♪ (THEME MUSIC PLAYING) ♪
♪ (MUSIC FADES) ♪
(BEACHGOERS CHATTERING)
(AMERICANS CHATTERING INDISTINCTLY)
AMERICAN 1: Anyways, I feel like I can't even go back
and get married to him.
Pretend like we never have to go back
to America.
AMERICAN 2: I think so.
-I know, I think-- -Did you guys just get here?
Yeah, we-- we just in flew this morning.
Oh, I'm so jealous. We leave in a few hours.
So, did you have a good time?
We had the best time. Have you guys been here before?
No.
The hotel's perfect, and the staff is excellent.
The food is amazing.
-I've heard. -And the wine. I mean...
We are so excited.
Italy's just so romantic. Oh, you're gonna die.
They're gonna have to drag you out of here.
-(CHUCKLES) -Oh, I'm sure.
Well, I'm gonna get in the water one last time.
But...
you guys are gonna have such an amazing trip.
-Thank you. Nice to meet you. -Thanks.
-DAPHNE SULLIVAN: You too. -Safe travels.
-Thanks. Bye! -AMERICANS: Bye!
(WAVES CRASHING)
Oh, what the fuck was that?
♪ (TENSE MUSIC PLAYING) ♪
(GASPS) Holy fuck. Oh, my fucking God.
Holy fucking shit.
Help! Help! Help! Help!
Help! Help!
Help!
♪ (MUSIC FADES) ♪
(REPORTERS CHATTERING IN ITALIAN)
Valentina.
(IN ITALIAN)
(INHALES)
(SIREN WAILING)
(HELICOPTER WHIRRING)
-(COASTGUARD SPEAKING ITALIAN) -(CROWD MURMURING NERVOUSLY)
OFFICER: (IN ENGLISH) You must stay behind there.
-(HELICOPTER WHIRRING) -(SIRENS WAILING)
(INDISTINCT NERVOUS CHATTER)
-(SEAGULL SQUAWKING) -♪ (DRAMATIC MUSIC PLAYING) ♪
♪ (MUSIC SWELLS, FADES) ♪
♪ ("A FAR L'AMORE COMINCIA TU" BY RAFFAELLA CARRÀ PLAYING) ♪
♪ (SINGER SINGING IN ITALIAN) ♪
♪ (SONG CONTINUES) ♪
♪ (SONG CONTINUES OVER HEADPHONES) ♪
(INDISTINCT CHATTER)
-Allora! -(GASPS) Oh.
Mia.
♪ (SONG STOPS) ♪
Huh?
(BREATHES DEEPLY)
(BOTH SAYING GOODBYE IN ITALIAN)
-Sì! -♪ (SONG RESUMES) ♪
(CONVERSING IN ITALIAN)
-♪ (SONG CONTINUES) ♪ -♪ (SINGER SINGING IN ITALIAN) ♪
♪ (SONG CONTINUES) ♪
-♪ (SONG CONCLUDES) ♪ -VALENTINA:
(GUESTS CHATTERING)
(SIGHS)
-MIA: -LUCIA:
VALENTINA: Signori Di Grasso.
(IN ENGLISH) Welcome to the White Lotus.
I am Valentina, the resort manager.
-BERT DI GRASSO: Ah. -How was your boat ride?
It was bellissimo.
I mean, I'm impressed that you are even here.
Why are you impressed?
VALENTINA: It's a long trip from Los Angeles,
and you are quite old, no?
-Anyway, Isabella here will take you up to the hotel... -♪ (INTRIGUING MUSIC PLAYING) ♪
...and bring you to your beautiful rooms.
Can I offer you a glass of Prosecco?
Oh. Thank you, dear. You're a sight for sore eyes.
-(CHUCKLES) -Thank you.
-Cheers. -ISABELLA: This way.
-Thank you. -You like it?
DOMINIC DI GRASSO: Yeah. Thanks.
Hello, darling.
Oh.
(IN ITALIAN)
VALENTINA: (IN ENGLISH) Hey. Welcome to Sicily.
(IN ITALIAN)
(GASPS)
VALENTINA: (IN ENGLISH) Mr. and Mrs. Sullivan.
(IN ITALIAN)
VALENTINA: (IN ENGLISH) You must be Mr. and Mrs. Spiller?
(IN ITALIAN)
VALENTINA: (IN ENGLISH) How was your flight?
-It was fine. -Yeah.
-But they did lose Cameron's bag in Rome. -(INHALES DEEPLY)
Oh, never transfer through Rome. Fiumicino always loses bags.
BOTH: Oh.
You should have flown through Munich.
(CHUCKLES)
-Thanks for the tip. -Yeah. Next time.
-You're welcome. -DAPHNE: Thank you.
Please, some Italian Prosecco?
-Let's toast, people. -No, thanks.
-I think I'll just wait. -Harper-- You don't want one?
No. I don't want one. (SIGHS)
ETHAN SPILLER: They wanna do a toast. Can you hold the glass for me?
HARPER SPILLER: I haven't eaten in six hours.
-I don't need any more drinks. -Sorry. (CHUCKLES NERVOUSLY)
Just hold it.
-Sorry. (CHUCKLES NERVOUSLY) -DAPHNE: That's okay.
-Cheers. We made it. -Cheers.
VALENTINA: Welcome to the White Lotus in Sicily.
Mm. Thank you.
VALENTINA: If your bag will ever arrive,
-we'll let you know right way. -Okay.
If you believe in miracles.
-(CHUCKLES) Okay, thank you. -(DAPHNE CHUCKLES)
You're welcome. So, you don't like Prosecco?
-No, no, it's fine. Thank you. -Yeah.
-Okay. Okay. Thank you. -Okay, careful.
TANYA MCQUOID: Ah! Ah! (PANTS) Oh.
VALENTINA: Mrs. McQuoid-Hunt!
-TANYA: Ooh. -(IN ITALIAN)
VALENTINA: (IN ENGLISH) Welcome to the White Lotus in Sicily.
LUCIA: (IN ITALIAN)
(IN ENGLISH) You guys just really--
just pull out all the stops. You really do.
Whenever I stay at a White Lotus,
I always have a memorable time. Always.
And you are in our Blossom Circle.
So, you are very important to us.
Mm. But I was a Petal,
and I've worked my way up to Blossom. Yeah.
You know that your husband is already here?
Good. Because... (SCOFFS)
...he hasn't been responding to my texts.
Shall we?
Yeah, okay. Okay, Portia, do you get service here?
PORTIA: Yeah, I think we both have full service.
TANYA: Maybe we could take it to AT&T or something.
♪ ("BOCCA DI ROSA" BY FABRIZIO DE ANDRÉ PLAYING) ♪
♪ (SINGER SINGING IN ITALIAN) ♪
♪ (SONG CONTINUES) ♪
♪ (SONG CONCLUDES) ♪
(GASPS, IN ENGLISH) Wow.
This hotel is so cool.
ROCCO: Well, originally, it was a convent.
Honey, check out this view.
-Whoa. Is that a volcano? -CAMERON SULLIVAN: Mount Etna.
Hey, what is with these head things?
We keep seeing them everywhere.
Testa di Moro.
-ETHAN: Testa di Moro? -ROCCO: Yeah. Well, the story is
a Moor came here a long time ago and seduced a local girl.
But then she found out that he had a wife
and children back home.
(CLICKS TONGUE, GROANS)
So, because he lied to her, she cut his head off.
-ETHAN: Oh. -Jesus.
So if you put one of those outside of your house,
what are you saying?
If you come into my house, don't fuck my wife.
-(LAUGHS) -(CHUCKLES)
DAPHNE: It's a warning to husbands, babe.
Screw around and you'll end up buried in the garden.
-Uh-oh. -Oh, before I forget.
I'll show you a special feature.
-CAMERON: Cool. -If I open this door,
you can connect the two rooms.
-Should I show you? -Oh! Yeah, cool.
No, no, that's okay. I doubt we'll use that.
(BIRDS CHIRPING)
-(EXHALES DEEPLY) -Okay.
I mean, it's possible at some point. I don't know.
It's good to have the option, yeah?
-DAPHNE: Yeah. -Yeah.
ETHAN: You never know.
-Guys, we did it! -(GIGGLES) Yeah!
Come on! We're finally here!
We've been talking about this forever.
-This is awesome. -DAPHNE: Oh! I'm so happy we're here.
-It's gonna be great. -CAMERON: Yeah.
Yeah, totally.
-Let me show you your rooms. -BOTH: Yeah!
-ROCCO: Let's go. -(HARPER CLEARS THROAT)
-You go first. -ETHAN: All right, guys. See you later.
-Yeah. See you. -(DOOR OPENS)
(SIGHS)
-(DOOR CLOSES) -(ETHAN BREATHES DEEPLY)
What?
(SCOFFS)
BERT: Oh. I should tell you.
Both my parents were born in Sicily.
-Oh. -Yeah, they came
to the States as children. Yeah, so we are Sicilian,
just like you.
Although I'm not from Sicily. I am from Milan.
Oh, you do have more of a Northern look.
Beautiful hazel eyes. Wonderful smile. (CHUCKLES)
-(GIGGLES) You're very kind. -BERT: You must be very popular.
(CHUCKLES)
-DOMINIC: All right, Dad. -BERT: Ah.
Anyway, we're here because we're gonna visit the town
-my grandmother's from. -Oh!
It's a little town, uh, Testa dell'Acqua.
Yeah, that sounds very special.
(BERT FARTS)
Hopefully, um, we can find some people there
who can speak English, you know,
maybe help us track down some distant relatives.
‘Cause we definitely don't speak Italian.
-(CHUCKLES SOFTLY) -Oh, you should come, Isabella.
You could be our translator. We need you.
-Dad. -BERT: Hmm?
Leave her alone. We'll take it from here.
Okay, thank you.
Shall I show you how to close the curtains?
There's a button over there on the--
That's okay. We'll figure it out.
I'd like to know. Where is this button, Isabella?
Dad! I'm gonna help you find it, okay?
-Thank you very, very much. -Thank you. Thank you very much.
-Thank you. -You're very lovely.
Thank you.
They are lucky to have you working here.
-(ISABELLA CHUCKLING) -BERT: Be our translator--
(DOOR SLAMMING SHUT)
You slammed the door in that poor girl's face!
You were harassing her.
-How? I was not. -You kinda were. And farting.
It's the Prosecco.
Okay. Albie and I are gonna go to our rooms.
We'll come back for you in a bit. You gonna be okay?
-Uh... -Great. (SIGHS)
-(EXHALES) -(SIGHS)
-Why did we do this? -(DOOR CLOSES)
It's nice, Dad. It's a nice thing to do.
I got a migraine. I'm gonna go lay down.
Okay. Well, I'm probably gonna head down to the pool.
Um, and then what time did you wanna meet up for...
♪ (TENSE CHORAL MUSIC PLAYING) ♪
(SIGHS DEEPLY)
(WATER BURBLING)
VALENTINA: The most ancient art is 14th century.
-Oh, my God. Really? -Yeah. (GASPS) Oh.
-Your missing husband is here. -(GASPS) Oh!
-Oh, ho! -TANYA: Hey.
Hi!
-How was the flight? Mm. -TANYA: I missed you so much.
(KISSES)
Hey, uh, yeah, you know I texted you a bunch of times.
And you never texted me back.
I know, I know. I'm sorry.
We just had a flare-up at work, it was--
Shall I show you your room, or...
Oh. Yeah, definitely.
What the hell is she doing here?
What?
(INDISTINCT CHATTER)
(SIGHS) Yeah, uh, well, look.
I'm traveling by myself--
You bring your assistant to a vacation with your husband?
Anything you need, I'll be there. Okay?
Well, I just don't know what the big deal is.
I mean, I don't know why you're so bothered.
Because I said no!
Because it's supposed to be romantic.
Because it's a vacation, in Sicily, for us.
I mean it's--
(SIGHS SHARPLY) I mean, it's not like she's, like,
gonna be in our bed and stuff, you know?
-I mean, she has her own room. -Tanya.
Get rid of her.
All right, I'll get rid of her. I'll get rid of her. All right?
-All right. -Put her on a plane.
TANYA: Hey. Um...
You're gonna have to get lost.
Okay. Yeah.
So, what do you mean? I'd see you in a week, then?
No, no, no, no. I want you to stay-- stay close,
'cause I might need you. But just lay low
and-- and not come out of your room. Okay?
♪ (INTRIGUING MUSIC PLAYING) ♪
I gotta go. I gotta go!
I did it. I did it.
Oh. Hi, Portia.
-Do you want a drink? -(CHUCKLES SOFTLY)
TANYA: I'm hungry.
GREG HUNT: Well, we have these little-- little things here.
HARPER: I just think it's like,
you sold your company, you got rich,
and now he's your best friend? That's just...
Are you taking that side of the bed?
I always sleep on that side.
Okay. Which is it a big deal?
Yeah, I wanna sleep on my side of the bed.
Okay. (EXHALES) I'll sleep over there.
♪ (MUSIC FADES) ♪
HARPER: Yeah, I think that's better.
Also, they're so touchy-feely. Right?
Like, do you notice that? It feels performative.
-Like, who does that? -Happily married couples?
HARPER: Couples that have been married for five years?
No way. It feels fake.
You're so quick to judge people.
Yeah, people that brag about taking helicopters
to the Hamptons
and being friends with Jeff Bezos. I mean...
Look, Cameron is the kinda guy who,
if you can put up with him for five minutes,
you can put up with him forever. He is consistent.
A consistent douche?
Yeah. He's crazy, it's funny.
-Was he like that in college? -Way worse.
Why were you even friends with him?
We weren't friends, we were roommates.
And then, you know how it is.
You kind of become friends, and now we're friends.
(SIGHS)
At some point, he is gonna approach you
with some kind of money-making scheme
or some kind of favor or something.
There's a reason they invited us here.
Well, that's my prediction. So, we'll see.
Can you just please try to make an effort?
Or else this is gonna be a very awkward week.
When do I ever make things awkward?
PORTIA: Could you put these-- These are hers.
Just put them on the couch or the... anywhere. Thank you.
Grazie! Thank you!
(SIGHS)
-(PHONE RINGING) -(CHUCKLES)
(BOTH CONVERSING IN ITALIAN)
(ROCCO AND ISABELLA CONTINUE CONVERSING)
Hey!
(INHALES)
(ANGRILY)
♪ (MUSIC STOPS ABRUPTLY) ♪
(LINE RINGING)
ABBY: (OVER PHONE, IN ENGLISH) What?
(INHALES) Well, we got here in one piece.
My dad's not in the best shape
and he's already getting on my nerves, but--
ABBY: (GROANS) I'm in the middle of something, Dom, okay?
-I'm gonna go. -Okay.
(INHALES SHARPLY) Um, well...
I was thinking of you. You know?
We planned this together and I, uh,
just really wish you were here.
ABBY: Yeah, right. Okay. Whatever, Dom.
No. Not whatever.
ABBY: Yes, whatever. Just fuck off!
(BREATHES DEEPLY)
Okay. Um,
listen, Cara is not answering my calls.
ABBY: Well, she doesn't want to talk to you, so,
I... I don't know.
Well, you should encourage her to talk to me.
ABBY: You know what? I'm not getting involved in that.
But you are getting involved,
or why else would she be mad at me?
ABBY: Because of this latest fucking bullshit, Dom!
And everything else over the last ten fucking years!
Do you really think you should be telling her all this?
ABBY: Why not?
I have nothing to be ashamed of! And I'm honest.
I don't keep fucking secrets from my family!
You should try it sometime!
Well, Albie's here. He's not upset.
ABBY: Yes, he fucking is!
He's just-- he just doesn't want to fight you.
He's a sweet, sensitive young man.
And I honestly don't know how it happened.
Sure as hell didn't get it from you.
Okay. Jesus. Um...
I'm sorry. I'm sorry for everything.
(INHALES) And I still love you--
ABBY: Shut the fuck up, Dom.
Shut up with the fucking sorrys already, okay? Enough!
(BREATHES DEEPLY) Okay.
I'll let you know how it all goes.
ABBY: I don't fucking care, Dom!
I've wasted enough of my life.
(QUAVERING) I don't want you calling me anymore!
Oh, my God, please. It's fucking done! Okay?
Leave me alone. Seriously! Fuck you!
Go fuck yourself. You fucking piece of fucking shit! (SOBS)
(LINE DISCONNECTS)
(BREATHES DEEPLY)
♪ (DREAMY CHORAL MUSIC PLAYING) ♪
(SEAGULL SQUAWKS)
♪ (MUSIC CONTINUES) ♪
♪ (MUSIC FADES) ♪
This is such a fucked situation. I feel like I've just been stuck
at home, just doom-scrolling on my phone
the last three years,
and I finally get out of there...
(SMACKS LIPS) ...and I'm in Italy,
and she just told me that I have to stay in my room
the whole time!
They're both fucking psycho.
It's fucked! Like, the job is a joke!
-SARAH: (OVER PHONE) Then quit. -She's a f-- She's a mess.
She's a miserable mess.
If I had a half a billion dollars,
I would not be miserable. I would be enjoying my life!
It's... so unfair, and I'm so tired. (SNIFFLES)
SARAH: Oh, don't worry about her.
Just go get some dick.
(GROANS) I know! That's... I know! That's what I--
That's what I wanted. I wanna do...
get thrown around by some hot Italian guy,
and now I'm just gonna be sitting in my room eating pasta.
The menu's all pasta! I'm gonna be so bloated.
-This sucks. (SNIFFLES) -SARAH: Oh, shit. Portia.
-Portia, I gotta get to work. -Oh, right. Okay.
SARAH: Love you.
-Love you. Text you later. -SARAH: Bye!
Bye. (SNIFFLES)
♪ (PENSIVE MUSIC PLAYING) ♪
(SNIFFLES)
CAMERON: Hey, Harper, I just realized.
I know someone that knows you from law school.
Uh, Kevin Kourepenos. He actually says hi.
Do you want me to say hi?
Yeah, yeah, sure. Um, tell him I said hi,
and congrats on not getting disbarred.
(ALL CHUCKLE)
Okay. (SNIFFS) I'll tell him.
So, you do employment law. So interesting.
-HARPER: Mm-hmm. -What is that exactly?
Um, we, you know,
we take on clients that are suing their employers
for discrimination, sexual harassment,
wrongful termination, stuff like that.
DAPHNE: Amazing.
-What? What is that face? -CAMERON: No, no, no.
Nothing. Just, um...
(SIGHS) We've been dealing
with a bunch of bogus claims lately.
-I mean, everyone has. -HARPER: Ah! Hmm.
I mean, even when they have zero merit
and they get thrown out in summary judgment,
you still have to go through all the depos
and the internal investigations.
It's a total time suck.
Not to mention a huge waste of money. I mean...
(SCOFFS) God.
HARPER: Mm.
♪ (INTRIGUING MUSIC PLAYING) ♪
(CHUCKLES)
Well, they're not all bogus.
-No. (SIGHS) -CAMERON: No! God, no. Fuck.
Of course they're not.
(SMACKS LIPS) Harper, no, of course they're not.
-I'm sorry. -No, no, no. It's fine.
CAMERON: Sorry.
All good.
(INHALES) I bet you're really tough.
I bet your clients are really happy
to have you in their corner.
Yeah. God, wouldn't wanna mess with you.
She's like the star of her firm. Wins every case.
DAPHNE: Of course you are.
♪ (MUSIC CONTINUES) ♪
♪ (MUSIC FADES) ♪
Are you okay?
(INDISTINCT CHATTER)
(CHUCKLES) Yeah, I'm-- I'm fine.
I-- I just am dealing with some... (INHALES)
...work stuff.
It's... (EXHALES) It's nothing. It's dumb...
Thank you for asking.
I think I saw you and your cute grandfather
on the boat on the way in.
-Yeah. I-- I saw you, too. -PORTIA: Yeah.
-I'm Portia. -Albie.
-PORTIA: Hey. Yeah. -Hey.
-Where are you from? -Los Angeles.
-PORTIA: Cool. -Yeah. What about you?
San Francisco.
I love San Francisco. It's beautiful.
Yeah. Yeah.
I-- I actually spent a lot of time there
because I went to a school nearby.
PORTIA: Oh, yeah? What school?
I... went to... Stanford.
Don't be so ashamed.
Wha-- I-- I'm not, it's just...
(CHUCKLES) I went to Chico State, so...
Oh, cool.
Yeah. "Cool."
-Cool. -(CHUCKLES SOFTLY)
-PORTIA: Uh, what do you do now? -Um, for work?
Yeah. (CHUCKLES)
I... I act-- I work for this company
that does urban planning consulting.
Hmm.
I'm just an intern at this point, so...
So you can go on vacation for a week
-and no one gives a shit. -(CHUCKLES) Basically. Yeah.
Oh. There's your grandfather.
(CHUCKLES) He's truly such an adorable man.
Yeah. He's a lot...
My dad and I brought him here because we're Sicilian--
or we have Sicilian heritage.
Um, our last name's Di Grasso.
And we're taking him to the town where his, um,
grandmother was born.
Cool. That's... so nice.
-(BERT YELPS) -Oh, my God!
Your grandfather just fell!
Oh, no.
-ALBIE DI GRASSO: Nonno! Nonno, are you okay? -(BERT GROANS)
-Huh? -You okay?
-Yeah, no, no. I'm fine. I-- -Sir?
(CHUCKLES) I tripped.
-Did you hit your head or anything? -PORTIA: Oh, my gosh.
-No, no. No, no. -Your hand, it's...
-It's fine, it's fine. -Are you okay?
Uh, oh, no, darling, thank you.
-Hello. (EXHALES) -PORTIA: Hi.
Are you-- are you sure you're good?
-(BERT SCOFFS) -I mean, I'm so sorry you fell.
Just came to see the view, I mean... (CHUCKLES)
Yeah, I'll... I'll walk with you, Nonno.
-There's a good view this way. Come on. -Huh? Okay.
Oh, my hat.
ALBIE: Oh, I'll get-- Yeah. Oh.
-PORTIA: Yeah. -(CHUCKLES)
-Here you go. -Okay.
Uh, maybe I'll see you around.
-Yeah. Yeah, I'll-- I'm just... -Okay.
(CHUCKLES) No, I'm fine. I'm fine.
-...gonna get a drink. -Who's the girl?
♪ ("AMURI AMURI" BY OTELLO PROFAZIO PLAYING) ♪
♪ (SINGER SINGING IN SICILIAN) ♪
(EXHALES)
(IN ENGLISH) Hi.
♪ (SONG CONTINUES) ♪
(GIGGLES)
(BREATHES HEAVILY)
Right now?
Hey, where you going?
Oh, don't you want me to wash up first?
-♪ (SONG CONCLUDES) ♪ -It's hot out!
I got swamp crotch.
Yeah. (CHUCKLES, INHALES)
God, he's always thinking of me.
HARPER: Totally disregard my text about the Ambien.
I have located my Ambien.
-Oh, my gosh! I'm so glad. -HARPER: Thank God. (CHUCKLES)
'Cause we don't have any, so I'm sorry about that.
Oh. Really? You guys don't take sleeping pills?
DAPHNE: No.
-Ever? -CAMERON: Nope.
-You have trouble sleeping? -HARPER: Mm.
-ETHAN: Mm-hmm. -(CLICKS TONGUE) Yeah.
CAMERON: Why? Why can't you sleep?
Just, like work stuff?
Yeah, but also just... (SIGHS)
I don't know, just everything that's going on...
-(CHUCKLES) ...in the world. -(CHUCKLES)
What do you mean? What's going on?
Oh, I don't know. Just, like, the end of the world.
-Oh. No, Harper! (CHUCKLES) -CAMERON: (CHUCKLING) Oh, come on!
The world's not ending, it's not that bad.
Honestly, Cam and I don't even watch the news anymore.
CAMERON: Yeah.
-You don't follow the news? -DAPHNE: No.
-What? -Like, I'm just so over
the whole news cycle, you know?
It's-- it's like, gimme a break.
DAPHNE: They're just trying to freak everybody out.
Yeah. They're just polarizing society by making us
glued to their apocalyptic soap opera, you know?
-It's like... (SCOFFS) -Yeah. And even if it was
as bad as they say it is,
-I mean what can you really do, you know? -Right.
We vote, we donate money. You can't obsess.
-Did you vote, babe? Be honest. -I did.
(CHUCKLES) Doesn't matter.
-♪ (INTRIGUING MUSIC PLAYING) ♪ -I voted. Didn't I?
-CAMERON: I don't think you did. -I think I did. I did.
CAMERON: I don't know.
Mm. Okay, so you guys don't watch the news.
Um... What do you do, like, all day?
Oh. Well, I mean, I'm-- I'm home with the kids.
-I mean, mostly. Yep. -Oh, right. Of course. Right.
We do a lot of Dateline.
I love it. Husbands murdering their wives.
-(CHUCKLES) -Happens a lot on vacation.
Scuba diving.
He'll just unplug her oxygen while she's underwater.
Happens more than you think.
Why-- why are you looking at me?
Why are we all looking at you? (CHUCKLES)
-(ETHAN AND DAPHNE CHUCKLE) -Yeah.
DAPHNE: Cameron really likes to watch macho reality TV.
The guys are really ugly. (GASPS)
Oh, my God. That sounds so bad, but they are.
Honey, the people on Dateline
aren't exactly attractive either.
At least they're murdering each other.
What do you watch, Ethan?
Uh, what do we watch? Like, documentaries.
-Ted Lasso, sometimes. -(GASPS)
-We love Ted Lasso. -Love Ted Lasso. Gotta.
-HARPER: Mm. -ETHAN: Oh, you like it?
-Yeah, man. -Yes, of course.
-So likable, right? -Yeah.
-I don't watch Ted Lasso. -DAPHNE: No?
-Yeah, such a good guy. -Yeah.
So much content now. It's like there's billions of shows,
everyone's trying to keep up.
-It's kinda suffocating, honestly. Yeah. -HARPER: Too much.
It's too much. It's like we're all
entertaining each other while the world burns, right?
We're all just zombies, you know, like... (GROANS)
HARPER: Hmm.
I love a binge.
I don't. Yeah...
-(BREATHES DEEPLY) -(CLICKS TONGUE) Anyway.
Okey dokey. Well... (SIGHS)
if I can't get a swim in,
I may as well get a tan, right? (GROANS)
Hey, you know you can just borrow one of my suits.
Oh, yeah. Yeah. I'd love a swim-in.
-That'd be great. -ETHAN: Yeah?
Weren't you gonna go up to get some sunscreen anyway?
-(CLICKS TONGUE) Oh, yeah. -You could grab it for him.
Oh, yeah. I'll come up with you actually,
'cause I gotta change into it anyway.
-Another round of Spritzes, E? -Sure, I'm on it!
Another round? (CHUCKLES)
DAPHNE: Yeah, he likes to order 'em before they're gone.
♪ ("L'APPUNTAMENTO" BY ORNELLA VANONI PLAYING) ♪
-Yeah. (BREATHES HEAVILY) -(BED FRAME THUMPING)
♪ (SINGER SINGING IN ITALIAN) ♪
TANYA: (IN ENGLISH) Yeah. (PANTS, MOANS)
-(GREG GRUNTING) -(TANYA MOANING)
Yeah.
(GRUNTS, MOANS)
(GRUNTS, GROANS)
-(YELLS, GROANS) -GREG: What are you--
-♪ (SONG ENDS ABRUPTLY) ♪ -(GRUNTS, MOANS)
-(SIGHS) -What the fuck?
(BREATHES HEAVILY) Oh, my God.
I... I... I must have been disassociating.
I was seeing all these faces of men
with these very effeminate hairstyles.
And then...
I saw you,
and your eyes were like shark eyes,
like just completely dead.
Just like, dead.
Well, you really know how to pump a guy up.
Must've been the Bonine that I took before the flight.
I didn't get to finish.
(BREATHES DEEPLY) I need to take a breather.
♪ (INTRIGUING MUSIC PLAYING) ♪
GREG: (SINGING) ♪ Making love In the afternoon with Tanya... ♪
(SIGHS)
-Tanya? -♪ (MUSIC CONCLUDES) ♪
Yeah?
You ate all the macaroons, didn't you?
What macaroons?
How do you expect to lose weight if you inhale
five macaroons and not even remember?
(BOX CLATTERING)
♪ (PENSIVE MUSIC PLAYING) ♪
There were only three.
GREG: There were five.
Did you drink the champagne, too?
♪ ("QUANTU BASILICO" BY ROSA BALISTRERI PLAYING) ♪
♪ (SINGER SINGING IN SICILIAN) ♪
♪ (SONG CONTINUES) ♪
HARPER: (IN ENGLISH) I think he put them in here.
Yeah. (SIGHS)
-CAMERON: Oh, washing bag? -Yes.
-Hey, uh, listen. -♪ (SONG FADES) ♪
I know we don't know each other that well,
but I really appreciate you being here.
You know, it means a lot.
Ethan never really brought around a lot of girls,
-so I'm just so happy that he found someone. -(CHUCKLES)
I think it's great.
Well, thanks for inviting us.
CAMERON: Sure.
-It'll be fun. -CAMERON: It will be.
-I'm gonna get the sunscreen. -Yeah.
♪ ("PREGHIERA IN GENNAIO" BY FABRIZIO DE ANDRÉ PLAYING) ♪
♪ (SINGER SINGING IN ITALIAN) ♪
-(SIGHS, IN ENGLISH) Hey. -(KNOCKS ON WALL)
-Hey! -What do you think?
Little snug, right?
I think they're fine.
Yeah? Hmm.
Can't find the sunscreen. (CHUCKLES)
You know what? They probably have a bunch of that
by the pool.
-I'm gonna keep looking. -CAMERON: Yeah.
-Hey, I'll see you down there. -Hmm.
♪ (SONG CONTINUES) ♪
-(DOOR CLOSES) -(SCOFFS)
(KNOCKING ON DOOR)
♪ (SONG CONCLUDES) ♪
-Hi. -Hey, um,
Nonno fell by the pool.
-What? -He's fine. Um,
but I think he hit his head. He could have a concussion.
I'm thinking someone should sleep with him tonight.
-Keep an eye on him. -Yeah. Good idea.
Um... (INHALES) Uh, we'll put him in your room.
I got work stuff. L.A. will still be up. I'm gonna be up
and around all night. So let's just, uh...
We'll put him in your room. Okay?
ALBIE: (EXHALES) Okay.
-DOMINIC: Anything else? -No.
What do you say, dinner at 8:00?
-ALBIE: Yeah. Sure. -All right.
(SIGHS)
♪ ("QUANTU BASILICO" BY ROSA BALISTRERI PLAYING) ♪
♪ (SINGER SINGING IN SICILIAN) ♪
-(WAVES CRASHING) -(SEAGULLS SQUAWKING)
♪ (SONG CONTINUES) ♪
(IN ITALIAN)
(BREATHES DEEPLY)
(EXHALES SHARPLY)
(GIGGLES)
MIA: Hmm.
-(INDISTINCT CHATTER) -(BELL RINGING IN THE DISTANCE)
LUCIA:
MIA:
-Hmm. -LUCIA:
Niente.
-(CHUCKLES) -LUCIA:
MIA:
-♪ (MYSTERIOUS MUSIC PLAYING) ♪ -Mia.
♪ (MUSIC FADES) ♪
♪ (SOFT PIANO PLAYING) ♪
♪ Non dimenticar ♪
(IN ENGLISH) ♪ Means don't forget you are ♪
♪ My darling... ♪
-(KNOCKING ON DOOR) -(IN ITALIAN)
GUEST:
(MIA CHUCKLES SOFTLY)
-Hmm? -(LUCIA GASPS) Mia.
MIA:
No.
(BOTH ARGUING IN ITALIAN)
(DOOR OPENS)
(IN ENGLISH) ♪ Only just tonight dear ♪
(INDISTINCT CHATTER)
Good evening, Mr. and Mrs. Hunt.
-Ah, Mikael. This is my wife, Tanya. -Welcome.
MIKAEL: Nice to meet you, Mrs. Tanya. -Hi. Hi.
MIKAEL: How are you today?
-I heard a lot about you. -TANYA: Oh.
MIKAEL: Nice to meet you. How was your day today?
Oh, it was a-- it was a-- it was a good day.
-One sec. -MIKAEL: Did you watch the football today?
GREG: No, well, my country has a whole different kind of football.
(WHISPERING) I told you to stay in the room.
I had to eat.
Oh, my God. He's gonna flip the fuck out.
What are you-- Shit! (GRUNTS) Here. Hold that.
(MIKAEL AND GREG CONVERSING)
Anyway. Here she is.
-TANYA: Sorry. -MIKAEL: Shall we go to the table?
-Yeah, why not? Let's eat. -Please.
-TANYA: Okay. -MIKAEL: I'll take you to the table.
-Follow me, please. -Oh, my God.
(INDISTINCT CHATTER)
-TANYA: Thanks, I love it. -GREG: I got it, I got it.
♪ (SINGING IN ITALIAN) ♪
(IN ENGLISH) We just flew all the way in from Los Angeles.
(CHUCKLES)
Just to be here in Sicily.
Because we are Sicilian. Are you Sicilian?
-Yes, from Catania. -Ah. Are you married?
Dad, why don't you let her put our order in
so I can get a drink?
My son is a big muckity-muck in Hollywood,
-so he's very impatient. -I'll bring you your drinks.
-DOMINIC: Thank you. -Thanks. Sorry.
BERT: Thank you.
-Dad, you gotta knock it off. -Oh. What's the problem?
What are you doing? I mean, what's... the point?
Flirting is one of the pleasures of life.
Do you actually think you have a chance
with any of these women?
Oh, don't be rude.
I'm just saying, you're 80 years old.
Well, I'm still a man. (INHALES) And I get older and older,
but the women I desire remain young.
Natural, right?
You can relate to that.
ALBIE: Can you still get...
-Or-- Do you still get... -What? Hard?
...erections?
Sure. Like that.
-Really? -Albie.
-Do you still, like, jerk off?
Doctors say you need to release once a day...
-otherwise you get backed up. -DOMINIC: Wait a second.
Doctors say you need to jerk off once a day?
-That's right. That's right. -Which doctors say that?
You need to drain the sack.
-They say that? -BERT: Mm-hmm.
Common knowledge.
God. It just seems like the body
would naturally stop getting horny
once you're past the age of procreation, you know?
Like at 50, you would just stop.
Fifty? Fifty's not that old.
-It just seems undignified. -I'm still virile, by the way.
I could still impregnate a woman.
-DOMINIC: Oh. -ALBIE: No girl
should have to be exposed to an old guy's junk.
It's not like it was ever so beautiful to look at anyway.
I mean, it's a penis. It's not a sunset.
CAMERON: Hookers.
Really?
Oh, yeah.
Looks like a couple of locals.
Buona sera.
♪ Just because you're here ♪
Come on, man. You don't recognize a hooker?
-So innocent, man. -(SCOFFS)
Just like in college.
-Ethan was the original incel. -(CHUCKLES)
What are you talking about? No, I wasn't.
(CHUCKLING) Yeah, you were. Come on, man.
No, I'm-- I'm kidding. I'm kidding, man.
I'm joking, all right? Look, you could have gotten laid.
-He's a handsome guy, right? -Yeah.
Jesus Christ, look at you.
You're a handsome guy. I'd do ya.
You're just such a workhorse, man.
You never came out of your room.
Well, he's still like that.
Okay, I think we should split the arugula salad
and the beet salad,
and then maybe get the raviolo and the vitello.
I kinda wanted to try the fish, but...
-The whitefish? -Yeah.
HARPER: Hmm. No, I feel it'll be too fishy.
Okay.
I mean, it's whitefish, it's pretty light.
It's not a very fishy fish.
Well, you can get it tomorrow. We're gonna be here all week.
Okay. All right. Yeah.
Or we can have the whitefish. Let's do it.
I just don't like it when it's too fishy.
-Mm-hmm. Yeah, me too. -Yeah, sure.
-Great. -HARPER: Great. It sounds good.
Let's do it.
-ETHAN: Neat. -Wine, people?
DAPHNE: Yes.
-What do we want? -I like white.
Me too. I prefer white.
GIUSEPPE: ♪ Non dimenticar ♪
♪ Although you travel far My darling ♪
♪ It's my heart you own ♪
♪ So I'll wait alone ♪
♪ Non dimenticar ♪
(PIANO MUSIC CONCLUDES)
(CROWD APPLAUDING)
BERT: I don't know what they're clapping for.
This singer's abominable.
Sounded okay to me.
♪ (TENSE CHORAL MUSIC PLAYING) ♪
(MOUTHING) Go to your room.
(MOUTHING) Go. Your room. Your room.
You're not feeling sluggish or not concentrating?
BERT: Head is fine. And it's not gonna happen again.
It was a little fall, nothing.
DOMINIC: You should sleep with Albie anyway.
All right.
-♪ (MUSIC CONCLUDES) ♪ -How was your caprese?
GREG: Hmm.
I was told that the cheese here was made by a blind nun
in a basement.
♪ (INTRIGUING MUSIC PLAYING) ♪
(IN ITALIAN)
(KISSES)
♪ (MUSIC CONTINUES) ♪
Hey!
♪ (MUSIC CONTINUES) ♪
(SAVORS, SIGHS)
♪ (MUSIC CONCLUDES) ♪
(BERT FARTING)
(GROANS)
(BERT FARTS)
(FARTS)
(IN ENGLISH) You know, I-- I think you're fine.
You-- you didn't hit your head that hard or... you know,
so, I should-- I'm just gonna go.
-(BERT GRUNTS) -♪ (INTRIGUING MUSIC PLAYING) ♪
So, I'll see you in the morning.
-Good night. -Good night, Nonno. Sleep well.
-♪ (MUSIC FADES) ♪ -(BERT FARTS)
-♪ (MYSTERIOUS MUSIC PLAYING) ♪ -(DOOR CLOSES)
-(CARD READER BEEPS) -(DOOR OPENS)
(DOOR CLOSES)
Buona sera.
♪ (MUSIC FADES) ♪
(INDISTINCT CHATTER)
Grazie.
(IN ITALIAN)
-Oh, grazie. -(GLASSES CLINK)
(HESITATES)
-(CHUCKLES SOFTLY) -MIA:
Hmm.
Hmm?
No. No, no, no, no.
(SIGHS)
Mm-hmm.
-Hmm? -(ICE CLINKING IN GLASS)
(CLICKS TONGUE)
(CHAIR SCRAPING)
(MIA MUTTERING INDISTINCTLY)
(SIGHS)
DAPHNE: (IN ENGLISH) She was definitely more talkative by the pool.
And at dinner, she was actually kinda nice.
Well... (SNIFFS) ...now that he's loaded,
do you think he regrets marrying such a dud?
Cam, I wanna FaceTime them again.
-CAMERON: What? (CHUCKLES) -Please?
CAMERON: Honey, come on. We just hung up.
I know, but I miss Emma so much.
CAMERON: I know. Of course you do.
But that's not the point, all right?
The point is... (SNIFFS) ...we're in Italy, honey. Okay?
-DAPHNE: Mm-Hmm. -We're on vacation.
-Just you and me. -DAPHNE: Yeah.
-We need to enjoy it. -(GASPS) Okay.
-Just me and my baby. -Ooh.
-And you know what that means. -What?
-CAMERON: You need something. -Mm-hmm.
You need... (BREATHES DEEPLY)
-...a tickle attack. -No!
-(CAMERON MUMBLING) -(LAUGHS) No!
-Please! Stop! -Tickle, tickle, tickle. I got you!
(DAPHNE SCREAMING, LAUGHING)
No, stop it!
-(DAPHNE GRUNTING) -CAMERON: (GRUNTS) Hey, hey!
-Is he hurting her? -(DAPHNE SCREAMING)
-No! No... (GRUNTS) -CAMERON: Hey! Tickle attack!
(IMITATES MONKEY HOOTING)
Monkey man, monkey man!
(CHUCKLES) No.
(DAPHNE AND CAMERON CONTINUE SCREAMING AND LAUGHING)
Thanks for making more of an effort.
I mean, yeah, they kind of live in a bubble, but...
they're fun, right?
They don't vote, Ethan.
I know. What the fuck? They don't read the news.
They don't read.
It's like, what do they even talk about?
(INHALES) Is that what happens
when you're rich for too long, your brain just atrophies?
(CHUCKLES) I mean, they seem happy.
No way. (SCOFFS) It's a front.
It's good to have, you know, diverse friends, I guess.
(SCOFFS) Yeah, I think we're their diverse friends.
-(EXHALES) -Their White-passing diverse friends.
Yeah, you're right. (SIGHS)
♪ (PENSIVE MUSIC PLAYING) ♪
(SIGHS)
When we came up here to get the suit,
he just took all of his clothes off
in the middle of the room. Like, naked.
And then you-- Like, where were you?
In the bathroom.
Doesn't seem that weird.
Just getting changed.
(BREATHES DEEPLY, GRUNTS)
♪ (MUSIC FADES) ♪
(DAPHNE LAUGHING)
CAMERON: Baby, come here! Baby, come on.
DAPHNE: No!
♪ (OMINOUS MUSIC PLAYING) ♪
(SCOFFS)
♪ (MUSIC FADES) ♪
♪ (TENSE MUSIC PLAYING) ♪
(TANYA GASPS)
Wow.
(GREG WHISPERING INDISTINCTLY)
All right, look.
Look. Listen, I don't wanna fucking talk
about this right now, okay?
Yes, I'm going to. Yeah. This is not the time.
Yes.
-(KNOCKING ON DOOR) -GREG: Fuck.
-TANYA: Hi. -(HESITATES) Hey.
Who are you talking to?
It's work. It's Bob.
Oh, Bob. Well, why were you whispering?
I-- I thought you were trying to get ready for bed.
Oh, well. Guess what?
-Huh? -TANYA: Look what I found.
-Oh, okay. -Two macaroons!
-GREG: Yeah, great. -Yeah.
I really did only eat three.
Oh. Well, great.
You had a whole panna cotta at dinner.
Well, eat them, 'cause you wanted 'em.
I don't want them now.
Why? Yeah, take them, they're good.
Tanya, I just brushed my teeth. I'm on the phone.
Uh, Bob, I gotta go...
♪ (PENSIVE MUSIC PLAYING) ♪
♪ (MUSIC TURNS DREAMY) ♪
-DOMINIC: Here you go. -Thank you.
-DOMINIC: Cheers. -Cheers.
-(SLURPS) -♪ (MUSIC FADES) ♪
(DOMINIC GROANS)
(CLICKS TONGUE, INHALES)
I went down to the dock when your boat arrived.
I wanted to see what you looked like.
What'd you think?
Very handsome.
Thank you. (SLURPS)
(INHALES) And you're from Los Angeles.
It's amazing. I always dreamt of going to Los Angeles.
It is my dream.
Uh, I mean... (CHUCKLES)
-(SLURPS) -You should go.
I don't have the money.
(BREATHES DEEPLY)
(SLURPS)
(EXHALES)
You seem like a very nice person. Um...
I'm just going through a lot right now in my life.
(INHALES) So, it's-- it's, um...
hard for me to make conversation right now.
(EXHALES) But you are very, uh, beautiful.
I'm glad you're here.
(SLURPS, SMACKS LIPS)
Allora...
♪ (DREAMY CHORAL MUSIC PLAYING) ♪
(GASPS)
-♪ (MUSIC CONTINUES) ♪ -(WAVES CRASHING)
♪ (MUSIC FADES) ♪