1 00:00:04,000 --> 00:00:06,000 - Ooh-hoo-hoo. 2 00:00:12,000 --> 00:00:14,200 - My name is Paul Williams. 3 00:00:19,000 --> 00:00:20,640 - Oh! 4 00:00:34,280 --> 00:00:38,136 - Kia or a koutou, and welcome to our third episode of Taskmaster. 5 00:00:38,160 --> 00:00:44,656 My name is Jeremy Wells, and if you ask about me at that little smoky out-of-the-way Dannevirke pub, 6 00:00:44,680 --> 00:00:49,240 they'll tell you what you need to know about me, and that is that I am the Taskmaster. 7 00:00:52,760 --> 00:00:55,776 Five comedians have signed the necessary release forms 8 00:00:55,800 --> 00:01:00,536 to allow them to put their bodies, their minds and other parts of themselves 9 00:01:00,560 --> 00:01:05,456 through a series of character-defining challenges that we call tasks 10 00:01:05,480 --> 00:01:11,080 all in the hope of going home with my golden skull in its trophy form. 11 00:01:11,640 --> 00:01:13,536 Ooh! 12 00:01:13,560 --> 00:01:21,200 - That's right. Those dedicated few from whom we will draw our delight are, as always, Chris Parker... 13 00:01:23,160 --> 00:01:25,736 ...Josh Thomson... 14 00:01:25,760 --> 00:01:28,176 ...Justine Smith... 15 00:01:28,200 --> 00:01:30,616 ...Kura Forrester... 16 00:01:30,640 --> 00:01:33,920 ...and Paul Ego. 17 00:01:34,240 --> 00:01:38,416 And at my side is a young whippersnapper hungry to make a name for himself. 18 00:01:38,440 --> 00:01:41,136 Don't let those puppy-dog eyes fool you. 19 00:01:41,160 --> 00:01:48,040 He will stop at nothing to get to the top. It's Paul Williams. 20 00:01:48,240 --> 00:01:50,016 Well, as always, due to budget constraints, 21 00:01:50,040 --> 00:01:53,896 we asked our contestants to bring in their own prizes to play for. 22 00:01:53,920 --> 00:01:56,240 - What have we got this week? 23 00:01:56,280 --> 00:02:00,656 - This week's prize task is their most prized childhood possession. 24 00:02:00,680 --> 00:02:06,176 And the winner of tonight's episode will take home everyone's most prized childhood possessions, 25 00:02:06,200 --> 00:02:12,640 like a primary school bully who is merely acting out because of their own issues at home. 26 00:02:13,800 --> 00:02:15,696 - Let's start with Chris. - All right. 27 00:02:15,720 --> 00:02:20,056 As a child, I had glue ear ― completely lost the ability to speak. 28 00:02:20,080 --> 00:02:22,896 And then there just so happened to be this woman, 29 00:02:22,920 --> 00:02:26,936 and she was doing a PhD in how to teach kids with glue ear how to speak again. 30 00:02:26,960 --> 00:02:32,016 She taught me how to speak, and she got to do her PhD, and I guess passed ― or maybe she didn't. 31 00:02:32,040 --> 00:02:37,816 And then as a way to say thank you, she gave me a little tin car. And so here's the tincar. 32 00:02:37,840 --> 00:02:38,936 Aw. 33 00:02:38,960 --> 00:02:40,576 - I know. It's sincere. - Oh, it's so dusty. 34 00:02:40,600 --> 00:02:42,976 - It looks like it was made in the '40s; it was made in the '90s. - It's filthy. 35 00:02:43,000 --> 00:02:48,376 - From my perspective, what's happening here is we've gone Christchurch upbringing, tick; 36 00:02:48,400 --> 00:02:52,280 blonde hair, tick; Hitler Youth outfit, tick; 37 00:02:53,080 --> 00:02:56,320 1930s German car, tick. 38 00:02:57,160 --> 00:03:01,336 - You could interpret a very beautiful story about my little Helen Keller journey 39 00:03:01,360 --> 00:03:06,776 of being able to hear for the first time and twist it in some sort of Nazi nightmare. 40 00:03:06,800 --> 00:03:08,336 It's a beautiful story. 41 00:03:08,360 --> 00:03:09,896 - Kura, what did you bring in? 42 00:03:09,920 --> 00:03:15,176 - Well, I searched high and low and said, 'Mum, do I have any childhood possessions?' 43 00:03:15,200 --> 00:03:21,576 And I couldn't believe it. She gave me a whole bag of all of my old school reports. 44 00:03:21,600 --> 00:03:26,840 They're really prized possessions, because it turns out I've been a legend for a long time. 45 00:03:28,480 --> 00:03:30,176 I've got them here to read. 46 00:03:30,200 --> 00:03:33,376 'Kura needs to put more effort into her work. 47 00:03:33,400 --> 00:03:38,816 'Her behaviour is inconsistent and can be inappropriate at times.' 48 00:03:38,840 --> 00:03:40,936 - Finally, someone said it. 49 00:03:40,960 --> 00:03:43,816 - I like the fact that you went to a school where the behaviour standards are 50 00:03:43,840 --> 00:03:48,536 'of a high standard', 'appropriate', 'inappropriate at times' or 'of concern'. 51 00:03:48,560 --> 00:03:49,497 Yeah. 52 00:03:49,521 --> 00:03:54,400 - It's also amazing she didn't tick 'inappropriate at times' considering she literally... 53 00:03:56,600 --> 00:03:59,176 ...used those exact words. 54 00:03:59,200 --> 00:04:03,616 - Are you gonna to say her work's from the Hitler Youth or just my childhood? 55 00:04:03,640 --> 00:04:05,816 - Just yours. - Oh man. 56 00:04:05,840 --> 00:04:07,376 - Josh, what did you bring in? 57 00:04:07,400 --> 00:04:10,600 - I grew up in the South Island on a farm, 58 00:04:10,840 --> 00:04:15,240 so, naturally, I spent a lot of time running around paddocks dressed as a ninja. 59 00:04:16,640 --> 00:04:22,816 It's a classic ninja get up there. Of course, ninjas need weapons, so I made a little wooden ninja star. 60 00:04:22,840 --> 00:04:29,336 It doesn't throw very well, so then I made one out of nails. 61 00:04:29,360 --> 00:04:32,376 And that was awesome; I'm not gonna lie. 62 00:04:32,400 --> 00:04:37,616 And then you sort of top the whole thing off with a sort of replica submachine gun. 63 00:04:37,640 --> 00:04:44,016 Yeah, so just a chilled-out childhood there. Yeah, that's how I would roll around. 64 00:04:44,040 --> 00:04:48,136 - So, there was a reasonably large ninja community inside Timaru? 65 00:04:48,160 --> 00:04:51,976 Oh, it's a pretty secret society, mate. I can't really talk about it. 66 00:04:52,000 --> 00:04:53,576 - Excellent. Justine. 67 00:04:53,600 --> 00:04:57,816 - So for my childhood memory ― I'm also from Christchurch, but less kind of eurgh. 68 00:04:57,840 --> 00:05:00,120 I'm not a Nazi. 69 00:05:00,320 --> 00:05:04,400 Just― Just calm down, Chris. 70 00:05:04,760 --> 00:05:09,176 Just calm down. - What have you started? - Please calm down. 71 00:05:09,200 --> 00:05:14,456 When I was younger, my grandad played a banjolele as part of a comedy duo. 72 00:05:14,480 --> 00:05:19,680 This is his joke book, which is a really precious thing to have, but also... 73 00:05:21,160 --> 00:05:24,216 - Why do you say that? - Well, you know, it was of a time, Jeremy. 74 00:05:24,240 --> 00:05:29,240 Grandad was a comedian in the '50s and '60s. And, you know, things were a little bit different. 75 00:05:30,280 --> 00:05:34,616 - And I also put a photo of my beautiful grandad playing. - Wow. 76 00:05:34,640 --> 00:05:36,056 - Paul, what did you bring in? 77 00:05:36,080 --> 00:05:39,576 - OK, well, the thing I treasure the most, I brought with me. 78 00:05:39,600 --> 00:05:42,080 So, this is my mum. 79 00:05:44,440 --> 00:05:46,216 There she is there. Hi, Marge. 80 00:05:46,240 --> 00:05:50,816 So, she's still around. She's 87. I wanted to bring her in in person, but her knees are quite bad, 81 00:05:50,840 --> 00:05:53,736 and she literally would not have been able to get over that step. 82 00:05:53,760 --> 00:05:57,336 - I know the feeling. - And, yeah, she's my most treasured thing, cos she's awesome. 83 00:05:57,360 --> 00:05:59,360 Aw. 84 00:05:59,400 --> 00:06:01,656 - Thank you, guys. - That's beautiful. 85 00:06:01,680 --> 00:06:05,416 It's not her. I just googled a picture of an old lady, but... 86 00:06:05,440 --> 00:06:06,576 No, it is her. It is her, yeah. 87 00:06:06,600 --> 00:06:09,816 - OK, so whoever wins the episode tonight... - Yeah. 88 00:06:09,840 --> 00:06:14,536 - ...takes home your mum. You're willing to give her away? - Oh, that'd be awesome. 89 00:06:14,560 --> 00:06:18,016 That'd be― Like, if we could arrange that, that'd be really great. 90 00:06:18,040 --> 00:06:21,896 Cos, like, her retirement village is really expensive. 91 00:06:21,920 --> 00:06:25,496 - I would say just do keep that away from Josh, cos he will kick it in half. 92 00:06:25,520 --> 00:06:26,377 Yeah. 93 00:06:26,401 --> 00:06:27,656 - Can I just explain for the audience? 94 00:06:27,680 --> 00:06:32,536 In a previous episode, I kicked a woman in half, and, you know, like, 95 00:06:32,560 --> 00:06:38,896 jeez, you do it once, and, like, you kept going on and on about it. Like, let's move iton. 96 00:06:38,920 --> 00:06:42,656 - Well, it's hard not to give you five points for bringing your mum. Five points for you, Paul, there. 97 00:06:42,680 --> 00:06:45,176 - Thank you. Thank you very much. - Well done. 98 00:06:45,200 --> 00:06:48,216 - I love the story about the banjolele. That's four points for you, Justine. 99 00:06:48,240 --> 00:06:49,416 - Thank you. 100 00:06:49,440 --> 00:06:54,256 - Kura, I'll give you three. That's a middling score for a middling report, it turns out. 101 00:06:54,280 --> 00:06:55,177 Thank you. 102 00:06:55,201 --> 00:06:57,456 - I'm only gonna give you two points, Josh. 103 00:06:57,480 --> 00:07:02,096 And then, unfortunately, I'll have no more of this Nazi shit. 104 00:07:02,120 --> 00:07:04,520 - It's a tin car from the '90s! 105 00:07:05,000 --> 00:07:06,576 - Calm down. 106 00:07:06,600 --> 00:07:10,696 - That means, incredibly, there are only four points separating first and last place. 107 00:07:10,720 --> 00:07:13,976 - Fascinating. Fascinating. Shall we have our first task, then? 108 00:07:14,000 --> 00:07:15,576 - Sure thing, Jeremy Wells. 109 00:07:15,600 --> 00:07:22,880 If you're a fan of household chores or the TV show Taskmaster, you'll love this next one. 110 00:07:27,280 --> 00:07:29,360 - Is that you, Paul? - Yes. 111 00:07:32,640 --> 00:07:34,536 - Always be ready. You know? 112 00:07:34,560 --> 00:07:37,640 - What a time to be alive. - 5.08. 113 00:07:37,840 --> 00:07:41,120 - What? - That's the time... to be alive. 114 00:07:41,520 --> 00:07:42,257 - Oh. 115 00:07:42,281 --> 00:07:43,936 - You've set up a washing line? 116 00:07:43,960 --> 00:07:46,056 This looks a bit houseworky, doesn't it? 117 00:07:46,080 --> 00:07:48,480 - This is an icon from my past. 118 00:07:48,520 --> 00:07:53,696 My brother and I used to hang upside down on these by our legs and spin each other around 119 00:07:53,720 --> 00:07:56,816 and hit our heads on the concrete under the line. - Did you fall off a lot? 120 00:07:56,840 --> 00:08:00,936 - No, he fell off a lot, though. He hasn't been the same since. But it was funny. 121 00:08:00,960 --> 00:08:02,960 - Ai-ai-ai. 122 00:08:05,520 --> 00:08:08,400 Run a full marathon. Fastest wins. 123 00:08:09,840 --> 00:08:11,696 Just kidding. 124 00:08:11,720 --> 00:08:13,336 'Hang the washing out to dry.' 125 00:08:13,360 --> 00:08:18,696 - 'You have two minutes to hang your washing following which Paul will spin the washing line once.' 126 00:08:18,720 --> 00:08:22,216 'Most remaining hung items wins.' 127 00:08:22,240 --> 00:08:25,096 - 'Your time starts now.' Are there any pegs? 128 00:08:25,120 --> 00:08:26,336 - Are there any pegs? 129 00:08:26,360 --> 00:08:29,560 Where's the pegs? Aargh! 130 00:08:29,600 --> 00:08:30,696 What the hell's in there? 131 00:08:30,720 --> 00:08:32,960 Oh God. 132 00:08:33,120 --> 00:08:35,120 - Is this the washing? 133 00:08:36,600 --> 00:08:43,200 - What the hell's this? Bananas? - It's the washing. - It's silly is what this is. 134 00:08:45,240 --> 00:08:47,016 - It is a silly task. 135 00:08:47,040 --> 00:08:51,416 What was inside of the washing basket? - There was a total of 462 things. 136 00:08:51,440 --> 00:08:58,520 Gummy snakes, bananas, CDs, some pens, cans of beans, a jacket, if you can believe it. 137 00:08:58,880 --> 00:09:03,216 - OK, let's not leave them to hang out to dry any longer. Who are we seeing first? 138 00:09:03,240 --> 00:09:05,720 - Here's everybody but Chris. 139 00:09:06,440 --> 00:09:09,656 - Do these all count as individual items? - Yes. 140 00:09:09,680 --> 00:09:11,680 - OK. 141 00:09:12,560 --> 00:09:13,217 - Terrible. 142 00:09:13,241 --> 00:09:15,776 - Eurgh. Whose are these tiny bras? 143 00:09:15,800 --> 00:09:17,736 - Sexy bra. 144 00:09:17,760 --> 00:09:19,696 Well, clearly not mine. 145 00:09:19,720 --> 00:09:23,416 - ♪ Gotta hang them titties. Gotta hang them titties. ♪ 146 00:09:23,440 --> 00:09:25,720 - 90 seconds. - Aargh! 147 00:09:26,000 --> 00:09:29,376 - Not a lot of time, mate, to do a successful load of washing. 148 00:09:29,400 --> 00:09:31,400 - A xylophone? 149 00:09:33,840 --> 00:09:35,360 Oh no! 150 00:09:41,320 --> 00:09:45,696 Is that a banana in your pocket? - Yes. - Oh, OK. I thought so. 151 00:09:45,720 --> 00:09:50,176 Sad, sad 41-year-old man trying to hang up a sour worm. 152 00:09:50,200 --> 00:09:54,016 - Hands off, please. - Hands away. 153 00:09:54,040 --> 00:09:57,936 It's not sour; it's just gummy. - Oh, I am under time pressure, Paul. 154 00:09:57,960 --> 00:10:00,256 I haven't got time to properly identify lollies. 155 00:10:00,280 --> 00:10:02,176 - Well, the sour ones usually have sugar on the outside. 156 00:10:02,200 --> 00:10:08,016 - I know about the sour ones, Paul. - There's only one sour worm here, and that's ♪ Thomson. 157 00:10:08,040 --> 00:10:13,896 - You happy with that? - I hate that question. Eurgh! Um... Yup. 158 00:10:13,920 --> 00:10:15,496 - Preparing for the spin. 159 00:10:15,520 --> 00:10:19,656 - Just go soft. Just go soft; don't be a 'D' about it. 160 00:10:19,680 --> 00:10:22,280 - Oh, that's too hard, isn't it? 161 00:10:24,360 --> 00:10:26,360 - Oh! 162 00:10:27,000 --> 00:10:29,800 - Go! Stayin'. Only one snake out. 163 00:10:30,760 --> 00:10:35,136 - Ooh! This man knows how to hang up bananas, my friend. 164 00:10:35,160 --> 00:10:39,776 - Are bananas counted individually? - It'll be up to the Taskmaster. - They should be. 165 00:10:39,800 --> 00:10:41,496 - It's five bananas, yo. 166 00:10:41,520 --> 00:10:48,800 - But they're all connected. - Yeah, but aren't we all? Aren't we all in this crazy world? 167 00:10:48,920 --> 00:10:51,056 What the heck? 168 00:10:51,080 --> 00:10:53,016 - What was going on with that spin? 169 00:10:53,040 --> 00:11:00,096 - I was pretty consistent with the spin, but the― the― the things hanging, like, they really... 170 00:11:00,120 --> 00:11:02,016 swung a lot. 171 00:11:02,040 --> 00:11:03,776 - Whose were the bras? 172 00:11:03,800 --> 00:11:06,016 - I'm not sure who the bras w― I just found a lot of stuff around the house. 173 00:11:06,040 --> 00:11:10,200 - You can be honest, Paul. Whose bras were they? - Yeah, Paul, ya slut. 174 00:11:12,560 --> 00:11:15,896 - You can say they're your bras. - Honestly, answer. Whose bras were they? 175 00:11:15,920 --> 00:11:18,256 - I can't. I don't know whose they were. - Tell us. 176 00:11:18,280 --> 00:11:22,096 - I don't know. - We can tell when you're lying. 177 00:11:22,120 --> 00:11:26,520 Stop hiding your erection with the iPad. 178 00:11:28,080 --> 00:11:31,976 From where I'm sitting, he could've done it with an iPhone. 179 00:11:32,000 --> 00:11:34,000 - So, Justine ― 11. 180 00:11:34,880 --> 00:11:36,880 Kura ― 11. 181 00:11:37,440 --> 00:11:39,336 Josh ― 17. 182 00:11:39,360 --> 00:11:40,976 Paul ― 28. 183 00:11:41,000 --> 00:11:43,480 Wow! Nice. 184 00:11:45,560 --> 00:11:46,816 - You're amazed. 185 00:11:46,840 --> 00:11:51,056 - I am amazed, because I'd forgotten that I'd actually stuffed a whole lot of extra stuff 186 00:11:51,080 --> 00:11:53,456 into the pockets of the jacket. - Yes. Yeah, the pockets were huge. 187 00:11:53,480 --> 00:11:58,136 I thought I'd just put the bananas in, but, no, I'm amazing. 188 00:11:58,160 --> 00:12:00,536 - Well, we've got one more contestant, though, don't we? 189 00:12:00,560 --> 00:12:05,096 - Yes. Chris Parker is his name. To hang things is his aim. 190 00:12:05,120 --> 00:12:10,736 He has other, like, larger life goals as well, but I couldn't fit them in the poem. 191 00:12:10,760 --> 00:12:12,696 It's Chris Parker. 192 00:12:12,720 --> 00:12:17,920 - I've got two minutes. - One minute and 40 seconds. - Oh my gosh. 193 00:12:20,760 --> 00:12:22,656 - Oh! 194 00:12:22,680 --> 00:12:24,416 - Chris. - 30 seconds. 195 00:12:24,440 --> 00:12:26,440 Tie that. 196 00:12:32,240 --> 00:12:34,416 You ready for the spin? - Yeah. Hell yeah. 197 00:12:34,440 --> 00:12:36,440 Spin. Spin. Spin. 198 00:12:46,320 --> 00:12:49,800 - That is one thing you can say about the Nazis ― their technology was good. 199 00:12:52,360 --> 00:12:56,056 This whole episode's gonna be cut. 200 00:12:56,080 --> 00:12:57,896 I'll just be blurred out. 201 00:12:57,920 --> 00:13:00,136 - Centrifugal force, obviously. You understand that as well. 202 00:13:00,160 --> 00:13:03,456 You've gone with the basket on the inside. That was smart. 203 00:13:03,480 --> 00:13:05,416 Didn't think of that. 204 00:13:05,440 --> 00:13:09,776 But, sure, yeah. I mean, I played the centrifugal at high school. 205 00:13:09,800 --> 00:13:12,496 Is that where you call it? 206 00:13:12,520 --> 00:13:14,176 - So, what were the scores in the end, Paul? 207 00:13:14,200 --> 00:13:16,096 - Well, Kura and Justine both got 11. 208 00:13:16,120 --> 00:13:18,176 - They can get two points each. - Yes! 209 00:13:18,200 --> 00:13:20,416 - Two points each for Justine and Kura. - Yeah. 210 00:13:20,440 --> 00:13:24,216 - Three points for Josh, four points for Paul, and five points for Chris. - Yeah. 211 00:13:24,240 --> 00:13:27,856 - That's fair. - Working my way back up. 212 00:13:27,880 --> 00:13:31,456 - We're gonna take a break so the oldies in the room can talk about the good old days, 213 00:13:31,480 --> 00:13:34,776 when clotheslines were things that spun around in the back yard, 214 00:13:34,800 --> 00:13:41,016 not small foldable horses that occupy half of your spare bedroom and mould up the walls. 215 00:13:41,040 --> 00:13:43,040 See you in a moment. 216 00:13:52,960 --> 00:13:58,256 - Welcome back to our lucky third episode of our equally lucky third season of Taskmaster. 217 00:13:58,280 --> 00:14:01,096 What lucky task have you got next for us, Paul? 218 00:14:01,120 --> 00:14:07,120 - I personally think we should flag this one because it blows in the wind. 219 00:14:14,680 --> 00:14:16,016 - Oh! 220 00:14:16,040 --> 00:14:18,040 I know what these are. 221 00:14:18,120 --> 00:14:20,136 - Hula hoops. - Hula hoops, exactly. 222 00:14:20,160 --> 00:14:23,016 - Ooh, that's very Olympics or something. 223 00:14:23,040 --> 00:14:24,176 - Commonwealth Games. 224 00:14:24,200 --> 00:14:26,400 - Oh, it's not sport, is it? 225 00:14:26,960 --> 00:14:30,296 - All the information you need is in the task. - I think I'm gonna have to warm up. 226 00:14:30,320 --> 00:14:32,720 - Got some cards there. - Yep. 227 00:14:37,720 --> 00:14:40,216 'Pick a card from Paul's dick... 228 00:14:40,240 --> 00:14:43,816 'and build a big flag of the country written on your card.' 229 00:14:43,840 --> 00:14:45,840 - 'Best big flag wins.' 230 00:14:46,120 --> 00:14:49,416 - 'You have 30 minutes. Your time starts now!' 231 00:14:49,440 --> 00:14:51,720 - Did you say 'deck'? - Yeah. 232 00:14:53,680 --> 00:14:59,856 - I have not been this excited about flags since the John Key referendum with the laser kiwi in the eyes. 233 00:14:59,880 --> 00:15:01,576 Do you remember that? - I do. 234 00:15:01,600 --> 00:15:03,056 - Man, that was good. - That was a good one. 235 00:15:03,080 --> 00:15:08,576 - We're looking for the best big flag here, aren't we? - Yes, yes. So, big and good. 236 00:15:08,600 --> 00:15:12,056 That's what 'best' means. Yeah. 237 00:15:12,080 --> 00:15:16,360 Flying the flag for New Zealand, it's Josh Thomson. 238 00:15:22,120 --> 00:15:25,896 Is that correct flag for the United Arab Emirates? I don't know if I've lost my mind. 239 00:15:25,920 --> 00:15:29,256 It looks like the stars and stripes, but is...? Can I have a look at the other cards? 240 00:15:29,280 --> 00:15:32,776 It doesn't say that I can't. - OK. - I could overpower you. OK. 241 00:15:32,800 --> 00:15:34,960 Uruguay. So they're― Oh, it's a trick! 242 00:15:35,800 --> 00:15:41,120 - OK. 'Of the country written on your card.' Can you Google UAE flag? 243 00:15:43,240 --> 00:15:46,416 Mm, Paul, can you please grab all the red books? 244 00:15:46,440 --> 00:15:50,120 - I've read all of these. - Yeah, no, no... OK. 245 00:15:50,600 --> 00:15:51,656 Ow! 246 00:15:51,680 --> 00:15:52,976 Thanks, Paul. Great. 247 00:15:53,000 --> 00:15:55,176 Oh, actually, we don't need those. - Why? 248 00:15:55,200 --> 00:15:57,016 - I just thought it'd be a mean thing to say. - Oh. 249 00:15:57,040 --> 00:15:58,776 - Just kidding. That's― You've done great work. - OK. 250 00:15:58,800 --> 00:16:00,616 - Jesus Christ. Sorry. Sorry. 251 00:16:00,640 --> 00:16:04,256 There's a lot going on. There's a lot going on. 252 00:16:04,280 --> 00:16:06,256 Come on! Come on! 253 00:16:06,280 --> 00:16:07,936 Come on! Yes! 254 00:16:07,960 --> 00:16:08,976 Worth it. 255 00:16:09,000 --> 00:16:10,536 These cucumbers will help. 256 00:16:10,560 --> 00:16:13,136 Yep, yep. Shit yeah. I'm feeling these cucumbers. 257 00:16:13,160 --> 00:16:15,136 These might be Lebanese cucumbers too. 258 00:16:15,160 --> 00:16:18,656 Oh, if I say they're part of the UAE, that's racist, prob― I don't even... 259 00:16:18,680 --> 00:16:20,336 Oh, my geography's very poor. 260 00:16:20,360 --> 00:16:22,736 I mean, that's pretty bloody good, mate. 261 00:16:22,760 --> 00:16:24,216 Up there, it's gonna look bloody good. 262 00:16:24,240 --> 00:16:28,896 I wouldn't be surprised if some citizens of the UAE just came in and just, 'Oh, better roll that up.' 263 00:16:28,920 --> 00:16:32,376 And I'd be like, 'Oh, sorry, that's a bunch of stuff. It's not a real flag.' 264 00:16:32,400 --> 00:16:33,856 Here it is ― 265 00:16:33,880 --> 00:16:37,000 the United Arab Emirateses flag. 266 00:16:41,760 --> 00:16:45,376 Whoops! What the hell's that? It's the goddam Burj Khalifa on the flag. 267 00:16:45,400 --> 00:16:49,056 - The mailbox? - It's the Burj― It's the world's tallest building. 268 00:16:49,080 --> 00:16:53,576 - Do you think the people of United Arab Erimate...? - What's that? 269 00:16:53,600 --> 00:16:57,096 - Do you think the people of the United Arab Erimate...? - What's that, mate? 270 00:16:57,120 --> 00:17:03,216 - Do you think the people of the United Arab Er― Emirates... are gonna like your flag? 271 00:17:03,240 --> 00:17:05,240 - I think so. 272 00:17:05,680 --> 00:17:06,816 It's the Burj Khalifa. 273 00:17:06,840 --> 00:17:08,840 Oh no. Oh no. 274 00:17:09,680 --> 00:17:11,216 - Yeah. 275 00:17:11,240 --> 00:17:18,496 I think nothing quite says Dubai like a folded wheelchair, an upright letterbox and half a dozen'cumbers. 276 00:17:18,520 --> 00:17:19,896 That's right, yeah. 277 00:17:19,920 --> 00:17:22,376 And there's no reason why I can't use a wheelchair to make a flag. 278 00:17:22,400 --> 00:17:25,096 It's very ableist of you to say that I shouldn't use one, 279 00:17:25,120 --> 00:17:28,960 um, sitting up there in your mighty red throne with no wheels, you piece of shit. 280 00:17:30,320 --> 00:17:33,216 But you're a great guy. You're a great guy. You're a wonderful man. Wonderful man. 281 00:17:33,240 --> 00:17:35,416 - I don't know what's more disrespectful ― 282 00:17:35,440 --> 00:17:39,536 what you guys did to the flag or the fact that you can't say 'United Arab Emirates'. 283 00:17:39,560 --> 00:17:41,496 I can say it now. 284 00:17:41,520 --> 00:17:43,520 - Say it now. - Say it. 285 00:17:43,960 --> 00:17:47,496 - United Arab Emirates. - Nice. 286 00:17:47,520 --> 00:17:49,520 - Thank you. Thank you. 287 00:17:50,040 --> 00:17:53,816 - Did I notice a sneaky little trick in there somewhere, Paul? 288 00:17:53,840 --> 00:17:58,696 - Uh, well, there was a mix-up at the printing place, and, um, yeah, so, basically, 289 00:17:58,720 --> 00:18:04,656 the flag pictured on Josh's card was USA, but the word written on his card was UAE. 290 00:18:04,680 --> 00:18:08,576 - I'm getting angry. - And the task very clearly did say 291 00:18:08,600 --> 00:18:13,200 to make the flag that was written on the card. - Oh, fuck. 292 00:18:15,120 --> 00:18:19,120 - The air in the― - It's actually really mean. It's mean. 293 00:18:21,120 --> 00:18:23,816 We're all gonna look like fools. 294 00:18:23,840 --> 00:18:28,536 The air in the studio has suddenly gone quite stale. 295 00:18:28,560 --> 00:18:33,016 Perhaps it's best we rip the Band-Aid off, Paul, and see who's next. 296 00:18:33,040 --> 00:18:39,120 - These guys really know their flags. It's Chris, Paul, Justine and Kura. 297 00:18:41,080 --> 00:18:42,576 - Brazil. 298 00:18:42,600 --> 00:18:44,600 - 'Mehico'. 299 00:18:44,800 --> 00:18:46,736 - Uruguay. 300 00:18:46,760 --> 00:18:51,416 - I got Jamaica. Jamaican me crazy, you know what I mean, Paul? 301 00:18:51,440 --> 00:18:53,056 - I don't understand. - OK. 302 00:18:53,080 --> 00:18:55,680 - Honestly, we have lucked out. 303 00:18:56,000 --> 00:18:59,656 - I don't know why I went in there. There's really nothing in there. 304 00:18:59,680 --> 00:19:01,176 OK. 305 00:19:01,200 --> 00:19:03,736 I'm gonna go in there again just to see if there's anything else. 306 00:19:03,760 --> 00:19:07,576 - I want it to be massive. Let's do Brazil proud. 307 00:19:07,600 --> 00:19:10,816 - And I just don't know if this is gonna be very big is the only thing. 308 00:19:10,840 --> 00:19:16,056 - Have you ever been to Uruguay? - No, never. I'm not even sure where it is. 309 00:19:16,080 --> 00:19:17,536 - It's right next to Argentina. 310 00:19:17,560 --> 00:19:24,560 - Oh, yeah, I thought so, cos I was gonna say this is quite a similar flag to Argentina. 311 00:19:33,120 --> 00:19:34,097 - Oh, Christ. 312 00:19:34,121 --> 00:19:36,336 - I hope I'm making them proud at least. 313 00:19:36,360 --> 00:19:41,776 - Do you have a favourite flag? - Do you wanna guess? It's got... many colours. 314 00:19:41,800 --> 00:19:43,800 - Pride flag. - No. 315 00:19:44,440 --> 00:19:48,216 - South Africa. - Why would you think Pride? - Cos it's got many colours. 316 00:19:48,240 --> 00:19:51,040 Australia. - Oh, cos I'm gay? - No. 317 00:19:51,120 --> 00:19:52,216 - You jerk. 318 00:19:52,240 --> 00:19:54,976 - Do you think that's a good Jamaican flag? 319 00:19:55,000 --> 00:19:59,080 - Yeah, I think it will be recognisable to anyone who knew their flags. 320 00:20:01,360 --> 00:20:05,016 - And you'll see the Mexican flag flying up there. 321 00:20:05,040 --> 00:20:08,440 You'll go, 'Ooh, time for some lasagne.' 322 00:20:08,800 --> 00:20:10,736 - Isn't that Italian? 323 00:20:10,760 --> 00:20:13,896 - Oh, it is now, but... didn't use to be. 324 00:20:13,920 --> 00:20:16,376 - Do you think the people of Uruguay will be happy with this? 325 00:20:16,400 --> 00:20:17,377 - Yeah! 326 00:20:17,401 --> 00:20:19,776 I reckon they'll be, like, 'Cheer, bo.' 327 00:20:19,800 --> 00:20:23,496 Do you think they say 'cheer, bo' in Uruguay? - Uh-huh. 328 00:20:23,520 --> 00:20:28,720 Have you made many flags before? - Yup. A certain rainbow flag. 329 00:20:28,800 --> 00:20:31,616 - Australia? - The Pride flag, Paul. - Oh. 330 00:20:31,640 --> 00:20:36,576 - If there's any Mexican people in the surrounding area, they're gonna get quite emotional. 331 00:20:36,600 --> 00:20:40,176 - If any Jamaican people watch this, what do you hope they feel when they see it? 332 00:20:40,200 --> 00:20:46,576 - I hope they feel a surge of national pride in their beautiful flag and their wonderful country. 333 00:20:46,600 --> 00:20:50,056 - 38 seconds. - 38 seconds. OK. Couple more bits of red. 334 00:20:50,080 --> 00:20:53,416 Last two red things I've got ― couple of Crocs. 335 00:20:53,440 --> 00:20:55,336 - Done. 336 00:20:55,360 --> 00:20:57,200 - Mexican flag. 337 00:21:00,760 --> 00:21:02,536 - It's meant to rain later. 338 00:21:02,560 --> 00:21:06,056 - My name's Justine Smith, and I've― I've just made― I'm not drunk. 339 00:21:06,080 --> 00:21:09,280 I've just made a flag of Jamaica. Look. 340 00:21:09,840 --> 00:21:13,496 - Hi. I'm Kura, and this is my flag of Uruguay. 341 00:21:13,520 --> 00:21:15,520 Ura-great-guy. 342 00:21:16,320 --> 00:21:21,016 - Hi. I'm Paul Ego, and this is my flag from the country of 'Mehico'. 343 00:21:21,040 --> 00:21:25,520 - Meu nome e Chris Parker, e essa e a bandeira do Brasil. 344 00:21:25,840 --> 00:21:27,840 Sorry. I tried. 345 00:21:31,920 --> 00:21:36,096 - I think the cruellest thing is making everybody say their name with their flag. 346 00:21:36,120 --> 00:21:38,176 That was not very nice. - Yeah. 347 00:21:38,200 --> 00:21:40,896 I think I insisted on mine, 348 00:21:40,920 --> 00:21:45,216 - I'm just ashamed. - I realised when I got home that night after that task. 349 00:21:45,240 --> 00:21:46,496 - How did you realise? - Oh, did you? 350 00:21:46,520 --> 00:21:49,976 - Well, I've got an atlas in my bathroom with all the world flags, 351 00:21:50,000 --> 00:21:55,056 and I was brushing my teeth, and I'm like... 'Fuck! Fuck.' 352 00:21:55,080 --> 00:21:57,936 - I just love the amount of confidence that you guys were going into that with. 353 00:21:57,960 --> 00:22:02,296 That was the remarkable thing. - Do you know ― it wasn't confidence; it was trust. 354 00:22:02,320 --> 00:22:05,016 And you guys― - That's true. - Yeah, yeah, true. 355 00:22:05,040 --> 00:22:07,976 - You guys just shat all over that. - Yeah. 356 00:22:08,000 --> 00:22:11,480 - I've used that printing guy before, and he makes a lot of mistakes. 357 00:22:12,360 --> 00:22:16,576 - I don't wanna score that absolute abomination, but I suppose we have to. 358 00:22:16,600 --> 00:22:20,656 - So, in terms of flag size, Josh's was also the biggest. - Mm-hm. 359 00:22:20,680 --> 00:22:24,400 - Wow. - Yes, his was over 3.4m long. 360 00:22:24,560 --> 00:22:26,616 - Here we go. Oh, there's Josh's. 361 00:22:26,640 --> 00:22:30,536 So that's what it's meant to be on the top there, and that's what it is underneath. 362 00:22:30,560 --> 00:22:35,096 - So, Josh's is pretty much spot on. - Mine's so close, though, eh. 363 00:22:35,120 --> 00:22:38,336 - Mine's pretty close. Mine's just got one missing thing. 364 00:22:38,360 --> 00:22:41,776 - Mine's really wrong. - Yes. 365 00:22:41,800 --> 00:22:45,336 - There's no excuses for mine. I really fucked it up. 366 00:22:45,360 --> 00:22:47,416 - Chris made the Solomon Islands flag. 367 00:22:47,440 --> 00:22:50,720 Justine made the Tanzanian flag. - Yep. 368 00:22:50,800 --> 00:22:52,176 - Kura, Argentina. 369 00:22:52,200 --> 00:22:53,896 And, Paul, of course, Italy. 370 00:22:53,920 --> 00:22:57,696 God, part of me knew it was Italy. 371 00:22:57,720 --> 00:23:03,336 I actually made a joke about lasagne while I was doing it. 372 00:23:03,360 --> 00:23:06,616 - I think in the end, Josh, if we score it, he's gotta get five points, right? 373 00:23:06,640 --> 00:23:08,936 - That's only fair. - OK. 374 00:23:08,960 --> 00:23:10,216 - Well done, mate. 375 00:23:10,240 --> 00:23:13,656 - Ordinarily, I would say that everybody else gets zero 376 00:23:13,680 --> 00:23:16,176 because you didn't achieve― complete the task properly. 377 00:23:16,200 --> 00:23:19,936 However, there's some quite impressive craft that's gone on to this. 378 00:23:19,960 --> 00:23:22,576 - Yes. - And so I think everybody else should get two points. 379 00:23:22,600 --> 00:23:23,976 - Yes! Thank you. - We'll take it. 380 00:23:24,000 --> 00:23:27,080 - Thank you, Taskmaster. - Thank you. 381 00:23:27,680 --> 00:23:31,016 - Where does that leave the standings for this episode, Paul? 382 00:23:31,040 --> 00:23:37,040 - Currently out in first place with 11 points ― Paul Ego. - Whoo! Go, Paul. 383 00:23:37,280 --> 00:23:40,696 - It's time for a quick commercial break in which you can put your feet up and relax, 384 00:23:40,720 --> 00:23:45,976 unless you're the geography teachers of Paul, Chris, Justine or Kura, 385 00:23:46,000 --> 00:23:49,496 who will instead now be taking a good, hard look in the mirror. 386 00:23:49,520 --> 00:23:53,920 We'll see you after the break. 387 00:24:00,880 --> 00:24:05,936 - Welcome back to Taskmaster, where we've hung out the washing and travel led wildly around the globe, 388 00:24:05,960 --> 00:24:10,896 all in the hope of trying to find Paul Ego's 2D mother a new home. 389 00:24:10,920 --> 00:24:13,056 What are we doing next, Paul Williams? 390 00:24:13,080 --> 00:24:13,977 - Boo. 391 00:24:14,001 --> 00:24:15,856 Oh 392 00:24:15,880 --> 00:24:21,280 - Sorry for giving you a fright. Here's a task to calm your nerves. 393 00:24:29,160 --> 00:24:29,977 - Hi, Paul. 394 00:24:30,001 --> 00:24:31,696 - Greetings, P Willy. 395 00:24:31,720 --> 00:24:35,816 - It's bright, and it's hot, and I'm not just talking about your lovely face. 396 00:24:35,840 --> 00:24:38,256 - Just in here, is it? - Yes, please. - OK. 397 00:24:38,280 --> 00:24:41,176 I'm not gonna get punched by anything coming out of there, am I? - No. 398 00:24:41,200 --> 00:24:42,456 - OK. 399 00:24:42,480 --> 00:24:43,456 - Aargh! 400 00:24:43,480 --> 00:24:44,137 - Aargh! 401 00:24:44,161 --> 00:24:46,160 - Oh! 402 00:24:48,040 --> 00:24:51,920 - Oh my God. It actually scared me. - Sorry. - Oh! 403 00:24:54,640 --> 00:24:56,640 - F― Oh! 404 00:24:56,720 --> 00:24:57,617 - Foh? 405 00:24:57,641 --> 00:25:03,320 - I have never opened a mailbox properly, and finally it has paid off. 406 00:25:04,720 --> 00:25:05,577 - Scared to look. 407 00:25:05,601 --> 00:25:07,856 'Do something that will frighten the Taskmaster.' 408 00:25:07,880 --> 00:25:09,616 - 'Best fright wins.' 409 00:25:09,640 --> 00:25:10,936 - 'You have 30 minutes.' 410 00:25:10,960 --> 00:25:12,696 - 'Your time starts now.' 411 00:25:12,720 --> 00:25:14,720 Jeremy. - Yes, please. 412 00:25:14,920 --> 00:25:18,120 - 30 minutes to fright the Taskmaster. 413 00:25:18,440 --> 00:25:20,136 Fuck you! 414 00:25:20,160 --> 00:25:24,296 That's just in there in case the other one's not better. Sorry I had to swear at you. 415 00:25:24,320 --> 00:25:26,176 I mean, you probably shouldn't... 416 00:25:26,200 --> 00:25:28,176 It might ruin the fright if you're, like, part of it. 417 00:25:28,200 --> 00:25:30,776 - How come? - Oh, you'll kinda know what's happening. 418 00:25:30,800 --> 00:25:32,096 - Me? - Yeah. 419 00:25:32,120 --> 00:25:37,016 - Oh, frighten the Taskmasker― master― mask! - What? The Taskmaster. 420 00:25:37,040 --> 00:25:40,536 'Do something to frighten the Taskmaster.' You're not the Taskmaster, you silly billy. 421 00:25:40,560 --> 00:25:43,696 - I never said I was. - Oh, why did I frighten you? 422 00:25:43,720 --> 00:25:46,920 - I'm not sure. It gave me a real fright. 423 00:25:47,000 --> 00:25:51,416 Oh no. I've done it again. I've done it again. 424 00:25:51,440 --> 00:25:54,816 - I don't wanna seem overly brave, cos I'm not a particularly brave person, 425 00:25:54,840 --> 00:25:58,776 but judging by how you guys have been going so far in this particular episode, 426 00:25:58,800 --> 00:26:01,680 I have no concern here. 427 00:26:02,280 --> 00:26:03,616 At all. 428 00:26:03,640 --> 00:26:06,456 - No, you could've worn your white pants today. You'll be fine. 429 00:26:06,480 --> 00:26:09,616 - I mean, you guys were freaked out by those rubber snakes that were inside of the― 430 00:26:09,640 --> 00:26:11,896 - Yeah, but one of them wasn't rubber. Do you remember? - Yes. 431 00:26:11,920 --> 00:26:15,976 - There was one actual snake in there. It was a full-size king snake in there. 432 00:26:16,000 --> 00:26:18,800 - King snake? - Yeah, yeah. It killed three of the crew. 433 00:26:19,960 --> 00:26:23,776 Did that not happen on your...? Must've hushed it up. 434 00:26:23,800 --> 00:26:26,696 - We did try and get those prank snakes that jump out at you; 435 00:26:26,720 --> 00:26:29,656 we couldn't find any, so we were really disappointed to get the plastic ones, 436 00:26:29,680 --> 00:26:33,736 cos we were like, no one will get scared by these. 437 00:26:33,760 --> 00:26:36,056 And it turns out everyone will get scared by those. 438 00:26:36,080 --> 00:26:37,936 - You're just constantly on edge, though. 439 00:26:37,960 --> 00:26:40,816 It's like, normally, a letterbox full of rubber snakes wouldn't worry me; 440 00:26:40,840 --> 00:26:42,856 on Taskmaster, it absolutely scared the shit out of me. 441 00:26:42,880 --> 00:26:46,176 - Especially with you floating around like a little quiet, creepy ventriloquist puppet. It's... 442 00:26:46,200 --> 00:26:47,896 Yeah. 443 00:26:47,920 --> 00:26:50,216 - It's haunting. You put us all on edge. 444 00:26:50,240 --> 00:26:56,096 - Whose fearful torment do I have to put up with first, Paul? - First up, it's Josh Thomson. 445 00:26:56,120 --> 00:26:57,816 Ho do I frighten him? 446 00:26:57,840 --> 00:27:02,136 I could call him as the Department of Police or whatever they're called. 447 00:27:02,160 --> 00:27:04,640 - The police. - That's the one. 448 00:27:06,200 --> 00:27:08,416 I didn't factor this in. 449 00:27:08,440 --> 00:27:11,136 This is Jeremy Wells. Sorry I can't come to the phone right now, 450 00:27:11,160 --> 00:27:13,696 but please leave your name and number after the beep. 451 00:27:13,720 --> 00:27:16,056 - Hi, Jeremy. It's Brian from the IRD. 452 00:27:16,080 --> 00:27:21,096 Um... We've just got a lot of problems with your tax fi... nancials. 453 00:27:21,120 --> 00:27:24,736 I'm gonna come and touch your bum. I'll come touch your bum. 454 00:27:24,760 --> 00:27:28,640 - In your bum. - In your bum. 455 00:27:30,520 --> 00:27:31,736 Oh, I panicked there. 456 00:27:31,760 --> 00:27:34,976 - You were doing the tax thing, and then you kinda went to touching his bum. 457 00:27:35,000 --> 00:27:40,616 - Yes, double-pronged. One, tax, then he's like, uh-oh, and then, like, in there. 458 00:27:40,640 --> 00:27:41,417 - OK. 459 00:27:41,441 --> 00:27:43,816 - He could follow it up. He wouldn't be expecting that. 460 00:27:43,840 --> 00:27:45,936 Please leave your name and number after the beep. 461 00:27:45,960 --> 00:27:49,096 Ooh, you're at your window now looking out. You know I'm in the bush. 462 00:27:49,120 --> 00:27:52,776 Yeah, I'm walking around going sniff, sniff, sniff. I'm comin' for ya, Daddy. 463 00:27:52,800 --> 00:27:54,256 I'm comin' for ya, Daddy. 464 00:27:54,280 --> 00:28:00,456 I'm comin' for ya, Daddy, and I'm gonna come reeeeeeeaaal... 465 00:28:00,480 --> 00:28:02,480 nice in the dark. 466 00:28:03,640 --> 00:28:06,416 OK, but he wouldn't be expecting a third. 467 00:28:06,440 --> 00:28:08,776 Yeah, gidday, mate. Uh, we've just gone over your contract, 468 00:28:08,800 --> 00:28:12,176 and we're thinking about terminating it, so you won't be able to have a job any more. 469 00:28:12,200 --> 00:28:15,696 This will affect you financially for a while. 470 00:28:15,720 --> 00:28:19,376 Yeah, mate, me and the guys at the ACC have been talking. We just don't think― 471 00:28:19,400 --> 00:28:26,480 Your contributions are not really very good, so any self-confidence you might have should be less. 472 00:28:27,760 --> 00:28:29,936 I should've just run him over or something. 473 00:28:29,960 --> 00:28:33,056 Hi, Jeremy. It's Jo― 474 00:28:33,080 --> 00:28:36,136 He probably will get a fright when he sees he's missed lots of calls. 475 00:28:36,160 --> 00:28:40,176 - That's right ― from the same number. Oh, then he'll know they're the same person. 476 00:28:40,200 --> 00:28:41,656 People share phones, though. 477 00:28:41,680 --> 00:28:48,456 - So you're saying the IRD guy, Jeremy's boss, one of his cricket commentary colleagues, 478 00:28:48,480 --> 00:28:52,360 some guy in a bush, they're all sharing a phone. 479 00:28:52,880 --> 00:28:54,880 - Yeah. 480 00:28:57,720 --> 00:29:01,256 - So, I need to read this, cos I need to get the quote exactly right. 481 00:29:01,280 --> 00:29:08,360 'I'm coming for your daddy. I'm coming for you, Daddy. And I'm gonna come real nice... 482 00:29:09,520 --> 00:29:11,720 'in the dark.' 483 00:29:13,600 --> 00:29:16,000 Feels nice, eh? 484 00:29:17,760 --> 00:29:22,056 - See, my mind has got a lot of different sort of Joshes just sorta running around... 485 00:29:22,080 --> 00:29:24,736 - No, I can see that. - ...trying to figure out what to do. 486 00:29:24,760 --> 00:29:27,816 - And I quote again, 'I'm coming for you, Daddy. 487 00:29:27,840 --> 00:29:31,976 'I'm coming for you, Daddy, and I'm gonna come real nice in the dark.' 488 00:29:32,000 --> 00:29:35,096 - I mean, it could mean a number of things. 489 00:29:35,120 --> 00:29:38,616 And if you're listening to it now and you're disturbed, then it's having the correct effect. 490 00:29:38,640 --> 00:29:40,496 So you're welcome. 491 00:29:40,520 --> 00:29:44,896 - Well, the wound of fear is already open. Who's sliding a blade into it next, Paul? 492 00:29:44,920 --> 00:29:49,496 - Our next contestant here is red, one of the scariest colours, 493 00:29:49,520 --> 00:29:55,136 and her eyes are black ― just the middle bit, which is quite common, but still. 494 00:29:55,160 --> 00:29:58,040 It's the very scary Justine Smith. 495 00:29:58,360 --> 00:30:00,056 - Paul, I'm gonna have to ask you to leave. 496 00:30:00,080 --> 00:30:02,336 - You want me to leave? - Well, I suppose so. 497 00:30:02,360 --> 00:30:06,616 - What's the issue? - If you see me setting stuff up, then it just gonna be stupid. 498 00:30:06,640 --> 00:30:08,640 - Me? - Yeah. 499 00:30:09,800 --> 00:30:10,457 - Jussie! 500 00:30:10,481 --> 00:30:12,576 - I think I'm gonna go and look in the shed. 501 00:30:12,600 --> 00:30:16,280 - Should I come? - Uh, yeah, you can come. - OK. 502 00:30:19,280 --> 00:30:21,416 - It's lovely out here, isn't it? - Yeah. 503 00:30:21,440 --> 00:30:27,056 - Like, a nice place, you know, if you were going to pick somewhere to die. It'd be quite nice out here. 504 00:30:27,080 --> 00:30:30,160 - Are you gonna kill me in this forest? 505 00:30:30,600 --> 00:30:32,416 Justine? - Come on, Paul. 506 00:30:32,440 --> 00:30:34,176 Turn around. 507 00:30:34,200 --> 00:30:38,480 - You've got 20 minutes and 14 seconds. - As have you. 508 00:30:39,200 --> 00:30:41,576 - Gonna wax my eyebrows? - Hope so. 509 00:30:41,600 --> 00:30:44,456 If you'd like to turn around and walk up the hill, please. 510 00:30:44,480 --> 00:30:46,536 Well, I'm gonna stop you now. - OK. 511 00:30:46,560 --> 00:30:49,376 And take off your blindfold. 512 00:30:49,400 --> 00:30:51,400 OK. 513 00:30:53,400 --> 00:30:55,400 Baaaaaaaaahhhh! 514 00:30:57,640 --> 00:30:59,496 Are you frightened? 515 00:30:59,520 --> 00:31:00,936 - Yeah. - OK. 516 00:31:00,960 --> 00:31:03,656 Thank you. I'm gonna have a cup of tea, Paul. 517 00:31:03,680 --> 00:31:07,056 - Do you think anyone's gonna beat that? - Nope. 518 00:31:07,080 --> 00:31:09,160 Oh, Jussie! 519 00:31:10,280 --> 00:31:12,216 - You've seen what's happened there, haven't you? 520 00:31:12,240 --> 00:31:15,616 - Yeah, I have totally seen what's happened there, Jeremy. 521 00:31:15,640 --> 00:31:20,136 It's just that I didn't think you deserved to be frightened, and I thought that I'd just use, 522 00:31:20,160 --> 00:31:23,976 you know, your sidekick― I fucked that up so badly. 523 00:31:24,000 --> 00:31:27,416 I frightened Paul instead of you. - I was incredibly frightened, and on multiple levels, 524 00:31:27,440 --> 00:31:32,336 cos I was scared of, obviously, dying, but also she taped up my eyebrows. 525 00:31:32,360 --> 00:31:33,976 I was scared of losing those. 526 00:31:34,000 --> 00:31:38,496 - There's no doubt that what Justine did to you was absolutely terrifying. It was just the wrong person. 527 00:31:38,520 --> 00:31:42,056 - Correct. - I feel sorry for myself in a lot of ways, cos I am the Taskmaster, 528 00:31:42,080 --> 00:31:46,336 and I feel sorry for the show. I really feel for the TVNZ marketing department, 529 00:31:46,360 --> 00:31:50,856 who have spent tens of thousands of dollars promoting the show to the outside world 530 00:31:50,880 --> 00:31:53,216 that I am the Taskmaster and this is the Taskmaster, 531 00:31:53,240 --> 00:31:59,240 and you haven't understood that as a contestant on the show. 532 00:31:59,560 --> 00:32:02,696 I gotta be honest ― you have scared me. - OK. 533 00:32:02,720 --> 00:32:04,496 - Oh, that's good. There you go. - OK. 534 00:32:04,520 --> 00:32:07,616 - But not on purpose, but you have scared me. - OK. 535 00:32:07,640 --> 00:32:12,216 - Nothing quite feels like a better way to segue into some ads than attempted murder, does it? 536 00:32:12,240 --> 00:32:16,640 We'll see you after the break. 537 00:32:23,520 --> 00:32:25,416 - Welcome back to Taskmaster, 538 00:32:25,440 --> 00:32:30,216 where up for grabs is a banjolele that once belonged to Justine Smith's grandfather. 539 00:32:30,240 --> 00:32:36,600 At least, she thinks he was her grandfather. Accurately identifying people is not her strong point. 540 00:32:42,080 --> 00:32:48,456 Paul, refresh us on where we are. - Our contestants are attempting to give you the biggest fright. 541 00:32:48,480 --> 00:32:54,536 Josh left you some voice messages, and Justine tried to kill me with a medieval sword. 542 00:32:54,560 --> 00:32:57,656 - Who's next, Paul? - I actually have a question. 543 00:32:57,680 --> 00:33:04,520 If it was night-time and you were alone, could a forest, er, make you feel quite scared? 544 00:33:10,680 --> 00:33:12,680 Heh-heh-heh! 545 00:33:13,360 --> 00:33:15,360 I'm crazy. 546 00:33:29,120 --> 00:33:31,336 - Scared? - Pretty scary. 547 00:33:31,360 --> 00:33:34,760 OK, cool. So, who's up next? 548 00:33:35,920 --> 00:33:39,496 - Aren't you―? Are you freaked? - It was quite scary. - Yes! 549 00:33:39,520 --> 00:33:40,856 - That was a Berocca in the mouth, wasn't it? 550 00:33:40,880 --> 00:33:42,976 - Yeah, it was really― That's why it was hard to speak. 551 00:33:43,000 --> 00:33:48,336 I don't know if you've ever just chucked a Berocca in, but, boy, it's hard to talk, 552 00:33:48,360 --> 00:33:51,016 especially when there's a strobe and you've got two eyes. 553 00:33:51,040 --> 00:33:54,840 Do you not usually have two eyes? 554 00:33:55,360 --> 00:33:58,440 Shut up, Paul. 555 00:33:58,520 --> 00:34:01,520 - Who's up next? - It's Chris Parker. 556 00:34:01,640 --> 00:34:03,176 - Do we tell him I've died? 557 00:34:03,200 --> 00:34:06,976 Do we get someone from production to call him and say Chris has had an accident? 558 00:34:07,000 --> 00:34:11,976 Um, we need someone to call Jeremy and say Chris has fallen from the roof. 559 00:34:12,000 --> 00:34:13,736 - Doing a task? - Doing a task. 560 00:34:13,760 --> 00:34:14,976 - What was the task? 561 00:34:15,000 --> 00:34:20,376 - It was, um, get the closest to the sun. You've got 20 minutes. Your time starts now. 562 00:34:20,400 --> 00:34:24,816 And Chris got on the roof of the Taskmaster house, and he fell off. 563 00:34:24,840 --> 00:34:27,616 He's in hospital. We had to get him choppered outta here. 564 00:34:27,640 --> 00:34:30,656 - Is he gonna be OK? - See, this is working. Yeah. 565 00:34:30,680 --> 00:34:37,136 It's not looking good. He's got two impalements. He's concussed. He broke his ankle. 566 00:34:37,160 --> 00:34:41,136 He's got, like, a weird STI, but I don't think that was from the fall. 567 00:34:41,160 --> 00:34:45,816 I think he just had that― That just came up in the doctor's... report. 568 00:34:45,840 --> 00:34:51,336 And then maybe you could get on the phone and be like, 'Bro, this is crazy. I saw it happen. 569 00:34:51,360 --> 00:34:55,656 'And did you hear ― he's also got crabs. They're starting to say it was from the accident, 570 00:34:55,680 --> 00:34:58,416 'but I don't― I don't believe them.' What do you think? 571 00:34:58,440 --> 00:35:02,256 - It sounds pretty scary. - I think I've pushed it a little bit into a comedy territory. 572 00:35:02,280 --> 00:35:05,696 - Um... - What the hell is that noise? 573 00:35:05,720 --> 00:35:07,976 - There's someone coming in. Should we stop? 574 00:35:08,000 --> 00:35:11,376 - Is this the owner of the house or something? - I don't know. 575 00:35:11,400 --> 00:35:13,400 - Ew. What is this? 576 00:35:13,680 --> 00:35:15,616 - Stop. Stop, please. 577 00:35:15,640 --> 00:35:18,416 - Parker! - Oh my God. What the? What the? 578 00:35:18,440 --> 00:35:21,976 - My God. Paul! Paul! Oh my God! - What the's going on? 579 00:35:22,000 --> 00:35:25,056 - Get out of it! - What the? What the? Oh my God. 580 00:35:25,080 --> 00:35:27,160 Oh my God. Oh my God. Paul! 581 00:35:27,480 --> 00:35:29,480 - Chris. - Paul! 582 00:35:42,840 --> 00:35:44,336 - I... 583 00:35:44,360 --> 00:35:46,840 Yeah, nah, he's gone. It's... 584 00:35:47,040 --> 00:35:48,496 Yeah, someone just took him. 585 00:35:48,520 --> 00:35:50,520 No, it's not part of it. 586 00:35:50,560 --> 00:35:52,560 Stop filming. 587 00:35:52,760 --> 00:35:54,760 Stop filming, please. 588 00:35:57,440 --> 00:36:00,096 - Those guys seriously fucked me up. 589 00:36:00,120 --> 00:36:02,376 - So, you were abducted. - Yeah. 590 00:36:02,400 --> 00:36:08,480 - And I assume TVNZ paid the ransom. - They did, yeah. 20 bucks? 591 00:36:09,240 --> 00:36:15,720 I think most people would be like, 'Oh, man, that's scary.' Like, it could happen to anyone. 592 00:36:17,680 --> 00:36:21,416 - Right. Well, we've got one more scaremonger amongst us, haven't we, Paul? 593 00:36:21,440 --> 00:36:25,440 - Yes. It's New Zealand's tallest man, Paul Ego. 594 00:36:28,160 --> 00:36:29,696 'Hi. 595 00:36:29,720 --> 00:36:31,720 'I'm Mikey Havoc 596 00:36:32,040 --> 00:36:34,040 'of Mikey Havoc fame. 597 00:36:34,360 --> 00:36:38,200 'And I'm here to talk to the Taskmaster. 598 00:36:38,960 --> 00:36:43,400 'We used to work together, doing Havoc and Newsboy. 599 00:36:44,440 --> 00:36:46,440 'Those were good days. 600 00:36:46,720 --> 00:36:48,656 'Sexy days. 601 00:36:48,680 --> 00:36:51,120 'Often I would undress 602 00:36:51,600 --> 00:36:53,336 'in front of him 603 00:36:53,360 --> 00:36:55,360 'and sit provocatively 604 00:36:55,880 --> 00:36:57,616 'on a chair, 605 00:36:57,640 --> 00:36:59,640 'like this one.' 606 00:37:00,320 --> 00:37:02,096 It's a lot wider that I thought. 607 00:37:02,120 --> 00:37:04,736 'And I would remove my clothing, 608 00:37:04,760 --> 00:37:10,040 'and he would say, "No, Mr Havoc. I cannot fight your sexiness." 609 00:37:10,280 --> 00:37:13,960 'And I said, "I am the Taskmaster today. 610 00:37:14,520 --> 00:37:17,080 ' "You do what I say." 611 00:37:18,560 --> 00:37:20,560 ♪ 'Happy birthday 612 00:37:20,840 --> 00:37:22,840 ♪ 'to you. 613 00:37:23,200 --> 00:37:25,200 ♪ 'Happy birthday 614 00:37:25,360 --> 00:37:27,360 ♪ 'to you. 615 00:37:27,440 --> 00:37:29,176 ♪ 'Happy birthday, 616 00:37:29,200 --> 00:37:31,840 ♪ 'Taskmaster. 617 00:37:32,360 --> 00:37:34,360 ♪ 'Happy birthday 618 00:37:34,440 --> 00:37:36,440 ♪ 'to you.' ♪ 619 00:37:41,000 --> 00:37:43,600 And just cut it there probably. 620 00:37:46,720 --> 00:37:49,576 How did you know Mikey did that to me? 621 00:37:49,600 --> 00:37:53,176 - I just had a sense, you know, and I didn't feel comfortable replaying it, 622 00:37:53,200 --> 00:37:56,776 but I knew that it would bring back even harder memories for you. 623 00:37:56,800 --> 00:38:01,176 - The past for many of us is a dark, dark place, and for me, there is no exception there. 624 00:38:01,200 --> 00:38:03,600 - Mm. - Horrific. 625 00:38:04,160 --> 00:38:07,656 I really regret doing that, and, um... 626 00:38:07,680 --> 00:38:11,136 What about when you taped two bottles of sauce to your tits? 627 00:38:11,160 --> 00:38:15,560 Oh, that was a hoot compared to that one. 628 00:38:16,680 --> 00:38:19,616 - Right. Now I need to decide who frightened me the most. 629 00:38:19,640 --> 00:38:22,176 Paul, I'm gonna give you five points here... - Thank you. 630 00:38:22,200 --> 00:38:26,416 ...cos that brought back something from my past which was quite scary. 631 00:38:26,440 --> 00:38:32,016 Justine, I'll give you four points, because you scared me not knowing what was going on there. 632 00:38:32,040 --> 00:38:34,040 Yeah! 633 00:38:34,080 --> 00:38:38,296 - Kura, great use of a Berocca. Three points for you. - Thank you. 634 00:38:38,320 --> 00:38:41,136 Two points for you, Chris. 635 00:38:41,160 --> 00:38:45,456 And one point for Josh, cos I'm never gonna pick up those messages. 636 00:38:45,480 --> 00:38:48,136 Just― Just― Just close your eyes. Just close your eyes. 637 00:38:48,160 --> 00:38:51,016 I'm coming for you, Daddy. 638 00:38:51,040 --> 00:38:53,320 I'm gonna come real good... 639 00:38:53,960 --> 00:38:56,040 in the night. 640 00:38:56,480 --> 00:39:00,360 Do you need to borrow Paul's iPad? 641 00:39:02,000 --> 00:39:08,016 - It's time for an advertisement and a brief moment to call my mummy and assure her that... 642 00:39:08,040 --> 00:39:15,840 no, my friends at work aren't being mean to me. We'll see you after this. 643 00:39:22,120 --> 00:39:26,056 - Welcome back to Taskmaster. It's nearly time for our final task, but first, 644 00:39:26,080 --> 00:39:31,696 let's slide up into the mechanical gears of this Wonka factory and retrieve the scores, please, Paul. 645 00:39:31,720 --> 00:39:35,336 - With a whopping 16 points, the leader is Paul Ego. 646 00:39:35,360 --> 00:39:37,776 - Yay! Nice. - Wow. 647 00:39:37,800 --> 00:39:45,800 - Right. We're heading for a grandstand finish. Let's head up to the stairs for the final live task. 648 00:39:46,840 --> 00:39:50,816 Jeez, you look good standing behind that array of things. What's happening now? 649 00:39:50,840 --> 00:39:56,640 - We're about to do a live task. Chris, could you please do the honours? 650 00:39:57,240 --> 00:39:58,896 Choose your item. 651 00:39:58,920 --> 00:40:03,496 - We're gonna start with Kura and move along one at a time to Paul. 652 00:40:03,520 --> 00:40:07,696 - I would like this handbag, please. - Ladylike. 653 00:40:07,720 --> 00:40:09,720 - Chris Parker. 654 00:40:12,360 --> 00:40:15,040 - I'd like this pumpkin, please. 655 00:40:15,360 --> 00:40:17,360 Yeah! 656 00:40:17,560 --> 00:40:18,976 - Josh Thomson. 657 00:40:19,000 --> 00:40:22,520 - Should I do the walk you were doing backstage, Chris? - Yeah. 658 00:40:28,840 --> 00:40:30,840 Shit. 659 00:40:31,400 --> 00:40:33,240 - Justine Smith. 660 00:40:36,680 --> 00:40:38,680 Frisbee. 661 00:40:39,880 --> 00:40:41,416 - Ooh! - Ooh! 662 00:40:41,440 --> 00:40:44,040 I'ma light a fire. 663 00:40:44,760 --> 00:40:46,760 Oh no. 664 00:40:47,680 --> 00:40:51,536 Sweep your item towards the drop. You have one sweep. 665 00:40:51,560 --> 00:40:54,896 If your item drops, you will be eliminated. 666 00:40:54,920 --> 00:40:58,536 The item swept closest to the edge without dropping wins. 667 00:40:58,560 --> 00:41:01,456 - Yeah, no, this is all right, actually. - Oh no! 668 00:41:01,480 --> 00:41:03,816 - We're gonna sweep from behind the red line. 669 00:41:03,840 --> 00:41:06,240 - Cross the line as you...? - No. - OK. 670 00:41:11,560 --> 00:41:14,096 - Yeah, no, that's... that's fucked. 671 00:41:14,120 --> 00:41:15,976 - We're gonna go one at a time. - I'll do it with this one. 672 00:41:16,000 --> 00:41:18,056 - And we're gonna start with Paul Ego. 673 00:41:18,080 --> 00:41:20,560 - Go, Paul! - Go, Paul! 674 00:41:23,080 --> 00:41:25,080 - Justine. 675 00:41:26,400 --> 00:41:28,376 Son of a bitch. 676 00:41:28,400 --> 00:41:29,976 Unlucky, Jus. Sorry, mate. 677 00:41:30,000 --> 00:41:33,000 - You can do it, mate. - Go, Joshie! 678 00:41:34,840 --> 00:41:35,896 And a good sound. 679 00:41:35,920 --> 00:41:38,416 - It's incredibly close between those two. 680 00:41:38,440 --> 00:41:41,816 Weirdly, this isn't the first time I've done this. 681 00:41:41,840 --> 00:41:44,320 - Sweep that pumpkin. - Pump it. 682 00:41:46,480 --> 00:41:48,480 Go, Ku. 683 00:41:50,600 --> 00:41:57,280 Got some points, though. - Well, that was absolutely sensational. Come on down. 684 00:41:57,920 --> 00:41:59,920 Welcome back. 685 00:42:01,520 --> 00:42:04,456 Well, Paul, who swept the field away and won that one? 686 00:42:04,480 --> 00:42:08,840 - So, Kura finished third with 138.2cm. 687 00:42:09,240 --> 00:42:11,600 And in first place by 8mm ― 688 00:42:11,840 --> 00:42:15,976 only 51.8cm away from the edge of the stage, Paul Ego. 689 00:42:16,000 --> 00:42:18,880 - Wow. Well done. - Wow. 690 00:42:19,360 --> 00:42:21,176 - Where does that leave the overall standings? 691 00:42:21,200 --> 00:42:26,400 - Still out in first place with 54 points is Josh Thomson. - Wow. 692 00:42:26,840 --> 00:42:28,840 - But, Paul Williams, 693 00:42:29,120 --> 00:42:31,200 tonight's winner is who? 694 00:42:32,120 --> 00:42:38,200 A dominant performance with 21 points ― Paul Ego. 695 00:42:40,240 --> 00:42:46,680 - Paul Ego, it brings me great shame in saying this, but get up there and get stuck into your own mother. 696 00:42:49,440 --> 00:42:52,656 - Oh my God. - I told her to watch this episode. 697 00:42:52,680 --> 00:42:57,160 - Up you go. - But I totally will. 698 00:42:58,920 --> 00:43:00,176 - Oh, it's been a good night. 699 00:43:00,200 --> 00:43:04,456 We've been reminded that there was a time when rotary clotheslines reigned supreme, 700 00:43:04,480 --> 00:43:09,096 and we've seen that there's nothing more terrifying than a woman trying to kill someone 701 00:43:09,120 --> 00:43:12,976 when she doesn't know who that someone is. 702 00:43:13,000 --> 00:43:18,440 Most importantly, we've seen that the winner of this third episode of Taskmaster is Paul Ego! 703 00:43:19,480 --> 00:43:22,280 We'll see you next week. Pomarie. 704 00:43:25,320 --> 00:43:27,696 Oh no! 705 00:43:27,720 --> 00:43:29,416 Oh no! 706 00:43:29,440 --> 00:43:31,440 Oh, watch out, Paul! 707 00:43:31,840 --> 00:43:34,920 www.able.co.nz Copyright Able 2022 708 00:43:36,680 --> 00:43:38,296 - Are you ready? - We're ready. - Yeah. 709 00:43:38,320 --> 00:43:39,320 - Go. 710 00:43:39,640 --> 00:43:41,616 This is fun! 711 00:43:41,640 --> 00:43:42,577 Bullshit, mate. 712 00:43:42,601 --> 00:43:46,816 - It was easily the most uncomfortable experience I've ever had in my life. 713 00:43:46,840 --> 00:43:49,336 - Taskmaster? More like Assmaster. 714 00:43:49,360 --> 00:43:50,460 All right.