1 00:00:04,000 --> 00:00:06,000 Ooh-hoo-hoo. 2 00:00:12,000 --> 00:00:14,200 My name is Paul Williams. 3 00:00:19,000 --> 00:00:20,640 Oh! 4 00:00:33,960 --> 00:00:38,280 Kia ora koutou, and holy macaroli. Here we go again. 5 00:00:38,280 --> 00:00:42,160 It's season three of the television show Taskmaster. 6 00:00:42,160 --> 00:00:47,600 I'm Jeremy Wells, and I am sitting on a throne that for nine and a half months of the year 7 00:00:47,600 --> 00:00:52,640 sits idly by under a pile of to-be-folded washing in my sunroom. 8 00:00:52,640 --> 00:01:00,440 But tonight I'm on it with purpose in front of you all as the Taskmaster. 9 00:01:00,520 --> 00:01:04,200 Over the next 10 weeks, five beautiful comedians will degrade themselves 10 00:01:04,200 --> 00:01:11,280 more than Will Smith at an Oscars ceremony, all in the hope of taking home their own golden statue 11 00:01:11,280 --> 00:01:16,080 of my most successful and recognisable anatomical part ― 12 00:01:16,480 --> 00:01:18,480 my head. 13 00:01:18,880 --> 00:01:22,720 There it is there. Absolutely terrifying when it's sitting beside you. 14 00:01:22,720 --> 00:01:28,800 Competing for my golden noggin this time around is Chris Parker,... 15 00:01:28,800 --> 00:01:31,440 ...Josh Thomson,... 16 00:01:31,440 --> 00:01:34,000 ...Justine Smith,... 17 00:01:34,000 --> 00:01:36,560 ...Kura Forrester... 18 00:01:36,560 --> 00:01:39,560 and Paul Ego. 19 00:01:40,200 --> 00:01:45,520 And sitting next to me is a man whose piercing blue eyes and dogged attention to detail 20 00:01:45,520 --> 00:01:50,520 makes him an absolute star in the popular car ride game I Spy, 21 00:01:50,600 --> 00:01:54,000 although I have never been in a car with him to experience it myself. 22 00:01:54,000 --> 00:01:57,600 It's Paul Williams. 23 00:01:59,280 --> 00:02:01,120 Great to be here, Jeremy. 24 00:02:01,120 --> 00:02:05,760 - What's going on with that jacket? - This is my new look for season three. 25 00:02:07,520 --> 00:02:09,800 Take that off. 26 00:02:10,360 --> 00:02:12,360 I... OK. 27 00:02:16,360 --> 00:02:20,040 Oh, I can relax. I found him too sexual in it. 28 00:02:20,680 --> 00:02:24,240 Actually, no, can you put it back on? 29 00:02:24,240 --> 00:02:29,360 That's better. There's half a century of tasks in front of us. Paul, how are we gonna kickthem off? 30 00:02:29,360 --> 00:02:32,360 As always, we'll begin with a prize task. 31 00:02:32,360 --> 00:02:35,880 Each contestant has been tasked with bringing something in. 32 00:02:35,880 --> 00:02:43,040 The best prize wins, and the person who wins the episode will take home all five prizes. 33 00:02:43,040 --> 00:02:49,840 This week, they've been asked to bring in the best thing that weighs exactly 10kg. 34 00:02:50,640 --> 00:02:54,520 A very weighty subject matter indeed. Let's start with Chris. 35 00:02:54,520 --> 00:02:57,520 I was thinking about the best thing that could weigh 10kg. 36 00:02:57,520 --> 00:02:59,440 And there's nothing better, in my opinion, 37 00:02:59,440 --> 00:03:05,640 than 10kg of reduced carbon emissions for the Taskmaster season three set. 38 00:03:07,960 --> 00:03:09,640 So I'm gonna plant this tree. 39 00:03:09,640 --> 00:03:16,000 And then I've calculated that that tree will reduce about 0.8g of carbon, 40 00:03:16,360 --> 00:03:20,680 and that'll take 12,500 days, 41 00:03:21,840 --> 00:03:28,840 or roughly 34 and a half years to get exactly 10kg, and then I'm chopping that bastard down. 42 00:03:28,840 --> 00:03:32,320 No more reduced carbon for us. 43 00:03:33,160 --> 00:03:35,920 - Do you know what sort of tree it is? - I-I think a fig tree. 44 00:03:35,920 --> 00:03:37,320 - It's a fig tree? - I'm not certain. 45 00:03:37,320 --> 00:03:40,120 It was the cheapest tree. 46 00:03:40,120 --> 00:03:42,400 I like what you're thinking of doing for the environment. 47 00:03:42,400 --> 00:03:46,480 Also, I do believe, though, in terms of New Zealand's biodiversity, 48 00:03:46,480 --> 00:03:51,000 that the fig tree creates figs, which rats love. 49 00:03:51,840 --> 00:03:56,160 We've got a lovely fig tree in my garden, and also the native birds adore it. 50 00:03:56,160 --> 00:03:58,760 And they fight with the rats, and the rats kill them. 51 00:03:58,760 --> 00:04:02,760 - That's right. - It is actually a bit of an issue. 52 00:04:02,760 --> 00:04:04,520 Josh, what did you bring him? 53 00:04:04,520 --> 00:04:09,280 Jeremy, I can tell just by looking at you that you're the sort of guy who has an adventurous mouth. 54 00:04:11,520 --> 00:04:13,640 And I've just got the thing to pop in there. 55 00:04:13,640 --> 00:04:18,320 I've got 10kg of Daddy's special marmalade. 56 00:04:18,560 --> 00:04:20,080 Oh! 57 00:04:20,080 --> 00:04:26,640 10kg to the gram. Now, this isn't some generic store-bought filth that you get from bigjam. 58 00:04:26,640 --> 00:04:31,160 This is a Thomson family marmalade made from the citrus trees in our backyard. 59 00:04:31,160 --> 00:04:35,360 - Wow. - First of all, I like to add a lot of Drambuie. 60 00:04:36,000 --> 00:04:40,000 It really rounds out that flavour. You get a beautiful whisky flavour all throughout. 61 00:04:40,000 --> 00:04:43,440 And it also helps to legitimise daytime drinking. 62 00:04:43,440 --> 00:04:45,280 Justine, what did you bring in? 63 00:04:45,280 --> 00:04:49,080 Hi, Taskmaster. I brought in something that we've all been missing a lot ― 64 00:04:49,080 --> 00:04:51,000 I know I have, not being able to travel. 65 00:04:51,000 --> 00:04:57,080 I brought in my suitcase with exactly, fingers crossed, 10kg worth of travel gear. 66 00:04:57,080 --> 00:05:00,680 It's got reef shoes. It's got clothes. It's got books. It's got everything you might need. 67 00:05:00,680 --> 00:05:03,800 And it's 10kg, because the rest of the... 68 00:05:03,800 --> 00:05:06,080 How much are you allowed? 25? 69 00:05:06,080 --> 00:05:12,000 So the other 15kg are for shopping and for some more Disney ears, perhaps. Whatever you will. 70 00:05:12,000 --> 00:05:14,600 But I know I'm ready to get the hell out of New Zealand. 71 00:05:14,600 --> 00:05:16,640 So, where are you going to with this suitcase? 72 00:05:16,640 --> 00:05:19,000 I'll probably going straight to Anaheim. 73 00:05:19,000 --> 00:05:21,080 So that's what you want reef shoes for? 74 00:05:21,080 --> 00:05:23,080 Well... 75 00:05:23,600 --> 00:05:27,160 Jeremy, those hotel pools can get pretty brutal with all those children. 76 00:05:27,160 --> 00:05:31,120 And if you're gonna elbow those little kids out of the way, you need a good grip on your feet. 77 00:05:35,640 --> 00:05:38,040 - Kura. - Hello, Taskmaster. 78 00:05:38,040 --> 00:05:39,600 - How are you? - Really well, thanks. How are you? 79 00:05:39,600 --> 00:05:44,080 - What did you bring in? - Good. Uh, yes, good. 80 00:05:45,360 --> 00:05:48,880 I don't know about you, but I'm a busy gal, right? 81 00:05:48,880 --> 00:05:56,680 So when I got this task, I went to a popular search engine and wrote 'what weighs exactly 10kg?' 82 00:05:58,200 --> 00:06:02,400 And what popped up was one of my favourite things ― 10 bottles of wine. 83 00:06:02,400 --> 00:06:04,040 Oh, yeah. 84 00:06:04,040 --> 00:06:06,440 10 bottles of rose. What could be better? 85 00:06:06,440 --> 00:06:09,120 How much does a bottle of rose weigh exactly, Paul? 86 00:06:09,120 --> 00:06:14,600 So, I weighed these exact bottles, and they're about 1.2kg each. 87 00:06:15,400 --> 00:06:18,200 So that's― that's 12kg, uh total. 88 00:06:18,840 --> 00:06:20,840 What? 89 00:06:21,160 --> 00:06:25,600 What? - I tell you what ― if you give me three bottles of that rose,... 90 00:06:25,600 --> 00:06:29,440 - Yes. - Then I will allow you to go under the 10kg threshold. 91 00:06:29,440 --> 00:06:32,640 - OK. - And I'll count it. Otherwise it's too much. 92 00:06:32,640 --> 00:06:36,880 - This is like Jetstar ― trying to get on with your baggage. - Yeah. 93 00:06:36,880 --> 00:06:42,040 - Paul, what have you brought in? - I'm a big unit. I'm like yourself ― fairly tall, 94 00:06:42,040 --> 00:06:48,640 but also a hell of a lot chunkier. Like, you obviously work out. I just... sit down a lot. 95 00:06:48,640 --> 00:06:53,120 So I'm a big guy. I weigh pretty much exactly 100 kilos. 96 00:06:53,120 --> 00:06:57,600 So I thought the best thing that's 10 kilos is one-tenth of me. 97 00:06:57,600 --> 00:07:02,480 So I've divided myself into 10 equal portions. 98 00:07:03,400 --> 00:07:07,560 And you can choose whichever 10 kilos you want. 99 00:07:08,000 --> 00:07:13,480 I've seen myself naked. I know which bit I'd go for. But this is― this is your decision, really. 100 00:07:13,480 --> 00:07:17,080 Could the picture itself weigh 10kg? Is that the way it works there? 101 00:07:17,080 --> 00:07:21,840 No, no. The picture's not physically here. This is a... 102 00:07:21,840 --> 00:07:24,880 This is a projection of an image. I'm not sure if you know how images work. 103 00:07:24,880 --> 00:07:31,040 That's not... That's not actually there. It's just being shown. 104 00:07:31,040 --> 00:07:34,840 - That's zero for Paul. - Zero?! 105 00:07:34,920 --> 00:07:42,040 Let's just establish how things are gonna work on the show this season. That is zero for Paul. 106 00:07:42,040 --> 00:07:46,080 Two for Chris, because you're doing terrible harm to the environment by planting that fig tree. 107 00:07:46,080 --> 00:07:47,760 I'll honestly take two points. 108 00:07:47,760 --> 00:07:51,000 I'll give you three if you give me some of those bottles of wine. Are you prepared to do that? 109 00:07:51,000 --> 00:07:52,640 Deal, yes. Thank you. 110 00:07:52,640 --> 00:07:56,240 Four for you, Justine. I can't abide reef shoes. I would have given you five, but reef shoes... 111 00:07:56,240 --> 00:07:58,600 - Oh, I know. I know. They're so shameful. - ...are just horrific. 112 00:07:58,600 --> 00:08:02,040 And I love marmalade. - Oh, you wait. Most of it you can eat. 113 00:08:02,040 --> 00:08:03,480 I love it. 114 00:08:03,480 --> 00:08:08,120 So you get five points. - Thank you. 115 00:08:08,120 --> 00:08:11,640 I think we'd better get into the meat and coleslaw of this TV show sandwich. 116 00:08:11,640 --> 00:08:15,120 Paul Williams, a task proper, please. - Certainly. 117 00:08:15,120 --> 00:08:18,320 This task was extremely hard to set up. 118 00:08:25,480 --> 00:08:28,560 - Good morning, Paul. - Good morning, Josh. 119 00:08:28,560 --> 00:08:30,880 Oh my goodness. It's very tall. 120 00:08:30,880 --> 00:08:33,920 - Hello, Paul. - Gidday, P Willy. How are ya, mate? - Good, thank you. 121 00:08:33,920 --> 00:08:36,520 Good, good, good. You look like you could use some shades. 122 00:08:36,520 --> 00:08:40,880 - Wardrobe department gave me these snazzy shades. - Very cool. 123 00:08:40,880 --> 00:08:43,840 - These sunglasses have zero UV protection. - Sorry. 124 00:08:43,840 --> 00:08:47,480 That's all right. They do make me feel quite anxious that I'm about to get shot in the face. 125 00:08:47,480 --> 00:08:49,520 - I don't think you will. - OK. 126 00:08:49,520 --> 00:08:51,920 If I get shot in the face, I'll be upset. 127 00:08:51,920 --> 00:08:58,080 If you get shot in the face, it has nothing to do with this task; it's just a coincidence. 128 00:08:59,160 --> 00:09:01,160 'Retrieve the eggs from the top of the pole.' 129 00:09:01,160 --> 00:09:05,120 'Your feet may not leave the ground during your retrieval.' 130 00:09:05,120 --> 00:09:07,840 'Most unbroken retrieved eggs wins.' 131 00:09:07,840 --> 00:09:11,000 'You have 10 minutes. Your time starts now.' Oh my goodness! That's so hard. 132 00:09:11,000 --> 00:09:13,480 - I understand the safety goggles now. - Yes. 133 00:09:13,480 --> 00:09:16,280 And they could hurt if they hit you, so try not to... 134 00:09:16,280 --> 00:09:18,280 - It's an egg. - I know. 135 00:09:18,800 --> 00:09:21,880 That's gonna be too hard to catch them in. Can I get something else to catch 'em in? 136 00:09:21,880 --> 00:09:25,080 - Can I get some safety net? - OK. - Whoo! 137 00:09:25,600 --> 00:09:31,000 I'd better get going. Oh my gosh, Paul! This is a really good one! 138 00:09:33,920 --> 00:09:37,840 First thing I actually noticed there are some solid footwear choices. 139 00:09:37,840 --> 00:09:43,440 Some interesting choices going on with you, Paul. You've gone with Crocs. 140 00:09:43,440 --> 00:09:47,520 As we've established from the beginning of the show, I'm a winner through and through. 141 00:09:47,520 --> 00:09:48,920 So... 142 00:09:48,920 --> 00:09:54,560 So, yes, I chose a red Croc, and it gave me― they gave me terrible blisters. 143 00:09:54,560 --> 00:09:59,440 But I don't regret it, because I got a lot of sex. 144 00:10:00,600 --> 00:10:03,440 Interesting outfit you've chosen there, Chris. 145 00:10:03,440 --> 00:10:08,840 I'm starting to panic that I look like I am in the Hitler Youth. But... 146 00:10:11,480 --> 00:10:17,760 But I am just making a crystal clear statement right now that I am a park ranger, 147 00:10:17,760 --> 00:10:20,040 not a young Nazi. 148 00:10:24,000 --> 00:10:28,120 That's exactly what Hitler said to them. 149 00:10:28,120 --> 00:10:32,240 Right. I'd like to see who, if any, of our comedians ends up with egg on their face. 150 00:10:32,240 --> 00:10:33,240 Paul? - Very well. 151 00:10:33,240 --> 00:10:38,080 I'll give you three faces first, and they're three of the most beautiful faces in the world. 152 00:10:38,080 --> 00:10:40,080 Kura, Justine and Paul. 153 00:10:40,560 --> 00:10:45,160 - How did you get them up there? - Lobbed them. 154 00:10:46,480 --> 00:10:48,480 Maybe a parachute. 155 00:10:53,560 --> 00:10:58,040 - Would you break if you fell in that? - I don't think so. 156 00:10:58,480 --> 00:11:02,440 Like when someone jumps out of a building. You know? Like in the first Lethal Weapon. 157 00:11:02,440 --> 00:11:06,320 - I've seen it; I don't remember it. - Mel Gibson before he turned Scottish. 158 00:11:06,320 --> 00:11:09,720 Just gonna do a tester. Oh God! 159 00:11:10,760 --> 00:11:12,760 Come on, baby. 160 00:11:14,160 --> 00:11:15,560 I got one! 161 00:11:15,560 --> 00:11:16,560 Two! 162 00:11:16,560 --> 00:11:18,280 This guy didn't break! 163 00:11:18,280 --> 00:11:20,280 You bloody hero! 164 00:11:28,320 --> 00:11:29,880 Shit. - What? 165 00:11:29,880 --> 00:11:31,920 - Lots of them broke. - Oh. 166 00:11:31,920 --> 00:11:38,000 Sometimes you just gotta break a few eggs to make an omelette! 167 00:11:52,440 --> 00:11:54,440 Come on. Come on. 168 00:11:54,560 --> 00:11:56,560 Shit, this is... 169 00:11:59,160 --> 00:12:00,920 Is that all of them? 170 00:12:00,920 --> 00:12:02,560 I think we only broke one. 171 00:12:02,560 --> 00:12:05,720 - You've got five minutes and 10 seconds. - I know, yeah. I'm just thinking. 172 00:12:05,720 --> 00:12:11,200 I'm also thinking about how you've got five minutes and 10 seconds. Sorry. 173 00:12:11,200 --> 00:12:13,200 Continue. - What are you muttering? - Sorry. 174 00:12:13,200 --> 00:12:16,480 Pretty pleased with our system so far. 175 00:12:17,000 --> 00:12:18,480 Aargh! 176 00:12:18,480 --> 00:12:21,480 Look! That guy didn't break either. 177 00:12:21,560 --> 00:12:22,680 I wonder... 178 00:12:22,680 --> 00:12:24,880 if I could just catch them. 179 00:12:26,920 --> 00:12:28,320 Shit! 180 00:12:28,320 --> 00:12:33,680 Unbroken. 181 00:12:33,680 --> 00:12:35,640 This is so fun. 182 00:12:35,640 --> 00:12:37,320 Oh, baby. 183 00:12:37,320 --> 00:12:39,320 Fuck yeah! 184 00:12:39,880 --> 00:12:43,880 - Fuck. Sorry, I'm trying not to swear. - It's OK. 185 00:12:43,960 --> 00:12:45,920 Oh, you son of a bitch. 186 00:12:45,920 --> 00:12:50,040 - Is that one broken? - Oh, are we talking break or hairline crack? 187 00:12:50,040 --> 00:12:51,840 That's not broken, surely. 188 00:12:51,840 --> 00:12:55,800 - What would you say that is? - Well, if I saw that in the supermarket, I'd go, 'That'sfine.' 189 00:12:55,800 --> 00:12:59,080 - What supermarket do you shop at? - Which one do you think? 190 00:12:59,080 --> 00:13:01,080 - New World. - Yeah. 191 00:13:10,400 --> 00:13:12,440 - Thank you, Paul. - Thanks, P Willy. 192 00:13:12,440 --> 00:13:18,080 - I think that is broken. - It's not broken. It's damaged, but it's not broken. 193 00:13:18,080 --> 00:13:20,080 It's broken. 194 00:13:24,040 --> 00:13:26,720 Kura, it was impressive that you were catching those eggs 195 00:13:26,720 --> 00:13:29,680 in that tiny little bucket that you decided to use. 196 00:13:29,680 --> 00:13:35,040 Yeah, thank you. It wasn't that small a bucket. I've seen smaller. It was prettysmall. 197 00:13:35,040 --> 00:13:38,280 - Yeah. - Well, compared to, say, Paul's parachute that he had operating. 198 00:13:38,280 --> 00:13:40,680 True, yeah. Yeah, mine was overkill. 199 00:13:40,680 --> 00:13:45,200 I basically brought an entire circus tent out... 200 00:13:45,200 --> 00:13:47,040 ...to catch some eggs. 201 00:13:47,040 --> 00:13:49,120 It worked well, though. How did Paul go? 202 00:13:49,120 --> 00:13:53,000 - Pretty well, yeah. So, there were 12 eggs up on the plate. - Mm-hm. 203 00:13:53,000 --> 00:13:55,600 A dozen. Paul retrieved nine. 204 00:13:55,840 --> 00:13:58,080 That's not including the one that was cracked. 205 00:13:58,080 --> 00:14:00,400 - Oh, that was definitely― No, we can't include that one. - Yes. 206 00:14:00,400 --> 00:14:03,280 Kura ― also nine. Ooh. - Yeah. 207 00:14:03,920 --> 00:14:07,160 And Justine ― six. Wow. Not bad. 208 00:14:07,160 --> 00:14:08,760 50%. 209 00:14:08,760 --> 00:14:11,840 Here's some ads. We'll see you soon. 210 00:14:19,480 --> 00:14:21,120 Welcome back to Taskmaster. 211 00:14:21,120 --> 00:14:25,800 Paul Williams, give me a quick who, what and why, please. 212 00:14:26,200 --> 00:14:32,320 Who ― five comedians. What ― doing tasks. Why ― because they needed the money. 213 00:14:33,200 --> 00:14:38,040 The current task ― retrieving eggs from the top of a 4m pole without breaking them. 214 00:14:38,040 --> 00:14:40,720 Whose eggs and poles do we need to see next, Paul? 215 00:14:40,720 --> 00:14:43,800 Like the '90s hip-hop duo, they're gonna make you jump. 216 00:14:43,800 --> 00:14:47,000 It's not Kris Kross; it's Chris, Josh. 217 00:14:48,440 --> 00:14:50,240 I'm gonna try and be really, really clever, 218 00:14:50,240 --> 00:14:54,240 and if we run out of time, I'm throwing them, I'm catching them. 219 00:14:54,240 --> 00:14:56,320 So, I'm gonna try tip it... 220 00:14:56,320 --> 00:14:57,680 tip them into a bucket. 221 00:14:57,680 --> 00:15:02,680 I'm gonna need a cushion. There might be one in the caravan. 222 00:15:02,720 --> 00:15:04,720 Yes! 223 00:15:04,720 --> 00:15:06,720 A cushion! 224 00:15:08,840 --> 00:15:11,840 Who put the eggs up there? - I did, sorry. 225 00:15:11,840 --> 00:15:15,720 I'll tell you who's done well out of this show ― tape manufacturers. 226 00:15:15,720 --> 00:15:18,200 - I have shares. - What? Do you? 227 00:15:18,560 --> 00:15:22,840 Yeah. The red tape company. We're doing very well. 228 00:15:26,120 --> 00:15:27,800 Two and a half minutes. 229 00:15:27,800 --> 00:15:29,000 We gotta go. We gotta go. 230 00:15:29,000 --> 00:15:30,720 Oh! I've prolapsed. 231 00:15:30,720 --> 00:15:32,680 Go back in there. - What's 'prolapsed'? 232 00:15:32,680 --> 00:15:40,360 Prolapsed is when, like, your anus goes out but it's meant to go in, or, you know, something. 233 00:15:45,280 --> 00:15:47,280 Whoa-a! 234 00:15:53,640 --> 00:15:55,640 Piss― Yeah! 235 00:16:02,640 --> 00:16:06,120 How much time have I got? - You've got 1.18. 236 00:16:07,040 --> 00:16:09,040 Aargh! 237 00:16:09,360 --> 00:16:13,000 Aargh! Aargh! 238 00:16:13,360 --> 00:16:15,160 There's one up there. 239 00:16:15,160 --> 00:16:16,600 Oh! 240 00:16:16,600 --> 00:16:18,600 Oh my God! 241 00:16:21,120 --> 00:16:23,120 A miracle! 242 00:16:23,320 --> 00:16:25,320 What if I... 243 00:16:26,760 --> 00:16:29,080 There's something on there! 244 00:16:29,080 --> 00:16:31,040 No, I got it! 245 00:16:32,760 --> 00:16:35,240 Were they...? Were they...? Oh no! They were all in here! 246 00:16:35,240 --> 00:16:38,800 They were all in here! I did it! I should've checked my basket! 247 00:16:38,800 --> 00:16:40,760 Oh, no, no, no! 248 00:16:40,760 --> 00:16:45,240 Your shitty tape― Your shitty tape didn't hold. You and your shitty red tape. 249 00:16:45,240 --> 00:16:47,360 - The tape held. - No, it didn't. 250 00:16:47,360 --> 00:16:49,280 It― It looked like you got them, 251 00:16:49,280 --> 00:16:53,200 and then you tipped them all out cos you thought there were more up there. 252 00:16:53,200 --> 00:16:55,240 So how many did you retrieve? - Five. 253 00:16:55,240 --> 00:17:00,680 - You happy with that? - I wanna say four out of 10. Well, five out of 12. 254 00:17:00,680 --> 00:17:02,880 - You happy with that? - No. 255 00:17:03,000 --> 00:17:06,200 It was a brilliant plan let down by your red tape. 256 00:17:06,200 --> 00:17:09,600 - I just don't see how this was the tape's fault. - OK. 257 00:17:09,600 --> 00:17:11,120 Thank you, Josh. 258 00:17:11,120 --> 00:17:13,600 Your tape! Your shitty tape! 259 00:17:14,800 --> 00:17:16,800 Oh boy. 260 00:17:16,840 --> 00:17:21,920 - So, just quickly, Josh, you had the eggs in your basket. - That's right. 261 00:17:21,920 --> 00:17:25,000 It's quite high up, though, so I didn't know that they were all in there. 262 00:17:25,000 --> 00:17:28,440 I thought one of them came out, and then I put the basket down. 263 00:17:28,440 --> 00:17:32,760 But then Paul's tape failed, and the whole thing span around, and all the eggs broke. 264 00:17:32,760 --> 00:17:36,920 And then I didn't even know until I'd completely removed the entire apparatus. 265 00:17:36,920 --> 00:17:41,040 But I was fine with it. I'm quite a chilled-out guy, so... 266 00:17:41,040 --> 00:17:42,960 ...it's not a big deal. It's fine. 267 00:17:42,960 --> 00:17:47,960 I'd like to say that the tape held, cos this is gonna plummet the share prices. 268 00:17:49,520 --> 00:17:51,240 Paul, got some scores for us? 269 00:17:51,240 --> 00:17:54,480 - So, Chris retrieved five unbroken eggs. - Mm-hm. 270 00:17:54,480 --> 00:17:56,480 Josh, four. 271 00:17:57,080 --> 00:18:00,840 So, miraculously, that last one that Chris dropped was the difference between the two ofthem. 272 00:18:00,840 --> 00:18:03,480 - Wow! - Wow. Is that right? - Thank you, ground. 273 00:18:05,080 --> 00:18:06,600 That's two tasks complete, 274 00:18:06,600 --> 00:18:10,040 meaning it might be time to look at the digital abacus that is our leader board, Paul, 275 00:18:10,040 --> 00:18:13,960 and see who's taken an early lead in the episode and season. 276 00:18:13,960 --> 00:18:16,840 It's the ladies out in front. Justine's in second with seven, 277 00:18:16,840 --> 00:18:22,960 but out in first with eight points, Kura Forrester. 278 00:18:22,960 --> 00:18:25,800 All right, Paul, I think another task might be in order. 279 00:18:25,800 --> 00:18:33,600 This task may appear hard at first, but once you crack it open, it's actually full of custard. 280 00:18:39,120 --> 00:18:41,000 - Hi, Paul. - Hello, Justine. 281 00:18:41,000 --> 00:18:43,080 Hello, Josh. - Hello, Paul. 282 00:18:43,080 --> 00:18:45,280 Ooh! A delicious creme brulee. 283 00:18:45,280 --> 00:18:46,360 A creme brulee? 284 00:18:46,360 --> 00:18:47,480 Is that a creme brulee? 285 00:18:47,480 --> 00:18:51,560 Is this a cheeky little tiramisu? Looks like it. 286 00:18:51,640 --> 00:18:55,160 Why would you get a creme brulee? You know I'm on a low-carb thing. What the hell's wrong with you? 287 00:18:55,160 --> 00:18:57,080 Sorry. 288 00:18:57,080 --> 00:19:01,080 'Crack this creme brulee. Most satisfying crack wins.' 289 00:19:01,080 --> 00:19:05,560 'You have 30 minutes to prepare your crack and one creme brulee.' 290 00:19:05,560 --> 00:19:07,640 'Your time starts now.' 291 00:19:08,640 --> 00:19:11,360 Just wondering if... No, I don't wanna clean that out of my arse. 292 00:19:13,800 --> 00:19:16,400 Paul, a tiramisu. 293 00:19:18,640 --> 00:19:22,520 I'm nothing if not the dessert aficionado; I tell you what. 294 00:19:22,520 --> 00:19:26,040 Right, so whose creme brulee devastation should we see first? 295 00:19:26,040 --> 00:19:32,880 She has a real sweet tooth and 31 savoury teeth, so, yeah, she thinks desserts are justOK. 296 00:19:32,880 --> 00:19:34,880 It's Justine Smith. 297 00:19:34,920 --> 00:19:38,200 Well, I think I'm gonna drop something on it from a height to crack it. 298 00:19:38,200 --> 00:19:39,680 Right. 299 00:19:39,680 --> 00:19:41,640 Attempt number one. 300 00:19:41,640 --> 00:19:43,600 Attempt number two. 301 00:19:43,600 --> 00:19:47,120 Butter knife. 302 00:19:47,120 --> 00:19:49,120 Meat fork. 303 00:19:51,000 --> 00:19:52,040 Knife. 304 00:19:52,040 --> 00:19:53,280 Ice cream scoop. 305 00:19:53,280 --> 00:19:55,440 Ooh, that was close, eh, Paul? - Uh-huh. 306 00:19:55,440 --> 00:19:56,720 Dessert spoon. 307 00:19:56,720 --> 00:19:58,120 Soup spoon. 308 00:19:58,120 --> 00:19:59,600 Dessert spoon. 309 00:19:59,600 --> 00:20:00,880 Butter knife. 310 00:20:00,880 --> 00:20:02,440 Teaspoon. 311 00:20:02,440 --> 00:20:03,520 Shit. 312 00:20:03,520 --> 00:20:04,960 The letter 'A'. 313 00:20:04,960 --> 00:20:06,960 The letter 'H.' 314 00:20:07,400 --> 00:20:08,720 It's now the letter 'I'. 315 00:20:08,720 --> 00:20:11,360 This half-drunk bottle of water. 316 00:20:11,360 --> 00:20:13,360 Yes! 317 00:20:14,600 --> 00:20:15,440 Whoo! 318 00:20:15,440 --> 00:20:18,160 God, I've never been so satisfied in my life. 319 00:20:18,160 --> 00:20:24,640 And if you could bring me that up to my dressing room, I might spend the next 18 minutes eating that brulee. 320 00:20:24,640 --> 00:20:26,640 OK. 321 00:20:28,840 --> 00:20:34,960 So, Justine, talk us through your methodology ― so, the idea to have the most satisfactory crack. 322 00:20:34,960 --> 00:20:39,240 I did find on the 17th or whatever it was thing, when I biffed that water bottle at it, 323 00:20:39,240 --> 00:20:44,840 God, I tell you what ― that was― I needed a cigarette. I don't even smoke. I was very satisfied. 324 00:20:44,840 --> 00:20:47,960 This is a woman, though, that takes reef shoes to Disneyland. 325 00:20:47,960 --> 00:20:51,360 Listen. Listen, mate. The reef shoes, OK, I'm gonna say they're bad, 326 00:20:51,360 --> 00:20:55,240 but at least I didn't wear Crocs for the whole thing, OK? So... 327 00:20:55,240 --> 00:20:59,520 At least I know how to smash a tiramisu. 328 00:21:01,200 --> 00:21:03,960 Can you satisfy my want to see another one, Paul? 329 00:21:03,960 --> 00:21:09,160 I can, Jeremy, and his name includes one of the key ingredients or creme brulee ― 330 00:21:09,160 --> 00:21:11,160 it's Paul Egg-o. - Oh. 331 00:21:11,360 --> 00:21:12,920 I'm thinking I might take this outside 332 00:21:12,920 --> 00:21:16,720 and find something a bit more impressive than a spoon to crack it with. 333 00:21:16,720 --> 00:21:17,280 Right. 334 00:21:17,280 --> 00:21:20,600 Maybe I could... bloody Heather McCartney it. 335 00:21:20,600 --> 00:21:24,680 - What's that a reference to? - Heather McCartney. She only had one leg. 336 00:21:24,680 --> 00:21:28,080 - Oh, and she stomped on... ...creme brulee. - Yeah, yeah. 337 00:21:28,080 --> 00:21:31,080 - Right. - It's a thing she used to do. 338 00:21:31,640 --> 00:21:32,600 That felt so wrong. 339 00:21:32,600 --> 00:21:35,000 I don't automatically try and lift someone between their legs. 340 00:21:35,000 --> 00:21:37,920 That's why I got kicked out of Cirque du Soleil. 341 00:21:37,920 --> 00:21:39,400 Yeah. 342 00:21:39,400 --> 00:21:42,640 I haven't allowed any time to clean her foot either. You could do that. 343 00:21:42,640 --> 00:21:45,360 Ever sucked a mannequin's toes? - No. 344 00:21:45,360 --> 00:21:46,320 Hell of a thrill, mate. 345 00:21:46,320 --> 00:21:53,280 OK, this is me, the very athletic Paul Ego, about to do the best creme brulee crack of all time, 346 00:21:53,280 --> 00:21:55,880 with this consensual woman's foot. 347 00:21:55,880 --> 00:21:57,880 OK. 348 00:22:00,240 --> 00:22:02,240 Wow! 349 00:22:02,560 --> 00:22:04,560 Very good. 350 00:22:05,040 --> 00:22:08,480 - Awesome. - Satisfied? - Yeah. Now it's ready for eating. 351 00:22:08,480 --> 00:22:10,120 It's the best bit, the custard. 352 00:22:14,040 --> 00:22:15,480 Just as I remember it. 353 00:22:15,480 --> 00:22:17,360 Oh God. She's got dog shit on her foot. 354 00:22:17,360 --> 00:22:19,360 Delicious 355 00:22:23,600 --> 00:22:26,240 How satisfying was the taste of dog shit? 356 00:22:26,240 --> 00:22:31,360 It was― I'll tell you what ― mixed with the eggy creme, it's quite a heady mix. 357 00:22:32,640 --> 00:22:35,160 More custard and more cracks, please, Paul. 358 00:22:35,160 --> 00:22:39,520 - She's my best friend in the whole world. It's Kura Forrester. - Yay! 359 00:22:39,520 --> 00:22:43,480 Do you have a vice? - I'm not sure if we have a vice. - Imagine putting it in a vice. 360 00:22:44,480 --> 00:22:48,960 Yeah, brah, let's chuck a creme brulee in a vice, dude. 361 00:22:49,960 --> 00:22:51,960 It's gonna be crack up. 362 00:22:52,080 --> 00:22:55,160 ♪ We're gonna vice a creme brulee today. ♪ 363 00:22:55,160 --> 00:22:58,560 Flip. It's just a bit too small, this one. 364 00:23:00,960 --> 00:23:03,400 - Did you just crack the creme brulee? - No. 365 00:23:05,800 --> 00:23:06,880 What is that? 366 00:23:06,880 --> 00:23:09,160 It's just a little nudge. I'd call that a nick. 367 00:23:09,160 --> 00:23:11,560 - It seems slightly cracked. - It's not. 368 00:23:11,560 --> 00:23:14,520 ♪ We're gonna vice a creme brulee today. ♪ 369 00:23:14,520 --> 00:23:18,000 I found a bigger one. What do they say ― lift with your back. - Yeah. 370 00:23:18,000 --> 00:23:20,440 This is gonna be satisfying. 371 00:23:20,440 --> 00:23:25,200 So, what I'm going for is the slow, like... 372 00:23:25,200 --> 00:23:30,600 And then, like, a beautiful crack, and then oozing of... brulee. 373 00:23:31,000 --> 00:23:33,480 Looking for a gorgeous crack. 374 00:23:45,280 --> 00:23:46,760 Well, it's cracked. 375 00:23:46,760 --> 00:23:51,960 - Was that satisfying? - Not as satisfying as I thought, but it was still pretty fun. 376 00:23:51,960 --> 00:23:54,440 Oh well. You win some, you lose some. 377 00:23:54,440 --> 00:23:57,240 Sorry about the mess. - That's OK. 378 00:23:59,920 --> 00:24:04,920 - Looking for a gorgeous crack there. - Yeah. I wish I'd studied a bit harder in woodwork, right, 379 00:24:04,920 --> 00:24:08,680 but I think you're supposed to, like, get the vice... 380 00:24:08,680 --> 00:24:10,240 Yeah, it's supposed to be solidly attached. 381 00:24:10,240 --> 00:24:12,160 Yeah, it's supposed to be solidly attached to the― 382 00:24:12,160 --> 00:24:15,560 And you're not supposed to put your dessert in the middle of it. 383 00:24:15,560 --> 00:24:21,000 It's time to crack in half the ramekin that is our uninterrupted TV show with delicious advertisements. 384 00:24:21,000 --> 00:24:25,880 Get a spoon or a mannequin foot and dig on in. We'll be back to finish this one off soon. 385 00:24:25,880 --> 00:24:27,880 See you in a moment. 386 00:24:35,640 --> 00:24:37,080 Welcome back to Taskmaster, 387 00:24:37,080 --> 00:24:42,960 where our contestants are competing to take home approximately 50kg of worthless junk. 388 00:24:42,960 --> 00:24:44,280 What are we doing at the moment, Paul? 389 00:24:44,280 --> 00:24:49,840 Our contestants are trying to find the most satisfying way to crack a delicious creme brulee. 390 00:24:49,840 --> 00:24:54,960 OK, then, Paul, who else has got the gall to crack a dessert that would retail for $20-plus 391 00:24:54,960 --> 00:24:56,920 in the midst of a crippling recession? 392 00:24:56,920 --> 00:25:01,080 He's my best friend in the whole world. It's Josh Thomson. 393 00:25:01,080 --> 00:25:03,160 Nope, nope, nope. Nope. 394 00:25:04,160 --> 00:25:08,720 - So, what's this you're making? - Got a rough idea of how to make a Roman catapult. 395 00:25:08,720 --> 00:25:11,880 It hasn't come in handy yet, but maybe today's the day. 396 00:25:11,880 --> 00:25:14,240 Ooh yeah! 397 00:25:14,240 --> 00:25:16,240 I'm gonna do something like this. 398 00:25:16,240 --> 00:25:17,640 Yeah. Cool. 399 00:25:17,640 --> 00:25:19,240 It's actually quite a slow arc. 400 00:25:19,240 --> 00:25:23,600 Haven't seen an arc that slow since, um, bloody Noah... 401 00:25:23,600 --> 00:25:27,200 tried to turn around in the drive-through. 402 00:25:27,200 --> 00:25:28,200 Oh, we have a laugh. 403 00:25:28,200 --> 00:25:29,720 Behold! 404 00:25:29,720 --> 00:25:30,800 Where am I from? 405 00:25:30,800 --> 00:25:31,760 Timaru. 406 00:25:31,760 --> 00:25:33,320 The Timaru Cracker. 407 00:25:33,320 --> 00:25:34,600 Oh, there's plenty of those. 408 00:25:34,600 --> 00:25:37,840 What am I doing? - Cracking a creme brulee... - Ah, yes. 409 00:25:37,840 --> 00:25:40,160 - ...for the show Taskmaster. - Great. 410 00:25:40,160 --> 00:25:42,160 Hiyah! 411 00:25:49,040 --> 00:25:51,040 Oh! 412 00:25:51,040 --> 00:25:52,400 Wow! 413 00:25:52,400 --> 00:25:54,160 What a shame. That looks delicious. 414 00:25:54,160 --> 00:25:56,760 Oh, that's not a real creme, though. That's a― That's a custard. 415 00:25:56,760 --> 00:25:58,840 Sorry that the creme brulee's not up to your standard. 416 00:25:58,840 --> 00:26:00,520 No, no, it's fine. Whoever made it, it's fine. 417 00:26:00,520 --> 00:26:01,680 Oh, did you make it? - Yeah. 418 00:26:01,680 --> 00:26:03,960 Oh, it's shit. 419 00:26:07,800 --> 00:26:09,680 - I'm starting to see a pattern emerging here, Josh. - Mm. 420 00:26:09,680 --> 00:26:13,120 - First, you critique the glasses. Second, you critique the tape. - Mm. 421 00:26:13,120 --> 00:26:16,920 And now you're critiquing the authenticity of the creme brulee. 422 00:26:16,920 --> 00:26:19,040 Yeah, well, I understand it's, you know― it's for television, 423 00:26:19,040 --> 00:26:23,040 and the actual consistency of the custard, or the curd, isn't important. 424 00:26:23,040 --> 00:26:25,920 But, you know, just― details matter. 425 00:26:25,920 --> 00:26:27,800 - It was a creme brulee, wasn't it? - Yeah, I think so. 426 00:26:27,800 --> 00:26:33,320 Like, the definition of a creme brulee is a dessert of custard topped with caramelised sugar. 427 00:26:33,320 --> 00:26:35,840 Yeah, sure, if you go to the supermarket, just get a bunch of pre-cooked custard, 428 00:26:35,840 --> 00:26:38,400 dump it on, burn some sugar on top ― yeah, let's call it a creme brulee. 429 00:26:38,400 --> 00:26:41,880 Let's just throw desserts out the window. 430 00:26:42,680 --> 00:26:44,160 Sorry. 431 00:26:44,160 --> 00:26:47,920 Oh, it's fine. I'm a chilled-out guy. 432 00:26:47,920 --> 00:26:50,960 OK, we've got one more dessert to be obliterated. Paul, who is it? 433 00:26:50,960 --> 00:26:55,880 It's the man whose name is also the instructions on what to do to the top of the creme brulee. 434 00:26:55,880 --> 00:26:58,560 It's 'Crisp Arker'. 435 00:26:59,040 --> 00:27:02,040 I reckon we put the creme brulee at distance, 436 00:27:02,040 --> 00:27:05,480 and I get some teaspoons, then I'm gonna lob teaspoons at it. 437 00:27:05,480 --> 00:27:08,960 And if I can get it, that'll be so satisfying. - OK. 438 00:27:08,960 --> 00:27:11,040 I am Chris Copperfield, 439 00:27:11,560 --> 00:27:16,960 and today, I will successfully crack a creme brulee blindfolded 440 00:27:17,800 --> 00:27:19,880 from metres up in the air. 441 00:27:19,960 --> 00:27:21,960 My spoon! 442 00:27:23,800 --> 00:27:25,600 How did that go? 443 00:27:25,600 --> 00:27:26,960 It's stuck into the ground. 444 00:27:26,960 --> 00:27:29,760 Oh, it's gonna besosatisfying! 445 00:27:34,880 --> 00:27:37,400 - You hit the microphone. - Sorry. 446 00:27:37,400 --> 00:27:41,080 No, it's OK. It's satisfying for me, cos... 447 00:27:41,360 --> 00:27:44,160 I really don't like the sound guy. 448 00:27:44,600 --> 00:27:46,160 Nope. 449 00:27:46,160 --> 00:27:48,160 And now an attempt... 450 00:27:48,720 --> 00:27:50,720 without the blindfold. 451 00:27:51,040 --> 00:27:52,880 Without my glasses. 452 00:27:52,880 --> 00:27:54,880 Still pretty hard. 453 00:27:55,720 --> 00:27:58,800 Nope. 454 00:28:01,200 --> 00:28:01,800 Oh! 455 00:28:01,800 --> 00:28:03,680 You've got one minute and 20 seconds. 456 00:28:03,680 --> 00:28:05,320 Oh my God! 457 00:28:05,320 --> 00:28:12,200 I'm going to crack this creme brulee from a great height and with the ability to see. 458 00:28:13,960 --> 00:28:15,200 30 seconds. 459 00:28:15,200 --> 00:28:17,200 12 seconds. 460 00:28:35,920 --> 00:28:37,920 You OK? 461 00:28:45,400 --> 00:28:48,160 - You cracked it slightly after I blew the whistle. - Yeah, I know. 462 00:28:48,160 --> 00:28:50,200 Did you see the slide? - Yeah. 463 00:28:50,200 --> 00:28:52,000 - It was cool, eh? - Yeah. 464 00:28:52,000 --> 00:28:54,080 All right. See ya, Paul. 465 00:28:55,600 --> 00:28:56,760 Fuck it. 466 00:29:03,960 --> 00:29:07,920 One word comes to mind there, and that is 'hubris'. 467 00:29:07,920 --> 00:29:10,280 I don't know what that even means. 468 00:29:10,280 --> 00:29:14,240 You know what ― I reckon I wasted a lot of time with the show 469 00:29:14,240 --> 00:29:19,320 and could've just focused more on cracking the creme brulee. 470 00:29:19,480 --> 00:29:22,880 - Hubris. - Classic hubris. - There it is. 471 00:29:24,120 --> 00:29:27,760 Yeah, so Chris had 30 minutes to crack the creme brulee. 472 00:29:27,760 --> 00:29:32,880 And he officially took 30 minutes and 0.5 seconds. 473 00:29:32,880 --> 00:29:36,080 I don't think Chris can get any points, cos he didn't break it in time. 474 00:29:36,080 --> 00:29:39,920 Aw. - I know. But I can't, you know― - No, I knew. I knew. I knew. 475 00:29:39,920 --> 00:29:44,560 I think you should get five points, Josh, cos I thought that that was really impressive, 476 00:29:44,560 --> 00:29:47,440 particularly with the Roman weaponry. - Thank you very much. 477 00:29:47,440 --> 00:29:51,200 Three points to Justine, because I think you used the balcony well, 478 00:29:51,200 --> 00:29:54,680 plus you've got a reasonably low threshold when it comes to satisfaction, 479 00:29:54,680 --> 00:29:58,120 which will put you in good stead for life. 480 00:29:58,120 --> 00:29:59,320 Undeniably true. 481 00:29:59,320 --> 00:30:02,040 Kura, you get two, because you said yourself it was unsatisfying. 482 00:30:02,040 --> 00:30:05,400 And, Paul, you ate dog shit, so you get one. 483 00:30:05,400 --> 00:30:07,400 Oh, what? 484 00:30:09,080 --> 00:30:12,680 I'm also eating dog shit on this show. 485 00:30:12,680 --> 00:30:17,840 Let's toss the teaspoon into the pit of tasks and dish us up one more, please, Paul. 486 00:30:17,840 --> 00:30:26,240 There's a saying that golf is a good walk spoiled. Well, I think the next task is a good game improved. 487 00:30:31,800 --> 00:30:33,920 - Hi, Paul. - Hello, Chris. 488 00:30:33,920 --> 00:30:36,600 - Looking dapper. Do you wear that outfit every time? - Yeah. 489 00:30:36,600 --> 00:30:37,800 - It's nice. - Thank you. 490 00:30:37,800 --> 00:30:39,680 Anyway, we can't talk all day. What's going on? 491 00:30:39,680 --> 00:30:42,080 This looks fun. Bit of golf. 492 00:30:42,200 --> 00:30:44,080 Golf! Yuck! 493 00:30:44,080 --> 00:30:45,280 Don't like golf? 494 00:30:45,280 --> 00:30:49,800 No. I have played it, but I'm not very good at it, so I just decided it's a stupid game. 495 00:30:49,800 --> 00:30:51,400 I love golf. 496 00:30:51,400 --> 00:30:54,800 I hope this is just 'play a round of golf'. 497 00:30:55,960 --> 00:30:58,280 'Hit the golf ball into its hole.' 498 00:30:58,280 --> 00:31:00,160 'Fastest wins. Your time starts now.' 499 00:31:00,160 --> 00:31:04,240 'Hit the golf ball into its hole.' Into its hole. 500 00:31:06,960 --> 00:31:13,040 - Justine, not a fan of golf. - No, not a fan of golf. I'm not 80, so, you know. 501 00:31:13,520 --> 00:31:17,200 Paul, you're a huge fan of golf. 502 00:31:17,440 --> 00:31:20,160 - Yes, I love golf. Love golf. - I'm good at minigolf. 503 00:31:20,160 --> 00:31:23,800 Yeah, well, I actually thought you looked more like a minigolfer, to be honest, Chris, 504 00:31:23,800 --> 00:31:25,360 in that outfit that you're dressed in. 505 00:31:25,360 --> 00:31:29,920 Why? I'm so tall, it's even harder, cos it's even twice as mini for me. 506 00:31:31,720 --> 00:31:35,240 I, for one, can't wait to see these masters don their cheese-cutters 507 00:31:35,240 --> 00:31:39,240 and hit a tiny red ball towards a yet unsighted hole. 508 00:31:39,240 --> 00:31:43,760 But first, an ad break. We'll be back soon. Golf clap, please. 509 00:31:52,400 --> 00:31:54,360 Welcome back to Taskmaster, 510 00:31:54,360 --> 00:31:59,600 where a pair of Justine Smith's reef sandals and a photo of Paul Ego's crotch are up for grabs. 511 00:31:59,600 --> 00:32:02,520 Right now, though, Paul Williams, what is about to happen? 512 00:32:02,520 --> 00:32:08,560 We're about to watch a task where our contestants have been asked to simply hit a ball intoits hole. 513 00:32:08,560 --> 00:32:12,040 Let's start with the extreme ends of the golf spectrum, 514 00:32:12,040 --> 00:32:18,480 if that spectrum went from absolutely loves golf to hates golf. It's Paul Ego and JustineSmith. 515 00:32:18,480 --> 00:32:20,040 Oh, here we go. 516 00:32:20,040 --> 00:32:22,440 Into its hole. What do you mean 'its hole'? 517 00:32:22,440 --> 00:32:27,840 Into its... Well, it's not in a hole. Does it mean hit it straight down? Must do. 518 00:32:28,960 --> 00:32:33,080 Its hole. Is there a flag somewhere? What am I missing? 519 00:32:33,080 --> 00:32:34,400 Into its hole. 520 00:32:34,400 --> 00:32:36,240 There's no ho― There's no hole. What hole? 521 00:32:36,240 --> 00:32:39,240 Oh look! It's over there. 522 00:32:40,280 --> 00:32:41,120 OK. 523 00:32:41,120 --> 00:32:43,120 Oh, for God's sake. 524 00:32:43,240 --> 00:32:44,400 It's there. 525 00:32:44,400 --> 00:32:46,320 Oh shit. 526 00:32:46,320 --> 00:32:47,440 That was not ideal. 527 00:32:47,440 --> 00:32:53,440 OK, so there's a sign here that hilariously says 'This is not the hole'. 528 00:32:53,920 --> 00:32:58,640 Now, there is no hole here, so this is closest to the pin, I assume, is it? 529 00:32:58,640 --> 00:33:00,640 There. It's... 530 00:33:00,920 --> 00:33:01,640 Done. 531 00:33:01,640 --> 00:33:06,840 Paul, if this is not the hole either, this is going somewhere. 532 00:33:06,880 --> 00:33:07,760 Where's it going? 533 00:33:07,760 --> 00:33:14,120 I mean, there's no hole, so unless I actually physically pull this out and make a hole... 534 00:33:14,120 --> 00:33:17,600 Right, so this is gonna go into the ground. 535 00:33:17,720 --> 00:33:20,600 We just need it a bit subterranean. 536 00:33:23,160 --> 00:33:24,920 Level with the ground. 537 00:33:24,920 --> 00:33:26,920 It's in the hole. 538 00:33:27,920 --> 00:33:29,120 OK, it's in the hole. 539 00:33:29,120 --> 00:33:32,600 - Are you happy with that being its hole? - Yes! 540 00:33:32,600 --> 00:33:36,560 - And the taskmaster will be happy? - Oh, look, I couldn't give a shit at this point. 541 00:33:36,560 --> 00:33:38,240 I'm gonna walk away. I'm not proud, though. 542 00:33:38,240 --> 00:33:39,440 - OK. - OK. 543 00:33:39,440 --> 00:33:44,840 Let's go and hit the 19th hole, Paul. Smash some piss, eh? What do you reckon? 544 00:33:44,840 --> 00:33:47,160 You look like a piss-smasher. - Nah. 545 00:33:47,160 --> 00:33:50,240 - See you later. Love you. - Thank you. 546 00:33:52,720 --> 00:33:57,480 I can't tell whether you guys think that you've done what you're meant to have done here. 547 00:33:57,480 --> 00:33:59,920 No, I completely know that I have not. 548 00:33:59,920 --> 00:34:03,360 I was angry from the beginning to the end of that task. - Yeah. 549 00:34:03,360 --> 00:34:07,600 In fact, I'm still a bit residually angry about it. 550 00:34:07,600 --> 00:34:09,600 I just dug its own hole. 551 00:34:09,720 --> 00:34:11,520 The task did not say that, did it? I mean, the task said― 552 00:34:11,520 --> 00:34:16,360 Well, it did say 'its hole', which I think implies that there was a hole, a pre-existing hole. 553 00:34:16,360 --> 00:34:18,200 Yeah. Yeah. Yes. 554 00:34:18,200 --> 00:34:24,000 But, still, putting it in their own-dug holes, Justine took nine minutes and 17 seconds, 555 00:34:24,000 --> 00:34:27,320 and Paul took three minutes and 50 seconds. 556 00:34:27,520 --> 00:34:31,360 - Nine minutes?! - That's a long time to make a hole for a ball and whack it in. 557 00:34:31,360 --> 00:34:37,600 No, I spent the first eight and a half minutes with the stupid club and the stupid ball, 558 00:34:37,600 --> 00:34:42,040 going to the stupid flags. It was a stupid waste of time. 559 00:34:42,040 --> 00:34:45,800 You wouldn't believe she's on a seven handicap. 560 00:34:45,800 --> 00:34:48,920 Loves her golf. - I don't even know what that means. 561 00:34:48,920 --> 00:34:54,240 See? She's still yet to be seen if that is the hole that the ball's actually supposed to be hit into. 562 00:34:54,240 --> 00:34:57,480 Who should we look at next, Paul? - It's the remaining three. 563 00:34:57,480 --> 00:35:03,680 You've heard of Tiger Woods. Well, here's Kura Forrest-er, Chris Park-er 564 00:35:03,720 --> 00:35:08,880 and Josh Thomson, who doesn't have any tree-based words in his name. 565 00:35:08,880 --> 00:35:11,360 Where's the hole? Where's the hole? Where's the hole? 566 00:35:11,360 --> 00:35:13,640 Well, well. Looks like it's over there. 567 00:35:13,640 --> 00:35:14,920 There's the hole. 568 00:35:14,920 --> 00:35:16,920 This is so fun! 569 00:35:17,480 --> 00:35:19,480 Oh my God. 570 00:35:19,760 --> 00:35:21,560 Shit. Where'd it go? Oh, crap. 571 00:35:21,560 --> 00:35:24,800 Happy Gilmore! 572 00:35:24,800 --> 00:35:26,640 That's not a ho― There's no hole. 573 00:35:26,640 --> 00:35:29,080 'This is not the hole.' Why would you put that there? 574 00:35:29,080 --> 00:35:30,960 Oh no. This is a trick. 575 00:35:30,960 --> 00:35:32,560 Maybe it's gonna lead to the hole. 576 00:35:32,560 --> 00:35:34,000 I thought I was nailing it. 577 00:35:34,000 --> 00:35:35,160 Is the hole down there? 578 00:35:35,160 --> 00:35:36,160 Oh no. 579 00:35:36,160 --> 00:35:38,160 I found another flag! 580 00:35:38,640 --> 00:35:40,080 I could try over there. 581 00:35:40,080 --> 00:35:40,960 Whoo! 582 00:35:40,960 --> 00:35:42,160 Which one's the hole? 583 00:35:42,160 --> 00:35:43,520 This is not the hole. 584 00:35:43,520 --> 00:35:45,520 Wait. 585 00:35:45,840 --> 00:35:47,240 You wrote 'this is not the hole'? 586 00:35:47,240 --> 00:35:49,080 I feel like I'm quite good at this. 587 00:35:49,080 --> 00:35:50,640 Oh no. 588 00:35:50,640 --> 00:35:52,640 It's not the hole. 589 00:35:53,200 --> 00:35:57,520 I could probably just carry this ball, eh. I'm not gonna risk that. 590 00:35:57,520 --> 00:35:59,600 My lungs. My poor lungs. 591 00:35:59,800 --> 00:36:02,680 There's a trick. There's a trick. 592 00:36:02,880 --> 00:36:04,360 Where's the hole?! 593 00:36:04,360 --> 00:36:05,640 Paul, do you know where the hole is? 594 00:36:05,640 --> 00:36:07,720 - Can't tell you. - Be a good boy and tell me where the hole is. 595 00:36:07,720 --> 00:36:08,560 Sorry. 596 00:36:08,560 --> 00:36:12,720 Just a sweaty man walking through the forest looking for a hole. 597 00:36:12,720 --> 00:36:14,720 - Are you the hole? - No. 598 00:36:15,120 --> 00:36:18,120 - How many holes have you got? - I'm not answering that. 599 00:36:18,120 --> 00:36:24,120 I watched that documentary on Tiger Woods. He never had to deal with this shit. 600 00:36:24,120 --> 00:36:25,320 It's not here, is it? 601 00:36:25,320 --> 00:36:29,520 I'm gonna go up the top and have a look out. I'll be able to see the hole. 602 00:36:29,520 --> 00:36:32,280 Bet you nobody else came inside. 603 00:36:32,280 --> 00:36:35,200 I don't think it's upstairs, do you? 604 00:36:35,200 --> 00:36:36,160 There's the hole! 605 00:36:37,280 --> 00:36:39,280 Aaaaaarse. 606 00:36:39,880 --> 00:36:41,840 Arse! Arse! Arse! Arse! 607 00:36:41,840 --> 00:36:43,840 Arse! Arse! 608 00:36:47,320 --> 00:36:49,320 Piss! Piss! Piss! 609 00:36:49,760 --> 00:36:51,640 Where's the ball? 610 00:36:51,640 --> 00:36:54,200 It's in the... Oh, it's in the piss hole. 611 00:36:54,200 --> 00:36:56,280 Who puts a hole upstairs? 612 00:36:56,280 --> 00:36:59,560 Goddammit. Out there pissing around. 613 00:37:01,080 --> 00:37:03,080 Time. 614 00:37:03,240 --> 00:37:04,440 Get... 615 00:37:08,200 --> 00:37:09,560 Well, that was easy 616 00:37:09,560 --> 00:37:12,040 This is why I don't play golf. 617 00:37:14,960 --> 00:37:16,960 Oh man. 618 00:37:17,640 --> 00:37:21,280 Contrasting experience in that task between Josh and Kura. 619 00:37:21,280 --> 00:37:23,880 Kura, you had a ball! 620 00:37:24,160 --> 00:37:26,560 An absolute ball out there. 621 00:37:26,600 --> 00:37:30,480 Yeah, I try and look on the bright side as much as possible. 622 00:37:30,480 --> 00:37:34,640 I can see that, cos you were having a complete shitter, yet you just kept going. 623 00:37:34,640 --> 00:37:36,640 It was really impressive. - Thank you. 624 00:37:36,640 --> 00:37:38,440 How long did Kura go for? 625 00:37:38,440 --> 00:37:40,520 - Kura took 32 minutes and 44 seconds. - Yep. 626 00:37:40,520 --> 00:37:44,640 - Josh took 30 minutes and 39 seconds. - Oh! Come on! 627 00:37:44,640 --> 00:37:47,320 - Incredibly close, yes. - OK. And what about Chris? 628 00:37:47,320 --> 00:37:52,520 - Chris ― 10 minutes and 31 seconds. - Oh! 629 00:37:52,760 --> 00:37:54,760 Oh my God! 630 00:37:55,280 --> 00:37:59,360 I won a sport! I won a sport! 631 00:38:00,360 --> 00:38:03,560 So, you guys, obviously, you didn't think to look in the house? 632 00:38:03,560 --> 00:38:06,080 - No. No. - Not for a second. 633 00:38:06,080 --> 00:38:11,600 Knowing the layout of the Taskmaster house, surely a cruel trick was played on Justine and Paul. 634 00:38:11,600 --> 00:38:16,480 I assure you, the hole was not moved. Here's visual proof. 635 00:38:17,440 --> 00:38:20,160 Thoroughly, thoroughly depressing experience. 636 00:38:20,160 --> 00:38:22,160 Oh my God. Oh no! 637 00:38:22,960 --> 00:38:24,960 Give up, guv. 638 00:38:38,240 --> 00:38:40,240 Fuck golf! 639 00:38:41,120 --> 00:38:43,720 If Paul had seen it, he would've won quite easily. 640 00:38:43,720 --> 00:38:47,480 He walked past, yeah, about three minutes into it. - Oh my God. 641 00:38:47,480 --> 00:38:51,320 You didn't notice there was a cameraman upstairs, just standing by the hole? 642 00:38:51,320 --> 00:38:56,160 I thought they were just filming me, pissed off, going into the room. 643 00:38:56,160 --> 00:38:59,280 For all I know, I've got a third child at home, and I just keep walking past them. 644 00:39:00,920 --> 00:39:02,800 No idea he's there. 645 00:39:02,800 --> 00:39:04,600 So, how do we score that one? 646 00:39:04,600 --> 00:39:07,880 - Justine and Paul both did not finish. - No. 647 00:39:07,880 --> 00:39:09,880 But third place, Kura. 648 00:39:10,080 --> 00:39:11,320 Second place, Josh. 649 00:39:11,320 --> 00:39:14,960 And in 10 and a half minutes, first place, Chris Parker. - Amazing. 650 00:39:14,960 --> 00:39:18,320 What a comeback. What a comeback. 651 00:39:18,320 --> 00:39:21,720 It's time to do a Paul Ego and hit the 19th hole for a quick refreshment 652 00:39:21,720 --> 00:39:24,000 in the form of a quick commercial break. 653 00:39:24,000 --> 00:39:28,560 We'll be back with the very exciting live task that will decide tonight's winner in just a moment. 654 00:39:28,560 --> 00:39:30,560 We'll see you soon. 655 00:39:38,040 --> 00:39:40,040 Nice to have you with us tonight. 656 00:39:40,040 --> 00:39:42,520 If you've just joined us, this is Taskmaster. 657 00:39:42,520 --> 00:39:47,920 You're just in time to see five fledgling Taskmaster chicks leave the warm, cosy nest 658 00:39:47,920 --> 00:39:51,840 by going up to the stage for the season's first live task. 659 00:39:51,840 --> 00:39:55,280 But before that, Paul, where are the episode's scores at, please? 660 00:39:55,280 --> 00:39:57,760 In last place with six points is Paul. 661 00:39:57,760 --> 00:40:00,240 Kura's on 13. And Josh is on 15. 662 00:40:01,320 --> 00:40:03,320 So it's still very close. 663 00:40:03,320 --> 00:40:08,320 Let's head up on to the stage for our final task. 664 00:40:12,400 --> 00:40:17,400 A bath. I'm not sure that any amount of soap can clean up the filth that we've seen here tonight, Paul, 665 00:40:17,400 --> 00:40:20,440 but let's have a go. What's the next task? 666 00:40:20,440 --> 00:40:24,400 Reading the task, Kura Forrester. Good luck, Ku. 667 00:40:24,400 --> 00:40:28,600 'Construct the tallest soap skyscraper. 668 00:40:29,080 --> 00:40:36,760 'While constructing, you must enthusiastically make the noise Paul asks the person before youto make. 669 00:40:36,760 --> 00:40:44,760 'If your noise is incorrect, unenthusiastic or takes too long, Paul will push over your tower.' 670 00:40:46,080 --> 00:40:47,320 There's more. 671 00:40:47,320 --> 00:40:49,320 'You have 120 seconds. 672 00:40:49,760 --> 00:40:56,840 'Tallest soap skyscraper wins. Your time starts when Paul asks his first question.' 673 00:40:56,840 --> 00:41:00,920 So, the first question will go to Jeremy. Is everybody ready? 674 00:41:00,920 --> 00:41:02,400 Yes. - Not really, but OK. 675 00:41:02,400 --> 00:41:04,480 Jeremy, the pig goes... 676 00:41:09,520 --> 00:41:11,640 Oh, it's so wet. 677 00:41:11,640 --> 00:41:13,920 Chris, the monkey goes... 678 00:41:15,760 --> 00:41:18,040 Josh, the chicken goes... 679 00:41:18,600 --> 00:41:20,960 Ooh-ahh-ahh-ahh-ahh-ahh! 680 00:41:20,960 --> 00:41:23,360 Justine, the goat goes... 681 00:41:26,200 --> 00:41:28,280 Kura, the mouse goes... 682 00:41:28,640 --> 00:41:30,400 Maaaa. Maaaa. 683 00:41:30,400 --> 00:41:32,680 Paul, the rooster goes... 684 00:41:37,840 --> 00:41:39,840 What noise was that? 685 00:41:41,240 --> 00:41:43,240 Oh! 686 00:41:45,440 --> 00:41:47,800 What was I meant to do? - A mouse. 687 00:41:47,800 --> 00:41:49,920 Was that not a mouse? 688 00:41:49,920 --> 00:41:51,680 Chris, the owl goes... 689 00:41:51,680 --> 00:41:53,680 Cock-a-doodle-doo! 690 00:41:53,760 --> 00:41:55,840 Josh, the frog goes... 691 00:41:58,560 --> 00:42:01,040 Justine, the rabbit goes... 692 00:42:01,160 --> 00:42:04,160 Croak, croak. 693 00:42:05,800 --> 00:42:07,960 Kura, the lion goes... 694 00:42:11,280 --> 00:42:13,680 Paul, the Lion King goes... 695 00:42:14,040 --> 00:42:15,720 ♪ Na, ze-fen-ya, 696 00:42:15,720 --> 00:42:19,320 ♪ ca-na-na, na-ni, me-na-na. ♪ 697 00:42:21,800 --> 00:42:23,800 What? 698 00:42:23,800 --> 00:42:26,200 Chris, the creaky door goes... 699 00:42:26,200 --> 00:42:29,280 ♪ Ah, ze-fen-ya, ma-na, ni-chi ah. ♪ 700 00:42:29,360 --> 00:42:31,520 Josh, the boiling kettle goes... 701 00:42:33,720 --> 00:42:38,280 - Justine, the jet engine goes... - You have 10 seconds. 702 00:42:38,280 --> 00:42:40,240 Kura, the giraffe goes... 703 00:42:40,240 --> 00:42:43,160 Whooooom! 704 00:42:43,160 --> 00:42:46,440 Hands away, please. 705 00:42:47,880 --> 00:42:49,880 Wow! 706 00:42:51,240 --> 00:42:53,240 Amazing! 707 00:42:53,320 --> 00:42:56,640 I need some hand sanitiser. - I think your hands are incredibly clean. 708 00:42:56,640 --> 00:42:58,520 Wow! Look at your tower, Josh! 709 00:42:58,520 --> 00:43:00,960 Right, someone just have scored something out of that. 710 00:43:00,960 --> 00:43:07,240 Let's head back down to the stage, and we'll score it. 711 00:43:09,120 --> 00:43:11,720 Paul, who scrubbed up best out of that? 712 00:43:11,720 --> 00:43:14,280 Chris Parker ― 21.5cm. 713 00:43:15,040 --> 00:43:17,040 Josh ― 25cm. 714 00:43:17,600 --> 00:43:19,600 Justine ― 17cm. 715 00:43:20,200 --> 00:43:22,600 Kura ― 12.8cm. 716 00:43:23,440 --> 00:43:26,000 And Paul ― 13cm. 717 00:43:27,400 --> 00:43:29,640 I didn't come last at something! 718 00:43:29,640 --> 00:43:33,160 So, that means one point for Kura, two points for Paul, 719 00:43:33,160 --> 00:43:37,440 three points for Justine, four points for Chris and five points for Josh. 720 00:43:37,440 --> 00:43:41,600 OK. Not gonna react. I'm not gonna... 721 00:43:41,600 --> 00:43:46,520 So, taking those numbers into account, who does that mean is our episode winner, Paul? 722 00:43:46,520 --> 00:43:53,800 The runaway winner of episode one with 20 points, Josh Thomson. 723 00:43:56,680 --> 00:43:58,680 Wow! 724 00:44:00,000 --> 00:44:04,720 That means that Josh Thomson gets hold of eight out of 10 of Kura's bottles of wine... 725 00:44:04,720 --> 00:44:10,800 - Yes! - ...and Justine Smith's dresses. - Ooh yeah! Ooh, too― Ooh, too much? 726 00:44:10,800 --> 00:44:16,040 Off you go. Go up there and enjoy your spoils. 727 00:44:16,040 --> 00:44:19,680 Tonight, we've witnessed Paul Ego eating dog shit. 728 00:44:19,680 --> 00:44:24,600 We've seen Chris Parker prove that time waits for no man who can't throw a teaspoon. 729 00:44:24,600 --> 00:44:31,200 We've also found out that the winner of episode one, season three of Taskmaster is Josh Thomson! 730 00:44:32,800 --> 00:44:37,400 Thanks for your company tonight. See you next week. Pomarie. 731 00:44:45,360 --> 00:44:47,360 Yeah! 732 00:44:54,640 --> 00:44:56,240 You've been busy. 733 00:44:57,920 --> 00:45:02,280 We're here to celebrate and commiserate five comedians attempting to impress me 734 00:45:02,280 --> 00:45:07,800 by completing tasks to the best of their sometimes limited abilities. 735 00:45:07,800 --> 00:45:09,200 And we're off! 736 00:45:09,200 --> 00:45:09,800 Aargh! 737 00:45:10,640 --> 00:45:12,160 Well, buckle up, cos I'm ready to go! 738 00:45:14,320 --> 00:45:15,320 Whoo! 739 00:45:15,320 --> 00:45:17,040 This is fun! 740 00:45:17,040 --> 00:45:21,560 Is that all the way up, that zip, or is there still a little bit of my back showing? 741 00:45:21,560 --> 00:45:22,200 Ooh! 742 00:45:23,960 --> 00:45:27,440 God, I've never been so satisfied in my life. 743 00:45:27,440 --> 00:45:30,880 If that doesn't get a standing ovation, nothing on this show ever will. 744 00:45:30,880 --> 00:45:33,640 Thank you, Justine. Thank you, Josh. Kura. Paul. Chris. 745 00:45:33,640 --> 00:45:36,440 Are you not entertained?! 746 00:45:37,560 --> 00:45:39,240 Yeah, I was entertained.