(WHEEL CLICKS)
- Hello.
- Hey.
- Two.
- (GRUNTS)
(KEYS CLACK)
- Come on!
- (GRUNTS)
- (WHOOPS)
(KEYS CLACK)
- That's for the haters.
- (GRUNTS)
- Clink, clink.
- Chicken Little. - Cheep.
- (IMITATES GUNFIRE)
(KEYS CLACK)
Oh!
- (SHOUTS)
- Yaargh!
- He he he he!
(CLUNK!)
(CHEERING, APPLAUSE)
www.able.co.nz Copyright Able 2024
(DING!)
- Kia ora koutou katoa, and welcome to Taskmaster.
My name is Jeremy Wells, and I believe it was a young carpenter from Nazareth
who once said, 'Do not judge others, and God will not judge you.'
And to that I say, leave me alone, Jesus...
(LAUGHTER) ...for I am the Taskmaster.
(CHEERING, APPLAUSE)
Tonight, these five clowns, jesters, and downright desperadoes
will perform a series of tasks hoping to impress me
and get their hands on this.
- AUDIENCE: Ooh!
- And tonight, competing for this priceless trophy
are Abby Howells... (CHEERING, APPLAUSE)
...Ben Hurley... (CHEERING, APPLAUSE)
...Hayley Sproull... (CHEERING, APPLAUSE)
...and Tom Sainsbury! (CHEERING, APPLAUSE)
And standing in for Tofiga Fepulea'i ―
ladies and gentlemen, Bubbah! (CHEERING, APPLAUSE)
And here on my left is my right-hand man.
Ladies and gentlemen, it's Paul Williams! (CHEERING, APPLAUSE)
Are we ready for the prize task? - Tonight, we've asked our contestants to bring in
the most delightful package from the sketchiest place. (LAUGHTER)
- Mkay. Ben Hurley, you seem like the kind of person who's visited a few sketchy places in yourtime.
What have you brought in? - Uh, well, Jeremy,
I used to work for a sketchy place,
um, called TV3.
(LAUGHTER)
- LAUGHS: Shots fired.
- I was 22 years of age, and I stole the dot from the TV3 sign.
(LAUGHTER, CHEERING, APPLAUSE)
- Wow!
- I've had this in my possession for over 20 years.
It's one of my proudest possessions, but I'm willing to put it up tonight.
- Where do you keep it at home? - Oh, in a box.
(LAUGHTER)
- OK, Hayley, what did you bring in? - I thought of one of my favourite packages, um, of alltime.
And so I got a sketchy done of Jason Momoa's package.
(WHOOPING, LAUGHTER) - TOM: Wow.
- This is― I've actually scanned it because the original is in my bedroom on Aaron's side.
- OK, so is that so when you lean across, you sort of..?
- So when I turn to him and say, like, 'I love you,'
the eye line is similar. (LAUGHTER)
- Bubbah, you are in here for Tofiga.
What have you brought in? - Yeah, probably stuffed it up already.
I've brought in a sketchy package from a good place.
So, in Samoan culture, when you're dealing with money, we give envelopes with the name onit.
So I brought in an envelope with my name on it.
But inside...
(LAUGHTER)
- An invitation to an investigation meeting?
- Yeah, from my old job when I got snapped drinking wine. (LAUGHTER)
Years ago! Years ago.
Last year. (LAUGHS)
- The best thing I think about this is that it's incident one,
which says to me that there's more incidents than one.
- I like to leave things to the imagination.
- Tom. (LAUGHTER)
- OK, so my local fish and chippery ―
it's a sketchy place because it's got a D rating.
- HAYLEY: Ohhh.
- They do a mean spring roll and mean chips.
There we go. That's the spring roll. - Is that a spring roll?!
- Yeah. That's a D-rated spring roll, I'll tell you now. (LAUGHTER)
And also if you want to catch up on Brad and Jennifer's divorce,
they've got the magazines for you. (LAUGHTER)
- Abby, what did you bring in? - Well, I also went to a sketchy place, aka an art studio,
and I had something commissioned ― this delightful package.
(SHOCKED LAUGHTER, CHEERING, APPLAUSE)
- (LAUGHS)
(LAUGHTER)
- HAYLEY: Where's your hand? - BEN: Yeah, I know.
He's rounding second base, I'll tell ya.
- What's happening― What's happening in Paul's downstairs? What is that?
- Well, you know what's happening. (LAUGHS)
You sat for this.
(SHOCKED LAUGHTER)
(APPLAUSE)
- Five points, Abby. - Yeah! (LOUD CHEERING, APPLAUSE)
Jeremy, we're back, baby!
- One point for Ben Hurley. - Oh, come on!
- That's my least favourite part of the TV3 logo ― that red dot.
Um, also, Bubbah's made no sense because she got the thing around the wrong way as well.
So two points for Bubbah.
Three points for Hayley and Jason Momoa's package,
and four points for Tom and the fish and chips. - Yay!
- OK, Paul, I am ready for my first proper task of the show.
- Bad luck comes in threes.
Incredible feats come in 10s.
(QUIRKY MUSIC)
- Knock, knock. - Who's there?
- Tom. - Tom who?
- Tom Sainsbury.
- Hey, P-Dub. - Hello, BH.
I've got a task for you, Tofiga.
I have a task for you. - Oh, that makes sense.
- READS: Do the most incred― - Here's your task.
- READS: Most― Here's your task, Abby. - Thank you, Paul.
- I have a task for you. - Got it. Yeah.
- It's the same thing, bro.
- READS: Do the most― - Your task, Tom. - OK, great.
- Imagine your wheelie bin at the end of the week.
- Here's your task, Abby. - One more. Thank you.
- I have a task for you. - I knew there'd be 10! Thank you.
- READS: 'Do the most incredible thing 10 times.
- 'The most incredible thing done 10 times wins.
- 'You have 45 minutes.
- 'Your time starts... now.'
(APPLAUSE)
- I'm ready for five incredible things 10 times.
Who are we seeing first? - They're both certified 10s ― it's Ben and Abby.
- I can do a handspring.
Well, not really. I can do, like, a cartwheel handspring.
- That's pretty incredible. - Yeah. Like, do that 10 times.
- Well, it would be pretty incredible if I did, like, sick parkour stunts.
- OK, I'm gonna attempt to do 10 in a row with added little things in the middle.
One.
(LAUGHTER)
Two.
- (GRUNTS) One.
Two.
- That went in.
Three.
(GRUNTS)
Four.
- Three.
Four.
Wait. What's this?
My God. It's a letter from the captain of the Titanic.
That's an incredible find.
What does it say?
Oh my God!
(LAUGHTER)
- Five!
- It'd be wild if I found nine more incredible artefacts.
Whoa! Paul!
(INTRIGUING MUSIC)
Wait. Where did I put it?
- WHISPERS: Is it a kiwi? - WHISPERS: Yeah.
Oh. Whoa!
Paul, look at this. It's a little kiwi.
A brand new species. That's incredible!
- Not very good at golf.
Six.
Oh, so close.
Why did I put this one in?
- This is the key to the vault in the Tower of London!
This is the cutlass of the world's most famous pirate.
It's Aladdin's lamp.
This is the childhood artefact of Queen Victoria.
It's the sands of Father Time.
It's counting down from when we'll all die.
- Yes!
Seven.
GRUNTS: Eight.
(PLAYS RECORDER)
Nine.
- CHUCKLES: Another discovery.
- Wow, how many is that? - That's...
heaps.
- And... 10!
- It's the skeleton
of Jean-Pierre.
Nobody knew where his body ended up.
It's a message in a bottle.
It's another message from the captain of the Titanic!
It says, 'I like piss play.'
Incredible.
Wow.
- Abby, I think it speaks to the different minds of our comedians here
on Taskmaster that you started off doing 10 incredible parkour moves and ended up finding 10 artefacts?
- Identifying 10 incredible artefacts.
Because to the average person, that would have been a bottle.
But I looked at it and I said, 'I know this is from the captain of the Titanic.'
- Yeah. So you found out that he actually sunk the Titanic on purpose.
- And... - And he likes piss play!
- Yeah. (LAUGHTER)
- Ben Hurley was pretty incredible. I mean, for a 115kg, 48-year-old man...
(LAUGHTER)
...you move very well. - A little bit of spice added to those numbers.
- But I kind of feel like you undid your good work with the flips
with some really ordinary work in the other bit.
- Look, the 10 incredible things with the handsprings.
I was just adding a little bit of extra for experts.
- I was impressed. - Especially for 120kg, 59-year-old man.
- A burly unit like you. - Yeah. - Big...
- You know, I am a 60-year-old, 400kg man.
(LAUGHTER)
- All right, 20 incredible actions down; 30 more to go.
We'll see you after these incredible ads.
(WHIMSICAL MUSIC)
(CHEERING, APPLAUSE)
- Nau mai, hoki mai. Welcome back to Taskmaster.
Before the break, we were watching our comedians try to perform one incredible task 10 times ina row.
So far, we've seen Ben do a bunch of flips,
and Abby showed us a bunch of crap she'd chucked in the woods. (LAUGHTER)
- Jeremy... - Who have we got next, Paul?
- He's the most far-right comedian on the show...
in terms of where he's sitting and his political beliefs. (LAUGHTER)
It's Tom Sainsbury. - Oh.
What is incredible? When I say incredible, you think...
No.
- Should I do that to you and see what―? - Yeah.
- When I say incredible, you think... - Time travel.
- Whoa.
- OK, Paul, I'm off to time travel to 10 different eras in my incredible time machine.
(EERIE WHIRRING)
(AUDIENCE EXCLAIM, GASP)
(ETHEREAL WHIRRING)
Oh my God!
I just killed a T-Rex. - And you brought back its feet.
- Yeah.
- It seems kind of inhumane. - It does. I'm regretting it now. Put up a good fight.
- Guess that's how dinosaurs really went out ―
hunted by time travellers.
- Oh, Paul, I just went and told Mary that she's pregnant.
- Wow. - She took the news remarkably well.
Oh my God! I just went and fought in the Crusades.
There you go. There's a memento.
Oh, boy! (SIGHS) I just went and made love to Jesse James.
- Congrats. - Too many beans.
(LAUGHTER)
Oh, I just went and arrested Jack the Ripper.
You will not believe who it is.
- Who is it? - I can't say. I'm sworn to secrecy.
Oh my gosh, that was amazing.
I've just been partying at Woodstock. - Groovy.
- Oh, that was amazing.
I just went and hung out with Prince, Madonna and Cyndi Lauper. - FLATLY: Wow.
(OMINOUS MUSIC)
- I've just been to 2025.
- Good news?
- Do you have any kind of dictatory, totalitarian tendencies, Paul? - Not that I know of,but...
- (GASPS) Oh God!
Oh, I've just been to the future.
- What's it like? - There's lots of LARPing.
Like, live action role play? - Oh, is that what you're doing? - Yeah. Yeah.
- Tom, is that you? - I've just come from the distant future, or the distant past,
where only amoebas live.
(WHIRRING)
Oh, yeah, just making sure I'm back in the present.
I'll do whatever you want. Any of your bidding.
- OK. - Overlord.
- Thank you, Tom. - Thank you, Paul.
- So we should probably, um, discuss the Crusades. - Yes.
- Controversial.
Which side did you fight on ― the Christian side or the Muslim side?
- Wow. (LAUGHTER)
- Do you want to just distance yourself from him? We're just gonna move over here.
- I was more there kind of― I was more of a pilferer.
- (GUFFAWS)
- Any side. I'll take any of those. (LAUGHTER)
- Paul, I am ready for another incredible thing.
- How about 20 more incredible things?
Here's Hayley and Tofiga.
- Most incredible thing.
You got a piano? - Like a keyboard? Yeah. - Yep.
- You'll play it 10 times? - 10 times.
- I'm quite good at parallel parking. - That's pretty incredible.
- OK, here's the first song.
(PLAYS 'CHOPSTICKS')
It's quite incredible cos it's a duet ― two people. I'm playing it by myself.
- Just pretend this is like a busy, inner-city street,
and I've been circling the block for hours.
Oh, look, there's a park.
('CHOPSTICKS' PLAYS)
(REVERSE BEEPING)
(HANDBRAKE CRANKS)
One.
- What's another style you like? See if we can get 10 styles, eh. - Jazz?
- (PLAYS UPBEAT JAZZ MUSIC)
- Oh my God, the eulogy's starting.
Oh my God, my grandfather's gonna be so upset.
I'm a bit out, but for a funeral, I'd say that's good.
- What's another style you want? - Blues?
- (PLAYS BLUES MUSIC)
- Oh, good. Look, here's a park. Oh my God. Fantastic.
Oh, that's great.
Hamlet's ready.
- (PLAYS CHEERY MUSIC)
- Sorry I'm late! - That's not really acceptable.
You're so late. - No, no, let me just park.
I'm here, I'm here, I'm sorry. - It's a good park, but I've been here for three hours.
- It was an incredible park.
- (PLAYS STIRRING CLASSICAL MUSIC)
- IN EASTERN EUROPEAN ACCENT: I'm from Yugoslavia. Oh my gosh.
Thank you, sir. Thank you so much. - Welcome to New Zealand.
- (PLAYS GENTLE CLASSICAL MUSIC)
- You stupid boy! You stay there!
Don't move, Paul! Wait for your mum to parallel park.
Get in the car.
- (PLAYS CHEERY MUSIC)
- Oh-ho-ho!
OK, ah! (CHUCKLES)
Here we go. Oh!
Yeah. (CHUCKLES)
- Ma'am, I don't think you should be behind the wheel.
- That's 10 songs, eh? - I don't think that's 10.
- (PLAYS SHORT, GENTLE SONG)
- Is that one? - Yeah. We'll make that one, eh?
- (SCREAMS)
Oh God!
I'm gonna have to parallel park!
WAILS: Oh my God, the baby's coming out!
(IMITATES BABY WAILING)
Incredible.
- This is a horror one.
(PLAYS DISCORDANTLY) Hey! I'm coming to get you, Paul!
Oh!
And then I cut your head off.
- Mum, Dad, when this car stops,
a bomb is going to go off,
but I can't keep driving forever.
This is it.
- What are you doing? Don't― Don't park. - Goodbye, Paul.
(IMITATES EXPLOSION)
Ohhh!
Look at it, Paul!
- One more, eh?
This was Mozart's final piece before he died.
- OK.
- (PLAYS SOMBRE CHORD, PLAYS DISCORDANTLY)
(LAUGHTER, APPLAUSE)
- You could've made it a little bit more difficult by perhaps putting the other cars a little closer together,
and that was a giant parallel park. - I don't think you can see it in this, but each time,
we made the gap smaller and smaller. But I'm glad that we actually focused on the character work.
- Not to be a snitch, but, uh, Hayley did nine parks.
(LAUGHTER)
- That's actually, um...
bullshit, Paul.
- Well, I mean, we showed them all, and there were nine. - Well, then count my characters.
- Well, again, nine. (LAUGHTER)
- Bubbah, did you know Tofiga could play the piano like that?
- Hell yeah. He's raised in the church.
- His whole body moved more than he has in this entire season of Taskmaster
just with his fingers there moving. - Are you mocking my friend?
- No. - (CHUCKLES)
- He's really enjoyed making Paul move quite a lot so far. - Good. It's about time you moved.
(LAUGHTER)
- And I was moved by the quality of his piano playing. - AUDIENCE: Aww!
- Same. It was so good. Like, every song that he did ― all 10 of them.
(LAUGHTER)
(BEN CACKLES)
(TOM CHUCKLES)
- So how do you want to score it? - Normally I would disqualify Hayley for not completing the task properly.
I'll give you a point for that. - Thank you, Jeremy.
- Uh, two for Ben. - Oh.
- Because, no, I thought the flips were amazing,
but I think you undid them with every move that you did in between it.
Abby, three points for you,
cos I learnt some interesting things about the captain of the Titanic with the piss play.
Uh, four points for Tofiga, because impressive piano play from him,
and five points for Tom Sainsbury time travelling. - Time travel! Yes!
- So, should we look at the scoreboard?
Currently out in first with nine points, it's Tom Sainsbury.
(CHEERING, APPLAUSE)
- OK, let's keep things moving, Paul. What have you got for me?
- Bravo, Charlie. Take off your uniform and pour yourself a kilo of whiskey
at the Foxtrot Golf Hotel in India.
(QUIRKY MUSIC)
- Paul?
- I see a task.
- Paul's not here.
- READS: Follow Paul's instructions. You may tell him to stop or ask him to start again.
- Hello, Paul.
I'm ready for some instructions.
- PAUL OVER RADIO: Charlie.
Oscar.
- Hey, Oscar. Do you know where Paul is?
- November.
- January, February, March.
- Sierra.
Tango.
(APPLAUSE)
- OK. Quick show of hands.
Who knows the NATO alphabet?
(LAUGHTER)
- Of course. - TOM: Of course.
- No one else? - BEN: I know a bit of it.
- HAYLEY: I probably know most of it. - They've had sex, Jeremy.
- I've had Sierra Echo Xylophone. (LAUGHTER)
- And I've had a fun time with my dad in the garage. (GROANING, LAUGHTER)
I mean― No, no!
I'm sorry. No.
Learning the codes!
(CHUCKLES) Learning the codes.
- OK. Who are we going to see tackle the task first, Paul?
- Once again, up first, we have Bravo Echo November
and Alpha Bravo Bravo Yankee.
Charlie. - Yeah, C.
- Oscar. - Uh-huh.
- November.
Sierra. - S.
- Tango.
- Const.
- Romeo. - Rr...
- Uniform. - Yeah.
- Charlie. - OK. Yep.
- Tango. - Construct.
- Alpha.
Papa.
Alpha.
Papa.
Echo.
- It's gonna be paper. - Romeo.
- Yep. I was way ahead of you there.
- Papa.
Lima.
Alpha.
- Plane. Paper plane.
- November. Echo. - Uh-huh.
- Alpha. November.
- Uh-huh.
- Delta. - D.
- Tango.
India.
Bravo.
Yankee.
Sierra.
Alpha.
Tango.
India.
Bravo.
Foxtrot.
Alpha.
Sierra.
Tango.
- Fastest wins. - Echo.
- Fastest. (CHUCKLES) Oh God. - Sierra.
- You can stop.
- I'm not very good at planes.
(INTRIGUING MUSIC)
- Complete.
- I've stopped the clock. Thank you, Ben.
Do you think anyone will beat that? - I wouldn't have thought so.
You'll see it. But actually, I figured it out before you even finished.
(APPLAUSE)
- That is the most bored I've ever seen a contestant on the show, Ben.
- What they didn't show was Paul had to restart three times. (LAUGHS)
So I was a bit bored by the end. - It was impressive though. No pen. Straight off the top of the dome.
- Nah, must have not been hung over that day.
- Abby, you didn't lose focus for a second.
You were right on the task there, by the looks of it.
- Yeah. It's not often you feel, oh, I'm actually doing well here.
And, um, a dangerous train of thought.
- OK, Paul, how long did it take Abby and Ben to put the plane in the bin?
- Ben ― 10 minutes and 22 seconds.
Abby ― 6.57.
(OOHING) Speed demons.
- Ben, can I just say when the light hit your face ―
absolutely delightful skin. What's your skincare routine?
- Yeah. It's good, eh? - Yeah, what is your routine?
- For an 80-year-old man. (LAUGHTER)
- Um, water. (LAUGHTER)
- Yeah. - OK.
I can't wait to watch more comedians screw up some paper planes and throw them in a bin.
Don't turn the TV off now, or you'll be throwing your life in the bin.
More Taskmaster after this.
(CHEERING, APPLAUSE)
(WHIMSICAL MUSIC)
(CHEERING, APPLAUSE)
- Nau mai ano. Welcome back to Taskmaster.
Before the break, our comedians were told to blindly follow Paul's instructions ―
something nobody should ever do in real life.
Who's next then, Paul? - Ben and Abby set some very fast times.
Will these three copy that? It's Tom, Tofiga and Hayley over and out.
- Construct a paper plane and take it to the balcony.
- Sierra.
- Scrunch it up and throw it in the bin.
- Foxtrot.
Alpha.
- Fa...
- Sierra. - Fastest wins.
- Tango.
Echo? - Echo.
Sierra.
- Tango? - Tango.
- Whiskey?
- Whiskey.
- Lima. - Oh.
- Lima.
Oscar. - CHUCKLES: Oh.
(AUDIENCE GROANS)
- Sierra. - ABBY: Ahh.
- Thank God I stayed.
- Echo.
Sierra.
- Fastest loses.
Time to go... slowly?
- So the fastest loses? - Yeah.
- What am I missing?
Hi.
CHUCKLES: Oh no. - I've stopped the clock.
- Should I just wait here for a bit?
- So you're taking your time? - Yeah.
- That makes sense.
- Nice day, innit? - Really nice.
Perfect landing. - Thank you. But I should have gone and had a beer or something.
Like, I was too fast.
- Time is still going? - Yeah. - All right!
- I might as well try and make it an interesting way of getting it in the bin.
(LAUGHTER)
- You just kick it into the gutter? - Might have to make a new plane. - OK.
- The vegetarian option's unbelievable. - That's chicken.
- That's a chicken? - Yeah.
- Wow, fooled me.
I thought it was a cucumber. (LAUGHTER)
- So when do you think you'll put the..? - Ah, not till later, brother.
- Oh, if you wanna do it later... - I'm gonna have to win this one.
(LAUGHTER)
OK, Paul.
It is now time.
And all I gotta do is just put it in? - Mm-hm.
- I think it's long enough.
Isa!
- Stopped the clock. - I reckon I've won this one.
- If I remember these on this episode,
will you remember the bin? - I'll remember the bin.
- We'll just pause here for now then. - I'll keep the clock going.
- Over and out. - Over and out.
(APPLAUSE)
- Abby and Ben, how do you feel now? - A little bit silly, Jeremy.
- I still think Tom was faster.
- I'm arguably the biggest idiot of them all.
(LAUGHTER)
- You actually are. - I figured it out, and then I did it anyway.
- Yeah.
- So Tom was 24 seconds faster than Ben.
(LAUGHTER)
- (CACKLES)
- It was so strange, Bubbah, to see Tofiga do really, really well
at a task that you had to do really slowly.
- (CHUCKLES)
- So surprising. - He's currently winning it.
Unless Hayley can complete the task. - Well, do you have a bin?
- I do have the bin. - Yeah. I just need to finish my task now.
- I'll― I'll bring you the bin. (CHEERING, APPLAUSE)
- Thank you. I know this is a huge pain in the balls, but...
There you go. (CHEERING, APPLAUSE)
- I have stopped the clock.
The time to be slower than
was Tofiga's time of 69 days, two hours, 41 minutes and 10 seconds.
Hayley has just come in 101 days, seven hours and 16 minutes.
- Wow. OK. (CHEERING, APPLAUSE)
- That will mean one point for Abby, two points for Tom,
three points for Ben, four points for Tofiga,
and five points for Hayley. (CHEERING, APPLAUSE)
- OK, I'm ready for another task, P Dubya.
- It's time for another task,
and you should enjoy this one for the length it takes you to sing Happy Birthday twice.
(QUIRKY MUSIC)
- Hi. - Hello, Tom.
Hello, Tofiga. - Paul.
- Hello, Abby. - Hello, Paul.
- A pleasure to see you again. - Likewise.
- Where's the envelope? - The tasks never come in envelopes.
- What's happening?
- What am I meant to do? - Oh, just the task.
- Oh, I know where it is.
Ooh.
Oh, here.
- Got a good feeling about this one, brother.
- OK, here we go.
- READS: 'Make soap.' (CHUCKLES)
- 'Best soap wins.
- 'You have 29 seconds to order your ingredients...
- '...and 20 minutes to make the soap.
- 'Your time starts now.'
- OK, so I need fat― a fat.
- What kind of fat? - Vegetable fat or animal fat.
- I would like coconut oil, please.
- Lemon.
- Some soap from the supermarket.
- What, a bar of soap? - A bar of soap.
- Um, soap. A bar of soap.
- Like, a sweet essence of some description. Um, it can just be―
- Be specific. - Peach.
- Some salt.
- Shea butter.
- Peppermint.
- Rexona and ice cream.
- Glitter. $20 in a note.
- Give me some chocolate and some bananas.
- Oats.
- Saffron.
- Bran flakes.
- READS: Your time starts now.
Make soap.
OK.
Make soap?
Make soap. So what's soap made out of? Fat. Soap's made out of fat.
- You've got 15 seconds. - To order the ingredients? - Yes.
- Oh, from you? - Yes. 10 seconds.
- I need― I need f-fat and I need― - What fat?
- Uh, (STAMMERS) cow fat and― and― - Five seconds.
- And some food colouring. Some pink food colouring!
- (BLOWS WHISTLE)
(LAUGHTER)
- I think that's all I need. I think I just churn it or something.
Or is that butter? Oh my God, I don't know.
(APPLAUSE)
- I want to make it very clear that if anyone makes soap with soap,
there's no points. - Oh, interesting. - No points.
- So a few people did order soap. - I saw that.
- I think keep an open mind, Jeremy. (LAUGHTER)
- Hey, let's let the Taskmaster do his job, shall we?
- OK, Paul, whose soap making are we going to see first?
- These three were named after the final stage of the handwashing process ―
it's Abby Towels, Hayley Towel, and Towel-figa Fepulea'i.
(LAUGHTER)
- Oh, my ingredients. Wonderful.
- I knew I should have gone to my science classes.
Any of the classes, really.
I should have gone to school full stop.
- I put in too many oats. (CHUCKLES) - You can never have too many oats.
- Totes.
Maybe that's the name of the bar ― Totes Oat Soap.
- I've got saffron for elegance and that touch of luxury.
- You usually put about a teaspoon in there.
And what that helps is it actually, um,
'lefritigises' the 'interproticles'.
Oh, sorry, that's scientific terms you're probably not familiar with.
- Some peppermint essential oils. Pssh, pssh, pssh!
- I feel like no one actually really needs to know that
I've grated soap into this soap.
The majority of it is shea butter.
- So you want us to edit that out? - Yes, please.
- OK.
(LAUGHTER)
- That's some clean money, I think.
(AEROSOL HISSES)
- I sort of have just made oats.
- You just gotta let it set. Just a couple of minutes.
- See, I think that's quite good.
Get it in the freezer.
(UPBEAT MUSIC)
(LAUGHTER)
- I guarantee you,
every bottle of soap that you buy from me
has a $20 bill in it.
- What is the smell of your soap? - (SNIFFS)
What does it smell like to you? - Like a 13-year-old boy?
- How do you know what a 13-year-old boy smells like? (LAUGHTER)
- Probably set now, eh?
Oh God. OK.
(CHUCKLES)
- Oh my gosh, it's beautiful!
- (BLOWS WHISTLE) - (SIGHS)
- Thank you, Tofiga. - Thank you, Paul.
- I loved every moment. Bye, soap.
(UPBEAT MUSIC)
(LAUGHTER)
(APPLAUSE)
- Bubbah, can you please explain to me what Tofiga meant when he said,
and I quote, 'It "lefrigitises" into "proticles".'
- Just like when your 'feraticus' is 'mechanic-ing', it falls apart.
So he― What he did was put it together. - Makes sense (!)
Should we talk about Hayley's soap?
- Recycled soap with a climate lens.
But you'll feel your hands are softer― Feel his hands.
They're softer than ever before ― the oats and the shea butter.
Oh, like you haven't done this before! Come on. (LAUGHTER)
- They are very soft. - Very soft, right?
- Also very sweaty. (CHEERING, APPLAUSE)
(LAUGHTER)
It's been quite the show for us. - It's been quite the show.
- Abby, you had money in yours.
- You cannot think of a bad thing to say about my soap.
- I like the liquid soap. - Yeah!
OK. We're in agreement for once. - You didn't try and turn it into a bar.
- And there was no blood in it. I didn't mention murder or dying in childbirth one time. I was so good.
- The only thing that was massacred was bacteria. - Yeah, exactly, Ben.
- OK. More soap when we come back after these ads, at least one of which will probably be aboutsoap.
We'll see you soon. (APPLAUSE)
(WHIMSICAL MUSIC)
(CHEERING, APPLAUSE)
- Hoki mai. Welcome back to Taskmaster.
What's happening, Paul? - Our contestants are making soap
using unique and inventive ingredients like... soap.
(LAUGHTER)
- Wait, uh, Ben, what's your skincare routine?
- Actually, it is a lot of pink fat.
- I'm very much looking forward to just seeing your pink fat.
- Oh. Buy me a drink first! (LAUGHTER)
Jesus!
Yours had many bits of, like, food in it.
Might as well put ketchup in there. Mustard, old mustard hands. - All right, pink fat!
- I'm ready for more soap, Paul. Who've we got next?
- They're the two contestants who requested beef fat,
and one of them requested almost nothing else.
It's Tom and Ben.
- (GASPS) - Hi, Tom.
- Here we go. Perfect.
- This is us.
This is all I ordered, isn't it?
- Yes. - Yeah.
- I couldn't find peach essence, so I got, uh, peach vape juice.
- Oh, it smells so good.
- So I think you just, like, get this to a certain temperature,
and it, like, reduces for ages, and you put some colour in.
Here we go.
- This smells so bad. But anyway, there we go.
- It sounds and smells like a fish and chip shop in here.
- Look at that. This is genius. Dying for a vape, though.
- Unscented, hypoallergenic pink soap.
- Now, I'm just gonna put this in the freezer and hope for the best.
- You've got six and a half minutes. - Go, set, be soap.
- (SIGHS)
- It's not long till the Warriors start playing again. (LAUGHTER)
- You know what? Some fat's dropped on to the bottom of the freezer.
(SNIFFS) Guess what it smells like.
- Peach? - You got it!
- It does smell like peach.
- What?!
I've made soap.
- OK. Nothing's happened. (LAUGHTER)
I'm gonna be honest with you, Paul. I don't think this is soap.
- What is it? - Cold, pink fat.
(LAUGHTER)
- OK. Thank you, Ben. - Thanks.
(UPBEAT MUSIC)
(LAUGHTER, GROANING)
(APPLAUSE)
- I gotta say, Ben, I think that Totes Oats Soap
might sell it a little bit more than Cold, Pink Fat. (LAUGHTER)
- But how popular were you on the way home with dogs?
- Tom, you actually accidentally made soap. - And it was kind of a heart shape
to celebrate, obviously, what's going on here. (LAUGHTER)
- So who used soap in their soaps?
- Two people. Tofiga, obviously.
And Hayley did grate a little bit of soap in. - Tiny, tiny.
- I know, but unfortunately, no points for either of you guys. - Jeremy!
- Three points for that horrific stuff that― - That's crazy!
That is insanity! (CHEERING, APPLAUSE)
- Four points for Abby with the liquid soap with the 20 bucks in it,
and five points for Tom's accidental soap that he made.
- Yay! (CHEERING, APPLAUSE) - No, I'm not having it.
- OK, this is unconventional, Paul, but I'd like to have a sneaky fourth proper task in here, ifwe can.
- Wow, you're a rebel, and That's what I love about you.
Here's another task. It's time to face the music.
(QUIRKY ORCHESTRAL MUSIC)
- Hi-yah-yah-yah-yah.
- Hello, Tofiga. - Hey, Paul.
- Feeling good?
- Feeling good. - OK.
- READS: 'Make a new musical instrument.
- 'It must be playable and smaller than a dog.
- 'You have 30 minutes. Your time starts now.'
- (SIGHS) I'm just gonna grab everything and bring it down.
- What do you mean, everything? - My crafts.
(LAUGHTER, APPLAUSE)
- All right, so whose instrument are we going to look at first? - The whole band's back together.
Here's everyone.
- Get down, boy. Get down!
- Why'd you say that? - Just to show you that this is an Irish wolfhound.
- Oh, like one standing up? - Yeah.
- Do you know what this is?
- What? - A pan-jo.
- That's really good.
- I just need a comb.
- A comb? - A comb and tissues.
- What about, like, some kind of hat?
You know how, like, with Australians with the cork hat.
- OK, so this is my centrepiece and my muse.
- It's a poor man's instrument. My uncle used to play it all the time.
- If I could get that in there... (GRUNTS)
- Careful not to stab yourself. - Yeah.
(CUPS RATTLE)
- Yeah.
(PLINK! PLINK!)
- You know what you play on a pan-jo? - What?
-Wok'n roll. - He's on fire.
- # Ba-da, da-da-da,
# da-da, da-da-da, da-da. #
See? - So what's actually happening?
Because it seems like you're just making the noise with your mouth.
- The top part is for the lower notes.
(HUMS)
And the other part's the higher notes.
(TRUMPETS) - That's quite good.
(GLASSES DING)
- I think this is, like, a cursed instrument.
Like, when I put this on, I'm gonna completely change. - Whoa.
(GRAIN CLATTERS)
(STRING PLINKS BLUNTLY)
(DING!) - OK, I think this is it.
- Does this instrument has a name? - The Paul-demonium tree.
- The red death.
- The mellow capello.
- Just, uh...
Combtissue. - The what?
- Combtissue. - Comb-tissue?
- Yeah, combtissue. (LAUGHTER, APPLAUSE)
- Ben out-punned you there. That was amazing. - HAYLEY: Yeah, really good.
- One day you guys should go away for the weekend and just pun together.
- Jealous, are we? - Yeah, wow.
What a cuck. (LAUGHTER)
- (GUFFAWS)
- So here's some still images.
Oh my goodness, Abby. What have you done there?
- CHUCKLES: You've got to love me for who I am.
- And Tofiga ― the combtissue.
- Sorry. What's it called? - The combtissue.
- Oh, for some reason, I thought he said the cum tissue. I'm sorry. (RAUCOUS LAUGHTER)
- Tom Sainsbury... - I'm sorry.
- So, do you wanna score them, Jeremy?
- I would love to score them, but I actually probably wanna hear them first.
And we have one thrilling part to go, so stay tuned.
(APPLAUSE)
(WHIMSICAL MUSIC)
(CHEERING, APPLAUSE)
- Kia ora ano. Welcome back to Taskmaster,
or, as some people call it, New Zealand Doesn't Have Talent.
We're nearing the end of the episode. (LAUGHTER) - Jesus.
- Paul, could you give us a scoreboard update, please?
- Abby's in second with 13, but in first with a three-point lead,
it's Tom Sainsbury. (CHEERING, APPLAUSE) - OK, the stakes are high.
Get on stage, everyone, for the live task.
(CHEERING, APPLAUSE)
Oh, I like to look of this, Paul.
Who's gonna read out the task tonight? - Tom Sainsbury.
- Ooh! - Congrats.
- Thanks.
READS: 'On your original instrument, perform a solo with this jazz band.
'Best solo wins. Your solo must last for 15 seconds.'
(LAUGHTER)
- Take it away, fellas.
(SMOOTH JAZZ MUSIC PLAYS)
Please welcome to the stage on his pan-jo ―
it's Ben Hurley.
(CHEERING, APPLAUSE)
(STRINGS PLINK)
(LAUGHTER)
(ALARM BLARES)
(CHEERING, APPLAUSE)
Give it up for Ben Hurley, everybody.
Please welcome to the stage on the mellow capello ―
it's Hayley Sproull!
(CHEERING, APPLAUSE)
(JAZZ MUSIC CONTINUES)
- A-one, a-two,
a-scooby-dooby-doo.
(GLASSES CLINK WARBLINGLY)
(LAUGHTER)
(GLASSES CLINK WARBLINGLY)
- Hayley Sproull with her mellow capello!
Please welcome to the stage on the Paul-demonium tree ―
it's Tom Sainsbury.
(LIGHT RATTLING)
(CLUNKY RATTLING)
(MANIC RATTLING)
(CLATTERING, CHEERING, APPLAUSE)
- Tom Sainsbury!
Up next, on the combtissue ―
it's Bubbah.
Take it away.
- (HUMS)
(SCREAMS)
(HUMS)
(SHRIEKS)
(HUMS)
- Bubbah, everybody, on the combtissue.
And last but not least, on the red death ―
it's Abby Howells.
(CHEERING, APPLAUSE)
(PARTY BLOWER BLOWS FEEBLY, LAUGHTER)
(BEN CHORTLES)
- (BLOWS)
(LAUGHTER) - Oh. She's lost the party thing.
(BLUNT CLATTERING)
- (ROARS)
- Somebody stop her!
Shmokin'!
(CHEERING, APPLAUSE)
(JAZZ MUSIC CONTINUES)
Now bring it home, everybody.
(JAZZ MUSIC PLAYS, COMEDIANS PLAY DISCORDANTLY)
(AUDIENCE CLAPS ALONG)
(CHEERING, APPLAUSE)
- OK, come on down, and we'll score it.
Another round of applause for our musical comedians! (CHEERING, APPLAUSE)
That was impressive. I really enjoyed that. It's going to be―
Oh, goodness me. There's that death mask again. - I can't take it off.
- OK, I'm gonna have to score this.
One for you, Hayley. - Outrageous.
- Two for Ben with the pan-jo. - The only actual instrument? OK.
- Three for the death mask, and the performance on the death mask ― I thought it was particularly good.
Four for Tom.
And I'm gonna go five for Bubbah! - You are out of your mind! - Yeah boy!
- BEN: You have lost your mind. - You have lost your mind.
- Yeah-yah!
What?!
- You know what? It's over. He's lost it.
- Now, before you announce the winner of ep seven, how are we looking for the whole series?
- In first equal, both on 107,
It's Hayley and Tom!
(CHEERING, APPLAUSE)
- So very close. Very close.
- A huge turnaround for Tom Sainsbury,
who has also won the episode with 20 points!
- Wow!
- Congratulations, Tom.
You are now the proud owner of five delightful items from sketchy places.
Please go and collect your items, and remember,
that if the police ask you where you got them from, you know absolutely nothing.
(CHEERING, APPLAUSE)
Another episode down, and we've learnt more than ever before.
We've learnt never to assume the end of the task.
We learned that fat might be one ingredient in soap, but probably shouldn't be the only ingredient.
And most importantly,
we've learnt that Tom Sainsbury is the winner of episode seven! (CHEERING, APPLAUSE)
See you next time. Ka kite ano.
('TASKMASTER' THEME)
Captions by Jessie Puru.
Captions were made with the support of NZ On Air.
www.able.co.nz Copyright Able 2024
(CHEERING, APPLAUSE)
- Television has absolutely peaked.
- (GASPS)
- See what this show does to you? It makes you completely paranoid about everything.
- (WHISTLES)
- (SQUEALS)
- No need to be paranoid.
- Damn you make a good girl, Paul. - Thank you.
- Getting quite good at doing well in tasks,
but you have no idea what's going on. - No idea.