(WHEEL CLICKS)
- Cheehoo!
('TASKMASTER' THEME MUSIC)
- (GRUNTS)
- Ha ha ha ha!
- (BELCHES)
- Shame!
- (BLUBBERS)
- BRITISH ACCENT: All right?
- Whee!
- Aaah!
- (GIGGLES)
- (GASPS)
- Whoo!
- Say cheese. - (SIGHS) Cheese.
www.able.co.nz Copyright Able 2023
(TYPEWRITER CLACKS)
(DING!)
(CHEERING, APPLAUSE)
- Kia ora, earthlings, aliens, and everyone in between.
My name is Jeremy Wells. Welcome to Taskmaster.
Thanks to a blood pact that I made with the Illuminati,
I am the Taskmaster. (CHEERING, APPLAUSE)
Earlier this year, I asked five New Zealand comedians to do the impossible ―
complete a series of silly little tasks in front of rolling television cameras.
Now it's time to see how they all did.
Our contestants this season are some of the finest minds in New Zealand comedy...
and also some people who just happened to be free when we started filming.
They are Bubbah... (CHEERING, APPLAUSE)
...Dai Henwood...
Karen O'Leary...
Mel Bracewell...
and Ray O'Leary! (CHEERING, APPLAUSE)
And, as always, by my side is the man who organises the tasks,
tallies the points, and helps me remember people's names. It's... (LAUGHTER)
- Paul Williams. - ...Paul Williams, everybody.
Paul Williams. (CHEERING, APPLAUSE)
- Yeah, I actually had a bit of an annoying day, Jeremy.
I went to the bowling alley, but the staff were striking,
and I thought it would be rude to interrupt them when they're in that kind of form.
- Was that the bit? - Yep. (LAUGHTER)
- What's the theme for tonight's prizes, Paul?
- Jeremy, tonight we've asked our comedians to bring in
the most unlikely thing to find in a public restroom.
- Oh. Let's start with Karen.
- Well, obviously, back in the olden days, there used to be a thing called gender dichotomy.
But since then, someone decided to make the toilets that we use
open to everybody that wanted to use them. But what I have noticed
from when I used to go into the triangle person toilets to now the ones where anyone can go in,
it's a real mess. So the thing that I think... (LAUGHTER)
It is. So the thing that I think would be very unlikely now to find in a public restroom would be this.
So that is a clean, hygienic piece of lino.
- Oh. (LAUGHTER)
I'll tell you what, looking at that clean linoleum,
it just makes you want to get up there and piss on it, doesn't it?
(LAUGHTER) - (CHUCKLES)
- Bubbah, what did you bring in? - My one is my second choice
cos my friend wouldn't give me her umbilical cord. Um... (SHOCKED LAUGHTER)
No, she changed her mind.
So this is my second choice. I think you wouldn't find it in a public restroom because
it's just really inviting.
(LAUGHTER) - It's quite nice, actually. - Yeah, but―
- The blue feels very hygienic as well, doesn't it? - Yeah, inviting.
- Yeah, but imagine getting the piss out of that thing. (LAUGHTER)
- Impossible. - Mel, what did you bring in?
- I've brought in something that is quite difficult to find anywhere, let alone a public bathroom.
(LAUGHTER)
(APPLAUSE)
That is a Where's Wally figurine that cost me $120. (CHUCKLES)
That was, like, the only option.
He's hard to find.
- Dai, what's your 'unlikely to find in a public restroom' thing?
- I thought something that you would probably not find in there was this.
A... (LAUGHTER)
...completely used disposable camera
where every photo was taken at a party in my 20s, and I've chosen not to get it ever developed.
So I'd be very surprised if I found that in a public restroom.
- Ray, what did you bring in? - Jeremy I live near some public restrooms and I actually went,
and I put something in those public restrooms that I think you'd find quite surprising.
It was your phone number.
(LAUGHTER)
(DAI LAUGHS)
(APPLAUSE)
'Looking for a good time? Call Jeremy.'
That's your phone number, isn't it? - That is my phone number.
(LAUGHTER) - And I actually live near a few public restrooms,
so I found another one.
'Plumb my Wells.' (SHOCKED LAUGHTER)
- (CHORTLES)
- And then I wasn't sure I was getting the message across. So above the bathroom door I'vewritten,
'Do you want to have (DING!) with me ― television's Jeremy Wells?'
- The thing is, Ray, I've been writing my number on bathroom walls for a long, long time.
So you just doing me a favour, really.
Though, putting it on TV means that you only got one point tonight,
actually, for your prize task, sadly. - AUDIENCE: Aww!
- Dai, you're a filthy man with your camera and the toilet. You can get two points.
Mel with your Where's Wally?
Three points for that. - Thank you.
- I'm really, really happy that you didn't bring in someone's umbilical cord, Bubbah,
so I'll give you four points for your welcome mat. - Thank you, Taskmaster.
- And, Karen, you get five points for your clean piece of lino! (CHEERING, APPLAUSE)
- This is not going to plan. This is amazing.
- I can tell you I am busting for another task and I don't know how much longer I can hold on for.
Can we do a proper one now? - We sure can.
But I would just like to say, this one was not necessary.
(QUIRKY MUSIC)
- Oh.
- (GASPS) Oh!
- Captain, my captain.
(BREATHES SHAKILY)
- He's dead.
- (GRUNTS) - Hello, Paul.
- Oh, this feels rude.
READS: Improve Paul.
- AUDIENCE: Awww!
- Impossible. - Thanks for saying it. - WHISPERS: It's not true.
- READS: 'Most improved Paul wins.
- 'You have 30 minutes to debut your Paul.
- 'Your time starts now.'
- You're quite tall. - You want me to be shorter? - Yeah.
- What are you thinking? - Let's brown you up a bit.
- Really?
(LAUGHTER, APPLAUSE)
- Well, I can't wait to see which one of the infinite number of ways
to improve Paul our contestants went with.
Who's up first? - If you're a fan of two-syllable names, you are going to love this.
It's Bubbah and Karen.
- Do you know all of the states of America in alphabetical order? - Not in alphabetical order.
- How fast can you learn things? - We've got 24.5 minutes. I could try.
These your clothes? - Yeah, but you should put it on.
Cos that's...
intense. - OK.
Del...aware.
Then I'm gonna meet my friend Del, who's incredibly aware.
And my friend was aware that it costs money to go to the movies,
but I now owe...
I-ow-ya.
- Wow, you look really chill.
Do you feel like you walk into the room and you own it?
- With the current housing market, I don't know if I'll ever own a room.
- Now I'd like to introduce the new and improved Paul Williams,
who is going to state at least half of the states of America in alphabetical order.
- Alabama.
Alaska.
Arizona.
- I'm trying to make you more fun.
Like, what games did you play as a kid? - I made a lot of graphs.
Illinois. Indiana.
Iowa. Missouri.
Montana.
- (SPEAKS INDISTINCTLY) - I know; it's Nebraska.
- Now we can play tiggy.
- But what about, um...
Oh! - (CACKLES)
- I think you are doing really well so far. - Thanks for the encouragement.
Rhode Island. - Correct.
(BLENDER WHIRRS)
- You wanna have a go?
Oh, I'm so sorry.
- I'm feeling quite dirty.
- Dirty stains.
Persil. Wash.
Washington.
It's delicious. - And you feel...?
- Sick.
- Do you ever eat burgers? - Wagyu.
- (CHUCKLES) Where would you go to get your burgers? - WicDonald's.
- (LAUGHS)
- Whopper. Wendy's.
Burger Burger.
Sneaky Snacky.
Burger ― oh ― Wisconsin. - Correct.
- Your mood went from here
to the max amount of fun.
I feel like I just raised you.
- Wyoming. - Correct!
You've completed the challenge, Paul. Consider yourself much improved.
- So you planned to improve my confidence, but then you changed―
- But we ended up improving your mood.
- OK. - Because graphs don't lie.
(CHEERING, APPLAUSE)
- So how do you think he went there, Bubbah, improving his mood?
- I think that's, like, five-points worthy.
Well, you saw the graph. (LAUGHS)
- You genuinely seemed to enjoy that graph chat.
- Well, I did. I― - He made it!
- I made the graph, yeah, which was the highlight. Yeah.
- Karen, you were teaching Paul useless facts.
I would say that's the one thing that Paul's quite good at.
- I disagree. (LAUGHTER)
I don't think he is good at that. And I also disagree with you saying that these facts areuseless,
cos I think any fact is a good fact, in fact.
- I did get through all the states. - Yep.
- Is it 52 states in alphabetical order? - 50 or 52 ― one or the other.
- 50, maybe. - I think it's 50. - 50, yeah.
- Did you? - I added two even.
(LAUGHTER) Yeah.
Fiji and Samoa. - (LAUGHS)
All right. I'm looking forward to seeing Paul improved even more.
But first, it's time for you at home to improve your own lives by buying products.
Here are some ads to give you some ideas. We'll see you in a moment. (CHEERING, APPLAUSE)
- Welcome back to Taskmaster. It's nice to have your company.
Now, Paul, what are we doing? - Five comedians were given the task to improve Paul.
- So who are we gonna see next then? - If you're a fan of names with three letters,
ooh, boy, are you gonna love this? It's Dai and Mel.
(CHEERING ON RECORDING)
- Thank you, thank you, thank you.
- For all in attendance and the millions watching around the world,
may I present the new and improved...
- The brand-new...
- ...Paul Williams?
(FUNKY MUSIC)
- Ta-da!
- What you'll see here is Paul Williams strutting a very hot non-seasonal look.
He has the off-the-shoulder earrings
with the slight inflate hanging
on the fishing wire.
- You'll notice a few features we've introduced in the Paul 3000,
namely ― silver bow tie. We listened.
Beautiful third eye for seeing and computing.
Can you show off your muscles?
(TIN FOIL RUSTLES)
Look at those bad boys.
- The devil's in the detail if you ask me.
Setting off this look is the twirly-whirly plastic thing on a stick
and thisamazinglydelicate child's fedora.
- Now, Paul, fetch me some food.
- (IMITATES ROBOTIC WHIRRING)
- Paul is the look everyone is dying for.
And those eyes just scream,
emo-mo-mo-mo-mo!
Reow!
Great, Paul. You look amazing.
- Honestly, you're gonna be rolling in (DING!)
I don't know why I did that. (CHUCKLES)
(APPLAUSE)
- I loved that.
So, Mel, the Paul 3000 ―
he's a r― he's a bot? - Yeah. That was my method ―
was to, um, lobotomise him and turn him into a robot? (LAUGHTER)
- Did you feel improved? - HESITANTLY: Yeah.
If by 'improved' you mean 'covered in tinfoil'. - Yeah.
Dai, the child's fedora was a lovely touch.
- For a guy who's got ― I don't know ― in the trade we call it a fat head...
(LAUGHTER)
...his eyes look dangerously small.
So a child's fedora really made them pop. - (LAUGHS)
You looked hot. Did you feel hot? - I did at the time.
Right now I feel terrible because I do have a massive head.
I struggle to wear most hats. - But that's why we went the child's hat, cos people go,
'He's got a child's hat. He must have a normal sized head.'
- That's true. - Yeah, I like that logic. Who's left, Paul?
- If you're a fan of the name Ray O'Leary, holy moly, you are gonna love this.
It's Ray O'Leary.
- First thought ― dress you exactly like me.
- And that would be improving me? - That feels like a rude question to ask.
(QUIRKY CARNIVAL MUSIC)
Hello, Paul. - Hello, Ray.
READS: 'Complete the obstacle course. Jump over the lion;
'spin around seven times and throw the fruit in the paddling pool.
'Fight the mannequin with the pool noodle.
'Then stand in the bath.
'You must ferry Ray to each obstacle in the wheelbarrow.
'Your time starts now.' How long do I have?
- Now. - Now?
That's not really a time. - Five minutes. - OK.
- Oh.
(INTENSE ELECTRONIC MUSIC)
- Sorry. Hold on. Sorry.
(LAUGHTER)
Sorry.
- (GRUNT-WHISTLES WEAKLY)
I can't― I can't whistle. - Oh.
- Maybe later I'll push you around in the wheelbarrow. - That'd be nice.
(CHEERING, APPLAUSE)
- How do you feel after watching that? - Um, heavy. (CHUCKLES)
I felt so bad for Paul having to push me around.
- The ground was also very soft. So I think it was― - Oh yes.
- It was not ideal. - It's probably mostly the ground. Yeah, Paul's right.
When I put on Paul's clothes for some reason, my head grew quite a bit.
And so I think that was weighing down the wheelbarrow.
- Should I score this?
The transformation was least successful from Ray. So I think you get one point, Ray.
Dai and Mel, three points each cos it was a good transformation.
Bubbah genuinely seemed to improve your mood, particularly with the graph.
So four points for you, Bubbah.
And five for Karen, because that's quite useful ― being able to know the American states actually.
(CHEERING, APPLAUSE)
All right, Paul 3000. It's about time for a scoreboard update.
How are we looking? - With a perfect score of 10,
in the lead, it's Karen O'Leary. (CHEERING, APPLAUSE)
- Enough crazy stimulating number chat. Let's get back into it.
Do you have another task? - I sure do, Jeremy. And it's a team task.
(QUIRKY MUSIC)
(PLAYS LONG, BELLOWING NOTE)
(LAUGHTER)
- Whoa, was that for us?
- It was lovely. Thank you, Paul.
- Do you wanna open this one, or do you wanna open those first?
- Stop looking at the scrolls, please.
- I'm a millennial. I'm addicted to scrolls... on my phone.
- I reckon it's gonna be about scrolls. - I dunno why you think that (!)
READS: Select a scroll... - Ooh, just like that. - Correct.
- RAY: I'm leaning towards this one.
- You're mean, Paul. - Ooh, I hope that's the cinnamon scroll.
- Oh! - Bakery joke.
- How long have you played trumpet for, Paul? - Two minutes.
- READS: Guy Fawkes and the Gunpowder Plot.
- READS: The assassination of Julius Caesar.
Oh, shit.
- Ooh, we've got another one coming in.
- Oh no.
- READS: 'Perform a play based on the historical event written on your scroll.
- 'No research allowed.
- 'Best and most historically accurate play ones.
- 'Curtain's up in 25 minutes.'
(BOTH GROAN)
(APPLAUSE) - Oh, I can't wait for this!
- What do you guys know about Julius Caesar? - The salad.
- I'm just hearing about that now.
- Whose magnum opus do we have first, Paul?
- What doth mine eyes perceive? Doth tell.
Tis our team of two ― Ray and Melanie.
(LAUGHTER)
(MEDIEVAL MUSIC)
- Hello, all. It is me, your leader.
The leader of Rome, Julius... Caesar.
Yes, I know that name sounds familiar.
I'm the guy who thought of that delicious salad.
One thing I love about ruling this beautiful place called Rome is my loyal subjects.
Oh, speaking of, there's one of my loyal subjects now.
Hello, Patricia.
- HIGH-PITCHED: Oh, 'ello, Caesar, I hate what you've done to the salad.
And I'm gonna give Caesar a C section.
- Oh! Oh!
Patricia!
Oh, another one of my loyal subjects.
- Well, I have some good news and some bad news.
Good news is, that wasn't fatal.
Bad news is...
I'm attacking you too. - Oh!
No, not two of my loyal subjects.
Oh, thank goodness. There's help.
- Bad news. I'm vegan, and I hate what you did to the salad.
You ruined a perfectly good vegan salad and added meat products to it!
- No! The bacon is what gives it the flavour!
- I don't like you at all.
- Oh!
I thought I was quite a popular leader.
I feel like that's what people say about me.
Like, I'm referenced quite a lot as being...
Oh, you would not. - Caesar being alive?
No way,hose-ay.
(LAUGHTER)
- Since injuring my leg,
the healthcare system in Rome has been terrible for me.
- I'm gonna blow you away! (LEAF BLOWER WHIRRS)
- I can't believe I'm still alive, but I'm starting to bleed out.
- The local skate park has fallen into disrepair.
- Oh!
I was the guy who had the idea for the half pipe.
- I'm a time traveller and I came to kill Hitler, but I missed the mark.
But this is good enough. Bang, bang, bang, bang, bang!
- I need an IV. - What ― four more hits with this hammer?
- Oh no! Roman numerals!
(PUCCINI'S 'O MIO BABBINO CARO')
- IV.
- Et tu, Brute?
- Oh, he's dead, but just for good measure...
And scene.
(CHEERING, APPLAUSE)
- I think― There felt like there were some historical inaccuracies there, Paul.
- There was quite a few ― a couple I've highlighted.
So the Caesar salad was invented in the early 1920s by Caesar Cardini, an Italian chef.
(LAUGHTER) And also, 'No way, Jose,' was first said in the 1960s,
and the garden hose was invented in Holland in the 1600s.
So it's very unlikely that anyone would've made that pun.
- Well, it's time for an intermission of our own.
But don't go too far away, because we'll be back soon with act three. (CHEERING, APPLAUSE)
- Welcome back to Taskmaster. It's nice to have you with us.
The show where New Zealand comedians battle it out for a square of urine-free lino.
So we've seen the assassination of Julius Caesar.
That must mean it's time for our Guy Fawkes play. - A second team cometh.
Our task they will try.
It's Karen, Bubbah,
and, of course, Dai Henwood.
(LAUGHTER)
(MEDIEVAL MUSIC)
- POSHLY: Welcome along to our play.
Thank you for spending your kind thrupenny tuppence upon our show.
It is now 1605.
- (PLAYS LOUD NOTE)
Hear ye, hear ye.
We have a proclamation to make!
We have listened to the people, the rich ones.
And we will be raising the taxes of the poor.
- (CHUCKLES BLUSTERINGLY)
Well done. Well done!
- (GROWLS)
Guesseth whateth!
I'm so fricketh angrieth at themeth!
How dareth he taketh from me-eth and my family-eth!
I'm gonna bloweth you-eth upeth!
(BLEEP)-eth you-eth!
(LAUGHTER)
- # Ooh, we are a tunnel to the parliament.
# We are a tunnel to the parliament.
# The parliament. The parliament.
# A tunnel to the parliament. #
- He willeth payeth for thiseth!
(POP!) Whoa!
- (SCREAMS) - (SCREAMS)
(SHOUTS)
Die!
- It has come to my attention, Your Honour,
that this despicable man, Guy Fawkes,
is responsible for treason, and therefore, he must be punished.
What say you?! - (POPS TONGUE)
I sentence this Guy Fawkes to death!
- (CACKLES)
- Yo, wassup, kids! It's the present day.
2023 in... the house, yo.
- Whoo! Whoo!
- Oh, I've got some Double Happys! (IMITATES EXPLOSION) Ah! - Look, I've got a sparkler!
- (IMITATES CAR REVVING, CRASHING)
Put all the ciggies in the car! Put the ciggies in the car! Brrrm!
- Wait.
What have we become?
(SOLEMN MUSIC)
- This was about...
a person trying to make good.
But now we're scaring dogs and doing ram-raids.
- This is not what Guy Fawkes would have wanted.
How about... Matariki?
And it can be just about Matariki. - Matariki it is.
And in the words of Guy Fawkes...
# Take me back to the rainbow...
- ALL: # ...that rainbow kind of magic.
# Rainbow, Rainbow, the Rainbow's End ―
# that's rainbow magic.
# Time, time, time
# for Rainbow-bow-bow's
# End! #
(LAUGHTER)
(CHEERING, APPLAUSE)
- (LAUGHS)
- So what did the ram-raids bit have to do with it?
- You know, when you set off fireworks,
you get a bit of adrenaline and suddenly do a ram-raid? (LAUGHTER)
So... that was the sort of― the...
- I think the idea― I thought, with Guy Fawkes,
it was a Catholic conspiracy to try and put a Catholic king back in charge?
- Restore Catholic to the throne, yes. - That's right.
- Nothing to do with taxes. - No.
- I think quite a big historical inaccuracy was that it seemed like
he actually did blow up the parliament. - Yeah.
- But he was thwarted. - No, no, no. That was just metaphorical blowing up.
Cos that was like you were looking inside his head.
He was attempting to blow up the parliament.
- I wish you hadmetaphorically put your pants down. (LAUGHTER)
- So, yeah, what did that bit have to do with it? So was someone pulling their pants down in 1605?
What happened there? - That's what happens in Catholic churches a lot.
(AUDIENCE EXCLAIMS, LAUGHTER, APPLAUSE)
- DAI: Yeah.
- Yeah, look, I preferred Bubbah, Dai and Karen's play myself.
I think there were just a few less inaccuracies.
So I think two points for you guys. Four points for you guys. (APPLAUSE)
Paul, I think I feel like another task. Can you do something about that?
- I bet you $100 you'll enjoy this task.
(QUIRKY MUSIC)
- Paul?
- You in the caravan, Paul?
- Ooh.
- What's up?
- Hello, Paul. - Hello, Karen.
- (SNAPS FINGERS)
Thought I'd bring a sort of '50s musical vibe.
Paul, lovely to see ya.
- Oh, poker.
- You like to gamble? - Uh, no.
- You strike me as a man who's been bankrupt many times.
- READS: 'Make a bet with Paul, then win it.
- 'Once Paul accepts your bet with a sturdy handshake, you cannot make a new bet.
- 'Most successful bet wins.
- 'You have 30 minutes.
- 'Your time starts now.'
- The issue is, Paul, I have very minimal skills.
- I bet you that I could throw the Frisbee further than you.
- How many throws do we get? - Just one. One attempt.
- What if I bet you I can name 100 Pokemon?
- I don't think you could name 150 Pokemon.
- Bet you I could put way more marshmallows in my mouth than you can.
- I'll accept that bet.
- I bet that you can't find
13 different types of leaf in 15 minutes.
- Bet you can't do more laps than me.
- Laps of what? - From that bathtub to here.
- I would accept that.
Why don't we say most laps in 25 minutes? - Yep.
- What's your stance on Pokemon? - I'm a fan...
of, um, beating up people who like Pokemon ―
Nerds.
- The loser has to... scull a whole Coke.
- A whole can of unbranded cola. - Oh yeah, unbranded cola.
- I accept that bet.
- It said it had to be a sturdy handshake. I can't even really feel that.
- That's sturdy. - Yeah, that is really sturdy now.
(APPLAUSE)
- (LAUGHS)
- Paul, Paul, it's your time to shine. This is gonna be amazing.
- We're gamblin', and I have a pair of aces.
It's Karen and Ray.
- OK, we'll just do one at a time each so then we can keep count.
- I'll go white; you go pink? - I don't wanna be pink.
I'll go white; you go pink. - I don't wanna be pink. - Well, then we'll both go white.
- Why don't we just go lucky dip? - Random selection. - Mm-hm.
- Charmander, Charmeleon
Charizard, Squirtle,
Wartortle,
Blastoise,
Regice,
Registeel, Regigigas.
- These are real? - Yeah, they're all real.
Uh, Nidoking,
Nidoqueen. - I need a queen, too.
- I don't have time to hear your personal issues, Paul.
(GENTLE FOLK MUSIC)
Chimchar,
Infernape.
Torchic.
- Tall chick? - No, Torchic.
Its a fiery chicken, not a tall chick. - Like Melanie Bracewell.
- You can't― Don't call Melanie― That seems a bit...
- Tall's fine, right? - Yeah, tall's fine. Chick seems a bit....
- Oh, OK. Sorry.
(LAUGHTER)
(SLURPS)
- What are we up to? - That's four.
- Only four?
- Swampert,
Kecleon,
Lickitung,
Lickilicky.
- Cheers.
(SLURPS)
(CHUCKLES)
That was good.
- That's five.
- Koffing, Weezing.
- These are just adjectives. - No, no, they're Pokemon.
How many―? - What's next ― Breathing? - No, that's not a Pokemon.
- (COUGHS) - Are you OK? Oh, you'reKoffing. Like, that's a Pokemon.
- (SLURPS)
- That's six.
- MUFFLED: Juicy. - They are juicy. - Mm.
- Oh, Mr Mime, Mime Jr.
Mime Jr evolves into Mr Mime. - Evolves into Mr Mime.
- Yeah, he's a little... - Yeah, he's a little...
- ...little clown. - He's a little clown. - That's really clever, Paul.
(LAUGHTER)
- Uh-oh.
(LAUGHTER)
- (SLURPS) That's eight.
- Rayquaza.
Dratini, Dragonair, Dragonite.
- (GAGS)
(GROANING, LAUGHTER)
- You've still got time. Do you want to do more?
- What are some other― Magnemite, Magneton, Magnezone.
Ledyba, Ledian,
Scyther, Scizor...
Kleavor.
(CHEERING, APPLAUSE) - That was genuinely impressive.
- I feel like, Karen, you underestimated the size of Paul's mouth.
- I didn't know he had that massive head before. I hadn't even really paid any attention.
Of course he's got a big gob as well.
- What was wrong with the pink ones? Why does no one like the pink ones?
- I didn't want to have gender stereotyped pink marshmallows because I identify as a female.
- You'd rather go with a racially based one? - Yeah...
(LAUGHS) (LAUGHTER)
- That's an impressive skill, Ray. - Is it really? (CHUCKLES)
- Lickilicky was an interesting one.
- That's what Karen needed for her marshmallow test ― is a bit more Lickilicky, I think.
- I always need a bit more Lickilicky. (LAUGHTER)
- It's time for some more ads now, but I bet you'll be back after the break.
And if I'm wrong, I'll give you my internet banking password.
We'll see you soon. (CHEERING, APPLAUSE)
- Nau mai, hoki mai, welcome back. It's nice to have your company. You're watching Taskmaster.
What's been going on, Paul? - Our comedians are making bets.
Most successful bet wins.
We've already seen Karen and Ray.
Now we have two more aspiring gamblers.
Their surnames form the answer to the age-old question ―
Would a hen be good at bracing?
It's Henwood Bracewell. (LAUGHTER)
Was it 13 in 15 minutes? - Yeah.
You can take the timer with you if you like.
- I'd rather have both hands free for picking leaves.
What is the bet? - The bet is a person who throws the Frisbee not as far
has to scull the cola. - OK.
OK. - Your time has started.
(WHIMSICAL MUSIC)
Well... (SIGHS)
Either way, that was a win.
- Oh, it really did― Oh, it rolled! A little bit.
- 40.95m. - OK. All right.
Come on. Let's go.
Just leave it out there, I reckon.
I'll wind it up.
- How long left? - Five minutes.
- (BURBLES LOUDLY)
- That's not rolled at all.
- Quite the haul.
Eight, nine,
10, 11,
12, 13.
- (GIGGLES)
- 21.
33.
40.
44.
- I'm out.
- 35.56.
Sucker!
- So you win.
And that is what I would call a very successful bet.
- Cos you win the bet?
(LAUGHTER)
- (LAUGHS, CACKLES)
(LAUGHTER)
- OK, Paul. A can of unbranded cola.
- It's a larger can than I was imagining.
- I didn't want you to be thirsty.
Chug, chug,
chug, chug.
Everyone at home. Chug, chug, chug,
chug, chug,
chug... OK, that's― OK.
There comes a point where you're no longer excited about the bet. You're quite concerned.
Oh. Oh God. This is horrifying.
(APPLAUSE)
- When you said that you were gonna have to drink a can of unbranded cola,
I thought a can. - Yeah, I did at the time too.
But then I won, and I thought, 'Well, this is kind of boring.
'I guess I'll make Paul chug a bucket of cola?'
And so that's what we ended up with.
- Dai, you decided to make Paul collect a whole lot of leaves
in what you would say is a very wooded area.
- (LAUGHS) - Yes, so, I did what humanity has done from days of yore,
and that is underestimate nature. (LAUGHTER)
- OK, we've had two winning bets and two losing bets so far.
Paul, we need a tie-breaker.
I've got a lot of money riding on this. - It's time for our final gambler.
It's Bubbah.
Nine, eight,
seven, six,
five, four,
three, two, one.
- Oh my gosh!
(SCREAMS)
CHUCKLES: How am I losing?
(LAUGHS)
Holy shit.
This is so much harder.
(LAUGHS)
Raar! (LAUGHS)
(GROANS)
Paul, run. Hurry up.
(PANTS)
Oh my God. (LAUGHS)
(PANTS)
Oh my God!
What the hell?
- PANTS: I was the year six... Nelson inter-school champion.
- I underestimated you, Paul.
Whoo! Go, Paul.
Oh my God, Paul. Get it.
- That's halfway. We're over halfway.
Stick in there. - (CHUCKLES)
- Eight minutes and 35 seconds.
- You're almost there! Go, Paulio!
(LAUGHTER)
- I'm struggling.
- Don't struggle. You're doing great.
- I love to run. - Yep. Got it.
- Other than riding a bike, it's the closest you get to flying.
You're a sparrow, Paul.
1.50. - Whoo-hoo!
Oh my God! I got bitten.
- Bitten by what? (QUIETLY) The jealousy bug?
One minute left.
- You can do it.
- 16 seconds.
Come on, one more.
- Oh my gosh!
Six, five,
uh, three,
two, one!
- (BLOWS WHISTLE) - Whoooo!
- Stop where you are.
I'll probably have to review the footage cos, honestly, I lost count.
- Yeah. Sorry. Close call.
- Are you happy with that? - Yeah.
- I can taste blood.
(CHEERING, APPLAUSE)
- So who won that one (?) - I believe me. Yes.
Bubbah did 12 laps,
and I did 119,
which is 5.75 K.
- Well, I don't even care that I lost that. I was so impressed.
- I like the fact that you thought, 'Be a sparrow.'
Of all the birds you could choose, Paul chose the humble sparrow.
Could've been anything. Could've been an eagle, a falcon.
- Pidgeotto. (LAUGHTER)
- So only two of them won their bet, and that was Melanie and Ray.
- Right. I think, Bubbah, one point for you, because you lost so shockingly,
even though you had a bike at one stage, which... - The bike was harder!
- Yeah. - I don't know why.
It's racist. (LAUGHS)
- Dai, two points for you. I think you underestimated Paul's foraging skills.
Karen took you to the brink with the marshmallows. Three points for Karen.
Mel, four points for you. And five points for you, Ray. That was impressive.
(APPLAUSE DROWNS SPEECH)
Pokemon.
Well done.
Right, that's enough Taskmaster for now. Time for some ads.
We'll see you after the break. (CHEERING, APPLAUSE)
- Welcome back. It's nearly time for the credits to start rolling
so we can finally find out who made this damn show.
But before that, a scoreboard update, please, Paul.
- Way out in first place with a huge 17 points ―
Karen O'Leary!
- OK. Let's see what one last task does to the leaderboard.
All right, you lot. Go up for the last live task!
(APPLAUSE)
OK, Paul. I think I've worked out what's going on here just by looking at it.
But would you mind explaining it? - I'll do you one better. I'll get Bubbah to explain it.
- READS: 'One at a time, you must throw your six darts from the spot
'and pop the balloons that match the colour of your vest.
'Each popped balloon of your colour will give you one point.
'If you pop someone else's balloon, they will receive that point, and you will incur a penalty.
'If you hit the black balloon, you are eliminated.
'The person with the most popped balloons of their assigned colour wins.'
- So, everyone please enter the safety pen.
OK.
(LAUGHTER)
- My two kids who need to wear high-vis.
- Bubbah, would you like to go first? - Yes.
I'm not good at aiming.
(POP!) Aah!
- Yes. - One point for Karen.
And a penalty ― wear an eye patch. (GROANING)
- Oh my gosh. My vision's blurred. (LAUGHTER)
Oh.
- That's a point for the ground.
- Oh. - That was Karen again.
- Damn it!
- The second penalty ― you must stand on one foot.
- There's no hope now. (LAUGHS)
(POP! POP!)
- Up next ― Dai.
(LAUGHTER)
- Oh, yus.
You're better with the eye patch.
- OK.
- MEL: Wow.
- Oooh!
- Your next penalty ― swap your throwing hand.
- Oh, sweet as.
Green.
- Your fourth penalty ― throwing underarm. (LAUGHTER)
- (GROANS)
- Up next, Karen.
- DAI CHANTS: Go, Karen. Go, Karen.
- (BLEEP) you. (LAUGHTER)
- One point for Ray! - Wahey! Thank you, Karen.
- So close, you bastard!
I can't balance because I've got only one eye.
- Sucks to be you. (LAUGHTER)
Another point for Ray.
Please switch to your other hand.
- Yes! Safe!
- (LAUGHS)
- Green, green, green. - AUDIENCE CHANTS: Green, green, green!
(AUDIENCE 'AWW'S) - DAI: Ha ha! Success!
- PAUL: Up next, Mel.
- Oh! (WHOOPING)
Not Ray! - Ray!
- Anyone but Ray!
I just stabbed myself in the head with a dart.
Shit.
- You're the best. - That's all right. I did OK. - One point for Dai.
Final thrower ― Ray.
- DAI CHANTS: Ray, Ray, Ray, Ray!
- (WHIMPERS, SQUEALS) Oh no!
(WHIMPERS)
- How did that happen?! - I've got a gift. (LAUGHTER)
Do I get three penalties? - I think... yeah.
(AUDIENCE 'AWW'S) - Yeah, this is― this is just ableist.
Oh no, I still need... (CHUCKLES)
Oh. I quite need both my eyes.
- ALL CHANT: Ray, Ray, Ray, Ray!
(LAUGHTER)
- Just about the first point for the wall.
- Ray, Ray, Ray, Ray!
(ALL EXCLAIM)
- So far he's popped everyone but his own.
- Um, a second eye patch. - She called it.
Another eye patch. - Oh no! No, no, no, no!
That's really mean. - Yeah...
(LAUGHTER)
- I'm coming over here.
- Paul, could you please point me?
- Straight ahead from you now.
- ALL CHANT: Ray, Ray, Ray, Ray!
(ALL 'OOH') - What...? What― What did I do?
- Stay still. You're safe. - You're safe.
- Underarm. - Ray, Ray, Ray, Ray!
(POP!) - DAI: Oh, great shot.
- We did not anticipate this many penalties.
So, no more penalties. (LAUGHTER)
- Ray, Ray, Ray, Ray!
(POP!) - Two again!
- One point for Karen, and one point for Ray! (CHEERING, APPLAUSE)
- He got one!
- Come on, everyone. Come on down.
What a fun task that was.
So how are the scores looking, Paul? - So the scores for the live task ―
one point for Ray and Dai, three points for Bubbah and Karen,
and five points for Melanie Bracewell. (CHEERING, APPLAUSE)
- And what does that mean for the episode score?
- It means the winner of episode four with 20 points ―
Karen O'Leary! (CHEERING, APPLAUSE)
- Wow. - # Hoops, there it is.
# Hoops, there it is. #
- Congratulations, Karen. Go and enjoy your fantastic bounty, please.
(CHEERING, APPLAUSE)
Another episode done and dusted.
We learnt that Caesar invented the half pipe.
We learnt that Paul Williams has a fitter body and a bigger mouth than anyone thought possible.
And most importantly, we learnt that Karen is the winner of episode four.
Congratulations, Karen! (CHEERING, APPLAUSE)
Thank you so much for watching. Have a lovely evening.
We'll see you next time.
('TASKMASTER' THEME MUSIC)
Captions by Jessie Puru.
Captions were made with the support of NZ On Air.
- I've already got your number.
www.able.co.nz Copyright Able 2023
- (PUFFS SQUEAKILY)
When are you meant to learn to blow up balloons?
- It's just one of those things you learn, like walking.
- (SMOOCHES)
(POP!)
(SCREAMING)
- Do you know any of the other contestants? - No.
- Who's this? - Uh...
(LAUGHTER)