1 00:00:11,444 --> 00:00:12,946 (man clearing throat) 2 00:00:26,960 --> 00:00:28,995 Hello, hello. Testing, testing. 3 00:00:30,163 --> 00:00:32,499 So, I always-- 4 00:00:32,499 --> 00:00:35,335 So, I always have white dudes coming up to me, like, 5 00:00:35,335 --> 00:00:37,804 "Oh, dude, you still living at home? At your big age? 6 00:00:37,804 --> 00:00:39,305 Oh, that's so weird." 7 00:00:39,305 --> 00:00:41,307 Can we move past this dinosaur of a notion 8 00:00:41,307 --> 00:00:42,776 that we're doing less well in life 9 00:00:42,776 --> 00:00:44,511 just because we're with our folks? 10 00:00:44,511 --> 00:00:47,580 Free food, no rent, laundry, done. 11 00:00:47,580 --> 00:00:50,650 So, enjoy your downtown condo with your empty fridges 12 00:00:50,650 --> 00:00:52,152 and your loneliness. 13 00:00:52,152 --> 00:00:54,154 I'll be over here, emotionally fulfilled 14 00:00:54,154 --> 00:00:56,156 with my loving family, right here at-- 15 00:00:56,156 --> 00:00:57,757 Right here at home. Right here at home. 16 00:01:14,007 --> 00:01:16,109 {\an8}Not hungry. I'll eat later. 17 00:01:20,647 --> 00:01:22,148 {\an8}Family eats together. 18 00:01:22,148 --> 00:01:24,350 He says, as mom slaves in the kitchen. 19 00:01:24,350 --> 00:01:25,618 Why don't you cook for once? 20 00:01:25,618 --> 00:01:28,154 What the hell you say to me? 21 00:01:35,995 --> 00:01:38,364 {\an8}Hey. At least I'm getting married. 22 00:01:38,364 --> 00:01:39,966 {\an8}Not that lazy bastard. 23 00:01:44,137 --> 00:01:45,839 {\an8}Maanvi: I can't wait to leave this house. 24 00:01:52,479 --> 00:01:53,980 {\an8}Why would you say that to me? 25 00:01:53,980 --> 00:01:55,415 {\an8}- You want me to leave? - Yeah. 26 00:01:55,415 --> 00:01:56,716 {\an8}You realize I'm your fucking daughter, right? 27 00:01:56,716 --> 00:01:58,651 {\an8}(indistinct shouting) 28 00:02:07,327 --> 00:02:09,362 {\an8}♪ Ba-ba-ba ba-ba-ba ba-ba-ba ♪ 29 00:02:09,362 --> 00:02:13,066 {\an8}♪ Ba-ba-ba ba-ba-ba ba-ba-ba ba-ba-ba ba-ba-ba ba-ba-ba ♪ 30 00:02:13,066 --> 00:02:15,435 {\an8}♪ Ba-ba-ba ba-ba-ba ba-ba-ba ♪ 31 00:02:15,435 --> 00:02:16,703 I don't want to interrupt your work. 32 00:02:16,703 --> 00:02:17,937 I know you got your fans waiting on you. 33 00:02:17,937 --> 00:02:20,507 Nah, nah. You're good. 34 00:02:20,507 --> 00:02:22,942 I'm pretty much done, anyway. Plus, I mean, 35 00:02:22,942 --> 00:02:25,512 it's kind of nice to get to know you a little better. 36 00:02:25,512 --> 00:02:27,947 Well, how about we get to know each other more intimately? 37 00:02:27,947 --> 00:02:30,884 I've got some pictures I could send you. 38 00:02:30,884 --> 00:02:33,186 Okay. 39 00:02:33,186 --> 00:02:35,054 But I want to see what you're working with first. 40 00:02:36,923 --> 00:02:38,858 Ah. 41 00:02:38,858 --> 00:02:40,894 Maya: Whatever. I should let you focus. 42 00:02:40,894 --> 00:02:43,863 No. It's-- I've just never sent anything like that. 43 00:02:43,863 --> 00:02:45,865 Please. You've never sent a dick pic? 44 00:02:45,865 --> 00:02:47,300 No. What if someone were to see it? 45 00:02:47,300 --> 00:02:48,568 That's kind of the point. 46 00:02:48,568 --> 00:02:50,470 I'll see it. 47 00:02:50,470 --> 00:02:53,773 And, like, trust me. As a Brown woman, 48 00:02:53,773 --> 00:02:55,775 I'm more scared of my pictures leaking than you. 49 00:02:55,775 --> 00:02:57,043 'Cause honestly, I thought from your videos 50 00:02:57,043 --> 00:02:59,112 you were more of a feminist, 51 00:02:59,112 --> 00:03:00,780 but I guess I was wrong. 52 00:03:00,780 --> 00:03:02,715 Oof. Now, you're hitting me right in the feminism. 53 00:03:02,715 --> 00:03:05,084 - (giggling) - (sighing) 54 00:03:05,084 --> 00:03:09,155 Okay. Yeah. Okay, yeah. I'll do it. 55 00:03:09,155 --> 00:03:10,790 And be creative. 56 00:03:10,790 --> 00:03:14,394 Don't just, like, thump it out there. Bye. 57 00:03:14,394 --> 00:03:15,628 (beeping) 58 00:03:15,628 --> 00:03:16,930 Creative? 59 00:03:19,165 --> 00:03:20,433 Okay. 60 00:03:46,092 --> 00:03:49,996 (laptop chiming) 61 00:03:51,130 --> 00:03:56,002 (shutter clicking) 62 00:03:56,002 --> 00:03:59,806 (clicking continues) 63 00:04:08,815 --> 00:04:10,216 (knocking on door) 64 00:04:10,216 --> 00:04:11,651 Supinder: Jasmeet! Open the door now. 65 00:04:11,651 --> 00:04:12,885 Shit. 66 00:04:12,885 --> 00:04:14,153 Damn. I don't know why 67 00:04:14,153 --> 00:04:15,388 the door is always locked. 68 00:04:15,388 --> 00:04:16,889 Hold on. 69 00:04:16,889 --> 00:04:18,391 Open the door. I want to see what's going on. 70 00:04:18,391 --> 00:04:19,892 Yeah. Just, uh, give me a sec. I'm just-- 71 00:04:24,063 --> 00:04:25,698 Sorry. 72 00:04:25,698 --> 00:04:27,700 I was, uh, cleaning. 73 00:04:37,010 --> 00:04:38,645 {\an8}What? Why? It's the weekend. There's no tiffins. 74 00:04:40,013 --> 00:04:41,581 {\an8}Oh, my God. 75 00:04:41,581 --> 00:04:44,050 I swear, there's a new Gurpurab every week. 76 00:04:54,093 --> 00:04:55,595 All right. I'll go. 77 00:05:03,603 --> 00:05:06,873 Jasmeet (in video): A white dude coming up to me, and, like-- 78 00:05:06,873 --> 00:05:08,541 (video fast-forwarding) 79 00:05:08,541 --> 00:05:10,109 I don't even know what clothes I own at this point. 80 00:05:10,109 --> 00:05:11,511 They just magically appear. 81 00:05:11,511 --> 00:05:14,347 (phone vibrating) 82 00:05:14,347 --> 00:05:17,583 (Indian pop ringtone playing) 83 00:05:17,583 --> 00:05:18,951 Yo, Chippy. What's up? 84 00:05:18,951 --> 00:05:20,253 Why aren't you answering my texts? 85 00:05:20,253 --> 00:05:21,688 Sorry. One sec. 86 00:05:21,688 --> 00:05:24,891 (whispering) Hey, hey. Excuse me. Hey. 87 00:05:24,891 --> 00:05:26,125 Can you watch my laptop real quick? 88 00:05:26,125 --> 00:05:28,027 - Yeah. Whatever. - Thanks. 89 00:05:30,463 --> 00:05:32,198 Hello? Hey, yeah. 90 00:05:32,198 --> 00:05:34,400 - Why are you whispering? - 'Cause I'm in the university. 91 00:05:34,400 --> 00:05:36,869 What? Why? I thought you dropped out. 92 00:05:36,869 --> 00:05:38,604 (in normal voice) No. It's the only place I can get work done 93 00:05:38,604 --> 00:05:40,640 without anyone barging in on me while I'm naked or whatever. 94 00:05:40,640 --> 00:05:42,375 You're naked in the university? 95 00:05:42,375 --> 00:05:44,377 No. I was naked, but now, I'm here at the university. 96 00:05:44,377 --> 00:05:46,112 Male student: Shut the fuck up, man! 97 00:05:47,714 --> 00:05:49,649 (whispering) Uh, anyways, you know what I mean. 98 00:05:49,649 --> 00:05:51,651 Yeah. I really don't. What time are you coming tonight? 99 00:05:51,651 --> 00:05:53,119 Where? 100 00:05:53,119 --> 00:05:55,254 To my cousin Bhavita's sweet sixteen. 101 00:05:55,254 --> 00:05:56,989 Oh, shit. 102 00:05:56,989 --> 00:05:58,324 Uh, yeah. About that-- 103 00:05:58,324 --> 00:06:00,159 Jasmeet, no. You promised. 104 00:06:00,159 --> 00:06:03,496 I got so much work to do, man. Come on. You know these streets. 105 00:06:03,496 --> 00:06:04,831 They're waiting on new content. 106 00:06:04,831 --> 00:06:06,099 Never say that again. 107 00:06:06,099 --> 00:06:07,834 You're Brown-Twitter-famous already. 108 00:06:07,834 --> 00:06:10,103 Why are you always seeking the validation of the white man? 109 00:06:10,103 --> 00:06:12,171 I'm seeking white money, dude. You of all people should know 110 00:06:12,171 --> 00:06:14,006 we're not getting paid enough for what we do. 111 00:06:14,006 --> 00:06:15,308 You still got to be there for your day ones, 112 00:06:15,308 --> 00:06:18,478 like Bhavita and me. 113 00:06:18,478 --> 00:06:20,313 Also, I didn't have time to get her a gift. 114 00:06:20,313 --> 00:06:22,415 So, you're my gift. 115 00:06:22,415 --> 00:06:24,584 (sighing) All right, all right. 116 00:06:24,584 --> 00:06:26,853 Shit. Hold on a second again. 117 00:06:35,161 --> 00:06:36,462 Hey. What happened? 118 00:06:36,462 --> 00:06:38,030 What do you mean? 119 00:06:38,030 --> 00:06:39,432 My laptop is gone. 120 00:06:39,432 --> 00:06:41,167 Oh, yeah. Your friend grabbed it for you. 121 00:06:41,167 --> 00:06:42,602 What friend? 122 00:06:42,602 --> 00:06:43,836 I don't know. He was sitting over there. 123 00:06:43,836 --> 00:06:45,104 There's no one there. 124 00:06:45,104 --> 00:06:46,806 There was. 125 00:06:46,806 --> 00:06:48,207 Who? 126 00:06:48,207 --> 00:06:49,509 I don't know, dude. He was a Brown guy. 127 00:06:49,509 --> 00:06:51,310 He had a beard, black jacket. 128 00:06:51,310 --> 00:06:53,946 Okay. So, you gave my shit to a complete, random stranger 129 00:06:53,946 --> 00:06:55,448 who was sitting at a different table than me? 130 00:06:55,448 --> 00:06:58,117 You're getting mad at me? He's your friend. 131 00:06:58,117 --> 00:07:00,286 He's not my friend! Which is why I asked you to-- 132 00:07:00,286 --> 00:07:02,655 You know what? Never mind. Which way did he go? 133 00:07:02,655 --> 00:07:04,490 - Uh, he moved that way. - Oh, my God. 134 00:07:06,359 --> 00:07:08,728 Chippy: Well, what's going on? 135 00:07:13,299 --> 00:07:14,700 Fuck me, man! 136 00:07:14,700 --> 00:07:16,636 Chippy: That might be weird. What happened? 137 00:07:16,636 --> 00:07:19,305 - My laptop just got stolen. - No way. 138 00:07:19,305 --> 00:07:20,740 Yeah. There goes that video I was working on. 139 00:07:20,740 --> 00:07:22,008 Can't you just re-record it? 140 00:07:22,008 --> 00:07:23,743 No. I can't re-record magic. 141 00:07:23,743 --> 00:07:26,078 What kind of dick steals a laptop? 142 00:07:27,413 --> 00:07:28,981 Dick? 143 00:07:28,981 --> 00:07:30,716 Oh, my God. 144 00:07:30,716 --> 00:07:32,051 (shouting) My dick! 145 00:07:32,051 --> 00:07:33,820 Male student: I said shut the fuck up! 146 00:07:33,820 --> 00:07:36,189 Neal: Wait. You took nudes? 147 00:07:36,189 --> 00:07:39,225 Hey. How about not announcing it to the entire gurdwara? 148 00:07:39,225 --> 00:07:41,761 Just please tell me your face isn't in them. 149 00:07:41,761 --> 00:07:45,932 Oh, my God. Not the face, bro. Never the face! 150 00:07:45,932 --> 00:07:47,900 What if they leak? You're going to be in so much trouble. 151 00:07:47,900 --> 00:07:50,203 Okay. Well, I was horny and in a rush. 152 00:07:50,203 --> 00:07:52,605 That's a bad combo. That's how I got kicked out of high school. 153 00:07:52,605 --> 00:07:54,207 All right. Look. Can we not talk about this here? 154 00:07:54,207 --> 00:07:56,075 It just feels kind of weird. 155 00:07:56,075 --> 00:07:58,177 Plus I should be out there looking for my laptop, 156 00:07:58,177 --> 00:07:59,912 but instead, I'm, like, stuck here 157 00:07:59,912 --> 00:08:01,948 at another Gurpurab. 158 00:08:01,948 --> 00:08:03,716 There's way too many Gurpurabs. 159 00:08:03,716 --> 00:08:05,284 Right? Think about it. We have 10 gurus. 160 00:08:05,284 --> 00:08:07,420 So, what, 10 Gurpurabs every year? 161 00:08:07,420 --> 00:08:08,888 And death-Gurpurabs. 162 00:08:08,888 --> 00:08:11,224 Yeah. Diwali. Vaisakhi. 163 00:08:11,224 --> 00:08:13,392 - Oh, New Year's. - New Year's. Exactly. 164 00:08:13,392 --> 00:08:15,595 That's, like, 23 mandatory holidays a year. 165 00:08:15,595 --> 00:08:17,730 23! Isn't that insane? 166 00:08:17,730 --> 00:08:19,098 - Excuse me. - Hey. 167 00:08:19,098 --> 00:08:20,466 - Can I get a picture? - Sure. 168 00:08:20,466 --> 00:08:22,101 (shutter clicking) 169 00:08:22,101 --> 00:08:25,204 Other religions only have, like, one main dude, you know? 170 00:08:25,204 --> 00:08:29,375 Jesus. Mohammad. Beyoncé. We got 10 guys, man. 10. 171 00:08:29,375 --> 00:08:31,244 It's kind of beautiful, though, in a way, right? 172 00:08:31,244 --> 00:08:33,279 Like, it just gives us more chances 173 00:08:33,279 --> 00:08:35,314 to celebrate our divinity, you know, 174 00:08:35,314 --> 00:08:37,049 and our devotion to the almighty-- 175 00:08:37,049 --> 00:08:38,718 Mother-- (bleep)! It's hot. 176 00:08:38,718 --> 00:08:41,420 Hey! You said a bad word in the gurdwara! 177 00:08:41,420 --> 00:08:43,322 {\an8}It's okay... 178 00:08:43,322 --> 00:08:44,824 {\an8}...I get a pass. 179 00:08:44,824 --> 00:08:46,325 Aren't you guys cousins? 180 00:08:46,325 --> 00:08:47,593 Look. 181 00:08:47,593 --> 00:08:49,495 {\an8}Instead of racially dissecting me, 182 00:08:49,495 --> 00:08:50,830 {\an8}why don't you go upstairs and... 183 00:08:50,830 --> 00:08:52,665 {\an8}You damn heathen. Go. 184 00:08:54,267 --> 00:08:55,801 Oh, let's sit here. Prime real estate. 185 00:08:59,839 --> 00:09:02,575 And the gurus were humble beings, you know? 186 00:09:02,575 --> 00:09:04,410 I'm pretty sure that they don't want us celebrating 187 00:09:04,410 --> 00:09:06,746 meaningless rituals like their birthdays. 188 00:09:06,746 --> 00:09:08,180 Wasting time. 189 00:09:08,180 --> 00:09:10,316 Wait. Your time or their time? 190 00:09:10,316 --> 00:09:11,984 'Cause I don't think they experience time. 191 00:09:11,984 --> 00:09:13,686 {\an8}Like, they're, like-- They're timeless. 192 00:09:13,686 --> 00:09:15,821 {\an8}What is time? 193 00:09:15,821 --> 00:09:17,256 {\an8}Neal: You know what I mean? 194 00:09:50,656 --> 00:09:53,292 - Shit. It's Avtar. Hide me. - What? Hide you? 195 00:09:53,292 --> 00:09:55,394 - From who? - Was in that guy's gatka class 196 00:09:55,394 --> 00:09:56,696 when I was young, and kind of stopped going. 197 00:09:56,696 --> 00:09:58,197 Singh! 198 00:09:58,197 --> 00:10:01,233 (whispering) Sorry. 199 00:10:01,233 --> 00:10:02,668 Hey, man. 200 00:10:02,668 --> 00:10:06,305 (speaking in Punjabi) 201 00:10:06,305 --> 00:10:08,140 I've been seeing you 202 00:10:08,140 --> 00:10:09,709 posting more of those little internet videos. 203 00:10:09,709 --> 00:10:11,310 Getting quite popular, huh? 204 00:10:11,310 --> 00:10:13,713 Yeah. I mean, things are picking up. 205 00:10:13,713 --> 00:10:16,015 Just remember not to go too Hollywood, now. 206 00:10:16,015 --> 00:10:18,417 That dastar, that's our crown. 207 00:10:18,417 --> 00:10:20,252 You carry a lot of responsibility. 208 00:10:20,252 --> 00:10:22,321 So, don't do anything stupid, yeah? 209 00:10:22,321 --> 00:10:24,590 (unclear). Boys, let's go. 210 00:10:27,860 --> 00:10:29,362 (hearing Avtar's voice) So, don't do anything stupid. 211 00:10:29,362 --> 00:10:31,564 Do anything stupid. Do anything stupid. 212 00:10:31,564 --> 00:10:34,033 (woman crying) 213 00:10:34,033 --> 00:10:36,602 Oh, look. Our little OnlyFans star is home. 214 00:10:41,874 --> 00:10:43,209 What did I do? 215 00:10:43,209 --> 00:10:44,744 Look! 216 00:10:44,744 --> 00:10:46,379 Our top headline. 217 00:10:46,379 --> 00:10:49,882 Jasmeet Dutta, YouTuber turned accidental porn star? 218 00:10:49,882 --> 00:10:51,183 {\an8}Yikes. 219 00:11:27,253 --> 00:11:28,587 {\an8}It's not that hard. 220 00:11:49,942 --> 00:11:51,644 {\an8}My life is ruined! 221 00:11:59,151 --> 00:12:00,753 Yo. 222 00:12:00,753 --> 00:12:02,288 (crying hysterically) 223 00:12:05,825 --> 00:12:07,326 Get to work, boys. 224 00:12:07,326 --> 00:12:09,662 (shouting, crying) 225 00:12:12,832 --> 00:12:14,166 (cackling) 226 00:12:16,702 --> 00:12:18,471 No, no, no! It's my laptop! 227 00:12:18,471 --> 00:12:21,273 Oh! That thing was so expensive! 228 00:12:21,273 --> 00:12:22,508 Oh, no, no, no! 229 00:12:22,508 --> 00:12:24,677 All my million-dollar ideas. 230 00:12:24,677 --> 00:12:26,345 No, dude! No. 231 00:12:26,345 --> 00:12:28,013 What are you doing? 232 00:12:28,013 --> 00:12:30,950 (in distorted voice) What am I doing? You did this. 233 00:12:30,950 --> 00:12:32,518 I warned you not to do anything stupid, 234 00:12:32,518 --> 00:12:34,954 and you let your nudes leak? 235 00:12:34,954 --> 00:12:36,956 Look how upset you've made them. 236 00:12:39,558 --> 00:12:41,227 They look pretty normal to me. 237 00:12:41,227 --> 00:12:42,795 (shouting) 238 00:12:45,698 --> 00:12:48,300 Dude, I got to get my laptop back. 239 00:12:50,202 --> 00:12:51,871 Excuse me. 240 00:12:51,871 --> 00:12:53,539 I been listening to both of y'all spewing nonsense 241 00:12:53,539 --> 00:12:55,141 for the last 10 minutes. 242 00:12:55,141 --> 00:12:56,709 I just got to say a couple of things real quick. 243 00:12:56,709 --> 00:12:59,545 First of all, never the face. 244 00:12:59,545 --> 00:13:01,847 - What's wrong with you, bro? - That's what I said. 245 00:13:01,847 --> 00:13:03,582 My little sister watches your videos, man. 246 00:13:03,582 --> 00:13:06,418 What if those pics leaked? I would have to hurt you. 247 00:13:06,418 --> 00:13:09,688 Second, where was your laptop stolen from? 248 00:13:09,688 --> 00:13:12,658 Um, the university centre. 249 00:13:12,658 --> 00:13:15,394 Ah, say less. I know who has it. 250 00:13:15,394 --> 00:13:18,030 Really? 251 00:13:18,030 --> 00:13:20,566 Yo, bro. What you saying? 252 00:13:20,566 --> 00:13:23,536 Yeah. Ahlie? Yeah, yeah, yeah. 253 00:13:23,536 --> 00:13:26,038 Nah. Yeah. Nah. 254 00:13:26,038 --> 00:13:28,040 I didn't watch the game yesterday, man. 255 00:13:28,040 --> 00:13:31,911 Nah, nah, nah. Nah. 256 00:13:31,911 --> 00:13:33,846 Okay. That's a bless. 257 00:13:33,846 --> 00:13:35,114 Easy. 258 00:13:35,114 --> 00:13:36,749 (beeping phone off) 259 00:13:36,749 --> 00:13:38,017 Good news. 260 00:13:38,017 --> 00:13:39,685 I found your laptop, 261 00:13:39,685 --> 00:13:41,453 but we got to leave now. 262 00:13:48,627 --> 00:13:50,196 I think I trust him. 263 00:13:50,196 --> 00:13:51,597 Yeah. Let's go. 264 00:13:51,597 --> 00:13:53,265 - Let's go. - All right. 265 00:13:53,265 --> 00:13:56,235 (tires squealing) 266 00:13:58,103 --> 00:14:00,406 So, where are we going again? 267 00:14:00,406 --> 00:14:02,308 And who are you, and what's happening? 268 00:14:02,308 --> 00:14:04,777 And when do you plan on killing us tonight? 269 00:14:04,777 --> 00:14:06,478 We're going to meet those scammer guys 270 00:14:06,478 --> 00:14:08,647 from Scarborough, man. The ones that stole your shit. 271 00:14:08,647 --> 00:14:11,217 I mean, they go into libraries, malls, clubs, 272 00:14:11,217 --> 00:14:13,118 jacking laptops and cellphones, B. 273 00:14:13,118 --> 00:14:15,788 Anytime anyone leaves anything on their table, 274 00:14:15,788 --> 00:14:17,456 their booths, their back pocket, 275 00:14:17,456 --> 00:14:20,593 even their hand, man. Boom! Swiped. 276 00:14:20,593 --> 00:14:21,827 How do you know all of this? 277 00:14:21,827 --> 00:14:23,262 Ha. Busted a bunch of them 278 00:14:23,262 --> 00:14:24,763 at a club I bounce at, man. 279 00:14:24,763 --> 00:14:26,899 They've been doing it for weeks. 280 00:14:26,899 --> 00:14:29,168 Targeting drunk guys, girls especially. 281 00:14:29,168 --> 00:14:30,803 I mean, then, to top it off, 282 00:14:30,803 --> 00:14:32,972 they act like they're helping you, bro. 283 00:14:32,972 --> 00:14:34,740 They link you their phone to log into your account 284 00:14:34,740 --> 00:14:36,508 to find your phone. 285 00:14:36,508 --> 00:14:39,845 Bam! Now, they got access to your e-mails, passwords, cloud. 286 00:14:39,845 --> 00:14:41,180 Everything, bro. 287 00:14:41,180 --> 00:14:43,582 Wow. That's actually kind of genius. 288 00:14:43,582 --> 00:14:45,484 I let a couple of them off the hook, man, 289 00:14:45,484 --> 00:14:47,186 as long as they swung me the new 16C. 290 00:14:47,186 --> 00:14:48,520 Neal: Oh, shit. 291 00:14:48,520 --> 00:14:50,489 I think I got my phone from them, too. 292 00:14:50,489 --> 00:14:52,258 {\an8}Oh, damn! That's what's up. 293 00:14:52,258 --> 00:14:53,859 {\an8}Oh, shit. 294 00:14:53,859 --> 00:14:55,794 {\an8}Um, yo. Can we just pull over at the next light there? 295 00:14:55,794 --> 00:14:57,363 I just got to pick somebody up. 296 00:15:01,000 --> 00:15:03,836 You're so late. Let's go. Hurry up and park. 297 00:15:03,836 --> 00:15:05,604 - Just get in real quick. - What? Why? 298 00:15:05,604 --> 00:15:07,273 Look. Can you not ask a thousand questions for once 299 00:15:07,273 --> 00:15:08,507 and Just get in? 300 00:15:08,507 --> 00:15:11,343 - Okay. - Thank you. 301 00:15:11,343 --> 00:15:13,178 - What's up, Neal? - Hey, girl. 302 00:15:14,813 --> 00:15:17,950 What the hell's going on? Who the hell is this? 303 00:15:17,950 --> 00:15:20,819 My guy, picking up some bitches. Okay. I see you. 304 00:15:20,819 --> 00:15:22,354 Who you calling "bitch," bitch? 305 00:15:22,354 --> 00:15:23,956 Damn. She's feisty, ahlie? 306 00:15:23,956 --> 00:15:25,724 Chippy, this is Sunny. Sunny, Chippy. 307 00:15:25,724 --> 00:15:27,559 Sunny's found a lead on my stolen laptop. 308 00:15:27,559 --> 00:15:29,862 That's why you're not coming in to wish Bhavita happy birthday? 309 00:15:29,862 --> 00:15:32,197 So you can run around with this fool? 310 00:15:32,197 --> 00:15:33,832 Jasmeet: Oh, my God. Okay. One sec. 311 00:15:33,832 --> 00:15:36,402 (buttons clicking) 312 00:15:36,402 --> 00:15:40,072 There. Happy? Pretty sure she prefers this, anyway. 313 00:15:40,072 --> 00:15:41,807 Oh, shit. Thank you. 314 00:15:41,807 --> 00:15:45,411 Yeah. I just shot right back up to favourite cousin. 315 00:15:45,411 --> 00:15:47,413 Yo. So, why is this laptop thing so urgent, anyways? 316 00:15:47,413 --> 00:15:48,914 You got nudes on it or some shit? 317 00:15:48,914 --> 00:15:52,151 (chuckling) 318 00:15:53,886 --> 00:15:56,021 Please tell me that you left your face out of them. 319 00:15:57,723 --> 00:16:00,025 Oh, my God, Jasmeet. No! Not the face. 320 00:16:00,025 --> 00:16:01,694 Never the face. 321 00:16:01,694 --> 00:16:03,395 Neal: I don't see what the big deal is. 322 00:16:03,395 --> 00:16:06,432 I mean, nudes are great for publicity. 323 00:16:06,432 --> 00:16:11,203 Think about Kim Kardashian, Chris Evans, Shrek. 324 00:16:11,203 --> 00:16:12,938 Yeah. Well, they had the privilege of not being shunned 325 00:16:12,938 --> 00:16:14,840 by the entire Brown community. 326 00:16:14,840 --> 00:16:16,542 Plus, I'm trying to, like, lift our people up, 327 00:16:16,542 --> 00:16:18,344 not set us back. 328 00:16:18,344 --> 00:16:20,346 Well, I mean, maybe being the guy to unshackle the bonds 329 00:16:20,346 --> 00:16:21,847 of sexual repression that have plagued 330 00:16:21,847 --> 00:16:23,415 the Indian community for generations 331 00:16:23,415 --> 00:16:27,453 is the ultimate form of lifting our people up. 332 00:16:27,453 --> 00:16:29,221 I mean, we did invent the Kama Sutra, right? 333 00:16:30,723 --> 00:16:31,924 Sunny: We? 334 00:16:31,924 --> 00:16:33,792 Bro, aren't you white? 335 00:16:33,792 --> 00:16:35,094 (phone ringing) 336 00:16:35,094 --> 00:16:36,628 Sunny: Oh, shit. Hold that thought. 337 00:16:36,628 --> 00:16:39,598 Yo. What's up, Mr. B.? 338 00:16:39,598 --> 00:16:42,768 Sunny, what does your friend's laptop look like? 339 00:16:42,768 --> 00:16:44,269 Jasmeet: 15-inches. Bunch of stickers on the back. 340 00:16:44,269 --> 00:16:45,738 Keys get stuck sometimes, 341 00:16:45,738 --> 00:16:47,072 but not for the reasons you think or whatever. 342 00:16:47,072 --> 00:16:49,208 And where was it stolen from? 343 00:16:49,208 --> 00:16:51,877 The university centre. 344 00:16:51,877 --> 00:16:53,979 Oh, that's a bad spot. Many of my guys there. 345 00:16:53,979 --> 00:16:56,048 You got to be more careful, my friend. 346 00:16:56,048 --> 00:16:58,817 Sunny: He desperately needs it back. 347 00:16:58,817 --> 00:17:01,987 The man's got some sensitive information on there. 348 00:17:01,987 --> 00:17:04,890 - Feel me? - Was your face on them? 349 00:17:04,890 --> 00:17:06,258 (sighing) 350 00:17:06,258 --> 00:17:08,160 Oh, no. Not the face. 351 00:17:08,160 --> 00:17:10,996 - Never-- - Don't. Don't say it. 352 00:17:10,996 --> 00:17:12,798 Just looking through today's inventory. 353 00:17:12,798 --> 00:17:14,400 Oh, no. 354 00:17:14,400 --> 00:17:17,836 We just sold a laptop fitting that description, 355 00:17:17,836 --> 00:17:19,104 not even an hour ago. 356 00:17:19,104 --> 00:17:21,640 Is there any way to get it back? Please? 357 00:17:21,640 --> 00:17:23,509 We don't do returns. 358 00:17:23,509 --> 00:17:27,679 Our employees trust us in protecting their privacy. 359 00:17:27,679 --> 00:17:31,016 - It's all about trust. - I like this guy. Respect. 360 00:17:31,016 --> 00:17:32,751 Please. It's like a life-or-death situation. 361 00:17:32,751 --> 00:17:36,455 Sunny, uh, you vouch for this guy? 362 00:17:36,455 --> 00:17:39,091 100%, Mr. B. This is my boy. 363 00:17:39,091 --> 00:17:42,961 Oh, good. Discount DJ Khaled is vouching for you. 364 00:17:42,961 --> 00:17:44,463 {\an8}Oh, one minute. 365 00:17:53,105 --> 00:17:54,673 {\an8}(minions laughing) 366 00:17:54,673 --> 00:17:57,476 Mr. B.: Good news! We just located the buyer, 367 00:17:57,476 --> 00:18:01,613 and he's willing to give it back at the same price he paid. 368 00:18:01,613 --> 00:18:05,117 Dollar 600, cash. Meet him at the sweet shop 369 00:18:05,117 --> 00:18:06,685 in 30. 370 00:18:06,685 --> 00:18:07,953 Got it. Thanks, G. 371 00:18:07,953 --> 00:18:09,488 Thank you. 372 00:18:09,488 --> 00:18:11,890 Jasmeet: Okay. So, they steal my laptop 373 00:18:11,890 --> 00:18:13,225 and I have to pay to get it back? 374 00:18:13,225 --> 00:18:14,860 Sunny: Well, the buyer paid for it. 375 00:18:14,860 --> 00:18:16,395 Yeah, with the money that those scammers now have. 376 00:18:16,395 --> 00:18:17,796 Okay. So? 377 00:18:17,796 --> 00:18:19,031 So, shouldn't they be paying the money 378 00:18:19,031 --> 00:18:20,899 to get it back? 379 00:18:20,899 --> 00:18:22,968 Wait. Why would they do that? You're buying the laptop. 380 00:18:22,968 --> 00:18:24,470 Yeah, which was stolen from me by them. 381 00:18:24,470 --> 00:18:26,405 Which means it belongs to someone else now. 382 00:18:26,405 --> 00:18:27,673 Am I making sense here? 383 00:18:27,673 --> 00:18:29,508 1000%. 384 00:18:29,508 --> 00:18:31,076 Oh, my God. Of course none of this makes sense. 385 00:18:31,076 --> 00:18:32,578 They're scammers. 386 00:18:32,578 --> 00:18:33,846 Look. You still have to go through with it 387 00:18:33,846 --> 00:18:35,180 to get it back. 388 00:18:35,180 --> 00:18:36,482 Whoa! 389 00:18:38,250 --> 00:18:41,420 Tighten your mouth. We're here. 390 00:18:41,420 --> 00:18:43,689 Whoa, whoa, whoa. Where you think you're going? 391 00:18:43,689 --> 00:18:45,891 To get my laptop? 392 00:18:45,891 --> 00:18:47,993 Chill. Shit could go sideways. 393 00:18:47,993 --> 00:18:50,195 Too much heat in these streets, man. 394 00:18:53,232 --> 00:18:55,567 (woman speaking indistinctly in Punjabi) 395 00:18:55,567 --> 00:18:59,238 Um, okay. No offence, but I just met you, 396 00:18:59,238 --> 00:19:01,940 so I'd rather go get it myself. 397 00:19:01,940 --> 00:19:04,076 Listen, bro. What if he knows who you are, 398 00:19:04,076 --> 00:19:08,180 gets smart, and starts asking for more money? 399 00:19:09,381 --> 00:19:10,616 I'm just-- 400 00:19:11,950 --> 00:19:14,019 Give me that. 401 00:19:14,019 --> 00:19:15,420 All right. 402 00:19:15,420 --> 00:19:16,889 Ooh. We should hot-box a car. 403 00:19:16,889 --> 00:19:19,224 No, dude. You know I don't smoke. 404 00:19:19,224 --> 00:19:21,593 Plus, I don't want to be horny and paranoid. 405 00:19:21,593 --> 00:19:23,128 Neal: Why? That's, like, the perfect combo. 406 00:19:23,128 --> 00:19:24,396 Chippy: I don't want my sari to smell. 407 00:19:24,396 --> 00:19:26,565 See, this is why I vape. 408 00:19:26,565 --> 00:19:29,234 Neal: I don't trust computers. 409 00:19:29,234 --> 00:19:31,069 You don't think your vape is recording everything you say? 410 00:19:31,069 --> 00:19:32,538 Uh, what's happening? 411 00:19:35,974 --> 00:19:37,943 What the fuck? 412 00:19:37,943 --> 00:19:39,444 (phone vibrating) 413 00:19:39,444 --> 00:19:41,713 Hello? 414 00:19:41,713 --> 00:19:43,048 Sunny: Yo. This dude figured out who you are. 415 00:19:43,048 --> 00:19:44,483 He's asking for more money. 416 00:19:44,483 --> 00:19:46,051 Dude, how? 417 00:19:46,051 --> 00:19:47,419 I told him. 418 00:19:47,419 --> 00:19:49,454 Okay, and why would you do that? 419 00:19:49,454 --> 00:19:50,889 Bro, my bad. I was just telling him 420 00:19:50,889 --> 00:19:52,925 how excited you were to get the laptop back, 421 00:19:52,925 --> 00:19:54,393 'cause you're working on a video and shit. 422 00:19:54,393 --> 00:19:56,261 And he's all, like, "Oh, he's a filmmaker?" 423 00:19:56,261 --> 00:19:58,063 And I'm, like, "Nah. He makes online videos. 424 00:19:58,063 --> 00:20:01,333 Yo, like, People love him. Like, gets billions of views." 425 00:20:01,333 --> 00:20:03,235 Okay. First of all, I don't get anywhere near that. 426 00:20:03,235 --> 00:20:05,337 And then he's all, like, "Oh, yeah? Is that big money?" 427 00:20:05,337 --> 00:20:07,005 And I'm, like, "I think so. 428 00:20:07,005 --> 00:20:08,907 "Like, a dollar a view or some shit. 429 00:20:08,907 --> 00:20:10,676 He's probably raking in mad cash." 430 00:20:10,676 --> 00:20:13,078 (sighing) None of that is remotely true. 431 00:20:13,078 --> 00:20:14,646 And then, this motherfucker started asking for more money, 432 00:20:14,646 --> 00:20:16,982 talking 'bout, "Yo. If he wants his laptop back, 433 00:20:16,982 --> 00:20:18,951 "he could give more than 500 bucks. 434 00:20:18,951 --> 00:20:20,419 "Like, what's 50 grand to a dude like that?" 435 00:20:20,419 --> 00:20:21,653 and all this other shit. 436 00:20:21,653 --> 00:20:23,288 50 grand? 437 00:20:23,288 --> 00:20:25,257 Nah, bro. Don't be ridiculous. I talked him down to 15. 438 00:20:26,325 --> 00:20:29,628 Oh, my God. Okay. You know-- 439 00:20:31,330 --> 00:20:32,998 Yo. That's the guy that was in the library. 440 00:20:32,998 --> 00:20:35,334 No, I'm not. 441 00:20:35,334 --> 00:20:36,935 Yeah. That's the guy that stole my laptop! 442 00:20:36,935 --> 00:20:38,437 No, I didn't. 443 00:20:38,437 --> 00:20:40,939 Wait. If that's the guy that stole your laptop, 444 00:20:40,939 --> 00:20:42,441 and he works for Mr. B-- 445 00:20:42,441 --> 00:20:45,010 This is part of the scam, dumb ass. 446 00:20:45,010 --> 00:20:47,279 Oh, damn. This is some inception-level shit. 447 00:20:47,279 --> 00:20:49,514 All right. You know what? I'm coming in. 448 00:20:49,514 --> 00:20:51,950 What are you doing? Should we go after him? 449 00:20:51,950 --> 00:20:55,120 Yeah. This place has really good jalebis. 450 00:20:56,822 --> 00:20:59,024 What the fuck, dude? 451 00:20:59,024 --> 00:21:00,392 Oh, shit. Right behind you. 452 00:21:04,896 --> 00:21:07,199 - In here! - Bro, chill. Relax. 453 00:21:07,199 --> 00:21:10,068 Dude, I don't bullshit, man. Just give me my laptop back. 454 00:21:10,068 --> 00:21:14,306 (indistinct shouting) 455 00:21:14,306 --> 00:21:15,540 Chippy: What's happening? 456 00:21:15,540 --> 00:21:17,175 Yo, back up. 457 00:21:17,175 --> 00:21:18,844 I want all the money you got, or else I'll drop-- 458 00:21:18,844 --> 00:21:20,512 Oh, fuck! (yelping in pain) 459 00:21:20,512 --> 00:21:22,080 Chippy: Oh, my God! 460 00:21:22,080 --> 00:21:24,082 Dude, what the fuck, man? 461 00:21:24,082 --> 00:21:26,018 Dude, now the jalebis are going to taste like laptop. 462 00:21:26,018 --> 00:21:28,887 Hey. Fuck you! I burned myself. 463 00:21:28,887 --> 00:21:30,555 You did that, and you've destroyed 464 00:21:30,555 --> 00:21:31,990 my friggin' laptop, man. 465 00:21:31,990 --> 00:21:33,692 All you had to do was pay me. 466 00:21:33,692 --> 00:21:35,994 Now, we both take an L. 467 00:21:35,994 --> 00:21:37,529 Ow. 468 00:21:53,412 --> 00:21:55,681 Well-- 469 00:21:55,681 --> 00:21:58,016 Well, at least now, no one's going to see your nudes. 470 00:21:58,016 --> 00:22:00,252 And we know where to get another laptop from. 471 00:22:00,252 --> 00:22:01,520 Neal: Guys? 472 00:22:01,520 --> 00:22:03,755 We're saved. 473 00:22:05,223 --> 00:22:08,293 {\an8}The last of the non-laptop jalebis. 474 00:22:10,262 --> 00:22:12,197 {\an8}Dig in. 475 00:22:12,197 --> 00:22:16,368 {\an8}Mmm. No laptop taste. 476 00:22:23,275 --> 00:22:25,110 {\an8}I had to get a new laptop. 477 00:22:25,110 --> 00:22:28,080 {\an8}My old one is... fried. 478 00:22:32,117 --> 00:22:33,919 {\an8}Yeah, yeah. 479 00:22:40,325 --> 00:22:42,728 {\an8}Thanks. 480 00:22:49,468 --> 00:22:50,802 (phone vibrating) 481 00:22:58,910 --> 00:23:00,679 Nope. 482 00:23:14,326 --> 00:23:15,627 (beeping) 483 00:23:18,530 --> 00:23:20,599 So, I always have people coming up to me, being, like, 484 00:23:20,599 --> 00:23:22,868 "Oh, you still living at home? At your big age? 485 00:23:22,868 --> 00:23:24,703 Oh, that's so weird." 486 00:23:24,703 --> 00:23:27,639 Like, can we collectively move past this dinosaur of a notion 487 00:23:27,639 --> 00:23:29,508 that we're being held back in life 488 00:23:29,508 --> 00:23:32,277 because we're living at home? 489 00:23:42,387 --> 00:23:45,991 ♪ Ooh ♪ 490 00:23:45,991 --> 00:23:49,394 ♪ Ah ♪ 491 00:23:49,394 --> 00:23:53,031 ♪ Ooh ♪ 492 00:23:53,031 --> 00:23:56,701 ♪ Ah ♪ 493 00:23:56,701 --> 00:23:59,838 ♪ Ooh ♪ 494 00:23:59,838 --> 00:24:03,475 ♪ Ah ♪ 495 00:24:03,475 --> 00:24:07,145 ♪ Ooh ♪ 496 00:24:07,145 --> 00:24:10,248 ♪ Ah ♪ 497 00:24:10,248 --> 00:24:14,352 ♪ Ooh ♪ 498 00:24:14,352 --> 00:24:16,388 ♪ Ah ♪ 499 00:24:17,389 --> 00:24:19,391 ♪ Ah ♪ 500 00:24:21,193 --> 00:24:23,428 ♪ Ah ♪