it in you.
597
00:25:34,284 --> 00:25:37,037
Under no circumstances
am I taking that lizard.
598
00:25:37,037 --> 00:25:38,872
[Charlie] So, you were just driving home,
599
00:25:38,872 --> 00:25:41,250
and you thought we needed
a bearded dragon?
600
00:25:42,084 --> 00:25:44,753
Yeah, it was with one of those
lizard adoption things
601
00:25:44,753 --> 00:25:46,004
on the side of the road.
602
00:25:46,004 --> 00:25:47,506
And I-- My heart just broke.
603
00:25:47,506 --> 00:25:49,508
Really?
'Cause you never wanted a pet before.
604
00:25:49,508 --> 00:25:51,093
It's for the kids.
605
00:25:51,093 --> 00:25:53,178
- Most people get dogs.
- Dogs are a lot of work.
606
00:25:53,762 --> 00:25:55,013
So you're sure about the house?
607
00:25:55,013 --> 00:25:57,307
You don't wanna go by,
check it out one last time?
608
00:25:57,307 --> 00:26:00,018
No, that house is such a hassle.
609
00:26:00,018 --> 00:26:01,979
- Mmm.
- And Will agreed. He saw it too.
610
00:26:02,813 --> 00:26:04,189
Oh, Will was there?
611
00:26:04,189 --> 00:26:07,025
Mm-hmm. Yeah, he just came by.
Fresh set of eyes.
612
00:26:07,860 --> 00:26:09,152
Oh. [inhales sharply]
613
00:26:09,152 --> 00:26:11,697
What do you wanna call him?
I was thinking of...
614
00:26:13,282 --> 00:26:15,409
- Gandalf.
- No, I don't like that.
615
00:26:15,409 --> 00:26:16,451
- That's weird.
- Yeah?
616
00:26:16,451 --> 00:26:18,412
- What about Jessipa?
- Ooh.
617
00:26:18,412 --> 00:26:19,621
You mean Jessica?
618
00:26:19,621 --> 00:26:20,914
No, Jessipa.
619
00:26:20,914 --> 00:26:22,916
- [Frances] She's...
- Do you even like lizards?
620
00:26:23,792 --> 00:26:25,377
Oh, yeah, I love them.
621
00:26:26,587 --> 00:26:27,671
Love them.
622
00:26:33,260 --> 00:26:34,386
Look at her face.
623
00:26:34,970 --> 00:26:36,847
- I can tell she loves it here.
- [Sylvia] Yeah.
624
00:26:36,847 --> 00:26:38,182
[Maeve] I love Jessipa.