Ooh-hoo-hoo.
My name is Paul Williams.
Oh!
Kia or koutou. Welcome to the show known as Taskmasker.
It's the penultimate episode, but I am still the ultimate Jeremy Wells.
However, for the next wee while, you better sit up straight and call me the Taskmaster.
With only two episodes to go in the season,
our five comedians are starting to show signs of zombie-like desperation ―
shaking, foaming at the mouth,
incoherent babbling about needing my head in golden statue form.
Only one will satisfy their urges, but let's enjoy them all while we still can.
Once again, they are Chris Parker,...
...Josh Thomson,...
...Justine Smith,...
Thank you.
...Kura Forrester...
...and Paul Ego.
If they do turn full zombie, I know exactly who my number one human shield will be.
Please welcome the first person I'd sacrifice, Paul Williams.
Let's kick the show off, Paul. - We start, as always, with a prize task.
This week ― the best baffling mystery.
- - OK. Let's see what mysteries you guys have brought in,
starting with Justine Smith.
OK, Taskmaster. Now, this week, I've brought in quite a natural kind of mystery.
It is a pot of dirt.
Now, OK, I now it's not overwhelming at first, but what is in this pot of dirt, Taskmaster?
Is it something beautiful? Is it something edible? Is it something smokable? I don't know.
Now, I know what you're thinking, cos I've learnt to read that face ―
that chiselled face that you could grate some cheese on those cheekbones ―
I've learnt to read...
...your face a little bit, and while you're thinking, 'This is just a pot of dirt,'
you know, potentially, I could've done a little bit better,
but then by last week, the way you scored the doppelgangers, when mine was clearly the best,
I thought, oh well, I'll just bring in a pot of dirt.
Josh, what did you bring in?
Well, I thought you did a great job of the judging of the doppelgangers, to be honest.
- Well, when I was a child,
my favourite doll was a Boba Fett action man thing from Star Wars.
Boba Fett wasn't actually that one, because I lost him. This is the packet I got it in, though.
I remember I was playing in a paddock next to a trough.
And here's the paddock here.
And I remember burying him, and then I got told to come in cos it was dark.
And I was really distraught, cos the next day, I couldn't find him. I was digging up, and I couldn't find him.
And then I kinda forgot about Boba.
Kenner, who made the Boba Fett doll, made a range that had a rocket that would fire out of thebackpack.
They made it for only a very, very small amount of time,
because children may or may not have choked on the rocket.
So they discontinued it.
I specifically remember being able to fire a rocket out of this Boba Fett.
Now, a Boba Fett doll that has a firing rocket last year sold for US$225,000.
Oof.
So, somewhere in that paddock...
...is US$250,000.
The mystery here is why you think I would care about this.
Kura, what did you bring in?
I think you'll agree I'm a great gal, right?
- Yeah, you're a great gal. - And so would my friends here.
- Sure, hard out. - Yeah, 100%.
- I'm funny. - Yep. - PAUL EGO: Yes.
- I live in Avondale. - Yes. - Whoo!
- I got a good job. - Sure.
- Good boobs. - Good boobs.
Here's the mystery ― I ask you, why...
is she still single?
And so I present to you, and whoever wins tonight can take control of this,
my Bumble account.
- Ohh. - Ahh. - Yeah.
For those of you who don't know, Bumble is an online dating, you know, thing.
So this is my profile. It says, 'Looking for something serious, but still fun. Ha-ha face.'
My interests ― concerts, theatre, cafe-hopping, coffee and ambition.
- I'm intrigued by one of her interests being 'ambition'. - Yeah.
- 'What are you doing this weekend?' 'Being ambitious.' - Yes.
Chris, what did you bring in?
I've got something that I know is very important to someone in this cast.
And I've got a picture of it up here.
- It's a box.
I thought I could reveal it, but I think some mysteries are better left unsolved.
I'm scared, cos I-I recently watched the movie 'Se7en'.
Yeah, but you don't have a wife.
Well, not any more.
It's gonna be tricky to judge that one, Chris, but we'll move on to Paul.
OK, Taskmaster. During the week, and sometimes on the weekends,
I like to catch up with mates for a coffee. And sometimes they're close friends; sometimes they're family.
So my question to you, my mystery is this ―
of all the people that I could choose to go and have a coffee with during the week or on theweekends,
why on Earth am I having coffee with your mum?
Why are you having coffee with my mum?
Oh, look, Sheryl and I catch up most weeks for a coffee and talk about, you know,
how proud we both are of how your career's gone and stuff like that.
We couldn't be prouder, to be honest.
I think the concerning thing is, and I think my father and my brother will agree with me onthis,
I've never seen her happier.
Time to judge.
One for your dirt, Justine.
- Two for your mysterious box, Chris. - Fine.
Three for your Boba Fett, Josh.
Four for your Tinder mystery, which is a mystery, to be fair. - Thank you.
- And I'll give you five points for that, Paul. - Thank you.
A lot of effort went into that. Making my mother smile ― not easy.
OK, Paul, at least solve one mystery for me ― are we going to have another task?
We are. I can feel it in the wind. This task is au naturel.
Hi, Paul.
Oh!
- Have you ever killed anyone in here? - Uh-uh.
Ooh! What if something's in here?
Ooh!
'Become one with nature.'
'Fastest wins.'
'Your time starts now.'
Am I gonna shit in the woods? Is that what you want?
- Do you want me to stop the clock? - We could get better, couldn't we? Let's go. Let's go outside.
It sounds simple. Let's see some botany boobies or bum wees. Paul, who's first?
One of them has 'forest' in her last name; the other has forests on every shirt he owns.
It's Kura and Paul.
Oh, there's so much nature. Which nature shall I become one with, though?
Natural things.
This isn't very fast.
What's better ― to be fast or good?
Oh, this is good. This is a good sort of setting.
We've got a good bit of climbing ability here. I hope I just don't hurt my Crocs.
- Do you know the song 'Natural Woman'? - Mm-hm.
Could you sing it for me?
- That's beautiful. - # ...woman. ♪
I am Groot.
It's a movie reference. - Uh-huh.
This represents earth, sea,
air, sky.
How do I become one with it?
Finished. - Stop the clock? - Yeah.
- So you want me to stop the clock? - Hang on. Just give me a minute.
I'm just soaking up the sound of the cicadas. - Thought you were weeing.
Well, I'm doing that as― You didn't need to mention that.
- Thank you, Kura. - Sorry for the mess. - That's OK.
There are so many sticks up me.
How am I gonna explain that at home?
'Why have you got twigs in your pants?' 'Oh, I had sex with an old broom.'
- Paul, you climbed a tree. - Yeah, quite high too.
- The Crocs came in handy ― again. - They did. They blended in beautifully with the tree.
And great sp― You see how high― how quickly I got up to that height?
That was cos of the cushioning in the Croc. That's why a lot of mountain climbers wear them.
Hillary had Crocs on ― Edmund Hillary.
Yeah.
You could hear him going up, just...
How long did Paul take to climb the tree?
So, Paul claimed to be one with nature in three minutes and 24 seconds.
Yeah, I get in the zone quite quick.
- And what about Kura? - Kura ― 4.57.
OK. Any more nature, Paul? And remember, we are looking for the fastest time here, aren't we?
Well, that's the good thing about nature ― there will always be more of it, no matter whatwe do.
Enjoy.
- Do you feel one with nature? - I do.
What are you doing?
I feel really relaxed, actually.
I've got the warm grass. I've got clouds.
Pfffft!
- Time. - Stop the clock? - Yeah.
- Were you one with nature? - Oh, I was a goose.
- Bit me on the arm. - Yeah, well... It's very natural, isn't it?
You think the Taskmaster will accept that?
If the Taskmaster doesn't like it...
- You'll give him some sticks. - I'll... stick it to him.
- You think anyone will top that? - Well,...
all they'd have to do would be take off all their clothes and hop in there.
# Only the crumbliest,
Oh, that's the song from the Flake ad. - I don't know that ad.
- I'm one with nature, though. - I'll stop the clock.
- Yeah. Have you got any undies? - No, sorry.
OK. It's gonna be an uncomfortable drive home.
- Do you think anyone will beat this? - It'll be annoying if someone does.
Oh, did...
did someone shit in the woods?
So gross in there!
Well done, mate.
- Josh, of course, that lake has been dubbed 'Poo Lake'. - Yeah.
- Correct, yep. - Was it dubbed 'Poo Lake' before or after you went into it?
There was a lot of gross...
duck, goose, other effluent from the farms nearby. - So much.
There was I'm pretty sure an eel. Someone said there was, like, some carp, those koi.
And I saw, like, an orange flash ―
I thought you were in there for one second; there was, like, a thing swimming past me ―
- # Da, da. # - Aargh!
How were the times?
- So, Chris became a goose in two minutes and 13 seconds. - Quick to be a goose.
Justine incredibly managed to lie on the ground in one minute flat.
Very quick. Josh ― eight minutes and 20 seconds.
Well, I think when we come to score this, I think it's fair to say Josh was definitely...
- Yep. - ...the most at one with nature. - OK.
- For sure. - So I think you should get five points for that, Josh,
even though your time was the longest. And then I thinking timing from then on.
- The time for the rest? - I think so.
So that would be one point for Kura, two for Paul, three for Chris, and four for Justine.
Time for the most natural thing in the television kingdom ― an ad break. Enjoy it, and we'll beback soon.
Welcome back to the full-body experience that is Taskmaster.
Before we dive into another task, who is out in front?
- Josh Thomson with eight points. - Very good.
Well, I'd like to see another task, please.
This task is the most important task of the day. Bon appetit.
Whoo! Positive!
A positive man. What's happening, Paul?
Hey, P Willy. You're lookin' nice today. Is that a new jacket?
- Uh, no, same jacket. - It's the same jacket.
What's it gonna say? Fill up this box. Fastest fill wins.
Lucky I'm not writing the tasks, eh, Paul?
'Create and advertise an amazing new cereal.'
'Best new cereal wins.'
'You have one hour.'
'Your time starts noooooooow.'
OK. It's gotta be yum.
What textures do you like in cereal?
- Honestly, that's none of your beeswax. - Beeswax?
Who eats cereal? Kids, really. Stoned people at night. Mine's gonna be for kids.
I need, like, 20 bucks.
- OK. - I'm gonna put it in the box.
None of yer beeswax. I think that's what we'll call it.
And then we'll get Mike McRoberts or whoever to be like, 'It's none of your beeswax, but it ismine.'
This is gonna be good, you see. It's what a lot of people forget about ― honey.
You know, they think it's just to lure bears into your house for sex, but it's not. It'snot.
Every box contains 20 to 50 bucks. But it only costs $1.50.
- Wow. - That's amazing, right?
What do you think about big men and milk?
- Me? - Mm.
Yeah, it's good.
We'll seal that up with something, you know.
This might be a good chance to use the honey I was talking about just as a...
you know, it becomes, like, a natural wax, like a sealing―
You can use your finger to just sorta seal the join.
Amazing part.
And my cereal's gonna be called Sugar Boogers, and they're gonna be like snot. The ki―
Why is everything I do a bit gross? I should do something nice.
No, I'm afraid it's gonna be Sugar Boogers.
Do you like honey?
Don't tell anyone.
We're filming this.
Kura, I'm no Steve Jobs, but I'm just thinking, so, you've got a product there ―
you're giving away $20 inside of your cereal. Your product's gonna be $1.50.
Seems a little fraught.
How so?
You're losing $18.50 per box.
Oh, yeah, no, I'm just a creator.
Somebody else is gonna worry about that when it gets manufactured. Yeah, yeah.
No, don't worry about it.
OK. We've got five brand-new cereals.
Personally, I never thought it was the most important meal of the day,
but I'm ready to have my mind changed. Who's first?
He was named after cornflakes. It's Chris P.
- What would you like to eat, son? - None of Yer Beeswax.
- Excuse your fucking mouth! - No, it's a cereal. It's the name of the cereal.
Of course. How dumb of me.
None of Your Beeswax is the cereal with the nutritional value people say is none of you beeswax.
But don't take our word for it. Here's what our celebrity influencers have to say about it.
It's none of your beeswax.
But it's all mine.
I love...
...None of Your Beeswax cereal.
How does it taste?
Tastes like... none of yer beeswax.
Excuse your fucking mouth! Oh, I'm sorry. I get it.
None of Yer Beeswax. It's none of your beeswax, but it is mine.
Oh man. The barely contained physical abuse is such a great way to connect with household shoppers.
Mm. Parents will be like, 'I'm fuckin' buying that.'
I honestly thought 'genius', because the milk came in a box in a little bag.
- Was that―? Was that breast milk? - No, it'smilkmilk.
Why would it be breast milk? - JUSTINE: What is wrong with you? - Cos it was, like, yellow.
That's what breast milk― You store it― - No, cos it's, like, honey-themed.
Oh right. Cos you store breast milk in a pouch.
Josh, they're called breasts.
Oh
Whose amazing new cereal have you got next for us, Paul?
With a new cereal for breakfasters on a budget, it's Kura Forrester.
Hi. Are you poor but love healthy breakfasts?
Do you love a breakfast that costs under $2?
Then you need to try the amazing new Paupers Grain.
Do you like deez nuts or are you a pussy?
Because this is chock-full or delicious healthy nuts, rolled oats, chocolate,
but also, it has an amazing surprise right inside every box.
You won't be hungry for the rest of the day until night-time, and then you can just have it for dinner.
Try it. Paupers Grain. Yummy, yummy.
- Paupers Grain. - Pauper.
- That name again, please. - Paupers Grain.
For poor people. - No, I know!
Is it a bad...? Is it a bad word? I thought it was like Mary Poppins.
It's not a bad word. It's not a word that you hear bandied about a lot these days.
- Yeah, well― Yeah. - They kind of― They dropped it out when Oliver Twist grew up.
Yeah.
Well, I couldn't call it Poor People's Grain.
- Well, that's essentially what you've done. - You kind of did, though.
I mean, I reckon it'll shift some units; there's no doubt about that. But is it sustainable?
Yes.
I told you ― somebody in, uh,...
finance is gonna...
suss it out.
That has convinced me
Whose amazing new cereal do you have for us next, Paul?
It's not Just Right; it's Justine.
# Sugar Booga.
Ingredients ― low-protein salt, stevia, maize, cornstarch, wheat, soy, sodium phosphate...
- So good, Juzzie. - Oh yeah.
- Yes! - Oh yeah!
It is hard seeing the kids not be down with your hipness.
It's hard to be this cool at 53 and a white woman from Christchurch, Jeremy.
I mean, and some of the audience out there will remember Robert D Frogg ― drips waste water.
That took me back to that. Or maybe the Chickadees ad. - OK...?
Nobody else will remember that.
He grew up when people were still saying 'pauper'.
Well, we've tried some of the oldest tricks in the sales book,
including aggressively yelling at you, promising free money, and likening its flavour to boogers.
How do the pros do it? Well, we'll see you after this.
Welcome back to Taskmaster,
where not for the first time this season, we've got a real-life mum up for grabs.
What the hell is happening now, though, Paul?
We're dipping our toes into the lucrative breakfast cereal market.
Our comedians have been making and advertising their own.
We've seen Sugar Boogas, Paupers Grain and one more that I'm not gonna say the name of,
because, honestly, it's none of your beeswax. - ...none of your beeswax.
Excuse your fuckin' mouth!
- Who else do we have to see, Paul? - He's the toast of Devonport. It's Paul Ego.
Ah. Mornings in the forest. I love them.
Smelling the honey out here, the vanilla, the oats,
all the naturally occurring smells that I love to shove into my face every morning at breakfast time.
And now you can too with Paul Ego's new Vanilla Hunna Noats.
Naturally occurring honey ― there's nothing quite like it.
It's very sweet.
One of the great things about Vanilla Hunna Noats is the entire box is sealed with honey,
such a beautiful natural adhesive.
And cereal bowls ― you won't even need them.
The good thing about the Hunna Noats is you can enjoy them...
...straight from the box.
Just simply pour the milk directly into the box of Hunna Noats and just enjoy them straight out.
Paul Ego's Vanilla Hunna Noats ― just a fantastic way to start the day the natural way.
Vanilla Hunna Noats.
Mmm.
No wonder bears love them.
- That was very good. - Thank you.
They actually were quite delicious, yeah.
What was in Hunna Noats?
There was a lot of, um― well, oats, obviously and a lot of hunna,
uh, which is a natural product very much like honey but with hummus also added.
Everything suddenly feels sticky.
But I'd like to see one more, please, Paul. - It's Josh Thomson.
Raw oats.
Golden popcorn.
Shredded coconut.
Pieces of apricot.
Hand-hulled pistachios.
Mustachios.
The genderless cereal ― for now.
Whatever genitals you got, try it.
It's the flavour of now.
Well, all right!
- What was that last bit? - Oh, I was kinda just thinking of cool things to say.
I said, 'Well, all right.' - Oh! K.
- Well, all right! - Is that, like, the catchphrase? - Yeah, I thought it... Yep.
Mustachios.
Well, all right!
That would've been one of the better takes. - Sorry.
It's OK.
But all jokes aside, if this gets picked up, is that my copyright? - Yeah.
Well, all right!
- Well, all right! - All right!
Well, all right!
I thought Intolerance Man's catchphrase, 'Yeah!' was good.
But 'Well, all right!' probably betters it.
- It was really funny in your voice. - Yeah, the way you said it was really good.
Well, all right!
It's a great way to sort of change subject or something.
Like, you know, if you're visiting relatives and... - Oh my God.
...someone says something casually racist, leave a big pause and then go, 'Well, all right!'
There have been two great things that have emerged out of this task. It's the 'Well, all right!'...
- - ... and Chris'... - Excuse your fuckin' mouth!
- Which would also work well with the racism angle too. - Yeah, absolutely.
Oh my God. Oh!
I think someone's had too many Sugar Boogas.
I wanna give everyone maximum points, but I don't think that's kinda fair,
and I've been doing too much of that probably.
So, I'm not a big fan of eating boogers, so I'll give one to Justine.
What?!
- Oop. - Well, all right!
I'll go two points for Chris. Three points for Josh and the 'Well, all right!'
And I'll go four points ― yours actually looked quite nice, Paul. - Thank you.
And five points for Kura, cos who doesn't want 20 bucks in their cereal?
Thank you!
What is our overall scoreboard doing, Paul?
In first equal, both on 11, it's Josh and Paul.
OK, Paul, dip your little spoon into the bowl of tasks and slurp off the milk
and present me another one, please.
Here's a task that hopefully none of our contestants have ever done before.
Oh!
That's a bit CSI cadaver.
Where's Paul?
Paul?
P Willy, is this you?
Is this who I think it is?
'Hide this body.'
'The body that stays hidden the longest wins.'
'Detective Paul will start searching in 15 minutes.'
'Time starts now.'
Aw.
I feel like this might be my old mate Lucy.
Consuela.
Yes, my friend.
Aw. Gorothia.
Oh no. Is this Tony?
Aw.
Not what you deserved.
I think I might put her in the roof.
Or in the shed ― that's really obvious.
Let's go.
Why are you all wet?
Now, before we go too far with this task, I did notice something unusual with you in that one, Chris.
You were, um, quite wet. - Yeah, pretty wet for this challenge.
- Was there any reason for that, Paul? - Yes.
So, basically, there was a hidden task in the house.
- Anyone could've found it.
It took several weeks, but eventually, Chris found it while he was shooting his superheromovie.
Here's a video of him finding it dressed as the goose. - What?
I need, like, a...
I'll use this. I don't know whose this is.
I found a task.
'Do one of your tasks completely wet.
'If you complete the task wet, you win.
'Your time starts when you show up to your task...'
Not yet, but I'm gonna do this.
I saw that task under that duck.
OK, so just reiterate what's happened there, Paul.
The task was very simple ― perform a task wet, completely wet.
- And did you perform the task completely wet, Chris? - I was sodden.
- So, then Chris gets an extra five points. - Ka-ching!
- Simple.
And that's what happens when you go through people's drawers.
It's the reality TV show TVNZ has always wanted to make ― Hide Your Best Friend's Body.
Whose corpse disposal do we get to see first, Paul?
Their besties will be remembered for their infectious personalities, hatred of parkour
and love of heroin. Here's Justine disposing of Lucy and Paul disposing of Consuela.
If he comes round this side, he'll see it. Where wouldn't someone look for a body?
- Hello. - I got such a fright.
That looks pretty thick over there.
- Hey, what are you doing? - I'm just... I'm just... just looking for things.
Stay in there, Paul. - OK.
Drag it deeper into the forest.
It's a lot of work getting rid of a body. I don't know what...
- There are things in here if you― - No, I've got things out here, thank you.
- What? What was that?
Go back into the house to act natural.
OK. Think that's hidden.
Oh!
Stop the clock.
9m from where I was.
It's a bold tactic, but it hasn't come off.
In the first place I looked.
How long did it take you to find that?
So, I found Justine's best friend in 52 seconds.
I was so smug about that.
I was like, yeah, he's never finding that.
It was metres away from where he was.
I consistently checked under the caravan first for all of them, except for Paul,
who I checked behind the shed, because I could hear him hiding the body there.
So, I found Paul's best friend in 44 seconds.
- I didn't know you were in the shed. - No.
I was literally behind the shed going, 'I'm going to hide it here in the forest...'
'...behind the shed.'
And Paul's going, 'Right, well, I'll write that down.'
Right, we're gonna take a short ad break
over which Paul Williams will be emitting and sustaining a noise with his mouth.
We'll see you after the break.
Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh.
Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh...
- Thank you, Paul. - ...hhhhhh.
Welcome back to Taskmaster and our mystery murder and mother episode.
What criminal acts are we in the midst of now, Paul?
Our comedians have been asked to hide the best friends that they made in episode eight.
Whoever's best friend can stay hidden for the longest wins.
Which deranged cadaver-disposer do we get to see next?
Their friends will be remembered for their laid-back attitudes,
love of the high sea and lack of clothing. It's Kura with Gorothia and Josh with Tony.
Have you seen a body?
That way?
- Pretty close. - I'mpretty close?
You're hot...
physically.
Lukewarm.
I don't think it's up there.
It's quite nice, this ― finally not being the one in the dark.
Did you leave the property?
All the information...
...you need are in the task.
Oh, it feels so good to say that.
Yas!
Oh, I wouldn't― I wouldn't look in there.
- Why? - You might be upset.
I heard someone running on gravel,...
...so that's why I'm searching the gravel.
I am upset, cos it wasn't in there.
There's something on the deck.
I want you to know that I'll never stop looking. - OK.
But I am gonna have a break.
I'm enjoying this.
Hello.
It's Paul Williams here.
It's Monday the 4th of April at 2.35pm
in the year 2022.
I was just about to leave for the day when I decided to do one last check of the woods.
And I found something.
Recognise that face anywhere.
It's Tony.
Stop the clock.
When we're not filming tasks, I've continued my hunt to find bodies. And I think I've just found one.
It's Gorothia.
She deserved a burial at sea.
I loved the subterfuge. I loved the scraping with the gravel.
Yeah, I lost my mind. I found you in the shed, so I was trying to do these distraction things.
I also buried the sack somewhere else in the forest. Did you find that?
I did, and I got very excited.
I... I saw a bit of it, and I went and got a camera person and was like, 'Come. I've found one.'
And they were like, 'OK.'
Just a sack. - Oh, far out. - Yeah, Josh.
So I began searching for Josh's best friend at 5.57 on a Thursday.
And the remains were found the following Monday at 2.35.
A total of three days, 20 hours and 21 minutes.
Oh my gosh.
And I obviously had to film that myself, because it was actually the last day of tasks at the house,
and the camera guys had left, and I was like, 'I'm stickin' around.'
- And what about Kura? - Kura hid Gorothia at 4.34 on a Sunday.
I found Gorothia on a Wednesday morning two weeks later.
- Oh, great! - Yes, for a total time of nine days, 16 hours and eight minutes.
- Great. - Yes.
- Shot, Ku. - Amazing.
Well, there's one more 'ami-cider' amongst us, a Cain to their Abel. Who is it, Paul?
Disposing of his beloved Sacky, it's Chris Parker.
It's...
It's Sacky!
Who's got a car? Let's get this body out of here.
Come on! Come on! Do you have the keys?
Let's go, brother.
Body.
If I was a body, where would I be?
- So, have you found it yet? - I haven't. I was certain he put that body in the lake.
I don't know why.
Well, Paul kept calling me on the drive home being like, 'Where is it?'
And I kept telling him, 'Check the lake.'
Paul quite inappropriately text my younger sister who was working on set and started harassing her.
So I think we've got a message of that up here.
'Do you have any bodies lying around the house?' Kind of weird.
So then I thought I'd have a bit more fun, and I managed to break into Paul's personal bedroom
and hide some clues in his wardrobe.
Sacky's tag there.
Paul, have you found Sacky yet?
I have not.
Oh my God.
- All the information you need is on the task. - Yeah!
It's Sacky.
- What a baffling mystery! - Look at it!
I guess Sacky's appeared now, so how does that mean we're gonna score this?
Well, I'll stop the clock for Chris to begin with.
Chris' body was hidden for a total of 72 days and six minutes.
- Wow. - Which means one point for Paul, two for Justine,
three for Josh, four for Kura, and five points for Chris Parker. - There you go. Well done, everyone.
Let's jump off this roller coaster of emotion and go sit on the log flume ride of ad breaks
to gather ourselves, wet our faces and come back for our second-to-last live task of the season.
We'll see you in a moment.
Welcome back to Taskmaster, where we're in mourning for the loss of five very good best friends
as well as giddily awaiting another task. But first, what's our episode score looking like, Paul?
Out in first place with 17 points, it's Chris Parker.
All right, you homicidal maniacs.
Take your filthy mitts and mugs up on to the stage for our final live task of the night.
I see velvet curtains. I see pillows. I see comedians.
What's going on here, Paul, and who is gonna read the task?
Reading the task, could we please have the soothing voice of Justine Smith?
'Defeat the other team at human war boats.'
Oh Jesus.
'Remaining in your field at all times, project your ballistic cushion over the wall
'to hit the members of the other team. The other team must lay flat and still in their field.
'When hit, the player must yell, "You've sunk me," and vacate the field.
'The team that clears the opponents' field in the fewest shots wins. Your time starts on Paul'swhistle.'
We need another person, obviously, for Chris and Paul's team.
Luckily we have recently acquired an extra person.
- Is everyone ready? - Think so. - Yeah.
OK. And obviously no peeking from Paul and Chris.
- Team of two, are you ready? - CHRIS: Yup.
Miss.
Hit.
You've sunk me.
Kura Forrester has been sunk.
Miss.
Ooh!
Miss.
Waste our throws!
Ooh-hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo!
Miss.
- Oh Jesus! - Jesus! -
But listen to the crowd ― we're so close!
- Are you fucking with us? - Are you fucking with us?
Oh...
They've probably all gone home.
Ooh!
- Miss. - Don't listen.
- Miss, miss, miss, miss, miss, miss. - Oh!
- Ooh! - Miss.
Miss.
Hit. - You've sunk me.
There is one boat remaining ―
the HMS Josh.
Miss.
Hit.
You've sunk me!
What are we gonna do?
On my whistle, team of three.
Miss.
I'm counting that as a miss. - Fair enough.
Miss.
- Ooh! - Miss.
Miss.
- Yes, Juzzie!
Hit.
You sunk my battleship.
Miss.
- Actual?
Miss.
Hit.
I hit Sacky?
- You've sunk me. - Yes!
He's kind of Cockney.
Miss.
Ow.
- Very much hit. - Yes! Whoo-hoo!
- You have sunketh me.
All right. Hop out of that battlefield and come on down to the war crimes trial.
That was fun.
Well― Well, played.
So, what were the scores there? Who took it out?
The team of two took 23 attempts.
And the team of three took 16 attempts. - Oh, well done.
I think the winning team should get three points each, and I think the losing team should get two points.
I think that's fair. - Fair enough. Love it.
So, where does that leave our scoreboard, Paul?
He can't be stopped. He's won five of the last six episodes. It's Chris Parker.
- How do I...?
Congratulations to Chris.
Go and take Sacky and some of Justine's dirt and for goodness' sake just bloody bury it.
And that's our show. It's been a show with stench ― the stench of the death of five best friends;
the stench of burnt, boogered cereal; and the stench that's been in the studio for nine weeks now,
which can only be described as a mix of Josh Thomson and Poo Lake juice.
But tonight's overwhelming stench tells us that our winner of episode nine, season three of Taskmaster
is Chris Parker.
Thank you so much for watching. We'll see you next week for the final. Po marie. Goodnight.
Welcome to the final episode of Taskmaster.
- Fuck!
Aargh!
Oh my God!
Who will win this season and have their Wikipedia entry made just that little bit more impressive?
Are you not entertained?!
Yeah, I was entertained.