(WHEEL CLICKS)
- Hello.
- Hey.
- Two.
- (GRUNTS)
(KEYS CLACK)
- Come on!
- (GRUNTS)
- (WHOOPS)
(KEYS CLACK)
- That's for the haters.
- (GRUNTS)
- Clink, clink.
- Chicken Little. - Cheep.
- (IMITATES GUNFIRE)
(KEYS CLACK)
Oh!
- (SHOUTS)
- Yaargh!
- He he he he!
(CLUNK!)
(CHEERING, APPLAUSE)
www.able.co.nz Copyright Able 2024
(DING!)
- Nau mai, piki mai. Welcome to the grand finale
of season five of Taskmaster.
My name is Jeremy Wells.
This is the episode that matters ―
where a winner is crowned and where history is written.
And by history, I mean the Taskmaster New Zealand Wikipedia page.
And tonight, we'll find out which of our five comedians will go home with this ―
- AUDIENCE: Ooooh! - The golden Taskmaster trophy.
Here to win my magnificent golden bust,
we have Abby Howells... (CHEERING, APPLAUSE)
...Ben Hurley... (CHEERING, APPLAUSE)
...Hayley Sproull... (CHEERING, APPLAUSE)
...and Tom Sainsbury! (CHEERING, APPLAUSE)
Now, Tofiga Fepulea'i has been unable to join us in the studio for this season.
But we've had incredible guests to stand in in his place,
and this episode is no exception.
Please give a huge round of applause to the one, the only, Chris Parker! (CHEERING, APPLAUSE)
And by my side, as always ―
a man who dresses like a butler, acts like a butler, and mostly undertakes the work of a butler.
It's Paul Williams! (CHEERING, APPLAUSE)
Wow.
What a smoke show. Look at you tonight.
- Actually, Paul Williams couldn't be here. I'm his great-grandfather.
I've time travelled forward from 1920.
And I'm filling in for him this evening, ya see?
- Oh! - Whoa.
- What do you reckon? - It's so hot.
- TOM: 10 out of 10. - BEN: Oh.
- Yeah. - Like a...
sexy paedophile. (CHUCKLES) (SHOCKED LAUGHTER)
I'm sorry. - It's all right.
- Is that the first time those two words have been put together? - Yeah, probably.
- Yeah. It's good to see you made an effort, unlike Tom here.
- Have some decorum. - I've been wearing a suit this entire season, right?
And then I get told to wear my best tonight.
So, like, well, I chucked on my house-abouts. (LAUGHTER)
- Let's get to it, Paul. What prize task did we ask our contestants to bring in today?
- Tonight, we've asked our contestants to bring in
the best thing that will still be here in a million years.
- AUDIENCE: Ooooh!
- Tom, what long-lasting thing have you brought in? - OK, so for my prize,
I have brought honey.
Honey never goes off, so it's gonna be here in a million years,
and you'll be like, (IMITATES ROBOT) 'Hello, I'll eat honey.'
I'm being you as a cyborg. 'I will enjoy this honey.
'Whooo, myyy mechanical receptors are going crazy for this honey!'
- Would Jeremy as a cyborg be any different?
(LAUGHTER, APPLAUSE)
- Probably is a good question, actually.
- Abby. - I had another thing planned.
Then I had a dream
where a voice told me the perfect thing to bring in for this task ―
is elegance.
(LAUGHTER)
As represented by a top hat and monocle in this picture.
But the answer, Jeremy ―
it's elegance. (SCATTERED LAUGHTER)
- This came to you in a dream? - Yes.
- Do you think we'll remain elegant when the world's on fire,
and we're all at war together, and there's no more food? - Elegance is timeless. (CHUCKLES)
Timeless elegance.
It's elegance, Jeremy!
- As represented by a top hat and a monocle? - Oh, baby, it's elegance!
It's the answer. (LAUGHTER)
- I don't think I ever want to hear that word ever again.
Ben. - Jeremy, my thing that's gonna be here in a million years
is obvious to every person from Aotearoa New Zealand, and I think you'll all agree
it is the Right Honourable Winston Peters. (LAUGHTER, APPLAUSE)
Now,
I did ask him to be on the show,
and he declined. (LAUGHTER)
So I sent this email to him.
READS: 'Dear sir, I hope this email finds you well.
'It probably will, because you are immortal.
'Please supply the following information under the Official Information Act.
'What is your secret to everlasting life?
'And what are your plans for the 1,002,026 election?'
I'm supposed to receive that within 20 working days of me sending it,
um, which was this morning. (LAUGHTER)
- Did you write it in italics, Ben?
- I did. - (LAUGHS)
- Do you know why? Elegance. - Yeah. Elegance, baby!
(APPLAUSE) It's the answer!
- Hayley, what did you bring in that's gonna be around in a million years?
- Jeremy, this is where I would like to admit that I have lived a life of privilege.
And, you know, I... have loved every minute of it. - (LAUGHS)
- So the thing that I have, without a doubt, utter faith will still be here in a million years
is my family bach.
It's that one just on the cliff there. (LAUGHTER)
And there was no doubt in my mind, Jeremy, that in a million years,
this beautiful waterfront property
will still be here for tonight's winner to enjoy.
- I'm assuming you want to lose this task.
- Why would I want that (?)
It's such a fantastic bach in a prime location and totally insurable (!)
- Chris, what did you bring in for Tofiga?
- Well, this thing― You know, I'll have, like, a big night out,
and then I'll see that it's still there.
And then sometimes, like, weeks will go on and it's still there.
Um, years will go on, and it is still there.
And so I brought in loose glitter.
(LAUGHTER, APPLAUSE)
- I mean, me and Abby both have glitter on our eyelids tonight, and we will until we die, I guess, now.
- That glitter's from my house. - Yeah, I know. Got ya.
- OK. By the looks of it, Hayley's bach is gonna be around for―
I'm gonna give it 15 years, and that's gone. So one point for Hayley.
Winston Peters will last for another 120 years, but I think the email will go― so two points for Ben.
Elegance will last as long as humans are here.
And so I think three points for you, Abby.
And I think Tom's honey will last probably the next amount of time, so that's four points for Tom.
I think the glitter will last for― You know, glitter... - We all agree.
It is literally forever. - Wow!
(APPLAUSE)
- Shall we get a season score update?
- It might be our tightest season yet. With a one-point lead on 150,
it's Hayley Sproull. (CHEERING, APPLAUSE)
- OK, Paul. I'm ready for the first proper task of the last episode of the season.
- Of course, Jeremy. Here it is.
(QUIRKY MUSIC)
- Knock, knock. - Who's there?
- Yoo-hoo! Only me. - Hello, Abby.
- Mate, you like bringing me into this little caravan, eh? - Yeah.
- Isa! (CLATTERING)
(LAUGHTER)
- There's a phone there. - Yeah.
- READS: 'Text the stranger and guess their age.
- 'You cannot use numbers in your questions, and they cannot use numbers in their answers.
- 'You may not use the internet. You have one guess.'
- I have one guess? - Yeah.
- 'Closest approximation to their age wins.
'You have 10 minutes. Your time starts now.'
- So use this ― text any stranger? -Thestranger.
-Thestranger. Oh. - Mm-hm.
(APPLAUSE)
- All right. Should we get into it? - Up first, it's Hayley Sproull and Tom Sainsbury.
- 'Hi, stranger.
'Wassuuuuuup!'
Now if they get that reference, it's gonna put them in an age bracket for me.
- She's like, 'Hey, stranger. Wassup?'
- READS: 'Heyyyy!' OK, multiple Y's and lowercase. I'm thinking Gen Z.
- 'Hi, sweetheart.
'Did you grow up with records, cassettes, CDs or Spotify?
- READS: 'Hi, sweetheart'? That's pretty presumptive.
- READS: 'I grew up with most of them.' OK.
- 'Whatcha doing?'
- 'Nothing much.'
- READS: 'Jss sitting, texting.' Ooh, they're abbreviating though.
Oh, now I'm thinking Boomer. This feels like my mum when she texts.
- 'Do you know who Hilary Duff is?'
- Do I know who Hilary Duff is?
- READS: Duh. Yes. - A bit of attitude.
- 'Do you love...
- '...Taylor Swift?'
- READS: Hell nooo!
OK.
'Me neither. She's lame. LOL.'
- 'Duh. Yes, I know who Hilary Duff is.' I'm thinking they're in their 30s.
- I'll say, 'What are you wearing in a non-sexy way?'
- 'I am wearing...
- '...baggy jeans!' Now I think it's Gen Alpha. It's a Millennial.
I'll say, 'Do you like skinny jeans?'
- READS: Do you like skinny jeans? I miss them.
- READS: 'God no.' I'll say, 'Jokes. So lame.'
- READS: 'Jokes. So lame.' This person seems old.
(LAUGHTER)
- 'Who was prime minister when you were at high school?'
- I wasn't interested.
- READS: I have no idea. I was more interested in other stuff. - You have one minute.
- 'Who is the cutest celeb?'
- 'Prolly...' I'm not sure this person might know this person.
- READS: Prolly Central Fee. - I think that's meant to be Central Cee.
- Do you know who they are? - I do.
- What do they look like? - Quite hot.
- I'm gonna say, 'I like Jason Momoa.'
- READS: I like JasonMimosa.
- I just said, 'I like Jason Mimosa.' Far out.
I got it.
'Do you like mimosas?' They might be underage.
This will get me an age limit ― 18 or under.
- 'Yes.'
- READS: Yes!
'Can you legally drink...
'...mimosas?'
- No they can't. 'Naughty, naughty!'
- 'Were you born after...
- '...Titanic was on at the movies?' (CHUCKLES)
- They said no.
- 'Can you legally drink next year?'
- I feel like she's slowly getting there.
- Got you. I've got you, stranger.
OK, dot dot dot. It's coming.
(PHONE WHOOPS)
- What'd they say?
- AUDIENCE: Ooh.
- I just really felt a connection with this girl.
(CHEERING, APPLAUSE)
- So, Hayley, my two favourite quotes were you saying,
'I just really felt a connection with this girl,'
and then her saying, 'This person seems old.' - Yeah.
VOICE BREAKS: Yeah. Um... (LAUGHTER)
- Tom, I felt like you were at an instant disadvantage
cos the woman you had on the other line seemed to really hate you from the start.
- The feeling is completely mutual. (LAUGHTER, BEN GUFFAWS)
(APPLAUSE)
- You were slightly stitched up by having the only 58-year-old who would respond, 'Duh!'
to, 'Do you know Hilary Duff?' - Thank you!
- She's a sassy Karen. I liked it. - She certainly was.
So where did we get to in the end? - So Tom guessed 34.
- Yeah. - And she was 58.
- Whoa. - So 24 years off.
Hayley guessed 17,
and she was 17. - CHRIS: Wow! (CHEERING, APPLAUSE)
- OK. - Bang on.
- OK. Well, that's it for the first part of the show.
But here's a task for you at home.
Buy one of every product you're about to be advertised,
and try to keep New Zealand TV alive for just a little bit longer.
We'll see you after this.
(CHEERING, APPLAUSE)
(QUIRKY MUSIC)
(CHEERING, APPLAUSE)
- Hoki mai ano. Welcome back to Taskmaster.
What were we doing, Paul? I'm getting old and losing my memory.
- That's OK, Jeremy. I will be here as your body declines. (LAUGHTER)
Our comedians were each texting a different stranger and trying to guess their age.
So far, we've seen Hayley and Tom.
Now it's time for Abby Howells, aged 33,
and Ben Hurley, aged 40 to 50, according to his agent. (LAUGHTER)
- It's accurate. - It's Abby and Ben.
- 'Nice day for a dance.'
- READS: Nice day for a dance. What do you like to listen to?
- READS: 'Uptown Funk.' Ooh.
What that is, is an extremely generic song that pretty much everybody likes.
- 'Do you have a phone?
'And if so, what make is it?'
- READS: Do you have a phone? And if so, what make is it?
- They have a Samsung. - OK.
- OK. I think they're maybe older. 'Do you remember the war?'
- Yeah, I do remember the war. I was born before the war. (LAUGHS)
- READS: Which war? (LAUGHS)
Um, the Falklands?
Oh no. Actually, I'm gonna go with Iraq.
- It says, 'Is it a new Samsung phone?'
And then it says 'Iraq' and then 'no' after that. I don't understand what's going on here.
- READS: Do you remember when the Mars Rover went to Mars?
- READS: No.
- Just no? - Yeah.
- What age would that suggest? - Maybe younger?
- 'What's your favourite movie?'
- READS: 'What's your favourite movie?' I'm just trying to think.
- Text me back.
(LAUGHTER)
This is like dating in my 20s (LAUGHS) again where I'm really keeping the conversation going.
- I'll just put anything on here.
- Their favourite movie is Braveheart. OK. They're older.
- Uh, 'Are you at school?' (LAUGHS)
I don't feel like that's an appropriate question to ask anyone.
- READS: Are you at school?
- READS: 'Yes.' So they've gotta be, um,
14.
- 'Who is your...
- '...celebrity crush?'
- READS: Monroe?
OK. Marilyn.
OK, that makes me think they're even older than I thought.
- 14.
- 57 years old.
- (BLOWS WHISTLE) Thank you, Ben.
- This is a person who's a little older, I reckon.
Oh, he's so cute! - He's so cute!
(CHEERING, APPLAUSE)
- It was very hot in there. I don't know if you could tell.
- Yeah, a sweaty Betty. - You were a bit flustered. - I was a bit flustered.
- Um, Abby, he did seem like he was taking a while to text back.
- Yeah. He was. It was pretty stressful.
It kind of felt like being back in the dating scene again. Like, oh...
And he seemed ambivalent on me.
He seemed to think I was weird.
(LAUGHTER)
(CHUCKLES)
- OK, so, Paul, how did everything go?
- Abby guessed 57. - Mm-hm.
- He was 78. (AUDIENCE 'OOH'S)
21 years off. He easily sent the fewest texts. (LAUGHTER)
Ben's guess ― 14.
He was 9. - HAYLEY: Aww.
- OK. - So five years off.
- All right, we've got one comedian left, Paul. - That's right, Jeremy.
It's time for Chris Parker to try to defend this.
- Oh no. (LAUGHTER)
- 'Hello, stranger. How old are you?'
(PHONE WHOOPS)
READS: Old enough.
'What's a...
'special event that happened the year you were born?'
READS: Tupac died.
Oh. You know what? I don't even know when Tupac died. - Did he even die?
- What year did Tupac die?
- 'Don't you know when Tupac died... (AUDIENCE EXCLAIMS)
'...you dumbass?' (CHUCKLES) (LAUGHTER)
- Oh, I'm a dumbarse now?
'Where do you live? You're going to see Tupac when I find you.'
There. Let's see who's a dumbarse now.
- (SNICKERS)
(PHONE WHOOPS)
- READS: Come find me then, you bitch. (RAUCOUS LAUGHTER)
'Who was the captain of the All Blacks when you were born?'
- 'No idea.'
- READS: 'No idea, old man.' Oh, I'm an old man now.
- I'll say, 'Why do you text so slow? Are your fingers too big for the keyboard?'
- 'Ask your mum.'
- READS: Ask your mum. (LAUGHS)
- READS: 'You wanna scrap, eh?' Yes, please. I'm in the caravan.
- LAUGHS: He's gonna kill me.
- (BLOWS WHISTLE)
(PHONE WHOOPS) - What's that say?
READS: Usi... (CACKLES)
- What does that mean? - It's Tongan.
- Come, dox. Come scrap. (CHUCKLES)
(CHEERING, APPLAUSE)
- I'll tell you what, Chris. That one really took a turn, didn't it?
- I'm just surprised Bubbah texted back. - Yeah.
I'm really pleased that we didn't pair Tofiga up with any of the children.
- So Tofiga guessed 27. - Yeah.
- Bubbah is...
27. - Wow!
(CHEERING, APPLAUSE) Oh, goodness. OK.
- That means one point for Tom.
Two points for Abby, who was 21 years off.
Five years off ― three points for Ben.
Uh, Tofiga the correct age, and Hayley the correct age.
Five points each? - Yeah, absolutely.
- Five points each. - Well done.
- Thank you. - Well done.
(APPLAUSE)
Now seems like a really, really good time to have an episode score.
- Out in first with a perfect 10 points,
it's Tofiga. (CHEERING, APPLAUSE)
- Is there another task for us, Paul? - I hope you brought your passport, Jeremy, because, this time,
we're going international.
(QUIRKY LATIN MUSIC)
- Ooh.
- Hm.
- Yee-hee!
- Knock, knock.
- Permission to come aboard? - Permission granted.
- OK.
- Oh! Far out!
- (GASPS)
READS: 'Invent a new country.
- 'You must create a detailed and informative tourism video...
- '...promoting your country.
- 'Best new country wins.
- 'Got 45 minutes,
'starting now.'
- Oh, here it is here.
- What do I want out of a country? Stone fruits.
- Just, like, stone fruits? - Yeah. It's like a paradise.
- Fresh fruit. Because my country is going to be tropical. - OK.
- We're gonna really good cuisine based mostly around... bananas.
- Like, a country that's just continental.
For some reason, I'm thinking about Continental chocolates.
- Notable people.
- Jean-Pierre. - (CHUCKLES) Yes.
- Paul Williams.
Can you be in the video? - If you want.
- Continentilia.
- The name is based on Continental chocolates? - Yeah. Do they even make―?
- Discontinued, I think. - Do they not make them any more?
- OK, let's go.
(CHEERING, APPLAUSE)
- Abby, to be honest, when, uh, the main thing that you were focused on with your country was stone fruit,
I thought, well, that's pretty odd. But then Hayley picked it up straight away,
and she was into the fruit as well. - Yeah. Bananas.
- Could you imagine, like, walking along and being like, a nectarine? (LAUGHTER)
- I can, actually. I've done that quite a few times.
- Abby, what's the most elegant fruit?
- The plum.
- Surely it's a lady finger.
- Yeah. Banana. - Mm.
- Huh, banana looks like a penis. (LAUGHTER)
- I'm just not feeling what the problem is there. Sorry.
- The penis is not the most elegant genital.
(LAUGHTER)
- OK. We done? - HAYLEY: Yeah. (LAUGHTER)
Back to you. - I've packed my bags and I'm ready to go, Paul.
Which fictional country are we heading to first?
- First stop ― it's Paulinga with Tofiga.
- Solomo kapachi from the beautiful island of Paulinga.
I want to tell you about the most beautiful place in the world.
And when you greet people, you say, 'Solomo kapachi', which means,
'Hi, how are ya? Let's hopefully hook up.
'And then after that, we can chill and watch some rugby league.'
Solomo kapachi!
Now, here in Paulinga, we have a population of 500 million people on a small island.
It's summer all year round.
That's right. Beautiful tan, nice chocolate brown! Yeah!
The Paulingan people ― they are calledHarrrrrabanda.
(TROPICAL MUSIC)
- What are you filming? - You're dancing, innit?
- What? - Your Harabanda dance.
(UPBEAT TROPICAL JAZZ MUSIC)
(LAUGHTER)
And what's even better is when they danceandsing at the same time. - It's really incredible.
You should come to the country so you can see us dance and sing at the same time.
- So why won't you visit Paulinga ― the most beautiful island in the world?
Yee-hee! Chee-hoo!
# Solomo kapachi! #
(CHEERING, APPLAUSE)
- 500 million people on a tiny island.
Paradise (!) - Yeah.
So that would make it the... - Third.
- ...third most populous place in the world. - Yes. China, India, Paulinga,
the United States of America. - (LAUGHS)
That dance was good. - Yes.
- You couldn't do that dance again for us, could you? - HAYLEY: Yes, please.
- Come on. (CHEERING, APPLAUSE)
(CHEERING)
- Wow.
- It originates because you have to kick everyone out of the way. - BEN: Yeah.
- OK, I'd love to see some more countries, and I will after these ads.
(CHEERING, APPLAUSE)
(QUIRKY MUSIC)
(CHEERING, APPLAUSE)
- Nau mai ano. Welcome back to Taskmaster.
Who's next, Paul? - She likes to live her life in a precious way.
Showcasing Precious Land, it's Abby Howells.
- Hello. My name is Abby Howells,
and I am the ambassador for Precious Land. Garden of Eden, look out.
We have an abundance of stone fruit.
Juicy and delicious.
We have an active volcano.
It took out our whole financial district and has contributed to many of our financial woes.
I'm coming at you live from the toilet, because that's where our economy is right now.
Our head friend gave away all of our oil for some magic beans.
This is Jean-Pierre ― one of our nation's top exports.
And look how sad he is because of all the poverty.
Something must be done!
The people of Precious Land need you.
And we need your money.
So please donate now.
Please. Our economy is in ruins.
(CHEERING, APPLAUSE)
Yeah. OK.
- Abby, would you say that that's a tourism video or more of a plea for help?
- Yeah. So I was creating all this stuff, like Precious Land has a healing spring; it has plum fruit.
But I was like, but it also has to have some realistic stuff, and I guess poverty.
And then I got really focused on the poverty. (LAUGHS)
(LAUGHTER)
And that's what happened. But who says a country needs to be rich to be great?
Look at Monaco. What are they doin'? (LAUGHTER)
- Paul, I'm ready for another ad, please. - We've seen Paulinga.
Now showcasing Paulandia, it's Tom Sainsbury.
- Welcome to Paulandia.
Welcome to Paradise!
Where Paul Williams is king.
- Hello.
- Paulandia has so many beautiful tourist attractions,
like the lake.
Paulandia has so many fun activities,
like looking at the lake.
Paulandia, where the peoples are blue-eyed and musically gifted.
- (PLAYS SLOW-PACED BEAT)
- And the national flower is flour.
(LAUGHTER)
And the national bird is a hat-wearing duck. Hello!
And now we will sing the Paulandia national anthem.
Hit it!
(WHIMSICAL MELODY PLAYS) # Quack.
# Quackety-quack.
# Quack all day.
# Quack, quack, quack.
# Quaaaack! #
So come to Paulandia.
Come to paradise!
(CHEERING, APPLAUSE)
Thank you. - OK, Tom.
How do you feel about that national anthem?
Because I've just written down here, 'Not good.'
- I should've done the kind of English version of it.
I was doing the national language, which obviously you can't interpret.
It's a full, rich kind of encouraging, you know, Paulandia.
Like, there's a whole thing to it. - What's the translation? - Oh yeah. Do it for us now.
That'd be great. - Yeah, OK, great.
# Paulandia is great.
# Paulandia is fair.
# I love Paulandia.
# We all love Paulandia.
# We are here for...
- ALL: # Paulandia! #
(CHEERING, APPLAUSE)
- OK.
You're right. - In the translated version, the melody changes as well?
- Yeah. - Right. OK.
- OK. Have we got another one?
- Here with the next stop on our big OE,
Majoraland, it's Hayley Sproull.
- EAST EUROPEAN ACCENT: Mm. Bananas, or hello, and welcome from Majoraland here in the SexSeas.
I am Queen Manora, and this is my country,
where everything is sexy and there is champagne on tap.
Thank you, slave.
Let me show you around.
First thing's first ― you might be thinking,
Queen Manora, why so many bananas?
That's because everything in Majoraland resemble my favourite thing ―
bananas.
SCREAMS: Kill her!
(LAUGHTER)
Mmm.
More bananas.
You're also thinking, Queen Manora, you're so beautiful.
Well, everybody in Majoraland beautiful.
And if you're born with ugly dog face, we fix for free.
He is on waiting list.
(LAUGHTER)
And finally, everybody in Majoraland polyamory and bisexual, where is Banana Monday...
or Taco Tuesday.
(LAUGHTER)
So if you want to live a life that is drunk, beautiful and bisexual,
come to Majoraland.
I want female slave today.
Where is female slave?
It's Taco Tuesday.
(LOUD CHEERING, APPLAUSE)
- (LAUGHS)
I think good use of the accent. You're not too cancellable.
- Yah. - You know, just a little bit―
- Where is it from? - A little bit Romania, a little bit South American.
- Yeah. - I think it was Melania Trump.
- Yeah, it was. In so many ways. - EAST EUROPEAN ACCENT: In so many ways.
- Majoraland is a really beautiful, sexy place and...
- A beautiful, sexy place where slavery is still legal?
- EAST EUROPEAN ACCENT: But only for those who have not yet fixed their faces.
- OK, we've got one country left to visit, Paul. Where is it?
- Life is like a box of chocolates. You never know what you're going to get.
Except, in this instance, when I tell you
that you're going to get Ben Hurley talking to you about a country made of chocolate.
- Hello, and wah.
Welcome to Continentilia.
We are an entire continent country land.
And I am the Prime Minister Wally Winker.
We are based on those chocolates that your parents like.
And some people think we've been discontinued.
Not true, Paul, not true.
Let's take a look.
We have the Hazelnut Mountains.
You'd have to be
nutsto climb these.
The Great Dessert Desert.
There's no water, but there is delicious milk chocolate!
(CHUCKLES)
The Milk Swirl Geyser... (GASPS)
and the Ancient Praline Pyramids.
Legend has it, nobody actually knows what praline is.
And the best part is
there are no dangers in Continentilia... except diabetes.
Continentilia.
Yum. (RUMBLING)
(LIQUID SLOSHES)
(CHEERING, APPLAUSE)
- Wow. - Wally Winker, can you do that walk for us? That was special.
- Oh yeah.
Oooh! (ALL EXCLAIM) - Oh wow.
- Wally Winker. - You know what?
It was either me or Timothee Chalamet for that role.
- Um, so what happens if you're allergic to chocolate in this particular country?
- Oh, you can go to Fanny Land or whatever. (LAUGHTER)
- OK, I suppose I've got to think, where's the place that I would most want to go?
You know, that's the only way to judge it.
Abby's country ― I would never want to go to that country.
That's one point for Abby.
I would also not like to go to Ben's country.
He'll get two points. - Oh. (AUDIENCE GROANS)
- I'm going to go three points for Tom. (AUDIENCE GROANS)
Four points for Tofiga
and five points for Hayley. - He loves the fanny!
(CHEERING, APPLAUSE)
- Well, good to see the Taskmaster is pro-slavery!
- No, he's just pro-fanny, man.
- Slave to the fanny.
(LAUGHTER)
- OK, that's it for part three.
We'll give you a few moments to book your tickets to Paulandia
to see the rear-hatted duck and stare at a lake.
We'll see you after this. Akuanei.
(CHEERING, APPLAUSE)
(QUIRKY MUSIC)
(CHEERING, APPLAUSE)
- Welcome back to Taskmaster.
And to our viewers from Paulinga, solomo kapuchi.
It's our final episode of the season.
The scoreboard is looking tied, and I believe, Paul Williams,
we have just one filmed task to go. - We certainly do, Jeremy.
And I could not think of a better way torapthings up.
(QUIRKY LATIN MUSIC)
- Ah.
- Hi, Paul. - Hello, Abby.
Hello, Tofiga. - Hello, Paul.
What have we got here?
- Food pyramid. Updated from the one that we used to get.
OK. Why is there a microphone there?
- Testing, testing.
- Do you have a favourite one of those groups?
- They don't have, like, sugar on here.
If you don't do drugs, it's like the next best thing.
- Here we go.
- READS: Pick a food group.
I'm gonna go vegetables.
- Grains.
- Dairy.
- All right, I'm just gonna go meat.
- Fruit.
(GASPS)
- Ooh!
- (CACKLES, RASPS)
- READS: 'Write and perform a rap...
- '...advocating for why your food group is the best.
- 'Best verse wins.
- 'You have 30 minutes.
- 'Your time starts now.'
- Do you start with 'yo, yo, yo'?
- Would you like to hear the music? - Yes!
- OK.
(BROODING HIP-HOP MUSIC PLAYS) - Yo. I'm gonna start with 'yo'.
- ABBY: Nice.
(HIP-HOP MUSIC BUILDS) - Yeah.
RAPS: # (MUTTERS) Beef.
# (MUTTERS) Queef. #
Probably not that.
(LAUGHTER)
(CLATTERING)
- K. Bringing the house down already and we haven't even started, brother.
- What's your favourite vegetable? - Potato.
- Do you know what? I don't really like potatoes. - Not even as fries?
- RAPS: # You want a pineapple? Come, be my guest.
# Dem where my berries at. #
- What if I exclusively used the C-word, (LAUGHS) so you can't broadcast anything that I say?
I'll just be like 'Beep, beep, beep, milk!'
LAUGHS: I'm gonna do that.
(CHEERING, APPLAUSE)
- All right, Paul, assuming these raps are actually broadcastable, whose verse are we gonna hear first?
- Here they are all at once.
(BROODING HIP-HOP MUSIC)
- RAPS:
(LAUGHTER)
- BEN RAPS:
(LAUGHTER, APPLAUSE)
- TOFIGA RAPS:
(APPLAUSE)
(LAUGHTER)
- # Yeah!
# Unh!
(CACKLES)
- RAPS:
(LAUGHS)
(BLEEP! BLEEP! BLEEP!)
(BLEEP! BLEEP! BLEEP! BLEEP!)
(BLEEP!)
(BLEEP! BLEEP! BLEEP! BLEEP!)
(BLEEP!)
(BLEEP! BLEEP!)
(CHEERING, APPLAUSE)
- Very good. - Really good.
- Very, very good.
Although I have to say, the last image of Taskmaster season five
will be Abby Howells underneath a desk saying, 'Cottage cheese. (BLEEP! BLEEP! BLEEP!)'
(LAUGHTER)
(APPLAUSE)
Ugh, nobody deserves to get one.
- OK. - Nah.
- I think― Look, the fact that I didn't hear―
There were probably four words that I heard of Abby's ― means that it's hard to rate you highly.
So unfortunately, I'm going to have to give Abby two.
- Aww, not Abby!
(LAUGHTER)
- I'm going to go Tom three. Good flow,
but got a little bit focused on bananas there towards the end. - (CHORTLES)
- I like Tofiga because I like a socially conscious rapper.
- Yeah. - So three points there.
Uh, four points for Ben Hurley,
and I think five points for Hayley. She was very good. - Hey.
HJ Sprizzle. It's HJ Sprizzle. - HJ Sprizzle. That's right.
OK. Time for a quick break.
And when we return, we'll find out which comedian will be the official champion of Taskmaster season five.
Don't miss it! We'll see you soon.
(CHEERING, APPLAUSE)
(QUIRKY MUSIC)
(CHEERING, APPLAUSE)
- Kia ora ano. Welcome back to the season finale of Taskmaster.
There's still one more task to complete.
But before we get to that, Paul, can we have a scoreboard update, please?
- Leading the pack by the slimmest of margins,
it's Tofiga Fepulea'i.
- OK, everyone, please head up to the stage for the final task of the season!
(CHEERING, APPLAUSE)
All right, Paul. Who's reading out the final task?
- Abby Howells. - HAYLEY: Congrats, Abby. - Thank you. Huge for me.
(LAUGHTER)
READS: 'One by one, place an item on the table.
On your turn, you will have 10 seconds to place an item.
Once you have touched an item, that is the item you must place.
If placing causes any item to fall, you will be eliminated.
Last person standing wins.
- On my whistle.
(WHISTLE TRILLS)
(UPBEAT MUSIC)
- Oh! (AUDIENCE EXCLAIMS)
- BEN: Oh, Chris Parker, well done. (APPLAUSE)
(CHEERING, APPLAUSE)
Oh!
(AUDIENCE EXCLAIMS)
(POP!)
(CHEERING, APPLAUSE)
(ABBY CHUCKLES)
- Yeah. Great. - Yep, yep.
(AUDIENCE EXCLAIMS, APPLAUDS)
(QUIRKY MUSIC)
(LAUGHTER)
- Three seconds.
- Yes! (CHEERING, APPLAUSE)
(AUDIENCE EXCLAIMS) - HAYLEY: Oh no. - Four seconds.
- (GASPS) - You got it, you got it, you got it! Abby, Abby!
(WHISTLE TRILLS) - Wow, Abby!
(CHEERING, APPLAUSE)
(CHIME TINKLES)
(AUDIENCE EXCLAIMS)
- (BLOWS WHISTLE) Hayley is eliminated. The umbrella fell. (APPLAUSE)
The umbrella can be re-stacked. - BEN: Oh.
Oh, mate. (AUDIENCE EXCLAIMS)
- CHRIS: Yes, yes.
No, no. (ABBY CHUCKLES)
- ABBY: No. - HAYLEY: You've got it, Tom. - PAUL: Three seconds.
(WHISTLE TRILLS, CHEERING, APPLAUSE)
- ABBY: Oh my God.
(WHISTLE BLOWS)
(APPLAUSE)
(CHEERING)
- CHRIS: Yes.
- HAYLEY: Come on, Hurls. (WHISTLE TRILLS)
(ALL EXCLAIM)
(AUDIENCE GROANS)
(LAUGHTER)
(APPLAUSE)
- TOM: Oh no! - HAYLEY: Oh no, Tom!
- Oh, shit! - It's OK, it's OK. (APPLAUSE)
Oh, Abby.
(QUIRKY MUSIC)
(AUDIENCE 'OOH'S, APPLAUDS)
- Three seconds. (LAUGHTER)
(ALL EXCLAIM, WHISTLE TRILLS)
(AUDIENCE EXCLAIMS)
- TOM: So close. - ABBY: So close.
- Five seconds.
- HAYLEY: Lovely.
(CHEERING, APPLAUSE)
- CHRIS: Yeah.
- HAYLEY: Come on, Abbs. - (CHUCKLES, GROANS)
- Three seconds. - BEN: Oh, mate. - HAYLEY: Come on, you got it, Abbs!
You got it, Abbs! No! (WHISTLE TRILLS)
- BEN: Ohh! It nearly stayed too!
Oh!
- The winner of the live task is Tom Sainsbury. (CHEERING, APPLAUSE)
- JEREMY: Good stuff, guys.
All right, come on down.
We'll add up the scores and find out the winner of the episode and season five!
All right. What a game that was. - So one point for Hayley.
Two points for Ben. Three points for Tofiga.
Four points for Abby,
and five points for the winner of the live task, Tom Sainsbury.
(CHEERING, APPLAUSE) - Finally! - BEN: Well done, Tommy.
- So where does that leave us for the episode, Paul?
- That means the winner of episode 10 with 20 points,
represented by Chris Parker, it's Tofiga!
- Congratulations, Chris Parker! On behalf of Tofiga Fepulea'i,
please go up and enjoy your long-lasting items
for an appropriate length of time before coming back down for the prize that really matters.
Once again, Chris Parker, ladies and gentlemen, for Tofiga!
(CHEERING, APPLAUSE)
- Oh, no, no, no, no!
(QUIRKY MUSIC)
- All right, this is it ― the moment of truth.
It's time to announce the winner of season five. And what a season it has been.
From incredibly accurate tennis ball throws
to incredibly inaccurate biopics,
from New Year's resolutions to goal-scoring French revolutions,
we have seen it all, and it's all led us to this, Paul.
Would you please read out the winner of Taskmaster season five?
- In fifth place
with 147 points, Abby Howells. (CHEERING, APPLAUSE)
In fourth place with 156 points,
it's Tofiga Fepulea'i. (CHEERING, APPLAUSE)
One point in front of him with 157 points,
in third place, it's Tom Sainsbury. - Oh, third! (CHEERING, APPLAUSE)
Third the golden princess. (BEN CHORTLES)
- In second place with 160 points,
it's Ben Hurley! (CHEERING, APPLAUSE)
- Well done. - Ohh.
- The winner of Taskmaster New Zealand season five... (LAUGHTER)
...with 166 points,
it's Hayley Sproull! (CHEERING, APPLAUSE)
- CHUCKLES: Wow!
It's really heavy. - Well done.
Please join me in offering a huge congratulations to the winner of the season, Hayley Sproull!
Thank you so much for joining us. Look after yourselves.
We'll see you again soon. Good night, Aotearoa.
(CHEERING, APPLAUSE)
('TASKMASTER' THEME)
Captions by Jessie Puru.
Captions were made with the support of NZ On Air.
www.able.co.nz Copyright Able 2024
(CHEERING, APPLAUSE)
(WHOOPING)