1
00:02:04,000 --> 00:02:05,042
Zoe!

2
00:02:08,750 --> 00:02:11,042
{\an8}-Aunty Aisha.
-Lovely to see you, Zoe.

3
00:02:11,083 --> 00:02:12,833
{\an8}You're looking fresh.

4
00:02:12,875 --> 00:02:15,792
{\an8}--Oh. Excuse me. Sorry.

5
00:02:16,458 --> 00:02:18,708
{\an8}Hello. No, no, I can talk.

6
00:02:19,500 --> 00:02:21,000
She's always going!

7
00:02:21,042 --> 00:02:23,000
Oh. Oh, right. Um...

8
00:02:23,917 --> 00:02:26,083
{\an8}Well, can I come in
and discuss this with you?

9
00:02:26,125 --> 00:02:27,750
{\an8}I have other ideas.

10
00:02:28,917 --> 00:02:30,917
{\an8}That's great. Okay, goodbye.

11
00:02:31,417 --> 00:02:32,458
Long time no see,

12
00:02:32,500 --> 00:02:34,292
{\an8}Miss award winning
documentary maker.

13
00:02:34,333 --> 00:02:35,375
{\an8}Can I have your autograph,
please?

14
00:02:35,417 --> 00:02:36,500
Kaz.

15
00:02:36,542 --> 00:02:38,417
What are you doing up there?

16
00:02:38,458 --> 00:02:40,917
-Same as always. Sneaky ciggy.
-Oh.

17
00:02:40,958 --> 00:02:42,167
Come up.

18
00:02:42,208 --> 00:02:43,833
{\an8}Please don't tell me

19
00:02:43,875 --> 00:02:46,042
{\an8}your parents still don't know you smoke?

20
00:02:46,833 --> 00:02:48,333
{\an8}I'm an oncology registrar.

21
00:02:48,375 --> 00:02:50,042
{\an8}It's not the best look, is it?

22
00:02:50,083 --> 00:02:52,458
But they're happy
now I'm getting married.

23
00:02:52,500 --> 00:02:55,792
You are? Hey, congratulations.

24
00:02:55,833 --> 00:02:58,042
-Who's the lucky lady?
-Don't know yet.

25
00:02:58,083 --> 00:02:59,458
What do you mean?

26
00:02:59,500 --> 00:03:00,708
I'm going old school
on this one.

27
00:03:00,750 --> 00:03:02,042
I'm getting
an arranged marriage.

28
00:03:02,083 --> 00:03:03,333
"Assisted marriage".

29
00:03:03,375 --> 00:03:05,000
That's what we're calling it
these days.

30
00:03:05,375 --> 00:03:06,583
Huh...

31
00:03:06,625 --> 00:03:08,625
What, like assisted suicide?

32
00:03:10,125 --> 00:03:11,375
I can't get my head round

33
00:03:11,417 --> 00:03:13,292
marrying someone
you don't know.

34
00:03:13,333 --> 00:03:14,333
It might be easier

35
00:03:14,375 --> 00:03:15,833
than marrying someone
you do know.

36
00:03:15,875 --> 00:03:16,917
Mmm.

37
00:03:16,958 --> 00:03:18,083
Did you never wanna
get married?

38
00:03:18,125 --> 00:03:21,125
Ooh,
"never" is a bit harsh.

39
00:03:21,167 --> 00:03:22,375
I'm still interviewing.

40
00:03:22,417 --> 00:03:25,417
-I haven't yet met the one.
-Ah, the one.

41
00:03:25,458 --> 00:03:26,917
You know, just
someone who I could commit

42
00:03:26,958 --> 00:03:29,708
to watching a whole
TV series with, would be nice.

43
00:03:29,750 --> 00:03:31,208
Be nice.

44
00:03:31,250 --> 00:03:33,083
Hey, where's your little
sister? I haven't seen her.

45
00:03:33,125 --> 00:03:34,375
-Jamila?
-Yeah.

46
00:03:34,417 --> 00:03:36,542
She couldn't make it.

47
00:03:36,583 --> 00:03:37,625
Sounds like
it's kicking off in there.

48
00:03:37,667 --> 00:03:39,000
We should...
Let's go back inside.

49
00:03:40,083 --> 00:03:42,000
I'm gonna have
to find a new hiding place.

50
00:03:42,042 --> 00:03:43,292
They're cutting down the tree.

51
00:03:43,333 --> 00:03:44,792
-No?
-Yeah.

52
00:03:44,833 --> 00:03:48,667
That's... That's so sad!
This is our tree!

53
00:03:48,708 --> 00:03:49,792
I know. Come on.

54
00:03:54,875 --> 00:03:57,500
Look at Farooq. He's so happy.

55
00:03:57,542 --> 00:03:59,625
Oh, God. Mum dancing.

56
00:04:01,042 --> 00:04:02,708
Thank you, Aisha, darling.

57
00:04:02,750 --> 00:04:04,042
That was just heaven.

58
00:04:04,083 --> 00:04:05,625
I'll be back
for a <i>gupshup</i> tomorrow.

59
00:04:05,667 --> 00:04:06,750
Bye.

60
00:04:06,792 --> 00:04:08,292
Oh.

61
00:04:08,333 --> 00:04:10,708
Wasn't it just
so wonderfully exotic?

62
00:04:10,750 --> 00:04:14,625
I felt... I felt like some
sort of glorious concubine.

63
00:04:14,667 --> 00:04:16,541
Exotic meaning
good foreign rather than

64
00:04:16,583 --> 00:04:18,083
-threatening foreign.
-Yeah, exactly.

65
00:04:18,125 --> 00:04:20,416
Cath, I forgot to give you
some biryani.

66
00:04:20,458 --> 00:04:22,667
Oh, darling,
thank you so much.

67
00:04:23,250 --> 00:04:25,667
Oh! I cannot believe
that you did not tell me

68
00:04:25,708 --> 00:04:28,542
that Kaz has asked you
to find him a wife.

69
00:04:28,583 --> 00:04:29,917
Oh, my God. You are so lucky.

70
00:04:29,958 --> 00:04:33,458
Zoe would kill me if I even
tried to choose her clothes,

71
00:04:33,500 --> 00:04:34,792
let alone a husband.

72
00:04:34,833 --> 00:04:36,792
That's because you'd choose
someone ill-fitting

73
00:04:36,833 --> 00:04:39,292
-and insist I grow into him.
-That's mean.

74
00:04:39,333 --> 00:04:40,958
-That's what you would do.
-Stop it, both...

75
00:04:41,000 --> 00:04:42,417
Bye-bye.

76
00:04:42,458 --> 00:04:44,708
-Goodnight.
-Thank you, sweetheart.

77
00:04:44,750 --> 00:04:46,708
- Night, Mum.
- Bye, darling. Buckle up.

78
00:04:49,917 --> 00:04:53,875
So, Zoe, we loved your doc.

79
00:04:53,917 --> 00:04:55,375
Oh, loved it.

80
00:04:55,417 --> 00:04:58,000
-Kids in care?
-Yes, that one.

81
00:04:58,042 --> 00:04:59,583
That's great.
Because I was hoping...

82
00:04:59,625 --> 00:05:01,125
Unfortunately,

83
00:05:01,958 --> 00:05:04,792
your ideas
for your next one...

84
00:05:04,833 --> 00:05:08,292
The bankruptcy courts,
honour killings...

85
00:05:08,333 --> 00:05:10,208
They're a bit bleak.

86
00:05:10,250 --> 00:05:12,042
-Downbeat.
-Yeah. And, you know...

87
00:05:12,083 --> 00:05:13,917
Your scratchier,
darker stuff...

88
00:05:13,958 --> 00:05:14,667
-Which we love.
-We love it

89
00:05:14,708 --> 00:05:16,917
right down to the bones.

90
00:05:16,958 --> 00:05:18,250
-Yeah.
-But...

91
00:05:18,292 --> 00:05:19,708
It's not really rating
for us right now.

92
00:05:19,750 --> 00:05:21,500
I think, look,
what we're after

93
00:05:21,542 --> 00:05:23,458
is sort of more upbeat...

94
00:05:23,500 --> 00:05:24,875
- Yeah.
- Character-led stories.

95
00:05:24,917 --> 00:05:26,417
-Warm heart...
-Yeah.

96
00:05:26,458 --> 00:05:27,500
Um, feel-good, really.

97
00:05:27,542 --> 00:05:28,750
And we were
kind of brainstorming,

98
00:05:28,792 --> 00:05:30,708
and we think
that there probably isn't

99
00:05:30,750 --> 00:05:34,500
a feel-good version
of honour killings.

100
00:05:34,542 --> 00:05:36,542
-Probably not.
-But, er...

101
00:05:36,583 --> 00:05:39,750
Thank you very much
for coming in.

102
00:05:39,792 --> 00:05:40,958
We've connected now.

103
00:05:41,000 --> 00:05:42,417
Look, we've got
your details now.

104
00:05:42,458 --> 00:05:43,625
So, silver lining.
Always look at the upside.

105
00:05:43,667 --> 00:05:46,167
Actually, hang on.

106
00:05:46,208 --> 00:05:49,875
Arranged marriages in modern
multi-cultural Britain.

107
00:05:51,167 --> 00:05:53,500
-Sorry, I wasn't listening...
-I'm sorry...

108
00:05:53,542 --> 00:05:56,000
I was just explaining
that my childhood friend

109
00:05:56,042 --> 00:05:57,833
whose parents
are from Pakistan...

110
00:05:57,875 --> 00:05:59,083
He was born in Pakistan? Cool.

111
00:05:59,125 --> 00:06:00,333
No, he was born here.

112
00:06:00,375 --> 00:06:02,250
But he lived literally
next door to me,

113
00:06:02,292 --> 00:06:03,458
and we grew up together.

114
00:06:03,500 --> 00:06:06,292
And he's just decided
to have an arranged marriage.

115
00:06:06,333 --> 00:06:08,375
I could follow him
on his journey

116
00:06:08,417 --> 00:06:10,167
to marry a stranger

117
00:06:10,208 --> 00:06:12,292
chosen by his parents.

118
00:06:15,708 --> 00:06:16,917
What's he... What's he like?

119
00:06:16,958 --> 00:06:19,000
Well, he's great,
he's funny, good-looking.

120
00:06:19,042 --> 00:06:20,875
-Funny's good.
-Really funny!

121
00:06:20,917 --> 00:06:22,750
Kind. Er, you know...

122
00:06:23,333 --> 00:06:25,042
Literally, the last person
you'd ever expect

123
00:06:25,083 --> 00:06:26,750
to do something like this.

124
00:06:26,792 --> 00:06:28,708
I could interview
other British couples

125
00:06:28,750 --> 00:06:30,417
who've also had
arranged marriages.

126
00:06:30,458 --> 00:06:32,833
Um, older, younger,
happy, unhappy.

127
00:06:32,875 --> 00:06:34,208
Yeah, like in
<i>When Harry Met Sally.</i>

128
00:06:34,250 --> 00:06:35,958
Ooh, erm, don't you mean

129
00:06:36,000 --> 00:06:37,958
When Harry Was Forced
To Meet Sally?

130
00:06:38,000 --> 00:06:39,583
Right. Nice.

131
00:06:39,625 --> 00:06:43,083
Well, this isn't
a forced marriage, actually.

132
00:06:43,125 --> 00:06:44,375
This is his idea.

133
00:06:44,417 --> 00:06:46,750
My Big Fat Arranged Wedding.

134
00:06:46,792 --> 00:06:49,458
Instead of Greek, yeah.
Oh, love it.

135
00:06:49,500 --> 00:06:52,792
Everyone thinks
that arranged marriages

136
00:06:52,833 --> 00:06:54,917
are some sort of
mediaeval chattel swap,

137
00:06:54,958 --> 00:06:56,667
but actually they've evolved

138
00:06:56,708 --> 00:06:59,333
into what's called
assisted marriage

139
00:06:59,375 --> 00:07:01,375
with the parents
just suggesting someone

140
00:07:01,417 --> 00:07:03,042
who they think would be
a good match.

141
00:07:03,083 --> 00:07:04,542
Yeah, love that.
Absolutely love that.

142
00:07:04,583 --> 00:07:06,417
Now, I'm just thinking.

143
00:07:06,458 --> 00:07:08,375
Meet The Parents First.

144
00:07:08,417 --> 00:07:09,875
Meet The Parents First.

145
00:07:09,917 --> 00:07:11,125
-Right. Erm, Or, erm...
-It's called <i>Meet The Parents.</i>

146
00:07:11,167 --> 00:07:14,167
I Hope She's
A Pretty Woman.

147
00:07:16,042 --> 00:07:17,875
Love Contractually.

148
00:07:23,042 --> 00:07:24,750
-I <i>Love Actually</i> it.
-Yeah.

149
00:07:24,792 --> 00:07:26,875
I mean, think about it.
You got... You got eth, tick.

150
00:07:27,250 --> 00:07:29,667
Female director. Double tick.

151
00:07:30,500 --> 00:07:31,500
Huh!

152
00:07:33,083 --> 00:07:34,125
Wow.

153
00:07:35,375 --> 00:07:37,458
Are him
and his family on board?

154
00:07:41,125 --> 00:07:42,500
Totally.

155
00:07:42,542 --> 00:07:43,708
Absolutely not. No.

156
00:07:43,750 --> 00:07:46,000
<i> Come on, Kaz. I'm down
on my knees. I'm begging you.</i>

157
00:07:46,042 --> 00:07:47,417
Out of the question, Zoe.

158
00:07:47,458 --> 00:07:49,375
<i>Kaz, will you please just
do this for me?</i>

159
00:07:49,417 --> 00:07:50,458
Zoe...

160
00:07:50,500 --> 00:07:52,750
-<i>Please!
</i>-I can't talk right now.

161
00:07:52,792 --> 00:07:53,958
<i>I don't know if you've heard,</i>

162
00:07:54,000 --> 00:07:56,292
but I'm an award-winning
documentary film-maker.

163
00:07:56,333 --> 00:07:58,250
Yeah. I did hear that, yeah.

164
00:07:58,292 --> 00:07:59,708
<i> Also, aren't you...
I mean, listen...</i>

165
00:07:59,750 --> 00:08:01,375
<i>Aren't you proud
to be a Muslim?</i>

166
00:08:01,417 --> 00:08:03,500
Of course I'm a proud Muslim.

167
00:08:04,750 --> 00:08:06,875
<i> Yeah, then wouldn't it be
a good thing to see</i>

168
00:08:06,917 --> 00:08:08,542
someone like you
on TV for once?

169
00:08:08,583 --> 00:08:11,000
Don't extremist madmen
make more entertaining TV?

170
00:08:11,042 --> 00:08:13,292
No, it's important.
Come on, Kaz, please.

171
00:08:13,333 --> 00:08:14,458
<i>We'll get to hang out,</i>

172
00:08:14,500 --> 00:08:15,625
<i>we'll get to spend
some time together.</i>

173
00:08:15,667 --> 00:08:17,708
It'll be fun. Like old times.

174
00:08:17,750 --> 00:08:19,042
Old times? I just remember you

175
00:08:19,083 --> 00:08:20,958
and my sister constantly
trying to shake me off.

176
00:08:21,000 --> 00:08:23,000
<i>- Does that sound a bit weird?

177
00:08:24,042 --> 00:08:25,542
Come on, please.

178
00:08:25,583 --> 00:08:27,417
Oh, God, Zoe, stop.

179
00:08:27,458 --> 00:08:28,583
<i>You owe me.</i>

180
00:08:28,625 --> 00:08:29,958
<i>I never told Aunty Aisha</i>

181
00:08:30,000 --> 00:08:31,250
<i>what you got up to
in that treehouse.</i>

182
00:08:32,042 --> 00:08:33,500
<i> All right.
Well, what about this?</i>

183
00:08:33,542 --> 00:08:35,707
<i>We'll meet up,
play a little table tennis.</i>

184
00:08:35,750 --> 00:08:37,832
<i>And if you beat me,
I'll think about it.</i>

185
00:08:37,875 --> 00:08:39,792
Yeah. Sounds good.
No pressure.

186
00:08:39,832 --> 00:08:41,417
Let's go, let's go,
let's go, let's go.

187
00:08:42,500 --> 00:08:43,542
I'm getting...
It's been a while

188
00:08:43,582 --> 00:08:45,083
since I've played this.

189
00:08:45,792 --> 00:08:49,375
Er, dare I ask?
What about love?

190
00:08:50,042 --> 00:08:52,375
It's just a different way
of getting there.

191
00:08:52,417 --> 00:08:53,750
You don't have
to start with love.

192
00:08:53,792 --> 00:08:55,042
You end with love. You know?

193
00:08:55,083 --> 00:08:56,125
And over time,

194
00:08:56,167 --> 00:08:58,500
you grow to love the person
you're with.

195
00:08:58,542 --> 00:09:00,833
Hmm. What?
Like Stockholm Syndrome?

196
00:09:02,125 --> 00:09:04,292
You know, my parents aren't
making me do this.

197
00:09:04,333 --> 00:09:06,583
No, I know.
That's why I'm so surprised.

198
00:09:08,292 --> 00:09:11,083
Do you know what the UK
divorce rate is? I found out.

199
00:09:11,125 --> 00:09:12,167
No. Er, 50%?

200
00:09:12,875 --> 00:09:14,667
55%.

201
00:09:14,708 --> 00:09:17,250
And guess what it is for
Arranged marriages? 6%. Boom.

202
00:09:18,833 --> 00:09:20,667
Thing is, Zoe,
I've seen it work.

203
00:09:20,708 --> 00:09:22,708
I want my kids to have
what I had. Stability.

204
00:09:22,750 --> 00:09:24,542
Marriage isn't just about
two people being in love.

205
00:09:24,583 --> 00:09:26,750
It's a bigger thing than that.

206
00:09:26,792 --> 00:09:28,667
It's about what's best
for children,

207
00:09:28,708 --> 00:09:30,542
and the whole family. Society.

208
00:09:30,583 --> 00:09:32,167
Just say all that weird,
old-fashioned,

209
00:09:32,208 --> 00:09:33,833
conventional shit on camera.

210
00:09:33,875 --> 00:09:35,708
Fuck, that is so annoying.

211
00:09:36,792 --> 00:09:38,583
If I win this rally, right,

212
00:09:39,167 --> 00:09:40,833
you're doing the film.

213
00:09:40,875 --> 00:09:42,375
Yes!

214
00:09:42,417 --> 00:09:44,125
God.

215
00:09:44,167 --> 00:09:45,583
You know where we're going.
I just told you.

216
00:09:45,625 --> 00:09:46,708
I know. But just say it
for the camera.

217
00:09:46,750 --> 00:09:47,875
And look in my eyes.

218
00:09:47,917 --> 00:09:50,000
-What, down to you?
-Yeah, tell me.

219
00:09:50,042 --> 00:09:52,833
Can you give me two seconds?
It's literally just here.

220
00:09:52,875 --> 00:09:54,667
And how is this

221
00:09:54,708 --> 00:09:57,958
any different from, say,
dating apps?

222
00:09:58,500 --> 00:10:01,750
Well, I guess you could say
it's kind of like a bespoke,

223
00:10:01,792 --> 00:10:05,333
3D halal Tinder,
operated by your parents.

224
00:10:06,417 --> 00:10:07,875
<i>I'm Aisha Khan.</i>

225
00:10:07,917 --> 00:10:10,750
I'm the cultural consultant on
this very positive documentary

226
00:10:10,792 --> 00:10:12,292
- on arranged marriage.
- Great.

227
00:10:12,333 --> 00:10:13,417
If you could just, um,

228
00:10:13,458 --> 00:10:14,833
- ignore the camera.
- Hi, guys.

229
00:10:15,583 --> 00:10:18,917
<i>Salam aleikum.</i> Mo here.
Mo the matchmaker.

230
00:10:18,958 --> 00:10:21,250
And if you're looking for
a suitable match for your son,

231
00:10:21,292 --> 00:10:22,917
then you've come
to the right place.

232
00:10:22,958 --> 00:10:24,583
We do daughters as well.

233
00:10:24,625 --> 00:10:25,792
Again, just...
You can just pretend

234
00:10:25,833 --> 00:10:27,583
I'm not here.
Sorry, I'm invisible.

235
00:10:27,625 --> 00:10:30,417
Natural. Bring it down
a little bit. Sure, okay.

236
00:10:30,458 --> 00:10:31,542
Okay.

237
00:10:33,208 --> 00:10:36,458
So, platinum services,
they also include me

238
00:10:36,500 --> 00:10:38,333
checking out
the girl's family.

239
00:10:38,375 --> 00:10:39,792
Seeing that she's
from a good family home,

240
00:10:39,833 --> 00:10:40,417
nice, tidy, clean.

241
00:10:40,458 --> 00:10:42,375
Okay. So, guys, tell me,

242
00:10:42,417 --> 00:10:45,167
what kind of lovely lady
are we looking for today?

243
00:10:45,208 --> 00:10:47,917
Someone intelligent
and attractive

244
00:10:47,958 --> 00:10:49,792
and who I click with,
I suppose.

245
00:10:49,833 --> 00:10:51,958
People keep talking
about this click. You know?

246
00:10:52,000 --> 00:10:53,583
He needs a companion,
not a click.

247
00:10:53,625 --> 00:10:55,875
You know, just someone
who can tolerate my parents.

248
00:10:55,917 --> 00:10:57,917
You know, a girl
from the same background.

249
00:10:57,958 --> 00:11:00,250
Soft-spoken, long hair.

250
00:11:00,292 --> 00:11:01,583
Er, not too dark.

251
00:11:01,625 --> 00:11:03,625
Wheatish complexion,
at the most.

252
00:11:03,667 --> 00:11:04,958
Wheat, beige?

253
00:11:05,000 --> 00:11:06,583
Did you bring your
Pantone colour chart?

254
00:11:07,208 --> 00:11:08,875
Be serious about this, okay?

255
00:11:08,917 --> 00:11:11,500
Brother, have a look at these
and tell me what you think.

256
00:11:11,542 --> 00:11:13,750
-No photos?
-No photos yet.

257
00:11:13,792 --> 00:11:15,583
Think about it,
if she's too fit,

258
00:11:15,625 --> 00:11:17,458
then you won't know
if she's a good fit.

259
00:11:17,500 --> 00:11:18,875
You're gonna see the picture.

260
00:11:18,917 --> 00:11:20,875
Yeah. You're thinking
with your little...

261
00:11:20,917 --> 00:11:23,542
You need to be thinking
with your... Okay?

262
00:11:24,292 --> 00:11:25,833
So, religious observance.

263
00:11:25,875 --> 00:11:28,042
Do you want practising,
moderately practising?

264
00:11:28,083 --> 00:11:30,417
-Practising.
-Not too conservative.

265
00:11:30,458 --> 00:11:31,875
And beard or no beard?

266
00:11:31,917 --> 00:11:33,125
What?

267
00:11:34,208 --> 00:11:37,000
Uh, wrong list.
Sorry, give that back.

268
00:11:37,417 --> 00:11:38,542
Sorry.

269
00:11:38,583 --> 00:11:41,708
Um, okay, and modesty,
are we talking hijab?

270
00:11:41,750 --> 00:11:44,000
Are we talking niqab?
Are we talking jilbab?

271
00:11:44,042 --> 00:11:45,125
Niqab is not necessary.

272
00:11:45,167 --> 00:11:47,208
We are a modern family
after all.

273
00:11:47,250 --> 00:11:49,625
Okay. Now, do we want
a housewife kind of lady,

274
00:11:49,667 --> 00:11:50,958
or do we want career lady?

275
00:11:51,000 --> 00:11:53,125
Seriously, as long as
we're on the same wavelength,

276
00:11:53,167 --> 00:11:54,667
and we have things
in common...

277
00:11:54,708 --> 00:11:55,833
But not too ambitious,

278
00:11:55,875 --> 00:11:58,208
or too much into this, er,
women's lib.

279
00:11:59,458 --> 00:12:01,458
And, er, community?

280
00:12:01,917 --> 00:12:04,042
-Pakistani.
-We're open to any background.

281
00:12:04,083 --> 00:12:05,292
But they just said Pakistan.

282
00:12:05,333 --> 00:12:07,417
- As long as she's Muslim.
- But not Indian.

283
00:12:07,458 --> 00:12:10,792
Punjabi, Sindhi, Balochi.
All these are okay.

284
00:12:10,833 --> 00:12:12,208
- Sure, cool.
- Actually, it would

285
00:12:12,250 --> 00:12:15,042
be best if she is a, you know,
Jalandhar KPK Pathan mix.

286
00:12:15,083 --> 00:12:16,750
This is getting kind of niche.

287
00:12:16,792 --> 00:12:18,583
Okay, and what's, er...
What's your education, bro?

288
00:12:18,625 --> 00:12:20,458
Bachelors in Biology.
Then medical school.

289
00:12:21,917 --> 00:12:22,708
-He's a doctor.
-Oof.

290
00:12:22,750 --> 00:12:24,000
Listen, top of the food chain.

291
00:12:24,042 --> 00:12:25,417
- See?
- Easy.

292
00:12:25,458 --> 00:12:27,083
And any vices
I should know about?

293
00:12:27,125 --> 00:12:28,500
Any drinking, smoking?

294
00:12:28,542 --> 00:12:30,542
Dogging? S and M?
Anything like that?

295
00:12:30,583 --> 00:12:31,958
-None.
-No.

296
00:12:32,000 --> 00:12:32,750
Okay, Uncle, Aunty,

297
00:12:32,792 --> 00:12:34,500
I will find your son
a brilliant match.

298
00:12:34,542 --> 00:12:36,292
You don't worry about that.
Thank you very much.

299
00:12:36,333 --> 00:12:37,875
Thank you very much.

300
00:12:37,917 --> 00:12:38,833
No dogs, no pets.

301
00:12:38,875 --> 00:12:41,458
No, no. Dogging means
something... Don't worry.

302
00:12:41,500 --> 00:12:42,875
- Cats are okay.
- Cats?

303
00:12:42,917 --> 00:12:44,958
I'll write that down. "Cats".

304
00:12:46,333 --> 00:12:48,333
We met on our wedding day.

305
00:12:49,375 --> 00:12:51,542
My parents, you know,
they showed me her photograph

306
00:12:51,583 --> 00:12:53,917
and I said, "Okay, it's fine."

307
00:12:55,333 --> 00:12:56,583
My mother asked me,
but I said,

308
00:12:56,625 --> 00:13:00,000
"No, you choose.
So, later I can blame you."

309
00:13:01,000 --> 00:13:04,125
Her father was Deputy
Commissioner of the district,

310
00:13:04,167 --> 00:13:07,042
and my father was a doctor
in the same village.

311
00:13:07,083 --> 00:13:08,167
They were friends,

312
00:13:08,208 --> 00:13:09,792
so, they arranged
the marriage.

313
00:13:10,500 --> 00:13:12,125
I remember, on the wedding,

314
00:13:12,167 --> 00:13:15,083
we were sitting on the stage
and the lights went out.

315
00:13:15,500 --> 00:13:18,250
In Pakistan, there is
an electricity problem.

316
00:13:18,292 --> 00:13:19,750
And she got scared,

317
00:13:19,792 --> 00:13:21,125
so I leaned over to her
and said,

318
00:13:21,167 --> 00:13:23,042
"Don't worry, it's nothing."

319
00:13:25,167 --> 00:13:26,750
Then I felt okay.

320
00:13:27,292 --> 00:13:29,625
After that,
it was simple sailing.

321
00:13:31,292 --> 00:13:33,833
You know,
when the lights came on,

322
00:13:33,875 --> 00:13:35,875
I felt he was looking at me.

323
00:13:39,333 --> 00:13:41,375
She looked tip-top.

324
00:13:41,417 --> 00:13:43,000
I thought to myself,

325
00:13:43,042 --> 00:13:46,125
"They made
a first-class choice."

326
00:14:10,875 --> 00:14:13,250
{\an8}What was wrong with him?
He looked nice.

327
00:14:13,292 --> 00:14:15,083
{\an8}- No!
- Him, him. Stop.

328
00:14:15,125 --> 00:14:17,042
He's hot enough
that I'll overlook

329
00:14:17,083 --> 00:14:18,542
that inspirational quote.

330
00:14:18,583 --> 00:14:21,208
"My mantra is..."

331
00:14:21,250 --> 00:14:22,750
No.

332
00:14:22,792 --> 00:14:25,083
"...you have
to endure the rain

333
00:14:25,125 --> 00:14:27,875
"if you want
to see the rainbow."

334
00:14:27,917 --> 00:14:29,167
What does that mean?

335
00:14:29,208 --> 00:14:31,042
It means I'll have to toss
a Viagra in his mouth

336
00:14:31,083 --> 00:14:32,167
when he's talking.

337
00:14:32,208 --> 00:14:33,667
Daddy's home.

338
00:14:33,708 --> 00:14:36,167
- Daddy! Daddy! Daddy!
- Daddy!

339
00:14:36,208 --> 00:14:37,625
What are you doing?

340
00:14:37,667 --> 00:14:39,958
I thought the one upside
to getting married

341
00:14:40,000 --> 00:14:41,500
is that you get
to let yourself go?

342
00:14:41,542 --> 00:14:42,917
Yeah, what's a Viagra?

343
00:14:42,958 --> 00:14:44,500
Aunty Zoe here, by any chance?

344
00:14:44,542 --> 00:14:46,208
I'll go read to the kids

345
00:14:46,250 --> 00:14:47,292
so you can enjoy
some alone time.

346
00:14:47,333 --> 00:14:50,375
Oh, shut up.
Nothing inappropriate, please!

347
00:14:50,417 --> 00:14:52,083
Mmm-mmm. Never.

348
00:14:52,667 --> 00:14:54,333
Come on. Come here.

349
00:14:54,792 --> 00:14:56,708
Once upon a time...

350
00:14:57,125 --> 00:14:59,875
He can come and listen to me
on my shoulder.

351
00:14:59,917 --> 00:15:01,542
-Ready?
-Yes.

352
00:15:01,583 --> 00:15:03,458
Oh, come here, Maud.

353
00:15:03,500 --> 00:15:04,667
Once upon a time,

354
00:15:04,708 --> 00:15:07,458
there was a girl
and she met a frog.

355
00:15:07,500 --> 00:15:09,625
And he promised her

356
00:15:09,667 --> 00:15:11,958
"If you kiss me,

357
00:15:12,000 --> 00:15:14,625
"I'll turn into
a handsome prince."

358
00:15:16,042 --> 00:15:17,833
And
she said, "I'm not interested

359
00:15:17,875 --> 00:15:20,125
"in fixing anyone but myself.

360
00:15:20,167 --> 00:15:21,958
"And anyway,

361
00:15:22,000 --> 00:15:24,833
"I'd far rather have a cool,

362
00:15:24,875 --> 00:15:27,958
"talking frog
than a boring old prince."

363
00:15:28,000 --> 00:15:30,292
That's not a good story.

364
00:15:30,333 --> 00:15:31,625
Do Cinderella.

365
00:15:31,667 --> 00:15:34,458
All right, I'll do Cinderella,
if you're in bed in

366
00:15:34,500 --> 00:15:37,250
five, four, three, two...

367
00:15:37,292 --> 00:15:38,583
<i>Once upon a time,</i>

368
00:15:38,625 --> 00:15:41,000
<i>Cinderella met
a handsome prince.</i>

369
00:15:41,917 --> 00:15:44,083
<i>And sometimes, kids,
you meet someone,</i>

370
00:15:44,125 --> 00:15:45,667
<i>and you know in a heartbeat</i>

371
00:15:45,708 --> 00:15:48,250
<i>that you want
to spend the rest of your life</i>

372
00:15:49,417 --> 00:15:50,583
<i>without them.</i>

373
00:15:52,833 --> 00:15:55,208
<i>Once upon another time,</i>

374
00:15:55,250 --> 00:15:56,458
<i>Cinderella met another prince.</i>

375
00:15:56,500 --> 00:15:58,542
- You can probably tell...
<i>- Because in fairy tales,</i>

376
00:15:58,583 --> 00:16:00,708
<i>a heroine is incomplete
without one.</i>

377
00:16:00,750 --> 00:16:02,208
...how well I've done
out of everything,

378
00:16:02,250 --> 00:16:03,750
And do you know what?

379
00:16:03,792 --> 00:16:05,125
You'd be bloody right,
actually.

380
00:16:05,167 --> 00:16:08,000
<i>And another prince.</i>

381
00:16:10,958 --> 00:16:13,250
<i>And he asked her to marry him.</i>

382
00:16:14,667 --> 00:16:16,167
<i>And she said,</i>

383
00:16:17,292 --> 00:16:18,375
<i>"No".</i>

384
00:16:19,083 --> 00:16:21,375
<i>Cinderella focused
on glass ceilings</i>

385
00:16:21,417 --> 00:16:22,708
<i>instead of glass slippers,</i>

386
00:16:22,750 --> 00:16:24,208
<i>which means she focused on work</i>

387
00:16:24,250 --> 00:16:28,208
<i>and realised she was fine
without a boring old prince.</i>

388
00:16:28,250 --> 00:16:29,667
<i>The End.</i>

389
00:16:34,625 --> 00:16:37,000
Check, one, two...

390
00:16:37,042 --> 00:16:39,750
<i>Asalam aleikum,
</i>brothers and sisters.

391
00:16:39,792 --> 00:16:41,750
Welcome to this very,

392
00:16:41,792 --> 00:16:44,125
very special Muslim
marriage event.

393
00:16:44,167 --> 00:16:47,083
I go by the name
of Mo the Matchmaker.

394
00:16:47,125 --> 00:16:49,417
And I'm here
to find you a match.

395
00:16:49,458 --> 00:16:53,417
We are gonna end the spinster
crisis together, guys.

396
00:16:53,458 --> 00:16:54,792
Come on.

397
00:16:54,833 --> 00:16:56,125
There's someone
out there for everyone.

398
00:16:56,167 --> 00:16:57,833
And we all have needs.

399
00:16:57,875 --> 00:17:01,125
Divorcees. Disabled people.

400
00:17:01,167 --> 00:17:02,542
Women over 30.

401
00:17:03,875 --> 00:17:05,083
Okay, brothers,

402
00:17:05,125 --> 00:17:06,208
you may now approach

403
00:17:06,250 --> 00:17:08,250
any sisters
that you like the look of.

404
00:17:08,291 --> 00:17:10,750
Good. Rotate. Very nice.

405
00:17:10,791 --> 00:17:12,000
Oh, look at that chemistry.

406
00:17:12,041 --> 00:17:13,666
We keep it halal, here.
We keep it halal.

407
00:17:13,708 --> 00:17:15,458
Be honest. You're not
gonna get what you want

408
00:17:15,500 --> 00:17:17,000
if you don't say
what you want.

409
00:17:17,041 --> 00:17:19,583
Guys, you want a good cook,
say you want your Nigella.

410
00:17:19,625 --> 00:17:21,166
Girls, you want the money man,

411
00:17:21,208 --> 00:17:22,708
say, "I'm looking
for my Elon Musk."

412
00:17:22,750 --> 00:17:25,000
Use your best lines.

413
00:17:25,666 --> 00:17:28,416
Now we are gonna
form a circle of ten.

414
00:17:28,458 --> 00:17:31,208
Five guys, five girls.
Chaperones at the back.

415
00:17:31,250 --> 00:17:33,250
Come on, guys, let's do it.

416
00:17:34,167 --> 00:17:35,875
Your parents are gonna be
so happy, trust me.

417
00:17:37,542 --> 00:17:38,667
Come on.

418
00:17:38,708 --> 00:17:40,333
And, guys,
I want you to be honest, okay?

419
00:17:40,375 --> 00:17:42,750
Is this your first time?

420
00:17:42,792 --> 00:17:46,250
Mate, here,
it's everyone's first time.

421
00:17:46,292 --> 00:17:48,042
At least that's what
they'll tell you.

422
00:17:48,833 --> 00:17:49,917
Boys, boys, boys.

423
00:17:49,958 --> 00:17:52,083
What's going on? Why are you
talking to each other?

424
00:17:52,125 --> 00:17:53,792
There's girls here. Okay?

425
00:17:53,833 --> 00:17:56,250
Unless you want marriage
outside of Islamic sharia,

426
00:17:56,292 --> 00:17:58,167
I suggest you stop talking
to the same sex.

427
00:17:58,208 --> 00:17:59,958
All right, boys? Enjoy.

428
00:18:00,000 --> 00:18:02,042
I'm looking for someone
who has patience

429
00:18:02,083 --> 00:18:03,583
and an understanding
of culture.

430
00:18:03,625 --> 00:18:06,792
Someone who's supportive
and honest,

431
00:18:06,833 --> 00:18:07,917
who likes to travel.

432
00:18:07,958 --> 00:18:09,875
Well, just someone
who's great.

433
00:18:09,917 --> 00:18:11,583
And who's British enough
for me,

434
00:18:11,625 --> 00:18:13,583
and, er, Pakistani enough
for my family.

435
00:18:14,583 --> 00:18:17,583
Someone down to earth
with a sense of humour,

436
00:18:17,625 --> 00:18:19,583
who will encourage me
in my religion.

437
00:18:21,417 --> 00:18:22,458
Where are you from?

438
00:18:22,500 --> 00:18:24,333
Erm, Birmingham.
How about you?

439
00:18:24,375 --> 00:18:26,125
Well, I'm from...
Well, I'm from London.

440
00:18:27,125 --> 00:18:29,417
-What do you do?
-I'm a banker.

441
00:18:29,458 --> 00:18:31,625
-What do you do?
-I... Well, I'm a doctor.

442
00:18:36,417 --> 00:18:38,000
Oh, Kaz.

443
00:18:38,708 --> 00:18:41,208
Isn't this a massive,
crazy gamble?

444
00:18:41,250 --> 00:18:42,625
I mean...

445
00:18:43,083 --> 00:18:45,583
What if there's no chemistry?

446
00:18:46,167 --> 00:18:47,708
How are you even gonna know,

447
00:18:47,750 --> 00:18:49,125
if you don't believe in sex
before marriage

448
00:18:49,167 --> 00:18:50,542
all of a sudden?

449
00:18:50,583 --> 00:18:53,667
I'm not sure I believe in sex
after marriage.

450
00:18:53,708 --> 00:18:56,208
Most of my friends have
no sex after marriage.

451
00:18:56,250 --> 00:18:57,542
And that's with the loves
of their lives.

452
00:18:57,583 --> 00:19:00,500
That's a fair point.
It's depressing.

453
00:19:02,333 --> 00:19:04,333
I think you can usually tell

454
00:19:04,375 --> 00:19:06,083
if the sex would work.

455
00:19:12,208 --> 00:19:14,750
Do you wanna go
and get a drink?

456
00:19:14,792 --> 00:19:16,625
A Bloody Mary for me,
and a Virgin for you.

457
00:19:19,417 --> 00:19:21,042
I've got lunch
with my parents.

458
00:19:21,083 --> 00:19:23,292
-Oh.
-It's Mother's Day.

459
00:19:23,792 --> 00:19:25,000
Oh, shit.

460
00:19:29,208 --> 00:19:31,458
- See you tomorrow.
- Yeah.

461
00:19:32,708 --> 00:19:33,833
-Bye.
-Bye.

462
00:19:43,917 --> 00:19:45,000
Hi, Zoe.

463
00:19:45,042 --> 00:19:47,333
Ah! <i>Allah kum salam,
</i>Aunty Aisha.

464
00:19:47,375 --> 00:19:49,583
What?

465
00:19:49,625 --> 00:19:50,917
You still can't say it.
It's...

466
00:19:50,958 --> 00:19:52,542
<i>Asalam aleikum,</i> Aisha.

467
00:19:52,583 --> 00:19:53,625
There you go.

468
00:19:53,667 --> 00:19:55,167
That's exactly
what I just said.

469
00:19:55,208 --> 00:19:57,083
Happy Mother's Day.

470
00:19:57,125 --> 00:19:59,042
Wish I could say
the same to you.

471
00:19:59,083 --> 00:20:01,875
I was just saying I wish
I could say the same to her.

472
00:20:01,917 --> 00:20:04,458
<i>- Inshallah.
- Fat chance of that.

473
00:20:04,500 --> 00:20:06,708
I cannot, for the life of me,

474
00:20:06,750 --> 00:20:08,292
find my other
washing-up glove.

475
00:20:08,333 --> 00:20:10,417
And these are new.
I've looked everywhere.

476
00:20:10,458 --> 00:20:12,208
Gosh, hasn't Kazim
got so good...

477
00:20:12,250 --> 00:20:13,542
Where are you? Oh.

478
00:20:13,583 --> 00:20:15,375
...so good-looking?

479
00:20:15,417 --> 00:20:16,708
It's hardly surprising, is it?

480
00:20:16,750 --> 00:20:18,208
Look at his mother.
I mean, she...

481
00:20:18,250 --> 00:20:20,167
She's so elegant,
she could be Greek

482
00:20:20,208 --> 00:20:21,833
or Italian.

483
00:20:22,208 --> 00:20:24,750
The compliment
that's actually an insult.

484
00:20:24,792 --> 00:20:26,750
You wouldn't think
they were Muslims

485
00:20:26,792 --> 00:20:28,083
to look at them, would you?

486
00:20:28,125 --> 00:20:28,917
I don't know, Mum.

487
00:20:28,958 --> 00:20:31,375
What do 1.8 billion Muslims
all look like?

488
00:20:33,250 --> 00:20:35,125
-Careful.
-Just...

489
00:20:35,167 --> 00:20:36,833
We've been very lucky to
have them as neighbours.

490
00:20:36,875 --> 00:20:38,208
Actually, they've become
like family to me

491
00:20:38,250 --> 00:20:40,708
since your father left
for that teenaged whore.

492
00:20:40,750 --> 00:20:42,833
-She's 35.
-Exactly.

493
00:20:42,875 --> 00:20:44,167
Oh, is that Grindr?

494
00:20:44,208 --> 00:20:45,917
My hairdresser's
never off that.

495
00:20:45,958 --> 00:20:47,625
-Anyone we should meet?
-No.

496
00:20:47,667 --> 00:20:49,750
Oh, well, don't leave it
too late.

497
00:20:50,750 --> 00:20:53,875
Human eggs have
a sell-by date, too, you know.

498
00:20:53,917 --> 00:20:55,583
Maybe I'll freeze them.

499
00:20:55,625 --> 00:20:57,583
I could be a 90-year-old
pushing a triple pram.

500
00:20:57,625 --> 00:21:01,500
Well, that's no good to me,
is it? Because I'll be dead.

501
00:21:01,542 --> 00:21:02,875
Oh...

502
00:21:02,917 --> 00:21:04,292
How is your egg?

503
00:21:04,333 --> 00:21:06,375
It looks a bit raw.

504
00:21:06,417 --> 00:21:07,625
Mmm.

505
00:21:07,667 --> 00:21:11,333
Oh, my God. Oh, my God!
My Marigold!

506
00:21:11,708 --> 00:21:13,250
That's where it got to.

507
00:21:13,292 --> 00:21:15,542
He eats your
washing-up gloves?

508
00:21:15,583 --> 00:21:16,750
He eats everything.

509
00:21:16,792 --> 00:21:18,792
At least now you can tell
which way round he is.

510
00:21:18,833 --> 00:21:20,542
Oh!

511
00:21:21,083 --> 00:21:23,042
I'm ringing
my lovely vet.

512
00:21:23,083 --> 00:21:24,458
You're going
to have to take him

513
00:21:24,500 --> 00:21:26,417
to James the vet
for me tomorrow.

514
00:21:26,458 --> 00:21:28,125
Why can't you take him?

515
00:21:28,167 --> 00:21:30,167
It's my day visiting cancer
patients at the Marsden.

516
00:21:30,208 --> 00:21:32,167
I can't. I've got
a really important meeting.

517
00:21:32,208 --> 00:21:34,167
It's the children's ward.

518
00:21:34,208 --> 00:21:35,958
He'll be fine.

519
00:21:36,000 --> 00:21:37,875
He's eaten my HRT patches
as well.

520
00:21:37,917 --> 00:21:38,917
He'll grow breasts.

521
00:21:38,958 --> 00:21:41,375
You'll grow breasts,
you silly dog.

522
00:21:41,417 --> 00:21:42,708
It's not funny, ZoZo.

523
00:21:42,750 --> 00:21:44,083
It is funny, actually.

524
00:21:44,125 --> 00:21:47,042
James, it's me. I... Erm...

525
00:21:47,083 --> 00:21:49,208
It's the dog. I can't explain,

526
00:21:49,250 --> 00:21:50,792
but something
is hanging out of him

527
00:21:51,375 --> 00:21:53,125
at the wrong end.

528
00:21:55,417 --> 00:21:56,458
How's it going then, boy?

529
00:21:56,500 --> 00:21:57,875
Did you find
your missus today?

530
00:21:57,917 --> 00:21:58,833
Don't start with me, man.

531
00:21:58,875 --> 00:22:00,417
I knew you were gonna start
with me today.

532
00:22:00,458 --> 00:22:01,792
- Let me just enjoy my...
- Anyone good?

533
00:22:03,333 --> 00:22:05,875
There was no one
I clicked with. There was...

534
00:22:05,917 --> 00:22:07,333
Click and collect.

535
00:22:08,833 --> 00:22:11,208
<i>Ammi,</i> come on.
There has to be a spark.

536
00:22:11,250 --> 00:22:13,625
-There wasn't even a flicker.
-You know what I say.

537
00:22:15,333 --> 00:22:17,375
Simmer first, then boil.

538
00:22:17,417 --> 00:22:19,458
You all want to boil first,
then simmer.

539
00:22:19,500 --> 00:22:21,583
And when it cools down,
you get disappointed,

540
00:22:21,625 --> 00:22:22,917
and throw out the chai.

541
00:22:22,958 --> 00:22:24,125
Yeah, well,
simmer for too long,

542
00:22:24,167 --> 00:22:25,417
you end up with a dry pot.

543
00:22:25,458 --> 00:22:27,333
No-one likes a dry pot, bro.

544
00:22:28,667 --> 00:22:30,125
He threw
the thing at me, tell him off.

545
00:22:30,167 --> 00:22:32,833
The problem is, people have
too many options.

546
00:22:34,250 --> 00:22:36,625
The distant drum
sounds more exciting.

547
00:22:37,542 --> 00:22:40,333
Did you tell him
about the girl

548
00:22:40,375 --> 00:22:41,958
that Mo <i>bhai</i> rang about, huh?

549
00:22:42,833 --> 00:22:45,417
There's a very nice girl
in Lahore.

550
00:22:45,458 --> 00:22:47,750
Convent educated,
excellent family.

551
00:22:47,792 --> 00:22:49,875
Height is okay, five foot two.

552
00:22:49,917 --> 00:22:52,083
If she were five foot,
I would hesitate.

553
00:22:52,125 --> 00:22:53,208
Why wasn't I told?

554
00:22:53,250 --> 00:22:55,000
I'll tell you, I'll tell you.

555
00:22:55,042 --> 00:22:56,917
Supposed to have
a very good nature.

556
00:22:56,958 --> 00:22:58,792
What am I gonna have in common
with someone from Pakistan?

557
00:22:58,833 --> 00:23:00,208
Besides culture,
religion,

558
00:23:00,250 --> 00:23:01,875
language, colour,
family, genes.

559
00:23:01,917 --> 00:23:03,125
Should I go on?

560
00:23:03,167 --> 00:23:05,042
Yeah, think about it. And your
surname will be the same.

561
00:23:05,083 --> 00:23:06,500
She's a Khan?

562
00:23:06,542 --> 00:23:09,167
Passport, credit cards.
No change.

563
00:23:09,208 --> 00:23:11,375
But she's not a relation?

564
00:23:11,417 --> 00:23:13,750
No. But nothing wrong
with that.

565
00:23:13,792 --> 00:23:16,167
You know, Victoria and Albert
were first cousins.

566
00:23:16,208 --> 00:23:17,583
And they had a museum
named after them!

567
00:23:17,625 --> 00:23:18,833
Okay, yeah, I know.

568
00:23:18,875 --> 00:23:19,917
Listen, we are meeting

569
00:23:19,958 --> 00:23:21,583
the family over Skype
this evening.

570
00:23:21,625 --> 00:23:23,208
You see if you like her.

571
00:23:24,333 --> 00:23:25,375
Please.

572
00:23:27,542 --> 00:23:29,958
Okay. Don't.

573
00:23:30,000 --> 00:23:31,833
Our parents
both knew each other.

574
00:23:31,875 --> 00:23:33,125
They wanted us to meet.

575
00:23:33,167 --> 00:23:35,083
But we were both like, "Nah".

576
00:23:35,125 --> 00:23:36,917
"No way".

577
00:23:37,333 --> 00:23:39,000
-Sorry, sorry.
-Okay.

578
00:23:40,542 --> 00:23:43,250
Then I saw him at Rumi's Cave.

579
00:23:43,292 --> 00:23:45,083
It's like
this cultural centre.

580
00:23:45,125 --> 00:23:47,042
And we were both part
of the Muslim archery club.

581
00:23:47,083 --> 00:23:48,167
But we never spoke.

582
00:23:48,208 --> 00:23:51,042
-She was on Minder.
-But he was on Muzmatch.

583
00:23:51,083 --> 00:23:53,083
So we were on different paths.

584
00:23:53,125 --> 00:23:56,458
But we were on the same team
for the Muslim muggles quiz.

585
00:23:56,792 --> 00:23:58,417
It's for Harry Potter fans,

586
00:23:58,458 --> 00:24:01,042
looking at Islamic values
in the series.

587
00:24:01,083 --> 00:24:04,083
-And we identified loads.
-And we won!

588
00:24:04,500 --> 00:24:06,167
Team Hufflepuff!

589
00:24:06,583 --> 00:24:08,750
So, then, after that,
we agreed to meet.

590
00:24:09,250 --> 00:24:12,000
And I remember saying
to myself, you know,

591
00:24:12,042 --> 00:24:13,875
"You wander from room
to room sometimes

592
00:24:13,917 --> 00:24:15,583
"looking for the diamond

593
00:24:15,625 --> 00:24:17,625
"that's already
around your own neck."

594
00:24:18,167 --> 00:24:19,375
Rūmī.

595
00:24:25,875 --> 00:24:26,875
Okay.

596
00:24:34,583 --> 00:24:36,000
Er, hi.

597
00:24:36,042 --> 00:24:37,083
<i>Hi.</i>

598
00:24:40,750 --> 00:24:43,375
Maymouna.
That's a very lovely name.

599
00:24:43,417 --> 00:24:44,500
It's very beautiful.

600
00:24:45,083 --> 00:24:46,167
<i>Thank you.</i>

601
00:24:47,708 --> 00:24:50,375
Are you named
after anyone in your family?

602
00:24:50,833 --> 00:24:52,083
<i>Mmm.</i>

603
00:24:52,125 --> 00:24:53,333
<i>No.</i>

604
00:24:54,125 --> 00:24:56,500
<i>I think my parents
just liked it.</i>

605
00:24:57,625 --> 00:24:59,125
Great. That's...

606
00:24:59,500 --> 00:25:01,167
You're... You're studying law?

607
00:25:02,000 --> 00:25:03,000
<i>Yes.</i>

608
00:25:04,000 --> 00:25:05,750
Well, I thought
about doing law.

609
00:25:05,792 --> 00:25:07,875
But then I didn't.

610
00:25:10,667 --> 00:25:12,333
<i>Do you have any siblings?</i>

611
00:25:12,375 --> 00:25:15,792
I have a brother
who lives here with his wife.

612
00:25:15,833 --> 00:25:17,583
And a sister.

613
00:25:18,833 --> 00:25:21,083
I have one brother, and, um,

614
00:25:22,417 --> 00:25:23,375
and...

615
00:25:32,458 --> 00:25:35,167
My sister lives
in the Northern Areas.

616
00:25:35,750 --> 00:25:38,208
Her husband is posted there.

617
00:25:38,250 --> 00:25:39,417
<i>The roof of the world.</i>

618
00:25:39,458 --> 00:25:41,833
<i>That's my favourite place
on earth.</i>

619
00:25:42,417 --> 00:25:44,292
I haven't
been there yet, but...

620
00:25:44,333 --> 00:25:45,583
<i>I remember the first time
I went.</i>

621
00:25:45,625 --> 00:25:47,000
Um...

622
00:25:47,042 --> 00:25:48,167
My grandfather took me.

623
00:25:48,208 --> 00:25:51,083
That was his favourite place
as well. And, um...

624
00:25:51,125 --> 00:25:52,417
I was just a little boy,

625
00:25:52,458 --> 00:25:54,125
and I'd wandered off
and got lost,

626
00:25:54,167 --> 00:25:57,500
and it was weird,
I wasn't scared. It was...

627
00:25:58,250 --> 00:26:01,167
It was the first time
I felt connected

628
00:26:01,208 --> 00:26:03,333
to something bigger
than myself, you know?

629
00:26:03,833 --> 00:26:05,667
Bigger than
my own fear, and...

630
00:26:06,208 --> 00:26:07,250
My grandfather gave me

631
00:26:07,292 --> 00:26:08,958
a tight slap when he found me,
though.

632
00:26:11,000 --> 00:26:14,375
That's still the place I feel
closest to God. Definitely.

633
00:26:14,417 --> 00:26:16,583
<i>And to my grandfather.</i>

634
00:26:17,583 --> 00:26:20,500
How do you feel about possibly
moving to London?

635
00:26:20,542 --> 00:26:23,042
-Um...
-She's fine with it.

636
00:26:23,083 --> 00:26:24,542
She will love London.

637
00:26:24,583 --> 00:26:25,875
It's a very multi-cultural
place.

638
00:26:25,917 --> 00:26:27,458
Full of Pakistanis.

639
00:26:27,500 --> 00:26:32,042
It's like
living in a giant brothel.

640
00:26:32,083 --> 00:26:33,083
I'm sorry about this.

641
00:26:33,125 --> 00:26:34,333
<i>-This is my big brother.
</i>-It's okay.

642
00:26:34,375 --> 00:26:35,458
-Farooq.
-He gives me pocket money.

643
00:26:35,500 --> 00:26:36,500
It's normal.

644
00:26:36,542 --> 00:26:38,875
They take their dogs to dinner

645
00:26:38,917 --> 00:26:41,667
and leave their children
at home.

646
00:26:41,708 --> 00:26:43,125
Don't mind her.

647
00:26:44,708 --> 00:26:46,250
- Very nice.
- Yeah.

648
00:26:51,750 --> 00:26:53,417
What's he been eating
this time?

649
00:26:53,458 --> 00:26:55,375
-Mum's HRT patches.
-Ah.

650
00:26:55,417 --> 00:26:56,583
And her washing-up glove.

651
00:26:56,625 --> 00:26:59,750
Last time,
it was her pop socks.

652
00:26:59,792 --> 00:27:02,042
Oh, God.
He's like a fluffy Pac-Man.

653
00:27:02,083 --> 00:27:03,167
Let's take a look at him,

654
00:27:03,208 --> 00:27:04,250
-shall we?
-Mmm.

655
00:27:04,292 --> 00:27:06,375
If you could just hold him
nice and still.

656
00:27:06,417 --> 00:27:08,333
Okay. Come on, Barney.

657
00:27:08,375 --> 00:27:09,458
-Oh.
-There you go.

658
00:27:09,500 --> 00:27:10,625
-Oh, I'm just gonna...
-Sorry.

659
00:27:10,667 --> 00:27:12,542
- Sorry.
- Sorry.

660
00:27:12,583 --> 00:27:14,375
Sorry. Does he
come here often?

661
00:27:14,417 --> 00:27:17,958
So often, I know all his
deepest, darkest secrets.

662
00:27:18,000 --> 00:27:20,250
And even some of yours.

663
00:27:20,292 --> 00:27:22,750
No, I'm kidding.
I'm just kidding.

664
00:27:22,792 --> 00:27:24,875
But your mum has told me...

665
00:27:24,917 --> 00:27:26,875
-...all about you, though.
-Oh, God.

666
00:27:26,917 --> 00:27:29,083
Film school in London.

667
00:27:29,125 --> 00:27:32,750
Two documentaries.
And a <i>Radio Times</i>

668
00:27:32,792 --> 00:27:33,833
Viewers' and Listeners' Award.

669
00:27:33,875 --> 00:27:36,750
-She gave you my actual CV.
-And your complete works.

670
00:27:36,792 --> 00:27:38,708
- I'm so sorry.
- Don't worry.

671
00:27:38,750 --> 00:27:40,000
I haven't had a chance
to watch them yet,

672
00:27:40,042 --> 00:27:41,250
but they do look really,
really great.

673
00:27:41,292 --> 00:27:43,917
Now, this guy
is gonna be just fine.

674
00:27:43,958 --> 00:27:45,083
If he hasn't passed them
by Friday,

675
00:27:45,125 --> 00:27:47,292
bring him back in,
we'll get him X-rayed.

676
00:27:47,542 --> 00:27:49,000
Okay.

677
00:27:49,042 --> 00:27:51,708
Thanks.
Come on, you silly dog.

678
00:27:51,750 --> 00:27:52,833
Good to see you again, Barney.

679
00:27:52,875 --> 00:27:54,125
And, um, it's lovely to

680
00:27:54,167 --> 00:27:56,375
meet you, too,
for the first time, Zoe.

681
00:27:56,417 --> 00:27:58,000
And you.

682
00:27:58,042 --> 00:27:59,333
If you ever felt
like going out

683
00:27:59,375 --> 00:28:01,917
to get a drink or something,
sometime,

684
00:28:01,958 --> 00:28:03,625
-we could...
-Thank you.

685
00:28:03,667 --> 00:28:05,125
I'm a bit snowed under
with work

686
00:28:05,167 --> 00:28:06,417
-at the moment.
-Yeah, sure.

687
00:28:06,458 --> 00:28:08,708
Just 'cause your mum said
that you... But never mind.

688
00:28:08,750 --> 00:28:09,917
Um...

689
00:28:10,292 --> 00:28:12,417
-Let me get the door for you.
-Yeah.

690
00:28:12,458 --> 00:28:14,542
Thank you. Sorry about that.

691
00:28:14,583 --> 00:28:16,292
-Ta-da!
-Er, mmm...

692
00:28:17,167 --> 00:28:19,000
-Uh, look after that guy.
-I will, thanks.

693
00:28:19,042 --> 00:28:20,125
-Thanks so much.
-And let me know

694
00:28:20,167 --> 00:28:21,458
if your workload...

695
00:28:22,125 --> 00:28:23,208
eases.

696
00:28:29,417 --> 00:28:30,458
<i>Thank you!</i>

697
00:28:30,500 --> 00:28:31,750
I can't actually
talk right now

698
00:28:31,792 --> 00:28:33,833
because I'm about to, um...
I'm about to go and

699
00:28:33,875 --> 00:28:36,958
put some grand eggs on ice
for your birthday present.

700
00:28:37,000 --> 00:28:38,083
<i>Ooh!</i>

701
00:28:38,125 --> 00:28:39,167
Yeah. So, you can stop

702
00:28:39,208 --> 00:28:40,833
setting me up
with total strangers.

703
00:28:40,875 --> 00:28:43,417
<i>What a wonderful
birthday present.</i>

704
00:28:43,458 --> 00:28:44,875
Would you like them
gift wrapped?

705
00:28:46,167 --> 00:28:48,958
Is there an express service?

706
00:28:49,000 --> 00:28:50,625
Oh, yeah, absolutely.

707
00:28:50,667 --> 00:28:51,875
Just come in here
on your lunch break.

708
00:28:51,917 --> 00:28:53,583
And then in your 60s,

709
00:28:53,625 --> 00:28:55,500
we defrost your baby.

710
00:28:57,625 --> 00:28:58,917
No.

711
00:28:59,625 --> 00:29:00,708
No.

712
00:29:00,750 --> 00:29:02,500
Egg harvest.

713
00:29:02,833 --> 00:29:04,958
Yeah. Sounds festive, huh?
It's not.

714
00:29:06,083 --> 00:29:08,792
Listen, how much
do you want to be a mother?

715
00:29:08,833 --> 00:29:10,750
Mmm. Well,
I'd rather be a father.

716
00:29:10,792 --> 00:29:12,167
Then you don't have

717
00:29:12,208 --> 00:29:13,292
-to juggle everything.
-Yeah.

718
00:29:14,958 --> 00:29:16,625
No, I, um...

719
00:29:18,083 --> 00:29:20,000
Of course,
I want to be a mother.

720
00:29:20,542 --> 00:29:22,125
I just...

721
00:29:22,167 --> 00:29:25,833
You know, I want to find
the right person. And not yet.

722
00:29:26,708 --> 00:29:27,708
That's why I'm here.

723
00:29:28,333 --> 00:29:30,917
I keep seeing all these women
in their 50s having babies.

724
00:29:30,958 --> 00:29:32,708
So, that's gotta be
frozen eggs, right?

725
00:29:32,750 --> 00:29:34,625
Ah. The same women
that have, like,

726
00:29:34,667 --> 00:29:36,833
really nice skin
and no eye bags

727
00:29:36,875 --> 00:29:38,625
because they use
the right moisturiser?

728
00:29:39,083 --> 00:29:40,708
Yeah, highly unlikely.

729
00:29:40,750 --> 00:29:42,708
Do you know the success rate
for frozen eggs?

730
00:29:42,750 --> 00:29:43,792
Well, I know

731
00:29:43,833 --> 00:29:45,167
it's not a guarantee.

732
00:29:45,208 --> 00:29:46,792
No.

733
00:29:46,833 --> 00:29:47,833
It's...

734
00:29:48,583 --> 00:29:49,625
1%.

735
00:29:49,667 --> 00:29:53,500
1% of frozen eggs
result in a live birth.

736
00:29:53,542 --> 00:29:55,375
Really?

737
00:29:55,417 --> 00:29:57,625
But much better odds
for frozen embryos.

738
00:29:58,958 --> 00:30:00,208
Okay.

739
00:30:00,250 --> 00:30:03,208
Um, how do I freeze
an embryo, then?

740
00:30:03,250 --> 00:30:04,917
Just come in with a partner.

741
00:30:04,958 --> 00:30:06,875
Or, you know,
pick a sperm donor.

742
00:30:06,917 --> 00:30:10,000
Or just find a nice
gay friend. That's...

743
00:30:10,042 --> 00:30:11,583
I don't have a partner.

744
00:30:11,625 --> 00:30:13,333
I thought that was the whole
point of this egg freezing,

745
00:30:13,375 --> 00:30:16,167
is that I don't have to put
all my eggs in one bastard.

746
00:30:21,625 --> 00:30:24,500
He texted me instead of her
by mistake.

747
00:30:27,375 --> 00:30:29,875
-Who is she?
-Someone in his office.

748
00:30:29,917 --> 00:30:31,750
I should have known.

749
00:30:32,250 --> 00:30:33,458
He kept not remembering

750
00:30:33,500 --> 00:30:34,542
her name.

751
00:30:40,000 --> 00:30:41,333
Hang on.

752
00:30:42,750 --> 00:30:45,458
Where are you going?
That's not him, is it?

753
00:30:45,500 --> 00:30:47,250
Can you deal with the kids?

754
00:30:50,208 --> 00:30:51,958
Oh, my God.

755
00:31:00,250 --> 00:31:01,292
Once upon a time,

756
00:31:01,333 --> 00:31:04,042
there was a girl called
Little Red Riding Hood.

757
00:31:04,958 --> 00:31:06,875
<i>She'd had a bad week.</i>

758
00:31:07,667 --> 00:31:10,083
<i>And all she wanted
was to feel better.</i>

759
00:31:11,833 --> 00:31:14,375
<i>Or to feel nothing.</i>

760
00:31:22,958 --> 00:31:26,167
<i>So, when her mother warned her
not to stray off that path,</i>

761
00:31:26,208 --> 00:31:28,208
<i>and talk to any strangers</i>

762
00:31:28,250 --> 00:31:30,625
<i>Little Red Riding Hood
thought to herself,</i>

763
00:31:31,333 --> 00:31:34,000
<i>"Where's the fun
on a well-trodden path?"</i>

764
00:31:34,250 --> 00:31:37,417
<i>And of course, she met a wolf.</i>

765
00:31:39,625 --> 00:31:41,042
<i>In an instant,</i>

766
00:31:41,083 --> 00:31:45,333
<i>all those bad feelings
disappeared, like magic.</i>

767
00:31:47,125 --> 00:31:48,958
<i>"What's the worst
that could happen?"</i>

768
00:31:49,000 --> 00:31:50,458
<i>she thought to herself.</i>

769
00:31:54,583 --> 00:31:57,417
<i>"So, a bad boy wolf
wants to eat me?</i>

770
00:31:59,667 --> 00:32:02,458
<i>"A little nibble here
and there can't hurt.</i>

771
00:32:04,250 --> 00:32:05,583
<i>"Can it?"</i>

772
00:32:31,125 --> 00:32:32,958
I was in the shower.

773
00:32:33,000 --> 00:32:34,000
Yeah.

774
00:32:34,958 --> 00:32:35,625
Yeah.

775
00:32:39,500 --> 00:32:41,083
Mmm-hmm.

776
00:32:41,708 --> 00:32:43,625
Sorry. Yeah, I, um...

777
00:32:43,917 --> 00:32:46,250
I fell asleep with my phone
on silent.

778
00:33:19,583 --> 00:33:21,750
Ooh!

779
00:33:22,542 --> 00:33:25,083
- Man down.
- Ah, come on. Bloody sub .

780
00:33:27,667 --> 00:33:28,750
You're on.

781
00:33:32,167 --> 00:33:33,208
Did you get the goal,
at least?

782
00:33:33,250 --> 00:33:35,375
No, I just got you going
down like a skittle.

783
00:33:35,417 --> 00:33:36,458
Great.

784
00:33:36,917 --> 00:33:39,417
That looked painful. Oh.

785
00:33:40,292 --> 00:33:41,583
Hang on,
let me just get this mic on.

786
00:33:41,625 --> 00:33:44,000
I've definitely
pulled something.

787
00:33:46,375 --> 00:33:47,375
So...

788
00:33:48,625 --> 00:33:50,250
What was...

789
00:33:50,292 --> 00:33:51,708
-What was so urgent?
-I, er...

790
00:33:51,750 --> 00:33:53,875
-I've got news.
-Yeah?

791
00:33:54,500 --> 00:33:56,042
I'm, er...

792
00:33:56,458 --> 00:33:58,333
I, er... I got engaged.

793
00:34:00,250 --> 00:34:01,333
Wait, what?

794
00:34:01,375 --> 00:34:03,875
Yeah, I know. It's crazy,
right? But we've...

795
00:34:05,042 --> 00:34:06,708
been talking quite a lot.

796
00:34:07,875 --> 00:34:10,125
And been texting and FaceTime.

797
00:34:10,167 --> 00:34:12,042
And we keep talking.

798
00:34:15,417 --> 00:34:17,250
I really like her.

799
00:34:17,292 --> 00:34:20,250
And the wedding's not for
a whole 'nother month, so...

800
00:34:20,292 --> 00:34:22,292
-A month?
-Yeah, I know.

801
00:34:22,333 --> 00:34:24,625
My mum's already handed out
sweets to the whole street.

802
00:34:24,667 --> 00:34:26,333
It's love at first Skype.

803
00:34:26,375 --> 00:34:27,542
Well, obviously not, no.

804
00:34:27,583 --> 00:34:29,958
Love at first anything's
a mental health issue.

805
00:34:30,000 --> 00:34:31,708
So, um, how old is she again?

806
00:34:31,750 --> 00:34:33,917
Willmore, track! Willmore!

807
00:34:35,875 --> 00:34:38,625
- 22.
- Leaving the party early.

808
00:34:38,667 --> 00:34:40,000
Not worried about the age gap?

809
00:34:40,042 --> 00:34:41,833
I knew you were
gonna ask that.

810
00:34:41,875 --> 00:34:43,375
No, she's super smart.

811
00:34:43,417 --> 00:34:47,042
And you reckon that you have
enough in common?

812
00:34:47,083 --> 00:34:48,417
Well, we will have.

813
00:34:48,458 --> 00:34:49,542
She gets it.

814
00:34:49,583 --> 00:34:50,833
She understands
how it all works.

815
00:34:50,875 --> 00:34:51,917
You know, she wants to be

816
00:34:51,958 --> 00:34:52,917
-a human rights lawyer.
-Wow.

817
00:34:54,500 --> 00:34:55,583
Sorry.

818
00:34:55,625 --> 00:34:57,500
I'm just taking it all in.
Um...

819
00:34:57,542 --> 00:35:00,125
So you really will be
marrying a stranger.

820
00:35:01,417 --> 00:35:03,292
I guess, in the end,
so is everyone else.

821
00:35:03,958 --> 00:35:05,667
Everyone turns out to be
someone else,

822
00:35:05,708 --> 00:35:07,125
or fucking someone else.

823
00:35:07,167 --> 00:35:08,708
-Are you okay?
-Yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm fine.

824
00:35:08,750 --> 00:35:10,250
Can you turn the thing
on the...

825
00:35:10,292 --> 00:35:11,333
No, no, no. Sorry. Sorry.

826
00:35:11,375 --> 00:35:12,375
Zoe, off!

827
00:35:14,750 --> 00:35:16,000
What's up?

828
00:35:22,375 --> 00:35:23,875
Uh, sorry.

829
00:35:26,000 --> 00:35:28,417
Oh, it's just been
a challenging week.

830
00:35:28,458 --> 00:35:30,167
What? Another date with
someone you already hate?

831
00:35:36,333 --> 00:35:38,667
What you need is a holiday.

832
00:35:38,708 --> 00:35:40,000
Yeah.

833
00:35:41,458 --> 00:35:42,875
In Lahore.

834
00:35:45,958 --> 00:35:47,292
Mmm.

835
00:35:49,125 --> 00:35:50,375
Oh, darling.

836
00:35:50,417 --> 00:35:52,875
Just in time for a quick bite
before we leave.

837
00:35:52,917 --> 00:35:55,167
Great. Oh, sorry. Eggs again?

838
00:35:55,208 --> 00:35:57,208
No, no, no. Omelettes.

839
00:35:57,958 --> 00:35:58,958
Come on.

840
00:35:59,000 --> 00:36:02,375
Ooh, now in there
is a little care package

841
00:36:02,417 --> 00:36:03,500
I've put together for us.

842
00:36:03,542 --> 00:36:06,250
Just the basics.
Imodium, HobNobs, rape alarm.

843
00:36:07,333 --> 00:36:09,000
Is Barney joining us?

844
00:36:09,042 --> 00:36:11,083
Don't be silly.
Although, um...

845
00:36:11,125 --> 00:36:12,792
No, James is coming
to pick him up

846
00:36:12,833 --> 00:36:14,042
and I thought that... Ooh!

847
00:36:14,083 --> 00:36:16,167
There he is. I thought
he might like to join us

848
00:36:16,208 --> 00:36:18,958
for a little... Little lunch.

849
00:36:19,000 --> 00:36:20,208
- James!
- Hi.

850
00:36:20,250 --> 00:36:21,875
My favourite
dog whisperer.

851
00:36:21,917 --> 00:36:24,125
Oh, come in.

852
00:36:24,167 --> 00:36:26,250
Zoe. You remember James,
don't you?

853
00:36:26,292 --> 00:36:28,542
James delivered
your pop socks. Hi.

854
00:36:28,583 --> 00:36:30,375
Talking of which...

855
00:36:30,417 --> 00:36:33,083
-So, how have you been?
-Oh, you know, saving lives.

856
00:36:33,125 --> 00:36:34,375
A gerbil, a cat,

857
00:36:34,417 --> 00:36:37,708
octogenarian tortoise
who's making a slow recovery.

858
00:36:39,583 --> 00:36:41,333
-Sorry.
-He's so funny.

859
00:36:41,375 --> 00:36:43,042
He's so... He's so funny.

860
00:36:43,083 --> 00:36:44,292
Why don't you just sit,

861
00:36:44,333 --> 00:36:46,833
and have a chat
while I cook the toast?

862
00:36:46,875 --> 00:36:48,708
So, you're off to
a fancy wedding

863
00:36:48,750 --> 00:36:50,875
-in Pakistan, I hear?
-Yeah.

864
00:36:50,917 --> 00:36:52,333
I've never missed
a Khan wedding,

865
00:36:52,375 --> 00:36:54,375
and I can't wait
to wear a burkini

866
00:36:54,417 --> 00:36:56,417
-on the subcontinent.
-Wow.

867
00:36:56,458 --> 00:36:59,458
Except for Lahore
is nowhere near the sea.

868
00:36:59,500 --> 00:37:01,125
Well, you never know
where we might end up.

869
00:37:01,167 --> 00:37:02,542
And when we come back,

870
00:37:02,583 --> 00:37:03,833
we should have dinner
with James.

871
00:37:03,875 --> 00:37:05,083
We'll get Helena
and Harry over.

872
00:37:05,125 --> 00:37:06,583
Helena is Zoe's
very good friend.

873
00:37:06,625 --> 00:37:08,458
She's married
to a lovely man called Harry.

874
00:37:08,500 --> 00:37:09,583
Who's been having an affair.

875
00:37:09,625 --> 00:37:11,167
-Harry?
-Yes.

876
00:37:11,208 --> 00:37:12,750
-No? I can't believe it.
-Yes!

877
00:37:12,792 --> 00:37:14,375
I'm pretty sure most
married men would cheat

878
00:37:14,417 --> 00:37:15,792
if they could get away
with it.

879
00:37:15,833 --> 00:37:16,875
James wouldn't.

880
00:37:18,208 --> 00:37:20,750
Even if you're sure
your wife would never know?

881
00:37:20,792 --> 00:37:22,042
No, of course not.

882
00:37:23,542 --> 00:37:25,042
Why not?

883
00:37:25,083 --> 00:37:26,417
Because I'd know.

884
00:37:31,583 --> 00:37:32,875
Bon appétit.

885
00:37:32,917 --> 00:37:33,958
Mmm.

886
00:37:34,000 --> 00:37:35,375
Wait a minute, pet.

887
00:37:35,417 --> 00:37:36,708
Oh!

888
00:37:36,750 --> 00:37:38,125
So, erm...

889
00:37:39,292 --> 00:37:40,500
-Oh, hello, darling.
-Hello!

890
00:37:40,542 --> 00:37:42,167
You're early.
Why are you so early?

891
00:37:42,208 --> 00:37:43,333
Flight doesn't leave
for hours.

892
00:37:43,375 --> 00:37:44,458
I know. I know. We just need

893
00:37:44,500 --> 00:37:45,958
to allow extra time
for security.

894
00:37:46,000 --> 00:37:47,083
Why?

895
00:37:47,125 --> 00:37:49,125
So, I can be
randomly selected.

896
00:37:49,833 --> 00:37:51,333
Oh! Oh.

897
00:37:51,792 --> 00:37:52,875
Oh...

898
00:37:52,917 --> 00:37:54,833
Well, that's a shame.

899
00:37:54,875 --> 00:37:55,917
James was about to tell us

900
00:37:55,958 --> 00:37:57,042
something

901
00:37:57,083 --> 00:37:58,125
absolutely hilarious.

902
00:37:58,167 --> 00:38:01,333
Look who's here.
He says we've got to go.

903
00:38:01,375 --> 00:38:04,042
Sorry, Mum, that your enormous
efforts have gone to waste.

904
00:38:04,083 --> 00:38:07,125
But, you know, we've got
a plane to catch, and...

905
00:38:07,167 --> 00:38:08,250
Kaz, the doctor...

906
00:38:08,292 --> 00:38:09,333
-Hi.
-Hi.

907
00:38:09,375 --> 00:38:10,458
...meet James the vet.

908
00:38:10,500 --> 00:38:12,917
I've heard all about you.
Good luck with the wedding.

909
00:38:12,958 --> 00:38:14,542
-Thank you.
-Oh. Barney. Barney.

910
00:38:14,583 --> 00:38:16,042
Mummy go shopping.

911
00:38:16,083 --> 00:38:17,167
Mummy go shopping.

912
00:38:17,208 --> 00:38:18,833
Don't tell Barney that
I'm off to Lahore,

913
00:38:18,875 --> 00:38:19,917
because he'll get...

914
00:38:19,958 --> 00:38:22,958
Shopping. Shopping.
Stay. Shopping. Stay. Stay.

915
00:38:23,000 --> 00:38:24,250
Let me help you
with the cases.

916
00:38:24,292 --> 00:38:25,417
No, I'll get them.

917
00:38:25,458 --> 00:38:27,750
Well, I'm looking forward
to hearing how it all goes.

918
00:38:27,792 --> 00:38:29,375
-Yeah, you, too.
-Great. Well...

919
00:38:29,417 --> 00:38:31,000
- Oh...
- I mean, thanks.

920
00:38:31,042 --> 00:38:32,708
-Great. Yeah.
-Bye. Bye.

921
00:38:33,458 --> 00:38:35,500
Oh, James.

922
00:38:35,542 --> 00:38:38,917
I am so sorry
that we've got to go. But...

923
00:38:38,958 --> 00:38:41,875
Well, I'll FaceTime you both
from Pakistan

924
00:38:41,917 --> 00:38:44,042
or, or...

925
00:38:44,958 --> 00:38:47,208
Cover my FaceTime.

926
00:38:48,500 --> 00:38:49,708
You set me off.

927
00:38:49,750 --> 00:38:52,250
Keep that, just in case
you might want to go shopping.

928
00:38:52,292 --> 00:38:55,292
Bye. Darling, bye.
Eat the omelettes.

929
00:38:55,333 --> 00:38:57,417
-Okay. Yeah.
-Bye. Bye.

930
00:38:57,458 --> 00:38:58,500
Bye!

931
00:39:01,792 --> 00:39:02,792
Barney.

932
00:39:09,208 --> 00:39:12,792
And this is her in
the nativity play where...

933
00:39:12,833 --> 00:39:14,458
You don't know
what that is,

934
00:39:14,500 --> 00:39:16,000
but I'll explain later.

935
00:39:16,042 --> 00:39:17,458
Her when she was
a little baby.

936
00:39:17,500 --> 00:39:18,875
She was only three months old.

937
00:39:28,125 --> 00:39:29,625
Are you all right?

938
00:39:31,542 --> 00:39:33,625
It's thought field therapy.
It's, er...

939
00:39:34,458 --> 00:39:35,792
...a technique.

940
00:39:36,500 --> 00:39:37,542
I don't like flying.

941
00:39:37,583 --> 00:39:39,792
I don't like flying.

942
00:39:43,292 --> 00:39:45,125
Even the lingo's morbid.
It's what?

943
00:39:45,167 --> 00:39:47,125
"Final destination".
"Departed".

944
00:39:48,417 --> 00:39:50,542
Or "Terminal".

945
00:39:52,167 --> 00:39:53,667
- Some nuts, sir?
- Thank you.

946
00:39:53,708 --> 00:39:54,625
You're welcome.

947
00:39:56,458 --> 00:39:58,750
Who was that guy
at your mum's house?

948
00:39:58,792 --> 00:40:00,292
Mmm.

949
00:40:01,333 --> 00:40:03,792
If I were Pakistani,
he'd be my arranged husband.

950
00:40:05,333 --> 00:40:08,167
-Sounds ideal.
-Except that he's not my type.

951
00:40:09,625 --> 00:40:11,458
- What is your type?
- Oh!

952
00:40:13,042 --> 00:40:15,208
-But is that wrong?
-Yeah.

953
00:40:15,250 --> 00:40:17,833
Uh, don't know.

954
00:40:22,083 --> 00:40:23,833
Can I ask you a question?

955
00:40:26,667 --> 00:40:29,708
Would you cheat if you knew
you'd never get caught?

956
00:40:29,750 --> 00:40:32,542
Be honest.
If your wife would never know.

957
00:40:32,583 --> 00:40:33,583
No.

958
00:40:34,542 --> 00:40:35,875
Why not?

959
00:40:37,625 --> 00:40:38,667
Well, he'd know.

960
00:40:40,250 --> 00:40:41,583
Oh.

961
00:40:43,500 --> 00:40:45,667
He's listening.

962
00:41:00,417 --> 00:41:02,250
Aren't they
desperately uncomfortable

963
00:41:02,292 --> 00:41:03,417
covered up like that
in this heat

964
00:41:03,458 --> 00:41:04,792
except for their eyes?

965
00:41:04,833 --> 00:41:07,625
No, not as uncomfortable
as those poor women

966
00:41:07,667 --> 00:41:10,083
who are uncovered
except for their eyes.

967
00:41:10,125 --> 00:41:12,542
Like on <i>Love Island.
</i>You see, Cath,

968
00:41:12,583 --> 00:41:14,375
our women are valued
for what's on the inside.

969
00:41:14,417 --> 00:41:16,917
Which is why we don't have
plastic surgery

970
00:41:16,958 --> 00:41:18,042
and anorexia,

971
00:41:18,083 --> 00:41:19,833
and all these
Western diseases.

972
00:41:19,875 --> 00:41:21,125
Well, I suppose a burka's

973
00:41:21,167 --> 00:41:23,042
wonderfully forgiving,
isn't it?

974
00:41:25,208 --> 00:41:26,625
A rupee for your thoughts?

975
00:41:43,583 --> 00:41:46,500
Oh, it's even better
with my sunglasses off.

976
00:41:49,042 --> 00:41:51,292
What a beautiful hall.

977
00:41:54,250 --> 00:41:55,875
I'm not trying
to upset you.

978
00:41:55,917 --> 00:41:57,583
We can't go on like this.

979
00:41:57,625 --> 00:42:00,500
You know this has caused me
the greatest pain in my life.

980
00:42:00,542 --> 00:42:02,625
And that of
your grandmother, too.

981
00:42:02,667 --> 00:42:05,708
Then, there's nothing
we can do about it.

982
00:42:06,542 --> 00:42:07,542
Okay.

983
00:42:11,875 --> 00:42:13,292
I'm so proud of you.

984
00:42:14,250 --> 00:42:16,833
Let's not spoil
this happy occasion.

985
00:42:16,875 --> 00:42:19,292
They met on their wedding day.

986
00:42:19,333 --> 00:42:22,042
He came to her village
on a white horse

987
00:42:22,083 --> 00:42:23,750
to take her away
from her home.

988
00:42:24,417 --> 00:42:27,583
In youth,
even a crow looks princely.

989
00:42:28,208 --> 00:42:30,208
Er, like a charming prince.

990
00:42:30,250 --> 00:42:32,250
I was allergic to horses.

991
00:42:32,625 --> 00:42:35,375
And they rode off together.

992
00:42:36,208 --> 00:42:38,333
And did they
fall in love?

993
00:42:38,375 --> 00:42:41,458
Fall in love,
lose your peace.

994
00:42:42,583 --> 00:42:45,083
You know,
we always say, it is, uh,

995
00:42:46,208 --> 00:42:50,792
better to fall into like,
and walk into love.

996
00:42:52,458 --> 00:42:53,667
It was a good match.

997
00:42:55,583 --> 00:42:56,833
It was a good match.

998
00:43:07,000 --> 00:43:10,375
<i>-Asalam o aleikum.
-Waleikum salam.</i>

999
00:43:10,417 --> 00:43:12,167
<i>-Asalam o aleikum.
-Waleikum.</i>

1000
00:43:37,792 --> 00:43:39,833
<i>-Asalam o aleikum.
-Waleikum salam.</i>

1001
00:43:42,167 --> 00:43:45,458
What a beautiful girl!

1002
00:43:46,458 --> 00:43:48,542
Thank you.

1003
00:43:49,208 --> 00:43:51,125
Pleased to meet you
in person, finally.

1004
00:43:52,083 --> 00:43:53,667
Thank you.

1005
00:43:59,333 --> 00:44:01,542
How are your studies going?

1006
00:44:01,583 --> 00:44:02,625
Good.

1007
00:44:03,667 --> 00:44:04,833
Good.

1008
00:44:04,875 --> 00:44:07,708
Um, I was thinking
we could maybe

1009
00:44:07,750 --> 00:44:10,083
do something together
this evening.

1010
00:44:40,750 --> 00:44:43,208
We met on Skype.

1011
00:44:43,250 --> 00:44:44,917
Um...

1012
00:44:44,958 --> 00:44:46,417
I thought she was...

1013
00:44:47,167 --> 00:44:50,250
You know, attractive,
obviously. And intelligent.

1014
00:44:50,708 --> 00:44:52,542
Full of life.

1015
00:44:53,667 --> 00:44:56,000
I don't know
what you thought of me.

1016
00:44:56,750 --> 00:45:00,250
I thought he seemed
nice and reasonable.

1017
00:45:01,917 --> 00:45:03,583
That's great. Um...

1018
00:45:04,708 --> 00:45:06,500
Can you tell me

1019
00:45:06,542 --> 00:45:08,542
how... How did you propose?

1020
00:45:09,083 --> 00:45:10,083
Um...

1021
00:45:11,125 --> 00:45:13,292
Well, actually, my...

1022
00:45:14,333 --> 00:45:16,500
parents proposed
to her parents.

1023
00:45:19,333 --> 00:45:21,167
It must have been

1024
00:45:21,583 --> 00:45:23,750
daunting for you, Maymouna,

1025
00:45:24,375 --> 00:45:26,708
deciding whether
to spend the rest of your life

1026
00:45:26,750 --> 00:45:28,708
with someone you hardly know.

1027
00:45:29,292 --> 00:45:30,292
Mmm.

1028
00:45:31,667 --> 00:45:33,750
If my parents are comfortable
with their decision,

1029
00:45:33,792 --> 00:45:35,125
I'm okay with it.

1030
00:45:35,167 --> 00:45:36,917
And we talked a load
on the phone.

1031
00:45:36,958 --> 00:45:38,917
And then we got
to know each other.

1032
00:45:40,667 --> 00:45:43,417
Can you sum up
how you both feel?

1033
00:45:45,000 --> 00:45:46,000
Good.

1034
00:45:46,292 --> 00:45:48,458
Feels... Feels
like the timing's right.

1035
00:45:50,375 --> 00:45:51,542
And...

1036
00:45:53,250 --> 00:45:55,833
Can you see yourselves
falling in love?

1037
00:45:56,958 --> 00:45:58,625
Yes, <i>inshallah.</i>

1038
00:45:59,333 --> 00:46:01,167
Whatever "in love" means.

1039
00:46:04,167 --> 00:46:05,167
Hmm.

1040
00:46:22,792 --> 00:46:24,000
Did he remember you
from when you were a kid?

1041
00:46:24,042 --> 00:46:25,333
-Yeah, that's family...
-Well?

1042
00:46:25,375 --> 00:46:27,750
-Hey, morning.
-Where are you going?

1043
00:46:27,792 --> 00:46:29,625
You haven't even
had breakfast.

1044
00:46:29,667 --> 00:46:31,000
I need to go to the tailor.

1045
00:46:31,042 --> 00:46:33,083
Then I was gonna take Zoe
to Anarkali bazaar.

1046
00:46:33,125 --> 00:46:34,167
You're gonna love it.

1047
00:46:34,208 --> 00:46:35,667
It's a massive bazaar

1048
00:46:35,708 --> 00:46:37,500
named after
a beautiful dancing girl.

1049
00:46:37,542 --> 00:46:40,167
Who was buried alive
by Emperor Akbar

1050
00:46:40,208 --> 00:46:42,833
because she was an unsuitable
match for his son.

1051
00:46:44,125 --> 00:46:46,042
Buried alive.

1052
00:46:46,083 --> 00:46:47,458
I'll see you later.

1053
00:46:49,500 --> 00:46:51,708
Yasmin. Take this
for Nani Jan.

1054
00:47:16,000 --> 00:47:18,250
I can't believe you said...

1055
00:47:18,958 --> 00:47:20,875
"Whatever love means".

1056
00:47:20,917 --> 00:47:22,042
Huh?

1057
00:47:22,083 --> 00:47:24,500
That's what Prince Charles
famously said

1058
00:47:24,542 --> 00:47:26,250
when he got engaged to Diana.

1059
00:47:26,958 --> 00:47:29,208
I thought
that sounded familiar.

1060
00:47:29,250 --> 00:47:30,917
They basically had
an arranged marriage.

1061
00:47:30,958 --> 00:47:32,333
Yeah.

1062
00:47:32,375 --> 00:47:33,833
That worked out really well.

1063
00:47:33,875 --> 00:47:37,000
Princess Diana wanted
to marry a Pakistani man.

1064
00:47:38,042 --> 00:47:40,708
-Doctor Hasnat Khan.
-Doctor Khan.

1065
00:47:41,625 --> 00:47:44,125
-Mother said no.
-What happened to him?

1066
00:47:44,167 --> 00:47:46,208
He had an arranged marriage.

1067
00:47:46,250 --> 00:47:48,000
Lived happily enough
ever after?

1068
00:47:49,000 --> 00:47:50,583
Got divorced.

1069
00:47:50,917 --> 00:47:53,167
He'd become too much Western.

1070
00:48:03,042 --> 00:48:04,708
Okay, question.

1071
00:48:04,750 --> 00:48:07,333
What did you think of her?
In real life?

1072
00:48:08,667 --> 00:48:11,583
-She's great.
-Yeah, but, um,

1073
00:48:11,625 --> 00:48:13,083
did you fancy her?

1074
00:48:13,125 --> 00:48:16,167
Zoe, please. Do I have to say
that on camera? Come on.

1075
00:48:16,208 --> 00:48:17,958
-So annoying.
-Fine.

1076
00:48:18,000 --> 00:48:21,542
And are you nervous
about the <i>mehndi</i> tonight?

1077
00:48:21,583 --> 00:48:23,750
Actually, just tell me
what that is.

1078
00:48:23,792 --> 00:48:26,625
Well, in Pakistan,
we really like

1079
00:48:26,667 --> 00:48:28,542
to draw out
the wedding celebrations.

1080
00:48:28,583 --> 00:48:30,250
It's over three days.

1081
00:48:31,125 --> 00:48:32,292
Uh...

1082
00:48:32,333 --> 00:48:34,708
And first it's the <i>mehndi,
</i>which is tonight.

1083
00:48:34,750 --> 00:48:36,250
And, uh...

1084
00:48:36,292 --> 00:48:39,250
Kind of like a stag
and a hen rolled into one.

1085
00:48:39,292 --> 00:48:41,333
Except your grandparents are
there, which is lovely.

1086
00:48:41,375 --> 00:48:43,167
And the groom
isn't stripped naked

1087
00:48:43,208 --> 00:48:44,833
and tied to a lamppost.

1088
00:48:45,500 --> 00:48:47,000
And then the next day
is the <i>nikah,</i>

1089
00:48:47,042 --> 00:48:48,667
that's the actual marriage.

1090
00:48:49,250 --> 00:48:51,667
And the <i>shaadi.
</i>Then, er, <i>walima.</i>

1091
00:48:52,375 --> 00:48:54,375
Where the main thing is
you have to look

1092
00:48:54,417 --> 00:48:56,583
like you haven't enjoyed
your first night together.

1093
00:48:58,792 --> 00:49:00,625
What if
you haven't enjoyed

1094
00:49:00,667 --> 00:49:01,750
your first night together?

1095
00:49:02,417 --> 00:49:04,167
-No comment?
-No comment.

1096
00:49:04,792 --> 00:49:06,250
Can we go in?

1097
00:49:07,458 --> 00:49:10,208
My mum would love this.
Can I film in here?

1098
00:49:17,000 --> 00:49:18,333
Afghanistan.

1099
00:49:20,000 --> 00:49:22,333
It's beautiful.
How much is it?

1100
00:49:23,500 --> 00:49:24,917
15,000.

1101
00:49:32,167 --> 00:49:33,625
Give him 10,000.

1102
00:49:33,667 --> 00:49:35,000
Here.

1103
00:49:35,417 --> 00:49:36,667
Thank you.

1104
00:49:40,083 --> 00:49:41,417
Thanks, Kaz.

1105
00:49:43,708 --> 00:49:44,875
You know

1106
00:49:45,833 --> 00:49:46,792
all that stuff,

1107
00:49:48,625 --> 00:49:50,208
passion, and...

1108
00:49:50,458 --> 00:49:52,875
chemistry, whatever you want
to call it,

1109
00:49:55,500 --> 00:49:57,333
it's not
the most important thing.

1110
00:49:58,583 --> 00:50:00,333
Doesn't last, anyway.

1111
00:50:16,750 --> 00:50:18,000
It's amazing.

1112
00:50:20,167 --> 00:50:21,375
He thinks you're my wife.

1113
00:50:23,833 --> 00:50:25,833
I'm saying
that you're just a friend.

1114
00:50:25,875 --> 00:50:27,667
Just friends.

1115
00:50:28,208 --> 00:50:30,083
I was your first kiss, too.

1116
00:50:33,208 --> 00:50:34,625
In the treehouse.

1117
00:50:40,292 --> 00:50:42,625
I just can't believe
you've forgotten.

1118
00:50:48,958 --> 00:50:50,458
Kaz.

1119
00:50:50,500 --> 00:50:51,833
Hmm?

1120
00:50:53,375 --> 00:50:55,750
What was that row
with your mum about?

1121
00:50:58,708 --> 00:50:59,708
It's...

1122
00:51:01,292 --> 00:51:04,292
Just about Jamila
coming to the wedding.

1123
00:51:04,583 --> 00:51:07,542
Why is what she did so bad?

1124
00:51:07,583 --> 00:51:08,750
A Muslim woman isn't supposed

1125
00:51:08,792 --> 00:51:10,875
to marry a non-Muslim guy.
It's <i>haram,</i> innit?

1126
00:51:10,917 --> 00:51:12,375
-I know.
-She ran off with this guy,

1127
00:51:12,417 --> 00:51:14,750
broke my grandfather's heart.
Literally.

1128
00:51:15,375 --> 00:51:17,167
He died a week later.

1129
00:51:17,208 --> 00:51:19,208
You can't blame that on her.

1130
00:51:19,500 --> 00:51:20,792
Then she didn't even come
to the funeral.

1131
00:51:20,833 --> 00:51:21,917
Why not?

1132
00:51:21,958 --> 00:51:23,625
She wanted him...

1133
00:51:24,375 --> 00:51:26,708
David, to be welcome, too.

1134
00:51:26,750 --> 00:51:28,042
Can I film you saying
this stuff?

1135
00:51:28,083 --> 00:51:29,583
-No.
-Please, Kaz.

1136
00:51:29,625 --> 00:51:31,083
I can't just show
what you want me to show.

1137
00:51:31,125 --> 00:51:33,000
If it's not truthful,
it just won't have any value.

1138
00:51:33,042 --> 00:51:34,292
Please.

1139
00:51:34,917 --> 00:51:37,625
-Okay. I'm sorry.
-You know they've had a baby?

1140
00:51:38,208 --> 00:51:41,625
My mum's first grandchild
who she's never even met.

1141
00:51:41,667 --> 00:51:44,333
All this unhappiness.
All she did was fall in love.

1142
00:51:44,375 --> 00:51:45,583
No, that's not
all she did, Zoe.

1143
00:51:45,625 --> 00:51:47,167
She chose love over family.

1144
00:51:47,208 --> 00:51:48,917
But isn't that the whole point
of marriage?

1145
00:51:48,958 --> 00:51:50,125
There are some things

1146
00:51:50,167 --> 00:51:51,333
I don't expect you
to understand.

1147
00:51:51,375 --> 00:51:52,500
Can you explain to me

1148
00:51:52,542 --> 00:51:54,000
how it's so different
even though we grew up

1149
00:51:54,042 --> 00:51:55,042
on the same street?

1150
00:51:55,083 --> 00:51:56,250
-How are we different?
-Yes.

1151
00:51:56,292 --> 00:51:58,417
-Are you serious?
-Please.

1152
00:51:59,083 --> 00:52:00,833
Okay.

1153
00:52:02,042 --> 00:52:03,167
For a start, you don't
get asked every week

1154
00:52:03,208 --> 00:52:04,250
where you're from originally,

1155
00:52:04,292 --> 00:52:06,208
or how often you
go back to Pakistan.

1156
00:52:06,250 --> 00:52:07,708
You're British,
I'm British born,

1157
00:52:07,750 --> 00:52:09,958
which we all know is just code
for non-white.

1158
00:52:10,000 --> 00:52:11,250
Brit-ish, you know.

1159
00:52:13,333 --> 00:52:15,125
And you're not expected
to apologise profoundly

1160
00:52:15,167 --> 00:52:16,417
on behalf of all brown people

1161
00:52:16,458 --> 00:52:17,750
every time there's
a terror attack

1162
00:52:17,792 --> 00:52:18,833
anywhere in the world.

1163
00:52:21,167 --> 00:52:22,750
There was an entire continent

1164
00:52:22,792 --> 00:52:25,458
between number 49 and 47, Zoe.

1165
00:52:25,500 --> 00:52:28,042
Isn't that why
you're making the film?

1166
00:52:35,792 --> 00:52:37,500
I have to pray. I'll be back.

1167
00:54:06,375 --> 00:54:07,500
Thank you.

1168
00:54:45,583 --> 00:54:46,583
Zoe.

1169
00:54:47,292 --> 00:54:48,292
Zoe.

1170
00:54:48,792 --> 00:54:50,458
You're in the bride's way.

1171
00:55:13,833 --> 00:55:15,958
You look very beautiful.

1172
00:55:17,792 --> 00:55:19,333
Thank you.

1173
00:55:21,042 --> 00:55:22,042
Hi.

1174
00:55:25,417 --> 00:55:26,708
-Hi.
-Hi.

1175
00:55:26,750 --> 00:55:28,125
Why are all the women here

1176
00:55:28,167 --> 00:55:29,625
dressed in easy access
garments?

1177
00:55:29,667 --> 00:55:32,000
This is Pucci. Baby.

1178
00:55:34,083 --> 00:55:37,833
And that's Mousey,
Toffee and Binky.

1179
00:55:39,000 --> 00:55:40,625
Do they have
no shame?

1180
00:55:41,250 --> 00:55:42,583
I want to go home.

1181
00:55:42,625 --> 00:55:44,458
Nani Jan,
please don't leave.

1182
00:55:44,500 --> 00:55:45,792
Not yet. It's...

1183
00:55:45,833 --> 00:55:47,375
Let her leave.

1184
00:55:47,417 --> 00:55:49,875
When dinosaurs leave,
at least we all can relax.

1185
00:56:50,958 --> 00:56:52,625
Sorry about this.

1186
00:56:54,417 --> 00:56:56,125
Not too much smiling.

1187
00:57:00,458 --> 00:57:02,417
Now the party starts.

1188
00:57:15,667 --> 00:57:17,708
Oi, don't get drunk, fellas.

1189
00:57:22,333 --> 00:57:24,167
Ooh!

1190
00:57:24,500 --> 00:57:26,917
What... There's something
in that? What's in that?

1191
00:57:26,958 --> 00:57:28,292
It's Coke masala.

1192
00:57:28,333 --> 00:57:30,000
-Masala?
-It's really good.

1193
00:57:30,042 --> 00:57:32,250
It's so good.

1194
00:57:32,292 --> 00:57:35,042
-Whisky.
-Oh, my God.

1195
00:57:45,208 --> 00:57:47,333
- I'm gonna head over there.
- Congratulations.

1196
00:57:48,208 --> 00:57:49,875
Selfie, selfie.

1197
00:57:53,958 --> 00:57:55,625
Have you seen Maymouna?

1198
00:57:56,167 --> 00:57:58,500
-I think she was...
-There she is.

1199
00:57:59,833 --> 00:58:01,958
And she's a blonde.

1200
00:58:02,000 --> 00:58:03,833
Kaz! Come!

1201
00:58:09,583 --> 00:58:11,083
Ooh!

1202
00:58:11,125 --> 00:58:14,125
Kaz, you... You still haven't
met my friend.

1203
00:58:14,667 --> 00:58:15,708
-Taqi.
-Ah.

1204
00:58:15,750 --> 00:58:17,125
Lahore's hair king.

1205
00:58:17,167 --> 00:58:18,583
Er, queen, darling.

1206
00:58:18,625 --> 00:58:20,875
And don't the honeymoon
highlights look fabulous, huh?

1207
00:58:20,917 --> 00:58:22,167
Amazing.

1208
00:58:22,208 --> 00:58:23,208
-Mmm-hmm.
-Nice to meet you.

1209
00:58:24,375 --> 00:58:26,625
-Hi. How are you?
-High. How are you?

1210
00:58:28,167 --> 00:58:30,417
He means,
"How high are you?"

1211
00:58:32,000 --> 00:58:34,917
Sorry. This is my friend, Zoe.
We're friends from London.

1212
00:58:34,958 --> 00:58:36,708
-Hi. You want a jay?
-Hey.

1213
00:58:36,750 --> 00:58:38,583
Oh, no. No, thanks.

1214
00:58:38,625 --> 00:58:39,917
Take one.

1215
00:58:39,958 --> 00:58:43,542
Taqi brings all the treats
to the party. Always.

1216
00:58:43,583 --> 00:58:45,167
Darling, I'm only
following the rules.

1217
00:58:45,208 --> 00:58:46,250
The Quran says,

1218
00:58:46,292 --> 00:58:47,458
if a man lies
with another man,

1219
00:58:47,500 --> 00:58:49,500
he should be stoned.

1220
00:58:51,667 --> 00:58:53,458
Married tomorrow.

1221
00:58:53,500 --> 00:58:55,917
-Sin tonight?
-I'm good, thank you.

1222
00:58:55,958 --> 00:58:57,167
Oh, my God.

1223
00:58:57,208 --> 00:58:59,500
I hope I'm not gonna be
calling you <i>chachoo.</i>

1224
00:59:00,750 --> 00:59:03,292
-What's <i>"chachoo"?
</i>-It means "uncle".

1225
00:59:03,333 --> 00:59:06,042
I thought
that you'd all be more...

1226
00:59:06,083 --> 00:59:07,167
More modern,

1227
00:59:07,208 --> 00:59:09,333
living in London and all,
you know.

1228
00:59:09,375 --> 00:59:11,875
But I mean, hello?

1229
00:59:14,250 --> 00:59:15,583
Oh...

1230
00:59:15,625 --> 00:59:16,708
Finally.

1231
00:59:18,708 --> 00:59:19,667
Hmm.

1232
00:59:25,000 --> 00:59:27,667
Let's... Let's dance.

1233
00:59:27,708 --> 00:59:29,542
-You coming?
-Uh, not right now.

1234
00:59:29,583 --> 00:59:31,583
-You guys go. Have fun.
-Aw...

1235
00:59:33,417 --> 00:59:35,000
I think I'm gonna just...

1236
00:59:35,625 --> 00:59:36,958
You want?

1237
00:59:37,000 --> 00:59:38,833
No, I'm gonna go and follow...
Nice to meet you guys, though.

1238
00:59:38,875 --> 00:59:40,083
Bye!

1239
00:59:51,875 --> 00:59:53,250
Whoo!

1240
00:59:57,625 --> 00:59:59,333
She likes a party.

1241
01:00:05,250 --> 01:00:06,292
Yeah.

1242
01:00:11,292 --> 01:00:14,208
Not exactly what my parents
had in mind.

1243
01:00:22,667 --> 01:00:23,792
We should go.

1244
01:00:39,208 --> 01:00:40,917
Are you okay?

1245
01:00:40,958 --> 01:00:42,542
Just tired.

1246
01:00:43,417 --> 01:00:45,167
You're sure it's okay to

1247
01:00:45,625 --> 01:00:47,625
leave your own <i>mehndi?</i>

1248
01:00:47,667 --> 01:00:49,875
No-one's gonna notice,
trust me.

1249
01:00:51,292 --> 01:00:52,542
<i>Chachoo.</i>

1250
01:00:57,042 --> 01:00:58,292
One second.

1251
01:01:04,208 --> 01:01:07,250
Oh, wow.
I wanna show you something.

1252
01:01:07,542 --> 01:01:09,625
-Come. Come.
-What?

1253
01:01:25,000 --> 01:01:26,708
Sufi music.

1254
01:01:28,750 --> 01:01:31,333
No, Zoe. Just listen.
Just listen. He's...

1255
01:01:31,792 --> 01:01:33,542
He's singing to God.

1256
01:01:37,417 --> 01:01:39,000
Singing about a...

1257
01:01:40,625 --> 01:01:42,208
dangerous love.

1258
01:01:43,167 --> 01:01:44,500
Keeps him awake at night.

1259
01:02:04,750 --> 01:02:06,167
You see?

1260
01:02:06,750 --> 01:02:08,333
He's going mad.

1261
01:02:12,958 --> 01:02:13,958
I told you, Zoe.

1262
01:02:14,000 --> 01:02:15,958
Love is a dangerous
mental illness.

1263
01:03:18,708 --> 01:03:20,958
What?

1264
01:03:23,625 --> 01:03:25,292
I didn't forget it.

1265
01:03:28,458 --> 01:03:30,167
The treehouse.

1266
01:04:54,208 --> 01:04:55,500
If it wasn't for Islam,

1267
01:04:55,542 --> 01:04:57,167
there would have been
no Reformation.

1268
01:04:57,208 --> 01:04:58,625
-No Renaissance.
-Hi.

1269
01:04:58,667 --> 01:05:00,042
No toothbrushes.

1270
01:05:00,083 --> 01:05:01,125
Hi.

1271
01:05:02,417 --> 01:05:04,583
Hello, everyone.
That was a hoot, wasn't it?

1272
01:05:04,625 --> 01:05:06,333
- Have something to eat?
- I'm fine.

1273
01:05:07,208 --> 01:05:08,333
Where did you all go?

1274
01:05:08,375 --> 01:05:10,792
I was perfecting my Hollywood,

1275
01:05:10,833 --> 01:05:13,125
Dollywood, Bollywood,

1276
01:05:13,167 --> 01:05:16,167
thingies, and I turned round,
you'd all disappeared.

1277
01:05:16,208 --> 01:05:18,167
What else did Muslims invent?

1278
01:05:18,208 --> 01:05:19,417
- Algorithms.
- Bicycles.

1279
01:05:19,458 --> 01:05:21,292
-Coffee. Algebra.
-Chickens?

1280
01:05:21,333 --> 01:05:23,708
- No, that's...
- Chicken korma?

1281
01:05:24,667 --> 01:05:26,292
-The first flying machine.
-Yes.

1282
01:05:26,333 --> 01:05:27,750
-Yes, well done.
-That's right!

1283
01:05:29,542 --> 01:05:31,792
I could do
without algorithms myself.

1284
01:05:32,125 --> 01:05:33,167
Thank God

1285
01:05:33,208 --> 01:05:35,708
the bride didn't
join the dancing last night.

1286
01:05:35,750 --> 01:05:37,958
Oh, well, no, you...

1287
01:05:39,500 --> 01:05:41,375
No, she didn't.

1288
01:05:42,375 --> 01:05:43,542
- You enjoyed yourself.
- Hi.

1289
01:05:43,583 --> 01:05:44,792
That's important.

1290
01:05:44,833 --> 01:05:47,042
Um, do you think we can talk?

1291
01:05:47,083 --> 01:05:50,208
5:00 p.m. sharp for the <i>nikah,
</i>everybody, okay?

1292
01:05:50,250 --> 01:05:53,542
-I'm not sure...
-No, on camera, I mean.

1293
01:06:02,042 --> 01:06:04,625
You're getting married
in a few hours.

1294
01:06:05,375 --> 01:06:06,375
Yeah.

1295
01:06:07,333 --> 01:06:08,458
How are you feeling?

1296
01:06:08,500 --> 01:06:10,583
Feeling fine.

1297
01:06:10,625 --> 01:06:13,208
No pre-wedding nerves, or...

1298
01:06:13,250 --> 01:06:14,500
No.

1299
01:06:20,500 --> 01:06:21,917
I'm all good.

1300
01:06:28,000 --> 01:06:30,500
You're still fully signed up
to this?

1301
01:06:32,125 --> 01:06:33,125
Yes.

1302
01:06:39,125 --> 01:06:41,167
And this is what you want?

1303
01:06:42,583 --> 01:06:44,333
Yes, this is what I want.

1304
01:06:56,417 --> 01:06:58,167
Is that it, or...

1305
01:06:59,208 --> 01:07:00,792
Got everything you need?

1306
01:07:01,792 --> 01:07:03,333
Kaz, this is mad.

1307
01:07:04,375 --> 01:07:05,750
What's... What's mad?

1308
01:07:06,458 --> 01:07:09,208
I just, um...

1309
01:07:09,250 --> 01:07:11,792
I just... I feel
like everyone's pretending.

1310
01:07:11,833 --> 01:07:13,500
-Who's pretending?
-Er...

1311
01:07:13,542 --> 01:07:14,917
Everyone.

1312
01:07:15,833 --> 01:07:19,042
I mean, just you're pretending
Jamila doesn't exist.

1313
01:07:19,083 --> 01:07:21,708
Er, pretending Maymouna
doesn't dance.

1314
01:07:21,750 --> 01:07:24,917
Pretending no one has sex!
Kaz, you're 32 years old!

1315
01:07:24,958 --> 01:07:27,250
And your parents don't even
know you smoke.

1316
01:07:27,292 --> 01:07:29,833
Oh, my God. I told you before.
That's about respect, Zoe.

1317
01:07:29,875 --> 01:07:32,167
This is not a veil
on your sins.

1318
01:07:32,208 --> 01:07:36,375
This is a bloody great burka
shrouding your whole identity.

1319
01:07:38,417 --> 01:07:39,750
What do you want?

1320
01:07:39,792 --> 01:07:42,417
I don't want you to marry
someone you don't love.

1321
01:07:44,042 --> 01:07:45,792
Life's too short.

1322
01:07:46,375 --> 01:07:48,667
And too long
to marry the wrong person.

1323
01:07:49,375 --> 01:07:50,833
What do you want for you?

1324
01:07:50,875 --> 01:07:52,125
Well, this isn't about me.

1325
01:07:52,167 --> 01:07:53,792
Don't worry about me.
I'm fine.

1326
01:07:53,833 --> 01:07:55,375
You keep questioning
my decisions.

1327
01:07:55,417 --> 01:07:56,625
Maybe you should focus
on your own choices.

1328
01:07:56,667 --> 01:07:57,958
What is that supposed to mean?

1329
01:07:58,000 --> 01:07:59,250
Maybe the reason
you haven't got anyone

1330
01:07:59,292 --> 01:08:01,167
to watch a TV series with

1331
01:08:01,208 --> 01:08:02,250
is that you actively

1332
01:08:02,292 --> 01:08:03,500
search out anyone
who is wrong.

1333
01:08:03,542 --> 01:08:05,542
Oh, my God. This is bullshit.

1334
01:08:05,583 --> 01:08:06,833
No, it's not bullshit.

1335
01:08:06,875 --> 01:08:08,625
A man could be wearing
a literal red flag,

1336
01:08:08,667 --> 01:08:10,833
and you'd think it was
a sexy colour on him.

1337
01:08:11,083 --> 01:08:13,333
If the first person you date
is a dick, you're unlucky.

1338
01:08:13,375 --> 01:08:16,082
If the next ten people
you date are dicks,

1339
01:08:16,125 --> 01:08:17,167
then maybe you need

1340
01:08:17,207 --> 01:08:18,667
to take a long look
at yourself in the mirror,

1341
01:08:18,707 --> 01:08:20,332
and ask yourself why.

1342
01:08:25,457 --> 01:08:26,750
Have you got any more

1343
01:08:26,792 --> 01:08:29,292
profound psychological
insights?

1344
01:08:29,332 --> 01:08:30,542
I have a question.

1345
01:08:32,457 --> 01:08:34,792
Does it hurt less
when you aim low and miss?

1346
01:08:41,542 --> 01:08:42,875
Huh.

1347
01:09:09,917 --> 01:09:12,000
Be careful.

1348
01:09:14,542 --> 01:09:15,707
I didn't see you,
Nani Jan.

1349
01:09:15,750 --> 01:09:17,375
But you heard me.

1350
01:09:20,957 --> 01:09:24,000
Don't break our hearts again.

1351
01:09:48,167 --> 01:09:49,292
Agreed.

1352
01:11:14,000 --> 01:11:15,250
All Pakistani brides
always cry

1353
01:11:15,292 --> 01:11:16,875
as they leave their family.

1354
01:11:16,917 --> 01:11:17,917
It's a tradition.

1355
01:11:19,500 --> 01:11:21,375
Isn't it gorgeous?

1356
01:11:35,750 --> 01:11:37,833
<i>Can we have
</i>Beauty And The Beast?

1357
01:11:37,875 --> 01:11:39,458
<i> Yes, please.</i>

1358
01:11:39,500 --> 01:11:42,125
Yeah, of course you can.

1359
01:11:42,167 --> 01:11:43,208
Come on, then.

1360
01:11:43,250 --> 01:11:44,500
Coming.

1361
01:11:46,208 --> 01:11:48,750
<i>Beauty And The Beast.</i>

1362
01:11:50,125 --> 01:11:52,250
<i>Well, Beast had his faults.</i>

1363
01:11:52,917 --> 01:11:55,125
<i>But persistence pays off.</i>

1364
01:11:55,167 --> 01:11:58,167
<i>He didn't actually lock Beauty
in his cellar.</i>

1365
01:11:58,500 --> 01:11:59,958
<i>That's just
what a relationship</i>

1366
01:12:00,000 --> 01:12:01,750
<i>felt like to Beauty.</i>

1367
01:12:01,792 --> 01:12:02,958
<i>Over time,</i>

1368
01:12:03,000 --> 01:12:05,375
<i>Beauty grew to enjoy
Beast's company.</i>

1369
01:12:06,000 --> 01:12:07,042
<i>You know,</i>

1370
01:12:07,083 --> 01:12:08,750
<i>he was dependable
and available,</i>

1371
01:12:09,167 --> 01:12:11,833
<i>and there's a lot to be said
for those qualities.</i>

1372
01:12:12,500 --> 01:12:15,333
<i>Was the Beast
her dream hunk? No.</i>

1373
01:12:15,375 --> 01:12:18,333
<i>Did he sweep her
off her feet? No.</i>

1374
01:12:18,375 --> 01:12:21,458
<i>Did he take her breath away?
Perhaps not.</i>

1375
01:12:21,500 --> 01:12:22,833
<i>But Beauty had learnt</i>

1376
01:12:22,875 --> 01:12:25,083
<i>that it's better
to simmer, then boil.</i>

1377
01:12:25,125 --> 01:12:28,458
Do you not have to be a vegan
to do your job?

1378
01:12:28,500 --> 01:12:29,792
To be a vet.

1379
01:12:29,833 --> 01:12:30,958
No, actually, normally,

1380
01:12:31,000 --> 01:12:32,083
I'm only allowed to eat

1381
01:12:32,125 --> 01:12:33,458
the animals I put down.

1382
01:12:33,500 --> 01:12:34,375
I'm kidding.

1383
01:12:34,417 --> 01:12:35,708
I'm just kidding. I'm kidding.

1384
01:12:35,750 --> 01:12:36,917
I'm...

1385
01:12:39,708 --> 01:12:42,125
That's so close
to the bone.

1386
01:12:50,500 --> 01:12:52,625
Right,
does anyone want anymore?

1387
01:12:52,667 --> 01:12:55,125
<i>What the Beast was, kids,</i>

1388
01:12:55,167 --> 01:12:57,500
<i>was good enough. </i>

1389
01:12:58,042 --> 01:12:59,875
And sometimes,

1390
01:13:00,667 --> 01:13:04,167
good enough is good enough.

1391
01:13:04,625 --> 01:13:07,542
And she was in love
with the Beast.

1392
01:13:07,583 --> 01:13:10,042
She was in like with him.

1393
01:13:10,083 --> 01:13:11,667
What do you mean, "in like"?

1394
01:13:11,708 --> 01:13:14,667
In like with him,
which is way more important.

1395
01:13:21,458 --> 01:13:22,958
-Zoe.
-Great crowd.

1396
01:13:23,000 --> 01:13:24,250
- Mmm.
- Yeah.

1397
01:13:24,292 --> 01:13:25,958
- Diverse.
- Tick.

1398
01:13:26,625 --> 01:13:28,833
-Ooh. Grey pound.
-Tick.

1399
01:13:28,875 --> 01:13:30,333
This is my mum, actually.

1400
01:13:30,375 --> 01:13:33,292
Mum, this is Olly and Sam
who commissioned the film.

1401
01:13:33,333 --> 01:13:36,125
Oh, important.

1402
01:13:36,167 --> 01:13:38,333
So nice to meet you.
Am I in it?

1403
01:13:38,375 --> 01:13:39,583
Oh, you'll have
to wait and see.

1404
01:13:39,625 --> 01:13:41,750
Yeah.

1405
01:13:41,792 --> 01:13:42,958
Oh, that's James.

1406
01:13:43,000 --> 01:13:44,458
This is Zoe's boyfriend.
Saintly.

1407
01:13:44,500 --> 01:13:45,875
And he's a top vet.

1408
01:13:45,917 --> 01:13:46,958
Aren't you?

1409
01:13:47,000 --> 01:13:48,042
Oh, well,
don't know about that.

1410
01:13:48,083 --> 01:13:49,708
Britain's Top Vet?

1411
01:13:49,750 --> 01:13:51,167
Here we go. Here they come.

1412
01:13:51,208 --> 01:13:52,500
Leading vets compete

1413
01:13:52,542 --> 01:13:53,625
in a range
of medical challenges.

1414
01:13:53,667 --> 01:13:54,792
-Excuse me. Excuse me.
-James, yes.

1415
01:13:54,833 --> 01:13:56,833
Okay, yeah.

1416
01:13:57,833 --> 01:13:58,875
Hi.

1417
01:13:59,583 --> 01:14:00,958
Hi.

1418
01:14:01,667 --> 01:14:02,625
How are you?

1419
01:14:04,667 --> 01:14:05,667
Good.

1420
01:14:06,375 --> 01:14:08,250
How... How's married life?

1421
01:14:08,292 --> 01:14:10,500
I'm getting settled. It's...

1422
01:14:11,125 --> 01:14:12,167
Mmm-hmm.

1423
01:14:13,375 --> 01:14:16,208
-I heard you met someone.
-Kind of. Um...

1424
01:14:17,542 --> 01:14:20,958
My mum did.
I followed your example.

1425
01:14:21,000 --> 01:14:22,625
So, yeah. Not a dick.

1426
01:14:23,958 --> 01:14:25,375
Result.

1427
01:14:27,833 --> 01:14:28,958
Are you happy?

1428
01:14:29,625 --> 01:14:30,625
Mmm-hmm.

1429
01:14:32,000 --> 01:14:33,208
And you?

1430
01:14:33,250 --> 01:14:35,333
Yeah. I'm getting there.

1431
01:14:36,917 --> 01:14:38,500
Good.

1432
01:14:40,417 --> 01:14:42,292
-Hi.
-Hi, Maymouna.

1433
01:14:42,333 --> 01:14:45,000
Hi. How are you doing?
How are you enjoying London?

1434
01:14:45,042 --> 01:14:46,708
London is good.

1435
01:14:46,750 --> 01:14:48,708
She's missing home.

1436
01:14:48,750 --> 01:14:51,625
- Which is only natural.
- Of course.

1437
01:14:51,667 --> 01:14:53,333
But, hey, listen. Um...

1438
01:14:53,792 --> 01:14:55,375
About the film.

1439
01:14:55,625 --> 01:14:58,250
I just... I wanted to
warn you. It's a rough cut,

1440
01:14:58,292 --> 01:14:59,750
so, it's just...
There's still...

1441
01:14:59,792 --> 01:15:03,083
Okay, everyone.
We are ready to kick off.

1442
01:15:03,125 --> 01:15:04,833
So, Zoe, okay?

1443
01:15:05,792 --> 01:15:07,667
Shall we?

1444
01:15:07,708 --> 01:15:09,750
-Good luck.
-Yeah. Thanks. You, too.

1445
01:15:17,458 --> 01:15:19,583
Hello.

1446
01:15:19,625 --> 01:15:21,542
Hi, everyone. Um...

1447
01:15:22,458 --> 01:15:25,583
Wow, thank you so much
for coming. Thank you.

1448
01:15:25,625 --> 01:15:27,167
I just wanted
to say a few words

1449
01:15:27,208 --> 01:15:28,833
about my own journey

1450
01:15:28,875 --> 01:15:30,042
making this film.

1451
01:15:30,667 --> 01:15:33,833
So, I used to think
that arranged marriages

1452
01:15:33,875 --> 01:15:37,542
were this mad, out-dated idea.

1453
01:15:38,208 --> 01:15:41,292
And, when my friend and
neighbour, Farooq, had one,

1454
01:15:41,333 --> 01:15:43,333
I couldn't believe
he could ever be happy.

1455
01:15:44,625 --> 01:15:47,750
But I was wrong.

1456
01:15:47,792 --> 01:15:50,875
I was wrong.
Um, and now I wonder

1457
01:15:50,917 --> 01:15:54,375
as someone with a slightly
chequered romantic history...

1458
01:15:54,417 --> 01:15:55,917
Oh, no heckling, please.

1459
01:15:55,958 --> 01:15:57,042
Thanks, Mum.

1460
01:15:57,083 --> 01:16:00,583
Now I wonder whether there
is something to be learned

1461
01:16:00,625 --> 01:16:03,917
from a social system which
offers the opportunity to meet

1462
01:16:03,958 --> 01:16:06,208
available, like-minded,

1463
01:16:06,792 --> 01:16:09,625
non-commitment phobic men, um,

1464
01:16:10,000 --> 01:16:12,625
chosen by the person
who knows you best.

1465
01:16:13,250 --> 01:16:15,167
Me. Like me.

1466
01:16:16,250 --> 01:16:19,875
And also, you know,
maybe between the two extremes

1467
01:16:19,917 --> 01:16:21,500
of no choice
in forced marriages,

1468
01:16:21,542 --> 01:16:24,583
and just too much choice
on dating apps...

1469
01:16:25,000 --> 01:16:27,125
I'm always on dating apps.

1470
01:16:27,167 --> 01:16:28,333
You know,

1471
01:16:28,375 --> 01:16:30,583
maybe somewhere between
passion and pragmatism,

1472
01:16:30,958 --> 01:16:33,833
maybe there's a path
to happy ever after.

1473
01:16:33,875 --> 01:16:34,958
<i>- Inshallah, inshallah.

1474
01:16:35,000 --> 01:16:36,250
<i>Inshallah.</i>

1475
01:16:36,292 --> 01:16:37,750
Um, okay,
I'm gonna stop waffling now.

1476
01:16:37,792 --> 01:16:39,583
I'm talking way too much.

1477
01:16:39,625 --> 01:16:42,333
But I do want to say
just the biggest thank you

1478
01:16:42,375 --> 01:16:43,750
to Kaz and Maymouna.

1479
01:16:43,792 --> 01:16:45,625
Thank you so, so much

1480
01:16:45,667 --> 01:16:47,208
for allowing me to film...

1481
01:16:47,250 --> 01:16:50,208
...you walking into love.

1482
01:17:09,583 --> 01:17:11,917
- Er, hi.
- Hi.

1483
01:17:11,958 --> 01:17:14,708
-All right. Can I just take?
-Yeah, of course.

1484
01:17:14,750 --> 01:17:15,833
Cheers.

1485
01:17:24,625 --> 01:17:27,667
<i>Is it that different from
using filters on your Tinder?</i>

1486
01:17:27,708 --> 01:17:29,167
<i>It's not really lying, is it?</i>

1487
01:17:29,208 --> 01:17:30,208
<i>It's...</i>

1488
01:17:30,667 --> 01:17:31,917
We're just told to put

1489
01:17:31,958 --> 01:17:33,208
- a veil on our sins.
- Ooh.

1490
01:17:33,250 --> 01:17:36,458
<i>Nikah is a sacred
marriage contract.</i>

1491
01:17:36,500 --> 01:17:38,083
According to Islam,

1492
01:17:38,125 --> 01:17:40,708
bride and groom must both

1493
01:17:40,750 --> 01:17:43,083
define their own terms
and conditions.

1494
01:17:43,125 --> 01:17:47,708
<i>Power of divorce is available
to both partners equally.</i>

1495
01:17:47,750 --> 01:17:50,583
Mahr<i> is a token commitment</i>

1496
01:17:50,625 --> 01:17:52,333
<i>of the husband's
responsibility.</i>

1497
01:17:56,250 --> 01:17:57,292
Hi.

1498
01:17:57,333 --> 01:17:59,125
Oh, hi.

1499
01:18:01,875 --> 01:18:04,000
-How's it going down?
-Yeah, good.

1500
01:18:04,042 --> 01:18:06,958
I don't dare go back in.

1501
01:18:07,000 --> 01:18:08,042
-What?
-Huh?

1502
01:18:08,083 --> 01:18:09,542
You're super talented.

1503
01:18:09,583 --> 01:18:10,625
Oh.

1504
01:18:12,792 --> 01:18:13,833
Ugh!

1505
01:18:13,875 --> 01:18:15,250
-Zoe.
-Mmm?

1506
01:18:16,250 --> 01:18:17,708
Can we talk?

1507
01:18:21,083 --> 01:18:23,750
Nothing good's ever come
after those three words, but...

1508
01:18:23,792 --> 01:18:24,792
Look...

1509
01:18:26,333 --> 01:18:27,250
You're the dream.

1510
01:18:27,875 --> 01:18:29,500
If I ever thought I'd end up
with someone like you,

1511
01:18:29,542 --> 01:18:31,375
I never would have
been a tortured teenager.

1512
01:18:31,417 --> 01:18:32,417
Ooh.

1513
01:18:33,958 --> 01:18:36,750
You're either proposing to me
or breaking up with me.

1514
01:18:36,792 --> 01:18:38,167
I can't figure out which.

1515
01:18:44,542 --> 01:18:46,250
Oh, shit.

1516
01:18:49,250 --> 01:18:50,667
I just don't want...

1517
01:18:55,042 --> 01:18:57,125
I just can't be your plan B.

1518
01:19:00,458 --> 01:19:01,958
-I want more than that.
-Don't...

1519
01:19:02,000 --> 01:19:04,250
What are you doing?
This is fine.

1520
01:19:04,292 --> 01:19:05,625
All right? This is going fine.

1521
01:19:05,667 --> 01:19:08,875
Yeah, but I don't want fine.

1522
01:19:08,917 --> 01:19:10,000
Why?

1523
01:19:10,042 --> 01:19:12,125
Everyone likes fine!

1524
01:19:12,167 --> 01:19:14,750
Zoe, you don't
want fine either.

1525
01:19:22,333 --> 01:19:24,625
How do you know what I want?

1526
01:19:37,292 --> 01:19:40,500
-What am I gonna tell my mum?
-Oh, um...

1527
01:19:41,583 --> 01:19:44,583
Tell her
that I will probably end up

1528
01:19:44,625 --> 01:19:46,750
being your sensible
second husband.

1529
01:19:51,875 --> 01:19:53,875
Well, I mean, either that
or I'll marry the dog.

1530
01:20:09,625 --> 01:20:11,375
<i> It was devastating.</i>

1531
01:20:13,542 --> 01:20:15,500
I think the worst moment
for me was

1532
01:20:15,542 --> 01:20:18,042
when we had
our beautiful little girl,

1533
01:20:19,125 --> 01:20:23,042
and I realised that she would
never know her grandparents.

1534
01:20:23,708 --> 01:20:26,542
<i>I had such a special
relationship with mine.</i>

1535
01:20:27,750 --> 01:20:30,125
<i>But I always knew that</i>

1536
01:20:30,167 --> 01:20:33,167
<i>that would be the price
we'd pay to be together.</i>

1537
01:20:33,917 --> 01:20:37,708
I, um... I did read the Quran
before we got married

1538
01:20:37,750 --> 01:20:40,083
just to try and understand it
a bit.

1539
01:20:40,917 --> 01:20:42,750
It says, "A husband and wife

1540
01:20:42,792 --> 01:20:45,125
"should be like garments
to each other.

1541
01:20:45,167 --> 01:20:47,417
"To protect and keep
each other warm".

1542
01:20:48,083 --> 01:20:50,083
We used that
in our wedding vows.

1543
01:20:51,083 --> 01:20:53,083
<i>Do you have any regrets?</i>

1544
01:20:53,458 --> 01:20:56,792
I regret that I caused
my family so much pain.

1545
01:20:57,625 --> 01:21:00,292
Especially my <i>nani jan,
</i>my grandmother.

1546
01:21:02,042 --> 01:21:04,458
<i>I can never forget her face
when I left.</i>

1547
01:21:06,500 --> 01:21:08,667
<i>But, I...</i>

1548
01:21:08,708 --> 01:21:10,500
I don't believe that

1549
01:21:10,542 --> 01:21:13,208
we choose who we fall
in love with. It's...

1550
01:21:13,250 --> 01:21:16,792
It's too overwhelming
to be in our control.

1551
01:21:18,292 --> 01:21:21,875
<i>But even if it had been
a choice and not my kismet,</i>

1552
01:21:22,500 --> 01:21:24,375
<i>I'd still have chosen him.</i>

1553
01:21:36,583 --> 01:21:38,000
Hey.

1554
01:21:38,750 --> 01:21:40,667
What were you thinking, Zoe?

1555
01:21:41,167 --> 01:21:42,500
I trusted you.

1556
01:21:43,167 --> 01:21:45,083
I was just doing my job.

1557
01:21:45,125 --> 01:21:46,667
Your job isn't
to humiliate my family

1558
01:21:46,708 --> 01:21:48,625
by broadcasting our issues
to the world.

1559
01:21:48,667 --> 01:21:51,292
I had to include Jamila.
Come on.

1560
01:21:51,333 --> 01:21:53,792
Please, why is that
so humiliating?

1561
01:21:57,333 --> 01:21:59,167
Number 47...

1562
01:21:59,208 --> 01:22:00,875
number 49.

1563
01:22:00,917 --> 01:22:02,667
Different continents.

1564
01:22:09,542 --> 01:22:11,333
It was beautiful.

1565
01:22:11,375 --> 01:22:13,292
Maymouna.

1566
01:22:16,042 --> 01:22:17,333
Thank you.

1567
01:22:45,875 --> 01:22:47,458
Zoe, that was a bit cruel.

1568
01:22:47,500 --> 01:22:49,083
You could have told me
that outfit made me look

1569
01:22:49,125 --> 01:22:50,375
like a pile of dirty washing.

1570
01:22:50,417 --> 01:22:53,542
-Oh! Mum, not now!
-Where's... Where's James?

1571
01:22:53,583 --> 01:22:56,042
He just dumped me. So...

1572
01:22:56,083 --> 01:22:59,042
Oh, Zoe,
what have you done now?

1573
01:22:59,083 --> 01:23:02,375
Oh, no! I thought
he was finally the solution.

1574
01:23:02,417 --> 01:23:04,875
Oh! You sound like Hitler!

1575
01:23:05,750 --> 01:23:06,750
Zoe...

1576
01:23:07,042 --> 01:23:10,250
Come on, he's the best one
you've ever picked.

1577
01:23:10,292 --> 01:23:12,292
I didn't pick him. You did.

1578
01:23:21,125 --> 01:23:23,417
I'm worried
you're gonna end up alone.

1579
01:23:25,292 --> 01:23:28,000
You're alone. You seem fine.

1580
01:23:29,833 --> 01:23:31,958
-That's different...
-Am I

1581
01:23:32,000 --> 01:23:34,375
just half a person
when I'm not with a man?

1582
01:23:34,417 --> 01:23:35,667
Is that what you think?

1583
01:23:35,708 --> 01:23:37,667
Am I just not enough for you
as I am?

1584
01:23:39,208 --> 01:23:42,625
Oh, darling, that's not fair.
That's not fair!

1585
01:23:42,667 --> 01:23:44,042
-I can't do this.
-I didn't...

1586
01:23:46,625 --> 01:23:47,583
Zoe.

1587
01:24:38,958 --> 01:24:40,958
Do you need to get that?

1588
01:25:12,958 --> 01:25:14,292
Why didn't you tell me?

1589
01:25:33,042 --> 01:25:34,667
So, what do we do now?

1590
01:25:37,458 --> 01:25:38,542
Pretend.

1591
01:25:39,708 --> 01:25:41,292
Like everyone else.

1592
01:25:50,458 --> 01:25:51,542
"Pretend".

1593
01:26:05,375 --> 01:26:06,958
<i> Sleeping Beauty</i>

1594
01:26:08,292 --> 01:26:09,792
<i>tried to</i>

1595
01:26:10,667 --> 01:26:13,042
<i>fake it to make it.</i>

1596
01:26:25,708 --> 01:26:27,542
<i>She was just sad.</i>

1597
01:26:29,750 --> 01:26:32,083
<i>And so she went to sleep</i>

1598
01:26:33,708 --> 01:26:36,042
<i>for 100 years.</i>

1599
01:26:41,125 --> 01:26:43,292
<i>Snow White was also sad.</i>

1600
01:26:44,583 --> 01:26:47,292
<i>She ate a poisoned apple
on purpose</i>

1601
01:26:48,958 --> 01:26:50,833
<i>because she was depressed.</i>

1602
01:26:52,167 --> 01:26:53,917
<i>Which literally means</i>

1603
01:26:55,750 --> 01:26:57,417
<i>"deep rest".</i>

1604
01:26:59,583 --> 01:27:00,583
<i>And...</i>

1605
01:27:01,458 --> 01:27:04,125
No-one lived
happily ever after

1606
01:27:07,125 --> 01:27:09,333
because that never happens
in real life.

1607
01:27:11,125 --> 01:27:13,792
<i>- Only in fairy tales.

1608
01:27:20,208 --> 01:27:21,250
So, yeah,

1609
01:27:21,292 --> 01:27:22,250
if we look
at the section here...

1610
01:27:32,000 --> 01:27:34,500
What are you doing here?
All good?

1611
01:27:34,542 --> 01:27:37,750
I keep calling and calling,
you never answer my phone.

1612
01:27:41,000 --> 01:27:42,208
All okay?

1613
01:27:43,000 --> 01:27:45,083
Yeah, everything's okay.

1614
01:27:50,708 --> 01:27:52,625
How's Maymouna? And...

1615
01:27:54,167 --> 01:27:56,083
How are you both getting on?

1616
01:27:56,625 --> 01:27:57,792
It's all fine.

1617
01:28:05,125 --> 01:28:07,125
<i>Beta,</i> it takes time to adjust.

1618
01:28:09,042 --> 01:28:11,542
It wasn't easy for me either
at the start.

1619
01:28:12,667 --> 01:28:15,542
Your father and I hardly spoke
for the first month,

1620
01:28:15,583 --> 01:28:16,625
and now look at us.

1621
01:28:18,667 --> 01:28:22,208
Sorry, <i>ammi,</i> I'm...
So much to do. I'm busy today.

1622
01:28:28,125 --> 01:28:29,125
Okay.

1623
01:28:30,208 --> 01:28:32,375
So I'll see you both
for <i>Eid</i> tomorrow.

1624
01:28:32,833 --> 01:28:33,792
If it's confirmed.

1625
01:28:34,750 --> 01:28:36,208
I'll call you later, huh?

1626
01:28:39,875 --> 01:28:41,458
You know, <i>beta,</i>

1627
01:28:41,500 --> 01:28:43,333
why the Prophet said,

1628
01:28:43,375 --> 01:28:46,083
"Paradise lies
at the mother's feet"?

1629
01:28:49,000 --> 01:28:50,833
Because there is no love

1630
01:28:50,875 --> 01:28:53,083
greater than a mother's love
for her child.

1631
01:28:57,250 --> 01:28:59,417
That's why our prayers
are double.

1632
01:29:01,500 --> 01:29:04,083
You know what I pray for
every night?

1633
01:29:06,458 --> 01:29:08,458
I pray for your happiness.

1634
01:29:09,542 --> 01:29:11,833
And the happiness
of all my children.

1635
01:29:14,750 --> 01:29:16,583
That's all that matters.

1636
01:29:25,708 --> 01:29:27,958
You know, I just wanna be
a good son, <i>ammi.</i>

1637
01:29:28,833 --> 01:29:30,500
That's it.

1638
01:29:51,875 --> 01:29:54,292
<i>For your messages, press two.</i>

1639
01:29:54,333 --> 01:29:57,375
<i>Received, 3:34 p.m.</i>

1640
01:29:57,417 --> 01:29:59,708
<i>Hi, Zoe.
Olly and Sam here</i>

1641
01:29:59,750 --> 01:30:01,167
<i>from Big Bull Productions.</i>

1642
01:30:01,208 --> 01:30:02,417
<i>Look, we loved the doc,</i>

1643
01:30:02,458 --> 01:30:04,625
<i>but we've got a problem, okay?
White lens.</i>

1644
01:30:04,667 --> 01:30:06,375
<i> Yeah,
diverse subject, great.</i>

1645
01:30:06,417 --> 01:30:08,542
<i>White director,
it's not so great.</i>

1646
01:30:08,583 --> 01:30:10,417
<i>Yeah, so, we're gonna
have to hit pause</i>

1647
01:30:10,458 --> 01:30:11,917
<i>- on the project, okay?

1648
01:30:11,958 --> 01:30:13,083
<i>We're really sorry, obviously.</i>

1649
01:30:13,125 --> 01:30:14,167
<i>- Really sorry.
<i>- Obviously.</i>

1650
01:30:14,208 --> 01:30:15,667
<i> And give us a call
if you want a chat.</i>

1651
01:30:15,708 --> 01:30:16,958
- Oh, shit.
<i>- Okay. Bye.</i>

1652
01:30:17,000 --> 01:30:19,375
<i>Press two to repeat.</i>

1653
01:30:21,875 --> 01:30:23,375
You shouldn't
leave your knickers

1654
01:30:23,417 --> 01:30:26,208
just lying about on display.

1655
01:30:26,750 --> 01:30:28,625
I don't understand.

1656
01:30:28,667 --> 01:30:31,417
-Why are you all dressed up?
-It's <i>Eid.</i>

1657
01:30:31,458 --> 01:30:32,917
I'm going to the Khans.

1658
01:30:34,167 --> 01:30:35,625
That's good.

1659
01:30:36,708 --> 01:30:38,208
Do you want to come?

1660
01:30:38,917 --> 01:30:39,875
No, thank you.

1661
01:30:42,250 --> 01:30:44,042
I'm the last person

1662
01:30:44,083 --> 01:30:45,333
that they wanna see.

1663
01:30:45,792 --> 01:30:46,958
Anyway, I'm packing.

1664
01:30:48,292 --> 01:30:50,583
- Where are you going?
- Turkey.

1665
01:30:50,625 --> 01:30:51,708
For a break.

1666
01:30:51,750 --> 01:30:54,833
Since everyone hated my film.

1667
01:30:59,500 --> 01:31:02,000
I must just say...

1668
01:31:02,042 --> 01:31:04,542
I do admire your independence.

1669
01:31:08,917 --> 01:31:10,500
And I...

1670
01:31:11,083 --> 01:31:12,292
You're wrong.

1671
01:31:14,583 --> 01:31:17,750
I don't value you less
when you're not with a man.

1672
01:31:19,417 --> 01:31:23,083
And I'm very, very proud
of everything you've achieved.

1673
01:31:25,917 --> 01:31:27,167
But...

1674
01:31:27,208 --> 01:31:29,792
But, nothing counts
before the "but".

1675
01:31:31,500 --> 01:31:33,417
Well, but...

1676
01:31:35,125 --> 01:31:38,292
There's a difference
between independence

1677
01:31:39,042 --> 01:31:40,458
and being so cut off

1678
01:31:40,500 --> 01:31:42,250
that no-one
can get close to you.

1679
01:31:44,000 --> 01:31:46,833
We all need other people.
Even you.

1680
01:31:47,500 --> 01:31:50,042
There's no weakness
in that, Zoe.

1681
01:31:51,500 --> 01:31:52,583
Zahid's right.

1682
01:31:52,625 --> 01:31:54,917
Loneliness is
a Western disease

1683
01:31:54,958 --> 01:31:56,917
and it's far more deadly
than cancer.

1684
01:31:56,958 --> 01:31:58,417
The only cure is to allow

1685
01:31:58,458 --> 01:32:01,667
other people to care
about you, and not...

1686
01:32:01,708 --> 01:32:04,625
Not to always
push them away.

1687
01:32:10,792 --> 01:32:13,167
They say it takes a village
to raise a child.

1688
01:32:13,208 --> 01:32:14,500
But what about the adults?

1689
01:32:14,542 --> 01:32:18,750
I'd say it takes a village
to sustain an adult.

1690
01:32:18,792 --> 01:32:21,167
And I'm so lucky

1691
01:32:21,500 --> 01:32:24,500
to have found my village

1692
01:32:24,542 --> 01:32:26,125
next door and...

1693
01:32:27,625 --> 01:32:29,542
All I want

1694
01:32:29,583 --> 01:32:31,875
is for you to find yours,
that's all.

1695
01:32:43,667 --> 01:32:44,833
Come here.

1696
01:32:53,125 --> 01:32:55,458
-That was you then.
-That was my phone.

1697
01:32:56,333 --> 01:32:58,583
Saved by the bell.

1698
01:32:58,625 --> 01:33:00,792
-Oh, it's from Kaz.
-That's nice.

1699
01:33:04,708 --> 01:33:06,083
- Can I have a biscuit?
- Yeah.

1700
01:33:09,708 --> 01:33:11,875
<i>-Do I look nice?
-Yeah, you look great.</i>

1701
01:33:13,333 --> 01:33:14,958
<i> Do you wanna...
Do you wanna...</i>

1702
01:33:15,000 --> 01:33:17,125
<i>Okay, okay. Um...</i>

1703
01:33:17,167 --> 01:33:18,417
<i>Hi.</i>

1704
01:33:18,458 --> 01:33:19,500
<i>Uh...</i>

1705
01:33:19,542 --> 01:33:22,208
<i>I loved your film, Zoe. And...</i>

1706
01:33:22,250 --> 01:33:24,167
<i>I'm sorry if this kind of
ruins your ending,</i>

1707
01:33:24,208 --> 01:33:25,250
<i>but...</i>

1708
01:33:26,042 --> 01:33:28,292
<i>I think it's gonna
make it more truthful.</i>

1709
01:33:32,667 --> 01:33:33,833
<i>Eid Mubarak.</i>

1710
01:33:33,875 --> 01:33:34,625
<i>Eid Mubarak.</i>

1711
01:33:43,167 --> 01:33:44,208
Just get the spoon. Uh...

1712
01:33:44,250 --> 01:33:46,042
No, no, wait, I'll get that...

1713
01:33:46,083 --> 01:33:48,000
-Help me cut.
-What do you want me to do?

1714
01:33:49,167 --> 01:33:50,875
No, no, not like that!

1715
01:33:53,417 --> 01:33:55,000
So festive, as ever!

1716
01:33:56,583 --> 01:33:57,667
<i>Eid Mubarak.</i>

1717
01:33:57,708 --> 01:34:00,000
Don't you look
gorgeous as always.

1718
01:34:00,042 --> 01:34:01,542
I've brought you something
very, very boring.

1719
01:34:01,583 --> 01:34:04,250
-Oh, you needn't have.
-And, erm, Zoe's here.

1720
01:34:04,292 --> 01:34:05,792
Zoe.

1721
01:34:05,833 --> 01:34:07,000
I'm sorry to gatecrash,

1722
01:34:07,042 --> 01:34:09,917
but I really need
to talk to Kaz, please.

1723
01:34:10,542 --> 01:34:11,833
You've been talking
quite a lot

1724
01:34:11,875 --> 01:34:14,250
to all my children lately.

1725
01:34:14,292 --> 01:34:15,375
Jalebis.

1726
01:34:15,417 --> 01:34:16,958
I made them
especially for you.

1727
01:34:17,000 --> 01:34:18,292
Well, thank you.
It's just you're trying

1728
01:34:18,333 --> 01:34:19,375
to give me diabetes.

1729
01:34:19,417 --> 01:34:21,000
I know you are.

1730
01:34:21,042 --> 01:34:22,083
I'll eat it later.

1731
01:34:22,125 --> 01:34:23,583
Can you just get the...

1732
01:34:23,625 --> 01:34:24,625
Mmm.

1733
01:34:30,833 --> 01:34:33,667
How is everything?
Everyone all right?

1734
01:34:33,708 --> 01:34:35,875
- Yeah, it's tense.
- That's quite a thing.

1735
01:34:35,917 --> 01:34:38,292
I mean, I can't...

1736
01:34:38,333 --> 01:34:40,417
-Where's Maymouna?
-She's not coming.

1737
01:34:40,458 --> 01:34:41,708
What do you mean
she's not coming?

1738
01:34:47,000 --> 01:34:50,000
-Hello, darling. <i>Eid Mubarak.
</i>-Happy <i>Eid.</i>

1739
01:34:50,042 --> 01:34:51,958
You smell lovely.

1740
01:34:55,750 --> 01:34:57,917
Are you okay?
I just saw your email.

1741
01:34:59,333 --> 01:35:01,667
-I'm fine.
-Okay.

1742
01:35:02,250 --> 01:35:04,000
I'm glad you're here.

1743
01:35:04,042 --> 01:35:06,792
Kazim.
Why isn't Maymouna here?

1744
01:35:06,833 --> 01:35:07,958
Is she sick?

1745
01:35:13,333 --> 01:35:15,500
<i>Ammi,</i> Maymouna's not sick.

1746
01:35:22,542 --> 01:35:24,750
Unless you call heartbreak
a sickness.

1747
01:35:24,792 --> 01:35:27,458
What do you mean?

1748
01:35:31,500 --> 01:35:33,750
Turns out our marriage
was more

1749
01:35:34,292 --> 01:35:36,875
"insisted" than "assisted".

1750
01:35:36,917 --> 01:35:39,042
That's not possible.

1751
01:35:39,083 --> 01:35:40,208
They're a modern family.

1752
01:35:40,250 --> 01:35:41,833
Everybody was so happy
at the wedding.

1753
01:35:41,875 --> 01:35:43,667
Where is she now?

1754
01:35:44,708 --> 01:35:47,208
She is working up
the courage to

1755
01:35:48,292 --> 01:35:50,958
tell her parents
we're divorced.

1756
01:35:53,833 --> 01:35:54,875
Divorced?

1757
01:35:56,000 --> 01:35:57,208
What do you mean?
Just like...

1758
01:35:57,250 --> 01:35:59,917
All you have to say is,
"I divorce you,

1759
01:35:59,958 --> 01:36:02,125
"I divorce you,
I divorce you".

1760
01:36:02,625 --> 01:36:05,833
Oh, really?
I wish we had that here.

1761
01:36:05,875 --> 01:36:09,667
<i>Beta,</i> triple <i>talaq
</i>is banned in Pakistan

1762
01:36:09,708 --> 01:36:11,333
to stop people
from making rash decisions.

1763
01:36:11,375 --> 01:36:12,917
<i>Ammi,</i> this isn't rash.

1764
01:36:12,958 --> 01:36:15,375
It's... Maymouna was... is...

1765
01:36:15,917 --> 01:36:17,958
in love with someone else.

1766
01:36:21,000 --> 01:36:22,917
Neither of us wants
to pretend any more.

1767
01:36:25,417 --> 01:36:28,125
Okay,
since it's a day for

1768
01:36:28,167 --> 01:36:29,208
bombshell disclosures.

1769
01:36:29,250 --> 01:36:30,042
Um, I think we all need

1770
01:36:30,083 --> 01:36:32,167
to try and just be
a bit more honest.

1771
01:36:34,417 --> 01:36:36,542
You may as well all know
that I smoke.

1772
01:36:37,500 --> 01:36:39,083
That's very bad for you.

1773
01:36:39,125 --> 01:36:41,125
And I have done
since I was 15.

1774
01:36:41,167 --> 01:36:44,500
But you're a doctor now,
so, not in public.

1775
01:36:45,125 --> 01:36:47,375
I kept asking myself,

1776
01:36:47,417 --> 01:36:48,542
"Why is this grown man

1777
01:36:48,583 --> 01:36:50,083
"always up there
in that treehouse?

1778
01:36:51,042 --> 01:36:52,292
"Does he think he is Tarzan?"

1779
01:36:54,625 --> 01:36:56,208
And I drink sometimes.

1780
01:36:56,250 --> 01:36:59,708
Just some red wine
for your cholesterol.

1781
01:37:00,417 --> 01:37:02,667
Alcohol has some
medicinal value.

1782
01:37:02,708 --> 01:37:03,958
That's a relief.

1783
01:37:04,000 --> 01:37:06,125
Obviously,
I never ever touch pork.

1784
01:37:06,167 --> 01:37:07,708
Of course not.

1785
01:37:07,750 --> 01:37:09,375
You are Muslim, mmm?

1786
01:37:10,833 --> 01:37:14,000
Okay. But there's something
way more important. Um...

1787
01:37:15,333 --> 01:37:16,292
<i>Ammi...</i>

1788
01:37:18,333 --> 01:37:21,083
You always say that <i>Eid </i>is
about family coming together.

1789
01:37:21,125 --> 01:37:22,083
Yes.

1790
01:37:25,208 --> 01:37:27,625
And if Zoe's film
has shown us one thing,

1791
01:37:27,667 --> 01:37:28,958
it's that...

1792
01:37:29,250 --> 01:37:30,500
it's that there's been
an important member

1793
01:37:30,542 --> 01:37:32,750
of our family missing
for too long.

1794
01:37:34,625 --> 01:37:36,292
Too long, <i>ammi jan.</i>

1795
01:37:39,667 --> 01:37:41,917
Just give me one second.

1796
01:37:42,833 --> 01:37:43,833
Sorry.

1797
01:38:49,625 --> 01:38:50,625
<i>Inshallah.</i>

1798
01:38:58,667 --> 01:39:00,250
She needs her <i>nani jan.</i>

1799
01:39:00,292 --> 01:39:01,458
Beautiful.

1800
01:39:02,750 --> 01:39:03,958
Sweetheart.

1801
01:39:05,167 --> 01:39:07,667
<i>Eid Mubarak,</i> David,
<i>Eid Mubarak.</i>

1802
01:39:15,750 --> 01:39:17,583
And I need my <i>nani jan.</i>

1803
01:39:42,708 --> 01:39:43,708
Nani Jan.

1804
01:39:47,583 --> 01:39:48,583
Nani Jan.

1805
01:39:51,333 --> 01:39:52,542
Please.

1806
01:40:52,208 --> 01:40:53,333
Oh.

1807
01:40:53,375 --> 01:40:54,667
Where's Zoe gone?

1808
01:40:54,708 --> 01:40:57,208
Is she gone already
without saying goodbye?

1809
01:40:57,250 --> 01:40:58,583
I've spoken to her about that.

1810
01:40:58,625 --> 01:41:00,000
She's halfway
to Constantinople by now,

1811
01:41:00,042 --> 01:41:02,458
-I shouldn't wonder.
-Wait, what?

1812
01:41:04,875 --> 01:41:06,583
Kazim?

1813
01:41:17,875 --> 01:41:19,375
Where have you gone?

1814
01:41:53,917 --> 01:41:55,167
Oi, Rapunzel.

1815
01:41:57,708 --> 01:41:59,375
Let down your hair.

1816
01:42:00,000 --> 01:42:03,208
I'm pretty sure I'm the witch
in this fairy tale.

1817
01:42:32,042 --> 01:42:33,042
Hi.

1818
01:42:34,792 --> 01:42:35,792
Hi.

1819
01:42:39,833 --> 01:42:41,375
It's your turn.

1820
01:42:41,417 --> 01:42:42,750
Yeah. Um...

1821
01:42:45,542 --> 01:42:47,250
I can't speak.

1822
01:42:47,292 --> 01:42:49,917
Okay. Sorry. Um...

1823
01:42:51,208 --> 01:42:54,125
Okay. I'm gonna put myself
on the line here.

1824
01:42:55,125 --> 01:42:56,250
Go on.

1825
01:42:56,292 --> 01:42:59,208
- This isn't easy.
- I know. I know.

1826
01:42:59,250 --> 01:43:00,292
I'm really high up

1827
01:43:00,333 --> 01:43:01,667
-and there's no safety...
-Zoe.

1828
01:43:08,167 --> 01:43:11,000
Would you like to watch
a whole TV series with me?

1829
01:43:16,708 --> 01:43:18,208
Are you sure?

1830
01:43:18,875 --> 01:43:20,625
-Mmm...
-Because we...

1831
01:43:21,583 --> 01:43:23,417
We should take it very...

1832
01:43:24,125 --> 01:43:26,042
-You know, take it slowly.
-Yeah.

1833
01:43:26,458 --> 01:43:28,250
Yeah, like an episode
at a time.

1834
01:43:28,292 --> 01:43:30,542
-No bingeing.
-No bingeing.

1835
01:43:33,375 --> 01:43:34,833
Just please don't
forget it this time.

1836
01:43:34,875 --> 01:43:36,708
I never forgot. Never.

1837
01:43:39,958 --> 01:43:41,292
And maybe we could just...

1838
01:43:41,333 --> 01:43:44,125
Like, we could have a break
clause halfway through.

1839
01:43:44,167 --> 01:43:46,167
Always a break clause. Always.

1840
01:43:50,000 --> 01:43:51,875
-I... Just...
-Hmm.

1841
01:44:43,708 --> 01:44:46,208
We couldn't have
arranged it better ourselves.

1842
01:44:46,250 --> 01:44:47,250
<i>Mashallah!</i>

1843
01:44:48,083 --> 01:44:49,833
That means, "Thank God".

1844
01:44:53,125 --> 01:44:54,417
<i>Ammi jan</i> always said

1845
01:44:54,458 --> 01:44:56,083
this would happen
if we came here,

1846
01:44:56,125 --> 01:44:58,042
and he went
to a mixed university.

1847
01:44:58,667 --> 01:45:00,833
Can't be expected to bowl
a googly every time.

1848
01:45:01,875 --> 01:45:03,583
So, we moved out.

1849
01:45:03,625 --> 01:45:05,125
Only down the road
to number nine.

1850
01:45:05,167 --> 01:45:08,000
Except, er, we call it nine
and three quarters.

1851
01:45:08,042 --> 01:45:09,542
Harry Potter!

1852
01:45:10,583 --> 01:45:12,542
David's getting
to know the family.

1853
01:45:12,583 --> 01:45:15,583
He's even learning Urdu
so he can understand Nani Jan.

1854
01:45:16,250 --> 01:45:18,583
Poor little zebra,

1855
01:45:18,625 --> 01:45:20,667
never knowing
what colour she is.

1856
01:45:21,000 --> 01:45:23,250
It's called
mixed heritage, Nani Jan.

1857
01:45:23,292 --> 01:45:24,792
Mixed heritage?

1858
01:45:25,833 --> 01:45:28,333
I don't know
what you were expecting.

1859
01:45:28,708 --> 01:45:30,542
My head on a stick?

1860
01:45:31,000 --> 01:45:33,417
I'm fine.

1861
01:45:33,458 --> 01:45:35,167
I am graduated.

1862
01:45:35,208 --> 01:45:37,167
I'm a human rights lawyer.

1863
01:45:37,208 --> 01:45:39,292
And my parents
are super proud.