1 00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:01,760 (PLATEN KNOB CLICKS) 2 00:00:01,760 --> 00:00:02,640 (SILENCE) 3 00:00:02,640 --> 00:00:04,040 (YELLS) 4 00:00:04,040 --> 00:00:05,320 Ooh-hoo-hoo. 5 00:00:05,320 --> 00:00:06,280 (SLAP!) 6 00:00:06,280 --> 00:00:08,280 (KEYS CLACK) 7 00:00:08,280 --> 00:00:10,280 ('TASKMASTER' THEME) 8 00:00:10,560 --> 00:00:11,280 Aargh! 9 00:00:11,280 --> 00:00:12,040 (YELLS) 10 00:00:12,040 --> 00:00:14,240 My name's Paul Williams. 11 00:00:14,280 --> 00:00:15,960 Oh! 12 00:00:15,960 --> 00:00:17,600 (PANTS) 13 00:00:17,600 --> 00:00:19,000 (KEYS CLACK) 14 00:00:19,000 --> 00:00:20,560 Oh! 15 00:00:20,560 --> 00:00:21,680 (STRAINS) 16 00:00:21,680 --> 00:00:23,680 Hiyah! (GRUNTS) 17 00:00:24,760 --> 00:00:26,760 (CHEERING, APPLAUSE) 18 00:00:26,760 --> 00:00:29,840 www.able.co.nz Copyright Able 2022 19 00:00:30,920 --> 00:00:33,000 (TYPEWRITER BELL DINGS) 20 00:00:33,120 --> 00:00:38,040 Kia ora koutou! Welcome to episode seven of Taskmaster Season Three. 21 00:00:38,040 --> 00:00:40,840 I'm Jeremy Wells, TV's lovable bad boy 22 00:00:40,840 --> 00:00:46,560 that after years of media experience and emotional maturing came good... - (LAUGHTER) 23 00:00:46,560 --> 00:00:53,840 ...only to turn bad again as the devilish dictator that you all know as the Taskmaster. 24 00:00:53,880 --> 00:00:55,880 (CHEERING, APPLAUSE) 25 00:00:56,640 --> 00:01:00,360 Sitting here with us tonight are five of my most promising 26 00:01:00,360 --> 00:01:02,440 subjugated citizens... - (LAUGHTER) 27 00:01:02,440 --> 00:01:04,520 ...following my orders to the death ― 28 00:01:04,520 --> 00:01:08,080 or at least until you at home get a little chuckle ― 29 00:01:08,080 --> 00:01:10,600 Chris Parker... - (CHEERING, APPLAUSE) 30 00:01:10,600 --> 00:01:13,160 - ...Josh Thomson... - (CHEERING, APPLAUSE) 31 00:01:13,160 --> 00:01:15,520 - ...Justine Smith... - (CHEERING, APPLAUSE) 32 00:01:15,520 --> 00:01:18,000 - ...Kura Forrester... - (CHEERING, APPLAUSE) 33 00:01:18,000 --> 00:01:20,800 - ...and Paul Ego! - (CHEERING, APPLAUSE) 34 00:01:20,800 --> 00:01:24,360 Helping me keep these oppressed souls in check 35 00:01:24,360 --> 00:01:28,480 is a man who can quite literally survive anything thrown at him. 36 00:01:28,480 --> 00:01:31,280 But I've been asked not to test that theory too thoroughly. 37 00:01:31,280 --> 00:01:34,960 It's Paul Williams! - (CHEERING, APPLAUSE) 38 00:01:35,840 --> 00:01:37,320 Start us off, please. 39 00:01:37,320 --> 00:01:39,960 As always, we'll start with a prize task. 40 00:01:39,960 --> 00:01:45,280 This week, the contestants were asked to bring in the best thing on a stick. 41 00:01:45,280 --> 00:01:47,840 Some of the best things in my life come on a stick, 42 00:01:47,840 --> 00:01:50,560 so, uh, let's see what we have on offer ― 43 00:01:50,560 --> 00:01:52,640 starting with Chris. 44 00:01:53,200 --> 00:01:58,000 For me, the best thing (LAUGHS) that you can get on a stick 45 00:01:58,200 --> 00:02:00,400 is the humble 46 00:02:00,400 --> 00:02:04,080 fish and chip hot dog. - (CHEERING, APPLAUSE) 47 00:02:04,080 --> 00:02:07,600 There is a simple pleasure in a highly processed piece of animal 48 00:02:07,600 --> 00:02:08,960 on a stick, isn't there? - (LAUGHTER) 49 00:02:08,960 --> 00:02:10,000 Yeah. Oh my God. 50 00:02:10,000 --> 00:02:12,600 And then cover that in some strange batter ― 51 00:02:12,600 --> 00:02:14,680 but don't pre-sauce it. - (LAUGHTER) 52 00:02:14,680 --> 00:02:15,800 All right, Josh. 53 00:02:15,800 --> 00:02:20,600 - What separates the good from the great... - (TITTERING) 54 00:02:20,600 --> 00:02:23,080 ...is their willingness to sacrifice. 55 00:02:23,080 --> 00:02:26,920 I am, of course, talking about my best thing on a stick ― 56 00:02:27,080 --> 00:02:32,880 Olympic medallist Eliza McCartney. - (CHEERING, APPLAUSE, LAUGHTER) 57 00:02:32,880 --> 00:02:37,000 No one thought a teenager from the North Shore of little old per-capita New Zealand 58 00:02:37,000 --> 00:02:40,960 would snatch away a medal from the 2016 Rio Olympics, but snatch she did ― 59 00:02:40,960 --> 00:02:45,040 and she snatched it away from an Australian, and she took a medal when she was 19. 60 00:02:45,040 --> 00:02:47,960 When I was 19, I thought two-minute noodles was the amount of time 61 00:02:47,960 --> 00:02:50,280 you had to eat it in. - (LAUGHTER) 62 00:02:50,280 --> 00:02:52,320 - Paul, what did you bring in? - Oh, well, 63 00:02:52,320 --> 00:02:54,720 some people may know that I'm the voice of one of New Zealand's 64 00:02:54,720 --> 00:02:57,520 leading large yellow supermarket chains. - (LAUGHTER) 65 00:02:57,520 --> 00:03:02,400 So I've made my own Stickman on a stick. - KURA AND JUSTINE: Aww! 66 00:03:02,400 --> 00:03:03,920 So this is... 67 00:03:03,920 --> 00:03:05,440 me. - That's you! 68 00:03:05,440 --> 00:03:07,960 - NASAL VOICE: Gidday, Taskmaster. - (LAUGHTER) 69 00:03:07,960 --> 00:03:09,640 You're much hotter in person. 70 00:03:09,640 --> 00:03:12,000 If you came to my place, it'd be meat week every night. 71 00:03:12,000 --> 00:03:14,000 (CHEERING, APPLAUSE) 72 00:03:15,760 --> 00:03:18,200 I assume you're being paid for this promotion? 73 00:03:18,200 --> 00:03:20,600 - Oh, fuck, yeah. Heaps. - (LAUGHTER) 74 00:03:20,600 --> 00:03:22,440 - No, I'm not. - Justine, what did you bring in? 75 00:03:22,440 --> 00:03:26,600 So, I bought in what may seem quite boring ― it's a memory stick. 76 00:03:26,600 --> 00:03:30,720 My grandad made a cassette tape of my sister and I on every birthday. 77 00:03:30,720 --> 00:03:34,720 On this stick is a little recording of little Jussie singing a little song, 78 00:03:34,720 --> 00:03:37,680 and I believe we have a photo and the soundtrack... 79 00:03:37,680 --> 00:03:41,880 YOUNG JUSSIE: # Little Peter Rabbit had a fly upon his nose. 80 00:03:42,120 --> 00:03:45,720 ♪ Little Peter Rabbit had a fly upon his nose, 81 00:03:45,720 --> 00:03:47,840 ♪ And he flipped it and he flopped it 82 00:03:47,840 --> 00:03:51,040 ♪ and it flew right away. # - (APPLAUSE) 83 00:03:52,000 --> 00:03:54,080 - It's a bit Chucky. - JOSH: Yeah. 84 00:03:54,080 --> 00:03:55,880 - I'm just gonna say that. - Ooh, OK. 85 00:03:55,880 --> 00:04:00,120 You've hurt me before on this show, but not as much as that. - (TITTERING) 86 00:04:00,120 --> 00:04:02,120 Kura. 87 00:04:02,120 --> 00:04:05,800 - OK, I'll just bring it back up. - (LAUGHTER) 88 00:04:06,720 --> 00:04:09,240 My favourite thing on a stick ― it's absolutely this ― 89 00:04:09,240 --> 00:04:13,080 you can't walk past meat on a stick and not get it, 90 00:04:13,080 --> 00:04:14,800 cos it's the best way to eat meat. 91 00:04:14,800 --> 00:04:18,040 So I brought in chicken satay on a stick. 92 00:04:18,040 --> 00:04:19,920 That― I bought it a while ago. - Yeah. 93 00:04:19,920 --> 00:04:22,360 - He's not happy. - Looks like someone's vomited on it. 94 00:04:22,360 --> 00:04:23,720 - Yeah, it does. - Was that me? 95 00:04:23,720 --> 00:04:26,640 - Some flicks of carrot. - Well, because then I thought, 'Well, you always need dessert 96 00:04:26,640 --> 00:04:28,920 'after a good feed of chicken on a stick.' 97 00:04:28,920 --> 00:04:31,720 So I put some of your favourite lollies on a stick ― 98 00:04:31,720 --> 00:04:34,120 pineapple lumps and aeroplanes on a stick. 99 00:04:34,120 --> 00:04:36,840 - Yum. - So I thought, 'What else could go well on a stick?' 100 00:04:36,840 --> 00:04:38,800 Scratchies on a stick. 101 00:04:38,800 --> 00:04:41,120 This took me ages. - (LAUGHTER) 102 00:04:41,120 --> 00:04:42,400 And then I was like, 'Oh, 103 00:04:42,400 --> 00:04:47,080 'I may as well just chuck some money on a stick.' - (LAUGHTER) 104 00:04:47,080 --> 00:04:50,000 - Like it. - A lot of time, a lot of effort. 105 00:04:50,000 --> 00:04:51,840 But what's the best thing on a stick? 106 00:04:51,840 --> 00:04:54,480 That's four things. But what's the best? 107 00:04:54,480 --> 00:04:56,480 - Money. - (LAUGHTER) 108 00:04:56,480 --> 00:04:59,400 - You're going with money? - Yeah, cos I can tell you don't like my chicken vomit. 109 00:04:59,400 --> 00:05:03,040 So I'm going with money on a stick! - (LAUGHTER) 110 00:05:03,040 --> 00:05:05,600 - OK. Paul, I'm gonna go one for you. - Thanks, mate. 111 00:05:05,600 --> 00:05:09,120 I think it was really the best thing that's happened to your bank account... 112 00:05:09,120 --> 00:05:11,400 - (LAUGHTER) - ...rather than actually 113 00:05:11,400 --> 00:05:14,440 what's gonna happen to me. - He's not wrong. 114 00:05:14,440 --> 00:05:16,240 Kura, I'll go two points... 115 00:05:16,240 --> 00:05:17,800 - Thank you. - ...cos of the money on a stick. 116 00:05:17,800 --> 00:05:19,840 Chris, I go three points for you. - Yeah. 117 00:05:19,840 --> 00:05:24,960 - Because I don't trust anyone who eats a hotdog over the age of 14. - LAUGHS: Yeah, that's fair. 118 00:05:24,960 --> 00:05:28,760 Four points for you, Justine, cos I love your grandad with the banjolele; 119 00:05:28,760 --> 00:05:30,560 and five for you, Josh. 120 00:05:30,560 --> 00:05:32,360 Congratulations. - Five for Eliza! 121 00:05:32,360 --> 00:05:33,960 For Eliza! - Eliza McCartney. 122 00:05:33,960 --> 00:05:35,960 You can't go past Eliza. 123 00:05:36,360 --> 00:05:39,240 Very nice. Well, that was a beautiful entree, 124 00:05:39,240 --> 00:05:41,240 but I'm ready for some larger portions. 125 00:05:41,240 --> 00:05:44,720 Paul, can you use your little machine there to show us what's up next? 126 00:05:44,720 --> 00:05:48,040 I sure can. Here's a task ― and, for obvious reasons, 127 00:05:48,040 --> 00:05:50,680 one of my favourite tasks of the season. 128 00:05:50,680 --> 00:05:52,960 (MISCHIEVOUS THEME MUSIC) 129 00:05:57,040 --> 00:05:58,680 Ah. 130 00:05:58,680 --> 00:06:00,480 Hellooo? 131 00:06:01,600 --> 00:06:02,720 - Hello. - Hi, Paul. 132 00:06:02,720 --> 00:06:04,200 This is cosy, innit? 133 00:06:04,200 --> 00:06:05,080 Is that the task? 134 00:06:05,080 --> 00:06:06,960 And what's happened here? That's not the proper thing. 135 00:06:06,960 --> 00:06:09,440 Why is it on lined paper? Did we run out of the good paper? 136 00:06:09,440 --> 00:06:11,240 Yeah, we ran out of the nice paper. 137 00:06:11,240 --> 00:06:13,240 Oh no. 138 00:06:15,680 --> 00:06:17,360 'Give Paul money. 139 00:06:17,360 --> 00:06:18,760 'Most money wins. 140 00:06:18,760 --> 00:06:20,120 'You have 10 minutes. 141 00:06:20,120 --> 00:06:22,520 'Your time starts―' Is this real? 142 00:06:22,520 --> 00:06:24,440 Finish reading the task, please. 143 00:06:24,440 --> 00:06:25,480 Is this real? 144 00:06:25,480 --> 00:06:27,040 'Your time starts now.' 145 00:06:27,040 --> 00:06:29,120 There's something fishy going on. 146 00:06:29,120 --> 00:06:31,320 Well, I explained we ran out of the nice paper. 147 00:06:31,320 --> 00:06:34,480 - Yeah, but why didn't you have the wax stamp? - We lost that. 148 00:06:34,480 --> 00:06:37,280 Is this your handwriting? You're a serial killer. 149 00:06:37,280 --> 00:06:38,120 I'm gonna do it, though. 150 00:06:38,120 --> 00:06:42,200 - I guess― Shall we get you some money? - Yes, please. 151 00:06:42,200 --> 00:06:45,320 Justine, have you seen a serial killer's handwriting before? 152 00:06:45,320 --> 00:06:49,240 - No, but I imagine if― it would be Paul's, if I ever did see it. - (LAUGHTER) 153 00:06:49,240 --> 00:06:53,000 It was, like, really small, scratchy, tense ― like, unhappy. 154 00:06:53,000 --> 00:06:54,880 (LAUGHTER) 155 00:06:54,880 --> 00:06:57,720 I can't believe how sceptical you were, Kura, because― 156 00:06:57,720 --> 00:06:58,920 what did you think that Paul's done, 157 00:06:58,920 --> 00:07:01,560 is he's infiltrated the Taskmaster set 158 00:07:01,560 --> 00:07:04,680 and then he's gone and decided to handwrite one and just chuck in a task 159 00:07:04,680 --> 00:07:06,360 so he can make some money on the side for himself? 160 00:07:06,360 --> 00:07:08,600 Is that what you were thinking? - 100%. 161 00:07:08,600 --> 00:07:10,320 (LAUGHTER) 162 00:07:10,320 --> 00:07:12,920 Who do we get to see first, my debt-riddled friend? 163 00:07:12,920 --> 00:07:18,360 This first clip is rich in people. It's Josh, Kura, Justine and Chris. 164 00:07:18,360 --> 00:07:20,080 - CHRIS: What are we gonna do? - What do you mean? 165 00:07:20,080 --> 00:07:22,400 - We gotta get some money. - What, you― you don't have any money? 166 00:07:22,400 --> 00:07:23,200 No. 167 00:07:23,200 --> 00:07:26,560 - Why do I have to give you money? - Well, it's the task. 168 00:07:26,560 --> 00:07:28,760 I don't feel like you've done much for it, though. 169 00:07:28,760 --> 00:07:30,760 - CHRIS: How long do I have? - You've got nine minutes 170 00:07:30,760 --> 00:07:32,320 and 10 seconds. - I'll be back. 171 00:07:32,320 --> 00:07:33,880 Holy gosh. I might check my wallet. 172 00:07:33,880 --> 00:07:36,560 How much do you think the others will give? 173 00:07:36,560 --> 00:07:38,560 Justine has a good heart, 174 00:07:38,560 --> 00:07:39,880 but she won't give you anything. 175 00:07:39,880 --> 00:07:42,560 Especially on here. - (LAUGHTER) 176 00:07:42,560 --> 00:07:44,440 - Thank you. - It's 50 bucks. 177 00:07:44,440 --> 00:07:46,600 - So you're happy with that? - Yeah, I'm― I'm OK with that, 178 00:07:46,600 --> 00:07:49,560 because I would be surprised if those other tightwads on the show 179 00:07:49,560 --> 00:07:51,720 have actual cash money in their wallets. 180 00:07:51,720 --> 00:07:54,200 It's not― It's not just cash. 181 00:07:54,960 --> 00:07:57,760 Why are you looking at me like that? - Cos I don't understand, really. 182 00:07:57,760 --> 00:08:01,680 If it's not just cash... - There's other ways of paying money. 183 00:08:01,680 --> 00:08:03,920 Well, I don't have a fucking chequebook, do I? 184 00:08:03,920 --> 00:08:05,560 (LAUGHTER) 185 00:08:05,560 --> 00:08:07,280 Do you have a mobile EFTPOS machine? - Yeah. 186 00:08:07,280 --> 00:08:09,280 - Doyou? - Yeah. 187 00:08:09,280 --> 00:08:10,880 (GASPS) 188 00:08:10,880 --> 00:08:14,080 - You don'thaveto give money. - What could I do instead? 189 00:08:14,080 --> 00:08:16,280 Oh, yuck. I'm not doing that, Paul. 190 00:08:16,280 --> 00:08:18,480 - I-I was just meaning lose― - Are you... 191 00:08:18,480 --> 00:08:20,480 - ...lose the task. - ...trying to force me to... 192 00:08:20,480 --> 00:08:22,040 - I was just saying― - ...do things to you? 193 00:08:22,040 --> 00:08:24,040 $500. 194 00:08:24,400 --> 00:08:27,880 (LAUGHS) I don't really wanna give you $500, though. 195 00:08:27,880 --> 00:08:28,960 You've got just over a minute. 196 00:08:28,960 --> 00:08:30,440 Ahhh! 197 00:08:30,440 --> 00:08:32,360 Ahhhhh! Iamputting in the particulars. 198 00:08:32,360 --> 00:08:34,440 $150. 199 00:08:34,560 --> 00:08:35,320 OK. 200 00:08:35,320 --> 00:08:37,240 Just swipe or insert, please. 201 00:08:37,240 --> 00:08:39,240 Got you some money. 202 00:08:41,640 --> 00:08:43,400 - Is this money? - Yeah. 203 00:08:43,400 --> 00:08:45,160 - Gift card? - It's a Prezzy card. 204 00:08:45,160 --> 00:08:47,960 - How much did you transfer? - $75. 205 00:08:48,200 --> 00:08:50,560 OK, so that's $200 altogether I gave you. 206 00:08:50,560 --> 00:08:52,160 Do you think anyone's gonna beat that? 207 00:08:52,160 --> 00:08:54,320 If they do, I'm gonna get physically violent with them. 208 00:08:54,320 --> 00:08:55,960 How much did you give me? 209 00:08:55,960 --> 00:08:57,920 $780,000. 210 00:08:57,920 --> 00:08:59,040 - No, you didn't. - OK. 211 00:08:59,040 --> 00:09:01,040 I saw what it said. 212 00:09:01,160 --> 00:09:02,960 $101. 213 00:09:02,960 --> 00:09:05,880 - Why 101? - Just in case someone gave you $100. 214 00:09:05,880 --> 00:09:07,680 - And how much is it? - 100 bucks. 215 00:09:07,680 --> 00:09:10,000 I'm just trying to think what I'm gonna tell my wife. 216 00:09:10,000 --> 00:09:13,880 I might have to pretend we're having an affair. 217 00:09:13,920 --> 00:09:14,560 OK. 218 00:09:14,560 --> 00:09:16,360 Who do you think will give me the most? 219 00:09:16,360 --> 00:09:17,560 Probably Paul Ego. 220 00:09:17,560 --> 00:09:18,760 Paul's pretty rich. 221 00:09:18,760 --> 00:09:20,160 Paul's got that old radio money. 222 00:09:20,160 --> 00:09:22,880 - He's got that old radio money. - He's got that old radio money. 223 00:09:22,880 --> 00:09:26,080 Whereas the new radio money, they just give you Prezzy cards. 224 00:09:26,080 --> 00:09:28,080 (LAUGHTER, CHEERING) 225 00:09:29,760 --> 00:09:31,880 You were a little bit disappointed, Justine, 226 00:09:31,880 --> 00:09:34,360 when Paul pulled out the EFTPOS machine. I could see it in your face. 227 00:09:34,360 --> 00:09:36,160 - Yeah. - You were like, 'He's not gonna have that.' 228 00:09:36,160 --> 00:09:37,400 Well, I was a bit worried too, 229 00:09:37,400 --> 00:09:40,480 cos it was, like, quite a financial slumpy time of my life, 230 00:09:40,480 --> 00:09:42,960 and I was like, (IMITATES CHOKING). 231 00:09:42,960 --> 00:09:44,760 You were also the only person that seemed to have cash, 232 00:09:44,760 --> 00:09:47,920 which is interesting, cos I know what people use cash to pay for nowadays. 233 00:09:47,920 --> 00:09:49,920 - It's drugs. - (LAUGHTER) 234 00:09:50,520 --> 00:09:51,440 It's not. 235 00:09:51,440 --> 00:09:52,480 (MOUTHS) 236 00:09:52,480 --> 00:09:55,520 Josh, smart ― $101. See, I know what you've done there. 237 00:09:55,520 --> 00:09:57,800 At one point, I was gonna give Paul quite a lot of money, 238 00:09:57,800 --> 00:10:01,280 but then I... like my family. - (LAUGHTER) 239 00:10:01,600 --> 00:10:02,800 So I didn't do it. 240 00:10:02,800 --> 00:10:07,720 - Kura, you settled for 75. - Yeah. I don't have a child or a family, so... 241 00:10:07,720 --> 00:10:09,800 - (LAUGHTER) - And I gave the least. 242 00:10:09,800 --> 00:10:11,720 I just thought, 'That'll do.' 243 00:10:11,720 --> 00:10:13,320 How much did everyone give, exactly? 244 00:10:13,320 --> 00:10:15,640 - Yeah, so, Kura gave $75... - Yeah. 245 00:10:15,640 --> 00:10:17,400 ...Chris $100, 246 00:10:17,400 --> 00:10:19,400 Josh $101 247 00:10:19,520 --> 00:10:21,880 and Justine $200. 248 00:10:22,120 --> 00:10:23,160 Wow. 249 00:10:23,160 --> 00:10:26,240 Now it comes down to old radio money. 250 00:10:26,240 --> 00:10:28,760 - (LAUGHTER) - That old radio money. 251 00:10:28,760 --> 00:10:32,000 - Let's see if Mr Stickman has deep pockets. - (CHUCKLES) 252 00:10:32,000 --> 00:10:35,600 'Give Paul money.' What a load of bullshit. 253 00:10:35,840 --> 00:10:39,120 He seems like a man who's easily fooled. 254 00:10:39,120 --> 00:10:41,120 (LOUNGE MUSIC) 255 00:10:43,000 --> 00:10:45,000 (LAUGHTER) 256 00:10:45,960 --> 00:10:47,640 There you go. 257 00:10:47,640 --> 00:10:49,640 $3.30. 258 00:10:50,000 --> 00:10:53,040 They look like some etchings you've done with a crayon. 259 00:10:53,040 --> 00:10:54,520 There's a reason for that. 260 00:10:54,520 --> 00:10:56,040 That's what they are. 261 00:10:56,040 --> 00:10:58,760 Cos ― I'm sorry, Paul ― I'm not giving you any money. 262 00:10:58,760 --> 00:11:00,360 I mean, look at the way you're dressed. 263 00:11:00,360 --> 00:11:02,680 Clearly, you either own a stables 264 00:11:02,680 --> 00:11:04,960 or you're a slave owner from the 1800s. 265 00:11:04,960 --> 00:11:07,120 - (LAUGHTER) - I don't own a stables. 266 00:11:07,120 --> 00:11:08,680 Thought it was the second one. 267 00:11:08,680 --> 00:11:11,080 So you've given me $3.30... 268 00:11:11,240 --> 00:11:13,440 Rubbings of $3.30. Yeah. 269 00:11:14,480 --> 00:11:15,680 Sorry, P. Willie. 270 00:11:15,680 --> 00:11:18,480 - Thank you, Paul. - You'll have to find money somewhere else. 271 00:11:18,480 --> 00:11:20,320 - (LAUGHTER) - Couldn't have gone better. 272 00:11:20,320 --> 00:11:21,800 Wow. 273 00:11:21,800 --> 00:11:24,560 A fool and his money are soon parted. 274 00:11:24,560 --> 00:11:29,480 - (LAUGHS) It's like I've got no idea how to win a task. - (LAUGHTER) 275 00:11:29,480 --> 00:11:31,680 The thing is ― you etched some coins. 276 00:11:31,680 --> 00:11:34,080 - Yeah. - You could've drawn... 277 00:11:34,080 --> 00:11:36,080 like $50. - (LAUGHTER) 278 00:11:36,520 --> 00:11:38,280 - I definitely could've. - But you etched some coins. 279 00:11:38,280 --> 00:11:42,360 - That's how the rich stay rich, baby! - (LAUGHTER) 280 00:11:42,360 --> 00:11:44,840 I think we all know how this goes. What are the scores? 281 00:11:44,840 --> 00:11:47,040 One point for Paul, two points for Kura, 282 00:11:47,040 --> 00:11:48,920 three points for Chris, four for Josh, 283 00:11:48,920 --> 00:11:50,760 and five points for Justine Smith. - Yes! 284 00:11:50,760 --> 00:11:51,880 (CHEERING) 285 00:11:51,880 --> 00:11:55,360 Right. Time for Paul to start counting his newfound fortune, 286 00:11:55,360 --> 00:11:58,800 and we're going to play some ads that will tempt him to part with it. 287 00:11:58,800 --> 00:12:01,120 We'll be back soon. - (CHEERING, APPLAUSE) 288 00:12:01,120 --> 00:12:03,400 (MISCHIEVOUS THEME MUSIC) 289 00:12:06,360 --> 00:12:08,360 (MISCHIEVOUS THEME MUSIC) 290 00:12:08,360 --> 00:12:09,680 (CHEERING, APPLAUSE) 291 00:12:09,680 --> 00:12:12,760 Hello again. You have rejoined Taskmaster. 292 00:12:12,760 --> 00:12:18,040 Right now, these comedians hoping to win a hotdog on a stick, some chicken pieces on a stick 293 00:12:18,040 --> 00:12:21,640 and an Olympic bronze medallist on a stick. 294 00:12:21,640 --> 00:12:24,440 One of those things is not edible. 295 00:12:24,520 --> 00:12:27,120 Paul, I'm ready for another task. What do you have for me? 296 00:12:27,120 --> 00:12:32,560 It's a team task, and it's worth noting that no special effects were used in the delivery ofthis task. 297 00:12:32,560 --> 00:12:34,560 Oh no. 298 00:12:34,560 --> 00:12:36,560 (MYSTERIOUS MUSIC) 299 00:12:39,360 --> 00:12:41,200 (GRUNTS LOUDLY) 300 00:12:41,200 --> 00:12:43,120 What on Earth is P. Willie doing? 301 00:12:43,120 --> 00:12:44,920 Is he doing a magic trick? - Wow. 302 00:12:44,920 --> 00:12:46,840 KURA: Wow. Paul's doing some magic. 303 00:12:46,840 --> 00:12:49,280 - Oh, right. - Let's stand here and make him do it for a bit longer, 304 00:12:49,280 --> 00:12:50,120 cos it's quite tragic. 305 00:12:50,120 --> 00:12:52,720 Oh my God. It must be that wire that can clearly see. 306 00:12:52,720 --> 00:12:54,920 - There's no wire. - What's that in your pants, then? 307 00:12:54,920 --> 00:12:56,200 It's my― my private parts. 308 00:12:56,200 --> 00:12:58,280 - We can see the string, mate. - What string? 309 00:12:58,280 --> 00:12:59,720 We can see it. 310 00:12:59,720 --> 00:13:01,480 I'll float it on to your hand. 311 00:13:01,480 --> 00:13:03,200 - Can I take it? I'll― - Just grab it. 312 00:13:03,200 --> 00:13:05,200 - OK. - Just grab it. 313 00:13:05,200 --> 00:13:07,080 - (CLANG!) - How do you explain that? 314 00:13:07,080 --> 00:13:08,560 There's a rock in it. 315 00:13:08,560 --> 00:13:10,280 I don't wanna hurt your finger. 316 00:13:10,280 --> 00:13:11,760 OK. - Why would you hurt my finger? 317 00:13:11,760 --> 00:13:14,640 - Cos it's tied with a nylon string. - It wasn't. 318 00:13:14,640 --> 00:13:17,000 - Open away. - 'Enchant the forest. 319 00:13:17,000 --> 00:13:19,120 'Most enchanted forest wins. 320 00:13:19,120 --> 00:13:20,400 'You have 60 minutes. 321 00:13:20,400 --> 00:13:22,680 'Your time starts... meow.' 322 00:13:22,680 --> 00:13:25,000 - An hour to enchant the forest? - To make it enchanted. 323 00:13:25,000 --> 00:13:26,440 We won't do a whole forest in an hour. 324 00:13:26,440 --> 00:13:28,000 We can certainly do a... - ...a bit of it. 325 00:13:28,000 --> 00:13:29,680 Plus, if a part of it is enchanted, 326 00:13:29,680 --> 00:13:32,840 then surely the rest of the forest will eventually become enchanted. - Yeah, it grows. 327 00:13:32,840 --> 00:13:33,880 It spreads. - Cos that's how... 328 00:13:33,880 --> 00:13:35,960 - ...enchantment spreads. - That's how enchantment works. 329 00:13:35,960 --> 00:13:39,000 Yeah. It's like ― what do you call it? ― um, kauri dieback. - LAUGHS: Yeah. 330 00:13:39,000 --> 00:13:40,520 But like a magic version. 331 00:13:40,520 --> 00:13:42,400 Shall we get some enchanting things? - Yeah, let's go. 332 00:13:42,400 --> 00:13:43,520 Let's go shed it. 333 00:13:43,520 --> 00:13:45,520 (PLAYFUL MUSIC) 334 00:13:45,880 --> 00:13:47,280 Oh... 335 00:13:47,280 --> 00:13:48,960 - Yeah, we need like― - We need like an entry point. 336 00:13:48,960 --> 00:13:51,560 Like― This is quite good. - Yes. 337 00:13:51,640 --> 00:13:53,640 Like that. 338 00:13:54,840 --> 00:13:56,720 Just says, like, 'Let's fuck.' 339 00:13:56,720 --> 00:13:58,440 (LAUGHTER) 340 00:13:58,440 --> 00:13:59,760 Hold it there. 341 00:13:59,760 --> 00:14:01,080 We got nine minutes left, guys. 342 00:14:01,080 --> 00:14:02,720 I've got a hat. 343 00:14:02,720 --> 00:14:04,320 There you go. 344 00:14:04,320 --> 00:14:06,320 (GRUNTS) 345 00:14:06,840 --> 00:14:08,160 Ready? 346 00:14:08,160 --> 00:14:10,160 (APPLAUSE) 347 00:14:10,160 --> 00:14:13,080 Oh... Oh, I love enchanted forests. 348 00:14:13,080 --> 00:14:16,400 I've always been enchanted by enchanted forests. This is super exciting. 349 00:14:16,400 --> 00:14:18,960 I like what you said about, like, a fun kauri dieback. 350 00:14:18,960 --> 00:14:20,840 - Yeah, yeah. - (LAUGHTER) - Just― it spreads, 351 00:14:20,840 --> 00:14:22,480 that enchantment, man. You gotta watch it. 352 00:14:22,480 --> 00:14:27,240 OK, Paul. Whose mystical masterwork do I get to be spellbound by first? 353 00:14:27,240 --> 00:14:30,520 It's kind of unfair, because they have a Forrester in their team ― 354 00:14:30,520 --> 00:14:32,920 it's Justine, Josh and Kura. 355 00:14:33,160 --> 00:14:37,320 (WHIMSICAL RECORDER MUSIC PLAYS) - (PLAYS GENTLE MELODY) 356 00:14:37,320 --> 00:14:41,120 BREATHY BRITISH ACCENT: Welcome to the Enchanted Forest. 357 00:14:41,120 --> 00:14:46,480 We are an enchanted forest but also double as a lovely function centre 358 00:14:46,480 --> 00:14:50,680 with reasonable rates on weddings and other things. 359 00:14:50,680 --> 00:14:55,160 Come. See the forest. - (RECORDER CONTINUES PLAYING) 360 00:14:55,520 --> 00:14:57,520 Come. 361 00:14:58,880 --> 00:15:00,880 We have the Bush Lady. 362 00:15:00,880 --> 00:15:02,880 (LAUGHTER) 363 00:15:02,880 --> 00:15:04,880 (CACKLES MANIACALLY) 364 00:15:05,760 --> 00:15:07,760 Ooh! 365 00:15:08,760 --> 00:15:10,280 (JOSH LAUGHS) 366 00:15:10,280 --> 00:15:12,280 Spiders. 367 00:15:12,840 --> 00:15:16,320 Eyes are watching you. - (RECORDER MUSIC CONTINUES) 368 00:15:16,320 --> 00:15:18,320 And the Man. 369 00:15:20,280 --> 00:15:22,280 (LAUGHTER) 370 00:15:23,320 --> 00:15:25,720 (RECORDER MUSIC CONTINUES) 371 00:15:28,960 --> 00:15:30,960 (MELODY STUTTERS, LEAVES RUSTLE) 372 00:15:30,960 --> 00:15:32,960 (LAUGHTER) 373 00:15:34,160 --> 00:15:36,240 (STOPS PLAYING) Haaaa! 374 00:15:36,440 --> 00:15:39,640 (GROWLS) I'm gonna wear you like a small pair of shorts. 375 00:15:39,640 --> 00:15:43,160 - (LAUGHTER) - (GROWLS) You're in the Enchanted Forest now. 376 00:15:43,160 --> 00:15:45,880 I'm gonna put you on one foot at a time, 377 00:15:45,880 --> 00:15:48,920 like a nice pair of socks. Christmas socks! 378 00:15:48,920 --> 00:15:50,840 Socks that I've been looking forward to! 379 00:15:50,840 --> 00:15:54,280 Socks that I like to wear on days that aren't Christmas! 380 00:15:54,280 --> 00:16:00,280 - (SHRIEKS, CACKLES) - (GENTLE UKULELE PLAYS, RECORDER MUSIC RESUMES) 381 00:16:03,040 --> 00:16:05,040 (MUSIC ENDS, APPLAUSE) 382 00:16:07,240 --> 00:16:10,640 I mean, maybe that was less enchanted forest and more like day three 383 00:16:10,640 --> 00:16:14,120 at WOMAD on magic mushrooms. - (LAUGHTER) 384 00:16:15,120 --> 00:16:17,080 - KURA: Yeah. - Just on the comedown, eh. 385 00:16:17,080 --> 00:16:18,560 - Yeah. - Like... 386 00:16:18,560 --> 00:16:20,680 Like, 'Don't pull out the recorder again.' 387 00:16:20,680 --> 00:16:22,480 - Yeah. - (LAUGHTER) 388 00:16:22,480 --> 00:16:25,160 - That was Josh playing the recorder. - Yeah. 389 00:16:25,160 --> 00:16:27,720 Correct. - Has anyone ever heard anyone play the recorder 390 00:16:27,720 --> 00:16:30,120 and it actually sounded OK? - Yeah. 391 00:16:30,120 --> 00:16:31,600 Chris and I are actually both woodwinders. 392 00:16:31,600 --> 00:16:33,080 We both play the clarinet. - Clarinet, yeah. 393 00:16:33,080 --> 00:16:35,760 - Another fun fact about us. Um― - Oh, how cool (!) 394 00:16:35,760 --> 00:16:37,760 (LAUGHTER) 395 00:16:38,040 --> 00:16:40,000 - It is, actually. It's really cool! - It's really cool. 396 00:16:40,000 --> 00:16:42,080 People think the saxophone's cooler, but it's not. - It's not! 397 00:16:42,080 --> 00:16:43,600 It's not― That's not a sexy instrument! 398 00:16:43,600 --> 00:16:45,360 The straight black one is. 399 00:16:45,360 --> 00:16:49,920 - So, uh, Kura, you were taking us through the Enchanted Forest there... - Yep. 400 00:16:49,920 --> 00:16:53,560 - ...and the first person that we came across was the Bush Lady. - Yes. 401 00:16:53,560 --> 00:16:56,480 Jeremy, you've been saying to me that I've got a really fortune-teller vibe, 402 00:16:56,480 --> 00:17:01,560 and, you know, I like to listen to you, and I leaned into that crazy, witchy, wrapped-in-a-blanket, 403 00:17:01,560 --> 00:17:04,040 shit-in-my-hair vibe. - (LAUGHTER) 404 00:17:04,040 --> 00:17:06,840 All right. Paul? Will you enchant me again? 405 00:17:06,840 --> 00:17:09,640 It's time for a pretty full-on forest... 406 00:17:09,640 --> 00:17:11,440 - Fuck. (STIFLES LAUGH) - ...from our two tall timbers ― 407 00:17:11,440 --> 00:17:13,040 it's Chris and Paul. 408 00:17:13,040 --> 00:17:14,400 (MYSTERIOUS PAN PIPE MUSIC) 409 00:17:14,400 --> 00:17:15,360 Oooh! 410 00:17:15,360 --> 00:17:17,400 Stop, well-dressed virgin. 411 00:17:17,400 --> 00:17:20,160 You may not enter the Enchanted Forest. 412 00:17:20,160 --> 00:17:22,160 Bring in the virgin! 413 00:17:22,560 --> 00:17:25,800 Ooh. The Sex Witch bids you enter. 414 00:17:26,400 --> 00:17:28,880 - Thank you. - You are welcome. 415 00:17:29,960 --> 00:17:31,840 Halt, Virgin, 416 00:17:31,840 --> 00:17:35,520 and wash your private parts in my Sex Potion. 417 00:17:35,520 --> 00:17:37,520 - (LAUGHTER) - Oh my God. 418 00:17:37,560 --> 00:17:38,720 Ahh. 419 00:17:38,720 --> 00:17:41,760 I can feel them beginning to heat up 420 00:17:41,760 --> 00:17:43,760 and (CHUCKLES) grow. 421 00:17:43,800 --> 00:17:46,000 Continue, little virgin. 422 00:17:46,000 --> 00:17:48,280 (PAN PIPE MUSIC CONTINUES) 423 00:17:49,520 --> 00:17:52,400 Cow Slayer, put down your pan pipes 424 00:17:52,600 --> 00:17:54,600 and slay the beast! 425 00:17:55,120 --> 00:17:58,120 (CACKLES) Gladly, my Bitch Queen. 426 00:17:58,680 --> 00:18:00,680 (LAUGHS WHEEZILY) 427 00:18:00,760 --> 00:18:02,760 Come, little virgin, 428 00:18:02,800 --> 00:18:04,760 and kneel before me. 429 00:18:04,760 --> 00:18:07,080 Ooooh! Good kneeling. 430 00:18:07,720 --> 00:18:09,600 Choose your fruit ― 431 00:18:09,600 --> 00:18:11,600 a banana or mango. 432 00:18:12,280 --> 00:18:15,280 He has chosen the mango, Cow Slayer. 433 00:18:15,280 --> 00:18:17,760 - (CACKLES) - (LAUGHS EVILLY) 434 00:18:17,880 --> 00:18:18,800 (LAUGHS) 435 00:18:18,800 --> 00:18:21,320 And now I shall give you 436 00:18:21,320 --> 00:18:24,920 some of my Sex Potion juice. - Ooh! 437 00:18:24,920 --> 00:18:28,560 Drink it and you will be forever horny! 438 00:18:29,280 --> 00:18:31,560 - Ah! - Good shot, Sex Witch. 439 00:18:31,560 --> 00:18:34,240 - (WATER GUN SQUIRTS) - Yes. Yes! 440 00:18:34,880 --> 00:18:36,960 He is soak-ed. (CACKLES) 441 00:18:38,160 --> 00:18:41,960 Release my horny virgin! 442 00:18:42,120 --> 00:18:43,480 Dance! 443 00:18:43,480 --> 00:18:45,320 Dance and fuck! 444 00:18:45,320 --> 00:18:47,040 (GIGGLES) 445 00:18:47,040 --> 00:18:49,040 (LAUGHS EVILLY) 446 00:18:49,600 --> 00:18:51,160 Ooh. Ooh. 447 00:18:51,160 --> 00:18:52,960 (GIGGLES) 448 00:18:52,960 --> 00:18:54,960 Ooh! Ooh-hoo-hoo-hoo! 449 00:18:55,080 --> 00:18:56,560 Look at the virgin. 450 00:18:56,560 --> 00:18:58,560 Ooh, sexy virgin. 451 00:18:58,560 --> 00:19:01,360 - (APPLAUSE) - Wowsers. (LAUGHS) 452 00:19:03,600 --> 00:19:06,520 Boy, you've got some explaining to do there. 453 00:19:06,520 --> 00:19:07,880 Well, we saw him and we were like, 454 00:19:07,880 --> 00:19:12,280 'If anyone needs to be sexually enchanted, it's Paul.' 455 00:19:12,280 --> 00:19:14,080 - (LAUGHTER) - Honestly. The rest of that day, 456 00:19:14,080 --> 00:19:16,280 he was giving us back rubs casually... 457 00:19:16,280 --> 00:19:18,760 - Whoo! - ...high fives; he was like.. 458 00:19:18,760 --> 00:19:21,200 like that. Yeah, he was a changed man, you know? 459 00:19:21,200 --> 00:19:23,960 - Look how comfortable Paul is (!) - Mm. Oh, totally. 460 00:19:23,960 --> 00:19:26,640 But we didn't have to ask him to do anything twice. 461 00:19:26,640 --> 00:19:31,120 A lot of that shit was his idea. - (LAUGHTER, APPLAUSE) 462 00:19:34,600 --> 00:19:38,280 - Uh, your character was the... was the Sex Witch. - Yeah. 463 00:19:38,280 --> 00:19:39,480 Bitch Queen Sex Witch, yeah. 464 00:19:39,480 --> 00:19:42,560 It's an Elton John song. - (LAUGHTER) 465 00:19:43,920 --> 00:19:47,200 - I think five points for Paul and Chris... - Oh, thank you. 466 00:19:47,200 --> 00:19:50,760 ...and three points for Josh, Kura and Justine. 467 00:19:50,760 --> 00:19:53,360 They were very good. They were very good. - Great work. Great work. 468 00:19:53,360 --> 00:19:57,080 So, Paul, after all of that, what are the scores? 469 00:19:57,080 --> 00:20:01,200 In first equal, with 12 points each, it's Josh and Justine. 470 00:20:01,200 --> 00:20:03,600 - (APPLAUSE) - KURA: Whoooo! 471 00:20:05,080 --> 00:20:07,160 After all that wild forest action, 472 00:20:07,160 --> 00:20:10,880 it's time for a spiritual cleansing in the form of sage-burning 473 00:20:10,880 --> 00:20:12,960 and a commercial break. We'll see you soon. 474 00:20:12,960 --> 00:20:14,800 (CHEERING, APPLAUSE) 475 00:20:14,800 --> 00:20:17,080 (MISCHIEVOUS THEME MUSIC) 476 00:20:20,040 --> 00:20:22,040 (MISCHIEVOUS THEME MUSIC) 477 00:20:22,040 --> 00:20:23,600 (CHEERING, APPLAUSE) 478 00:20:23,600 --> 00:20:25,400 Welcome back to Taskmaster. 479 00:20:25,400 --> 00:20:27,880 We have frolicked in a sex forest 480 00:20:27,880 --> 00:20:31,240 and showered a well-dressed virgin in money. - (LAUGHTER) 481 00:20:31,240 --> 00:20:33,920 So, uh, pretty typical episode so far. 482 00:20:33,920 --> 00:20:37,560 Paul, you are on a roll with these tasks. Let's get into another one. 483 00:20:37,560 --> 00:20:40,720 Don't leave the room. You're not gonna wanna miss this one. 484 00:20:40,720 --> 00:20:43,000 (MISCHIEVOUS THEME MUSIC) 485 00:20:48,800 --> 00:20:50,400 Hello, Chris. - Hello, Paul. 486 00:20:50,400 --> 00:20:51,920 Hey, P. Willie. 487 00:20:51,920 --> 00:20:53,680 (PUFFS STRENUOUSLY) 488 00:20:53,680 --> 00:20:55,040 Was it actually windy out there, 489 00:20:55,040 --> 00:20:56,560 or was that acting? - Yeah, don't go out there. 490 00:20:56,560 --> 00:20:58,920 - OK. - I've just got back from Jumanji. 491 00:20:58,920 --> 00:21:00,400 You're lucky I could fit this in. 492 00:21:00,400 --> 00:21:02,400 - Delightful. - What is? 493 00:21:03,160 --> 00:21:05,160 - You are. - Thank you. 494 00:21:05,800 --> 00:21:08,280 - Does that look freaky? - Kinda. 495 00:21:08,280 --> 00:21:10,280 Ha-cha! 496 00:21:10,400 --> 00:21:12,320 'Leave the room... 497 00:21:12,320 --> 00:21:15,400 'and come back in exactly 11 minutes. 498 00:21:15,440 --> 00:21:19,000 'Your time starts when you leave the room.' 499 00:21:19,000 --> 00:21:20,440 Bloody hell. 500 00:21:20,440 --> 00:21:22,040 Does it matter what room I go into? 501 00:21:22,040 --> 00:21:24,160 Ideally, back out into Jumanji. 502 00:21:24,160 --> 00:21:26,640 Could you please leave the watch? - What? 503 00:21:26,640 --> 00:21:28,120 How am I gonna know 11 minutes? 504 00:21:28,120 --> 00:21:29,800 - Well, that's what― - I've just gotta guess? 505 00:21:29,800 --> 00:21:31,520 Yes, please. 506 00:21:31,520 --> 00:21:34,600 Please pass me your watch, please. - What if I use my phone? 507 00:21:34,600 --> 00:21:37,680 - Pass me your phone, please. - I shouldn't tell you these things. 508 00:21:37,680 --> 00:21:39,680 Is your phone in there? 509 00:21:40,000 --> 00:21:45,200 AMERICAN ACCENT: Come on, man! That's not Jumanji love, man. 510 00:21:45,200 --> 00:21:47,280 - PANTS: Oh my God. - Yeah. 511 00:21:47,280 --> 00:21:49,800 - It's Jumanji. - You see Jack Black? 512 00:21:49,800 --> 00:21:53,520 - No, I was in the Robin Williams... - I've got Jack Black. 513 00:21:53,520 --> 00:21:54,600 Yeah, sorry. 514 00:21:54,600 --> 00:21:57,000 It'd be... 11 sixties. 515 00:21:57,840 --> 00:21:59,240 Also known as 11 minutes. 516 00:21:59,240 --> 00:22:00,280 - (LAUGHS) - CHRIS: Yeah. 517 00:22:00,280 --> 00:22:02,160 Seven, eight. 518 00:22:02,160 --> 00:22:04,600 No― Shit. - Practising counting seconds? 519 00:22:04,600 --> 00:22:05,400 Yes. 520 00:22:05,400 --> 00:22:08,120 Let me think of a 10 minute stand-up comedy set, 521 00:22:08,120 --> 00:22:10,840 and then I'll wait for the one minute of applause that I usually get. 522 00:22:10,840 --> 00:22:12,840 - (LAUGHTER) - PAUL: OK. 523 00:22:13,160 --> 00:22:15,440 CHRIS: One, two, three... 524 00:22:16,320 --> 00:22:18,320 (DOOR CLOSES) 525 00:22:18,320 --> 00:22:20,320 (SUSPENSEFUL MUSIC) 526 00:22:26,640 --> 00:22:28,120 11 minutes. 527 00:22:28,120 --> 00:22:29,640 Hello, Paul. 528 00:22:29,640 --> 00:22:32,960 - You're a fast grower of facial hair. - Thank you. 529 00:22:32,960 --> 00:22:35,840 - What time did I get? - All the information you need is in the task. 530 00:22:35,840 --> 00:22:37,840 - This? - Yes, please. 531 00:22:39,600 --> 00:22:42,240 'Spot the 12 changes to this room. 532 00:22:42,240 --> 00:22:45,080 'Most correct wins. You have three minutes. 533 00:22:45,080 --> 00:22:47,080 'Your time starts now.' 534 00:22:47,080 --> 00:22:49,880 (CHEERING, APPLAUSE, LAUGHTER) 535 00:22:51,040 --> 00:22:54,760 - So, there we are ― the old switcheroo. - Amazing. 536 00:22:54,760 --> 00:22:57,000 Paul, who gets to play 'spot the difference' first? 537 00:22:57,000 --> 00:22:59,600 It's Chris, Josh and Justine. 538 00:22:59,920 --> 00:23:01,760 Oh, piss― (SCREAMS) 539 00:23:01,760 --> 00:23:03,760 Gah! Fuck! Whoa! 540 00:23:04,360 --> 00:23:06,160 Hey, bro. - Long time no see, bro. 541 00:23:06,160 --> 00:23:07,440 Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. 542 00:23:07,440 --> 00:23:08,800 Shit, shit. 543 00:23:08,800 --> 00:23:10,440 Hi, David. 544 00:23:10,440 --> 00:23:11,160 Hi, Chris. 545 00:23:11,160 --> 00:23:13,680 - This wasn't here before. - What? 546 00:23:13,680 --> 00:23:16,400 This, um, piece of wallpaper that's sticking out. 547 00:23:16,400 --> 00:23:18,480 Well, there's a task in here now. A new task. 548 00:23:18,480 --> 00:23:21,440 CHUCKLES: I've looked around this room so many times. 549 00:23:21,440 --> 00:23:23,080 AmIdifferent? 550 00:23:23,080 --> 00:23:24,360 Might be mentally. 551 00:23:24,360 --> 00:23:25,680 Ew, yuck! 552 00:23:25,680 --> 00:23:27,160 Ew, is that real? 553 00:23:27,160 --> 00:23:30,360 There's a fuckin' rat in the cage! The hell's wrong with you? 554 00:23:30,360 --> 00:23:32,360 Banana ― new. 555 00:23:32,720 --> 00:23:33,960 This wasn't here before. 556 00:23:33,960 --> 00:23:37,080 So, I mean, I can just say things, and if they're wrong, it doesn't matter. 557 00:23:37,080 --> 00:23:38,160 This, this... 558 00:23:38,160 --> 00:23:40,720 - Could you put names on things, please? - Oh, OK. 559 00:23:40,720 --> 00:23:41,520 LAUGHS: Um... 560 00:23:41,520 --> 00:23:43,520 That's different. 561 00:23:43,600 --> 00:23:46,200 - How is it different? - You― Well, duh. 562 00:23:46,200 --> 00:23:49,360 Some things go without having to be explained. 563 00:23:49,360 --> 00:23:50,720 He hasn't got any glasses! 564 00:23:50,720 --> 00:23:52,440 - 20 seconds. - Um... 565 00:23:52,440 --> 00:23:53,760 These were around a different order. 566 00:23:53,760 --> 00:23:56,000 All these globes have been moved. 567 00:23:56,000 --> 00:23:57,080 This is a different woman. 568 00:23:57,080 --> 00:23:58,160 It used to be your mum. 569 00:23:58,160 --> 00:23:59,640 Buzzy Bee wasn't there. 570 00:23:59,640 --> 00:24:00,880 - I think that's― - (WHISTLE TRILLS) 571 00:24:00,880 --> 00:24:03,560 - Fuckin' hell. Honestly. - Sorry. 572 00:24:03,560 --> 00:24:05,920 - Did you win the season that you were in? - Nah. 573 00:24:05,920 --> 00:24:07,000 That's why I'm here... - Yeah. 574 00:24:07,000 --> 00:24:09,600 - ...doing this. - (BOTH CHUCKLE) 575 00:24:09,600 --> 00:24:11,600 - Bye, David. - Bye, Chris. 576 00:24:11,680 --> 00:24:14,520 - Do I get to hang out with David? - If you want. 577 00:24:14,520 --> 00:24:18,200 - Thank you, Paul. - Hi, David. Come on, then. 578 00:24:18,440 --> 00:24:21,720 - PAUL: Thank you, Justine. - JUSTINE: Bye. Thank you, Paul! Love you. 579 00:24:21,720 --> 00:24:23,600 - Aww, that was cute. - So, just by the looks of it there, 580 00:24:23,600 --> 00:24:26,440 you went through and basically named every single thing in the room, 581 00:24:26,440 --> 00:24:29,480 including Paul's mum. - Feels like a good strategy to me. 582 00:24:29,480 --> 00:24:33,800 Who got a fright from seeing David Correos from Taskmaster Season Two? 583 00:24:33,800 --> 00:24:37,680 Yeah, I got a― I got a fright cos, um, well, it was different before. 584 00:24:37,680 --> 00:24:39,480 There was a wall. Did you guys not get a fright? 585 00:24:39,480 --> 00:24:40,960 No, I just felt really happy to see him. 586 00:24:40,960 --> 00:24:44,840 Cos I saw him straight away, cos he was sticking out about that far from the wall. 587 00:24:44,840 --> 00:24:48,240 - How did those guys go, Paul? - Chris spotted nine differences... 588 00:24:48,240 --> 00:24:49,920 - That's not bad. - (JOSH GROANS) - ...of the 12; 589 00:24:49,920 --> 00:24:53,000 Josh spotted six, Justine only four. 590 00:24:53,000 --> 00:24:54,920 - OK. Hmmm. - (CHRIS CHUCKLES) 591 00:24:54,920 --> 00:24:56,680 What were the 12 changes exactly? 592 00:24:56,680 --> 00:24:58,000 - I have a graphic... - OK. 593 00:24:58,000 --> 00:24:59,840 ...of the 12 differences highlighted. 594 00:24:59,840 --> 00:25:01,720 - Wow. - Oh, that's good. 595 00:25:01,720 --> 00:25:04,160 I mean, a very obvious David Correos 596 00:25:04,160 --> 00:25:05,320 standing there against the wall ― 597 00:25:05,320 --> 00:25:08,200 surely they'd be able to spot him. - Surely. 598 00:25:08,200 --> 00:25:10,200 Here's Kura and Paul. 599 00:25:10,240 --> 00:25:12,400 OK, 12 changes to this room. 600 00:25:12,400 --> 00:25:14,400 Paul has a moustache. 601 00:25:14,400 --> 00:25:16,920 That light's turned blue. - (TITTERING) 602 00:25:16,920 --> 00:25:18,920 There's a banana. 603 00:25:19,240 --> 00:25:21,240 Um... 604 00:25:23,040 --> 00:25:26,120 I really wasn't paying attention to this before. 605 00:25:26,120 --> 00:25:28,160 That top picture is upside down. 606 00:25:28,160 --> 00:25:30,560 Was that upside down before? 607 00:25:30,560 --> 00:25:32,560 (PLAYFUL MUSIC) 608 00:25:34,680 --> 00:25:36,560 The rug's missing? 609 00:25:36,560 --> 00:25:38,760 That's two. That light's on. 610 00:25:38,760 --> 00:25:42,960 - How has he not seen David? - Oh my God. - (LAUGHTER) 611 00:25:45,440 --> 00:25:47,240 Um... 612 00:25:47,240 --> 00:25:50,920 those pencils have changed colour, I think. 613 00:25:51,080 --> 00:25:53,080 This... 614 00:25:53,280 --> 00:25:55,280 (LAUGHS WHEEZILY) 615 00:25:55,520 --> 00:25:57,520 Oh, fuck! Fuckin'... 616 00:25:57,840 --> 00:25:59,400 Who's in there?! 617 00:25:59,400 --> 00:26:04,120 I'm not sure if there was a David Correos partially nude behind the lamp before. 618 00:26:04,120 --> 00:26:06,280 - Hey, Kura. - Hey, mate. How are you? 619 00:26:06,280 --> 00:26:08,320 - I'm good. How are you? - You look fabulous. 620 00:26:08,320 --> 00:26:09,720 Thank you. You look great too. 621 00:26:09,720 --> 00:26:10,800 Looks like an arsehole 622 00:26:10,800 --> 00:26:11,760 with one eye. 623 00:26:11,760 --> 00:26:14,640 No offence. Um, (LAUGHS) OK, so... 624 00:26:15,840 --> 00:26:18,800 (SNORTS) Why I didn't see you first I don't know. That's really weird. 625 00:26:18,800 --> 00:26:20,440 Should've gone, 'Well, that's the obvious one.' 626 00:26:20,440 --> 00:26:23,760 Oh, I love ya. And I love that you're the wallpaper. 627 00:26:23,760 --> 00:26:25,520 Is that the same, that picture? 628 00:26:25,520 --> 00:26:26,800 Has the painting changed? 629 00:26:26,800 --> 00:26:28,400 Did he have glasses before? 630 00:26:28,400 --> 00:26:30,520 God, now I'm starting to lose my mind. 631 00:26:30,520 --> 00:26:33,800 David, can you tell me what's changed in here? 632 00:26:33,800 --> 00:26:35,560 Nah, I don't think I'm allowed to. 633 00:26:35,560 --> 00:26:36,640 Camera crew? 634 00:26:36,640 --> 00:26:38,320 They were there, right? - They were there, yeah. 635 00:26:38,320 --> 00:26:39,680 Oh, and this little trinket down here― 636 00:26:39,680 --> 00:26:40,800 - (WHISTLE TRILLS) - (SHRIEKS) 637 00:26:40,800 --> 00:26:41,800 Nailed it. 638 00:26:41,800 --> 00:26:43,200 How'd you get this guy? 639 00:26:43,200 --> 00:26:44,520 He's very available. 640 00:26:44,520 --> 00:26:45,680 How've things gone? 641 00:26:45,680 --> 00:26:46,560 Downhill? 642 00:26:46,560 --> 00:26:48,360 Since Taskmaster? 643 00:26:48,360 --> 00:26:49,480 Can look forward to that. 644 00:26:49,480 --> 00:26:51,040 - Cheers, mate. - Thank you. 645 00:26:51,040 --> 00:26:52,640 - See you, David. - Bye, Paul. 646 00:26:52,640 --> 00:26:54,000 - Great wallpaper. - Hey, thank you. 647 00:26:54,000 --> 00:26:55,360 - You look hot. - Thank you. 648 00:26:55,360 --> 00:26:56,520 Are they paying you well? 649 00:26:56,520 --> 00:26:58,840 If I'm not getting paid, then he's not getting paid. 650 00:26:58,840 --> 00:27:01,920 Are you getting paid? - Pretty sure everyone here's getting paid. 651 00:27:01,920 --> 00:27:03,920 Are you getting paid? 652 00:27:04,600 --> 00:27:06,440 (LAUGHTER) 653 00:27:06,440 --> 00:27:08,520 WHISPERS: What the shit? 654 00:27:08,520 --> 00:27:10,520 (APPLAUSE) 655 00:27:11,080 --> 00:27:13,840 How long did it take you to sp―? I mean, that was remarkable. 656 00:27:13,840 --> 00:27:15,960 - You were so close to him. - I know. 657 00:27:15,960 --> 00:27:18,880 - And he was sticking out. - (JOSH LAUGHS) - Yeah. 658 00:27:18,880 --> 00:27:20,800 I've got really bad eyesight. 659 00:27:20,800 --> 00:27:23,000 - CHUCKLES: I've got 20/20. - Yeah. 660 00:27:23,000 --> 00:27:24,960 - Oh dear. - I could smell him, but I... 661 00:27:24,960 --> 00:27:26,400 - (LAUGHTER) - ...I couldn't tell 662 00:27:26,400 --> 00:27:28,320 where it was coming from. - Was that the rat in the birdcage? 663 00:27:28,320 --> 00:27:33,520 So, Kura, with her 20/20 vision, took 55 seconds to notice him, 664 00:27:33,520 --> 00:27:36,800 and, uh, Paul ― one minute 25. - Wow. 665 00:27:36,800 --> 00:27:38,440 - (LAUGHTER) - Cannot believe that. 666 00:27:38,440 --> 00:27:40,800 - So, obviously took them a while to see David Correos... - Yes. 667 00:27:40,800 --> 00:27:44,360 - ...but how did they go overall? - Paul did spot seven differences 668 00:27:44,360 --> 00:27:46,360 and Kura 10. 669 00:27:46,360 --> 00:27:48,160 - Wow! - Nice! - Well done, Kura. 670 00:27:48,160 --> 00:27:49,720 Mate. 671 00:27:49,720 --> 00:27:53,080 So that means one point for Justine, two points for Josh, 672 00:27:53,080 --> 00:27:54,600 three for Paul, four for Chris 673 00:27:54,600 --> 00:27:58,280 and five points for Kura Forrester. - Great work, Paul. 674 00:27:58,280 --> 00:28:03,680 We're gonna take a break now to allow me to make a few phone calls to see how David Correos is doing. 675 00:28:03,680 --> 00:28:05,840 We'll see you soon. - (CHEERING, APPLAUSE) 676 00:28:05,840 --> 00:28:08,120 (MISCHIEVOUS THEME MUSIC) 677 00:28:11,080 --> 00:28:13,080 (MISCHIEVOUS THEME MUSIC) 678 00:28:13,080 --> 00:28:14,680 (CHEERING, APPLAUSE) 679 00:28:14,680 --> 00:28:18,720 Welcome back to the visual and aural experience that is Taskmaster, 680 00:28:18,720 --> 00:28:20,560 where we're waiting to see who's going to take home 681 00:28:20,560 --> 00:28:22,760 a kebab and a hot dog. - (LAUGHTER) 682 00:28:22,760 --> 00:28:25,480 Paul Williams, I'm ravenous ― feed me another task, please. 683 00:28:25,480 --> 00:28:29,520 Get your popcorn ready. This one's a real blockbuster. 684 00:28:29,520 --> 00:28:31,800 (MISCHIEVOUS THEME MUSIC) 685 00:28:35,120 --> 00:28:36,880 Oh, heck. 686 00:28:36,880 --> 00:28:38,160 Yeah! 687 00:28:38,160 --> 00:28:40,720 You seem to have left some of your working gear out here. 688 00:28:40,720 --> 00:28:43,480 Did you know this person who was cremated? 689 00:28:43,480 --> 00:28:46,320 'Create a 30-second scene from a blockbuster.' 690 00:28:46,320 --> 00:28:47,960 DISAPPOINTED: Oh, it's a metaphor. 691 00:28:47,960 --> 00:28:49,880 'You must play the main character... 692 00:28:49,880 --> 00:28:53,160 '...and that character must― (CHUCKLES) must be the President. 693 00:28:53,160 --> 00:28:56,520 'The President must wear the provided costume. 694 00:28:56,520 --> 00:28:59,520 'Your scene must start in the study 695 00:28:59,560 --> 00:29:01,920 'with a crash zoom out of your mouth. 696 00:29:01,920 --> 00:29:05,200 'Your scene must end with you drinking a cup of tea at the bar!' 697 00:29:05,200 --> 00:29:08,320 'Your scene must start with you drinking a cup of tea at the bar. 698 00:29:08,320 --> 00:29:11,720 'Your scene must end with you doing a forward roll in the field.' 699 00:29:11,720 --> 00:29:15,160 'Your scene must start with you (LAUGHS) doing a forward roll. 700 00:29:15,160 --> 00:29:18,880 'Your scene must end with you answering a phone call as you enter a car.' 701 00:29:18,880 --> 00:29:20,640 '...ending a phone call in a car. 702 00:29:20,640 --> 00:29:23,080 'Your scene must end with you biting an apple in the caravan.' 703 00:29:23,080 --> 00:29:25,160 '...biting an apple in the caravan. 704 00:29:25,160 --> 00:29:28,200 'Your scene must end with a crash zoom into your mouth.' 705 00:29:28,200 --> 00:29:30,240 - Oh my God! - PAUL, CHUCKLING: 'Most blockbusting scene wins. 706 00:29:30,240 --> 00:29:32,440 - This is gonna be amazing. - 'You have 45 minutes.' 707 00:29:32,440 --> 00:29:34,960 'Your time starts... now!' 708 00:29:35,240 --> 00:29:37,800 - We're not gonna get to break anything? - Sorry. 709 00:29:37,800 --> 00:29:39,880 - Whose clothes are these? - President's. 710 00:29:39,880 --> 00:29:42,320 Yeah, but is the President... 711 00:29:42,320 --> 00:29:43,520 a girthy man? 712 00:29:43,520 --> 00:29:47,120 - Is this Donald-Trump-inspired? - Mm-mm. 713 00:29:48,200 --> 00:29:50,120 - (LAUGHTER) - Feel quite presidential. 714 00:29:50,120 --> 00:29:51,360 I feel presidential. 715 00:29:51,360 --> 00:29:53,640 Shame we had to dress as a man to be the President, but... 716 00:29:53,640 --> 00:29:56,960 I don't think it should be the President of America. 717 00:29:56,960 --> 00:29:58,480 AMERICAN ACCENT: People of America... 718 00:29:58,480 --> 00:30:00,640 I think the President of the world. 719 00:30:00,640 --> 00:30:04,240 In which case he could be, like, (VAGUE EUROPEAN ACCENT) from anywhere. You know? 720 00:30:04,240 --> 00:30:06,800 - Wh― Where is he from? - He could be from anywhere. 721 00:30:06,800 --> 00:30:10,080 - That sounds European, though. - Yeah, well, is he 722 00:30:10,080 --> 00:30:11,400 (AMERICAN ACCENT) or is he not? 723 00:30:11,400 --> 00:30:14,080 Anywhere where I can do an accent 724 00:30:14,400 --> 00:30:16,600 without it being offensive. 725 00:30:16,600 --> 00:30:19,360 Those are the rules. - (CHEERING, APPLAUSE) 726 00:30:19,360 --> 00:30:20,600 - This is so cool! - This is great. 727 00:30:20,600 --> 00:30:22,800 - So it's all starting to make sense now, right? - CONTESTANTS: Yes! 728 00:30:22,800 --> 00:30:24,920 - This is so cool. - So, everyone's playing the same character... 729 00:30:24,920 --> 00:30:27,080 - Yeah. - ...and you've all got slightly different scenes, 730 00:30:27,080 --> 00:30:29,080 and then we'll make a blockbusting trailer. 731 00:30:29,080 --> 00:30:31,040 - Yass. - Wow! - I'm interested, Chris ― 732 00:30:31,040 --> 00:30:34,720 which accents are you prepared to do and which ones aren't you prepared to do? 733 00:30:34,720 --> 00:30:36,160 - All... - (LAUGHTER) 734 00:30:36,160 --> 00:30:38,840 - All the white ones. - (LAUGHTER) 735 00:30:39,200 --> 00:30:41,880 I've booked my ticket. The trailers have played. 736 00:30:41,880 --> 00:30:43,680 Let's see this blockbuster. 737 00:30:43,680 --> 00:30:46,560 Starring in the role of the President, in order of appearance ― 738 00:30:46,560 --> 00:30:49,040 Chris Parker, Paul Ego, Kura Forrester, 739 00:30:49,040 --> 00:30:51,000 Justine Smith and Josh Thompson. 740 00:30:51,000 --> 00:30:53,480 - Wow! - (LAUGHTER, CHEERING) 741 00:30:53,800 --> 00:30:55,760 (EXHALES) 742 00:30:55,760 --> 00:30:57,640 VAGUE EUROPEAN ACCENT: It's a hell of a job 743 00:30:57,640 --> 00:31:00,720 being the President of the entire world. 744 00:31:00,720 --> 00:31:02,720 GERMAN ACCENT: President of ze world, 745 00:31:02,720 --> 00:31:04,200 it has happened ― 746 00:31:04,200 --> 00:31:06,120 ze climate has changed. 747 00:31:06,120 --> 00:31:08,120 (LAUGHTER) 748 00:31:09,360 --> 00:31:12,120 Prepare the luxury rocket ship. 749 00:31:12,120 --> 00:31:15,200 I'm taking my ass to another planet. 750 00:31:16,440 --> 00:31:19,280 - (HANDSET CLATTERS) - Where are you going? 751 00:31:19,280 --> 00:31:21,280 (FOOTSTEPS RECEDE) 752 00:31:21,280 --> 00:31:24,560 (ROCKET ENGINE ROARS, GROUND RUMBLES) 753 00:31:26,280 --> 00:31:29,960 Let's hope I do a better job at this next planet. 754 00:31:29,960 --> 00:31:31,880 (MELANCHOLY MUSIC) 755 00:31:31,880 --> 00:31:33,880 (LAUGHTER) 756 00:31:35,040 --> 00:31:36,400 (AMPLIFIED CLATTER) 757 00:31:36,400 --> 00:31:40,640 AMERICAN ACCENT: Hello. The President of the United States speaking on his phone. 758 00:31:40,640 --> 00:31:41,800 What? 759 00:31:41,800 --> 00:31:43,800 Oh my God! 760 00:31:44,120 --> 00:31:46,120 Allof the gymnasts? 761 00:31:46,680 --> 00:31:48,240 How many did we send? 762 00:31:48,240 --> 00:31:50,520 4600? And they're all dead? 763 00:31:50,920 --> 00:31:54,840 Well, goddammit. That means I'm the only trained gymnast left 764 00:31:54,840 --> 00:31:56,920 in the White House. - (LAUGHTER) 765 00:31:56,920 --> 00:32:00,800 I haven't done gymnastics since 1978 in 'Nam. 766 00:32:01,680 --> 00:32:03,680 Goddammit. 767 00:32:04,240 --> 00:32:06,920 NORMAL VOICE: I am actually calling someone. (LAUGHS) 768 00:32:06,920 --> 00:32:09,320 AMERICAN ACCENT: You never forget how to do this sort of stuff ― 769 00:32:09,320 --> 00:32:10,680 backflip, 770 00:32:10,680 --> 00:32:11,920 commando crawl... 771 00:32:11,920 --> 00:32:14,600 Oh, this takes me back to Saigon. 772 00:32:14,600 --> 00:32:16,600 (DRAMATIC, HEROIC MUSIC) 773 00:32:16,600 --> 00:32:18,600 (LAUGHTER) 774 00:32:28,560 --> 00:32:30,560 (SLOWED-DOWN GROAN) 775 00:32:30,560 --> 00:32:32,560 (LAUGHTER, APPLAUSE) 776 00:32:40,520 --> 00:32:42,520 (COUGHS) 777 00:32:43,440 --> 00:32:45,440 (TENSE MUSIC) 778 00:32:45,440 --> 00:32:47,440 (LAUGHTER) 779 00:32:47,800 --> 00:32:51,880 AMERICAN ACCENT: Here I am ― the fuckin' President, all the way from America ― 780 00:32:51,880 --> 00:32:54,760 and this is how they treat me here. Not very nice welcome. 781 00:32:54,760 --> 00:32:56,920 They say New Zealanders are super friendly, 782 00:32:56,920 --> 00:33:00,120 but (SCOFFS) they vote me in and they treat me like this?! 783 00:33:00,120 --> 00:33:01,960 Yeah, sure, I've done some bad stuff, 784 00:33:01,960 --> 00:33:06,040 but Samuel L. Jackson's on the line, standing over the detonator. 785 00:33:06,040 --> 00:33:08,680 If I say hello, he presses the button. 786 00:33:08,680 --> 00:33:11,360 If I say hi, I've changed my mind. 787 00:33:11,920 --> 00:33:13,920 Good luck, New Zealand. 788 00:33:16,400 --> 00:33:18,400 - Yep. - (LAUGHTER) 789 00:33:18,800 --> 00:33:20,680 Yup. Yeah, it's come to me at this top level. 790 00:33:20,680 --> 00:33:22,680 I'm not even gonna let the VP do it. Mate, this is a job 791 00:33:22,680 --> 00:33:24,280 for the President. 792 00:33:24,280 --> 00:33:26,680 It's important. Project Evil Queen, mate ― 793 00:33:26,680 --> 00:33:31,360 my men cannot be trusted. Snow White is too precious to all of us. 794 00:33:31,360 --> 00:33:35,160 I found out the caravan where the Evil Queen spends her summer. 795 00:33:35,160 --> 00:33:37,160 (SPY MUSIC) 796 00:33:38,120 --> 00:33:40,720 Yes! The Evil Queen's caravan. 797 00:33:40,760 --> 00:33:43,560 Nailed it. Absolutely nailed it. 798 00:33:44,440 --> 00:33:45,880 - Mm. - (CELL PHONE RINGS) 799 00:33:45,880 --> 00:33:47,360 (LAUGHTER) 800 00:33:47,360 --> 00:33:49,280 AMERICAN ACCENT: Hello? 801 00:33:49,280 --> 00:33:51,280 My God. 802 00:33:52,440 --> 00:33:54,440 I'll drive! - Sir. 803 00:33:54,440 --> 00:33:56,440 (TENSE MUSIC) 804 00:33:57,360 --> 00:33:58,600 Sir, what are you doing? 805 00:33:58,600 --> 00:34:00,320 I took a bite of a poisoned apple! 806 00:34:00,320 --> 00:34:02,360 If I don't get to a bath, I'll die! 807 00:34:02,360 --> 00:34:04,760 We're outta gas, goddammit! 808 00:34:06,120 --> 00:34:09,560 Where's the nearest bath?! - It's that way, Mr President. 809 00:34:09,560 --> 00:34:10,880 Goddammit! 810 00:34:10,880 --> 00:34:12,880 Come on! (GRUNTS) 811 00:34:13,280 --> 00:34:15,280 Yeah. Come on. 812 00:34:15,400 --> 00:34:17,400 Goddammit. (GRUNTS) 813 00:34:17,720 --> 00:34:19,240 (PANTS) 814 00:34:19,240 --> 00:34:20,600 Whoo! 815 00:34:20,600 --> 00:34:22,600 (GRUNTS) 816 00:34:22,600 --> 00:34:23,880 (LAUGHTER) 817 00:34:23,880 --> 00:34:25,400 OK! 818 00:34:25,400 --> 00:34:27,360 (PANTS) 819 00:34:27,360 --> 00:34:29,640 Ah! Goddammit! Goddammit! 820 00:34:30,000 --> 00:34:31,160 Come on! 821 00:34:31,160 --> 00:34:32,720 (LABOURED BREATHING) 822 00:34:32,720 --> 00:34:34,040 Yes! 823 00:34:34,040 --> 00:34:35,480 The bath! 824 00:34:35,480 --> 00:34:37,480 The bath. 825 00:34:38,160 --> 00:34:39,840 No. 826 00:34:39,840 --> 00:34:41,440 Someone took out the plug! 827 00:34:41,440 --> 00:34:43,440 There's no antidote! 828 00:34:43,480 --> 00:34:45,480 (SCREAMS) 829 00:34:49,000 --> 00:34:51,080 (SCREAM BECOMES CHOKED) 830 00:34:52,680 --> 00:34:54,680 (LAUGHTER) 831 00:34:55,800 --> 00:34:57,800 (SCREAM ENDS) 832 00:34:59,720 --> 00:35:01,720 (APPLAUSE, CHEERING) 833 00:35:03,720 --> 00:35:06,720 That actually made more sense than a lot of action movies... 834 00:35:06,720 --> 00:35:08,400 - Yeah. - ...to be fair. - PAUL: Wow. 835 00:35:08,400 --> 00:35:10,520 That accent of yours, Chris ― 836 00:35:10,520 --> 00:35:13,000 wow. That was something. - (LAUGHTER) 837 00:35:13,000 --> 00:35:15,040 Never quite knew where it was gonna land. 838 00:35:15,040 --> 00:35:18,440 UNIDENTIFIABLE RHOTIC ACCENT: I like to keep people on edge, you know? - (LAUGHTER) 839 00:35:18,440 --> 00:35:21,720 Josh, you had some problems with your pants staying on at one point. 840 00:35:21,720 --> 00:35:25,520 Also the wig― - I don't believe I noticed anything there. Um... 841 00:35:25,520 --> 00:35:30,200 But it was a real... anal feast, really. (LAUGHS) It was quite... 842 00:35:30,200 --> 00:35:33,600 - Sounds like my kind of movie. - (LAUGHTER) 843 00:35:34,160 --> 00:35:38,280 It was just really butt-heavy. I― (LAUGHS) I'm so sorry. 844 00:35:38,280 --> 00:35:43,320 Justine, great acting from you. Where did you get your inspiration for your accent? 845 00:35:43,320 --> 00:35:45,080 - Did I have an accent? - CHRIS, LAUGHING: No. 846 00:35:45,080 --> 00:35:47,080 - No. - Oh. - (LAUGHTER) 847 00:35:47,240 --> 00:35:50,640 So, I call that accent... Christchurch. 848 00:35:51,240 --> 00:35:55,880 - Kura, were you happy with Paul's role as Samuel L. Jackson? - (LAUGHS) 849 00:35:55,880 --> 00:35:59,320 Uh, yeah. I don't actually remember calling him that. 850 00:35:59,320 --> 00:36:02,040 I should've given you a bit more lines, maybe. 851 00:36:02,040 --> 00:36:05,280 - I think it's― it's better I don't do his voice. Yeah. - No, I think it's― Yeah. 852 00:36:05,280 --> 00:36:06,760 - (LAUGHTER) - I think that was fine. 853 00:36:06,760 --> 00:36:10,880 Paul, at one stage, you were running away and attacking yourself at the same time. 854 00:36:10,880 --> 00:36:13,640 It was meant to be kind of like a platoon thing ― me sort of running through 855 00:36:13,640 --> 00:36:15,000 and explosions and... - Mm. Mm. - Yeah. 856 00:36:15,000 --> 00:36:18,240 Well, somebody else threw the egg, and it did hit me in the penis. 857 00:36:18,240 --> 00:36:19,840 (LAUGHTER) 858 00:36:19,840 --> 00:36:23,760 So that was― that was not acting. That really hurt. 859 00:36:23,760 --> 00:36:25,640 - It didn't break, though. - It didn't break. 860 00:36:25,640 --> 00:36:26,640 - Soft landing. - Gave the egg― 861 00:36:26,640 --> 00:36:29,520 Gave the egg a hell of a shock, I tell you what. - (LAUGHS) 862 00:36:29,520 --> 00:36:32,840 Very hard to judge, to be honest, cos I think everybody was amazing. 863 00:36:32,840 --> 00:36:35,960 So if I'm going on accents, Justine, you're gonna get one point. 864 00:36:35,960 --> 00:36:36,960 - What?! - AUDIENCE: Aww! 865 00:36:36,960 --> 00:36:40,480 Kura, I'm gonna give you two because I thought Paul was very, very disappointing. 866 00:36:40,480 --> 00:36:43,120 Three for you, Paul. 867 00:36:43,200 --> 00:36:45,520 You took an egg to the nuts, which is impressive, 868 00:36:45,520 --> 00:36:48,280 so that is why you get three. - Oh, like we don't do that once a month. 869 00:36:48,280 --> 00:36:50,280 (LAUGHTER, APPLAUSE) 870 00:36:50,280 --> 00:36:52,480 - She's right. - (CHEERING) 871 00:36:53,440 --> 00:36:55,600 Josh, I would've given you more points, other than― 872 00:36:55,600 --> 00:36:57,760 that tongue action at the end was a little bit freaky... - Mm. 873 00:36:57,760 --> 00:36:58,640 ...so you get four, 874 00:36:58,640 --> 00:37:02,400 and Chris gets five for that remarkable international accent. 875 00:37:02,400 --> 00:37:05,920 - UNIDENTIFIABLE ACCENT: Thank you. - (CHEERING, APPLAUSE) 876 00:37:05,920 --> 00:37:09,960 Here's some ads, which are like little teaser trailers for food and products. 877 00:37:09,960 --> 00:37:12,040 We'll see you in a moment. - (CHEERING, APPLAUSE) 878 00:37:12,040 --> 00:37:14,320 (MISCHIEVOUS THEME MUSIC) 879 00:37:17,280 --> 00:37:19,280 (MISCHIEVOUS THEME MUSIC) 880 00:37:19,280 --> 00:37:21,800 - (CHEERING, APPLAUSE) - Welcome back. 881 00:37:21,800 --> 00:37:24,040 New Zealand pole vaulting champion Eliza McCartney 882 00:37:24,040 --> 00:37:26,200 is officially up for grabs as a prize tonight, 883 00:37:26,200 --> 00:37:30,360 so let's see if these comedians can jump one more hurdle. 884 00:37:30,360 --> 00:37:33,520 But first, Paul, update everyone on the scores, please. 885 00:37:33,520 --> 00:37:37,800 In first place, with 20 points, it's Chris Parker. 886 00:37:39,480 --> 00:37:41,480 - Whoo! - Who is going to win 887 00:37:41,480 --> 00:37:44,400 the nation's only medalling pole vaultist? 888 00:37:44,400 --> 00:37:46,760 There's only one way to find out ― a live task. 889 00:37:46,760 --> 00:37:51,520 Please take to the stage, everybody. - (CHEERING, APPLAUSE) 890 00:37:51,520 --> 00:37:54,280 Well, well, well. This one reeks of corporal punishment, 891 00:37:54,280 --> 00:37:57,040 which I, for one, get quite excited about. - (LAUGHTER) 892 00:37:57,040 --> 00:38:00,320 Paul, who's gonna lead the task? - Chris, please open your desk. 893 00:38:00,320 --> 00:38:02,320 - Ooh! - Oooh. 894 00:38:02,320 --> 00:38:03,960 No, kidding. 895 00:38:03,960 --> 00:38:04,960 Sir! Sir! 896 00:38:04,960 --> 00:38:07,400 He did the fingers to me, sir! - No, I didn't. No, I didn't! Don't be a snitch! 897 00:38:07,400 --> 00:38:09,680 - Oh, fuck you. - (LAUGHTER) 898 00:38:10,040 --> 00:38:12,040 'Win the great debate. 899 00:38:12,080 --> 00:38:18,720 'Each round, you will be given a moot that your team must argue either for or against. 900 00:38:18,720 --> 00:38:22,360 'Your argument must consist of exactly six lines. 901 00:38:22,360 --> 00:38:24,640 'Your team must alternate lines. 902 00:38:24,640 --> 00:38:27,240 'Every second line must rhyme. 903 00:38:27,520 --> 00:38:29,880 'Best rhyming argument wins. 904 00:38:29,880 --> 00:38:33,040 'Your time starts on Paul's whistle.' 905 00:38:33,040 --> 00:38:35,920 So, the first round ― 'Bees are good.' 906 00:38:35,920 --> 00:38:41,000 Paul and Chris will be taking the affirmative; Kura, Justine and Josh will be taking the negative. 907 00:38:41,000 --> 00:38:44,080 Up first, the affirmative. (BLOWS WHISTLE) 908 00:38:44,080 --> 00:38:45,560 Bees are good. 909 00:38:45,560 --> 00:38:47,480 They like to fly. 910 00:38:47,480 --> 00:38:48,840 Bees are great. 911 00:38:48,840 --> 00:38:50,480 They stung this guy. 912 00:38:50,480 --> 00:38:53,760 Bees are swell. They're really fuzzy. 913 00:38:53,960 --> 00:38:58,640 Bees make this thing called honey. I think that's kinda buzzy. 914 00:38:58,640 --> 00:39:00,480 Bees are awesome! 915 00:39:00,480 --> 00:39:02,440 They make a cool sound. 916 00:39:02,440 --> 00:39:04,000 Bees... 917 00:39:04,000 --> 00:39:05,640 (LAUGHTER) 918 00:39:05,640 --> 00:39:08,320 ...exist in all sorts of places; 919 00:39:08,440 --> 00:39:12,440 around the world they can be found. - (APPLAUSE) 920 00:39:12,880 --> 00:39:14,480 And now the rebuttal. 921 00:39:14,480 --> 00:39:16,480 Bees are awful. 922 00:39:16,960 --> 00:39:19,040 They can sting your face. 923 00:39:19,160 --> 00:39:22,160 Bees are terrible because they do not know their place. 924 00:39:22,160 --> 00:39:24,040 Bees are bad. 925 00:39:24,040 --> 00:39:26,040 Oh, I hate them so. 926 00:39:26,160 --> 00:39:27,840 Bees are gross. 927 00:39:27,840 --> 00:39:29,840 Their hive doth grow! 928 00:39:30,160 --> 00:39:33,120 Bees are bad. One once stung my foot. 929 00:39:33,120 --> 00:39:35,600 Bees are so bad... 930 00:39:35,680 --> 00:39:38,880 I feel like crushing them into soot. 931 00:39:38,880 --> 00:39:40,880 (APPLAUSE) 932 00:39:41,760 --> 00:39:44,320 Very valid points from both teams. I think everyone will agree 933 00:39:44,320 --> 00:39:46,960 the negative won that round. - (CHEERING) 934 00:39:46,960 --> 00:39:48,120 KURA: Whooo! (THUMPS DESK) 935 00:39:48,120 --> 00:39:51,880 Our second round ― 'Spoons are the best utensil.' 936 00:39:51,880 --> 00:39:53,360 Spoons... 937 00:39:53,360 --> 00:39:55,360 are the best utensil. 938 00:39:55,640 --> 00:39:58,040 They can be used for so much. 939 00:39:58,320 --> 00:40:00,320 Spoons... 940 00:40:00,440 --> 00:40:03,120 are used for food or scraping... 941 00:40:03,720 --> 00:40:05,800 the sweat from my 'crutch'. 942 00:40:05,800 --> 00:40:07,680 (LAUGHTER) 943 00:40:07,680 --> 00:40:09,960 Spoons are the best utensil, 944 00:40:09,960 --> 00:40:12,280 ideal for slurping tea. 945 00:40:12,520 --> 00:40:14,920 Spoons are the best utensil 946 00:40:15,080 --> 00:40:16,480 because... 947 00:40:16,480 --> 00:40:19,960 I like to be little spoon, me. - (LAUGHTER) 948 00:40:20,000 --> 00:40:22,160 Spoons are the best utensil. 949 00:40:22,160 --> 00:40:25,160 My flatmate burns them on the stove. 950 00:40:25,640 --> 00:40:28,120 Spoons are the best utensil. 951 00:40:28,320 --> 00:40:30,200 I like to keep them... 952 00:40:30,200 --> 00:40:32,200 in my grove. - (APPLAUSE) 953 00:40:32,200 --> 00:40:34,680 - Is it 'grove'? I dunno. - Yeah, 'grove' is a thing. 954 00:40:34,680 --> 00:40:37,480 - And the negative. - I love forks. 955 00:40:37,920 --> 00:40:39,720 Give me knives. 956 00:40:39,720 --> 00:40:42,240 But spoons ― get in the bin. 957 00:40:42,480 --> 00:40:45,440 Get in the bin, spoons! 958 00:40:45,640 --> 00:40:47,640 I'd rather use 959 00:40:47,680 --> 00:40:50,240 a spatula 'agin'. 960 00:40:50,240 --> 00:40:52,240 (LAUGHTER) 961 00:40:55,240 --> 00:40:59,200 Spoons are pretty crap. You can do much more with a knife. 962 00:40:59,200 --> 00:41:01,200 Exactly! 963 00:41:01,840 --> 00:41:03,840 (LAUGHTER) 964 00:41:04,160 --> 00:41:05,880 Spoons... 965 00:41:05,880 --> 00:41:07,880 don't give me any life. 966 00:41:08,360 --> 00:41:11,600 Have you ever used one of those weird pasta things 967 00:41:11,600 --> 00:41:14,400 with the springy bits on the side? 968 00:41:14,520 --> 00:41:18,400 If you haven't used one of those, I'm afraid I think you've lied. 969 00:41:18,400 --> 00:41:21,800 - (CHEERING, APPLAUSE) - Sorry, Jussie. 970 00:41:22,120 --> 00:41:24,240 I'm going with the affirmative on that one. 971 00:41:24,240 --> 00:41:27,560 It's 1-1. It all comes down to the final round. 972 00:41:27,560 --> 00:41:29,720 'Dancing should be illegal.' 973 00:41:29,720 --> 00:41:33,120 Dancing should be illegal. It can look like you're having a fit. 974 00:41:33,120 --> 00:41:34,760 Dancing should be illegal. 975 00:41:34,760 --> 00:41:38,760 When dads do it, it looks like shit. - (LAUGHTER) 976 00:41:38,880 --> 00:41:43,520 Dancing should be illegal. Just go for a run and listen to some tunes. 977 00:41:43,520 --> 00:41:45,160 Dancing should be illegal ― 978 00:41:45,160 --> 00:41:46,960 again, when dads do it, 979 00:41:46,960 --> 00:41:49,840 they look like buffoons. - (LAUGHTER) 980 00:41:49,840 --> 00:41:54,480 Dancing should be illegal because I hate seeing people have fun. 981 00:41:54,480 --> 00:42:00,440 Dancing should be illegal because it just looks like you're going on a terrible run. 982 00:42:00,440 --> 00:42:02,240 - (APPLAUSE) - Well done, mate. Tough one. 983 00:42:02,240 --> 00:42:03,840 And now the negative. 984 00:42:03,840 --> 00:42:07,520 Dancing should be celebrated. It's a chance to kick up your feet. 985 00:42:07,520 --> 00:42:09,480 Dancing... 986 00:42:09,480 --> 00:42:13,160 should be everywhere, all over the world... 987 00:42:14,160 --> 00:42:17,440 - (SNIGGERS) - ...and you should shout it out... 988 00:42:17,440 --> 00:42:18,840 through the street. 989 00:42:18,840 --> 00:42:21,520 Dancing should be everywhere! 990 00:42:21,720 --> 00:42:23,360 I want to move 991 00:42:23,360 --> 00:42:25,360 like the ocean. 992 00:42:25,360 --> 00:42:27,360 (LAUGHTER) 993 00:42:28,000 --> 00:42:32,880 If I dance too hard and chafe my thighs, I need some lotion. 994 00:42:33,040 --> 00:42:34,840 I love to dance. 995 00:42:34,840 --> 00:42:37,280 It makes me feel so free. 996 00:42:37,480 --> 00:42:39,640 Sometimes I dance so hard 997 00:42:39,640 --> 00:42:43,520 out comes a little pee! - (LAUGHTER, APPLAUSE) 998 00:42:45,600 --> 00:42:47,200 Jeremy, it all comes down to this. 999 00:42:47,200 --> 00:42:50,000 - The negative have taken it out with that. Very well done. - (CHEERING) 1000 00:42:50,000 --> 00:42:52,320 Yeah, well done. Well done. 1001 00:42:52,320 --> 00:42:55,480 Brilliant debating, everyone. Come on back down to the stage. 1002 00:42:55,480 --> 00:42:58,160 - (APPLAUSE, CHEERING) - (GRUNTS) 1003 00:43:00,000 --> 00:43:01,560 So, Paul, 1004 00:43:01,560 --> 00:43:03,280 who took that one out, then? 1005 00:43:03,280 --> 00:43:06,640 Well, the team of three ― Josh, Justine and Kura. 1006 00:43:06,640 --> 00:43:08,160 But how do you want to score it? 1007 00:43:08,160 --> 00:43:11,560 - Uh, Josh, Justine and Kura should get three points. - OK. 1008 00:43:11,560 --> 00:43:15,040 - And I think Paul and Chris should get two points. - Sounds good. 1009 00:43:15,040 --> 00:43:17,040 - Seems fair. - OK. 1010 00:43:17,240 --> 00:43:21,440 OK, Paul. So who's leading the season with three eps to go? 1011 00:43:21,440 --> 00:43:25,240 It is very close. This is, I think, overall, the closest season we've had. 1012 00:43:25,240 --> 00:43:28,120 Paul and Kura both on 106, 1013 00:43:28,280 --> 00:43:30,280 Justine on 107, 1014 00:43:30,400 --> 00:43:32,280 Chris on 108, 1015 00:43:32,280 --> 00:43:34,760 and then Josh out on 117. 1016 00:43:34,760 --> 00:43:37,200 - Well, well, well. - (APPLAUSE) 1017 00:43:37,200 --> 00:43:41,000 But importantly, tonight, there can only be one winner, 1018 00:43:41,000 --> 00:43:43,200 who is having a hotdog for dinner 1019 00:43:43,200 --> 00:43:44,720 with Eliza McCartney. - (TITTERING) 1020 00:43:44,720 --> 00:43:47,520 He's gone back to back ― with 22 points, 1021 00:43:47,520 --> 00:43:51,120 it's Chris Parker! - (CHEERING, APPLAUSE) 1022 00:43:51,680 --> 00:43:54,280 Congratulations, Chris. Enjoy your sticks 1023 00:43:54,280 --> 00:43:56,520 and please look after Eliza. 1024 00:43:56,520 --> 00:43:59,000 There's another Olympics coming up soon, so... 1025 00:43:59,000 --> 00:44:01,440 Go and enjoy the spoils. - Yay! 1026 00:44:01,440 --> 00:44:04,200 - Be respectful. - Well, that ends this episode. 1027 00:44:04,200 --> 00:44:06,840 Well, we saw the tragic return of David Correos, 1028 00:44:06,840 --> 00:44:09,920 and Paul Williams was finally paid for his efforts on the show 1029 00:44:09,920 --> 00:44:12,840 by everyone except Paul Ego. - (LAUGHTER) 1030 00:44:14,320 --> 00:44:20,280 - The biggest winner of tonight was, of course, our winner, Chris Parker! - (CHEERING, APPLAUSE) 1031 00:44:20,280 --> 00:44:24,480 Thank you so much for joining us tonight. Po marie ― goodnight! 1032 00:44:24,480 --> 00:44:26,480 Oh, it's Eliza! 1033 00:44:26,480 --> 00:44:28,480 ('TASKMASTER' THEME) 1034 00:44:28,480 --> 00:44:32,480 Captions were made with the support of NZ On Air. 1035 00:44:32,480 --> 00:44:35,560 www.able.co.nz Copyright Able 2022 1036 00:44:39,000 --> 00:44:42,280 We're watching our comedians make their very own best friend. 1037 00:44:42,280 --> 00:44:44,720 Oh my God! 1038 00:44:44,720 --> 00:44:46,600 Oh, you stupid idiot. 1039 00:44:46,600 --> 00:44:48,680 I would not want to be any of your friends. 1040 00:44:48,680 --> 00:44:51,720 JOSH: We've all got our faults. I have problems with portion control; 1041 00:44:51,720 --> 00:44:53,880 Tony's a big Third Reich guy. - (LAUGHTER) 1042 00:44:53,880 --> 00:44:55,800 Tony, you're incorrigible!